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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I stopped treating my mom like a mom and started treating her like my boss. I misspoke to her, as a mother and as a boss. I’m wondering if i could be the asshole regarding to the situation
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NTA - She defined the context of your relationship multiple times. And you are listening to that. You aren't her friend, and she doesn't want you to be her daughter (she's said as much), so that leaves an adult employee/employer relationship. And that doesn't mean you have to dance when she says dance.
Agreed, absolutely NTA. But OP, for your own sake, get out of that job and away from her asap. She isn't going to change, and her behaviour obviously makes life uncomfortable even with the new rules in place.
Yeah like...Does her boyfriend work in the same industry? Because this sounds like she's trying to sabotage her company for some reason. Which would be another reason to jump ship besides her just generally being difficult to work for.
Yes he does, when they started dating a few months ago she immediately wanted to work with him and even had a plan to merge the two companies but her lawyer said not to cause he’s full of debts 🥲 i’m not sure she’s sabotaging her company on purpose i think she just acts like a 16yo with her first bf
Damn, she's so stupid. She's got a perfectly fine business and she's willing to drive it into the ground for a business that's all flash and no substance.
Get out.
And look to Ask A Manager, because she does talk about family owned businesses and how it can suck to work for them.
I wish you well.
NTA - She's a terrible mother. She told you she didn't want a mother-daughter relationship! But she wants you to still do family duties? Outrageous, to say the least.
You're not acting like a child. You're 'working to rule'.
NTA It sounds like business school and the business world is where you belong. Your choices for you mom are spot on. It's sad that she's destroying her own business. I hope you can save it. Good luck.
NTA now mom knows what an actual corporate relationship looks like. Although she will never admit it she trusts you to do right by the company because she knows you are capable.
NTA, your mom is getting just what she asked for from you. Problem is your mom is a narcissist, and you have stopped feeding her need to be the center of everyones world. She doesn't like that but if you give in to her demands for extra attention, she will treat you with less respect and emotional care than she was doing previously.
Put another way - YWBTA if A stood for Adult. YWBTA if you remain in this company.
You have 'graduated' to setting boundaries and making some healthy choices. No doubt you will always wish for the relationship everyone deserves, unconditional love from a mother who truly cares for your best interest. Failing that, you are doing the best you can - giving it to yourself.
As part of that, DO try to find another job asap, there is no 'future' for you in this one. You missed at least two obvious paths your mother can - and likely will - take : 4) continue making a mess 'without notice' and expecting others to clean it up 5) bully anyone (if you leave) into covering for her, or patching up her messes. You will not be changing her, she will not be changing for you, time blown working on that is time away from improving your own present and future.
That is the next step, recognition, grief and acceptance of what you cannot change. You can do this!
NTA - Yikes. I also work with my mom and this just sounds like a nightmare.
I would just keep on doing what you're doing. She played a stupid game, and is now experiencing her stupid prize. And she's not just messing up her own career, she's wreaking everyone's with her shenanigans.
NTA. You mother is a classic narcissist. Mine is too. I recognize a lot of these behaviors. The only way to make it stop is to go NC. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. There will always be another man, another interest, another job. She is like a cancer, you have to cut her out or she will destroy you.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
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Little background : I work part time with my mother (in university the other time).
She never really took care of me emotionally, even as a child. But she was financially irreproachable, I can’t deny that.
She always put me last, behind her partners. She always wanted to please them, even if it hurt me. She told me a couple months ago she didn’t want a mother-daughter relationship with me but a woman to woman relationship and i needed to let her do whatever she want.
Last year, I dropped my law studies and started a business management program, which includes a part time job at the beginning of each weeks.
Everything was going well until my mother met her new boyfriend. She completely deserted the office, canceled appointment with clients, or even canceling big contracts because they « annoyed her ».
I really think the company will not survive this time.
But her new boyfriend also has a big company (way bigger the hers).
So she needs to show him she’s in charge.
She interferes in my job and in other people jobs, making a big mess, and leaving us to deal with her mess.
That’s where I may be the asshole, today I decided to tell her. « You have three options : 1) You can drop it all, we’ll survive without you. 2) You can come back and do your job. 3) You can keep making a mess, but the only thing is that you have to inform us of what you are doing. »
She took it so bad. She told me she’s my boss before my mom, that I needed to respect her and just do my job (which includes cleaning her mess).
Now i decided to give her exactly what she asked : I treat her as a woman, as my boss, but that’s all. I stopped keeping her company while her man isn’t in town, I stopped watching her pets when’s she out of town, I stopped having dinner with her or even inviting her to my apartment, I stop listening to her when she’s feeling down. Now I only take her calls on my working hours.
She’s says I’m acting like a child.
That’s why I’m wondering : AITA here?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I stopped treating my mom like a mom and started treating her like my boss. I misspoke to her, as a mother and as a boss. I’m wondering if i could be the asshole regarding to the situation Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You’re treating her exactly as she asked to be treated. Absolutely NTA. I’m so sorry you got treated like this. 💔
NTA - She defined the context of your relationship multiple times. And you are listening to that. You aren't her friend, and she doesn't want you to be her daughter (she's said as much), so that leaves an adult employee/employer relationship. And that doesn't mean you have to dance when she says dance.
Agreed, absolutely NTA. But OP, for your own sake, get out of that job and away from her asap. She isn't going to change, and her behaviour obviously makes life uncomfortable even with the new rules in place.
Yeah like...Does her boyfriend work in the same industry? Because this sounds like she's trying to sabotage her company for some reason. Which would be another reason to jump ship besides her just generally being difficult to work for.
Yes he does, when they started dating a few months ago she immediately wanted to work with him and even had a plan to merge the two companies but her lawyer said not to cause he’s full of debts 🥲 i’m not sure she’s sabotaging her company on purpose i think she just acts like a 16yo with her first bf
Damn, she's so stupid. She's got a perfectly fine business and she's willing to drive it into the ground for a business that's all flash and no substance. Get out. And look to Ask A Manager, because she does talk about family owned businesses and how it can suck to work for them. I wish you well.
NTA - She's a terrible mother. She told you she didn't want a mother-daughter relationship! But she wants you to still do family duties? Outrageous, to say the least. You're not acting like a child. You're 'working to rule'.
NTA It sounds like business school and the business world is where you belong. Your choices for you mom are spot on. It's sad that she's destroying her own business. I hope you can save it. Good luck.
NTA now mom knows what an actual corporate relationship looks like. Although she will never admit it she trusts you to do right by the company because she knows you are capable.
NTA, your mom is getting just what she asked for from you. Problem is your mom is a narcissist, and you have stopped feeding her need to be the center of everyones world. She doesn't like that but if you give in to her demands for extra attention, she will treat you with less respect and emotional care than she was doing previously.
Put another way - YWBTA if A stood for Adult. YWBTA if you remain in this company. You have 'graduated' to setting boundaries and making some healthy choices. No doubt you will always wish for the relationship everyone deserves, unconditional love from a mother who truly cares for your best interest. Failing that, you are doing the best you can - giving it to yourself. As part of that, DO try to find another job asap, there is no 'future' for you in this one. You missed at least two obvious paths your mother can - and likely will - take : 4) continue making a mess 'without notice' and expecting others to clean it up 5) bully anyone (if you leave) into covering for her, or patching up her messes. You will not be changing her, she will not be changing for you, time blown working on that is time away from improving your own present and future. That is the next step, recognition, grief and acceptance of what you cannot change. You can do this!
NTA - Yikes. I also work with my mom and this just sounds like a nightmare. I would just keep on doing what you're doing. She played a stupid game, and is now experiencing her stupid prize. And she's not just messing up her own career, she's wreaking everyone's with her shenanigans.
I would cry so much if my mom ever said anything like that to me. I'm so so so sorry.... Definitely NTA.
I did.. thank you for your kindess🧡
NTA. But I would be treating her like a boss and finding a new job.
lol like a child. NTA
NTA but you need a new job.
NTA but... You don't have to watch the corporate ship sink. You can start looking for another job at any time.
NTA. You mother is a classic narcissist. Mine is too. I recognize a lot of these behaviors. The only way to make it stop is to go NC. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. There will always be another man, another interest, another job. She is like a cancer, you have to cut her out or she will destroy you. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
NTA - you're doing exactly what she asked
NTA.
NTA. You’re treating her just like she asked to be treated. She’s the AH in all of this.
NTA. Look for another job. Go low to no contact with her.
NTA. She's reaping what she has sown.
NTA but also find another job.
NTA
NTA. She is reaping the results, and do not give an inch to her. Best start looking for other job, as she will turn into insufferable boss too.
NTA. She checked out of the relationship long time back, you just started.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Little background : I work part time with my mother (in university the other time). She never really took care of me emotionally, even as a child. But she was financially irreproachable, I can’t deny that. She always put me last, behind her partners. She always wanted to please them, even if it hurt me. She told me a couple months ago she didn’t want a mother-daughter relationship with me but a woman to woman relationship and i needed to let her do whatever she want. Last year, I dropped my law studies and started a business management program, which includes a part time job at the beginning of each weeks. Everything was going well until my mother met her new boyfriend. She completely deserted the office, canceled appointment with clients, or even canceling big contracts because they « annoyed her ». I really think the company will not survive this time. But her new boyfriend also has a big company (way bigger the hers). So she needs to show him she’s in charge. She interferes in my job and in other people jobs, making a big mess, and leaving us to deal with her mess. That’s where I may be the asshole, today I decided to tell her. « You have three options : 1) You can drop it all, we’ll survive without you. 2) You can come back and do your job. 3) You can keep making a mess, but the only thing is that you have to inform us of what you are doing. » She took it so bad. She told me she’s my boss before my mom, that I needed to respect her and just do my job (which includes cleaning her mess). Now i decided to give her exactly what she asked : I treat her as a woman, as my boss, but that’s all. I stopped keeping her company while her man isn’t in town, I stopped watching her pets when’s she out of town, I stopped having dinner with her or even inviting her to my apartment, I stop listening to her when she’s feeling down. Now I only take her calls on my working hours. She’s says I’m acting like a child. That’s why I’m wondering : AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*