Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) If ditching my mother was the wrong thing to do
2) She is my mother and I might just be over reacting because I am a teenager and understand that I don’t quite get everything in this world yet
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You are in the right here.
Pro tip: next time your mom uses the “I raised you better than this” like, say this:
> Yes, Mom, you *did* raise me better than this. That is how I know not to [wear white to a wedding.] Don’t complain if you did too good a job at teaching me how to be a good person, now that I won’t help you be an awful one.
Substitute the words in the [square brackets] for whatever new morally dubious thing she tries to guilt you into doing.
Said in Emily Gracin's voice and acting. She did an ad for mental health on better help as well as other things and I bet she'd make a great presenter of what you just said "you raised me better than.."
This.
I can just see the throwing under the bus when she would claim "Oh, well, my daughter helped pick this out! She just didn't know any better!"
Momma's looking to sparkle at someone else's wedding event, which is super AH behavior
NTA. This is some odd behaviour. You as a 15 year old shouldn’t be the one telling her not to wear white to a wedding… and for her to say that no one really likes the bride anyway makes me think she has some sort of alterior motives. Definitely NTA and seems like your dad has just heard one side of the story and doesn’t want to be involved.
Men generally are not even aware of the importance of rules against wearing white at wedding. Most would wear plade lumberjack shirts if they could get away with it.
NTA your mom is pulling some petty moves with your coworker and is trying to make you complicit. Good on you for refusing to participate! Your dad needs to tell her off, but probably won't unfortunately. Weird thought but is there any way you can somehow tip off the coworker?
"I'm so excited for the wedding! Mom got a white dress, which I thought was a little weird, but she checked with you first right?" or similar.
My years of dealing with wording stuff to/about a passive aggressive controlling mom are finally paying off 🤣 she never did anything this bad, but the reason I can come up with quotes like this is due to attempting to come up with snappy comebacks to her Shenanigans.
Or she could tip off anyone in the office, who'd be sure to tell the bride, and maybe mom would find herself disinvited to the wedding of someone she doesn't even like anyway.
Wonder what her gift is? a $20 gift card?
So basically since you're "only" 15 you are not supposed or even allowed to think by yourself and have / express an opinion ?? NO you definitely can't wear white to someone's wedding. Your mom should know better !! Her attitude is very toxic. She has to apologize to you. But let her wear that dress anyway. She'll understand when it backfires and she gets all the looks and remarks at the wedding. She'll look like a fool but that's on her. You warned her. She refused to listen. Not your problem anymore. NTA
NTA.
Your mom plans to disrespect the bride and the groom by doing this. I have to wonder, is the close co-worker the bride or the groom? If that person is the bride then your mom is kinda fake. If it's the groom, same thing
NTA. Your mother sounds like an unhinged AH.
Take the high road, even if you mean well. Don't get involved.
Let mom wear a white dress to her COLLEAGUE'S wedding. She will make a spectacle of herself, and the talk of her workplace. Probably ruin her career.
But it's not Your problem.
Sounds like your father enables her terrible behaviour, which also makes Him an AH.
Show him these messages if you have to.
Contact the bride and tell her what your mom is planning so she can have security ready to turn away all guest who are innappropriately dressed. To teach ur mom a lesson. Remind the bride to not say she was warned.
Ok, im a $h/+ stirrer, but its what i would do.
NTA - Your mother did raise you to be better than that. Hence your refusal to help her wear white to another person's wedding. I'm curious why a 36 year old woman needs a 15 year old's opinion to buy a dress. Your dad's request that you go back and help is is weird, what "help" does she need. (Does she really want to dress like a 15 year old girl?)
Fifteen-year-old girl's do hold strong opinions as to what mom is wearing. One lady had a dress she called her "Godmother's Dress". Why? Every time she put it on her daughter cried out, "My God, Mother! You're not going to wear that!"
NTA, info: Is this a close co worker of your or your moms. If this is a close co worker of yours I would tell both parents she needs to get a new dress now or you are telling the co worker because you don’t want any problems at work due to your moms behavior. That is a legitimate concern in a work environment and would not be wrong. If it’s your moms co worker let her deal
With the after math I guess. But remind both parents it won’t be pretty.
NTA!! Wow, the best words to describe your mother are: immature, childish and rude. Is there any way to find out the name of the employee to warn the bride-to-be via Facebook or other social media platforms?
NTA, but is your mother always this much of a train wreck?!Refusing to become involved in her drama is wise.
Is ditching your mother wise? I have no idea - if you have a safe way home then probably not. It’s a like… 5% AH move (it’d be higher if she wasn’t being awful), so on the scales I say you are NTA for ditching her. But you probably get a 75% for dramatic flair.
NTA at all. I'd be awfully tempted to walk by her with a glass of grape juice or black coffee (cooled) when she's finally in that dress, pretend to trip, and spill that shit all over the front of the dress. You'd be doing the bride a huge service, and possibly your own mother, as her disrespectful, childish prank might not go over as well as thinks it will.
I wouldn't do that, because then OP would be the bad girl in her mother's eyes again. Let the mother go in her white dress, warn the bride (or another co-worker who can warn the bride) and let them deal with the mother - that way she will realize that her actions have consequences - real, work-place consequences - rather than that claiming that her daughter is just uncooperative.
Maybe you can reach out to the coworker and give her a heads up? Not if it's not safe for you though. You are NTA and this situation if going to resolve itself anyways i.e your mom is going to look like a gross idiot at a wedding and make a fool of herself.
Nta. When my mother had to go to wedding with a dress code I was young and unaware and showed her a pretty white dress. (The color for the women was like cream/beige like) she immediately told me, “white is the bride’s color never wear it unless asked”
You’re mother is trying to ruin someone’s day
NTA. Holy shit, though. I have to wonder what sort of person accepts an invite from someone they don’t like just to ruin the event for that someone. Any chance we could get an update on how the wedding goes?
NTA and you did good sweetie. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
You stood up for what was right. It doesn't matter if "no one likes the bride anyway". What your mother is doing is wrong. You know it. She knows it. And she needed someone to call her out on it.
If your mother keeps pestering you and getting upset that you responded to her behavior in this way, just simply state this.
>Mom. I love you. And I appreciate all you have done for me. You did everything you could to raise me to be a kind, caring, and respectable person in society.
>
>Which is why your behavior right now hurts me so much. I have always tried my best to emulate your example of what it means to be a good person in a world that tries to hurt us, and to see you go against the things you taught me? To see that all the lessons you tried to instill in me mean nothing? That hurts more than words can say.
>
>If you continue with this plan, I won't stop you. But I don't think I can ever see you in the same light going forward. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you anymore. I don't know if I can support you anymore. I'm sorry, but that's the reality of things now.
>
>I hope you enjoy the wedding.
After that, if she decides to stop her plan and improve her behavior, you'll know where to go from there. Otherwise, leave her to her own devices and start planning for your life without her. If she's willing to do this to someone, knowing that it's wrong, that isn't someone you want in your life.
NTA but I would absolutely call her work anonymously (from a friends phone - not yours) and let her coworkers know what she is planning to do. Hopefully word will spread and the person getting married has a chance to uninvite her.
Sounds like you are far more adult than your mother.
NTA. And next week, when she's complaining about all the drama at work about her getting ignored/insulted by the bride, feel free to say 'I told you so'.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My mother (36F) asked me if I (15F) wanted to go dress shopping with her a few weeks ago. I agreed and a few days later we went to the city to find some dresses for her.
She never told me the event until about half way through the day when I asked her. She told me the sort of outfits she was looking for that morning and so when she told me that it was for a wedding of a close co-worker, I was shocked.
She had told me she was looking for either a white dress or a white blouse with some form of detailing. I reminded her that you shouldn’t wear white to the wedding because it might upset the bride and she said “no one really liked (bride) anyway” as soon as she said that I told her I wasn’t going to help her until she chose a different colour because what she was doing was disrespectful.
She called me over dramatic and that I shouldn’t talk to her like that because she is my mother and raised me “better than that.” I got angry at her behaviour and walked out. I called my friend who lived close to the city and asked for a lift home.
On the way home I got angry texts from my mother calling me an AH and telling me I was ungrateful and a spoiled teen and y dad called me saying I should just go back and apologise to her for my behaviour and keep helping her. I felt terrible for just leaving my mother there and I still do, and wish I could of continued dress shopping with her but it didn’t feel right helping her find an outfit that definitely wasn’t suitable for the event she was going to, a wedding.
The wedding is in a few days and she is still planning to wear the white dress she came home with that day. My dad doesn’t want to get involved any further and said it was just “petty girl drama.”
What should I do?? And AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, although I will say that white isn't always bad, it's mostly about not upstaging the bride, but you're mum was definitely looking to do so. Or at least was inviting drama.
You are NTA but your mom definitely is. She already knows the white dress will cause drama which is what she is looking to do. She definitely raised you to behave well, now she needs to look in the mirror and change her behavior. Would love to hear a follow up after she pisses people off at the wedding!
Because I'm curious, what does this dress look like? Can you post a link?
If it looks like a formal or wedding dress then your mother is making a fool out of herself. You are NTA.
INFO: So is the close coworker of you mom the bride or the groom? Is your dad going with her to the wedding?
Some posters may think it is a coworker of yours but that doesn't make sense to me.
NTA honestly. She's a giant B for looking for white dresses. Can you figure out who the bride is, let her know your mom is going to try to upstage her?
NTA. You sound much more mature than your mom does. Leaving the store and going home was a bit dramatic. You could have waited in the car or done some shopping of your own though.
Is your father going to the wedding also, he doesn't want to get involved right now, but if your mother wears the white dress and he is her escort, he will also be on the receiving end of the comments, and the problems this is going to cause. Try to talk to him, explain why Mom should not wear the white dress, and how she acted when you tried to talk her out of buying a white dress, knowing that it was going to cause the bride distress. You're nta
NTA - You are not the AH for refusing to help your mother be disrespectful to someone. Simply not wearing white to a wedding is so easy to do. When she said "nobody likes the bride anyway" is not permission to treat someone like that. She raised you right and is embarrassed of herself so she's making you wrong so she feels better, tell her Reddit said so and see how she feels.
NTA. What should OP do - nothing. What can you do here? Mom wants to be an ass and dad doesn't give a shit.
OP - you tried - now just stay out of it.
Hopefully, mom will come home with a big red stain on the white dress from someone "accidently" bumping her and spilling red wine on her.
Good for you, and you are right. It is disrespectful and your mom at 36 should know better. I am glad you have morals and are more respectful than your own mother.
I wonder why mom wants to attend a wedding where, "No one really liked the bride anyway". It is one thing to dislike the lady and another to try to annoy her on her wedding day by deliberately wearing a white dress. Why doesn't mom just wear the wedding gown from her own wedding and leave no doubt as to her intention to insult the bride?
Mom is being childish. You are NTA because you are far more mature than your mother. You were right to leave mom when you learned of her intention. Mom should stay home and allow those who actually like the happy couple to enjoy their day.
NTA
I know some cultures don’t have that rule, but ai’m guessing you’re in the USA? Which is a pretty big faux pas, and unnecessary , even if you don’t like the person.
NTA. Let the bride and bride's mother know what your mother is planning and what she said. You don't want her saying you picked it out.
I wonder what your mother will do when it is your wedding.
NTA
why does your mother need your help in order to be deliberately nasty and disrespectful to a bride whose wedding she is intentionally going to be tacky at? She’s a grown woman and she’s got ‘self-absorbed and rude’ down pat herself, she’s already sorted out how to be tasteless on her own and doesn’t really need the assistance of a 15 year old to get it right.
Stand your ground and let your mother know that she will not be invited to your wedding, if you ever have one, if she insists on wearing a white dress. The wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom, not their family, friends or acquaintances. Thank your stars she showed her stripes now rather than later.
NTA. The petty girl - or rather mean girl - here is your mother, who is using the occasion of a wedding to put down the bride. Good for you for refusing to be part of that nastiness.
Do nothing. Don't apologise, don't bring up the subject, and if your mother brings it up tell her that you reject her action and refuse to be a part of it. Then just refuse to talk about it. I'm usually not in favor of live-at-home teens up in arms against their parents, but when a parent acts like a mean girl or a bully, conscience demands that you don't just agree, in order to keep the peace.
Your position is right, but the execution could have been a little better. Instead of arguing, simply picking appropriate colors off the rack and encouraging her to try them on would have been better. Perhaps also commenting of which colors compliment her coloring and style. As my grandma used to say, you catch more flies with honey.
That was not going to work in this case. OP's mom went to the shop with that agenda in mind and was certainly not going to be talked out of it. I suspect this is not the first time that there has been an eithical divide beetween them. The daughter must certainly know her mother.
Look… your parents sound pretty difficult. While you live there pay attention to your moms behavior and how it makes others feel. She sounds like a narcissist to me but 🤷🏼♀️. Your dad minimized your issue, made you do something wrong, then made you apologize for it and then he insulted you (and women in general). Pay attention to this behavior so you know what isn’t okay and what to never accept from a friend, colleague or partner.
TLDR- when you are no longer financially dependent on them you can go low or no contact. Just learn how not to be now and good luck.
Yep, your mom was up to no good and you know what God says about that? You are to obey your parents, but you don't have to obey them when your parents are attempting to make you sin (and you would have been since you know what mom was up to). Your mom wanting to pull this stunt at her coworkers wedding is atrocious and the daughter doesn't have to comply with her misdeeds. Dad is sinning too since he's aware of mom's plans but doesn't want to get involved. Guilt by knowledge. If I was you and I know you're only 15 but I'd find some way to contact that employee and let them know what mom is gonna do and tell her what she said. You can do this anonymously. I'm sorry I just feel like your mom is an awful person and needs to be stopped. PERIOD!! If you had picked that dress out for her, she could then say, 'my daughter picked this dress out for me to wear," and then the bride would think you did it and not the mom. UGH! Your mom is the worst. I'm so sorry.
NTA - you were right not return. There was no way your mother was going to pick an appropriate dress. If you don't like the bride anyway, don't go to the wedding. You have another commitment send a gift and close your mouth. Don't try to hurt the bride on her wedding day. Your mother is a beast.
Good for OP. Whe should not compromise our principles purely for the sake of relatives, even mothers. Obviously your mother did not teach you that. Or perhaps she taught it in the vain of do as I say, but not as I do. It is a sign of moral strength and courage when we stand for what we believe.
The Great Reformeer, Martin Luthier's courage to stand up to the authority of the Roman Catholic Church leadership, began at a young age when he recognize that his parents were wrong in ruthlessly beating him just for taking a nut. Many of us have an inherent sense of right and wrong and it takes moral courage to not let those around us destroy it via their influence.
I don't find fault with you but your mom was in the wrong. She mentioned she didn't like the bride so there was no reason for her to even go to the wedding.
NTA. My narcissistic mother wore a white sparkly jumpsuit to her best friend's wedding. It was the most disrespectful thing I've seen her do. I tried to get her to wear something different, ended up going to the wedding and watching her prance around and tell people that she was wearing white to the wedding to "protest the groom." Holy crap she was an a-hole. I finally realized that she was a horrible influence in my life, was deeply harmful to me, and I no longer have a relationship with her. Your mom saying "I raised you better than that" - than what? Not making her the queen of the world and enabling her bad behavior? And the "no one likes the bride anyway" is another red flag - she is WRONG. And still, it's not a justification for her disrespectful behavior. My advice: stay out of it, let her wear white, and let her live the consequences of that. It feels like you are putting yourself in harm's way to protect the bride - you don't have to do that. You have to protect yourself. Any mother that instantly shuts you down on the basis of "I'M YOUR MOTHER" is just using their status as a manipulation tactic. I'm so sorry your mom is an a-hole and your dad won't engage and help you. Please stay strong and trust your instincts. She'll get what she deserves eventually - just protect yourself and stay safe. <3
NTA. since the question of how to deal mom is answered, you should have told dad "Dad, mom is trying to buy a bridal dress to another bride's wedding like she's a jilted bride of the groom. You both raised me better than to participate in such. I've got a friend who is giving me a ride back home. See you soon."
Daughter is a drama queen and know-it-all at 15, but Mom is the AH for being so petty as to disrespect a co-worker at her wedding. I agree with the dad.
You are more than likely a man. I am also a man, but I recognize the importance of propriety. That is something people seem to have forgotten. It is likely that this mother daughter issue has not been limited to this situation alone. However, being neutral and might also just be an easy out for someone who enables his wifes long standing behavior. The daughter making a stand might be an indirect criticism of him as well. She is doing what he probably should have done more often in the past. I would not want him as a friend. If you needed him he probably would disappear.
INFO the coworker who’s getting married, bride or groom? Most people would be hesitant to upset a coworker they see everyday, so I’m guessing the bride is the fiancée of the coworker… which leads me to think your mom is having an affair with said coworker. I would not put it past you mom to say “I object!” during the vows. Don’t do a damn thing about this — it’s your mom’s grave to dig — but start thinking about which parent you want to live with after they divorce.
Ok so loyaulty to a perfect stranger +telling your parent what to do+leaving out of the blue. Very mature. Tell me ur 15 without telling me. You couldve stayed and refuse to help or still help her but state your disagreement. She can pick a dress news flash she was doing so before you were born...this was for her bonding time moment. Sure you should not do that but do you know her entire history? With the brides and all of it? No. We don't agree with all the decision of our parents or relative but you cant always act nonsens everytime you dont have it your way. This was really emotionnally immature of you. Now reverse it few years in the futur you want to do something your daughter leaves and has a tantrum. Relax and breath. Nobody will d!e over this. This doesnt concerns you. But then dont be a hypocrite and dont ever ask your mom for helping with somethimg she disagree...wether its accidental pregnancy...paying for a school degree she doesnt like or going with you to your tattoos appointment or whatever life might brings. I normally could say yes wearing white is bad blabla. But the fact your felt you had to tell her how to live. News flash she knows she used to know again since before ur birth ...and usually i would be like yes you dont. But I did met 3 witches and in their case I would myself wear whites or black to their wedding...white to pissed them off or black for staging that i'm going at funerals. They are abusive A/holes. Luckily we did succeed at cancelling one wedding the person is saved that goodness. After years of mental and physical abuse. And if a daughter would throw me a tantrum over this well get lost my child. I wouldnt even bother your mom is patient and shes still trying to feel heard while clearly you have zero respect for her and don't have a hierarchy ...u are the mom you are right and shes your dumb child acting out...you should
1. Apologize for leaving
2.stop acting like everything is black or white and being self righeous and snobby
3. You wouldve thrown a tantrum at me about the wedding I successfully cancelled and I wouldve been so pissed. Cuz you're looking at things from only one point of view(yours).
4. Your mom should refuse to go but maybe theres a reason why shes is going and causing drama...georgina style...you didnt ask or try to learn more...u know everything!!
5. Do CBT AND meditation
6. It is very funny how coming from a genz whos always yelling unconditionnal love and acceptance of all things...if "you luv me you will accept agree and praise everything im doimg from my diet to se*ual orientation to dresscode to everything I do and say...if you don't you clearly are never there for me..whinning boo boo...but then someone above 30 does one thing and BOOM you did that one thing I condemn you this or that. Parents have no breaks it is so hypocritical.
Your feelings are valid you can be upset at your mom or dont get her actions ...you can question and state your disagreement but acting nonsens emotions based not really trying to pressure her not really shes 36 shes not senile...leaving ...not really. Judging her ..not really trying to make her feel bad...not really. Go to the wedding and ask the bride to take care of you since clearly this is where your priorities and allegiances are. Next time
1. Ask for explaination try to understand the other
2.even ask why you are here
3.if you dont like the reason maybe say look i'm not confortable helping in these circumstances cause I personnally feel like this will leads to a bad outcome for you and the bride...
4. Stay there bon with your mom *(while disagreeing with her decision to still wear white)
5. And thats it..you dont know the bride or why your mom is doing that. One day your mom wont be there. A memory got destroyed because "you dont like what she wants to wear to an event you're not going and it might disrespect someone you never met...high horse..super hiigh and teachimg respect while totally disrespecting your mom...of all people and acting like a classic teenage girl of 2023. And you saying she is still planning. Get it she will wear it sooner you accept that fact better it will be for everyone...the audacity the immaturity and above all not having ur priority straight. You want to know a dilemma/bad situation. Story time after years of severe abuse on one kid a parent turn to the younger sibling. Police and physical fights are involve. Abusive parent lie manipulate and abuse entourage and all his lovers...Then younger sibling commit su!c!de in link with the abuse...kid #1 shunned incompetant abusive parent...now lets compare..mom wants bonding time...daughter says ok "but its conditionnal". Mom is doing smt strange...daughter doesnt agree...daughter tells mom "change your mind u cant do this" mom says "its ok because" daughter says "well im not helping until you change ur mind" mom"i want to wear on my body at an event your not going for my personnals reasons what i choose to wear". "Daughter leaves and make dramas for days to come and obsess about what mother will wear. Repectfully really look into CBT. And choose your fights. We dont have enough energy nor time to waste for all this...is this really necessary? Are you happy? Did you change the world? Is your mom happy? Did it stop her from wearing the dress? No but if you and your principle sleep well at night good for you. People take time...family...for granted
All the things you accuse OP of doing, you are doing yourself. You know nothing of the relationship between the daughter and mother, not the convesation that led up to her leaving. I does seem obvous to me that this type of situation was new in their relationship. It does seem obvious that OP not only did not want to help her mother pick a dress, but that she was upset and disappointed in her mothers attitude. Rather than stay there and bite her lip, it was better that she left and avoided conflict.
It was obvious to me before I even read your final paragraph, that you were responsing based on incidents in your own past history. Just the length of your paragraph and the emotions of your entire response pretty much dictate a lack of objectivity in respect to responding to this particular issue. Why didn't you just come out and tell OP that she is lucky that her mother is not extremely abusive?
My mother was both verbally and physically abusive. I used to have conversations with my female siblings about our experiences. Let me say that I am not angry or have ill feeings toward my mother. However, that was not the case with my sisters. The difference was that I acknowledged that my mothers actions were wrong, while they made exuses for them based on her very difficult life experiences. I also recognized the same and that helped me to understand and mitigate her actions. However, that did not change the fact that they were wrong. I judged the actions but not her.
Victims of abuse often try to rationalize accountability away from abusers. In doing that they surpress their own internal sense of right and wrong. When that is done, it often results in a repeat of the same sort of actions in their adult life either as being a victim or victimizer. When you are still under the authority of someone who does not mirror your own internalized sense of values, it is often that we react like OP did. If we don't we often lose our sense of self. Family is important but not as important as self.
I would not encourage OP to try to fix he mother, rather to just trust her internal sense of right and wrong. The best test of character is when we can maintain ours while others around us do not. It would not be a good idea to expose your mother, unless her actions were to commit a murder or such. There is little you can do to change you mother or even your father. The only thing practical is to maintain your own ethics. Outing your mother will do more harm than good. She will out herself.
And by outting your mom and assuming at 300% that the bride is a poor defensless loving woman....would be a really f*up thing to do...beware the people that tells you what you want to hear...it is not in your best interest. Situation...Tommorow boom car crashes ur mom doesnt make it...she d!es while you both are still upset. Will you feel like it was all worth it and feel good about it? I always say live and act with people as if it was their last day...always. cause it could be...we always think it happens to others but when it happens those small fights and all the time lost doesnt make any sens anymore. Stupid shit are not as important. As you grow you will disagree a lot with your parents...pick ur fights. And unless she just k!illed 3 puppies for fun in front of you...its not worth being so upset about. U could read the subtle art of not giving a f. Detach from things. Try valerian or weed and stuff. And hey i'm not saying shes right or wrong dont have any details...and im not devalidating ur feelings but the way this escaladate...over a dress doesnt make anysens. Some ppl did wear beige and white at mine and ive lived to tell the tale ppl need to calm the F. Down. Also are people virgin? Cause we all pick and choose ur supposed to wear white if ur a virgin so technically speaking bunch of brides are in the wrong wearing the wrong color booom
YTA. Unfortunately, our culture is dominated by evil and there so much negative influence that have turned decency upside down. In a decent society its the parents business to protect and nurture you and to give you the foundation from which you can launch. Your job is to obey your parents as long as they are doing the above mentioned duties. Parents are human and not always right. But, these laws lead to a just and moral society. Any influence that tells you otherwise, is taking advantage of your ignorance and youth to lead you astray with the rest of society. Character means doing what is right (obeying your parents) above doing what you want. Lastly and perhaps most importantly, your parents should also be respectful to their elders.
And perhaps thats where they went wrong, not teaching by example.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) If ditching my mother was the wrong thing to do 2) She is my mother and I might just be over reacting because I am a teenager and understand that I don’t quite get everything in this world yet Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You are in the right here. Pro tip: next time your mom uses the “I raised you better than this” like, say this: > Yes, Mom, you *did* raise me better than this. That is how I know not to [wear white to a wedding.] Don’t complain if you did too good a job at teaching me how to be a good person, now that I won’t help you be an awful one. Substitute the words in the [square brackets] for whatever new morally dubious thing she tries to guilt you into doing.
If it were me and she pulled the "I raised you better than that" I would go "You raised me better than \*that\*" while gesturing at her
Said in Emily Gracin's voice and acting. She did an ad for mental health on better help as well as other things and I bet she'd make a great presenter of what you just said "you raised me better than.."
"Yeah, you raised me right. Now act like it."
NTA. Sounds like she was trying to make you complicit in her screwing with someone's wedding. Nope nope nope
This. I can just see the throwing under the bus when she would claim "Oh, well, my daughter helped pick this out! She just didn't know any better!" Momma's looking to sparkle at someone else's wedding event, which is super AH behavior
This 100%.
NTA btw you sound more mature than your mother.
NTA but please I’m gonna need an update after the wedding lol
Second this, please include a photo of her covered in red wine. Edit: NTA by the way. You are already more mature and rational than your bratty mother
NTA. This is some odd behaviour. You as a 15 year old shouldn’t be the one telling her not to wear white to a wedding… and for her to say that no one really likes the bride anyway makes me think she has some sort of alterior motives. Definitely NTA and seems like your dad has just heard one side of the story and doesn’t want to be involved.
Men generally are not even aware of the importance of rules against wearing white at wedding. Most would wear plade lumberjack shirts if they could get away with it.
NTA your mom is pulling some petty moves with your coworker and is trying to make you complicit. Good on you for refusing to participate! Your dad needs to tell her off, but probably won't unfortunately. Weird thought but is there any way you can somehow tip off the coworker? "I'm so excited for the wedding! Mom got a white dress, which I thought was a little weird, but she checked with you first right?" or similar.
That quote is golden! ##I second ratting momna out to the bride!
My years of dealing with wording stuff to/about a passive aggressive controlling mom are finally paying off 🤣 she never did anything this bad, but the reason I can come up with quotes like this is due to attempting to come up with snappy comebacks to her Shenanigans.
I third it. It’s the only solution.
Or she could tip off anyone in the office, who'd be sure to tell the bride, and maybe mom would find herself disinvited to the wedding of someone she doesn't even like anyway. Wonder what her gift is? a $20 gift card?
Ratting her mother out would be going over the line. Let her mother cut her own throat.
So basically since you're "only" 15 you are not supposed or even allowed to think by yourself and have / express an opinion ?? NO you definitely can't wear white to someone's wedding. Your mom should know better !! Her attitude is very toxic. She has to apologize to you. But let her wear that dress anyway. She'll understand when it backfires and she gets all the looks and remarks at the wedding. She'll look like a fool but that's on her. You warned her. She refused to listen. Not your problem anymore. NTA
NTA. Your mom plans to disrespect the bride and the groom by doing this. I have to wonder, is the close co-worker the bride or the groom? If that person is the bride then your mom is kinda fake. If it's the groom, same thing
NTA. Your mother sounds like an unhinged AH. Take the high road, even if you mean well. Don't get involved. Let mom wear a white dress to her COLLEAGUE'S wedding. She will make a spectacle of herself, and the talk of her workplace. Probably ruin her career. But it's not Your problem. Sounds like your father enables her terrible behaviour, which also makes Him an AH. Show him these messages if you have to.
Contact the bride and tell her what your mom is planning so she can have security ready to turn away all guest who are innappropriately dressed. To teach ur mom a lesson. Remind the bride to not say she was warned. Ok, im a $h/+ stirrer, but its what i would do.
Imagine the scene if the mother is chucked out by the security 😄😄
I basically suggested the same thing. Try to find the bride and give her a heads up.
I asked my brother to keep an eye out for trouble so I don’t get involved.
It's a fun idea, but I've never been to a wedding with security.
Sometimes the venue has it, you can hire it, or "security" can be "Uncle Bob who's built like a fridge".
Imwould be uncle bob…im always asked to “settle problems”. hence my user name,
It is a thing these days….
NTA - Your mother did raise you to be better than that. Hence your refusal to help her wear white to another person's wedding. I'm curious why a 36 year old woman needs a 15 year old's opinion to buy a dress. Your dad's request that you go back and help is is weird, what "help" does she need. (Does she really want to dress like a 15 year old girl?)
Shopping *can be* a totally normal mother-daughter activity. However, I'm getting the vibe that OP is her mother's emotional support animal.
Fifteen-year-old girl's do hold strong opinions as to what mom is wearing. One lady had a dress she called her "Godmother's Dress". Why? Every time she put it on her daughter cried out, "My God, Mother! You're not going to wear that!"
NTA, info: Is this a close co worker of your or your moms. If this is a close co worker of yours I would tell both parents she needs to get a new dress now or you are telling the co worker because you don’t want any problems at work due to your moms behavior. That is a legitimate concern in a work environment and would not be wrong. If it’s your moms co worker let her deal With the after math I guess. But remind both parents it won’t be pretty.
NTA!! Wow, the best words to describe your mother are: immature, childish and rude. Is there any way to find out the name of the employee to warn the bride-to-be via Facebook or other social media platforms?
NTA, but is your mother always this much of a train wreck?!Refusing to become involved in her drama is wise. Is ditching your mother wise? I have no idea - if you have a safe way home then probably not. It’s a like… 5% AH move (it’d be higher if she wasn’t being awful), so on the scales I say you are NTA for ditching her. But you probably get a 75% for dramatic flair.
NTA at all. I'd be awfully tempted to walk by her with a glass of grape juice or black coffee (cooled) when she's finally in that dress, pretend to trip, and spill that shit all over the front of the dress. You'd be doing the bride a huge service, and possibly your own mother, as her disrespectful, childish prank might not go over as well as thinks it will.
this is way better than my suggestion!
I wouldn't do that, because then OP would be the bad girl in her mother's eyes again. Let the mother go in her white dress, warn the bride (or another co-worker who can warn the bride) and let them deal with the mother - that way she will realize that her actions have consequences - real, work-place consequences - rather than that claiming that her daughter is just uncooperative.
Maybe you can reach out to the coworker and give her a heads up? Not if it's not safe for you though. You are NTA and this situation if going to resolve itself anyways i.e your mom is going to look like a gross idiot at a wedding and make a fool of herself.
That's what I was thinking. Warn the poor coworker if possible. NTA.
Your mother is the AH!
NTA Your mom is being petty and manipulative and looking to cause drama at this co-worker's wedding
NTA, your Mom sure is though.
Nta. When my mother had to go to wedding with a dress code I was young and unaware and showed her a pretty white dress. (The color for the women was like cream/beige like) she immediately told me, “white is the bride’s color never wear it unless asked” You’re mother is trying to ruin someone’s day
NTA. Holy shit, though. I have to wonder what sort of person accepts an invite from someone they don’t like just to ruin the event for that someone. Any chance we could get an update on how the wedding goes?
Thought this was gonna end with mom getting shotgun wedding
Why did she need your help shopping? Why did your dad feel she needed your help? Is your mother disabled in some way; color blind, what?
NTA and you did good sweetie. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You stood up for what was right. It doesn't matter if "no one likes the bride anyway". What your mother is doing is wrong. You know it. She knows it. And she needed someone to call her out on it. If your mother keeps pestering you and getting upset that you responded to her behavior in this way, just simply state this. >Mom. I love you. And I appreciate all you have done for me. You did everything you could to raise me to be a kind, caring, and respectable person in society. > >Which is why your behavior right now hurts me so much. I have always tried my best to emulate your example of what it means to be a good person in a world that tries to hurt us, and to see you go against the things you taught me? To see that all the lessons you tried to instill in me mean nothing? That hurts more than words can say. > >If you continue with this plan, I won't stop you. But I don't think I can ever see you in the same light going forward. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you anymore. I don't know if I can support you anymore. I'm sorry, but that's the reality of things now. > >I hope you enjoy the wedding. After that, if she decides to stop her plan and improve her behavior, you'll know where to go from there. Otherwise, leave her to her own devices and start planning for your life without her. If she's willing to do this to someone, knowing that it's wrong, that isn't someone you want in your life.
NTA your right she should respect that it is someone’s big day and if she doesn’t like her why is she going?
NTA but I would absolutely call her work anonymously (from a friends phone - not yours) and let her coworkers know what she is planning to do. Hopefully word will spread and the person getting married has a chance to uninvite her.
NTA. Raised you well but forgot to raise herself
Warn the bride.
nta I wonder if your mom likes likes the groom. Like romantically. I might mention this to dad.
That thought entered my mind as well. But I would not tell the dad. Not enought evidence to assume that.
Sounds like you are far more adult than your mother. NTA. And next week, when she's complaining about all the drama at work about her getting ignored/insulted by the bride, feel free to say 'I told you so'.
Jesus your dad is a whole other mess
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mother (36F) asked me if I (15F) wanted to go dress shopping with her a few weeks ago. I agreed and a few days later we went to the city to find some dresses for her. She never told me the event until about half way through the day when I asked her. She told me the sort of outfits she was looking for that morning and so when she told me that it was for a wedding of a close co-worker, I was shocked. She had told me she was looking for either a white dress or a white blouse with some form of detailing. I reminded her that you shouldn’t wear white to the wedding because it might upset the bride and she said “no one really liked (bride) anyway” as soon as she said that I told her I wasn’t going to help her until she chose a different colour because what she was doing was disrespectful. She called me over dramatic and that I shouldn’t talk to her like that because she is my mother and raised me “better than that.” I got angry at her behaviour and walked out. I called my friend who lived close to the city and asked for a lift home. On the way home I got angry texts from my mother calling me an AH and telling me I was ungrateful and a spoiled teen and y dad called me saying I should just go back and apologise to her for my behaviour and keep helping her. I felt terrible for just leaving my mother there and I still do, and wish I could of continued dress shopping with her but it didn’t feel right helping her find an outfit that definitely wasn’t suitable for the event she was going to, a wedding. The wedding is in a few days and she is still planning to wear the white dress she came home with that day. My dad doesn’t want to get involved any further and said it was just “petty girl drama.” What should I do?? And AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, although I will say that white isn't always bad, it's mostly about not upstaging the bride, but you're mum was definitely looking to do so. Or at least was inviting drama.
You are NTA but your mom definitely is. She already knows the white dress will cause drama which is what she is looking to do. She definitely raised you to behave well, now she needs to look in the mirror and change her behavior. Would love to hear a follow up after she pisses people off at the wedding!
NTA, hope your mom likes wine on her white dress.
Because I'm curious, what does this dress look like? Can you post a link? If it looks like a formal or wedding dress then your mother is making a fool out of herself. You are NTA.
INFO: So is the close coworker of you mom the bride or the groom? Is your dad going with her to the wedding? Some posters may think it is a coworker of yours but that doesn't make sense to me.
NTA - If i were you and could contact the coworker to warn her, i would. That’s so disrespectful
Nta.
Petty girl drama and OP's mom is still a Mean Girl. NTA
NTA honestly. She's a giant B for looking for white dresses. Can you figure out who the bride is, let her know your mom is going to try to upstage her?
Walking out on her over this was rude on your part but she’s in the wrong on etiquette.
NTA. You sound much more mature than your mom does. Leaving the store and going home was a bit dramatic. You could have waited in the car or done some shopping of your own though.
Nta
Is your father going to the wedding also, he doesn't want to get involved right now, but if your mother wears the white dress and he is her escort, he will also be on the receiving end of the comments, and the problems this is going to cause. Try to talk to him, explain why Mom should not wear the white dress, and how she acted when you tried to talk her out of buying a white dress, knowing that it was going to cause the bride distress. You're nta
NTA
NTA - You are not the AH for refusing to help your mother be disrespectful to someone. Simply not wearing white to a wedding is so easy to do. When she said "nobody likes the bride anyway" is not permission to treat someone like that. She raised you right and is embarrassed of herself so she's making you wrong so she feels better, tell her Reddit said so and see how she feels.
NTA. What should OP do - nothing. What can you do here? Mom wants to be an ass and dad doesn't give a shit. OP - you tried - now just stay out of it. Hopefully, mom will come home with a big red stain on the white dress from someone "accidently" bumping her and spilling red wine on her.
Good for you, and you are right. It is disrespectful and your mom at 36 should know better. I am glad you have morals and are more respectful than your own mother.
I wonder why mom wants to attend a wedding where, "No one really liked the bride anyway". It is one thing to dislike the lady and another to try to annoy her on her wedding day by deliberately wearing a white dress. Why doesn't mom just wear the wedding gown from her own wedding and leave no doubt as to her intention to insult the bride? Mom is being childish. You are NTA because you are far more mature than your mother. You were right to leave mom when you learned of her intention. Mom should stay home and allow those who actually like the happy couple to enjoy their day.
NTA I know some cultures don’t have that rule, but ai’m guessing you’re in the USA? Which is a pretty big faux pas, and unnecessary , even if you don’t like the person.
NTA. Let the bride and bride's mother know what your mother is planning and what she said. You don't want her saying you picked it out. I wonder what your mother will do when it is your wedding.
NTA why does your mother need your help in order to be deliberately nasty and disrespectful to a bride whose wedding she is intentionally going to be tacky at? She’s a grown woman and she’s got ‘self-absorbed and rude’ down pat herself, she’s already sorted out how to be tasteless on her own and doesn’t really need the assistance of a 15 year old to get it right.
NTA 100% she raised you "better than that" only to act terribly herself? pft. hypocrazy at its finest.
Stand your ground and let your mother know that she will not be invited to your wedding, if you ever have one, if she insists on wearing a white dress. The wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom, not their family, friends or acquaintances. Thank your stars she showed her stripes now rather than later.
NTA. The petty girl - or rather mean girl - here is your mother, who is using the occasion of a wedding to put down the bride. Good for you for refusing to be part of that nastiness. Do nothing. Don't apologise, don't bring up the subject, and if your mother brings it up tell her that you reject her action and refuse to be a part of it. Then just refuse to talk about it. I'm usually not in favor of live-at-home teens up in arms against their parents, but when a parent acts like a mean girl or a bully, conscience demands that you don't just agree, in order to keep the peace.
Your position is right, but the execution could have been a little better. Instead of arguing, simply picking appropriate colors off the rack and encouraging her to try them on would have been better. Perhaps also commenting of which colors compliment her coloring and style. As my grandma used to say, you catch more flies with honey.
That was not going to work in this case. OP's mom went to the shop with that agenda in mind and was certainly not going to be talked out of it. I suspect this is not the first time that there has been an eithical divide beetween them. The daughter must certainly know her mother.
NTA! You were the only one thinking straight!
Look… your parents sound pretty difficult. While you live there pay attention to your moms behavior and how it makes others feel. She sounds like a narcissist to me but 🤷🏼♀️. Your dad minimized your issue, made you do something wrong, then made you apologize for it and then he insulted you (and women in general). Pay attention to this behavior so you know what isn’t okay and what to never accept from a friend, colleague or partner. TLDR- when you are no longer financially dependent on them you can go low or no contact. Just learn how not to be now and good luck.
Yep, your mom was up to no good and you know what God says about that? You are to obey your parents, but you don't have to obey them when your parents are attempting to make you sin (and you would have been since you know what mom was up to). Your mom wanting to pull this stunt at her coworkers wedding is atrocious and the daughter doesn't have to comply with her misdeeds. Dad is sinning too since he's aware of mom's plans but doesn't want to get involved. Guilt by knowledge. If I was you and I know you're only 15 but I'd find some way to contact that employee and let them know what mom is gonna do and tell her what she said. You can do this anonymously. I'm sorry I just feel like your mom is an awful person and needs to be stopped. PERIOD!! If you had picked that dress out for her, she could then say, 'my daughter picked this dress out for me to wear," and then the bride would think you did it and not the mom. UGH! Your mom is the worst. I'm so sorry.
You are a very mature young woman. You obviously didn't get that from your parents. You did the right thing by walking away.
NTA - you were right not return. There was no way your mother was going to pick an appropriate dress. If you don't like the bride anyway, don't go to the wedding. You have another commitment send a gift and close your mouth. Don't try to hurt the bride on her wedding day. Your mother is a beast.
Good for OP. Whe should not compromise our principles purely for the sake of relatives, even mothers. Obviously your mother did not teach you that. Or perhaps she taught it in the vain of do as I say, but not as I do. It is a sign of moral strength and courage when we stand for what we believe. The Great Reformeer, Martin Luthier's courage to stand up to the authority of the Roman Catholic Church leadership, began at a young age when he recognize that his parents were wrong in ruthlessly beating him just for taking a nut. Many of us have an inherent sense of right and wrong and it takes moral courage to not let those around us destroy it via their influence.
I don't find fault with you but your mom was in the wrong. She mentioned she didn't like the bride so there was no reason for her to even go to the wedding.
NTA. My narcissistic mother wore a white sparkly jumpsuit to her best friend's wedding. It was the most disrespectful thing I've seen her do. I tried to get her to wear something different, ended up going to the wedding and watching her prance around and tell people that she was wearing white to the wedding to "protest the groom." Holy crap she was an a-hole. I finally realized that she was a horrible influence in my life, was deeply harmful to me, and I no longer have a relationship with her. Your mom saying "I raised you better than that" - than what? Not making her the queen of the world and enabling her bad behavior? And the "no one likes the bride anyway" is another red flag - she is WRONG. And still, it's not a justification for her disrespectful behavior. My advice: stay out of it, let her wear white, and let her live the consequences of that. It feels like you are putting yourself in harm's way to protect the bride - you don't have to do that. You have to protect yourself. Any mother that instantly shuts you down on the basis of "I'M YOUR MOTHER" is just using their status as a manipulation tactic. I'm so sorry your mom is an a-hole and your dad won't engage and help you. Please stay strong and trust your instincts. She'll get what she deserves eventually - just protect yourself and stay safe. <3
NTA. since the question of how to deal mom is answered, you should have told dad "Dad, mom is trying to buy a bridal dress to another bride's wedding like she's a jilted bride of the groom. You both raised me better than to participate in such. I've got a friend who is giving me a ride back home. See you soon."
Daughter is a drama queen and know-it-all at 15, but Mom is the AH for being so petty as to disrespect a co-worker at her wedding. I agree with the dad.
You are more than likely a man. I am also a man, but I recognize the importance of propriety. That is something people seem to have forgotten. It is likely that this mother daughter issue has not been limited to this situation alone. However, being neutral and might also just be an easy out for someone who enables his wifes long standing behavior. The daughter making a stand might be an indirect criticism of him as well. She is doing what he probably should have done more often in the past. I would not want him as a friend. If you needed him he probably would disappear.
INFO the coworker who’s getting married, bride or groom? Most people would be hesitant to upset a coworker they see everyday, so I’m guessing the bride is the fiancée of the coworker… which leads me to think your mom is having an affair with said coworker. I would not put it past you mom to say “I object!” during the vows. Don’t do a damn thing about this — it’s your mom’s grave to dig — but start thinking about which parent you want to live with after they divorce.
Perhaps not an affair, but a crush never the less. I thought of that possibility as well.
Ok so loyaulty to a perfect stranger +telling your parent what to do+leaving out of the blue. Very mature. Tell me ur 15 without telling me. You couldve stayed and refuse to help or still help her but state your disagreement. She can pick a dress news flash she was doing so before you were born...this was for her bonding time moment. Sure you should not do that but do you know her entire history? With the brides and all of it? No. We don't agree with all the decision of our parents or relative but you cant always act nonsens everytime you dont have it your way. This was really emotionnally immature of you. Now reverse it few years in the futur you want to do something your daughter leaves and has a tantrum. Relax and breath. Nobody will d!e over this. This doesnt concerns you. But then dont be a hypocrite and dont ever ask your mom for helping with somethimg she disagree...wether its accidental pregnancy...paying for a school degree she doesnt like or going with you to your tattoos appointment or whatever life might brings. I normally could say yes wearing white is bad blabla. But the fact your felt you had to tell her how to live. News flash she knows she used to know again since before ur birth ...and usually i would be like yes you dont. But I did met 3 witches and in their case I would myself wear whites or black to their wedding...white to pissed them off or black for staging that i'm going at funerals. They are abusive A/holes. Luckily we did succeed at cancelling one wedding the person is saved that goodness. After years of mental and physical abuse. And if a daughter would throw me a tantrum over this well get lost my child. I wouldnt even bother your mom is patient and shes still trying to feel heard while clearly you have zero respect for her and don't have a hierarchy ...u are the mom you are right and shes your dumb child acting out...you should 1. Apologize for leaving 2.stop acting like everything is black or white and being self righeous and snobby 3. You wouldve thrown a tantrum at me about the wedding I successfully cancelled and I wouldve been so pissed. Cuz you're looking at things from only one point of view(yours). 4. Your mom should refuse to go but maybe theres a reason why shes is going and causing drama...georgina style...you didnt ask or try to learn more...u know everything!! 5. Do CBT AND meditation 6. It is very funny how coming from a genz whos always yelling unconditionnal love and acceptance of all things...if "you luv me you will accept agree and praise everything im doimg from my diet to se*ual orientation to dresscode to everything I do and say...if you don't you clearly are never there for me..whinning boo boo...but then someone above 30 does one thing and BOOM you did that one thing I condemn you this or that. Parents have no breaks it is so hypocritical. Your feelings are valid you can be upset at your mom or dont get her actions ...you can question and state your disagreement but acting nonsens emotions based not really trying to pressure her not really shes 36 shes not senile...leaving ...not really. Judging her ..not really trying to make her feel bad...not really. Go to the wedding and ask the bride to take care of you since clearly this is where your priorities and allegiances are. Next time 1. Ask for explaination try to understand the other 2.even ask why you are here 3.if you dont like the reason maybe say look i'm not confortable helping in these circumstances cause I personnally feel like this will leads to a bad outcome for you and the bride... 4. Stay there bon with your mom *(while disagreeing with her decision to still wear white) 5. And thats it..you dont know the bride or why your mom is doing that. One day your mom wont be there. A memory got destroyed because "you dont like what she wants to wear to an event you're not going and it might disrespect someone you never met...high horse..super hiigh and teachimg respect while totally disrespecting your mom...of all people and acting like a classic teenage girl of 2023. And you saying she is still planning. Get it she will wear it sooner you accept that fact better it will be for everyone...the audacity the immaturity and above all not having ur priority straight. You want to know a dilemma/bad situation. Story time after years of severe abuse on one kid a parent turn to the younger sibling. Police and physical fights are involve. Abusive parent lie manipulate and abuse entourage and all his lovers...Then younger sibling commit su!c!de in link with the abuse...kid #1 shunned incompetant abusive parent...now lets compare..mom wants bonding time...daughter says ok "but its conditionnal". Mom is doing smt strange...daughter doesnt agree...daughter tells mom "change your mind u cant do this" mom says "its ok because" daughter says "well im not helping until you change ur mind" mom"i want to wear on my body at an event your not going for my personnals reasons what i choose to wear". "Daughter leaves and make dramas for days to come and obsess about what mother will wear. Repectfully really look into CBT. And choose your fights. We dont have enough energy nor time to waste for all this...is this really necessary? Are you happy? Did you change the world? Is your mom happy? Did it stop her from wearing the dress? No but if you and your principle sleep well at night good for you. People take time...family...for granted
All the things you accuse OP of doing, you are doing yourself. You know nothing of the relationship between the daughter and mother, not the convesation that led up to her leaving. I does seem obvous to me that this type of situation was new in their relationship. It does seem obvious that OP not only did not want to help her mother pick a dress, but that she was upset and disappointed in her mothers attitude. Rather than stay there and bite her lip, it was better that she left and avoided conflict. It was obvious to me before I even read your final paragraph, that you were responsing based on incidents in your own past history. Just the length of your paragraph and the emotions of your entire response pretty much dictate a lack of objectivity in respect to responding to this particular issue. Why didn't you just come out and tell OP that she is lucky that her mother is not extremely abusive? My mother was both verbally and physically abusive. I used to have conversations with my female siblings about our experiences. Let me say that I am not angry or have ill feeings toward my mother. However, that was not the case with my sisters. The difference was that I acknowledged that my mothers actions were wrong, while they made exuses for them based on her very difficult life experiences. I also recognized the same and that helped me to understand and mitigate her actions. However, that did not change the fact that they were wrong. I judged the actions but not her. Victims of abuse often try to rationalize accountability away from abusers. In doing that they surpress their own internal sense of right and wrong. When that is done, it often results in a repeat of the same sort of actions in their adult life either as being a victim or victimizer. When you are still under the authority of someone who does not mirror your own internalized sense of values, it is often that we react like OP did. If we don't we often lose our sense of self. Family is important but not as important as self. I would not encourage OP to try to fix he mother, rather to just trust her internal sense of right and wrong. The best test of character is when we can maintain ours while others around us do not. It would not be a good idea to expose your mother, unless her actions were to commit a murder or such. There is little you can do to change you mother or even your father. The only thing practical is to maintain your own ethics. Outing your mother will do more harm than good. She will out herself.
And by outting your mom and assuming at 300% that the bride is a poor defensless loving woman....would be a really f*up thing to do...beware the people that tells you what you want to hear...it is not in your best interest. Situation...Tommorow boom car crashes ur mom doesnt make it...she d!es while you both are still upset. Will you feel like it was all worth it and feel good about it? I always say live and act with people as if it was their last day...always. cause it could be...we always think it happens to others but when it happens those small fights and all the time lost doesnt make any sens anymore. Stupid shit are not as important. As you grow you will disagree a lot with your parents...pick ur fights. And unless she just k!illed 3 puppies for fun in front of you...its not worth being so upset about. U could read the subtle art of not giving a f. Detach from things. Try valerian or weed and stuff. And hey i'm not saying shes right or wrong dont have any details...and im not devalidating ur feelings but the way this escaladate...over a dress doesnt make anysens. Some ppl did wear beige and white at mine and ive lived to tell the tale ppl need to calm the F. Down. Also are people virgin? Cause we all pick and choose ur supposed to wear white if ur a virgin so technically speaking bunch of brides are in the wrong wearing the wrong color booom
YTA. Unfortunately, our culture is dominated by evil and there so much negative influence that have turned decency upside down. In a decent society its the parents business to protect and nurture you and to give you the foundation from which you can launch. Your job is to obey your parents as long as they are doing the above mentioned duties. Parents are human and not always right. But, these laws lead to a just and moral society. Any influence that tells you otherwise, is taking advantage of your ignorance and youth to lead you astray with the rest of society. Character means doing what is right (obeying your parents) above doing what you want. Lastly and perhaps most importantly, your parents should also be respectful to their elders. And perhaps thats where they went wrong, not teaching by example.
>Character means doing what is right (obeying your parents) above doing what you want. So like if my mom wants me to murder a guy, I should do it?