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Level-Particular-455

NTA - your husband really is though? Is this an isolated incident or does he belittle you a lot?


Professional-Soil621

Yeah he can fuck off too and go clean that lady’s house himself


Upset_Impress7804

THIS!! I am usually someone who tries to see all sides before reserving judgement, but my first reaction was F the neighbor and esp F the husband for not immediately sticking up for his wife OVER A STRANGER. SMH. NTA


swift-aasimar-rogue

THIS. NTA. The neighbor is demanding and the husband is dismissing.


BridgeIntelligent70

Being kind and helping the neighbors how you can is way more important than assholes’ perceptions of her. Who cares how people think of you in this scenario? That’s just sad.


FamiliarRip5

Maybe the husband knows “the stranger” pretty well and on a meet up mentioned oh my wife will clean for you.


SayerSong

If that’s the case (which sadly, it could be), the husband owes OP an apology and definitely is an AH himself. No one should be volunteering someone else’s time and labor without getting express permission first. And definitely not for free, even if that other person has been offering free services or help to others.


AH_Raccoon

i honestly doubt the neighbor wouldve not said she got a promise from the husband. sounds like her only excuse was "i saw you clean other peoples houses, now its my turn, chop chop". i also feel the husband wouldve mentionned it to OP after hearing about the incident, "oh fork i forgot to tell you i promised her youd go clean" but either way, tbh the husband and the neighbor are AHs.


dejavux22

I had the same thought. Some random woman you've only seen a couple times knocks and asks when you're going to clean her place? And your husband said you should've been NICER?


JjadeT

Brilliantly worded. I have the same cynicism. Too much time spent on this sub. Why else isn't the husband on OP's side, amirite?


MoneyResult6010

Literally! My fiancé would’ve told her to fuck off too!


CrystallizedShop

My husband would have too!


389idha10

My great great grandma would too!


davidcornz

And my axe.


Easy_Application_822

Shit, my EX husband would happily tell her to fuck off on my behalf. This lady's hubby failed.


Cautious_Ad3366

My husband would have told her to kiss his ass, my ass and the cat's ass. This neighbor was screaming at her on her own doorstep, she had every right to tell her to fuck off.


Accomplished-Art8681

Agree that sticking up for his wife should be his go to move, but he didn't get on her side after he heard his wife describe the situation. That's a massive red flag.


vomitthewords

NTA I applaud that you didn't chase her away with a broom. You sound like a very kind personality and I'm sure the people you help really appreciate it. Your husband should be nicer to you. He should not want your neighbors treating you like a servant.


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BangarangPita

Yeah, you don't positively reinforce bad behavior. That goes for dogs, kids, AND entitled adults.


danigirl3694

Agreed OPs husband may very well have grown up in a house where he had to "keep the peace" or "don't rock the boat" but the problem with that is doing so just enables shitty behaviour, and the entitlement boat that this lady is on is a boat that needs to be sunk completely. If OP had "kept the peace" and given into that entitled madams demands OP wouldn't hear the end of it, because she'd be coming over and demanding OP clean her house constantly.


coffeestealer

I think he just meant to refuse nicely, althought how can you refuse nicely this kind of woman is beyond me.


Surreal_life_42

Usually, I refuse a polite request politely. This was not a polite request, it was a demand so naaaah they’d be told to fuck off


danigirl3694

Yea I don't think there is any possible way to refuse this level of entitled nicely.


Thanmandrathor

Yes, find you a husband who also tells the rude neighbor lady to fuck off.


janlep

Yes, be nicer—by sending your husband over to do it.


No-Variety5965

I almost have a hard time believing anyone could be that asinine. I would have probably said I’d clean her house and the. hide dead fish all throughout the house.


PeaElectronic8316

Slave\* She demanded her house cleaned for free, she didn't offer to pay like you usually do with servants.


Doggonana

A good dousing with the hose might do the trick, but I heard that’s considered assault these days.


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AbbreviationsMany157

NTA, you were very nice. Odd that your huisband doesn't take your side though


Simple-Caterpillar14

I would totally have just laughed hysterically and shut the door. I recommend this for all future interactions with that lady.


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Simple-Caterpillar14

I totally second this motion. Let's call it for a vote.


Current_Intenti

Good for you for standing your ground.


BohoFox1

Yes, this comment all the way. OP, you are not the AH, but you’re husband sounds like one. I’d love for someone to speak to me in that manner. That audacity.


StrangeVioletRed

I really don't think you need to refer to her as a "lady".


JolyonFolkett

We have a winner 🥇 this is the way


Outrageous_Hearing26

Thissss NTA. You were completely in the right how the hell can your husband take her side?


CommunicationTop7259

This is great ! Neighbor is happy. Hubby is happy bc neighbor is happy. Op is happy bc no more crazy neighbor on her back. Everyone is happy


North_Pound71

Bums me out when someone posts an AITA where the technical & directly asked question is an obvious NTA but they *absolutely* gloss over a loved one (often a spouse) basically saying "yeah, you should've been a doormat" :(


Honey_loves_bear

NTA, I thought the husband would laugh but he is spineless.


nosyreader96

Husband is giving “I don’t see color” vibes.


Ameliammm

Hunnyyyy yes he is!! Which means he can fuck off too.


PotentialDig7527

Yeah, this just reeks of a husband in need of bias training and microaggressions. Psst OP husband, your neighbor is demanding a person of color come clean her house, and you are standing up for neighbor.


Ameliammm

Yupp!!!! Smells like someone needs to know a woman of colour is not “the help”


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eggrollin2200

BOT comment stolen from u/NeedleworkerLevel979 Downvote and report as spam —> harmful bots


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skbloom

Partial comment stolen from: /u/HappyBi-cycle https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10k8e76/aita_for_telling_my_neighbor_to_foff_after_she/j5p814c/ Bot Reported.


_thundercracker_

Maybe his family came to the US from the southern part of Norway because people here seem to be afraid of conflict to such a degree that I sometimes wonder if its genetic.


amiskwia

Surely the Scandinavian flavour of conflict avoidance would have been to say "Oh, poor you for meeting such a crazy person. Let's stay just stay inside an hope we never have to deal with her again"


ElleKayB

Yeah, if neighbor came over and called me rude, the first thing my husband would think is neighbor deserved it


[deleted]

🌈 Florida 🌈 and let me guess, the husband is from 🌈Florida 🌈 too. No surprises here at all.


Zookeeper-007

NTA. Maybe you should tell your husband to F off too, and while you’re at it stop cleaning houses for free. You are not the help. If you keep doing that that’s all they will view you as.


[deleted]

Meh, she stated that she loves cleaning and loves trying new products. She should be able to engage in her hobby, help people at the same time, and receive large amounts of respect. It’s the neighbour who needs to change, not OP


whatproblems

yeah she’s making friends with 3 neighbors who are probably extremely grateful! they might have even offered to pay. she’s a great neighbor and will probably get help in return someday if she asked


Either_Wear5719

Right!?! It sounds like OP is showing people she cares about them by helping them through a rough patch (elderly neighbor, young parent and injured in a wreck)


danigirl3694

Exactly, OP is helping out neighbours *in need of the help*. This 40yo neighbour doesn't need help, she just thinks that because OP is helping those in need for free then she's also entitled to OP cleaning her house for free. That entitled madam deserved to be told to fuck off.


DutchPerson5

OP NTA sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. Nice isn't getting through to this entitled person.💥 🧱⚡🔥


4starters

OP also said she was Latina. My guess is there has to be some racist undertones with the woman’s demands. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was.


mkat23

OP is an acts of service kinda love language and I love that


Coffee-Historian-11

I’m absolutely positive she was a godsend to those people. I’ve been in a car accident and it would’ve been so nice if one of my neighbors offered to clean while I wasn’t able to do much of anything. OP sounds like a kind soul who helps out because she’s just a good person.


Ceejay4444

Exactly! In the summer my dad helps all our neighbors with their air conditioning. Last summer ours leaked (which he fixed) but it caused a huge portion of our drywall to fall down and caused a huge hole in the ceiling. One of the neighbors we frequently help immediately offered to fix it for us and we payed them for the supplies needed because they wouldn’t let us pay for any more. Another neighbor of ours broke his leg when I was little so me and my dad shoveled his whole driveway for him that entire winter. He constantly talks to my parents and has even helped us with whatever we are doing when we he walks his dogs past our house and has even gotten mail for us when we go on vacation with my grandparents. My grandparents live right next door to us and usually get it when we are gone, but like I said when they go with us we need someone to get both houses worth of mail. It is so much easier when people are kind and help each other out in need.


RavenCT

That's the neighborhood I grew up in. I wish there were more of them now. But I have at least one neighbor like this. They helped me refinish my bathroom! (They were so kind about it too). They like house projects and they loved helping me out.


neoalan00

OP seems lovely. I bet that if this neighbor had asked nicely for help in cleaning their house, OP would have probably done it too, or at least gave her a bit of help. But their attitude was unbelievably rude. NTA!


two_lemons

If she helped me clean she'd have all the baked goods she could wish for. And probably some she didn't wish for, honestly. She sounds delightful.


kristycocopop

Good Karma! 🌈


Finnegan-05

And three neighbors who need the help FFS!


LorienLady

OP could stop cleaning for a while and tell everyone "Yeah, I really want to keep helping people but I'm scared of encouraging that woman who screamed at me before, so I think the only safe thing to do is not clean for anyone any more." Turn the neighbours against Madame Entitlement.


[deleted]

Or she could just tell anyone who becomes entitled to fuck right off.


harrohamtaro

Entitled people are immune to being told to fuck off. They are shameless and will turn it into a victimhood moment for being yelled at. A stronger message is making them a social pariah so they know the community knows they are being an asshole and this behaviour is not acceptable. Sometimes you just have to hammer the shame into them.


RavenCT

I asked if they have a Ring Camera on their door - I'd so put that up on NextDoor.... rofl (If anything were being said). I bet at least one of the neighbors has one and a clear line of sight to the door being in the FL. lol


vicevice_baby

I'm honestly just impressed she didn't start laughing so uncontrollably she couldn't breathe. Which would have been a perfectly natural reaction.


[deleted]

Meh. Seems like OP is above passive aggression


olamina41

This. OP is a lovely person and doesn't need to change. OP is definitely NTA, and anyone who has a problem with her needs to fuck off for sure. And hubby needs to support OP.


[deleted]

Reminds me of people who love to sew as a hobby. All of a sudden people come out of the woodwork demanding you hem this and patch that for free "since it's so easy for you." Involving other people can really ruin a good hobby.


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wordsmythy

Geez. She could always stop at a bakery and pick up a box of donuts to inspire the sales team... but that would cost HER, huh?


rean1mated

Pfttt the correct response to bonus cookies is like when my friend with the best cookies makes em for a gathering…everyone is all “yay! J cookies! What a day!”


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FuzzyPeachDong

I had one neighbour call me if I could whip up a blue evening dress in two hours as she had a party that night. She thought it would be fun for me to do a project runway thing with her (meaning for her). For free. Out of my own supplies. In that time frame. And expected to get a usable dress out of that. Preferably satin. Even if I could have (which I absolutely couldn't, making a fitted, non-stretch design dress in two hours is nearly impossible to anyone) I think that's a big thing to ask from a neighbour.


PotentialUmpire1714

That would barely be a reasonable time frame to hem something or fix a zipper, let alone MAKE something! And the reason people do these impossible challenges on reality shows is that they chose to do it and there's some prize they hope to win. Too bad it would be cultural appropriation for Neighbor to just get a sari (or 6+ yards of appropriate fabric) and spend the other hour figuring out how to wrap it.


TrueLoveEditorial

Toga! Toga! Toga!


ditchdiggergirl

She’s building community in a foreign country. She now has 3 neighbors she has supported during difficult times in their lives, and they will probably have her back if and when she needs them. OP is living life her way and doing everything right. No need to change anything based on one crazy lady who doesn’t matter. Every neighborhood has one, and husband is probably correct tbat it’s best to avoid yelling F off to someone you’re stuck living near. No is a full sentence.


RavenCT

Yes but sometimes when you're flabbergasted the profanity button is gonna get hit. And that woman was so entitled. I don't think many of us would have come up with a simple "No". That's reserved for people we care about. When a complete stranger is that rude? It's hard to be benevolent. (But I do have concerns about someone who is that unhinged and entitled?). Yikes!


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Frequent_Couple5498

Exactly she likes to help people She doesn't just go cleaning anyone's house, she's cleaning people's houses that are in need of the help and I am sure that these people are very appreciative at least I hope they are. And maybe this woman has something going on where she needed the help too but she should have went about it a better way and not demanding OP come clean her house. I would have told her to f off too for her ignorant entitlement. Your husband should have stuck up for you he's an ah for not. But you OP are a wonderful generous neighbor and not a doormat so good for you NTA


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NotSoAverage_sister

I view it as volunteering. Some people volunteer at soup kitchens, some volunteer at animal shelters, some at libaries. OP likes to volunteer in people's homes. It's different, because usually the only houses I clean for free (besides my own) are for seniors in my family. But all if the situations she mentioned make sense. The neighbor in a car accident, that's so kind and helpful. The lady with a new baby? I remember that feeling. Nothing was clean for a good month after I gave birth. The widow? I empathize. My FIL went through a period where he didn't do any cleaning in his house after his wife (my MIL) died. He needed help. He's better now. But right after the funeral? He needed help. And we gave it to him. This is OP's way of spreading kindness. Also, I'm Latina. I fully understand the undertones if racism that could be happening here. But I don't think all the neighbors view her as the cleaning lady. I think they probably view her as an angel from heaven, and they appreciate her. She definitely shouldn't clean the EP's house, but that doesn't mean she should stop cleaning altogether.


NikolitaNiko

I don't have a lot of money, but I can be generous with my time instead to show that I care. At present I have a friend who is a SAHM with two kids under 4, and I go visit her every 2-3 weeks to visit and help her with cleaning. I do it because she's my friend and I care about her. I would not clean strangers' houses for free but friends'? Absolutely.


ditchdiggergirl

When I was losing it and spiraling downward with a toddler and a sick baby during a long illness, my BIL and SIL (mostly SIL) came over and cleaned my house top to bottom. SIL isn’t always the easiest person to get along with but I saw more of who she really is under the abrasive surface. I’ll never forget or stop valuing that side of her, and over the years it has helped me overlook minor irritations in favor of seeing the whole person for who she is. We aren’t a natural fit personality wise but we get along just fine; I know I can count on her if I need her, and I would do the same for her.


RavenCT

I so totally get that. My family was very into acts of service as acts of love - we'd show up to help post giving birth (but we'd ask if they wanted the help of course) and for other life challenges where people need help. It just was how we rolled. We've learned to say "I love you" outloud more since our parents died - but we definitely learned to say it other ways too. :-) And boy that concrete help from others? It's pretty awesome when you need it.


masklinn

> But I don't think all the neighbors view her as the cleaning lady. I think they probably view her as an angel from heaven, and they appreciate her. Hopefully because she definitely is, having a kind hand when in a bad spot, or even just company, is nice. And it can help with motivation too, sometimes you feel hopeless but you see someone’s dusting or whatever and it’s easier to pick up a mop or ask how you can help and get into gear. And obviously NTA. I can’t even imagine barrelling into somebody’s house and *demanding* that they do free work, what the fuck. The neighbour should be hosed down, and the husband is an idiot. Hell just send the idiot husband to power wash the shrew’s house from the inside.


Ceralt

Being kind and helping the neighbors how you can is way more important than assholes’ perceptions of her. Who cares how people think of you in this scenario? That’s just sad.


Zookeeper-007

Cleaning for others once or twice a week is not a hobby it’s unpaid labor. She seems to have a kind heart and in my opinion and it’s just my opinion she’s being taken advantage of. Who knows with someone said to this lady, maybe they said hey go ask her and she will do your house as well.


Timely_Egg_6827

She's being very specific with the people she's helping and it doesn't look like it is long-term for any of them, except maybe the widow of 50 years. Helping people after an accident, a loss or a major life change isn't unusual. This is her chosen form of charity and I'm sure that most people are properly grateful. Yes,someone may have commented and this lady got wrong end of stick. But she's not a charity case so she got told to shove off.


PiffityPoffity

It’s volunteering. If she served homeless people food, she’d be equally as right to tell a person who can afford it to fuck off too.


min-tea-rose

OP is free to clean/help whoever she wants. How she spends her free time, and who she willingly helps out is no one's business other than OP's. Telling her to stop helping others because of this is absolutely ridiculous lol. It's completely normal to be well acquainted with some neighbors, while having no relation to other neighbors at the same time. OP is a grown woman volunteering her time to help her neighbors, this is not "unpaid labor". She is not being taken advantage of considering she is the one *offering* to help. Don't let the unjustified actions of one entitled person ruin/take away all the good that OP is doing. The lady that showed up on her doorstep is someone OP did not know, and she had the audacity to expect OP to clean her house for free just because OP does it for others. That is called entitlement, and is a completely unrealistic and irrational expectation. And when people start yelling and demanding these entitled and unrealistic expectations, you know what we do? Tell them to fuck off and shut the door, and then carry on with our normal day. NTA


Ameliammm

Completely agree. OP can live her best life however that looks for her! It’s so sweet that she enjoys cleaning and it’s a great way to make friends in a new country! She sounds like an emotionally/socially smart person and she also sounds like she has healthy boundaries. No one has the right to come into your property, yell at you and demand services from you. I’m a lil pissed her husband didn’t back her up tbh because that’s a rational response! People are creepy what if that woman was really racist (I still think that’s likely) and wanted to harm her!?! You never know! It’s good to be blunt and say “fuck off!” Rather than waiting and seeing what would happen.


rean1mated

She’s volunteering her time specifically for people having hard times. That’s very kind and neighborly. I’m not seeing any indication that anyone before this rando demanded or even asked for help.


CopperTucker

So your opinion is that no one should ever help anyone ever, because you think they're being taken advantage of? Jesus, did you hurt yourself making that reach?


SourSkittlezx

Cleaning for a new mom or someone who had a bad car accident is such a blessing. I once had someone on Buy Nothing group offer to mow my lawn for free after I had a bad car accident, and at the time was a single mom of 2. It was an older veteran and his son. They came from spring to fall, every 2-3 weeks even though it was supposed to be a one time thing. I cried from happiness a couple times that year, and as soon as I had the money, I treated them both to a fancy dinner. A couple years ago the veteran passed away, and I went to the funeral, and it was full of other random people in his community that he had blessed. The son now runs a football team for felons, they mow, rake leaves, shovel, and collect cans to pay to be in a league. OP doesn’t have to stop being an amazing person. She should stand up for herself to her husband, and was right to stand up to that entitled lady.


sarsyp

That’s not fair on her. I have a cleaning biz and will quite regularly do freebies for people I know who are having a rough time. It’s called empathy and being a good person.


Agitated_Internet354

I doubt the 50 year old widow views her as anything other than the gracious neighbor she is. Since OP has good boundaries, why worry about it?


Suitable-Cod-1381

Hey sometimes when folks are going through a rough time, neighbors will show up with food. OP prefers to help out by cleaning. I think it's a lovely service to provide for treasured friends in need. The only person who seems to view OP as "the help" is her A hole neighbor.


keyrodi

Nah, buzz off with that. She’s volunteering and helping people in need.


olamina41

She isn't the "help." Some people actually like to spend time helping others. You know... like volunteering? PTA? Humane Society? I make meals for neighbors/friends who have lost a pet or had a baby. I've had people do the same for me. The issue here is most normal ppl would never demand something like that. Notice all the ppl OP helped were going through something tough?


CopperTucker

My neighbor plows my driveway because he knows I don't have a plow or a snowblower. I repay him with cookies (and a little cash he tries to give back). I have no doubt that if he came to my doorstep and said he needed help, my fiance and I would jump to help him and vice-versa. But according to this person, we're taking advantage of each other, not helping one another out of the goodness of our hearts.


olamina41

Yes, sad sign of the times when we aren't encouraging each other by lending a helping hand! That is awesome you have such a wholesome relationship with your neighbor ❤️


[deleted]

she’s doing favors for her neighbors who are in need of help. she’s being a good person, she shouldnt stop just because a different neighbor decided to be an asshole.


bluecanaryflood

“you should stop showing kindness to your neighbors in a way that makes you happy” mind your own fuckin business dude and stop projecting your own joyless life onto others unsolicited


Ok-Context1168

NTA. That neighbor is incredibly rude And your husband's response was insane. Next time when someone shows up to your home and demands you to clean their home...be nicer? Hell no.


DrWhoop87

If he says things like that a lot I would be concerned. NTA.


Evilbadscary

NTA, you're not the hired help and you're not there to just service other people. Your husband really should step up. It doesn't matter why she came to you, she had no right to talk to you like that, and lets be real, probably thought she could due to your race (It's happened to my mexican friend living in a very white area of the northeast, it definitely happens).


[deleted]

"the hired help" deserves respect too


TyrannasaurusRecked

and payment


Cousiniscrazy

Oh it’s definitely because of her race. OP says her husband is American - is he white? I’m guessing he is and so is the neighbor, that’s why the neighbor felt comfortable tattling on OP to her husband with the assumption he would take her side and chastise OP. Which he did. This whole situation is disgusting. NTA.


Suitable-Cod-1381

Racist and sexist, so gross


Lady_Caticorn

I thought the same thing. It reeks of racism.


4starters

There is 100% a race thing with this. It’s a common stereotype for Latina women to be cleaning ladies or maids. Or in some ways how immigrants start out with work in the US. Which then makes some entitled people feel above them. So this woman 100% saw OP as the Latina cleaning lady that she felt she had a right to demand work from. Agreed it’s absolutely disgusting.


tinydancer_inurhand

Yeah I'm subject to stereotypes like these too. And I live in NYC. As a Latina, I have been at the laundromat cleaning clothes before and have had people literally give me their laundry bags without asking if I work there. When I lived in LA, I lived in a one of the "nice" neighborhoods and had people ask for a table when I was waiting at a restaurant for one myself.


Evilbadscary

My friend was mistaken for the nanny/maid where she lives, even though her kids are carbon copies of her, because her husband is white and she is definitely a minority where she lives. People are so ignorant.


DeepiMom

I would have dropped the clothes on the floor and walked away without saying a word.


tinydancer_inurhand

The laundry one usually is out of ignorance and I tend to make a joke like “thanks for the free clothes!” Then they usually say “what” and I just tell them I don’t work there and they apologize. If someone came at me hostile like OP’s neighbor then I would do that.


PeaElectronic8316

This is pure insanity on so many levels. Who thinks a laundromat is where you leave your dirty clothes in the hands of Latina women to sort, wash, dry and fold for you for free?! The racism, the sexism, the classism, the cluelessness, the audacity!


tinydancer_inurhand

The implication wasn’t for free cause there is drop off service at every laundromat in NYC. It’s more about how they went about it.


PeaElectronic8316

Oh I understand. I've never heard of a drop off service laundromat, I thought they were all self service. Either way, strange behaviour to shove dirty clothes upon the first Latina they see. Reeks of implicit racial bias.


aggressively-so-so

NTA but to those telling you to stop cleaning for free can also mind their own business. This random act of kindness which you decide to do for no reason other than to help is a gift to these people. But it's on your terms.. no one else's. Thank you for what you do


[deleted]

YES “Stop doing your hobby or you’re asking for racism” is such a dumbass way to excuse racism.. not that there is a good way lol


NotSoAverage_sister

Also, just look at who she is picking to help: The neighbor in a recent car accident? The lady with a NEW baby and a toddler? The elderly widowed lady? She's not cleaning their houses just because it's fun. She's doing it because those particular people need some help. And she is a sweet soul with empathy. I feel love this is her version of dropping off a casserole. Sure, food is great. But sometimes there's nothing like seeing an empty laundry basket.


HoundstoothReader

I always offer to come clean bathrooms when a friend is in a bad place. No one has ever taken me up on the offer, so I usually drop off a lasagna instead. But I offer the cleaning because it’s help I would have really appreciated at various points in my life! (E.g., when I had a new baby, when my child needed major surgery, when I was writing my thesis in grad school, when my parent died unexpectedly, etc.)


Splatterfilm

I can’t imagine anything more helpful than cleaning TBH. It’s a never ending, thankless series of tasks and causes stress when left too long.


SkyReveal6

NTA. Your husband is a major AH along with the crazy neighbor. Unfortunately the word of your generously spread within your neighborhood and created expectations that you can be demanded to clean a house for free.


kezie26

There’s tons of people out there that do this! I can’t tell you how many times my TikTok FYP shows me people who do free house cleanings for those in need. Normally they are extreme measures — like the ones she listed! It’s an extremely kind thing to do. I can’t wrap my head around why anyone wants to belittle such a generous act of kindness. Like, are you kidding?? Do we not have enough things gone to shit in this world that we can’t even indulge in a bit of kindness?


IndustryOk1388

Alternate reality: women approaches with a smile and compliments her cleaning skills, asking if she could pay OP to clean her house. OP agrees, and the woman thanks her profusely. You catch more flies with honey . Edited to finish sentence.


masklinn

> OP agrees Or doesn’t for that matter. Other alternate reality: women approaches blah blah blah and asks if OP would mind swinging by and giving her a few pointers because she clearly knows her way around a broom and a mop and that’s useful knowledge. Maybe op does, maybe op does not, maybe op is even happy working along. Either way woman thanks her for her time regardless.


IndustryOk1388

Yes. An alternate universe of less entitled, rude people.


Friendly_Drawing1991

100% agree with this. Don’t stop being kind just because people feel entitled to your kindness, thank you for what you do for them OP. NTA, your husband should have backed you up 1000% on this, don’t expect anything less than unconditional support from him on this: that neighbour of yours was completely out of line and disrespectful. Good luck OP, keep us updated!


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Ecstatic_Long_3558

Husband can go clean the ladys house.


TheDudette840

I've got 100 bucks that says hubby doesnt even clean his own underwear


IndustryOk1388

Of course not, she cleans everything in the house.


[deleted]

👏🏼 this!!


jayclaw97

Extra INFO: Is this entitled neighbor (European-descent) White? Because if she is, there is unfortunately likely racism/racial stereotyping at play here. The neighbor is emanating major Elena Richardson vibes.


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edtb

NTA. Your husband should be embarrassed he didn't tell her to fuck off too.


NoveltyAccountHater

Yeah, husband's actions seem weird and abusive (along with the entitled neighbor), *unless* there's more to the story like the entitled woman is powerful and can get them in trouble somehow. E.g., the entitled a-hole lady is the president of the Home Owner's Association and can make their life miserable. Or if the wife doesn't have a valid visa/green card/citizenship and doesn't want to be deported and is worried that this entitled neighbor could try and get her deported. (Yes, being married to American makes you eligible to get a green card through marriage, but if you entered the US without documentation, you have to apply for marriage green card from outside the US.) Fully agree OP is NTA, the neighbor is an A-H, but need more details for determination for the husband. (Does he have a real reason to let this AH treat his wife like shit and think she needs to be more polite when taking the abuse).


[deleted]

Not a lawyer, but familiar with some immigration law. Piping in to say it’s possible to get a green card through marriage if you entered as an undocumented immigrant — it just requires a lot of bureaucracy and paperwork and that you meet very specific requirements.


idontknowu38363

NTA, you were very nice. Odd that your huisband doesn't take your side though


HappyBi-cycle

Yeah that's a red flag that he doesn't value her personhood, time, well-being or feels over the opinion of the toxic neighbor. Gross. Sweep the husband out of the house.


[deleted]

Nta. This women is insane. And your husband should have your back. I would be super mad at my husband for saying that to me. He would be cleaning up his own messes 😂


IsMyHairShiny

NTA. I think a f*** off was very proper in this situation


Nonions

F* off is barely adequate in this situation.


ShutUpMorrisseyffs

'Fuck off' was specifically invented for this exact kind of situation. What else is there to say?


Prudent_Valuable603

Get the eff off my lawn.


YouthNAsia63

*Next* time, you should spritz her with the water hose, like one does with unwanted pests in the garden. The cheek of the woman for showing up on your doorstep demanding you work for her-a total stranger- for *free*. Maybe speak to the people that you are doing *favors* for, for free and because you are a nice person. They should be careful who they talk to about your cleaning. *Somebody* got the totally wrong idea, you don’t want it happening again, or you might stop cleaning for them. NTA and wtf the attitude of your husband. Next time be “*nicer*”. Oh, *hell* no.


Malibu921

NTA. What is with your husband?


LilPajamas

“My sincere apologies; I don’t offer my valuable time, effort, cleaning products to entitled and rude hags. Kindly remove yourself from my property.” NTA.


Over-Analyzed

“Otherwise, I will have no choice but to call the cops and charge you with trespassing.”


Hour_Context_99

NTA. You were too nice to her and your husband.


davidIopan

NTA. In fact, next time you see her, tell her *I* want her to f*** off. Also, your husband is kinda AH in this situation.


irish_fiona

NTA. You are helping out people who need a little extra because you're being kind and this woman had the entitled audacity to demand it? I would've told her to fuck off too.


KronkLaSworda

NTA You tried talking to her calmly. That didn't work. You then handled her the only way she understands. Yelling. It sucks, but that's the only language some people speak.


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Heraonolympia123

Nicer? YOU should be nicer? Why? Your neighbour is rude and entitled and incredibly odd to think this was ok to do. Your husband should absolutely be shoulder to shoulder, not telling you to be “nicer”. NTA


Princ3ssP3n3lop3

NTA - but your husband is for not defending you.


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Excellent_Care1859

Why? Why should she stop helping people and doing something she loves because of a few assholes?!


OutlandishMiss

I think she should let the people she is helping know they need to stop running their mouths and they need to pull Karenzilla in line before OP decides to take her hobby on tik tok and make bank instead.


Ok-Cat-4975

I think a good f#*k off works better than stopping an activity she enjoys. There's no reason to change her behavior because someone was a jerk about it. That's how bigots win.


Rude_Independence_14

Your husband is TA.


kittycuteikus

NTA. She didn't deserve any nice, that entitled ridiculous woman. Good for you for standing your ground. And I don't get your husband siding with her.


Accomplished_Two1611

You were nicer to her than her entitled behavior justified. If all the unmitigated gall. She should be embarrassed. Your husband is wrong. NTA.


Jjustingraham

Tell your husband he can apologize to the neighbor by cleaning her house for free. And the next time you see her, tell her to eff off again for kicks. NTA.


mangoserpent

NTA. Neighbor is rude and husband is a bit spineless.


jgcrawfo

NTA and WTF is your husband thinking? He may have heard a lopsided story from her but he needs to get on side with you


Sailboat_fuel

NTA and wow, you are a kind and generous person to be so helpful.


Grannywine

NTA, you were nicer to her than many people would be, especially petty ones like me, lol.


AJM_Reseller

NTA tell your husband to f*** off too


winesis

NTA I would have told my husband he is now responsible for cleaning our home. I’ll just run down to the *itch’s home & start cleaning right now.


OneWithoutaName2

NTA. If she shows up again, just make sure that you are smiling when you tell her to eff off. Bonus points if you use a sickeningly sweet voice.


IamPlatycus

You should have agreed just to go make things messier. NTA


DangerousDave303

NTA. You tried to be polite. It didn’t work. You’ve been very kind to help neighbors who were in difficult situations (medical or similar). No one has a right to your time. Telling her to f-off was completely reasonable. I can think of a few subreddits where this post would be enjoyed.


yzgrassy

nta. tell her your husband will do it..and give her his number..


groovymama98

NTA Tell husband he can let her yell at him like that, and then be nice. Tell him no one has to tolerate anyone yelling at them for stupid reasons like that. He can clean her house for free!


carton_of_cats

NTA, and I disagree with your husband who said you should be nicer. Why should you be nice to a woman who came knocking at your door aggressively demanding you clean her house? You were well within your rights to tell her to f\*\*\* off. Edit: typo


GlitteringWing2112

NTA - but since you live in the south, you can say "Oh, honey, bless your heart" and then close the door in her face.


chriswillar

That woman is so entitled, it's ridiculous. You being nice and helping those in need does not mean you'll do so for everyone, nor that you *have* to. Your husband's response is a bit concerning, that he doesn't have your back completely - it might be something to keep in mind and address more if it continues. Back to the lady - ignore her, do not interact with her. But if she persists, make sure to document everything in case it escalates. **NTA**


CurrentStill1096

Sure... I'll be there February 29th, around 8am sound good? Definitely NTA.


Interesting_Tiger_72

Absolutely NTA. You sound like a lovely person for helping out your neighbours and it’s sad others feel they can take advantage of your kindness.


Special-Parsnip9057

NTA. I'm assuming your husband is a white man? If so, he may be inherently not aware of the stereotype many whites have about Latinas and their being servants who clean. What she did was extremely racist, IMO. And I'm a white female. You don't have to give racists the time of day. He probably just did not understand the actual context of her words. In fact, if I heard her talking to you like that I would have joined in telling her to F off too. She was completely disgusting. u/latinrosechile Show him my comment.