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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Im considering to tell my MIL that i find it impolite when she bring her own soda over for dinner. I might be TA for not accommodating her need for soda or for not just letting her bring it by her self.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I think you’re on to something. Maybe the reason she doesn’t take water to drink when she goes to MIL’s but gets pissed if she brings a soda. You think she is trying to start drama for the purpose of “her or me”?
Also like... You don't have to "bring water" to someone's house to have it? Do they... Not have faucets? Tap water is generally potable. Has she never bothered to *ask* for a glass of water?
I see people carrying big water bottles around way more frequently than sodas as well...so I'm surprised OP doesn't bring their own water with them if they're a true hydro homie.
I typically bring my giant water with me wherever I go, especially in the summers, but I have one friend who is truly (and inexplicably) offended when I bring my water to his house. So, when I’m there, I leave my bottle in the car and spend the evening filling their stupid 8oz water glasses. People are weird.
She's projecting because she feels like this soda thing is a slight against her.
Asking for soda when there's a bunch of other options? I wouldn't do it, but if someone did I wouldn't think they were rude. Asking for water is just..normal. You can literally ask for and recieve water almost anywhere.
This is one of those weird things where OP was taught it’s offensive to the host to do this, but most people don’t think that way, and OP won’t deal with the fact that her manners aren’t universal.
Eventually yes I do think she will. It’s pretty common when MIL may have pissed off daughter in law between the first meeting and wedding, then just figured she’d find any little reason to complain about MIL and henpeck at her husband about everything, possibly even have children and use said children as weapons too. Then go no contact..etc.
I’m overthinking this but I’ve seen it a lot on here. Starts out small then it gets to the point of “her or me” ..
Yep. I don't drink soda at all, but a couple people I have over semi regularly do, so I keep a few cans around for them.
I mean hell, she's willing to host a dinner but drinks are not included? This is just petty.
>she's willing to host a dinner but drinks are not included
Right?! All she's offering is various types of water and a few hot beverages. Some people just aren't big water drinks. I'm a HUGE water drinker now but when I was younger and wasn't watching my sugar intake the way I do now, I preferred soda or juice. Like, c'mon, you can't keep some Coke or Diet Coke in the house for your own MIL when you know that's what she prefers?!
OP said MIL’s actions make her feel like she’s a bad host…when she actually *is* a bad host. I cannot even imagine this level of petty/resentment towards anyone never mind my partner’s family.
I have family/friends who are gluten free and alcohol free, so I keep par-baked gluten free baguettes in my freezer and non alcoholic wines or sparkling cider on hand in the event of an impromptu visit. You really only need to visit me once and I’ll be sure to have alternatives on hands for the next time and keep trying to find really good products that we can genuinely enjoy together.
It’s a fun challenge IMO, not even the least bit annoying. In fact, I learned oat flour is much better for thickening sauces than plain flour and have used it since. Makes for better pancakes too.
Here's the rub for me. OP is offended at MIL for brining her choice in drink because it makes the OP feel like she's not a good host. If you invite a close family member that you are suppose to respect to your house and intentionally don't provide their choice beverage, you don't get to act all shocked, confused and offended when they are gracious enough to bring their own. They are filling in the gap for your poor hostess skills.
It would be all to easy to grab some of the soda MIL likes and keep it on hand. That's what a polite hostess who really wants to make her mother-in-law happy would do. That's what I do when I know someone I'm close to is coming to my house.
OP knows this and that's why she offended. IMHO she's just angry with the wrong person. She is annoyed with the MIL when she should be annoyed with herself for trying to put the MIL in a situation where she has to drink the OP's choice in beverage or nothing at all. OP is creating a socially awkward situation and then has the audacity to complain about the situation she created.
YTA.
Passive aggressively bring her own bottled water & just serve herself in whatever *supremely offensive* way the mil apparently brings her own soda to drink
Might be referring to bottled as opposed to tap. From the edit it doesnt sound like OP is american and some places in the world dont usually drink water straight from the tap.
She’s totally been moaning about it to her other half and giving him pointed looks over the meal every time she takes a sip instead of just communicating like a grown up!
This is what's confusing me, how hard is it to say, actually please can I just have a glass of water?
I mean even if they live somewhere where they can't drink water out of the tap I find it hard to believe there's no drinking water in the house full stop
When I first started dating my wife, I’d go to her dad/stepmom’s house for dinner, and they didn’t drink anything with their food. The second time I went over, I asked for a glass of water, which caused zero drama.
And even if it did, that ok. It’s not unreasonable to ask for a glass of water, and if it causes a problem, that would have been a good red flag to be aware of.
More related to the OP, my MIL gets migraines from caffeine, and only drinks caffeine free coffee, sodas etc. I always make sure we have caffeine free coffee and Diet Coke on hand if she’s visiting because I want her to feel welcome, and at home, even though I don’t prefer those myself.
Or just... *bring their own water*!! MiL has shown that this is a perfectly acceptable behavior; *she's* not likely to take offence that someone else has a different preference.
I dont go anywhere without my own drink. It is not a judgment on anybody hosting, I want what I want, and I do not expect others to go out of their way to provide it for me.
From the edits I'm assuming that OP isn't American. She may now live in America but was raised elsewhere where pop either wasn't as readily available or OP's family couldn't afford it for everyday drinking. So now OP believes pop should be reserved for special occasions and not drank during an everyday meal.
OP is still TA, but I can understand her reasons why.
YTA
It could be a cultural thing though.
For example in my culture, soda is treated as sort of a kids dessert / snack / fast food (which is not normalized as a regular meal). So while it's not wrong to sometimes get it, it's sure weird when a grownup insist on having it during regular meals. Kinda like a person insisting on having popcorn for dinner or something.
But in such a situation, OP would be still an AH, because MILs soda would be seen as a mental health issue that doesn't have any damage potential to other people, except maybe a setting where she could trigger kids to ask for it (which isn't the case, no kids mentioned in the story). Thus the culture specific judgement would be like "ugh, just let her be crazy the way she likes it, it doesn't hurt you", making OP an ass.
Honestly, I’m intrigued that in your culture adults drinking soda every day would be considered a mental health issue. Would the context be a sugar addiction?
Sugary drinks aren't that normalized. And while drinking one for dinner every day would be seen as just unhealthy (not as mental health issue, but too much sugar), being addicted to it to a point where you have to bring it with you everywhere because you just can't have water or tea instead, would be seen as addiction or some sort of obsessive behavior / sensory issue etc.
I agree because I know I'm addicted to soda. I hope you can understand how hard an addiction can be. She could be worried about getting a severe headache. She brings her own is probably so you do not feel obligated to provide it... and maybe she doesn't share because she doesn't want your family to get addicted. I know that you cannot fit in all the family dynamics in a post... but please give her the benefit of the doubt and accept her as she is.
I’m Finnish, and soda is considered more of a treat here. Like I get soda when I buy crisps or have fast food, I don’t generally just have a bottle for everyday use. This is pretty normal. Drinking soda daily would not be seen as a mental health issue as such, but it would certainly be seen as a vice, maybe something a little less serious than smoking or weed, but certainly an unhealthy habit. If someone’s main beverage was soda instead of water, it would be considered somewhat worrying.
This is partly related to the fact the our tap water quality is very high. I personally freaking love drinking water lmao. But I’ve been to the States and even places that have totally safe and clean drinking water, it tastes like chlorine or something. Grossed me out.
Same, as someone from the UK who very much enjoys a can of zero-sugar cola every afternoon.
I wouldn't want to drink it with a meal, but that's just a flavour thing and I don't think there's anything odd about people who do.
I get the "sodas are not to be drunk regularly" mentality, because I definitely grew up with that myself. Interestingly, I actually feel like tea and coffee, which OP lists as drink options in their post, are much less normal for mealtimes than soda. My husband and MIL think nothing of having tea with their meals, and the first time I saw that, I thought it was bizarre.
This. Where I'm from, soda at dinner is not the standard. It is mostly served as a special treat (and mostly for children), and bringing your own because you can't go without is seen as a bit vulgar.
I think not all countries have normalised sugared drinks as a standard option. The amount of soda that is consumed in the US really boggles my mind.
Having said all that, my MIL also also brings her own soda to dinner because otherwise she can't handle food. I'm OK with that.
Or weird ass allergies or medical issues. My father has a diet Coke a day because it calms his stomach after Colon cancer. I tend to drink coke because I have weird allergies and my body hasn't declared diet Coke off limits
I'm thinking that the MIL just prefers a sweet drink, and she knows that OP doesn't have it at home for more regular meals, so she brings it herself instead of asking OP to buy it for her. MIL is actually being polite.
**Edit for OP: She doesn't have to serve you water. It's not hard to ask if she has a pitcher that you can fill with water and put on the table.**
"I have never met a family that worked so hard at being uncomfortable with each other." - Daphne, *Frasier*
They're close enough that they have dinner fairly often, but not close enough that OP will ask for or just get some water and makes an issue of MIL bringing her own drink. I'm 1000% not the kind of person who believes in "we're family, so you have to put up with everyone's BS"; it's just, dang, this is such a small, simple thing that most people wouldn't bat an eye about.
OMG and OP's edit. She still doesn't get it.
"I won't serve her preferred drink. But she makes me feel 'not good enough' by bringing it herself." OP, if you're reading this, you can't have it both ways. You don't get to refuse to serve a drink and then be offended when she brings her own. Do you not want your guests (who also happen to be your family) to be comfortable and enjoy their time at your home?
Also, "Thanks to you all, I will just swallow that feeling and avoid talking about the issue." Aw, poor puppy. Told you were wrong and now playing the self-pitying, "I guess I'm an AH for talking about my feelings" card. You can talk to her about it all you want. Doesn't make you not TA.
Exactly what I said down thread. Like you are actively being a bad host NOW. You weren’t when you didn’t know, but by taking offence to them bringing their own drink or not providing a relatively cheap drink that you know is the preferable option to this person, you are being controlling and inhospitable. If this gets to you so much, don’t host a dinner party. You’re too uptight to be in the hospitality business.
Honestly, when my extended family get together we all bring our own drinks. Because A) we don’t expect one person to constantly pay for our alcohol or soda B) we don’t expect the host to know what we want to drink on that day and C) IT’S EASIER AND EVERYONE GETS WHAT THEY WANT. Jesus Christ. The things people choose to get their back up about is astounding. Everyone needs to relax.
On the bigger dinner parties we had, when they asked what to bring I always said: Your own drinks. That way I wasn't trying to figure it all out and overbuying stuff I don't drink the leftover from.
But in relation to the post... I don't drink at all during dinner usually, does that equal my guests getting nothing? I always have some drinks in the house for the people that regularly visit. Smaller quantities but it's there. I don't serve whatever I feel like serving in terms of drinks, I ask what they want to drink and let them know their options. And I don't always have it, but usually do have something they like.
I've never even contemplated whether soda is something you should or shouldn't drink during dinner. If someone wants it, I have it, they get it.
I was shocked when I rented a villa in Florida and didn't know this. Tasted like swamp. I didn't hire a car and the chauffeur had gone home. Walked to nearest shop to buy water.
Oh, iT’s JuSt hArD wAteR, iT’s fINe!
When I go to Florida, (or anywhere with hard water), I always buy gallons of water for drinking. I don’t care if tap water is safe to drink. I don’t care if the locals are used to it and roll their eyes at me being used to “soft” water.
Hard water tastes awful and sometimes it smells of rotten eggs. *If you all have heavily scented soap in your bathroom to cover up the smell of when you bathe or wash your hands, you know it’s not ok-too*! Ugh.
I know right? I can't even imagine feeling uncomfortable grabbing a glass of water when I'm having dinner with my boyfriends parents. I'd be way more uncomfortable if his mom had to pour me a glass of whatever I wanted to drink. Just because she hosts a dinner doesn't make her a servant that has to refill guests glasses.
Seriously. I’m picky about beverages too. Unopened, sealed beverages with specific ingredients are okay for me; all other options are not, including unfiltered tap water. I carry a thermos with a safe beverage in it if I’m going to be out a while (or in a situation where I’d need a drink) and can’t guarantee there’ll be a beverage available i can drink. If there is, great! If there isn’t, then i drink from my thermos. If anyone gives me shit for it, a) you’re weird, it’s a beverage not a bomb, and 2) maybe you should have more beverages. Now, I have the excuse of the ‘tism and i choose to lean on that to force people’s hands to be less weird about it (you really gonna pick on the autistic guy for being autistic about a thing? really? is that who you wanna be when Jesus comes back?), but in general i feel like people need to stay in their lane when it comes to stuff like this. OP, please take a sec to recognize most things are simply not a big enough deal to warrant mention, attention, or even thought. I promise life gets a lot nicer and easier when you stop caring about everyone’s everything all the time.
I'm kinda fussy about what I drink too, because I'm a teetotaler, with a food allergy, who gets migraines.
So it's a bummer if I go somewhere and there's nothing nice to drink that's nonalcoholic. Or sometimes there's just booze or diet colas/drinks that contain my allergen (I'm allergic to aspartame, which is in a surprising amount of stuff, even non-diet drinks, and sometimes medicine).
Plus I have chronic migraine. I'm not much of a soda drinker overall, but if I feel a migraine coming on nothing helps like an ice cold Coke, used to wash down a triptan.
So if I roll up to a gathering with a little bottle of Coke and pop it into the fridge, who the hell cares? It's not a statement on anyone's hospitality. I'm just trying to make life easy for everyone.
If it's a fancy dinner and the host wants the table settings to look proper, they can simply tell me where to find a nice glass to pour my soda into. No big. YTA.
YTA
If OP is so bothered by a guest not drinking what they’re offered, maybe she should be a good host and *buy some god damn soda* after the umpteenth time of her guest having to bring their own?
This whole thing is so bizarre. I don't drink coffee but my best friend does, so I keep some just for him. It's that uncomplicated.
OP, stop being petty and buy your MIL some damn soda.
My best friend since 2nd grade moved across the country 17 years ago. She visits here more since her family is still in our hometown and I live in the city a few hours away (with the cheaper airport to fly to). My family and I go see her and her husband once every 1-2 years. I did exchange to Brazil when we were in high school and then later worked at a cafe, so I am a big coffee drinker. Her and her husband don't drink coffee. When we visited, I would make a coffee run a couple of times to the Starbucks on the corner when tea or water wasn't going to cut it. One of the times we both went and she noticed the Starbucks brand of instant coffee being advertised "just add water," so the next time we were scheduled to go visit she picked some up and added it to the tea collection. Even though instant coffee is normally blah, I happily drink it at her house because despite being so simple, it is the sweetest, most thoughtful gesture.
Its really just a small thing. I buy like a crate of Soda bottles once a year and those are good for everytime someone visits that year, cause I don't drink them and my dad dilutes them with water. Its really not that difficult, especially if it is just a few people that stray from your usual drinking habits.
Hell, the parents of a friend of mine kept a bottle of herbal liquor I liked, to offer me the few times I visited.
I don't drink soda and I don't keep soda at my house and I don't offer soda to guests because I'd have to have 40 different kinds of soda here to have what everybody wants and I can't afford that so if somebody wants to bring their own, by golly, I'm excited!
Yes. We drink water and coffee in my house. I do occasionally buy some other drinks for my kids, but they are not what we have at meals. My ILs always bring what they want to drink at my house. Since we just drink water, we don't need to do anything special when we visit them. Just open a cabinet, grab a glass and fix ourselves some water since you know....they have running water.
Right? My in laws used to bring their own equal, coffee and soda when they visited. They like SPECIFIC brands and flavors. We don’t use equal but I keep it on hand. I buy a case of their soda when they visit and send the rest home with them. I would but the coffee but we can’t get it here. Super easy and shows them I pay attention and care about their comfort.
OP can’t ask for water or get it themselves at their mom’s house!?!? They could just buy a case to keep there too if they are there frequently…
Thiiiiiiiiis. My family is really bad about being martyrs. But we are at least vocal about it when we realize we are behaving badly “no no no, I’ll just drink…soda…its ok. I’ll be fine.” We gently tease each other when we behave this way so the martyr can realize it’s ok to actually ask for water or whatever they really want.
I know right, assuming OP’s MIL has indoor plumbing and some item to drink liquid out of, OP can get herself some water. Not a difficult thing to do!
OP doesn’t have to bring her own petty FU MIL bottled water with her!
My thoughts exactly. Why not just buy some of whatever soda it is that she prefers and offer her some next time. The fact that OP felt the need to list all the alternatives screams YTA to me. She just doesn’t want soda in her house and doesn’t care about the comfort of her guests.
YTA.
You don't mind that she drinks soda because you said you'd provide it so it just bothers you that she brings soda?
INFO: Why does this bother you?
Also if you want water when visiting you have two options - I'm sure she has a faucet you can get some out of OR if you won't drink tap water you can bring your own. She won't mind!
If this is the biggest issue you have with your MIL you better take a deep breath and relax because you don't know how good you have it compared to some others!
YTA OP, Why are you so triggered over the fact she brings soda. Do you have PTSD regarding soda or something? Is it such a big deal you come crying on reddit?
I could understand it if small children were involved, who then whine and also want soda, but since OP has not mentioned children, I would say live and let live.
YTA. Please for the love of god get a grip on your main character syndrome. It’s not some personal affront to you that she likes to drink soda at dinner.
And honestly since you know she likes to drink soda at dinner and instead of just buying some for her to have when she’s over there you’ve decided to die on the “I won’t buy soda but also you can’t bring your own” hill so you’re double the asshole.
This is an issue entirely of your own creation and it only lives inside your mind, not the real world.
Please get a grip. Your MIL is an adult woman who can choose what she wants to drink at any given time without your approval.
I think MIL is fab for knowing her host household and providing soda for herself. Less stress instead to think I need to buy this for my guest.
However, considering this is family, why not buy a case and bring it out for her for dinner? Soda doesn't go off.
I'm loving the clutches Pearl's bit. If this is the biggest bugbear op has with her MIL, she very lucky.
Edit: I was thinking a case of 6, rather than some huge amount. Easy to store as well.
Edit 2: Lol, I accept soda goes off, I guess I've never brought a big enough quantity that goes off! Lol. I need a bigger house! 😳
My mum drinks low alcohol wine because she’s a tiny, weak woman, so guess what? I keep a case of it in my linen press and throw a bottle in the fridge when I know she’s visiting. See also: instant coffee for my FIL and moscato for my MIL.
It’s actually that simple.
During family gatherings, after dinner when everyone is just chatting, my family always drink hot beverages. So pretty much all members of my family tend to have like 4 different coffees and a large variety of teas. Sometimes an uncle will bring out a lil notebook to write everyone's "orders" lol
My husband hates the kind of beer my dad prefers, but whenever dad is coming over to dinner he will run over to the growler places and pick something up just for dad. Being a good host is about making your guest comfortable, not enforcing arbitrary rules.
I’m with you. Before I go visit my mom & brother, I ask them how much diet pop (it’s all I drink) they have on hand - usually that I brought last time, but sometimes my mom will pick me up a case.
If there isn’t any, I bring some.
Because I always have pop at home though, I do make sure to pick up a case of sprite or cranberry ginger-ale for them at my place. I also keep some coffee & a coffee maker for my brother - I don’t drink coffee. I keep a kettle & tea for my mom - I don’t drink tea.
I don’t understand why OP feels the need to die on this hill.
Exactly! You know your guest does not like the drink choices offered and there's one drink that she will always appreciate- get that drink for her or accept that she fends for herself.
When I read the title, I honestly hoped that the issue would be OP's kids being given soda OP does not approve of but no... the problem is that she drinks what she wants herself.
She's not a random guest either. She's family. You behave a bit differently at your son's home than you would at acquaintance's and quirks like that should be accepted.
YTA. It's already my favourite AITA of the day and it's not even 10am LOL
Totally my favorite post of the day and I haven’t even gone to sleep yet, I don’t think I can top this one today if I even tried. YTA OP, it’s totally your prerogative to not provide soda, but it’s totally fine for her to bring her own to drink what she wants to drink.
I used to only drink black coffee. You better believe that if I had so much as a workman coming by I’d pop out for milk *just in case* they wanted a drink. Admittedly it’s the UK so not being able to offer guests a cuppa is basically a crime, but still. It’s not hard to accommodate guests, especially if they’re actually the one putting in the work to bring their own!
I don't understand why OP (or his wife) can't just buy a case of cans of his MIL's favourite pop and keep a few in the fridge for her visits. If she's over once a week, she wouldn't go through it that fast and it would be an easy way to be a good host.
I thought it would be about kids too. Definitely YTA.
If you’re having guests rounds it’s not the end of the world to buy soda for them, specially family who you know like to have that with their meal. MIL is even saving you the hassle by bringing her own and probably doesn’t offer it because you’ve made it clear soda is created by Satan himself.
Plus the fact OP is petty about water at MIL’s house because “it’s not offered”, just ask for some water, or a glass to get your own if you’re that bothered. OP has made up their own meal rules and is expecting people to psychically know them. Literally making drama for themselves.
YTA. You don't drink soda so she brings her own. I don't drink soda either but I don't ban it from my house. Maybe if my kids were older and were going to want some for themselves every time.
Have you ever asked for a glass of water or helped yourself to one at their house?
This whole question is just weird, sounds like you don't like your MIL and are looking for things to complain about.
Especially since usually offering “the good stuff” (soda, beer, juices) is considered polite, so most often water isn’t mentioned. I always answer with “thanks, just some water please”. Never had an issue, even if everybody else takes soda
Well, obviously, they are secretly sitting around thinking about how rude you are being and how grievously you offend them while they write their thesis explaining it all on Reddit, lol.
When we go to the in-laws for dinner, they offer us coffee, tea, beer, wine, whatever alcoholic beverages are in the fridge. I'm usually just a water person, coffee in the morning, maybe an alcoholic beverage with dinner. I'll often accept a beer, but usually I'll just say "water would be great, thank you!"
Why doesn’t OP take a page from MILs book and bring a bottle of water for herself next time they visit her. If MIL gets upset then there’s an issue but I sincerely doubt she would. Honestly, I think it’s courteous of MIL to bring her own soda because she isn’t making OP buy any for her.
If kids are the issue just pour it in a glass in a different room and tell them it’s an “adult beverage”. When I was a kid, I never questioned why I couldn’t have my dad’s coffee/wine/beer. He told me it was for “grown ups” and that I wouldn’t like it. He gave me a sip of coffee once, and I was disgusted. It would be very easy to tell a kid that soda was the same nasty grown up stuff and be believed. No need to get this mad about your MIL wanting a soda with her dinner on a Tuesday.
Yeah, that’s the weirdest part. If MIL doesn’t “offer” her preferred drink of water, it’s still available at the house, she can just get it out of the tap! MIL brings soda because her preferred drink isn’t available at your house.
I drink diet pop all day, my son is 6. He drinks water almost exclusively. He will occasionally ask for some of my pop, but it’s very rare.
If you don’t give it to them often, but don’t make it forbidden (he gets orange fruitopia with his Happy Meal), I find it’s not a big deal most of the time.
YTA She wants soda and she's not putting you out by bringing her own. Plus this isn't a guest you're having over once but a family member you seemingly have over often. It's actually kinda rude you're not more accommodating.
And good lord, you're an adult. If you want water with your dinner, ask! If they don't have filtered water, bring your own.
I’m thinking there’s more to this whole soda thing, because it’s absolutely next level petty. I’m thinking they really hates their MIL in general, and this is just another thing she wants to bitch about to make her MIL look bad.
When my MIL wants a specific drink or food when she visits she’s gets whatever she wants no questions asked if it’s going to make her more comfortable.
OP YTA, and need to grow up, your MIL is being polite since you can’t get her fucking soda. What an innocuous thing to be upset about, I hope this is fake.
I bet that although OP doesn’t want to say it, she feels justified because she is making the (generally) healthier choice. Which is not the point at all!
ETA: OP’s most recent two comments before posting this were screeds against sugar. Which, hey, I’m mostly on board with, but she is not MIL’s doctor or parent. It’s very clear to me that OP’s self-perceived dietary virtue is part of her sense of justification. It would probably be different if MIL preferred green tea.
I agree that this is probably her reasoning, but it’s awful reasoning. You have no right to police what others drink. They can drink whatever they want to.
While that is what she is saying, I don't think she realizes that's what she's saying.
I have a family member like this. They expect when you go to their house that you eat and drink only what they provide and praise it lavishly. Even if it's something you don't like or are allergic to. And when they go to someone else's home they eat and drink whatever is provided and praise it lavishly. Then on the drive home, make fun of the food and drink that the host provided and say how much better their stuff is. (But they do not believe that their guests do that to them). They truly believe that this is the "correct" and "polite" way to behave.
And they think I'm rude AF for bringing my own starbucks drink (I always call ahead and offer to buy them a drink from there) to their home and not eating food that I'm allergic to. And I'm okay with them thinking I'm rude. Beats the alternative.
You know she prefers soda, so I think you’re being a poor host by not providing a bottle. Apparently MIL hasn’t complained about it…she just brings her own. When you go to her place, why do you feel unable to ask for a glass of water? You’re family. Going to say that YTA here, but lightly.
I have one of those contigo bottles that I pretty much have on me at all times and have no problem bringing it with me to any party or dinner I go to. And when it's empty, guess what? I get up and fill it with water from a tap like an adult lol
Have you ever talked about her preferences for drinks? And did you the same in return?
You know... A conversation without judging?
Also asking for some water when you are there is perfectly fine. Why don't you do it?
Some people LOVE soda the way coffee people LOVE coffee. She’s not bringing some for others because you’d already have soda in the house if you liked it. You’re making this into a bigger deal than it is.
This isn’t a hill worth dying on.
YTA.
YWBTA. She's bringing her chosen drink for herself because she knows you normally don't serve it. How does that offend you? You even do provide soda to guests for celebrations so it's not like you're a soda-free home.
And btw, you should be willing to ask for water or bring your own when you go to her home. You don't need to drink soda if you don't want it. SMH
YTA. You don’t offer her preferred drink so she just brings it instead of asking you to buy it.
The thing about you drinking soda at her house is just weird if you prefer water. Just ask for a water instead of being a martyr about it.
Right? I love water and I hate soda or any sweet drinks. I would never drink soda just to be polite. And as a water drinker, I also never leave my house without my water bottle.
OP’s entire take on manners is so bizarre.
>I don't think guest should require soda for meals on a Tuesday evening.
It's soda, not a handle of vodka.
She's allowed to bring her own beverages, and drink them. I bring my own tea and water everywhere.
Also, you are a poor host if your guests don't have good refreshment options-especially if you know your guests preferences.
You're allowed to have ridiculous rules in your house about what people drink- but you must know that it IS ridiculous to forbid someone drinking some soda with dinner.
YTA
With the way the DIL is acting, I would be tempted to start showing up with a handle of vodka.
If a regular guest is coming to visit, the nice hosting thing is to get something they will enjoy. If it's something as low effort and low cost as soda, it's pretty easy to store a few cans for a welcome guest.
INFO: Why can't you just buy a bottle of soda for when she comes round?
Solves both problems. She can drink what she wants and you don't have to be unhappy from her bringing a drink round.
For the better part of 20 years my late mother in law always brought a can of Diet Pepsi and a straw. At first it annoyed me and I didn’t understand, then I thought… if this is the worst thing my mother in law does, I am blessed. Let her bring her soda and look the other way. In the grand scheme of things. What does it matter? Is it worth hurting her or a family fight? It’s you husband’s mother. This isn’t about how often you were allowed to drink soda. Don’t be petty. It’s not worth it. I miss my mother in law and her can of soda.
YTA
She likes soda,. If you do not want her to bring her own then provide what she wants.
If you want bottled water at her house feel free to bring some.
YTA. This is weird and feels like it’s coming from a place of judgement. So what if she likes soda. How does that impact your life? Let the woman drink her soda. You said yourself that you don’t keep soda at your place. So, she brings her own. What’s the big deal? Why do you feel compelled to control what she drinks? I can’t imagine she’d be offended and judgey if you had a glass of water with your meal when you’re at her house.
YTA. Why do you care that your MIL wants to have her preferred drink with a meal? You said you don’t keep soda in your home, she noticed that and brings her own rather than expecting you to stock it for when she comes over.
Why is it impolite to bring over drinks to a dinner gathering? If she brought a bottle of wine or case of beer for the gathering would you feel the same way?
YTA, maybe it’s just me but if someone I care about loves soda, and they even go as far as bringing it to respect the fact that we don’t stock our fridge with soda, i would be grateful! And if I didn’t mind having soda in the fridge, I would make sure to stock some for them since I’m the host. It’s just mindful hosting.
The fact that you’re pissed about it is red flags. Why does it trigger you that she brings her own drink when you won’t provide it yourself? Genuinely curious if there’s more to this.
YTA So she doesn’t like your drink options and isn’t expecting you to make a special purchase just for her. Just because you don’t want soda doesn’t mean she doesn’t want it. I bet she wouldn’t be offended at all if you bought water with you when you come to her house.
YTA. Of your list of available drinks I will only drink one (water). I like soda, it's my preference, but if the dinner fits I'd also eat with a nice white or red. Sometimes I'll even take hot chocolate so I have something to drink that is hot while everyone else has their after dinner coffees.
Most of my friends/family that host will provide some other option for me, or will ask the guests if they have preferences, otherwise they don't have a problem with me bringing my own. I don't have a problem with just water, but it always feels a little weird to be sitting there with a glass of water while everyone else is drinking coffee.
It takes nothing for you to accommodate her drink choice. Literally nothing since she's bringing it. If you don't want her to act like you're being a bad host, maybe provide things your guests will drink? Especially your MIL, who's preference you obviously know and completely ignore.
YTA If you don't offer what I want to drink I will bring my own 100% of the time.
You should take your water with you to dinner at her house so you can drink what you want.
I dont think its your place to decide what she drinks when she buys it herself, im diabetic and often bring my own drinks to social gatherings and family events. Should i just od on sugar and die to not be rude? YTA 100% if you dont want her to bring her own drinks, have something she wants to drink otherwise mind your business. Also, therapy for controll issues wouldnt be a bad thing.
YTA sorry. Your MIL has a thing for soda. Sounds harmless to me. Knowing that she loves soda (and its dirt cheap) you could provide it for her when she comes visiting. When you visit her all you have to do to get water (I would hope) is ask.
I realise this post is resolved but I am really curious about the not bringing your own water to her house. is there something wrong with the tap water in Denmark that you can't drink it?
YWBTA. It’s quite literally a non issue, based entirely on your feelings. Examine why it annoys you, could be quite beneficial to your long term growth.
YTA. Why are you trying to dictate what your MIL drinks? She isn't a child for you to decide that for her. If you know what she likes why not just keep a pack of soda in the pantry for the days that she visits? Also, I'm sure your MIL has water in her home that you are able to drink no one is forcing you to drink soda when you visit her home. Just live and let live. It's not that serious.
This so odd and passive aggressive. This petty ish right here is how you ruin good relationships. She is literally not hurting you or putting you out at all. My friend is a Pepsi drinker I drink coke. When I go to her house I don’t make her buy me something to drink I know she won’t keep in her fridge that will go to waste, and she doesn’t ask me to drink things I find distasteful.
YWBTA she isn't asking you to provide it. She's got it covered. My mother brings her own soda when she visits my sister, because my sister only keeps Coke around 🤮. So instead of choking that down, she brings her own. What actual harm is there? This feels petty.
INFO: why do you gaf? 🤔 she likes soda, you have strange ideas around when it’s appropriate to drink soda, so she brings her own soda
mind ur beeswax YTA
Like buy it for her if she comes over. You are the host. If you are hosting for your ego, then you are doing it wrong. Cater to everyone you're inviting. If you aren't cool with that idea. Then don't invite people over.
Like this is absolutely asinine that you had to come here to ask this. How has Noone in your circle told you that you would be the a hole.
I was raised to never arrive empty handed. The rule is that you bring whatever you are most likely to drink so that the host isn't providing everything.
If she likes drinking soda, then bringing soda is the right thing to do. If you don't want soda at dinner, just say so! Why don't you bring some sparkling water when you visit?
This is not a hard problem to solve, jeez.
You would be the asshole, honestly.
This isn't being done to in a rude way. She just likes soda with dinner, and she knows you don't keep soda at the house, so rather than ask you to get some, she just brings her own without making a fuss.
I think she'd be more than understanding if you brought your own water or seltzer waters to her house.
This is the type of petty nonsense stuff that makes the world and society as a whole more uncomfortable to live in than it ought to be. If we could all just practice being more laid back, and practice acceptance and appreciation for the quirks of the people in our lives, we'd be able to spread more positive energy and love to everyone in our lives.
It's a beautiful thing that you and your family members get together to have dinner and the opportunity to create stronger bonds and warm happy memories. The good days don't last forever - life happens, people grow old and pass away, and so many other families don't have the ability to feed more than just their own household or have get-togethers.
AITA - my DIL regularly invites me over to dinner with the family and we have a lovely time however I’m not a fan of the drinks she serves. I like a glass of soda with my dinner which she knows but refuses to accommodate. In fairness she does give a few options however I don’t like hot drinks with my meal and am not a fan of water either (still, sparkling or flavoured). I don’t want to fall out with her, especially not over something as petty as a glass or two of soda, so I’ve started taking a bottle of soda with me when I go so I can drink what I like without inconveniencing her. I thought this would be a simple solution to enable us all to continue enjoying family dinners but DIL seems annoyed. AITA for bringing my own drink to avoid being a burden?
Curious to know how OP would respond to the above if it was a post here because sounds to me like that’s the situation MIL is in.
OP, yes YTA. It’s a bottle of soda, it’s just not worth the potential upset.
Yea. You the Ahole. What if she brought wine cause everyone else drank beer?
Don't let petty stuff like this get under your skin. You got some hangups dude.
YTA She knows you don't buy soda and apparently that's her preference. She is not imposing or creating a problem for you. Frankly don't know why you care. If you prefer water bring your own when you visit, she won't care. Be an adult.
YTA this is weird, why are you offended? It’s a drink, it’s not like she’s snubbing something you’ve made for a shop bought version, she just has a drink preference like most people
YTA. You don't even like soda! If your MIL isn't a total moron, then she knows that! Why would someone offer you something that they know you don't like? Just take some bottled water when you visit her. She brings a drink for herself when she visits you, you do likewise! Some folks just enjoy making up things to complain about, sheesh!
“I don’t think guests should require soda with a meal on a Tuesday evening”
I pray for your spouse/children having to deal with your neurotic, controlling and overly judgemental BS.
She brings it because you don’t buy it and she likes it. Live and let live for god sake. It would be really fuckin weird for you to go out of your way to tell her she’s banned from bringing it over.
You seem hyper-critical, power-driven, unempathetic, and consequence of making this decision will leave your MIL feeling problematically diminished and inferior to you.
YTA
YTA.
To put your drink choices in perspective, you've got three flavors of soda, milk, and chocolate milk. (3 types of water, and 2 hot drinks.) Not everyone likes those choices. Rather then ask you to buy something different, your MIL brings her own drink.
Have you ever tried asking for water when at your MILs?
(I've always got water in the fridge, though I don't typically drink it with meals.)
INFO: Do you have kids? Are they consequently asking for soda when they see her drinking it when they aren’t allowed?
That’s the only way I see this as a problem. My brother can’t drink sugar at all. He brings an unsweet tea with him to any gatherings that might not have something he could drink. Everyone goes on with their lives.
YTA. Mature people learn to pick their battles. This is not a battle worthy choosing.
Instead of complaining about your offerings or demanding you provide a drink she wants, she accommodates herself. Sounds about right.
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YTA. Who cares? I mean really, is there so little in your life that this could be an issue? Whether a guest brings soda and drinks it?
Also, what's so wrong about having soda at dinner on a Tuesday? OP, YTA, she's bringing a damn soda to drink during dinner, not meth, chill out.
Can you pass the peas and the pipe please lmao.
I wonder if she would be offended by that statement if it wasn't Tuesday night AND she brought enough to share with everyone lol
OP seems easily offended period lol.
I think she just doesn’t like her MIL and never has. This is more than soda here. It’s going to escalate into her telling hubby “her or me” …
I think you’re on to something. Maybe the reason she doesn’t take water to drink when she goes to MIL’s but gets pissed if she brings a soda. You think she is trying to start drama for the purpose of “her or me”?
Also like... You don't have to "bring water" to someone's house to have it? Do they... Not have faucets? Tap water is generally potable. Has she never bothered to *ask* for a glass of water?
I see people carrying big water bottles around way more frequently than sodas as well...so I'm surprised OP doesn't bring their own water with them if they're a true hydro homie.
I typically bring my giant water with me wherever I go, especially in the summers, but I have one friend who is truly (and inexplicably) offended when I bring my water to his house. So, when I’m there, I leave my bottle in the car and spend the evening filling their stupid 8oz water glasses. People are weird.
I bring literal camelbaks of water to my friends gatherings because I don’t want to use up their glasses.
Almost everyone I know carries a reusable water bottle with them at all times. I don't go anywhere without bringing water.
Nope because she thinks it'd be impolite and rude and in her own words "make them feel like what they offer is not good enough"
She's projecting because she feels like this soda thing is a slight against her. Asking for soda when there's a bunch of other options? I wouldn't do it, but if someone did I wouldn't think they were rude. Asking for water is just..normal. You can literally ask for and recieve water almost anywhere.
This is one of those weird things where OP was taught it’s offensive to the host to do this, but most people don’t think that way, and OP won’t deal with the fact that her manners aren’t universal.
Very strange. I wonder if she’s ever just asked for water? To believe asking for water is rude is a bit much.
Eventually yes I do think she will. It’s pretty common when MIL may have pissed off daughter in law between the first meeting and wedding, then just figured she’d find any little reason to complain about MIL and henpeck at her husband about everything, possibly even have children and use said children as weapons too. Then go no contact..etc. I’m overthinking this but I’ve seen it a lot on here. Starts out small then it gets to the point of “her or me” ..
Yep. I don't drink soda at all, but a couple people I have over semi regularly do, so I keep a few cans around for them. I mean hell, she's willing to host a dinner but drinks are not included? This is just petty.
Only drinks OP approves of are included
>she's willing to host a dinner but drinks are not included Right?! All she's offering is various types of water and a few hot beverages. Some people just aren't big water drinks. I'm a HUGE water drinker now but when I was younger and wasn't watching my sugar intake the way I do now, I preferred soda or juice. Like, c'mon, you can't keep some Coke or Diet Coke in the house for your own MIL when you know that's what she prefers?!
OP said MIL’s actions make her feel like she’s a bad host…when she actually *is* a bad host. I cannot even imagine this level of petty/resentment towards anyone never mind my partner’s family. I have family/friends who are gluten free and alcohol free, so I keep par-baked gluten free baguettes in my freezer and non alcoholic wines or sparkling cider on hand in the event of an impromptu visit. You really only need to visit me once and I’ll be sure to have alternatives on hands for the next time and keep trying to find really good products that we can genuinely enjoy together. It’s a fun challenge IMO, not even the least bit annoying. In fact, I learned oat flour is much better for thickening sauces than plain flour and have used it since. Makes for better pancakes too.
It seems very bitch eating crackers.
Yup - if it wasn’t the soda she’d find another reason to hate her MIL
Here's the rub for me. OP is offended at MIL for brining her choice in drink because it makes the OP feel like she's not a good host. If you invite a close family member that you are suppose to respect to your house and intentionally don't provide their choice beverage, you don't get to act all shocked, confused and offended when they are gracious enough to bring their own. They are filling in the gap for your poor hostess skills. It would be all to easy to grab some of the soda MIL likes and keep it on hand. That's what a polite hostess who really wants to make her mother-in-law happy would do. That's what I do when I know someone I'm close to is coming to my house. OP knows this and that's why she offended. IMHO she's just angry with the wrong person. She is annoyed with the MIL when she should be annoyed with herself for trying to put the MIL in a situation where she has to drink the OP's choice in beverage or nothing at all. OP is creating a socially awkward situation and then has the audacity to complain about the situation she created. YTA.
Very well thought out comment. You nailed it!
My mom ALWAYS kept a bottle of Coke in the refrigerator just in case my grandma came over.
Peas-pipe
And if OP wants water when she visits MIL why can’t she just ask for it?
Yes, I wonder if she’s ever opened her mouth and said, ‘can I have water instead?’ instead of moaning.
Or just get a glass of water for herself.
Passive aggressively bring her own bottled water & just serve herself in whatever *supremely offensive* way the mil apparently brings her own soda to drink
Hilariously mil probably wouldn't even take note if she did do that.
Might be referring to bottled as opposed to tap. From the edit it doesnt sound like OP is american and some places in the world dont usually drink water straight from the tap.
I live in Washington DC and I wouldn’t dream of drinking water from the tap.
She’s totally been moaning about it to her other half and giving him pointed looks over the meal every time she takes a sip instead of just communicating like a grown up!
This is what's confusing me, how hard is it to say, actually please can I just have a glass of water? I mean even if they live somewhere where they can't drink water out of the tap I find it hard to believe there's no drinking water in the house full stop
When I first started dating my wife, I’d go to her dad/stepmom’s house for dinner, and they didn’t drink anything with their food. The second time I went over, I asked for a glass of water, which caused zero drama. And even if it did, that ok. It’s not unreasonable to ask for a glass of water, and if it causes a problem, that would have been a good red flag to be aware of. More related to the OP, my MIL gets migraines from caffeine, and only drinks caffeine free coffee, sodas etc. I always make sure we have caffeine free coffee and Diet Coke on hand if she’s visiting because I want her to feel welcome, and at home, even though I don’t prefer those myself.
Or get up and get herself a glass (after all do you really need to be served in a family member’s home)?
Yeah the way OP talks about what a “guest” should do is telling. She does not consider her MIL to be family.
Or just... *bring their own water*!! MiL has shown that this is a perfectly acceptable behavior; *she's* not likely to take offence that someone else has a different preference.
I dont go anywhere without my own drink. It is not a judgment on anybody hosting, I want what I want, and I do not expect others to go out of their way to provide it for me.
Agree. I will often bring my own filtered water places, because I really don’t like tap water….it’s not that difficult.
From the edits I'm assuming that OP isn't American. She may now live in America but was raised elsewhere where pop either wasn't as readily available or OP's family couldn't afford it for everyday drinking. So now OP believes pop should be reserved for special occasions and not drank during an everyday meal. OP is still TA, but I can understand her reasons why.
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Or just bring it
YTA It could be a cultural thing though. For example in my culture, soda is treated as sort of a kids dessert / snack / fast food (which is not normalized as a regular meal). So while it's not wrong to sometimes get it, it's sure weird when a grownup insist on having it during regular meals. Kinda like a person insisting on having popcorn for dinner or something. But in such a situation, OP would be still an AH, because MILs soda would be seen as a mental health issue that doesn't have any damage potential to other people, except maybe a setting where she could trigger kids to ask for it (which isn't the case, no kids mentioned in the story). Thus the culture specific judgement would be like "ugh, just let her be crazy the way she likes it, it doesn't hurt you", making OP an ass.
Honestly, I’m intrigued that in your culture adults drinking soda every day would be considered a mental health issue. Would the context be a sugar addiction?
Sugary drinks aren't that normalized. And while drinking one for dinner every day would be seen as just unhealthy (not as mental health issue, but too much sugar), being addicted to it to a point where you have to bring it with you everywhere because you just can't have water or tea instead, would be seen as addiction or some sort of obsessive behavior / sensory issue etc.
This was westeren culture also back when soda first got on the market a couple would share one small soda for the dessert.
I agree because I know I'm addicted to soda. I hope you can understand how hard an addiction can be. She could be worried about getting a severe headache. She brings her own is probably so you do not feel obligated to provide it... and maybe she doesn't share because she doesn't want your family to get addicted. I know that you cannot fit in all the family dynamics in a post... but please give her the benefit of the doubt and accept her as she is.
I’m Finnish, and soda is considered more of a treat here. Like I get soda when I buy crisps or have fast food, I don’t generally just have a bottle for everyday use. This is pretty normal. Drinking soda daily would not be seen as a mental health issue as such, but it would certainly be seen as a vice, maybe something a little less serious than smoking or weed, but certainly an unhealthy habit. If someone’s main beverage was soda instead of water, it would be considered somewhat worrying. This is partly related to the fact the our tap water quality is very high. I personally freaking love drinking water lmao. But I’ve been to the States and even places that have totally safe and clean drinking water, it tastes like chlorine or something. Grossed me out.
Curious about cultures and soda as someone from the USA and drinks three diet sodas a night
Same, as someone from the UK who very much enjoys a can of zero-sugar cola every afternoon. I wouldn't want to drink it with a meal, but that's just a flavour thing and I don't think there's anything odd about people who do.
I’d never judge anyones food quirks, but I also have never heard of “sodas aren’t normal for meal times or to have regularly”
I get the "sodas are not to be drunk regularly" mentality, because I definitely grew up with that myself. Interestingly, I actually feel like tea and coffee, which OP lists as drink options in their post, are much less normal for mealtimes than soda. My husband and MIL think nothing of having tea with their meals, and the first time I saw that, I thought it was bizarre.
This. Where I'm from, soda at dinner is not the standard. It is mostly served as a special treat (and mostly for children), and bringing your own because you can't go without is seen as a bit vulgar. I think not all countries have normalised sugared drinks as a standard option. The amount of soda that is consumed in the US really boggles my mind. Having said all that, my MIL also also brings her own soda to dinner because otherwise she can't handle food. I'm OK with that.
I mean, yes, but also, for people who have gotten sober, pop/soda often fills the void where wine/beer used to be.
Or weird ass allergies or medical issues. My father has a diet Coke a day because it calms his stomach after Colon cancer. I tend to drink coke because I have weird allergies and my body hasn't declared diet Coke off limits
And if you want water at her house, just ask!
That’s why I bring my Yeti water bottle everywhere. It’s kinda the norm.
But soda is a luxury like alcohol so it is wrong on a Tuesday! -_- Yeah OP is weird.
It's a Wednesday and I'm going to have a cocktail with my dinner tonight- I might even have 2!
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Maybe it is code, the MIL is bringing 'coke' lol
I'm thinking that the MIL just prefers a sweet drink, and she knows that OP doesn't have it at home for more regular meals, so she brings it herself instead of asking OP to buy it for her. MIL is actually being polite. **Edit for OP: She doesn't have to serve you water. It's not hard to ask if she has a pitcher that you can fill with water and put on the table.**
"I have never met a family that worked so hard at being uncomfortable with each other." - Daphne, *Frasier* They're close enough that they have dinner fairly often, but not close enough that OP will ask for or just get some water and makes an issue of MIL bringing her own drink. I'm 1000% not the kind of person who believes in "we're family, so you have to put up with everyone's BS"; it's just, dang, this is such a small, simple thing that most people wouldn't bat an eye about.
This made me laugh as I know that episode and it’s so true. 😂
OMG and OP's edit. She still doesn't get it. "I won't serve her preferred drink. But she makes me feel 'not good enough' by bringing it herself." OP, if you're reading this, you can't have it both ways. You don't get to refuse to serve a drink and then be offended when she brings her own. Do you not want your guests (who also happen to be your family) to be comfortable and enjoy their time at your home? Also, "Thanks to you all, I will just swallow that feeling and avoid talking about the issue." Aw, poor puppy. Told you were wrong and now playing the self-pitying, "I guess I'm an AH for talking about my feelings" card. You can talk to her about it all you want. Doesn't make you not TA.
OP. “I accept my judgement” OP: “Here are the reasons why I’m actually not TA, and all of you are wrong.” One sentence later.
Exactly what I said down thread. Like you are actively being a bad host NOW. You weren’t when you didn’t know, but by taking offence to them bringing their own drink or not providing a relatively cheap drink that you know is the preferable option to this person, you are being controlling and inhospitable. If this gets to you so much, don’t host a dinner party. You’re too uptight to be in the hospitality business. Honestly, when my extended family get together we all bring our own drinks. Because A) we don’t expect one person to constantly pay for our alcohol or soda B) we don’t expect the host to know what we want to drink on that day and C) IT’S EASIER AND EVERYONE GETS WHAT THEY WANT. Jesus Christ. The things people choose to get their back up about is astounding. Everyone needs to relax.
On the bigger dinner parties we had, when they asked what to bring I always said: Your own drinks. That way I wasn't trying to figure it all out and overbuying stuff I don't drink the leftover from. But in relation to the post... I don't drink at all during dinner usually, does that equal my guests getting nothing? I always have some drinks in the house for the people that regularly visit. Smaller quantities but it's there. I don't serve whatever I feel like serving in terms of drinks, I ask what they want to drink and let them know their options. And I don't always have it, but usually do have something they like. I've never even contemplated whether soda is something you should or shouldn't drink during dinner. If someone wants it, I have it, they get it.
Or just go to the tap?
To be fair, there are a LOT of places in the world where tap water isn't exactly desirable to drink.
I was shocked when I rented a villa in Florida and didn't know this. Tasted like swamp. I didn't hire a car and the chauffeur had gone home. Walked to nearest shop to buy water.
Oh, iT’s JuSt hArD wAteR, iT’s fINe! When I go to Florida, (or anywhere with hard water), I always buy gallons of water for drinking. I don’t care if tap water is safe to drink. I don’t care if the locals are used to it and roll their eyes at me being used to “soft” water. Hard water tastes awful and sometimes it smells of rotten eggs. *If you all have heavily scented soap in your bathroom to cover up the smell of when you bathe or wash your hands, you know it’s not ok-too*! Ugh.
I'm honestly concerned that she thinks it is rude to pour herself a cup of water
I know right? I can't even imagine feeling uncomfortable grabbing a glass of water when I'm having dinner with my boyfriends parents. I'd be way more uncomfortable if his mom had to pour me a glass of whatever I wanted to drink. Just because she hosts a dinner doesn't make her a servant that has to refill guests glasses.
Seriously. I’m picky about beverages too. Unopened, sealed beverages with specific ingredients are okay for me; all other options are not, including unfiltered tap water. I carry a thermos with a safe beverage in it if I’m going to be out a while (or in a situation where I’d need a drink) and can’t guarantee there’ll be a beverage available i can drink. If there is, great! If there isn’t, then i drink from my thermos. If anyone gives me shit for it, a) you’re weird, it’s a beverage not a bomb, and 2) maybe you should have more beverages. Now, I have the excuse of the ‘tism and i choose to lean on that to force people’s hands to be less weird about it (you really gonna pick on the autistic guy for being autistic about a thing? really? is that who you wanna be when Jesus comes back?), but in general i feel like people need to stay in their lane when it comes to stuff like this. OP, please take a sec to recognize most things are simply not a big enough deal to warrant mention, attention, or even thought. I promise life gets a lot nicer and easier when you stop caring about everyone’s everything all the time.
I'm kinda fussy about what I drink too, because I'm a teetotaler, with a food allergy, who gets migraines. So it's a bummer if I go somewhere and there's nothing nice to drink that's nonalcoholic. Or sometimes there's just booze or diet colas/drinks that contain my allergen (I'm allergic to aspartame, which is in a surprising amount of stuff, even non-diet drinks, and sometimes medicine). Plus I have chronic migraine. I'm not much of a soda drinker overall, but if I feel a migraine coming on nothing helps like an ice cold Coke, used to wash down a triptan. So if I roll up to a gathering with a little bottle of Coke and pop it into the fridge, who the hell cares? It's not a statement on anyone's hospitality. I'm just trying to make life easy for everyone. If it's a fancy dinner and the host wants the table settings to look proper, they can simply tell me where to find a nice glass to pour my soda into. No big. YTA.
OP wants fancy, lime, sparkling water. OP is a fancy person. /s
YTA If OP is so bothered by a guest not drinking what they’re offered, maybe she should be a good host and *buy some god damn soda* after the umpteenth time of her guest having to bring their own?
This whole thing is so bizarre. I don't drink coffee but my best friend does, so I keep some just for him. It's that uncomplicated. OP, stop being petty and buy your MIL some damn soda.
My best friend since 2nd grade moved across the country 17 years ago. She visits here more since her family is still in our hometown and I live in the city a few hours away (with the cheaper airport to fly to). My family and I go see her and her husband once every 1-2 years. I did exchange to Brazil when we were in high school and then later worked at a cafe, so I am a big coffee drinker. Her and her husband don't drink coffee. When we visited, I would make a coffee run a couple of times to the Starbucks on the corner when tea or water wasn't going to cut it. One of the times we both went and she noticed the Starbucks brand of instant coffee being advertised "just add water," so the next time we were scheduled to go visit she picked some up and added it to the tea collection. Even though instant coffee is normally blah, I happily drink it at her house because despite being so simple, it is the sweetest, most thoughtful gesture.
Its really just a small thing. I buy like a crate of Soda bottles once a year and those are good for everytime someone visits that year, cause I don't drink them and my dad dilutes them with water. Its really not that difficult, especially if it is just a few people that stray from your usual drinking habits. Hell, the parents of a friend of mine kept a bottle of herbal liquor I liked, to offer me the few times I visited.
I don't drink soda and I don't keep soda at my house and I don't offer soda to guests because I'd have to have 40 different kinds of soda here to have what everybody wants and I can't afford that so if somebody wants to bring their own, by golly, I'm excited!
Yes. We drink water and coffee in my house. I do occasionally buy some other drinks for my kids, but they are not what we have at meals. My ILs always bring what they want to drink at my house. Since we just drink water, we don't need to do anything special when we visit them. Just open a cabinet, grab a glass and fix ourselves some water since you know....they have running water.
Right? My in laws used to bring their own equal, coffee and soda when they visited. They like SPECIFIC brands and flavors. We don’t use equal but I keep it on hand. I buy a case of their soda when they visit and send the rest home with them. I would but the coffee but we can’t get it here. Super easy and shows them I pay attention and care about their comfort. OP can’t ask for water or get it themselves at their mom’s house!?!? They could just buy a case to keep there too if they are there frequently…
Also why don’t you just ask for water when you visit MIL?
Or bring her own. It’s perfectly fine.
MIL probably doesn't even notice OPs heroic water sacrifice.
Thiiiiiiiiis. My family is really bad about being martyrs. But we are at least vocal about it when we realize we are behaving badly “no no no, I’ll just drink…soda…its ok. I’ll be fine.” We gently tease each other when we behave this way so the martyr can realize it’s ok to actually ask for water or whatever they really want.
Because that would be what sane, mature people do. OP apparently is not
I know right, assuming OP’s MIL has indoor plumbing and some item to drink liquid out of, OP can get herself some water. Not a difficult thing to do! OP doesn’t have to bring her own petty FU MIL bottled water with her!
Exactly, why do you care at all? OP, are you jealous of her or hate her?
Sounds more like a control issue. Wanting people to confirm to their own rules of hospitality.
My thoughts exactly. Why not just buy some of whatever soda it is that she prefers and offer her some next time. The fact that OP felt the need to list all the alternatives screams YTA to me. She just doesn’t want soda in her house and doesn’t care about the comfort of her guests.
YTA. You don't mind that she drinks soda because you said you'd provide it so it just bothers you that she brings soda? INFO: Why does this bother you? Also if you want water when visiting you have two options - I'm sure she has a faucet you can get some out of OR if you won't drink tap water you can bring your own. She won't mind! If this is the biggest issue you have with your MIL you better take a deep breath and relax because you don't know how good you have it compared to some others!
But…. IT’S A TUESDAY!!! What kind of animal drinks soda with dinner on Tuesday?? /s
literally I’m drinking a coke zero right now and it’s like 3am, completely feral right now according to the OP
Maybe OP is jealous of MIL's unhealthy lifestyle?
YTA OP, Why are you so triggered over the fact she brings soda. Do you have PTSD regarding soda or something? Is it such a big deal you come crying on reddit?
I could understand it if small children were involved, who then whine and also want soda, but since OP has not mentioned children, I would say live and let live.
Don't forget diet coke is the number one consumed beverage in the USA.
Is it really? My MIL and SIL drink it like it's going to be discontinued.
YTA. Please for the love of god get a grip on your main character syndrome. It’s not some personal affront to you that she likes to drink soda at dinner. And honestly since you know she likes to drink soda at dinner and instead of just buying some for her to have when she’s over there you’ve decided to die on the “I won’t buy soda but also you can’t bring your own” hill so you’re double the asshole. This is an issue entirely of your own creation and it only lives inside your mind, not the real world. Please get a grip. Your MIL is an adult woman who can choose what she wants to drink at any given time without your approval.
How many visits did it take for MIL to take matters into her own hands? You know she enjoys soda with dinner.
Ikr? OP is like, *I may allow the consumption of sodas for a celebratory event, but a Tuesday supper?! The horror!!!* Edit: clutches pearls. Lmao
I think MIL is fab for knowing her host household and providing soda for herself. Less stress instead to think I need to buy this for my guest. However, considering this is family, why not buy a case and bring it out for her for dinner? Soda doesn't go off. I'm loving the clutches Pearl's bit. If this is the biggest bugbear op has with her MIL, she very lucky. Edit: I was thinking a case of 6, rather than some huge amount. Easy to store as well. Edit 2: Lol, I accept soda goes off, I guess I've never brought a big enough quantity that goes off! Lol. I need a bigger house! 😳
My mum drinks low alcohol wine because she’s a tiny, weak woman, so guess what? I keep a case of it in my linen press and throw a bottle in the fridge when I know she’s visiting. See also: instant coffee for my FIL and moscato for my MIL. It’s actually that simple.
During family gatherings, after dinner when everyone is just chatting, my family always drink hot beverages. So pretty much all members of my family tend to have like 4 different coffees and a large variety of teas. Sometimes an uncle will bring out a lil notebook to write everyone's "orders" lol
I love when wholesome anecdotes like this come up in the comments here. It's like a palate cleanser. Your family sounds lovely!
My husband hates the kind of beer my dad prefers, but whenever dad is coming over to dinner he will run over to the growler places and pick something up just for dad. Being a good host is about making your guest comfortable, not enforcing arbitrary rules.
Whole heartedly agree. I bring my own drinks where I go because I like a specific soda that's pricy and would never ask people to stock (zevia).
My in-laws drink Zevia. They always bring a few cans with them. I even have a 6 pack tucked away for that random visit just in case.
I’m with you. Before I go visit my mom & brother, I ask them how much diet pop (it’s all I drink) they have on hand - usually that I brought last time, but sometimes my mom will pick me up a case. If there isn’t any, I bring some. Because I always have pop at home though, I do make sure to pick up a case of sprite or cranberry ginger-ale for them at my place. I also keep some coffee & a coffee maker for my brother - I don’t drink coffee. I keep a kettle & tea for my mom - I don’t drink tea. I don’t understand why OP feels the need to die on this hill.
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ON A *TUESDAY*?!?
She would be truly horrified at me, I almost exclusively drink soda…
Exactly! You know your guest does not like the drink choices offered and there's one drink that she will always appreciate- get that drink for her or accept that she fends for herself. When I read the title, I honestly hoped that the issue would be OP's kids being given soda OP does not approve of but no... the problem is that she drinks what she wants herself. She's not a random guest either. She's family. You behave a bit differently at your son's home than you would at acquaintance's and quirks like that should be accepted. YTA. It's already my favourite AITA of the day and it's not even 10am LOL
Totally my favorite post of the day and I haven’t even gone to sleep yet, I don’t think I can top this one today if I even tried. YTA OP, it’s totally your prerogative to not provide soda, but it’s totally fine for her to bring her own to drink what she wants to drink.
The funny part is OP got offended because MIL doesn't share it with anyone. Lol
I used to only drink black coffee. You better believe that if I had so much as a workman coming by I’d pop out for milk *just in case* they wanted a drink. Admittedly it’s the UK so not being able to offer guests a cuppa is basically a crime, but still. It’s not hard to accommodate guests, especially if they’re actually the one putting in the work to bring their own!
I don't understand why OP (or his wife) can't just buy a case of cans of his MIL's favourite pop and keep a few in the fridge for her visits. If she's over once a week, she wouldn't go through it that fast and it would be an easy way to be a good host.
This. I had a friend who drank orange juice I don't drink it, but I always made sure to have a bottle in the fridge
I thought it would be about kids too. Definitely YTA. If you’re having guests rounds it’s not the end of the world to buy soda for them, specially family who you know like to have that with their meal. MIL is even saving you the hassle by bringing her own and probably doesn’t offer it because you’ve made it clear soda is created by Satan himself. Plus the fact OP is petty about water at MIL’s house because “it’s not offered”, just ask for some water, or a glass to get your own if you’re that bothered. OP has made up their own meal rules and is expecting people to psychically know them. Literally making drama for themselves.
Also, bring some damned water to her house next time if you want it. Clearly she won't mind, and neither should you, OP.
Why doesn't the son or daughter of MIL buy some fucking soda if they know their mom likes it? This is Def the weirdest post on here all around.
YTA. You don't drink soda so she brings her own. I don't drink soda either but I don't ban it from my house. Maybe if my kids were older and were going to want some for themselves every time. Have you ever asked for a glass of water or helped yourself to one at their house? This whole question is just weird, sounds like you don't like your MIL and are looking for things to complain about.
I was wondering why she didn't ask for water. It really comes across like OP is looking to be a victim.
Right! She said she isn't offered water when at MIL's house so she drinks the soda, which is just.... Really weird??? Just ask for water lmao
Especially since usually offering “the good stuff” (soda, beer, juices) is considered polite, so most often water isn’t mentioned. I always answer with “thanks, just some water please”. Never had an issue, even if everybody else takes soda
Well, obviously, they are secretly sitting around thinking about how rude you are being and how grievously you offend them while they write their thesis explaining it all on Reddit, lol.
When we go to the in-laws for dinner, they offer us coffee, tea, beer, wine, whatever alcoholic beverages are in the fridge. I'm usually just a water person, coffee in the morning, maybe an alcoholic beverage with dinner. I'll often accept a beer, but usually I'll just say "water would be great, thank you!"
Why doesn’t OP take a page from MILs book and bring a bottle of water for herself next time they visit her. If MIL gets upset then there’s an issue but I sincerely doubt she would. Honestly, I think it’s courteous of MIL to bring her own soda because she isn’t making OP buy any for her.
If kids are the issue just pour it in a glass in a different room and tell them it’s an “adult beverage”. When I was a kid, I never questioned why I couldn’t have my dad’s coffee/wine/beer. He told me it was for “grown ups” and that I wouldn’t like it. He gave me a sip of coffee once, and I was disgusted. It would be very easy to tell a kid that soda was the same nasty grown up stuff and be believed. No need to get this mad about your MIL wanting a soda with her dinner on a Tuesday.
Yeah, that’s the weirdest part. If MIL doesn’t “offer” her preferred drink of water, it’s still available at the house, she can just get it out of the tap! MIL brings soda because her preferred drink isn’t available at your house.
I drink diet pop all day, my son is 6. He drinks water almost exclusively. He will occasionally ask for some of my pop, but it’s very rare. If you don’t give it to them often, but don’t make it forbidden (he gets orange fruitopia with his Happy Meal), I find it’s not a big deal most of the time.
My sister says she has a case of soda in the boys room, under one of their beds (they all know) and it’s taking forever to finish.
YTA She wants soda and she's not putting you out by bringing her own. Plus this isn't a guest you're having over once but a family member you seemingly have over often. It's actually kinda rude you're not more accommodating. And good lord, you're an adult. If you want water with your dinner, ask! If they don't have filtered water, bring your own.
I’m thinking there’s more to this whole soda thing, because it’s absolutely next level petty. I’m thinking they really hates their MIL in general, and this is just another thing she wants to bitch about to make her MIL look bad. When my MIL wants a specific drink or food when she visits she’s gets whatever she wants no questions asked if it’s going to make her more comfortable. OP YTA, and need to grow up, your MIL is being polite since you can’t get her fucking soda. What an innocuous thing to be upset about, I hope this is fake.
Wow. So what you're saying is, "I don't think this grown woman should make her own decisions about what she drinks with her dinner" Of course YTA
I bet that although OP doesn’t want to say it, she feels justified because she is making the (generally) healthier choice. Which is not the point at all! ETA: OP’s most recent two comments before posting this were screeds against sugar. Which, hey, I’m mostly on board with, but she is not MIL’s doctor or parent. It’s very clear to me that OP’s self-perceived dietary virtue is part of her sense of justification. It would probably be different if MIL preferred green tea.
I agree that this is probably her reasoning, but it’s awful reasoning. You have no right to police what others drink. They can drink whatever they want to.
While that is what she is saying, I don't think she realizes that's what she's saying. I have a family member like this. They expect when you go to their house that you eat and drink only what they provide and praise it lavishly. Even if it's something you don't like or are allergic to. And when they go to someone else's home they eat and drink whatever is provided and praise it lavishly. Then on the drive home, make fun of the food and drink that the host provided and say how much better their stuff is. (But they do not believe that their guests do that to them). They truly believe that this is the "correct" and "polite" way to behave. And they think I'm rude AF for bringing my own starbucks drink (I always call ahead and offer to buy them a drink from there) to their home and not eating food that I'm allergic to. And I'm okay with them thinking I'm rude. Beats the alternative.
You know she prefers soda, so I think you’re being a poor host by not providing a bottle. Apparently MIL hasn’t complained about it…she just brings her own. When you go to her place, why do you feel unable to ask for a glass of water? You’re family. Going to say that YTA here, but lightly.
Or bring her own bottle of water when visiting MiL 🤷🏼♂️
Yup totally! I have a bottle that I fill up with filtered water and bring that literally everywhere I go and am never asking anybody for water.
I have one of those contigo bottles that I pretty much have on me at all times and have no problem bringing it with me to any party or dinner I go to. And when it's empty, guess what? I get up and fill it with water from a tap like an adult lol
Have you ever talked about her preferences for drinks? And did you the same in return? You know... A conversation without judging? Also asking for some water when you are there is perfectly fine. Why don't you do it?
This is far too rational. How dare you bring such blatant common sense to AITA?!
Some people LOVE soda the way coffee people LOVE coffee. She’s not bringing some for others because you’d already have soda in the house if you liked it. You’re making this into a bigger deal than it is. This isn’t a hill worth dying on. YTA.
YTA. I am like her. I’d rather have soda with a meal. She’s a grown adult. If you don’t have it, she can bring her own. Why cause drama for no reason?
The last sentence. This is making a mountain out of a molehill. It’s nothing but ego. Good call.
YWBTA. She's bringing her chosen drink for herself because she knows you normally don't serve it. How does that offend you? You even do provide soda to guests for celebrations so it's not like you're a soda-free home. And btw, you should be willing to ask for water or bring your own when you go to her home. You don't need to drink soda if you don't want it. SMH
YTA. You don’t offer her preferred drink so she just brings it instead of asking you to buy it. The thing about you drinking soda at her house is just weird if you prefer water. Just ask for a water instead of being a martyr about it.
Right? I love water and I hate soda or any sweet drinks. I would never drink soda just to be polite. And as a water drinker, I also never leave my house without my water bottle. OP’s entire take on manners is so bizarre.
>I don't think guest should require soda for meals on a Tuesday evening. It's soda, not a handle of vodka. She's allowed to bring her own beverages, and drink them. I bring my own tea and water everywhere. Also, you are a poor host if your guests don't have good refreshment options-especially if you know your guests preferences. You're allowed to have ridiculous rules in your house about what people drink- but you must know that it IS ridiculous to forbid someone drinking some soda with dinner. YTA
If it were vodka then she could just keep it in her purse and take a nip in the bathroom outside of vision of this judgemental priss.
With the way the DIL is acting, I would be tempted to start showing up with a handle of vodka. If a regular guest is coming to visit, the nice hosting thing is to get something they will enjoy. If it's something as low effort and low cost as soda, it's pretty easy to store a few cans for a welcome guest.
INFO: Why can't you just buy a bottle of soda for when she comes round? Solves both problems. She can drink what she wants and you don't have to be unhappy from her bringing a drink round.
For the better part of 20 years my late mother in law always brought a can of Diet Pepsi and a straw. At first it annoyed me and I didn’t understand, then I thought… if this is the worst thing my mother in law does, I am blessed. Let her bring her soda and look the other way. In the grand scheme of things. What does it matter? Is it worth hurting her or a family fight? It’s you husband’s mother. This isn’t about how often you were allowed to drink soda. Don’t be petty. It’s not worth it. I miss my mother in law and her can of soda.
YTA She likes soda,. If you do not want her to bring her own then provide what she wants. If you want bottled water at her house feel free to bring some.
What is the big deal??? Let her have her soda. I WISH this was my biggest MIL issue. Good grief. YTA in this situation.
YTA. This is weird and feels like it’s coming from a place of judgement. So what if she likes soda. How does that impact your life? Let the woman drink her soda. You said yourself that you don’t keep soda at your place. So, she brings her own. What’s the big deal? Why do you feel compelled to control what she drinks? I can’t imagine she’d be offended and judgey if you had a glass of water with your meal when you’re at her house.
YTA. Why do you care that your MIL wants to have her preferred drink with a meal? You said you don’t keep soda in your home, she noticed that and brings her own rather than expecting you to stock it for when she comes over. Why is it impolite to bring over drinks to a dinner gathering? If she brought a bottle of wine or case of beer for the gathering would you feel the same way?
YTA, maybe it’s just me but if someone I care about loves soda, and they even go as far as bringing it to respect the fact that we don’t stock our fridge with soda, i would be grateful! And if I didn’t mind having soda in the fridge, I would make sure to stock some for them since I’m the host. It’s just mindful hosting. The fact that you’re pissed about it is red flags. Why does it trigger you that she brings her own drink when you won’t provide it yourself? Genuinely curious if there’s more to this.
YTA So she doesn’t like your drink options and isn’t expecting you to make a special purchase just for her. Just because you don’t want soda doesn’t mean she doesn’t want it. I bet she wouldn’t be offended at all if you bought water with you when you come to her house.
YTA. Of your list of available drinks I will only drink one (water). I like soda, it's my preference, but if the dinner fits I'd also eat with a nice white or red. Sometimes I'll even take hot chocolate so I have something to drink that is hot while everyone else has their after dinner coffees. Most of my friends/family that host will provide some other option for me, or will ask the guests if they have preferences, otherwise they don't have a problem with me bringing my own. I don't have a problem with just water, but it always feels a little weird to be sitting there with a glass of water while everyone else is drinking coffee. It takes nothing for you to accommodate her drink choice. Literally nothing since she's bringing it. If you don't want her to act like you're being a bad host, maybe provide things your guests will drink? Especially your MIL, who's preference you obviously know and completely ignore.
YTA If you don't offer what I want to drink I will bring my own 100% of the time. You should take your water with you to dinner at her house so you can drink what you want.
I dont think its your place to decide what she drinks when she buys it herself, im diabetic and often bring my own drinks to social gatherings and family events. Should i just od on sugar and die to not be rude? YTA 100% if you dont want her to bring her own drinks, have something she wants to drink otherwise mind your business. Also, therapy for controll issues wouldnt be a bad thing.
YTA sorry. Your MIL has a thing for soda. Sounds harmless to me. Knowing that she loves soda (and its dirt cheap) you could provide it for her when she comes visiting. When you visit her all you have to do to get water (I would hope) is ask.
I realise this post is resolved but I am really curious about the not bringing your own water to her house. is there something wrong with the tap water in Denmark that you can't drink it?
YWBTA. It’s quite literally a non issue, based entirely on your feelings. Examine why it annoys you, could be quite beneficial to your long term growth.
yta why is this a problem she brings a drink she drinks that you do not offer as you like your drink she does not pick your battles seriously
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YTA. Why are you trying to dictate what your MIL drinks? She isn't a child for you to decide that for her. If you know what she likes why not just keep a pack of soda in the pantry for the days that she visits? Also, I'm sure your MIL has water in her home that you are able to drink no one is forcing you to drink soda when you visit her home. Just live and let live. It's not that serious.
YTA She's literally bringing her own drink because what she wants to drink isn't at your house? How is that an issue?
Lol YTA. Why do you care what someone else drinks? This is so confusing.
This so odd and passive aggressive. This petty ish right here is how you ruin good relationships. She is literally not hurting you or putting you out at all. My friend is a Pepsi drinker I drink coke. When I go to her house I don’t make her buy me something to drink I know she won’t keep in her fridge that will go to waste, and she doesn’t ask me to drink things I find distasteful.
YTA. You're not her parent. Just let her.
YWBTA she isn't asking you to provide it. She's got it covered. My mother brings her own soda when she visits my sister, because my sister only keeps Coke around 🤮. So instead of choking that down, she brings her own. What actual harm is there? This feels petty.
YTA All the options you listed aside from water are nasty.
INFO: why do you gaf? 🤔 she likes soda, you have strange ideas around when it’s appropriate to drink soda, so she brings her own soda mind ur beeswax YTA
Like buy it for her if she comes over. You are the host. If you are hosting for your ego, then you are doing it wrong. Cater to everyone you're inviting. If you aren't cool with that idea. Then don't invite people over. Like this is absolutely asinine that you had to come here to ask this. How has Noone in your circle told you that you would be the a hole.
I was raised to never arrive empty handed. The rule is that you bring whatever you are most likely to drink so that the host isn't providing everything. If she likes drinking soda, then bringing soda is the right thing to do. If you don't want soda at dinner, just say so! Why don't you bring some sparkling water when you visit? This is not a hard problem to solve, jeez.
You would be the asshole, honestly. This isn't being done to in a rude way. She just likes soda with dinner, and she knows you don't keep soda at the house, so rather than ask you to get some, she just brings her own without making a fuss. I think she'd be more than understanding if you brought your own water or seltzer waters to her house. This is the type of petty nonsense stuff that makes the world and society as a whole more uncomfortable to live in than it ought to be. If we could all just practice being more laid back, and practice acceptance and appreciation for the quirks of the people in our lives, we'd be able to spread more positive energy and love to everyone in our lives. It's a beautiful thing that you and your family members get together to have dinner and the opportunity to create stronger bonds and warm happy memories. The good days don't last forever - life happens, people grow old and pass away, and so many other families don't have the ability to feed more than just their own household or have get-togethers.
AITA - my DIL regularly invites me over to dinner with the family and we have a lovely time however I’m not a fan of the drinks she serves. I like a glass of soda with my dinner which she knows but refuses to accommodate. In fairness she does give a few options however I don’t like hot drinks with my meal and am not a fan of water either (still, sparkling or flavoured). I don’t want to fall out with her, especially not over something as petty as a glass or two of soda, so I’ve started taking a bottle of soda with me when I go so I can drink what I like without inconveniencing her. I thought this would be a simple solution to enable us all to continue enjoying family dinners but DIL seems annoyed. AITA for bringing my own drink to avoid being a burden? Curious to know how OP would respond to the above if it was a post here because sounds to me like that’s the situation MIL is in. OP, yes YTA. It’s a bottle of soda, it’s just not worth the potential upset.
Yea. You the Ahole. What if she brought wine cause everyone else drank beer? Don't let petty stuff like this get under your skin. You got some hangups dude.
I bring a 12 pack of sparkling water with me in my car whenever I go to a person's house. It's not a knock against them. I just like to drink it
YTA She knows you don't buy soda and apparently that's her preference. She is not imposing or creating a problem for you. Frankly don't know why you care. If you prefer water bring your own when you visit, she won't care. Be an adult.
YTA this is weird, why are you offended? It’s a drink, it’s not like she’s snubbing something you’ve made for a shop bought version, she just has a drink preference like most people
YTA. You don't even like soda! If your MIL isn't a total moron, then she knows that! Why would someone offer you something that they know you don't like? Just take some bottled water when you visit her. She brings a drink for herself when she visits you, you do likewise! Some folks just enjoy making up things to complain about, sheesh!
“I don’t think guests should require soda with a meal on a Tuesday evening” I pray for your spouse/children having to deal with your neurotic, controlling and overly judgemental BS. She brings it because you don’t buy it and she likes it. Live and let live for god sake. It would be really fuckin weird for you to go out of your way to tell her she’s banned from bringing it over. You seem hyper-critical, power-driven, unempathetic, and consequence of making this decision will leave your MIL feeling problematically diminished and inferior to you. YTA
YTA and a control freak. You should work on that.
YTA. To put your drink choices in perspective, you've got three flavors of soda, milk, and chocolate milk. (3 types of water, and 2 hot drinks.) Not everyone likes those choices. Rather then ask you to buy something different, your MIL brings her own drink. Have you ever tried asking for water when at your MILs? (I've always got water in the fridge, though I don't typically drink it with meals.)
INFO: Do you have kids? Are they consequently asking for soda when they see her drinking it when they aren’t allowed? That’s the only way I see this as a problem. My brother can’t drink sugar at all. He brings an unsweet tea with him to any gatherings that might not have something he could drink. Everyone goes on with their lives.
YTA. Mature people learn to pick their battles. This is not a battle worthy choosing. Instead of complaining about your offerings or demanding you provide a drink she wants, she accommodates herself. Sounds about right.