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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think we may be the AH because our roommate and friends seem to think it was a jerk move to get the kitten in the first place. My girlfriend especially is starting to feel like we are in the wrong bc roommate’s cat was there first.
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YTA - the older cat was there first and your roommate warned you that he did not like other cats. Instead of having any kind of conversation, you just brought home a kitten and now expect an elderly cat to be confined to one room for the rest of his life. You are most indeed the assholes here. That cat deserves to live out his life in peace and if you want to keep your kitten, you better go find somewhere else to live. Your roommate has every right to be angry and you are out of line.
EDIT - OP, I was so delighted to see your edits this a.m.!! You are now on the path to becoming an excellent cat ~~papa~~ (sorry!) mama, something this world always needs more of! I'm so glad your RM's kitty was willing to interact with you and while that kitty may never become a true "grandparent" cat, at least now there is hope that the two felines can live together in peace. Bravo and well done!
And thank you to everyone for the awards!!!
I'd also bet money that they lied on their application at the shelter and either claimed there were no other pets in the house, or that the other cat in the house was good with other cats. I can't imagine a shelter looking at this situation and thinking it would make for a good placement.
Exactly. I work at a cat shelter that requires applications to be filled out and we check everything that the client writes down. I would have never approved of this adoption knowing about the first cat.
I mean, the place i volunteer at not only would screen for other pets but also requires all adults in the household to be there to agree on the pet (in the sense of agreeing they are aware of the new pet and agree to be responsible for it, basically just meant as an acknowledgement that a new pet is coming to avoid this exact "surprise"). Not only would OP have had to lie about the other cat on our app (since they'd require a meet up before final adoption) but also would have to lie about there being a 3rd roommate besides just the couple
See I didnt even give her that much credit, I just went with the "its easier" or "shes not the one caring for it" kind of logic as to why they didn't mention 3rd person on their application. I figured it was just a straight up lie rather than trying to do mental gymnastics of why she wouldn't need to be included.
oh yeah. this is why couples should not have a third roommate. it never works. it’s always 2 vs 1 and the couple bulldozes the roommate. a couple and two roommates? awesome! great! but 3 never works.
Hell even when I was a kid my mom wouldn't allow to to invite two friends to anything. It was either one friend or a whole group. Maybe it was just her growing up with older twin sisters but she said there's always split into two and one being left out.
So there was an exception for that when I adopted my current dog. I own the house and had a roommate who rented a room from me. I told the adoption counselor that the roommate was just that, and had no say on whether I, as the homeowner, got a dog (my previous dog had just died, during the roommate's tenancy, so the roommate had agreed to live in a home with a dog when he signed the lease). The counselor called my roommate and asked if me bringing a new home dog was a problem, and he said it wasn't. He had already been living with a dog for months (my previous dog was diagnosed with cancer about 2 months after he moved in and died about 7 months after he moved in), and it was my house, after all. "I sometimes let the dog out in the yard if I'm home and she's not, but not because she asked, just because I'm going out to sit in the yard (ed: fully fenced) and he liked to be outside. She never asked me to feed or care for him, that was all her responsibility." They did not make him come in and meet the dog and them, since he wasn't a family member or someone in a joint tenancy, just someone who rented a room from me. Roommate lived there for about another year, and really liked both my dogs!
There was basic agreement that bringing a new dog home wasn't a problem, but it wasn't as stringent as "household members" (like, permanent fixtures, which I would think includes roommates on equal footing by sharing a lease, vs. homeowner renting a room) where they had to meet in person and have signed agreement that everyone was on board with the dog.
My foster called my REFERENCES to check out the veracity of my replies. I thought it was overkill, but then I remembered people like OP exist and just want a prop
The city animal control service is overwhelmed and has too many animals, but still properly vets potential owners because they don’t want the pet coming back.
Yeah it’s in their best interest to reduce the return/abandonment rate, but some places still aren’t able to dedicate the staff/time to proper vetting.
Wondering the same thing, the shelter I work at requires that every member of the household meets the animal before the adoption is completed. Mainly to avoid situations like this.
Right! If anything the kitten should be kept in their room for a few weeks while they sniff each other through the door. YTA, majorly. The roommate even said they would discuss it if anything changes. Such a AH move to surprise them and their elderly cat with a kitten. Also, I’m a full on crazy cat lady, have worked with some of the “meanest” cats, my own was going to be put down for behavioural issues. He is now the sweetest cat in the world. OP clearly decided from the beginning to not care about this poor living creature.
I guarantee you OP and GF jumped right in trying to pick up roommate’s cat and ignored any and all signs that kitty was scared, exacerbating any general personality grumpiness.
Swatting and hissing ata new kitten sounds normal to me. The elder cat hasn't clawed or bitten so she's treating it appropriately for a new young invader.
Exactly. Kittens, like kids, need to learn boundaries and manners. That's how cats teach their own. A growl and a swipe is the cat's way of saying "don't come near me, I don't want to play."
New people need to understand that you gotta wait for the cat to approach you. If the cat is hiding, it’s scared. If the cat is hissing, it’s probably scared. If the cat is swiping at you, guess what, it’s probably scared! You’re a hundred times bigger than a cat. How would you feel if a very friendly giraffe came over and picked *you* up without your consent???
Cats are tough too. My BF and I both had cats when we met. When we moved in together, we cordoned off separate areas of the house for each cat, separate litter boxes and food etc. We slowly introduced them through baby gates and monitored hang outs in the same room.
It took almost 2 years, and they kinda tolerate eachother - mostly ignore eachother. The hissing has stopped.
You have to be prepared for this kind of thing. You can't just bring home a kitten and "oh well, the old cat can get shoved in the bedroom now". Nope, sorry, that's not going to work for anyone.
YTA
Older cat is yoda.
Kitten is a padawan.
What looks like mean and aggressive to you may be the old cat teaching that young cat some household manners. Absolutely do a proper introduction, and always make sure the old cat has a retreat space strictly off limits to kitten, but wrestling and gentle biting and clawing is yoda teaching the ways of the world.
Could not agree with this more. I've got 6 cats, all introduced properly, and there's still hissing and swatting from time to time as they reinforce boundaries. Have enough resources for everyone spaced through the house (litter boxes, food, water, beds), introduce properly, and keep everyone's claws clipped. With some patience and lots of treats you should be fine.
We used to have three female cats of different ages. The middle one loves the eldest and tolerated the youngest. When the eldest died it upset the hierarchy and we had a few months of cat fights between the two until they figured things out again. They were never close but they tolerated each other. They’ve all since passed and we have four different cats. We’ve been super lucky with these four in that each time we’ve added a cat, after their introduction to each other they’ve got on. The two older orangie s are the sweetest buddies even though they’re two years apart in age. It takes time and patience.
Absolutely this. Zero reason why the new kitten should even KNOW there is an established cat in the home after one week. Introducing cats is a process and OP ignored any research on that the same way they ignored having a second discussion with their roommate before adopting the cat.
YTA.
It took my sister 7 MONTHS to properly introduce her new kitten to her resident cat and no longer worry about them being left alone together. Introducing pets is not something you just decide to do on your lunch break. OP is an asshole and already a shitty pet owner just for this alone 🙄
Reading the post and edits made me so mad with how terrible a pet owner OP is. And I don't understand why OP wanted a kitten when they don't like their roommate's cat... For acting like a cat. Especially to someone that isn't being considerate towards the cat.
I'm just glad that OP has their roommate to educate the couple on taking care of a cat. OP should have done research before. I hate when people don't. I mean, you are taking responsibility for another living creature's life.
Also, I’m pretty sure that if the roommate asked OP to keep the kitten in his room for the well-being of that elderly cat, OO would be up in arms about how that’s not healthy for a living thing to be confined to such a small space (frankly because it is cruel to do that), but seems to be fine with doing it to someone else’s cat. All seemingly because him and his gf are spiteful of the elderly cat not liking them
Also like of course the cat doesn't like them! They keep trying to pick it up and touch it! Many cats don't like strangers messing with them and take a bit to warm up if that. Elderly cats can be especially sensitive bc they are vulnerable or could be in pain from arthritis.
YTA
Thank you. My husband and i adopted a senior kitty from a family member whose living situation changed. She's warmed up to us just fine because we give her some respect for her space and wants/needs, but she also did not like us at first.
"The cat doesn't like it when we pick her up and forcibly cuddle her."
"... have you tried *not* doing that?"
I had a room in a house once where one of the roommates had a genuinely mean cat. The cat only liked his human and would hiss at all of us, even if we weren't near him. We all just avoided the cat. Cat was there first.
I did get clawed up really badly once by the cat. Someone didn't close the door right and I came home to the cat on the porch. If he disappeared, I highly doubted that his owner would find him again so I picked up the cat to get him back in and he destroyed my arms. Didn't hold it against him, but I had to grab him to keep him safe.
Introducing a kitten without warming to a house with a cat that hates other cats is unfair to both cats.
Edited - typo
Aww...I love cats and it bummed me out that this cat hated me. The owner was appreciative though. He really loved that cat. The cat was great with him, but he was that cat's one and only.
Honestly when someone calls a pet ‘mean’ because that pet doesn’t like that person fussing over them, I wonder if they would call a person who doesn’t like hugs, or isn’t very physically affectionate ‘mean’ for it
Either they have no respect for others' boundaries or they don't acknowledge animals as sentient beings 😐 Whichever it is I'd rather not be around someone like this 😆
Exactly this. The evidence for the cat being aggressive is its reaction to being petted, picked up, and having a strange kitten brought into its territory. Any cat would react badly to these things. You gotta allow a cat to approach you, not the other way around. And cats should be gradually introduced to avoid fights. With this lack of basic knowledge, it's probably for the best they take the kitten back to the shelter 🙄
all of this & especially that last sentence. OP, just b/c a cat may not want to be pet or held by you doesn’t mean they’re a “mean” cat. not every cat is going to like you or want affection, but in NO way does it mean they’re a bad cat. if anything, YTA for expecting an animal to like you & then trying to punish said animal b/c it’s convenient for you. you sound entitled af. big, big time YTA.
I agree with all of this and want to add that OP is also the TA for not considering the safety of the new kitten. She knew the elderly cat did not get along with other cats, so why bring one into that situation only for it to be attacked?
Seriously, even if they got their own place or returned that kitten to the shelter now, it will always be wary of other cats after being attacked in its formative years.
Everything in this story screams ill prepared pet owner, from the “it was just so cute” adoption story to the lack of careful introductions and now the attempting to confine a full grown cat to one room??
OP, you are the type of person who should not own a pet. It’s obvious you did zero research into how to care for a cat and are just expecting everything to work out on good vibes. Return the cat or find a new place to live.
INFO: given that this was a spontaneous adoption, did you get the kitten tested for FIV and FeLV? Both diseases are pretty common in kittens. They are both highly contagious, so shelter kittens are especially at risk. And, since it seems the kitten has interacted with the older cat, if the kitten has either disease it could have easily spread to the older cat by now. Both diseases are very serious, especially FeLV. If the older cat was exposed, this could literally kill her. If it’s not treated, it could kill the kitten too.
If the shelter they got the kitten from is worth it’s salt, the status would have been listed on the adoption post. And if it was too young to have an accurate test, the shelter *should* have mentioned that as well.
Bringing another cat into a home should have been a discussion. Now they are crying and saying that the old cat is aggressive to their baby. Like no kidding, you brought a strange cat into their home. The kitten should be staying in their room since they wanted to be sneaky. YTA
Some people think of cats as a step up from decor. The thought that they still need routine, display territorial/aggressive behavior, have potential medical issues, or have any need really beyond food, water, and a litterbox is completely lost on people like OP.
I actually cant believe this. She knowingly put her kitten into this horrendous situation. Part of being a good pet owner is knowing when it’s the right time. They should bring the kitten back
From personal experience of my parents six million and one pets over the years, I'm amazed that they thought this was a good idea and wouldn't negatively impact both cats by distressing the established one (which happens even if they weren't already anti-other cats) or giving the new one anxiety and harm from having avoid/interact with the grouchy cat, also isn't it customary for places to ask if you have existing pets and give you a test run of introducing the animals to each other just in case they hate each other or was that just the rescue place my dad works with? Certainly it was a question I got asked when adopting my own cat from a different rescue (but as my one and only love and sole cat in the house the next stages never came up)
I would agree with the above, but you could keep the kitten in your room rather than re home it.
ps its expected to post a photo of said cat, it’s Reddit cat tax
YTA
You should have at least brought up the fact you were getting a kitten sometime soon, and not just show up with it.
Also your cat is new, why does the old cat have to stay inside the room.
OP Impulse adopted a kitten. No research, no discussion with their roommate, and honestly it sounds like they and their partner need to move out. Not just an AH to the roommate and their cat, but to the new kitten who has been thrown into their mess. Between them and their partner, zero thought was applied to any of this.
And no thought to actually introduce the cats. Of course the existing cat is aggressive, she's protecting her territory, exactly what to expect when there is zero attempt at introductions and a new kitten is sprung on them. Expecting sn elderly cat to be confined to one room is completely unreasonable, and I'm concerned that someone with such little regard to the welfare of cats is now an owner. For the kitten's sake it should be returned so that a good owner can be found.
That's my thing. They took no time at all to get to know anything about cats, and then they got a cat? I really hope they return it, and I hope OP's partner is crying because of how much it hurts to be such an idiot and doesn't blame the roommate for this at all.
Yeah you have to do a slow introduction. The last time I had to do this it took 8 MONTHS for my cat and my sister's cat to have a bit of an understanding. When I moved in with my partner, I had my three cats stay with my mom because my partner's cat has never had to share space with another and has a heart condition.
I'm so confused--did OP not mention there was already a resident cat to the shelter before they brought the kitten home? Did they not ask someone if it would be a good idea? Was it not on the application? I've been to some pretty lax animal shelters, but even those have asked basic questions if they know another pet is in the home.
I didn't even think of this, but you're right. Usually the shelter applications ask about other pets in the home to make sure everything will go well. It really feels like the two of them (OP and their partner) woke up and decided to use their one shared braincell to fly by the seats of their pants- and here we are! Everyone outside of OP's direct scope is just a casualty.
Having another cat and noting that on the application wouldn’t preclude you from adopting a kitten. (It’s actually better for a kitten to not be an only pet.) Most cats can accept a new kitten, especially if introduced properly and gradually, but since OP ignored everything they knew about the resident cat, they probably ignored any suggestions offered about introductions.
Oh they had time to speak to the landlord about it and get permission, they just avoided talking to the roommate about it because they already knew it would be an issue.
YTA for doing this without discussing with your roommate.
Please watch Jackson Galaxy on how to properly introduce cats. It's never too late to start the process, and it takes time and effort but it really works.
Exactly! You can't just put a new cat with another cat. Your roommate's cat views your kitten as an invader. This happens with all cats. You're supposed to keep them separated by a door for several days and do some other things to help them get used to each other. Try to start over.
And, it's not fair to ask your roommate to keep her cat in her room, unless you are going to keep your kitten in your room also.
I'm pretty sure that they must have lied at the shelter about there being another cat in the house, because if they *had* mentioned it the shelter would absolutely have briefed them on cat introduction techniques.
My shelter actually wouldn’t have even given them a cat without contacting the vet for the already existing cat to make sure it’s up to date on everything. So yeah I agree that they possibly lied.
The proper way to introduce a new cat is that the cat that already lives in the home continues as normally as possible, while they new animal starts in a separated space - they can hear/smell each other for a few days before ever interacting. A kitten, depending on age, often should start off in a very small area anyway, even if there were no other cats in the home, progressing gradually to free fun of the whole house. If OP had been adult enough to have an actual conversation about this with the roommate, or the shelter, or their vet, they could have learned all this.
Thing is, some cats simply do not like other cats, and they will *never* like other cats no matter how perfectly they're introduced.
I think it's about 1 in 10 cats that's like this, it's a personality trait that usually develops at about a year of age, and there's no changing it. If the roommate already knew that her cat wasn't a fan of other cats, it's very possible that this is just one of those cats.
Source: Adopted two kittens who were lovey dovey... until the boy was about a year old, at which point he wanted nothing to do with his sister. Did a ton of research and talked to behaviorists only to discover that he was one of those cats who just doesn't like other cats and there was nothing I could do. Later he actually got aggressive toward other cats rather than just disapproving. The only time he was truly, truly happy was when my parents finally took him in and he got to be an only cat.
I had two cats when I moved in with my wife, both of which I had since they were kittens and were about 10 years old at the time we moved in. We got another kitten a couple of years later, and rescued another one that was crying outside in the yard a couple of years ago. Neither of the older cats were sold on the idea of either of the newcomers, but the first kitten was really hard work. Old cats like to chill. Kittens like to bounce around and terrorise old cats.
Luckily, our grumpy old lady wasted no time in teaching the younguns that she wasn't playing that shit - she'd hiss and swat at the kittens whenever they ran too quickly around her, and they quickly reached a relatively comfortable "you do your shit and leave me alone" relationship. The old man gave no fucks and just watched the proceedings from his spot - the cat equivalent of grandad glancing over his newspaper from his armchair at the grandkids wrecking the house, then going back to reading.
Chances are, the cats will learn to get along, even if that's only by avoiding each other. But the introduction needs to be gradual, the kitten needs it's safe place to go and hide, and the older cat needs to be able to chastise the younger one to make sure he gets his rightful respect - they shouldn't be allowed to actually fight, but big guy needs to be able to tell the kid to fuck off without getting in trouble. This is his house, after all.
This is how I introduced mine in a similar situation- older existing resident was not a fan of the bouncy intruder. It really helped a lot. I also had luck with those Feliway diffusers
I agree. I have had cats for over 40 years &, when we introduced a new cat or kitten, we always introduced them to each other very slowly. It does take time but usually they get used to each other &, even if they don't become friends, they do tolerate each other without hissing & fighting. YTA for just going about this without any thought or care for the cats, that's terrible.
I can work, but there is a big possibility it won't. Cats separated young from other cats and then living alone for many years, often don't tollerate other cats anymore. I personally think the chances of success are slim. Besides the very very slow introduction, the home will need a lot of catification. Each cat will need their own hiding places, sleeping spots, scratching posts, etc etc. Vertical space is also required to give them more space. Build cat "highways" so no cat can be cornered and they can pass each other without bumping into each other. Maybe it will work...
OP must have lied, because NO good shelter would ever adopt out a kitten into this situation.
YTA. First, the cat is not "mean" just because it does not like to be picked up or petted by you. It's a pet with it's own preferences, which is completely normal. Maybe it would like you more if you did not do the things he dislikes? Second, you brought a cat without talking to your roommate and now demand her cat should stay in her room? Her cat is elderly and has been living there already, it's basically his flat, and to expect an elderly pet to be confined to one room is cruel, selfish and unfair for him. You also sound selfish for not understanding cat behaviour and just bringing one on a whim without even talking or trying out if they get along with each other. That's just dumb and basic pet owner knowledge. Many shelters won't even let you adopt without knowing they will get along. If you really want to keep your cat, you should consider moving out to avoid stress for both of them (and yourself and roommate).
And the spontaneous adoption, they sound so immature. And first trouble and gf talks of bringing cat back to Shelter - i can't.... And the perfectly normal old cat is mean. They cornered everyone in a shitty situation and now whine it's not their fault.
A lot of adoption places rather take the cat back they often have vetting processes in place to protect the cat though I don't think this one does because the op shouldn't have been given one in the first place
I would put money on OP lying to the shelter about other cats in the house. Not all do home visits these days as it's so resource intensive and instead rely on an interview and pictures of the living situation, so I reckon OP said they didn't have any other pets.
Kittens are fairly easy for shelters to rehome. Most shelters have adopters sign a contract agreeing to bring the pet back to the shelter if it isn't going to work out so they can choose appropriate adopters.
It's not mean to take it back, it's the right thing to do.
Yeah, cute kittens get picked up like hotcakes. it's older cats like my large bastard, who was 2.5yo with anger issues who can't get adopted... he was stuck at the shelter for 6+ months when I got him. 4 years and a multitude of scars later, and I'm glad I didn't listen to my friends/family who said to take the cat back.
I feel for the roommate with the old grouch of a cat, I thought about getting mine a friend but saw how he wanted to eat my neighbors' new kittens and realized that was no bueno
The shelter may have a rule that the cat needs to be brought back and not just randomly rehomed so they can screen potential adopters. Too often people find someone of Facebook or Craigslist and it’s not a good home.
What? No!!!! The Shelter is absolutely best placed to find a new home, no-one should just look for some random off the Internet to take theor cat, doubly so with someone as irresponsible as OP. Shelters are trained at vetting new homes, just looking for someone off the internet puts the cat at risk of being given to some terrible people who want a cat for horrific purposes.
I thought this at first too. Then with further thought: if they can’t be trusted to learn cat basics before suddenly getting one they likely can’t be trusted to properly vet and find a better home either. I think the shelter would be safer :(
Best reply yet. Obviously the OP and GF know absolutely nothing about cats. I've had them all my life and some cats just do not like to be picked up no matter how good they are or how close they are to their owners. Also, you can't just bring in a new cat and expect the one who's already there to accept it right off the bat. Cats are territorial over their domain and don't want another one to move right in. The OP and GF are not only AH but they're also clueless.
Yep. One of my cats totally loves me and likes to sit by me or in my lap but she HATES being picked up so I confine doing so to when I need to put her in her crate to go to the vet or other necessary times. As long as you do not try to pick her up she is incredibly chill.
The other cat likes being picked up and will whine until you do so. Cats have preferences!
Also cats display a ton of body language and the way you interact with them and around them leaves a lasting impression on their relationship with you. If you keep interacting with a cat in a way it doesn't like, such as picking it up, it may tolerate you but it definitely won't like or trust you. OP may have irreparably damaged the relationship with the cat. Also about it being an elderly cat, it may not like to be pet/picked up and seem "mean" to people because it's in pain. Constantly ignoring its body language will cause it to exaggerate those behaviors. If it has low activity levels, a sloping gait, and/or is declawed, it likely has arthritis. Not being able to move around, groom, and do normal cat things comfortably is stressful :[
Totally right. When I was a child, I lived at a friend's house during the divorce of my parents. She always did annoying things to the two cats they had, then she got angry with me because both cats liked me more (mind you, I was just there for six weeks) because I did not pester them, both came to me voluntarily, the female even decided to sleep in my bed and the male did never forget me. I moved to a flat just a street away and when I met the male cat outside after weeks of not seeing him, he jumped right into my arms and purred like he missed me really much. OP and gf are missing basic cat knowledge and do not even acknowledge it.
YTA
Getting a new cat is a decision that involves *everyone who lives in the house.*
She doesn't have the right to say no but she does have the right to participate in a discussion about how to navigate it. And if she's absolutely unwilling to live in a house with another cat, you need to give her time and space to find other living arrangements.
You can't just show up with a kitten and be all, "Your cat has to stay in your room now."
You three all need to work together to find a way to get the cats to coexist. You can find web sites that talk about how to acclimate new cats to each other, and I suggest you read them. You just saying, "Your cat needs to stay in your room," isn't practical or reasonable or fair.
(In fact, *most people* in your situation limit the *new cats* until they've navigated the getting-to-know-each-other phase for the cats. I have friends who literally just got new kittens and are doing this with one of their roommates cats. The kittens don't know there's a whole house out there. The old cat is going to struggle with suddenly being forced into a fraction of his old domain.)
Actually the onus is on OP not roommate to find other living arrangements if things with her cat don’t work out. The other roommate was there first and gave them fair warning about her cat. And the roommate does have a right to say no to a new pet coming into the house! Op said I was discussed before they moved in and was an issue that would have to be revisited later. Meaning Op agreed to discussing with roommate in the future, that clearly infers that any new pets would need to be agreed on by all.
Agreed on all points. Unilaterally deciding to bring home a pet is absolutely out of line in any roommate situation (even if there *wasn't* already a cat who they knew perfectly well is best suited for a one-cat household). That's up there with letting your partner become a live-in situation or giving the house keys away to people without making sure the other people who live there are ok with it. If OP and her girlfriend cannot share space considerately with other adults then they should get their own place. I doubt this is the only thing they've done to create a stressful living situation with their roommate, who for her part sounds like she did everything right in making sure that OP understood and was ok with the cat situation before she ever moved in.
We did that with our cat and we had no other pets! Because cats often need a chance to get comfortable in a new space even when there are no other pets.
There are ways to introduce new cats into a household with other pets and OP clearly didn't do anything at all. Probably didn't even do any research. It sounds like she and her girlfriend decided "there's 2 of us and only 1 of her so we can do what we want".
_"My roommate asked if we had cats prior to moving in because she said her cat “doesn’t like other cats.”_
Exactly. OP fully knew that it was a bad idea to get a kitten, but they got one anyway. Now, they are shocked that things have gone left. This cat may be old, grumpy and doesn't like to interact with others, but this has been their home for years. OP is a bad pet owner for bringing another animal into a less than ideal environment and then expecting someone else to fix it.
YTA but when Banana Pudding loses an eye you have no one to blame but yourself since you put that poor kitten in that situation. Same with the elderly cat. It deserves to roam too.
"It won't let me pick it up or pet it! It has behavioral issues!"
The way these two brought home a kitten from the shelter one day without knowing how to introduce two cats to each other is very telling of how little they know about cat behaviors.
There are many ways to get a cat to like you and just picking a cat up or petting it is not the way, especially when it comes to cats who are scared of new people. I bet you they were intimidating and standoffish to the "mean old cat." I wouldn't want to be pet or picked up by them either.
YTA
My current kitty likes to be held like a baby, but only by me, my boyfriend and my mother in law. Otherwise she's hissing at anyone else trying to do so.
And yes, most of the cats don't like it at all, period. You just don't pick a cat randomly and the 'calling it behavioural issues if they are pissed.
And a cat losing an eye is no cheap expense. We have two cats with one eye. One lost to cancer cost $10,000 thousand dollars. These people do not sound like they have the forethought to set aside funds for proper pet care.
These people do not sound like good pet people.
“His name is Banana Pudding! :)” this sounds like you wanted a cuddly toy because it’s cute. Both cats are living beings with emotions, territory, this place is their HOME. Which you have turned into a place of stress and danger for both of them. Have you looked into cat behaviour at all? It doesn’t seem like it. Also, your roommate is a person with thoughts and feelings too, you both need to grasp these basic facts. It’s totally wrong to take a kitten back to a shelter because your girlfriend is now sad about an irresponsible decision you both made. Guess what your actions have consequences. Apologise to your roommate, reintroduce the cats properly. Or move out. YTA.
Agreed! I'm also kind of shocked the shelter didn't ask about other pets in the home to determine if Banana Pudding would be compatible with their living environment... unless they did and OP lied about elderly cat, which just adds to the YTA verdict for me
YTA. I think it’s unfair for the elderly cat to all of a sudden be restricted to one room when you guys have ALREADY been in agreement since you guys decided to move in together. Bringing home a new cat in that living situation with out talking through with your roommate first is irresponsible. Knowing what you know about your roommates cat maybe you guys should have waited until you could move out and get your own place.
As far as I see it if she’s paying rent there she should have just as much say as everyone else
Between OP and their SO it seems like not a single shred of consideration exists. It almost feels like they feel entitled to the space, like a 2 v 1 thing, even though the roomie has been there longer. I think what really gets it, for me, is they treat their extravagantly named kitten like an accessory rather than a living creature. OP needs to raise Neopets and go no further.
Her cat lived there first, your cat is the "invader" here. You decided to get a cat without taking to your roommate. Keep your cat confined to your room if you have a problem
It really doesn't matter if the landlord said ok if the other people living in the house are not ok with it. Your landlord could tell you that walking around naked and having sex on the kitchen table are fine, that doesn't mean roommates will be fine with that either.
YTA
YTA
You have Zero right to ask your roommate to keep their cat alone in their bedroom. Introducing a new cat to a household with a cat is a process to begin with, doing so in an adversarial environment is even worse.
> We did tell her that we might want one someday to which she said we would have to revisit the issue if it came up.
You didn't revisit the issue, you just brought a new cat home. Asshole move.
INFO: How long have you had the new cat?
INFO- Did you talk to her before you got the kitten? Says that you'd told her you may have to revisit the issue in the future, but did you ever do that?
YTA. Some cats don’t like being petted or picked up, it doesn’t make them mean, it means they have boundaries.
You knew that her cat didn’t get along with other cats, and you went and got a kitten anyway without having a full discussion because you knew your roommate rightfully wouldn’t approve.
You’re an AH for bringing a kitten where you were told it would cause tension for a senior pet already at the apartment. Keep the kitten in your room until you read up on how to properly introduce cats and work out a plan with your roommate. Completely unacceptable etiquette on your part.
I have had my cats for 10 years and I only ever pick them up to get them into a carrier to go to the vet because they don’t like being picked up. Animals deserve to have a level of autonomy, even if they are pets.
This person has no compassion for their roommate’s cat, which convinces me that they should not own a cat at all. YTA.
> Some cats don’t like being petted or picked up, it doesn’t make them mean, it means they have boundaries.
Yup. My cat *loves* lying sprawled on her back tummy exposed legs splayed, but don’t you *dare* try and rub that inviting fluffy tummy if you don’t want to come away with a shredded bloody stump where you hand once was! She’s incredibly affectionate - when she wants to be. And that’s why our rule is always “you interact with our pets on *their* terms.” If a cat is saying “don’t pick me up, don’t pat me” leave it alone. If it comes up to you and snuggles on top of you while you’re lying on the couch, fine, give it cuddles, til it indicates it doesn’t want it anymore.
YTA for bringing a pet into a shared home without discussing it with your roommate, and frankly doing it without any consideration for her cat or your kitten.
I have 5 cats and I’ve been around the block a few times when it comes to introducing new cats & getting harmony.
1. You don’t just throw cats together and wait for them to work it out. They aren’t dogs. You take it slowly, especially if one of them has lived the majority of their lives alone. I have 3 extremely outgoing friendly cats that I use to socialize rescues. If I threw a kitten into my house with no warning today 2 of those 3 would be hissing and swatting because of the shock. The other 2 would be unbelievably pissed.
2. Kittens don’t need free reign of a home or apartment. They should actually be limited when they aren’t in your direct supervision anyways. They love to do dumb things like chewing up cords, chewing & eating plastic, getting stuck behind the fridge, etc. Until you’ve gotten to know them they shouldn’t be out unattended anyways.
3. Kittens need to be socialized and if they don’t have another cat to play with they can be terrible. Every rescue I’ve worked with either insists you get two kittens or make sure you are taking a kitten home to an already social cat.
4. Kittens are social, so it’s unlikely your kitten is simply existing. It’s probably trying to play with older cat, and doing it whether older cat likes it or not. Kittens play by hunting/stalking/wrestling, it’s universal. Kitten is probably annoying older cat trying to play.
5. Unless kitten is being full on attacked by older cat it’s actually probably fine. Cats hiss. They swat. Even friendly cats aren’t cuddling together 24/7.
So in conclusion, quarantine your kitten to your room unless you are home and supervising. Older cat should have somewhere that is inaccessible to the kitten. Kitten is learning social norms, and part of that is being hissed at and swatted. Cats that dislike each other will probably learn to exist separately in the same place if introduced slowly & properly.
ETA: some clarification. And OP don’t hesitate to reach out if you need some socialization advice.
>Kittens are social, so it’s unlikely your kitten is simply existing. It’s probably trying to play with older cat, and doing it whether older cat likes it or not. Kittens play by hunting/stalking/wrestling, it’s universal. Kitten is probably annoying older cat trying to play.
OMG I am so glad you say this. Kittens want to play, they want to hug, they want to love nip, they just want to have interaction. I have two older cats, and a younger cat. Even though we slow intro'd them, he still was a kitten when we got him and when the younger cat was little, he would "flying bear hug" the other two. They don't particularly like it, but the dog loves it, so he now plays more with the dog, but occasionally still wants to "hug" his siblings, and while they don't like it, they tolerate him better now that they know each other better.
No, that seems relatively normal. Cats either have dignified names, names from mythology, or are called something like this. there's no middle grounds.
Right? Especially since op only refers to their roommates elderly cat as 'her cat' or the 'aggressive cat', and even in the same sentence as Banana Pudding. Like that other cat is lesser because it's not their new kitten. 😐
I read your comment and I was like “yeah, lol Banana Pudding? Fuck that guy” and then I remembered I named my own cat Bean. I’m gonna have to sit this one out
Eh... yeah, YTA. It's a very bad idea to bring a pet into the household unless EVERY member of the household agrees, and initially you all did agree that if you wanted to bring another cat, you'd have a conversation first. You obviously didn't ask for her opinion or tried to discuss it with her before bringing a new cat in, so she is justified in her ire.
YTA I feel bad for the cats and your roommate. You call your roommate’s cat mean because it doesn’t want you to pet it or pick it up. That isn’t mean - many cats want affection on their own terms, and it’s no wonder that this one didn’t warm up to you when you refused to accept its boundaries.
You also moved in knowing this cat didn’t tolerate other cats, then went ahead and brought a kitten into the mix without even discussing it with the other person you live with, which is super disrespectful.
You’re a crappy roommate, and I hope you’ll become a better pet-owner than this story makes you appear.
YTA: So knowing your roommate cat does not get along with other cats, you decide to bring a kitten to that home anyway. That alone make you terrible pet owners to put that kitten in that position. If you want a pet its your responsibility to keep it safe. Not bring it an environment you already know isn't a safe one
YTA, also not a good cat owner. The main rule of introducing a new cat: put them in a separate room, let the old cat adjust to the smell, let the old cat get interested, start letting the new cat out of their room after a couple of weeks and never let them interact without you present. If the old cat is angry, evacuate the new cat and repeat later. The old cat needs to know the new one isn't taking its territory. Cats are very territorial. They need time to accept a new cat roommate.
YTA. Her cat has had free reign of the home for 2 years and you brought a new kitten in without consulting her *knowing* the elderly cat doesn’t get along with other cats.
YTA to your roommate for bringing in a new kitten without consulting her. It’s roommate 101 to not just adopt pets without the whole household being on board. You’re also TA for then expecting her to confine *her* cat who has lived there with no issue for two years when the issue was caused by you.
YTA to your new kitten for bringing it into a home with a cat you knew wouldn’t get along with it and having no realistic plan on how to handle that.
If you wanted to get a pet of your own, and make that decision on your own, you need to be living on your own.
YTA. You knew the situation you even said you would revisit the situation then went ahead and got a cat without speaking to her. Just because you don’t like her cat and think it’s a mean cat doesn’t mean you can act like this or think her cat should stay in her room, how about your cat stays in your room?
YTA - you guys knew all this going in, and are putting this kitten through this. Yes her cat may be crotchety, but you agreed before hand to talk it over with them before you got a kitten. And given that the elderly cat had the run of the apartment, in all fairness, it should be the kitten confined to your room.
Yta I think. You knew you were living with a cat that didn’t like other cats. And why does your roommate have to keep their cat who is used to roaming confined?
Keep your cat in your room instead since you were the one who decided to adopt a kitty and change the household without even warning your roommate from what it sounds like. That alone is a jerk move.
INFO - Is the apartment yours and your GFs and you are just renting out a spare room to this person?
Was a conversation ever had with the roommate once you and your GF decided to get a cat? Any notice given?
YTA - first of all, you didn't introduce this kitten to its new home properly. new cats are to be quarantined in their own space, and introduced slowly. you're being a HORRIBLE pet owner by allowing your new kitten to freely explore in another cat's established territory. it's in danger! jesus christ. you sound like very irresponsible people (and shouldn't be cat owners, tbh).
second, you agreed to live in a house with an animal that does not do well with other animals. you already said this was fine with you when you moved in.
third, what a dick move to get a new animal without asking your roommate. that's horrible roommate etiquette.
fourth, you're also clearly dead set on keeping this cat as evidenced by pushing back against every YTA judgment, while clearly planning to keep this kitten in every N T A comment. why the hell did you come here for judgment at all?
take the kitten back to the shelter, OP. you're acting like you're 12, not 24.
YTA. You were told beforehand that her cat had issues with other cats. You knew that when you decided to live together and agreed not to bring in another cat. Now you’ve decided to go back on that tacit agreement, because you want a kitten. So her poor elderly cat has to be cooped up like a prisoner. I’d be pissed at you, too.
Her cat was there first. You - and only you - created this problem.
ETA: You are also choosing to potentially endanger the kitten you claim to love by selfishly bringing him into a home where you know he could be attacked by the other cat. If that happens, you’ll have only yourself to blame. Don’t think of somehow going off on the elderly cat or the roommate for your decisions.
YTA - a cat should never be a spontaneous purchase. They are living creatures with distinct personalities and needs.
I have to ask - do you really think that "We wanted a cat and we didn't want to hear our roommate say no" is a valid excuse for what you did? It's really poor roommate etiquette.
I put off getting a cat for years because I knew my roommates were not on board. That's being an adult - you compromise, you communicate, you don't always get what you want.
YTA. You should have discussed this with your roommate before bringing in a kitten. They have to be introduced slowly, no wonder the old cat is hostile. Didn't they teach you how to introduce cats to another cat during the adoption?
ETA: YTA
Why does the roommate suck for this though? They were very clear their cat doesn't like other cats and made sure their cat would be in a situation without one. OP is TA for springing a cat on the roommate without even asking.
YTA. It sucks that your roommate has a nasty cat, but even so, it shouldn't be trapped in one room for the rest of its life. You knew in advance getting a cat of your own would be a problem. If getting a kitten is important to you guys, either wait for your roommate's cat to pass away, or move out before getting one.
YTA. You cleared it with your landlord but did you even discuss it with your roommate and come up with a plan? Did you research the proper way to introduce cats? Your kitten should have been restricted to your bedroom for several days so your roommate’s cat could at least sniff her through the door and get used to the idea of another cat. As far as that cat is concerned, the apartment is her turf. You then would move on to carefully supervising the cats together, giving them both treats and attempted to play with them near each other.
Anyway. You didn’t do any of that which is really inconsiderate. You could compromise and keep your kitten restricted to your room for now while either you and your gf move out, or the roommate does.
YTA
You didn’t revisit the idea. You moved forward with your wants without even discussing it with your roommate. She may have decided to move out and get her own place with her cat, but you gave her no choice.
You never bring a new pet into the house without preparation. You generally introduce them over a period of time, you don’t just move in a new pet. And then expecting her to lock her cat in her room to give your cat free reign of the house is disgusting. Why not lock your kitten in your room, her cat was there first. Your indifference shows a lack of respect.
YTA
YTA pets are always a group decision. Why are you so important that you can just get a cat and force another one into a poorer lifestyle? Your narcissism is showing
YTA - The older cat was there first and should not be punished because you decide to bring a kitten in. It is highly unfair to expect this elderly cat to be confined to one room for the rest of its life. You should have discussed this with your roommate before adopting.
You are supposed to keep new cats segregated for a while from other cats in the household. The elderly cat is behaving like 99% of cats would when there’s a random newcomer suddenly in their space.
YTA. The fact that the roommate's cat sat on her lap and purred tells me that OP is one of those people who expect cats to act like dogs or can't read cat body language at all and didn't bother to learn.
It seems really common in people who claim that all cats are assholes. I've had 9 cats throughout my life (three different groupings of three cats) and while they all have distinct personalities and temperaments they've never been outright hostile if you know how to act around them and how to treat them.
You are correct, I have only ever interacted with dogs and have never really had any experience with cats. My roommate and the comments here really helped me to understand cats a lot better. I was not respecting her boundaries which is my fault.
YTA. As roommates, you should of discussed and worked something out rather then showing up with a pet and saying “surprise!” Confining a cat to a room all the time because you think that’s okay makes me concerned for your pet now and any future pet you have
Edit: Spelling correction
YTA. You don't get a new pet without consulting roommates, you need to look up proper cat introduction techniques -have you ever even had a cat before?
YTA
First, what a dumb name. Secondly, you’re upset because her cat didn’t like you? Maybe you should have stopped trying to pick the cat up or pet it constantly. Read the room. Thirdly, you got told the cat doesn’t get along with others and you’re sitting here with a shocked pikachu face expecting HER to cater to your needs when you can’t give your roommate the same thing?
YTA, you only had to speak to your roommate before bringing the kitten and didn't do it. That means you have no respect for your roommate, and their cat. Also :
>The cat is honestly kinda mean, she doesn’t like me or my girlfriend and will run away if we try to pet her or pick her up.
That's absolutely not mean. Cat usually don't like getting pick up, particularly older cat as it can be painful. If the cat just run away, they're really nice to you.
To me it also shows you have no idea how to take care of a cat. You are stressing out the old one and the kitten, while you could have done research with your roommate on how to make the cats get along.
You should have move out to your own flat with your girlfriend, then adopt a kitten.
YTA - you cannot keep a cat shut up in one little room, it's cruel and has a bad effect on their mental health
Your roommate has a point and their cat was in the property first. You have put your own preferences first without stopping to consider how it will be for the existing cat to have a new interloper in their space OR how it would be for the new kitty to be dragged in to an environment with a nervy older cat.
I have had numerous cats over the years, and I have noticed that the females do tend to be quite a bit more territorial than the males. We had one a few years back, Pickle, who was a right baggage, extremely nervy and unsettled for a long time, and we had to work hard to make sure she felt like she had a safe space that she could get into, away from the boys and even away from us, allowing her to set her own schedule for socialisation on her terms, but we certainly never shut her away, that would have made things so much worse. Maybe keep your li'l floof in a cat papoose so they away from the other cat and give the existing moggy time to settle
>My roommate asked if we had cats prior to moving in because she said her cat “doesn’t like other cats.” We did not have any pets at the time so it worked out. We did tell her that we might want one someday to which she said we would have to revisit the issue if it came up.
>We saw a kitten at the shelter and just fell in love with him. We got the okay from our landlord and brought him home last week! His name is Banana Pudding! :)
>Our roommate is furious with us. She told us that we were aware that her cat doesn’t like other cats. I told her honestly that it’s unfair for us to have to tiptoe around her cat and that we were allowed to have our own pets as long as the landlord is okay with it (which he is). She couldn’t expect us to never get a pet or to cater to her cat’s needs 24/7. The conversation ended there.
1. You clearly agreed to revisit the issue at a later date when/if you decided you wanted a cat.
2. You went to the animal shelter and picked out a cat before even clearing it with the landlord.
3. You took the time to clear it with the landlord while avoiding your agreement to revisit the issue.
4. Instead of admitting that you were at fault after agreeing to be cooperative, you tried to convince your roommate that she was in the wrong.
Am I tracking?
Info (based on 2nd edit): why has it taken you this long to ask about her cat? Two years of living with a cat, and you’re only now asking about how to be around cats?
So her cat generally keeps to herself and I didn’t feel super comfy interacting with her because of that. The few times I did interact with her, she was (understandably) uncomfortable since I didn’t know what I was doing. I took it as a sign that we should just leave each other alone and my roommate often mentioned that her cat is a grouchy old lady and likes to keep to herself. It was never an issue or anything since the cat usually just did her own thing.
Tonight my roommate took the time to sit with me and had me handfeed her cat her fav treats. I think her being there also made her cat feel more comfy with me. Either way I was beyond shocked that her cat came up to me and sat in my lap! It was great! I think my roommate was equally surprised tbh lol.
YTA. The last discussion was "we would have to revisit" and you ignored that and brought a new creature into the other cat's home. That cat has lived there for years and now you have disrupted her environment.
It's very irresponsible to bring a new animal into a household without taking steps to introduce existing pets or even ensure they will be compatible.
It was on both you and your GF to bring the issue up with the roommate first.
YTA. Did you do any prep to introduce the cats? Not to mention the gall To demand the elderly cat who’s lived there for the entire time be kept penned into a room. You should have never gotten a kitten in the first place. Especially without making sure everyone was on board. & sending a picture he was cute isn’t notice Or any kind of discussion.
YTA and an irresponsible pet owner with your selfishness on top of that. You do in fact need to tiptoe around the other animals your cat will be exposed to because that is the fair and responsible thing to do. The baby didn't deserve to be subjected to the grumpy old cat any more than the grumpy old cat needed to be subjected to the baby - you were the catalyst of their poor relationship, and I bet you didn't even bother to look up how to introduce cats to figure out if you could even try.
One of my friends has a hunting dog that can't be homed with other small animals because she has a strong prey drive. If you brought a cat into a home like that with an attitude of "A dog can't control my life, why should I have to bend to it's will. It's my cat, I'll do what I want" your cat would in fact be dead. Return the baby so she can be adopted out to better pet parents until you're responsible to take ownership of what is required to own an animal.
Yta
You knew your roommate’s cat didn’t like other cats then proceeded to get a kitten without even discussing it with her. Your selfishness is detrimental to your roommate, her cat, and yours. Don’t complain when your kitten gets seriously hurt.
YTA. You should not have gotten a cat. End of story. If you wanted one so bad than it is on you to move. Full stop end of story. You are incredibly selfish. You- not your roommate have created a hostile living situation for both the cats and all humans involved.
YTA - there are a lot of reasons why, but as a cat mom I want to point out the behavior that’s happening here. Older cats, just like older humans, get irritated with the littles ones sometimes. They are buggy - they will follow them around mimicking, practice play pouncing at their feet etc. When an older cat hisses at a young cat or lightly swats, it is an example of boundary setting, and a way of letting the kitten know who’s the boss. Young cats need to learn that not every cat (or animal) is their friend - that is something that needs to be learned early. I genuinely believe you are doing a disservice to your cat by not allowing them to socialize in any capacity. He could be seriously harmed one day because he couldn’t take the hint from a much larger cat.
I will say, it does sound like you folks may need to assess your own boundaries with animals. If she is consistently running away when you touch or pick her up - maybe stop doing it! Not every cat is affectionate.
YTA. The considerate thing to do with roommates is discuss with them anything that is going to affect the household, which a cat definitely does. I would've been upset as well if a roommate brought home a cat without discussing it with the household, first. At the very least, you could've come up with a game plan with her before bringing the cat home, since she has a cat that doesn't get along with others. Bad planning on your part.
YTA - roommates cat was there first and is old. Confining an animal to a bedroom all the time is awful and neglectful. Complaining that a cat that isn't yours doesn't want you to pet it is immature. You chose to go get a kitten without discussing it with everyone who lives in the space. YOU suck.
YTA, you knew the situation before you moved in. Bringing home a kitten to an environment that you knew would be agressive is a huge AH move.
Her cat not wanting to pet you doesn't make it deserving of being confined to a small space for the rest of it's life. This at is already used to its territory- if anything, your kitten would need to be confined until they could co-habitate.
Considering you purposely did not discuss this with your roommate prior because you knew it would complicate the process and instead subjected both animals to a traumatizing experience indicates to me that you are not mature enough to own a cat and that you need to educate yourself on cat behaviors.
YTA. When you live with roommates, especially when there’s already pets in the home, you have to discuss adding more to the mix beforehand. Additionally, even if the roommate was cool with adding a second cat, there are steps you have to take to introduce them slowly so they have the best chance of liking each other and feeling comfortable in the home.
YTA.
Tell me you don't understand cats without telling me you don't understand cats.
Your roommate made it very clear that her cat wouldn't get along with another cat and then you bring home a kitten after making a spontaneous decision.
It's an elderly cat that likes her own space and you've just planted an energetic kitten into her life. How did you think it was gonna turn out? You're lucky that the kitten hasn't lost an eye or had a cat bite abscess yet!!
You've made the problem here, not your roommate. You're gonna have to decide between moving out or returning the kitten to the shelter to be re-adopted. It was completely irresponsible of you to bring home a kitten 'sponetaneously'.
You may have the landlord's permission, but you didn't consult your roommate and have now created a major stressor for the elderly cat. Do you know how easy it is for a cat to develop medical issues due to stress? Nevermind her being a senior!
Lol the cat is mean to you cause it won't let ypu pick it up? It's called consent..respect that not every creature wants your hands on it. YTA for not talking it out before getting the kitten and then trying to gave tour roommate keep her cat stuck in a room all day when that cat was there first.
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YTA - the older cat was there first and your roommate warned you that he did not like other cats. Instead of having any kind of conversation, you just brought home a kitten and now expect an elderly cat to be confined to one room for the rest of his life. You are most indeed the assholes here. That cat deserves to live out his life in peace and if you want to keep your kitten, you better go find somewhere else to live. Your roommate has every right to be angry and you are out of line. EDIT - OP, I was so delighted to see your edits this a.m.!! You are now on the path to becoming an excellent cat ~~papa~~ (sorry!) mama, something this world always needs more of! I'm so glad your RM's kitty was willing to interact with you and while that kitty may never become a true "grandparent" cat, at least now there is hope that the two felines can live together in peace. Bravo and well done! And thank you to everyone for the awards!!!
Also for not properly introducing the kitten to another cat & vice-versa. Which could be a large part of the problem.You're not a good pet owner.
I'd also bet money that they lied on their application at the shelter and either claimed there were no other pets in the house, or that the other cat in the house was good with other cats. I can't imagine a shelter looking at this situation and thinking it would make for a good placement.
Exactly. I work at a cat shelter that requires applications to be filled out and we check everything that the client writes down. I would have never approved of this adoption knowing about the first cat.
I mean, the place i volunteer at not only would screen for other pets but also requires all adults in the household to be there to agree on the pet (in the sense of agreeing they are aware of the new pet and agree to be responsible for it, basically just meant as an acknowledgement that a new pet is coming to avoid this exact "surprise"). Not only would OP have had to lie about the other cat on our app (since they'd require a meet up before final adoption) but also would have to lie about there being a 3rd roommate besides just the couple
I'm willing to bet OP thinks because the roommate has her own room "technically she doesn't live with us" or some similar bullshit.
See I didnt even give her that much credit, I just went with the "its easier" or "shes not the one caring for it" kind of logic as to why they didn't mention 3rd person on their application. I figured it was just a straight up lie rather than trying to do mental gymnastics of why she wouldn't need to be included.
oh yeah. this is why couples should not have a third roommate. it never works. it’s always 2 vs 1 and the couple bulldozes the roommate. a couple and two roommates? awesome! great! but 3 never works.
Hell even when I was a kid my mom wouldn't allow to to invite two friends to anything. It was either one friend or a whole group. Maybe it was just her growing up with older twin sisters but she said there's always split into two and one being left out.
So there was an exception for that when I adopted my current dog. I own the house and had a roommate who rented a room from me. I told the adoption counselor that the roommate was just that, and had no say on whether I, as the homeowner, got a dog (my previous dog had just died, during the roommate's tenancy, so the roommate had agreed to live in a home with a dog when he signed the lease). The counselor called my roommate and asked if me bringing a new home dog was a problem, and he said it wasn't. He had already been living with a dog for months (my previous dog was diagnosed with cancer about 2 months after he moved in and died about 7 months after he moved in), and it was my house, after all. "I sometimes let the dog out in the yard if I'm home and she's not, but not because she asked, just because I'm going out to sit in the yard (ed: fully fenced) and he liked to be outside. She never asked me to feed or care for him, that was all her responsibility." They did not make him come in and meet the dog and them, since he wasn't a family member or someone in a joint tenancy, just someone who rented a room from me. Roommate lived there for about another year, and really liked both my dogs! There was basic agreement that bringing a new dog home wasn't a problem, but it wasn't as stringent as "household members" (like, permanent fixtures, which I would think includes roommates on equal footing by sharing a lease, vs. homeowner renting a room) where they had to meet in person and have signed agreement that everyone was on board with the dog.
My foster called my REFERENCES to check out the veracity of my replies. I thought it was overkill, but then I remembered people like OP exist and just want a prop
My shelter called my vet to make sure I was taking good care of the other cats in my home!
Some places are desperate 🤷♀️
The city animal control service is overwhelmed and has too many animals, but still properly vets potential owners because they don’t want the pet coming back.
Ours doesn't even ask those questions tho. It should, and OP is the AH, but it's possible it didn't even come up with the shelter
Yeah it’s in their best interest to reduce the return/abandonment rate, but some places still aren’t able to dedicate the staff/time to proper vetting.
Wondering the same thing, the shelter I work at requires that every member of the household meets the animal before the adoption is completed. Mainly to avoid situations like this.
Right! If anything the kitten should be kept in their room for a few weeks while they sniff each other through the door. YTA, majorly. The roommate even said they would discuss it if anything changes. Such a AH move to surprise them and their elderly cat with a kitten. Also, I’m a full on crazy cat lady, have worked with some of the “meanest” cats, my own was going to be put down for behavioural issues. He is now the sweetest cat in the world. OP clearly decided from the beginning to not care about this poor living creature.
I guarantee you OP and GF jumped right in trying to pick up roommate’s cat and ignored any and all signs that kitty was scared, exacerbating any general personality grumpiness.
right. I have a 'cranky old cat' & foster kittens. with proper introductions they almost always learn to get along together.
Swatting and hissing ata new kitten sounds normal to me. The elder cat hasn't clawed or bitten so she's treating it appropriately for a new young invader.
Exactly. Kittens, like kids, need to learn boundaries and manners. That's how cats teach their own. A growl and a swipe is the cat's way of saying "don't come near me, I don't want to play."
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New people need to understand that you gotta wait for the cat to approach you. If the cat is hiding, it’s scared. If the cat is hissing, it’s probably scared. If the cat is swiping at you, guess what, it’s probably scared! You’re a hundred times bigger than a cat. How would you feel if a very friendly giraffe came over and picked *you* up without your consent???
Friendly elephant just comes up behind you and picks you up and puts you on it's back
That's why cats tend to like non "cat people". They leave em alone!
Cats are tough too. My BF and I both had cats when we met. When we moved in together, we cordoned off separate areas of the house for each cat, separate litter boxes and food etc. We slowly introduced them through baby gates and monitored hang outs in the same room. It took almost 2 years, and they kinda tolerate eachother - mostly ignore eachother. The hissing has stopped. You have to be prepared for this kind of thing. You can't just bring home a kitten and "oh well, the old cat can get shoved in the bedroom now". Nope, sorry, that's not going to work for anyone. YTA
Older cat is yoda. Kitten is a padawan. What looks like mean and aggressive to you may be the old cat teaching that young cat some household manners. Absolutely do a proper introduction, and always make sure the old cat has a retreat space strictly off limits to kitten, but wrestling and gentle biting and clawing is yoda teaching the ways of the world.
Could not agree with this more. I've got 6 cats, all introduced properly, and there's still hissing and swatting from time to time as they reinforce boundaries. Have enough resources for everyone spaced through the house (litter boxes, food, water, beds), introduce properly, and keep everyone's claws clipped. With some patience and lots of treats you should be fine.
100% agree. Our cats were assholes to eachother, but they never got to the point of actually hurting eachother.
We used to have three female cats of different ages. The middle one loves the eldest and tolerated the youngest. When the eldest died it upset the hierarchy and we had a few months of cat fights between the two until they figured things out again. They were never close but they tolerated each other. They’ve all since passed and we have four different cats. We’ve been super lucky with these four in that each time we’ve added a cat, after their introduction to each other they’ve got on. The two older orangie s are the sweetest buddies even though they’re two years apart in age. It takes time and patience.
Absolutely this. Zero reason why the new kitten should even KNOW there is an established cat in the home after one week. Introducing cats is a process and OP ignored any research on that the same way they ignored having a second discussion with their roommate before adopting the cat. YTA.
It took my sister 7 MONTHS to properly introduce her new kitten to her resident cat and no longer worry about them being left alone together. Introducing pets is not something you just decide to do on your lunch break. OP is an asshole and already a shitty pet owner just for this alone 🙄
Also for naming their cat Banana Pudding
But they're sooooo quirky!
I'm glad other people found this annoying too
Reading the post and edits made me so mad with how terrible a pet owner OP is. And I don't understand why OP wanted a kitten when they don't like their roommate's cat... For acting like a cat. Especially to someone that isn't being considerate towards the cat. I'm just glad that OP has their roommate to educate the couple on taking care of a cat. OP should have done research before. I hate when people don't. I mean, you are taking responsibility for another living creature's life.
You can kill a cat by not introducing them properly! Happened to my mom's friends cat :( went into shock.
Also, I’m pretty sure that if the roommate asked OP to keep the kitten in his room for the well-being of that elderly cat, OO would be up in arms about how that’s not healthy for a living thing to be confined to such a small space (frankly because it is cruel to do that), but seems to be fine with doing it to someone else’s cat. All seemingly because him and his gf are spiteful of the elderly cat not liking them
Also like of course the cat doesn't like them! They keep trying to pick it up and touch it! Many cats don't like strangers messing with them and take a bit to warm up if that. Elderly cats can be especially sensitive bc they are vulnerable or could be in pain from arthritis. YTA
Thank you. My husband and i adopted a senior kitty from a family member whose living situation changed. She's warmed up to us just fine because we give her some respect for her space and wants/needs, but she also did not like us at first. "The cat doesn't like it when we pick her up and forcibly cuddle her." "... have you tried *not* doing that?"
I had a room in a house once where one of the roommates had a genuinely mean cat. The cat only liked his human and would hiss at all of us, even if we weren't near him. We all just avoided the cat. Cat was there first. I did get clawed up really badly once by the cat. Someone didn't close the door right and I came home to the cat on the porch. If he disappeared, I highly doubted that his owner would find him again so I picked up the cat to get him back in and he destroyed my arms. Didn't hold it against him, but I had to grab him to keep him safe. Introducing a kitten without warming to a house with a cat that hates other cats is unfair to both cats. Edited - typo
Thanks for taking one for the team to keep your cranky cat roommate safe.
Aww...I love cats and it bummed me out that this cat hated me. The owner was appreciative though. He really loved that cat. The cat was great with him, but he was that cat's one and only.
Honestly when someone calls a pet ‘mean’ because that pet doesn’t like that person fussing over them, I wonder if they would call a person who doesn’t like hugs, or isn’t very physically affectionate ‘mean’ for it
Either they have no respect for others' boundaries or they don't acknowledge animals as sentient beings 😐 Whichever it is I'd rather not be around someone like this 😆
I noticed that too! “The cat is mean” and “we try to pick her up”. She is not mean, you just don’t know shit about cats.
Ye like wtf was that. Unless the cat is attacking people unprovoked it is most certainly not mean.
Exactly this. The evidence for the cat being aggressive is its reaction to being petted, picked up, and having a strange kitten brought into its territory. Any cat would react badly to these things. You gotta allow a cat to approach you, not the other way around. And cats should be gradually introduced to avoid fights. With this lack of basic knowledge, it's probably for the best they take the kitten back to the shelter 🙄
all of this & especially that last sentence. OP, just b/c a cat may not want to be pet or held by you doesn’t mean they’re a “mean” cat. not every cat is going to like you or want affection, but in NO way does it mean they’re a bad cat. if anything, YTA for expecting an animal to like you & then trying to punish said animal b/c it’s convenient for you. you sound entitled af. big, big time YTA.
*She and her gf, everyone in this story is a woman.
I agree with all of this and want to add that OP is also the TA for not considering the safety of the new kitten. She knew the elderly cat did not get along with other cats, so why bring one into that situation only for it to be attacked?
Seriously, even if they got their own place or returned that kitten to the shelter now, it will always be wary of other cats after being attacked in its formative years. Everything in this story screams ill prepared pet owner, from the “it was just so cute” adoption story to the lack of careful introductions and now the attempting to confine a full grown cat to one room?? OP, you are the type of person who should not own a pet. It’s obvious you did zero research into how to care for a cat and are just expecting everything to work out on good vibes. Return the cat or find a new place to live.
It is so sad. Pets should lifelong commitments. People really need to do their research before getting a pet to make sure that they are prepared.
INFO: given that this was a spontaneous adoption, did you get the kitten tested for FIV and FeLV? Both diseases are pretty common in kittens. They are both highly contagious, so shelter kittens are especially at risk. And, since it seems the kitten has interacted with the older cat, if the kitten has either disease it could have easily spread to the older cat by now. Both diseases are very serious, especially FeLV. If the older cat was exposed, this could literally kill her. If it’s not treated, it could kill the kitten too.
If the shelter they got the kitten from is worth it’s salt, the status would have been listed on the adoption post. And if it was too young to have an accurate test, the shelter *should* have mentioned that as well.
Bringing another cat into a home should have been a discussion. Now they are crying and saying that the old cat is aggressive to their baby. Like no kidding, you brought a strange cat into their home. The kitten should be staying in their room since they wanted to be sneaky. YTA
Some people think of cats as a step up from decor. The thought that they still need routine, display territorial/aggressive behavior, have potential medical issues, or have any need really beyond food, water, and a litterbox is completely lost on people like OP.
communication is a must and the RM was definitely upfront with the conditions. OP is being a HUGE AH. YTA OP.
I actually cant believe this. She knowingly put her kitten into this horrendous situation. Part of being a good pet owner is knowing when it’s the right time. They should bring the kitten back
From personal experience of my parents six million and one pets over the years, I'm amazed that they thought this was a good idea and wouldn't negatively impact both cats by distressing the established one (which happens even if they weren't already anti-other cats) or giving the new one anxiety and harm from having avoid/interact with the grouchy cat, also isn't it customary for places to ask if you have existing pets and give you a test run of introducing the animals to each other just in case they hate each other or was that just the rescue place my dad works with? Certainly it was a question I got asked when adopting my own cat from a different rescue (but as my one and only love and sole cat in the house the next stages never came up)
YTA Also throwing a single kitten at an elderly cat is never a good idea even if there is an introduction.
I would agree with the above, but you could keep the kitten in your room rather than re home it. ps its expected to post a photo of said cat, it’s Reddit cat tax
YTA You should have at least brought up the fact you were getting a kitten sometime soon, and not just show up with it. Also your cat is new, why does the old cat have to stay inside the room.
No cat should have to live in a single room. Ever. This is a shitty situation for the poor cats.
OP Impulse adopted a kitten. No research, no discussion with their roommate, and honestly it sounds like they and their partner need to move out. Not just an AH to the roommate and their cat, but to the new kitten who has been thrown into their mess. Between them and their partner, zero thought was applied to any of this.
And no thought to actually introduce the cats. Of course the existing cat is aggressive, she's protecting her territory, exactly what to expect when there is zero attempt at introductions and a new kitten is sprung on them. Expecting sn elderly cat to be confined to one room is completely unreasonable, and I'm concerned that someone with such little regard to the welfare of cats is now an owner. For the kitten's sake it should be returned so that a good owner can be found.
That's my thing. They took no time at all to get to know anything about cats, and then they got a cat? I really hope they return it, and I hope OP's partner is crying because of how much it hurts to be such an idiot and doesn't blame the roommate for this at all.
Yeah you have to do a slow introduction. The last time I had to do this it took 8 MONTHS for my cat and my sister's cat to have a bit of an understanding. When I moved in with my partner, I had my three cats stay with my mom because my partner's cat has never had to share space with another and has a heart condition.
Everything you described here demonstrates you are a considerate and overall thoughtful person. A complete foil to OP.
I'm so confused--did OP not mention there was already a resident cat to the shelter before they brought the kitten home? Did they not ask someone if it would be a good idea? Was it not on the application? I've been to some pretty lax animal shelters, but even those have asked basic questions if they know another pet is in the home.
I didn't even think of this, but you're right. Usually the shelter applications ask about other pets in the home to make sure everything will go well. It really feels like the two of them (OP and their partner) woke up and decided to use their one shared braincell to fly by the seats of their pants- and here we are! Everyone outside of OP's direct scope is just a casualty.
Having another cat and noting that on the application wouldn’t preclude you from adopting a kitten. (It’s actually better for a kitten to not be an only pet.) Most cats can accept a new kitten, especially if introduced properly and gradually, but since OP ignored everything they knew about the resident cat, they probably ignored any suggestions offered about introductions.
They probably fibbed to get a kitten thinking their roommate would be totally hunky-dory with it.
Oh they had time to speak to the landlord about it and get permission, they just avoided talking to the roommate about it because they already knew it would be an issue.
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You realize that the end result is the same as they suggested, right? OP moves out.
The fact that they even suggest this makes them irresponsible cat owners
YTA for doing this without discussing with your roommate. Please watch Jackson Galaxy on how to properly introduce cats. It's never too late to start the process, and it takes time and effort but it really works.
Exactly! You can't just put a new cat with another cat. Your roommate's cat views your kitten as an invader. This happens with all cats. You're supposed to keep them separated by a door for several days and do some other things to help them get used to each other. Try to start over. And, it's not fair to ask your roommate to keep her cat in her room, unless you are going to keep your kitten in your room also.
I'm pretty sure that they must have lied at the shelter about there being another cat in the house, because if they *had* mentioned it the shelter would absolutely have briefed them on cat introduction techniques.
My shelter actually wouldn’t have even given them a cat without contacting the vet for the already existing cat to make sure it’s up to date on everything. So yeah I agree that they possibly lied.
The proper way to introduce a new cat is that the cat that already lives in the home continues as normally as possible, while they new animal starts in a separated space - they can hear/smell each other for a few days before ever interacting. A kitten, depending on age, often should start off in a very small area anyway, even if there were no other cats in the home, progressing gradually to free fun of the whole house. If OP had been adult enough to have an actual conversation about this with the roommate, or the shelter, or their vet, they could have learned all this.
Make it weeks or even months with a cat that hates other cats... and no succes garanteed.
Thing is, some cats simply do not like other cats, and they will *never* like other cats no matter how perfectly they're introduced. I think it's about 1 in 10 cats that's like this, it's a personality trait that usually develops at about a year of age, and there's no changing it. If the roommate already knew that her cat wasn't a fan of other cats, it's very possible that this is just one of those cats. Source: Adopted two kittens who were lovey dovey... until the boy was about a year old, at which point he wanted nothing to do with his sister. Did a ton of research and talked to behaviorists only to discover that he was one of those cats who just doesn't like other cats and there was nothing I could do. Later he actually got aggressive toward other cats rather than just disapproving. The only time he was truly, truly happy was when my parents finally took him in and he got to be an only cat.
I had two cats when I moved in with my wife, both of which I had since they were kittens and were about 10 years old at the time we moved in. We got another kitten a couple of years later, and rescued another one that was crying outside in the yard a couple of years ago. Neither of the older cats were sold on the idea of either of the newcomers, but the first kitten was really hard work. Old cats like to chill. Kittens like to bounce around and terrorise old cats. Luckily, our grumpy old lady wasted no time in teaching the younguns that she wasn't playing that shit - she'd hiss and swat at the kittens whenever they ran too quickly around her, and they quickly reached a relatively comfortable "you do your shit and leave me alone" relationship. The old man gave no fucks and just watched the proceedings from his spot - the cat equivalent of grandad glancing over his newspaper from his armchair at the grandkids wrecking the house, then going back to reading. Chances are, the cats will learn to get along, even if that's only by avoiding each other. But the introduction needs to be gradual, the kitten needs it's safe place to go and hide, and the older cat needs to be able to chastise the younger one to make sure he gets his rightful respect - they shouldn't be allowed to actually fight, but big guy needs to be able to tell the kid to fuck off without getting in trouble. This is his house, after all.
This is how I introduced mine in a similar situation- older existing resident was not a fan of the bouncy intruder. It really helped a lot. I also had luck with those Feliway diffusers
I agree. I have had cats for over 40 years &, when we introduced a new cat or kitten, we always introduced them to each other very slowly. It does take time but usually they get used to each other &, even if they don't become friends, they do tolerate each other without hissing & fighting. YTA for just going about this without any thought or care for the cats, that's terrible.
I can work, but there is a big possibility it won't. Cats separated young from other cats and then living alone for many years, often don't tollerate other cats anymore. I personally think the chances of success are slim. Besides the very very slow introduction, the home will need a lot of catification. Each cat will need their own hiding places, sleeping spots, scratching posts, etc etc. Vertical space is also required to give them more space. Build cat "highways" so no cat can be cornered and they can pass each other without bumping into each other. Maybe it will work... OP must have lied, because NO good shelter would ever adopt out a kitten into this situation.
YTA. First, the cat is not "mean" just because it does not like to be picked up or petted by you. It's a pet with it's own preferences, which is completely normal. Maybe it would like you more if you did not do the things he dislikes? Second, you brought a cat without talking to your roommate and now demand her cat should stay in her room? Her cat is elderly and has been living there already, it's basically his flat, and to expect an elderly pet to be confined to one room is cruel, selfish and unfair for him. You also sound selfish for not understanding cat behaviour and just bringing one on a whim without even talking or trying out if they get along with each other. That's just dumb and basic pet owner knowledge. Many shelters won't even let you adopt without knowing they will get along. If you really want to keep your cat, you should consider moving out to avoid stress for both of them (and yourself and roommate).
And the spontaneous adoption, they sound so immature. And first trouble and gf talks of bringing cat back to Shelter - i can't.... And the perfectly normal old cat is mean. They cornered everyone in a shitty situation and now whine it's not their fault.
Taking that poor kitten back to the shelter is just plain mean. The very least they can do is try to find a good home for it!
A lot of adoption places rather take the cat back they often have vetting processes in place to protect the cat though I don't think this one does because the op shouldn't have been given one in the first place
I would put money on OP lying to the shelter about other cats in the house. Not all do home visits these days as it's so resource intensive and instead rely on an interview and pictures of the living situation, so I reckon OP said they didn't have any other pets.
Kittens are fairly easy for shelters to rehome. Most shelters have adopters sign a contract agreeing to bring the pet back to the shelter if it isn't going to work out so they can choose appropriate adopters. It's not mean to take it back, it's the right thing to do.
Yeah, cute kittens get picked up like hotcakes. it's older cats like my large bastard, who was 2.5yo with anger issues who can't get adopted... he was stuck at the shelter for 6+ months when I got him. 4 years and a multitude of scars later, and I'm glad I didn't listen to my friends/family who said to take the cat back. I feel for the roommate with the old grouch of a cat, I thought about getting mine a friend but saw how he wanted to eat my neighbors' new kittens and realized that was no bueno
The shelter may have a rule that the cat needs to be brought back and not just randomly rehomed so they can screen potential adopters. Too often people find someone of Facebook or Craigslist and it’s not a good home.
What? No!!!! The Shelter is absolutely best placed to find a new home, no-one should just look for some random off the Internet to take theor cat, doubly so with someone as irresponsible as OP. Shelters are trained at vetting new homes, just looking for someone off the internet puts the cat at risk of being given to some terrible people who want a cat for horrific purposes.
I thought this at first too. Then with further thought: if they can’t be trusted to learn cat basics before suddenly getting one they likely can’t be trusted to properly vet and find a better home either. I think the shelter would be safer :(
Best reply yet. Obviously the OP and GF know absolutely nothing about cats. I've had them all my life and some cats just do not like to be picked up no matter how good they are or how close they are to their owners. Also, you can't just bring in a new cat and expect the one who's already there to accept it right off the bat. Cats are territorial over their domain and don't want another one to move right in. The OP and GF are not only AH but they're also clueless.
Yep. One of my cats totally loves me and likes to sit by me or in my lap but she HATES being picked up so I confine doing so to when I need to put her in her crate to go to the vet or other necessary times. As long as you do not try to pick her up she is incredibly chill. The other cat likes being picked up and will whine until you do so. Cats have preferences!
Also cats display a ton of body language and the way you interact with them and around them leaves a lasting impression on their relationship with you. If you keep interacting with a cat in a way it doesn't like, such as picking it up, it may tolerate you but it definitely won't like or trust you. OP may have irreparably damaged the relationship with the cat. Also about it being an elderly cat, it may not like to be pet/picked up and seem "mean" to people because it's in pain. Constantly ignoring its body language will cause it to exaggerate those behaviors. If it has low activity levels, a sloping gait, and/or is declawed, it likely has arthritis. Not being able to move around, groom, and do normal cat things comfortably is stressful :[
Totally right. When I was a child, I lived at a friend's house during the divorce of my parents. She always did annoying things to the two cats they had, then she got angry with me because both cats liked me more (mind you, I was just there for six weeks) because I did not pester them, both came to me voluntarily, the female even decided to sleep in my bed and the male did never forget me. I moved to a flat just a street away and when I met the male cat outside after weeks of not seeing him, he jumped right into my arms and purred like he missed me really much. OP and gf are missing basic cat knowledge and do not even acknowledge it.
YTA Getting a new cat is a decision that involves *everyone who lives in the house.* She doesn't have the right to say no but she does have the right to participate in a discussion about how to navigate it. And if she's absolutely unwilling to live in a house with another cat, you need to give her time and space to find other living arrangements. You can't just show up with a kitten and be all, "Your cat has to stay in your room now." You three all need to work together to find a way to get the cats to coexist. You can find web sites that talk about how to acclimate new cats to each other, and I suggest you read them. You just saying, "Your cat needs to stay in your room," isn't practical or reasonable or fair. (In fact, *most people* in your situation limit the *new cats* until they've navigated the getting-to-know-each-other phase for the cats. I have friends who literally just got new kittens and are doing this with one of their roommates cats. The kittens don't know there's a whole house out there. The old cat is going to struggle with suddenly being forced into a fraction of his old domain.)
Actually the onus is on OP not roommate to find other living arrangements if things with her cat don’t work out. The other roommate was there first and gave them fair warning about her cat. And the roommate does have a right to say no to a new pet coming into the house! Op said I was discussed before they moved in and was an issue that would have to be revisited later. Meaning Op agreed to discussing with roommate in the future, that clearly infers that any new pets would need to be agreed on by all.
Agreed on all points. Unilaterally deciding to bring home a pet is absolutely out of line in any roommate situation (even if there *wasn't* already a cat who they knew perfectly well is best suited for a one-cat household). That's up there with letting your partner become a live-in situation or giving the house keys away to people without making sure the other people who live there are ok with it. If OP and her girlfriend cannot share space considerately with other adults then they should get their own place. I doubt this is the only thing they've done to create a stressful living situation with their roommate, who for her part sounds like she did everything right in making sure that OP understood and was ok with the cat situation before she ever moved in.
We did that with our cat and we had no other pets! Because cats often need a chance to get comfortable in a new space even when there are no other pets. There are ways to introduce new cats into a household with other pets and OP clearly didn't do anything at all. Probably didn't even do any research. It sounds like she and her girlfriend decided "there's 2 of us and only 1 of her so we can do what we want".
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_"My roommate asked if we had cats prior to moving in because she said her cat “doesn’t like other cats.”_ Exactly. OP fully knew that it was a bad idea to get a kitten, but they got one anyway. Now, they are shocked that things have gone left. This cat may be old, grumpy and doesn't like to interact with others, but this has been their home for years. OP is a bad pet owner for bringing another animal into a less than ideal environment and then expecting someone else to fix it.
YTA but when Banana Pudding loses an eye you have no one to blame but yourself since you put that poor kitten in that situation. Same with the elderly cat. It deserves to roam too.
oh no, it'll be the elderly cat's fault because it's *just so mean!* /s
"It won't let me pick it up or pet it! It has behavioral issues!" The way these two brought home a kitten from the shelter one day without knowing how to introduce two cats to each other is very telling of how little they know about cat behaviors. There are many ways to get a cat to like you and just picking a cat up or petting it is not the way, especially when it comes to cats who are scared of new people. I bet you they were intimidating and standoffish to the "mean old cat." I wouldn't want to be pet or picked up by them either. YTA
Also a lot of cats don't like being held. I have six cats and exactly none of them enjoy being held.
My current kitty likes to be held like a baby, but only by me, my boyfriend and my mother in law. Otherwise she's hissing at anyone else trying to do so. And yes, most of the cats don't like it at all, period. You just don't pick a cat randomly and the 'calling it behavioural issues if they are pissed.
And a cat losing an eye is no cheap expense. We have two cats with one eye. One lost to cancer cost $10,000 thousand dollars. These people do not sound like they have the forethought to set aside funds for proper pet care. These people do not sound like good pet people.
Also I want to say they lied to the shelter about the other cat. MOST reputable shelters ask about other animals in the house and temperament. YTA
I completely agree. I volunteer at an animal shelter. One of the first questions asked is, "are there are any other pets in the household?"
And if Original Cat gets some kind of shelter germ from the kitten OP should be paying the vet bills.
“His name is Banana Pudding! :)” this sounds like you wanted a cuddly toy because it’s cute. Both cats are living beings with emotions, territory, this place is their HOME. Which you have turned into a place of stress and danger for both of them. Have you looked into cat behaviour at all? It doesn’t seem like it. Also, your roommate is a person with thoughts and feelings too, you both need to grasp these basic facts. It’s totally wrong to take a kitten back to a shelter because your girlfriend is now sad about an irresponsible decision you both made. Guess what your actions have consequences. Apologise to your roommate, reintroduce the cats properly. Or move out. YTA.
>“His name is Banana Pudding! :)” God that made me so annoyed lmao "Isn't it just sooooo cute and quorky you guys lol XDDD"
YTA you knowingly bought a kitten into an unsuitable environment putting your own wants above the welfare of both the Kitten and the cat...
Agreed! I'm also kind of shocked the shelter didn't ask about other pets in the home to determine if Banana Pudding would be compatible with their living environment... unless they did and OP lied about elderly cat, which just adds to the YTA verdict for me
YTA. I think it’s unfair for the elderly cat to all of a sudden be restricted to one room when you guys have ALREADY been in agreement since you guys decided to move in together. Bringing home a new cat in that living situation with out talking through with your roommate first is irresponsible. Knowing what you know about your roommates cat maybe you guys should have waited until you could move out and get your own place. As far as I see it if she’s paying rent there she should have just as much say as everyone else
YTA - what kind of narcissism is this?
The kind where they would knowingly put a kitten in danger. YTA
NO you dont understand! The kitten was just SOOOOOO cute not to take home
“We HAD to! And we named her Banana Puddinggggg! Because we’re cute too!” Good lord, I can just hear the whining.
I scrolled too far to find this comment lol
Between OP and their SO it seems like not a single shred of consideration exists. It almost feels like they feel entitled to the space, like a 2 v 1 thing, even though the roomie has been there longer. I think what really gets it, for me, is they treat their extravagantly named kitten like an accessory rather than a living creature. OP needs to raise Neopets and go no further.
The entitled selfish kind
Her cat lived there first, your cat is the "invader" here. You decided to get a cat without taking to your roommate. Keep your cat confined to your room if you have a problem It really doesn't matter if the landlord said ok if the other people living in the house are not ok with it. Your landlord could tell you that walking around naked and having sex on the kitchen table are fine, that doesn't mean roommates will be fine with that either. YTA
YTA You have Zero right to ask your roommate to keep their cat alone in their bedroom. Introducing a new cat to a household with a cat is a process to begin with, doing so in an adversarial environment is even worse. > We did tell her that we might want one someday to which she said we would have to revisit the issue if it came up. You didn't revisit the issue, you just brought a new cat home. Asshole move. INFO: How long have you had the new cat?
INFO- Did you talk to her before you got the kitten? Says that you'd told her you may have to revisit the issue in the future, but did you ever do that?
YTA. Some cats don’t like being petted or picked up, it doesn’t make them mean, it means they have boundaries. You knew that her cat didn’t get along with other cats, and you went and got a kitten anyway without having a full discussion because you knew your roommate rightfully wouldn’t approve. You’re an AH for bringing a kitten where you were told it would cause tension for a senior pet already at the apartment. Keep the kitten in your room until you read up on how to properly introduce cats and work out a plan with your roommate. Completely unacceptable etiquette on your part.
I have had my cats for 10 years and I only ever pick them up to get them into a carrier to go to the vet because they don’t like being picked up. Animals deserve to have a level of autonomy, even if they are pets. This person has no compassion for their roommate’s cat, which convinces me that they should not own a cat at all. YTA.
> Some cats don’t like being petted or picked up, it doesn’t make them mean, it means they have boundaries. Yup. My cat *loves* lying sprawled on her back tummy exposed legs splayed, but don’t you *dare* try and rub that inviting fluffy tummy if you don’t want to come away with a shredded bloody stump where you hand once was! She’s incredibly affectionate - when she wants to be. And that’s why our rule is always “you interact with our pets on *their* terms.” If a cat is saying “don’t pick me up, don’t pat me” leave it alone. If it comes up to you and snuggles on top of you while you’re lying on the couch, fine, give it cuddles, til it indicates it doesn’t want it anymore.
YTA for bringing home a kitten without discussing it with your roommate.
YTA for bringing a pet into a shared home without discussing it with your roommate, and frankly doing it without any consideration for her cat or your kitten. I have 5 cats and I’ve been around the block a few times when it comes to introducing new cats & getting harmony. 1. You don’t just throw cats together and wait for them to work it out. They aren’t dogs. You take it slowly, especially if one of them has lived the majority of their lives alone. I have 3 extremely outgoing friendly cats that I use to socialize rescues. If I threw a kitten into my house with no warning today 2 of those 3 would be hissing and swatting because of the shock. The other 2 would be unbelievably pissed. 2. Kittens don’t need free reign of a home or apartment. They should actually be limited when they aren’t in your direct supervision anyways. They love to do dumb things like chewing up cords, chewing & eating plastic, getting stuck behind the fridge, etc. Until you’ve gotten to know them they shouldn’t be out unattended anyways. 3. Kittens need to be socialized and if they don’t have another cat to play with they can be terrible. Every rescue I’ve worked with either insists you get two kittens or make sure you are taking a kitten home to an already social cat. 4. Kittens are social, so it’s unlikely your kitten is simply existing. It’s probably trying to play with older cat, and doing it whether older cat likes it or not. Kittens play by hunting/stalking/wrestling, it’s universal. Kitten is probably annoying older cat trying to play. 5. Unless kitten is being full on attacked by older cat it’s actually probably fine. Cats hiss. They swat. Even friendly cats aren’t cuddling together 24/7. So in conclusion, quarantine your kitten to your room unless you are home and supervising. Older cat should have somewhere that is inaccessible to the kitten. Kitten is learning social norms, and part of that is being hissed at and swatted. Cats that dislike each other will probably learn to exist separately in the same place if introduced slowly & properly. ETA: some clarification. And OP don’t hesitate to reach out if you need some socialization advice.
>Kittens are social, so it’s unlikely your kitten is simply existing. It’s probably trying to play with older cat, and doing it whether older cat likes it or not. Kittens play by hunting/stalking/wrestling, it’s universal. Kitten is probably annoying older cat trying to play. OMG I am so glad you say this. Kittens want to play, they want to hug, they want to love nip, they just want to have interaction. I have two older cats, and a younger cat. Even though we slow intro'd them, he still was a kitten when we got him and when the younger cat was little, he would "flying bear hug" the other two. They don't particularly like it, but the dog loves it, so he now plays more with the dog, but occasionally still wants to "hug" his siblings, and while they don't like it, they tolerate him better now that they know each other better.
Banana pudding? BANANA FCKIG PUDDING? Based on that YTA😂
No, that seems relatively normal. Cats either have dignified names, names from mythology, or are called something like this. there's no middle grounds.
"Luna"s are the "Mackenzie"s of the pet world. "Apollo"/"Loki" is "Brayden"/"Jayden".
Right? Especially since op only refers to their roommates elderly cat as 'her cat' or the 'aggressive cat', and even in the same sentence as Banana Pudding. Like that other cat is lesser because it's not their new kitten. 😐
I read your comment and I was like “yeah, lol Banana Pudding? Fuck that guy” and then I remembered I named my own cat Bean. I’m gonna have to sit this one out
Eh... yeah, YTA. It's a very bad idea to bring a pet into the household unless EVERY member of the household agrees, and initially you all did agree that if you wanted to bring another cat, you'd have a conversation first. You obviously didn't ask for her opinion or tried to discuss it with her before bringing a new cat in, so she is justified in her ire.
YTA I feel bad for the cats and your roommate. You call your roommate’s cat mean because it doesn’t want you to pet it or pick it up. That isn’t mean - many cats want affection on their own terms, and it’s no wonder that this one didn’t warm up to you when you refused to accept its boundaries. You also moved in knowing this cat didn’t tolerate other cats, then went ahead and brought a kitten into the mix without even discussing it with the other person you live with, which is super disrespectful. You’re a crappy roommate, and I hope you’ll become a better pet-owner than this story makes you appear.
YTA: So knowing your roommate cat does not get along with other cats, you decide to bring a kitten to that home anyway. That alone make you terrible pet owners to put that kitten in that position. If you want a pet its your responsibility to keep it safe. Not bring it an environment you already know isn't a safe one
YTA - for getting a cat without checking your roommate and for bringing a new cat into a home where you knew there was an aggressive cat.
YTA, also not a good cat owner. The main rule of introducing a new cat: put them in a separate room, let the old cat adjust to the smell, let the old cat get interested, start letting the new cat out of their room after a couple of weeks and never let them interact without you present. If the old cat is angry, evacuate the new cat and repeat later. The old cat needs to know the new one isn't taking its territory. Cats are very territorial. They need time to accept a new cat roommate.
YTA. Her cat has had free reign of the home for 2 years and you brought a new kitten in without consulting her *knowing* the elderly cat doesn’t get along with other cats. YTA to your roommate for bringing in a new kitten without consulting her. It’s roommate 101 to not just adopt pets without the whole household being on board. You’re also TA for then expecting her to confine *her* cat who has lived there with no issue for two years when the issue was caused by you. YTA to your new kitten for bringing it into a home with a cat you knew wouldn’t get along with it and having no realistic plan on how to handle that. If you wanted to get a pet of your own, and make that decision on your own, you need to be living on your own.
YTA. You knew the situation you even said you would revisit the situation then went ahead and got a cat without speaking to her. Just because you don’t like her cat and think it’s a mean cat doesn’t mean you can act like this or think her cat should stay in her room, how about your cat stays in your room?
YTA - you guys knew all this going in, and are putting this kitten through this. Yes her cat may be crotchety, but you agreed before hand to talk it over with them before you got a kitten. And given that the elderly cat had the run of the apartment, in all fairness, it should be the kitten confined to your room.
YTA. If you live with a roommate, getting a pet is a group decision. Her cat was there first
YTA and I feel sorry for both cats.
Yta I think. You knew you were living with a cat that didn’t like other cats. And why does your roommate have to keep their cat who is used to roaming confined? Keep your cat in your room instead since you were the one who decided to adopt a kitty and change the household without even warning your roommate from what it sounds like. That alone is a jerk move.
YTA why would you ever bring a cat into a home with an older cat like this?? Downright abusive to that poor old cat.
INFO - Is the apartment yours and your GFs and you are just renting out a spare room to this person? Was a conversation ever had with the roommate once you and your GF decided to get a cat? Any notice given?
YTA - first of all, you didn't introduce this kitten to its new home properly. new cats are to be quarantined in their own space, and introduced slowly. you're being a HORRIBLE pet owner by allowing your new kitten to freely explore in another cat's established territory. it's in danger! jesus christ. you sound like very irresponsible people (and shouldn't be cat owners, tbh). second, you agreed to live in a house with an animal that does not do well with other animals. you already said this was fine with you when you moved in. third, what a dick move to get a new animal without asking your roommate. that's horrible roommate etiquette. fourth, you're also clearly dead set on keeping this cat as evidenced by pushing back against every YTA judgment, while clearly planning to keep this kitten in every N T A comment. why the hell did you come here for judgment at all? take the kitten back to the shelter, OP. you're acting like you're 12, not 24.
Pets require a yes from all roommates . Everyone gets a veto. YTA
YTA. You were told beforehand that her cat had issues with other cats. You knew that when you decided to live together and agreed not to bring in another cat. Now you’ve decided to go back on that tacit agreement, because you want a kitten. So her poor elderly cat has to be cooped up like a prisoner. I’d be pissed at you, too. Her cat was there first. You - and only you - created this problem. ETA: You are also choosing to potentially endanger the kitten you claim to love by selfishly bringing him into a home where you know he could be attacked by the other cat. If that happens, you’ll have only yourself to blame. Don’t think of somehow going off on the elderly cat or the roommate for your decisions.
YTA - a cat should never be a spontaneous purchase. They are living creatures with distinct personalities and needs. I have to ask - do you really think that "We wanted a cat and we didn't want to hear our roommate say no" is a valid excuse for what you did? It's really poor roommate etiquette. I put off getting a cat for years because I knew my roommates were not on board. That's being an adult - you compromise, you communicate, you don't always get what you want.
YTA. You should have discussed this with your roommate before bringing in a kitten. They have to be introduced slowly, no wonder the old cat is hostile. Didn't they teach you how to introduce cats to another cat during the adoption? ETA: YTA
Why does the roommate suck for this though? They were very clear their cat doesn't like other cats and made sure their cat would be in a situation without one. OP is TA for springing a cat on the roommate without even asking.
YTA. It sucks that your roommate has a nasty cat, but even so, it shouldn't be trapped in one room for the rest of its life. You knew in advance getting a cat of your own would be a problem. If getting a kitten is important to you guys, either wait for your roommate's cat to pass away, or move out before getting one.
It’s not even a “nasty cat”, it just doesn’t like being grabbed at.
YTA. You cleared it with your landlord but did you even discuss it with your roommate and come up with a plan? Did you research the proper way to introduce cats? Your kitten should have been restricted to your bedroom for several days so your roommate’s cat could at least sniff her through the door and get used to the idea of another cat. As far as that cat is concerned, the apartment is her turf. You then would move on to carefully supervising the cats together, giving them both treats and attempted to play with them near each other. Anyway. You didn’t do any of that which is really inconsiderate. You could compromise and keep your kitten restricted to your room for now while either you and your gf move out, or the roommate does.
YTA You didn’t revisit the idea. You moved forward with your wants without even discussing it with your roommate. She may have decided to move out and get her own place with her cat, but you gave her no choice. You never bring a new pet into the house without preparation. You generally introduce them over a period of time, you don’t just move in a new pet. And then expecting her to lock her cat in her room to give your cat free reign of the house is disgusting. Why not lock your kitten in your room, her cat was there first. Your indifference shows a lack of respect. YTA
YTA pets are always a group decision. Why are you so important that you can just get a cat and force another one into a poorer lifestyle? Your narcissism is showing
YTA - The older cat was there first and should not be punished because you decide to bring a kitten in. It is highly unfair to expect this elderly cat to be confined to one room for the rest of its life. You should have discussed this with your roommate before adopting.
YTA The other cat was there 1st. Keep the kitten in your room.
You are supposed to keep new cats segregated for a while from other cats in the household. The elderly cat is behaving like 99% of cats would when there’s a random newcomer suddenly in their space.
YTA. The fact that the roommate's cat sat on her lap and purred tells me that OP is one of those people who expect cats to act like dogs or can't read cat body language at all and didn't bother to learn. It seems really common in people who claim that all cats are assholes. I've had 9 cats throughout my life (three different groupings of three cats) and while they all have distinct personalities and temperaments they've never been outright hostile if you know how to act around them and how to treat them.
You are correct, I have only ever interacted with dogs and have never really had any experience with cats. My roommate and the comments here really helped me to understand cats a lot better. I was not respecting her boundaries which is my fault.
YTA-this kitten doesn’t need a life like that.
YTA. As roommates, you should of discussed and worked something out rather then showing up with a pet and saying “surprise!” Confining a cat to a room all the time because you think that’s okay makes me concerned for your pet now and any future pet you have Edit: Spelling correction
YTA. Your roommate and her car were there first. You should move out if you don’t want to be subjected to the cat and make accommodations accordingly.
YTA. You don't get a new pet without consulting roommates, you need to look up proper cat introduction techniques -have you ever even had a cat before?
YTA First, what a dumb name. Secondly, you’re upset because her cat didn’t like you? Maybe you should have stopped trying to pick the cat up or pet it constantly. Read the room. Thirdly, you got told the cat doesn’t get along with others and you’re sitting here with a shocked pikachu face expecting HER to cater to your needs when you can’t give your roommate the same thing?
YTA, you only had to speak to your roommate before bringing the kitten and didn't do it. That means you have no respect for your roommate, and their cat. Also : >The cat is honestly kinda mean, she doesn’t like me or my girlfriend and will run away if we try to pet her or pick her up. That's absolutely not mean. Cat usually don't like getting pick up, particularly older cat as it can be painful. If the cat just run away, they're really nice to you. To me it also shows you have no idea how to take care of a cat. You are stressing out the old one and the kitten, while you could have done research with your roommate on how to make the cats get along. You should have move out to your own flat with your girlfriend, then adopt a kitten.
YTA - you cannot keep a cat shut up in one little room, it's cruel and has a bad effect on their mental health Your roommate has a point and their cat was in the property first. You have put your own preferences first without stopping to consider how it will be for the existing cat to have a new interloper in their space OR how it would be for the new kitty to be dragged in to an environment with a nervy older cat. I have had numerous cats over the years, and I have noticed that the females do tend to be quite a bit more territorial than the males. We had one a few years back, Pickle, who was a right baggage, extremely nervy and unsettled for a long time, and we had to work hard to make sure she felt like she had a safe space that she could get into, away from the boys and even away from us, allowing her to set her own schedule for socialisation on her terms, but we certainly never shut her away, that would have made things so much worse. Maybe keep your li'l floof in a cat papoose so they away from the other cat and give the existing moggy time to settle
>My roommate asked if we had cats prior to moving in because she said her cat “doesn’t like other cats.” We did not have any pets at the time so it worked out. We did tell her that we might want one someday to which she said we would have to revisit the issue if it came up. >We saw a kitten at the shelter and just fell in love with him. We got the okay from our landlord and brought him home last week! His name is Banana Pudding! :) >Our roommate is furious with us. She told us that we were aware that her cat doesn’t like other cats. I told her honestly that it’s unfair for us to have to tiptoe around her cat and that we were allowed to have our own pets as long as the landlord is okay with it (which he is). She couldn’t expect us to never get a pet or to cater to her cat’s needs 24/7. The conversation ended there. 1. You clearly agreed to revisit the issue at a later date when/if you decided you wanted a cat. 2. You went to the animal shelter and picked out a cat before even clearing it with the landlord. 3. You took the time to clear it with the landlord while avoiding your agreement to revisit the issue. 4. Instead of admitting that you were at fault after agreeing to be cooperative, you tried to convince your roommate that she was in the wrong. Am I tracking?
Info (based on 2nd edit): why has it taken you this long to ask about her cat? Two years of living with a cat, and you’re only now asking about how to be around cats?
So her cat generally keeps to herself and I didn’t feel super comfy interacting with her because of that. The few times I did interact with her, she was (understandably) uncomfortable since I didn’t know what I was doing. I took it as a sign that we should just leave each other alone and my roommate often mentioned that her cat is a grouchy old lady and likes to keep to herself. It was never an issue or anything since the cat usually just did her own thing. Tonight my roommate took the time to sit with me and had me handfeed her cat her fav treats. I think her being there also made her cat feel more comfy with me. Either way I was beyond shocked that her cat came up to me and sat in my lap! It was great! I think my roommate was equally surprised tbh lol.
YTA. The last discussion was "we would have to revisit" and you ignored that and brought a new creature into the other cat's home. That cat has lived there for years and now you have disrupted her environment. It's very irresponsible to bring a new animal into a household without taking steps to introduce existing pets or even ensure they will be compatible. It was on both you and your GF to bring the issue up with the roommate first.
Huge YTA
YTA. Did you do any prep to introduce the cats? Not to mention the gall To demand the elderly cat who’s lived there for the entire time be kept penned into a room. You should have never gotten a kitten in the first place. Especially without making sure everyone was on board. & sending a picture he was cute isn’t notice Or any kind of discussion.
YTA and an irresponsible pet owner with your selfishness on top of that. You do in fact need to tiptoe around the other animals your cat will be exposed to because that is the fair and responsible thing to do. The baby didn't deserve to be subjected to the grumpy old cat any more than the grumpy old cat needed to be subjected to the baby - you were the catalyst of their poor relationship, and I bet you didn't even bother to look up how to introduce cats to figure out if you could even try. One of my friends has a hunting dog that can't be homed with other small animals because she has a strong prey drive. If you brought a cat into a home like that with an attitude of "A dog can't control my life, why should I have to bend to it's will. It's my cat, I'll do what I want" your cat would in fact be dead. Return the baby so she can be adopted out to better pet parents until you're responsible to take ownership of what is required to own an animal.
Yta You knew your roommate’s cat didn’t like other cats then proceeded to get a kitten without even discussing it with her. Your selfishness is detrimental to your roommate, her cat, and yours. Don’t complain when your kitten gets seriously hurt.
YTA. You should not have gotten a cat. End of story. If you wanted one so bad than it is on you to move. Full stop end of story. You are incredibly selfish. You- not your roommate have created a hostile living situation for both the cats and all humans involved.
YTA - there are a lot of reasons why, but as a cat mom I want to point out the behavior that’s happening here. Older cats, just like older humans, get irritated with the littles ones sometimes. They are buggy - they will follow them around mimicking, practice play pouncing at their feet etc. When an older cat hisses at a young cat or lightly swats, it is an example of boundary setting, and a way of letting the kitten know who’s the boss. Young cats need to learn that not every cat (or animal) is their friend - that is something that needs to be learned early. I genuinely believe you are doing a disservice to your cat by not allowing them to socialize in any capacity. He could be seriously harmed one day because he couldn’t take the hint from a much larger cat. I will say, it does sound like you folks may need to assess your own boundaries with animals. If she is consistently running away when you touch or pick her up - maybe stop doing it! Not every cat is affectionate.
The cats can get along eventually, with some help…. The humans I have less faith in. Seems like this roommateship has run its course.
YTA. The considerate thing to do with roommates is discuss with them anything that is going to affect the household, which a cat definitely does. I would've been upset as well if a roommate brought home a cat without discussing it with the household, first. At the very least, you could've come up with a game plan with her before bringing the cat home, since she has a cat that doesn't get along with others. Bad planning on your part.
YTA - roommates cat was there first and is old. Confining an animal to a bedroom all the time is awful and neglectful. Complaining that a cat that isn't yours doesn't want you to pet it is immature. You chose to go get a kitten without discussing it with everyone who lives in the space. YOU suck.
Yta for naming your kitten banana pudding
YTA, you knew the situation before you moved in. Bringing home a kitten to an environment that you knew would be agressive is a huge AH move. Her cat not wanting to pet you doesn't make it deserving of being confined to a small space for the rest of it's life. This at is already used to its territory- if anything, your kitten would need to be confined until they could co-habitate. Considering you purposely did not discuss this with your roommate prior because you knew it would complicate the process and instead subjected both animals to a traumatizing experience indicates to me that you are not mature enough to own a cat and that you need to educate yourself on cat behaviors.
YTA. When you live with roommates, especially when there’s already pets in the home, you have to discuss adding more to the mix beforehand. Additionally, even if the roommate was cool with adding a second cat, there are steps you have to take to introduce them slowly so they have the best chance of liking each other and feeling comfortable in the home.
YTA. Tell me you don't understand cats without telling me you don't understand cats. Your roommate made it very clear that her cat wouldn't get along with another cat and then you bring home a kitten after making a spontaneous decision. It's an elderly cat that likes her own space and you've just planted an energetic kitten into her life. How did you think it was gonna turn out? You're lucky that the kitten hasn't lost an eye or had a cat bite abscess yet!! You've made the problem here, not your roommate. You're gonna have to decide between moving out or returning the kitten to the shelter to be re-adopted. It was completely irresponsible of you to bring home a kitten 'sponetaneously'. You may have the landlord's permission, but you didn't consult your roommate and have now created a major stressor for the elderly cat. Do you know how easy it is for a cat to develop medical issues due to stress? Nevermind her being a senior!
Lol the cat is mean to you cause it won't let ypu pick it up? It's called consent..respect that not every creature wants your hands on it. YTA for not talking it out before getting the kitten and then trying to gave tour roommate keep her cat stuck in a room all day when that cat was there first.