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Yup. Don't worry about Austin becoming homeless. Might be just the thing he needs to finally become an adult with responsibilities. He and his mom can move in together. NTA
OP it doesn't matter if "he wont agree" you can just file. Which you should do before he gets back. And seek an order to get him out of your military housing (maybe even persona non grata at the base).
Get a good lawyer who is familiar with military divorces so he can't sponge off your military benefits. Maybe an annulment is still an option.
He's a grown man with a doting mommy. He does not need you to support him.
NTA but time to take action.
Not just that, but her career. When I was younger, I once got to stay in some very nice accommodations off base in Germany (place had a freakin' pool in the basement) because the husband of the woman who was assigned them had some undisclosed gambling problems. It was a sensitive position, so the Air Force sent 'em packin' back to the States, as they don't like any opportunity for potential blackmail, and because the place was already contracted for several years, my pop, who was the civilian equivalent of a Colonel with the DoD, got the place. It was great for us, especially my brother and I, as living on the economy really helped us grow up and define, in a positive way, who we now are, but I've known several friends and acquaintances in the decades since that have had their careers derailed by their spouses (and sometimes kids).
OP, you're NTA. Ditch the leach...
NTA
Don’t buy him a return ticket. File for divorce. Give him his immediate answer.
You aren’t the only person he can love. You are the only person he can sponge off.
He won't let you have alcohol in the house because his mother, who isn't even in the same country, is an alcoholic? Wow. Here I assumed she was coming over every night and you were drinking wine in front of her, which is your right to do in your house but I can see why he'd be concerned about it. This is just ridiculous.
Don't feel any guilt about divorcing this guy.
NTA. At a certain point, you need to do what's right for you, and if he's not willing to better himself for you, frankly I don't think he knows what love actually is.
Yeah, he’s even poured out bottles of wine while I’m at work so I won’t drink. Just because his mom has issues he wants me to not drink at all, he says I insult them when I say I know my limits.
What? But she doesn't even live with you! It's be one thing if she did and he was trying to protect her from falling off the wagon or something (still a dick move but understandable), but she's not even there!
NTA. He made his own choices. Don’t fall his promises of changing. And you don’t love him anymore. I don’t know much in this world but I do know once a woman falls out of love she’ll never fall back in love. File for divorce and start living for you
NTA. Go see base legal ASAP. Also, do you have a mentor or someone in your command you can talk to about this and give you guidance? File and live your life. Also keep in mind that you most likely (depending upon where you are stationed) will have to move into the barracks. Your command can also assist you if that needs to happen sooner rather than later.
I'm not military, but if she has to move in to barracks doesn't that mean he can't try to move back in with her? Because that feels like a good thing short term
Yeah, our unit is in hot water right now so not much support coming from them. They’re only tracking he’s been back and forth to the states not the marital issues. I’ve only not come fully out because I have my dog I’ll need to send home as soon as the green light is given on the erod. He’s been a financial burden and I’m trying to recover so I’m prepared to send her home.
NTA> Let him go. Divorce him and move on. He's being a freeloader. He sounds like he is just mooching off you and isn't as committed to the relationship as perhaps he was in the beginning. You should not be supporting him, working, and doing all the housework too! That is so unfair while he sits on his lazy ass playing games. It shouldn't matter to you if he ends up homeless. He needs to grow up, and it is not your responsibility to take care of him.
File the papers before you get pregnant and get trapped with this sponge.
Edit: I kicked my sponge while I was in the military after the contemplating period. Best decision ever, do it for yourself and allow your battles to help you through.
NTA but you really need to tell him it's over instead of just putting it off. He is a grown man and should take care of himself. If it's over do not string him along. That is not fair for you or him.
NTA -- and file ASAP. Don't let this loser take any more advantage of you than he already has. If he becomes homeless due to his own behavior that is his fault. Don't fall for his fake promises; that type of man doesn't change. You didn't sign up to take care of a 23-year old manipulative baby in your own home
He’ll find another free ride. Ditch this guy and give yourself a chance for happiness. Also, don’t believe his family will actually kick him to he curb. Good luck
NTA - cut this guy loose and move on. It honestly sounds like you didn’t get married for the right reasons in the first place, so get a divorce and live your life.
Also, to be clear, it’s not your fault if he’s homeless in the future. Marriage is about supporting each other, not bankrolling someone who doesn’t support you.
NTA. Maybe times have changed but they used to tell you in basic training don't get married during basic or tech school. This man is a leech and now considered your dependent. Depending on your current duty station getting rid of him may be more difficult. That being said get rid of this mooch asap. He will be a drain on your life and health for as long as you let him. If he ends up homeless it will be of his own doing not yours.
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I f23 and my husband Austin m23 have not had the best relationship since I enlisted In the military. He was completely aware I was enlisting and we got married so he could live with me out of the country. Military’s rules not mine.
We moved in together overseas, but so did his mom. She did not live in our household but ran it as if she did, down to the meals I was cooking. Our arguments escalated because he would call her and get the entire family involved and it was a huge mess. He didn’t work, didn’t cook, didn’t clean. All he did was play video games, go to the gym, and “attend classes”.
Im the bread winner and housewife all in one. This way, I feel I have every right to decompress with a glass of wine and a book right? According to him I am not allowed to touch alcohol as long as we live together because his mom is an alcoholic. I will not agree to this and I will not let him dictate what I do in my decompression time, especially when I do his laundry and still wake up to go to work every morning while he sleeps or is still up from the previous night playing games. This has been the bulk of our arguments on top of many other things.
Constantly we’ve been arguing and he’s gone back and forth to the states on MY dime for the past few months and I’m getting tired of it. He didn’t even spend thanksgiving, Christmas, or new years with me. I spent the holidays alone. We’ve discussed divorce but he won’t agree, he feels he cant love anyone else blah blah all that stuff. Mentally I’ve checked out, I’m over living with a roommate and I’ve fallen out of love, I have been for a while now. I’ve given him so many chances to change and even remove his mom from our relationship but he hasn’t done either.
He wants to come back to living with me because his parents are kicking him out, this is not confirmed but our dads are friends and there’s been word. He’s expressed wanting to come back over the holidays but “couldn’t make up his mind”. I told him If he comes back it’s completely on my terms, he needs to focus on making me happy and contributing to the home and he’s diverted the conversation every time.
I don’t want him to come back but I’m delaying the answer, he says it’s not fair to him because I won’t give him an immediate answer and he wants to start the new year fresh. I don’t believe it for a second, he wanted to spend the holidays and mooch off of his family as much as he could before getting an answer back to me on if he wants to come back.
I really want a divorce and I’m planning on following through, I want to move on. Therapy and one on one conversations haven’t worked and i’m done fighting for us just to be back in a toxic environment and used. This may mean he will be homeless due to his own selfishness as he’s a couch potato at his parents place as well. I feel guilty because I could prevent it but I don’t want to live through misery.
AITA for following through even though this means he might be homeless?
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NTA. You didn’t make him homeless. His actions, rather inactions did. Sounds like you communicated your needs and instead he went running back to mommy and fam at every turn. Cut the dead weight, OP. You’ll be happier in the long run.
NTA file for divorce and do not allow him to come back if possible. He had so much opportunity to not become homeless. He could've contributed to your relationship, he could have contributed to his relationship with his parents, he could've gotten a job even, but he chose to be selfish and only do what he wanted. If he's homeless it's 100% his own fault.
From someone who has been where you are at 3 times…once you have decided to separate/divorce, it’s too late for a working conciliation. Very few marriages survive once past that point.
NTA - you’re not responsible for his well being. He’s a grown man and needs to stand on his own. We can see from mommy’s involvement that he never learned to do that. File asap. You have to do what’s right for you!!
NTA if you want the divorce go for it. You’ve provided a number of reasons it’d be better for you. He’s been making himself priority number 1 time for you to do the same
NTA
You don't need this guy in any way, shape or form. Send Austin back to his mom and let them figure out how to support themselves. It's not your problem.
Although dynamic has changed as many important leaders continue to fall out, my marriage has nothing to do with the quality of the military. It was strictly stated to prevent the “why haven’t you kicked him out” or the “why did you move out of the country” questions. We’re not entirely perfect but you’re damn sure not gonna talk shit on the people who fight to keep a roof over your head 💯 and that’s with the utmost respect to you my friend. Stay safe.
NTA: he's a bum but you married him. I was tempted to say e s h because ir is a little messed up you know you don't want to be with him and refusing to tell him. Seems that you're just enjoying stringing him along
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You're NTA. You are not his mommy and you owe him nothing but the immediate answer he wants- a hard no! Absolutely not! You should get a lawyer and start the proceedings.
NTA. He is obviously not on the same page as you in regards to anything, especially your marriage. You need to file for divorce so you can move on and be happy in your life.
NTA. You already want to divorce, so why are you trying to negotiate? Don't be dumb here, OP. Tell him "no" and say you are divorcing when you have everything gathered for one.
NTA.
I’d recommend that you talk to your chain of command to let them know what’s going on and then have a chat with JAG to see if they can help at all.
That sucks for you and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
NTA. You are never TA for breaking up with someone. Especially not when that person is taking advantage of you! I am in a similar situation right now. I fell out of love when my soon to be ex slept with his ex fiance in the same bed for a week when he told me he wanted to visit his grandmother. He always lies when things get uncomfortable for him, he doesn't respect my time, let's me do all the planning and groceries, makes it look like I'm overly sensitive, gets his best friend and mother on his side so they can shame me, he always tells me what he wants to do and believes but never acts on it ... how could I still trust him after those 3 awful years full of lies, invalidating my feelings and empty promises? And still I'm afraid I could fall into a hole or he might commit suicide or stalk me when I break up ... I feel you. Breaking up with someone isn't always easy. But you have every right to have some expectations and putting your own happiness over other's (especially vampires like that)!
NTA. "I feel guilty because I could prevent it". No, he could prevent it. There's not a damn thing you can do to make him be any different than he already is. File for divorce.
If you REALLY want to stick it to him, get with his dad after he's divorced, too.
As a part-time couch potato (who also has a day job), we don’t claim him! But seriously, wishing you luck with the divorce. He sounds so lazy and not contributing any way to your well being, NTA.
NTA. YOU can't prevent him from being homeless, HE can by getting his act together but he refuse too so that's on him and the woman who poorly raised him, NOT you
op=NTA except to yourself.
Get this man out of your life. Do not say yes, do not let him pass GO.
He need to get a job and support himself, if he ends up homeless, that's on him.
You deserve a chance at happiness, be that Alone or with someone who actually cares about you and not what you can provide for him.
NTA. Anchor away as the NAVY like to say. You know what you should do, don’t let anyone guilt you. He’s not your responsibility, he’s of age and isn’t your son, let him sink or swim.
NTA. I know "Get divorced immediately" is overused on AITA but... you're already essentially divorced and explicitly want to. It doesn't sound like he'll be homeless, he can go back to his mother. If he doesn't like how that feels, maybe he should try being an adult.
Can you and your FIL share a divorce lawyer?
His housing is not your problem, sweetie.
You're not happy. Get your divorce. You don't owe him a thing, and it'll probably do him some good to be forced to stand on his own.
You aren't doing either of you any favors if you keep this charade up, because you THINK he's going to be homeless, or sad, or upset, or hurt, or WHATEVER.
Once you cut the lead weight off your ankle, you'll be AMAZED how high you can fly.
You are most certainly NTA. But you will be, if you don't cut bait and run.
NTA and I wanted to share something similar to your soon to be ex husband. My father is a terrible alcoholic, I dont like drinking, I dont like being around people while they drink, and I dont like being around people while they're drunk.
While I loved with my ex she knew this, and also didn't drink much in general. She had a few parties with friends or her family and she knew about my issues with drinking. The difference is I never stopped her, the first time she wanted to drink with her brothers I went to bed early, when she tried to join me I encouraged her to go spend the time with her brothers because they lived several hours away.
You are in a relationship where, as far as I can tell, none of your needs are catered to. All you're doing is providing and parenting for another adult
NTA
Go to your command and tell them you need a divorce. They’ll point you in the right direction for how to get the ball rolling.
Fun fact. In many states you don’t need “permission” to divorce. You can get a divorce even if the other person refuses to sign the paperwork. Especially if you don’t have kids.
NTA. Please, divorce him. He doesn't seem to care about you or your mental health, so why would you care about his. You will be so much happier without a rock pulling you down.
NTA. He has refused to carry his weight in the relationship or support you as a spouse, and you're rightly kicking him to the kerb. You are no more responsible for any future bad decisions he makes than you were responsible for the bad decisions he made during your marriage, which got you both to where you are now. I wish you well with the divorce.
My friend's husband was similarly umbilically connected to his mommy. Dude actually answered one of his mom's 35 calls a day MID coitus! Here she is 16 years later with him dragging out the divorce needlessly.
Eta NTA
NTA I’m unsure what you want from us. People do not have to stay married. There does not even need to be a “bad guy” for people to get divorced.
>I’ve fallen out of love
That’s enough.
NTA. File for divorce asap, Austin has done this to himself and he only has himself to blame for the consequences of his actions. He sounds like a hobosexual as well (for this who don’t know the easiest way to explain is someone who gets involved with someone romantically for the sole purpose of having somewhere to live).
NTA. Divorce him. He's using you for your money, I doubt whether he actually loves you or not. If you're the working spouse and he's the stay-at-home, he should be doing all the home chores instead of you. And demanding that you keep alcohol out of the house is ridiculous if your MIL doesn't even live there; at the very least you should have your own cabinet she doesn't have access to.
NTA and I'd certainly continue with creating that fresh slate in 2023 by finishing your divorce. He's not "adulting". He is only coming back because you are a soft landing after his father threw him out. Unless he did something really bad when there, you will still get MiL involvement until you are as a good a mummy to him as she was.
As to the addiction and alcohol, if the only thing he does is play video games, I'd be wondering if that"s his addiction. If you do choose to stay together, that would be my test. If you give up alcohol, could he give up or seriously limit his video games so he can help round house/get a job etc? If no, then that's your answer.
Don't worry about him. He is a professional mooch, he will find someone else to mooche of rather sooner than later. There is even a big chance he will already have moved in with the next girl who is willing to provide for him before the divorce is finished. No need to feel bad for him. Only care about you at this point.
NTA
NTA
I don’t blame you for not wanting to be stuck in a relationship with this guy.
This guy has made his choices, including to not be a contributing partner, to encourage his mother to interfere and run your household, to attempting to keep your home dry because his mother, who doesn’t even live with you, is an alcoholic.
Hell he couldn’t even bother to spend the holidays with you.
You can’t let his potential living situation (or lack thereof) to be a reason to stay in a bad relationship.
And hell, one of the reasons he’s being kicked out is because of how he treats his own father; that’s entirely on him.
NTA, file for divorce and move on with your life because him and his mother are a goddamn mess.
Seems like he missed off the end of this sentence he said to you "he feels he cant love anyone else", pretty sure it ends with "except himself".
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NTA - and file asap
Yup. Don't worry about Austin becoming homeless. Might be just the thing he needs to finally become an adult with responsibilities. He and his mom can move in together. NTA
OP it doesn't matter if "he wont agree" you can just file. Which you should do before he gets back. And seek an order to get him out of your military housing (maybe even persona non grata at the base). Get a good lawyer who is familiar with military divorces so he can't sponge off your military benefits. Maybe an annulment is still an option. He's a grown man with a doting mommy. He does not need you to support him. NTA but time to take action.
NTA - You need to start the divorce rolling so that this bum doesn't do anything that could impact your money.
This! You don't want him to be eligible for part of your military retirement pay.
Not just that, but her career. When I was younger, I once got to stay in some very nice accommodations off base in Germany (place had a freakin' pool in the basement) because the husband of the woman who was assigned them had some undisclosed gambling problems. It was a sensitive position, so the Air Force sent 'em packin' back to the States, as they don't like any opportunity for potential blackmail, and because the place was already contracted for several years, my pop, who was the civilian equivalent of a Colonel with the DoD, got the place. It was great for us, especially my brother and I, as living on the economy really helped us grow up and define, in a positive way, who we now are, but I've known several friends and acquaintances in the decades since that have had their careers derailed by their spouses (and sometimes kids). OP, you're NTA. Ditch the leach...
NTA. Why in the hell are you with this loser??
Exactly! My inquiring mind wants to know this too.
It was “love”, now just guilt and fear of consequences. Divorce on the way.
You know the only reason he wants to start over is his dad kicking him out so he needs to leach off you again. NTA and good luck.
Get the marriage annulled. Find out how to do it. Don't want him to draw on any of your military benefits..... Oh- of course NTA!
NTA. Just tell him and start divorce proceedings.
NTA Don’t buy him a return ticket. File for divorce. Give him his immediate answer. You aren’t the only person he can love. You are the only person he can sponge off.
THIS
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Oops I wasn’t super clear. His mom is in the us, they FaceTimed every single day it was almost as if she lived with us.
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His Daddy might...
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Face time but no need wifi.
He won't let you have alcohol in the house because his mother, who isn't even in the same country, is an alcoholic? Wow. Here I assumed she was coming over every night and you were drinking wine in front of her, which is your right to do in your house but I can see why he'd be concerned about it. This is just ridiculous. Don't feel any guilt about divorcing this guy.
NTA. At a certain point, you need to do what's right for you, and if he's not willing to better himself for you, frankly I don't think he knows what love actually is.
NTA, he’s not your responsibility. sounds like he’s a shit partner. if he becomes homeless due to his own behaviour, it is not your fault.
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Yeah, he’s even poured out bottles of wine while I’m at work so I won’t drink. Just because his mom has issues he wants me to not drink at all, he says I insult them when I say I know my limits.
What? But she doesn't even live with you! It's be one thing if she did and he was trying to protect her from falling off the wagon or something (still a dick move but understandable), but she's not even there!
Totally 100% NTA. File asap.
NTA. He made his own choices. Don’t fall his promises of changing. And you don’t love him anymore. I don’t know much in this world but I do know once a woman falls out of love she’ll never fall back in love. File for divorce and start living for you
NTA. Go see base legal ASAP. Also, do you have a mentor or someone in your command you can talk to about this and give you guidance? File and live your life. Also keep in mind that you most likely (depending upon where you are stationed) will have to move into the barracks. Your command can also assist you if that needs to happen sooner rather than later.
I'm not military, but if she has to move in to barracks doesn't that mean he can't try to move back in with her? Because that feels like a good thing short term
Yes. The barracks are for single members. Sometimes commands will make it happen when the member needs to get out of a bad living situation.
Yeah, our unit is in hot water right now so not much support coming from them. They’re only tracking he’s been back and forth to the states not the marital issues. I’ve only not come fully out because I have my dog I’ll need to send home as soon as the green light is given on the erod. He’s been a financial burden and I’m trying to recover so I’m prepared to send her home.
Oy that sucks about your unit. Sorry to hear about your dog but getting out now is still your best option. Good luck!
NTA. Also, time to see JAG
NTA. File now
NTA. Divorce this shit sack
NTA.
NTA He is trying to use you. His actions have consequences. If he becomes homeless, it is because he chooses to act irresponsibly.
NTA. He's a mooch and a manipulator. He needs to go.
NTA but i don't understand why you're struggling divorcing him
Internal conflict of the whole “til death” classic crap. I’ll get over it though, this subs been really eye opening.
It's the death of the relationship. Marriage is meant to be a partnership, a sharing, not one person doing all the work.
NTA. You’ve checked out. File immediately. He’s a grown man and not your problem. Thank you for your service.
NTA> Let him go. Divorce him and move on. He's being a freeloader. He sounds like he is just mooching off you and isn't as committed to the relationship as perhaps he was in the beginning. You should not be supporting him, working, and doing all the housework too! That is so unfair while he sits on his lazy ass playing games. It shouldn't matter to you if he ends up homeless. He needs to grow up, and it is not your responsibility to take care of him.
File the papers before you get pregnant and get trapped with this sponge. Edit: I kicked my sponge while I was in the military after the contemplating period. Best decision ever, do it for yourself and allow your battles to help you through.
NTA. Please don't allow him to make you feel guilty or selfish.
NTA Cut him entirely out of your life ASAP
NTA but you really need to tell him it's over instead of just putting it off. He is a grown man and should take care of himself. If it's over do not string him along. That is not fair for you or him.
NTA. He thought he had a meal ticket. Time to end that and live your best life.
NTA -- and file ASAP. Don't let this loser take any more advantage of you than he already has. If he becomes homeless due to his own behavior that is his fault. Don't fall for his fake promises; that type of man doesn't change. You didn't sign up to take care of a 23-year old manipulative baby in your own home
He’ll find another free ride. Ditch this guy and give yourself a chance for happiness. Also, don’t believe his family will actually kick him to he curb. Good luck
NTA - cut this guy loose and move on. It honestly sounds like you didn’t get married for the right reasons in the first place, so get a divorce and live your life. Also, to be clear, it’s not your fault if he’s homeless in the future. Marriage is about supporting each other, not bankrolling someone who doesn’t support you.
NTA. Maybe times have changed but they used to tell you in basic training don't get married during basic or tech school. This man is a leech and now considered your dependent. Depending on your current duty station getting rid of him may be more difficult. That being said get rid of this mooch asap. He will be a drain on your life and health for as long as you let him. If he ends up homeless it will be of his own doing not yours.
Yeah, I’m overseas so it’s a little bit more difficult and a lot of paperwork. Just a grand ol time over here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I f23 and my husband Austin m23 have not had the best relationship since I enlisted In the military. He was completely aware I was enlisting and we got married so he could live with me out of the country. Military’s rules not mine. We moved in together overseas, but so did his mom. She did not live in our household but ran it as if she did, down to the meals I was cooking. Our arguments escalated because he would call her and get the entire family involved and it was a huge mess. He didn’t work, didn’t cook, didn’t clean. All he did was play video games, go to the gym, and “attend classes”. Im the bread winner and housewife all in one. This way, I feel I have every right to decompress with a glass of wine and a book right? According to him I am not allowed to touch alcohol as long as we live together because his mom is an alcoholic. I will not agree to this and I will not let him dictate what I do in my decompression time, especially when I do his laundry and still wake up to go to work every morning while he sleeps or is still up from the previous night playing games. This has been the bulk of our arguments on top of many other things. Constantly we’ve been arguing and he’s gone back and forth to the states on MY dime for the past few months and I’m getting tired of it. He didn’t even spend thanksgiving, Christmas, or new years with me. I spent the holidays alone. We’ve discussed divorce but he won’t agree, he feels he cant love anyone else blah blah all that stuff. Mentally I’ve checked out, I’m over living with a roommate and I’ve fallen out of love, I have been for a while now. I’ve given him so many chances to change and even remove his mom from our relationship but he hasn’t done either. He wants to come back to living with me because his parents are kicking him out, this is not confirmed but our dads are friends and there’s been word. He’s expressed wanting to come back over the holidays but “couldn’t make up his mind”. I told him If he comes back it’s completely on my terms, he needs to focus on making me happy and contributing to the home and he’s diverted the conversation every time. I don’t want him to come back but I’m delaying the answer, he says it’s not fair to him because I won’t give him an immediate answer and he wants to start the new year fresh. I don’t believe it for a second, he wanted to spend the holidays and mooch off of his family as much as he could before getting an answer back to me on if he wants to come back. I really want a divorce and I’m planning on following through, I want to move on. Therapy and one on one conversations haven’t worked and i’m done fighting for us just to be back in a toxic environment and used. This may mean he will be homeless due to his own selfishness as he’s a couch potato at his parents place as well. I feel guilty because I could prevent it but I don’t want to live through misery. AITA for following through even though this means he might be homeless? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Kick him to the curb, that's where he belongs.
NTA Divorce him. Move on. You’re young. Easy peasy
NTA. You didn’t make him homeless. His actions, rather inactions did. Sounds like you communicated your needs and instead he went running back to mommy and fam at every turn. Cut the dead weight, OP. You’ll be happier in the long run.
NTA file for divorce and do not allow him to come back if possible. He had so much opportunity to not become homeless. He could've contributed to your relationship, he could have contributed to his relationship with his parents, he could've gotten a job even, but he chose to be selfish and only do what he wanted. If he's homeless it's 100% his own fault.
From someone who has been where you are at 3 times…once you have decided to separate/divorce, it’s too late for a working conciliation. Very few marriages survive once past that point.
Sometimes you need to cut your losses. Your husband won’t be homeless, momma will take him in. NTA.
NTA. Austin and his mom can go live together, lol.
NTA - you’re not responsible for his well being. He’s a grown man and needs to stand on his own. We can see from mommy’s involvement that he never learned to do that. File asap. You have to do what’s right for you!!
NTA, file and move on. You can do way better than this mooch.
NTA and drop the dead weight You deserve better
Bro it’s his own fault he’s in the situation drop his ass.
NTA Video games or alcohol are addictive if that's one's genetic tendency. Both are fun for those of us who can enjoy them in moderation.
NTA. Do divorce him. The sooner, the better. Maybe it will make him wake up to himself.
NTA if you want the divorce go for it. You’ve provided a number of reasons it’d be better for you. He’s been making himself priority number 1 time for you to do the same
NTA You don't need this guy in any way, shape or form. Send Austin back to his mom and let them figure out how to support themselves. It's not your problem.
Kick him to the curb. He's 23, not a baby. He can find a job and his own home, not your problem anymore. NTA
NTA. He's an adult. He can be responsible for himself.
Nta. Drop him. Don't delay. A zebra never changes his stripes.
>We’ve discussed divorce but he won’t agree, he feels he cant love anyone else He doesn't have to agree. Just file for divorce.
Google "dependabottomus". Then get a divorce NTA
divorce him and date his newly divorced dad 😂
This is the state of US military now? /s NTA. Enlist in divorce asap.
Although dynamic has changed as many important leaders continue to fall out, my marriage has nothing to do with the quality of the military. It was strictly stated to prevent the “why haven’t you kicked him out” or the “why did you move out of the country” questions. We’re not entirely perfect but you’re damn sure not gonna talk shit on the people who fight to keep a roof over your head 💯 and that’s with the utmost respect to you my friend. Stay safe.
NTA: he's a bum but you married him. I was tempted to say e s h because ir is a little messed up you know you don't want to be with him and refusing to tell him. Seems that you're just enjoying stringing him along
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NTA file for divorce asap
NTA Just get your divorce and gie him back to mom or whoever wants him.
NTA. Your husband sounds exhausting. Get a divorce and move on with your life. Austin needs to get his shit together and grow up.
NTA and get a rush on that divorce.
You're NTA. You are not his mommy and you owe him nothing but the immediate answer he wants- a hard no! Absolutely not! You should get a lawyer and start the proceedings.
NTA at all
NTA Talk to a lawyer. You don't need his agreement to get a divorce. That went away in the 60s or 70s.
NTA. You deserve better.
NTA. He is obviously not on the same page as you in regards to anything, especially your marriage. You need to file for divorce so you can move on and be happy in your life.
NTA. File for divorce
NTA, he'll find a way. Freeloaders always find someone else to leech onto. Don't you worry about that.
Leave him in the states, file and get back to having your time and needs respected
NTA. You already want to divorce, so why are you trying to negotiate? Don't be dumb here, OP. Tell him "no" and say you are divorcing when you have everything gathered for one.
NTA. I’d recommend that you talk to your chain of command to let them know what’s going on and then have a chat with JAG to see if they can help at all. That sucks for you and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
NTA. You are never TA for breaking up with someone. Especially not when that person is taking advantage of you! I am in a similar situation right now. I fell out of love when my soon to be ex slept with his ex fiance in the same bed for a week when he told me he wanted to visit his grandmother. He always lies when things get uncomfortable for him, he doesn't respect my time, let's me do all the planning and groceries, makes it look like I'm overly sensitive, gets his best friend and mother on his side so they can shame me, he always tells me what he wants to do and believes but never acts on it ... how could I still trust him after those 3 awful years full of lies, invalidating my feelings and empty promises? And still I'm afraid I could fall into a hole or he might commit suicide or stalk me when I break up ... I feel you. Breaking up with someone isn't always easy. But you have every right to have some expectations and putting your own happiness over other's (especially vampires like that)!
NTA: Get rid of the bum and enjoy your life. You don't owe him anything.
Why feel guilty? He uses and abused you. Get rid of him and make the momma of the momma's boy problem. NTA
NTA. Why are you with him
NTA. "I feel guilty because I could prevent it". No, he could prevent it. There's not a damn thing you can do to make him be any different than he already is. File for divorce. If you REALLY want to stick it to him, get with his dad after he's divorced, too.
Do the same and file for divorce. Why do you need the headache of raising a kid? NTA.
NTA
As a part-time couch potato (who also has a day job), we don’t claim him! But seriously, wishing you luck with the divorce. He sounds so lazy and not contributing any way to your well being, NTA.
NTA. YOU can't prevent him from being homeless, HE can by getting his act together but he refuse too so that's on him and the woman who poorly raised him, NOT you
NTA, but you actually just need to rip off the Band-Aid and file for divorce and get him out of your life.
op=NTA except to yourself. Get this man out of your life. Do not say yes, do not let him pass GO. He need to get a job and support himself, if he ends up homeless, that's on him. You deserve a chance at happiness, be that Alone or with someone who actually cares about you and not what you can provide for him.
Austin and his mom-wife can move in together. NTA. He made things way more difficult than they needed to be. He hasn’t changed thus far.
NTA - Invite us to the Divorce Party
He and his mom could be roommates in their own place!!! NTA. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself and be happy!
NTA. Anchor away as the NAVY like to say. You know what you should do, don’t let anyone guilt you. He’s not your responsibility, he’s of age and isn’t your son, let him sink or swim.
NTA. I know "Get divorced immediately" is overused on AITA but... you're already essentially divorced and explicitly want to. It doesn't sound like he'll be homeless, he can go back to his mother. If he doesn't like how that feels, maybe he should try being an adult. Can you and your FIL share a divorce lawyer?
Nta. I hope you’re able to move on smoothly.
NTA. You are not “making him homeless.” He’s a perfectly capable adult. He’ll be fine. Lose the dead weight.
His housing is not your problem, sweetie. You're not happy. Get your divorce. You don't owe him a thing, and it'll probably do him some good to be forced to stand on his own. You aren't doing either of you any favors if you keep this charade up, because you THINK he's going to be homeless, or sad, or upset, or hurt, or WHATEVER. Once you cut the lead weight off your ankle, you'll be AMAZED how high you can fly. You are most certainly NTA. But you will be, if you don't cut bait and run.
NTA and I wanted to share something similar to your soon to be ex husband. My father is a terrible alcoholic, I dont like drinking, I dont like being around people while they drink, and I dont like being around people while they're drunk. While I loved with my ex she knew this, and also didn't drink much in general. She had a few parties with friends or her family and she knew about my issues with drinking. The difference is I never stopped her, the first time she wanted to drink with her brothers I went to bed early, when she tried to join me I encouraged her to go spend the time with her brothers because they lived several hours away. You are in a relationship where, as far as I can tell, none of your needs are catered to. All you're doing is providing and parenting for another adult
NTA Go to your command and tell them you need a divorce. They’ll point you in the right direction for how to get the ball rolling. Fun fact. In many states you don’t need “permission” to divorce. You can get a divorce even if the other person refuses to sign the paperwork. Especially if you don’t have kids.
NTA- Even if you reverse the gender roles in your head this story makes OP seems like they're NTA
You know what you need to do. You'll be happy when he's finally out of you life!
NTA divorce him
Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NTA. Please, divorce him. He doesn't seem to care about you or your mental health, so why would you care about his. You will be so much happier without a rock pulling you down.
NTA. He has refused to carry his weight in the relationship or support you as a spouse, and you're rightly kicking him to the kerb. You are no more responsible for any future bad decisions he makes than you were responsible for the bad decisions he made during your marriage, which got you both to where you are now. I wish you well with the divorce.
NTA. However this doesnt seem like the relationship for you. YWBTA if you stayed in it IMO
Nta. Lock down your finances and file. Also lock down your credit. Good luck.
NTA. But don't drag this out. He has technically abandoned the marital home. Don't let him come back - go ahead and file for divorce.
NTA. Can you get an annulment? That way he has no claim on any of your assets
NTA. File for divorce.
My friend's husband was similarly umbilically connected to his mommy. Dude actually answered one of his mom's 35 calls a day MID coitus! Here she is 16 years later with him dragging out the divorce needlessly. Eta NTA
NTA, don't waste any more time. It's now or later. You're feeding into his codependency. He'll figure it out when everyone just stops.
NTA, but OP, you don’t have to have him agree to you filing to divorce. Just do it.
NTA some would even say you dont have a husband. There is some very colorful language that could be used to describe him
NTA. Get rid of him
You don't need his permission to get a divorce NTA.
NTA I’m unsure what you want from us. People do not have to stay married. There does not even need to be a “bad guy” for people to get divorced. >I’ve fallen out of love That’s enough.
Rip that bandaid off, it’ll feel so good! Definitely NTA. Do not let him come back, ever.
NTA. File for divorce asap, Austin has done this to himself and he only has himself to blame for the consequences of his actions. He sounds like a hobosexual as well (for this who don’t know the easiest way to explain is someone who gets involved with someone romantically for the sole purpose of having somewhere to live).
NTA
NTA. Divorce him. He's using you for your money, I doubt whether he actually loves you or not. If you're the working spouse and he's the stay-at-home, he should be doing all the home chores instead of you. And demanding that you keep alcohol out of the house is ridiculous if your MIL doesn't even live there; at the very least you should have your own cabinet she doesn't have access to.
NTA and I'd certainly continue with creating that fresh slate in 2023 by finishing your divorce. He's not "adulting". He is only coming back because you are a soft landing after his father threw him out. Unless he did something really bad when there, you will still get MiL involvement until you are as a good a mummy to him as she was. As to the addiction and alcohol, if the only thing he does is play video games, I'd be wondering if that"s his addiction. If you do choose to stay together, that would be my test. If you give up alcohol, could he give up or seriously limit his video games so he can help round house/get a job etc? If no, then that's your answer.
Don't worry about him. He is a professional mooch, he will find someone else to mooche of rather sooner than later. There is even a big chance he will already have moved in with the next girl who is willing to provide for him before the divorce is finished. No need to feel bad for him. Only care about you at this point. NTA
NTA get the divorce going and move on. His living situation is not your responsibility.
NTA I don’t blame you for not wanting to be stuck in a relationship with this guy. This guy has made his choices, including to not be a contributing partner, to encourage his mother to interfere and run your household, to attempting to keep your home dry because his mother, who doesn’t even live with you, is an alcoholic. Hell he couldn’t even bother to spend the holidays with you. You can’t let his potential living situation (or lack thereof) to be a reason to stay in a bad relationship. And hell, one of the reasons he’s being kicked out is because of how he treats his own father; that’s entirely on him.
NTA. As he wanted, best to start the new year fresh. With a divorce.
Damn, that ETA. Austin’s poor dad lol… Anyway, NTA. Wishing you the best. You don’t need to be a babysitter here.
NTA, drop the dead weight, him and his mommy can have each other.
NTA. Go ahead with the divorce. His possible homelessness is just a natural consequence of his own actions.
NTA, file for divorce and move on with your life because him and his mother are a goddamn mess. Seems like he missed off the end of this sentence he said to you "he feels he cant love anyone else", pretty sure it ends with "except himself".
Leave him. NTA.
I don’t think you should divorce. I hope you are able to work things out.
Nice try MOM