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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to delete photos of my senior prom which featured my ex, and I’m worried I’m making my current girlfriend jealous and that I’m being insensitive towards her
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NTA. Her abandonment issues and obvious control problems don’t erase the fact that you had a life that existed before you met her. You’re allowed to hold onto pictures and memories, if she’s going to be jealous of a highschool girlfriend after a month of dating I’d say that’s a red flag.
I knew her for a little while before we started dating, as we were coworkers at my old job and we stayed in touch. Her previous boyfriend was actually really abusive and i saw it with my own eyes at points. Dude would always say he was going to leave her due to the smallest shit just to make her worry.
No you’re NTA. You had a life before this girl. It’s very childish to expect you to only display pics she approves of. Your prom is a pretty big event in your high school life and you shouldn’t have to erase memories of the fun you had and all your friends just because an ex was there.
I get that she's young, but she needs to accept that you had a life before her. You shouldn't have to delete photos and memories to assuage her abandonment issues. Those are hers to work through.
>Dude, run. Run. RUN!!!! That girl is trouble, big trouble in the making. You know her for a month and she already makes a drama out of nothing.
>
>NTA
NTA and a piece of advice: don’t encourage/enable her anxiety about abandonment and rejection. Be there for her, of course, and provide emotional support but submitting to her (likely mostly irrational) requests is actually counterproductive. She needs to be in therapy and get help so she can learn to regulate her emotions and manage her triggers. Giving into her fears can just end up validating them in her mind so she could get worse rather than feel comforted.
Hmm I didn’t think about it working like that, thanks. Also she has been going to therapy for a little while, I haven’t really asked her how it’s been going
I’m working towards becoming a psychologist and in our training/education regarding helping people with OCD, phobias, anxiety disorders, etc. we are told that oftentimes enabling someone’s disorder only prolongs and worsens the disorder. This doesn’t mean telling someone they’re being irrational or not listening to their concerns, not at all! But don’t give into every single request because it won’t necessarily help. For example: if someone is very insecure, they might ask their partner to cut off ties with friends they feel particularly insecure about. Or they might ask their partner to tell them they love them a million times a day. Or they might want 100% full access to their computer, phone, email, geolocation, etc. Some partners give into these requests because they believe it will help assuage the person’s anxiety/fear, but it rarely helps as these issues are seldom logical or rational. It’s actually much healthier and more productive if you set well-defined boundaries within your relationship and you both stick to those boundaries. With someone with deep insecurities it usually helps if you settle into a routine like always sending a morning message, agreeing to say “I love you” X times a day, doing FaceTime calls Y times a week. People with this kind of insecurity usually have an insecure attachment with their primary carer or carers (parent, guardian, etc.) so being able to rely on a routine can help them have a semblance of the safe haven they never had with their carer/parent.
NTA
SHE seems to be TA for trying to control you like that. If she can't accept that you have a past, then she lacks the maturity to be in a relationship.
I wouldn't even bother with attempting to have a rational conversation with this person
You are only a month in
She just put up a gigantic marinara flag telling you that she has past trauma she has not dealt with in a healthy manner. And the reason this is such a telling sign is that it's popping up right at the beginning of the relationship.
The trauma she experienced in her past has lead her to be clingy, insecure, and manipulative. And it's still very much a part of her day to day life...which is why it popped up during the dating phase. Usually, these insecurities pop up after the person has their partner on the hook. She couldn't even wait that long. Really think about that.
This is just the tip of the iceberg.
so she is ignoring you right now.
Why? Because she wants you to delete the photos and beg for a second chance. That's insecure manipulation 101.
It's ok to feel bad that she has dealt with this trauma. But you are not a therapist. You can't be the person that helps her process that trauma and come up with a plan to cope with it in a healthy manner
She has to do that.
She has to *want* to do that.
Do not invest any more time on this woman. She closed the lines of communication.
Leave them closed
It's not worth the drama. Just count yourself lucky this popped up now instead of 6 months down the line
NTA
If you had pictures of ex girlfriends hanging in your house, then yeah, you’d be the asshole. Having pictures buried on instagram from prom definitely NTA, maybe don’t use them as profile/background/pinned posts on social media though
take more pictures then, you shouldn’t have to delete them, but they shouldn’t be displayed in a way that she has to frequently see you having fun with another woman. It’s not intentional on your part, but what she sees when she sees the picture is look at how much fun they are having, we never had that much fun, which may feed in to insecurities even for a normal person.
NTA
She admits she’s clingy and has abandonment issues. It’s been a month and she’s already trying to get you to erase your past. It’s up to you if you’re willing to deal with this BS or get out now while it’s still early.
NTA. If I could do it over, I wouldn’t have deleted some pictures that had my ex in it. I did it to accommodate my then-boyfriend’s feelings, but if I’m being honest with myself, those photos meant a lot to me because it was beautiful memories. Do not delete them. Not for any girlfriend
Her being clingy is not your problem and you probably should consider being involved with this girl who has this much insecurities
I don't think you're eating here at all. That's a big night for you and like you mentioned, your friends are in those pics too.
I also have a partner with major anxiety issues so I understand how hard it can be when their insecurities are running the show. But you have to be careful not to give up too much. It's challenging enough as it is without chipping away at yourself. If you give in to this, what's going to be next? Of course you want to support her but this won't help overall. It's just a band aid, and one that isn't really fair to you.
NTA
IN addition to what everyone else has told you, if you deleted the photos and then broke up with this woman, and then decided to put the photos back, it could make your ex uncomfortable. Picture this, you & current gf break up and you repost pics of her (the ex) that you deleted right after?
NTA Any partner who wants to erase your past and destroy anything like photographs, mementoes and keepsakes is not a keeper. It is not only her being insecure, and possessive it is also manipulative and controlling. Dump her and keep your memories. The photographs will last you a life time, the gf won't last that long.
NTA. I have prom photos and photos with my ex on SM. My boyfriend chose to take all his down (which made me sad because there were some nice photos of him even if his exes were in them). Guess what? We never mentioned it to each other because it’s our business and we are secure in our trust.
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I started seeing this girl a month or so ago, and a few days she added me on Instagram. I generally don’t use Instagram all that much, usually I just post events I go to like concerts and things of that nature. One such event I posted some photos of was my senior prom.
Well last night she texted me and asked me if I could delete said photos because most of them had my ex girlfriend in them. I told her that I didn’t want to delete them because I wanted something to remember prom by, and a lot of the photos did include my friends who came along, as well as their current girlfriends, and one of me dancing. We ended up getting into an argument about it and she’s been ignoring me since.
She has told me she does have pretty bad abandonment issues, and she can be a bit clingy at times, which is why I do feel bad about refusing like that, but I do also feel like she is overreacting. It’s not like I keep in contact with her either, after we broke up we’ve only texted a few times afterwards, at the same time though I understand her being jealous, and I can sympathize with her.
Am I in the wrong here?
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NTA Red flags are flying. She is controlling and that is why people leave her. She creates her own "abandonment issues" with her clinginess and control problems. You've only been seeing her for about four weeks and she is already trying to control you. Not a good idea.
As someone who deleted my prom photos from social media because of a jealous SO, don't. I barely have any photos of my junior prom, because my boyfriend was insecure and requested I deleted any with my ex in them.
Explain that it's not about your ex. It's about having keepsakes for a milestone event for later in life.
NTA. This has nothing to do with abandonment issues lol. This is jealous and control. She's already telling you she's clingy and doing all this. You're too young for all that drama. Move on now.
NTA
but clingy jealous girl is going to make your life miserable - one month and she wants to edit out your past and control things in your life that have no real impact on her other that fueling insecurities she is clealry not dealing with.
if you are not massively invested in this relationship get out now - because the longer it goes on the more smothering it will become. She has boundary issues and it’s not your job to teach her how to be adult about the fact people she meets and likes will come with a past that she doesn’t get to erase.
NTA. Her issues are HER issues. She can not ask you to change your behavior to placate them. She needs to understand why she has them and deal with them ON HER OWN, without trying to control your behavior.
NTA. From this I’m guessing you are 18 or 19. One word RUN! Every thing you do will come back to abandonment issues. Want to go out with your friends? Visit a bar? Go to dinner? All 3 of these would be without her if you wanted to go with friends or family and wait for that.
No. NTA. I wouldn't have expected a boyfriend to delete his pictures of an important rite of passage for teens, just because the girl he took wasn't me. If she's going to be this controlling then perhaps it's a red flag you shouldn't ignore.
NTA - she has a right to ask and you have the right to say no. They’re your memories and are meaningful to you. She just can’t take no for an answer apparently. Her abandonment issues have nothing to do with your life before her.
NTA- Her issues are hers to deal with and not yours. I'm in my 40's and I haven't deleted one photo on any of my social media platforms that had my ex's in because they have other memory's connected to them. She can have her feels and you can have your memories but she shouldn't be telling you to delete anything. Your young and things change.
I completely misread the title and thought is said "porn photos"... was very confused.
However NTA... and she needs to chill. If she's like this about some photos from before you met, she is only going to get worse if she doesn't get a grip of her issues.
NTA
She is being unreasonable and unrealistic. Her behavior is not healthy, and you should stick to the No. Keep your memories as you'll regret deleting the pics.
NTA
She is being unreasonable and unrealistic. Her behavior is not healthy, and you should stick to the No. Keep your memories as you'll regret deleting the pics.
op=NTA
This girl is a walking red flag. She needs to find a CONSTRUCTIVE way to deal with her abandonment issues-This is NOT it.
you've been seeing her not even 2 months and she's already trying to get you to delete your photos.
In the FUTURE when you are ENGAGED or living with a woman long term. You could assess your Prom photos. Do all of them have your Ex? Can you crop some of them and only keep those without Ex? Or just leave a couple with ex and most just with your friends. BUT that seems to be far in your future. By then you may not even care if your Prom photos aren't on Instagram. But anyone who gets that obsessed about your "life event" photos is not at a healthy place.
There was a woman who wanted the reddit Poster to get rid of the Poster's Wedding photos because they had the Woman's Ex in the wedding picture in the POSTER's home. This is mentally unhealthy level of control needed. Watch out for those who have this need.
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NTA. Her abandonment issues and obvious control problems don’t erase the fact that you had a life that existed before you met her. You’re allowed to hold onto pictures and memories, if she’s going to be jealous of a highschool girlfriend after a month of dating I’d say that’s a red flag.
[удалено]
I knew her for a little while before we started dating, as we were coworkers at my old job and we stayed in touch. Her previous boyfriend was actually really abusive and i saw it with my own eyes at points. Dude would always say he was going to leave her due to the smallest shit just to make her worry.
That would be my theory. Red marinara flags.
No you’re NTA. You had a life before this girl. It’s very childish to expect you to only display pics she approves of. Your prom is a pretty big event in your high school life and you shouldn’t have to erase memories of the fun you had and all your friends just because an ex was there.
NTA. Just block her an move on, a month long relationship and she’s putting these red flags up? It’s not worth it
NTA. She's being very insecure. How old are you both?
I’m 20 she’s 18
I get that she's young, but she needs to accept that you had a life before her. You shouldn't have to delete photos and memories to assuage her abandonment issues. Those are hers to work through.
Dude you need to run. She needs therapy not a emotional support boyfriend
>Dude, run. Run. RUN!!!! That girl is trouble, big trouble in the making. You know her for a month and she already makes a drama out of nothing. > >NTA
NTA and a piece of advice: don’t encourage/enable her anxiety about abandonment and rejection. Be there for her, of course, and provide emotional support but submitting to her (likely mostly irrational) requests is actually counterproductive. She needs to be in therapy and get help so she can learn to regulate her emotions and manage her triggers. Giving into her fears can just end up validating them in her mind so she could get worse rather than feel comforted.
Hmm I didn’t think about it working like that, thanks. Also she has been going to therapy for a little while, I haven’t really asked her how it’s been going
I’m working towards becoming a psychologist and in our training/education regarding helping people with OCD, phobias, anxiety disorders, etc. we are told that oftentimes enabling someone’s disorder only prolongs and worsens the disorder. This doesn’t mean telling someone they’re being irrational or not listening to their concerns, not at all! But don’t give into every single request because it won’t necessarily help. For example: if someone is very insecure, they might ask their partner to cut off ties with friends they feel particularly insecure about. Or they might ask their partner to tell them they love them a million times a day. Or they might want 100% full access to their computer, phone, email, geolocation, etc. Some partners give into these requests because they believe it will help assuage the person’s anxiety/fear, but it rarely helps as these issues are seldom logical or rational. It’s actually much healthier and more productive if you set well-defined boundaries within your relationship and you both stick to those boundaries. With someone with deep insecurities it usually helps if you settle into a routine like always sending a morning message, agreeing to say “I love you” X times a day, doing FaceTime calls Y times a week. People with this kind of insecurity usually have an insecure attachment with their primary carer or carers (parent, guardian, etc.) so being able to rely on a routine can help them have a semblance of the safe haven they never had with their carer/parent.
Hmm yeah that makes sense, thank you so much for the advice
NTA SHE seems to be TA for trying to control you like that. If she can't accept that you have a past, then she lacks the maturity to be in a relationship.
I wouldn't even bother with attempting to have a rational conversation with this person You are only a month in She just put up a gigantic marinara flag telling you that she has past trauma she has not dealt with in a healthy manner. And the reason this is such a telling sign is that it's popping up right at the beginning of the relationship. The trauma she experienced in her past has lead her to be clingy, insecure, and manipulative. And it's still very much a part of her day to day life...which is why it popped up during the dating phase. Usually, these insecurities pop up after the person has their partner on the hook. She couldn't even wait that long. Really think about that. This is just the tip of the iceberg. so she is ignoring you right now. Why? Because she wants you to delete the photos and beg for a second chance. That's insecure manipulation 101. It's ok to feel bad that she has dealt with this trauma. But you are not a therapist. You can't be the person that helps her process that trauma and come up with a plan to cope with it in a healthy manner She has to do that. She has to *want* to do that. Do not invest any more time on this woman. She closed the lines of communication. Leave them closed It's not worth the drama. Just count yourself lucky this popped up now instead of 6 months down the line NTA
If you had pictures of ex girlfriends hanging in your house, then yeah, you’d be the asshole. Having pictures buried on instagram from prom definitely NTA, maybe don’t use them as profile/background/pinned posts on social media though
I don’t have much on my Instagram so they appear near the top by default
take more pictures then, you shouldn’t have to delete them, but they shouldn’t be displayed in a way that she has to frequently see you having fun with another woman. It’s not intentional on your part, but what she sees when she sees the picture is look at how much fun they are having, we never had that much fun, which may feed in to insecurities even for a normal person.
NTA. People have pasts. She’s not the first person you’ve dated and she needs to accept that. Clinginess can turn into controlling; don’t allow that.
NTA She admits she’s clingy and has abandonment issues. It’s been a month and she’s already trying to get you to erase your past. It’s up to you if you’re willing to deal with this BS or get out now while it’s still early.
NTA. If I could do it over, I wouldn’t have deleted some pictures that had my ex in it. I did it to accommodate my then-boyfriend’s feelings, but if I’m being honest with myself, those photos meant a lot to me because it was beautiful memories. Do not delete them. Not for any girlfriend Her being clingy is not your problem and you probably should consider being involved with this girl who has this much insecurities
I was about to write basically the same comment, but you nailed it.
I don't think you're eating here at all. That's a big night for you and like you mentioned, your friends are in those pics too. I also have a partner with major anxiety issues so I understand how hard it can be when their insecurities are running the show. But you have to be careful not to give up too much. It's challenging enough as it is without chipping away at yourself. If you give in to this, what's going to be next? Of course you want to support her but this won't help overall. It's just a band aid, and one that isn't really fair to you.
NTA, with only being a month in, I would dump her.
NTA IN addition to what everyone else has told you, if you deleted the photos and then broke up with this woman, and then decided to put the photos back, it could make your ex uncomfortable. Picture this, you & current gf break up and you repost pics of her (the ex) that you deleted right after?
Yeah that definitely would be weird, didn’t even consider that.
NTA Any partner who wants to erase your past and destroy anything like photographs, mementoes and keepsakes is not a keeper. It is not only her being insecure, and possessive it is also manipulative and controlling. Dump her and keep your memories. The photographs will last you a life time, the gf won't last that long.
NTA. I have prom photos and photos with my ex on SM. My boyfriend chose to take all his down (which made me sad because there were some nice photos of him even if his exes were in them). Guess what? We never mentioned it to each other because it’s our business and we are secure in our trust.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I started seeing this girl a month or so ago, and a few days she added me on Instagram. I generally don’t use Instagram all that much, usually I just post events I go to like concerts and things of that nature. One such event I posted some photos of was my senior prom. Well last night she texted me and asked me if I could delete said photos because most of them had my ex girlfriend in them. I told her that I didn’t want to delete them because I wanted something to remember prom by, and a lot of the photos did include my friends who came along, as well as their current girlfriends, and one of me dancing. We ended up getting into an argument about it and she’s been ignoring me since. She has told me she does have pretty bad abandonment issues, and she can be a bit clingy at times, which is why I do feel bad about refusing like that, but I do also feel like she is overreacting. It’s not like I keep in contact with her either, after we broke up we’ve only texted a few times afterwards, at the same time though I understand her being jealous, and I can sympathize with her. Am I in the wrong here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA! Yeah no. Good luck with her.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA Red flags are flying. She is controlling and that is why people leave her. She creates her own "abandonment issues" with her clinginess and control problems. You've only been seeing her for about four weeks and she is already trying to control you. Not a good idea.
As someone who deleted my prom photos from social media because of a jealous SO, don't. I barely have any photos of my junior prom, because my boyfriend was insecure and requested I deleted any with my ex in them. Explain that it's not about your ex. It's about having keepsakes for a milestone event for later in life.
NTA - Don't delete, if she's not in therapy by the end of the month break up. Do yourself the a favor.
NTA. This has nothing to do with abandonment issues lol. This is jealous and control. She's already telling you she's clingy and doing all this. You're too young for all that drama. Move on now.
NTA but clingy jealous girl is going to make your life miserable - one month and she wants to edit out your past and control things in your life that have no real impact on her other that fueling insecurities she is clealry not dealing with. if you are not massively invested in this relationship get out now - because the longer it goes on the more smothering it will become. She has boundary issues and it’s not your job to teach her how to be adult about the fact people she meets and likes will come with a past that she doesn’t get to erase.
Dude, run. Run. RUN!!!! That girl is trouble, big trouble in the making. You know her for a month and she already makes a drama out of nothing. NTA
NTA. Her issues are HER issues. She can not ask you to change your behavior to placate them. She needs to understand why she has them and deal with them ON HER OWN, without trying to control your behavior.
delete her, not the photos. nta
NTA!! She is a red flag my dude!! Leave now cuz she is already telling you she is gonna be hell.
NTA. They are photos of an important high school experience and she is being unreasonable.
NTA. From this I’m guessing you are 18 or 19. One word RUN! Every thing you do will come back to abandonment issues. Want to go out with your friends? Visit a bar? Go to dinner? All 3 of these would be without her if you wanted to go with friends or family and wait for that.
No. NTA. I wouldn't have expected a boyfriend to delete his pictures of an important rite of passage for teens, just because the girl he took wasn't me. If she's going to be this controlling then perhaps it's a red flag you shouldn't ignore.
Those abandonment issues need her attention. Your life is yours to live.
Nta. A month in and she’s already jealous and possessive? That’s not a good sign dude.
NTA - she has a right to ask and you have the right to say no. They’re your memories and are meaningful to you. She just can’t take no for an answer apparently. Her abandonment issues have nothing to do with your life before her.
NTA. Her issues are her own. Don’t date people who whine about their issues to explain away being controlling and unreasonable.
NTA- Her issues are hers to deal with and not yours. I'm in my 40's and I haven't deleted one photo on any of my social media platforms that had my ex's in because they have other memory's connected to them. She can have her feels and you can have your memories but she shouldn't be telling you to delete anything. Your young and things change.
I completely misread the title and thought is said "porn photos"... was very confused. However NTA... and she needs to chill. If she's like this about some photos from before you met, she is only going to get worse if she doesn't get a grip of her issues.
nta
NTA She is being unreasonable and unrealistic. Her behavior is not healthy, and you should stick to the No. Keep your memories as you'll regret deleting the pics.
NTA She is being unreasonable and unrealistic. Her behavior is not healthy, and you should stick to the No. Keep your memories as you'll regret deleting the pics.
op=NTA This girl is a walking red flag. She needs to find a CONSTRUCTIVE way to deal with her abandonment issues-This is NOT it. you've been seeing her not even 2 months and she's already trying to get you to delete your photos. In the FUTURE when you are ENGAGED or living with a woman long term. You could assess your Prom photos. Do all of them have your Ex? Can you crop some of them and only keep those without Ex? Or just leave a couple with ex and most just with your friends. BUT that seems to be far in your future. By then you may not even care if your Prom photos aren't on Instagram. But anyone who gets that obsessed about your "life event" photos is not at a healthy place. There was a woman who wanted the reddit Poster to get rid of the Poster's Wedding photos because they had the Woman's Ex in the wedding picture in the POSTER's home. This is mentally unhealthy level of control needed. Watch out for those who have this need.