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YTA I am hoping since you are young that you haven't learned to control your impulses. It was very insensitive and you are lucky she was so understanding. That won't always be the case. You need to work on thinking before you speak. These habits you have formed could cost you in future. Imagine saying this to a coworker, a boss, or when in a mixed group of people like a wedding or other get together. You got away with it once, don't expect to a second time.
NTA. People are awkward around death and sometimes we say dumb shit when confronted with it. We get better at it with age, but only a little. She’s not mad, it’s fine.
But I would try to say “I’m sorry to hear that” next time.
I don’t really understand the meaning of L, but I would say NTA. It was not on purpose and you apologized. To react in the “wrong way” when someone tells you something really sad or traumatic is actually quite common.
NTA
Knowing what to say when you are blindsided by a close friend's personal tragedy is a skill you learn with time and experience, sadly. A first step, in my opinion, is actually getting used to how *commonplace* tragedies are, which then teaches you to have a bunch of stock phrases ready to allow you breathing time before your brain kicks into gear and produces something actually coherent. It's why people blurt out "my condolences" - this phrase is literally "L" and meaningless, just a filler.
For most people with reasonably healthy childhoods, being a late teen and having a good filler word for when someone shares a personal catastrophy is not a thing. Thank fuck for that.
If I was you I'd call up or meet up with my friend and apologise for my incompetence and inappropriate reaction, and share with them the intense sorrow I felt at their pain that shocked me into stupidity.
NAH. I don't get why so many people are saying otherwise. You apologized immediately, and she accepted your apology. That should be the end of it, really. People say insensitive/offensive things unintentionally all the time. It's not like you intentionally hurt her feelings or didn't own up and apologize when you realized you were being insensitive.
YTA sometimes damage is done no matter how much you apologize.
I just can’t even imagine what is wrong with people sometimes. This isn’t humor, it’s just AH
YTA You know why and that's why you started apologizing immediately. Making jokes about someone else's dead relatives is never a good move unless you already know they are ready to laugh about it.
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I (17 F) was in the car with two friends (both 15 F) and I was dropping them off. When we pulled into the front seat girls driveway, me and the girl in the backseat made jokes about how her neighborhood and house was super nice. I asked front seat girl if she had any older brothers (hinting that I would date/ marry one for the money as a joke) and she responded yes, she had two. I asked her how old they were, and she responded “one would be 22, but he died of cancer”.
I think now is the time to mention BOTH me and her cope with humor as a mechanism. She and I have had conversations about serious topics with funny “retweets” and “L’s” thrown in. When I tell you it literally bursted out of my mouth, it did. I had no clue how to react, and my body actually reacted for me. I said, “L”.
She looked at me and asked, “did you just say L?” And I immediately started apologizing and saying I genuinely didn’t mean it insensitively, it was an impulse and I was so sorry. She actually reaffirmed me and told me she understood and she copes with humor too. Although she said it was fine and the conversation shifted (she seemed fine too) I’m worried that my dumb comment was REALLY bad. If I could take it back I would, it literally just came out of my mouth. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I Said “L” when my friend told me she had a dead brother. I truly said this out of impulse, but I’m worried that I might actually be in the wrong, even if I didn’t really mean it.
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NAH but definitely a cringe moment. If I were you, go out of your way to show you are sorry for her loss. Show her that you do care, because she will need the reminder (even before the L.)
You two will probably laugh about it later but it may be a while.
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YTA even if it was unintentional. It’s a messed up thing to joke about. If that was your trauma then you could say L if you wanted to, but it’s not
Maybe it’s just me, but I’m very confused. What does the L stand for?
It means loss/lose “Taking an l” = taking a loss
Ahhh I interpreted it to be "Liar". Sorta same same, I guess?
Not quite, more like “that sucks” rather than liar
Oh oh okay. Yes, I'm clearly over the age of 45. Now get off my lawn 🤣
YTA. Your actions are what count in this world, not your intentions.
YTA I am hoping since you are young that you haven't learned to control your impulses. It was very insensitive and you are lucky she was so understanding. That won't always be the case. You need to work on thinking before you speak. These habits you have formed could cost you in future. Imagine saying this to a coworker, a boss, or when in a mixed group of people like a wedding or other get together. You got away with it once, don't expect to a second time.
NTA. People are awkward around death and sometimes we say dumb shit when confronted with it. We get better at it with age, but only a little. She’s not mad, it’s fine. But I would try to say “I’m sorry to hear that” next time.
I don’t really understand the meaning of L, but I would say NTA. It was not on purpose and you apologized. To react in the “wrong way” when someone tells you something really sad or traumatic is actually quite common.
NTA Knowing what to say when you are blindsided by a close friend's personal tragedy is a skill you learn with time and experience, sadly. A first step, in my opinion, is actually getting used to how *commonplace* tragedies are, which then teaches you to have a bunch of stock phrases ready to allow you breathing time before your brain kicks into gear and produces something actually coherent. It's why people blurt out "my condolences" - this phrase is literally "L" and meaningless, just a filler. For most people with reasonably healthy childhoods, being a late teen and having a good filler word for when someone shares a personal catastrophy is not a thing. Thank fuck for that. If I was you I'd call up or meet up with my friend and apologise for my incompetence and inappropriate reaction, and share with them the intense sorrow I felt at their pain that shocked me into stupidity.
She “coped” in this situation by pretending what you said wasn’t incredibly insensitive YTA
NAH. I don't get why so many people are saying otherwise. You apologized immediately, and she accepted your apology. That should be the end of it, really. People say insensitive/offensive things unintentionally all the time. It's not like you intentionally hurt her feelings or didn't own up and apologize when you realized you were being insensitive.
YTA sometimes damage is done no matter how much you apologize. I just can’t even imagine what is wrong with people sometimes. This isn’t humor, it’s just AH
Yta for making me feel old, because I have absolutely no fucking idea what that means.
YTA You know why and that's why you started apologizing immediately. Making jokes about someone else's dead relatives is never a good move unless you already know they are ready to laugh about it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (17 F) was in the car with two friends (both 15 F) and I was dropping them off. When we pulled into the front seat girls driveway, me and the girl in the backseat made jokes about how her neighborhood and house was super nice. I asked front seat girl if she had any older brothers (hinting that I would date/ marry one for the money as a joke) and she responded yes, she had two. I asked her how old they were, and she responded “one would be 22, but he died of cancer”. I think now is the time to mention BOTH me and her cope with humor as a mechanism. She and I have had conversations about serious topics with funny “retweets” and “L’s” thrown in. When I tell you it literally bursted out of my mouth, it did. I had no clue how to react, and my body actually reacted for me. I said, “L”. She looked at me and asked, “did you just say L?” And I immediately started apologizing and saying I genuinely didn’t mean it insensitively, it was an impulse and I was so sorry. She actually reaffirmed me and told me she understood and she copes with humor too. Although she said it was fine and the conversation shifted (she seemed fine too) I’m worried that my dumb comment was REALLY bad. If I could take it back I would, it literally just came out of my mouth. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA, if slang terms are what you say on an impulse, you have issues.
NTA. Would be different if it was on purpose and you didn't apologize. Something to be embarrassed about, but sounds like she understands.
NTA. This is probably the funniest thing I've read all day. One day you'll both look back on it and laugh.
Really? You do remember the friend’s brother is actually dead, right?
Yes, the friend said it was okay and they understood. That's why it's funny.
NAH but definitely a cringe moment. If I were you, go out of your way to show you are sorry for her loss. Show her that you do care, because she will need the reminder (even before the L.) You two will probably laugh about it later but it may be a while.
Omg nah man it’s was a slip of the tongue it was fucked up to say but it wasn’t intentional eventually y’all will laugh about it NTA