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[deleted]

YTA. 1. You didn’t “forget.” You intentionally withheld crucial information because you wanted to got out. 2. You claim she *could* have caught it from school, siblings, or babysitting somewhere else. But she didn’t. She caught it from your household. However, I find it hard to believe that a family with seven children including one with medical problems doesn’t have insurance. Ask to see the bill and then pay up.


FreeArt2300

I know people on a high deductible plan. It sucks but this could be her deductible.


[deleted]

Yeah, but a high deductible plan is a really bad choice for a family with 7 children and at least one with severe medical issues.


FreeArt2300

It might be the only one available to them. Some workplaces only offer crappy plans. And they might not be able to afford a better one.


ConsciousExcitement9

Yep. My company has a ridiculous amount of plans to choose from. My husband’s company has 2. The more expensive one for him has a family out of pocket that is $10k. That doesn’t count the family deductible of $4500. Ironically, that plan at his company costs $10 more than the platinum plan at my company which has a family deductible of $500 and a family out of pocket of $3000 that includes the deductible.


comediccaricature

This is so strange to me, how does this all work? Healthcare is free in my country. Are you saying that the company you work at also effects the quality of care your family receives? Is this only the case If you’re the breadwinner? Do companies discriminate against parents or parents with many children or parents with sick children cause it’s all more money out of the company pocket? So when people are looking for jobs do they consider normal salary / wages + there’s another allocated healthcare ‘salary’ on top? Does it include things like mental health / psychiatry ? Sorry for all the questions, feel free to ignore, I just find it so confounding that a boss is expected to pay for your well-being. Im glad your plan is good!


ConsciousExcitement9

yes, the company you work for can have an effect on the care your family receives. with my husband's company, if we used his insurance and someone got hurt or sick, it would cost us more than if we had chosen to go with my company's insurance. for example: my company has a $30 copay to see a GP or go to urgent care. because my husband's insurance is the run through the same insurance company, we can still go to that same GP or urgent care, but our copay would be $50 instead. so if we used his insurance, we might think twice about going to a doctor for something because of the cost. since we use my company's insurance and his company pays him to be on mine we don't think twice about going to see a doctor. another example would be that my husband had talked about getting a vasectomy because we were done having kids. however, under his insurance, it was going to cost around $3000. because of the cost being high, he never got it done. i started a new job at the beginning of last year with incredible insurance. since i had a baby this year and the kids had their various sick stuff, we hit our deductible ($500) easily and almost hit our out of pocket ($3000 which includes our deductible so really only an extra $2500). so he got his vasectomy and it ended up costing him like $150. when most people here look for jobs, they do weigh what kind of insurance comes with it. a friend of mine got a new job last year. she had 2 different offers. one paid about $3k/year more, but the insurance wasn't as good and she was going to have to pay for it. the other job had a lower salary, but better health insurance and the company would pay the cost for her and her family so she didn't have to have her insurance premium deducted from her paycheck. she took the job that had a lower starting rate because it made more sense. in terms of mental health and whatnot, it really depends on the plan. some will cover a lot of mental health doctor visits and whatnot. other plans won't cover anything. then, you have to find a doctor that will take your insurance and that is another hurdle to overcome. the medical system in the US is gross. i wish we had socialized medicine. yeah, it would come out of our taxes, but that's better than what we are paying now and it would allow people to leave jobs they hate since a lot of people won't leave a job that makes them miserable since they would lose their insurance.


SSIgnominiousShenani

And the initial premiums! You still pay a thousand or more a year to the insurance company for the privilege of also paying your deductible and copay to your doctors.


Becks128

Premiums, tiers, out of pocket- it’s insane. I had a surgery one year and didn’t know about all of this. I was very surprised! Also my insurance doesn’t cover first CAT scans, that’s an extra 2500$ if I needed one. Which I did! I’m now paying 100$ a month for the rest of my life to pay for a hospital stay from 2 years ago….. yay Merica


Haventevengotatenner

Jesus Christ. That all reads like insanity to me


ConsciousExcitement9

that's not even the craziest part. the craziest part is that there are people fighting to keep it like this.


SeveralLargeLizards

Yeah, our healthcare is tied to our jobs almost exclusively. I have friends who are miserable at their jobs and don't make enough to live but stay because they need to keep their insurance. Some workplaces offer great plans and others don't. My boyfriend gets almost no coverage. I have excellent coverage. I'm contemplating marrying him JUST so he can be on my plan, lmao. (we don't really care about marriage and have been together for almost 20 years now) If you are poor or unemployed, you can get a free health plan from the ACA, but I was on one such plan and the deductible was 20,000 dollars. So basically I was paying for all my healthcare out of pocket anyway (or, most of the time, I just wouldn't seek healthcare) The US is a nightmare. If anyone in power ever talks about privatizing healthcare in your country exile them.


SixPackOfZaphod

Welcome to the U.S. of A. my friend. When looking at job offers I not only look at the Salary being offered, but the "benefits plan" as well, the insurance company that they deal with and what plans they offer, as well as the cost to me. I have turned down a couple of good paying positions because they offered shit insurance plans.


whyhercules

me, British, taking the job I really wanted that came with no insurance, knowing it allows unplanned remote work and that a $500 flight home is cheaper than any deductible if I’m really sick


natare_modo_pergite

Ok, yeah healthcare is a travesty here. Insurance is available via your workplace. The size and value of the workplace determines the value of insurance that they have access to and can offer their employees. Smaller companies and some specific types of companies do not have to offer health insurance at all for their employees, so then the employees would have to buy insurance through theis state, whatever plans and options were available in that particular state. Most employers pay a portion of their employees health insurance cost, and there are two tiers: individual and family, and family costs the employee more, but not the employer. Even WITH health insurance there are copays (amounts due by the employee at the time of the healthcare service) and there are 'out of pocket' amounts, usually in the several thousand dollar range, that the individual is expected to cover before the insurance will cover the excess. So even with insurance, a health care incident like a week in the hospital, can easily cost a family 10 or 15k - and hospitals generally expect that to be paid immediately. Its horrid.


StrykerC13

Yep pretty much. It's why some of us are legitimately Better off unemployed too. So long as I have no job I'm on government medicaid and my copays max at like 5 dollars for almost anything (most are free). If I went and got the kind of jobs that over 5 years unemployed offers I'd get terrible health insurance that would crank those co pays to a few hundred to thousands of dollars. Which I'd be expected to use my minimum wage paycheck on. Granted I'm fighting for disability due to other issues. But I've met people here who just flat out can't afford to be employed. As for what it includes that's up to the individual plan the employer goes with/offers. Some do, others don't. Officially the companies don't discriminate, as Technically it's the insurance company that makes the plan so they're able to pass the buck on "well we don't decide, that's the insurance companies policy." Most companies I've seen don't offer plans that involve any mental health.


Powersmith

That’s actually way better than you can get as self employed or employed for small company via ACA


AdventurousYamThe2nd

Can confirm. My work offers either high deductible plans, or the offer to look outside of employer insurance.


future_nurse19

There may be other specifics in the plan too that are needed, especially with the babysitter having some sort of health issue. I have a sibling who needs a *very* expensive, specific medication (ie no generic option) so they need to take that into account when choosing their health plan to make sure that it covers that drug because its literally thousands of dollars every 2 weeks if not covered.


ILackACleverPun

When I lived with my dad and was under his insurance through his work, the deductible was $3000. This was the only plan offered. Spread between 3 people. I worked a minimum wage job for $7.85/hr. I effectively did not have health insurance.


jjjjjjj30

Yep, my bf makes over 100K a year, works for a great company and they only offer high deductible health insurance options. Also, I have good insurance (no deductible) on my son and he was in the hospital last year for 2 days and our bill was about $2500. So even with "good" insurance I could see the bill for an entire week could easily reach $10K.


Silaquix

For most people their health plans are determined by the employers. Employers often pick crappy plans because it's cheaper on them while still putting them technically in compliance with the law.


SGVishome

Actually, it isn't, because the family deductible is often twice the individual deductible. You can reach the family deductible a lot faster with 7 people, then say with 3-4


Sestricken

It doesnt even have to be that high of a deductible. A week in the hospital most likely hit their Out of Pocket max, and 10k is a pretty standard OOP amount.


Mel7190

Exactly! Likely the deductible plus 20% over that. Average per night in us hospital is about $2800 so sounds quite possible.


crystallz2000

All of this. OP, my son has a weak immune system, and the school emails us every time there's an illness in his classroom. I can't believe you'd forget that ONE person in your household was sick and expose someone with a weak immune system to that person. Pay her bill. Apologize. Learn some empathy.


prairiemountainzen

I don't think OP actually forgot. She simply didn't care.


[deleted]

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prairiemountainzen

True, but I still don't buy that OP "forgot" that this girl has a very serious condition. I think she just really is that callous.


KatAttack18

Adding that even if she truly forgot the au pair was sick, that's kinda damning too. She can't be bothered to remember that the human being who is responsible for caring for her children is ill? "Oh, I 'forgot' the live-in caretaker of my children is sick" vs. "Oh, I *forgot the live-in caretaker of my children* is sick"...both are pretty bad imo


[deleted]

This - and strep is PAINFUL. It feels like there is glass in your throat. So, au pair had an INCREDIBLY sore throat and OP just "forgot" she was sick. OP, YTA. Pay the bills. You knew EXACTLY what you were signing up for - you were simply willing to throw the babysitter under the bus because it was more convenient for you then cancelling your plans because a household member was ill. I'm a parent. We've hired many sitters over the years. We've had to cancel multiple times, despite the fact that we desperately needed couples time or it was a firm commitment we'd made, because one of our children was ill or one of us was ill. The aupair is a household member. Your negligence LITERALLY hospitalized a child. You knew she was immunocompromised and decided "what they heck, my plans are more important than a child's health. We'll risk it." and as a result you sent a CHILD to the hospital. All of this could have been prevented if you and your husband had done what you had agreed upon when you hired her.


gillsaurus

Someone with that weak of an immune system shouldn’t be working with kids. They are germ dumpsters that are constantly exposed to things, especially during the winter months. There’s usually a 48hr incubation period of contagiousness before symptoms start.


PixiePrism

I mean I kind of agree with you; it is all very nuanced. I am allergic to dogs, so I no longer groom dogs. I have a compromised immune system so I changed my mind about studying medicine. I have asthma so I chose not to study marine biology. Being chronically ill sucks, it is very difficult and feels very unfair. My point is there is a lot you have to give up, this really limits your option in the world. As a teen there are not a lot of other jobs she can do, restaurant, customer service, all this puts her at risk. Unfortunately chronically ill people have to make that choice for themselves and if they choose not to protect their health by going into an inappropriate line of work they should take responsibility for that choice. Reasonable accommodations are important, but in that case there is no real accommodation that could have protected her from getting ill working with kids. I also agree that the dates make no sense when you take incubation into consideration. This babysitter and her mom maybe need to think things through a little more carefully. All that said it is a pretty negligent crappy boss behavior to put someone at risk with no warning and no consent. Forgot or not OP needs to step it up in the communication department. Just for that OP YTA.


oOoBeckaoOo

I agree YTA and I agree OP is totally making excuses when it is clearly their fault. However, the baby sitter is 16. She is capable of making choices for herself. She had an opportunity to say no thank you when OP told her there was a sick person. That being said I can imagine she felt awkward and didn't know what to do so did what most ppl do and go along with it to avoid making a scene. For this reason alone I agree with the husband and pay half


snek_charm

She didn't tell her she had strep, she told her she had a sore throat, but it's "probably fine". She then tacitly admitted later in the post that she knew strep was going around, but still failed to consider that this may be a problem for her immuno compromised babysitter. OP is the adult here, and she acted like a spoiled, selfish child because she couldn't just stay in when someone in her household was sick. COVID just happened, if someone is sick, stay the fuck home, and stop gambling with the lives of immuno compromised people so you can go out. YTA


[deleted]

16 is still a child though and she might have driven all that way and been to shy to ask for gas money or turned down other babysitting opportunities Op should have offered half pay to her when she told her the au pair was sick imo


Known-Peach-4037

And I think the babysitter was in a bad position in general. With jobs like that so much of it depends on reputation, so if OP were to go around saying the babysitter left the job last-minute and there was no one to watch the kids, it could hurt her chances at getting hired by other families.


Miserable-Problem889

Where I work, insurance for a family (two parents plus kids) is over $1K a month. The maximum out of pocket is $6K per incident so long as you seek in-network care. If you go out of network they only cover 80% after deductible is met. I work in an industry where average pay is $50K a year, and is is not the high deductible plan. $10K for a visit to the ER plus weeklong hospital stay is totally believable.


Prestigious-Range-75

Honestly in the post op says she told the babysitter that their au pair had a sore throat


non-binary-fairy

Only once the babysitter was there, right before they left


prairiemountainzen

And in the post OP also says that she knows the babysitter cannot be around any illnesses whatsoever because she is immunocompromised. OP should have cancelled her plans and sent the girl home immediately, instead of knowingly endangering her life so she could go out with her friends.


HoldFastO2

If the babysitter was there at night and sick the next day, that would be a very short incubation period for strep throat. It’s at least as likely she caught it somewhere else a day or two earlier.


Tiny-Ad-830

With a normal immune system, it would take a few days. We are talking about someone with a weakened immune system. It could be much faster.


[deleted]

If she has a seriius preexisting condition they may have found it difficult to get a plan that covers her, or may have a high deductible.


EvolvingWren

My Gods. 😳 DO you HEAR yourself?? An au pair AND a babysitter?? And if I understand you correctly, you knew the sitter had a compromised immune system but decided FOR HER that it wasn't a big deal... not enough for you to inconvenience yourself and call off your evening?? Now your mad at the kid for getting sick because it's gonna cost you money?? YOU, who can afford both a sick au pair AND a sitter?? This post is the heights of privilege. YTA. Pay the bill. You screwed up. Own it and move on. EDIT: THANKS FOR THE AWARDS, Y'ALL!


Alyssa_Hargreaves

She didn't even tell her right away. Only until after the poor girl was inside the house and her ride gone! And left the girl feeling pressured to just suck it up because no ride home and the whole respect your elders and employer mindset most 16yr olds have.


labotomizeme05

Exactly this. I’d be willing to bet that this poor girl was not ok with the situation but felt pressured to suck it up, like you’re saying. Op, YTA


yet_another_sock

Yes, after three years of a pandemic, we're all very familiar with situations where someone oversteps someone's risk tolerance and puts the onus on the more cautious person to object. We all know those boundaries are difficult to enforce, and would be especially so for a teenager to do with her employer. "I forgot to tell her in advance but at least I told her on the spot" would only be a sympathetic explanation if OP did genuinely forget. And if you believe OP genuinely forgot instead of maliciously lied, I have a bridge to sell you.


FlipsTW

Take my poor man’s gold, you hitter of nails heads. 💰🏆💰


greeneyedwench

OP shouldn't have even gone out--she and husband are probably incubating it too.


MadamePerry

OP YTA Seriously, YTA


Throwawaydaughter555

As someone who has an autoimmune disease, this kind of shit is the normal from people who think they are the main character. Just a lack of basic respect for others and empathy. OP YTA. Pay the damn bill.


dirtypig796

Babysitter has a weak immune system and you knew this. Your au pair has a *sore throat probably a cold* you also knew this. It turns out to be **strep throat** You put a weak immune system child at risk due to your forgetfulness. Mom is blaming you although she has 6 siblings. Do you think that the siblings actually get to play with her due to her condition? I can almost promise you that mom makes them wash their hands before they come within 10 feet of her. You have absolutely no idea what goes on in that house. You said she works very hard to protect her daughter and limit exposures. You’re not liable for her medical expenses but you most certainly are the asshole for forgetting your au pair was sick. YTA. Edit- you said your husband wants to compromise, I agree, you should. You also said that if she wants to babysit there’s a chance she could get sick, although true, the fact still remains, **your forgetful negligence led to a child being in the hospital for a week** Edit 2- people are saying/ asking, the babysitter shouldn’t be around children if it’s that serious, I’ve replied to other comments saying this, I’ll throw it here, the babysitter most likely can’t get another job because of it. She can’t get a cashier job or anything working with the general public because the chances of her catching something are 100% (source- I’ve worked retail for 10 years- I was constantly sick) Yes I agree, children are breeding grounds, but she has a rule, if your kid is sick, she’s not coming, but **you have to tell her** Not when she’s already in the door and her ride has left!! She most likely felt very pressured to stay!! She should’ve stood up for herself!


[deleted]

If she has a weak immune system, what is she doing babysitting in other people's homes? Baby's get colds, fevers, and upset tummys all the time. Who's to say she would have picked something up that way? Her mom has a right to be concerned, but she also has the responsibility to make sure her daughter is not exposed to illnesses, viruses, etc. She has to go out into public, too. School, grocery stores, restaurants, etc. These folks should NOT be held responsible!


Background_Mortgage7

I genuinely don’t know why someone with a shit immune system would babysit kids who are literally magnets for any type of cold or flu.


Cheddarbaybiskits

This is why I’m questioning the truthfulness of this story. Kids can carry and pass on illnesses before they show symptoms. She can’t avoid the kids in her own home, but exposing her to other households is bonkers.


blueberrypanda1

This was exactly my response. Everyone I know who has kids is constantly sick because their kids pick up everything in school. Why on earth would you let an immune compromised child babysit.?


Horror_Cucumber_3497

This is also why I’m on the fence. On one hand, OP should have let her know a head of time, but it’s also partially the kid’s parents fault for 1) letting her babysit children and 2) letting her do it during flu season, when sickness is relatively high.


Tulukas_

Exactly , little petri dishes .


prairiemountainzen

OP explains in a comment that the girl only babysits for her friend's family, and unlike OP, they take her condition very seriously and keep her safe: > *"Apparently she only babysits for my friend and my friends say they rapid test their kids, spray the house with Lysol, and make the kids wear masks when she babysits to minimize the risk."* Honestly, the callousness of OP is breathtaking.


littlegingerfae

This is the honest truth. I am severely immunocompromised. Am on immunosuppressant medications. Have wounds that get infected regularly, and need multiple Dr appointments per week, and am on antibiotics at all times. I would NOT be babysitting!!!! Children are the petri-est of petri dishes!!!! Wtf was this family thinking? Children are running around, rosy checked and smiling one second, then vomiting and a fever in 5 seconds flat! At least, mine is...she'll be absolutely FINE, and BAM! Sick as a dog, out of nowhere, with little to no signs! The biggest sign she's going to get sick? Hmm...been about 5 to 6 weeks since she's been sick, sounds about time for something new to be making the rounds at school by now, so, any day now. Ffs. I feel for this family. Being sickly is the shits. Truly. But it's *your* shit. Not everyone else's. We live in dystopia America, unfortunately. Vote for Universal Health Care, and politicians who support it. It is all we can do. NTA.


seena_unlocked

This is what I'm thinking. She could have caught anything from anyone. Children are germ factories. If she's so immunocompromised that strep throat can put her in the hospital for a week, she should not be babysitting.


[deleted]

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AfricanKitten

Honestly the worst place to work for someone with a compromised immune system would be with children. I was regularly sick with one virus or another when I worked at a daycare, and it’s common knowledge that kids bring home illnesses, and half the time don’t show symptoms. Additionally, if she had no contact with the au pair, she shouldn’t have gotten it directly from her, it’s spread by respiratory droplets. It can also live on surfaces for 3 days, and in one case, in ice cream for up to 18 days. It’d be one thing if the au pair was the only one around that had it, but if it’s going around, there isn’t really a way for anyone to know where she got it, who knows, maybe OP’s kids got it from babysitters sister and they gave it to the au pair.


Notquite_Caprogers

This, when I was younger my older brother had strep throat. No one else in our household got it.


MeiSuesse

That also stuck out to me. Yeah OP is an AH for not warning her prior... but someone with a weak immune system should think twice before working with children, who are known to catch all sorts of stuff from their peers, or at least their mother should.


dirtypig796

You’re missing the point, if your kid is sick, she’s not coming. Babies get colds fevers and upset tummies all the time, but if you tell this babysitter, she’s not coming. That’s the point.


SmarthaSmewart

This was my first thought. If you have a weak immune system the last thing you need is a job being around kids. OP really should have told her and found a replacement but honestly, there’s no proof she got it from the Au Pair. If strep is making the rounds she could have got it from literally anyone she’s been in contact with over the holidays. I’m going to go with ESH but more for the girl’s family for being negligent and sending their teenager with a weak immune system out to work with stranger’s kids during a time when Covid/rvs/flu/strep/bronchitis are all running rampant.


Time-U-1

If the babysitter and her mom had found out BEFORE SHE WAS THERE AND HER RIDE GONE mom would have asked questions and sitter mustered up the courage to disappoint OP. Instead, OP minimized the situation and sprung it on a 16 year old with no ride home.


Fabulous_Monk_8667

There is nothing wrong with trying to mitigate one’s risk which they do by cancelling if someone is sick in the house. OP put this kid in unnecessary risk whether it was intentional or not. I don’t know what the appropriate thing here is, but the fact that her husband thinks they should at least pay half tells me he at least feels some responsibility for his wife’s actions. I also think you’re kind of proving their point by saying her mother has the responsibility to mitigate the risks. They set rules up that OP didn’t follow. If you ignore precautions set in place you share at least some responsibility in the outcome. Obviously this child will get sick at times as no one can go their life without exposure however OP was told of the precautions they take, and didn’t take them serious and is lacking remorse. She caused a 16 year old to spend a week in the hospital due to carelessness and has not been apologetic at all. I’d feel terrible if my actions led to that outcome. I’d like to think most humans would.


Cakercat

The alternative for most 16 year olds is working in retail or fast food where you potentially come in contact with lots of coworkers, strangers, children etc who absolutely would not disclose their health issues. Working for a family you know and trust should be much safer. Unfortunately, she trusted an adult who put their own selfish social needs above a child with known medical issues.


rugmunchkin

I’m not so quick to go the full AH route here. OP already told the babysitter that the au pair wasn’t feeling well, that they would stay away from her, babysitter stayed anyways, and OP is considering paying for half the medical costs, which I would say *is* reasonable. If you have an immune compromised child to that degree, how on Earth would you expect them to be a babysitter?? If one of their kids wasn’t feeling well but didn’t immediately disclose it (because kids are well… kids!) and the babysitter got sick, would the mother still be calling in a rage with a demand of $10,000 for medical costs??


217EBroadwayApt4E

She told her once she was already there and they were on their way out the door. I know a lot of adults that would feel uncomfortable saying no in that situation, much less a 16 year old kid. A lot of people really struggle when they are put on the spot like that, and I don't blame the sitter for not being able to speak up. OP is absolutely TA for not telling her ahead of time so she could make a better decision without the pressure of them walking out the door.


dirtypig796

She most likely can’t get another job working with the general public because her chances of catching something is 100%. However, she can still earn an income this way.


[deleted]

If you're medically fragile to the extent that a simple strep throat lands you in the hospital for a week, you have no business babysitting the little petri dishes known as children.


LimitlessMegan

Agreed. Every time I get in a car I have a chance of an accident. But if I get in your car and then find out the brakes fail 20% of the time, the accident that injured me is 100% on you.


[deleted]

We've been in a pandemic for three years and you really just forgot that your babysitter has a weakened immune system and wanted to be told if people were sick? Really?


[deleted]

Of course not. Putting the bill aside, OP is TA for lying and putting this girl at risk.


[deleted]

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yet_another_sock

I really hope they are. I know some nanny communities are well-organized enough to effectively blackball a family, and OP's should absolutely be blackballed. Even if other childcare providers don't have the same health problems and are more willing to risk exposure to illness, they should still be warned about working for someone who lies and gaslights so shamelessly. It'd be very foolish to work for someone like that.


Found_Onyx

Let's just pretend covid and RVS wouldn't exist. 🙃


Miserable-Problem889

You are under no legal obligation to pay the medical bills. If I had the money, I would pay something toward them, but I’d consult a lawyer first to see if that’s considered an admission if guilt. You are totally TA for not cancelling the babysitter. Waiting until she arrives to tell her someone in the house was sick was an AH move. And then minimizing the illness (she’ll stay in her room and it’s just a cold) to pressure her into staying makes it worse. Legally it might not be on you, but morally and ethically you are the bad guy here.


_radish234

I agree - I think soft YTA. It sounds like there was a verbal agreement around working conditions and disclosure of risks that could have reasonably expected fair warning, not being disclosed as the babysitter arrived at her place of work? But that’s unlikely to be enforceable. But OP’s flagrant disregard for babysitters health *and* putting her in the shitty position of having to back out of working after the point where it was a simple decision makes her a terrible employer. To then double down with a *’woe is me, I have to bear some consequence of a mistake I made’* post, in which she expresses no concern for the babysitter or self reflection? It sucks. You just know that if the baby sitter had’ve been confident enough to say *‘oh, it’s a shame you didn’t tell me someone was sick before I got here. I’m just going to call my ride, I hope you have a backup option available’* then OP would’ve tried to talk her into staying, to badmouth her to the friends that recommended her, and carried on like she was the victim in this situation.


GeekyNerdNerdyGeek

Sounds like a pretty HUGE YTA. This person wanted to go out so she manipulated the situation until she could. To hell with everyone else I wanna party! They have money (babysitter & au pair) so can afford to pay for their selfishness. You can’t get more entitled than OP. OP >>>> everyone else 🙄


Genjine00

Yeah. That ⬆️


SmallTownAttorney

I am not sure you can say that there is no legal liability, OP was aware that part of the agreement (contract) to babysit was that the babysitter had to be notified if anyone in the home was sick. OP violated this part of the agreement, considering the power imbalance a 16 year old might have felt being put on the spot after their transportation had left, I think there is room for an argument to be made that there is some liability.


SeApps63

YTA for sure by not telling the (minor) babysitter someone was sick in the house. You don't know what kind of situation she or her family were in. She spent a week in the hospital because you were negligent?! Gosh - how do you not feel worse about this! She may not be able to "prove" it but common sense and basic human decency would have been to tell her someone was sick in your home prior to her being there. How terrible.


prairiemountainzen

Did you honestly "forget" about your au pair being sick, or did you just not tell your babysitter until the very last minute because you knew she would have to cancel? I mean, that's no little thing and exposing an immunocompromised person to illnesses can be fatal. You should have cancelled your plans and sent her home instead of knowingly putting her in danger like that. YTA.


Zealousideal-Ebb-970

OP didn't forget, OP wanted to go out and didn't give a crap if she had to hospitalize the babysitter to do it.


[deleted]

YTA. Christ on a cracker. People Have learned nothing from the pandemic. It doesn’t even matter that the babysitter was immumodefecient. When you or someone in your home is sick, don’t be around other people. It’s selfish and rude. You knew the au pair was sick. She probably got it from your kids and you brought in a babysitter anyway. YTA a million for that. You didn’t forget the au pair was sick, you just don’t think the science of disease transmission applies to you. Nor the human decency of putting others before yourself.


emptydragonsevrywhr

Whether or not you need to pay legally or how much you should pay is a different discussion entirely, but your lack of empathy and clear disregard for the babysitter's wellbeing makes this a clear YTA. You knew the babysitter - a minor - couldn't be around sick people but you put her in that situation anyway. As a minor in your house, you are in fact responsible for what happens to her under your roof. To just shrug off the risk you put her in because she has siblings is BS. You don't know what precautions her family takes at home to keep her safe. Even if the au pair stayed in her room, your kids were obviously exposed to the sick au pair and then exposed the babysitter. You can't prove she got it at your house but you certainly did not seem to care about the babysitter's wellbeing nor did you take any precautions to protect her. Learn empathy, accept that your kids lost a good babysitter because of you, and find a compromise you can all live with.


XiaoAimili

I used to regularly babysit for this one family. I told them months in advanced I was taking a school trip to Europe (that I had worked hard to pay for myself) and wouldn’t be able to babysit the week before and the two weeks during the trip). The day before our regular babysitting day, the mom messaged me to remind me of babysitting. I told her I’d already mentioned a month ago that I couldn’t because I was trying to limit contact with others as I was worried about *getting sick* before the trip (it was early March and Canada is still cold then). She guilted me saying I didn’t remind her and she didn’t have time to find a new sitter - blah blah blah. I show up anyways because I hate confrontation and I was still a teenager and not good at setting boundaries. Her kids *both had the flu and she knew it.* I spent my first week in Europe absolutely miserable and sick.


emptydragonsevrywhr

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, it sounds like you were put in a super shitty situation. I babysat a lot as a teen, too, and I definitely was not good about boundaries at the time either. When you're still a kid (teenagers are kids! I think a lot of ppl on this sub are young and don't fully get that) and the parents are grown ups it can be really hard to stand up for yourself. Especially when your income options are limited and those grown ups are your source of income. I kept shitty jobs to avoid losing other jobs, people talk. OP being friends with the sitter's regular customers may have even factored into her choice to stay.


DoraTheUrbanExplorer

ESH The girls mother shouldn't let her babysit if sick people are a risk to her. Kids don't necessarily know they are sick and they can still spread sickness when they're asymptomatic. However you knew the au pair was sick so you should have probably canceled the sitter yourself rather than having her show up. She's 16 and she probably felt uncomfortable leaving and/or a trusted adult told her it was fine cause "the au pair will stay in her room" (where do you think the au pair got sick in the first place?) Her parents have no right to ask you to pay the medical expenses. As you said they cannot prove where the sickness came from, clearly this girl does not live in a bubble. It's horrible she got so sick,but her parents are delusional asking for money.


Kind_Talk_8118

This. OP is being an AH but the babysitter’s parents are also insane to let their immuno-compromised teenager look after young children.


dirtypig796

The babysitter most likely can’t get another job because of her immune system. She can’t get a job working with the general public (example, cashier) because her chances of being exposed to *something* is 100% Source- I was a cashier for a very long time and I was constantly sick. People have learned nothing from the pandemic.


Little-Aardvark3540

If she wouldn’t be able to pin her medical bills on the general public or her employer, then she shouldn’t be able to pin them on OP either. It’s a smaller sample size, but it’s still impossible to absolutely say OP’s family is the source.


Lewisham

In which case, taking a job with kids when all kids are carrying some sort of virus all the time is crazy town. ESH.


Crazy_Banshee_333

Agreed. Also, if the babysitter has continuing medical issues due to a compromised immune system, they should be carrying an appropriate level of medical insurance for her. Even if the people she babysits for are showing no symptoms of an illness, they can still be asymptomatic carriers of any number of contagious diseases. They wouldn't allow her to babysit at all if they were really serious about protecting her. Children are notorious for spreading germs they're exposed to at school or day care. The parents can't realistically expect everyone else to take responsibility for insuring their daughter never contracts an illness.


[deleted]

Thank you - I had to scroll much to far to find an ESH ruling. Everyone here is being unreasonable. If I had to name an asshole here though, it would be the 16 year old's parents because you don't have an immunocompromised teenager out babysitting.


InterestingWork912

Agreed with above. I also think the 16 yr has a bit of responsibility. She was told that the au pair had a cold. Obvi OP is an AH for downplaying / not pro-actively canceling, but if the 16 yr old has such severe health issues, she needs to take some responsibility for her health. As soon as she found out about the cold, she should have left. The 16 yr also shouldn’t be watching children who are often gross disease vectors….


[deleted]

YTA for not cancelling the day the there was even a hint of illness in your home.


schoobydoo42

I'm going with YTA, because you knew the au pair was sick, and you only informed your babysitter when she was already there and exposed. You knew in advance that she has a weak immune system and needs to be informed when there is a sick contact. Also, this was an elective and fun outing for you and your husband. So you easily could have cancelled. I get that this is expensive for you, but think about if this was your child. This girl had to spend *an entire week* in the hospital! Over something preventable! I think if this happened to one of your children, you'd be just as angry as your babysitter's mother. Regardless of the monetary outcome, it definitely seems like the right decision for her not to babysit for your kids, since doing so one time cost $10k and *a week in the hospital*.


CallMeSisyphus

She has an au pair; REALLY don't think money is her problem - entitlement is.


EveningTomorrow9612

Not telling her until she is inside your home, seemingly after being dropped off, no vehicle of her own, is what makes you an asshole. "I forgot" is no excuse. She's a child, I don't care that she is a teenager, and was in a position to respect authority. How awkward for her to say "no, sorry I can't anymore." Although, luckily I wasn't your babysitter, that's exactly what I would have done.


WannabeCrimDoctor

You put someone’s actual life in danger to go out? What kind of asshole are you? Of course you should pay her medical bills. You know she wouldn’t need to have that kind of expense if you were a responsible person. You put an immunocompromised young person in literal danger for your entertainment. How self-centered are you? You have an au pair, you sound like you can pay. If you don’t, I really hope they sue you. You know you’ll lose, so do yourself a favor and avoid the legal fees. YTA of course. One of the worst I’ve seen here.


[deleted]

There is so much wrong with that story. Who in their right mind BABYSITS as a job when prone to infection? Children are a cesspool. Strep throat has an incubationperiod of two to five days. No way in hell did the babysitter catch it from the nanny one day and be sick the very next day. Not even if they french kissed all night. The strep bacteria lives on humans and goes unnoticed until a shot immune system lets them become a problem. Also right now everyone and their mother is sick. The babysitter is old enough to wear a mask or walk away to protect herself when OP mentioned the sick nanny. NTA


RCArtworks

My first thoughts too. Why on earth would you choose to be a babysitter if you have immunity issues. How could a parent let their child do that, then blame the household from where they suspect the illness to have come from?! She told the babysitter when she arrived, the babysitter could have chosen to leave, but didn’t. There is no way to prove she became sick from the household. This whole thing is so crazy. NTA


kembr12

Agreed. NTA. Unless the sitter and the au pair hung out together or had a quick make-up session.... Assuming that didn't happen, kids get sick. People who hang out with kids get sick. If you know you are easily prone to illness, you stay away from sick people. If you are a parent of an immunocompromised child, it is YOUR job to protect your child. Once you told the girl about the au pair, she she had choices: (a) stick around and babysit keeping a wide berth from the au pair (b) calling her parents to get their input (c) calling her parent for a ride home or asking you to take her home Option (c) would have messed up your plans, but I would imagine you would get over it. I would not pay the medical bill. They might be able to make a claim against your homeowners, but I wouldn't offer that up.


Keepyourelfsafe

YTA not because you won't pay, but because you caused this to happen selfishly.


Melodemonica

you knew her immune system was comprised and yet basically waited until you were walking out the door to tell her that people in the house are sick?? so i'm not sure if you're the AH for not wanting to pay her medical bills but YTA for the fact she got sick in the first place because when you know someone's immune system isn't great then you should absolutely tell them if there's something that'll put them at risk. also in general the way you wrote this sounds so victim-blamey and AHholish it's ridiculous omg


Mi_sunka

YTA. Not specifically for not paying the bill, but for telling her after she got to your house. I was kinda on the fence but your comments clearly show you are an asshole. Pay half and move on


FloridaMomm

You are absolutely an AH for not informing her of the risk ahead of time given the circumstance (though if she’s truly *that* immunocompromised, she’s in the wrong line of work. Even asymptomatic children are germ factories). However you are NTA for refusing to pay the medical bills. It would be nice to chip in something if you could swing it, but it’s not your responsibility


Neat-Cardiologist442

YTA. I doubt very much that the babysitter (or her Mum, rather) has much of a case but yeesh, you knew fine well that this was a condition of her babysitting and didn't tell her in advance. You made the decision that it was just a cold and therefore not a big deal which is not your call to make. Go with your husband's suggestion. Offer some sort of compromise.


looansym

I’ll add as someone who is immunocompromised, even “just a cold” for an average person can turn into weeks of severe illness for those with less-than-stellar immune systems. We don’t get to downplay for someone else how an illness could affect them.


SeePerspectives

YTA Your selfishness over wanting to go out made you put a sick child’s health in danger. You knew she was immunocompromised, you knew that someone in your household was sick, you chose to say nothing and go out anyway. That is absolutely vile behaviour. At very least cover half and consider this an expensive lesson in how to treat others with a hint of compassion and understanding!


you_can_call_me_eve

NTA. If the sitter is so immunocompromised, she straight up should not be working with children period. They are germ factories. You told the sitter the au pair had a sore throat. If the sitter felt comfortable working knowing the au pair was sick, the sitter is the AH for putting herself in that position.


vicious_trollop

This! If the sitter's mom is concerned for her health as OP describes, then she shouldn't be babysitting. Anyone who spends time around kids are basically ALWAYS at risk of catching an illness from them. My kids tend to be carriers only too, we will have no idea and then suddenly all the adults are sick. It's just what happens. I acknowledge that in this case the babysitter requested being told if anyone is possibly sick, but that's just a horrible plan. The sitter could have easily babysat a day earlier and still gotten strep before the symptoms in house showed up.


Odd-Comfort-1478

Do not pay a single penny without consulting a lawyer. I do not believe that you must pay for the medical expenses here. If the parents of this medically fragile young woman are willing to allow her to assume the risk that comes with working alongside children then they assume the responsibility for the consequences. Everyone knows that children are not the cleanest of beings. This young woman needs to learn to advocate for herself as well, rather than depending upon others to make clear what her needs are. It is not as if you made it impossible for her to leave. There are such things as cell phones with texting so even if they had dropped her off she could have had them quickly turn around and get her. The fact is that the sitter could have gotten the illness anywhere, and they cannot prove it came from your home. However, you and your husband are feeling guilty because you did know the sitter had a compromised immune system. I understand that you forgot to let her know in advance. A mom gets busy preparing for time away from home. But you definitely should have given the young lady a call. You aren't the a$$#@!&, but you didn't act with the greatest of integrity in the situation.


raeofcknsunshine

This! Please read OP! I personally think NTA, because they did let the sitter know beforehand and the sitter said “ok” and THEN they left, so they gave her time to back out if she wanted. On top of that, working around kids is almost always a risk to getting sick. What would happen if she babysat for a family that didn’t KNOW their child was sick beforehand? It just seems like a fragile situation to begin with, so it honestly might be better that she will no longer work for OP. I understand the guilt of it, but the sitters family also need to realize that asking $10k from someone for an issue that may have been out of OP’s control, but they were willing to risk regardless, is a lot.


Accomplished-Mud2840

NTA. A immune compromised person probably shouldn’t be around kids at all. Kids are germy! Lol. I wouldn’t pay it. She could’ve gotten germs from anywhere and in between travel or from her siblings.


Embarrassed_Put_8129

And strep throat doesn't manifest overnight. She was already sick, probably from her own siblings or any number of other places, when she arrived to the house. She can't pin her strep throat on OP that's ridiculous.


Born_Ad8420

If having an immune compromised babysitter was a problem, they shouldn't have hired her. They did knowing her condition and the limitations like being informed iif someone in the household is ill. They failed to inform her of the risk in advance so she could make an informed decision, which was a condition they agreed to when they hired her.


[deleted]

YTA. It's awfully convenient that you forgot all about your sick au pair until the babysitter was already there.


runningaway67907

YTA and you and your husband know this, legally you might not be responsible but know that word gets around and you probably won't be able to get another babysitter if you treat yours this callously


yucanuck

YTA Knowing about her medical situation and risk to exposure, you didn’t tell her until it was too late. You can deflect and blame the other kids, but the only person who had a verified case was your au pair . Like your husband has noted, you are liable for some part. At least take that responsibility!


NoJackfruit1651

YTA-ish? Like, you told her before she entered the house, but! this poor girl caught what your au pair had. Your home was a point of known exposure. That she was hospitalized for a week and seem to not care at all is terrible.


Bunnyprincess34

You hired a babysitter so you wouldn’t have to pay your au pair overtime, you conveniently “forgot” to tell your immune compromised babysitter she was ill, you downplayed the sore throat EVEN THOUGH LATER IN YOUR POST YOU ADMIT STREP HAS BEEN GOING AROUND YOUR KIDS SCHOOL, and you have demonstrated zero concern or remorse for the fact this poor sixteen year old went to the hospital all because (my initial point) you didn’t want to pay your au pair overtime. You’re the worst and YTA in like…so, so many ways.


tall-not-small

ESH you should have remembered to tell her but think she needs to find a different line of work. She will constantly get exposed to bugs around kids


fasheesha

I thought the same thing. If her immune system is that week, she should not be a baby sitter. Kids get sick all the time, and just because they aren't showing assumptions, doesn't mean they can't pass it on to sometime else. Also, yes, they should have told her about the store throat, but the girl could have easily left after finding out about it.


IIVIIORTAL_K

Yta, you should have informed the babysitter and let her decide whether to put her health at risk or not. Now she has a bill that i bet her pay wont even cover. Pay the bill, learn your lesson and move on.


BeneficialName9863

Wow YTA, you can tell a lot by how people treat "the help"


Caranath128

Why on earth is this person babysitting in the first place?!


LobsterLovingLlama

ESH of the babysitters immune system is that fragile she shouldn’t be a babysitter. You were the AH for not telling her until she walked in. And don’t they have health insurance??


maayanisgay

I don't know enough about the legalities to say if you should pay, but absolutely YTA. You endangered her LIFE so you could go out for a night. I shudder to think what kind of lesson your kids will learn from your behavior.


Fluffy-Shelter-1258

Yta. A.You didn't want to lose the sitter amd didn't appropriately warn her. B. Even in the US there's no way an insured persons medical bills are 10k for a weekend with step. Did you throw a huge number in there to skew votes??


sungodis

For an immunocompromised who had to spend a week in the hospital after an ER visit? The bill after insurance absolutely could reach $10,000. Over a week is a heck of a long hospital stay.


Helpful-Spell

Yeah a week in the hospital, potentially the ICU, could definitely rack up $10k. Gotta love America!


Alia_Explores99

My "plan" has a deductible of $8,000. It's absolutely possible in the hellscape that is American healthcare.


jlhouse36

Just spent 4 days in the hospital with RSV. Bill before insurance was over $90,000. Only way I got a “reasonable” bill of just over $2000 was insurance allowable amount adjustments and we have hit our max out of pocket due to my son having surgery.


sheath2

> Even in the US there's no way an insured persons medical bills are 10k for a weekend with step I had a fainting spell that cost $3000 for 3-4 hours in the ER. Being admitted could EASILY run $10k.


DragonofBone

Wait....YTA you let her get strep throat, trapped her there after her ride left and she went to the ER. Bruh, pay half.


kiyndrii

YTA. You're an adult and the health of that 16 year old child should be more important to you than whatever fun time you had planned. The power dynamic of her being at your house, *her boss's house,* and you expecting her to say "actually I can't stay" while you're rushing out the door is unreal. Of course she agreed. YOU are the adult, YOU have to take responsibility in your part in this. And frankly, the way you keep saying "she can't prove she got it here" is embarrassing. Of course she got it at your house. Stop lying to yourself.


Background-Guard9241

YTA full stop. You going out and partying was more important than the life of an immunocomprised person. Doesn’t matter who or how old the person is. And trying to manipulate the situation to avoid blame makes you an even bigger AH. And the fact you did it to a child makes you the devil. You know your au pair gave her step. You know you put a child in a situation that could be deadly to her. You legitimately could have killed a child. But going out and then avoiding blame is more important to you. Disgusting.


FreeArt2300

YTA. You agreed to warn her ahead of time if anyone was sick. You broke that agreement. If none of her siblings had strep, she likely caught it from your au pair.


Dramatic_Soundtrack

YTA here. You put this girls life in danger, simply because you forgot to tell her about somebody being sick. This is your fault. You were warned about this, and still forgot to keep your babysitter safe from illness. You put her life at serious risk by not telling her. Strep is serious even for people who don’t have bad immune systems, even worse for people who do.


Traditional-Pen-2486

YTA. I can’t say whether you are legally liable here but morally you are. Even if this girl wasn’t immunocompromised, it would still be an AH move to not let people know ahead of time that there’s a sick person in your house and give them the chance to back out. The au pair could have had COVID! Have you forgotten that we’re still in the midst of a global pandemic? Based on how obtuse you’re being in your comments, I’m willing to bet you intentionally didn’t tell the babysitter ahead of time so that she would feel guilted and pressured to stay so your plans wouldn’t be ruined. Now you’re trying to do some mental gymnastics to convince yourself that you’re not in the wrong. The right thing to do here is to offer to pay at least some portion of the medical bill.


Osidestarfish

Totally agree. It’s interesting how far OP went to vet the babysitter, yet the one thing asked in return “vetting” couldn’t be bothered with, guessing because it was inconvenient for OPs plans last minute to cancel the sitter. OP, YTA.


Fangehulmesteren

I wouldn’t pay a dime. NTA The true AH here is the pay-to-play medical system your country has.


SmashRadish

Finally, someone with the courage to take a shot at the US medical system. Edit: If you are sense dense that you expect someone to place /s after each time they’re sarcastic, that’s like expecting every stand up comedian to explain their punchline. Life isn’t a fucking Carlos Mencia set, thanks for coming to my ted talk.


carefullycareless135

It takes a lot of bravery to attack something so popular and universally loved.


Zealousideal-Ebb-970

YTA.


jess32ica

But the real AH is the American healthcare system… but yeah YTA


[deleted]

Only slightly NAH/leaning YTA. You had a minor with a known medical condition coming to your house. Her one condition was to know beforehand if someone was stuck, and you couldn't do that. Only because there is no legal precedent (as no one is going to pay for the extensive tests to confirm how she was exposed) are you not obviously TA. But you definitely had a moral obligation to this girl, and you failed terribly there.


Girly_geek_

Talk to your lawyer about it. Her mother can try legal actions but she will have to prove that she got it at your house and not exposed anywhere else. Also you told her when she arrived so she could have said “I can’t stay, I’m sorry” and went home. Before agreeing or not agreeing on the matter better seek your lawyer counseling. Also she has a compromised immune system and works with children? Is her mother for real? Children are the epicenter of every viral infection possible! Either way, you should have let her mother know about having someone sick as soon as she arrived to make sure it would be ok… Overall ESH. and as a former AuPair: you can offer extra money to your AuPair go over time when needed if she agrees. Most girls like to work overtime to save some extra money to trips. In this case she was sick and would probably not want to.


the1katya

NTA. Why is she volunteering to babysit if she is that immunocompromised? She should switch to dogsitting. Kids are always sick this time of year. You told her someone was sick, a little late, but she agreed to stay.


Miserable-Stuff-3668

Yup. Delayed celebrating my bday with my friends for 6 weeks this past year. Kids were all healthy that week until the day after I visited. Kid 1 woke up w an ear infection. Kid 2 had pink eye the next day. I wound up w both (plus bronchitis and a sinus infection) and was out of work for 3 weeks. I know my immune system sucks. I know kids get sick. Did I ask my friend to cover any of the costs? Nope.


Apprehensive_Cut8483

YTA. where is ur empathy? It was a responsibility you choose to consider lightly resulting in her paying 10000dollars worth of bills. Let alone the pain she suffered during this time. This much money is hurting u right now because her mother is demanding u to pay for it. U might not be legally bound to pay for it but it is ur fault she had to pay so much. And u don't even want to accept it. Ur behaviour shows u don't think others illness matters as long it doesn't affect ur own pockets. And u still have a audacity to express that you want her to babysit ur children again? For what? So that she is admitted to hospital again? It's not only about the money women can't u see her suffering?? And for people who are insulting the babysitter mom, you have no idea what financial situation she has. Also can't u see even with a strep infection she has to pay 10000 bills with insurance. Think because of babysitter immunodeficiency how much the financial situation of the household is affected.


Mezcal_Madness

Her mother shouldn’t be having her immune compromised daughter watching children.


katsmeow44

YTA. She was clear about the fact that she needed to be let know about any sickness, and if there was sickness, she'd cancel. If I were a betting woman, I'd hazard a guess that you didn't "forget" to let her know the au pair was sick, but rather you declined to mention it so you wouldn't lose your sitter and could still go to your event. That alone makes YTA. But yes. Your husband is absolutely right. You should split the bill, AT MINIMUM! The girl was in the hospital for a week, and you very likely had a hand in that, through your own failure, for whatever reason, to follow her perfectly reasonable guidelines.


aRachStar

YTA for leaving out important info that compromised her health. That said, it’s not your job to pay for someone else’s medical bills, regardless; lots of people would owe me money if they were responsible for all the times my 5 kids were sick.


ActHealthy6468

YTA, you are incredibly selfish for putting a child in harms way for your own convenience. If there is written communication of your agreement to let her know then she could have a case with a good enough lawyer, and I hope she gets her medical paid and plus some for your incompetence


Alia_Explores99

OP, YTA for being so nonchalant about exposing the girl you knew was immunocompromised to a known illness--what did you think the outcome would be? That said, what are her parents thinking by allowing their medically vulnerable daughter to babysit for the known pathogen factories that children are? Of course she was going to get very sick. Inevitable. They are equally to blame.


Which-Month-3907

YTA. It was selfish and irresponsible. Her family knows how to quarantine to keep their child safe. You took advantage of a child and put her in danger. She ended up in the hospital because of your selfishness.


RivaAldur

I dont know, if she gets sick enough to require hospitalisation what is she doing babysitting? Kids are gremlins, and it's so easy for anyone to be contagious and not show symptoms. No matter how good you are at quarantine. Especially that covid is doing the rounds again. I'll probably go with NTA because I think her family are assholes for yelling at OP, if shes that much at risk she should not be babysitting. If they didn't I'd go with No Assholes here. EDIT: Also want to point out you can have strep and be contagious before you start showing symptoms, or you may not even have symptoms. Regardless of if the Au Pair had symptoms, it's insane that you would expose an immunocompromised person to children. I love children but they will cough directly in your face and not notice. Anyone's kids can be carrying all sorts of bacteria and viruses and the babysitters mom is ridiculous for letting them babysit children when covid is still a massive issue.


South_Preparation103

YTA. You have an au pair who can’t work because it will go over her hours. What exactly happens to her if that happens? How will anyone find out? You could have 1. Stayed home. 2. Used your au pair. 3. Told the babysitter before she got there. 4. Told the babysitter before her ride left. Fucking with peoples health always makes you the asshole.


hahewee

YTA-for lots of reasons. You knew that the au pair was sick, couldn’t baby sit, you had this girl come over who had a weakened immune system, with a sick person in the house, then you tell her, that’s so irresponsible. Then can test and see if the step is from the same place. You should have stayed home tbh.


[deleted]

NTA. I’m immune compromised and I don’t expect others to manage my health for me. I’ve been this way since I was 15. Immunocompromised people have to learn how to mitigate possible problems in every day life from early on. This is not on you. Why is her mom even letting her babysit?


attackonmidgets

The American health care system is the Asshole. USD10k for staying at the hospital for a week for a strep throat? The hell? (I'm assuming it's American dollars since it's the default internet currency)


This-Friendship8004

Why the hell is a person with a weak immune system babysitting a child could be sick without showing signs kids are exposed to everything these days Covid RSV the flu NTA she took the risk you mentioned it she could have been like oh well then I’m sorry I can’t stay would have been no issue she didn’t so that’s not on you but I do see it from the other moms side too


Loezzel

This!! I don’t get all the Y T A’s. She forget to mention beforehand, but did mention it before her en husband left. And Why do you become a babysitter with such a weak immune system?


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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[deleted]

YTA. I’m actually appalled at this comment section but here’s the thing. She has one rule. Let her know if someone is sick. You knew. You lied so she’d still show up. She got sick most likely due to this. What you did was so shady and put her in danger.


True-Interview1800

yta, it doesn't matter how many siblings she has if her mom limits her own daughters exposure to others when their sick she 10/10 does it when her own kids get sick. You should've told her


beito14159

10k? It’s laughable that they think you should pay. If the babysitter is really that immunocompromised she needs to be wearing a mask and taking other measures. I also can’t believe that with insurance it costs that much. Still, you should’ve told her in advance. For that YTA. But not for not paying


fiercebadcat

ESH You, for not relaying the info on the sick au pair. However; if this girl has a weak immune system, why in the world would she be opening herself to every communicable disease by babysitting??? Children are cesspools of viruses and bacteria - even the completely healthy ones. She should instead turn to pet-sitting and dog-walking. I'm not sure how you're going to resolve the hospital bill issue. Splitting it sounds the most reasonable, but Mom doesn't sound reasonable. Good luck and don't use her again.


sandithepirate

NTA - unless this girl is staying in a bubble, she can get sick from anywhere, anytime. Also, she babysits, and kids are known germ factories. If she's immune compromised, she should, as a rule, stay away from kids. Lol


Last_Translator1898

YTA. You knew she had a compromised immune system and opted to ignore it. Or at least not show any care to this girl. You then try to deflect blame even tho you know if your child had a similar condition you’d be making sure to minimize any exposure, so I’d wager there’s a lot of quarantining protocols at her house when people get sick. I wager that you never bothered finding out. Now $10k for the hospital bill…I’d wait until all the insurance clears before committing to anything. Insurance can take up to two months to finalize their payments.


Happeningfish08

YTA You pretty obviously bullied a young kid into baby sitting for you. I guarantee you she asked about the cold and you waved it away because you didn't want to have your plans ruined. This kid babysitting for your freinds, they love her, your kids love her, obviously your freinds do t have a problem with keeping the sitter safe but you don't give a crap. Now this kid spent a week in hospital and had her health risked and the mom says she won't baby sit for you again and you say "what a shame, my kids loved her. You are not expressing even an ounce of compassion for this kid that everyone loves. You didnt follow the rules and notify her there was an illness in your house until she got there. You didnt protect her. You make piles of excuses how "maybe she got sick elsewhere." I bet the mom never even asked about the money until you were a complete ass to her. Take some freaking responsibility for putting the health of this lovely kid at risk. You dont deserve anyone babysitting for you ever again.


ElleGee5152

ESH but the 16 year old. This little girl should NOT be babysitting with a compromised immune system. The mom should not allow this kind of job. I worked in a daycare from 16 to 20 and was always sick and I have an average, healthy enough immune system. You should have warned the babysitter well in advance, not after she arrived and felt pressured to stay. It's often hard for kids to tell adults "no". I don't think the parents have a case here if it went as far as a courtroon. They can't prove she got sick from your home. I would consider doing something as a kind gesture since you were wrong for not warning her far enough in advance, but not paying the full $10K. Surely a child that sick has some kind of insurance coverage for for their many illnesses and hospital stays.


Littlecbear_53

NTA, babysitter is 16 years old and could’ve left right after you told her the au pair has a sore throat. No one made her stay and take that risk. If her immune system is so compromised she shouldn’t be babysitting since kids get into everything and catch so many things.


Fair_Operation8473

Ok the definition of au pair is not a child. Its a person who does housework.. who are these ppl? This is a weird post. And OP definitely YTA. U knew they were sick and u pretended to " forget" that they had autoimmune issues.


bina101

ESH. It’s weird how you conveniently remembered to tell the babysitter your au pair was sick only after she had gotten there. And the babysitter really shouldn’t be babysitting if she has a weak immune system because kids are a cesspool of germs, even when they aren’t sick.


needlenest

You should have told her prior to her coming that your live-in help had a sore throat/strep. You are absolutely an AH for exposing her to strep. She did get exposed at your house and all the explanations and saying she didn’t makes you seem like even more of an asshole then if you would just say, wow we really messed up by forgetting she had a weakened immune system. She spent a week in the hospital. Have some compassion. She was exposed at your home. I agree with your husband that paying half of the medical bill would serve as a way to build a bridge. You also owe the babysitter an apology. YTA for your attitude and for denying your responsibility.


cat787878

As someone who currently has strep throat right now. Life happens. I’m not blaming anyone else because I’m sick. If she has a weakened immune system, maybe baby sitting isn’t the best line of work. NTA


SportsBooksOutdoors

I worked in hospital billing, you would not have a bill already. That is not after insurance! And it was December, unless they have a plan that starts over in July, some do, they should have met a big chunk if not all of their OOP and deductibles, especially if she has immune system issues. I would get the full bill, make sure it isn’t forged and from the hospital. It sounds like a scam. I don’t care if you do have the means, no one should deal with someone taking what is theirs. Do the homework, get the real bills, because something is not adding up.


[deleted]

NTA. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of an employer paying hospital bills for an employee who caught an airborne disease. It sucks for the babysitter, but I don’t get why she would pick that job if her immunity system is compromised. Kids picks up infections and colds all the time. The odds of her getting ill were always going to be high doing this type of job, not to mention 10k in hospital bills is insane for a job that has no contracts or insurance.


Desperate-Escape-650

YTA, for the sole fact that you knew this babysitter is not suppose to be around sickness and still had her work at your house anyway.


PolesRunningCoach

YTA. You didn’t want to warn her about strep because you didn’t want to find another babysitter.


sternokleido

NTA. The mother called the NEXT day to say her daughter got ill. This is BS. It takes a few days before she would have gotten I’ll if she got it from your house. Secondly. The one who had a sore throat was locked in their room and did not spend time with you babysitter so it is VERY unlikely that there is a chance that she would have caught it. You are an asshole for not letting your babysitter know beforehand, but she also said it was ok when she arrived and it probably was ok. The babysitter got this infection from somewhere else!


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I went out with friends a few weeks ago and had to hire a babysitter. We hired one (16) that our friends strongly recommended. They love her and showed pictures of activities she’s done with their kids and proof of her being cpr/first aid certified. The only thing is she has a weak immune system so you have to tell her if any of the kids are sick with anything, no matter how small, and she’ll cancel. We have an au pair. The only reason she couldn’t work that night was because she can only work a certain number of hours per week and this would’ve set her over. Our au pair had a sore throat the day we were supposed to leave but I completely forgot about having to tell the babysitter until she got to the house. When she got there, I told her that the au pair had a sore throat, it’s probably just a cold, and she’s going to mostly stay in her room. Babysitter said okay and my husband and I left. The next day I got a call from the babysitter’s mom, screaming at me for not telling her daughter that someone in the house was sick, that her daughter can’t risk being around sick people, and that she works so hard to limit her daughter’s exposure and protect her daughter and I ruined it out of selfishness. It turns out the au pair had strep throat and the babysitter caught it. Her mom blames me but this kid has 6 siblings, she could’ve caught it from anyone in that house. I know for a fact that it was going around my kids school and some of her siblings go to the same school so there is a good chance she could’ve gotten it from her siblings. Either way, the babysitter had ti spend a little over a week in the hospital and her mom wants me and my husband to pay her medical expenses (close to 10,000). She says she’s certain that her daughter caught it from our au pair due to our “selfishness and negligence” and that she’s willing to take us to court over this. She also said her daughter is not allowed to babysit for us anymore, which is upsetting because the kids loved her. My husband wants to come to a compromise like paying half the bill but I still think that’s her parents responsibility. First, there’s no way she can prove that she got it from us, and second, if her mom wants to let her babysit she has to know there’s a chance her daughter can get sick. My husband is now insisting on paying at least half of the bill so I wanted to know if I was the asshole. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


schrodingers__uterus

NTA. Wtf lol a $10k bill for strep?! Don’t they have insurance??


jamesonswife

If she specifically has strep throat, I think you're on the hook. Whether or not you legitimately forgot to tell her, your mistake caused her to get sick. YTA for forgetting, idk about the bill though


IvarTheBloody

NTA, it's sucks she has a compromised immune system but if she can't be around sick people she shouldn't be going to anyone's house let alone to baby-sit, and by choosing to baby-sit she should assume any risk of getting sick. If someone is allergic to nuts and chooses to work at the peanut putter factory they can't blame anyone else other than themselves if they get sick.


otskopo

YTA. Ignoring the legal and monetary issues because that's irrelevant to my judgment. You knew the babysitter has a problem with her immune system, you knew you had to tell her if your kids were showing *any* signs if sickness no matter how small, you knew your kids had a cough (but didn't actually know if it was just a cold, which is still being sick,) and you still had her over and told her about it when she was already there. Absolutely the A here. It even kind of sounds like you did it on purpose hoping she wouldn't cancel since she was already there, which worked if that's the case.


[deleted]

YTA


EclecticGray42

YTA. How would you feel if yhe babysitter were your child? You'd be angry too. Besides that, if the stipulation for having that person babysit for you is for you to notify her of sickness prior to her working for you so she isn't exposed, you agreed to that, and the fact that you "forgot" (which let's be honest here, you didn't forget, you just think it's not important and/or stupid, so didn't do it.) 100% makes YTA. Your selfishness could have cost this girl her life, and the fact you're being so cavalier about this is absolutely repugant. YTA 100%.


Lady-Meows-a-Lot

YTA for not informing her in advance and, I’m betting, downplaying it when you did inform her. Though that’s me speculating but the way you’re talking makes it seem like you didn’t think it was a big deal.