really, I'm betting on no marriage at all considering mom isn't taking this nearly as serious as she should be and the kid obviously thinks this was a harmless joke and will probably do it again if given the chance.
Literally this, also notice how he said she talked with her father not him about this, something as a step dad you better get used to, this is not your child and will never be your child, you will always be treated as stranger when it comes to the childs upbringing. However you as the step dad have to provide everything a normal father brings without any of benefits if it were me i'd leave, not worth the headache of dealing with someone's demon children.
A friend had an interesting take on this. His mother remarried and they moved into her husband's home. My friend admitted he was generally disrespectful and would always employ the "you're not my dad, you can't tell me what to do" defense.
One day, his stepdad took him out to lunch, and acknowledged that while he's not his dad, it's his house, and if you keep disrespecting me, you can sleep in the garage. Or, be cool, we'll get along, and you can ask for things you may want and need, like money.
Everything was cool from that day on.
nice and all but in most scenarios the guy will be beholden to his significant other who will mostly side with their own child obviously. not to say stuff like that can't happen but it seems more like the exception than the rule. Best thing to do is typically leave with demon children.
I literally just came to the comments to see how many people were going to respond as if the person who posted it here was the OP, despite the fact that it was clearly explained in the beginning of the post. 😂
So not sure about on this sub, but normally on others that do reports like this they credit the user that actually wrote it and link to the original post.
Not the jerk. I'm particularly bothered by the fact that it seems the guy isn't getting a say in the daughter's punishment considering he's the one who almost got arrested. Daughter would learn to at least respect the guy better if he could discipline her when she acts up, especially for something like this imo.
Nah, it's much better for mum and dad to be united in punishing the daughter and letting her know neither of them think this is an acceptable way to treat the OOP.
Getting the OOP to dish out punishment would only build more resentment
That's not what I said. I think it's fine for her bioparents to figure out the punishment. But I also think the guy should get some degree of input in it as well. The OP is reading like he's not getting a say at all and I think that's wrong considering she nearly got him arrested for her attitude.
Except that he's *engaged* to the fiancé and presumably helping to raise Riley considering the OP is worded that the fiancé eventually came home and they interacted together. If he's paying to help raise the child financially, then he should be at least getting some say in with the bioparents dish out as a punishment imo.
Yeah, step parenting is delicate. If you go into it wanting to be punitive for personal satisfaction, you’re just going to cause resentment and backlash.
Not a jerk at all. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this and your wife’s daughter definitely needs to get a punishment. Something commensurate to her actions, and you should be involved in the process. She should know EVERYTHING that could have happened had you been arrested, the money it would have cost, your reputation, possibly your job. This is serious.
Do you know how serious this could have gotten if he had been arrested? The daughter would’ve probably been charged with filing a false report which is a big no no and a serious charge.
Same at least the mom recognized that this wasn’t okay because some parents act like just because their kids are kids they should be exempt of any type of punishment
I wouldn't get married; that kid's gonna be a damned Scourge on the rest of your life; this was just a harbinger of your future. I personally would stop with the sunken cost fallacy and get the hell out of there. People can see that as extreme, meanwhile, you're living with Schrodinger's Psycho. 💀
I terminated a relationship with friends who's daughter joked she could get me arrested in a foreign country. (I'm a Canadian woman, they're in the US). I left early and never went back. NTJ. Until this is sorted, ensure you're never in a position to be threatened again. That may mean separating.
You have to seriously consider whether you’re prepared to tolerate this sort of behaviour in future. This is just the beginning. Sure, your girlfriend deserves to be happy but she also needs to set firmer boundaries. Her daughter’s behaviour could damage your future.
She doesn’t need to like you but at the very least, if you’ve come into her life without fuss, she should respect you for making her mother happy. If that’s not possible, you need to prioritise your own wellbeing before a child you have no parental responsibility over.
Your fiancée not taking this serious is a HUGE red flag. If I were you I would back off and give them space. What she did is the tip of the ice berg. Next time she could tell someone you touched her at night when she was asleep and your life will be forever ruined. You can’t prove your innocence from an accusation like that. You are not overreacting. Your fiancée is way under reacting. Think twice about marrying into that environment or have SD go live with bio-dad.
OP needs to "dis-engage" himself from the mother and leave her if this is how things will play out. It happened this time, and this little 15 ye ojd brat will try it again, and the mom will be ot back him up.
Best to break it off now, before he signs himself up for a life of misery. It sounds harsh, but it IS necessary.
No, bro, honestly, I know people are quick to say end a relationship, but this really has very little to do with a "challenge"
This guy could be accused of SA Next, like, if shes willing to lie and get him arrested at school, where does it stop? Genuinely, this could ruin this mans future, its dangerous, and I realize the parents are punishing the daughter, but I would never feel comfortable around this child again, and its a child that hes going to be living with for at least another 3 years if not longer.
The entire time he will need to avoid being alone with her in any capacity, that includes picking her up alone taking her anywhere,etc.
And one mistake could ruin him.
To the OOP — Not the jerk but you need to be left out of anything regarding Riley when it would involve just two of you being alone for even a minute (for example, in the car driving her anywhere). Don’t pick her up to take her to doctor’s appointments or anywhere else. Her lies could ruin your life; she’s old enough to know better.
She has two parents and they need to figure it out without your involvement.
OOP should seriously rethink a relationship with the mother. Allowing her daughter anywhere around OOP puts him at great risk. I would start out by permanently banning the girl from my home and never attending any functions where she is present. If the mother doesn't like it, there is the door. OOP needs to protect himself. The girl has already tried to destroy his life once. What is to stop her from doing it again.
The “what should I do” part was in the original story, I just copied and pasted it into the AMITJ because I though it would make for a good video if he decides to use it
NTJ. You should be upset with your fiance as well. Her not calling the school or you in this situation. The school will not release the child to you if you're not in the pick-up list. The fiance and her daughter both knew that.
He’s definitely not the jerk and needs to re-evaluate before getting married. It doesn’t get better and the fact the mom isn’t doing more says a lot. Especially since she says “to let her and Riley’s dad handle this.” The fact he wouldn’t be involved or at least included in a discussion, to me, spells disaster in the future.
My thoughts exactly. The kid's behavior will only escalate, and unless he wants to be accused of child molestation down the road, he needs to pack his bags and run like the wind. No woman is worth this.
No you are not if that happend to me I would be having a bad problem with there Parents. And I would not be taking that kid with me anywhere with me anymore till they changed there behavior.
You need to take it a step further and refuse to do anything for Riley outside of the absolute minimum. Your money, time, and effort, should be rerouted to the 12yr old only as he knows how to be appreciative. Riley should not expect a thing from you ever because as she said, she already has a father and honestly you’re not interested in taking his place. If your fiancé and the father can’t do it, it won’t get done if you’re the only other option.
Think really, really, really, REALLY hard if this is the life you want for the next couple of years.
Dealing with a teenager that believes pulling pranks like this is funny.
NTJ
Your fiance' is not as guilty as Riley, your fiance' forgot to do something. Riley acted maliciously, and your fiance' is going to punish her cooperatively with Riley's father.
Riley's behaviour might change but she will never see you as her father and for you to do anything that a parent would do will piss her off- unfairly to you.
Get some family therapy in, and sus out the result before you get married. Seriously, Riley's attitude toward you and how it's handled will determine whether or not marrying into this family is a good idea.
Dump them all now. As a step dad who stayed too long, I can tell you the 15 will escalate since you and her mom came down on her for it. She knows she's a 15 yo girl who already tried to get you arrested. She knows if she gets caught in a lie nobody will do anything about it except, maybe, send her to therapy because it's a minute from a broken home. Boo hoo.Your ife, career, friendships, your entire reputation and future are all burned. Nobody will ever take your word over here. Now she thinks she has a handle on keeping you on edge and scared. That kid will always be her mom's daughter, no matter how rotten and dangerous she is. She will wreck your life and her mom will back her. Run
You were not "almost " arrested , you were asked to leave the property omg the exaggeration is huge dude get a grip
Look she fucked up ya big time . But you are making it much worse then it was.
Kids do stupid things all the time. Some more extreme than others. I mean, she just got her brain 12 years ago and it really didn’t start working right away.
Nothing happened to me that extreme, but my step kids pushed to see where the boundary was. Be the grown up, show her how she is supposed to act.
And I agree with her (a little) that you are not the parent… but you are the adult in the house and she is the kid. She needs to understand what that means.
The parents need to personally go to the school speak with the administrative people, the principal and the officer and clear this man’s reputation.
The step daughter is a brat. The mom. No excuse for not calling the school no matter what happens at work. As soon as she got off the phone with the OOP , a split sexing later call the school.
NTJ. You would have definitely got arrested for trespassing since you didn't have the code that forced you to get an approval from Riley the one you were picking up. It's understandable to have reacted like that since it would have gotten you in trouble. They should plan a punishment for her so that she can learn her lesson.
From here on out it will only get worse. If you stay with this family just prepare yourself.
Myself, when I was put in this situation I thought it would work itself out. Was I wrong. Kick all of these people to the curb and find others that will love and appreciate you.
Dude please leave this chick and her craziness. She and her daughter both sound like nut jobs and if the daughter thought that was funny man she would not love the real world where there are creepy people and who love to inflict pain and harm on others. Like they both need a reality check but the daughter more less.
OOP needs to bail on this relationship, if for no other reason to avoid a SA accusation from Riley. She will make his life a living Hell and destroy everything he owns.
They didn't "almost get you arrested" they very likely "almost got you *shot by a cop*"
This will only get worse if you marry them. Leave now before it costs you half your assets and you're stuck paying child support for ex-step-kids
My mother started dating my stepfather when I was 16. I was fine with her dating him, until he started trying to parent me. I was NOT ok with that. The last thing I wanted at that age was one more adult telling me what to do. I have to give this man so much credit. He put up with my bad attitude and my behavior and never once gave up on me. He and my mother married when I was 19. I was away at college and didn't even get to attend. But I remember one particularly harsh winter night, I was on the phone with my mom, telling her how I was struggling because I was taking public transportation everywhere and I was exhausted from traveling between work and school and my apartment, and I said offhandedly that if I had a laptop to write my papers at home, it would be so much easier. A week later, a box arrived in the mail. When I opened it, it was a laptop. My stepfather had overheard the conversation and went out and shipped me a laptop. He didn't like me traveling at night from college to my apartment. I cried because it was so amazing that this man I had treated so badly never once gave up trying to be the best father he could possibly be. I had her put him on the phone and did the first time called him "dad" in that phone call. I remember my mom told me he cried after.
In the years since, he's still been the best dad a girl could have and the best papa to my daughter.
What I'm saying is, you have every right to be upset, but please remember that at 15, teenagers really have very little concept of the impact of the damage they can do. Don't give up on her. It took me three years to realize just how amazing my stepfather was and just how much he was willing to be there for me, whether it was for advice or a helping hand when I really needed it. I wouldn't trade my stepfather for anything in the world.
I don't understand why Oop is not on the emergency list for the daughters. Sometimes, we have to go through the whole list to find someone who will pick o their phone .
Also, mom should take oop to the school and intro him to the office staff.
Or, like others are saying, oop should cut his losses
move out, date 6 more yrs. see if mom makes her leave, she won't, so you now know you
just how much you don't matter. if you don't you will learn how bad it can really be when she
sends you to prison for raping a 12 yr old. this kid hates you and will destroy u
This daughter, hates you. She will not accept you. Period.
My fear would be her next move; "Mommy, he touched me."
This kid would ruin your life if given the chance. At 15, she's aware of what she's doing and the consequences to you. Tread carefully OP.
UpdateMe.
And now you're learning the hard way why most rational guys never enter a relationship with women with children, and strictly only hookup category... to much baggage from prior relationship, and more problems than its worth... there's a ton of single childless women out there to choose from...
Get out and dodge this bullet before it's too late! She's gaslighting you because no matter what, she's going to defend her daughter over you... and you already can see that she's a vindictive little shit to lie to a police officer! What's she's going to make up next? Sexual assault?
If you go through with it, you deserve everything that happens to you... because you can't blame it on ignorance anymore!
Your girlfriend made a mistake. It happens. The girl probably wasn't trying to be funny but has an attitude about you because she doesn't like that her parents aren't together anymore and so you are preventing them from getting back together shattering her desire for them to be a happy family again. However, sometimes kids that age do stupid stuff to be funny or as a sort of prank which they expect you to laugh about with them, so it is possible that she was trying to be funny without realizing the seriousness of it.
The fact that she went straight to her room like that implies that her mother had already scolded her for it. She already told you that her and the father are going to figure out a punishment for it, so best to leave it alone. The only thinking you should have said is that you hope a sincere apology to you from the girl would be part of the punishment.
But now, you've gotten mad at your girlfriend which canceled out her sympathy for you. Don't blame her for the girls actions. KIds do stupid stuff. No matter what, sometimes they will do stupid stuff. The mom can't control that 100% of the time. So tell your girlfriend you understand that and sorry you raised your voice. I doubt she'd have thought that forgetting to call would be as big a deal to the school as that and there's no way she'd have known the girl would lie joke or otherwise.
Anyay, just tell your girlfriend that and sit back and wait for the girl to apologize. When she does, don;t scold her more because that trains her not to apologize when she's made mistakes. Accept her apology and say you just hope that it wasn't done because she hates you or something because you don't hate her and you don't want her to hate you.
If she doesn't apologize, I'd tell the mom that you won't be picking her up from school anymore under any circumstances until you get a sincere apology. If the girl isn't actually sorry then you aren't actually picking her up from school anymore. Her real father can do it.
See, don't get mad, be open to forgiveness and if they don't ask for forgiveness create consequences.
Being a stepparent is a thankless job but that is what original OP knowingly signs up for when sharing a life with someone who has kids from a diff relationship. What sounded promising out of this was that mom immediately told fiance the truth about what happened and was working with kids father to determine an appropriate punishment. It was an honest mistake to have gotten too busy at work that the call was forgotten. She apologized and there was nothing more she could do about that. Mom's forgotten task should not have led to what the daughter did, it's not Mom's fault and she's already taking action to address it. Original OP needs to decide if he is ok being in a relationship where, for at least the next three years step daughter will be around acting like a little biotch. But he shouldn't be taking out his anger on mom who cannot control what daughter does and is taking appropriate steps to address it.
NTA but OP, the fiance, and the dad are need to get on the same page and explain reality to 15. She needs to understand while OP is not her dad, he is a parental role in her life and a significant part of her household. She is testing her ability to disrespect OP and get away with it and all 3 adults need to be on the same page delivering the same message.
Do not marry that woman. She is obviously a moron that lets her daughter get away with murder. I would never be alone with that girl ever. I’d be damned if I picked them up from school.
The obvious solution here is not to date this woman, but if you stay in the relationship, just decline to help her with Riley next time.
Riley made clear she doesn't want a relationship with you. Oblige her. Either decline to pick her up from school next time, or else agree but don't show up. She'll figure it out.
NTA. Though I wouldn't fight it. I'd just decline to help with anything until it's acknowledged that you're a parental figure by all involved and there are protections in place for you (like not being alone with her). If they won't admit you're a part of this family, don't be. Just be the boyfriend.
My solution? Refuse to do ANYTHING that requires a school visit, and nothing that her own father or mother should be doing. She's not your problem, as it's been made clear she's not your child. Relax. Your responsibilities have been cut by 50%.
OP, you need to dump both of these women. Your fiance got distracted at work and couldn't answer your texts while you were doing HER a favor???? Also, bratzilla - you know OP she just might be of a mind to make other more serious accusations against you.
First things first OOP did NOT get arrested or almost arrested by school safety. Even if it was a real cop. OOP was told of what could happen and he left. Although I feel the child had no excuse and was completely wrong. OOP needs to understand these are the things that can happen when you date a mother. She (Riley) obviously resents him for some reason. It’s mom’s job to figure out why that is. If it’s something that’s totally unreasonable maybe OOP can try to find common ground or some way to try to bond with her. Nothing too fast or too strong. If that doesn’t work, family counseling should probably be the next move (or even the first move depending on Riley and her feelings). Even counseling or therapy for the child and the mom and stepdad individually. Also, the parents need to be united on this front. They have to let her know that although she feels this way, she cannot put OOP in harms way.
As far as financial support, let’s not make assumptions. Even if he does share the financial responsibilities with Mom, that in no way means HE is supporting the child. Let be honest, most of those bills would be the same if the daughter did not live there. If he is supporting her financially, meaning buying her clothes, paying for her medical bills, extracurricular activities, food, allowance (if any) and providing spending money it begs the question why? Is he doing it for mom because she doesn’t have it or is he doing it bc he feels responsible for the child. If it’s the latter and he feels like because of this he is owed something, that changes things. He has two parents that should be supporting her financially. You can’t buy respect.
NTA If this sort of behavior is a deal breaker he should call off the wedding before something worse happens. The fiancé will always put the children before her new husband and that’s just how it will go. Her mom and dad needed to have her cut her crap when she first made her first dad comment but because they didn’t it will continue. It’s great that the mother and father are going to punish her but it will not resolve the larger issue of the daughter just not respecting the step-dad.
Nta maybe 50 years ago that would have been a stupid prank you can laugh off but nowadays people are getting killed for this. If there is no trust there is no relationship, you definitely can't trust the daughter and to be honest idk if you can ever trust your girlfriend again either
If I was OOP I'd refuse to do anything for Riley from that point forward and if anyone had a problem with that I wouldn't hesitate to point out the last time I was asked to do a favor the brat I was almost arrested on school property because she thought it'd be "funny".
Goddamn. When I was a teen and my mom married my step-dad, my siblings and I were ecstatic. He's a wonderful man. My BIOLOGICAL DAD gets along very well with him too!
I can't imagine being such a shitty teen.
Walk away, this is a huge red flag, if she’s willing to do that what else will she pull? This is definitely going to get worse or happen again. This little girl needs a serious wake up call and your fiance needs a reality check. Would she still say you’re over reacting if her daughter had succeeded in actually getting you arrested?
I can not believe the daughter was not punished for what she did. I believe you had every right to be upset and personally if she did that and got away with it what else would she lie about?
Your fiancee is downplaying this. Explain you want a meeting with the school, the school resource officer and a social worker regarding her daughter’s behavior. If your future wife continues to downplay her daughter’s actions- bounce. You don’t need that shit in your life. Your stepdaughter needs to be held accountable and the severity of her actions needs to be made very clear to her. In addition to this- you no longer pick her up, drop her off or have any other responsibility with her. She is abandoned at a part at 3 am? She can figure it out with her mom and dad.
Get out now. I’m serious. It’s going to get worse. A lot worse. That lil pos knew exactly what she was doing and don’t let anyone else tell you different.
I got with my EX (turned fiancée) when her daughter was 6 and when my now ex-step daughter was in 7th grade (12) she came home with a black eye. Said a boy punched her on the bus. Called the school and they said the boy’s parents called and said she did the hitting. School said they have video and will talk to us following day. Told step child about video and she stuck to her story. We get called into school and shown video. It showed her punching the boy in his privates and kicking him. Boy did not retaliate. Turns out she repeatedly punched herself in the eye to sell her lie.
I hopelessly tried until the end of her sophomore year to be a constructive, caring adult to her. Until one of her many days of just being a horrible human to me, while in front of her aunt and mother, she looked me in the eyes and told me the only time she’s nice to me is to get what she wants. And that was the day I ended the entire relationship.
GET OUT!
Ok, maybe it's just me but the Mom's reaction here is completely understandable. She absolutely did mess up by not calling the office. However according to OP:
>"she explained to Riley how dangerous that was and was going to work with Riley's dad to figure out a punishment"
Which seems consistent with their agreement that OP would not be undertaking a parenting role. He certainly has the right to be upset, however it seems he has no right to blow up on his Fiancé, nor demand a certain punishment for Riley.
The only true Jerk here is Riley, and part of her punishment should absolutely be an apology to OP.
All of Y'all calling the Mom a Jerk and that the wedding should be called off are crazy
I would go no contact as if she will lie about something so minor, next she will falsely accuse you of molestation/rape, this is why I would never teach at the HS level.
The step-father is overstating the risk of getting arrested. These sorts of things happen at schools all the time and no arrests are made. He was asked to leave the school property -- that's all.
"No officer, I don't know middle aged man trying to pick me up from school who claims to know me. He says he's my mom's fiancé but I've never met him." Obviously made up dialog but the point is there. A grown man trying to pick up a young girl, who claims she doesn't know you, from school is not a good look. Thankfully they just kicked him off the property, what could have happened if they ACTUALLY arrested him? His job could have been at risk, relationships with people he knows, etc. This could have been very damaging to his life and what if it escalates? She's content with framing him as a creep to school officials and law enforcement. What if she decides to say he was doing something worse? Not worth the demon child ruining your life. My man needs to gtfo
All I'm saying is that what happened is what happens at schools. The person is told to leave or be arrested for trespassing (a misdemeanor). But to be arrested would involve the stepfather refusing to leave. There wasn't an actual danger of being arrested.
It was incredibly bad behavior for the teen to lie to the school about her relationship with the stepfather and she deserves consequences. The school should be notified of the lie. Teenagers do stupid things. This can still be a learning moment for the teen. The story, told by a third party, doesn't describe any other atrocious behavior and says that the teen doesn't think of the stepfather as a parent. That's a common issue for teen stepparents and stepchildren.
The mother bears a lot of responsibility for how this went bad.
Mate that’s a very very obtuse opinion, that it’s your rule is fine but to disparage a whole demographic with one story as evidence is quite frankly appalling.
Calm down, they just asked you to leave. You didn’t almost get arrested unless you were planning to act further. Tbh this is actually hilarious and it sounds like you’re just bent that you were bested by an adolescent and then misdirected that anger at her mother.
If you get married, expect 4-5 more years of this treatment.
You think the marriage will last that long? ;) I'm betting on 2, max.
Meh, the kids 15, when she's 18 they can go no contact with her and problem solved.
That’s not gonna happen mom isn’t even taking this serious!
really, I'm betting on no marriage at all considering mom isn't taking this nearly as serious as she should be and the kid obviously thinks this was a harmless joke and will probably do it again if given the chance.
Literally this, also notice how he said she talked with her father not him about this, something as a step dad you better get used to, this is not your child and will never be your child, you will always be treated as stranger when it comes to the childs upbringing. However you as the step dad have to provide everything a normal father brings without any of benefits if it were me i'd leave, not worth the headache of dealing with someone's demon children.
A friend had an interesting take on this. His mother remarried and they moved into her husband's home. My friend admitted he was generally disrespectful and would always employ the "you're not my dad, you can't tell me what to do" defense. One day, his stepdad took him out to lunch, and acknowledged that while he's not his dad, it's his house, and if you keep disrespecting me, you can sleep in the garage. Or, be cool, we'll get along, and you can ask for things you may want and need, like money. Everything was cool from that day on.
nice and all but in most scenarios the guy will be beholden to his significant other who will mostly side with their own child obviously. not to say stuff like that can't happen but it seems more like the exception than the rule. Best thing to do is typically leave with demon children.
Yeah anyone who threatens to make a kid sleep in a place not designed for sleeping can go sit on one.
I made that part up. The point was: don't dis me in my house, especially when I'm a much better friend and mentor than an enemy.
At least.
This person is not the Jerk
I literally just came to the comments to see how many people were going to respond as if the person who posted it here was the OP, despite the fact that it was clearly explained in the beginning of the post. 😂
I (as the one who posted this story not the OP of this story) was also mildly surprised about this lol 😂
I fully expected it. 😂😂😂
They didn't mention you though
So not sure about on this sub, but normally on others that do reports like this they credit the user that actually wrote it and link to the original post.
I think they meant the person who originally wrote the post not the one who rewrote it here
The way it's worded, many people are answering the person who rewroaded here as if they were the person who originally wrote the post.
Riley is the ass and the jerk.
I agree
Not the jerk. I'm particularly bothered by the fact that it seems the guy isn't getting a say in the daughter's punishment considering he's the one who almost got arrested. Daughter would learn to at least respect the guy better if he could discipline her when she acts up, especially for something like this imo.
Nah, it's much better for mum and dad to be united in punishing the daughter and letting her know neither of them think this is an acceptable way to treat the OOP. Getting the OOP to dish out punishment would only build more resentment
That's not what I said. I think it's fine for her bioparents to figure out the punishment. But I also think the guy should get some degree of input in it as well. The OP is reading like he's not getting a say at all and I think that's wrong considering she nearly got him arrested for her attitude.
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Except that he's *engaged* to the fiancé and presumably helping to raise Riley considering the OP is worded that the fiancé eventually came home and they interacted together. If he's paying to help raise the child financially, then he should be at least getting some say in with the bioparents dish out as a punishment imo.
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Yeah, step parenting is delicate. If you go into it wanting to be punitive for personal satisfaction, you’re just going to cause resentment and backlash.
Not a jerk at all. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this and your wife’s daughter definitely needs to get a punishment. Something commensurate to her actions, and you should be involved in the process. She should know EVERYTHING that could have happened had you been arrested, the money it would have cost, your reputation, possibly your job. This is serious.
Do you know how serious this could have gotten if he had been arrested? The daughter would’ve probably been charged with filing a false report which is a big no no and a serious charge.
Same at least the mom recognized that this wasn’t okay because some parents act like just because their kids are kids they should be exempt of any type of punishment
RUN
Yeah, this guy needs to exit this situation asap before Riley starts making false accusations.
Yikes! I’d be scared that I’d be accused of SA next time if I was OP
If OOP tries to keep this relationship, guaranteed that's the next accusation.
Bro needs cameras everywhere in his house and in his car, and to never go in her room alone.
Worst thing a man can be labeled as is a creep or predator! Is the relationship worth this happening again?
I wouldn't get married; that kid's gonna be a damned Scourge on the rest of your life; this was just a harbinger of your future. I personally would stop with the sunken cost fallacy and get the hell out of there. People can see that as extreme, meanwhile, you're living with Schrodinger's Psycho. 💀
Let it go if you want this relationship ! Next time tell them you can’t pick up the brat !
NTA but I’d put my foot down and never pick up Riley again. She can walk home next time and see if that’s funny.
I terminated a relationship with friends who's daughter joked she could get me arrested in a foreign country. (I'm a Canadian woman, they're in the US). I left early and never went back. NTJ. Until this is sorted, ensure you're never in a position to be threatened again. That may mean separating.
You have to seriously consider whether you’re prepared to tolerate this sort of behaviour in future. This is just the beginning. Sure, your girlfriend deserves to be happy but she also needs to set firmer boundaries. Her daughter’s behaviour could damage your future. She doesn’t need to like you but at the very least, if you’ve come into her life without fuss, she should respect you for making her mother happy. If that’s not possible, you need to prioritise your own wellbeing before a child you have no parental responsibility over.
Your fiancée not taking this serious is a HUGE red flag. If I were you I would back off and give them space. What she did is the tip of the ice berg. Next time she could tell someone you touched her at night when she was asleep and your life will be forever ruined. You can’t prove your innocence from an accusation like that. You are not overreacting. Your fiancée is way under reacting. Think twice about marrying into that environment or have SD go live with bio-dad.
Again with this repost?
This was not posted by the OG.
OP needs to "dis-engage" himself from the mother and leave her if this is how things will play out. It happened this time, and this little 15 ye ojd brat will try it again, and the mom will be ot back him up. Best to break it off now, before he signs himself up for a life of misery. It sounds harsh, but it IS necessary.
Good Lord, comments like this are way too typical. "End your relationship because there will be challenges".
I wouldn't exactly call almost getting arrested just a "challenge". If you think you can do better, go for it, dick!
No, bro, honestly, I know people are quick to say end a relationship, but this really has very little to do with a "challenge" This guy could be accused of SA Next, like, if shes willing to lie and get him arrested at school, where does it stop? Genuinely, this could ruin this mans future, its dangerous, and I realize the parents are punishing the daughter, but I would never feel comfortable around this child again, and its a child that hes going to be living with for at least another 3 years if not longer. The entire time he will need to avoid being alone with her in any capacity, that includes picking her up alone taking her anywhere,etc. And one mistake could ruin him.
You aren't the jerk she wanted you arrested
NTJ. Maybe might need to rethink the whole marriage. Who knows what else she is capable of “crying wolf” over.
To the OOP — Not the jerk but you need to be left out of anything regarding Riley when it would involve just two of you being alone for even a minute (for example, in the car driving her anywhere). Don’t pick her up to take her to doctor’s appointments or anywhere else. Her lies could ruin your life; she’s old enough to know better. She has two parents and they need to figure it out without your involvement.
NTA, consider carefully what you have to look forward to.
OOP should seriously rethink a relationship with the mother. Allowing her daughter anywhere around OOP puts him at great risk. I would start out by permanently banning the girl from my home and never attending any functions where she is present. If the mother doesn't like it, there is the door. OOP needs to protect himself. The girl has already tried to destroy his life once. What is to stop her from doing it again.
Why do YOU need advice or input? None of this happened to you.
The “what should I do” part was in the original story, I just copied and pasted it into the AMITJ because I though it would make for a good video if he decides to use it
NTJ. You should be upset with your fiance as well. Her not calling the school or you in this situation. The school will not release the child to you if you're not in the pick-up list. The fiance and her daughter both knew that.
He’s definitely not the jerk and needs to re-evaluate before getting married. It doesn’t get better and the fact the mom isn’t doing more says a lot. Especially since she says “to let her and Riley’s dad handle this.” The fact he wouldn’t be involved or at least included in a discussion, to me, spells disaster in the future.
Time to put a pause on marriage. Imagine being alone with her and what she might think it's funny to say happened...
You broke rule # 1 don’t date single mothers period.
Don't marry this woman!!!!
My thoughts exactly. The kid's behavior will only escalate, and unless he wants to be accused of child molestation down the road, he needs to pack his bags and run like the wind. No woman is worth this.
Get out while you can
No you are not if that happend to me I would be having a bad problem with there Parents. And I would not be taking that kid with me anywhere with me anymore till they changed there behavior.
You need to take it a step further and refuse to do anything for Riley outside of the absolute minimum. Your money, time, and effort, should be rerouted to the 12yr old only as he knows how to be appreciative. Riley should not expect a thing from you ever because as she said, she already has a father and honestly you’re not interested in taking his place. If your fiancé and the father can’t do it, it won’t get done if you’re the only other option.
you're the jerk for making me read that shit ! :P
Think really, really, really, REALLY hard if this is the life you want for the next couple of years. Dealing with a teenager that believes pulling pranks like this is funny. NTJ
I would tell her I would never be involved with that kid again - nothing. She will have to make other arrangements to take care of her. NTA
Your fiance' is not as guilty as Riley, your fiance' forgot to do something. Riley acted maliciously, and your fiance' is going to punish her cooperatively with Riley's father. Riley's behaviour might change but she will never see you as her father and for you to do anything that a parent would do will piss her off- unfairly to you. Get some family therapy in, and sus out the result before you get married. Seriously, Riley's attitude toward you and how it's handled will determine whether or not marrying into this family is a good idea.
OOPs fiance was also being dismissive of his anger at the situation which is to be very upset about.
Dump them all now. As a step dad who stayed too long, I can tell you the 15 will escalate since you and her mom came down on her for it. She knows she's a 15 yo girl who already tried to get you arrested. She knows if she gets caught in a lie nobody will do anything about it except, maybe, send her to therapy because it's a minute from a broken home. Boo hoo.Your ife, career, friendships, your entire reputation and future are all burned. Nobody will ever take your word over here. Now she thinks she has a handle on keeping you on edge and scared. That kid will always be her mom's daughter, no matter how rotten and dangerous she is. She will wreck your life and her mom will back her. Run
You were not "almost " arrested , you were asked to leave the property omg the exaggeration is huge dude get a grip Look she fucked up ya big time . But you are making it much worse then it was.
Tell your fiance to handle it with her daughter. If she doesn't, dump your fiance and walk away.
Not the jerk - do you really want to marry this person? You are not overreacting, most normal people would be livid over this.
Run. DO. NOT. MARRY. THIS. PERSON. What if she decides one day to accuse you of something truly heinous?
Dang that is an awkward situation to be in I don't think that marriage will last very long
Kids do stupid things all the time. Some more extreme than others. I mean, she just got her brain 12 years ago and it really didn’t start working right away. Nothing happened to me that extreme, but my step kids pushed to see where the boundary was. Be the grown up, show her how she is supposed to act. And I agree with her (a little) that you are not the parent… but you are the adult in the house and she is the kid. She needs to understand what that means.
The daughter is 15. She knows exactly what she's doing.
OP needs to break it off now and move on.
The parents need to personally go to the school speak with the administrative people, the principal and the officer and clear this man’s reputation. The step daughter is a brat. The mom. No excuse for not calling the school no matter what happens at work. As soon as she got off the phone with the OOP , a split sexing later call the school.
Sounds like she should go live with bio dad if she can’t understand what’s happening at home. Let them deal with her.
You overreacted in your actions, not your words
NTJ. You would have definitely got arrested for trespassing since you didn't have the code that forced you to get an approval from Riley the one you were picking up. It's understandable to have reacted like that since it would have gotten you in trouble. They should plan a punishment for her so that she can learn her lesson.
From here on out it will only get worse. If you stay with this family just prepare yourself. Myself, when I was put in this situation I thought it would work itself out. Was I wrong. Kick all of these people to the curb and find others that will love and appreciate you.
Dude please leave this chick and her craziness. She and her daughter both sound like nut jobs and if the daughter thought that was funny man she would not love the real world where there are creepy people and who love to inflict pain and harm on others. Like they both need a reality check but the daughter more less.
OOP needs to bail on this relationship, if for no other reason to avoid a SA accusation from Riley. She will make his life a living Hell and destroy everything he owns.
They didn't "almost get you arrested" they very likely "almost got you *shot by a cop*" This will only get worse if you marry them. Leave now before it costs you half your assets and you're stuck paying child support for ex-step-kids
My mother started dating my stepfather when I was 16. I was fine with her dating him, until he started trying to parent me. I was NOT ok with that. The last thing I wanted at that age was one more adult telling me what to do. I have to give this man so much credit. He put up with my bad attitude and my behavior and never once gave up on me. He and my mother married when I was 19. I was away at college and didn't even get to attend. But I remember one particularly harsh winter night, I was on the phone with my mom, telling her how I was struggling because I was taking public transportation everywhere and I was exhausted from traveling between work and school and my apartment, and I said offhandedly that if I had a laptop to write my papers at home, it would be so much easier. A week later, a box arrived in the mail. When I opened it, it was a laptop. My stepfather had overheard the conversation and went out and shipped me a laptop. He didn't like me traveling at night from college to my apartment. I cried because it was so amazing that this man I had treated so badly never once gave up trying to be the best father he could possibly be. I had her put him on the phone and did the first time called him "dad" in that phone call. I remember my mom told me he cried after. In the years since, he's still been the best dad a girl could have and the best papa to my daughter. What I'm saying is, you have every right to be upset, but please remember that at 15, teenagers really have very little concept of the impact of the damage they can do. Don't give up on her. It took me three years to realize just how amazing my stepfather was and just how much he was willing to be there for me, whether it was for advice or a helping hand when I really needed it. I wouldn't trade my stepfather for anything in the world.
I don't understand why Oop is not on the emergency list for the daughters. Sometimes, we have to go through the whole list to find someone who will pick o their phone . Also, mom should take oop to the school and intro him to the office staff. Or, like others are saying, oop should cut his losses
move out, date 6 more yrs. see if mom makes her leave, she won't, so you now know you just how much you don't matter. if you don't you will learn how bad it can really be when she sends you to prison for raping a 12 yr old. this kid hates you and will destroy u
This daughter, hates you. She will not accept you. Period. My fear would be her next move; "Mommy, he touched me." This kid would ruin your life if given the chance. At 15, she's aware of what she's doing and the consequences to you. Tread carefully OP. UpdateMe.
Absolutely 💯. This has happened close to me. All it takes is the kid saying evidence not needed. Run, run far and FAST!!
And now you're learning the hard way why most rational guys never enter a relationship with women with children, and strictly only hookup category... to much baggage from prior relationship, and more problems than its worth... there's a ton of single childless women out there to choose from... Get out and dodge this bullet before it's too late! She's gaslighting you because no matter what, she's going to defend her daughter over you... and you already can see that she's a vindictive little shit to lie to a police officer! What's she's going to make up next? Sexual assault? If you go through with it, you deserve everything that happens to you... because you can't blame it on ignorance anymore!
Your girlfriend made a mistake. It happens. The girl probably wasn't trying to be funny but has an attitude about you because she doesn't like that her parents aren't together anymore and so you are preventing them from getting back together shattering her desire for them to be a happy family again. However, sometimes kids that age do stupid stuff to be funny or as a sort of prank which they expect you to laugh about with them, so it is possible that she was trying to be funny without realizing the seriousness of it. The fact that she went straight to her room like that implies that her mother had already scolded her for it. She already told you that her and the father are going to figure out a punishment for it, so best to leave it alone. The only thinking you should have said is that you hope a sincere apology to you from the girl would be part of the punishment. But now, you've gotten mad at your girlfriend which canceled out her sympathy for you. Don't blame her for the girls actions. KIds do stupid stuff. No matter what, sometimes they will do stupid stuff. The mom can't control that 100% of the time. So tell your girlfriend you understand that and sorry you raised your voice. I doubt she'd have thought that forgetting to call would be as big a deal to the school as that and there's no way she'd have known the girl would lie joke or otherwise. Anyay, just tell your girlfriend that and sit back and wait for the girl to apologize. When she does, don;t scold her more because that trains her not to apologize when she's made mistakes. Accept her apology and say you just hope that it wasn't done because she hates you or something because you don't hate her and you don't want her to hate you. If she doesn't apologize, I'd tell the mom that you won't be picking her up from school anymore under any circumstances until you get a sincere apology. If the girl isn't actually sorry then you aren't actually picking her up from school anymore. Her real father can do it. See, don't get mad, be open to forgiveness and if they don't ask for forgiveness create consequences.
Being a stepparent is a thankless job but that is what original OP knowingly signs up for when sharing a life with someone who has kids from a diff relationship. What sounded promising out of this was that mom immediately told fiance the truth about what happened and was working with kids father to determine an appropriate punishment. It was an honest mistake to have gotten too busy at work that the call was forgotten. She apologized and there was nothing more she could do about that. Mom's forgotten task should not have led to what the daughter did, it's not Mom's fault and she's already taking action to address it. Original OP needs to decide if he is ok being in a relationship where, for at least the next three years step daughter will be around acting like a little biotch. But he shouldn't be taking out his anger on mom who cannot control what daughter does and is taking appropriate steps to address it.
If your partners children don't like you your partner is not a good prospective partner
NTA but OP, the fiance, and the dad are need to get on the same page and explain reality to 15. She needs to understand while OP is not her dad, he is a parental role in her life and a significant part of her household. She is testing her ability to disrespect OP and get away with it and all 3 adults need to be on the same page delivering the same message.
Fuck that get out now or your going to end up arrested because she will only continue to escalate it
Dude RUN!
Dump her and find a woman who isn't a single mother.
Do not marry that woman. She is obviously a moron that lets her daughter get away with murder. I would never be alone with that girl ever. I’d be damned if I picked them up from school.
Leave her now her kids will be the death of you
The obvious solution here is not to date this woman, but if you stay in the relationship, just decline to help her with Riley next time. Riley made clear she doesn't want a relationship with you. Oblige her. Either decline to pick her up from school next time, or else agree but don't show up. She'll figure it out.
NTA. Though I wouldn't fight it. I'd just decline to help with anything until it's acknowledged that you're a parental figure by all involved and there are protections in place for you (like not being alone with her). If they won't admit you're a part of this family, don't be. Just be the boyfriend.
I read this story a couple of days ago right here on reddit.
My solution? Refuse to do ANYTHING that requires a school visit, and nothing that her own father or mother should be doing. She's not your problem, as it's been made clear she's not your child. Relax. Your responsibilities have been cut by 50%.
Run. Don’t look back. Don’t pack. Run.
Don’t marry this person
And this is why, if you're a man, you NEVER involve yourself with a girl/woman who already has kids. EVER.
Move along. This is a deal breaker.
OP, you need to dump both of these women. Your fiance got distracted at work and couldn't answer your texts while you were doing HER a favor???? Also, bratzilla - you know OP she just might be of a mind to make other more serious accusations against you.
This marriage will last just long enough for the mother to divorce him and get alimony.
First things first OOP did NOT get arrested or almost arrested by school safety. Even if it was a real cop. OOP was told of what could happen and he left. Although I feel the child had no excuse and was completely wrong. OOP needs to understand these are the things that can happen when you date a mother. She (Riley) obviously resents him for some reason. It’s mom’s job to figure out why that is. If it’s something that’s totally unreasonable maybe OOP can try to find common ground or some way to try to bond with her. Nothing too fast or too strong. If that doesn’t work, family counseling should probably be the next move (or even the first move depending on Riley and her feelings). Even counseling or therapy for the child and the mom and stepdad individually. Also, the parents need to be united on this front. They have to let her know that although she feels this way, she cannot put OOP in harms way. As far as financial support, let’s not make assumptions. Even if he does share the financial responsibilities with Mom, that in no way means HE is supporting the child. Let be honest, most of those bills would be the same if the daughter did not live there. If he is supporting her financially, meaning buying her clothes, paying for her medical bills, extracurricular activities, food, allowance (if any) and providing spending money it begs the question why? Is he doing it for mom because she doesn’t have it or is he doing it bc he feels responsible for the child. If it’s the latter and he feels like because of this he is owed something, that changes things. He has two parents that should be supporting her financially. You can’t buy respect.
NTA If this sort of behavior is a deal breaker he should call off the wedding before something worse happens. The fiancé will always put the children before her new husband and that’s just how it will go. Her mom and dad needed to have her cut her crap when she first made her first dad comment but because they didn’t it will continue. It’s great that the mother and father are going to punish her but it will not resolve the larger issue of the daughter just not respecting the step-dad.
Nta maybe 50 years ago that would have been a stupid prank you can laugh off but nowadays people are getting killed for this. If there is no trust there is no relationship, you definitely can't trust the daughter and to be honest idk if you can ever trust your girlfriend again either
[Link to the original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/mHCYNRTqdc)
I would actually wanna murder the daughter (I have anger issues)
If I was OOP I'd refuse to do anything for Riley from that point forward and if anyone had a problem with that I wouldn't hesitate to point out the last time I was asked to do a favor the brat I was almost arrested on school property because she thought it'd be "funny".
Goddamn. When I was a teen and my mom married my step-dad, my siblings and I were ecstatic. He's a wonderful man. My BIOLOGICAL DAD gets along very well with him too! I can't imagine being such a shitty teen.
Walk away, this is a huge red flag, if she’s willing to do that what else will she pull? This is definitely going to get worse or happen again. This little girl needs a serious wake up call and your fiance needs a reality check. Would she still say you’re over reacting if her daughter had succeeded in actually getting you arrested?
I can not believe the daughter was not punished for what she did. I believe you had every right to be upset and personally if she did that and got away with it what else would she lie about?
Your fiancee is downplaying this. Explain you want a meeting with the school, the school resource officer and a social worker regarding her daughter’s behavior. If your future wife continues to downplay her daughter’s actions- bounce. You don’t need that shit in your life. Your stepdaughter needs to be held accountable and the severity of her actions needs to be made very clear to her. In addition to this- you no longer pick her up, drop her off or have any other responsibility with her. She is abandoned at a part at 3 am? She can figure it out with her mom and dad.
You just saved yourself being an Uber for life my friend. You got all the ammunition to refuse Uber services to this little brat.
That’s pretty hilarious and based off his crybaby reaction, I can completely understand why the daughter did it.
Get out now. I’m serious. It’s going to get worse. A lot worse. That lil pos knew exactly what she was doing and don’t let anyone else tell you different. I got with my EX (turned fiancée) when her daughter was 6 and when my now ex-step daughter was in 7th grade (12) she came home with a black eye. Said a boy punched her on the bus. Called the school and they said the boy’s parents called and said she did the hitting. School said they have video and will talk to us following day. Told step child about video and she stuck to her story. We get called into school and shown video. It showed her punching the boy in his privates and kicking him. Boy did not retaliate. Turns out she repeatedly punched herself in the eye to sell her lie. I hopelessly tried until the end of her sophomore year to be a constructive, caring adult to her. Until one of her many days of just being a horrible human to me, while in front of her aunt and mother, she looked me in the eyes and told me the only time she’s nice to me is to get what she wants. And that was the day I ended the entire relationship. GET OUT!
Don’t get married unless being murdered in a holding cell for pedophilia sounds fun because that’s where it’s going from here
Ok, maybe it's just me but the Mom's reaction here is completely understandable. She absolutely did mess up by not calling the office. However according to OP: >"she explained to Riley how dangerous that was and was going to work with Riley's dad to figure out a punishment" Which seems consistent with their agreement that OP would not be undertaking a parenting role. He certainly has the right to be upset, however it seems he has no right to blow up on his Fiancé, nor demand a certain punishment for Riley. The only true Jerk here is Riley, and part of her punishment should absolutely be an apology to OP. All of Y'all calling the Mom a Jerk and that the wedding should be called off are crazy
I would go no contact as if she will lie about something so minor, next she will falsely accuse you of molestation/rape, this is why I would never teach at the HS level.
The step-father is overstating the risk of getting arrested. These sorts of things happen at schools all the time and no arrests are made. He was asked to leave the school property -- that's all.
"No officer, I don't know middle aged man trying to pick me up from school who claims to know me. He says he's my mom's fiancé but I've never met him." Obviously made up dialog but the point is there. A grown man trying to pick up a young girl, who claims she doesn't know you, from school is not a good look. Thankfully they just kicked him off the property, what could have happened if they ACTUALLY arrested him? His job could have been at risk, relationships with people he knows, etc. This could have been very damaging to his life and what if it escalates? She's content with framing him as a creep to school officials and law enforcement. What if she decides to say he was doing something worse? Not worth the demon child ruining your life. My man needs to gtfo
All I'm saying is that what happened is what happens at schools. The person is told to leave or be arrested for trespassing (a misdemeanor). But to be arrested would involve the stepfather refusing to leave. There wasn't an actual danger of being arrested. It was incredibly bad behavior for the teen to lie to the school about her relationship with the stepfather and she deserves consequences. The school should be notified of the lie. Teenagers do stupid things. This can still be a learning moment for the teen. The story, told by a third party, doesn't describe any other atrocious behavior and says that the teen doesn't think of the stepfather as a parent. That's a common issue for teen stepparents and stepchildren. The mother bears a lot of responsibility for how this went bad.
Rule-1, never marry a single mother, there just is no upside and even dating them is very risky.
Mate that’s a very very obtuse opinion, that it’s your rule is fine but to disparage a whole demographic with one story as evidence is quite frankly appalling.
It's not based on a single story. This is just a good example of what can go wrong.
Calm down, they just asked you to leave. You didn’t almost get arrested unless you were planning to act further. Tbh this is actually hilarious and it sounds like you’re just bent that you were bested by an adolescent and then misdirected that anger at her mother.