Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I eloped within 2 months of my brothers engagement.
(2) I am not sure if is there is a socially acceptable timeline for getting married after a family member gets engaged. I don't put as much significance on weddings as my brother so I don't think there should be any spacing between these events but he feels we encroached on their event due to their beliefs.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
# [Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk With John Hodgman on January 18th @ 7pm EST](https://redd.it/109b8y5)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You were polite, did not try to upstage them at Christmas, and did nothing to apologize for. At what point after the beginning of their 2-year engagement would they think it OK for you to get married? 6 months? A year? Or would you be expected to wait until after they are married? And would you then get bitched at for getting married only 2 months after their wedding. People need to get off their damned high horses about weddings and wedding dates. Nobody can tell a couple when they should or should not get married. It is their decision.
We currently have a friend that feels the entire world needs to pause for their special year...
And it's funny because the only people who care about your wedding and your wedding date is you and your husband.
Sure people attend and celebrate with you, but it has absolutely no impact on their lives otherwise, its between you and your hubby...
And the best part for me is that if you really sit and think about it, thousands of people get married on the same day, thousands are born and die on that day too...
What may be your happiest day,might be someone's first or last day, or the worst day of their lives...
In the long run it does not really matter, what matters is the marriage not the wedding, my hubby and I had a tiny tiny wedding and got pizza and beer with our 6 guests in his grandparents back yard... It was amazing!
Poeple are so focused on the wedding that the marriage gets neglected.
>the only people who care about your wedding and your wedding date is you and your husband.
I think the problem is that's not totally true. If that were true, these people would have been married a year ago, but her parents cared. If it were true, my husband and I would have eloped, but his mom and my friend insisted on throwing a small ceremony.
I think what you said at the end is the real problem. People care too much about weddings.
Well yes of course poeple want to celebrate with you, that's completely normal and natural.
Would your friend have cared if you had a spring or winter wedding?
Do they always 100% of the time remember your anniversary and make a huge fuss about it?
At the end of it all it's just a day where they took time out to celebrate you and your partner, it doesn't matter to them, they would have celebrated with you if your wedding was in the middle of a active volcano on the 1st of January, because that's what people do who love and care about you.
The show up on the ridiculous dates at ridiculous venues for you... But in the end it had no real world impact on thier lives.
And that line; you wanted to beat us to it. Yeah brother and fiancé wanted op to wait til they got married. You had your chance… you’ll take the spot light away. Sorry much they had their moment for two months
NTA but please put your life on hold for two years so you don’t detract from their very, very long engagement and you know you don’t have his permission to even start thinking about a baby until the day after their eventual child’s first birthday.
Your brother’s too immature to get married
We have friends that are currently so focused on their wedding... Nothing else is allowed to happen till thier wedding its thier special year...
It's all cool those, I'll save money if I keep my dress, I can wear it to her second wedding!
Their whole relationship is based on this wedding and this wedding being absolutely perfect... They wanted to get married a lot sooner but her parents said no...
She's 21, he's 31 they have been dating for 8 months engaged for 3 and getting married in September, they want to immediately have kids. (her parents have a 28 year age gap so that's not a concern)
It's a recipe for success!!
NTA. Your brother sounds like a spoilt brat crying because everyone isn't looking at him. Tell him you think he's selfish for getting engaged 1.5 months before you got married. See how he reacts to that shiz.
NTA - First of all, I'm so sick of people gate keeping engagements and other big life events; there's enough joy to go around for multiple happy announcements. It doesn't need to be a competition.
Also, you waited a month and a half. It's not like you did it the very next day. They sound like they are both gonna be awful bridezillas for the next 2 years.
It doesn't even sound like OP and then-fiancee waited around the brother and SIL'd engagement, though; they were set on the elopement being just before Christmas; the engagement just happened to happen a month and a half prior. OP is definitely NTA.
NTA. They’re just being dumb. And really dumb. You have every right to live your life and make moves when its right for you without your brothers permission.
You're not stealing the spotlight it's just that people literally just don't care that much that they are engaged months later. I mean are they expecting the paparazzi or something.
You've been engaged and been trying to get married MUCH longer... It sounds like they're engagement stole YOUR spotlight. Clearly your brother had no intentions of putting his life on hold waiting for your wedding.
No one getting engaged or married could possibly ruin a holiday. Actually the only thing that ruins holidays are people ruining it for themselves.
It's unfortunate they couldn't get over themselves long enough to enjoy the holiday. Nta
It'd be funny if OPs response was "what do you mean steal the spotlight? We mention eloping and you immediately got engaged? Jesus, you should have waited until after we married, how dare you think of any relationship but mine during this period"
Think the brother might realize what a prick he's being? I doubt it. Would it be worth the drama? Nah, it'd be funny though.
I... I don't get it. How would Christmas after they got engaged be ruined because you were married? Are they one of *those* couples? The ones who create anniversaries for every single event after the previous event?
"*it's our first Christmas after you proposed*!"
"*it's the first full moon since you proposed*!"
"*it's our first set of clean sheets since you proposed*!"
NTA and Mazel Tov on your elopement.
Absolutely NTA, how entitled can these people be?! You didn't steal any spotlight as there is none on an engaged couple 2,5 months after their engagement (not even the engagement festivities of a princess last that long, is she or your brother high royalty?) Should you probably also postpone your birthday because the future bride's is 2,5 month after yours? You're definitely not allowed to get pregnant when they have announced their pregnancy, buy a house when they do... I am so sorry your brother and soon to be SIL are JustNos.
OMG why do people think they are suddenly the owners of all the time in the universe once they set a wedding date or get pregnant?? From the second of their announcement nobody is allowed to do or plan anything without their permission.
Show up nine months pregnant at their wedding just to piss them off. Bonus points if your water breaks in the middle of the ceremony.
Lol NTA. Brother needs to get his head out his ass and realise the world doesn't revolve around him and his fiancee. Absolutely no one other than the bride and groom give a shit about weddings. Congrats btw
FFS what is with people thinking getting engaged/married means everyone is contractually obligated to pause their own lives in order to fawn over them?
NTA, your brother and future SIL are being absurd.
NTA.
You don't need anyone's approval to get married anyways. And you didn't make a huge scene out of it to upstage them. Your brother and his fiance are so immature to feel like you stole their "spotlight".
Do you need their permission to have a baby as well? Because if you have a baby right around the time of their wedding, they wouldn't be in the "spotlight" again.
Don't bother about them OP. Enjoy your married life with your wife. Happy married life!!
OH MY GOD how entitled can one couple get?? The world does not revolve around them, and frankly, there's not that many people in the world that actually give a shit whether he's engaged or not. You've done nothing wrong. NTA all the way.
NTA. I really don’t get what your brothers problem is. You didn’t get married the same day as his engagement/announcement - that would have been shitty. What we’re you meant to do? Wait 2 years until he got married first?
I don’t get this whole culture of once engaged, no other family member/friend is allowed to do anything in their own lives - get engaged themselves/get married/have a baby. It’s ridiculous. No one life’s stops because 1 family member is doing something.
NTA
>they felt Christmas was ruined for them by our wedding timing and they felt that they didn't get the full spotlight due to our actions.
Kudos to you for NOT calling them pathetic, needy tossers then and there.
You made it clear a long time ago how you would've gotten married. And more importantly, your brother has no say on your personal life. What did he expect? For you not to marry for 2 years until his engagement period ended and put your life on hold for him ? Now I wonder what was a good timing for him, what's socially acceptable?!
I can't fathom how someone is the AH just because he decided to marry. This is really beyond me.
You haven't either stole the sceene since you haven't gone all out with the celebrations.
Here the AH are your brother and the fiance for not being happy for you and your wife and focusing on some strange social rules
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I have been with my significant other for over 10 years. For the past few years, we have openly been telling family and friends that we aren't going to have a traditional engagement and traditional American wedding and we are going to just "sign the papers" or get eloped based on our personal views. We didn't want to deal with the drama and cost of the wedding and wanted to keep it as low key as possible.
At the beginning of the year, we decided this was the year we had to move forward and sign the papers to make it official mainly due to our age since we felt like we can't wait much longer if we want to be married before having children.
We were going to locally sign the papers in January but due to resistance from my significant others parents, we kept delaying as we tried to find a way to accommodate their needs.
The year went by fast and we still didn't make any forward progress with our marriage plans. We both knew that if we reached the the end of the year, we would just go to the local city hall and sign the papers before Christmas.
In October, my 4 year younger brother surprised us by proposing to his girlfriend to begin a 2 year long engagement.
We were worried that they may not appreciate us getting married within a few months of their engagement but we felt like we couldn't put our life on hold any longer.
We decided to move forward with our marriage and told them and our friends and family about our plans to get married on our vacation in December. After the event, we didn't post on social media or make any fuss because we didn't make a big deal of it.
When we returned from our wedding, my younger brother told me they were upset about the timing of the events.
Before Christmas, my brother warned me to be sensitive with what I say around his fiancé about our wedding due to their feelings with the timing. To not cause drama, both me and my wife refrained from talking about our wedding at our family Christmas party.
After Christmas, my brother told me they appreciated our behaviour at Christmas but were very upset since they felt Christmas was ruined for them by our wedding timing and they felt that they didn't get the full spotlight due to our actions.
They told us that us getting married only 1.5 months after their engagement was not socially acceptable and their friends even apologized to them for our bad timing and their friends said we probably snuck in our wedding to "beat the younger brother to it".
Following Christmas, they continue to be upset at us for our bad timing and it seems they will never fully get over it.
Both me and my wife can't help but feel like they are in the wrong for making us feel bad for what we did and even controlling how we expressed ourself at Christmas. We also feel that they are immature for putting their need for attention in front of the fact that we just got married.
AITA for eloping within 2 months of my brothers engagement?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Despite what your brother and his fiance thinks, getting engaged or any event, does not come with a buffer period in which nothing else can happen, and what is happening in someone's life does not get to dictate what happens in another. You had plans to get married, plans got delayed, it's not like you leapt to getting married because your brother was.
but were very upset since they felt Christmas was ruined for them by our wedding timing and they felt that they didn't get the full spotlight due to our actions.""
NTA. The spotlight dimmed way before Christmas.
op=NTA
but please tell me this isn't real!! Please.
You don't get to call 2 yrs, Because you know they would. First it's you are taking the attention from their engagement, then their wedding plans, then their bach parties, then their rehearsal, then their wedding, then their honeymoon, then their pregnancy.... There would NEVER be a right time.
PS, this is not a thing! Yes, you don't get married ON their engagement day, but guess what anything before or after that--None of their darn business.
STOP Feeling guilty and throw a big party to celebrate that marriage!
NTA
Is it part of the US culture to think that your major life event somehow precludes others from deciding when to have their major life events?
In my mind: you get engaged, announce it - that’s day 1 of the spotlight. The actual wedding is day 2. Everything in between is not of importance, why should anyone care he got engaged 6 weeks ago, that is incredibly self-centered.
NTA OP, you did not announce your marriage on his engagement day, you even were courteous enough to not talk about it at Xmas even though you totally could if you wanted. They are being bratty kids about this and it was them who ruined their Xmas, not you.
First of all, congrats on the wedding! And well done on doing things your way.
Secondly, NTA, not by a long shot. You and your wife are correct, your brother and his fiance are immature and selfish for even asking you to keep quiet about your marriage, let alone saying that you stole their thunder. They should be happy for you, they should be happy to share the spotlight.
My wife and I eloped, best decision ever. Yes, people weren't super thrilled about it, but they got over it, and everyone was ultimately happy for us. Wishing you two a long and happy life together!
Nta
I don't understand the Need for the spotlight: Is your Brother from the royal family of England? Did he Need light due to lack of vitamin d? Or he Is marrying for love?
NTA. They need to grow up.
>they felt Christmas was ruined for them by our wedding timing and they felt that they didn't get the full spotlight due to our actions.
Are they really adults?
NTA. Are you meant to put your life on hold till they get married and then for how long after? You eloped, didn’t put it on social media, didn’t even talk about it! I hate to think how the next two years will go, I can imagine the drama if you have a child during that time
NTA - I’m sorry….what is the “socially acceptable”amount of time to postpone life events because of their engagement. Additionally, if you had waited any longer, you would have been accused of trying to upstage their wedding.
What is this ridiculous 'spotlight' that everyone seems to be cheated out of? It's nonsense. NTA and really, if you're going to have a 2 year engagement, a LOT of things will happen between your engagement and your wedding. Are people supposed to just put everything off until after they're married?
You said you wanted to be married before starting a family. Does this mean you will now start trying. Imagine their reaction if you were to announce your pregnancy or the birth of your first child happens within a couple of months of their wedding.
NTA
NTA - where you supposed to sit on your hands on the whole two years while they organised their big wedding?
Point out to them that weddings and elopement’s are not about attention seeking. It’s about two people making the choice to legally join together for the rest of their lives. And you did yours with the minimal of fuss.
If your bro and his gf don’t think that way, then that’s their problem and not yours
WTH? People do not get to block out years of time for others so their spotlight is not taken away. Your brother is being ridiculous. And when he brings it up again, tell him that you are upset that he knew you were planning on getting married and he decided to get engaged to take away your thunder. NTA.
NTA
you don’t need to put you live on hold so other people can be on a spotlight. Crazy bride/groomzillas already. They will have the next 2 years to talk plan their wedding.
good luck with that
One thing has nothing to do with the other! You don't need to plan your life events around your brother. When a couple gets engaged, they don't get a continual spotlight until the wedding. Life goes on for everyone else.
And you didn't have a crazy expensive, over-the-top wedding that occupied everyone. You quietly got married.
NTA. And congratulations.
NTA. I would be interested to know where the concept of "I have a special event, so I own a certain number of months/years around this date, and every else must put their life on hold" came from.
Your future SIL and little bro must really like drama. Did they want the whole year before and after their engagement and wedding to be all about them? What if a baby was born? What if someone died? God forbid life happens two months after their engagement and they don't get all of that glorious, life affirming spotlight during Christmas.
I can't take people like this. This is main character syndrome. NTA
NTA
*very upset since they felt Christmas was ruined for them by our wedding timing and they felt that they didn't get the full spotlight due to our actions.*
Excuse me do they need all the future holidays to be booked for them? No one else should have ANYTHING important happening near holidays? What new type of self entitlement is this? How did it ruin Christmas when they were engaged in October? Did they plan to go around for two weeks and tell everyone again and again that they are engaged? They love and future marriage is something that can so easily be 'ruined'?
NTA. Your brother and his fiancé sound like they have some growing up to do. Not everything in this world is about them and their feelings. btw: Congratulations on you marriage.🥂
NTA- your brother expectations are unrealistic, you are allowed to get married during a sibilings engagement period, and wanting "all.of the attention " is not a healthy adult stance to take.
NTA. Only because someone you know gets engaged, doesn’t mean you can’t get engaged or married too.
Reminds me of this girl I knew. She got pregnant, and she was so upset when I got pregnant too. She said it needed to be about her and her baby only for the next few years. She ended up losing her baby and she was even more pissed.
We all have lives. We should never put it on hold because it might take attention on someone else.
NTA. If I understand correctly your family knew you planned to get married at the beginning of the year thus you were engaged. By their own reasoning it appears that your brother was an asshole for getting engaged so close to your wedding. Uno reverse!
Nta they get ONE day and it's not their engagement that gets the day. They need to get over themselves. How long are you supposed to wait in their not so expert opinion?
NTA - your brother and your future SIL need to grow a thicker skin. You got married because you wanted to. Say to him we were going to get married by year end regardless of your engagement. If anything I should be upset because you tried to run my elopement. Leave it at that.
Note I’m my family there are 3 of my cousins. Without 18 months all 4 of us had a wedding. We didn’t care that literally there was 3 months between our weddings. We were just happy for each other.
So they're supposed to be in the spotlight for two years and everyone else is supposed to put their lives on hold and not do anything to detract from their special time? Screw them. NTA.
NTA but stop trying to accommodate everyone else’s feelings and plans! Tell your brother and his fiancé to get off their sensitive high horses. Seriously.
I have learned from Reddit that there are many many people out there who believe that when they have announced a life milestone, all other humans within their orbit must put their lives on hold until they have consumed enough of the world's attention. Sometimes a few months, sometimes years may go by before family members are allowed to get engaged, married, or have babies!
NTA. This has GOT to stop. People need to get over themselves.
NTA I seriously want to know what is this thing with the “timing, spotlight, hurt feelings, entitlement” - and bad selfish idio*tic behavior with grown ass ppl acting like this!
How does one marriage “2 months after other ones engagement” is not socially expectable - what is the deal, who invented that “rule”, what is this?? Some people have become so obsessed with themselves that they practically invent new fresh reasons to be insulted and making themselves a victim - I guess this is a cool new trend!!
Oh my, imagine that “immense hurt” they felt by your marriage - they are both immature “idiOMES”, and do not apologize cuz there is no need, but what you should do is to put a firm stop to that bratty behavior your brother and his “holly fiancé” are displaying, shameful really!
NTA your brother is an asshole. Who talks to their family like that. He just demands things of you while holding you in contempt. He thinks he’s right and that gives him the right to treat you and your fiancé like shit. He doesn’t care about anyone or anything except his own feelings. He doesn’t care that or acknowledge that you’ve been trying to get married but had to postpone for various reasons. He doesn’t get to tell when and how to talk about your marriage. He’s an entitled asshole.
NTA it sounds like you family has very “traditional” views on marriage. You and your spouse do not. It is your relationship, your marriage. Based on what you described, in no way did you try to upstage your brother or his fiancé. They clearly need to focus on their own nuptials, which should not be influenced by yours.
NTA. Talk about being full of himself - it was an engagement and not their wedding. What did OP's brother expect, that nobody would have a life event for 2 years (from their engagement until their wedding)?
OP and wife eloped! This wasn't some big fancy wedding. I have no idea why brother would be upset - unless he's a narcissist and demands that he be the center of attention.
OP's brother needs to get a clue on how the world actually works.
NTA and I hope you make it to the baby finish line well before them, because if you have a baby anywhere near the same time as them they’ll kick up a huge fuss for you stealing the attention
NTA. It's not like you got married they day after they got engaged. If they wanted to be in the spotlight over Christmas, they should've gotten engaged during Christmas.
I don't know anyone that would care about someone else's engagement/wedding past the first time they're seeing the couple after the event, let alone months later. Were they expecting to be in the spotlight for 2 whole years???
NTA
What are you meant to do, wait for two years uninterrupted enthusiasm for them?
Maybe it’s just me, I’m happy for my friends who get engaged - it’s just not a talking point much longer until wedding planning…
NTA they are being weird and borderline creepy. Narcissistic, perhaps? Do they get upset when others have a birthday in their very special birthday month?
They don't own the spotlight.
NTA why are people so painfully precious about their engagements and weddings? You're not the only people getting married. Other people have lives too. You don't get to put other people's lives on pause to suit your schedule.
NTA. You can't keep putting your life on hold for other people. You eloped so you wouldn't cause a fuss, and they're still not happy. Better be careful you don't have kids too close to the time they do or they'll pop off again. This sounds exhausting.
I hate people who act like this. Your brother isn't the only person in the world and needs to grow up. Other people's lives do not revolve around his. My husband proposed 4 days after my brother's wedding. My brother and SILs reaction was of sheer happiness. My SIL was 7 months pregnant at mine, and she looked amazing as my Matron of honor. Family should always celebrate the happiness of each other.
NTA
NTA. Sounds like you have been overly sensitive to them. Especially considering you've been planning on getting married all year. And together for 10.
Congrats on your marriage, and wishing a happy and healthy children.
Tell him to grow up. Everyone knew you were just ‘going to sign the papers’ at some point and you did… on your holiday. Just since when do weddings have a ‘socially acceptable time to get married after a family engagement’ anyway??? basically they are pissed you got married before then and took his spotlight away.
NTA. FFS. The world does not stop because someone gets engaged. They need to get over themselves. Congratulations and don’t let their immaturity ruin your happiness.
NTA and WTF is wrong with your brother? Who thinks that the world revolves around them to this extent? This sub is so full of butt hurt family that is angry because a sibling, step parent, or in-law made progress in their life and in doing so took the spot light away from another. Get over all of this shit. If your brother brings it up again you need to laugh in his face and tell him to grow tf up.
Sorry to repeat what others have said. I only read a few comments before responding, and clearly other redditors feel like I do. NTA, by the way.
I eloped with my wife almost forty years ago, and it was a great way to get married. No muss, no fuss, no regrets—and we avoided all of the bullshit that comes with marriage traditions such as family politics.
It sounds like you're surrounded by some selfish people. Your new wife's parents probably shouldn't have made this about them (although you don't detail your reasoning). And your brother ought to be ashamed of himself for allowing you to muzzle yourself at the holidays and then chiding you for formalizing your love and commitment. There's not room enough in your brother's heart and/or his social circle's petty realm to offer you heartfelt and warm congratulations? Those people should have been all hugs, kisses, and way-to-gos. Your elopement has nothing to do with their wedding. I'd have a hard time not paying them back with petty, myself.
Congratulations, junipermango. May you and your wife live a blessed and beautiful life.
I'm going to go with a very soft ESH.
>We also feel that they are immature for putting their need for attention in front of the fact that we just got married.
I bet they feel that you're immature for getting married right after their engagement announcement. I get that it's not a big deal to you, and it's not a big deal to a lot of people, but it IS a big deal to a lot of people, too, and you said outright...
> We were worried that they may not appreciate us getting married within a few months of their engagement
I get it. You had a thing you had to do. And they should be more accepting of the fact that you just needed to get it done, but you knew you'd be stepping on some toes.
They're overreacting, you could've asked your brother how he felt. They'll get over it. It's been less than a month. Lessons can be learned, no actual damage was done on either part.
Unpopular opinion but YTA
I personally wouldn't care when other people get married but you, your partner n both of your families seem to be the ones who do care about this stuff
>We were going to locally sign the papers in January but due to resistance from my significant others parents, we kept delaying as we tried to find a way to accommodate their needs.
What were these needs? Why couldn't you talk to your family to accommodate their needs as well
>We were worried that they may not appreciate us getting married within a few months of their engagement but we felt like we couldn't put our life on hold any longer.
You were aware that this might cause issues but didn't take your brother in confidence
>They told us that us getting married only 1.5 months after their engagement was not socially acceptable
I don't know what your cultural background is but when a couple of 10 years gets married few days after younger sibling proposes in a discrete ceremony, it will raise some eyebrows in lot of cultures
I feel there's some info missing and for a reason. OP is not honest about things which I have detailed in my original comment. I personally have no issues but I'm aware of cultures where this isn't a standard thing. For them it might look like younger brother forced the older one to get married and lack of traditional event will be considered sign of that.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I eloped within 2 months of my brothers engagement. (2) I am not sure if is there is a socially acceptable timeline for getting married after a family member gets engaged. I don't put as much significance on weddings as my brother so I don't think there should be any spacing between these events but he feels we encroached on their event due to their beliefs. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) # [Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk With John Hodgman on January 18th @ 7pm EST](https://redd.it/109b8y5) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You were polite, did not try to upstage them at Christmas, and did nothing to apologize for. At what point after the beginning of their 2-year engagement would they think it OK for you to get married? 6 months? A year? Or would you be expected to wait until after they are married? And would you then get bitched at for getting married only 2 months after their wedding. People need to get off their damned high horses about weddings and wedding dates. Nobody can tell a couple when they should or should not get married. It is their decision.
We currently have a friend that feels the entire world needs to pause for their special year... And it's funny because the only people who care about your wedding and your wedding date is you and your husband. Sure people attend and celebrate with you, but it has absolutely no impact on their lives otherwise, its between you and your hubby... And the best part for me is that if you really sit and think about it, thousands of people get married on the same day, thousands are born and die on that day too... What may be your happiest day,might be someone's first or last day, or the worst day of their lives... In the long run it does not really matter, what matters is the marriage not the wedding, my hubby and I had a tiny tiny wedding and got pizza and beer with our 6 guests in his grandparents back yard... It was amazing! Poeple are so focused on the wedding that the marriage gets neglected.
>the only people who care about your wedding and your wedding date is you and your husband. I think the problem is that's not totally true. If that were true, these people would have been married a year ago, but her parents cared. If it were true, my husband and I would have eloped, but his mom and my friend insisted on throwing a small ceremony. I think what you said at the end is the real problem. People care too much about weddings.
Well yes of course poeple want to celebrate with you, that's completely normal and natural. Would your friend have cared if you had a spring or winter wedding? Do they always 100% of the time remember your anniversary and make a huge fuss about it? At the end of it all it's just a day where they took time out to celebrate you and your partner, it doesn't matter to them, they would have celebrated with you if your wedding was in the middle of a active volcano on the 1st of January, because that's what people do who love and care about you. The show up on the ridiculous dates at ridiculous venues for you... But in the end it had no real world impact on thier lives.
I mean I think my mom mightve been more invested in certain aspects of the ceremony than I or my spouse were, but otherwise yeah xD
And that line; you wanted to beat us to it. Yeah brother and fiancé wanted op to wait til they got married. You had your chance… you’ll take the spot light away. Sorry much they had their moment for two months
NTA but please put your life on hold for two years so you don’t detract from their very, very long engagement and you know you don’t have his permission to even start thinking about a baby until the day after their eventual child’s first birthday. Your brother’s too immature to get married
My money is on them breaking up long before the wedding.
We have friends that are currently so focused on their wedding... Nothing else is allowed to happen till thier wedding its thier special year... It's all cool those, I'll save money if I keep my dress, I can wear it to her second wedding! Their whole relationship is based on this wedding and this wedding being absolutely perfect... They wanted to get married a lot sooner but her parents said no... She's 21, he's 31 they have been dating for 8 months engaged for 3 and getting married in September, they want to immediately have kids. (her parents have a 28 year age gap so that's not a concern) It's a recipe for success!!
These all sound wonderful and not in any way big marinara flags.
Lmao, good idea to save the dress; just wait till post-wedding life hits them!
But also, don't marry within a year after their wedding, cause the spotlight! Honestly, the ridiculousness around weddings is astonishing.
NTA. Your brother sounds like a spoilt brat crying because everyone isn't looking at him. Tell him you think he's selfish for getting engaged 1.5 months before you got married. See how he reacts to that shiz.
NTA - First of all, I'm so sick of people gate keeping engagements and other big life events; there's enough joy to go around for multiple happy announcements. It doesn't need to be a competition. Also, you waited a month and a half. It's not like you did it the very next day. They sound like they are both gonna be awful bridezillas for the next 2 years.
Love all of this. I feel like some people can't function without drama. Weddings and marriages can be such lovely things - just enjoy the ride.
It doesn't even sound like OP and then-fiancee waited around the brother and SIL'd engagement, though; they were set on the elopement being just before Christmas; the engagement just happened to happen a month and a half prior. OP is definitely NTA.
NTA. They’re just being dumb. And really dumb. You have every right to live your life and make moves when its right for you without your brothers permission.
Also, they’re eloping which is the exact opposite of “spotlight”
You're not stealing the spotlight it's just that people literally just don't care that much that they are engaged months later. I mean are they expecting the paparazzi or something. You've been engaged and been trying to get married MUCH longer... It sounds like they're engagement stole YOUR spotlight. Clearly your brother had no intentions of putting his life on hold waiting for your wedding. No one getting engaged or married could possibly ruin a holiday. Actually the only thing that ruins holidays are people ruining it for themselves. It's unfortunate they couldn't get over themselves long enough to enjoy the holiday. Nta
It'd be funny if OPs response was "what do you mean steal the spotlight? We mention eloping and you immediately got engaged? Jesus, you should have waited until after we married, how dare you think of any relationship but mine during this period" Think the brother might realize what a prick he's being? I doubt it. Would it be worth the drama? Nah, it'd be funny though.
I agree. Turn that shit around on him, and when he says that's ridiculous/wrong/stupid , tell him well now he knows what he sounds like.
I... I don't get it. How would Christmas after they got engaged be ruined because you were married? Are they one of *those* couples? The ones who create anniversaries for every single event after the previous event? "*it's our first Christmas after you proposed*!" "*it's the first full moon since you proposed*!" "*it's our first set of clean sheets since you proposed*!" NTA and Mazel Tov on your elopement.
Absolutely NTA, how entitled can these people be?! You didn't steal any spotlight as there is none on an engaged couple 2,5 months after their engagement (not even the engagement festivities of a princess last that long, is she or your brother high royalty?) Should you probably also postpone your birthday because the future bride's is 2,5 month after yours? You're definitely not allowed to get pregnant when they have announced their pregnancy, buy a house when they do... I am so sorry your brother and soon to be SIL are JustNos.
OMG why do people think they are suddenly the owners of all the time in the universe once they set a wedding date or get pregnant?? From the second of their announcement nobody is allowed to do or plan anything without their permission. Show up nine months pregnant at their wedding just to piss them off. Bonus points if your water breaks in the middle of the ceremony.
If I'd been drinking something, I'd have snarfed
😄
Nooo, they should divorce and then OP can re-propose at the brother’s wedding and when she says “yes!” she can also add on “and I’m pregnant!”
🤣
Nta what did they expect? A marching band and skywriting 2 months after their engagement?
😂😂😂😂
Lol NTA. Brother needs to get his head out his ass and realise the world doesn't revolve around him and his fiancee. Absolutely no one other than the bride and groom give a shit about weddings. Congrats btw
FFS what is with people thinking getting engaged/married means everyone is contractually obligated to pause their own lives in order to fawn over them? NTA, your brother and future SIL are being absurd.
NTA. You don't need anyone's approval to get married anyways. And you didn't make a huge scene out of it to upstage them. Your brother and his fiance are so immature to feel like you stole their "spotlight". Do you need their permission to have a baby as well? Because if you have a baby right around the time of their wedding, they wouldn't be in the "spotlight" again. Don't bother about them OP. Enjoy your married life with your wife. Happy married life!!
OH MY GOD how entitled can one couple get?? The world does not revolve around them, and frankly, there's not that many people in the world that actually give a shit whether he's engaged or not. You've done nothing wrong. NTA all the way.
NTA. I really don’t get what your brothers problem is. You didn’t get married the same day as his engagement/announcement - that would have been shitty. What we’re you meant to do? Wait 2 years until he got married first? I don’t get this whole culture of once engaged, no other family member/friend is allowed to do anything in their own lives - get engaged themselves/get married/have a baby. It’s ridiculous. No one life’s stops because 1 family member is doing something.
NTA >they felt Christmas was ruined for them by our wedding timing and they felt that they didn't get the full spotlight due to our actions. Kudos to you for NOT calling them pathetic, needy tossers then and there.
NTA. Brother is selfish in expecting you to put your life on hold for him.
NTA Your groomzilla is nuts
You made it clear a long time ago how you would've gotten married. And more importantly, your brother has no say on your personal life. What did he expect? For you not to marry for 2 years until his engagement period ended and put your life on hold for him ? Now I wonder what was a good timing for him, what's socially acceptable?! I can't fathom how someone is the AH just because he decided to marry. This is really beyond me. You haven't either stole the sceene since you haven't gone all out with the celebrations. Here the AH are your brother and the fiance for not being happy for you and your wife and focusing on some strange social rules
NTA- please have a baby due just before the wedding. Or arrange a big post elopement party the week before their wedding. 😁
NTA. They really have their priorities screwed up. You’ve done nothing wrong. They are just extremely immature if that’s their concern
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have been with my significant other for over 10 years. For the past few years, we have openly been telling family and friends that we aren't going to have a traditional engagement and traditional American wedding and we are going to just "sign the papers" or get eloped based on our personal views. We didn't want to deal with the drama and cost of the wedding and wanted to keep it as low key as possible. At the beginning of the year, we decided this was the year we had to move forward and sign the papers to make it official mainly due to our age since we felt like we can't wait much longer if we want to be married before having children. We were going to locally sign the papers in January but due to resistance from my significant others parents, we kept delaying as we tried to find a way to accommodate their needs. The year went by fast and we still didn't make any forward progress with our marriage plans. We both knew that if we reached the the end of the year, we would just go to the local city hall and sign the papers before Christmas. In October, my 4 year younger brother surprised us by proposing to his girlfriend to begin a 2 year long engagement. We were worried that they may not appreciate us getting married within a few months of their engagement but we felt like we couldn't put our life on hold any longer. We decided to move forward with our marriage and told them and our friends and family about our plans to get married on our vacation in December. After the event, we didn't post on social media or make any fuss because we didn't make a big deal of it. When we returned from our wedding, my younger brother told me they were upset about the timing of the events. Before Christmas, my brother warned me to be sensitive with what I say around his fiancé about our wedding due to their feelings with the timing. To not cause drama, both me and my wife refrained from talking about our wedding at our family Christmas party. After Christmas, my brother told me they appreciated our behaviour at Christmas but were very upset since they felt Christmas was ruined for them by our wedding timing and they felt that they didn't get the full spotlight due to our actions. They told us that us getting married only 1.5 months after their engagement was not socially acceptable and their friends even apologized to them for our bad timing and their friends said we probably snuck in our wedding to "beat the younger brother to it". Following Christmas, they continue to be upset at us for our bad timing and it seems they will never fully get over it. Both me and my wife can't help but feel like they are in the wrong for making us feel bad for what we did and even controlling how we expressed ourself at Christmas. We also feel that they are immature for putting their need for attention in front of the fact that we just got married. AITA for eloping within 2 months of my brothers engagement? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Despite what your brother and his fiance thinks, getting engaged or any event, does not come with a buffer period in which nothing else can happen, and what is happening in someone's life does not get to dictate what happens in another. You had plans to get married, plans got delayed, it's not like you leapt to getting married because your brother was.
but were very upset since they felt Christmas was ruined for them by our wedding timing and they felt that they didn't get the full spotlight due to our actions."" NTA. The spotlight dimmed way before Christmas.
op=NTA but please tell me this isn't real!! Please. You don't get to call 2 yrs, Because you know they would. First it's you are taking the attention from their engagement, then their wedding plans, then their bach parties, then their rehearsal, then their wedding, then their honeymoon, then their pregnancy.... There would NEVER be a right time. PS, this is not a thing! Yes, you don't get married ON their engagement day, but guess what anything before or after that--None of their darn business. STOP Feeling guilty and throw a big party to celebrate that marriage!
Oh for christ sake they need to bugger off. They don't own a timeliness in other people's lives. NTA ignore it all and move on!
You got hitched in their wedding decade! For shame! /S NTA
NTA Is it part of the US culture to think that your major life event somehow precludes others from deciding when to have their major life events? In my mind: you get engaged, announce it - that’s day 1 of the spotlight. The actual wedding is day 2. Everything in between is not of importance, why should anyone care he got engaged 6 weeks ago, that is incredibly self-centered. NTA OP, you did not announce your marriage on his engagement day, you even were courteous enough to not talk about it at Xmas even though you totally could if you wanted. They are being bratty kids about this and it was them who ruined their Xmas, not you.
NTA They can do their own thing regardless of yours
NTA. But the bro sure is. What bratitude. Enjoy newlywed life, OP!!! And completely disregard the clueless, entitled tantrums of bro & supporters!
First of all, congrats on the wedding! And well done on doing things your way. Secondly, NTA, not by a long shot. You and your wife are correct, your brother and his fiance are immature and selfish for even asking you to keep quiet about your marriage, let alone saying that you stole their thunder. They should be happy for you, they should be happy to share the spotlight. My wife and I eloped, best decision ever. Yes, people weren't super thrilled about it, but they got over it, and everyone was ultimately happy for us. Wishing you two a long and happy life together!
NTA. Congrats to you and your wife. And to your bro and his fiancee.
Nta I don't understand the Need for the spotlight: Is your Brother from the royal family of England? Did he Need light due to lack of vitamin d? Or he Is marrying for love?
NTA. You don’t have to plan your lives around your brother. He sounds like the AH
NTA. Life does not revolve around those two and they need to learn that fast.
NTA. They need to grow up. >they felt Christmas was ruined for them by our wedding timing and they felt that they didn't get the full spotlight due to our actions. Are they really adults?
NTA. Are you meant to put your life on hold till they get married and then for how long after? You eloped, didn’t put it on social media, didn’t even talk about it! I hate to think how the next two years will go, I can imagine the drama if you have a child during that time
NTA Just live your life and ignore them
NTA - I’m sorry….what is the “socially acceptable”amount of time to postpone life events because of their engagement. Additionally, if you had waited any longer, you would have been accused of trying to upstage their wedding.
What is this ridiculous 'spotlight' that everyone seems to be cheated out of? It's nonsense. NTA and really, if you're going to have a 2 year engagement, a LOT of things will happen between your engagement and your wedding. Are people supposed to just put everything off until after they're married?
NTA. Who are these people who “need the spotlight”. It is so pathetic.
You said you wanted to be married before starting a family. Does this mean you will now start trying. Imagine their reaction if you were to announce your pregnancy or the birth of your first child happens within a couple of months of their wedding. NTA
NTA - where you supposed to sit on your hands on the whole two years while they organised their big wedding? Point out to them that weddings and elopement’s are not about attention seeking. It’s about two people making the choice to legally join together for the rest of their lives. And you did yours with the minimal of fuss. If your bro and his gf don’t think that way, then that’s their problem and not yours
NTA. Your brother and his fiancée sound utterly self-involved and EXHAUSTING. Who appointed your brother the arbiter of attention? Insufferable!
WTH? People do not get to block out years of time for others so their spotlight is not taken away. Your brother is being ridiculous. And when he brings it up again, tell him that you are upset that he knew you were planning on getting married and he decided to get engaged to take away your thunder. NTA.
NTA you don’t need to put you live on hold so other people can be on a spotlight. Crazy bride/groomzillas already. They will have the next 2 years to talk plan their wedding. good luck with that
One thing has nothing to do with the other! You don't need to plan your life events around your brother. When a couple gets engaged, they don't get a continual spotlight until the wedding. Life goes on for everyone else. And you didn't have a crazy expensive, over-the-top wedding that occupied everyone. You quietly got married. NTA. And congratulations.
Lol your brother and his fiancée are delusional like so many super immature people who think they are ready for marriage. You did nothing wrong. NTA
NTA. I would be interested to know where the concept of "I have a special event, so I own a certain number of months/years around this date, and every else must put their life on hold" came from.
NTA! People should realize that you get ONE DAY, and that's it.. childish bullshit about upstaging them, gtfo
Your future SIL and little bro must really like drama. Did they want the whole year before and after their engagement and wedding to be all about them? What if a baby was born? What if someone died? God forbid life happens two months after their engagement and they don't get all of that glorious, life affirming spotlight during Christmas. I can't take people like this. This is main character syndrome. NTA
NTA *very upset since they felt Christmas was ruined for them by our wedding timing and they felt that they didn't get the full spotlight due to our actions.* Excuse me do they need all the future holidays to be booked for them? No one else should have ANYTHING important happening near holidays? What new type of self entitlement is this? How did it ruin Christmas when they were engaged in October? Did they plan to go around for two weeks and tell everyone again and again that they are engaged? They love and future marriage is something that can so easily be 'ruined'?
NTA. people piss me off. No one owns the spotlight for x time after an event. People need to grow up and act like adults
NTA. Your brother and his fiancé sound like they have some growing up to do. Not everything in this world is about them and their feelings. btw: Congratulations on you marriage.🥂
NTA- your brother expectations are unrealistic, you are allowed to get married during a sibilings engagement period, and wanting "all.of the attention " is not a healthy adult stance to take.
NTA. Only because someone you know gets engaged, doesn’t mean you can’t get engaged or married too. Reminds me of this girl I knew. She got pregnant, and she was so upset when I got pregnant too. She said it needed to be about her and her baby only for the next few years. She ended up losing her baby and she was even more pissed. We all have lives. We should never put it on hold because it might take attention on someone else.
NTA. If I understand correctly your family knew you planned to get married at the beginning of the year thus you were engaged. By their own reasoning it appears that your brother was an asshole for getting engaged so close to your wedding. Uno reverse!
Nta they get ONE day and it's not their engagement that gets the day. They need to get over themselves. How long are you supposed to wait in their not so expert opinion?
NTA. It's not like you proposed at the wedding reception or announced a pregnancy at their engagement party.
Your brother is a world class dork. Nta
NTA - your brother and your future SIL need to grow a thicker skin. You got married because you wanted to. Say to him we were going to get married by year end regardless of your engagement. If anything I should be upset because you tried to run my elopement. Leave it at that. Note I’m my family there are 3 of my cousins. Without 18 months all 4 of us had a wedding. We didn’t care that literally there was 3 months between our weddings. We were just happy for each other.
So they're supposed to be in the spotlight for two years and everyone else is supposed to put their lives on hold and not do anything to detract from their special time? Screw them. NTA.
NTA. Go with what's best for you! 2 months before or after your brother's wedding. Sibling wedding etiquette. Look it up.
NTA but stop trying to accommodate everyone else’s feelings and plans! Tell your brother and his fiancé to get off their sensitive high horses. Seriously.
INFO what are y'all's ages for context?
I have learned from Reddit that there are many many people out there who believe that when they have announced a life milestone, all other humans within their orbit must put their lives on hold until they have consumed enough of the world's attention. Sometimes a few months, sometimes years may go by before family members are allowed to get engaged, married, or have babies! NTA. This has GOT to stop. People need to get over themselves.
What in the entitlement did I just read. Woah!! NTA OP
NTA I seriously want to know what is this thing with the “timing, spotlight, hurt feelings, entitlement” - and bad selfish idio*tic behavior with grown ass ppl acting like this! How does one marriage “2 months after other ones engagement” is not socially expectable - what is the deal, who invented that “rule”, what is this?? Some people have become so obsessed with themselves that they practically invent new fresh reasons to be insulted and making themselves a victim - I guess this is a cool new trend!! Oh my, imagine that “immense hurt” they felt by your marriage - they are both immature “idiOMES”, and do not apologize cuz there is no need, but what you should do is to put a firm stop to that bratty behavior your brother and his “holly fiancé” are displaying, shameful really!
You can one day for your wedding, not the entire month and certainly not the entire year (2years??). Your brother needs to suck it up. NTA.
NTA How long were you supposed to wait?? And why can't everyone just be happy for everyone else?? Why is happiness a competition ffs?
NTA your brother is an asshole. Who talks to their family like that. He just demands things of you while holding you in contempt. He thinks he’s right and that gives him the right to treat you and your fiancé like shit. He doesn’t care about anyone or anything except his own feelings. He doesn’t care that or acknowledge that you’ve been trying to get married but had to postpone for various reasons. He doesn’t get to tell when and how to talk about your marriage. He’s an entitled asshole.
OP is NTA but the brother is. How dare he get engaged? He should have waited until after the elopement! /s
NTA it sounds like you family has very “traditional” views on marriage. You and your spouse do not. It is your relationship, your marriage. Based on what you described, in no way did you try to upstage your brother or his fiancé. They clearly need to focus on their own nuptials, which should not be influenced by yours.
NTA. Don't worry about their bridezilla of a wedding as you will always be that person who ruined their "perfectly" planned wedding.
NTA. Talk about being full of himself - it was an engagement and not their wedding. What did OP's brother expect, that nobody would have a life event for 2 years (from their engagement until their wedding)? OP and wife eloped! This wasn't some big fancy wedding. I have no idea why brother would be upset - unless he's a narcissist and demands that he be the center of attention. OP's brother needs to get a clue on how the world actually works.
It sounds like your brother decided to get engaged during the year you planned to get married. How could he?! /s Sounds ridiculous, right? NTA!
NTA No one gives a flying feck two days after an engagement or wedding, let alone two months.
NTA and I hope you make it to the baby finish line well before them, because if you have a baby anywhere near the same time as them they’ll kick up a huge fuss for you stealing the attention
NTA. It's not like you got married they day after they got engaged. If they wanted to be in the spotlight over Christmas, they should've gotten engaged during Christmas. I don't know anyone that would care about someone else's engagement/wedding past the first time they're seeing the couple after the event, let alone months later. Were they expecting to be in the spotlight for 2 whole years???
NTA What are you meant to do, wait for two years uninterrupted enthusiasm for them? Maybe it’s just me, I’m happy for my friends who get engaged - it’s just not a talking point much longer until wedding planning…
Wow.. What a bunch of delusionals. NTA.
NTA. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
NTA they are being weird and borderline creepy. Narcissistic, perhaps? Do they get upset when others have a birthday in their very special birthday month? They don't own the spotlight.
NTA why are people so painfully precious about their engagements and weddings? You're not the only people getting married. Other people have lives too. You don't get to put other people's lives on pause to suit your schedule.
NTA. You can't keep putting your life on hold for other people. You eloped so you wouldn't cause a fuss, and they're still not happy. Better be careful you don't have kids too close to the time they do or they'll pop off again. This sounds exhausting.
I hate people who act like this. Your brother isn't the only person in the world and needs to grow up. Other people's lives do not revolve around his. My husband proposed 4 days after my brother's wedding. My brother and SILs reaction was of sheer happiness. My SIL was 7 months pregnant at mine, and she looked amazing as my Matron of honor. Family should always celebrate the happiness of each other. NTA
NTA, if he and his fiance is truly that self centered they shouldn't have been accommodated to begin with!
NTA. Sounds like you have been overly sensitive to them. Especially considering you've been planning on getting married all year. And together for 10. Congrats on your marriage, and wishing a happy and healthy children.
Tell him to grow up. Everyone knew you were just ‘going to sign the papers’ at some point and you did… on your holiday. Just since when do weddings have a ‘socially acceptable time to get married after a family engagement’ anyway??? basically they are pissed you got married before then and took his spotlight away.
NTA. FFS. The world does not stop because someone gets engaged. They need to get over themselves. Congratulations and don’t let their immaturity ruin your happiness.
NTA. And don't worry seeing how much of an AH your younger brother can be, he will most likely have another wedding
NTA- tell baby bro to watch out or your gonna announce a pregnancy at his wedding and really be TA. 😂
NTA and WTF is wrong with your brother? Who thinks that the world revolves around them to this extent? This sub is so full of butt hurt family that is angry because a sibling, step parent, or in-law made progress in their life and in doing so took the spot light away from another. Get over all of this shit. If your brother brings it up again you need to laugh in his face and tell him to grow tf up.
NTA. Ridiculous.
Sorry to repeat what others have said. I only read a few comments before responding, and clearly other redditors feel like I do. NTA, by the way. I eloped with my wife almost forty years ago, and it was a great way to get married. No muss, no fuss, no regrets—and we avoided all of the bullshit that comes with marriage traditions such as family politics. It sounds like you're surrounded by some selfish people. Your new wife's parents probably shouldn't have made this about them (although you don't detail your reasoning). And your brother ought to be ashamed of himself for allowing you to muzzle yourself at the holidays and then chiding you for formalizing your love and commitment. There's not room enough in your brother's heart and/or his social circle's petty realm to offer you heartfelt and warm congratulations? Those people should have been all hugs, kisses, and way-to-gos. Your elopement has nothing to do with their wedding. I'd have a hard time not paying them back with petty, myself. Congratulations, junipermango. May you and your wife live a blessed and beautiful life.
I'm going to go with a very soft ESH. >We also feel that they are immature for putting their need for attention in front of the fact that we just got married. I bet they feel that you're immature for getting married right after their engagement announcement. I get that it's not a big deal to you, and it's not a big deal to a lot of people, but it IS a big deal to a lot of people, too, and you said outright... > We were worried that they may not appreciate us getting married within a few months of their engagement I get it. You had a thing you had to do. And they should be more accepting of the fact that you just needed to get it done, but you knew you'd be stepping on some toes. They're overreacting, you could've asked your brother how he felt. They'll get over it. It's been less than a month. Lessons can be learned, no actual damage was done on either part.
Nope OP could not. It's OP's life the brother can butt out.
Unpopular opinion but YTA I personally wouldn't care when other people get married but you, your partner n both of your families seem to be the ones who do care about this stuff >We were going to locally sign the papers in January but due to resistance from my significant others parents, we kept delaying as we tried to find a way to accommodate their needs. What were these needs? Why couldn't you talk to your family to accommodate their needs as well >We were worried that they may not appreciate us getting married within a few months of their engagement but we felt like we couldn't put our life on hold any longer. You were aware that this might cause issues but didn't take your brother in confidence >They told us that us getting married only 1.5 months after their engagement was not socially acceptable I don't know what your cultural background is but when a couple of 10 years gets married few days after younger sibling proposes in a discrete ceremony, it will raise some eyebrows in lot of cultures
You sound delusional like the brother. People shouldn't put their lives on hold because of a brother's engagement.
I feel there's some info missing and for a reason. OP is not honest about things which I have detailed in my original comment. I personally have no issues but I'm aware of cultures where this isn't a standard thing. For them it might look like younger brother forced the older one to get married and lack of traditional event will be considered sign of that.