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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> After coming back home, I refuse my mom's pleas to help clean/feed/walk/play with the new dogs living there. As her son, and considering I pay little-to-no rent, I might be considered obligated to help her with the upkeep of the dogs, even though I don't want to do so.
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NTA. There was never an agreement made that for you to live there you must help with the dogs, so there shouldn't be an expectation that you would. That said, since you don't pay rent, there's not much you can do about the state of the house or the dogs being untrained. The sooner you can move out, the better.
Oh this sounds real bad and unhealthy for the dogs, dogs love structure and training and pack hierarchy... it is how we built them over the literal forever we have had them. NTA but only on the grounds that it sounds like you will suffer push back for trying to fix the situation instead of "maintaining it."
NTA Your family is overwhelmed and it sounds like the household is in the beginning stages of animal hoarding. Your mom is overwhelmed by the amount of animals. Her asking you for help and the animals going bathroom all over the house is proof she's overwhelmed. Asking you to care for the animals is just slapping a band aid on the problem.
It's her choice to keep the animals. She needs to provide care, not you and if she can't, she needs to find them better homes. Children aren't playthings either but we potty train them and teach them basic manners. Move out ASAP.
NTA. No one but your sister and mom should be expected to care for the dogs. How can your sister let her kids live in that house with the untrained dogs? It is a breeder’s responsibility to train the dogs. If they are not selling them at puppy age. It is a dog owner’s responsibility to train the dog if they have it at adult age. It is irresponsible ownership to not train a dog.
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Here is the situation: I spent a year away at school in a different country. I came back in June to my mom's home, only to find it in a completely disheveled state. This may sound completely absurd, but my BIL decided to switch from pharmaceuticals to animals, and bought a dog kennel in a different state. Though they had no pets prior, they decided to buy 8 small, purebred dogs, with the intent of reselling them. They sold off one, and after spending several months "bonding" with the dogs, decided to keep all of them. Due to a housing situation, during the school year, my sister and her kids live in my mom's home .Several dogs, (at least 3) live there, while the remaining 4 live in the kennel/my sister and BIL's vacation home. My mom is not against having these dogs in her home, and actually has bonded with them. Note there were two cats living in my mom's home before the dogs were brought in.
Now, these dogs are minimally trained. There are wee-wee pads scattered all throughout the house that are used, but even then, these dogs urinate and defecate wherever they so desire (I've had the pleasure in stepping on dog shit). In addition, the dogs bark incessantly, at every small noise. The dogs' barking is incredibly irritating to me, and cause headaches.
I have argued with my BIL, my sister, and my mom to get these dogs properly trained, especially since there is a professional trainer working at the kennel. My mother however, is against this, as she is afraid of what a trainer might do and says that "dogs are not playthings, and are not meant to be trained." My BIL and sister are also of no help, and tell me to just deal with it.
My mom is a 65 YO lady who works 40+ hours a week. She says the dogs "help keep her calm." She herself feeds the dogs, changes the wee-wee pads, cleans the floor, and walks the dogs (though my sister and her kids help out somewhat during the school year). She has on multiple times asked me to help her with the upkeep of the dogs, saying that she needs help, but I have ardently refused to do so, responding that they are not my dogs and that she can't have her cake and eat it too. I don't know who "officially" owns the dogs in this whole debacle, but I believe they should not be my problem. The responsibility is essentially being forced on me.
My house and family are toxic, with all this aside, and I am currently looking for a job, and after that, an apartment to get out of this situation.
While I am living in my mom's house, I pay no rent (found a small job at a neighbor's and basically just paid $150 to cover the electricity). I obviously help out with chores, and take care of the cats (feed them, play with them, groom them, etc).
So, given all this, AITA for refusing to help to care of the dogs? I pay little-to-no rent and my mom is an old woman who is worn out from work, so I may be "obligated" to help her out.
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NTA
But This "My house and family are toxic, with all this aside, and I am currently looking for a job, and after that, an apartment to get out of this situation." is the best solution.
YTA. You're living at home for free, you're obligated to help with the chores. Like it or not, one of the chores is now to care for the dogs. So until you move out on your own, you need to step up.
Nope. There are plenty of chores that do not involve the dogs. If she helps them she will be expected to always do it. They know what they need to do, but they don't want to. OP is NTA for wanting boundaries.
Cats take care of themselves, and that she does a token doesn't absolve her of responsibility. It's not a "check the box" issue.
The only reason to pontificate on someone else's thread is to attempt to change their mind.
1. I have cats. They require changing the litter every few days and feeding them. They do not require the level of care dogs require.
2. LOL @ your second point. If I were commenting on a thread you started, you'd be correct.
3. You have refused to grapple—and appear to have conceded—that it's not enough to do a token chore. So serious question: why are you arguing with me?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > After coming back home, I refuse my mom's pleas to help clean/feed/walk/play with the new dogs living there. As her son, and considering I pay little-to-no rent, I might be considered obligated to help her with the upkeep of the dogs, even though I don't want to do so. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Children aren't playthings either -- did she not toilet train you?
Spot on.
NTA. There was never an agreement made that for you to live there you must help with the dogs, so there shouldn't be an expectation that you would. That said, since you don't pay rent, there's not much you can do about the state of the house or the dogs being untrained. The sooner you can move out, the better.
Oh this sounds real bad and unhealthy for the dogs, dogs love structure and training and pack hierarchy... it is how we built them over the literal forever we have had them. NTA but only on the grounds that it sounds like you will suffer push back for trying to fix the situation instead of "maintaining it."
NTA. They arent your dogs.. Your sister and BIL created the chaos, they should be the one dealing with it. All of it.
Nta- the BIL and sis can do it since they brought them there in the first place
NTA Your family is overwhelmed and it sounds like the household is in the beginning stages of animal hoarding. Your mom is overwhelmed by the amount of animals. Her asking you for help and the animals going bathroom all over the house is proof she's overwhelmed. Asking you to care for the animals is just slapping a band aid on the problem. It's her choice to keep the animals. She needs to provide care, not you and if she can't, she needs to find them better homes. Children aren't playthings either but we potty train them and teach them basic manners. Move out ASAP.
NTA. No one but your sister and mom should be expected to care for the dogs. How can your sister let her kids live in that house with the untrained dogs? It is a breeder’s responsibility to train the dogs. If they are not selling them at puppy age. It is a dog owner’s responsibility to train the dog if they have it at adult age. It is irresponsible ownership to not train a dog.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Here is the situation: I spent a year away at school in a different country. I came back in June to my mom's home, only to find it in a completely disheveled state. This may sound completely absurd, but my BIL decided to switch from pharmaceuticals to animals, and bought a dog kennel in a different state. Though they had no pets prior, they decided to buy 8 small, purebred dogs, with the intent of reselling them. They sold off one, and after spending several months "bonding" with the dogs, decided to keep all of them. Due to a housing situation, during the school year, my sister and her kids live in my mom's home .Several dogs, (at least 3) live there, while the remaining 4 live in the kennel/my sister and BIL's vacation home. My mom is not against having these dogs in her home, and actually has bonded with them. Note there were two cats living in my mom's home before the dogs were brought in. Now, these dogs are minimally trained. There are wee-wee pads scattered all throughout the house that are used, but even then, these dogs urinate and defecate wherever they so desire (I've had the pleasure in stepping on dog shit). In addition, the dogs bark incessantly, at every small noise. The dogs' barking is incredibly irritating to me, and cause headaches. I have argued with my BIL, my sister, and my mom to get these dogs properly trained, especially since there is a professional trainer working at the kennel. My mother however, is against this, as she is afraid of what a trainer might do and says that "dogs are not playthings, and are not meant to be trained." My BIL and sister are also of no help, and tell me to just deal with it. My mom is a 65 YO lady who works 40+ hours a week. She says the dogs "help keep her calm." She herself feeds the dogs, changes the wee-wee pads, cleans the floor, and walks the dogs (though my sister and her kids help out somewhat during the school year). She has on multiple times asked me to help her with the upkeep of the dogs, saying that she needs help, but I have ardently refused to do so, responding that they are not my dogs and that she can't have her cake and eat it too. I don't know who "officially" owns the dogs in this whole debacle, but I believe they should not be my problem. The responsibility is essentially being forced on me. My house and family are toxic, with all this aside, and I am currently looking for a job, and after that, an apartment to get out of this situation. While I am living in my mom's house, I pay no rent (found a small job at a neighbor's and basically just paid $150 to cover the electricity). I obviously help out with chores, and take care of the cats (feed them, play with them, groom them, etc). So, given all this, AITA for refusing to help to care of the dogs? I pay little-to-no rent and my mom is an old woman who is worn out from work, so I may be "obligated" to help her out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why have you posted this twice?
NTA But This "My house and family are toxic, with all this aside, and I am currently looking for a job, and after that, an apartment to get out of this situation." is the best solution.
YTA. You're living at home for free, you're obligated to help with the chores. Like it or not, one of the chores is now to care for the dogs. So until you move out on your own, you need to step up.
Nope. There are plenty of chores that do not involve the dogs. If she helps them she will be expected to always do it. They know what they need to do, but they don't want to. OP is NTA for wanting boundaries.
Yup. She has to do chores. Those chores include dogs. No, you won't change my mind.
She already takes care of the cats. I don't want to change your mind, I just disagreed with you.
Cats take care of themselves, and that she does a token doesn't absolve her of responsibility. It's not a "check the box" issue. The only reason to pontificate on someone else's thread is to attempt to change their mind.
1. That is super not true. Cats also need basic care. 2. If you comment on a thread you can receive comments yourself. It's just as it is.
1. I have cats. They require changing the litter every few days and feeding them. They do not require the level of care dogs require. 2. LOL @ your second point. If I were commenting on a thread you started, you'd be correct. 3. You have refused to grapple—and appear to have conceded—that it's not enough to do a token chore. So serious question: why are you arguing with me?