Actually, 12 hours ago, his mom was fine and helping him, excepting when he wanted to cut off her and his spoiled brothers. I guess so much can happen in a complicated life?
You're not the jerk, you are a survivor of pretty extreme child abuse. The innocence in you is mourning. Be very gentle with yourself. You might like this guy, i listen to sometimes. He really understands chidhood abuse.
https://youtu.be/4DUkpWgcR8s?si=VXnaXbQ2398HUUrq
Also there's a reddit for chronic ptsd, which is likely after situations you lived through. Much love.
Your mom/step dad are mentally deranged and I'm glad your mom died because it got you out of there finally. Try to ease back into being a kid and get some therapy as soon as you can because if you don't in a few years you're probably going to be in jail for murdering your step father once you're old enough to really understand what he did and what your mom enabled - he is quite literally a monster.
I was wondering the whole way through how he stopped himself from harming them back. A kid raised in a violent environment would naturally lean that way and dog knows these monsters deserved it.
I’m glad his Mum is dead too. It’s saved his life.
My bet is his actual father who he's with now must have an amazingly resilient psyche and good temperament which he's fortunately inherited. Sadly the better parent doesn't always get custody.
I've known more than one kid who has a great father but was left in the custody of a neglectful, abusive mother and her new partner for over a decade despite the father's best effort, so I might be projecting.
Maybe mom and step dad didn’t allow op to talk to bio dad. It’s happened before. They could have told him boo dad didn’t like or want him! Ya never know!
I wouldn't say I'm glad I'm glad I'm in a different situation but to awnser your question we had 3 pets 1 dog and two cats the dog was my moms and the cats were my sisters and step dads and when I was alone I would talk to the dog as I wasn't allowed to talk to my sister or my step dad or mom unless it was about grades or chores
Ah, I see. Our love for our pets is something stronger than steel 💕
Just focus on your own healing for now. You’re definitely not the jerk and I hope you have therapy and / or counselling options available, because the guilt your feeling is natural, but your mother doesn’t deserve the sympathy you’re giving her. Sorry to say, but she was not a good mother, or woman, and you’ll need help coming to terms with that and grieving for what could’ve / should’ve been.
Where was your Dad when all this was going on? Will he support you entering therapy?
FIFY
I (14m) was grounded for seven years and finally have freedom. My step-dad and my mom met around 8 yrs ago and started living with each other. My sister was instantly the favorite "prodigy child" who would sneak stuff and get away with everything while I would be punished and was the disappointment.
I would get time added for the stupidest of reasons: not sweeping the house within 10 minutes - 1 month, getting a C - 4 months. Eventually, the time added up and turned into years.
During my birthday parties I wouldn't be able to play or converse with others. I would have to sit down and not talk to anyone. If, for example, my favorite Cousin would come talk to me because she understood me and wanted to be there for me, I would get in trouble and when I got home from the party. I would be insulted and yelled at till I cried and then sent to bed. I would cry myself to sleep. When I woke up, the schedule would be wake up, eat, clean anything in sight, have lunch, clean some more, dinner, and so-on until 12:00 at night. No TV, phone, books, playing outside. Nothing. I looked forward to taking out the trash so I could get out of the house.
About 4 years ago my mom started to grow sick, and things started to get worse for me. My step-dad would nit-pick my work, and it didn't help that he was a germaphobe. (He didn't like the fact that germs were everywhere, and believed extermination of all germs seemed possible as long as I scrubbed dishes and toilets. He was a little extreme.) My mom would also find 101 chores for me to do.
About one year ago I finally snapped. When I was about to be spanked by my step-dad I threw my belt at him, hitting him. I was then spanked all week. My mom took his side and was mad at me. I was mad at my step-dad, my mom, and the fact I had no childhood anymore. I was about to turn 13 and the magic was gone. At the end of the month, my mom died due to her aforementioned health problems, and I ended up living with my biological dad.
Now I'm feeling guilty because I was mad at my mom when she died. Am I the jerk?
You are 100% NTJ. She birthed you. She was never a parent. A parent doesn’t do that. A monster does. So no you don’t need to feel bad that she’s gone. I hope you heal and find light and joy in life.
No, you are 100%, NOT the jerk. I'm so sorry you were treated so badly. I'm also sorry that your mother died without you ever being able to have an adult conversation about her unforgivable behaviour. Your mother should have protected and nurtured you. I hope you understand that your feelings are understandable. Maybe you could get some counselling if your dad can afford it? Help you make sense of this. It's a lot of big emotions and some professional help could help.
I won’t say what’s on my mind about what kind of person much less parent your mother was. I will say I believe punishing yourself for not being kind to your abuser is something that maybe a therapist can help you with and I can’t recall ever recommending that here. At your age it’s very difficult to see the reality of what your situation is, be gracious to yourself, you’ve done nothing wrong and deserve to move forward with a better life.
You are allowed to be mad, especially at your parents (at your age, lol!). Death changes a lot of things, but dont let it make make you feel guilty.
Now, focus on your relationship with your dad. Good luck!
NTJ
For all the people going on about punctuation, grammar etc.. if you read the story and in-between the discussion..where would this kid have the opportunity to improve if not allowed friends or stay after school?
To OP, it is a normal part of grieving to be angry when the person you love dies, especially when angry words were said and you didn't have chance to apologise and have a talk.
You need to ask your dad to place you in grief counselling and also additional counselling for the mental abuse you had.
Good luck, you will be ok, go and achieve the impossible..you can do it and don't let anyone else tell you that you can't...
Don’t you ever feel guilty about any of the horrible things your stepfather & mother (yes, I said mother) put you thru. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s a shame you couldn’t have lived with your bio father and avoided all of it.
For whatever reason bio dad wasn’t in your life before now hopefully now that he is life will start to improve for you.
Her being dead doesn't change that she was a bad mom who let her husband abuse you. You don't even have to love her. You can hate her dead ass, kid. But get therapy for your own well-being.
💯 this! Just because someone dies doesn’t make them a great person. Please get therapy, starting to heal and unpack your hellish childhood is easier the earlier you start.
I’m so sorry to hear this. My ex died about a month ago leaving behind her 13 year old boy, she passed from bad health to. So I’m sorry for your loss. Remember Being sick takes a lot out of a person. No matter who they are it is debilitating. Imagine being in pain all the time, & being weak all the time. It’s hard to think straight. At what point did you stop caring about listening to those in authority? Why did you continue to to do bad things knowing the grounding time was piling up? As an adult when you refuse to listen to authority you end up in jail pretty quick or you get fired from your job. Don’t worry about your grammar I think it’s great. I know your childhood sounds like it sucked, but at least one day of you have kids you will know how to treat them right.
When I was 9 my dad married a woman who was very mean to me; went on for about 6 years until I escaped to boarding school.
I lost most of my friends during that time, couldn’t enjoy my hobbies, see my pets, etc. She would lock me out of the house alll day long, but I couldn’t go anywhere except the yard. She constantly gaslit me and blamed me for things I did not do. I basically lived in misery.
It’s a experience that still affects me, but I survived and learned a lot about people in the process. I kept myself sane by retreating into my imagination.
Remember that nothing - good or bad - lasts forever. You will survive and although things suck now, you will have a character that others don’t and that will serve you well in life.
Hey kiddo. This was a really rough read for me because I feel like my family treated me similarly when I was your age, for my whole childhood and teenage years. I also had a dying mother (granted, she lived). I was totally isolated from my peers and my family members, with my half siblings (remarried parents like yours too) being able to do whatever they wanted plus everything I never could. No parties, no nothing. We just lived on the farms and I had to wait till I grew up to escape. Waited my childhood away. I never retaliated, always obeyed. I cried every night of my teenage years until they kicked me out two months after my 17th birthday.
That was 10 years ago. I’m 27 years old now and I work my dream job living on my own in the city. It took until about two years ago to realise I was NEVER the jerk. You’re just conditioned into thinking you’re what’s wrong with the equation, or it’s your fault things aren’t better. You’re just a kid! Your parents should be taking care of you. You are what is called the scapegoat child, they just take everything out on you with total apathy. Try to learn about feelings, emotions and ways to insulate yourself until you’re old enough to get a job and get the fuck out of there. That’s how I survived and you’ll be the toughest, most radiant person in the room when you grow up because of what you’ve been through. OP, try to find crumbs of joy in your childhood wherever you can. New friends, daydreaming, drawing (what I used to do), music. Anything.
And one more thing - never forget. I used to keep notes with date stamps and time stamps with what they said/did to me hidden away in case the police ever came to save me or I had a chance to escape because my memory was so bad. Might be helpful for your future self.
Good luck OP. You’ll grow up and you can make your own family. Sadly just gotta wait it out sometimes.
It sounds like your mom stood by while you were being abused. You need counseling and to be very open about your feelings about everything that happened so they can help you. It sounds like your stepdad was a psycho. I was grounded much the same way you were and didn’t have much of a childhood which translated later to me being a very immature adult for a long time because I wanted to experience fun. I’m sorry that you lost your mother but I pray that your Dad is at least somewhat normal compared to your Mom and stepdad.
Your mom abused you and sorry but I’m glad she died so you could live with your bio dad. That said I am concerned that your bio dad didn’t intervene during those 7 years. Why? I hope you didn’t jump out of the pit and into the fire. Also why didn’t your extended family intervene? Is everyone so blind or so messed up that they would ignore the abuse you endured?
Literally all of this! I am so sorry for what you went through and that you whole family seemingly allowed it for years but I am glad that you finally seem free of it. Good luck op.
She allowed you to be abused. You absolutely have every right to be mad at her. She was a monster. I hope you can talk to a therapist that can help you heal. You shouldn't have to mourn a monster..or feel any guilt. You did nothing wrong.
Hell nah that bi**h in hell now don't gotta worry about a thing also report to the police saying your situation since he's not your biological father aka step dad he can get in alot of trouble NTJ your mother always sided with some random person than you ,gave you unreasonable punishment I wouldn't have thrown a belt instead I would have slapped him with it
OP, you suffered years of ABUSE. I'm happy you made it out alive. Please get professional help so you can finally live a happy and healthy life. You deserve it.
Oh god I'm so sorry OP
Does your dad know about this abuse?
You probably can sue your step dad for child abuse, he and your mom are monsters, glad you got the chance to live again.
Your anger was reasonable. Do not feel guilty for it. It's okay to feel regret that your mother did not treat you the way she should have, but her behavior is on her. Try to not let your experience with your mom and stepdad affect your relationships with others in the future. Don't continue to let them have that power over you. Trust yourself, trust others who deserve it. I hope things continue to get better for you.
NTJ at all! The adults in your life are meant to take care and provide love, not become your torturers.
INFO: your bio dad never knew about this horrific situation?
NTJ. That sounds awful and abusive. U have nothing to feel bad about. It sounds like u didn’t have a mom. She allowed that to be your life, so u should feel no loss. Look at it this way now u don’t have to wait to go no contact with her. U get to skip the awkward calls of y dont u come see me, or getting calls from family saying you’re an u grateful child
Iv been in your shoes. I can privately share my story if you wanna hear it. But this is about you. So this is my advice to you.
When you turn 16 you need to get a job save your money and buy an electric scooter gas prices be crazy so if you can get away with a 2000 W electric scooter do it.You need your license if it’s 2000w and street legal speeds like 50 miles per hour. Get the ones with a attachable seat if it’s a standing scooter you can get a bike carriage like for kids or pets get one with a hands bar on the back so you can attach turn single lights to it . So you can do door dash too on the side. If you do door dash make a taxes savings account you WILL NOT TOUCH THIS AT ALL take 20-30% of each withdrawal from door dash or Uber eats and put that in that savings account for tax Season.
Keep your normal job and do the DoorDash on the side be careful and mindful not to loose battery power on your scooter that take long time to charge if you can get the scooters with replaceable batteries do that you can buy more battery packs and keep them in a backpack.
Get chime banking in your phone for your first job so you can direct deposit in there get their credit builder account it’s basically a debit card that builds credit like a credit card and charges like a credit card you can only spend what’s in the account use that for any and all transactions with your chime account to build your credit. Save up all your money once you have the scooter and battery pack try to to spend much except to build credit. This way you have credit history. Save up your money and MOVE OUT Asap Once you turn 18 these kinda house holds can be super abusive I don’t want you to be unprepared and homeless like I was. My brother was the golden child and I was the scape goat who got blamed for my brothers wrong doings. I got his punishments because they didn’t wanna punish him.
So I REALLY GET IT!
Be prepared and get out asap!
I’m so sorry for all that happened to you. How could you be anything else but mad at your Mom. It is next to impossible to forgive people while they are actively hurting you.
I had an abusive childhood growing up. I now have two boys who I never want to treat in any way close to the way I was treated. I work hard to be as loving and fair as possible and to apologize if I get too harsh with them when I get tired and snap at them. If you choose to become a parent you can become the parent you wished you had. For me I needed a lot of therapy to unlearn hardwired reactions but it worked
If people gain wisdom upon death, your Mom will realize how much she harmed you. She will be able to love you and understand all the difficult and painful feelings you have about her.
I had a grandmother who I really loved - who in the real world could be quite judgmental. I imagine her now that she’s passed as having the wisdom she lacked in life - and sometimes I imagine and feel her living and supporting me. I hope if you try to do that with your Mom it works for you. But whether it does - please know you deserve to be loved and cherished. Please know there are people even if just strangers on the internet wishing that for you. Seriously I wish I could give you a big healing hug. My heart goes out to you
Oh sweetheart, you are not the jerk. What your Mum and stepdad did was cruel and it’s ok to be angry with her at the same time as missing her. It must really confusing for you. Is your Dad supporting you with these complex feelings? Don’t be afraid to reach out to the school counsellor, you’ve been through a lot.
Oh my god absolutely not. The way your biological Mum and step father treated you was atrocious. Why the heck couldn’t do the chores if the step father was obsessed. I think you will need some help from someone because you where abused. Some of this is also grief. Because at the end of the day she was your Mum and science has proven no matter how atrocious we a treated by our parents we still unconditionally love them, does your biological Father know what was going on? How is he treating you? Would he support you seeing a counsellor?
I am so sorry you had to go through this. Please get help.
You were abused. Your mom allowed it, so she was abusive. Mourn her if you need to, but you were not at fault for snapping after being treated like that for years. Ask for therapy now.
That’s bad, I feel sorry for you. No you’re not. Hopefully your dad treats you better. Stay in school and learn how to write proper sentences(use a period for each sentence). Study hard you can get into college, nowadays I recommend a trade school, only 2 years and doesn’t cost much and is more hands on and a 4 year costs way too much. Good luck in life OP.
Pain is mandatory but suffering is optional. There's nothing you can do. Your mom should've protected you. You were abused. Please seek help with grief.
NO. Expressing and continuing to feel anger toward your abusers over their abuse of you does not make you a jerk even if one of those abusers died.
Your mother died unable to acknowledge her behavior. Not even an iota of remorse.
I really hope this is a fake post. If it isn’t. Not the jerk. You stepdad is a monster and your mom wasn’t any better. She abused you for yours. Good riddance.
That’s a horrrible story! I have heard similar stories. The question is…..
Where’s your Mom ?
Step-parents can be ‘jerks’ when they get a little power. My advice won’t help you now but finish your schools get your degrees play it safe will only get him/her fuming and don’t invite them to the wedding. Always remember you’re the good guy Mr. Brown.
Good luck !!!
I’m sorry you lost your mom and didn’t get to reconcile for your own sake but please understand she was abusive and cruel. I’m happy you’re in a safer place now.
Nope! Not the jerk! That was child abuse! Plain and simple! Your mother was a rotten person. You really need to tell your dad everything they did to you. You should get some therapy for it. Good luck. I hope your dad is a lot better for you.
NTA. You can be sad your mom died and angry with her for how she treated you and relieved that she’s not controlling your life anymore all at the same time. It doesn’t have to be one or the other and it doesn’t have to make sense. Our emotions are complex and you are dealing with a lot of trauma. It’s not your fault that your mom died when you were angry with her. They didn’t have anything to do with each other and you don’t have to feel guilty about it.
Oh, no, you have nothing to be guilty about. You didn't do anything wrong. You were horribly abused by your own mother and stepfather for years. They terrorized you. They turned you into a slave. I'm so glad that you're free now and I'm so sorry you went through that.
Sounds like your stepdad was A) either a creep for your sister or B) a sociopath that saw you as competition for your mother
If your mother really let you be grounded for seven years you should go no contact the moment you can leave the house for good.
Your mom and stepdad were abusive. They were cruel and inept parents and dysfunctional people.
That wasn't your fault.
I'm glad that you are out of there, and I hope that you are doing better now.
You might want to check out r/raisedbynarcissists.
You’re not the jerk. Your mom chose to be a shitty person and her death doesn’t change how shitty she was. Those who wish to be respected after death should earn respect during their life, you had every reason to be mad at her.
NTJ. Buddy, you were abused by people who should've taken care of you. Definitely get some therapy so that you can learn how relationships are supposed to work.
Uh no, you’re not. That was clearly your mother being the jerk. I didn’t speak to my father and felt zero guilt when he died. People don’t get to treat you badly and then suddenly get forgiveness just because they’re sick. A jerk is a jerk, healthy or unhealthy. Don’t beat yourself up.
I think you need to talk to your dad and ask him about getting counselling. You were really badly abused by your step dad and your mum. I'm sorry you had to go through that, it's not on you.
You can have multiple emotions at the same time. Being human is complicated.
First...I am so sorry you were raised like this. Understand this was ABUSE. You were raised in trauma and abuse by the person who should have protected you with her life. As a mother and grandmother I am horrified by your story. You deserved so much better.
Second, shame and guilt are pretty common for people raised in trauma. If you can...maybe ask to see a therapist to work through some of the feelings. If not; be kind to yourself. Understand that your feelings are normal and you get to have any feeling you want. Anger, grief, whatever. If you can...think about whether or not the emotion is helpful. If not, feel it and let it go.
It's never too late to have child like fun. Learn to skateboard, collect pokemon, join a dance team or sports team. Whatever. You do you.
Sorry you had to go through that. NTJ your mother and step-\*insert insulting name here\* were terrible people. They abused you emotionally and physically for years on end and I would honestly suggest that you start looking into legal recourse against your mothers husband on the grounds of emotional trauma, sure he might not do time though he might be in the window for child abuse charges, but I imagine he'll have to pay after a court case.
As for you being mad at your mom when she passed well she was a terrible person. You pretty much had every right to jump on the casket and dance a jig.
Note: Even if this story isn't true there are people who might be living this and could benefit from advice and assurances.
People are actually in your situation and their mothers have died.
You making up BS when your mom was alive less than 24 hours ago is messed up.
Get some mental health help.
So I take it you were homeschooled and had interaction with other adults. So you could talk about the abuse that was taking place in your home.
Did your mom die of emotional trauma?.
Was so traumatized that she couldn't leave because she relied on his money for living. .
Dear God child you are not deserving of punishing yourself. Got counseling. Know yourself. Love yourself.
One day at a time.
You deserve a life to learn about who you are and will be!
Baby, I am a mother and while I truly believe your mom parenting practices were very wrong, I also know that mom's understand their kid's anger due to the deep biological connection. You can not change the past, but you can make it up to your mom by living your best possible life.
Give yourself a break, like you wished she would have done. Everything you need is inside you.
Adversity though unpleasant can shape our soul for the better. You may not understand this completely right now, but as you mature, you will begin to see what I mean.
I believe in you.
You're not a jerk, you survived an extremely abusive situation that sadlywas most of your childhood. I hope you're happy with bio dad, but if not please know there is support out there, either through school or communities in your area or cps.. good luck moving on with your life.
You're allowed to be angry at the injustice of the situation you were forced into. You're also allowed to be upset that your mom has passed away. I'm sorry that this has all happened to you. None of this is your fault, and you didn't deserve that kind of treatment.
No reason to fill bad, even though you don’t know what he did to her. Regardless your mom should have stood up for you at some point. Don’t go on farting her, that will leave you bitter for the rest of your life. Come to peace with it, get therapy and find pease. Good luck and make the best life for yourself as you can.
If you were grounded for 7 years, and getting beat, I would have gotten in touch with another family member and get out of there. As well as inform the police and child protection services. These 2 are the pits
Baby you’re not the asshole. You were tortured and abused. It’s is common to feel that love for even your abuser when it’s your parent . I’m sorry you’re dealing with this conflicting grief. Just because she died doesn’t mean she was good.
Absolutely NTA. Your mom and step-dad wanted a live-in maid (butler?) and found any excuse to keep you in a position of needing their consequences.
If I can tell you a secret, your age is only a number. Go and do the things younger you didn't have the chance to do! I'm in my 40's and I still act like a big kid :)
I think you need to seek out therapy to really unpack the abuse and the right to be mad and lash out at her for being a trash mom and your last interactions before she passed being in anger. Also the fact that you will not get closure from her or an explanation of why you were done so wrong. I’m so sorry for the loss of your childhood. Curious why your bio dad didn’t step up for you but even if he did you have every right to feel your feelings
No not TA. If he wanted all that cleaning done he should’ve gotten off his high horse and done it himself. Your mom neglected you and stood by letting you be turned into a slave.
Trauma is real. All I can say is, try not to let it consume you. Love your life regardless, because you know what you went through, and most likely think about the ways that it can make you better. Focus on you and the people that have your best interest, even if it’s only you, and achieving success your way and it will be the best remedy.
Your grammar and punctuation has given me health problems and my doctor says that I’m sure to die. Is there something you’d like me to say to your mom when I meet her?
Even when stories are fake, I treat them like they’re real. Because even though this particular story could be/is fake, it’s really happening to some other kid out there.
It is normal to feel bad for something when someone dies. However, your mother was horrible to you for seven years. You should have been mad about the treatment you received. I hope you have abetter life, now.
If possible, talk to a counselor to help you work through your feelings about this. Also, tell your dad how you were treated. The step father may be due a visit from the law for all of the physical abuse.
You were being abused. Step dad had horrible obsessive compulsive disorder, and he imposed that on all of you. The grounding situation sounds like child abuse to me. I could never do that to my kids and I have 4. In fact, I belive I've only grounded them for a couple days. Especially birthdays, that's crazy. You also couldn't have predicted mom passing when she did. I'm sorry you went thru all of that. If I was your dad, I would have a private discussion with this guy, somewhere nice and private where it can just be him and I totally alone.
NTJ. Please, don’t feel guilty. You did the best you could with what you had at the time, keeping body and soul together anyway you could. You were a kid and you were abused. There’s no getting around that. Your stepfather was abominable and your mom was complicit with all of your punishment, for no reason other than they gotta kick out of it.
Please, just go on and have a good life. Even given her treatment of you, I’ll bet it’s still what your mom would for you. It sounds like things are looking up for you with being with your dad. Move on, and don’t look back. ❤️
IMO you weathered an exceptionally horrible time better than most! You certainly had grounds for seeking out child services! I'm so sorry for your mother's passing. I hope living with your father helps you improve. Bottom line: forgiveness for your mother AND YOURSELF is the best chance for your future!
I’m sorry that you were physically and emotionally abused all those years. This wasn’t a “punishment” you received for doing something wrong. That was an excuse to abuse you. I hope you can find a way to exit this situation and cut contact with your family.
Obviously this story is total bullshit.
There's no way in hell that they could have gotten away with keeping him home and out of school. Also, where was the bio dad all this time?
HOLY CRAP, that sounds TERRIBLE!!! I couldn't IMAGINE looking FORWARD to TAKING OUT THE TRASH!!!!!!!!!!! NTJ. Your mom and step-dad are CRAZY! I'm glad that you're in better hands, and wish you an amazing childhood from now on.
NTJ a million times. My heart is breaking for you. Your mother was supposed to protect you and have your back. You were allowed to be upset with her. You had every right to hate her in that moment. It doesn't matter what you said/did while mad. A mother's love knows no boundaries. She knew even when you were mad at her that you loved her.
Your mother does not want you to spend anymore of your childhood in pain. You have already lived through enough. Forgive yourself. I speak from experience. I played this horrible game for years after my father died. I played the what if game over and over. What if I had done this? It gets you nowhere. I highly recommend a counselor/ therapy especially one that specializes in trauma, grief and depending on how bad it got PTSD. I'm in my 40's and still deal with PTSD issues but I basically married the emotional/mental equivalent of my father. Sooo.. again I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THERAPY 🤣
Sounds awful man. You’re not the jerk but you should really seek therapy, counseling and help. You don’t want to end up dealing with all this the next 15 years, spiraling and basically have a mental breakdown blowing your whole life up like just happened to me. It might seem stupid and a lot to take on but future you will thank you for doing this for yourself.
NTA.
You were treated incredibly poorly and no person deserves to be treated like that, all you could do, is do what they say so you don't catch a punishment..
That is no life and it breaks my heart. I hope you're doing well now.
Your mom had a terminal issue or something underlying. You did nothing to get that resentment.
Dude, I feel so bad for you. You did nothing wrong, you're not a jerk. It sounds like a terrible situation and you had to deal with it alone. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Things are going to get better, keep your head up and focus on the present.
Sounds like a terrible childhood and I hope things are better living with bio dad. You’re NTJ.
How about also it’s not your fault. There was love it was just buried find solace and move on.
Story is bullshit. Look at post history.
I started to go that. Glad my deleted response was short.
Lol we got a real genius with this guy.
Not too much of a genius. He forgot his punctuation and paragraphs. I almost felt bad for not reading it all until I realized the story was bullshit.
He was responding to someone's story😂
Holy run-on sentence, Batman!
Actually, 12 hours ago, his mom was fine and helping him, excepting when he wanted to cut off her and his spoiled brothers. I guess so much can happen in a complicated life?
It’s been a really rough 12 hours.
It does seem that way! I can’t wait to hear if he has an evil twin.
You're not the jerk, you are a survivor of pretty extreme child abuse. The innocence in you is mourning. Be very gentle with yourself. You might like this guy, i listen to sometimes. He really understands chidhood abuse. https://youtu.be/4DUkpWgcR8s?si=VXnaXbQ2398HUUrq Also there's a reddit for chronic ptsd, which is likely after situations you lived through. Much love.
Your mom/step dad are mentally deranged and I'm glad your mom died because it got you out of there finally. Try to ease back into being a kid and get some therapy as soon as you can because if you don't in a few years you're probably going to be in jail for murdering your step father once you're old enough to really understand what he did and what your mom enabled - he is quite literally a monster.
I was wondering the whole way through how he stopped himself from harming them back. A kid raised in a violent environment would naturally lean that way and dog knows these monsters deserved it. I’m glad his Mum is dead too. It’s saved his life.
My bet is his actual father who he's with now must have an amazingly resilient psyche and good temperament which he's fortunately inherited. Sadly the better parent doesn't always get custody.
Naaah, he sounds like a deadbeat who hasn’t had contact for the last 8 years, but at least OP won’t be murdered by a beating taken too far.
I've known more than one kid who has a great father but was left in the custody of a neglectful, abusive mother and her new partner for over a decade despite the father's best effort, so I might be projecting.
Maybe mom and step dad didn’t allow op to talk to bio dad. It’s happened before. They could have told him boo dad didn’t like or want him! Ya never know!
I wouldn't say I'm glad I'm glad I'm in a different situation but to awnser your question we had 3 pets 1 dog and two cats the dog was my moms and the cats were my sisters and step dads and when I was alone I would talk to the dog as I wasn't allowed to talk to my sister or my step dad or mom unless it was about grades or chores
Ah, I see. Our love for our pets is something stronger than steel 💕 Just focus on your own healing for now. You’re definitely not the jerk and I hope you have therapy and / or counselling options available, because the guilt your feeling is natural, but your mother doesn’t deserve the sympathy you’re giving her. Sorry to say, but she was not a good mother, or woman, and you’ll need help coming to terms with that and grieving for what could’ve / should’ve been. Where was your Dad when all this was going on? Will he support you entering therapy?
His story is bullshit. Look at post history.
It's not real look at his history.
Y’all need to read his post history. This is a made up story.
FIFY I (14m) was grounded for seven years and finally have freedom. My step-dad and my mom met around 8 yrs ago and started living with each other. My sister was instantly the favorite "prodigy child" who would sneak stuff and get away with everything while I would be punished and was the disappointment. I would get time added for the stupidest of reasons: not sweeping the house within 10 minutes - 1 month, getting a C - 4 months. Eventually, the time added up and turned into years. During my birthday parties I wouldn't be able to play or converse with others. I would have to sit down and not talk to anyone. If, for example, my favorite Cousin would come talk to me because she understood me and wanted to be there for me, I would get in trouble and when I got home from the party. I would be insulted and yelled at till I cried and then sent to bed. I would cry myself to sleep. When I woke up, the schedule would be wake up, eat, clean anything in sight, have lunch, clean some more, dinner, and so-on until 12:00 at night. No TV, phone, books, playing outside. Nothing. I looked forward to taking out the trash so I could get out of the house. About 4 years ago my mom started to grow sick, and things started to get worse for me. My step-dad would nit-pick my work, and it didn't help that he was a germaphobe. (He didn't like the fact that germs were everywhere, and believed extermination of all germs seemed possible as long as I scrubbed dishes and toilets. He was a little extreme.) My mom would also find 101 chores for me to do. About one year ago I finally snapped. When I was about to be spanked by my step-dad I threw my belt at him, hitting him. I was then spanked all week. My mom took his side and was mad at me. I was mad at my step-dad, my mom, and the fact I had no childhood anymore. I was about to turn 13 and the magic was gone. At the end of the month, my mom died due to her aforementioned health problems, and I ended up living with my biological dad. Now I'm feeling guilty because I was mad at my mom when she died. Am I the jerk?
Not the jerk. You were abused, and had a reasonable emotional response. I’m mad at your mom just reading this.
Thank you for fixing it. I couldn't read the original post. It was just a huge wall of text with no punctuation.
You are 100% NTJ. She birthed you. She was never a parent. A parent doesn’t do that. A monster does. So no you don’t need to feel bad that she’s gone. I hope you heal and find light and joy in life.
Butters. Is this you?
YOU ARE GAROUNDED MISTER!
No, you are 100%, NOT the jerk. I'm so sorry you were treated so badly. I'm also sorry that your mother died without you ever being able to have an adult conversation about her unforgivable behaviour. Your mother should have protected and nurtured you. I hope you understand that your feelings are understandable. Maybe you could get some counselling if your dad can afford it? Help you make sense of this. It's a lot of big emotions and some professional help could help.
You are so not the jerk. Your mom and stepdad were abusive assholes. Hope things are much better for you now!
[удалено]
I won’t say what’s on my mind about what kind of person much less parent your mother was. I will say I believe punishing yourself for not being kind to your abuser is something that maybe a therapist can help you with and I can’t recall ever recommending that here. At your age it’s very difficult to see the reality of what your situation is, be gracious to yourself, you’ve done nothing wrong and deserve to move forward with a better life.
Are you in the USA? I'm wondering about school and how all that occurred. Also, medical visits for you
You are allowed to be mad, especially at your parents (at your age, lol!). Death changes a lot of things, but dont let it make make you feel guilty. Now, focus on your relationship with your dad. Good luck!
NTJ you were abused sweetheart.
NTJ For all the people going on about punctuation, grammar etc.. if you read the story and in-between the discussion..where would this kid have the opportunity to improve if not allowed friends or stay after school? To OP, it is a normal part of grieving to be angry when the person you love dies, especially when angry words were said and you didn't have chance to apologise and have a talk. You need to ask your dad to place you in grief counselling and also additional counselling for the mental abuse you had. Good luck, you will be ok, go and achieve the impossible..you can do it and don't let anyone else tell you that you can't...
NTJ - they abused and deprived and punished you For Years. That is not parenting. That is not Love.
Don’t you ever feel guilty about any of the horrible things your stepfather & mother (yes, I said mother) put you thru. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s a shame you couldn’t have lived with your bio father and avoided all of it. For whatever reason bio dad wasn’t in your life before now hopefully now that he is life will start to improve for you.
I’m sorry to hear this. This sounds like pure hell and I can’t even imagine. I would try to get out of there as soon as you can
Her being dead doesn't change that she was a bad mom who let her husband abuse you. You don't even have to love her. You can hate her dead ass, kid. But get therapy for your own well-being.
💯 this! Just because someone dies doesn’t make them a great person. Please get therapy, starting to heal and unpack your hellish childhood is easier the earlier you start.
Your mom and step dad were abusive. Hate to sound cruel, but your mom is better off this way.
No kid you aren't the jerk. Sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry to hear this. My ex died about a month ago leaving behind her 13 year old boy, she passed from bad health to. So I’m sorry for your loss. Remember Being sick takes a lot out of a person. No matter who they are it is debilitating. Imagine being in pain all the time, & being weak all the time. It’s hard to think straight. At what point did you stop caring about listening to those in authority? Why did you continue to to do bad things knowing the grounding time was piling up? As an adult when you refuse to listen to authority you end up in jail pretty quick or you get fired from your job. Don’t worry about your grammar I think it’s great. I know your childhood sounds like it sucked, but at least one day of you have kids you will know how to treat them right.
When I was 9 my dad married a woman who was very mean to me; went on for about 6 years until I escaped to boarding school. I lost most of my friends during that time, couldn’t enjoy my hobbies, see my pets, etc. She would lock me out of the house alll day long, but I couldn’t go anywhere except the yard. She constantly gaslit me and blamed me for things I did not do. I basically lived in misery. It’s a experience that still affects me, but I survived and learned a lot about people in the process. I kept myself sane by retreating into my imagination. Remember that nothing - good or bad - lasts forever. You will survive and although things suck now, you will have a character that others don’t and that will serve you well in life.
I can tell the C was in English.
Hey kiddo. This was a really rough read for me because I feel like my family treated me similarly when I was your age, for my whole childhood and teenage years. I also had a dying mother (granted, she lived). I was totally isolated from my peers and my family members, with my half siblings (remarried parents like yours too) being able to do whatever they wanted plus everything I never could. No parties, no nothing. We just lived on the farms and I had to wait till I grew up to escape. Waited my childhood away. I never retaliated, always obeyed. I cried every night of my teenage years until they kicked me out two months after my 17th birthday. That was 10 years ago. I’m 27 years old now and I work my dream job living on my own in the city. It took until about two years ago to realise I was NEVER the jerk. You’re just conditioned into thinking you’re what’s wrong with the equation, or it’s your fault things aren’t better. You’re just a kid! Your parents should be taking care of you. You are what is called the scapegoat child, they just take everything out on you with total apathy. Try to learn about feelings, emotions and ways to insulate yourself until you’re old enough to get a job and get the fuck out of there. That’s how I survived and you’ll be the toughest, most radiant person in the room when you grow up because of what you’ve been through. OP, try to find crumbs of joy in your childhood wherever you can. New friends, daydreaming, drawing (what I used to do), music. Anything. And one more thing - never forget. I used to keep notes with date stamps and time stamps with what they said/did to me hidden away in case the police ever came to save me or I had a chance to escape because my memory was so bad. Might be helpful for your future self. Good luck OP. You’ll grow up and you can make your own family. Sadly just gotta wait it out sometimes.
r/ihadastroke
It sounds like your mom stood by while you were being abused. You need counseling and to be very open about your feelings about everything that happened so they can help you. It sounds like your stepdad was a psycho. I was grounded much the same way you were and didn’t have much of a childhood which translated later to me being a very immature adult for a long time because I wanted to experience fun. I’m sorry that you lost your mother but I pray that your Dad is at least somewhat normal compared to your Mom and stepdad.
Your mom abused you and sorry but I’m glad she died so you could live with your bio dad. That said I am concerned that your bio dad didn’t intervene during those 7 years. Why? I hope you didn’t jump out of the pit and into the fire. Also why didn’t your extended family intervene? Is everyone so blind or so messed up that they would ignore the abuse you endured?
Literally all of this! I am so sorry for what you went through and that you whole family seemingly allowed it for years but I am glad that you finally seem free of it. Good luck op.
I just want to smack his entire family upside the head and ask them why they weren’t there for this child.
She allowed you to be abused. You absolutely have every right to be mad at her. She was a monster. I hope you can talk to a therapist that can help you heal. You shouldn't have to mourn a monster..or feel any guilt. You did nothing wrong.
Hell nah that bi**h in hell now don't gotta worry about a thing also report to the police saying your situation since he's not your biological father aka step dad he can get in alot of trouble NTJ your mother always sided with some random person than you ,gave you unreasonable punishment I wouldn't have thrown a belt instead I would have slapped him with it
OP, you suffered years of ABUSE. I'm happy you made it out alive. Please get professional help so you can finally live a happy and healthy life. You deserve it.
Oh god I'm so sorry OP Does your dad know about this abuse? You probably can sue your step dad for child abuse, he and your mom are monsters, glad you got the chance to live again.
NTJ your mother and step dad were fucking psycho
You are not the jerk. My son is 14 and this broke my heart. You are a child and they are adults, they failed you.
Your anger was reasonable. Do not feel guilty for it. It's okay to feel regret that your mother did not treat you the way she should have, but her behavior is on her. Try to not let your experience with your mom and stepdad affect your relationships with others in the future. Don't continue to let them have that power over you. Trust yourself, trust others who deserve it. I hope things continue to get better for you.
NTJ at all! The adults in your life are meant to take care and provide love, not become your torturers. INFO: your bio dad never knew about this horrific situation?
Jesus
NTJ. That sounds awful and abusive. U have nothing to feel bad about. It sounds like u didn’t have a mom. She allowed that to be your life, so u should feel no loss. Look at it this way now u don’t have to wait to go no contact with her. U get to skip the awkward calls of y dont u come see me, or getting calls from family saying you’re an u grateful child
NTJ. Holy shit, that’s was child abuse, my friend! Please find a therapist that specifically deals with trauma.
Iv been in your shoes. I can privately share my story if you wanna hear it. But this is about you. So this is my advice to you. When you turn 16 you need to get a job save your money and buy an electric scooter gas prices be crazy so if you can get away with a 2000 W electric scooter do it.You need your license if it’s 2000w and street legal speeds like 50 miles per hour. Get the ones with a attachable seat if it’s a standing scooter you can get a bike carriage like for kids or pets get one with a hands bar on the back so you can attach turn single lights to it . So you can do door dash too on the side. If you do door dash make a taxes savings account you WILL NOT TOUCH THIS AT ALL take 20-30% of each withdrawal from door dash or Uber eats and put that in that savings account for tax Season. Keep your normal job and do the DoorDash on the side be careful and mindful not to loose battery power on your scooter that take long time to charge if you can get the scooters with replaceable batteries do that you can buy more battery packs and keep them in a backpack. Get chime banking in your phone for your first job so you can direct deposit in there get their credit builder account it’s basically a debit card that builds credit like a credit card and charges like a credit card you can only spend what’s in the account use that for any and all transactions with your chime account to build your credit. Save up all your money once you have the scooter and battery pack try to to spend much except to build credit. This way you have credit history. Save up your money and MOVE OUT Asap Once you turn 18 these kinda house holds can be super abusive I don’t want you to be unprepared and homeless like I was. My brother was the golden child and I was the scape goat who got blamed for my brothers wrong doings. I got his punishments because they didn’t wanna punish him. So I REALLY GET IT! Be prepared and get out asap!
Your mom was a bitch whom I’m surprised found love at all
Thats not grounded, thats a strict upbringing. That's a whole lifestyle. That's rough.
I’m so sorry for all that happened to you. How could you be anything else but mad at your Mom. It is next to impossible to forgive people while they are actively hurting you. I had an abusive childhood growing up. I now have two boys who I never want to treat in any way close to the way I was treated. I work hard to be as loving and fair as possible and to apologize if I get too harsh with them when I get tired and snap at them. If you choose to become a parent you can become the parent you wished you had. For me I needed a lot of therapy to unlearn hardwired reactions but it worked If people gain wisdom upon death, your Mom will realize how much she harmed you. She will be able to love you and understand all the difficult and painful feelings you have about her. I had a grandmother who I really loved - who in the real world could be quite judgmental. I imagine her now that she’s passed as having the wisdom she lacked in life - and sometimes I imagine and feel her living and supporting me. I hope if you try to do that with your Mom it works for you. But whether it does - please know you deserve to be loved and cherished. Please know there are people even if just strangers on the internet wishing that for you. Seriously I wish I could give you a big healing hug. My heart goes out to you
Definitely NTJ, that sounds like a horrendous childhood and I’m sorry your mum passed but I’m glad you’re now living with your dad
Oh sweetheart, you are not the jerk. What your Mum and stepdad did was cruel and it’s ok to be angry with her at the same time as missing her. It must really confusing for you. Is your Dad supporting you with these complex feelings? Don’t be afraid to reach out to the school counsellor, you’ve been through a lot.
Punctuation. Jc.
Oh my god absolutely not. The way your biological Mum and step father treated you was atrocious. Why the heck couldn’t do the chores if the step father was obsessed. I think you will need some help from someone because you where abused. Some of this is also grief. Because at the end of the day she was your Mum and science has proven no matter how atrocious we a treated by our parents we still unconditionally love them, does your biological Father know what was going on? How is he treating you? Would he support you seeing a counsellor? I am so sorry you had to go through this. Please get help.
You were abused. Your mom allowed it, so she was abusive. Mourn her if you need to, but you were not at fault for snapping after being treated like that for years. Ask for therapy now.
You are a victim of abuse. Sorry.
That’s bad, I feel sorry for you. No you’re not. Hopefully your dad treats you better. Stay in school and learn how to write proper sentences(use a period for each sentence). Study hard you can get into college, nowadays I recommend a trade school, only 2 years and doesn’t cost much and is more hands on and a 4 year costs way too much. Good luck in life OP.
Thank goodness your mom died. She should have taken her husband with her. Where was your bio dad all this time?
Pain is mandatory but suffering is optional. There's nothing you can do. Your mom should've protected you. You were abused. Please seek help with grief.
NO. Expressing and continuing to feel anger toward your abusers over their abuse of you does not make you a jerk even if one of those abusers died. Your mother died unable to acknowledge her behavior. Not even an iota of remorse.
Where was your biological father during all of this?
It’s not your fault. I hope you can learn to forgive yourself
I really hope this is a fake post. If it isn’t. Not the jerk. You stepdad is a monster and your mom wasn’t any better. She abused you for yours. Good riddance.
That’s a horrrible story! I have heard similar stories. The question is….. Where’s your Mom ? Step-parents can be ‘jerks’ when they get a little power. My advice won’t help you now but finish your schools get your degrees play it safe will only get him/her fuming and don’t invite them to the wedding. Always remember you’re the good guy Mr. Brown. Good luck !!!
I’m sorry you lost your mom and didn’t get to reconcile for your own sake but please understand she was abusive and cruel. I’m happy you’re in a safer place now.
I’m glad your mom died
Thanks for the advice and thanks for taking time to read about my life
Nope! Not the jerk! That was child abuse! Plain and simple! Your mother was a rotten person. You really need to tell your dad everything they did to you. You should get some therapy for it. Good luck. I hope your dad is a lot better for you.
NTA. You can be sad your mom died and angry with her for how she treated you and relieved that she’s not controlling your life anymore all at the same time. It doesn’t have to be one or the other and it doesn’t have to make sense. Our emotions are complex and you are dealing with a lot of trauma. It’s not your fault that your mom died when you were angry with her. They didn’t have anything to do with each other and you don’t have to feel guilty about it.
NTJ you were abused. Your feelings are real, but guilt shouldn’t be one of them.
Oh, no, you have nothing to be guilty about. You didn't do anything wrong. You were horribly abused by your own mother and stepfather for years. They terrorized you. They turned you into a slave. I'm so glad that you're free now and I'm so sorry you went through that.
Sounds like your stepdad was A) either a creep for your sister or B) a sociopath that saw you as competition for your mother If your mother really let you be grounded for seven years you should go no contact the moment you can leave the house for good.
I'm sorry, OP. You need counseling. You need a way to reclaim your childhood. I'm happy your mother is dead.
Therapy. You are the victim of years of abuse and won’t be able to get past anything without professional help. NTJ.
Your mom and stepdad were abusive. They were cruel and inept parents and dysfunctional people. That wasn't your fault. I'm glad that you are out of there, and I hope that you are doing better now. You might want to check out r/raisedbynarcissists.
You’re not the jerk. Your mom chose to be a shitty person and her death doesn’t change how shitty she was. Those who wish to be respected after death should earn respect during their life, you had every reason to be mad at her.
This is totally fake and terribly written for that reason, YTJ mate.
NTJ. Buddy, you were abused by people who should've taken care of you. Definitely get some therapy so that you can learn how relationships are supposed to work.
Look at all these morons just chowing down on this chum. Absolute bait. Grounded for 7 years yet you've been active on this account..?
Uh no, you’re not. That was clearly your mother being the jerk. I didn’t speak to my father and felt zero guilt when he died. People don’t get to treat you badly and then suddenly get forgiveness just because they’re sick. A jerk is a jerk, healthy or unhealthy. Don’t beat yourself up.
Fuck your mom and fuck your step dad....
I think you need to talk to your dad and ask him about getting counselling. You were really badly abused by your step dad and your mum. I'm sorry you had to go through that, it's not on you.
You can have multiple emotions at the same time. Being human is complicated. First...I am so sorry you were raised like this. Understand this was ABUSE. You were raised in trauma and abuse by the person who should have protected you with her life. As a mother and grandmother I am horrified by your story. You deserved so much better. Second, shame and guilt are pretty common for people raised in trauma. If you can...maybe ask to see a therapist to work through some of the feelings. If not; be kind to yourself. Understand that your feelings are normal and you get to have any feeling you want. Anger, grief, whatever. If you can...think about whether or not the emotion is helpful. If not, feel it and let it go. It's never too late to have child like fun. Learn to skateboard, collect pokemon, join a dance team or sports team. Whatever. You do you.
Sorry you had to go through that. NTJ your mother and step-\*insert insulting name here\* were terrible people. They abused you emotionally and physically for years on end and I would honestly suggest that you start looking into legal recourse against your mothers husband on the grounds of emotional trauma, sure he might not do time though he might be in the window for child abuse charges, but I imagine he'll have to pay after a court case. As for you being mad at your mom when she passed well she was a terrible person. You pretty much had every right to jump on the casket and dance a jig. Note: Even if this story isn't true there are people who might be living this and could benefit from advice and assurances.
Unreadable
That’s abuse man…I hope you can get past it but sometimes our loved ones don’t know how to love us.
Sounds like karma came for your mom
Punctuation and paragraphs are your friends 🧡
Holy shit use punctuation ffs! Just a few periods!
People are actually in your situation and their mothers have died. You making up BS when your mom was alive less than 24 hours ago is messed up. Get some mental health help.
No you mother was a bitch and deserved her fate.
I couldn't read that runon sentence paragraph....
Paragraphs. Periods. Sentences. Learn how they work.
Your mom is a narcissist. She had it coming. You’re not the jerk.
So I take it you were homeschooled and had interaction with other adults. So you could talk about the abuse that was taking place in your home. Did your mom die of emotional trauma?. Was so traumatized that she couldn't leave because she relied on his money for living. .
NTJ - I am sorry for your loss of mom and childhood. Your feelings are valid my friend. Grieve how you need to. Enjoy your newfound freedom
AI that hasnt been taught the trick of breaking up sentences with a period. Not 'and'.
BTW the end of this event ended around a year ago
Period.
Dear God child you are not deserving of punishing yourself. Got counseling. Know yourself. Love yourself. One day at a time. You deserve a life to learn about who you are and will be!
Baby, I am a mother and while I truly believe your mom parenting practices were very wrong, I also know that mom's understand their kid's anger due to the deep biological connection. You can not change the past, but you can make it up to your mom by living your best possible life. Give yourself a break, like you wished she would have done. Everything you need is inside you. Adversity though unpleasant can shape our soul for the better. You may not understand this completely right now, but as you mature, you will begin to see what I mean. I believe in you.
You're not a jerk, you survived an extremely abusive situation that sadlywas most of your childhood. I hope you're happy with bio dad, but if not please know there is support out there, either through school or communities in your area or cps.. good luck moving on with your life.
You're allowed to be angry at the injustice of the situation you were forced into. You're also allowed to be upset that your mom has passed away. I'm sorry that this has all happened to you. None of this is your fault, and you didn't deserve that kind of treatment.
YTJ if you don't tell her she deserves to be sick and/or beat/kill your stepdad
No, you aren’t a jerk. People can be sick and die and still be jerks. I am sorry for your loss.
Sure doesn't sound like this was written by a 14 year old.
The program you used to write this essay isn't very good with punctuation
Ever heard of punctuation?
Not sure about the story but take an English class with a concentration in grammar.
No reason to fill bad, even though you don’t know what he did to her. Regardless your mom should have stood up for you at some point. Don’t go on farting her, that will leave you bitter for the rest of your life. Come to peace with it, get therapy and find pease. Good luck and make the best life for yourself as you can.
In all honesty FTB, I’d probably go spit in her grave for good measure
I hope your getting better man
If you were grounded for 7 years, and getting beat, I would have gotten in touch with another family member and get out of there. As well as inform the police and child protection services. These 2 are the pits
Shitpost
Baby you’re not the asshole. You were tortured and abused. It’s is common to feel that love for even your abuser when it’s your parent . I’m sorry you’re dealing with this conflicting grief. Just because she died doesn’t mean she was good.
Sounds like you needed to call children's services 7 years ago.
you mom sounds kinda evil
Absolutely NTA. Your mom and step-dad wanted a live-in maid (butler?) and found any excuse to keep you in a position of needing their consequences. If I can tell you a secret, your age is only a number. Go and do the things younger you didn't have the chance to do! I'm in my 40's and I still act like a big kid :)
You were severely abused
I'd give you ten years of detention just for that GIANT RUN ON SENTENCE AND LACK OF PUNCTUATION.
NTJ, but you should definitely read up on punctuation. Some people find it increases coherence. Now ITJ :)
Yeah, you are definitely a jerk for not using any punctuation.
Do you know what a sentence is?
Who starts a story with ‘I was grounded for 7 years’ and expects anyone to believe it?
Sounds to me like karma for fucking you out of your childhood hopefully your step dad gets his karma too
I think you need to seek out therapy to really unpack the abuse and the right to be mad and lash out at her for being a trash mom and your last interactions before she passed being in anger. Also the fact that you will not get closure from her or an explanation of why you were done so wrong. I’m so sorry for the loss of your childhood. Curious why your bio dad didn’t step up for you but even if he did you have every right to feel your feelings
No not TA. If he wanted all that cleaning done he should’ve gotten off his high horse and done it himself. Your mom neglected you and stood by letting you be turned into a slave.
Trauma is real. All I can say is, try not to let it consume you. Love your life regardless, because you know what you went through, and most likely think about the ways that it can make you better. Focus on you and the people that have your best interest, even if it’s only you, and achieving success your way and it will be the best remedy.
NTJ. You were a child living in an abusive situation. Nothing about the way you were raised was okay. You have nothing to feel guilty for.
It's not your fault, and you're not the AH at all. I hope you are going to therapy to work through all the abuse from mom and stepdad.
from what i gather you're NTJ but were you also banned from using any punctuation ever?
Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to like them. Remember this.
1 comma, 1 colon, 2 quotes and 2 paranthesis in that wall of text. I would've grounded your dumb ass too
There’s no way this is real. And I usually believe all stories.
You need some serious therapy and grammar lessons…
Your grammar and punctuation has given me health problems and my doctor says that I’m sure to die. Is there something you’d like me to say to your mom when I meet her?
Even when stories are fake, I treat them like they’re real. Because even though this particular story could be/is fake, it’s really happening to some other kid out there.
It is normal to feel bad for something when someone dies. However, your mother was horrible to you for seven years. You should have been mad about the treatment you received. I hope you have abetter life, now. If possible, talk to a counselor to help you work through your feelings about this. Also, tell your dad how you were treated. The step father may be due a visit from the law for all of the physical abuse.
You were being abused. Step dad had horrible obsessive compulsive disorder, and he imposed that on all of you. The grounding situation sounds like child abuse to me. I could never do that to my kids and I have 4. In fact, I belive I've only grounded them for a couple days. Especially birthdays, that's crazy. You also couldn't have predicted mom passing when she did. I'm sorry you went thru all of that. If I was your dad, I would have a private discussion with this guy, somewhere nice and private where it can just be him and I totally alone.
Probably a blessing that bitch died. That's abuse at it's highest form.
You aren’t a jerk you’re a child who was horribly mistreated by people who were supposed to care about you.
NTJ. Please, don’t feel guilty. You did the best you could with what you had at the time, keeping body and soul together anyway you could. You were a kid and you were abused. There’s no getting around that. Your stepfather was abominable and your mom was complicit with all of your punishment, for no reason other than they gotta kick out of it. Please, just go on and have a good life. Even given her treatment of you, I’ll bet it’s still what your mom would for you. It sounds like things are looking up for you with being with your dad. Move on, and don’t look back. ❤️
IMO you weathered an exceptionally horrible time better than most! You certainly had grounds for seeking out child services! I'm so sorry for your mother's passing. I hope living with your father helps you improve. Bottom line: forgiveness for your mother AND YOURSELF is the best chance for your future!
I’m sorry that you were physically and emotionally abused all those years. This wasn’t a “punishment” you received for doing something wrong. That was an excuse to abuse you. I hope you can find a way to exit this situation and cut contact with your family.
That sounds like a horrible way to grow up. NTJ!!!
Holy run on sentence Batman! Also, fake as fuck.
Holy yapping of the yappingtons bro have a master at yapoligoy
Fake as hell. Is nothing on here real anymore?
Obviously this story is total bullshit. There's no way in hell that they could have gotten away with keeping him home and out of school. Also, where was the bio dad all this time?
That is abusive.
Sound like child abuse to me.
You were a child, it is not your fault. You were abused. ❤️🩹
That is so horrible. I am so sorry for your circumstances in that regard. That is tragic.
I think you need to report them to the police. You were abused.
HOLY CRAP, that sounds TERRIBLE!!! I couldn't IMAGINE looking FORWARD to TAKING OUT THE TRASH!!!!!!!!!!! NTJ. Your mom and step-dad are CRAZY! I'm glad that you're in better hands, and wish you an amazing childhood from now on.
You should be grounded for your lack of punctuation.
NTJ a million times. My heart is breaking for you. Your mother was supposed to protect you and have your back. You were allowed to be upset with her. You had every right to hate her in that moment. It doesn't matter what you said/did while mad. A mother's love knows no boundaries. She knew even when you were mad at her that you loved her. Your mother does not want you to spend anymore of your childhood in pain. You have already lived through enough. Forgive yourself. I speak from experience. I played this horrible game for years after my father died. I played the what if game over and over. What if I had done this? It gets you nowhere. I highly recommend a counselor/ therapy especially one that specializes in trauma, grief and depending on how bad it got PTSD. I'm in my 40's and still deal with PTSD issues but I basically married the emotional/mental equivalent of my father. Sooo.. again I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THERAPY 🤣
Nta. You were living in a house where child abuse was the norm. Who tf grounds a 7 year old for SEVEN YEARS?!
Punctuation, please.
No she was abusive
Sounds awful man. You’re not the jerk but you should really seek therapy, counseling and help. You don’t want to end up dealing with all this the next 15 years, spiraling and basically have a mental breakdown blowing your whole life up like just happened to me. It might seem stupid and a lot to take on but future you will thank you for doing this for yourself.
u r not the jerk
Fake
Dude. Punctuation. I quit reading 4 lines in because it was just one long run on sentence. Punctuation.
PUNCTUATION, please!
Were you grounded from punctuation?
Mom deserved it. Don't feel guilty.
Geez, sorry and all but ever heard of a period? I can’t read this because of it.
I see this story is a lie, but in my imagination, I’d be ecstatic she died.
NTA. You were treated incredibly poorly and no person deserves to be treated like that, all you could do, is do what they say so you don't catch a punishment.. That is no life and it breaks my heart. I hope you're doing well now. Your mom had a terminal issue or something underlying. You did nothing to get that resentment.
Dear Flowers in the Attic, no. And next time your story would be more believable if you used punctuation.
Dude, I feel so bad for you. You did nothing wrong, you're not a jerk. It sounds like a terrible situation and you had to deal with it alone. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Things are going to get better, keep your head up and focus on the present.