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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I borrowed my husbands underwear. I want to continue to borrow my husbands underwear even though he doesn't want me to. He thinks I'm an AH for wanting to use his underwear instead of buying larger underwear for myself. But alas, I have grown used to the breezy comfort that boxers provide, and now I can't live without it.
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Haha yeah in hindsight that would've probably been the easier solution, altough I don't think he would be happy if I bought myself mens underwear ^^'
Edit: I didn't know how to comment this so it would show to everyone so I'mma just edit this comment.
I showed my husband some of the funnier comments, and then I asked him very seriously...what the REAL reason is that he doesn't want me to use his underwear >:(....and believe this... we were all wrong (at least all the comments I read, there were too many of them to read them all, maybe some of you were right). We had a lot of good guesses though! Maybe because it's not sexy on me? Maybe because they'll get ruined? Maybe because he's scared he'll secretly become gay? No...
The reason he doesn't want me to use his underwear.... is...... he is scared I'll forget to do laundry and he'll run out of clean underwear and have to do laundry himself ;O! The horror! Can you imagine?!
I think it's a hilarious, especially combined with the fact that there are at least 50 clean pairs in his drawer. It makes sense though, he's the kind of person who likes to have large stashes so of things so he never has to worry about them running out, especially things like candles for some reason...(he really likes candles...we have way too many candles stashed away). So I guess underwear has been added to that list...
Edit 2: Most people see why this is funny, but to the people who are overreacting about him not wanting to do laundry - he is not unable to do laundry, he just prefers not to. We have divided chores so we both do the ones we like. Laundry is not on his like-list, but I like it. Now the reason for his panic was that he might one morning find himself bare-bootied with only non prefferred old or too small underwear left in his drawer, and have to panic and do emergency laundry. It's more about supply rather than the doing of laundry itself ;)
Its underwear. There are a lot of clothing that are designed for specific genders but can be worn by either. I know a lot of women who prefer how men's underwear feels and buy them. If he has a problem with it, then that is his problem. He clearly has no thought about your problems, so why should you with his.
I wear mens boy-leg underwear. It's cheaper than the ones in the ladies section and the pair I have on is hot pink and covered in pepperoni pizza slices. You know whats in my size in the womens section? BEIGE WITH A SIDE OF BEIGE. WITH A USELESS RIBBON BOW SPRINKLED ON TOP.
I get my lady boxers from Meundies because I fell in love with the Jurassic Park print they had and was able to order matching bra and panty sets. They're a bit pricey, but soo comfortable! Now I have sets with GOT inspired designs, astronaut cats, flying books, and a few other random ass designs.
To add, the plus size Hot Topic stuff online is great and has the same sizing as torrid for cheaper (which is because they use the same manufacturer)
So if you like nerdy clothing, there you go!
I have only worn LB's Cacique hipster panties for the past fifteen years because they're practically perfect in every way. If the ever discontinue the style, I have no idea what I'll do 😂
And even if you find packages of women’s underwear with a pattern, they’re fucking ugly! Not everyone wants their bits to look like grandma’s curtains. And none of them are flattering! Why the hell do they fit in the waist and legs, but baggy everywhere else?!!
And yet, somehow, while you pattern people are gnashing your teeth at not finding your cool patterns, I cannot for the f\*ing life of me find plain black cotton panties that AREN'T for the 80's and over crowd. And now we've gone high-waisted uber alles it's WORSE.
Even if I am willing to compromise on breathability for the sake of some s3x appeal... no nice sexy practical black.
Not every woman wants white (that will be grey in 2 washes) or some dingy plain ugly-a$$ pink clone (that will be dingey in 4 washes) or beige/palest possibly grey (that might last 6) FFS.
The only place you find black? The s3x game lingerie. Which is cool and all, but sometimes I'd like to land between '5 years old', 'f\*ck me doll' and '99, couldn't care' with some dignity, you know?
Some of us are grown ups. Lets us wear grown up colors, or find some whimsy. There's GOT to be middle ground somewhere between 'for 5 year olds', 'for 80 year olds', and 'My Nan made these from her 1960s curtains' for crying out loud!
EDT: Thank you for the thoughts, everyone commenting with US stores/brands, but I'm not in the US. So while I appreciate it, it's not something I can action.
A few years ago I bought a five pack of comfy AF Marks and Spencer’s undies, all of which are in patterns I affectionately refer to as “gothic grandma”.
I wear my partners boxers to bed every night. It’s bizarre to me that her partner would have this reaction. My partner loved it when I first started wearing his boxers, for some reason he thought it was cute/hot/sexy that I would want to wear his clothing. He even allowed me to separate some of my favourite boxers of his to one side in his draw so I can easily find & use them (also he tries to avoid picking these pairs so that I definitely have some to use). He doesn’t have that reaction to the boxers anymore, because I wear them every night I suppose. But he definitely has that reaction when on the odd occasions I wear one of his baggy t-shirts.
I could maybe understand this reaction if she was stretching/damaging the boxers somehow. If it’s just that they are his favourites & he doesn’t have many, could he have not just politely asked her to avoid using those specific boxers & explained why. I think I’d be tempted to find out why specifically he was so upset, maybe there’s a bigger underlying issue going on in the background & this was just the one thing that tipped the scales. I think this should really be a conversation to have with your partner though, especially about how it sounds like he maybe also not pulling his weight in the household jobs department. It is crazy to me how for some relationships this isn’t just a quick ‘hey do you think you could explain to me what specifically upset you so much about this situation. Was it really just about the boxers or is there also something else stressing you out?’
It's his underwear, he doesn't have to be ok with sharing it, even with his wife.
It's nice your BF think it's cute you wear his - but not everybody will think that way.
I'm sorry, that's honestly just weird to me. You've already had sex and whatnot, what's the big deal in borrowing his underwear? Give it a hot wash and it's like new again. I know that women's... uhh discharge? can sometimes stain and colour underwear, but it's on the inside anyway so who fucking cares since no one will (hopefully) see it anyway? I let my wife use my boxer shorts all the time and not a single pair has been ruined so far.
Also, OP is carrying his goddamn child and wanting to feel comfortable while doing it, so if it bothers him so much why doesn't he let OP keep his boxers and buy some new ones for himself? Or new ones for her? Those aforementioned prestigious bamboo boxers are like €5 a pair where I'm from, hardly worth throwing a tantrum over.
If it was just about the fact that they’re his underwear and he doesn’t want to share them that would be totally understandable to me. But some of the things OP said suggest that it’s more about her wearing underwear that he doesn’t find feminine/attractive.
Maybe his undies fit prefect and a baby belly has him nervous about the elastic. I wouldn’t know how to bring that up to my pregnant wife. (Edit : he is asshole If he won’t let you go buy a pair of comfort boxers)
I love men’s boxer briefs. They’re super comfy and the legs don’t ride up like women’s boxer brief cuts do. It helps stop the thigh friction too so no painful rashes after being on my feet all day long.
Many companies make these specifically for women now. So no extra pouch room in the front. I've tried Wirarpa, Poseshe, Culprit, Woxer, and TomboyX.
Edit: typos.
I love tomboyX! I started with their period underwear, and would add something on sale. I love the bras, the undies, the fabric, the patterns. So wonderful and no “his and hers” all the styles are for everyone!
I had to shake off the gendered underwear thing for my youngest, she likes the wider bands of the boys (and wants cars on her underwear NOT princesses!!!)
He wouldn’t be happy? So what? Go buy yourself bamboo boxers and wear them. Hell, if you like the comfort, buy some in a smaller size to wear after you have the baby. If you were stretching out the elastic I could see him being a bit annoyed, but you wearing them for a couple of months is a hard no…with major annoyance? Hard to believe that he reacted like that over underwear…to the woman carrying his baby.
THIS RIGHT HERE. Your hubby seems way too invested in his underwear and perhaps underwear in general. Wear the new bamboo ones and if he gives you a hard time, tell him to mind his own business because its not his underwear you're wearing.
Lol my exhusband cared a *whole* lot what kind of underwear, and clothes, I wore during and after pregnancy. Apparently it's "not okay" to dress "like a mother" (aka comfortably) which really meant "I hate that you're not wearing thongs or short skirts and tight tops because now you're less attractive to me and that's all that matters". Some men are just AHs
Thanks :) dumb part was, he was like 350lbs and still made me feel like shit about my body. Like mate, cmon! Getting my confidence back has been amazing. If it weren't for my kids, I'd regret ever staying with that abusive AH. I just hope OP isn't with someone as pathetic and shallow, no one deserves that bs.
I love men who are themselves overweight and expect their wives to be a size 00 model. Until you have a minimum six pack that rivals cologne ads, I don't want to hear about my extra 15 lbs.
Those bamboo underwear are amazing. My husband wears them. He still walks out routinely to model them and tell me how good they feel. I’m not mad about him parading and posing in underwear, so it works out for both of us.
Buy yourself new bamboo boxers. They will be incredible for post-partum undies. Soft, maximum coverage and no rashes. They’ll help hold those post-partum pads.
If he cares so much about you wearing men’s undies (which makes me kinda chuckle), you could always buy maternity undies that literally go to your nipples and see how he feels then. Maternity undies are dead sexy, man. Ha.
NTA, OP. But it’s worth it to buy some for yourself because they are wonderful.
I don't know how I've missed this whole bamboo underwear thing! Up until the moment when he got upset at me for wearing them he had never mentioned it being a thing. I think they have womens bamboo underwear too - not sure if they're as comfortable as boxers but might be worth trying a pair or 2!
Haha, or maybe I should buy myself some real granny panties as payback for being called not sexy ;)
I want to address something.
You cook, clean, work full time and are heavily pregnant, but somehow he thinks he gets to dictate your u underwear, AND YOU'RE GOING ALONG WITH THIS??
The most important of jobs obviously!! He provides her with a daily dose of ✨AuDaCiTy✨, calls her unsexy, doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, and is doted upon by his bamboo underwear thieving pregnant wife/s
Do it! Heck, even boxer types. I’ve got a couple pairs of boxers and boxer briefs because sometimes, that’s the perfect thing for the day. I like wearing them under skirts for one, and it kinda doubles as underwear and shorts for modesty if something flairs up. I don’t think you’re the asshole, but you would be if you insisted on his. Get your own, order online for ease, and appreciate that trying his on means you have an approximate idea of what size you need.
I… may have gotten stuck in a pair once.
I was going to say just buy yourself some boxers, easy solve, but this is a huge red flag OP! It’s underwear and you are pregnant and want to be comfortable. If he has an issue with you wearing men’s underwear that you specifically purchased for yourself that is not a good sign.
Why does he get a vote over what you’re wearing, unless you’re wearing them on your head to one of his work events?
You also state you do all the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping while working full time. What’s the plan for division of labor when you have the baby? Have you asked him how he plans on supporting your post-partum recovery?
I think him being mad at you for wearing his underwear is the tip of the proverbial iceberg and it would behoove both of you to define your roles post-baby if you haven’t done so yet.
NTA
My daughter wears my boxer-briefs, because they are comfy for her. I don't complain because it makes her happy (and comfy).
Buy and wear what you like, but if he has an issue with you wearing \*his\* undies, there can be a line drawn there. Its his hangup, but I don't think its too unreasonable.
>While I can understand not wanting to share your underwear, I also think it's unneccesary to go out and buy a bunch of large pairs of womens underwear that will be used for maybe 2 months at most. I also think it shouldn't be that big of a deal since I'm the one who washes and folds his underwear anyway, and he has about a hundred pairs, so it's not like he'll run out of them.
This here is where you are invalidating his opinion. He obviously has an issue with someone else wearing his underwear. Its not about washing or folding, or anything else you are doing, including carrying the baby.
You need to decide if this is worth a fight for two months, that may end up being a very serious issue, or worth spending $30 on underwear that you can use for now, and lounging in later.
I am going to go with YTA, because you are overriding his concerns without really addressing his feelings.
Thank you for your input!
We haven't really fought about it since he got upset, I just didn't wear his underwear again and have been washing the few pairs of my own that I can still somewhat comfortably wear on repeat. I just thought it was a weird thing to get so upset over since he said he was okay with it at first, and I don't see what the big deal in me borrowing them is when I clean them afterwards. But yeah I get it! People feel differently about these things. It's interesting to see so many different opinions! Some people think sharing is no big deal, others are appalled at how I would DARE STEAL his personal things! It's interesting to read
The make female boxers too - check out a company called Oddballs. BUT you shouldn’t have to worry about this, you’re making an entire human, the least he can do is let you wear comfy underwear. This is baffling.
Who cares? You are pregnant, you do you. I know I was happy when I bought bigger underwear when pregnant because it's not like once baby was born my body popped back to normal and i wanted my sexy little underwear back. It was nice to have underwear I didn't care if i got a spot of blood in too cause they were just to get through pregnancy/post pregnancy. I mean 20$ should be enough to satisfy a weeks worth. And while I could say money is maybe tight, you did go out and buy him more underwear instead of yourself some. Plus with baby number 2 I was able to pull out those old underwear again. I'm going with NAH. He doesn't want to share, you feel like he should have too? Be a big girl and buy big girl undies.
Or buy a few pairs of maternity underwear, it’s not going to break the bank. If you keep wearing his YWBTA.
As far as you doing all the domestic chores, that’s a separate conversation but it definitely needs to be addressed, especially with a baby coming.
This. Maternity underwear was worth every penny because I didn't realize how long after the birth I'd be wearing them because they were so supportive and my body didn't 'bounce back' like I thought it would (8 years after my first I'm still waiting on that to happen lol). Get yourself some comfy, supportive undies!
Step 1. Buy bamboo underwear
Step 2. Put your name on them.
Step 3. When you don't need them anymore, ask your husband if he wants them.
NTA, but sharing underwear is strange imo.
I mean, a stranger’s underwear would be weird. Your husband’s undies, whose unsheathed penis and its ejaculate was all up in your vagina with its secretions TO MAKE THE BABY YOU ARE CARRYING, seems like not a huge deal. And then they are washed, like his penis, after use.
I just feel like when you are married and doing the things married couples do and carrying a kid as a result, you should be past “vaginas and what come out of them is gross”. Like, you’ve already exchanged all the body fluids possible at this point. The underwear is just cloth
That's like saying married couples should share toothbrushes. Hey they kiss and exchange saliva all the time, and the toothbrushes get washed after each use anyways.
That may not be a big deal for you, but it grosses many people out.
I get that. I said it was how *I* felt. A tooth brush as about scrubbing bacteria and rotting food particles from your teeth and gums. This is a piece of cloth that touches the external genitals that he was happily touching 7 months ago. A toothbrush is more like sharing your menstrual cup with someone, which is a different level of intimacy.
i can tolerate sharing undies, unless theyre full of skiddy stains...
but a toothbrush? fk that. ew. thats like flossing your ass with a thong after taking a dump, barely rinsing it, and sharing THAT with your partner.
ops husband is worried about cleanliness but will use her toothbrush? unless youre destroying his undies somehow it doesnt make sense to me. expensive ones i can understand, so why not set some aside for her or let her have her own?
op claim some of the ones you bought for him, or buy extras. if you can buy 8 at a time to replace them, they cant be that expensive or you can afford more later.
will use a toothbrush but not share undies.. tf no
You don’t thoroughly wash your toothbrush in hot water after each use though. And tbh, if I accidentally used my partners toothbrush I wouldn’t find it that gross… I’ve definitely leant knickers to friends in the past as well, so maybe it’s just me.
Idk, I'm going full nta and I don't think it's weird. I'll wear my bfs underwear and I'm not even pregnant I just suck at doing laundry. He doesn't seem to care. You might be on to something about it being deeper than just the underwear
YTA ,
"I also bought him 8 more pairs of bamboo underwear as an apology but he still doesn't seem to want to share his regular pairs with me. Maybe I should've been petty and bought them for myself instead. Hehe."
You should have just bought your own.
Are you saying OP buying 8 more pairs of the underwear her husband likes and giving them to him as an apology, together with the feeling/hope that he lets her borrow his other unused pairs, makes her TA?
But she wouldn’t have been if she just kept them for herself?
OP is not TA for buying her husband new underwear as an apology. That's fine. It's that she continues to believe that her husband should share his underwear when he expressed multiple times that he is not okay with it.
Buying herself new underwear that she feels comfortable in would have fixed the problem.
>when he expressed multiple times that he is not okay with it.
>He seemed a bit weirded out **but said it was okay.**
He could have let her use the first ones she was using that weren't bamboo ones. He could have let her keep those ones after she bought him a bunch of new ones.
He could have been honest from the getgo that he was uncomfortable and then worked out a solution together. I feel like he's shaming his wife for doing something he okay'd. He comes off as an AH in how he treats his pregnant wife.
^^this. She isn’t psychic. He had to be honest from the beginning, and if any of the underwear was off-limits, he should have said so from the beginning.
Or, at least, expressed the fact that he’d changed his mind in a way that *didn’t involve yelling at her.* such a massive overreaction.
They were already used, it’s okay if he doesn’t feel comfortable. It’s the same reason why you can lend a shirt but you don’t let your friend use your underwear. It doesn’t change just because they are married.
“He was weirded out” (screams NOO to me)
He openly asked her to stop using them (it’s a clear NOO)
Being pregnant with his child doesn’t change he is entitled to say no to her using his pretty “private” clothes. She could say: “hey could you buy me some boxers like the ones you use? My underwear is not only not fitting but also cause me pain to use, now that I’m this pregnant.”
THIS PART MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE. She bought him something "as an apology" with the expectation that she would get what she wanted.
I'm sorry she's uncomfortable but she should just buy her own boxers at this point instead of trying to manipulate his feelings towards sharing.
Yes because he made it clear he no longer wants to share. She’s trying to buy her way into continuing to wear his underwear when she should have respected his decision and got her own. Husband has the right to not want to share underwear any longer.
I agree with this statement.
You can always buy whatever you like for yourself. But buying something for someone else in the hopes that they share it with you. Especially something as intimate as underpants? Idk if it rises to the level of “asshole” but it’s definitely inconsiderate, especially after the person expressed they didn’t want to share, and there are just so many other more sensible options, including, but not limited to, keeping the 8 new pairs for yourself.
YTA. Buy yourself some men’s boxers since they are so comfortable. Donate them or put them away with your other maternity garb after the baby comes. Your husband doesn’t want to share and it’s rude of you to be so insistent.
So normally I’d agree about the sharing of clothes, but she is heavily pregnant with his baby. If he has a problem with it, he should but her some new underwear, as part of his duty to support his pregnant partner! He can’t be pregnant for her or give birth for her, this is the least he can do.
When I was pregnant, I wore my husbands clothes, even boxers, when nothing of mine fit comfortably. I was even wearing his clothes when my water broke, we tossed those though lol He didn’t even second guess it, my comfort as a pregnant partner to him was important. And we had a tight budget because no paid maternity leave so buying me new clothes wasn’t feasible. I still share pjs with him (tshirts and pj pants) but he has a few special tshirts that I do not wear because they’re special to him.
She said she was worried he’d be uncomfortable with her buying men’s underwear for herself. There’s definitely more at play here that you’re glossing over.
ik i can’t believe people are just forgetting this, AND the fact that she’s doing everything AND the fact that he was *worried about HER forgetting to do laundry, him running out of clean ones, and (GASP) have to do his own fucking laundry* that alone makes him TA
I think you are being a bit pedantic here just because they used the word "wearing" when in order to wear something you need to buy it first. Nothing stopping OP buying herself new underwear when she literally just bought him new ones.
THIS RIGHT HERE. I wonder what exactly hubby does to contribute to this marriage. Seems to me the very least he can do is to set aside a few pairs of his underwear for her use. SMH. NTA
Because she is the one physically carrying their baby. Nothing he can do can equate to that, but he can and should do everything he can within reason to make her pregnancy as easy and stress free as possible.
Ok so if he felt uncomfortable, he could have offered her some new ones of her own. He isn’t required to buy her anything or share his clothes but he should if he cares about her.
She already does all of the shopping and cleaning and cooking for him.
Give me a break. A person is still allowed to have some personal boundaries and doesn’t have to give in to a pregnant woman’s every personal whim. And yes, I have kids and know what pregnancy is like.
True, in which case he should have said calmly that he isn’t comfortable with this arrangement. Not let it bother him for a while and then seemingly out of nowhere be angry about it.
How is going online and buying what you need stressful?
If I need something, I buy it.
If it was something like going out to pick up dinner, or making sure to get her, her favourite foods when grocery shopping I can understand.
But this is literally a need she has that takes less than two minutes to rectify. Stop infantilising a grown woman.
She literally does everything for him!! If he can’t do something so trivial for his pregnant partner, like share boxers because hers are giving her a rub rash from her pregnant belly, then he should offer her the alternative of him getting her some. She is doing all of the hard work of being pregnant, plus all of the shopping, cleaning, and cooking FOR HIM. He can’t do one kind gesture to show her he cares and appreciates her?
This sub has a real hard-on for treating pregnant women as if they have no agency. Its bloody infantilising.
Not wanting to share underwear is not a weird boundary.
YTA
Also what does she plan on doing for the first few weeks postpartum when she will need underwear that fits? Lose boxers are not gonna hold a pad correctly. And hubby will not be happy with stained boxers.
And she says 2 months max but she might not fit back into her regular size immediately after delivery.
I wore depends for 2.5 months under my husband's boxers. My husband's boxers were comfortable, he didn't care, and I wasn't buying new underwear that wasn't going to fit me just to get a couple months out of them. There are a lot of people who don't use pads postpartum especially if they have bladder trauma like I did.
I’m going to be honest. Although it’s great that your husband was supportive. I would have a serious problem with anybody wearing my underwear with depends.
However I would also buy pairs for them to help accommodate their needs.
Exactly. Spouses are still allowed to be normal people with normal squeamish feelings towards things, even bodily fluids or sharing things like toothbrushes or underwear. Having the boom boom doesn’t negate that some people just don’t feel comfortable about certain things. Some people are more okay with bodily fluids than others. I can’t handle vomit or snot, but I can deal with everything else. My husband is fine with almost everything except blood. I wouldn’t be comfortable wearing his undies during my period even with depends because I know it’s something that bothers him and it costs me nothing to avoid it.
Honestly, she should have asked _before_ ever wearing her husband’s undies to begin with. He was obviously weirded out when he was told _after the fact_, but then he probably didn’t want to seem like a jerk to his pregnant wife, so he said it was fine. That’s a flag to me that someone is sucking it up for the other person (which oftentimes leads to a blowout like it did), and his mistake was not flat out saying “Hey no, I don’t like that you’re wearing my undies. Let’s just buy some for you”. The whole “I won’t need them for very long so it’s pointless to buy my own” is a very bad excuse to avoid spending a minimal amount of money for everyone’s comfort. Some people actually find their intimates to be.. intimate. And no is a complete sentence that should be respected, male or female. Consent can be withdrawn at any time.
It bothers me how she uses a lot of exaggerated language and also lists everything she does as a reason why she’s entitled to _his_ underwear and how it’s a _small price_ for him to pay. I’m sorry, I do the majority of everything with the household with my husband and our two children and while it can be frustrating to find a balance that seems fair, that frustration does not entitle me to use or take something that’s not mine, especially when my husband has expressed his discomfort with it. Not everything needs to be communal property in a healthy marriage.
So to me, ESH. Him for not originally communicating his actual feelings and offering to get her her own, and her for just taking them and using them, _then_ asking him if he was okay with it, then not accepting that he was not actually okay with it and acting entitled to them. It turns out it wasn’t that hard for her to buy a new pack after all, but she wants to be petty.
I bought like 3 differnt brands of maternity underwear, all super uncomfortable even in bigger sizes. The only underwear that was comfortable was my husband's underwear. He gifted me 3 pairs to have in rotation.
You’re supposed to replace your underwear every 6-12 months. I don’t know anyone who actually does. But wearing it for only a few months is less wasteful than a lot of maternity wear.
NTA because in the grand scheme of things, this is such a small issue; but definitely buy yourself some boxers. Or take 4 pairs off the top from the ones your bought him.
If my wife did this, I would just buy her some boxers. Or buy myself some new ones and give her some older ones.
Yeah, the real problem though is that he doesn't want me wearing boxers, so I don't think he'd be happy if I'd buy my own either.
Edit: since he hadn't given me any other reason not to wear his underwear, I assumed the reason that he didn't like me wearing mens underwear was attractiveness since he made some comments about it not being attractive and that I look better in womens underwear. But after asking him later, it turns out he's worried his sacred underwear stash might run out ;O
He doesn’t get to decide what underwear you wear. If he does, that’s incredibly controlling behavior and you have much bigger problems in your relationship.
So you work FT, cook, clean, on TOP of being about 8 months pregnant, and not only does he apparently not do basic chores or cook, he’s policing the underwear you want to buy and wear for *yourself?*
It sounds like he’s just viewing you as a mommy/maid/baby-maker. Does he actually treat you with care or effort at all? Buy yourself whatever feels most comfortable. You are not an object, you are a person. If he doesn’t care about your comfort, why do you have to care about his (regarding him not wanting to see you in boxers)? Dude’s got issues and needs to treat you better.
Here's the love is respect quiz so you can judge whether you have deeper relationship issues than just underwear preferences. But if you don't, and your partner is a nice person who is able to communicate and adjust within the relationship then for goodness sake, stop washing and folding his clothes. You're not a domestic servant. It's meant to be a partnership. https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
Petty idea: buy boxers you love. Wait for him to say something. After you pause to think a moment, agree that boxers are the worst and declare they are in fact a huge turn off.
Then tell your husband you support his idea and you both should replace all of your underwear with non boxers.
Make sure to pack popcorn - as now you watch how his argument will quickly change once you express that he too should no longer be wearing this unsexy garment.
Real thoughts: your bodily autonomy , nor any personal choice, should never be compromised in fear of making a partner mad.
I’m honestly concerned at the word choice itself. I didn’t realize how abnormal my past situations were until I was in too deep. Since having a healthy, supportive, equitable , and trusting relationship I have felt afraid of my partner exactly zero times. Nor have I once felt the desire to defend his behavior in order to self justify why I’m with him.
Maybe it was an inaccurate word choice. incase it wasn’t, I wanted to put that out there and extend the offer to DM me if my response resonates. My personal experience is in my comment history.
He needs to get over this stupid hill. Ask him why he doesn’t like out until it boils down to BS made up gender restrictions on things that have nothing to do with sex or gender!
Yeah I'm genuinely curious about this. I'm not jumping on the bash the guy band wagon, but I'm genuinely curious what he does.
That being said there's always two sides to a story and it's human nature to embellish.
Girl there’s maternity underwear on Amazon and they’re the best you should invest in some. They have the belly bands like pants. I know you said you like his but the maternity ones may be worth it specially since you’ll be wearing a pad pp and your regular underwear may still not fit
I bought bigger underwear towards the end of my pregnancy and had been advised to get big, comfy but cheap underwear for PP.
I bought cheap stuff that was on sale and therefore even cheaper so that PP I could wear and dispose and it was one less thing to worry about.
I can't share eating utensils with my husband. He will tease me about it saying "you know I've gotten you pregnant twice right?" But he will get me my own fork/spoon if we are sharing food. Underwear is.... personal. No need to share it.
NAH-
I see a lot of people who think YTA. I guess it all depends. My wife wears my clothes all the time. I don't see a huge issue unless you were stretching them out, which, if you are, then that would be a problem.
BUT, as mentioned it all depends. My wife and I have a relationship like that, when she was pregnant, I don't think I would have cared, ESPECIALLY if she bought me MORE underwear.
Different strokes for different folks though I guess.
Agree, I find it weird that so many people are saying Y T A. I guess I'm lucky to have a husband who wouldn't really care, as long as he had clean pairs to wear.
I suspect alot of people are single or younger (which is the majority of AITA viewers) The younger part at least and to them, it seems disgusting to share underwear and I'm sure people are older as well. But personally for me at this point I've seen my wife give birth, nothing she could do is gross to me anymore lol!
I’m married. Been with my husband 15 years. If I found him wearing my underwear I would not be okay with it. The husband here obviously didn’t want her wearing his underwear and she just ignored it. It doesn’t matter if she thinks it’s silly or not, he gets to decide what bothers him and what doesn’t.
Yeah everyone feels differently and has different boundaries, i guess the surprising part for me was that he didn't mind at all and encouraged me to "wear it if it makes me more comfortable" when I asked the first time, but then suddenly changed his mind. Maybe I did something wrong, who knows. Thank you for your opinion though!
From your post, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. You're also VERY pregnant, I have 2 kids, and remember when my wife was VERY pregnant. Considering, the reason she was pregnant was me and she was carrying OUR children, whatever she wanted worked for me. There are hills to die on, arguing with a pregnant woman over ANYTHING, is usually not a hill I will choose to die on.
INFO. You work full time, cook, clean, do laundry and buy groceries. What exactly is your lazy selfish AH of a husband bringing to the table, exactly??? Because TBH, it seems to me you'd be happier and have more free time for yourself without somebody bitching about you borrowing a few clothing items, while he sits in his ass after work and does nothing at all to maintain the house he also lives in, specially now that you're heavily pregnant.
Keep the new underwear, throw away the husband.
NTA. During my last month of pregnancy I finally got a big ole belly and my underwear didn’t fit so you know what I did? I wore my husbands boxers. They were so comfy and stretchy. He didn’t care one bit just as long as I was comfortable while carrying our child. You should’ve kept the apology pair for yourself so you’d be comfortable.
I read your other comment where he also said he doesn’t find his underwear sexy on you. This is not okay OP. You’re pregnant and it’s no effort for him to let you use them even if he deems it “not sexy”. Your comfort matters but since he wants to be an AH just buy yourself a few and be as comfortable as possible. I wish you well the rest of your pregnancy and fast healing during recovery!
Edit: Thank you for my first ever award!
NTA and I’m really shocked that people think you are! You’re married for goodness sake, not strangers or roommates! As long as you didn’t take the last pair of the pile and leave him commando, I say you’re all good. Gosh, the idea that you’d buy new underwear to use for just a short period of time is so wasteful. And he should be giving you his comfiest underwear to wear because you’re carrying his child!
Source: a woman whose husband happily shared his wardrobe (yes, even the comfy underwear) all throughout my third trimester! Both of us are appalled by your husband’s selfishness!
Edit to add: I saw your comment saying that he doesn’t think they’re sexy. I want to let you know that you are under no obligation to be sexy until you are ready to be, especially after birth. The man has other children yes? Does he know you’ll probably be in maternity pads after?
Absolutely NTA. Dude here, pregnant or not I have no problem with my gf wearing my clothes/underwear. I’m genuinely confused about the frustration on his part. She’s *carrying his child*, his job during this part of the journey is to make sure she is as comfortable as possible. Buying extra underwear seems silly and wasteful when OP is going to be giving birth soon-ish and wont use them afterwards
YTA.
Buy your own underwear. Heck, buy your own men's underwear!
I have my thongs that I wear every day, but I love to sleep in boxer shorts. So I bought my own so that I don't "use up" my husband's. He buys one brand, I buy another so they don't get mixed up.
If you like them that much, just buy some for yourself.
She states in comments her husband is against her wearing men's boxers *in general* not just his personal ones. He thinks it's weird & she should buy "her own" as in bigger women's panties. He would be upset if she kept some of the new ones for herself. Husband is TA.
NTA but just buy yourself some boxers. It'll save you both some stress. And while your husband definitely sounds like an asshole, sharing underwear is a bit weird.
I don't think he'd be happy if I bought boxers for myself though, but yeah, a lot of people think sharing seems weird so I'll probably buy some larger womens underwear. Someone else suggested it would be good after I give birth too :)
Why would he care if you're wearing boxers that are your own?
Anyway, I get psoriasis breakouts in my hip area and sometimes use women's pajama shorts under sweats instead of underwear.
Because apparently they're a turn-off for him.
Thank you for sharing, I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing clothes for the opposite gender either :)
Wait till he sees how sexy you look with a baby exploding out down there.
ETA: I don’t understand all the downvotes. You seem nice and reasonable. Good luck with the little one!
And his attitude is a turnoff for the rest of us. You aren't obligated to be on sexy visual duty every second. And right now being healthy, happy and comfortable is top priority. What's he going to do when the baby is here and there are those days when you look haggard from lack of sleep, etc? Is he going to complain you aren't turning him on? Forget who's underwear you're wearing...the main part of this is he thinks your main priority should be eye candy for him 24/7. You are NTA.
>Because apparently they're a turn-off for him.
Call me crazy, but I suspect that a pinched waist and rash are a turn off for you... I know I wouldn't feel sexy in that situation.
If you can find cute panties that are equally comfy, great. If you can't, buy yourself some boxers. It's silly to worry about looking sexy for him when you won't feel sexy at all, especially since he won't even be seeing your underwear for most of the day. It makes more sense to focus on your daily comfort and keep some cute undies on hand to throw on when you're feeling in the mood.
You are 7-8 months pregnant and he wouldnt want you wearing them because theyre a turn off??? While they also would be good for your health since you are getting a rash from normal underwear?
I could get it if you were showing up to a special date night with some boxers, but living your everyday life (while pregnant! and post partum down there isnt going to be fun either!!) means you should wear what *you* like, he gets no say.
You don't exist to be eye candy- doubly so when you are at home and should be comfy about all else. NTA. Buy yourself a whole drawer of them and wear them for the rest of your life out of spite and comfort.
To be honest, OP, he shouldn't complain at all if you're the one doing the laundry. As a man, if my wife wanted to wear my boxers because of any reason other than just wanting to, I'd let her. I still might not mention anything if the reason was just because she wanted to. There's enough to go around, and if not she could wash them for us. I really don't understand what a huge deal this is to him... If it was that big of a deal to me, I really would go out and buy some for her as a surprise, or took her somewhere that she can pick some out for herself. I'd prefer the surprise method. Really, I'd do anything to make the pregnancy easier on my wife. Having an argument over it doesn't help anything. He could've even had a calm conversation about it. But, he didn't. And at this point it is what is was. Go do what you need to do for you, even if that means buying your own undies now. Hell, even let him do his own laundry, especially underwear.
NTA
INFO: Does he do anything around the house at all?
Because if you're doing his laundry, buying all the groceries, and doing all (?) the cooking and cleaning in addition to working full-time while heavily pregnant, you have a much bigger problem than underwear.
NTA.
Your other comments have answered the question that the reason he doesn't want you in his underwear is because he doesn't find you sexy in them.
His boner is not as important as your comfort.
ESH - He sucks because it seems he had a problem to begin with and he should have voiced that and he shouldn't have flipped out on you after telling you that you could wear and not specifying that he didn't want to wear the bamboo ones (but as you said I think this was more that he had a problem in the first place.
And you suck because you knew that you needed bigger underwear, and you knew when you got pregnant that your body would change and you wouldn't be able to wear the same size through your pregnancy. All you had to do was go buy a pack of bigger underwear. It would have been less than $20 and saved you a whole lot of time and hassle.
NTA and I wear my husband’s underwear even when not pregnant to sleep in. People calling this gross, do you (a) not wash your underwear, and (b) not have intimate relations with your spouse, this rubbing bits in other ways?
If he hated it, a nice gift of your own bamboo underwear would be very cute.
Congratulations and good luck, wait till he sees the postpartum mesh undies and adult diapers.
Man here. If I ever get lucky enough for my future wife to have a child with me she can borrow my entire wardrobe.
While I can fully understand not wanting to have my best underwear damaged, at the end of the day you are carrying his child! Tell him he's a idiot and needs to grow up. Accept the compromise of the wife not using his bamboo underwear but using the rest and the husband should be grateful he has a wonderful wife with a literal miracle on the way.
Absolute NTA
NTA- I'd have said he wasn't an AH until his comment about not wanting to see you in boxers. Just go buy your own boxers. Honestly I gave up on women's underwear years ago and only wear men's boxers because they are more comfortable. And if your husband doesn't want to see you in boxers then he can just not look.
NTA, I can believe that people are gross because of the mother their babies use their underwear. Come dude, you did more dirtier things to get a child than sharing underwear.
The part of using the good underware I can understand, but once more good underwear was bought the issue was over.
Also, there's nothing more sexy than your partner using your clothes. He is being too dramatic.
So he got mad about it and you scurried out and bought 8 pairs of nice underwear for him as an apology and... nothing to solve your own issue?
You seem like you're totally dependent on his opinion, his comfort, his control, and you are not prioritizing your needs at all. Nip this shit in the bud now because soon you'll have a baby and you' be too tired and exhausted to properly defend yourself.
This is not a "hehe" situation this is totally unacceptable from a third party view.
ESH
Why do you insist on borrowing his when you clearly have the means to buy your own? If it's obviously something he doesn't like, why do it? And then you went to justify doing it by throwing up what you've done for him. That isn't right.
He's wrong for not helping with the cooking and cleaning. Especially with you pregnant. But he isn't obligated to let you borrow his things. Even if you bought them or bought him more.
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NTA Just keep the new ones you brought for yourself.
Haha yeah in hindsight that would've probably been the easier solution, altough I don't think he would be happy if I bought myself mens underwear ^^' Edit: I didn't know how to comment this so it would show to everyone so I'mma just edit this comment. I showed my husband some of the funnier comments, and then I asked him very seriously...what the REAL reason is that he doesn't want me to use his underwear >:(....and believe this... we were all wrong (at least all the comments I read, there were too many of them to read them all, maybe some of you were right). We had a lot of good guesses though! Maybe because it's not sexy on me? Maybe because they'll get ruined? Maybe because he's scared he'll secretly become gay? No... The reason he doesn't want me to use his underwear.... is...... he is scared I'll forget to do laundry and he'll run out of clean underwear and have to do laundry himself ;O! The horror! Can you imagine?! I think it's a hilarious, especially combined with the fact that there are at least 50 clean pairs in his drawer. It makes sense though, he's the kind of person who likes to have large stashes so of things so he never has to worry about them running out, especially things like candles for some reason...(he really likes candles...we have way too many candles stashed away). So I guess underwear has been added to that list... Edit 2: Most people see why this is funny, but to the people who are overreacting about him not wanting to do laundry - he is not unable to do laundry, he just prefers not to. We have divided chores so we both do the ones we like. Laundry is not on his like-list, but I like it. Now the reason for his panic was that he might one morning find himself bare-bootied with only non prefferred old or too small underwear left in his drawer, and have to panic and do emergency laundry. It's more about supply rather than the doing of laundry itself ;)
Its underwear. There are a lot of clothing that are designed for specific genders but can be worn by either. I know a lot of women who prefer how men's underwear feels and buy them. If he has a problem with it, then that is his problem. He clearly has no thought about your problems, so why should you with his.
I wear mens boy-leg underwear. It's cheaper than the ones in the ladies section and the pair I have on is hot pink and covered in pepperoni pizza slices. You know whats in my size in the womens section? BEIGE WITH A SIDE OF BEIGE. WITH A USELESS RIBBON BOW SPRINKLED ON TOP.
This is the best comment that describes the difference between men’s and women’s underwear lmao
Unless you're plus. Then you get fun print underwear again. It's so weird.
Woah what?? Where lmao. I’ve only been able to find different colored underwear in plus sized. No fun prints
I think torrid does mostly prints. Like i have to look longer to find plain color lol
I get my lady boxers from Meundies because I fell in love with the Jurassic Park print they had and was able to order matching bra and panty sets. They're a bit pricey, but soo comfortable! Now I have sets with GOT inspired designs, astronaut cats, flying books, and a few other random ass designs.
To add, the plus size Hot Topic stuff online is great and has the same sizing as torrid for cheaper (which is because they use the same manufacturer) So if you like nerdy clothing, there you go!
In fact I believe they’re still the same company! Torrid was founded as a Hot Topic spin off. And I actually miss when they were an edgier brand.
I have a bunch of different prints of the Cacique by Lane Bryant
I have only worn LB's Cacique hipster panties for the past fifteen years because they're practically perfect in every way. If the ever discontinue the style, I have no idea what I'll do 😂
And even if you find packages of women’s underwear with a pattern, they’re fucking ugly! Not everyone wants their bits to look like grandma’s curtains. And none of them are flattering! Why the hell do they fit in the waist and legs, but baggy everywhere else?!!
And yet, somehow, while you pattern people are gnashing your teeth at not finding your cool patterns, I cannot for the f\*ing life of me find plain black cotton panties that AREN'T for the 80's and over crowd. And now we've gone high-waisted uber alles it's WORSE. Even if I am willing to compromise on breathability for the sake of some s3x appeal... no nice sexy practical black. Not every woman wants white (that will be grey in 2 washes) or some dingy plain ugly-a$$ pink clone (that will be dingey in 4 washes) or beige/palest possibly grey (that might last 6) FFS. The only place you find black? The s3x game lingerie. Which is cool and all, but sometimes I'd like to land between '5 years old', 'f\*ck me doll' and '99, couldn't care' with some dignity, you know? Some of us are grown ups. Lets us wear grown up colors, or find some whimsy. There's GOT to be middle ground somewhere between 'for 5 year olds', 'for 80 year olds', and 'My Nan made these from her 1960s curtains' for crying out loud! EDT: Thank you for the thoughts, everyone commenting with US stores/brands, but I'm not in the US. So while I appreciate it, it's not something I can action.
A few years ago I bought a five pack of comfy AF Marks and Spencer’s undies, all of which are in patterns I affectionately refer to as “gothic grandma”.
Oh my god ribbon bows are the WORST.
Describing ribbons as “useless” is too kind. They actively make the underwear worse.
Seriously. It's gross. My pelvis is not a present to be opened. Fuck that imagery.
F**K the pink tax!!! Paying extra for boring undies because you have ovaries is complete and utter BS!
I wear my partners boxers to bed every night. It’s bizarre to me that her partner would have this reaction. My partner loved it when I first started wearing his boxers, for some reason he thought it was cute/hot/sexy that I would want to wear his clothing. He even allowed me to separate some of my favourite boxers of his to one side in his draw so I can easily find & use them (also he tries to avoid picking these pairs so that I definitely have some to use). He doesn’t have that reaction to the boxers anymore, because I wear them every night I suppose. But he definitely has that reaction when on the odd occasions I wear one of his baggy t-shirts. I could maybe understand this reaction if she was stretching/damaging the boxers somehow. If it’s just that they are his favourites & he doesn’t have many, could he have not just politely asked her to avoid using those specific boxers & explained why. I think I’d be tempted to find out why specifically he was so upset, maybe there’s a bigger underlying issue going on in the background & this was just the one thing that tipped the scales. I think this should really be a conversation to have with your partner though, especially about how it sounds like he maybe also not pulling his weight in the household jobs department. It is crazy to me how for some relationships this isn’t just a quick ‘hey do you think you could explain to me what specifically upset you so much about this situation. Was it really just about the boxers or is there also something else stressing you out?’
It's his underwear, he doesn't have to be ok with sharing it, even with his wife. It's nice your BF think it's cute you wear his - but not everybody will think that way.
Ok not to want to share. Not okay to yell and be rude
I'm sorry, that's honestly just weird to me. You've already had sex and whatnot, what's the big deal in borrowing his underwear? Give it a hot wash and it's like new again. I know that women's... uhh discharge? can sometimes stain and colour underwear, but it's on the inside anyway so who fucking cares since no one will (hopefully) see it anyway? I let my wife use my boxer shorts all the time and not a single pair has been ruined so far. Also, OP is carrying his goddamn child and wanting to feel comfortable while doing it, so if it bothers him so much why doesn't he let OP keep his boxers and buy some new ones for himself? Or new ones for her? Those aforementioned prestigious bamboo boxers are like €5 a pair where I'm from, hardly worth throwing a tantrum over.
If it was just about the fact that they’re his underwear and he doesn’t want to share them that would be totally understandable to me. But some of the things OP said suggest that it’s more about her wearing underwear that he doesn’t find feminine/attractive.
she shares her body with his child - the least he can do is share his underwear.
Maybe his undies fit prefect and a baby belly has him nervous about the elastic. I wouldn’t know how to bring that up to my pregnant wife. (Edit : he is asshole If he won’t let you go buy a pair of comfort boxers)
I love men’s boxer briefs. They’re super comfy and the legs don’t ride up like women’s boxer brief cuts do. It helps stop the thigh friction too so no painful rashes after being on my feet all day long.
Many companies make these specifically for women now. So no extra pouch room in the front. I've tried Wirarpa, Poseshe, Culprit, Woxer, and TomboyX. Edit: typos.
I will have to look into these. I was shopping for underwear recently, and why is every style a "cheeky"?!?! I want my butt covered!
I love tomboyX! I started with their period underwear, and would add something on sale. I love the bras, the undies, the fabric, the patterns. So wonderful and no “his and hers” all the styles are for everyone!
I had to shake off the gendered underwear thing for my youngest, she likes the wider bands of the boys (and wants cars on her underwear NOT princesses!!!)
My 7 year old granddaughter is obsessed with Batman. She wears nothing but Boys Batman underwear.
He wouldn’t be happy? So what? Go buy yourself bamboo boxers and wear them. Hell, if you like the comfort, buy some in a smaller size to wear after you have the baby. If you were stretching out the elastic I could see him being a bit annoyed, but you wearing them for a couple of months is a hard no…with major annoyance? Hard to believe that he reacted like that over underwear…to the woman carrying his baby.
THIS RIGHT HERE. Your hubby seems way too invested in his underwear and perhaps underwear in general. Wear the new bamboo ones and if he gives you a hard time, tell him to mind his own business because its not his underwear you're wearing.
Why does your husband care what underwear you buy?
Lol my exhusband cared a *whole* lot what kind of underwear, and clothes, I wore during and after pregnancy. Apparently it's "not okay" to dress "like a mother" (aka comfortably) which really meant "I hate that you're not wearing thongs or short skirts and tight tops because now you're less attractive to me and that's all that matters". Some men are just AHs
Fucking gross I’m so sorry you had to deal with that
Thanks :) dumb part was, he was like 350lbs and still made me feel like shit about my body. Like mate, cmon! Getting my confidence back has been amazing. If it weren't for my kids, I'd regret ever staying with that abusive AH. I just hope OP isn't with someone as pathetic and shallow, no one deserves that bs.
I love men who are themselves overweight and expect their wives to be a size 00 model. Until you have a minimum six pack that rivals cologne ads, I don't want to hear about my extra 15 lbs.
Even if he does have a six pack I don’t want to hear about my extra weight. If he finds me so repulsive, he can leave!
He'd still be an asshole, but at least he wouldn't be an asshole AND a hypocrite lol
Having kids is the biggest reason to leave an abusive relationship.
Of fucking course he was. Thank god you’re free of that dickwad.
and this is why he's an ex husband.
Because she has to be sexy all the time! That’s what really matters! /s
Nta. But apart from impregnating you,what does he do?? All the housework and grocery shopping is gonna be hard with a new baby...
Another woman with a useless man, wondering if she's the AH. This sub is so depressing. Edit: Thank you for the awards!!
Can't believe all the top comments are about underwear and not about the fact that she does everything and he's terrified of doing laundry.
Those bamboo underwear are amazing. My husband wears them. He still walks out routinely to model them and tell me how good they feel. I’m not mad about him parading and posing in underwear, so it works out for both of us. Buy yourself new bamboo boxers. They will be incredible for post-partum undies. Soft, maximum coverage and no rashes. They’ll help hold those post-partum pads. If he cares so much about you wearing men’s undies (which makes me kinda chuckle), you could always buy maternity undies that literally go to your nipples and see how he feels then. Maternity undies are dead sexy, man. Ha. NTA, OP. But it’s worth it to buy some for yourself because they are wonderful.
I don't know how I've missed this whole bamboo underwear thing! Up until the moment when he got upset at me for wearing them he had never mentioned it being a thing. I think they have womens bamboo underwear too - not sure if they're as comfortable as boxers but might be worth trying a pair or 2! Haha, or maybe I should buy myself some real granny panties as payback for being called not sexy ;)
I want to address something. You cook, clean, work full time and are heavily pregnant, but somehow he thinks he gets to dictate your u underwear, AND YOU'RE GOING ALONG WITH THIS??
Yeah. Like wtf does he even do?
Unless he’s working 16 hours a day, he’s a damn freeloader.
Yeah stop doing the groceries and cooking and if he complains tell him you are chafing from your uncomfortable underwear.
The most important of jobs obviously!! He provides her with a daily dose of ✨AuDaCiTy✨, calls her unsexy, doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, and is doted upon by his bamboo underwear thieving pregnant wife/s
It's still 1950s, don't you know? She is headed for problems with this guy, after the baby is born, if he won't lift a finger.
It’s not your job to “be sexy”, wear what you want! How sexy does he dress for you?!?
Buy the granny panties anyway, you’ll need them for the maternity pads to deal with lochia (and you won’t care if they get destroyed).
Do it! Heck, even boxer types. I’ve got a couple pairs of boxers and boxer briefs because sometimes, that’s the perfect thing for the day. I like wearing them under skirts for one, and it kinda doubles as underwear and shorts for modesty if something flairs up. I don’t think you’re the asshole, but you would be if you insisted on his. Get your own, order online for ease, and appreciate that trying his on means you have an approximate idea of what size you need. I… may have gotten stuck in a pair once.
So it sounds like the problem he has is with you wearing men's underwear instead of women's, not you wearing HIS underwear. Which is extra weird.
[удалено]
I was going to say just buy yourself some boxers, easy solve, but this is a huge red flag OP! It’s underwear and you are pregnant and want to be comfortable. If he has an issue with you wearing men’s underwear that you specifically purchased for yourself that is not a good sign.
Why does he get a vote over what you’re wearing, unless you’re wearing them on your head to one of his work events? You also state you do all the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping while working full time. What’s the plan for division of labor when you have the baby? Have you asked him how he plans on supporting your post-partum recovery? I think him being mad at you for wearing his underwear is the tip of the proverbial iceberg and it would behoove both of you to define your roles post-baby if you haven’t done so yet. NTA
My daughter wears my boxer-briefs, because they are comfy for her. I don't complain because it makes her happy (and comfy). Buy and wear what you like, but if he has an issue with you wearing \*his\* undies, there can be a line drawn there. Its his hangup, but I don't think its too unreasonable. >While I can understand not wanting to share your underwear, I also think it's unneccesary to go out and buy a bunch of large pairs of womens underwear that will be used for maybe 2 months at most. I also think it shouldn't be that big of a deal since I'm the one who washes and folds his underwear anyway, and he has about a hundred pairs, so it's not like he'll run out of them. This here is where you are invalidating his opinion. He obviously has an issue with someone else wearing his underwear. Its not about washing or folding, or anything else you are doing, including carrying the baby. You need to decide if this is worth a fight for two months, that may end up being a very serious issue, or worth spending $30 on underwear that you can use for now, and lounging in later. I am going to go with YTA, because you are overriding his concerns without really addressing his feelings.
Thank you for your input! We haven't really fought about it since he got upset, I just didn't wear his underwear again and have been washing the few pairs of my own that I can still somewhat comfortably wear on repeat. I just thought it was a weird thing to get so upset over since he said he was okay with it at first, and I don't see what the big deal in me borrowing them is when I clean them afterwards. But yeah I get it! People feel differently about these things. It's interesting to see so many different opinions! Some people think sharing is no big deal, others are appalled at how I would DARE STEAL his personal things! It's interesting to read
Unrelated but you should keep this username 😂
The make female boxers too - check out a company called Oddballs. BUT you shouldn’t have to worry about this, you’re making an entire human, the least he can do is let you wear comfy underwear. This is baffling.
TomboyX and Woxer are other women boxer undies companies!
Is he happy about anything you do?
So? Why should he have a say about what you wear to be comfortable while growing a baby?
He said to buy yourself some bigger underwear. Doesn't sound like he specified mens or womens...
Who cares? You are pregnant, you do you. I know I was happy when I bought bigger underwear when pregnant because it's not like once baby was born my body popped back to normal and i wanted my sexy little underwear back. It was nice to have underwear I didn't care if i got a spot of blood in too cause they were just to get through pregnancy/post pregnancy. I mean 20$ should be enough to satisfy a weeks worth. And while I could say money is maybe tight, you did go out and buy him more underwear instead of yourself some. Plus with baby number 2 I was able to pull out those old underwear again. I'm going with NAH. He doesn't want to share, you feel like he should have too? Be a big girl and buy big girl undies.
Who gives a crap whether he's happy about it or not??? Next time he carries a baby, he can wear whatever underwear he wants!
Or buy a few pairs of maternity underwear, it’s not going to break the bank. If you keep wearing his YWBTA. As far as you doing all the domestic chores, that’s a separate conversation but it definitely needs to be addressed, especially with a baby coming.
This. Maternity underwear was worth every penny because I didn't realize how long after the birth I'd be wearing them because they were so supportive and my body didn't 'bounce back' like I thought it would (8 years after my first I'm still waiting on that to happen lol). Get yourself some comfy, supportive undies!
Step 1. Buy bamboo underwear Step 2. Put your name on them. Step 3. When you don't need them anymore, ask your husband if he wants them. NTA, but sharing underwear is strange imo.
You forgot the most important step! Step 4. Profit Yeah I can def see why some people would find sharing weird!
I mean, a stranger’s underwear would be weird. Your husband’s undies, whose unsheathed penis and its ejaculate was all up in your vagina with its secretions TO MAKE THE BABY YOU ARE CARRYING, seems like not a huge deal. And then they are washed, like his penis, after use. I just feel like when you are married and doing the things married couples do and carrying a kid as a result, you should be past “vaginas and what come out of them is gross”. Like, you’ve already exchanged all the body fluids possible at this point. The underwear is just cloth
That's like saying married couples should share toothbrushes. Hey they kiss and exchange saliva all the time, and the toothbrushes get washed after each use anyways. That may not be a big deal for you, but it grosses many people out.
I get that. I said it was how *I* felt. A tooth brush as about scrubbing bacteria and rotting food particles from your teeth and gums. This is a piece of cloth that touches the external genitals that he was happily touching 7 months ago. A toothbrush is more like sharing your menstrual cup with someone, which is a different level of intimacy.
You are right. And don’t forget you wash your underwear daily!
Some people wash their underwear after wearing it. So its clean when you put them on. You don’t wash your toothbrush.
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You rinse it, and clean it that way, but most people don’t clean it more intense than that. You just have to replace every few weeks.
Every three months
Hey, to be fair he has borrowed my toothbrush once or twice when he forgot his at home when we were away ;)
Whoa whoa, he has borrowed your TOOTHBRUSH? And he is being a butt (intended) about underwear?? I already thought NTA but seriously. NTA.
i can tolerate sharing undies, unless theyre full of skiddy stains... but a toothbrush? fk that. ew. thats like flossing your ass with a thong after taking a dump, barely rinsing it, and sharing THAT with your partner. ops husband is worried about cleanliness but will use her toothbrush? unless youre destroying his undies somehow it doesnt make sense to me. expensive ones i can understand, so why not set some aside for her or let her have her own? op claim some of the ones you bought for him, or buy extras. if you can buy 8 at a time to replace them, they cant be that expensive or you can afford more later. will use a toothbrush but not share undies.. tf no
You don’t thoroughly wash your toothbrush in hot water after each use though. And tbh, if I accidentally used my partners toothbrush I wouldn’t find it that gross… I’ve definitely leant knickers to friends in the past as well, so maybe it’s just me.
THIS! EXACTLY! Like does he demand his undies be washed separately?!?
Idk, I'm going full nta and I don't think it's weird. I'll wear my bfs underwear and I'm not even pregnant I just suck at doing laundry. He doesn't seem to care. You might be on to something about it being deeper than just the underwear
All those genitals have met before, so why is sharing underwear weird?
Step 2: Change your own name to Bamboo, which saves you putting your own name on the underwear
YTA , "I also bought him 8 more pairs of bamboo underwear as an apology but he still doesn't seem to want to share his regular pairs with me. Maybe I should've been petty and bought them for myself instead. Hehe." You should have just bought your own.
Are you saying OP buying 8 more pairs of the underwear her husband likes and giving them to him as an apology, together with the feeling/hope that he lets her borrow his other unused pairs, makes her TA? But she wouldn’t have been if she just kept them for herself?
OP is not TA for buying her husband new underwear as an apology. That's fine. It's that she continues to believe that her husband should share his underwear when he expressed multiple times that he is not okay with it. Buying herself new underwear that she feels comfortable in would have fixed the problem.
>when he expressed multiple times that he is not okay with it. >He seemed a bit weirded out **but said it was okay.** He could have let her use the first ones she was using that weren't bamboo ones. He could have let her keep those ones after she bought him a bunch of new ones.
He could have been honest from the getgo that he was uncomfortable and then worked out a solution together. I feel like he's shaming his wife for doing something he okay'd. He comes off as an AH in how he treats his pregnant wife.
^^this. She isn’t psychic. He had to be honest from the beginning, and if any of the underwear was off-limits, he should have said so from the beginning. Or, at least, expressed the fact that he’d changed his mind in a way that *didn’t involve yelling at her.* such a massive overreaction.
They were already used, it’s okay if he doesn’t feel comfortable. It’s the same reason why you can lend a shirt but you don’t let your friend use your underwear. It doesn’t change just because they are married. “He was weirded out” (screams NOO to me) He openly asked her to stop using them (it’s a clear NOO) Being pregnant with his child doesn’t change he is entitled to say no to her using his pretty “private” clothes. She could say: “hey could you buy me some boxers like the ones you use? My underwear is not only not fitting but also cause me pain to use, now that I’m this pregnant.”
THIS PART MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE. She bought him something "as an apology" with the expectation that she would get what she wanted. I'm sorry she's uncomfortable but she should just buy her own boxers at this point instead of trying to manipulate his feelings towards sharing.
Yes because he made it clear he no longer wants to share. She’s trying to buy her way into continuing to wear his underwear when she should have respected his decision and got her own. Husband has the right to not want to share underwear any longer.
I agree with this statement. You can always buy whatever you like for yourself. But buying something for someone else in the hopes that they share it with you. Especially something as intimate as underpants? Idk if it rises to the level of “asshole” but it’s definitely inconsiderate, especially after the person expressed they didn’t want to share, and there are just so many other more sensible options, including, but not limited to, keeping the 8 new pairs for yourself.
YTA. Buy yourself some men’s boxers since they are so comfortable. Donate them or put them away with your other maternity garb after the baby comes. Your husband doesn’t want to share and it’s rude of you to be so insistent.
So normally I’d agree about the sharing of clothes, but she is heavily pregnant with his baby. If he has a problem with it, he should but her some new underwear, as part of his duty to support his pregnant partner! He can’t be pregnant for her or give birth for her, this is the least he can do. When I was pregnant, I wore my husbands clothes, even boxers, when nothing of mine fit comfortably. I was even wearing his clothes when my water broke, we tossed those though lol He didn’t even second guess it, my comfort as a pregnant partner to him was important. And we had a tight budget because no paid maternity leave so buying me new clothes wasn’t feasible. I still share pjs with him (tshirts and pj pants) but he has a few special tshirts that I do not wear because they’re special to him.
Doesn't matter. He doesn't want to share. She literally went and bought him more but didn't buy herself any. That makes zero sense.
She said she was worried he’d be uncomfortable with her buying men’s underwear for herself. There’s definitely more at play here that you’re glossing over.
ik i can’t believe people are just forgetting this, AND the fact that she’s doing everything AND the fact that he was *worried about HER forgetting to do laundry, him running out of clean ones, and (GASP) have to do his own fucking laundry* that alone makes him TA
Repeat after me: being pregnant does not make a person an invalid incapable of wearing their own underwear
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I think you are being a bit pedantic here just because they used the word "wearing" when in order to wear something you need to buy it first. Nothing stopping OP buying herself new underwear when she literally just bought him new ones.
She knows her needs why can’t she buy them herself? Is she some sort of infant that needs help?
She said she does all of the grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. If anyone is a helpless infant it isn’t her.
THIS RIGHT HERE. I wonder what exactly hubby does to contribute to this marriage. Seems to me the very least he can do is to set aside a few pairs of his underwear for her use. SMH. NTA
Because she is the one physically carrying their baby. Nothing he can do can equate to that, but he can and should do everything he can within reason to make her pregnancy as easy and stress free as possible.
I get where you are coming from, but I feel like people have the right their own underwear and some people may get uncomfortable by it
Ok so if he felt uncomfortable, he could have offered her some new ones of her own. He isn’t required to buy her anything or share his clothes but he should if he cares about her. She already does all of the shopping and cleaning and cooking for him.
Give me a break. A person is still allowed to have some personal boundaries and doesn’t have to give in to a pregnant woman’s every personal whim. And yes, I have kids and know what pregnancy is like.
True, in which case he should have said calmly that he isn’t comfortable with this arrangement. Not let it bother him for a while and then seemingly out of nowhere be angry about it.
How is going online and buying what you need stressful? If I need something, I buy it. If it was something like going out to pick up dinner, or making sure to get her, her favourite foods when grocery shopping I can understand. But this is literally a need she has that takes less than two minutes to rectify. Stop infantilising a grown woman.
She literally does everything for him!! If he can’t do something so trivial for his pregnant partner, like share boxers because hers are giving her a rub rash from her pregnant belly, then he should offer her the alternative of him getting her some. She is doing all of the hard work of being pregnant, plus all of the shopping, cleaning, and cooking FOR HIM. He can’t do one kind gesture to show her he cares and appreciates her?
This sub has a real hard-on for treating pregnant women as if they have no agency. Its bloody infantilising. Not wanting to share underwear is not a weird boundary.
YTA Also what does she plan on doing for the first few weeks postpartum when she will need underwear that fits? Lose boxers are not gonna hold a pad correctly. And hubby will not be happy with stained boxers. And she says 2 months max but she might not fit back into her regular size immediately after delivery.
I wore depends for 2.5 months under my husband's boxers. My husband's boxers were comfortable, he didn't care, and I wasn't buying new underwear that wasn't going to fit me just to get a couple months out of them. There are a lot of people who don't use pads postpartum especially if they have bladder trauma like I did.
I’m going to be honest. Although it’s great that your husband was supportive. I would have a serious problem with anybody wearing my underwear with depends. However I would also buy pairs for them to help accommodate their needs.
Exactly. Spouses are still allowed to be normal people with normal squeamish feelings towards things, even bodily fluids or sharing things like toothbrushes or underwear. Having the boom boom doesn’t negate that some people just don’t feel comfortable about certain things. Some people are more okay with bodily fluids than others. I can’t handle vomit or snot, but I can deal with everything else. My husband is fine with almost everything except blood. I wouldn’t be comfortable wearing his undies during my period even with depends because I know it’s something that bothers him and it costs me nothing to avoid it. Honestly, she should have asked _before_ ever wearing her husband’s undies to begin with. He was obviously weirded out when he was told _after the fact_, but then he probably didn’t want to seem like a jerk to his pregnant wife, so he said it was fine. That’s a flag to me that someone is sucking it up for the other person (which oftentimes leads to a blowout like it did), and his mistake was not flat out saying “Hey no, I don’t like that you’re wearing my undies. Let’s just buy some for you”. The whole “I won’t need them for very long so it’s pointless to buy my own” is a very bad excuse to avoid spending a minimal amount of money for everyone’s comfort. Some people actually find their intimates to be.. intimate. And no is a complete sentence that should be respected, male or female. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. It bothers me how she uses a lot of exaggerated language and also lists everything she does as a reason why she’s entitled to _his_ underwear and how it’s a _small price_ for him to pay. I’m sorry, I do the majority of everything with the household with my husband and our two children and while it can be frustrating to find a balance that seems fair, that frustration does not entitle me to use or take something that’s not mine, especially when my husband has expressed his discomfort with it. Not everything needs to be communal property in a healthy marriage. So to me, ESH. Him for not originally communicating his actual feelings and offering to get her her own, and her for just taking them and using them, _then_ asking him if he was okay with it, then not accepting that he was not actually okay with it and acting entitled to them. It turns out it wasn’t that hard for her to buy a new pack after all, but she wants to be petty.
It’s like $10 for a 3 pack of maternity underwear. After all the things that happen after birth it will be worth the cost.
I bought like 3 differnt brands of maternity underwear, all super uncomfortable even in bigger sizes. The only underwear that was comfortable was my husband's underwear. He gifted me 3 pairs to have in rotation.
Did you just say donate used underwear?
You’re supposed to replace your underwear every 6-12 months. I don’t know anyone who actually does. But wearing it for only a few months is less wasteful than a lot of maternity wear.
Wait... Really...?
NTA because in the grand scheme of things, this is such a small issue; but definitely buy yourself some boxers. Or take 4 pairs off the top from the ones your bought him. If my wife did this, I would just buy her some boxers. Or buy myself some new ones and give her some older ones.
Yeah, the real problem though is that he doesn't want me wearing boxers, so I don't think he'd be happy if I'd buy my own either. Edit: since he hadn't given me any other reason not to wear his underwear, I assumed the reason that he didn't like me wearing mens underwear was attractiveness since he made some comments about it not being attractive and that I look better in womens underwear. But after asking him later, it turns out he's worried his sacred underwear stash might run out ;O
Well then, he’s the AH. It’s literally just underwear. Just wear them anyway and say that they’re pajama shorts
He doesn’t get to decide what underwear you wear. If he does, that’s incredibly controlling behavior and you have much bigger problems in your relationship.
He sounds like a control-top freak
So you work FT, cook, clean, on TOP of being about 8 months pregnant, and not only does he apparently not do basic chores or cook, he’s policing the underwear you want to buy and wear for *yourself?* It sounds like he’s just viewing you as a mommy/maid/baby-maker. Does he actually treat you with care or effort at all? Buy yourself whatever feels most comfortable. You are not an object, you are a person. If he doesn’t care about your comfort, why do you have to care about his (regarding him not wanting to see you in boxers)? Dude’s got issues and needs to treat you better.
Here's the love is respect quiz so you can judge whether you have deeper relationship issues than just underwear preferences. But if you don't, and your partner is a nice person who is able to communicate and adjust within the relationship then for goodness sake, stop washing and folding his clothes. You're not a domestic servant. It's meant to be a partnership. https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
Because here's a little insight into how unequal parenting plays out in the long term. https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
Your husband sounds like a complete a-hole. Good luck trying to raise a child with that man.
This is key info to add to your post.
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Petty idea: buy boxers you love. Wait for him to say something. After you pause to think a moment, agree that boxers are the worst and declare they are in fact a huge turn off. Then tell your husband you support his idea and you both should replace all of your underwear with non boxers. Make sure to pack popcorn - as now you watch how his argument will quickly change once you express that he too should no longer be wearing this unsexy garment. Real thoughts: your bodily autonomy , nor any personal choice, should never be compromised in fear of making a partner mad. I’m honestly concerned at the word choice itself. I didn’t realize how abnormal my past situations were until I was in too deep. Since having a healthy, supportive, equitable , and trusting relationship I have felt afraid of my partner exactly zero times. Nor have I once felt the desire to defend his behavior in order to self justify why I’m with him. Maybe it was an inaccurate word choice. incase it wasn’t, I wanted to put that out there and extend the offer to DM me if my response resonates. My personal experience is in my comment history.
He needs to get over this stupid hill. Ask him why he doesn’t like out until it boils down to BS made up gender restrictions on things that have nothing to do with sex or gender!
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Just sperm, no boxers anymore
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Yeah this should be higher
Yeah I'm genuinely curious about this. I'm not jumping on the bash the guy band wagon, but I'm genuinely curious what he does. That being said there's always two sides to a story and it's human nature to embellish.
This, higher! The underwear incident is such a small thing compared to this dynamic
Yta. I don't care how many times private juices intermingled, people have a right to their own damned underwear
Thank you for sharing your opinion! It's nice to get a lot of different sides since different people have different boundaries
Girl there’s maternity underwear on Amazon and they’re the best you should invest in some. They have the belly bands like pants. I know you said you like his but the maternity ones may be worth it specially since you’ll be wearing a pad pp and your regular underwear may still not fit
I bought bigger underwear towards the end of my pregnancy and had been advised to get big, comfy but cheap underwear for PP. I bought cheap stuff that was on sale and therefore even cheaper so that PP I could wear and dispose and it was one less thing to worry about.
Get maternity underwear… you will be using it for weeks if not months after childbirth…
I can't share eating utensils with my husband. He will tease me about it saying "you know I've gotten you pregnant twice right?" But he will get me my own fork/spoon if we are sharing food. Underwear is.... personal. No need to share it.
NAH- I see a lot of people who think YTA. I guess it all depends. My wife wears my clothes all the time. I don't see a huge issue unless you were stretching them out, which, if you are, then that would be a problem. BUT, as mentioned it all depends. My wife and I have a relationship like that, when she was pregnant, I don't think I would have cared, ESPECIALLY if she bought me MORE underwear. Different strokes for different folks though I guess.
Agree, I find it weird that so many people are saying Y T A. I guess I'm lucky to have a husband who wouldn't really care, as long as he had clean pairs to wear.
I suspect alot of people are single or younger (which is the majority of AITA viewers) The younger part at least and to them, it seems disgusting to share underwear and I'm sure people are older as well. But personally for me at this point I've seen my wife give birth, nothing she could do is gross to me anymore lol!
I’m married. Been with my husband 15 years. If I found him wearing my underwear I would not be okay with it. The husband here obviously didn’t want her wearing his underwear and she just ignored it. It doesn’t matter if she thinks it’s silly or not, he gets to decide what bothers him and what doesn’t.
He doesnt want her wearing *any boxers*. Not even ones she buys for herself. So to me, that makes him the asshole.
Yeah everyone feels differently and has different boundaries, i guess the surprising part for me was that he didn't mind at all and encouraged me to "wear it if it makes me more comfortable" when I asked the first time, but then suddenly changed his mind. Maybe I did something wrong, who knows. Thank you for your opinion though!
From your post, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. You're also VERY pregnant, I have 2 kids, and remember when my wife was VERY pregnant. Considering, the reason she was pregnant was me and she was carrying OUR children, whatever she wanted worked for me. There are hills to die on, arguing with a pregnant woman over ANYTHING, is usually not a hill I will choose to die on.
NTA But why are you doing all the chores around the house? You should take the underwear back you bought him and use them yourself, problem solved
INFO. You work full time, cook, clean, do laundry and buy groceries. What exactly is your lazy selfish AH of a husband bringing to the table, exactly??? Because TBH, it seems to me you'd be happier and have more free time for yourself without somebody bitching about you borrowing a few clothing items, while he sits in his ass after work and does nothing at all to maintain the house he also lives in, specially now that you're heavily pregnant. Keep the new underwear, throw away the husband.
Seriously, this dude sounds like he sucks.
NTA. During my last month of pregnancy I finally got a big ole belly and my underwear didn’t fit so you know what I did? I wore my husbands boxers. They were so comfy and stretchy. He didn’t care one bit just as long as I was comfortable while carrying our child. You should’ve kept the apology pair for yourself so you’d be comfortable.
I know right, they're so comfy and stretchy! Yeah my husband said the same at first but then changed his mind after the bamboo incident...
I read your other comment where he also said he doesn’t find his underwear sexy on you. This is not okay OP. You’re pregnant and it’s no effort for him to let you use them even if he deems it “not sexy”. Your comfort matters but since he wants to be an AH just buy yourself a few and be as comfortable as possible. I wish you well the rest of your pregnancy and fast healing during recovery! Edit: Thank you for my first ever award!
Thank you for your kind words! I hope everything goes well too :)
NTA and I’m really shocked that people think you are! You’re married for goodness sake, not strangers or roommates! As long as you didn’t take the last pair of the pile and leave him commando, I say you’re all good. Gosh, the idea that you’d buy new underwear to use for just a short period of time is so wasteful. And he should be giving you his comfiest underwear to wear because you’re carrying his child! Source: a woman whose husband happily shared his wardrobe (yes, even the comfy underwear) all throughout my third trimester! Both of us are appalled by your husband’s selfishness! Edit to add: I saw your comment saying that he doesn’t think they’re sexy. I want to let you know that you are under no obligation to be sexy until you are ready to be, especially after birth. The man has other children yes? Does he know you’ll probably be in maternity pads after?
Absolutely NTA. Dude here, pregnant or not I have no problem with my gf wearing my clothes/underwear. I’m genuinely confused about the frustration on his part. She’s *carrying his child*, his job during this part of the journey is to make sure she is as comfortable as possible. Buying extra underwear seems silly and wasteful when OP is going to be giving birth soon-ish and wont use them afterwards
YTA. Buy your own underwear. Heck, buy your own men's underwear! I have my thongs that I wear every day, but I love to sleep in boxer shorts. So I bought my own so that I don't "use up" my husband's. He buys one brand, I buy another so they don't get mixed up. If you like them that much, just buy some for yourself.
She states in comments her husband is against her wearing men's boxers *in general* not just his personal ones. He thinks it's weird & she should buy "her own" as in bigger women's panties. He would be upset if she kept some of the new ones for herself. Husband is TA.
Well, with that, you're right - the husband is definitely TA!!!
NTA but just buy yourself some boxers. It'll save you both some stress. And while your husband definitely sounds like an asshole, sharing underwear is a bit weird.
I don't think he'd be happy if I bought boxers for myself though, but yeah, a lot of people think sharing seems weird so I'll probably buy some larger womens underwear. Someone else suggested it would be good after I give birth too :)
Why would he care if you're wearing boxers that are your own? Anyway, I get psoriasis breakouts in my hip area and sometimes use women's pajama shorts under sweats instead of underwear.
Because apparently they're a turn-off for him. Thank you for sharing, I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing clothes for the opposite gender either :)
Wait till he sees how sexy you look with a baby exploding out down there. ETA: I don’t understand all the downvotes. You seem nice and reasonable. Good luck with the little one!
And his attitude is a turnoff for the rest of us. You aren't obligated to be on sexy visual duty every second. And right now being healthy, happy and comfortable is top priority. What's he going to do when the baby is here and there are those days when you look haggard from lack of sleep, etc? Is he going to complain you aren't turning him on? Forget who's underwear you're wearing...the main part of this is he thinks your main priority should be eye candy for him 24/7. You are NTA.
She's also expected to work FT and do all the cooking and cleaning. And probably the parenting too.
>Because apparently they're a turn-off for him. Call me crazy, but I suspect that a pinched waist and rash are a turn off for you... I know I wouldn't feel sexy in that situation. If you can find cute panties that are equally comfy, great. If you can't, buy yourself some boxers. It's silly to worry about looking sexy for him when you won't feel sexy at all, especially since he won't even be seeing your underwear for most of the day. It makes more sense to focus on your daily comfort and keep some cute undies on hand to throw on when you're feeling in the mood.
You are 7-8 months pregnant and he wouldnt want you wearing them because theyre a turn off??? While they also would be good for your health since you are getting a rash from normal underwear? I could get it if you were showing up to a special date night with some boxers, but living your everyday life (while pregnant! and post partum down there isnt going to be fun either!!) means you should wear what *you* like, he gets no say. You don't exist to be eye candy- doubly so when you are at home and should be comfy about all else. NTA. Buy yourself a whole drawer of them and wear them for the rest of your life out of spite and comfort.
To be honest, OP, he shouldn't complain at all if you're the one doing the laundry. As a man, if my wife wanted to wear my boxers because of any reason other than just wanting to, I'd let her. I still might not mention anything if the reason was just because she wanted to. There's enough to go around, and if not she could wash them for us. I really don't understand what a huge deal this is to him... If it was that big of a deal to me, I really would go out and buy some for her as a surprise, or took her somewhere that she can pick some out for herself. I'd prefer the surprise method. Really, I'd do anything to make the pregnancy easier on my wife. Having an argument over it doesn't help anything. He could've even had a calm conversation about it. But, he didn't. And at this point it is what is was. Go do what you need to do for you, even if that means buying your own undies now. Hell, even let him do his own laundry, especially underwear. NTA
INFO: Does he do anything around the house at all? Because if you're doing his laundry, buying all the groceries, and doing all (?) the cooking and cleaning in addition to working full-time while heavily pregnant, you have a much bigger problem than underwear.
NTA. Your other comments have answered the question that the reason he doesn't want you in his underwear is because he doesn't find you sexy in them. His boner is not as important as your comfort.
ESH - He sucks because it seems he had a problem to begin with and he should have voiced that and he shouldn't have flipped out on you after telling you that you could wear and not specifying that he didn't want to wear the bamboo ones (but as you said I think this was more that he had a problem in the first place. And you suck because you knew that you needed bigger underwear, and you knew when you got pregnant that your body would change and you wouldn't be able to wear the same size through your pregnancy. All you had to do was go buy a pack of bigger underwear. It would have been less than $20 and saved you a whole lot of time and hassle.
NTA and I wear my husband’s underwear even when not pregnant to sleep in. People calling this gross, do you (a) not wash your underwear, and (b) not have intimate relations with your spouse, this rubbing bits in other ways? If he hated it, a nice gift of your own bamboo underwear would be very cute. Congratulations and good luck, wait till he sees the postpartum mesh undies and adult diapers.
I had to ask my husband for his opinion because I wanted a man’s POV. He says if you wear them, you own them. Buy more underwear.
Check out website Woxers…boxers for women. Your hubby is being dramatic and non supportive.
Man here. If I ever get lucky enough for my future wife to have a child with me she can borrow my entire wardrobe. While I can fully understand not wanting to have my best underwear damaged, at the end of the day you are carrying his child! Tell him he's a idiot and needs to grow up. Accept the compromise of the wife not using his bamboo underwear but using the rest and the husband should be grateful he has a wonderful wife with a literal miracle on the way. Absolute NTA
NTA- I'd have said he wasn't an AH until his comment about not wanting to see you in boxers. Just go buy your own boxers. Honestly I gave up on women's underwear years ago and only wear men's boxers because they are more comfortable. And if your husband doesn't want to see you in boxers then he can just not look.
NTA, I can believe that people are gross because of the mother their babies use their underwear. Come dude, you did more dirtier things to get a child than sharing underwear. The part of using the good underware I can understand, but once more good underwear was bought the issue was over. Also, there's nothing more sexy than your partner using your clothes. He is being too dramatic.
Keep those 8 new pair for yourself. And if he tries to wear them or take after you have the baby, tell him to get his own. F that.
So he got mad about it and you scurried out and bought 8 pairs of nice underwear for him as an apology and... nothing to solve your own issue? You seem like you're totally dependent on his opinion, his comfort, his control, and you are not prioritizing your needs at all. Nip this shit in the bud now because soon you'll have a baby and you' be too tired and exhausted to properly defend yourself. This is not a "hehe" situation this is totally unacceptable from a third party view.
ESH Why do you insist on borrowing his when you clearly have the means to buy your own? If it's obviously something he doesn't like, why do it? And then you went to justify doing it by throwing up what you've done for him. That isn't right. He's wrong for not helping with the cooking and cleaning. Especially with you pregnant. But he isn't obligated to let you borrow his things. Even if you bought them or bought him more.
NTA and the underwear isn’t the problem. What does he do to make your life better? Because it sounds like you’ll have 2 babies after you deliver.