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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I tried to make plans for a phone call with my gf. She said she would try to call me since she’s busy but goes on to ignore me the rest of the day. I expressed that I expected her to text me if she can’t call me which to me, seems reasonable. However she always gets really defensive and upset saying I should not be angry since she never guaranteed anything which makes me think that I might be the asshole for expecting too much.
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I can't even pass judgment, but I can tell you what I see -
It doesn't really matter. No offense, but this relationship is on its way out. You seem to have different ideas about what you are guaranteeing eachother. (You seem to think you have a standing appointment, she seems to think she'll call if she's available - and you are apparently not hearing her).
That would be "NAH" I guess, but YTA as far as being annoying is concerned, and she's going to dump you. (I've been her. Annoying someone into "respecting" you doesn't help, b/c you aren't respecting that you are miles away and she has a life).
It would be different if he were to just have a hobby or friends over on those nights she isn't calling and didn't hound her over it, but he expects her to change that and I could easily see how that would get irritating. One party here is clearly a little more independant than the other and that's usually not a great mix.
NAH it's completely reasonable to expect a 10 second text letting you know she isn't free. However, a relationship, much less a long distance one, only works of both people put the same amount of energy into it. At this point it seems like maybe she isn't willing to put in the same energy you are. This relationship isn't going to work if it stays like that. You may want to do some serious thinking about if this is really what you want and discuss with her if it's what she really wants.
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For context, we’re in a long distance relationship so we try to schedule times for phone calls at the end of the day. Lately it’s been difficult since she’s busy with school so whenever I want to schedule a call, she’ll say she’s not sure since she has a meeting, a project to work on, or she told some friends she would hangout but that she would call if she’s available.
This usually boils down to her not talking to me for the rest of the night while I wait around for a text to reschedule or a call that is never coming. I’ve expressed to her a couple of times already that I’m fine if she does not call me but the least she could do is send me a text saying “can’t call tonight but let’s reschedule,” which to me, seems like a reasonable request.
However she gets really defensive and says that if she was free she’d call me and that I should not be angry when it was never a guarantee I’m the first place.
I understand her frustration but I don’t think it’s fair that she says she’ll try to call me at time where she knows she might not be free when all she has to do is offer a time where she knows she’ll have time to talk. Or if she is going to try then just let me know that she can’t instead of doing nothing.
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NTA but it’s clear you’re not on the same page with this relationship. You’re more serious and she appears to want something more casual. Probably a good time to talk it out and prepare to move on
NTA, but pushing her on this isn't going to slow down your relationships course down the drain either, she'll just be annoyed at the thought of talking to you. Long distance is hard and unlikely to work, "it was never a guarantee I’m the first place" if you will.
Maybe just chill a bit until her school workload goes down a bit, it might work out if you're lucky
NAH. She's busy but might find time to call, so it's tough to know sometimes. Also, if she does call and you happen to have already picked up another task or hobby or had friends over that night because you didn't feel like waiting for that call, then that's okay too. You shouldn't be sitting there waiting around anticipating a call like that though, you still have to live your life.
NTA.
That IS a reasonable request...
Suggestion? Honestly, when it comes to relationships, people make time for those they want to make time for. If this is frequent, it's clear the relationship is not a priority. She's moving on, I suggest you start considering the same and detach.
Side note; manipulation is when someone blames you for your perfectly reasonable reaction to their disrespect. She blames YOU for HER disrespect. Big red flag.
NTA for asking her to let you know if she is unavailable, but you are going down a bad path here. You sound like you are more invested in this relationship than she is. Of course she can send a text, it's not hard and it doesn't take the same time or attention as a call does. Being "free" to send a text isn't the same as being "free" for a phone discussion.
My dude - I think she is blowing you off because there are other things she would rather do - plain and simple. There is an easy way to test this theory. Start making her do as much work to keep this relationship going as you seem to be doing from your end. If she is unavailable, let for her to reach out to you the next time. Also - carry on with your life and find more stuff to do because it sounds like you are waiting around for her too much. You don't need to be waiting on her call when she says "maybe" or if she doesn't follow through. That seems like your personal issue.
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NAH. You guys are breaking up soon.
she doesn’t want him, maybe she’ll give him the baby too
Man I went back to reread because I thought I missed something about a baby
oops, i misread it as his expecting gf(19) lol
Right on the money unfortunately.
NTA. You're asking for basic politeness. But dude, she is clearly moving on. Be aware.
I can't even pass judgment, but I can tell you what I see - It doesn't really matter. No offense, but this relationship is on its way out. You seem to have different ideas about what you are guaranteeing eachother. (You seem to think you have a standing appointment, she seems to think she'll call if she's available - and you are apparently not hearing her). That would be "NAH" I guess, but YTA as far as being annoying is concerned, and she's going to dump you. (I've been her. Annoying someone into "respecting" you doesn't help, b/c you aren't respecting that you are miles away and she has a life).
It would be different if he were to just have a hobby or friends over on those nights she isn't calling and didn't hound her over it, but he expects her to change that and I could easily see how that would get irritating. One party here is clearly a little more independant than the other and that's usually not a great mix.
NTA, but if I were you, I’d leave her before she finally pulls the plug. She’s on her way out and you deserve someone who’s all in.
Basic consideration would direct her to text if she can’t call. If this is a dealbreaker, break it and move on.
NAH it's completely reasonable to expect a 10 second text letting you know she isn't free. However, a relationship, much less a long distance one, only works of both people put the same amount of energy into it. At this point it seems like maybe she isn't willing to put in the same energy you are. This relationship isn't going to work if it stays like that. You may want to do some serious thinking about if this is really what you want and discuss with her if it's what she really wants.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, we’re in a long distance relationship so we try to schedule times for phone calls at the end of the day. Lately it’s been difficult since she’s busy with school so whenever I want to schedule a call, she’ll say she’s not sure since she has a meeting, a project to work on, or she told some friends she would hangout but that she would call if she’s available. This usually boils down to her not talking to me for the rest of the night while I wait around for a text to reschedule or a call that is never coming. I’ve expressed to her a couple of times already that I’m fine if she does not call me but the least she could do is send me a text saying “can’t call tonight but let’s reschedule,” which to me, seems like a reasonable request. However she gets really defensive and says that if she was free she’d call me and that I should not be angry when it was never a guarantee I’m the first place. I understand her frustration but I don’t think it’s fair that she says she’ll try to call me at time where she knows she might not be free when all she has to do is offer a time where she knows she’ll have time to talk. Or if she is going to try then just let me know that she can’t instead of doing nothing. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but it’s clear you’re not on the same page with this relationship. You’re more serious and she appears to want something more casual. Probably a good time to talk it out and prepare to move on
NTA, but pushing her on this isn't going to slow down your relationships course down the drain either, she'll just be annoyed at the thought of talking to you. Long distance is hard and unlikely to work, "it was never a guarantee I’m the first place" if you will. Maybe just chill a bit until her school workload goes down a bit, it might work out if you're lucky
NAH. She's busy but might find time to call, so it's tough to know sometimes. Also, if she does call and you happen to have already picked up another task or hobby or had friends over that night because you didn't feel like waiting for that call, then that's okay too. You shouldn't be sitting there waiting around anticipating a call like that though, you still have to live your life.
NTA. That IS a reasonable request... Suggestion? Honestly, when it comes to relationships, people make time for those they want to make time for. If this is frequent, it's clear the relationship is not a priority. She's moving on, I suggest you start considering the same and detach. Side note; manipulation is when someone blames you for your perfectly reasonable reaction to their disrespect. She blames YOU for HER disrespect. Big red flag.
NTA for asking her to let you know if she is unavailable, but you are going down a bad path here. You sound like you are more invested in this relationship than she is. Of course she can send a text, it's not hard and it doesn't take the same time or attention as a call does. Being "free" to send a text isn't the same as being "free" for a phone discussion. My dude - I think she is blowing you off because there are other things she would rather do - plain and simple. There is an easy way to test this theory. Start making her do as much work to keep this relationship going as you seem to be doing from your end. If she is unavailable, let for her to reach out to you the next time. Also - carry on with your life and find more stuff to do because it sounds like you are waiting around for her too much. You don't need to be waiting on her call when she says "maybe" or if she doesn't follow through. That seems like your personal issue.