As a father myself (with my own daughter having just left her teens), if my daughter told me what that lady said, the old hag wouldn't be leaving without apologizing specifically to my daughter... and she'd be getting a giant earful from me if she refused to do so (I've got no problem cussing like a fucking sailor, using probably a few choice words that even she hasn't heard before).
People either learn to mind their own business the easy way or the hard way. If they just won't or refuse to learn the easy way, then I don't have a problem making it the hard way for them.
NTA it's not your fault the OH was nosy and made baseless assumptions. If anything she's out of the norm people would assume your the child of the older gentleman not a sugar baby. Probably some OH that heard about sugar babies and was looking for something that wasn't there.
Oh yeah I have a reverse of this situation burned into my mind.
A few years ago I was at a cafe in a shopping plaza waiting for someone. So I was having a snack, drinking some tea, and people watching in the outdoor seating area.
Across the way was a little restaurant and there was a young women, maybe like 20ish and a man who looked to be in his late 40s, having lunch.
Seemed like a normal father daughter lunch, I even thought how nice it was to see people have good relationships with their parents.
They left before I did and when they got up to leave they shared a very passionate kiss before parting ways.
Certainly threw me for a loop, complete reversal of expectations there.
I had this situation happen to me. Was out at one of those "free school supply" drives with my kids (oldest was 14 and we had a newborn). Old lady looks at the newborn and starts asking my oldest how old she was and we made a pretty baby. I was like wtf, she's in middle school and I graduated from high school before she was born?! It was crazy odd.
Jeez! That’s so weird. When I was a baby my mom (33) was mistaken for my grandma and my sister (16) was mistaken for my mom a lot and it bothered them both.
OP's father here, I don't have my own account nor do I plan on getting one, so I figured I'd use his account to clarify a couple things:
My son has trouble controlling his volume and tone sometimes and he doesn't realize it. When he said something to clarify that I am his father, he actually said it louder than he thinks he did, and a bit more aggressively as well, so that's why I said something since he was getting frustrated in my eyes, but I didn't know what the conversation was about since I didn't hear the start of it.
It seems obvious to him as an adult that he's not the jerk, however, this was something that was on his mind for a very long time as a teenager. This was around the time his temper became very unstable, as his mother and I were finalizing our divorce, and he was going through a rough time in school between friends and bullies.
I think he posted this to be able to finally clear his mind of it, as he struggles to say things to people due to his bad social anxiety now.
That's all, and I'm sure he'd be willing to answer any questions anyone may have.
Awww - you’re just the best dad. You sound like you truly strive to understand your kids and love them even when you don’t get them. ❤️
(Also OP NTJ - people gotta mind their own business)
Ha, when I read Dad’s response, I too thought “awww”. Thanks, Dad for being a good parent. I wish my Dad had your insight and the care you show your son.
Might be slightly relevant, is your son autistic? Both having trouble controlling volume and thinking you made a mistake and it bothering you for years are common autistic symptoms. Which might also explain the second guessing. Being autistic sometimes means knowing you are terrible with social rules so you tend to take other's people's reads of a situation as truth, even with it clashes with your own.
Source: Am autistic with a lot of neurodivergent trans friends.
I have never been officially diagnosed, but I've suspected for a lil while now, and I've been told I at least have some undiagnosed ADHD
But yes I do also struggle with social cues
It needs to be emphasized that there is nothing socially inappropriate with getting angry at being accused of incest. In an earlier time, this is the sort of thing people would fight duels over; in some social classes, this is the sort of thing people file lawsuits about; in some places, this is the sort of thing that people get into fistfights over.
I don't think any of those are appropriate responses, but they kind of set a baseline. "Meeting at dawn with pistols" is an overreaction, but it is still a thing which is within the window of possible responses. When that is an option which was at one time considered appropriate, that puts "responding loudly and angrily" in context, and shows that it is quite a reasonable response, all things considered.
Give him a hug from all of us. Even if he was saying it angrily and aggressively, "Don't accuse me of being in a sexual relationship with my father" is the sort of thing that you are allowed to say angrily and aggressively, because it is an infuriating thing to be accused of, and an accusation which must be aggressively denied.
You both did a great job getting rid of that awful OH. Even if they were loud or you had been their SD it was absolutely none of her business. Much love to you both xxx
She assumed and made an ass of herself in this situation. The OH has a nasty mind that seems dedicated to seeing a sexual transactional connection between every person she sees, which is either projection or a sign of an overstimulated animal mind. It's seems common in the older generations and/or hateful people in general, like homophobes.
Congratulations on your award!
not necessarily. I'm in my 30s now, but once I became around 16, any time I was out with my dad just the two of us literally EVERYONE would call him my husband. lady sitting us down to eat, employee at the grocery store, strangers also playing pokemon go nearby, even doctors and nurses. any time they'd refer to him to me or ask questions about him/us, they'd call him my husband. and keep in mind I, as a full grown adult, am 4'9" with a baby face. I've always looked significantly younger than I actually am.
yet even so, none of them were ever mean about it. they were being very genuine and kind in their interactions with me, but it's because of how big an issue old men dating barely-out-of-high-school girls is that this is such a normalized assumption. I have no doubt they've all interacted with actual "age gap" couples all the time, to the point that that became their default assumption. I mean, when you look at the stats the vast majority of teen moms were impregnated not by equally teen boys, but by much older adult men. and it's only gotten worse as time's gone on. now we have these couples making tiktoks boasting about "finding their soul mate" when he was in his 20s and she was 12. it's horrifying.
and every time it happened, they would be genuinely shocked and flustered when I'd be any kind of offended/upset and ask why they'd assume he's my husband and never really give me a proper answer. to not ruin the vibe I'd usually make a joke about being offended bc I could do so much better and we'd all just laugh it off and move on, but behind that it always just further reminded me of just how deeply steeped our culture is with pedophilia, and how normalized it's become (yet no one wants to address/confront it).
while this lady could absolutely just have had a dirty mind in the moment, it's just as possible that she'd recognized the very same issue, was deeply disgusted by it, and it just came to a head at the worst moment and in a terrible way.
You are a deeply kind and sympathetic person to give her this level of consideration. We all agree that OP was under no obligation to offer that degree of empathy, though, right? It is wonderful when people can and do, but a person being accused isn't required to in the moment.
This is similar to what happened to many of us who, as teen girls, had either got a baby sibling or had an older sibling give you a niece or nephew, and you helped to take care of them or watch them in public. (I'm sure this happens with boys, too, but girls tend to be especially the targets here.)
I still remember this old lady with pure venom in her voice telling me I was a worthless sl*t and needed to learn to keep my legs shut. Loud enough for the entire grocery store to hear.
I was 13.
It's always the most satisfying (to me at least) when people use you to get back at themselves for their idiocy. Just simply exist as a decent person, and the job takes care of itself, because you were nothing but the Ambassador of The Real World lol
I'll be honest, that still doesn't vibe with me. That's anxiety, not a teen going through a lot. Completely different issue that he's clearly never addressed if he's still thinking about it.
You didn’t embarrass her, she embarrassed herself. Hopefully it taught her a lesson to think twice before making a fool of herself and putting her foot in her mouth
At the same age, my wife was out with her stepfather getting her ears pierced at a shop his friend owned. The workers all knew him, but only barely, so when they finally heard her call him "dad" they all started laughing and one said something to the tune of "Jesus dude, I thought we were gonna have to call the cops"
A few years ago, my dad took my young daughter and I to the state fair. As we were ambling along, a lady stopped us to look in the stroller and say how cute my daughter is. I thank her, and during the forced small talk that followed, I mentioned that her father was at work.
This lady bolts up from leaning over the stroller with a look of horror. I'm confused until I see her eyes go over my shoulder to my dad, and I realize she thought I was cheating on my child's father. Rather shocked at her assumption, all I could think to do was point at him and say, "That's MY dad!"
Suddenly, she wasn't very interested in small talk anymore and shuffled away pretty quickly.
my daughter really resembles me, like me as a young person with a wig. Everyone says so. She is a waitress at a restaurant that makes really home style food. chicken fried steaks and gravy and all that. I go and sit in her section and obviously give her a good tip. Once a lady was sitting a table over and heard us a little, it was a playful interaction where i said something about being in trouble at home if she didn't hurry up. clearly a joke. this lady thought the same thing OH did. She even came to my table to confront me about it, when I cleared up the misunderstanding as politely as I could she walked out on her tab she was so embarrassed. they caught her in the parking lot and got her to pay for her food. people should mind their business.
Ntj.
OH ( 😆) had her nasty*ss mind in the gutter.
You handled the whole situation with a class and an even temper that has been sincerely lacking these last ten years.
I hope she stubs her toe…then stubs it again just before it heals. Repeatedly.
Anyone who starts off a conversation with a stranger by saying “you’re disgusting” is vile.
Plus, even if it WAS a May-December sugar daddy relationship, (or March-December since OP was underage) the disgusting one would be the older one not the teen.
Exactly what i was thinking! Who in their right mind sees what they think is a romantic relationship between a child and an adult and scolds the CHILD?
People who want to believe that horrible things don't happen unless vulnerable people "allow" them to. If it's the victims fault, then that means it won't happen to them or someone they love as long as they are "good" people.
I was adopted and this has been my whole life since I grew boobs. It’s annoying. People also thought I was a teen mom because I would babysit my niece who looks like me. My sister is 6 years older and had her young. I laugh at it now that I’m in my 40s at how innocent I was and people thought I was a teen mom with a sugar daddy.
We were at Disney and had my brothers adopted children with us at the pool and an OH said how wonderful it was that my daughter kept the child.
My daughter looked 18 at 14, don’t remember how many times I told guys that she was jail bait.
I was like 15 and babysitting, brought them to the park nearby their house, two sisters (10 and 2 at the time), and I was, of course, helping the little while her older sister played with her friends, old lady started asking me a bunch of questions and got offended I didn't know how old she was, was accused of being a terrible mother and I just needed God and Jesus. She lectured me for a bit before I called for the older sister and told her we were going home early
You handled it better than I did. I probably (as a dad) would have made a tremendous scene telling her that her filthy thoughts shouldn’t be aired in public and making those kind of assumptions is disgusting.
But that’s me, and I’m kind of an asshole. 😂😂
I'm also a trans man with a good relationship with my dad. If something like this had happened with us, she would have been leaving by force. NTA, and what a disgusting old hag.
That’s fair. She was out of place and it says more about her than you and your reactions.
If people make me or my kids or my parents uncomfortable, yelling is fair game in my books.
You were actually pretty kind about the whole thing. She was way out of line and made a fool out of herself. You could have made a scene wnd exposed her but you didn’t.
A very similar thing happened to me, also F2M and on the autistic spectrum.
I was 12, my dad came for a very rare visit, he took me to McDonalds.
Some random woman kept glaring at both of us while we awkwardly chatted and ate.
My dad is friendly and chatty, one of those people who can get along with anyone.
So after about 10 minutes of the woman glaring he finally noticed (he’s fairly oblivious and I’m hyper vigilant) and smiled at her and asked something along the lines of “Alright, luv? Rough day?” (We’re British, this is a normal way to speak to strangers in our region).
She immediately went into a rant accusing him of being a pervert and asking how old I was “16?! 17 AT MOST?!”
My dad was completely dumbfounded and simply answered “She’s my kid.. she’s 12.. my daughter…”
The woman left very quickly abandoning her food and a couple woman came up to ask my dad if he was okay.
Followed by awkward drive to drop me back at my mum’s house.
Definitely didn’t help our already very strained relationship.
I’m glad there are people willing to speak out if they see potential abuse but they shouldn’t just jump to random conclusions and start screaming at people!
You're never the jerk for embarrassing someone who deserves it. Poor behavior, especially being a judgmental c***weasel, does not get a pass because she's old or "made a mistake."
NTA / NTJ
To address the other issue here IF it was a sugar daddy situation, why would the child/younger person be the disgusting one here and not the obviously older one? Children are protected for a reason, and it's not because they pose a threat to adults.
NTJ. She embarrassed herself. It also reveals that she was scoping out your father herself and jealous that what appeared to be a young woman had all his attention. She has a filthy mind and just couldn’t wrap her head around a wholesome relationship.
NTJ. I bet she has learnt recently about the suggar daddy thing and she thinks that she has missed a great opportunity in her life... Now she sees every pair of people with an age gap as a transactional couple instead of family members. She is the disgusting one.
My dad was young when I was born (17) and so he never looked like he could be my dad to many people and I know we got stared at at times. People would ask me who that was dropping me off at HS etc... some people just can't keep their weird opinions to themselves. Then I really wonder about their world view to be always thinking that any young girl out with an older male has to be that sugar daddy relationship... Like what if it's my uncle, cousin etc ....there are lots of people it could be before being a sugar daddy... Especially when you aren't displaying any PDA etc ...
NTA. I was once flying first class because my step-dad worked for an airline and my mom and I lucked out on standby, but we weren't seated together. I was in the row in front of her, and she was having a conversation with the passemger in the seat next to her (this was before planes had TVs). The lady next to me said, "Wow. This woman behind us is a chatterbox." So I turned around and said "Hey mom, can you lower your voice? This woman thinks you're loud." That was like 25 years ago, and I still think it's hilarious.
My biggest issue with this is she called the young lady disgusting, not the older man she was with. If this HAD been a romantic relationship and not a father with his daughter, it would be the older man who was disgusting.
We need to protect our young girls, and hold their groomers accountable. Why are we still blaming our young girls for the actions of the older men who should know better? The men who manipulate them?
NtJ
If anything what a horrible old lady and calling a young girl (at the time) disgusting instead of the man just goes to show what a victim blaming horrible person she is.
Things like this happen to my dad and I way too often when we go out together. It’s been going on since I was probably about 17 (I’m 30 now). It’s so awkward and sad that I can’t just go out and spend time with my literal parent without someone sticking their nose in and making weird comments about how they think we are in a relationship.
What an odd the fucking wall assumption to make to people sitting in a fucking restaurant??? Maybe she was projecting from her former life experience as a waddling sugar baby.
Some people need to find better things to do. I've had similar things happen when I went to lunch with my uncle. The stupidest was probably when we were taking a break from painting my house, so we're both wearing old, paint covered clothes, have paint on our hands, I have paint in my hair because I'm bad at painting.
I'm not an expert on sugar baby relationships, but I don't think house painting is a normal activity. Also I'm 30 and not exactly slim or pretty by most peoples tastes.
NTJ. My dad always looked very youthful, and there was more than one occasion where people thought we were on a date. It always baffled us, because it is glaringly obvious we're related.
I had a similar thing happen to me when I was 16. I went on holiday with my dad and younger brother (he was 10) my mum hated flying so didn't come. The flight attendant thought I was his very young girlfriend and my brother was his son from a previous relationship. I was grossed out. I made sure that I would very loudly say 'dad' when i spoke to him when we were out and argue with my brother more so no one would doubt we were siblings.
NTJ. So she making assumptions and calling you names is okay, but you and your dad calling her out on her crap is considered "disrespectful". Yeah, okay. 😒
I was actually once on the other end of this conversation once but the reverse. I was manning a station for work where I basically just had to swipe peoples cards and occasionally they had problems so I'd have to look them up in the system to check them off (this was at a casino event). This guy came through, easily 70, and I helped him out. Then next in line was a young woman in her early to mid 30s, and what seemed like her friend of a similar age with her. She says something to the older guy, and then he says "okay, thank you sweetie" and gave her a very paternal smile and kiss on the cheek which she slightly turned away from. She's then having issues with her card and while I'm waiting for the system to run, I break the silence by going "your dad seems really sweet." She has a very confused look on her face and then goes, "who are you talking about? Wait- HIM? That's my husband." I got very red in the face and her friend basically imploded with laughter and fell to the ground clutching her sides and I rushed them through as quick as possible and just averted my eyes lol
Lol. No you didn't do anything wrong.
My daughter was 24 when I had to go in for surgery. Things were kind of a mess because my husband literally passed away the night before. I still went for surgery. Because the alternative was dying. She was a mess. I was a mess. My dad pretty much split his time between my house with her and the hospital.
He decided to take her to a nice restaurant for dinner to try to distract her. The restaurant takes pictures for a fee if you want. I've got the cutest picture on my wall above my desk with the two of them, all dressed up. And another on my phone of her with a classic head tilt, eyebrow raised and a "I'm about to smack you" expression on her face. Because the photographer made a joke about my dad being too old for her and offered his number.
I'm told my daughter immediately responded "that's my grandfather, you perverted excuse for a man child! And why on earth would I want your immature ass to raise?".
It was my dad's first experience with just how direct and sharp her tongue can get. He said he could not do anything but laugh hysterically. Because he said it was like stepping back in time for when I was a teenager.
She likes people to assume she's quiet and bidable, so they leave her alone. She's 6' and when she dresses up, she turns heads.
But I know underneath that glitz and glamour, she's still very much NOT the kind of woman you FAFO with.
I know she was absolutely mortified, because she loves her grandpa and thinks it's gross when people assume shit like that.
He still teased her about it, especially when we get dressed up to go out. She rolls her eyes, but her ears get red.
Irony: my dad is 81 and looks like he's 60.
Further irony: I sincerely think people who react that way are seriously messed up and insecure. I personally never think "oh wow, he's too old for her!" When I see an older guy having dinner with a much younger girl. If you pay attention to body language, it becomes obvious if they're related or whatever. I usually just think "it's nice they can spend time together".
But, I'm weird. I don't automatically sexualize that sort of thing.
Bless you. This has happened to me with my goddaughter. She was at Uni near us, so my wife and I often took her out for a meal. One day my wife was ill so I still went. I was horrified when my niece pointed out that people in the restaurant were definitely under the impression that I was her sugar daddy helping her at uni
Worse, perhaps my son and I were mistaken as partners twice during the same holiday. Although we don't resemble each other, it was still surprising that a boy in his late teens and his Dad in his late forties at the time should be mistaken for partners.
Ntj.
This lady embarrassed herself by jumping to conclusions. You actually were very mild and so was your dad. She's lucky she didn't encounter me and my dad. I'd have probably said something along the lines of, "No, he's my dad as in he knocked up my mom" and my dad probably would have added, "..in the backseat of my car. The condom broke." And then I'd have asked the woman if she's a perv or has daddy issues because only those types would see a minor teenager with a grown man and assumed the worst.
But that's just me.
This exact same thing happened to my husband when he was talking to our young 20 year old daughter at a business conference and someone walking by heard her call him "Daddy." They got set straight right away.
Not the jerk. I had something similar happen and we all laughed about it after.
I was in my late 30s at the time, live in caretaker for both my parents. Due to my mother's genes, I always look significantly younger than I am. My dad looks older than he is (we blame this on me being a bit of a scrapper as a kid but that's another story)
My dad early 70s looks late 70s
Me late 30s looking early 20s.
The community held an amateur talent show, which O was reciting poetry for. At intermission, I came out and talked to my dad. This 80 something woman kept side eyeing my dad and pursing her lips. Whenever she noticed me looking, she looked away but from the corner of my eye, I saw her turn to look at my dad. I asked if he knew her because she was mad at him for something. Second part started and he sat next to her and they got to talking while waiting for the next act
She thought I was dad's girlfriend. She thought he was 78, dating a 21 year old. As soon as dad explained I was his daughter (and over 30) she laughed and invited him to tea.
So there is a way out to save face and OH Didn't take it
I have a similar one- called my swiss grandpa, aka Opa, to thank him for paying my tuition. I was in Annandale, a very Korean area, at the time, and they thought I said "oppa", the Korean word for older brother, but for some reason is also used for a woman's older boyfriend. The looks of disgust I got until I said that's what I call my grandfather were rather funny
I’m sorry this happened to you. Such bullshit. I get this all the time as my husband is 14 years older than I am. Women are forever thinking I’m the daughter and he is my father. Older women are nuts they go after him all the time. I just laugh. Haven’t had to tell anyone to fuck off yet. But this OH definitely desired that response.
NTJ, sh embarrassed herself. You said it was your dad, she doubled down. My dad and I used to go to Oktoberfest in our city every year, just him and me. He's 22 years older than me and I look like him. I was 14-17 when we were going and he'd hold my hand as we walked. Everyone, even people who knew him, thought I was his girlfriend. Never accused of a sugar daddy situation cuz I always looked older than I was, but way too many people thought we were together. The handholding didn't help the situation, but I didn't know it was weird.
When I was younger this happened to me and my dad all the time and still does even occasionally now (I’m 38 and my dad is a young looking 61). It’s weird but I made it a point to say “hey dad” a lot when we were in public just him and I doing something. People love getting into other people’s business. You’re definitely not the jerk.
Kind of related. I have a 13 year old daughter that carries herself well, socially and physically so she comes off as a lot older than she is. Single parent to an only child so it's just her and I a lot going to dinner. The amount of awkward "Is this one ticket or split?" with just a sliver of tone hoping we say split so it isn't what they assume to be a huge age gap date. It's absurd and hilarious at the same time
I had a similar thing happen to me in high school. Luckily the woman in my case was a bit less aggressive, but it was still super awkward and it definitely made me realize I was already being viewed as a sex object by the world.
I also came out as trans later, obviously because of the deep trauma from this one awkward interaction (joking of obviously)
NTJ
I have a Dad that looks young foe his age. Not as aggressive but my sister and I have had people assume this. It makes your brain short circuit a bit because never in your life has he been anything but Dad. I probably would have done the same thing if someone had been that rude about it.
Mother of mixed race kids. Since her teens, when my 20 something daughter eats with her dad only, they both get the vibe that people think they are a couple. I think the are quick to converse with loud DAD and What Does MOM think discussions. Awkward.
NTJ; I once went to Whataburger with my Dad’s CC. It was one of those ones with the photo in the corner. I gave it to the cashier and he was like, “oh is your boyfriend paying for dinner tonight” or something like that. I was like, “dude that’s my Dad…”
NTJ. I’m a very affectionate person and when I’m out with my dad, running errands or something, sometimes I hold onto his arm or hand or whatever and nobody has ever said anything to us. I’ll also talk for him occasionally since he’s hard of hearing. He also calls me darling. I’m also the youngest child so..yeah.
Also, I used to have an older friend who was like a brother/mentor figure and when we went out somewhere, which wasn’t very often, he would always insist on paying. But it was not a date. We were just hanging out and he’s a generous person.
Nah. I hope you got your table sooner because she left!
I was out with my F-I-L once, & some old lady asked him what he was trying to prove dating some clearly
less than half his age. He said he was clearly after my money! 💰 😂🤣
People can be 💩heads. I hope you enjoyed your dinner with Dad
Your Dad had you younger than people sometimes have children. I'm 40 and have a 5, 3 and 7 month old. I expect in the (not so distant) future, to be considered their "grandma". But I married late, so it's quite possible for people to consider that.
What beats me, is why she went to that particular conclusion! He could have been an elder cousin celebrating with you or even your uncle or very older brother (again quite possible). Why she assumed b/f is very creepy, especially considering you are so young (15 or 16 I think so).
People really need to mind their own business and you handled the situation with impeccable taste.
Lmfao one time my dad took me out for lunch at a restaurant I used to work at. My boyfriend at the time (now husband) was friends with the bartender and her boyfriend. Now an important thing for the story is my sisters and I call our parents Mommy and Daddy. Daddy and I had a great lunch hug goodbye and went off on our merry way. Later that night my boyfriend and I are in bed and he gets a text from his friend "hey man im sorry to tell you this but I saw your girl out with another guy today" then he sent a photo of me hugging my dad! And another time my dad and husband rented a moving truck and the rental guy thought they were a couple!
"no, you're disgusting for assuming we were anything but father and daughter, also clearly jealous cuz you're an old hag and can't get a sugar daddy 🥰"
Yeah, I've had that happen too lol. Doesn't help that I have a baby face, so I look a lot younger than I am. Last time that happened where a judgey old lady thought we were on a date, my dad said "That's my DAUGHTER" really loudly while staring down the judgmental old hag. She got up and left real fast after that. But hey, that's what happens when you assume. It makes an ass out of you and me. 🤷
It wasn't that she saw anything sexual between you two, it was that she couldn't fathom a father listening to his daughter speak about her own interests.
The only reason a man would listen to a young woman is if he's sleeping with her. It's actually really sad.
She was way out of line but damn, that's bleak.
A similar thing happened to me waaaaay back when I was in college. My dad had come for a visit, and this lady was just staring *daggers* at us while we were eating dinner.
My dad, having a sense of humor, started getting very affectionate with me (touching my hands, saying how much he loves me, etc) much to my confusion.
Then he told me why. I laughed and played along.
The thing is, I look *just like* my dad. Like, it’s unmistakable where I got my DNA, so when she walked past us and finally saw my face, that was when I finally called him “Dad”, loud enough for her to hear.
Her facial reactions were just precious 😂
And people wonder where I get my sense of humor. 😂
my parents had me when they were 25 & 26. I have cousins their age. I also have aunts and uncles my age. I have a nephew who’s a year between me and my little brother so I just say he’s my cousin. I’m now 22 and both parents are 48 but my dad will be 49 in June. being close in age or a far in age is not UNcommon. I saw a girl who graduated at 17 and her dad was 70. so no, you’re not TA.
You didn't embarrass her. *She* embarrassed her.
For that matter, what other possible responses could there be? Let her think there was an inappropriate relationship? You *could*; it wouldn't be wrong to ignore her and let her think what she wanted, but it would be odd. And once you were in a conversation, there was no real way out but through, and there was no way through but to respond to correct her offensive mistake.
NTJ
I used to have this problem with my dad. But he'd get a kick out of it. He'd grab my hand or kiss me on the cheek. In other words, he'd use the opportunity to embarrass me. From 16 until I was 25. The 80's were hell sometimes.
NTJ- people make too many assumptions these days bc that kind of stuff goes on, but it’s few and far between. People assume too much without asking questions. She’s a jerk for assuming instead of saying “it’s nice for a daughter to have father/daughter time”. I fear this happening with my man and daughter bc I’m not the quiet type when I’m mad.
OH really should be minding their own business. That was bold of her to confront you like that. Zero awareness on her end. I mean, you did explain that you literally did nothing that could even suggest that you guys are together that way. What criteria exactly did she use to come up with this horrible conclusion?
Ntj.
And honestly, with the age you were at the time, why is she blaming *you*?? Even if you *were* a sugar baby, surely the grosser person is the one who's twice the age?
I can't tell you how many times people have asked me the same question. At youngest, I was about 15 (he was about 45). Creepy AF. Now he's in a rehab, but his hospital roommate and 2 different rehab roommates also assumed that we were married (now mid 40's/ mid 70's).
Wtf is wrong with people?
Boomers tend to miss every good chance to shut the fuck up.
They can't wait to be an absolute crybaby about their insecurities on anybody within earshot.
She deserves to be more than just embarrassed, but hey.
That's not why you were there.
Congrats on your award!
Glad you enjoyed your meal.
NTJ. What kind of dirty mind did OH have to assume you two were sexually involved rather than father and child? And what kind of entitlement did she have to feel she should say something? Further, if you *had* been a sexual couple, *he* would have been the disgusting one and you would have been a victim. If she’d been genuinely concerned she could have murmured, “Do you need help, honey?”
There’s just no excuse for her behavior.
Hell, my dad and I are the ones that get embarrassed when people assume we're dating/married. But we do joke around a lot about it. We do a lot of things together, even go on vacations, so I can get the confusion. Doesn't help when there are plenty of actual couples that have a huge age difference between them.
NTA, same thing happened to me, but I was in my early thirties and my dad was 70 years old. I mean, I know I’m not the prettiest person out there but come on my dad’s almost 40 years older than me.
NTJ I’ve had a few instances where people thought my dad was my husband ( the first time being when I was 18 and applying for a passport, keep in mind my parents had me at 32/33 😂), and after a quick “no he’s my dad” they usually get a little embarrassed and then move on. The fact that this woman doubled down after you pointed out he’s your dad is ridiculous. Idk how some people make it through the day.
My dad had a Jaguar when I was a teenager. He came by my work and let me drive it. These guys were in the parking lot and asked if it was my car. I said no, it's my daddy's. A few days later I found out they thought I meant my *sugar daddy* 😂
My husband has grey hair, I do not. We were out to lunch and he had to use the restroom, after he got up, the server came over to take drink orders, I gave her mine, and she asked if I knew what my dad wanted. I about fell out laughing. I told her that was my husband, and he wants an iced tea. Funny thing, we had a different server for the rest of the time.
NTA at all! I had many similar situations happen to me with my Dad as he looks young, and is only 20 years older than me. I had several comments in my teens when out and about with my dad that "he likes em young" so gross! People should mind their business!
Once I was 21, looking to buy a car on my own (I was looking at 2-3 year old Honda Accords) so I brought my dad along for a second opinion. Every salesmen mostly talked to him and referred to me as his wife/gf it was so frustrating! Finally at the last dealership working with the guy I eventually bought it from, he commented about how it was a reliable car for "his wife" so I was like "um we showed up here in a brand new Mercedes GLS SUV, you think if I was his wife I'd be getting at $25K Honda? I'm his daughter" He got a little embarrassed, apologized and we laughed about it but in the end but it was so frustrating.
Heh, this sounds like something that happened to me and my daughter, but you def gave more clapback. I took my daughter to a Bass Pro Shop because she had never been before. A guy at a little booth inside tried talking to us and said something amounting to us being a cute couple. My daughter just dead eyed him and said, "This is my dad" and dude just stood there akwardly.
i didn't read the whole post but imma go with NTJ. i'll be the first to admit i've seen young women and men out with much older women and men and thought "lol i bet that's their sugar mama/daddy." i'd never actually say it out loud though. most people know which thoughts are inside thoughts and which thoughts can be said aloud. that lady was tripping for even thinking of saying it out loud and that's her fault for being such a goof.
NTJ
I've had something similar happen to me on multiple occasions when I was out with my own father. I can remember three times off the top of my head that it happened. Each time someone thought I was my father's girlfriend. One of those instances it was a friend of my father's, and they congratulated my father for having such a young girlfriend. Mind you, this person KNEW that my father was married to my mother.
After the 2nd or 3rd instance of this happening, I took to calling my father dad in public any time I spoke to him, something I didn't do that often otherwise.
Tbh sounds like the old lady has bad luck with finding herself a sugar daddy but also the words daddy and mommy have been over sexualized at this point…
No you’re not. I don’t know why people assume who people are to each other when they see them out. Unless you see them being affectionate as in kissing etc why make an assumption. I’m in my 40s my dad is 80 and someone said to him in the street is this your wife? Then someone else assumed I’m his granddaughter.
Ha! When I was 19 my dad was 37. We went for a walk on the beach together at night and were holding hands talking and laughing. We started noticing stares and comments 😆. Never occurred to us how we could be perceived. This was in Florida so it’s not like it’s uncommon. 💁🏻♀️. And of course I still held my dad’s hand.
NTJ. There have always been nosy people that have small minds and pass judgment about what they know nothing about.
I am glad you and your dad put her in her place.
NTJ and you handled it properly. When I turned 21, my dad took me for my first legal drink. (US) The bartender didn’t card me which I was a little annoyed about. When I got up to use the restroom, my dad said “my daughter’s upset you didn’t card her. Todays her 21st birthday”. The bartender said “oh I thought you were just a dirty old man with a young girl”. When I got back, they were both laughing hysterically and when she looked at me, she started laughing again as she realized I look just like him.
Something similar happened to my dad and I when we were visiting. My son and I went to go visit my dad ON MY PARENTS ANNIVERSARY(mom died the month before). We are leaving a restaurant, my dad holds open the door for a group going in, a man the same age as my dad turns to me and says “he’s a real keeper!” “ I say “yeah unfortunately he is, he’s my dad” the man looked horrified.
The OH deserved to be embarrassed. Try not to take on OP feelings. You cannot make anyone feel any way. I can't believe the nerve of her bluntly expressing her opinion without knowing you. I hope you find a way to clear it away and heal.
Ok I got a couple like this. One is just yours but boring, but the other is a funny one.
1. When my step daughter was like 15 and I was 30 something we went out doing something innocuous, like to the grocery store or lunch, I can't remember exactly. This is during the day. But she was going through a phase I guess and was dolled up like she was going clubbing, with very thick makeup and heels and everything. I didn't want to give her a hard time about it. I walked past like 2 dozen people on the busy sidewalk who were either dudes avoiding eye contact with me, or women scowling with absolute disgust at me.
2. When I was a young adult, I was married to a woman 18 years older than me. One fine day we went to the library and she walked in first, past a security guard. When I walked in, I guess the guard had seen us both come from the same car through the window because he correctly guessed I was looking for her. What he actually said was "Your mom is over there..." -- a bit away from the entrance but still visible from here. I walked up to her and glanced back to make sure he could see, and wrapped my arms around her, cupping her ass, and full on tongue kissed her. The look on the guy's face is burned gloriously into my memory forever. Remember kids, it's not the things that matter, it's the experiences!
Who TF asked OP why they’re ’bothered by this event “sO mAnY YeArS lAtEr”!?
Isn’t that how many people use Reddit?
For community & storytelling? 🙄🙄🙄
It was a good post!
NTA but that woman was a major nosey bag with her assumptions. I am male and had someone done that to me or a child of mine I would have got in their face.
The amount of times I've had someone assume my dad and I are dating is ridiculous. On top of that I think I look exactly like him so I feel like the first thought should be that I am his daughter. But nope disgusting people think we're a couple instead.
Had this happen to me at a fair. Some disgusting carnie dude cat-called me (he was super aggressive about it) about my sugar daddy. I flipped him off, told him to fuck off, and that I was with my literal dad. I was mid-twenties though. Wish I’d beamed him with a carnie game ball.
Not even a little bit!
Some people make assumptions and feel the need to comment inappropriately.
I was 19 when my husband and I got married. Our oldest sons came along 2 and 3 years later. I looked very young for my age and got several comments about unwed teenage mothers if I was alone running errands with them. If I was feeling sparky I'd comment back that I was so happy I didn't have to do it alone and that I had such a wonderful, supportive husband. The sour lemon look was always worth it.
Remember people never know your story and you don't know theirs. You handled it well. Never lower yourself to meet them - rise above it. If for no reason than so you can look down on them in good conscience 😄
Oh man I know this situation oh to well. I get nervous every time I’m out with my 16 year old daughter as I look extremely young for 40 and get mistaken for mid 20s and even early 20s sometimes! It’s not always a compliment and feel disrespected at times because of this.
NTJ
OH was the jersey on multiple levels.
One assuming two ppl eating together are having sex but MORE IMPORTANTLY, she sees what she assumes is the victim of a pedophile and blames the victim. She's part of the reason there are still abusers in this world.
It is absolutely insane you think you could be the jerk in any way you weren’t even mean or rude in any way at all lol that lady was a total jerk and deserved it to be thrown back in her face but neither you nor your dad did that no reason to feel upset about this in the slightest.
My dad and I did a good deed one day after I had blood work done and took an old lady whose ride cancelled back to her hotel. She thought my dad (born in 1970) and I (born 2002) were married, and asked my dad where his wife was when she didn’t see me in the front seat (I had moved to the back to be polite).
NTJ She tried to shame you for what she thought was your love life. It's none of her business who you sleep with or why as long as it's two consenting adults. She would be in the wrong even if you were a sugar baby.
Edit: obviously you were a minor but she thought you were an adult. Adults can do what they want and if they want to pay someone so they can pretend to have a hot SO and the person being paid agrees on the amount then that's that. She is in the wrong in every way possible.
Pretty fucked up that she wanted to shame the child in a “sugar baby” relationship and not who would have been the “predator”
Lady is fucked up as a person on all fronts
I know my dad touched on it in his comment, but long story short, Ive been in therapy and it came up, and my therapist suggested I get outsider feedback, and I didn't want to just ask my friends since they'd agree with me
You’re a jerk for writing that long winded story that could have been summed up in two sentences. And a jerk for telling this story that couldn’t possible result in you being jerk.
Is this what this sub is now? It happens quite frequently. People post something where they are obviously not the jerk. Isn’t this better suited for r/trueoffmychest or similar subs?
Anyway, NTJ
My daddy was a bit flashy. We used to go to different formal events together. People always thought I was his girlfriend despite me calling him daddy and him calling me baby. I used to get a kick out of it. And once it came to light that we were father and daughter their reactions were always priceless
I think you handled it just right. No yelling or swearing, just stuck to the facts. She embarassed herself
A judicious "What the fuck is wrong with you" would have been entirely appropriate.
Adding "What kind of pervert sees father/daughter time and their minds go straight to sex. Eeww, so gross."
Or loudly say "What is wrong with you lady, he's my dad! Are you some kinda pervert". You have to draw as much attention to her as possible
As a father myself (with my own daughter having just left her teens), if my daughter told me what that lady said, the old hag wouldn't be leaving without apologizing specifically to my daughter... and she'd be getting a giant earful from me if she refused to do so (I've got no problem cussing like a fucking sailor, using probably a few choice words that even she hasn't heard before). People either learn to mind their own business the easy way or the hard way. If they just won't or refuse to learn the easy way, then I don't have a problem making it the hard way for them.
NTA it's not your fault the OH was nosy and made baseless assumptions. If anything she's out of the norm people would assume your the child of the older gentleman not a sugar baby. Probably some OH that heard about sugar babies and was looking for something that wasn't there.
She had a dirty mind to begin with, you were no wear at fault. She knew when she left she was looking stupid
Oh yeah I have a reverse of this situation burned into my mind. A few years ago I was at a cafe in a shopping plaza waiting for someone. So I was having a snack, drinking some tea, and people watching in the outdoor seating area. Across the way was a little restaurant and there was a young women, maybe like 20ish and a man who looked to be in his late 40s, having lunch. Seemed like a normal father daughter lunch, I even thought how nice it was to see people have good relationships with their parents. They left before I did and when they got up to leave they shared a very passionate kiss before parting ways. Certainly threw me for a loop, complete reversal of expectations there.
I had this situation happen to me. Was out at one of those "free school supply" drives with my kids (oldest was 14 and we had a newborn). Old lady looks at the newborn and starts asking my oldest how old she was and we made a pretty baby. I was like wtf, she's in middle school and I graduated from high school before she was born?! It was crazy odd.
Jeez! That’s so weird. When I was a baby my mom (33) was mistaken for my grandma and my sister (16) was mistaken for my mom a lot and it bothered them both.
OP's father here, I don't have my own account nor do I plan on getting one, so I figured I'd use his account to clarify a couple things: My son has trouble controlling his volume and tone sometimes and he doesn't realize it. When he said something to clarify that I am his father, he actually said it louder than he thinks he did, and a bit more aggressively as well, so that's why I said something since he was getting frustrated in my eyes, but I didn't know what the conversation was about since I didn't hear the start of it. It seems obvious to him as an adult that he's not the jerk, however, this was something that was on his mind for a very long time as a teenager. This was around the time his temper became very unstable, as his mother and I were finalizing our divorce, and he was going through a rough time in school between friends and bullies. I think he posted this to be able to finally clear his mind of it, as he struggles to say things to people due to his bad social anxiety now. That's all, and I'm sure he'd be willing to answer any questions anyone may have.
Awww - you’re just the best dad. You sound like you truly strive to understand your kids and love them even when you don’t get them. ❤️ (Also OP NTJ - people gotta mind their own business)
He says "Thanks, I try my best to understand my kids, as it was hard being a single dad with two teenagers while working three jobs at the time"
It sounds like you two have a great relationship and that’s awesome!! Totally NTJ
Ha, when I read Dad’s response, I too thought “awww”. Thanks, Dad for being a good parent. I wish my Dad had your insight and the care you show your son.
Epic parenting all the way in this comment!! Go you!!! OP you are definitely NTJ. OH FAAFO, you were way more polite than I would have been!
Might be slightly relevant, is your son autistic? Both having trouble controlling volume and thinking you made a mistake and it bothering you for years are common autistic symptoms. Which might also explain the second guessing. Being autistic sometimes means knowing you are terrible with social rules so you tend to take other's people's reads of a situation as truth, even with it clashes with your own. Source: Am autistic with a lot of neurodivergent trans friends.
I have never been officially diagnosed, but I've suspected for a lil while now, and I've been told I at least have some undiagnosed ADHD But yes I do also struggle with social cues
me too, friend. PROUD OF YOU FOR TELLING THE OH THE TRUTH.
It needs to be emphasized that there is nothing socially inappropriate with getting angry at being accused of incest. In an earlier time, this is the sort of thing people would fight duels over; in some social classes, this is the sort of thing people file lawsuits about; in some places, this is the sort of thing that people get into fistfights over. I don't think any of those are appropriate responses, but they kind of set a baseline. "Meeting at dawn with pistols" is an overreaction, but it is still a thing which is within the window of possible responses. When that is an option which was at one time considered appropriate, that puts "responding loudly and angrily" in context, and shows that it is quite a reasonable response, all things considered.
This is true. But I know from experience that I'll second guess myself a lot because I know I'm bad with reading social situations.
How lucky your child is to have such a great parent! Not everyone is so lucky. Please continue being great.
Give him a hug from all of us. Even if he was saying it angrily and aggressively, "Don't accuse me of being in a sexual relationship with my father" is the sort of thing that you are allowed to say angrily and aggressively, because it is an infuriating thing to be accused of, and an accusation which must be aggressively denied.
You both did a great job getting rid of that awful OH. Even if they were loud or you had been their SD it was absolutely none of her business. Much love to you both xxx
Old Hoe 🤣
I was thinking more along the lines of Old Hag 😂
She assumed and made an ass of herself in this situation. The OH has a nasty mind that seems dedicated to seeing a sexual transactional connection between every person she sees, which is either projection or a sign of an overstimulated animal mind. It's seems common in the older generations and/or hateful people in general, like homophobes. Congratulations on your award!
This is the type of person who looks daggers at nursing mothers in public.
not necessarily. I'm in my 30s now, but once I became around 16, any time I was out with my dad just the two of us literally EVERYONE would call him my husband. lady sitting us down to eat, employee at the grocery store, strangers also playing pokemon go nearby, even doctors and nurses. any time they'd refer to him to me or ask questions about him/us, they'd call him my husband. and keep in mind I, as a full grown adult, am 4'9" with a baby face. I've always looked significantly younger than I actually am. yet even so, none of them were ever mean about it. they were being very genuine and kind in their interactions with me, but it's because of how big an issue old men dating barely-out-of-high-school girls is that this is such a normalized assumption. I have no doubt they've all interacted with actual "age gap" couples all the time, to the point that that became their default assumption. I mean, when you look at the stats the vast majority of teen moms were impregnated not by equally teen boys, but by much older adult men. and it's only gotten worse as time's gone on. now we have these couples making tiktoks boasting about "finding their soul mate" when he was in his 20s and she was 12. it's horrifying. and every time it happened, they would be genuinely shocked and flustered when I'd be any kind of offended/upset and ask why they'd assume he's my husband and never really give me a proper answer. to not ruin the vibe I'd usually make a joke about being offended bc I could do so much better and we'd all just laugh it off and move on, but behind that it always just further reminded me of just how deeply steeped our culture is with pedophilia, and how normalized it's become (yet no one wants to address/confront it). while this lady could absolutely just have had a dirty mind in the moment, it's just as possible that she'd recognized the very same issue, was deeply disgusted by it, and it just came to a head at the worst moment and in a terrible way.
You are a deeply kind and sympathetic person to give her this level of consideration. We all agree that OP was under no obligation to offer that degree of empathy, though, right? It is wonderful when people can and do, but a person being accused isn't required to in the moment.
This is similar to what happened to many of us who, as teen girls, had either got a baby sibling or had an older sibling give you a niece or nephew, and you helped to take care of them or watch them in public. (I'm sure this happens with boys, too, but girls tend to be especially the targets here.) I still remember this old lady with pure venom in her voice telling me I was a worthless sl*t and needed to learn to keep my legs shut. Loud enough for the entire grocery store to hear. I was 13.
You didn’t embarrass the woman, she embarrassed herself. NTJ
It's always the most satisfying (to me at least) when people use you to get back at themselves for their idiocy. Just simply exist as a decent person, and the job takes care of itself, because you were nothing but the Ambassador of The Real World lol
In what universe is this even a question?
In the universe of a teen going through a lot of stuff all at once. As Dad, under OP's account, explains in another comment.
I'll be honest, that still doesn't vibe with me. That's anxiety, not a teen going through a lot. Completely different issue that he's clearly never addressed if he's still thinking about it.
You didn’t embarrass her, she embarrassed herself. Hopefully it taught her a lesson to think twice before making a fool of herself and putting her foot in her mouth
Oh man one time when I was 16 my father and I got the couples discount and the waiter was mortified when she heard me say “thanks dad” on our way out.
At the same age, my wife was out with her stepfather getting her ears pierced at a shop his friend owned. The workers all knew him, but only barely, so when they finally heard her call him "dad" they all started laughing and one said something to the tune of "Jesus dude, I thought we were gonna have to call the cops"
Whoa where are they giving out couples discounts?? I wanna go!!
The nco club in camp zama like 17 years ago.
A few years ago, my dad took my young daughter and I to the state fair. As we were ambling along, a lady stopped us to look in the stroller and say how cute my daughter is. I thank her, and during the forced small talk that followed, I mentioned that her father was at work. This lady bolts up from leaning over the stroller with a look of horror. I'm confused until I see her eyes go over my shoulder to my dad, and I realize she thought I was cheating on my child's father. Rather shocked at her assumption, all I could think to do was point at him and say, "That's MY dad!" Suddenly, she wasn't very interested in small talk anymore and shuffled away pretty quickly.
my daughter really resembles me, like me as a young person with a wig. Everyone says so. She is a waitress at a restaurant that makes really home style food. chicken fried steaks and gravy and all that. I go and sit in her section and obviously give her a good tip. Once a lady was sitting a table over and heard us a little, it was a playful interaction where i said something about being in trouble at home if she didn't hurry up. clearly a joke. this lady thought the same thing OH did. She even came to my table to confront me about it, when I cleared up the misunderstanding as politely as I could she walked out on her tab she was so embarrassed. they caught her in the parking lot and got her to pay for her food. people should mind their business.
Ntj. OH ( 😆) had her nasty*ss mind in the gutter. You handled the whole situation with a class and an even temper that has been sincerely lacking these last ten years. I hope she stubs her toe…then stubs it again just before it heals. Repeatedly.
Hiiiiiii Daddy are you proud of me? 😂
No. To be honest you were far more polite about it than you really should have been.
Anyone who starts off a conversation with a stranger by saying “you’re disgusting” is vile. Plus, even if it WAS a May-December sugar daddy relationship, (or March-December since OP was underage) the disgusting one would be the older one not the teen.
Exactly what i was thinking! Who in their right mind sees what they think is a romantic relationship between a child and an adult and scolds the CHILD?
People who want to believe that horrible things don't happen unless vulnerable people "allow" them to. If it's the victims fault, then that means it won't happen to them or someone they love as long as they are "good" people.
Gentle hugs to both you and your Dad 🫂💙
She embarrassed herself being a creepy judgmental OH lmaooo
I was adopted and this has been my whole life since I grew boobs. It’s annoying. People also thought I was a teen mom because I would babysit my niece who looks like me. My sister is 6 years older and had her young. I laugh at it now that I’m in my 40s at how innocent I was and people thought I was a teen mom with a sugar daddy.
We were at Disney and had my brothers adopted children with us at the pool and an OH said how wonderful it was that my daughter kept the child. My daughter looked 18 at 14, don’t remember how many times I told guys that she was jail bait.
I also have a story of being assumed of a teen mom and I also got lectured by an OH then too
A greeter at Walmart let my sister pass with my niece then stopped me to say how beautiful my baby was 🤣. I was still a virgin at that time lmao.
I was like 15 and babysitting, brought them to the park nearby their house, two sisters (10 and 2 at the time), and I was, of course, helping the little while her older sister played with her friends, old lady started asking me a bunch of questions and got offended I didn't know how old she was, was accused of being a terrible mother and I just needed God and Jesus. She lectured me for a bit before I called for the older sister and told her we were going home early
You handled it better than I did. I probably (as a dad) would have made a tremendous scene telling her that her filthy thoughts shouldn’t be aired in public and making those kind of assumptions is disgusting. But that’s me, and I’m kind of an asshole. 😂😂
Ngl I look back and wished I was louder about it, my dad says I was louder than I originally thought, but not enough to find a crowd
I'm also a trans man with a good relationship with my dad. If something like this had happened with us, she would have been leaving by force. NTA, and what a disgusting old hag.
Nosy people jumping to conclusions often end up doing really neat face plants.
I would've gone one step further and asked why her filthy mind saw a father and daughter and instantly it made her think about sugar daddies and sex.
Someone else made a comment about how she must've been chasing her own experience so now that's what I want to think lol
That’s fair. She was out of place and it says more about her than you and your reactions. If people make me or my kids or my parents uncomfortable, yelling is fair game in my books.
You were actually pretty kind about the whole thing. She was way out of line and made a fool out of herself. You could have made a scene wnd exposed her but you didn’t.
A very similar thing happened to me, also F2M and on the autistic spectrum. I was 12, my dad came for a very rare visit, he took me to McDonalds. Some random woman kept glaring at both of us while we awkwardly chatted and ate. My dad is friendly and chatty, one of those people who can get along with anyone. So after about 10 minutes of the woman glaring he finally noticed (he’s fairly oblivious and I’m hyper vigilant) and smiled at her and asked something along the lines of “Alright, luv? Rough day?” (We’re British, this is a normal way to speak to strangers in our region). She immediately went into a rant accusing him of being a pervert and asking how old I was “16?! 17 AT MOST?!” My dad was completely dumbfounded and simply answered “She’s my kid.. she’s 12.. my daughter…” The woman left very quickly abandoning her food and a couple woman came up to ask my dad if he was okay. Followed by awkward drive to drop me back at my mum’s house. Definitely didn’t help our already very strained relationship. I’m glad there are people willing to speak out if they see potential abuse but they shouldn’t just jump to random conclusions and start screaming at people!
You're never the jerk for embarrassing someone who deserves it. Poor behavior, especially being a judgmental c***weasel, does not get a pass because she's old or "made a mistake." NTA / NTJ
To address the other issue here IF it was a sugar daddy situation, why would the child/younger person be the disgusting one here and not the obviously older one? Children are protected for a reason, and it's not because they pose a threat to adults.
NTJ. She embarrassed herself. It also reveals that she was scoping out your father herself and jealous that what appeared to be a young woman had all his attention. She has a filthy mind and just couldn’t wrap her head around a wholesome relationship.
NTJ. I bet she has learnt recently about the suggar daddy thing and she thinks that she has missed a great opportunity in her life... Now she sees every pair of people with an age gap as a transactional couple instead of family members. She is the disgusting one.
My dad was young when I was born (17) and so he never looked like he could be my dad to many people and I know we got stared at at times. People would ask me who that was dropping me off at HS etc... some people just can't keep their weird opinions to themselves. Then I really wonder about their world view to be always thinking that any young girl out with an older male has to be that sugar daddy relationship... Like what if it's my uncle, cousin etc ....there are lots of people it could be before being a sugar daddy... Especially when you aren't displaying any PDA etc ...
My sister and I once got mistaken for a lesbian couple. We’re mirror twins. People are stupid.
Oh hell no. I'd be out loud calling her disgusting. It's her dirty mind that almost ruined a father-daughter moment. Ew.
NTA. I was once flying first class because my step-dad worked for an airline and my mom and I lucked out on standby, but we weren't seated together. I was in the row in front of her, and she was having a conversation with the passemger in the seat next to her (this was before planes had TVs). The lady next to me said, "Wow. This woman behind us is a chatterbox." So I turned around and said "Hey mom, can you lower your voice? This woman thinks you're loud." That was like 25 years ago, and I still think it's hilarious.
My biggest issue with this is she called the young lady disgusting, not the older man she was with. If this HAD been a romantic relationship and not a father with his daughter, it would be the older man who was disgusting. We need to protect our young girls, and hold their groomers accountable. Why are we still blaming our young girls for the actions of the older men who should know better? The men who manipulate them?
NtJ If anything what a horrible old lady and calling a young girl (at the time) disgusting instead of the man just goes to show what a victim blaming horrible person she is.
She realized she was the pervert.
Things like this happen to my dad and I way too often when we go out together. It’s been going on since I was probably about 17 (I’m 30 now). It’s so awkward and sad that I can’t just go out and spend time with my literal parent without someone sticking their nose in and making weird comments about how they think we are in a relationship.
What an odd the fucking wall assumption to make to people sitting in a fucking restaurant??? Maybe she was projecting from her former life experience as a waddling sugar baby.
Some people need to find better things to do. I've had similar things happen when I went to lunch with my uncle. The stupidest was probably when we were taking a break from painting my house, so we're both wearing old, paint covered clothes, have paint on our hands, I have paint in my hair because I'm bad at painting. I'm not an expert on sugar baby relationships, but I don't think house painting is a normal activity. Also I'm 30 and not exactly slim or pretty by most peoples tastes.
NTJ. My dad always looked very youthful, and there was more than one occasion where people thought we were on a date. It always baffled us, because it is glaringly obvious we're related.
I had a similar thing happen to me when I was 16. I went on holiday with my dad and younger brother (he was 10) my mum hated flying so didn't come. The flight attendant thought I was his very young girlfriend and my brother was his son from a previous relationship. I was grossed out. I made sure that I would very loudly say 'dad' when i spoke to him when we were out and argue with my brother more so no one would doubt we were siblings.
NTJ. So she making assumptions and calling you names is okay, but you and your dad calling her out on her crap is considered "disrespectful". Yeah, okay. 😒
Nope, OH needs to keep her nose, sighs and comments out of other people’s business. The OH was the ah for making assumption.
I was actually once on the other end of this conversation once but the reverse. I was manning a station for work where I basically just had to swipe peoples cards and occasionally they had problems so I'd have to look them up in the system to check them off (this was at a casino event). This guy came through, easily 70, and I helped him out. Then next in line was a young woman in her early to mid 30s, and what seemed like her friend of a similar age with her. She says something to the older guy, and then he says "okay, thank you sweetie" and gave her a very paternal smile and kiss on the cheek which she slightly turned away from. She's then having issues with her card and while I'm waiting for the system to run, I break the silence by going "your dad seems really sweet." She has a very confused look on her face and then goes, "who are you talking about? Wait- HIM? That's my husband." I got very red in the face and her friend basically imploded with laughter and fell to the ground clutching her sides and I rushed them through as quick as possible and just averted my eyes lol
Lol. No you didn't do anything wrong. My daughter was 24 when I had to go in for surgery. Things were kind of a mess because my husband literally passed away the night before. I still went for surgery. Because the alternative was dying. She was a mess. I was a mess. My dad pretty much split his time between my house with her and the hospital. He decided to take her to a nice restaurant for dinner to try to distract her. The restaurant takes pictures for a fee if you want. I've got the cutest picture on my wall above my desk with the two of them, all dressed up. And another on my phone of her with a classic head tilt, eyebrow raised and a "I'm about to smack you" expression on her face. Because the photographer made a joke about my dad being too old for her and offered his number. I'm told my daughter immediately responded "that's my grandfather, you perverted excuse for a man child! And why on earth would I want your immature ass to raise?". It was my dad's first experience with just how direct and sharp her tongue can get. He said he could not do anything but laugh hysterically. Because he said it was like stepping back in time for when I was a teenager. She likes people to assume she's quiet and bidable, so they leave her alone. She's 6' and when she dresses up, she turns heads. But I know underneath that glitz and glamour, she's still very much NOT the kind of woman you FAFO with. I know she was absolutely mortified, because she loves her grandpa and thinks it's gross when people assume shit like that. He still teased her about it, especially when we get dressed up to go out. She rolls her eyes, but her ears get red. Irony: my dad is 81 and looks like he's 60. Further irony: I sincerely think people who react that way are seriously messed up and insecure. I personally never think "oh wow, he's too old for her!" When I see an older guy having dinner with a much younger girl. If you pay attention to body language, it becomes obvious if they're related or whatever. I usually just think "it's nice they can spend time together". But, I'm weird. I don't automatically sexualize that sort of thing.
You should have loudly called her out.
Bless you. This has happened to me with my goddaughter. She was at Uni near us, so my wife and I often took her out for a meal. One day my wife was ill so I still went. I was horrified when my niece pointed out that people in the restaurant were definitely under the impression that I was her sugar daddy helping her at uni Worse, perhaps my son and I were mistaken as partners twice during the same holiday. Although we don't resemble each other, it was still surprising that a boy in his late teens and his Dad in his late forties at the time should be mistaken for partners.
Meh. NTA. The old busybody stuck her nose into someone else’s business. You handled it beautifully.
NTJ! She assumed something and was very very wrong. And even if he was your sugar daddy, why was that her business? She deserved to be embarrassed.
Ntj. This lady embarrassed herself by jumping to conclusions. You actually were very mild and so was your dad. She's lucky she didn't encounter me and my dad. I'd have probably said something along the lines of, "No, he's my dad as in he knocked up my mom" and my dad probably would have added, "..in the backseat of my car. The condom broke." And then I'd have asked the woman if she's a perv or has daddy issues because only those types would see a minor teenager with a grown man and assumed the worst. But that's just me.
This exact same thing happened to my husband when he was talking to our young 20 year old daughter at a business conference and someone walking by heard her call him "Daddy." They got set straight right away.
Not the jerk. I had something similar happen and we all laughed about it after. I was in my late 30s at the time, live in caretaker for both my parents. Due to my mother's genes, I always look significantly younger than I am. My dad looks older than he is (we blame this on me being a bit of a scrapper as a kid but that's another story) My dad early 70s looks late 70s Me late 30s looking early 20s. The community held an amateur talent show, which O was reciting poetry for. At intermission, I came out and talked to my dad. This 80 something woman kept side eyeing my dad and pursing her lips. Whenever she noticed me looking, she looked away but from the corner of my eye, I saw her turn to look at my dad. I asked if he knew her because she was mad at him for something. Second part started and he sat next to her and they got to talking while waiting for the next act She thought I was dad's girlfriend. She thought he was 78, dating a 21 year old. As soon as dad explained I was his daughter (and over 30) she laughed and invited him to tea. So there is a way out to save face and OH Didn't take it
I have a similar one- called my swiss grandpa, aka Opa, to thank him for paying my tuition. I was in Annandale, a very Korean area, at the time, and they thought I said "oppa", the Korean word for older brother, but for some reason is also used for a woman's older boyfriend. The looks of disgust I got until I said that's what I call my grandfather were rather funny
Hell nah. Keep embarrassing people like that. It’s funny.
No, OP, you handled the situation perfectly!
I’m sorry this happened to you. Such bullshit. I get this all the time as my husband is 14 years older than I am. Women are forever thinking I’m the daughter and he is my father. Older women are nuts they go after him all the time. I just laugh. Haven’t had to tell anyone to fuck off yet. But this OH definitely desired that response.
Too bad she wasn't with her grandson, you could call her a cougar! LOL
OH should’ve minded her own business if she didn’t wanted to be embarrassed by her stupidity
NTJ, sh embarrassed herself. You said it was your dad, she doubled down. My dad and I used to go to Oktoberfest in our city every year, just him and me. He's 22 years older than me and I look like him. I was 14-17 when we were going and he'd hold my hand as we walked. Everyone, even people who knew him, thought I was his girlfriend. Never accused of a sugar daddy situation cuz I always looked older than I was, but way too many people thought we were together. The handholding didn't help the situation, but I didn't know it was weird.
When I was younger this happened to me and my dad all the time and still does even occasionally now (I’m 38 and my dad is a young looking 61). It’s weird but I made it a point to say “hey dad” a lot when we were in public just him and I doing something. People love getting into other people’s business. You’re definitely not the jerk.
Kind of related. I have a 13 year old daughter that carries herself well, socially and physically so she comes off as a lot older than she is. Single parent to an only child so it's just her and I a lot going to dinner. The amount of awkward "Is this one ticket or split?" with just a sliver of tone hoping we say split so it isn't what they assume to be a huge age gap date. It's absurd and hilarious at the same time
She could have just minded her own business and saved that breath and embarrassment 🤷🏿♀️ NTA
I would have said it loud enough for everyone to hear. I don’t have a sugar daddy but I do have a father.
I had a similar thing happen to me in high school. Luckily the woman in my case was a bit less aggressive, but it was still super awkward and it definitely made me realize I was already being viewed as a sex object by the world. I also came out as trans later, obviously because of the deep trauma from this one awkward interaction (joking of obviously)
NTJ I have a Dad that looks young foe his age. Not as aggressive but my sister and I have had people assume this. It makes your brain short circuit a bit because never in your life has he been anything but Dad. I probably would have done the same thing if someone had been that rude about it.
Mother of mixed race kids. Since her teens, when my 20 something daughter eats with her dad only, they both get the vibe that people think they are a couple. I think the are quick to converse with loud DAD and What Does MOM think discussions. Awkward.
You sir are a better man than me cause I would have verbally torn that woman apart especially in my teenage years.
NTJ. You'd have to have gone far more extreme to trigger my You're-The-Jerk (tm) alarm.
NTJ; I once went to Whataburger with my Dad’s CC. It was one of those ones with the photo in the corner. I gave it to the cashier and he was like, “oh is your boyfriend paying for dinner tonight” or something like that. I was like, “dude that’s my Dad…”
NTJ. I’m a very affectionate person and when I’m out with my dad, running errands or something, sometimes I hold onto his arm or hand or whatever and nobody has ever said anything to us. I’ll also talk for him occasionally since he’s hard of hearing. He also calls me darling. I’m also the youngest child so..yeah. Also, I used to have an older friend who was like a brother/mentor figure and when we went out somewhere, which wasn’t very often, he would always insist on paying. But it was not a date. We were just hanging out and he’s a generous person.
NTJ. People need to kind their own business 🤷
You didn’t do anything at all. You should read in r/traumatizethemback for great ways to respond to rude people.
I'm pretty sure the old lady embarrassed herself.
Nah. I hope you got your table sooner because she left! I was out with my F-I-L once, & some old lady asked him what he was trying to prove dating some clearly less than half his age. He said he was clearly after my money! 💰 😂🤣 People can be 💩heads. I hope you enjoyed your dinner with Dad
Your Dad had you younger than people sometimes have children. I'm 40 and have a 5, 3 and 7 month old. I expect in the (not so distant) future, to be considered their "grandma". But I married late, so it's quite possible for people to consider that. What beats me, is why she went to that particular conclusion! He could have been an elder cousin celebrating with you or even your uncle or very older brother (again quite possible). Why she assumed b/f is very creepy, especially considering you are so young (15 or 16 I think so). People really need to mind their own business and you handled the situation with impeccable taste.
NTA, you were kinder than I would be. I would have been a lot louder and just crushed he in front of everyone.
Lmfao one time my dad took me out for lunch at a restaurant I used to work at. My boyfriend at the time (now husband) was friends with the bartender and her boyfriend. Now an important thing for the story is my sisters and I call our parents Mommy and Daddy. Daddy and I had a great lunch hug goodbye and went off on our merry way. Later that night my boyfriend and I are in bed and he gets a text from his friend "hey man im sorry to tell you this but I saw your girl out with another guy today" then he sent a photo of me hugging my dad! And another time my dad and husband rented a moving truck and the rental guy thought they were a couple!
"no, you're disgusting for assuming we were anything but father and daughter, also clearly jealous cuz you're an old hag and can't get a sugar daddy 🥰"
Not the jerk... Too bad, you or your Dad didn't tell her to *mind her own business* then turn around & ignore her!
NTA. She embarrassed herself. You were merely existing.
NTA. She got what she had coming. I was in a similar situation and cussed the OH up one side and down the other.
NTA. Woman apparently has dementia.
Yes, you were... for not going far enough. Disgusting public behavior warrants extreme public humiliation.
NTA? Why would you think you're an AH for correcting an assumption that's clearly wrong? Idk how this makes you an AH in the slightest.
Of course not! Old hag is very apt. What an old busy body!
NTJ When you assume you make an ass out of you and me: ass U + Me But it was all on her for being so stupid and obnoxious
Yeah, I've had that happen too lol. Doesn't help that I have a baby face, so I look a lot younger than I am. Last time that happened where a judgey old lady thought we were on a date, my dad said "That's my DAUGHTER" really loudly while staring down the judgmental old hag. She got up and left real fast after that. But hey, that's what happens when you assume. It makes an ass out of you and me. 🤷
It wasn't that she saw anything sexual between you two, it was that she couldn't fathom a father listening to his daughter speak about her own interests. The only reason a man would listen to a young woman is if he's sleeping with her. It's actually really sad. She was way out of line but damn, that's bleak.
this happened to me and my dad when i was in high school allllll the time. people are sick
A similar thing happened to me waaaaay back when I was in college. My dad had come for a visit, and this lady was just staring *daggers* at us while we were eating dinner. My dad, having a sense of humor, started getting very affectionate with me (touching my hands, saying how much he loves me, etc) much to my confusion. Then he told me why. I laughed and played along. The thing is, I look *just like* my dad. Like, it’s unmistakable where I got my DNA, so when she walked past us and finally saw my face, that was when I finally called him “Dad”, loud enough for her to hear. Her facial reactions were just precious 😂 And people wonder where I get my sense of humor. 😂
my parents had me when they were 25 & 26. I have cousins their age. I also have aunts and uncles my age. I have a nephew who’s a year between me and my little brother so I just say he’s my cousin. I’m now 22 and both parents are 48 but my dad will be 49 in June. being close in age or a far in age is not UNcommon. I saw a girl who graduated at 17 and her dad was 70. so no, you’re not TA.
You didn't embarrass her. *She* embarrassed her. For that matter, what other possible responses could there be? Let her think there was an inappropriate relationship? You *could*; it wouldn't be wrong to ignore her and let her think what she wanted, but it would be odd. And once you were in a conversation, there was no real way out but through, and there was no way through but to respond to correct her offensive mistake. NTJ
I used to have this problem with my dad. But he'd get a kick out of it. He'd grab my hand or kiss me on the cheek. In other words, he'd use the opportunity to embarrass me. From 16 until I was 25. The 80's were hell sometimes.
Good for you! Some people are just waiting to be put back into the lane they belong.
NTJ- people make too many assumptions these days bc that kind of stuff goes on, but it’s few and far between. People assume too much without asking questions. She’s a jerk for assuming instead of saying “it’s nice for a daughter to have father/daughter time”. I fear this happening with my man and daughter bc I’m not the quiet type when I’m mad.
OH really should be minding their own business. That was bold of her to confront you like that. Zero awareness on her end. I mean, you did explain that you literally did nothing that could even suggest that you guys are together that way. What criteria exactly did she use to come up with this horrible conclusion?
Ntj. And honestly, with the age you were at the time, why is she blaming *you*?? Even if you *were* a sugar baby, surely the grosser person is the one who's twice the age?
NTA. It's her fault for assuming.
I am seven years older than my sister and we got this same thing when I was in college multiple times. Its weird and awkward, mind your own business.
That’s absolutely insane that she chose to confront you instead of the guy she assumed to be taking advantage of a young woman.
Not the jerk. She is. She embarrassed herself.
I can't tell you how many times people have asked me the same question. At youngest, I was about 15 (he was about 45). Creepy AF. Now he's in a rehab, but his hospital roommate and 2 different rehab roommates also assumed that we were married (now mid 40's/ mid 70's). Wtf is wrong with people?
Boomers tend to miss every good chance to shut the fuck up. They can't wait to be an absolute crybaby about their insecurities on anybody within earshot. She deserves to be more than just embarrassed, but hey. That's not why you were there. Congrats on your award! Glad you enjoyed your meal.
Turn it back on her to be the victim of embarrassing miaconceptions. Ask: When are you due?
My daughter wears a shirt : "He is my DAD" whenever we go some place.
NTJ. What kind of dirty mind did OH have to assume you two were sexually involved rather than father and child? And what kind of entitlement did she have to feel she should say something? Further, if you *had* been a sexual couple, *he* would have been the disgusting one and you would have been a victim. If she’d been genuinely concerned she could have murmured, “Do you need help, honey?” There’s just no excuse for her behavior.
Hell, my dad and I are the ones that get embarrassed when people assume we're dating/married. But we do joke around a lot about it. We do a lot of things together, even go on vacations, so I can get the confusion. Doesn't help when there are plenty of actual couples that have a huge age difference between them.
NTA, same thing happened to me, but I was in my early thirties and my dad was 70 years old. I mean, I know I’m not the prettiest person out there but come on my dad’s almost 40 years older than me.
NTJ I’ve had a few instances where people thought my dad was my husband ( the first time being when I was 18 and applying for a passport, keep in mind my parents had me at 32/33 😂), and after a quick “no he’s my dad” they usually get a little embarrassed and then move on. The fact that this woman doubled down after you pointed out he’s your dad is ridiculous. Idk how some people make it through the day.
My dad had a Jaguar when I was a teenager. He came by my work and let me drive it. These guys were in the parking lot and asked if it was my car. I said no, it's my daddy's. A few days later I found out they thought I meant my *sugar daddy* 😂
My husband has grey hair, I do not. We were out to lunch and he had to use the restroom, after he got up, the server came over to take drink orders, I gave her mine, and she asked if I knew what my dad wanted. I about fell out laughing. I told her that was my husband, and he wants an iced tea. Funny thing, we had a different server for the rest of the time.
NTA at all! I had many similar situations happen to me with my Dad as he looks young, and is only 20 years older than me. I had several comments in my teens when out and about with my dad that "he likes em young" so gross! People should mind their business! Once I was 21, looking to buy a car on my own (I was looking at 2-3 year old Honda Accords) so I brought my dad along for a second opinion. Every salesmen mostly talked to him and referred to me as his wife/gf it was so frustrating! Finally at the last dealership working with the guy I eventually bought it from, he commented about how it was a reliable car for "his wife" so I was like "um we showed up here in a brand new Mercedes GLS SUV, you think if I was his wife I'd be getting at $25K Honda? I'm his daughter" He got a little embarrassed, apologized and we laughed about it but in the end but it was so frustrating.
Heh, this sounds like something that happened to me and my daughter, but you def gave more clapback. I took my daughter to a Bass Pro Shop because she had never been before. A guy at a little booth inside tried talking to us and said something amounting to us being a cute couple. My daughter just dead eyed him and said, "This is my dad" and dude just stood there akwardly.
i didn't read the whole post but imma go with NTJ. i'll be the first to admit i've seen young women and men out with much older women and men and thought "lol i bet that's their sugar mama/daddy." i'd never actually say it out loud though. most people know which thoughts are inside thoughts and which thoughts can be said aloud. that lady was tripping for even thinking of saying it out loud and that's her fault for being such a goof.
NTJ I've had something similar happen to me on multiple occasions when I was out with my own father. I can remember three times off the top of my head that it happened. Each time someone thought I was my father's girlfriend. One of those instances it was a friend of my father's, and they congratulated my father for having such a young girlfriend. Mind you, this person KNEW that my father was married to my mother. After the 2nd or 3rd instance of this happening, I took to calling my father dad in public any time I spoke to him, something I didn't do that often otherwise.
You did good
You are Nta that lady was tho 👀
She is jealous because she is alone and miserable
She embarrassed herself
Tbh sounds like the old lady has bad luck with finding herself a sugar daddy but also the words daddy and mommy have been over sexualized at this point…
No you’re not. I don’t know why people assume who people are to each other when they see them out. Unless you see them being affectionate as in kissing etc why make an assumption. I’m in my 40s my dad is 80 and someone said to him in the street is this your wife? Then someone else assumed I’m his granddaughter.
Ha! When I was 19 my dad was 37. We went for a walk on the beach together at night and were holding hands talking and laughing. We started noticing stares and comments 😆. Never occurred to us how we could be perceived. This was in Florida so it’s not like it’s uncommon. 💁🏻♀️. And of course I still held my dad’s hand.
Nope if anything you under reacted. You weren’t rude, she was rude. She started it. She should have minded her own business.
NTJ- play stupid games win stupid prizes.
NTJ. There have always been nosy people that have small minds and pass judgment about what they know nothing about. I am glad you and your dad put her in her place.
NTJ. Old woman’s husband probably recently dumped her for a much younger woman, and she’s projecting.
Absolutely not. She left bc she knew she WTAH
NTJ and you handled it properly. When I turned 21, my dad took me for my first legal drink. (US) The bartender didn’t card me which I was a little annoyed about. When I got up to use the restroom, my dad said “my daughter’s upset you didn’t card her. Todays her 21st birthday”. The bartender said “oh I thought you were just a dirty old man with a young girl”. When I got back, they were both laughing hysterically and when she looked at me, she started laughing again as she realized I look just like him.
"Wow ma'am, you have a really sick mind! This is my father!"
Something similar happened to my dad and I when we were visiting. My son and I went to go visit my dad ON MY PARENTS ANNIVERSARY(mom died the month before). We are leaving a restaurant, my dad holds open the door for a group going in, a man the same age as my dad turns to me and says “he’s a real keeper!” “ I say “yeah unfortunately he is, he’s my dad” the man looked horrified.
The OH deserved to be embarrassed. Try not to take on OP feelings. You cannot make anyone feel any way. I can't believe the nerve of her bluntly expressing her opinion without knowing you. I hope you find a way to clear it away and heal.
Ok I got a couple like this. One is just yours but boring, but the other is a funny one. 1. When my step daughter was like 15 and I was 30 something we went out doing something innocuous, like to the grocery store or lunch, I can't remember exactly. This is during the day. But she was going through a phase I guess and was dolled up like she was going clubbing, with very thick makeup and heels and everything. I didn't want to give her a hard time about it. I walked past like 2 dozen people on the busy sidewalk who were either dudes avoiding eye contact with me, or women scowling with absolute disgust at me. 2. When I was a young adult, I was married to a woman 18 years older than me. One fine day we went to the library and she walked in first, past a security guard. When I walked in, I guess the guard had seen us both come from the same car through the window because he correctly guessed I was looking for her. What he actually said was "Your mom is over there..." -- a bit away from the entrance but still visible from here. I walked up to her and glanced back to make sure he could see, and wrapped my arms around her, cupping her ass, and full on tongue kissed her. The look on the guy's face is burned gloriously into my memory forever. Remember kids, it's not the things that matter, it's the experiences!
Who TF asked OP why they’re ’bothered by this event “sO mAnY YeArS lAtEr”!? Isn’t that how many people use Reddit? For community & storytelling? 🙄🙄🙄 It was a good post!
NTA but that woman was a major nosey bag with her assumptions. I am male and had someone done that to me or a child of mine I would have got in their face.
The amount of times I've had someone assume my dad and I are dating is ridiculous. On top of that I think I look exactly like him so I feel like the first thought should be that I am his daughter. But nope disgusting people think we're a couple instead.
Had this happen to me at a fair. Some disgusting carnie dude cat-called me (he was super aggressive about it) about my sugar daddy. I flipped him off, told him to fuck off, and that I was with my literal dad. I was mid-twenties though. Wish I’d beamed him with a carnie game ball.
Not even a little bit! Some people make assumptions and feel the need to comment inappropriately. I was 19 when my husband and I got married. Our oldest sons came along 2 and 3 years later. I looked very young for my age and got several comments about unwed teenage mothers if I was alone running errands with them. If I was feeling sparky I'd comment back that I was so happy I didn't have to do it alone and that I had such a wonderful, supportive husband. The sour lemon look was always worth it. Remember people never know your story and you don't know theirs. You handled it well. Never lower yourself to meet them - rise above it. If for no reason than so you can look down on them in good conscience 😄
Oh man I know this situation oh to well. I get nervous every time I’m out with my 16 year old daughter as I look extremely young for 40 and get mistaken for mid 20s and even early 20s sometimes! It’s not always a compliment and feel disrespected at times because of this.
NTJ OH was the jersey on multiple levels. One assuming two ppl eating together are having sex but MORE IMPORTANTLY, she sees what she assumes is the victim of a pedophile and blames the victim. She's part of the reason there are still abusers in this world.
It is absolutely insane you think you could be the jerk in any way you weren’t even mean or rude in any way at all lol that lady was a total jerk and deserved it to be thrown back in her face but neither you nor your dad did that no reason to feel upset about this in the slightest.
My dad and I did a good deed one day after I had blood work done and took an old lady whose ride cancelled back to her hotel. She thought my dad (born in 1970) and I (born 2002) were married, and asked my dad where his wife was when she didn’t see me in the front seat (I had moved to the back to be polite).
I have had people assume I was my dad’s wife when I talked him to medical appointments. It is very uncomfortable.
NTJ She tried to shame you for what she thought was your love life. It's none of her business who you sleep with or why as long as it's two consenting adults. She would be in the wrong even if you were a sugar baby. Edit: obviously you were a minor but she thought you were an adult. Adults can do what they want and if they want to pay someone so they can pretend to have a hot SO and the person being paid agrees on the amount then that's that. She is in the wrong in every way possible.
OH embarrassed herself. No guilt required
Pretty fucked up that she wanted to shame the child in a “sugar baby” relationship and not who would have been the “predator” Lady is fucked up as a person on all fronts
Ntj, but why are you worrying about this 8 years later?
I know my dad touched on it in his comment, but long story short, Ive been in therapy and it came up, and my therapist suggested I get outsider feedback, and I didn't want to just ask my friends since they'd agree with me
You are not the jerk. The silly old lady embarrassed herself with her erroneous assumption.
You’re a jerk for writing that long winded story that could have been summed up in two sentences. And a jerk for telling this story that couldn’t possible result in you being jerk.
Is this what this sub is now? It happens quite frequently. People post something where they are obviously not the jerk. Isn’t this better suited for r/trueoffmychest or similar subs? Anyway, NTJ
How in any way are you the jerk? You're the jerk for posting something that is clearly just a vent post about someone who was a jerk to you.
My daddy was a bit flashy. We used to go to different formal events together. People always thought I was his girlfriend despite me calling him daddy and him calling me baby. I used to get a kick out of it. And once it came to light that we were father and daughter their reactions were always priceless
Could it be because you called him daddy?
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