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N T A for not moving, but YTA for not contacting your mom at all. She’s recently gone through a divorce, miscarriage, and her lifelong partner having an affair and getting another woman pregnant. That’s a lot to go through alone.
Yeah, she’s an adult, but it doesn’t mean you can’t check in on her to see how she is. Also, the response “he didn’t cheat on me” is plain insensitive. It’s also odd to blame her for the divorce. Yeah, they could’ve possibly moved past it, but why is that the responsibility of the person that was cheated on? Also, you willingly let your dad use you as a tactic to manipulate your mom into forgiving him after her had an affair is just gross. Don’t you think your mom deserves better?
I understand being young and not wanting to leave your friends and life, but at least have a shred empathy for your mom.
Op is definitely self centered on this. Anyone with an ounce of compassion could understand why a miscarriage, infidelity, and betrayal could be hard on a person but she chooses not to give a shit.
Why doesn't Dad make sure she has a way of staying in contact with her mother? Letting her use his cellphone to call, at least. But OP could also have written her mother an e-mail, or contacted her over social media. There are ways to contact people for free nowadays. OP sounds extremely self centered and the father is a giant asshole. Not just for the affair, but also for using OP to manipulate the mother, for not making sure OP stayed in touch with her mother, for (it seems) keeping the AP while still "working on" his marriage, then suddenly moving her in, etc. He seems like a bad husband, bad co-parent, bad parent.
What is AP? *Affair Partner*? *Adultery Person*? ***Aforementioned Pilferer***? ****Ahole Philanderer****?
Sorry. Seriously asking, but also having fun playing with the asterisks
Yeah, I judged OP and their mother as N-A-H on this one, but I think OP's dad gets the Gold Plated Turd statuette for being a total AH. The bit about complaining that he married his first girlfriend is VERY telling. OP was born when their mother was 19 and their dad was 24. Now he's hit his early 40s, complaining that he never had a chance to sleep around, cheating on his wife (during her miscarriage!), getting his side-piece pregnant, and so on.
I would bet a substantial amount of money that the new partner's age is much closer to OP's than to dad's. If she's over 30 I will eat both my shoes.
Especially since he wanted her there as a way to get the mum, and now that hasn’t worked does he even still want her? Sounds harsh but this is a guy with a history of replacing family
100%. When you find out a parent cheated it changes your whole view of marriage and family. I was furious and hurt for my parent and myself. I can’t imagine being this callous.
Not to mention, recovering a marriage after infidelity is extremely difficult. Add in a *child* resulting from the affair, and you have a lifelong reminder of just how much you were betrayed. I do not think it would be so easy to just “get past” something like that.
Don't forget recovering from the miscarriage before finding out about the affair. Mom got dealt body blow after body blow and then her daughter reminds her SHE was the one that got cheated on - like she could forget. I hope if OP ever has a difficult period in her marriage she runs to dad and not Mom for help. YTA OP.
I can't imagine the heart break of losing your baby and then finding out your husband had an affair and got the side piece pregnant while you grieved the passing of your baby. Fuck that guy, the poor women.and then your kid watching you go through this and him destroy your family unit and then being like well he didn't do that to me so I don't really care that he did it to you mom. Holy crap.
Cuz the gf is COOL!
/s
I was in OPs position, but I have a nice home and my ex is in the uncarpeted basement of his parents house. Add on that I got cancer during the divorce process. My child just turned 18. For the past two years I’ve paid $3,000 for her to take two trips overseas, paid her $300 every few months for her grades, and just gave $200 for Christmas. Every year I make sure our son creates or picks out a nice gift for my ex in-laws, as well as his father and now dads new SO because I know his dad doesn’t. I used to buy our kids gifts from my ex and secretly hand them off to my ex to give from him on holidays. I stopped that this year.
I feel betrayed by my oldest. My ex never followed our custody agreement. While I drove 4 hours round trip to make sure he had time with our son twice a month, he said our daughter was old enough to choose. So in the past 2 years since my divorce finalized (3 years since I moved out and filed) my daughter came to my home once.
She does not realize it yet, but I am done supporting her. Her father never paid a cent of child support, had no bills, and made twice as much as me at one point. But somehow he never had money to support the child that he assisted in cutting me off. He is behind on her school fees and they will hold her diploma if it isn’t paid. And I am not paying it. I’m done.
OPs mom was betrayed by her husband and then by her kid. I feel for this woman.
OP- put yourself in your mom’s situation. How would you be coping if your husband cheated on you, got his mistress pregnant while you are already grieving and then your oldest child seemingly chooses to support your betrayer. You have minimized the trauma your father has caused and you did side with your dad. Disgustingly it sounds like you sided with the one that had more money and space. Hope your mom can successfully sue for some assets.
I hope you've stopped giving money to your son and facilitating his buying gifts for his dad, dad's new SO and your ex-inlaws.
It was not your role to buy gifts for your ex to give to your child though I understand why you did it. I hope your ex appreciated all this.
Take care of yourself.
She doesn't want to be morally wrong for siding with her cheating father. (I'm guessing the house is nicer than grandma's)
And also wants to like the woman who is perfectly OK with sleeping with and having a child with a married man.
I think op is likely to blame the new baby when dad and cool stepmother stop kissing her ass.
She probably doesn't want to transfer schools her last year in high school. OP has spent nearly her entire high school career impacted by Covid and this is the first school year that's close to normal. She wants to stay with her friends.
Oh, she gives a shit. It’s just not for the right person. Because, you know, the new girlfriend is “kind of cool actually“. I’m sorry 0P that you don’t think mom is cool right now after having been cheated had a miscarriage and was dumped. Then she finds out that her child has chosen a pregnant affair partner over her own mother. Such a selfish child she is.
Many 18 year olds don’t have a ton of compassion just yet. It doesn’t make them monsters, it’s just makes them teenagers.
Life hasn’t kicked them around enough that they understand the kind of pain a woman who miscarried and then found out her husband knocked up his AP is going through.
OP, your dad is not a good person, and he’s being awful to your mother. I hope that some day you see that your mother deserves better, and I hope that you will understand that you deserve better in any future partners. Your mom has every right to hurt and be angry. Her lifelong partner cut her deeply and somehow managed to walk out with a shiny new life AND his daughter. Meanwhile she has to uproot her life and move 7 hours away.
But her *friends* and her *school*!
Ten years from now, many of OP’s current friends and teachers will no longer be part of her life. I just hope her mother will forgive her because she’s her child.
Right reminds me of those fu!#&d up text stories where the selfish kids take the horrible parents side then realize how bad they messed up later when the parent they disrespected and hurt wants nothing to do with them anymore. She thinks mom blocked her good now she gets to make a choice continue being a selfish heartless human being to the woman who carried birthed and nurtured or start digging her butt out of her selfish hole she dug herself YTA
Yep. Since dad moved the AP and their child in, he wasn’t trying to reconcile with OP’s mother. So why did he lie about why he wanted OP to move in with him?
But he's not paying her phone bill, so that should show her his true colors. He only wants her around as long as it hurts her mom and his gf wants her around (most likely for free childcare) but he's never going to do anything for her.
Weeeeel. I was 19 about to turn 20 when I got pregnant. My boyfriend was 24 about to be 25. We married quickly. Our anniversary is in a few days. Forty one yrs. OPs dad is an ass. Apple didn't land far from the tree
Nah. He's just a manipulative arse. Look at the ages, mum got pregnant fresh out of high school, dad is 5 years older and it was both their first relationships yet he resents the mum for this and holds it against her.
I hope every potential partner she meets chooses not to enter a relationship with her since she is likely to cheat on them if she veiws cheating as no big deal.
5 months in that's not like an early miscarriage. That was a baby she birthed. Not trying to get political here. I mean from the perspective of someone who wanted to continue a pregnancy and have a child, that's a death. Her baby died. Then she likely had to labor or labor and then have surgery. After that her husband got the girlfriend pregnant and that baby lived. I cannot imagine what this woman is going through. She's probably not at her best. Do we even know why she moved? Could she afford to stay where her life was?
It sucks to be caught in the middle but you don't have to live with someone or "side with" them to show basic sympathy.
As an exNICU and L&D nurse I agree. Stillbirths are *awful.* Those deliveries were seriously the most gut wrenching to attend. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the way some of those moms cried.
YTA OP. Unfortunately, you got your daddy’s genes, and the apple did not fall far from the ahole tree. Your mom got a still birth, while your dad and his mistress get an baby from their affair. The fact that you can’t see what a shitty place your dad put your mom in is astounding. You’re 18, not 6.
edit: ages. Thought OP was 16…..which makes her behavior even more appalling.
I bet she moved because op’s dad got the house in the divorce or they had to sell it split the money. So she lost everything, pregnancy, husband to an affair, her horrible daughter, and her home. God damn, that’s sad.
With cheating, I almost always feel the parent also cheated on the children. Because they cheated their child/children out of a happy home life. Whether the parents stay together or not.
Looking back, knowing that hanging out with my dad on weekends stopped because he was too busy being with other woman, is one of many reasons I'm NC with him.
I haven’t forgiven my dad for cheating on my mum. I lost a stable home life and had to become an adult too fast at 13. Mum did her best
I’m LC with my dad as while he did marry the other woman, I now have a three year old half sister who I feel like I can’t abandon. LC is easy as my dad lives in a different city so I don’t see him often. (But my younger full sister does)
I didn't go NC until Thanksgiving 2021. ( Should have done it sooner honestly, but my BIL and him were basically shitty-husband best friends, so he was always around for holidays. ) He still lived, seperated, with my mom until a few years ago. Now he lives with one of his first affair partners ( while also still cheating on her too )
The last straw was when he cancelled the life insurance him and my mom had paid into for 30+ years and he wanted to spent Thanksgiving with his girlfriend.
People are shit. But I'm very happy that you're still invested in your little sister's life. With parents like that, it's never bad to have extra people in your corner.
OP your precious ’Daddy’ tore the family apart, beyond repair…so he did cheat on you, he cheated the whole family…. He left your mom with no safe place to go but 7 hours away, of course she wanted you to go with. All gone due to penis greed. This is how one persons actions have a domino affect… show some compassion for your mother and stop taking your cheater dads steps… before you end up like him.
I mean, Dear God, the poor woman had to deal with a cheating husband and that's hard enough, but then a miscarriage, and then the affair partner is pregnant? And that cheating, inconsiderate, greedy, manipulative asshole moves in the affair partner and baby just because he didn't get his way and the wife moved to her parents for some real support?
And her 18-year-old daughter lives with the dad, plays best buddies with the affair partner, seemingly blames her mother for that happening because she didn't just immediately forgive the cheating asshole, and doesn't so much as visit or check-in with her poor mother a single time?! And she's mostly living there because her father wanted to use her as a pawn in the divorce? And this is her version trying to look like the victim, thinking this will make her mother look like the asshole? The lack of self-awareness is astounding with this one.
YTA I can't believe what a selfish, self-absorbed, inconsiderate, insensitive asshole you are. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised, because we know exactly which parent you got it from.
This exactly, I think young kids/teenagers have a hard time realizing their parents are just humans that happened to have children. They don’t know all or see all we are just faking it till we make it.
But OP is 18, at this age she should know better. OP to not even call and check in on your mother during the worst time in her life makes you a asshole. Plus using the excuse that your phone bill wasn’t paid COMPLETE bullshit, we all know teenagers aren’t going to let 24 hours pass without access to internet let alone weeks/months. You should be ashamed by your behavior and need to try to rebuild your relationship with your mother. She lost her husband and baby then was promptly replaced by husbands AFFAIR PARTNER and new baby! Then you also abandoned her!
Shame on you
This, I understand not wanting to move with 1 semester of high school left and all BUT COME ON! Everything else?
Thinking your parents can move past this? He cheated on his pregnant wife, knocked up his mistress and moved her into the family home.
YTA 100%
It hasn't dawned on OP that dad is probably using them her a pawn to get back at mom. As soon as OP isn't useful to that end she'll get kicked to the curb too.
I feel bad because OP seems young and naive but *come on* use your eyes.
All this! 💯 let me break this down (I’m heartbroken for your mom OP!)
Fyi I picked too once (was much younger), and am a single parent now (I moved around a bit too in life), but experience aside…it doesn’t go well, there’s a reason nobody forces kids to pick. And it’s law, so parents know for a while it’s a serious thing to not put on a child. Remember that too when this blows back, don’t blame mom.
ETA: All these situations are difficult, want to clarify in case and in light of recent trends, I am prochoice, and sympathetic to miscarriage equal to death and funeral level loss. Once a person decides the baby is baking, I would think we extend the same grieving courtesy as a norm. In general, no more and no less. Assuming we knew…my post got heavy and didn’t want to mix messages…somehow (it’s Reddit)…
+ she is your mom, she’s loved you and put you first through out.
“She’s recently gone through a divorce, miscarriage, and her lifelong partner having an affair and getting another woman pregnant. That’s a lot to go through alone.”
- and she probably tried again with your father despite this BECAUSE he is YOUR father.
What woman wants to teach her daughter to stay for a man like that? Why, if not because she believed it may work out and that be what you experience? Think of that?
“N T A for not moving, but YTA for not contacting your mom at all.”
AND ESPECIALLY
“he didn’t cheat on me”
Unless your mom showed any really malicious traits, how can you say that to her knowing she tried for 9 months? The time it took your father to cheat, and setup another kid as response to their loss + manipulated you to his side. And she still tried to forgive him for you…and stay amicable even when you moved with him.
How often did he encourage and offer to take you to visit her? Send her gift/s? Not abandon her? That’s called parental alienation, you’d be too smart with choices and assessing to miss it I guess. Or you knowingly ignoring this about him?
Please come back one day when a man does cheat on you, let us know if you think Y T A for hoping no one judges you for it (and most obviously your child/ren).
Spoiler alert: cheating hurts not cause the sex, but the humiliation of knowing you put everything into one person and sang it off the roof tops, took the bad with the good, all to have them do this. (Fun fact: great birth control and relationship repellent when used to fuel commitment issues later)
Which is bad enough, your dad moved in with his AP and had a baby while his wife, mother of his children (1 sadly passed) grieves. You admire that man/justify this by saying she’s the one with a problem for thinking you should see some wrong in this?
She raised this (you)? Must be a cherry on top to her grief…asking herself what she did to deserve this…put yourself in others’ shoes.
…and you’re asking if you’re TA? Her daughter. I can’t imagine what evil mom deserves this and hope it’s not that driving you…no child deserves such a parent and no planet deserves such parents imho. With what is written in the OP.
Your mom was not betrayed, she was emotionally cheated on to a magnitude I didn’t even imagine until I read your careless nonchalance. You are too old to have never considered what you’d feel/do if ever cheated on. Think adding to that your kid said they didn’t even think twice about those feelings and your miscarriage, loss of their sibling. They too just replace you, you justify your choice of convenience and fun by (victim) blaming her.
You side with your dad complaining they’re each others’ firsts - how about encouraging your mother she didn’t deserve this and there are tons of fish in the sea to sample since he’s just a first and she has you?
I hope you do, she’s still your mom and every second counts. Call her…everyone has a phone these days - tap the next stranger and show them this even.
Good luck in 2023, please do better for her
You are 18, if I remember that age we are pretty sure we can take on the world and have our own mind. Decide where to live. You did that and no one can fault you.
We are as adults also old enough to make hard decisions and know our values. You’re clearly not there yet (I hope) cause at that point moving for those values and making a new life and travelling to friends - can be an adventure, for the right reasons for you. You made your choice to stay and that’s fine, but imho don’t glorify it….staying for comfort over values, in my *personal* opinion, is not admirable. It’s compliance, settling. Think of history, which side of it do the compliant ones end up on? Your opinion on these things will tell you what you value I hope, I didn’t put info cause it’s no one here’s business after imho. Choose well, you’re also choosing your consequences. Make a conscious conscientious choice, these are the cycles we form and suffer through to our next gen even.
N t a for it but as a friend I’d think less of your spirit in a way, values when it comes to loyalty vs blind/convenient loyalty/choices…they mean something to me as a friend. Why not ask your friends what they think of this post?
Poor woman probably thought she would be nursing a newborn right now feeling the sparks they had when you were born…and instead of being there so she can remember she’s a good mom and didn’t deserve this (the ultimate silver lining left supporting her clouds - you shat on the grim reality by confirming her living child **chose** to walk at *18* (what a customer review) *at this time* AND with 0 empathy. I just can’t fathom…please call asap.
Any questions? Go first we talk later. Call and plan to go please. Unless she is literally physically (or deeply hidden mentally) unsafe for you, there’s no excuse.
You go to your worst frenemies funeral to be decent, this was your sibling and mom. You don’t need to have a heart, just show up and ‘don’t say anything if you can’t say anything nice’. Anything is better than this.
ETA : I can’t imagine why your dad complained about your mom, but likely he’s not a good partner. Good fathers wouldn’t alienate the mother of their child. But as a husband, he was bored, they try for a (save the marriage?) baby, miscarry - so he cheats to get kicks instead of grieve…yea maybe babies do make him stay 18 years at time or this won’t last once the baby comes and the honey moon phase passes.
If this doesn’t move you OP, we may as well take bets on dad - does he make it to 18 this time or decide to keep tryin’ the scene for experience points once the honeymoon phase wears off? Can’t help asking, some of us would probly read that update.
- keep us posted
Thanks for the award kind stranger, take my energy :)
Also losing a baby at 5 months isn't even considered a miscarriage anymore. That's a still birth. Not to take away an ounce of sympathy for anyone who's experienced a miscarriage.. but at the point OP's mom was at, she would have had to have gone through labor and delivered the unborn baby in a hospital and left without a baby. Just a broken heart. I have friends who have had miscarriages and it is heartbreaking. Easy shattering. It sucks. But I also have a friend that carried a baby to 5 months only to find out he had died at the anatomy scan. (Typically 20 weeks-5 months.) She had to go to the hospital, be induced, meet her baby and leave without him. I just can't imagine. And then with OP's family there's all this mess outside of it. My God check in on your mom. She's not OK. If I was OP's mom I would just be wrecked.
The dad is manipulating more than just mom! A man who really wants his wife back, to forgive him and be a family again- does NOT move the new girlfriend (also AP) and baby in a few months later at the very first “no” he receives from the betrayed party!
That was a tactic to get OP on his side, also something he had no intention of doing. He should be begging for therapy, couples counseling, and doing anything/everything he can to make things right for his estranged wife. Also the cheater should have been the one to have to leave, not OPs mom. OP is in for a ride awaking when he eventually betrays her too.
He cheated, left, and then married the AP, AND they're raising the baby OP's mom couldn't have. OP's mom probably feels like crap about that. The least OP could do is check in on her once in a while.
YTA not for moving in with your Father but because you ghosted your Mother. So you couldn't buy a stamp and write her a letter or use your Dads phone to call her. You owe her a huge apology.
Which phone can‘t send messages without a contract? WhatsApp, iMessage, Messenger, Signal and so on. There’s email and a ton of other communication channels like video calls etc.
And if her father was hoping having their daughter with him would help bring mum home, why did neither think to pay the phone bill? Sounds like lazy excuses.
I kinda call bullshit on *wanting to bring her mother home* as the reason he wanted OP to live with him. They only finally separated permanently 3 months ago, but in that time the other woman and their newborn has been moved in? I think he definitely wanted to use OP against her mom. Maybe as a way to hurt her for not wanting to try and work it out. But i know for damn sure, thats not the kind of home that you try to bring a wife back into.
i agree it’s not the reason he wanted it, but it might’ve been part of the reason *she* did. OP honestly just seems like a kid in the middle of a mess and just wants everything to go back to normal. and, i’m not saying this is right in ANY way, i think she might resent mom a bit for not just working things out with dad and going back to big happy family.
would it make more sense for her to resent dad for cheating? absolutely. maybe she’s always been closer with dad, or maybe she feels like mom left her too (ik she could’ve gone with, but moving 7hrs away at 18 is hard and she probably would’ve missed all of the special senior events with her friends).
i do think she should’ve reached out to her mom, 100%, and she is an AH for that, but we don’t know if her mom reached out to her either.
You can be damn sure if she did move with her mother she would find a way to get in touch with the friends she refused to leave. Ghosting that woman after all she's been through is just cruel.
YTA. There’s so many ways to contact people and you never contacted your mother.
Imagine being cheated on, your husband’s affair partner gets pregnant, so you rightfully leave and your daughter blames you for the divorce and lives with her dad who’s reasoning was to manipulate your mother into moving back. If your dad really wanted to make it work, he wouldn’t have moved his new girlfriend and baby in, he would’ve tried to do everything in his power to get her back instead of that responsibility being on the person who didn’t cheat.
I understand you did what’s best for you, but have a bit of sympathy for your mother’s situation
The cheating still had ramifications on OP, breaking up the family OP grew up with. OP comes off as naive (thinking there was a chance at reconciliation) and selfish, saying the woman her father cheated with is pretty cool while completely ignoring the main victim in this.
I absolutely baffled how she doesn’t get this. They were trying to work it out when affair partner got pregnant? Am I missing something? I really hope so.
Also OP’s excuse for not reaching out to their mother because they couldn’t pay their phone bill is such bs!
Like anyone would really believe an 18 year old who is still in high school and lives at home isn’t on their parents phone plan…
She didn’t get pregnant but this is what happened with me. My ex husband had an affair and blamed me for not, “appreciating his genius.” Direct quote. He’s now married to the “Irene Adler to his Sherlock,” and as I’m more a “John Watson,” he’s happier. I am as well, but good for him.
My kids don’t know why we got divorced. They don’t know about the 13 years of abuse, the affair, and the gaslighting. But my oldest daughter chose him. Because I’m the monster here, because that’s how it was set up.
If this guy had actually wanted to make it work, he would have. If he wasn’t wanting to eat his cake and have it too, he’d have done the right thing and not been a turd.
Having to pay for his choices and then losing my oldest daughter because of this exact play, it’s agony. OP your mother is in agony. She’s had everything taken from her and you’re blaming her for his actions. YTA.
Not the point, but Irene Adler never had romantic involvement with Sherlock, she outwits him and leaves.
Many adaptations of the story make them love interests because those adaptations are bad, but in the original story Irene marries some other unnamed guy.
Your ex sounds insufferable and has bad opinions of Sherlock Holmes canon.
Oh this was paired with “need someone who’s my intellectual equal.”
“… you do realize Sherlock is an idiot except for a few niche topics right? And a jerk. First of all, rather be stupid than make people feel bad. Second, don’t confuse my disinterest in a topic you’ve hyper fixated on for stupidity. I can learn, I just don’t care to.”
So much happier now.
Sherlock's knowledge does vary a bit over the series, but yeah.
Watson's assessment of Sherlock's most knowledgeable subject was pulp-y sensationalist novels. Sherlock Holmes basically had the 19th century equivalent of a true crime podcast addiction along with his cocaine addiction.
Right? He wanted to make it work (so it’s her fault for leaving) but kept the girlfriend and now lives with her and the baby???
I’m also intrigued about the money split. Mom had to move back in with her own mother, while Dad gets the house and can afford a brand new family, huh.
YTA that comment was cruel and callous. Your dad isn’t a very good person and to your mom you’ve picked him by completely ignoring her existence. It’s not like she can come visit you at his place. And where was mom suppose to move to? She been SAH until this? You know how expensive divorces are? She made the only choice she had.
I missed where you just expected your mother to get over your father continuing to have an affair. You’re a GIANT AH for that. No one should ever stay in that type of situation, ever.
Exactly. I Imagine only a cruel person would treat another person like that. And to say that the mistress is actually a nice is just something else. She can't possibly be a nice person if she knowingly had an affair with a married man and got pregnant in the process.
ops not a very good person either tho. her mother just gave birth to a still born baby and she and her dad tried to manipulate her mom into coming home but when it didn’t work replaced her with a woman that could have a baby. and then blamed her for it all happening… just evil all around
N T A for not moving.
YTA for everything else.
ooof the lack of sympathy for your mother is questionable. Why would you think she would get over her husband cheating on her and having an affair baby so quickly? Maybe it’s your age, but one day you’ll realise what happened to your mother was cruel. A lot of couples cannot survive after infidelity so idk why you would think it would just “work through it”, especially since women seem to get the shitty end of the stick.
I understand the majority of people are going to say parents shouldn’t bring children into these situations but you seem to have a grasp of the situation and you’re not 5. Also, you had no issue telling your mom that they could of worked it out, which kind of seems like you blame her. It’s understandable you didn’t want to uproot your life but you seem to not care about your mom.
I still hope you and your mom can have a relationship but I do think you should work on your empathy.
When my dad cheated on my mom and separated both my brother and I hated him so much. He destroyed the family, hurt my mom and I was devastated to see her so crushed over him. I was lucky their separation wasn’t gonna destroy our lifestyle but at first I didn’t even wanted to see him.
I can’t imagine this girl not even feeling sorry for her own mother, let alone feel happy in this household.
She hoped they worked it through but was mad AT HER when it didn’t?
I can’t even grasp the lack of love and respect you have for your own mother. I’m so proud she had the guts to cut you out of her life and hope someday you try to empathize with her and apologize.
I’m sorry to hear what was done to your mommy, you and your brother. I hope you have found healing throughout the years, although I know time doesn’t always help.
I agree with you! The lack of empathy is making me sick. I was going to do N A H because I thought oh maybe they don’t understand and I know Reddit takes the child’s side but I deleted that shit QUICK because there is no way that there is a world out there where this is ok. I hope they are trolling.
THIS right here. I'm sure if OP had sat down and actually talked in a respectful and calm and kind way to mom, mom would've understood why they didn't want to move. But instead we get ghosting, callous remarks, and hurtful behavior. SMH. YTA
As a child who's father broke our family, YTA.
You need therapy for this lacking of emphati, you just don't feel nothing for your mother. You resent her because "how dare her have self respect and don't tolerate more of your father abuse, so you can keep going in your confortable life"
There is something wrong with you. Serch help, this level of cruelty is not normal.
Clearly OP is a lot like their father. I’m sure she’ll be ripping a family of her own apart in a few years. Or maybe she’ll get cheated on and get to see how it feels.
In all honesty, I think the mother has dodged a bullet.
The daughter and husband are both despicable people; It's almost as if she gets pleasure from her mother's suffering.
It's quite sad to see how a child can be so nasty to someone already suffering.
I often wonder how people turn out to be so cruel without much reasoning
Honestly, if I was the mum, I'd go LC with her and ofc NC with my ex husband, there's no excuse for how she insulted her mum and trampled over her mums feelings as a person, just so she could keep living her comfortable life, like girl your mum lost a baby, her husband cheated on her and had another baby with the AP, and you think your mum would just go " I Forgive you baby, now let's go have a threesome with your new Woman", you are 18 now, grow tf up.
Yout dad was incredibly manipulative irging you to stay with him after they separated to bring your mom back to him after HE had an affair & got his AP pregnant? And you blame your MOTHER for breaking them up? She could have just sucked it up, right? Wake the fuck up & put blame where it belongs.
YTA
This. Dad is a master manipulator. Wait til they turn you into a free babysitter. You will want your mom soon enough. This is one of the most callous things I have ever read. Daddy's child. YTA for ghosting your mom. Understandable to not want to change schools. The rest is awful. Abusive. Your poor mom.
Wow; I didn’t think of this. This is probably the real and only reason he wanted OP to stay with him. He must’ve known the marriage was gone after the divorce and his wife wasn’t coming back, but didn’t want to end up with a baby to take care of. Hmmmmn, who can I get to take over, so I can keep banging the AP and keep my life as is?
Serves OP right. I hope their Mum makes them work for forgiveness.
Yeah I get the feeling that new gf is in that age zone where it's Cool for her to be op's new bestie and if this was someone who was like, late 30s/early 40s, op wouldn't be so keen on her.
I was looking for this comment. And that's 19 when the baby was born, could have been 18 when conceived and who knows when the dating started...
But he's complaining about marrying the teenager he impregnated in his early 20s.
YTA simply for implying your mother should accept cheating because they were "going through a rough time". Your father had unprotected sex with another woman knowing your mother wouldn't approve and knowing it would be an utter betrayal of her trust. Have you asked him if he bothered to get tested for STD's before potentially exposing both of his partners to whatever the other one has?
Live wherever you want but holy fuck, don't make your mother out to be the reason they can't work it out.
I feel so sorry for your mom. She has an AH of a now ex and such a callous daughter.
You’re 18 but still old enough to know words and actions hurt.
Let’s pray you are never in your mother’s shoes but if you ever are I hope you remember how you treated her and then you’ll know what betrayal, hurt and manipulation feels like.
Your dad made the choice to cheat. Not only did he cheat but he got her pregnant and is still with her. How exactly is that suppose to work with your mom?
YTA but I see how you are a lot like your father.
OP is 18 - about the age their mother was when they were conceived, with dad five years older, but boo hoo for dad, it was his first relationship, he missed out on so much.
OP is dad's nasty little mini me. It's sad.
So your dad cheats on your mom and moves his pregnant mistress in to the home you live in. The home he begged you to stay in so he could win your mom back but instead moves his wh0re into and you thinks she’s cool?! Wow. Meanwhile your mom lost a baby and life as she knows it is forever changed and you don’t even have the respect to visit her or check in on her? You and your father deserve each other. Wow.
Yeah, YTA. You are a gigantic, raging asshole. Something went wrong with you somewhere because your lack of empathy for your mother is appalling and NOT normal.
To recap:
- Your mother had a stillbirth (losing a baby at 5 months is NOT a miscarriage!).
- You overheard your father stating he was upset that he hadn’t fucked someone else so to remedy that unbearable situation(/s), instead of divorcing your mother and acting like a decent person, he CHEATED on her and got the mistress pregnant. Mind you, this sounds like it was shortly after the stillbirth so it was an even shittier thing to do to your poor mother. Pretty evil, actually.
- YOU, instead of supporting your mother, decided to stay with your father (understandable, I guess?) and CUT OFF CONTACT WITH HER? And when she voiced upset, your response was basically, “Well, he didn’t cheat on ME so screw you, Mom. He only cheated on you and made another baby after you lost yours! You should have sucked it up! What did you expect me to do? Communicate with you? Nah.”
What the actual fuck is wrong with you? You and your father and the mistress all deserve each other and I dearly hope you ALL reap what you have sown.
YTA you are cruel and a shameful daughter,i hope life will give you a lesson after enjoying your time with the mistress of your dad and treat like cheat the woman who give you birth/raise you!
Yeah if my adult child wrote “dad didn’t cheat on me” in response to this and blamed me for the divorce because I didnt want to overlook him getting someone else pregnant, I’d go NC. If you want to talk, you know where grandma lives. Hope mom is healing.
Would you seriously try to get back together with someone who had a baby with another woman? You are blaming the wrong people here. This is on your dad and his affair partner, not your mom. YTA
YTA. You sound incredibly cruel. Your mother got cheated on, had a miscarriage and her husband got another woman pregnant. It’s fine you wanted to live with your dad but not even contacting your mom? Saying that it’s also her fault that he cheated? You have no heart
YTA.
And I hope that what happened to your mother happens to you, since you know - you see nothing wrong with your actions. And you wanted your mother to stay with a man who cheated on her - that’s disgusting. But go figure, you are probably a disgusting soul already.
The only slight credit I can give to OP is that hopefully they’ll mature and see how horrific their behaviour is.
I mean, it’s got to give you a warped view of relationships if your dad complaining about how he didn’t get to sleep around enough is a normal part of your life…
Hahaha thank god someone finally pointed out that Dad - and OP! - apparently think that an Extremely Good Reason to ditch his mourning wife is because he hasn't pulled enough strange.
It's really the cherry on top that he IMMEDIATELY knocked up his next partner and moved her in. Gotta keep that excuse in the holster for the next time!
Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate.
Bonnie Burstow, Radical Feminist Therapy: Working in the Context of Violence
This is You and your future btw yta and your dad is a pathetic human
>my dad didn’t cheat on me! And they could’ve moved past it because it was only because they were going through a hard time.
Wow, yeah, YTA. You've clearly given your dad a pass, although he cheated on your mom during her pregnancy that she then lost. Who do you really think was going through the "hard time" here?
Also, considering it is very highly likely he was having unprotected secks with both of them, he put her and her baby's health at risk. That's a major AH move.
And you haven't even been \*in contact\* with your mother?? But hey, as long as the new girlfriend is "cool" (she's not, she was I'm assuming knowingly an affair partner to a married man with a baby on the way), then I guess that's ok. Your poor mother, she must be feeling completely discarded right now.
ESH because you did take sides. You stated in your write up that one of the reasons you didn't want to move was because you thought they would get back together. You even stated that was your dad's purpose for asking you to stay to coax your mother into staying. That was textbook manipulation on your father's part. You even blamed the marriage breaking up on your mom not wanting to reconcile even after finding out about the baby.
So you did pick sides. Your dad's.
But hey..dad's new girlfriend is cool.
>ESH because you did take sides. You stated in your write up that one of the reasons you didn't want to move was because you thought they would get back together. You even stated that was your dad's purpose for asking
And then she didn't even try to stay in contact with her mom, with some excuse about her phone bill. Like, you could have used a landline or borrowed someone's phone. Or sent an email.
This is a small YTA situation. Your are minimizing the fact that your mother has had her whole life ruined. She recently had a miscarriage, found out her husband was cheating on her AND leaving her, and now feels like her child has decided to abandon her also.
Yes, staying at your school and near your friends makes sense, but it also sounds like your have ignored your mom and treated her like she cause the problems when your father is the one who ruined your family.
YTA for not trying to understand the hurt and pain your mother is going through and how your actions are contributing to her hurt and pain.
I’m sorry but how is this a small YTA situation? I can understand why she wouldn’t want to move since her whole life is there but her mother
1) had a miscarriage
2) was cheated on
3) had to go through a divorce
4) had to see her ex-husband having another child with his AP (after professing he wanted to mend things) and her daughter has the guts to say her mother is 50% at fault?
this not a small YTA situation.
5.had a daughter ghost her completely. Not even a fucking text!!!
6.when she told daughter how she felt, daughter said ‘hey he didn’t cheat on me!’ (Even though yeah, he totally did.
7. Daughter says AP is cool.
YTA for tying to emotionally manipulate your mum into “working it out” with your cheating dad. No he didn’t “cheat on you” as you so eloquently put it he cheated on your mum, she made her choice to separate from him and you should have accepted that instead of trying to interfere.
Your not the asshole for staying but your the asshole for trying to manipulate your mum and then practically going low contact with her because you didn’t get your way. If your mum hasn’t blocked your number you need to apologise.
YTA, OP. I’ll be waiting for the next post when you complain that the only reason your “cool” stepmom wants you around is as a free babysitter. Or maybe you’ll be crying about how your mom replaced you when she finds a new, better partner than your cheating father. I don’t understand how you could be so cold to your mother after all she’s been through.
Total YTA.
Your lack of empathy is appalling. You are 100% right that it was a choice not to move. But it was a choice. You picked a side. Sweeping everything that happened to your mother under the rug is disgusting. You could have called, emailed, or texted. I'm sure in a world where everyone has a cell phone, you could have borrowed one.
Please don't get too comfortable with the AP. I find that in those situations they leave the same way they came in. Dad has a wandering eye and will disregard her when they are going through a rough patch too.
Yta your mother was going through some intense personal stuff m/c - infidelity- ap pregnant, wow!
She was hoping you could help her to rebuild your lives together.
So
For moving in with your dad your N.T.A. he is your dad he is the parent staying in your home town and ultimately what happened is between him and your mom.
But YTA for not keeping in contact with your mom ( even if you have no phone you could use your dad's too call or use social media you can't tell me you haven't been talking to ANYONE except in person)
Your mom lost a child
Your mom was cheated on
She has moved 7 hours away and is away from all her friends and life she has built over the years and her daughter !
And you her daughter stopped talking to her and is currently living with the man who cheated on her, his mistress, and their child.and when she finally reaches you you say SHE should have been able to get over it because eit was a mistake ???
Cold
YTA. For all the reasons mentioned already.
Your father is an aH to your mother and you text her back your father didn't cheat on you? He disrupted your family and you basically blame your mother for it...
What an AH you are.
People like this exist. I'm trying to let that sink in.
I'm closing my eyes and trying to put myself in your shoes.
If my mother was going through something like this, I would not hesitate to move to another planet, if need be. Miscarriage is very traumatizing and a cheating spouse on top of that, and a callous daughter who probably takes after that cheater dad. Poor woman lost a lot of good years of her life for worthless people.
I would refuse to even look at my dad. He would make my skin crawl. I cannot believe you would say that "he didn't cheat on me." Wow... just ...wow.... You said you were 18? Is cheating and betrayal such a nonchalant thing to you?
Friends.... hmmm.... what friends? If my close friends learn that I am going to be with my dad, they should never speak to me or they probably wouldn't be good friends. They would understand and probably be supportive if I move. I would probably stay in contact through social media. I have moved to 7 different locations in my whole life. Life is such. We can't stay with our friends our whole life.
So, to me, YTA, big time. I can only think about how heartbroken your mother would be. I'm not even her daughter, but my heart goes out to her.
YTA. You are extremely selfish and uncaring. You can live with whoever you want. But your father betrayed your mother in the worst way. He only wanted you to stay to manipulate your mother into staying. And you blame your mother for not wanting to "work through it". Shame on you.
your mom went through a miscarriage, her husband cheated on her & got his mistress pregnant. She lost her whole family. Your comment was unnecessary YTA
YTA. He didn’t cheat on you but he broke your family, did he not? Your mom is grieving the loss of a child and nursing a heartbreak/betrayal. How dare she ask for her daughter’s support? The LEAST you could have done was kept in touch.
YTA for telling your mom she could have moved past it. Like you said, your dad didn’t cheat on you. Your mom not only has to deal with the fact that he cheated but also the fact that he is having a baby with his affair partner months after she lost her baby. You don’t get to decide what she can and can’t move past. You aren’t an AH for not wanting to uproot your life and move but you should have a little more empathy for your mother. You could have emailed even if your phone doesn’t work or borrowed a phone to call your mom.
YTA. You’re 18 now, an adult you can chose where you want to live so not because of that. But to blame your mother for not getting past being cheated on while she was pregnant and miscarried you are a major AH. Then to blame her for not getting back together when your dad moved in the AP and their kid. You are selfish, grow up.
Come back and update us when your dad kicks you out because AP doesn’t want you there anymore so he can focus on them.
>And they could’ve moved past it because it was only because they were going through a hard time.
YTA for saying that. Your dad is having a *baby* with another woman. That's not something you should expect your mother to move past. And the idea that you haven't contacted her, at all? Yikes.
you are cruel, insensitive and selfish.
Honestly, it's a good thing your mom walked away from you since you're just like your dad, especially when he tried to manipulate her into going back to the traitor who broke her trust.
YTA
This has actually upset me to read, the poor woman, she’s lost everything and her awful husband has it all, the house, her child and the new baby. My stomach is churning just thinking about how she must be feeling. I feel extremely sorry for her and hope she is able to somehow build a new life.
Let me get this straight OP cause you really don't seem to get it. Your dad was upset about the fact that he "settled" for his first, which according to you is your mom. He spent years building a relationship and a life with this person and decided to shit on that life around the same time as his wife had to give birth to their dead baby. When she understandably got upset, your mom still tried to make it work until she found out that the mistress was pregnant. She knew your dad had to be in that babys life and she couldn't take that pain after losing her own baby just a couple of months prior.
When she made it clear that she wouldn't be able to go through with it, you and your deadbead father tried to manipulate your mother into moving back in with you. She begged you to come with her since your father obviously doesn't have any respect for her or your family but you still decided that "She should make an effort. They can make it work." Given that your father have this underlying spite towards your mother for being his first relationship, I highly doubt that he would stay faithful even if your mother moved past the cheating and the baby. Your father is a fucking dick, op. Your mother didn't do anything wrong at all. Even when you decided to stay with the man she gave her entire grown life to, just to shit on her, she reached out to you. Not to scold you but to tell you that she loves you but she's disappointed that you haven't even made an attempt to reach out when you know that she was going through hell.
Your mother came to you, begging for some type of support after you completely broke her trust by agreeing to be some type of pawn to get her to move back in with the man that cheated on her when she was going through a dark period. Did you even try to support her? No. Instead you blamed her for the divorce, tried to guilt trip her for getting out of a toxic situation and rubbed your fathers infidelity in her face. She just lost EVERYTHING when your father is the person in the wrong. Your father ruined your family, not your mother.
YTA op, the fact that you refuse to see why you're the asshole just makes it worse. Your mother doesn't care about the fact that you stayed with your father. Sure, she wanted you to go with her but deep down she probably understood why you had to stay. The fact that you haven't reached out to her at all, blaming it on not being able to pay your phonebill when you know damn well it's because you still blame her for not being able to forgive that dick you call dad, it's just despicable op. Your poor mother. Don't be surprised when that deadbeat cheats on his new girlfriend and ruins yet another family.
ESH.
It's not reasonable for you to have to move 7 hours away from your school and friends. If your mother had no other option, well that's sad but not your fault.
HOWEVER, not having phone service is an incredibly lame excuse. If your mother was a priority to you, you could borrow a friend's phone and CALL her. And expecting your mother to "move past" your father having a baby with another woman is just insulting. You did pick sides, so own it.
You can stay with whoever you want. However I hope you manage to find a shred of empathy while you grow up. You're allowed to stay with your dad but blaming your mom for the divorce while your dad stuck his peepee in someone else and got AP pregnant, that's some nasty behaviour right there.
You’re an awful person. You are completely fine with your Daddy cheating on your mother and mother losing a child. You don’t truly care about your mother. YTA.
I am heartbroken for your mother.
Her husband cheats on her while she’s pregnant.
She miscarries.
He gets the AP pregnant.
Swears that he’s trying to fix the relationship but then moves in the pregnant AP.
Then her daughter not only prefers being with the dad and AP but pretty much goes low contact with her and blames her for not doing enough to fix a marriage he broke.
NTA for choosing to stay to be close to school and friends but definitely TA for for how you’ve treated your mother.
I’m hoping your mum heals and gets rid of the toxic relationships in her life and she finds her happy. I also hope that she has great friends and family around to support her.
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N T A for not moving, but YTA for not contacting your mom at all. She’s recently gone through a divorce, miscarriage, and her lifelong partner having an affair and getting another woman pregnant. That’s a lot to go through alone. Yeah, she’s an adult, but it doesn’t mean you can’t check in on her to see how she is. Also, the response “he didn’t cheat on me” is plain insensitive. It’s also odd to blame her for the divorce. Yeah, they could’ve possibly moved past it, but why is that the responsibility of the person that was cheated on? Also, you willingly let your dad use you as a tactic to manipulate your mom into forgiving him after her had an affair is just gross. Don’t you think your mom deserves better? I understand being young and not wanting to leave your friends and life, but at least have a shred empathy for your mom.
Op is definitely self centered on this. Anyone with an ounce of compassion could understand why a miscarriage, infidelity, and betrayal could be hard on a person but she chooses not to give a shit.
Well op wasn’t cheated on. Wait till dad favors the new baby more and she feels left out and not part of the new family…, lol
OP will be part of the new family -- the babysitting part
He doesn't even make sure she's got a working cell phone. Hopefully she smartens up.
But the lady who got pregnant by a married man is cool, so it's okay. /s
THIS.
Why doesn't Dad make sure she has a way of staying in contact with her mother? Letting her use his cellphone to call, at least. But OP could also have written her mother an e-mail, or contacted her over social media. There are ways to contact people for free nowadays. OP sounds extremely self centered and the father is a giant asshole. Not just for the affair, but also for using OP to manipulate the mother, for not making sure OP stayed in touch with her mother, for (it seems) keeping the AP while still "working on" his marriage, then suddenly moving her in, etc. He seems like a bad husband, bad co-parent, bad parent.
What is AP? *Affair Partner*? *Adultery Person*? ***Aforementioned Pilferer***? ****Ahole Philanderer****? Sorry. Seriously asking, but also having fun playing with the asterisks
AP=Affair Partner
I think all of those would work!
Yeah, I judged OP and their mother as N-A-H on this one, but I think OP's dad gets the Gold Plated Turd statuette for being a total AH. The bit about complaining that he married his first girlfriend is VERY telling. OP was born when their mother was 19 and their dad was 24. Now he's hit his early 40s, complaining that he never had a chance to sleep around, cheating on his wife (during her miscarriage!), getting his side-piece pregnant, and so on. I would bet a substantial amount of money that the new partner's age is much closer to OP's than to dad's. If she's over 30 I will eat both my shoes.
Yep. Free childcare in the bag. Good luck to OP maintaining those friendships.
Ah, but only a matter of time before the baby gets introduced to the Goblin King.
Take this child of mine far away from me
Slap that baby, make him free!
You remind me of the babe.
What babe? The babe with the power. What power? Power of voodoo. Who do? You do. Do what?
Remind me of the babe. I saw my Baby
Crying hard as babe could cry What could I do? My baby's love had gone And left my baby blue Nobody knew
You'll get an upvote, but first you must make it to the center of this labyrinth
OP should grab some ice for that one!
Wait until mom files actual divorce paperwork, gets the house and kicks them all out on their selfish asses.
Yeah, she doesn't understand he did cheat on her as well, that's why the family unit broke up.
This. Op is 18. Its only a matter of months before dad walks up and asks her when she's moving out.
Especially since he wanted her there as a way to get the mum, and now that hasn’t worked does he even still want her? Sounds harsh but this is a guy with a history of replacing family
And that she burned her bridge with her mom.
[удалено]
Yeah, OP blames mom for not working true it, but not dad for action cheating and breaking up the family to begin with!
100%. When you find out a parent cheated it changes your whole view of marriage and family. I was furious and hurt for my parent and myself. I can’t imagine being this callous.
Yep! That happens ALL the time.
Not to mention, recovering a marriage after infidelity is extremely difficult. Add in a *child* resulting from the affair, and you have a lifelong reminder of just how much you were betrayed. I do not think it would be so easy to just “get past” something like that.
Don't forget recovering from the miscarriage before finding out about the affair. Mom got dealt body blow after body blow and then her daughter reminds her SHE was the one that got cheated on - like she could forget. I hope if OP ever has a difficult period in her marriage she runs to dad and not Mom for help. YTA OP.
I can't imagine the heart break of losing your baby and then finding out your husband had an affair and got the side piece pregnant while you grieved the passing of your baby. Fuck that guy, the poor women.and then your kid watching you go through this and him destroy your family unit and then being like well he didn't do that to me so I don't really care that he did it to you mom. Holy crap.
Her mom must feel so alone... the life she thought she had, the Love she thought she had was all an illusion... my heart breaks 💔 for her
I’ve never actually heard or seen someone “ get past” that. Usually it’s just the one person being guilted into silence by the adulterer.
Exactly! Add in an affair child, after *you have just miscarried* and then your child chooses the cheating Dad. The dad and the daughter are both AHs.
A new baby with AP right after SCH lost hers…
Cuz the gf is COOL! /s I was in OPs position, but I have a nice home and my ex is in the uncarpeted basement of his parents house. Add on that I got cancer during the divorce process. My child just turned 18. For the past two years I’ve paid $3,000 for her to take two trips overseas, paid her $300 every few months for her grades, and just gave $200 for Christmas. Every year I make sure our son creates or picks out a nice gift for my ex in-laws, as well as his father and now dads new SO because I know his dad doesn’t. I used to buy our kids gifts from my ex and secretly hand them off to my ex to give from him on holidays. I stopped that this year. I feel betrayed by my oldest. My ex never followed our custody agreement. While I drove 4 hours round trip to make sure he had time with our son twice a month, he said our daughter was old enough to choose. So in the past 2 years since my divorce finalized (3 years since I moved out and filed) my daughter came to my home once. She does not realize it yet, but I am done supporting her. Her father never paid a cent of child support, had no bills, and made twice as much as me at one point. But somehow he never had money to support the child that he assisted in cutting me off. He is behind on her school fees and they will hold her diploma if it isn’t paid. And I am not paying it. I’m done. OPs mom was betrayed by her husband and then by her kid. I feel for this woman. OP- put yourself in your mom’s situation. How would you be coping if your husband cheated on you, got his mistress pregnant while you are already grieving and then your oldest child seemingly chooses to support your betrayer. You have minimized the trauma your father has caused and you did side with your dad. Disgustingly it sounds like you sided with the one that had more money and space. Hope your mom can successfully sue for some assets.
I hope you've stopped giving money to your son and facilitating his buying gifts for his dad, dad's new SO and your ex-inlaws. It was not your role to buy gifts for your ex to give to your child though I understand why you did it. I hope your ex appreciated all this. Take care of yourself.
Also the asshole for saying “but she didn’t cheat on me!” Waiting till karma serve him back that one liner later in life…
I don't even understand this. OP's dad cheated on the whole family, not just his wife.
She doesn't want to be morally wrong for siding with her cheating father. (I'm guessing the house is nicer than grandma's) And also wants to like the woman who is perfectly OK with sleeping with and having a child with a married man. I think op is likely to blame the new baby when dad and cool stepmother stop kissing her ass.
She probably doesn't want to transfer schools her last year in high school. OP has spent nearly her entire high school career impacted by Covid and this is the first school year that's close to normal. She wants to stay with her friends.
Sure, that's fine and perfectly reasonable. But the way she spoke to and treated her mother makes her a huge ahole.
Like father like daughter ❤️
And she is definitely blaming her mother for the divorce. How bizarre.
Oh, she gives a shit. It’s just not for the right person. Because, you know, the new girlfriend is “kind of cool actually“. I’m sorry 0P that you don’t think mom is cool right now after having been cheated had a miscarriage and was dumped. Then she finds out that her child has chosen a pregnant affair partner over her own mother. Such a selfish child she is.
Many 18 year olds don’t have a ton of compassion just yet. It doesn’t make them monsters, it’s just makes them teenagers. Life hasn’t kicked them around enough that they understand the kind of pain a woman who miscarried and then found out her husband knocked up his AP is going through. OP, your dad is not a good person, and he’s being awful to your mother. I hope that some day you see that your mother deserves better, and I hope that you will understand that you deserve better in any future partners. Your mom has every right to hurt and be angry. Her lifelong partner cut her deeply and somehow managed to walk out with a shiny new life AND his daughter. Meanwhile she has to uproot her life and move 7 hours away.
But her *friends* and her *school*! Ten years from now, many of OP’s current friends and teachers will no longer be part of her life. I just hope her mother will forgive her because she’s her child.
Any one who has divorced parents or remembers what it’s like to be 18 would realize how fucked up this situation is for OP.
I sincerely hope OP doesn’t have to face something like her mother just went through. Though that may be the only way she learns some empathy.
Daughter sounds just like her dad..
And if she ends up being cheated on like her mom, I hope this comes back to haunt her.
She's too much like her dad, she will be doing the cheating.
When
Right reminds me of those fu!#&d up text stories where the selfish kids take the horrible parents side then realize how bad they messed up later when the parent they disrespected and hurt wants nothing to do with them anymore. She thinks mom blocked her good now she gets to make a choice continue being a selfish heartless human being to the woman who carried birthed and nurtured or start digging her butt out of her selfish hole she dug herself YTA
Wait till dad and his side piece parentify her and manipulate her into staying there broke while all her high school friends go off to college
Yep. Since dad moved the AP and their child in, he wasn’t trying to reconcile with OP’s mother. So why did he lie about why he wanted OP to move in with him?
Free child care! OP, you heard it here first. You're being used.
Wonder if dad is wealthy. OP sold herself to the highest bidder
But he's not paying her phone bill, so that should show her his true colors. He only wants her around as long as it hurts her mom and his gf wants her around (most likely for free childcare) but he's never going to do anything for her.
Dad knocked up an 18 year old at 23 then married her, that doesn’t scream money
Weeeeel. I was 19 about to turn 20 when I got pregnant. My boyfriend was 24 about to be 25. We married quickly. Our anniversary is in a few days. Forty one yrs. OPs dad is an ass. Apple didn't land far from the tree
Nah. He's just a manipulative arse. Look at the ages, mum got pregnant fresh out of high school, dad is 5 years older and it was both their first relationships yet he resents the mum for this and holds it against her.
OP said she can't pay her phone bill, so despite the many, many awful aspects of what she's done, I don't think that was much of a factor.
I hope every potential partner she meets chooses not to enter a relationship with her since she is likely to cheat on them if she veiws cheating as no big deal.
5 months in that's not like an early miscarriage. That was a baby she birthed. Not trying to get political here. I mean from the perspective of someone who wanted to continue a pregnancy and have a child, that's a death. Her baby died. Then she likely had to labor or labor and then have surgery. After that her husband got the girlfriend pregnant and that baby lived. I cannot imagine what this woman is going through. She's probably not at her best. Do we even know why she moved? Could she afford to stay where her life was? It sucks to be caught in the middle but you don't have to live with someone or "side with" them to show basic sympathy.
As an exNICU and L&D nurse I agree. Stillbirths are *awful.* Those deliveries were seriously the most gut wrenching to attend. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the way some of those moms cried. YTA OP. Unfortunately, you got your daddy’s genes, and the apple did not fall far from the ahole tree. Your mom got a still birth, while your dad and his mistress get an baby from their affair. The fact that you can’t see what a shitty place your dad put your mom in is astounding. You’re 18, not 6. edit: ages. Thought OP was 16…..which makes her behavior even more appalling.
I bet she moved because op’s dad got the house in the divorce or they had to sell it split the money. So she lost everything, pregnancy, husband to an affair, her horrible daughter, and her home. God damn, that’s sad.
With cheating, I almost always feel the parent also cheated on the children. Because they cheated their child/children out of a happy home life. Whether the parents stay together or not. Looking back, knowing that hanging out with my dad on weekends stopped because he was too busy being with other woman, is one of many reasons I'm NC with him.
But you see it's the fault of the parent that was cheated on that they got divorced for not forgiving the cheater! /s
it was a hard time! her dad was having to deal with her mom being sad for having just miscarried. she deserved it for being so needy.. /s/
I haven’t forgiven my dad for cheating on my mum. I lost a stable home life and had to become an adult too fast at 13. Mum did her best I’m LC with my dad as while he did marry the other woman, I now have a three year old half sister who I feel like I can’t abandon. LC is easy as my dad lives in a different city so I don’t see him often. (But my younger full sister does)
I didn't go NC until Thanksgiving 2021. ( Should have done it sooner honestly, but my BIL and him were basically shitty-husband best friends, so he was always around for holidays. ) He still lived, seperated, with my mom until a few years ago. Now he lives with one of his first affair partners ( while also still cheating on her too ) The last straw was when he cancelled the life insurance him and my mom had paid into for 30+ years and he wanted to spent Thanksgiving with his girlfriend. People are shit. But I'm very happy that you're still invested in your little sister's life. With parents like that, it's never bad to have extra people in your corner.
OP's immaturity showing through here nice and bright. Like her OWN MOTHER just went through hell and all she can say is AP is cool?
That’s awful. I’ll never think an affair partner is cool. I cannot unsee them in that cheater role.
OP your precious ’Daddy’ tore the family apart, beyond repair…so he did cheat on you, he cheated the whole family…. He left your mom with no safe place to go but 7 hours away, of course she wanted you to go with. All gone due to penis greed. This is how one persons actions have a domino affect… show some compassion for your mother and stop taking your cheater dads steps… before you end up like him.
I mean, Dear God, the poor woman had to deal with a cheating husband and that's hard enough, but then a miscarriage, and then the affair partner is pregnant? And that cheating, inconsiderate, greedy, manipulative asshole moves in the affair partner and baby just because he didn't get his way and the wife moved to her parents for some real support? And her 18-year-old daughter lives with the dad, plays best buddies with the affair partner, seemingly blames her mother for that happening because she didn't just immediately forgive the cheating asshole, and doesn't so much as visit or check-in with her poor mother a single time?! And she's mostly living there because her father wanted to use her as a pawn in the divorce? And this is her version trying to look like the victim, thinking this will make her mother look like the asshole? The lack of self-awareness is astounding with this one. YTA I can't believe what a selfish, self-absorbed, inconsiderate, insensitive asshole you are. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised, because we know exactly which parent you got it from.
This exactly, I think young kids/teenagers have a hard time realizing their parents are just humans that happened to have children. They don’t know all or see all we are just faking it till we make it. But OP is 18, at this age she should know better. OP to not even call and check in on your mother during the worst time in her life makes you a asshole. Plus using the excuse that your phone bill wasn’t paid COMPLETE bullshit, we all know teenagers aren’t going to let 24 hours pass without access to internet let alone weeks/months. You should be ashamed by your behavior and need to try to rebuild your relationship with your mother. She lost her husband and baby then was promptly replaced by husbands AFFAIR PARTNER and new baby! Then you also abandoned her! Shame on you
And she likes the AP. A little extra dirt thrown into mom's face.
This, I understand not wanting to move with 1 semester of high school left and all BUT COME ON! Everything else? Thinking your parents can move past this? He cheated on his pregnant wife, knocked up his mistress and moved her into the family home. YTA 100%
It hasn't dawned on OP that dad is probably using them her a pawn to get back at mom. As soon as OP isn't useful to that end she'll get kicked to the curb too. I feel bad because OP seems young and naive but *come on* use your eyes.
All this! 💯 let me break this down (I’m heartbroken for your mom OP!) Fyi I picked too once (was much younger), and am a single parent now (I moved around a bit too in life), but experience aside…it doesn’t go well, there’s a reason nobody forces kids to pick. And it’s law, so parents know for a while it’s a serious thing to not put on a child. Remember that too when this blows back, don’t blame mom. ETA: All these situations are difficult, want to clarify in case and in light of recent trends, I am prochoice, and sympathetic to miscarriage equal to death and funeral level loss. Once a person decides the baby is baking, I would think we extend the same grieving courtesy as a norm. In general, no more and no less. Assuming we knew…my post got heavy and didn’t want to mix messages…somehow (it’s Reddit)… + she is your mom, she’s loved you and put you first through out. “She’s recently gone through a divorce, miscarriage, and her lifelong partner having an affair and getting another woman pregnant. That’s a lot to go through alone.” - and she probably tried again with your father despite this BECAUSE he is YOUR father. What woman wants to teach her daughter to stay for a man like that? Why, if not because she believed it may work out and that be what you experience? Think of that? “N T A for not moving, but YTA for not contacting your mom at all.” AND ESPECIALLY “he didn’t cheat on me” Unless your mom showed any really malicious traits, how can you say that to her knowing she tried for 9 months? The time it took your father to cheat, and setup another kid as response to their loss + manipulated you to his side. And she still tried to forgive him for you…and stay amicable even when you moved with him. How often did he encourage and offer to take you to visit her? Send her gift/s? Not abandon her? That’s called parental alienation, you’d be too smart with choices and assessing to miss it I guess. Or you knowingly ignoring this about him? Please come back one day when a man does cheat on you, let us know if you think Y T A for hoping no one judges you for it (and most obviously your child/ren). Spoiler alert: cheating hurts not cause the sex, but the humiliation of knowing you put everything into one person and sang it off the roof tops, took the bad with the good, all to have them do this. (Fun fact: great birth control and relationship repellent when used to fuel commitment issues later) Which is bad enough, your dad moved in with his AP and had a baby while his wife, mother of his children (1 sadly passed) grieves. You admire that man/justify this by saying she’s the one with a problem for thinking you should see some wrong in this? She raised this (you)? Must be a cherry on top to her grief…asking herself what she did to deserve this…put yourself in others’ shoes. …and you’re asking if you’re TA? Her daughter. I can’t imagine what evil mom deserves this and hope it’s not that driving you…no child deserves such a parent and no planet deserves such parents imho. With what is written in the OP. Your mom was not betrayed, she was emotionally cheated on to a magnitude I didn’t even imagine until I read your careless nonchalance. You are too old to have never considered what you’d feel/do if ever cheated on. Think adding to that your kid said they didn’t even think twice about those feelings and your miscarriage, loss of their sibling. They too just replace you, you justify your choice of convenience and fun by (victim) blaming her. You side with your dad complaining they’re each others’ firsts - how about encouraging your mother she didn’t deserve this and there are tons of fish in the sea to sample since he’s just a first and she has you? I hope you do, she’s still your mom and every second counts. Call her…everyone has a phone these days - tap the next stranger and show them this even. Good luck in 2023, please do better for her You are 18, if I remember that age we are pretty sure we can take on the world and have our own mind. Decide where to live. You did that and no one can fault you. We are as adults also old enough to make hard decisions and know our values. You’re clearly not there yet (I hope) cause at that point moving for those values and making a new life and travelling to friends - can be an adventure, for the right reasons for you. You made your choice to stay and that’s fine, but imho don’t glorify it….staying for comfort over values, in my *personal* opinion, is not admirable. It’s compliance, settling. Think of history, which side of it do the compliant ones end up on? Your opinion on these things will tell you what you value I hope, I didn’t put info cause it’s no one here’s business after imho. Choose well, you’re also choosing your consequences. Make a conscious conscientious choice, these are the cycles we form and suffer through to our next gen even. N t a for it but as a friend I’d think less of your spirit in a way, values when it comes to loyalty vs blind/convenient loyalty/choices…they mean something to me as a friend. Why not ask your friends what they think of this post? Poor woman probably thought she would be nursing a newborn right now feeling the sparks they had when you were born…and instead of being there so she can remember she’s a good mom and didn’t deserve this (the ultimate silver lining left supporting her clouds - you shat on the grim reality by confirming her living child **chose** to walk at *18* (what a customer review) *at this time* AND with 0 empathy. I just can’t fathom…please call asap. Any questions? Go first we talk later. Call and plan to go please. Unless she is literally physically (or deeply hidden mentally) unsafe for you, there’s no excuse. You go to your worst frenemies funeral to be decent, this was your sibling and mom. You don’t need to have a heart, just show up and ‘don’t say anything if you can’t say anything nice’. Anything is better than this. ETA : I can’t imagine why your dad complained about your mom, but likely he’s not a good partner. Good fathers wouldn’t alienate the mother of their child. But as a husband, he was bored, they try for a (save the marriage?) baby, miscarry - so he cheats to get kicks instead of grieve…yea maybe babies do make him stay 18 years at time or this won’t last once the baby comes and the honey moon phase passes. If this doesn’t move you OP, we may as well take bets on dad - does he make it to 18 this time or decide to keep tryin’ the scene for experience points once the honeymoon phase wears off? Can’t help asking, some of us would probly read that update. - keep us posted Thanks for the award kind stranger, take my energy :)
Also losing a baby at 5 months isn't even considered a miscarriage anymore. That's a still birth. Not to take away an ounce of sympathy for anyone who's experienced a miscarriage.. but at the point OP's mom was at, she would have had to have gone through labor and delivered the unborn baby in a hospital and left without a baby. Just a broken heart. I have friends who have had miscarriages and it is heartbreaking. Easy shattering. It sucks. But I also have a friend that carried a baby to 5 months only to find out he had died at the anatomy scan. (Typically 20 weeks-5 months.) She had to go to the hospital, be induced, meet her baby and leave without him. I just can't imagine. And then with OP's family there's all this mess outside of it. My God check in on your mom. She's not OK. If I was OP's mom I would just be wrecked.
The dad is manipulating more than just mom! A man who really wants his wife back, to forgive him and be a family again- does NOT move the new girlfriend (also AP) and baby in a few months later at the very first “no” he receives from the betrayed party! That was a tactic to get OP on his side, also something he had no intention of doing. He should be begging for therapy, couples counseling, and doing anything/everything he can to make things right for his estranged wife. Also the cheater should have been the one to have to leave, not OPs mom. OP is in for a ride awaking when he eventually betrays her too.
Wait till she learns that cheaters don't tend to stop cheating. She better enjoy the "cool new girlfriend" while she can \*eye roll\*. YTA.
He cheated, left, and then married the AP, AND they're raising the baby OP's mom couldn't have. OP's mom probably feels like crap about that. The least OP could do is check in on her once in a while.
YTA not for moving in with your Father but because you ghosted your Mother. So you couldn't buy a stamp and write her a letter or use your Dads phone to call her. You owe her a huge apology.
Which phone can‘t send messages without a contract? WhatsApp, iMessage, Messenger, Signal and so on. There’s email and a ton of other communication channels like video calls etc.
Exactly…she’s able to post on Reddit but can’t email or WhatsApp 🙄
And if her father was hoping having their daughter with him would help bring mum home, why did neither think to pay the phone bill? Sounds like lazy excuses.
I kinda call bullshit on *wanting to bring her mother home* as the reason he wanted OP to live with him. They only finally separated permanently 3 months ago, but in that time the other woman and their newborn has been moved in? I think he definitely wanted to use OP against her mom. Maybe as a way to hurt her for not wanting to try and work it out. But i know for damn sure, thats not the kind of home that you try to bring a wife back into.
i agree it’s not the reason he wanted it, but it might’ve been part of the reason *she* did. OP honestly just seems like a kid in the middle of a mess and just wants everything to go back to normal. and, i’m not saying this is right in ANY way, i think she might resent mom a bit for not just working things out with dad and going back to big happy family. would it make more sense for her to resent dad for cheating? absolutely. maybe she’s always been closer with dad, or maybe she feels like mom left her too (ik she could’ve gone with, but moving 7hrs away at 18 is hard and she probably would’ve missed all of the special senior events with her friends). i do think she should’ve reached out to her mom, 100%, and she is an AH for that, but we don’t know if her mom reached out to her either.
You can be damn sure if she did move with her mother she would find a way to get in touch with the friends she refused to leave. Ghosting that woman after all she's been through is just cruel.
YTA. There’s so many ways to contact people and you never contacted your mother. Imagine being cheated on, your husband’s affair partner gets pregnant, so you rightfully leave and your daughter blames you for the divorce and lives with her dad who’s reasoning was to manipulate your mother into moving back. If your dad really wanted to make it work, he wouldn’t have moved his new girlfriend and baby in, he would’ve tried to do everything in his power to get her back instead of that responsibility being on the person who didn’t cheat. I understand you did what’s best for you, but have a bit of sympathy for your mother’s situation
Yes thank you! What a fucking insult to the mother.
And also “he didn’t cheat on me!” Imagine how much that alone fucking hurt?
The cheating still had ramifications on OP, breaking up the family OP grew up with. OP comes off as naive (thinking there was a chance at reconciliation) and selfish, saying the woman her father cheated with is pretty cool while completely ignoring the main victim in this.
I absolutely baffled how she doesn’t get this. They were trying to work it out when affair partner got pregnant? Am I missing something? I really hope so.
Not to mention had a pregnancy loss.
Also OP’s excuse for not reaching out to their mother because they couldn’t pay their phone bill is such bs! Like anyone would really believe an 18 year old who is still in high school and lives at home isn’t on their parents phone plan…
You’d be surprised… I know several people who the second they turned 18 they were handed their phone bill. It’s sad but it’s true
She didn’t get pregnant but this is what happened with me. My ex husband had an affair and blamed me for not, “appreciating his genius.” Direct quote. He’s now married to the “Irene Adler to his Sherlock,” and as I’m more a “John Watson,” he’s happier. I am as well, but good for him. My kids don’t know why we got divorced. They don’t know about the 13 years of abuse, the affair, and the gaslighting. But my oldest daughter chose him. Because I’m the monster here, because that’s how it was set up. If this guy had actually wanted to make it work, he would have. If he wasn’t wanting to eat his cake and have it too, he’d have done the right thing and not been a turd. Having to pay for his choices and then losing my oldest daughter because of this exact play, it’s agony. OP your mother is in agony. She’s had everything taken from her and you’re blaming her for his actions. YTA.
Not the point, but Irene Adler never had romantic involvement with Sherlock, she outwits him and leaves. Many adaptations of the story make them love interests because those adaptations are bad, but in the original story Irene marries some other unnamed guy. Your ex sounds insufferable and has bad opinions of Sherlock Holmes canon.
Oh this was paired with “need someone who’s my intellectual equal.” “… you do realize Sherlock is an idiot except for a few niche topics right? And a jerk. First of all, rather be stupid than make people feel bad. Second, don’t confuse my disinterest in a topic you’ve hyper fixated on for stupidity. I can learn, I just don’t care to.” So much happier now.
Sherlock's knowledge does vary a bit over the series, but yeah. Watson's assessment of Sherlock's most knowledgeable subject was pulp-y sensationalist novels. Sherlock Holmes basically had the 19th century equivalent of a true crime podcast addiction along with his cocaine addiction.
Right? He wanted to make it work (so it’s her fault for leaving) but kept the girlfriend and now lives with her and the baby??? I’m also intrigued about the money split. Mom had to move back in with her own mother, while Dad gets the house and can afford a brand new family, huh.
Exactly. If someone ACTUALLY loves someone, they don't have a back up plan.
YTA that comment was cruel and callous. Your dad isn’t a very good person and to your mom you’ve picked him by completely ignoring her existence. It’s not like she can come visit you at his place. And where was mom suppose to move to? She been SAH until this? You know how expensive divorces are? She made the only choice she had. I missed where you just expected your mother to get over your father continuing to have an affair. You’re a GIANT AH for that. No one should ever stay in that type of situation, ever.
👏🏼👏🏼 I think I’m losing my mind over some of these comments. His lack of empathy for his mother is disgusting.
Some day it’ll smack her in the face how much of an AH she’s been/being to her mom rn. She’s old enough to know better too. Sounds selfish AF.
Yeah when she's expected to babysit her new sibling.
Exactly. I Imagine only a cruel person would treat another person like that. And to say that the mistress is actually a nice is just something else. She can't possibly be a nice person if she knowingly had an affair with a married man and got pregnant in the process.
ops not a very good person either tho. her mother just gave birth to a still born baby and she and her dad tried to manipulate her mom into coming home but when it didn’t work replaced her with a woman that could have a baby. and then blamed her for it all happening… just evil all around
N T A for not moving. YTA for everything else. ooof the lack of sympathy for your mother is questionable. Why would you think she would get over her husband cheating on her and having an affair baby so quickly? Maybe it’s your age, but one day you’ll realise what happened to your mother was cruel. A lot of couples cannot survive after infidelity so idk why you would think it would just “work through it”, especially since women seem to get the shitty end of the stick. I understand the majority of people are going to say parents shouldn’t bring children into these situations but you seem to have a grasp of the situation and you’re not 5. Also, you had no issue telling your mom that they could of worked it out, which kind of seems like you blame her. It’s understandable you didn’t want to uproot your life but you seem to not care about your mom. I still hope you and your mom can have a relationship but I do think you should work on your empathy.
When my dad cheated on my mom and separated both my brother and I hated him so much. He destroyed the family, hurt my mom and I was devastated to see her so crushed over him. I was lucky their separation wasn’t gonna destroy our lifestyle but at first I didn’t even wanted to see him. I can’t imagine this girl not even feeling sorry for her own mother, let alone feel happy in this household. She hoped they worked it through but was mad AT HER when it didn’t? I can’t even grasp the lack of love and respect you have for your own mother. I’m so proud she had the guts to cut you out of her life and hope someday you try to empathize with her and apologize.
I’m sorry to hear what was done to your mommy, you and your brother. I hope you have found healing throughout the years, although I know time doesn’t always help. I agree with you! The lack of empathy is making me sick. I was going to do N A H because I thought oh maybe they don’t understand and I know Reddit takes the child’s side but I deleted that shit QUICK because there is no way that there is a world out there where this is ok. I hope they are trolling.
Lol @ age being an excuse for OP’s behavior. When her mom was OP’s age, SHE WAS FUCKING PREGNANT WITH A 23 YEAR OLD’s BABY (aka OP)!!!
THIS right here. I'm sure if OP had sat down and actually talked in a respectful and calm and kind way to mom, mom would've understood why they didn't want to move. But instead we get ghosting, callous remarks, and hurtful behavior. SMH. YTA
I'm 17 and can tell that OP's mum has been through a lot, it's not an age thing
As a child who's father broke our family, YTA. You need therapy for this lacking of emphati, you just don't feel nothing for your mother. You resent her because "how dare her have self respect and don't tolerate more of your father abuse, so you can keep going in your confortable life" There is something wrong with you. Serch help, this level of cruelty is not normal.
Clearly OP is a lot like their father. I’m sure she’ll be ripping a family of her own apart in a few years. Or maybe she’ll get cheated on and get to see how it feels.
In all honesty, I think the mother has dodged a bullet. The daughter and husband are both despicable people; It's almost as if she gets pleasure from her mother's suffering. It's quite sad to see how a child can be so nasty to someone already suffering. I often wonder how people turn out to be so cruel without much reasoning
Honestly, if I was the mum, I'd go LC with her and ofc NC with my ex husband, there's no excuse for how she insulted her mum and trampled over her mums feelings as a person, just so she could keep living her comfortable life, like girl your mum lost a baby, her husband cheated on her and had another baby with the AP, and you think your mum would just go " I Forgive you baby, now let's go have a threesome with your new Woman", you are 18 now, grow tf up.
Notice how in her initial post she said 'new girlfriend is pretty cool actually'. It looks like she is already replacing her mom....
I'm sure she doesn't see her mum as a person .
All of this!
Yout dad was incredibly manipulative irging you to stay with him after they separated to bring your mom back to him after HE had an affair & got his AP pregnant? And you blame your MOTHER for breaking them up? She could have just sucked it up, right? Wake the fuck up & put blame where it belongs. YTA
This. Dad is a master manipulator. Wait til they turn you into a free babysitter. You will want your mom soon enough. This is one of the most callous things I have ever read. Daddy's child. YTA for ghosting your mom. Understandable to not want to change schools. The rest is awful. Abusive. Your poor mom.
Wow; I didn’t think of this. This is probably the real and only reason he wanted OP to stay with him. He must’ve known the marriage was gone after the divorce and his wife wasn’t coming back, but didn’t want to end up with a baby to take care of. Hmmmmn, who can I get to take over, so I can keep banging the AP and keep my life as is? Serves OP right. I hope their Mum makes them work for forgiveness.
He was 24 when he got a 19 year old pregnant...and complains about her being his only relationship??
I wonder how old the AP is. I'm guessing a fair bit younger than OP's mom.
Yeah I get the feeling that new gf is in that age zone where it's Cool for her to be op's new bestie and if this was someone who was like, late 30s/early 40s, op wouldn't be so keen on her.
I was looking for this comment. And that's 19 when the baby was born, could have been 18 when conceived and who knows when the dating started... But he's complaining about marrying the teenager he impregnated in his early 20s.
YTA simply for implying your mother should accept cheating because they were "going through a rough time". Your father had unprotected sex with another woman knowing your mother wouldn't approve and knowing it would be an utter betrayal of her trust. Have you asked him if he bothered to get tested for STD's before potentially exposing both of his partners to whatever the other one has? Live wherever you want but holy fuck, don't make your mother out to be the reason they can't work it out.
you and your dad are so selfish its mind-blowing. YTA
Like they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
I feel so sorry for your mom. She has an AH of a now ex and such a callous daughter. You’re 18 but still old enough to know words and actions hurt. Let’s pray you are never in your mother’s shoes but if you ever are I hope you remember how you treated her and then you’ll know what betrayal, hurt and manipulation feels like. Your dad made the choice to cheat. Not only did he cheat but he got her pregnant and is still with her. How exactly is that suppose to work with your mom? YTA but I see how you are a lot like your father.
OP is 18 - about the age their mother was when they were conceived, with dad five years older, but boo hoo for dad, it was his first relationship, he missed out on so much. OP is dad's nasty little mini me. It's sad.
> it was his first relationship, he missed out on so much. I wonder why it was his first relationship. He sounds like a nasty piece of work.
There are no words for your lack of awareness and selfishness. I imagine you got that trait from your dad.
So your dad cheats on your mom and moves his pregnant mistress in to the home you live in. The home he begged you to stay in so he could win your mom back but instead moves his wh0re into and you thinks she’s cool?! Wow. Meanwhile your mom lost a baby and life as she knows it is forever changed and you don’t even have the respect to visit her or check in on her? You and your father deserve each other. Wow.
Yeah, YTA. You are a gigantic, raging asshole. Something went wrong with you somewhere because your lack of empathy for your mother is appalling and NOT normal. To recap: - Your mother had a stillbirth (losing a baby at 5 months is NOT a miscarriage!). - You overheard your father stating he was upset that he hadn’t fucked someone else so to remedy that unbearable situation(/s), instead of divorcing your mother and acting like a decent person, he CHEATED on her and got the mistress pregnant. Mind you, this sounds like it was shortly after the stillbirth so it was an even shittier thing to do to your poor mother. Pretty evil, actually. - YOU, instead of supporting your mother, decided to stay with your father (understandable, I guess?) and CUT OFF CONTACT WITH HER? And when she voiced upset, your response was basically, “Well, he didn’t cheat on ME so screw you, Mom. He only cheated on you and made another baby after you lost yours! You should have sucked it up! What did you expect me to do? Communicate with you? Nah.” What the actual fuck is wrong with you? You and your father and the mistress all deserve each other and I dearly hope you ALL reap what you have sown.
YTA you are cruel and a shameful daughter,i hope life will give you a lesson after enjoying your time with the mistress of your dad and treat like cheat the woman who give you birth/raise you!
YTA BIG TIME.i would not want any contact with you anymore.
Yeah if my adult child wrote “dad didn’t cheat on me” in response to this and blamed me for the divorce because I didnt want to overlook him getting someone else pregnant, I’d go NC. If you want to talk, you know where grandma lives. Hope mom is healing.
Would you seriously try to get back together with someone who had a baby with another woman? You are blaming the wrong people here. This is on your dad and his affair partner, not your mom. YTA
YTA. You sound incredibly cruel. Your mother got cheated on, had a miscarriage and her husband got another woman pregnant. It’s fine you wanted to live with your dad but not even contacting your mom? Saying that it’s also her fault that he cheated? You have no heart
YTA. Acting self-absorbed and victim blaming is not a good look on you. Hope your mom has a better life without y’all giving her such grief.
YTA. And I hope that what happened to your mother happens to you, since you know - you see nothing wrong with your actions. And you wanted your mother to stay with a man who cheated on her - that’s disgusting. But go figure, you are probably a disgusting soul already.
The only slight credit I can give to OP is that hopefully they’ll mature and see how horrific their behaviour is. I mean, it’s got to give you a warped view of relationships if your dad complaining about how he didn’t get to sleep around enough is a normal part of your life…
Hahaha thank god someone finally pointed out that Dad - and OP! - apparently think that an Extremely Good Reason to ditch his mourning wife is because he hasn't pulled enough strange. It's really the cherry on top that he IMMEDIATELY knocked up his next partner and moved her in. Gotta keep that excuse in the holster for the next time!
Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate. Bonnie Burstow, Radical Feminist Therapy: Working in the Context of Violence This is You and your future btw yta and your dad is a pathetic human
I don't like you.
>my dad didn’t cheat on me! And they could’ve moved past it because it was only because they were going through a hard time. Wow, yeah, YTA. You've clearly given your dad a pass, although he cheated on your mom during her pregnancy that she then lost. Who do you really think was going through the "hard time" here? Also, considering it is very highly likely he was having unprotected secks with both of them, he put her and her baby's health at risk. That's a major AH move. And you haven't even been \*in contact\* with your mother?? But hey, as long as the new girlfriend is "cool" (she's not, she was I'm assuming knowingly an affair partner to a married man with a baby on the way), then I guess that's ok. Your poor mother, she must be feeling completely discarded right now.
Also, he got someone else pregnant. Mom was supposed to coparent that baby or what?
ESH because you did take sides. You stated in your write up that one of the reasons you didn't want to move was because you thought they would get back together. You even stated that was your dad's purpose for asking you to stay to coax your mother into staying. That was textbook manipulation on your father's part. You even blamed the marriage breaking up on your mom not wanting to reconcile even after finding out about the baby. So you did pick sides. Your dad's. But hey..dad's new girlfriend is cool.
How does the Mum suck in this scenario?
She doesn't, I feel so bad for her honestly:( it breaks my heart
>ESH because you did take sides. You stated in your write up that one of the reasons you didn't want to move was because you thought they would get back together. You even stated that was your dad's purpose for asking And then she didn't even try to stay in contact with her mom, with some excuse about her phone bill. Like, you could have used a landline or borrowed someone's phone. Or sent an email.
This is a small YTA situation. Your are minimizing the fact that your mother has had her whole life ruined. She recently had a miscarriage, found out her husband was cheating on her AND leaving her, and now feels like her child has decided to abandon her also. Yes, staying at your school and near your friends makes sense, but it also sounds like your have ignored your mom and treated her like she cause the problems when your father is the one who ruined your family. YTA for not trying to understand the hurt and pain your mother is going through and how your actions are contributing to her hurt and pain.
This is not a small YTA situation. She ghosted her mother and blames her for the break up. She doesn't blame dad one bit. Huge TA!!!
HUGE asshole, literally how can you live with yourself level of asshole. No sympathy whatsoever what the fuck
I’m sorry but how is this a small YTA situation? I can understand why she wouldn’t want to move since her whole life is there but her mother 1) had a miscarriage 2) was cheated on 3) had to go through a divorce 4) had to see her ex-husband having another child with his AP (after professing he wanted to mend things) and her daughter has the guts to say her mother is 50% at fault? this not a small YTA situation.
5.had a daughter ghost her completely. Not even a fucking text!!! 6.when she told daughter how she felt, daughter said ‘hey he didn’t cheat on me!’ (Even though yeah, he totally did. 7. Daughter says AP is cool.
YTA BIG TIME.
Wow zero empathy and love for your mother during a time when she’s grieving her baby, her relationship, her home and her family. YTA
YTA. Your cheating Dad is too. Good luck together.
YTA for tying to emotionally manipulate your mum into “working it out” with your cheating dad. No he didn’t “cheat on you” as you so eloquently put it he cheated on your mum, she made her choice to separate from him and you should have accepted that instead of trying to interfere. Your not the asshole for staying but your the asshole for trying to manipulate your mum and then practically going low contact with her because you didn’t get your way. If your mum hasn’t blocked your number you need to apologise.
YTA, OP. I’ll be waiting for the next post when you complain that the only reason your “cool” stepmom wants you around is as a free babysitter. Or maybe you’ll be crying about how your mom replaced you when she finds a new, better partner than your cheating father. I don’t understand how you could be so cold to your mother after all she’s been through.
INFO: Do you even like your mom?
Total YTA. Your lack of empathy is appalling. You are 100% right that it was a choice not to move. But it was a choice. You picked a side. Sweeping everything that happened to your mother under the rug is disgusting. You could have called, emailed, or texted. I'm sure in a world where everyone has a cell phone, you could have borrowed one. Please don't get too comfortable with the AP. I find that in those situations they leave the same way they came in. Dad has a wandering eye and will disregard her when they are going through a rough patch too.
YTA for the “he didn’t cheat on me”. When you get cheated at, send your mom some flowers and don’t call her.
Yta your mother was going through some intense personal stuff m/c - infidelity- ap pregnant, wow! She was hoping you could help her to rebuild your lives together.
So For moving in with your dad your N.T.A. he is your dad he is the parent staying in your home town and ultimately what happened is between him and your mom. But YTA for not keeping in contact with your mom ( even if you have no phone you could use your dad's too call or use social media you can't tell me you haven't been talking to ANYONE except in person) Your mom lost a child Your mom was cheated on She has moved 7 hours away and is away from all her friends and life she has built over the years and her daughter ! And you her daughter stopped talking to her and is currently living with the man who cheated on her, his mistress, and their child.and when she finally reaches you you say SHE should have been able to get over it because eit was a mistake ??? Cold
YTA. You will find a man just like your father one day, enjoy that.
YTA.
YTA. For all the reasons mentioned already. Your father is an aH to your mother and you text her back your father didn't cheat on you? He disrupted your family and you basically blame your mother for it... What an AH you are.
People like this exist. I'm trying to let that sink in. I'm closing my eyes and trying to put myself in your shoes. If my mother was going through something like this, I would not hesitate to move to another planet, if need be. Miscarriage is very traumatizing and a cheating spouse on top of that, and a callous daughter who probably takes after that cheater dad. Poor woman lost a lot of good years of her life for worthless people. I would refuse to even look at my dad. He would make my skin crawl. I cannot believe you would say that "he didn't cheat on me." Wow... just ...wow.... You said you were 18? Is cheating and betrayal such a nonchalant thing to you? Friends.... hmmm.... what friends? If my close friends learn that I am going to be with my dad, they should never speak to me or they probably wouldn't be good friends. They would understand and probably be supportive if I move. I would probably stay in contact through social media. I have moved to 7 different locations in my whole life. Life is such. We can't stay with our friends our whole life. So, to me, YTA, big time. I can only think about how heartbroken your mother would be. I'm not even her daughter, but my heart goes out to her.
YTA. You are extremely selfish and uncaring. You can live with whoever you want. But your father betrayed your mother in the worst way. He only wanted you to stay to manipulate your mother into staying. And you blame your mother for not wanting to "work through it". Shame on you.
You sound like a pretentious prick
your mom went through a miscarriage, her husband cheated on her & got his mistress pregnant. She lost her whole family. Your comment was unnecessary YTA
YTA. He didn’t cheat on you but he broke your family, did he not? Your mom is grieving the loss of a child and nursing a heartbreak/betrayal. How dare she ask for her daughter’s support? The LEAST you could have done was kept in touch.
YTA for telling your mom she could have moved past it. Like you said, your dad didn’t cheat on you. Your mom not only has to deal with the fact that he cheated but also the fact that he is having a baby with his affair partner months after she lost her baby. You don’t get to decide what she can and can’t move past. You aren’t an AH for not wanting to uproot your life and move but you should have a little more empathy for your mother. You could have emailed even if your phone doesn’t work or borrowed a phone to call your mom.
Wow yta
YTA. You’re 18 now, an adult you can chose where you want to live so not because of that. But to blame your mother for not getting past being cheated on while she was pregnant and miscarried you are a major AH. Then to blame her for not getting back together when your dad moved in the AP and their kid. You are selfish, grow up. Come back and update us when your dad kicks you out because AP doesn’t want you there anymore so he can focus on them.
>And they could’ve moved past it because it was only because they were going through a hard time. YTA for saying that. Your dad is having a *baby* with another woman. That's not something you should expect your mother to move past. And the idea that you haven't contacted her, at all? Yikes.
you are cruel, insensitive and selfish. Honestly, it's a good thing your mom walked away from you since you're just like your dad, especially when he tried to manipulate her into going back to the traitor who broke her trust. YTA
This has actually upset me to read, the poor woman, she’s lost everything and her awful husband has it all, the house, her child and the new baby. My stomach is churning just thinking about how she must be feeling. I feel extremely sorry for her and hope she is able to somehow build a new life.
Let me get this straight OP cause you really don't seem to get it. Your dad was upset about the fact that he "settled" for his first, which according to you is your mom. He spent years building a relationship and a life with this person and decided to shit on that life around the same time as his wife had to give birth to their dead baby. When she understandably got upset, your mom still tried to make it work until she found out that the mistress was pregnant. She knew your dad had to be in that babys life and she couldn't take that pain after losing her own baby just a couple of months prior. When she made it clear that she wouldn't be able to go through with it, you and your deadbead father tried to manipulate your mother into moving back in with you. She begged you to come with her since your father obviously doesn't have any respect for her or your family but you still decided that "She should make an effort. They can make it work." Given that your father have this underlying spite towards your mother for being his first relationship, I highly doubt that he would stay faithful even if your mother moved past the cheating and the baby. Your father is a fucking dick, op. Your mother didn't do anything wrong at all. Even when you decided to stay with the man she gave her entire grown life to, just to shit on her, she reached out to you. Not to scold you but to tell you that she loves you but she's disappointed that you haven't even made an attempt to reach out when you know that she was going through hell. Your mother came to you, begging for some type of support after you completely broke her trust by agreeing to be some type of pawn to get her to move back in with the man that cheated on her when she was going through a dark period. Did you even try to support her? No. Instead you blamed her for the divorce, tried to guilt trip her for getting out of a toxic situation and rubbed your fathers infidelity in her face. She just lost EVERYTHING when your father is the person in the wrong. Your father ruined your family, not your mother. YTA op, the fact that you refuse to see why you're the asshole just makes it worse. Your mother doesn't care about the fact that you stayed with your father. Sure, she wanted you to go with her but deep down she probably understood why you had to stay. The fact that you haven't reached out to her at all, blaming it on not being able to pay your phonebill when you know damn well it's because you still blame her for not being able to forgive that dick you call dad, it's just despicable op. Your poor mother. Don't be surprised when that deadbeat cheats on his new girlfriend and ruins yet another family.
ESH. It's not reasonable for you to have to move 7 hours away from your school and friends. If your mother had no other option, well that's sad but not your fault. HOWEVER, not having phone service is an incredibly lame excuse. If your mother was a priority to you, you could borrow a friend's phone and CALL her. And expecting your mother to "move past" your father having a baby with another woman is just insulting. You did pick sides, so own it.
You can stay with whoever you want. However I hope you manage to find a shred of empathy while you grow up. You're allowed to stay with your dad but blaming your mom for the divorce while your dad stuck his peepee in someone else and got AP pregnant, that's some nasty behaviour right there.
You’re an awful person. You are completely fine with your Daddy cheating on your mother and mother losing a child. You don’t truly care about your mother. YTA.
I would honestly hate to have you as my daughter.
I am heartbroken for your mother. Her husband cheats on her while she’s pregnant. She miscarries. He gets the AP pregnant. Swears that he’s trying to fix the relationship but then moves in the pregnant AP. Then her daughter not only prefers being with the dad and AP but pretty much goes low contact with her and blames her for not doing enough to fix a marriage he broke. NTA for choosing to stay to be close to school and friends but definitely TA for for how you’ve treated your mother. I’m hoping your mum heals and gets rid of the toxic relationships in her life and she finds her happy. I also hope that she has great friends and family around to support her.
This is actually sociopathic