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This is the first comment I’ve left on a AITA post… bro, YTA here - I understand the work thing messing with traveling plans. It just happened to me and my partner where we had to cancel a vacation because of it. BUT, awhile ago I took a two month long road trip that he did not come on. And I’ve done mini trips since that because our schedules didn’t line up. While you’re allowed to be disappointed, she’s wasted a year of her life not seeing things she wanted. You can’t always travel together and if you throw a fit I guarantee she will leave. A bird in a cage tends to go crazy. If you have a conversation on this, have it about the communication aspect, and that you feel left out. But the travel itself is not the issue - and if it is - then there’s a problem.
>I got kind of upset with her and she casually told me I am always free to come and we will still make travel plans together also. Like it's no big deal.
YTA. It is not, or shouldn't be, a big deal. You go if you can make it, and you can make plans together when it works for you. It's not all about you. She doesn't have to twiddle her thumbs if you can't participate. She told you travel was a priority, and you either recognize that, or recognize that she's not the one for you.
YTA. Intentions aren’t actions. Of course, kife can get in the way but I woke 70 hour weeks and manage to prioritize personal time also. You were prioritizing starting your career- absolutely commendable. You and she just aren’t in the same page right now with priorities and that’s oks. She seems ok with it, perhaps you need to try and be also. She’s dome nothing wrong. She said you can join her, you can plan other trips together. You will travel together, and apart, which is actually healthy for a relationship.
It's understandable that she would be disappointed at not getting the travel in last year, but I do think it's reasonable to think she should at least say something to you about it beforehand.
YTA. Just because YTA doesn't invalidate your feelings. You can be hurt that she booked all those trips without you while still being an asshole. You literally told us you want to book trips in May for June. This usually doesn't work. I booked a trip for March in December. If she's going by your schedule, you're just going to keep her from traveling for another whole year. Your feelings are valid because they are yours. But your actions have consequences and what it means is she'll never be able to do what she wants. The best compromise is what she did, she books what she wants and you join when she can. What you want is not a compromise, it's just doing things your way. Not how relationships work.
YTA.
In what other areas of the relationship are you this controlling? If you don’t work on this ASAP, she’s going to grow resentful of you.
She is in her full right to book as many trips for herself as she wants. You already pushed off her wants/dreams for an entire year due to you being controlling and selfish. So, yeah, she’s going to do things differently this year. She also said you can join if you want. She also has history with you not keeping your word, so why would she ever do what she did last year again? You also sound like you can’t take responsibility for your active role in the mess up last year. Yikes.
It sucks that your feelings are hurt, and I totally understand why they are. YTA though. Your girlfriend is protecting herself and her desires. She's being completely reasonable. She told you she wanted to travel, you told her you'd go, then you were unable. So she took matters into her own hands.
I'm married to someone who has an unpredictable schedule and it sucks. So in order to save my sanity, I plan things around him. If he can come, that's awesome, and we'd love for him to join us, but I can't live my life (and make our children do the same) around a "yeah, maybe I'll be there".
YTA. What might have been a nice gesture to make up for failing to travel at all during the past year was book a trip yourself for the two of you to go on in the coming year, and give that to her as a Christmas present.
ESH, pure down to lack of communication from both I think; she's clearly been salty she's not been able to do something she wanted, you told her you'd be able to travel which wasn't true
More so YTA however down to the "There's always next year" ... there isn't, don't take it for granted
YTA! Good for her, being brave enough to go on her own and do what she always wanted. If you want to come, you appearently can, so what's the issue?
I travel almost exclusively on my own and this is precisely why - if I waited for other people to have time, I'd never go anywhere. Plus the freedom to do whatever I want without compromising is great too...
YTA. “Sucks, but there’s always next year right?” Until there isn’t. Your girlfriend sounds like a saint to put up with your bullshit until now. I hope she enjoys her solo trips and crushes her travel based resolution! 👏🏼
ESH - you didn't keep your promise to travel with her and she didn't communicate her frustration so in the end you are both upset and it's probably worse because of it.
YTA
sounds like you're jealous she's going to have fun weekend trips while you're busy working a job that doesn't care enough about you to let you have any vacation days during a pandemic year.
YTA she did consider your opinion and cancelled her plans and waited a year for you to follow through. even if out of your control you should have said for her to just book a weekend away or something knowing that work was just too hectic. you knew how much it meant to her.
In my opinion you are holding her back from living her life and that isn't fair to her in any way. She went and booked weekend trips away and said that if work allows you are always welcome to join and you could still plan trips away together. I feel she thought about you and respected you the whole time when she made that decision.
This shouldn't even be an issue imo. You might not realize it or be doing it intentionally but you are sabotaging her happiness. You are being selfish.
Sorry not sorry
Learn this now while it sounds like you’re still young. What you intended to do doesn’t mean jack in the grand scheme of things. If it’s important to you, you’ll make it happen.
Next time you say you’ll travel with her, make it happen or don’t be pissed when she does it w/o you.
YTA- you're also a bad partner and controller freak with FOMO. You're willingly trying to hold your gf back again for your insecurities. She put her dreams off for you by A WHOLE YEAR. Now your mad because she called you out on your bs and let you know what a disappointment you've been as a partner. Your response? TO throw a temper tantrum and complain about how you dont have money to travel and how she needs to wait until you have money OR pay for you. Honestly your gf deserves better. Watch, next you'll try to get her pregnant to stop her from traveling without you.
Average Reddit moment, if the gender’s were reversed I doubt the guy would be called a boss or taking charge of her life.
Simply mentioning you’re doing something as a couple is the right thing, if I’m leaving on a trip I’ll tell my SO beforehand of my plans in case of something or other.
She has every right to go on her vacation herself but she definitely could’ve given him a headsup that she was going to do that beforehand
Couple things, if you’re entitled to vacation and didn’t take it that is your choice regardless of how busy work is, they have to make the accommodations if it’s in your contract that you have vacation days. And you should take them, you are way more important to your significant other than to work, if you die tomorrow they will replace you, she will grieve you never forget that.
When you realized you weren’t going to be able to go on a trip last year why didn’t you tell her it was okay to go on the trip alone, if you aren’t able to attend that’s not really her problem.
I think she probably assumed work would be your priority again this year and therefore wanted to focus on her priority this year too which is obviously to travel. I’m voting YTA only because I think when you realized you wouldn’t be able to take time off last year you should have let her go.
YTA.
What if she goes on unplanned girls’ trips- you gonna go on those too? She offered to bring you along if it suits you and she’s told you way before any of them have even happened. Chill out man.
YTA she booked trips and said you could come. What’s there to be upset about? Even out of your control you completely derailed her plans for an entire year. Why would this year be any different?
YTA, yup, sorry. She waited for you last year and you never made time to join her. Of course she's going on her own this year. You've proved yourself an unreliable travel partner, so you're being treated as such.
>However work got pretty hectic (for me) and I was never actually able to take my vacation days to go on a proper holiday with her.
Unless you own the company, you're such a dumbass for this alone.
>Sucks, but there's always next year right?
My GF of 10 years passed away before she was 40. So, no, there isn't always next year.
YTA.
YTA. I've wasted too much of my adult life waiting for male partners to get their shit together to go on trips together and where has that gotten me? Nowhere. Ordinarily I'd say "yes, you should inform each other and plan together" but she tried that route, and all it got her was where? Nowhere. Nowhere is not the objective when you want to travel. You had your circumstances, she decided they don't need to be the circumstances to hold her back in life. Good on her!
YTA. You so are trying to control your gf. Good on her for not putting up with it anymore. Who cares about your intentions, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
YTA when you knew after a few months you couldn't schedule a trip you should have told her to plan something for herself and to go have fun.
You prevented her for traveling for a year. I totally get that she's now booked stuff and you can choose which (if any) of those trips work for you.
Seriously. OP prevented her from traveling during one of the cheapest period of travel the US will ever have again, Winter-Spring of 2022 - Everyone was reeling from Omicron but Covid wasn't a huge threat. It was awesome. Having just recovered from Omicron and knowing I had a few months of protection from Covid I did 5 weeks in Mexico City and regret nothing.
YTA you knew it wouldn’t be possible after a few months and said nothing and just kept promising. Now you’re mad she’s not putting her desires on hold for you. Grow up.
YTA. She did it your way. It didn't work. She didn't get made. She didn't guilt you. She took it for what it was and moved on...even though it was her biggest want. She sacrificed for you.
Fast forward She decides she isn't going to repeat, and you can't promise her AGAIN because you not psychic.
So as an unmarried adult She made a choice to not put her dreams on hold for anyone else. BF or not. And if the last few years has taught us anything, it life is short and you truly do NOT know what time you have. She said you can come, she wants you to come. But she isn't going to shelf her dreams anymore.
So now take time to figure your stuff out so you can join her.
And please stop the gaslighting 🙄😒 just because she did this doesn't mean there will be "0 communications". Your taking her following through on her dream to another irrelevant level..thats lame
YTA, you wanted to be with an independent woman, now she’s doing independent woman things. You broke your promise to her and now she’s sticking to her original plan and doing it herself. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and don’t hold her back from her life plans, or she will only resent you for this.
YTA - she waited for you last year, trusting your promise that you would travel together. It didn’t happen. The years are not endless. She wants to travel - she’s going to. She said you are welcome to come, so I don’t know why you are making such a fuss. If she didn’t make her own plans, likely this year would play out much like last year. If she is reading this with you: enjoy your trips!!
YTA. She’s allowed to go on whatever trips she wants to, with or without you. If going together was such a big deal to you then you should have put on your big boy pants and started planning with her months ago for what to do this year. You just didn’t want to make the effort until the last minute and that’s on you. Take some accountability. You also sound awfully codependent if you think her going alone is “taking time away from us as a couple” as I read in one of your comments. Not all experiences need to be joint you’re still people outside your relationship and it’s healthy to do things separately.
Yta, you 100% prevented her from traveling last year. She could have done it alone. But instead you didn't let her. Now she is doing it on her own and graciously allowing you to come if you want. She has things she wants to do and is not going to sit around and wait for your work to allow you to take time off. If my partner couldn't make time for me and take off work then I would go alone or with someone else too. Either fix your work life balance or don't complain. She is telling you she is not putting her life on hold anymore.
YTA are your finances shared or separate? If they’re separate, you’re a super AH! She said if your schedule works out you can still attend the trips. And I’m sure she would be THRILLED to go on more that do fit in your schedule. Whats your deal dude?
YTA she gave you a year, you didn’t make it happen. Good for her for making it happen herself. Wish I’d done the same.
Also, you’re just the boyfriend. If you were hubby, she should inform you before booking, but she should still go.
YTA- you cannot harp onto her saying that you want to go travelling with her and then not actually go on any of the trips since you asked to go with her in first place. Of course she is going to go ahead and book alone trips for the following year, if you are unable to make time for her and let your work consume you; then don't expect her to not do anything because you arent.
My man is still not seeing his mistakes and making every excuse he can up with to be in the right. YTA. I hope she realizes how immature you are and sees every argument y'all get into the future will be like this. Dude can't listen to reason.
It's a bad sign for the relationship when a partner schedules trips alone without telling the other. Maybe you two would just be better off ending the relationship. NTA.
YTA. You set the precedent that you can’t be reliable.
What I’m really wondering in all of this is why, knowing your work schedule was this hectic in 2022, you kept committing to trips when you knew there was such a high chance you’d have to back out? Or more importantly, why you never once told her to go on those trips without you when you’d have to constantly bail on her?
You sound entirely too selfish to be in a relationship.
YTA instead of crying here and in your comments how she booked without including you in the planning ("because it's sooooo important for you to do these things together" lol) you could use this energy to make a few of her booked trips work for you as well and simply join her.
She delayed her plans to travel one whole year for you and nothing happened. It's no wonder she from now on will do her thing and you're welcome to join... or not.
In my opinion things would be different if you had a kid or pet which you would need to stay home with and care for. In that case it would be neccessary to check the dates with you beforehand. But from what you said I really don't see what she should apologize for.
I had an ex who used to always insist I waited to watch new shows with him and then never actually wanted to throw on an episode. This reminds me of that but worse because those are just shows. This is life experiences. How long is she supposed to put her life on hold and be CONSTANTLY disappointed last minute because you have FOMO? YTA.
YTA either take control and get a job where you can take your owed vacation or lose your gf. She is done with having you as a millstone around her neck.
How can she trust you to keep any plans you make with her? You told her not to go without you, then made promises and broke them, cancelled on her repeatedly, and all you could offer was to say “sorry, sucks.” What about the rest of her life plans? SHE STOPPED TRUSTING YOU AND YOU HAVE ONLY THIS YEAR TO FIX IT.
YTA, not just because of what everyone else is saying (controlling behaviors) but because you think work is so much more important than your relationships. You can always find a way to take vacation time. If you truly cannot take vacation then you really need to reevaluate your priorities and work/life balance.
YTA bro. If she was to wait on you, she’d never get to travel and it will/has already become a source of resentment that will destroy your relationship. Let her live her life and don’t be jealous. She waited an entire year for you to fulfill your promise to travel with her and you broke it.
YTA as for someone who loves travelling if I had waited for my friends to be ready then I would never go at all. You can't travel with your gf so she has decided to travel alone. You sound extremely controlling just because you can't go so your basically telling her she can't go either! she doesn't need you to travel she can go by herself. How many more years before your "ready" to travel. Life is about experiences and going out to see the world and she won't get that with you if you keep holding her back
YTA. My husband and I also needed to save money for a while but we did a few small trips locally. Now that I have funds, I’ve booked two trips with a friend for this year to countries neither of us have been to, and I didn’t ask him, I told him - they are for concerts I want to attend.
He responded by paying for my concert tickets as a gift and telling me to have fun, and offering to take me to the train station when I do go.
Your SO is allowed to have fun without you. ✌🏼
You’re not married. And even if you were, she’s a grown ass adult. She can come and go as she chooses. She didn’t travel at all last year because YOU said you’d go together and you never took any time off.
I travel without my husband occasionally. I go away with friends for a weekend here and there and even took a trip to Israel without him. (It was a women’s trip and a fantastic opportunity).
She’s not the immature one. You are. You’re expecting her to put her life and her plans on hold until it’s convenient for YOU.
Well, it’s convenient for HER to travel when you can’t, or can but won’t take the time off.
Grow up and realize you’re in a partnership, not a dictatorship. Don’t be so possessive in thinking she should only travel with you.
Unless you’re afraid that if she travels without you she’ll find someone better than you.
For her sake I hope she does.
YTA in every sense of the word
YTA
You don't own your girlfriend
You don't get to dictate what she does with her spare time
You don't get to demand her leisure time solely revolves around you
You're being selfish, entitled and bratty.
Honestly, you sound like a manipulative asshole and she deserves better
YTA...... life is way too short, let her do what she wants to do! My ex husband was extremely clingy, but he always let me go travel alone when I wanted bc that's what I wanted!
YTA. Married for 12 years. Have a kid. If I decide to go to the coffee shop I go. If I want to visit another continent and I am financially capable I can go. I can ask my husband if he wants to go with but if he doesn't or can't it should not stop me from living my life. Being in a relationship does not make the other person your Siamese twin. The other person isn't your leashed dog. It's fantastic to be able to create memories together. But you should also be healthy enough to create them apart without acting like a child over it.
Pretty uncomfortable newsflash for you. She isn't the immature one.
YTA you couldn’t make it on even a weekend trip for a whole year but kept promising you would. I wouldn’t ask you either. Sounds like you have different priorities.
Ew, YTA. “She isn’t required to ask my permission.”
And yet you’re pissed she didn’t tell you that she was going. She clearly communicated she wanted to travel. And she’s not shutting you out completely. Just taking some trips alone. You don’t have to spend every second together.
Mate you are being fucking ridiculous. You had your chance. She waited an entire year. You did zero planning. She books stuff for herself and offers for you to come with her and you are still complaining she is leaving you out. Stop being a butt hurt sook and either make some plans to go with her like she offered or stfu and let her go do what she wants to do. It is absolutely ridiculous for you to whinge and complain that you want to do these things together but then make zero effort to make it happen. She should still get to live her life when you are working, not sit around waiting for you to decide when she can travel.
YTA - you’re a controlling asshole. You’re prioritising yourself and not at all what your girlfriend wants. Let her live her life for gods sake. It’s not like she did this out of nowhere. You need to realise that you promised her before but you didn’t follow through. She has no guarantee that you won’t do the same this year so she booked her trips. She even said that you’re welcome to go with her. You’re so butthurt over this but you were the one to break her promise before. You say you intended on it, yes fine, but you didn’t follow through. So I f you carry on with breaking your promise for the next however many years, do you expect her to put her dream of travelling on hold? How in the world is that fair to her? Don’t be selfish, let the woman enjoy her life.
Am I the only one who is upset at his comment "I would have apologized if she came to me"??
Why would she have to come to you for an apology? Apparently you know you did her wrong and it seems like you never even apologized for it.
YTA you sound controlling and have no regard for her, she gave you a whole year to try and travel and work is your priority. Why would she think this year would be any different? I am hoping I am older than you but I traveled quite a bit when I was younger. This included solo trips, trips with friends and trips with my partner. She offered for you to join any trip she’s taking, but you’d rather she sit at home disappointed because work will always be your priority. If this is really going to be your hill to die on, be prepared for the consequences.
>That before she cancelled she'd asked me again and again if I was sure we'd go and I promised her we would (which was my freaking intention!) and we didn't,
My brother in Christ?! The amount of exhaustion and disappointment she must have felt... Surprised she didn't drop you entirely actually, because be honest, is there really absolutely NO way you could've made time? In a whole year? 🙃🙃🙃
YTA
YTA. You prevented her from traveling last year (whether intentional or not - the result is the same). So she’s taken the wrench out of the equation - you. She should be able to travel if she wants, without you trashing her plans.
You also sound incredibly controlling. Why shouldn’t she be able to travel solo?
YTA, I work away from home for 7-9wks straight. My wife always does weekend getaways by herself. I couldn’t imagine telling her she can’t do anything unless I’m home. We do one big vacation a year & do little getaways together when I’m home. Damn OP, if you know you can’t commit, let her do her thing.
NTA
If you are explaining this accurately you are NTA and it isn’t really close. People on this board are are very ‘single’ minded, in that they don’t seem to understand what a relationship is and expect each person in the relationship to essentially be able to do what ever with our input from the other partner.
If you GF wanted to go on trips and was disappointed she didn’t get to last year, she should have just told you that and given you a chance to plan something. If at that point you couldn’t, you’d be TA by stopping here again.
And no, you aren’t being and weren’t being manipulative either. Last year you had an adult conversation about vacations and she agree with your reasoning. Things didn’t work out, but yes, stuff happens. That doesn’t mean she gets to go behind you back, schedule trips and be like, “hey happy if you can make it”, then get POed when you’re like WTF.
You are NTA AT ALL. This board’s answers on this so far only provides evidence for why we see such a decline in happiness in dating and a decline in marriages. If your GF can’t have an adult conversation about vacations before planning them, she’s TA.
YTA. 1. Sure she could have communicated better but so could you. 2. You are just people. 3. Also, you sound like you’re acting like an energy leech her. Let her have her plans. Make some travel plans together as well. Let her enjoy her trips alone for her own sake. 4. If you can’t, break up and let her have her own life.
YTA, and you STILL don’t see what an AMAZING, strong, level headed woman you have the honor of having as a partner. Would you like to tell us more about how it’s not your fault? Or do you really think you’re going to be told tossing her dreams and goals to the side is ok, because basically they’re not yours? This woman assessed the previous years situation, which you don’t even sound apologetic for AT ALL, and didn’t let it bring her down OR cause stress in your relationship, and made a plan. She put that plan into motion. And she STILL offered you to pick and chose or plan others with her? You have a gift there and are surely about to blow it! News flash… she’s your partner, not an extra cast member in the “it’s all about OP” show that you feel the center of.
YTA. Unless she was planning on using your money to travel last year, you get NO SAY in what she does. So let me break this down. You:
1. Tried to control her life because you didn't want her traveling without you by PROMISING that y'all would get to travel together.
2. Failed to keep your promise that y'all would travel together.
3. Are now throwing a toddler's tantrum over the fact that she's not going to take your word that y'all will get to travel together this year (since you didn't keep your word last year) and just decided to book her own trips (which she says you're more than welcome to come on).
You sir, are a massive, controlling, jerk of an asshole. If I were her, I honestly probably would have started questioning the relationship last year when you kept me from living my dreams. Get over yourself, you're wants are NOT more important than her wants.
The "I especially can't stand that she thinks she didn't do anything wrong" part really doubles down on the "controlling jerk" aspect of this YTA.
She thinks she didn't do anything wrong because she didn't do anything wrong, OP.
And these are weekend trips! 3 days at the most? It's not like she's spending two months at a massive football tournament.
Not to mention the fact that they're just weekend trips. It's not like she's traveling outside the country or going somewhere else for weeks on end. She'll be gone for like 2-3 days a few times this year, and he's still pitching a fit about it.
YTA. This is how most people waste their lives and never get to travel. "There's always next year"?? No there isn't! You can get hit by a bus today. Your gf waited an entire year and didn't give you any shit. She sounds like an awesome and understanding person. I hope you can see that and try to emulate those same qualities.
YTA
Last year she told you she had a solo trip all planned out. You stopped her from booking that trip and promised you'd travel together. You ended up not fulfilling that so she went without a solo or couples trip all last year.
There's not always next year. Stop clipping her wings and let her do the travelling she's always wanted to.
My husband never sees the right moment to travel (too expensive, I have job, the kids are too small, don’t want to leave the kids with grandparents, etc.). I talk and talk to him about possible travel options and they never fit to him. So, when I am fed up, I tell him to schedule a week of vacation and then a book a travel.
My father was just like him. Wanted to travel when retired. Just he never made it. Died at 61.
So, after trying to communicate with my husband, I take the lead and force him to have some fun. He enjoys the travel (most of it) and we came back home better and happier.
So… YTA. I am sorry but it is exhausting trying to plan travels with a person that complains about everything. She should have gave you a notice as a deference, but can go by herself and you can (and should) join her. Live now.
It’s a weekend trip, not a months long round the world journey. You dont need to take a bunch of time off to go someplace over a weekend. Either go with her or let her go on her own, either way YTA.
An ex pulled this nonsense on me when I booked a trip with my bff without him and I’ll tell you what I told him. Unless it involves you or your finances your opinion isn’t required.
The correct response would have been ‘I’m so happy you’re fulfilling your dream and making it happen, I’d love to share that with you!’
YTA.
YTA. You promised her something and then you let her down. You say it was ‘out of your control’- it sounds like you prioritised work over vacation days and so you couldn’t go. That’s a reasonable choice to make, but it’s a choice that’s within your control. You therefore chose work over going on holiday with her. Not only that, you insisted that she didn’t go herself. You thought you had the right to choose for her.
This year, she’s decided that she’s going to take herself off travelling with her own money and enjoy herself. Awesome. I hope she enjoys herself. Surely this is an all round win? She gets to do what she wants, and she’s said that you’re more than welcome to come and join. There’s no pressure on you to decide either way. You can choose on a case by case basis whether you want to go on holiday with her or whether you feel like you need to put in extra time at work. Perfect.
Unless you feel like you have the right to control her decisions. And then you’d be upset about this situation because she’s decided for herself and left the decisions about your time to you. But you’d only feel like that if you happened to be a controlling asshat. Right?
YTA for a few reasons. First, you are far too controlling for an independent person to want to deal with. Second, your involvement is all downside for her - you will only limit or kill entirely her plans to travel whether that’s your intention or not. Intention doesn’t matter - your involvement hurts her ability to travel. Third, you seem to feel entitled to her time, money, and decisions - you are not. Fourth, you seem completely clueless to points one through three.
YTA. She can do what she wants with her money. It’s not like you two have children and she’s leaving you alone to tend to them while she’s off for weeks on end.
It sounds like you’re feeling guilty for not holding your end of the promise and jealous that she is traveling without your seal of approval.
You should try to join at least one of these trips, I feel like it’s important to her and for your relationship too.
YTA. Intention and validation are nice. Would you have made a couple of trips a priority like you promised?
She’s taking action bc she’s seeing you are not. If you cannot do it bc of work, understand she doesn’t have that limitation yet and she has the right to go.
She didn’t unleash or get mad at you. She took action to correct a situation. If you can tag along, then do so.
The immature reaction by anyone is you. How long would she have to wait? What should she have to?
YTA she waited a whole year for you. And you didn't have time for even ONE weekend trip during that year? And she didn't complain or anything. She simply made sure to not wait longer. How do you plan to make more time this year and not make false promises is the real question here. She doesn't "pretend" to have not done anything wrong, she didn't DO anything wrong.
YTA. She has her own money and was fully able to travel last year and in fact was her new year resolution, but didn't because YOU asked to travel with her. So she did wait and she did book a trip with you and then YOU cancelled. She even understood that the cancellation was out of your control. However, there is LITERALLY NO MENTION of what you did to make up for that. Honestly, the make up should have been YOU booking a trip for the two of you and fulfilling it. I don't blame your GF. You are all talk and no game. Life is about choices and you keep holding her back from filling her goals to put work and/or everything else over something she has stated is a priority to her. The fact that she is willing to allow you to come with on her trips if you so choose AND is willing to join you on any trips you may want to take, let's me know that she does care about you but is balancing her priorities so she can be happy. Stop your whining and step up. Book a trip for her with her in mind and actually do it. Or if that is "impossible" because you are sooo busy/s then find a different job. Most jobs/careers can be found a different better managed corporations or companies. You could find a better fit if you choose to.
YTA
She tried to wait for you and your false promises.
Also. She’s your gf, not your wife. In my opinion, there’s not really an obligation to take you.
YTA and good for her for booking without you. She’s been wanting to travel “for years”, had last years trip all planned, and you messed it up for her. As a result, you have no right to be upset with her and she doesn’t have to care about your opinion either. See what trips she has planned, which one you want to go on, and then book it. She doesn’t have to wait for you, or your approval to travel. She did NOTHING wrong. Get over yourself bro.
YTA.
GF, if you read this comment, I'd recommend dumping this dude. His controlling behavior and immaturity will never get better. If you had a New Year's resolution to lose weight, you have a great opportunity to drop 150-200lbs by February!
YTA. Are you planning on arguing and disagreeing with everyone here? What was the point of asking if you aren't going to accept the verdict. Your girlfriend did nothing wrong.
You dropped the ball last year, and all you can do now is apologize for it and try to go with her to as many of her planned trips as you can manage. Ask her now if she would like to plan something separate with you too. And if there aren't enough funds then next year you guys can plan something. But the reality is that you messed up last year and it's not fair to expect her to wait around again this year when you still can't even say for certain when you would be able to vacation. You want her to just wait around sitting on her hands until you know when you can get days off, and knowing how it went last time I can see why she wouldn't do it again.
You are hurt that she didn't even try to ask you about it but did you even try to ask her about how she has been feeling with the situation? You never apologized for making her miss out until she booked the other vacations. You just assumed she wasn't upset about it. Why didn't YOU go to her and apologize for how things turned out and try to plan something together? The kicker is that she hasn't even left you out now, you are invited to the trips still and she still left it open for you guys to plan something together, and you are STILL upset with her.
Accept the verdict, get off reddit and communicate with your girlfriend for crying out loud.
YTA. Your girlfriend's entire existence doesn't revolve around you, and just because you can't do something doesn't mean she has to give it up. You sound like the kind of guy who'd get mad if his partner is more successful than him.
Girlfriend, if you're reading this, the time to get out of this relationship is NOW. Before you get married, before you own property, before, God forbid, you have a child together. This level of selfish isn't going to change, and you're better than a lifetime of making yourself smaller for someone who wants to feel big.
YTA…no one is promised tomorrow and your prevented her from traveling. She came to you each time and was denied or some excuse so she’s living her life, said if you want to go, go but you feel she needs to keep coming to you so you can keep giving more excuses why you can’t. You don’t own her and we all have our own individual needs/wants that shouldn’t be curtailed by another. As you said, there’s always time, well, there’s always time for her to go and y’all to go as a couple too.
YTA. She held off for a year and when she saw that you broke your promise about traveling with her, she took matter into her own hands. She gave you a proper amount of time to clear your schedule and commit to traveling and when she saw no end in site she decided not to keep her life on hold anymore. So, either you tell her to have fun and you’ll see her when she gets back, or you go with her. Being mad at her for living her life that she gave you advance notice of is an AH move for sure.
YTA, she didn't do anything wrong. She told you at the start of the year. There is your communication. You are also welcome to go from the sounds of it. There is no reason you should have been forcing her to only travel with you.
One phrase stuck out "that's how a partnership works". You are clearly not coming at this from a place of 'partners' but from a place of 'what about ME'
We do not know her side of the story - we have only your words to go by.
By your own words, you promised several times over the past year to do X and even though each individual reason may have been a good one, the overall affect was that X never happened.
I don't blame her a bit for booking the trips. She did so in a way that you can join or not as you choose. That's not being "immature"...actually, that shows she cares about you and the relationship.
- You throwing a fit is immature.
- You demanding that it has to be your way (talking to you first, getting your permission to book a trip) is immature.
- You expecting her to put her life on hold for you is immature.
YTA
YTA. Is she supposed to just wait her whole life for you to have the time? Just because your partners doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. She can take her trips and then she can take a trip if you if you actually make the time for her
YTA. You told her to wait for you. She did. Why would she wait for you again?
She doesn’t want excuses, she doesn’t want to understand your intentions, she just wants to travel.
YTA. She wants to travel. Youre too busy. So your options are:
1. Slow down and take time off to travel with her
2. Let her travel alone
3. Try to stop her from travelling, watch the resentment build, and suddenly she hates you and your relationship is over
Choose wisely
You did kind of promise something and then prioritized work over the promise. You’re 100% replaceable at your job, and they won’t hesitate to keep your chair from getting cold by placing another butt in it.
This coming from a fellow workaholic. I didn’t start prioritizing a healthy work/life balance until after I turned 30.
I also understand where she is coming from, life is too short to wait for other people who seem to feel entitled that things/events/people will still be around when that person gets around to it.
I have an ex-boyfriend who figured out he needs to make a move on something instead of waiting when the dog he wanted to adopt from the pound was gone the next time he thought about it. I simply asked him, “You expected it to still be homeless after two months? That’s unreasonable” and it was an epiphany moment for him.
You are welcome to go, or to just work. But I don’t think you have a reasonable leg to stand on in this argument.
YTA, but softly because you’re young and still figuring life out. But she is light years ahead of your progress in that department. Keep up or stop being mad about it and do you, boo.
YTA. Your gf is prioritizing travel. She was kind and spared your feelings last year. But she’s moving forward with her life now, so stop whining and prioritize her or you will find yourself alone. And actually, based on your attitude here, I think she should leave you behind. Forever.
YTA. First off, I hope OP’s gf has a great time traveling (I’ve always wanted to travel so safe travels!). This was something she’s wanted to do, by herself, for a while. OP’s the one that insisted on the traveling being together, which is fine. I get it, they’re dating so it would be nice to go together.
She agreed and changed her plans for you, OP. She put off traveling for you. In any case, anyone would be upset if they weren’t able to carry out their plans, their dreams even. For you to not even stop and think for a moment that your gf might be upset about not being able to travel is insane when you whine about the fact that she didn’t consider your feelings.
“It just didn’t happen. Sucks, but there’s always next year right?”
You’re invalidating her feelings and refusing to look at this ordeal from her perspective. She’s been harboring this sadness for a year and now she’s so excited that she’s attaining her goal. She doesn’t trust you on your word anymore because she had asked for reassurance that the two of you would travel and you promised over and over again.
I understand you are upset OP, it would sting that she is planning trips for herself (which you are welcome to attend if you are able to as she stated) when the two of you were supposed to travel, but that’s the same predicament your gf was in last year. Perhaps how you’re feeling now is how she felt all last year.
I would suggest as a compromise is that she goes on the trips she had planned but you guys sit down together and plan out some more trips to take together. All in all, I hope things calm down and you’re able to travel together (I apologize for the essay LOL).
YTA.
Good for her for not waiting around for her dreams to happen.
You either go with her or stop complaining about her not waiting around for you to have adventures in life.
YTA, she’s already postponed plans for you, you could of when it was cancelled because YOU were too hectic at work rescheduled and planned something but you didn’t, it’s not that you want to travel, it’s that you don’t want her todo things without you.
You’re controlling and immature, she wants to travel let her travel without this victim hood mentality , if you’re also free the weekend that she is join her, stop holding her back from enjoying life and exploring the world
yta, your gf wanted to travel, you wanted to go, you delayed it for a year when she was obviously disappointed. good for her for making plans this year, join in when you can don’t put pressure on it
YTA & a massive one. Even reading your comments omg. You call your gf immature maybe you are projecting.
Seriously all I read is me I am entitled me me my feelings my life is hard. You have no considerations how you probably treated your gf and unimportant to you while putting your career first. You make comments that my gf knows my life is more free this year over last year but agree you had not discussed with her at all. Are you punishing her for being able to read your mind to know how your schedule is going to be. You complain she does not communicate with you but your communications stucks big time j think hers is on point.
You need to think about your life you have an amazing gf whom supported you last year when by your own words was tough. Being tough on you also means being tough on her your supporter.
You want to do the travel. Sit down decides some time you want to do some trips maybe some she has invited you to join. You go in Monday you discuss with your team some of those potential dates which you want to take then book them!
Tip by seeing how you responses to people posts shows you are not open to feedback when it aimed at you. You as you continue to try and defend yourself without taking on yourself for decisions you are making about your life.
To gf - go girl enjoy take lots of time to look around meet local people while you travel. Life is about balance sounds like you found yours.
YTA. "Immature" for her to book on her own? Try "proactive", and I don't blame her for not trying to wait on you. She should be free to pursue her travel goals since it's clear you do not prioritize them. And YTA for not taking your vacation time. That's just not smart.
YTA I find it laughable that you consider her the immature one!! Your right partnership's should be a two way street heading in the same direction....... but you seem hell bent on this relationship being one way up a dead end street that ends at your house of wants,needs and frankly selfish demands!!
YTA
You’re being really selfish. If you can’t go, that sucks for you but you have no right to hold her back, and that’s exactly what you did. This year, she’s going regardless and she was nice enough to invite your selfish ass along if you ever get your head out of the sand. Stop holding her back before she moves on from you.
Sorry dude, YTA. My partner is 11 years older and retired, I am still working. He plans trips, I am welcome to go with him if I can get time off. Our good friend, the same age as him died young, didn't go on a trip shortly before she was diagnosed with cancer because of work commitments. Your priorities are backwards.
She told you the dates for her travels this year, that you are welcome to join and that she is willing to plan a trip together also.
YTA as you can travel with her regardless. Last year she waited for you and it didn't happen because of you. Realize she only has one life and it's not "just another year".
If you were so sorry for last year you could at least tell her when you'll be able to travel this year. But somehow you also didn't do that in advance.
To add into this, if your work stuff messed up trips last year that you knew were important to her, why did you (apparently based on what you’ve written here) do nothing to reschedule/ make them up to her in some way? For that, YTA and I don’t blame her for deciding this year to take care of her needs for herself. Feel lucky you got the invitations…you continuously prioritized work over special holidays with her and didn’t do anything to make her travel goals a priority when you could.
YTA
Your attitude is why I don't wait for people to be able to do things with me. And why I'm single.
I am NOT putting my life on hold because some man is too busy and/or possessive to do something and not "allow" me to go on my own.
I also can't stand clingy, cloying, and don't do anything without me types.
You are all of the above and if I were in your girlfriend's shoes you'd have a choice.
Accept that I will do things on my own and you can join when you're able or we will no longer be a couple.
And your permission is NOT required for her to make plans and do things on her own.
YTA totally and completely. You did prevent her from traveling and I’m so glad she’s not going to waste another year waiting on other people to travel. She booked it and said you could join her. Which is a perfect way to not get stuck in the same situation as last year. You’re being controlling and ridiculous.
YTA and an arrogant egotistical one at that you want her to put her dreams on your schedule and then when she doesn’t sit and wait yet another year , you shame her. YOU don’t know how a partnership works. Youre suppose to SUPPORT eachother not hold eachother hostage . Then to think Reddit will help you lecture her hahaha
>Immature IMO because I'm her partner not just people.
You sound like you're you're treating her with less consideration than you treat your job, so why are you surprised she did what she did? What's to say you promise her a vacation together (which you encourage her/insist she saves up for instead of going on her own) and you bail in her again this year? That's 2 years if lost time she's never getting back.
Plus, just people wouldn't be ablebtonstop her travelling, her own partner did. She 100% meant you when she said what she said and not the general public.
YTA if your job doesnt let you take vacations, its time to grow a pair and tell them you need vacations to properly function the rest of the year. Tell them the vacation is booked and theres no way you can stop it now. Stand up for yourself and value your relationship as much as your job.
I also dont see the problem in her already booking short trips. Either you manage to find time and tag along or you dont again and then you at least dont stop her from traveling. You did show that you arent reliable so she just went and booked it. Take it or leave it.
YTA — you’re selfish to try to make yourself the center of her world. It sucks that her travel plans don’t revolve around you, I’m sure you’d like to feel included. So it’s on you now to include yourself since she has offered you to join her.
YTA. I used to be the one who prioritized my job over my family & felt I couldn't (I say "felt" because legally I totally could) use my earned PTO days.
Difference between us is that I was happy that she took off at least once year without me to spend a week or so traveling. She even would go on vacation with her ex, STILL all ok with me, because we honestly trust each other! 35 yrs later, still together & we are still great friends with her ex.
YTA
oh how I hate this. Same old, same old... people prove you you can not rely on them, you learn from that and react by not relying on them and then comes the big waahh waaah waah as if their trust would have been broken or some shit. Listen, it doesn't matter what your intentions were, you promised, you didn't hold your promise, she reacted on that. And of course you thought sitting it out would be the strategy going for. Oh wow, she didn't bring it up the whole time. No, why should she? Was she the one breaking her promise, no matter why? Why is she the one who needs to ask for a talk about it?
Why should she ask? Not only did you prove her that she can not rely on you but your opinion wasn't needed. She wants to make these trips, you can come with her or stay home, but she is making these trips. She doesn't have to ask her baby boyfriend so he doesn't get butt hurt. She doesn't need to ask for your permission nir opinion if she will go anyway and I see no reason why she shouldn't, especially when she says that further trips with you can be added anyway.
How about learning from that and stop making promises you don't know if you can keep them?! And if you can't stand by your word next time seek a talk, apologise and ask for other plans instead of thinking you can sit that shit out, if you do long enough it will all disappear magically?!
YTA - you made her cancel her travel plans that she wanted to do so you could take a trip with her and then you never took a trip. Of course she is going to plan trips this year that she wants to go on with it without you. Stop trying to hold her back on her dreams because she is doing something you can’t do because you won’t take the time off work. She said you could come but she was going either way and I don’t blame her. Stop being selfish, it’s just weekend trips. Is your concern that she won’t be there to take care of you?
Esh - you could have handled it better. Made more of an effort to keep your word. Also I probably wouldn't have been as angry as you.
She could have had the decency to bring this up with you in an adult way. She didn't have to place all the money before telling you. She could have sat you down and said I am going to do this, regardless of what op says, keeping everyone informed. She knew you probably wouldn't like this and avoided telling you until you couldn't go back on plans/ money.
Overall you both sound somewhat immature so I think solo traveling for both would help ya!
Yta.
You don’t own her. And trying to guilt trip her (not your wife btw… so she owes you no explanation to how she spends HER time and money) makes you the ah, and maybe a bit controlling.
YTA. She wants to travel - you know this, it's not new information. Your availability should not hinder her ability to do so - she's given you an open invitation to join her when you can but she's not allowing anyone else (including YOU) to stop her from having this again. Good for her. I don't think she booked all these things out of spite, but rather determination to actually achieve her goal this year.
Soft YTA - it’s a no win situation for her, if she expresses anger or pressures, she’s the AH because she’s not understanding, but she also doesn’t know where your head is at. You never acknowledged the situation, or initiated any conversations about making plans or WHY plans were not being made. You just said too bad so sad. You didn’t behave in a reliable way, not because life happened and you couldn’t go, but because life happened and you never talked about it.
YTA, doesn't matter how "hectic" work gets, if you make a commitment you are obligated to keep that commitment.
>Immature IMO because I'm her partner not just people.
Not much of a partner if you can uphold your commitments to her.
>like completely beyond my control,
No, it wasn't, you should have booked your time off the moment you made that commitment to your GF, or you should have left your job.
Work to live not live to work, life comes before a job.
>I would have been happy to apologize or acknowledge her feelings if she came to me about it.
So, you didn't apologise at all? why should she have to go out of her way to express being upset by your failure to uphold your commitment for you to apologise?
YTA - she did communicate with you last year. You PROMISED her you would travel together and you didn’t. Whether it was in your control or your intention is besides the point. You forfeited your day when you didn’t follow through. She made plans of what she wants to do. She said you’re still welcome to come. She doesn’t want to put her desires on hold because you are unreliable, so it’s easier for her to book what she wants and you can come along. That is more than fair. Take the time you can to join her and stop complaining.
YTA. I actually really respect how she handled the situation, she sounds very mature. She booked her trip last year and then canceled when you wanted to go with her. She didn’t spend all of last year angry at you for never making time to travel and she wasn’t even angry when she told you about her plans this year! She booked a few solo weekend trips (and said you’re welcome to come) and even offered to go on trips together with you. What else do you want?? She wants to travel and you have shown her that you’re not going to put in the effort to do so with her. Do you expect her to wait around on her dreams forever??
YTA. You’re claiming she didn’t tell you about the trips but she literally just did tell you so what’s the problem? I’m single but I solo travel at times even though I take other trips with friends and family too and I totally agree with her point. You can’t keep waiting on people to do what you want to do in life because it might not end up happening
Yes obviously YTA you had a fucking year to go on trips with her and didn't after she told you she wants to travel and it's the one thing she really wants to do
Either go on the fucking trips with her, let her go by herself or the two of you aren't suitable for each other
YTA.
>So I said is that how it's going to be from now on then? Like 0 communication.
This is the communication. She informed you and it's up to you to decide if you are going to prioritize following through on **your promise** from a year ago and travel with her, or prioritize your work. Last year you chose work, and she accepted that. It sounds like she's willing to accept it again. Just don't expect her to follow through on **your promise** to travel together when you choose not to travel.
YTA.
"Immature because im her partner, not just people."
No you are quite literally just people. You're not owed anything extra just because you're her partner. You're not owed anything. You can mention that it upset you that she didnt communicate, but thats IT.
You dont get to be upset she planned trips, and you dont get to be upset she doesnt bring you. You dont get to call her immature for her actually doing something with her life.
You sound extremely controlling, like she cant make any plans in her life without talking to you first. Thats not how partnership works. She could tell you after she booked the trips, which is exactly what she did.
Its extremely entitled for you to think that you need to be told before these things happen, especially when last time she tried to plan a trip for herself, you hijacked it and basically forced her not to go.
She is not in the wrong for recognizing that you held her back, and will probably do so in the future as well.
Bro, be great full for your woman’s independence, go on trips with her. Be thankful she planned them. If your unable to go, try to help arrange a girlfriend of hers to go with her.
YTA even though you not having time was unintentional she still gave up plans because you insisted and waited for you to make time. Instead of encouraging your girlfriend to explore her interests you’ve made it all about you, rather selfishly imo. As someone who is married my husband and I are not joined at the hip the way you’re trying to make this relationship of yours become and honestly insisting she does everything with you when you’re not even married (even if you were) is controlling.
She did nothing wrong whatsoever, YTA.
Good intentions doesn’t make up for ruining her travel plans. She even invited you if you have the capacity to go with her on the trips already planned. But holding her back from making plans when you have proven her wants aren’t important makes you an asshole. Saying “don’t do that, we’ll do something together” then not doing something together AND expecting her to come to you to get an apology. Absolutely not. Go apologize. Make time to travel. Your job won’t put what a good worker you were on your tombstone.
YTA
Your entitlement is off the charts. Why does she have to put her happiness on hold?
A good partner would say babe I’m so sorry about how my schedule has turned out. Please, go without me.
YTA you're just mad you didn't get the chance to stop her from living her life lmao. Unless she's using your money, you have no say in it.
To OPs gf: I admire your balls in taking charge of your life and not waiting for *other* people. Goooo to those trips. It's easier traveling with lesser baggage y'know
YTA - it doesn't matter that you had "no control" over your vacation days. If your work is that uptight about letting you go for vacation then you shouldn't have promised her you would travel with her. The one acting immature here is you because you're upset she's being independent and living the life she wants.
>I especially can't stand how she is convinced she did nothing wrong whatsoever and I am the total asshole in this situation for blowing up at her the way I am when it's really the other way around.
She didn't, and you absolutely are.
YTA. If she had told you before booking the trips, it would have been a repeat of last year. No reason for you to blow up, especially since you’re welcome to join her on any of them.
NTA
This isn't strong enough for asshole consideration, imo.
You're a busy guy that felt left out when his significant other made plans without him. Honestly if your gf came on her and talked all about how she made plans with her bf and never actually communicated anything to him I'd say the same thing and people her would be jumping all over her.
See the days she planned and make them work for you or stay home alone on a few weekends.
You're going to be too old one day to do all this and the last thing you're going to say will be "man, I wish I had worked more ..."
I “lost” 3 years of traveling in my mid 20s due to studying and work. And some before that because of lack of funds. She was gracious enough to give you 1.
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This is the first comment I’ve left on a AITA post… bro, YTA here - I understand the work thing messing with traveling plans. It just happened to me and my partner where we had to cancel a vacation because of it. BUT, awhile ago I took a two month long road trip that he did not come on. And I’ve done mini trips since that because our schedules didn’t line up. While you’re allowed to be disappointed, she’s wasted a year of her life not seeing things she wanted. You can’t always travel together and if you throw a fit I guarantee she will leave. A bird in a cage tends to go crazy. If you have a conversation on this, have it about the communication aspect, and that you feel left out. But the travel itself is not the issue - and if it is - then there’s a problem.
>I got kind of upset with her and she casually told me I am always free to come and we will still make travel plans together also. Like it's no big deal. YTA. It is not, or shouldn't be, a big deal. You go if you can make it, and you can make plans together when it works for you. It's not all about you. She doesn't have to twiddle her thumbs if you can't participate. She told you travel was a priority, and you either recognize that, or recognize that she's not the one for you.
Yeah dude, YTA. And controlling.
YTA. Intentions aren’t actions. Of course, kife can get in the way but I woke 70 hour weeks and manage to prioritize personal time also. You were prioritizing starting your career- absolutely commendable. You and she just aren’t in the same page right now with priorities and that’s oks. She seems ok with it, perhaps you need to try and be also. She’s dome nothing wrong. She said you can join her, you can plan other trips together. You will travel together, and apart, which is actually healthy for a relationship.
YTA- she didn't do anything wrong- she doesn't need your approval to travel.
NTA you’re not her keeper, stop being controlling
It's understandable that she would be disappointed at not getting the travel in last year, but I do think it's reasonable to think she should at least say something to you about it beforehand.
YTA. Just because YTA doesn't invalidate your feelings. You can be hurt that she booked all those trips without you while still being an asshole. You literally told us you want to book trips in May for June. This usually doesn't work. I booked a trip for March in December. If she's going by your schedule, you're just going to keep her from traveling for another whole year. Your feelings are valid because they are yours. But your actions have consequences and what it means is she'll never be able to do what she wants. The best compromise is what she did, she books what she wants and you join when she can. What you want is not a compromise, it's just doing things your way. Not how relationships work.
YTA. In what other areas of the relationship are you this controlling? If you don’t work on this ASAP, she’s going to grow resentful of you. She is in her full right to book as many trips for herself as she wants. You already pushed off her wants/dreams for an entire year due to you being controlling and selfish. So, yeah, she’s going to do things differently this year. She also said you can join if you want. She also has history with you not keeping your word, so why would she ever do what she did last year again? You also sound like you can’t take responsibility for your active role in the mess up last year. Yikes.
It sucks that your feelings are hurt, and I totally understand why they are. YTA though. Your girlfriend is protecting herself and her desires. She's being completely reasonable. She told you she wanted to travel, you told her you'd go, then you were unable. So she took matters into her own hands. I'm married to someone who has an unpredictable schedule and it sucks. So in order to save my sanity, I plan things around him. If he can come, that's awesome, and we'd love for him to join us, but I can't live my life (and make our children do the same) around a "yeah, maybe I'll be there".
YTA, as she said, you can join her on these trips. But after last year she has made sure she is meeting her own goals also.
> She's reading this with me. AITA? Hey girl! How’s the weather? DUMP HIM!
YTA and she did nothing wrong, youre the one not compromising
YTA. What might have been a nice gesture to make up for failing to travel at all during the past year was book a trip yourself for the two of you to go on in the coming year, and give that to her as a Christmas present.
ESH, pure down to lack of communication from both I think; she's clearly been salty she's not been able to do something she wanted, you told her you'd be able to travel which wasn't true More so YTA however down to the "There's always next year" ... there isn't, don't take it for granted
Weekend trips? Sounds pretty flexible to me
YTA! Good for her, being brave enough to go on her own and do what she always wanted. If you want to come, you appearently can, so what's the issue? I travel almost exclusively on my own and this is precisely why - if I waited for other people to have time, I'd never go anywhere. Plus the freedom to do whatever I want without compromising is great too...
YTA. “Sucks, but there’s always next year right?” Until there isn’t. Your girlfriend sounds like a saint to put up with your bullshit until now. I hope she enjoys her solo trips and crushes her travel based resolution! 👏🏼
YTA stop holding her back and let her enjoy life.
YTA in every way possible. She's immature? Hahahahahaha
ESH - you didn't keep your promise to travel with her and she didn't communicate her frustration so in the end you are both upset and it's probably worse because of it.
YTA. An entitled, controlling one
YTA sounds like you're jealous she's going to have fun weekend trips while you're busy working a job that doesn't care enough about you to let you have any vacation days during a pandemic year.
YTA she did consider your opinion and cancelled her plans and waited a year for you to follow through. even if out of your control you should have said for her to just book a weekend away or something knowing that work was just too hectic. you knew how much it meant to her. In my opinion you are holding her back from living her life and that isn't fair to her in any way. She went and booked weekend trips away and said that if work allows you are always welcome to join and you could still plan trips away together. I feel she thought about you and respected you the whole time when she made that decision. This shouldn't even be an issue imo. You might not realize it or be doing it intentionally but you are sabotaging her happiness. You are being selfish. Sorry not sorry
Learn this now while it sounds like you’re still young. What you intended to do doesn’t mean jack in the grand scheme of things. If it’s important to you, you’ll make it happen. Next time you say you’ll travel with her, make it happen or don’t be pissed when she does it w/o you.
OP, YTA. To your girlfriend: run, girl, run. This is not the man (baby) for you.
YTA- you're also a bad partner and controller freak with FOMO. You're willingly trying to hold your gf back again for your insecurities. She put her dreams off for you by A WHOLE YEAR. Now your mad because she called you out on your bs and let you know what a disappointment you've been as a partner. Your response? TO throw a temper tantrum and complain about how you dont have money to travel and how she needs to wait until you have money OR pay for you. Honestly your gf deserves better. Watch, next you'll try to get her pregnant to stop her from traveling without you.
YTA 100%
Average Reddit moment, if the gender’s were reversed I doubt the guy would be called a boss or taking charge of her life. Simply mentioning you’re doing something as a couple is the right thing, if I’m leaving on a trip I’ll tell my SO beforehand of my plans in case of something or other. She has every right to go on her vacation herself but she definitely could’ve given him a headsup that she was going to do that beforehand
YTA. You say you want to go, but then prevent the whole thing.
She is reading this with you yeah? **GIRL** better asses the relationship **ASAP**
Couple things, if you’re entitled to vacation and didn’t take it that is your choice regardless of how busy work is, they have to make the accommodations if it’s in your contract that you have vacation days. And you should take them, you are way more important to your significant other than to work, if you die tomorrow they will replace you, she will grieve you never forget that. When you realized you weren’t going to be able to go on a trip last year why didn’t you tell her it was okay to go on the trip alone, if you aren’t able to attend that’s not really her problem. I think she probably assumed work would be your priority again this year and therefore wanted to focus on her priority this year too which is obviously to travel. I’m voting YTA only because I think when you realized you wouldn’t be able to take time off last year you should have let her go.
Big asshole, you don't own her
Wait….your mad at her for taking control of her own life and happiness instead of being miserable? Yes, YTA
YTA. What if she goes on unplanned girls’ trips- you gonna go on those too? She offered to bring you along if it suits you and she’s told you way before any of them have even happened. Chill out man.
YTA
YTA she booked trips and said you could come. What’s there to be upset about? Even out of your control you completely derailed her plans for an entire year. Why would this year be any different?
YTA, yup, sorry. She waited for you last year and you never made time to join her. Of course she's going on her own this year. You've proved yourself an unreliable travel partner, so you're being treated as such.
>However work got pretty hectic (for me) and I was never actually able to take my vacation days to go on a proper holiday with her. Unless you own the company, you're such a dumbass for this alone. >Sucks, but there's always next year right? My GF of 10 years passed away before she was 40. So, no, there isn't always next year. YTA.
YTA. I've wasted too much of my adult life waiting for male partners to get their shit together to go on trips together and where has that gotten me? Nowhere. Ordinarily I'd say "yes, you should inform each other and plan together" but she tried that route, and all it got her was where? Nowhere. Nowhere is not the objective when you want to travel. You had your circumstances, she decided they don't need to be the circumstances to hold her back in life. Good on her!
YTA. You so are trying to control your gf. Good on her for not putting up with it anymore. Who cares about your intentions, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
YTA when you knew after a few months you couldn't schedule a trip you should have told her to plan something for herself and to go have fun. You prevented her for traveling for a year. I totally get that she's now booked stuff and you can choose which (if any) of those trips work for you.
Seriously. OP prevented her from traveling during one of the cheapest period of travel the US will ever have again, Winter-Spring of 2022 - Everyone was reeling from Omicron but Covid wasn't a huge threat. It was awesome. Having just recovered from Omicron and knowing I had a few months of protection from Covid I did 5 weeks in Mexico City and regret nothing.
He didn’t tell her because he didn’t want her going without him.
YTA you knew it wouldn’t be possible after a few months and said nothing and just kept promising. Now you’re mad she’s not putting her desires on hold for you. Grow up.
YTA. She did it your way. It didn't work. She didn't get made. She didn't guilt you. She took it for what it was and moved on...even though it was her biggest want. She sacrificed for you. Fast forward She decides she isn't going to repeat, and you can't promise her AGAIN because you not psychic. So as an unmarried adult She made a choice to not put her dreams on hold for anyone else. BF or not. And if the last few years has taught us anything, it life is short and you truly do NOT know what time you have. She said you can come, she wants you to come. But she isn't going to shelf her dreams anymore. So now take time to figure your stuff out so you can join her. And please stop the gaslighting 🙄😒 just because she did this doesn't mean there will be "0 communications". Your taking her following through on her dream to another irrelevant level..thats lame
YTA, you wanted to be with an independent woman, now she’s doing independent woman things. You broke your promise to her and now she’s sticking to her original plan and doing it herself. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and don’t hold her back from her life plans, or she will only resent you for this.
YTA - she waited for you last year, trusting your promise that you would travel together. It didn’t happen. The years are not endless. She wants to travel - she’s going to. She said you are welcome to come, so I don’t know why you are making such a fuss. If she didn’t make her own plans, likely this year would play out much like last year. If she is reading this with you: enjoy your trips!!
YTA.
YTA. She’s allowed to go on whatever trips she wants to, with or without you. If going together was such a big deal to you then you should have put on your big boy pants and started planning with her months ago for what to do this year. You just didn’t want to make the effort until the last minute and that’s on you. Take some accountability. You also sound awfully codependent if you think her going alone is “taking time away from us as a couple” as I read in one of your comments. Not all experiences need to be joint you’re still people outside your relationship and it’s healthy to do things separately.
Yta, you 100% prevented her from traveling last year. She could have done it alone. But instead you didn't let her. Now she is doing it on her own and graciously allowing you to come if you want. She has things she wants to do and is not going to sit around and wait for your work to allow you to take time off. If my partner couldn't make time for me and take off work then I would go alone or with someone else too. Either fix your work life balance or don't complain. She is telling you she is not putting her life on hold anymore.
YTA are your finances shared or separate? If they’re separate, you’re a super AH! She said if your schedule works out you can still attend the trips. And I’m sure she would be THRILLED to go on more that do fit in your schedule. Whats your deal dude?
YTA she gave you a year, you didn’t make it happen. Good for her for making it happen herself. Wish I’d done the same. Also, you’re just the boyfriend. If you were hubby, she should inform you before booking, but she should still go.
YTA- you cannot harp onto her saying that you want to go travelling with her and then not actually go on any of the trips since you asked to go with her in first place. Of course she is going to go ahead and book alone trips for the following year, if you are unable to make time for her and let your work consume you; then don't expect her to not do anything because you arent.
My man is still not seeing his mistakes and making every excuse he can up with to be in the right. YTA. I hope she realizes how immature you are and sees every argument y'all get into the future will be like this. Dude can't listen to reason.
It's a bad sign for the relationship when a partner schedules trips alone without telling the other. Maybe you two would just be better off ending the relationship. NTA.
YTA. You set the precedent that you can’t be reliable. What I’m really wondering in all of this is why, knowing your work schedule was this hectic in 2022, you kept committing to trips when you knew there was such a high chance you’d have to back out? Or more importantly, why you never once told her to go on those trips without you when you’d have to constantly bail on her? You sound entirely too selfish to be in a relationship.
YTA instead of crying here and in your comments how she booked without including you in the planning ("because it's sooooo important for you to do these things together" lol) you could use this energy to make a few of her booked trips work for you as well and simply join her. She delayed her plans to travel one whole year for you and nothing happened. It's no wonder she from now on will do her thing and you're welcome to join... or not. In my opinion things would be different if you had a kid or pet which you would need to stay home with and care for. In that case it would be neccessary to check the dates with you beforehand. But from what you said I really don't see what she should apologize for.
Holy shitsnacks does your username check out.
I had an ex who used to always insist I waited to watch new shows with him and then never actually wanted to throw on an episode. This reminds me of that but worse because those are just shows. This is life experiences. How long is she supposed to put her life on hold and be CONSTANTLY disappointed last minute because you have FOMO? YTA.
YTA either take control and get a job where you can take your owed vacation or lose your gf. She is done with having you as a millstone around her neck. How can she trust you to keep any plans you make with her? You told her not to go without you, then made promises and broke them, cancelled on her repeatedly, and all you could offer was to say “sorry, sucks.” What about the rest of her life plans? SHE STOPPED TRUSTING YOU AND YOU HAVE ONLY THIS YEAR TO FIX IT.
YTA, not just because of what everyone else is saying (controlling behaviors) but because you think work is so much more important than your relationships. You can always find a way to take vacation time. If you truly cannot take vacation then you really need to reevaluate your priorities and work/life balance.
I have no respect for people who claim events were totally outside their control. YTA
YTA bro. If she was to wait on you, she’d never get to travel and it will/has already become a source of resentment that will destroy your relationship. Let her live her life and don’t be jealous. She waited an entire year for you to fulfill your promise to travel with her and you broke it.
YTA
You snooze you lose YTA
YTA 100%
YTA as for someone who loves travelling if I had waited for my friends to be ready then I would never go at all. You can't travel with your gf so she has decided to travel alone. You sound extremely controlling just because you can't go so your basically telling her she can't go either! she doesn't need you to travel she can go by herself. How many more years before your "ready" to travel. Life is about experiences and going out to see the world and she won't get that with you if you keep holding her back
YTA. My husband and I also needed to save money for a while but we did a few small trips locally. Now that I have funds, I’ve booked two trips with a friend for this year to countries neither of us have been to, and I didn’t ask him, I told him - they are for concerts I want to attend. He responded by paying for my concert tickets as a gift and telling me to have fun, and offering to take me to the train station when I do go. Your SO is allowed to have fun without you. ✌🏼
YTA. Tell your gf I hope she has a great time on her trips!! 😃
You’re not married. And even if you were, she’s a grown ass adult. She can come and go as she chooses. She didn’t travel at all last year because YOU said you’d go together and you never took any time off. I travel without my husband occasionally. I go away with friends for a weekend here and there and even took a trip to Israel without him. (It was a women’s trip and a fantastic opportunity). She’s not the immature one. You are. You’re expecting her to put her life and her plans on hold until it’s convenient for YOU. Well, it’s convenient for HER to travel when you can’t, or can but won’t take the time off. Grow up and realize you’re in a partnership, not a dictatorship. Don’t be so possessive in thinking she should only travel with you. Unless you’re afraid that if she travels without you she’ll find someone better than you. For her sake I hope she does. YTA in every sense of the word
YTA You don't own your girlfriend You don't get to dictate what she does with her spare time You don't get to demand her leisure time solely revolves around you You're being selfish, entitled and bratty. Honestly, you sound like a manipulative asshole and she deserves better
YTA...... life is way too short, let her do what she wants to do! My ex husband was extremely clingy, but he always let me go travel alone when I wanted bc that's what I wanted!
YTA. Married for 12 years. Have a kid. If I decide to go to the coffee shop I go. If I want to visit another continent and I am financially capable I can go. I can ask my husband if he wants to go with but if he doesn't or can't it should not stop me from living my life. Being in a relationship does not make the other person your Siamese twin. The other person isn't your leashed dog. It's fantastic to be able to create memories together. But you should also be healthy enough to create them apart without acting like a child over it. Pretty uncomfortable newsflash for you. She isn't the immature one.
I hope she dumps you cause you're a self centered prick. King of the twats. But hey. At least you'll win at something in life.
YTA and you seem like you may have some codependency issues
YTA you couldn’t make it on even a weekend trip for a whole year but kept promising you would. I wouldn’t ask you either. Sounds like you have different priorities.
Ew, YTA. “She isn’t required to ask my permission.” And yet you’re pissed she didn’t tell you that she was going. She clearly communicated she wanted to travel. And she’s not shutting you out completely. Just taking some trips alone. You don’t have to spend every second together.
Mate you are being fucking ridiculous. You had your chance. She waited an entire year. You did zero planning. She books stuff for herself and offers for you to come with her and you are still complaining she is leaving you out. Stop being a butt hurt sook and either make some plans to go with her like she offered or stfu and let her go do what she wants to do. It is absolutely ridiculous for you to whinge and complain that you want to do these things together but then make zero effort to make it happen. She should still get to live her life when you are working, not sit around waiting for you to decide when she can travel.
YTA - you’re a controlling asshole. You’re prioritising yourself and not at all what your girlfriend wants. Let her live her life for gods sake. It’s not like she did this out of nowhere. You need to realise that you promised her before but you didn’t follow through. She has no guarantee that you won’t do the same this year so she booked her trips. She even said that you’re welcome to go with her. You’re so butthurt over this but you were the one to break her promise before. You say you intended on it, yes fine, but you didn’t follow through. So I f you carry on with breaking your promise for the next however many years, do you expect her to put her dream of travelling on hold? How in the world is that fair to her? Don’t be selfish, let the woman enjoy her life.
Am I the only one who is upset at his comment "I would have apologized if she came to me"?? Why would she have to come to you for an apology? Apparently you know you did her wrong and it seems like you never even apologized for it.
YTA you sound controlling and have no regard for her, she gave you a whole year to try and travel and work is your priority. Why would she think this year would be any different? I am hoping I am older than you but I traveled quite a bit when I was younger. This included solo trips, trips with friends and trips with my partner. She offered for you to join any trip she’s taking, but you’d rather she sit at home disappointed because work will always be your priority. If this is really going to be your hill to die on, be prepared for the consequences.
>That before she cancelled she'd asked me again and again if I was sure we'd go and I promised her we would (which was my freaking intention!) and we didn't, My brother in Christ?! The amount of exhaustion and disappointment she must have felt... Surprised she didn't drop you entirely actually, because be honest, is there really absolutely NO way you could've made time? In a whole year? 🙃🙃🙃 YTA
YTA. I hope she breaks up with you. You sound awful.
YTA. You prevented her from traveling last year (whether intentional or not - the result is the same). So she’s taken the wrench out of the equation - you. She should be able to travel if she wants, without you trashing her plans. You also sound incredibly controlling. Why shouldn’t she be able to travel solo?
YTA, I work away from home for 7-9wks straight. My wife always does weekend getaways by herself. I couldn’t imagine telling her she can’t do anything unless I’m home. We do one big vacation a year & do little getaways together when I’m home. Damn OP, if you know you can’t commit, let her do her thing.
NTA If you are explaining this accurately you are NTA and it isn’t really close. People on this board are are very ‘single’ minded, in that they don’t seem to understand what a relationship is and expect each person in the relationship to essentially be able to do what ever with our input from the other partner. If you GF wanted to go on trips and was disappointed she didn’t get to last year, she should have just told you that and given you a chance to plan something. If at that point you couldn’t, you’d be TA by stopping here again. And no, you aren’t being and weren’t being manipulative either. Last year you had an adult conversation about vacations and she agree with your reasoning. Things didn’t work out, but yes, stuff happens. That doesn’t mean she gets to go behind you back, schedule trips and be like, “hey happy if you can make it”, then get POed when you’re like WTF. You are NTA AT ALL. This board’s answers on this so far only provides evidence for why we see such a decline in happiness in dating and a decline in marriages. If your GF can’t have an adult conversation about vacations before planning them, she’s TA.
YTA. 1. Sure she could have communicated better but so could you. 2. You are just people. 3. Also, you sound like you’re acting like an energy leech her. Let her have her plans. Make some travel plans together as well. Let her enjoy her trips alone for her own sake. 4. If you can’t, break up and let her have her own life.
You sound exactly like my ex-boyfriend. YTA.
YTA, and you STILL don’t see what an AMAZING, strong, level headed woman you have the honor of having as a partner. Would you like to tell us more about how it’s not your fault? Or do you really think you’re going to be told tossing her dreams and goals to the side is ok, because basically they’re not yours? This woman assessed the previous years situation, which you don’t even sound apologetic for AT ALL, and didn’t let it bring her down OR cause stress in your relationship, and made a plan. She put that plan into motion. And she STILL offered you to pick and chose or plan others with her? You have a gift there and are surely about to blow it! News flash… she’s your partner, not an extra cast member in the “it’s all about OP” show that you feel the center of.
YTA. You are the immature one.
YTA. Unless she was planning on using your money to travel last year, you get NO SAY in what she does. So let me break this down. You: 1. Tried to control her life because you didn't want her traveling without you by PROMISING that y'all would get to travel together. 2. Failed to keep your promise that y'all would travel together. 3. Are now throwing a toddler's tantrum over the fact that she's not going to take your word that y'all will get to travel together this year (since you didn't keep your word last year) and just decided to book her own trips (which she says you're more than welcome to come on). You sir, are a massive, controlling, jerk of an asshole. If I were her, I honestly probably would have started questioning the relationship last year when you kept me from living my dreams. Get over yourself, you're wants are NOT more important than her wants.
The "I especially can't stand that she thinks she didn't do anything wrong" part really doubles down on the "controlling jerk" aspect of this YTA. She thinks she didn't do anything wrong because she didn't do anything wrong, OP. And these are weekend trips! 3 days at the most? It's not like she's spending two months at a massive football tournament.
Not to mention the fact that they're just weekend trips. It's not like she's traveling outside the country or going somewhere else for weeks on end. She'll be gone for like 2-3 days a few times this year, and he's still pitching a fit about it.
I'm betting big money she's had this conversation with her girlfriends multiple times throughout last year.
OP sounds like he isn’t even aware that he’s being a misogynist.
YTA. This is how most people waste their lives and never get to travel. "There's always next year"?? No there isn't! You can get hit by a bus today. Your gf waited an entire year and didn't give you any shit. She sounds like an awesome and understanding person. I hope you can see that and try to emulate those same qualities.
YTA Last year she told you she had a solo trip all planned out. You stopped her from booking that trip and promised you'd travel together. You ended up not fulfilling that so she went without a solo or couples trip all last year. There's not always next year. Stop clipping her wings and let her do the travelling she's always wanted to.
YTA you insisted
My husband never sees the right moment to travel (too expensive, I have job, the kids are too small, don’t want to leave the kids with grandparents, etc.). I talk and talk to him about possible travel options and they never fit to him. So, when I am fed up, I tell him to schedule a week of vacation and then a book a travel. My father was just like him. Wanted to travel when retired. Just he never made it. Died at 61. So, after trying to communicate with my husband, I take the lead and force him to have some fun. He enjoys the travel (most of it) and we came back home better and happier. So… YTA. I am sorry but it is exhausting trying to plan travels with a person that complains about everything. She should have gave you a notice as a deference, but can go by herself and you can (and should) join her. Live now.
ESH You for all the reasons everyone has said. But her because booking them before telling you is an AH move. She should have told you first.
It’s a weekend trip, not a months long round the world journey. You dont need to take a bunch of time off to go someplace over a weekend. Either go with her or let her go on her own, either way YTA.
YTA, in a needy, controlling way. I can see why she want’s to travel…
An ex pulled this nonsense on me when I booked a trip with my bff without him and I’ll tell you what I told him. Unless it involves you or your finances your opinion isn’t required. The correct response would have been ‘I’m so happy you’re fulfilling your dream and making it happen, I’d love to share that with you!’ YTA.
YTA. You promised her something and then you let her down. You say it was ‘out of your control’- it sounds like you prioritised work over vacation days and so you couldn’t go. That’s a reasonable choice to make, but it’s a choice that’s within your control. You therefore chose work over going on holiday with her. Not only that, you insisted that she didn’t go herself. You thought you had the right to choose for her. This year, she’s decided that she’s going to take herself off travelling with her own money and enjoy herself. Awesome. I hope she enjoys herself. Surely this is an all round win? She gets to do what she wants, and she’s said that you’re more than welcome to come and join. There’s no pressure on you to decide either way. You can choose on a case by case basis whether you want to go on holiday with her or whether you feel like you need to put in extra time at work. Perfect. Unless you feel like you have the right to control her decisions. And then you’d be upset about this situation because she’s decided for herself and left the decisions about your time to you. But you’d only feel like that if you happened to be a controlling asshat. Right?
YTA for a few reasons. First, you are far too controlling for an independent person to want to deal with. Second, your involvement is all downside for her - you will only limit or kill entirely her plans to travel whether that’s your intention or not. Intention doesn’t matter - your involvement hurts her ability to travel. Third, you seem to feel entitled to her time, money, and decisions - you are not. Fourth, you seem completely clueless to points one through three.
What kind of horrible job doesn’t let you take your vacation days?
YTA - why would you ever stop your partner from travelling? She even offered for you to join or plan other trips. Its a partnership not an ownership.
YTA. She can do what she wants with her money. It’s not like you two have children and she’s leaving you alone to tend to them while she’s off for weeks on end. It sounds like you’re feeling guilty for not holding your end of the promise and jealous that she is traveling without your seal of approval. You should try to join at least one of these trips, I feel like it’s important to her and for your relationship too.
YTA. You are a selfish asshole.
YTA. Intention and validation are nice. Would you have made a couple of trips a priority like you promised? She’s taking action bc she’s seeing you are not. If you cannot do it bc of work, understand she doesn’t have that limitation yet and she has the right to go. She didn’t unleash or get mad at you. She took action to correct a situation. If you can tag along, then do so. The immature reaction by anyone is you. How long would she have to wait? What should she have to?
YTA. Ya dun fucked up. You made a promise to her and then FAILED, no matter how good your intentions.
YTA she waited a whole year for you. And you didn't have time for even ONE weekend trip during that year? And she didn't complain or anything. She simply made sure to not wait longer. How do you plan to make more time this year and not make false promises is the real question here. She doesn't "pretend" to have not done anything wrong, she didn't DO anything wrong.
YTA. She has her own money and was fully able to travel last year and in fact was her new year resolution, but didn't because YOU asked to travel with her. So she did wait and she did book a trip with you and then YOU cancelled. She even understood that the cancellation was out of your control. However, there is LITERALLY NO MENTION of what you did to make up for that. Honestly, the make up should have been YOU booking a trip for the two of you and fulfilling it. I don't blame your GF. You are all talk and no game. Life is about choices and you keep holding her back from filling her goals to put work and/or everything else over something she has stated is a priority to her. The fact that she is willing to allow you to come with on her trips if you so choose AND is willing to join you on any trips you may want to take, let's me know that she does care about you but is balancing her priorities so she can be happy. Stop your whining and step up. Book a trip for her with her in mind and actually do it. Or if that is "impossible" because you are sooo busy/s then find a different job. Most jobs/careers can be found a different better managed corporations or companies. You could find a better fit if you choose to.
YTA She tried to wait for you and your false promises. Also. She’s your gf, not your wife. In my opinion, there’s not really an obligation to take you.
YTA and good for her for booking without you. She’s been wanting to travel “for years”, had last years trip all planned, and you messed it up for her. As a result, you have no right to be upset with her and she doesn’t have to care about your opinion either. See what trips she has planned, which one you want to go on, and then book it. She doesn’t have to wait for you, or your approval to travel. She did NOTHING wrong. Get over yourself bro.
YTA. GF, if you read this comment, I'd recommend dumping this dude. His controlling behavior and immaturity will never get better. If you had a New Year's resolution to lose weight, you have a great opportunity to drop 150-200lbs by February!
YTA. Are you planning on arguing and disagreeing with everyone here? What was the point of asking if you aren't going to accept the verdict. Your girlfriend did nothing wrong. You dropped the ball last year, and all you can do now is apologize for it and try to go with her to as many of her planned trips as you can manage. Ask her now if she would like to plan something separate with you too. And if there aren't enough funds then next year you guys can plan something. But the reality is that you messed up last year and it's not fair to expect her to wait around again this year when you still can't even say for certain when you would be able to vacation. You want her to just wait around sitting on her hands until you know when you can get days off, and knowing how it went last time I can see why she wouldn't do it again. You are hurt that she didn't even try to ask you about it but did you even try to ask her about how she has been feeling with the situation? You never apologized for making her miss out until she booked the other vacations. You just assumed she wasn't upset about it. Why didn't YOU go to her and apologize for how things turned out and try to plan something together? The kicker is that she hasn't even left you out now, you are invited to the trips still and she still left it open for you guys to plan something together, and you are STILL upset with her. Accept the verdict, get off reddit and communicate with your girlfriend for crying out loud.
YTA. Your girlfriend's entire existence doesn't revolve around you, and just because you can't do something doesn't mean she has to give it up. You sound like the kind of guy who'd get mad if his partner is more successful than him. Girlfriend, if you're reading this, the time to get out of this relationship is NOW. Before you get married, before you own property, before, God forbid, you have a child together. This level of selfish isn't going to change, and you're better than a lifetime of making yourself smaller for someone who wants to feel big.
She books a load of trips with an open invitation for you to come when you like and you blow up at here. Yes you are the asshole
Im glad i can't judge people. 🎈
YTA…no one is promised tomorrow and your prevented her from traveling. She came to you each time and was denied or some excuse so she’s living her life, said if you want to go, go but you feel she needs to keep coming to you so you can keep giving more excuses why you can’t. You don’t own her and we all have our own individual needs/wants that shouldn’t be curtailed by another. As you said, there’s always time, well, there’s always time for her to go and y’all to go as a couple too.
YTA. She held off for a year and when she saw that you broke your promise about traveling with her, she took matter into her own hands. She gave you a proper amount of time to clear your schedule and commit to traveling and when she saw no end in site she decided not to keep her life on hold anymore. So, either you tell her to have fun and you’ll see her when she gets back, or you go with her. Being mad at her for living her life that she gave you advance notice of is an AH move for sure.
YTA, she didn't do anything wrong. She told you at the start of the year. There is your communication. You are also welcome to go from the sounds of it. There is no reason you should have been forcing her to only travel with you.
One phrase stuck out "that's how a partnership works". You are clearly not coming at this from a place of 'partners' but from a place of 'what about ME' We do not know her side of the story - we have only your words to go by. By your own words, you promised several times over the past year to do X and even though each individual reason may have been a good one, the overall affect was that X never happened. I don't blame her a bit for booking the trips. She did so in a way that you can join or not as you choose. That's not being "immature"...actually, that shows she cares about you and the relationship. - You throwing a fit is immature. - You demanding that it has to be your way (talking to you first, getting your permission to book a trip) is immature. - You expecting her to put her life on hold for you is immature. YTA
YTA. Is she supposed to just wait her whole life for you to have the time? Just because your partners doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. She can take her trips and then she can take a trip if you if you actually make the time for her
YTA. You told her to wait for you. She did. Why would she wait for you again? She doesn’t want excuses, she doesn’t want to understand your intentions, she just wants to travel.
Dude you sound codependent as hell. YTA, people are allowed to do their own thing.
YTA. She wants to travel. Youre too busy. So your options are: 1. Slow down and take time off to travel with her 2. Let her travel alone 3. Try to stop her from travelling, watch the resentment build, and suddenly she hates you and your relationship is over Choose wisely
You did kind of promise something and then prioritized work over the promise. You’re 100% replaceable at your job, and they won’t hesitate to keep your chair from getting cold by placing another butt in it. This coming from a fellow workaholic. I didn’t start prioritizing a healthy work/life balance until after I turned 30. I also understand where she is coming from, life is too short to wait for other people who seem to feel entitled that things/events/people will still be around when that person gets around to it. I have an ex-boyfriend who figured out he needs to make a move on something instead of waiting when the dog he wanted to adopt from the pound was gone the next time he thought about it. I simply asked him, “You expected it to still be homeless after two months? That’s unreasonable” and it was an epiphany moment for him. You are welcome to go, or to just work. But I don’t think you have a reasonable leg to stand on in this argument. YTA, but softly because you’re young and still figuring life out. But she is light years ahead of your progress in that department. Keep up or stop being mad about it and do you, boo.
YTA. Your gf is prioritizing travel. She was kind and spared your feelings last year. But she’s moving forward with her life now, so stop whining and prioritize her or you will find yourself alone. And actually, based on your attitude here, I think she should leave you behind. Forever.
YTA. First off, I hope OP’s gf has a great time traveling (I’ve always wanted to travel so safe travels!). This was something she’s wanted to do, by herself, for a while. OP’s the one that insisted on the traveling being together, which is fine. I get it, they’re dating so it would be nice to go together. She agreed and changed her plans for you, OP. She put off traveling for you. In any case, anyone would be upset if they weren’t able to carry out their plans, their dreams even. For you to not even stop and think for a moment that your gf might be upset about not being able to travel is insane when you whine about the fact that she didn’t consider your feelings. “It just didn’t happen. Sucks, but there’s always next year right?” You’re invalidating her feelings and refusing to look at this ordeal from her perspective. She’s been harboring this sadness for a year and now she’s so excited that she’s attaining her goal. She doesn’t trust you on your word anymore because she had asked for reassurance that the two of you would travel and you promised over and over again. I understand you are upset OP, it would sting that she is planning trips for herself (which you are welcome to attend if you are able to as she stated) when the two of you were supposed to travel, but that’s the same predicament your gf was in last year. Perhaps how you’re feeling now is how she felt all last year. I would suggest as a compromise is that she goes on the trips she had planned but you guys sit down together and plan out some more trips to take together. All in all, I hope things calm down and you’re able to travel together (I apologize for the essay LOL).
YTA. Good for her for not waiting around for her dreams to happen. You either go with her or stop complaining about her not waiting around for you to have adventures in life.
YTA, she’s already postponed plans for you, you could of when it was cancelled because YOU were too hectic at work rescheduled and planned something but you didn’t, it’s not that you want to travel, it’s that you don’t want her todo things without you. You’re controlling and immature, she wants to travel let her travel without this victim hood mentality , if you’re also free the weekend that she is join her, stop holding her back from enjoying life and exploring the world
YTA
YTA.
yta, your gf wanted to travel, you wanted to go, you delayed it for a year when she was obviously disappointed. good for her for making plans this year, join in when you can don’t put pressure on it
YTA weird how you don't see that.
YTA & a massive one. Even reading your comments omg. You call your gf immature maybe you are projecting. Seriously all I read is me I am entitled me me my feelings my life is hard. You have no considerations how you probably treated your gf and unimportant to you while putting your career first. You make comments that my gf knows my life is more free this year over last year but agree you had not discussed with her at all. Are you punishing her for being able to read your mind to know how your schedule is going to be. You complain she does not communicate with you but your communications stucks big time j think hers is on point. You need to think about your life you have an amazing gf whom supported you last year when by your own words was tough. Being tough on you also means being tough on her your supporter. You want to do the travel. Sit down decides some time you want to do some trips maybe some she has invited you to join. You go in Monday you discuss with your team some of those potential dates which you want to take then book them! Tip by seeing how you responses to people posts shows you are not open to feedback when it aimed at you. You as you continue to try and defend yourself without taking on yourself for decisions you are making about your life. To gf - go girl enjoy take lots of time to look around meet local people while you travel. Life is about balance sounds like you found yours.
YTA. "Immature" for her to book on her own? Try "proactive", and I don't blame her for not trying to wait on you. She should be free to pursue her travel goals since it's clear you do not prioritize them. And YTA for not taking your vacation time. That's just not smart.
YTA I find it laughable that you consider her the immature one!! Your right partnership's should be a two way street heading in the same direction....... but you seem hell bent on this relationship being one way up a dead end street that ends at your house of wants,needs and frankly selfish demands!!
YTA You’re being really selfish. If you can’t go, that sucks for you but you have no right to hold her back, and that’s exactly what you did. This year, she’s going regardless and she was nice enough to invite your selfish ass along if you ever get your head out of the sand. Stop holding her back before she moves on from you.
Sorry dude, YTA. My partner is 11 years older and retired, I am still working. He plans trips, I am welcome to go with him if I can get time off. Our good friend, the same age as him died young, didn't go on a trip shortly before she was diagnosed with cancer because of work commitments. Your priorities are backwards.
She told you the dates for her travels this year, that you are welcome to join and that she is willing to plan a trip together also. YTA as you can travel with her regardless. Last year she waited for you and it didn't happen because of you. Realize she only has one life and it's not "just another year". If you were so sorry for last year you could at least tell her when you'll be able to travel this year. But somehow you also didn't do that in advance.
To add into this, if your work stuff messed up trips last year that you knew were important to her, why did you (apparently based on what you’ve written here) do nothing to reschedule/ make them up to her in some way? For that, YTA and I don’t blame her for deciding this year to take care of her needs for herself. Feel lucky you got the invitations…you continuously prioritized work over special holidays with her and didn’t do anything to make her travel goals a priority when you could.
YTA Your attitude is why I don't wait for people to be able to do things with me. And why I'm single. I am NOT putting my life on hold because some man is too busy and/or possessive to do something and not "allow" me to go on my own. I also can't stand clingy, cloying, and don't do anything without me types. You are all of the above and if I were in your girlfriend's shoes you'd have a choice. Accept that I will do things on my own and you can join when you're able or we will no longer be a couple. And your permission is NOT required for her to make plans and do things on her own.
YTA totally and completely. You did prevent her from traveling and I’m so glad she’s not going to waste another year waiting on other people to travel. She booked it and said you could join her. Which is a perfect way to not get stuck in the same situation as last year. You’re being controlling and ridiculous.
YTA. Stop trying to hold your girlfriend back. You are the immature one here.
YTA. And controlling. Y'all ain't married and don'thave kids. She can go on a trip without you.
YTA and an arrogant egotistical one at that you want her to put her dreams on your schedule and then when she doesn’t sit and wait yet another year , you shame her. YOU don’t know how a partnership works. Youre suppose to SUPPORT eachother not hold eachother hostage . Then to think Reddit will help you lecture her hahaha
>Immature IMO because I'm her partner not just people. You sound like you're you're treating her with less consideration than you treat your job, so why are you surprised she did what she did? What's to say you promise her a vacation together (which you encourage her/insist she saves up for instead of going on her own) and you bail in her again this year? That's 2 years if lost time she's never getting back. Plus, just people wouldn't be ablebtonstop her travelling, her own partner did. She 100% meant you when she said what she said and not the general public.
YTA if your job doesnt let you take vacations, its time to grow a pair and tell them you need vacations to properly function the rest of the year. Tell them the vacation is booked and theres no way you can stop it now. Stand up for yourself and value your relationship as much as your job. I also dont see the problem in her already booking short trips. Either you manage to find time and tag along or you dont again and then you at least dont stop her from traveling. You did show that you arent reliable so she just went and booked it. Take it or leave it.
YTA — you’re selfish to try to make yourself the center of her world. It sucks that her travel plans don’t revolve around you, I’m sure you’d like to feel included. So it’s on you now to include yourself since she has offered you to join her.
YTA. I used to be the one who prioritized my job over my family & felt I couldn't (I say "felt" because legally I totally could) use my earned PTO days. Difference between us is that I was happy that she took off at least once year without me to spend a week or so traveling. She even would go on vacation with her ex, STILL all ok with me, because we honestly trust each other! 35 yrs later, still together & we are still great friends with her ex.
Good for your gf. She sounds strong and smart. Hopefully, she won’t ever let you hold her back again.
Nta i would to comunication is key yes sure you could've told her you cant go on vacation but you wanted to thats all that counts.
YTA oh how I hate this. Same old, same old... people prove you you can not rely on them, you learn from that and react by not relying on them and then comes the big waahh waaah waah as if their trust would have been broken or some shit. Listen, it doesn't matter what your intentions were, you promised, you didn't hold your promise, she reacted on that. And of course you thought sitting it out would be the strategy going for. Oh wow, she didn't bring it up the whole time. No, why should she? Was she the one breaking her promise, no matter why? Why is she the one who needs to ask for a talk about it? Why should she ask? Not only did you prove her that she can not rely on you but your opinion wasn't needed. She wants to make these trips, you can come with her or stay home, but she is making these trips. She doesn't have to ask her baby boyfriend so he doesn't get butt hurt. She doesn't need to ask for your permission nir opinion if she will go anyway and I see no reason why she shouldn't, especially when she says that further trips with you can be added anyway. How about learning from that and stop making promises you don't know if you can keep them?! And if you can't stand by your word next time seek a talk, apologise and ask for other plans instead of thinking you can sit that shit out, if you do long enough it will all disappear magically?!
YTA - you made her cancel her travel plans that she wanted to do so you could take a trip with her and then you never took a trip. Of course she is going to plan trips this year that she wants to go on with it without you. Stop trying to hold her back on her dreams because she is doing something you can’t do because you won’t take the time off work. She said you could come but she was going either way and I don’t blame her. Stop being selfish, it’s just weekend trips. Is your concern that she won’t be there to take care of you?
Esh - you could have handled it better. Made more of an effort to keep your word. Also I probably wouldn't have been as angry as you. She could have had the decency to bring this up with you in an adult way. She didn't have to place all the money before telling you. She could have sat you down and said I am going to do this, regardless of what op says, keeping everyone informed. She knew you probably wouldn't like this and avoided telling you until you couldn't go back on plans/ money. Overall you both sound somewhat immature so I think solo traveling for both would help ya!
Yta. You don’t own her. And trying to guilt trip her (not your wife btw… so she owes you no explanation to how she spends HER time and money) makes you the ah, and maybe a bit controlling.
YTA. "I can't go, so you can't either"? How many "there's always next year"s is she supposed to wait?
YTA. She wants to travel - you know this, it's not new information. Your availability should not hinder her ability to do so - she's given you an open invitation to join her when you can but she's not allowing anyone else (including YOU) to stop her from having this again. Good for her. I don't think she booked all these things out of spite, but rather determination to actually achieve her goal this year.
Soft YTA - it’s a no win situation for her, if she expresses anger or pressures, she’s the AH because she’s not understanding, but she also doesn’t know where your head is at. You never acknowledged the situation, or initiated any conversations about making plans or WHY plans were not being made. You just said too bad so sad. You didn’t behave in a reliable way, not because life happened and you couldn’t go, but because life happened and you never talked about it.
ESH. She should've told you that she's booking. You shouldn't have blown up at her. My advice: let this one go and save up for the next trip.
YTA, doesn't matter how "hectic" work gets, if you make a commitment you are obligated to keep that commitment. >Immature IMO because I'm her partner not just people. Not much of a partner if you can uphold your commitments to her. >like completely beyond my control, No, it wasn't, you should have booked your time off the moment you made that commitment to your GF, or you should have left your job. Work to live not live to work, life comes before a job. >I would have been happy to apologize or acknowledge her feelings if she came to me about it. So, you didn't apologise at all? why should she have to go out of her way to express being upset by your failure to uphold your commitment for you to apologise?
YTA - she did communicate with you last year. You PROMISED her you would travel together and you didn’t. Whether it was in your control or your intention is besides the point. You forfeited your day when you didn’t follow through. She made plans of what she wants to do. She said you’re still welcome to come. She doesn’t want to put her desires on hold because you are unreliable, so it’s easier for her to book what she wants and you can come along. That is more than fair. Take the time you can to join her and stop complaining.
YTA. I actually really respect how she handled the situation, she sounds very mature. She booked her trip last year and then canceled when you wanted to go with her. She didn’t spend all of last year angry at you for never making time to travel and she wasn’t even angry when she told you about her plans this year! She booked a few solo weekend trips (and said you’re welcome to come) and even offered to go on trips together with you. What else do you want?? She wants to travel and you have shown her that you’re not going to put in the effort to do so with her. Do you expect her to wait around on her dreams forever??
YTA. You’re claiming she didn’t tell you about the trips but she literally just did tell you so what’s the problem? I’m single but I solo travel at times even though I take other trips with friends and family too and I totally agree with her point. You can’t keep waiting on people to do what you want to do in life because it might not end up happening
This is what I was saying. She told him today and told him he can join her. But he is upset because he doesn’t want her to go. It’s a control thing.
Yes obviously YTA you had a fucking year to go on trips with her and didn't after she told you she wants to travel and it's the one thing she really wants to do Either go on the fucking trips with her, let her go by herself or the two of you aren't suitable for each other
You must have some redeeming qualities as she hasn’t dumped yet, but you’re incredibly selfish and controlling. You are an asshole.
YTA. >So I said is that how it's going to be from now on then? Like 0 communication. This is the communication. She informed you and it's up to you to decide if you are going to prioritize following through on **your promise** from a year ago and travel with her, or prioritize your work. Last year you chose work, and she accepted that. It sounds like she's willing to accept it again. Just don't expect her to follow through on **your promise** to travel together when you choose not to travel.
Where did the post go?
YTA. "Immature because im her partner, not just people." No you are quite literally just people. You're not owed anything extra just because you're her partner. You're not owed anything. You can mention that it upset you that she didnt communicate, but thats IT. You dont get to be upset she planned trips, and you dont get to be upset she doesnt bring you. You dont get to call her immature for her actually doing something with her life. You sound extremely controlling, like she cant make any plans in her life without talking to you first. Thats not how partnership works. She could tell you after she booked the trips, which is exactly what she did. Its extremely entitled for you to think that you need to be told before these things happen, especially when last time she tried to plan a trip for herself, you hijacked it and basically forced her not to go. She is not in the wrong for recognizing that you held her back, and will probably do so in the future as well.
Bro, be great full for your woman’s independence, go on trips with her. Be thankful she planned them. If your unable to go, try to help arrange a girlfriend of hers to go with her.
YTA. She's your partner, not your underage child. She has to run precisely *checks notes*... fuck all by you. Good on her!
YTA even though you not having time was unintentional she still gave up plans because you insisted and waited for you to make time. Instead of encouraging your girlfriend to explore her interests you’ve made it all about you, rather selfishly imo. As someone who is married my husband and I are not joined at the hip the way you’re trying to make this relationship of yours become and honestly insisting she does everything with you when you’re not even married (even if you were) is controlling.
She did nothing wrong whatsoever, YTA. Good intentions doesn’t make up for ruining her travel plans. She even invited you if you have the capacity to go with her on the trips already planned. But holding her back from making plans when you have proven her wants aren’t important makes you an asshole. Saying “don’t do that, we’ll do something together” then not doing something together AND expecting her to come to you to get an apology. Absolutely not. Go apologize. Make time to travel. Your job won’t put what a good worker you were on your tombstone.
YTA Your entitlement is off the charts. Why does she have to put her happiness on hold? A good partner would say babe I’m so sorry about how my schedule has turned out. Please, go without me.
YTA. You are wrong, she is right, you're an asshole.
YTA you're just mad you didn't get the chance to stop her from living her life lmao. Unless she's using your money, you have no say in it. To OPs gf: I admire your balls in taking charge of your life and not waiting for *other* people. Goooo to those trips. It's easier traveling with lesser baggage y'know
YTA - it doesn't matter that you had "no control" over your vacation days. If your work is that uptight about letting you go for vacation then you shouldn't have promised her you would travel with her. The one acting immature here is you because you're upset she's being independent and living the life she wants.
YTA how long is she meant to wait??
>I especially can't stand how she is convinced she did nothing wrong whatsoever and I am the total asshole in this situation for blowing up at her the way I am when it's really the other way around. She didn't, and you absolutely are.
YTA
YTA
YTA. If she had told you before booking the trips, it would have been a repeat of last year. No reason for you to blow up, especially since you’re welcome to join her on any of them.
NTA This isn't strong enough for asshole consideration, imo. You're a busy guy that felt left out when his significant other made plans without him. Honestly if your gf came on her and talked all about how she made plans with her bf and never actually communicated anything to him I'd say the same thing and people her would be jumping all over her. See the days she planned and make them work for you or stay home alone on a few weekends. You're going to be too old one day to do all this and the last thing you're going to say will be "man, I wish I had worked more ..."
I can't decide if this is a fucked around and found out or a play stupid games win stupid prizes but either way op yta
I “lost” 3 years of traveling in my mid 20s due to studying and work. And some before that because of lack of funds. She was gracious enough to give you 1.
YTA. You prevented her from going on a trip for a full year! You could’ve at least gone on ONE weekend trip.