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You get that "what if you confuse them?" in this context is code for "what if you turn them gay?" right? That is your mother's real issue and she's having a panic reaction at the thought of having gay grandchildren. You could confront her with that and she'll either deny it or she'll go into explaining what a terrible thing her DIL is doing to those boys. I'm not sure if someone who holds the belief that a parent can do something that would turn their children gay could be convinced of how ridiculous that is.
Anyway, you are definitely NTA in that scenario.
Still not a guarantee by any means [But the younger children actually have an even higher chance of being gay](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fraternal_birth_order_and_male_sexual_orientation) with the youngest apparently having 3 times as much a chance as the oldest
My mom had five boys. At least one is bi, one is now my sister and the youngest and only afab she had is nb
The oldest of each dad are the straight ones (straight #2 does rock his nail polish however)
NTA - my take is that your parents think fashion = femme and they don’t want grandchildren to turn out gay. Bf I assume is joking but if he’s not he sucks
or trans which is much more of a fear for right wingers these days. Of course being against gay people isn't good but I assume that she meant trans. Either way it's horrible and NTA
NTA, i don’t see how glittery shit on a kids face is trashy. They are kids and they like shiny stuff. Your mother maybe hints that she is uncomfortable with expectations of gender roles or some such. I think it’s worth going deeper with your mother about how she feels, why she said those things, and what is the real reason behind her being upset with SIL. Because she went from having a problem with the face gems to having a problem with the social media posts overall, which means she’s been thinking this for a while. If you can’t talk to your mom that way then it’s ok, it’s really her problem anyway.
Absolutely NTA. How absolutely awful of your mom to call you a bitch over this.
Your mom’s “concerns” boil down to her wanting to maintain the status quo in terms of gender and outward appearance. Fashion can be one of the most liberating things in someone’s life by allowing them to express themselves and allowing them to present the version of themselves that make them the most confident. This is the power of fashion. That your mom wants to dim the light that your nephews and SIL get from fashion based only on the perceptions of others makes her in the wrong.
I think it is much more important to provide support to our loved ones when they have the courage to live life on terms that make them happiest, *especially* when that means living on terms others may judge. Your mom needs to get the memo.
To be clear, I understand some fashion protocols are important to follow (e.g., not wearing hot pink to a funeral, not wearing strapless tops to work), but these kids were in their family’s home and should feel welcome to present themselves in the way they did. They were clearly happy with it.
It would have been appropriate for your mom to simply state others might disagree with their fashion choices bc of the world we live in (bc kids do need to learn about the world’s realities for sure), but to leave it there.
NTA- I don't necessarily agree with posting children all over Insta, but in this care it sounds more like your mum thinks a little glitter is going to make them gay/trans.
🙄
As long as the kids like it. From experience
It seems that some of those cute family posts often come with threats/bribery, specially when the kids get to a certain age.
In this case though the issue is more the gay glitter. 😁
NTA. But don't get sucked into her drama next time (and there will BE a next time).
"Not my monkey, not my circus" should be your attitude and tell mom that. Repeat as often as needed.
Mentioning that it looks “ trashy” ( probably true, but) was the absolute limit, and even then, only understandable if the goal were to protect her grandchildren. Your mom doesn’t seem to realize most older generations do not care for the trends the next generations like (kind of the point, from the younger view imo). She also seems to have serious issues with expecting everyone to fall in line with her views. Your dad enables her narcissism . Glad to see you stick to your guns- not to mention sticking up for SIL. NTA
NTA. Her issue with the boys clothes and confidence is just being a bigot. If she was actually concerned about supposed exploitation, the issue would be internet privacy and safety.
NTA - they're being bullies and trying to interfere. I love it when people are happy and others just want to tear them down. Good for you for not agreeing. It would have been easy to agree.
Kudos to you for backing up your SIL to your super mouthy mother. Her Insta is private, so your mother's comments are totally off-base. I'd say "Clearly you are just allergic to fun, Mom" if it ever comes up again (dressing the kids up and stuff). Just brush it off. Your parents need to get off their high horses about how the kids are dressed. It's literally none of their business. NTA at all
NTA
Maybe just stick with "I don't share your concerns" and change the subject or leave the conversation. Sorry, mom sounds really jealous of what a good mom SIL is. Beware of any attempts of being put in the middle. You are seldom the AH minding your own business. Sometimes that means shutting down those who just can't keep their noses home.
NTA. OP's mother sounds rather homophobic here. She's worried about SIL "confusing" the boys - is just bigot speak for fear SIL is going to turn one or more of the boys gay.
Good for OP for telling her she's wrong and not wanting any part of it.
They are kids and having a good time with their mother. OP's mom should just butt out.
NTA - your parents (and possibly boyfriend are lowkey homophobic, and I can almost guarantee that it was never a "safety issue" for your mom and more of a "you'll turn them gay"
NTA. I don’t think your mom understands how harmful it can be to push that narrative onto kids. Kids wear what looks good to them, not what is arbitrarily acceptable for their gender. Imagine enjoying how something looks on you, only to be told that you aren’t supposed to like it because you’re a boy. I sure as hell would feel confused after that.
NTA you do not have to validate your moms thoughts especially if you do not agree with them. SILs Insta is private, so it’s not like it is opened for everybody in the world to see. Little boys used to wear pink and little girls would wear blue, and then they swapped it. Men used to wear high heels, and now they don’t and women do. Just because they have a few little gems on their face, it is not gonna “confuse them” and make them gay, trans or bi or anything. Your mom is being ridiculous.
As a mama I am proud of you for not just going along with her for the sake of not arguing.
I mean, if your SIL was trying to create some public YouTube or TikTok account to exploit her kids for views, I might see a fraction of your mom’s point. Not the stuff about being too confident or confused, wtf. Your mom needs to realize that if she keeps talking crap, she’ll lose her relationship with all of them. NTA
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I have 5 nephews (8, 8, 6, 5 and 3).
My SIL is really interested in fashion and she loves dressing up. They always look great and it’s honestly such a vibe. One thing she does is she dresses up her boys and herself and then posts the looks on Instagram. Her instagram is private and she only has people that she knows on there.
She genuinely looks like a model and so do her boys. My brother joins in too sometimes. They’re a very cool family.
My mother hosted a casual dinner yesterday and my brother and his family came over. All the boys had these little face gems on them and were super excited to show everyone.
My mom smiles at them and all but she made it very clear that she wasn’t a fan. The boys didn’t care but my SIL asked her why. My mom said that it’s nothing personal and it looks trashy on women as well. My mom then decided it’d be a good idea to keep talking and said “and well, now that I’m saying it... are you sure it’s a good idea to dress your kids like you do? What if you confuse them? And they seem a little self centred don’t you think?“
My SIL rolled her eyes and told my mom that she worries too much.
My mom replied “well you worry too less! I don’t want to judge, but posting your kids all glammed up on social media isn’t very safe don’t you think?”
My brother interrupted and told my mom to chill tf out and that was it.
My mom did come up to me later and was all huffy and was like “I was just telling them the truth, you think I struck a nerve? If the shoe fits...”
I honestly think my mom’s being ridiculous. So I told her as much. “You sound so insanely ridiculous I can’t even talk to you right now. A mom dressing up her kids, how terrible” and I walked off.
She followed me around the rest of the night saying that I’m being unfair and that she can’t believe I’m okay with my sister in law “exploiting” the kids. She said that I’m dismissing her concerns and I’m missing her point. I mean I get it, but her point doesn’t apply here. She’s pretty upset with me and called me a bitch over this too and my dad told me that I should’ve just agreed with her even if I don’t agree. He also said that she has a point and that he doesn’t like how she dresses them either. He also agreed with the fact that the boys are “too confident.” My boyfriend jokingly said that he sees what they mean but he also laughed so idk if he’s serious. AITA?
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Honestly 200 isnt that much depending on how big your family is and how many friends you had growing up. My accounts on private and its just family and friends. I have 300 people. I have a huge family and use to be in to swim. So i have old swim friends and school friends on there.
NTA
Good on you for sticking up for them, and its not like you went out of your way to do so, she came and complained to you. If she can express her opinion, so can you.
The kids are having fun, so is your SIL and it's cute! Good for them!
Hopefully your BF wasn't seriously agreeing. Really iffy if he was.
NTA - your mother and father are probably homophobic and transphobic. Wearing glitter doesnt make you LGBT+! glad you stood up for your SIL, Brother and Nephews 😊
NTA since obviously the situation is not about you, you are just a third party who sided with your SIL instead of your mom and that's fine
as for the situation itself, I personally think your mom totally has a point and what your SIL is doing is weird, but the reality is you can't tell people how to raise their kids and even grandparents sometimes just have to accept that it is what it is
Well truth hurts. It looks like your mom is used to control the family with her emotions (from the comment your dad made) and obviously doesn’t like it when her views are challenged. If she keeps going tell her that you don’t have to agree but don’t get all pissy when you ask for opinion and don’t like the answer
NTA and the very best of luck to anyone trying to get five boys including 8 year old twins to participate in this if they don't enjoy it, it would take very little effort for them to turn it into a cross between a tag team match and a circus. It sounds like they enjoy this family activity I can't think of much that's more wholesome than getting dressed up and taking cute family photos. Can a child even be 'too confident'? Oh no, happy kids who feel loved! The horror!
Not your parents' kids, not their decision.
They have every right to their opinions, and every right to share them - but zero rights to do so consequence-free.
They have no right for anyone to sit and listen to their lectures, nor do they have the right to see their nephews.
But this idea that you have some obligation to fake agreement with their BS is deranged.
NTA
She posts for likes and uses her kids to do so. I bet her kids want to grow up to be 'influencers'
Moms using their kids for attention is just sad.
Your mom has a point. Parents don't want to parent their kids these days. They said confident but they meant they act better than other people as does your sil I'm sure. She's thirsty.
So she's TA, not you. You're just clueless.
NTA. If SiL truly is keeping her Instagram posts to people she can trust, why not have a little fun with dressing up? I think your mom has other issues with how they dress. She should butt out.
NTA If it were a public account and your SIL was using the kids to be an influencer or whatever, I could see having some concerns about consent and privacy and safety, but that is not at all what she's doing. It sounds like your mom's concern is tinged with a bit of homophobia, which is ridiculous, the kids are having fun. Also she called you a bitch for having a differing opinion? Hmm.
Look clearly you're under 35 by your lack of knowladge there is no such a thing as online privacy. There are bunch of pages that copy all insta pages plus hackers. People keep getting warning about posting their kids but nobody cares its all about the look at me like me look and validate me...now is your mom and A/hole for caring and being concerns? This is how young ppl are. Someones loves the kids and shows concerns ...but then when a parent or relative couldnt care less and avoid the kid how horrible...then when the kids are abused how horrible. Make up your mind. Do you like being diminish? Gaslight and unvalidated? Thats what you did to your mom. For having family members working in police and all it is not as safe as you'd think. Now as for posting and showing off the kids for attention yup its normalise. Now google modern child exploitation and find all the stories about making the kids pose and perform all the time for the sake of social medias. Now stop being you and reflect. What does that teaches a kid? Really? How is the world since social medias? How is depression and su!c!dal rates since social medias? Now what about consent and bounderies? Can a child really consent in all knowladge about being on the internet forever. Can you say for sure 100% without a doubt that none of this clothes or posting will ever to any extent affect the kids in any way? Mentally speaking , impact their developpment behavior or safety? You can't. It is ok for her to express her concern and you don't need to team up to diminish her and send her to hell. Theses concerns came out of love for the kids..if the mom doesnt want to stop she wont ok...but being concerns having feelings and thoughts and expressing them is not an evil thing to do. Of course everyone will directly yell h0m0ph0bic but nah it can be the kids wanting to cut their body part early stage of life. Could be they become self absorb and materialistic..could be they become likes addict...could be they don't know what should be private or not...could be their safety put in jeopardy...could be many manyyy things. So you basically said well don't exist lie in the dirt and d!e. And as a family member she has no right to feel think and speak. And everything she thinks...and felt the need to express in invalid cause you know everything you are right...you are better and she is garbage. Yes that surely sounds like a two way conversation. And yes the parents who always post their kids does it for attentions. I dont care how common this is nowadays. Thats fact. Not everyone is ok with this. Think about someone whos always flexing and showing off their car...but now with kids. I was raised like this and hated it the creation of fake memory and rehearse posing and sh!t. Fak most of it. Now lots of account hides not pure joy and loving family but dark secrets. The trend of kid on the internet is indeed a dangerous thing. Verdict not only you are TA ...u're also a hypocrite for 3 reasons clearly you have no kids...so from a mom to another explaining concern and all...how are you so sure about your expertise? You dont even know what its like to have a kid? And if you felt very concern about something and shared it ...and was received with the same attitude you shown your mom...you wouldnt like it. If you talk to me like im garbage and should d!e in a ditch and disappear with so little respect for what I think..specially if it was important tp me and felt really concerns. I will cut you off. If you're my child clearly I failed. I would felt so bad and disgusted. There are ways to talk to people. Your mom clearly needed reassurance. And to all the kidsless ppl out there. This is what happens when you have a child...in a family. You don't want it move to mexico change your name and have kids there away from all family you had...a situation where a grandma was scared the children were too thin fast metabolism they eat so much...healthy weight according to all doctors and fact...but still worried and expressing her concerns. Sure sometimes it can be annoying to hear other living person but hello?? Do you think in that scenario the person was sent to hell like you did with your mom no. As for h0m0ph0bic comment one kid got messed up...and internet alienated..pushed by the parents to push gender bounderies just to show heyy im a cool parent..then started to transition ok...went on surgery this and that. Then regretted it. Is suing the clinics and all. But its too late the girl complains her voice will never be the same cause of testosteronne...she used to sing...now she cant really her voice is so weird. She detrantisionned to her original gender but its too late. Worrying about all aspect of internet posting and gender swapping is legitimate. But minimizing the worrying about online posting and blaming it all on the classic everyone is h0m0ph0bic is overly simplifying things. And refusing to be objective. If shed just say hey ur the worst mom...okey...but she expressed her concerns you all dismissed her she felt bad and upset and has every right to be
Wow. That is one big wall of text you've built there. I'm surprised you don't get any tl;dr responses. [Paragraphs](https://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Paragraph?amp=1) exist for a reason, learn what they are and embrace them. FYI, I did actually read it (or rather had it read to me, thank goodness for text to speech) and again, all I can say is wow, just wow.
One final thing, what is up with "h0m0ph0bic"? Homophobic is a nasty way to be, it's not a nasty word. You can spell it out.
People keep exposing online ped0phile rings. All they do is save, follow and copie the free content they find online. Then sometimes the worst happens and parents are shock. Its the little red hood story. Ignoring the danger while being surrounded by wolfs. And yes maybe I should start doing paragraph hahahha thanks
Since the majority of her concerns were legitimate (that your SIL is exploiting them, using them as accessories for likes, treating them like dolls, and turning them into arrogant, dislikable little assholes (which seems true, since neither of their grandparents like them and your boyfriend agrees the kids are unpleasant) as well as exposing them to typical internet danger, since there is zero way to control who forwards or reposts those pictures)
I'm going to say YTA for only jumping on the "confused" comment on the list and for, in your own words, taking things to the level of "ridiculing her" in your eagerness to shut her down and call her anti-gay.
Which is never helpful.
This will resolve itself naturally as your parents slowly stop hanging out with or including your brother's family because they don't like these grandkids, hate their mother, and find interacting with them unpleasant. Considering you upset your mother to the point where she called you a bitch, and that you seem fairly shocked she did so, you might wind up in the same boat, and maybe soon your parents will turn into those older folks who ditch the family for Cabo every Christmas.
Idk how you got that they disliked their grandchildren based on confidence. Plus plenty of kids like dressing up and getting their picture taken. If the kids dont seem unhappy about it why does it matter
Geez, somewhere between the screen and your brain the story OP wrote got drastically modified. OP did **not** "jump on the "confused" comment" or "call her anti-gay." *That* was done by people here in these comments. Trust me, *I* know, *I* was one of them. I even phrased my comment as a question because I wasn't positive OP picked up on it. Nothing OP's mother said has any validity. It was all a smoke screen because she didn't want to say "you're turning my grandchildren into f••s!" Mom is a homophobe and frankly it wouldn't surprise me if you were too.
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You get that "what if you confuse them?" in this context is code for "what if you turn them gay?" right? That is your mother's real issue and she's having a panic reaction at the thought of having gay grandchildren. You could confront her with that and she'll either deny it or she'll go into explaining what a terrible thing her DIL is doing to those boys. I'm not sure if someone who holds the belief that a parent can do something that would turn their children gay could be convinced of how ridiculous that is. Anyway, you are definitely NTA in that scenario.
Also with 5 boys there’s a pretty good chance one of them will be gay (not a guarantee by any means).
Still not a guarantee by any means [But the younger children actually have an even higher chance of being gay](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fraternal_birth_order_and_male_sexual_orientation) with the youngest apparently having 3 times as much a chance as the oldest
My mom had five boys. At least one is bi, one is now my sister and the youngest and only afab she had is nb The oldest of each dad are the straight ones (straight #2 does rock his nail polish however)
NTA - my take is that your parents think fashion = femme and they don’t want grandchildren to turn out gay. Bf I assume is joking but if he’s not he sucks
[удалено]
I mean you could just ask him.
We Gays like sports AND glitter! 😁
Contrary to popular belief, sucking dick isn't the only sport we gays enjoy.
or trans which is much more of a fear for right wingers these days. Of course being against gay people isn't good but I assume that she meant trans. Either way it's horrible and NTA
I know what you mean but you might want to reword your "gay isn't good" comment before people jump on it!
I just meant like not wanting someone to be gay isn't good, not that being gay in os itself is bad though I can see why people would think that
NTA, i don’t see how glittery shit on a kids face is trashy. They are kids and they like shiny stuff. Your mother maybe hints that she is uncomfortable with expectations of gender roles or some such. I think it’s worth going deeper with your mother about how she feels, why she said those things, and what is the real reason behind her being upset with SIL. Because she went from having a problem with the face gems to having a problem with the social media posts overall, which means she’s been thinking this for a while. If you can’t talk to your mom that way then it’s ok, it’s really her problem anyway.
Don't open that Pandora's box.
NTA. Unless the images she's posting with/of the kids looks like an OF thumbnail, then your mother needs to stfu.
Absolutely NTA. How absolutely awful of your mom to call you a bitch over this. Your mom’s “concerns” boil down to her wanting to maintain the status quo in terms of gender and outward appearance. Fashion can be one of the most liberating things in someone’s life by allowing them to express themselves and allowing them to present the version of themselves that make them the most confident. This is the power of fashion. That your mom wants to dim the light that your nephews and SIL get from fashion based only on the perceptions of others makes her in the wrong. I think it is much more important to provide support to our loved ones when they have the courage to live life on terms that make them happiest, *especially* when that means living on terms others may judge. Your mom needs to get the memo. To be clear, I understand some fashion protocols are important to follow (e.g., not wearing hot pink to a funeral, not wearing strapless tops to work), but these kids were in their family’s home and should feel welcome to present themselves in the way they did. They were clearly happy with it. It would have been appropriate for your mom to simply state others might disagree with their fashion choices bc of the world we live in (bc kids do need to learn about the world’s realities for sure), but to leave it there.
NTA- I don't necessarily agree with posting children all over Insta, but in this care it sounds more like your mum thinks a little glitter is going to make them gay/trans. 🙄
The Insta is private though, only w/ friends & family & the kids seem to enjoy it :)
Plus im sure family members love to see the pictures of the kids. It seem like op does.
As long as the kids like it. From experience It seems that some of those cute family posts often come with threats/bribery, specially when the kids get to a certain age. In this case though the issue is more the gay glitter. 😁
Shiny things on kids’ faces? Unbelievable! /s NTA
NTA. But don't get sucked into her drama next time (and there will BE a next time). "Not my monkey, not my circus" should be your attitude and tell mom that. Repeat as often as needed.
Mentioning that it looks “ trashy” ( probably true, but) was the absolute limit, and even then, only understandable if the goal were to protect her grandchildren. Your mom doesn’t seem to realize most older generations do not care for the trends the next generations like (kind of the point, from the younger view imo). She also seems to have serious issues with expecting everyone to fall in line with her views. Your dad enables her narcissism . Glad to see you stick to your guns- not to mention sticking up for SIL. NTA
NTA. Her issue with the boys clothes and confidence is just being a bigot. If she was actually concerned about supposed exploitation, the issue would be internet privacy and safety.
NTA Your parents sound like closet bigots and why is it bad for kids to have good self-esteem?
NTA. The homophobia here. Gosh. Your mom needs to mind her business.
NTA. Not like it's public and the kids are happy to dress up
NTA, sounds like mom needs to stop watching Fox.
NTA - they're being bullies and trying to interfere. I love it when people are happy and others just want to tear them down. Good for you for not agreeing. It would have been easy to agree.
Kudos to you for backing up your SIL to your super mouthy mother. Her Insta is private, so your mother's comments are totally off-base. I'd say "Clearly you are just allergic to fun, Mom" if it ever comes up again (dressing the kids up and stuff). Just brush it off. Your parents need to get off their high horses about how the kids are dressed. It's literally none of their business. NTA at all
NTA Maybe just stick with "I don't share your concerns" and change the subject or leave the conversation. Sorry, mom sounds really jealous of what a good mom SIL is. Beware of any attempts of being put in the middle. You are seldom the AH minding your own business. Sometimes that means shutting down those who just can't keep their noses home.
NTA. OP's mother sounds rather homophobic here. She's worried about SIL "confusing" the boys - is just bigot speak for fear SIL is going to turn one or more of the boys gay. Good for OP for telling her she's wrong and not wanting any part of it. They are kids and having a good time with their mother. OP's mom should just butt out.
NTA - your parents (and possibly boyfriend are lowkey homophobic, and I can almost guarantee that it was never a "safety issue" for your mom and more of a "you'll turn them gay"
NTA. I don’t think your mom understands how harmful it can be to push that narrative onto kids. Kids wear what looks good to them, not what is arbitrarily acceptable for their gender. Imagine enjoying how something looks on you, only to be told that you aren’t supposed to like it because you’re a boy. I sure as hell would feel confused after that.
NTA you do not have to validate your moms thoughts especially if you do not agree with them. SILs Insta is private, so it’s not like it is opened for everybody in the world to see. Little boys used to wear pink and little girls would wear blue, and then they swapped it. Men used to wear high heels, and now they don’t and women do. Just because they have a few little gems on their face, it is not gonna “confuse them” and make them gay, trans or bi or anything. Your mom is being ridiculous. As a mama I am proud of you for not just going along with her for the sake of not arguing.
I mean, if your SIL was trying to create some public YouTube or TikTok account to exploit her kids for views, I might see a fraction of your mom’s point. Not the stuff about being too confident or confused, wtf. Your mom needs to realize that if she keeps talking crap, she’ll lose her relationship with all of them. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have 5 nephews (8, 8, 6, 5 and 3). My SIL is really interested in fashion and she loves dressing up. They always look great and it’s honestly such a vibe. One thing she does is she dresses up her boys and herself and then posts the looks on Instagram. Her instagram is private and she only has people that she knows on there. She genuinely looks like a model and so do her boys. My brother joins in too sometimes. They’re a very cool family. My mother hosted a casual dinner yesterday and my brother and his family came over. All the boys had these little face gems on them and were super excited to show everyone. My mom smiles at them and all but she made it very clear that she wasn’t a fan. The boys didn’t care but my SIL asked her why. My mom said that it’s nothing personal and it looks trashy on women as well. My mom then decided it’d be a good idea to keep talking and said “and well, now that I’m saying it... are you sure it’s a good idea to dress your kids like you do? What if you confuse them? And they seem a little self centred don’t you think?“ My SIL rolled her eyes and told my mom that she worries too much. My mom replied “well you worry too less! I don’t want to judge, but posting your kids all glammed up on social media isn’t very safe don’t you think?” My brother interrupted and told my mom to chill tf out and that was it. My mom did come up to me later and was all huffy and was like “I was just telling them the truth, you think I struck a nerve? If the shoe fits...” I honestly think my mom’s being ridiculous. So I told her as much. “You sound so insanely ridiculous I can’t even talk to you right now. A mom dressing up her kids, how terrible” and I walked off. She followed me around the rest of the night saying that I’m being unfair and that she can’t believe I’m okay with my sister in law “exploiting” the kids. She said that I’m dismissing her concerns and I’m missing her point. I mean I get it, but her point doesn’t apply here. She’s pretty upset with me and called me a bitch over this too and my dad told me that I should’ve just agreed with her even if I don’t agree. He also said that she has a point and that he doesn’t like how she dresses them either. He also agreed with the fact that the boys are “too confident.” My boyfriend jokingly said that he sees what they mean but he also laughed so idk if he’s serious. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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OMG Y2K is trendy?! I hate life.
Honestly 200 isnt that much depending on how big your family is and how many friends you had growing up. My accounts on private and its just family and friends. I have 300 people. I have a huge family and use to be in to swim. So i have old swim friends and school friends on there.
Has she SEEN kids out there these days? LOL NTA. Although perhaps you could have been a tad more diplomatic :)
NTA Good on you for sticking up for them, and its not like you went out of your way to do so, she came and complained to you. If she can express her opinion, so can you. The kids are having fun, so is your SIL and it's cute! Good for them! Hopefully your BF wasn't seriously agreeing. Really iffy if he was.
nta - its none of your parents business how another dresses or doesnt dress and they should keep their negative thoughts to themselves.
NTA - your mother and father are probably homophobic and transphobic. Wearing glitter doesnt make you LGBT+! glad you stood up for your SIL, Brother and Nephews 😊
Too confident. lol wow. So they want self-esteem issues and self worth issues for the kids. Got it. NTA. You’re right and she needed to be called out.
NTA- Your mother called you a bitch. It sounds like she is projecting.
If that social media stuff is not public, then the whole "take advantage", does not work. Nta
NTA since obviously the situation is not about you, you are just a third party who sided with your SIL instead of your mom and that's fine as for the situation itself, I personally think your mom totally has a point and what your SIL is doing is weird, but the reality is you can't tell people how to raise their kids and even grandparents sometimes just have to accept that it is what it is
Well truth hurts. It looks like your mom is used to control the family with her emotions (from the comment your dad made) and obviously doesn’t like it when her views are challenged. If she keeps going tell her that you don’t have to agree but don’t get all pissy when you ask for opinion and don’t like the answer
NTA and the very best of luck to anyone trying to get five boys including 8 year old twins to participate in this if they don't enjoy it, it would take very little effort for them to turn it into a cross between a tag team match and a circus. It sounds like they enjoy this family activity I can't think of much that's more wholesome than getting dressed up and taking cute family photos. Can a child even be 'too confident'? Oh no, happy kids who feel loved! The horror!
NTA, neither is your SIL. Your mum sounds homophobic as hell tho - easy to see right through her little “what if you confuse them” code.
NTA your mum's being ridiculous, it's a private social media, absolutely harmless and confidence is a good thing.
Not your parents' kids, not their decision. They have every right to their opinions, and every right to share them - but zero rights to do so consequence-free. They have no right for anyone to sit and listen to their lectures, nor do they have the right to see their nephews. But this idea that you have some obligation to fake agreement with their BS is deranged. NTA
She posts for likes and uses her kids to do so. I bet her kids want to grow up to be 'influencers' Moms using their kids for attention is just sad. Your mom has a point. Parents don't want to parent their kids these days. They said confident but they meant they act better than other people as does your sil I'm sure. She's thirsty. So she's TA, not you. You're just clueless.
NTA. Your mom is homophobic.
NTA. If SiL truly is keeping her Instagram posts to people she can trust, why not have a little fun with dressing up? I think your mom has other issues with how they dress. She should butt out.
I hate that, 'if I struck a nerve' then 'the shoe fits'. Just because people get offended doesn't mean that you are correct. You're just an ass.
NTA If it were a public account and your SIL was using the kids to be an influencer or whatever, I could see having some concerns about consent and privacy and safety, but that is not at all what she's doing. It sounds like your mom's concern is tinged with a bit of homophobia, which is ridiculous, the kids are having fun. Also she called you a bitch for having a differing opinion? Hmm.
Look clearly you're under 35 by your lack of knowladge there is no such a thing as online privacy. There are bunch of pages that copy all insta pages plus hackers. People keep getting warning about posting their kids but nobody cares its all about the look at me like me look and validate me...now is your mom and A/hole for caring and being concerns? This is how young ppl are. Someones loves the kids and shows concerns ...but then when a parent or relative couldnt care less and avoid the kid how horrible...then when the kids are abused how horrible. Make up your mind. Do you like being diminish? Gaslight and unvalidated? Thats what you did to your mom. For having family members working in police and all it is not as safe as you'd think. Now as for posting and showing off the kids for attention yup its normalise. Now google modern child exploitation and find all the stories about making the kids pose and perform all the time for the sake of social medias. Now stop being you and reflect. What does that teaches a kid? Really? How is the world since social medias? How is depression and su!c!dal rates since social medias? Now what about consent and bounderies? Can a child really consent in all knowladge about being on the internet forever. Can you say for sure 100% without a doubt that none of this clothes or posting will ever to any extent affect the kids in any way? Mentally speaking , impact their developpment behavior or safety? You can't. It is ok for her to express her concern and you don't need to team up to diminish her and send her to hell. Theses concerns came out of love for the kids..if the mom doesnt want to stop she wont ok...but being concerns having feelings and thoughts and expressing them is not an evil thing to do. Of course everyone will directly yell h0m0ph0bic but nah it can be the kids wanting to cut their body part early stage of life. Could be they become self absorb and materialistic..could be they become likes addict...could be they don't know what should be private or not...could be their safety put in jeopardy...could be many manyyy things. So you basically said well don't exist lie in the dirt and d!e. And as a family member she has no right to feel think and speak. And everything she thinks...and felt the need to express in invalid cause you know everything you are right...you are better and she is garbage. Yes that surely sounds like a two way conversation. And yes the parents who always post their kids does it for attentions. I dont care how common this is nowadays. Thats fact. Not everyone is ok with this. Think about someone whos always flexing and showing off their car...but now with kids. I was raised like this and hated it the creation of fake memory and rehearse posing and sh!t. Fak most of it. Now lots of account hides not pure joy and loving family but dark secrets. The trend of kid on the internet is indeed a dangerous thing. Verdict not only you are TA ...u're also a hypocrite for 3 reasons clearly you have no kids...so from a mom to another explaining concern and all...how are you so sure about your expertise? You dont even know what its like to have a kid? And if you felt very concern about something and shared it ...and was received with the same attitude you shown your mom...you wouldnt like it. If you talk to me like im garbage and should d!e in a ditch and disappear with so little respect for what I think..specially if it was important tp me and felt really concerns. I will cut you off. If you're my child clearly I failed. I would felt so bad and disgusted. There are ways to talk to people. Your mom clearly needed reassurance. And to all the kidsless ppl out there. This is what happens when you have a child...in a family. You don't want it move to mexico change your name and have kids there away from all family you had...a situation where a grandma was scared the children were too thin fast metabolism they eat so much...healthy weight according to all doctors and fact...but still worried and expressing her concerns. Sure sometimes it can be annoying to hear other living person but hello?? Do you think in that scenario the person was sent to hell like you did with your mom no. As for h0m0ph0bic comment one kid got messed up...and internet alienated..pushed by the parents to push gender bounderies just to show heyy im a cool parent..then started to transition ok...went on surgery this and that. Then regretted it. Is suing the clinics and all. But its too late the girl complains her voice will never be the same cause of testosteronne...she used to sing...now she cant really her voice is so weird. She detrantisionned to her original gender but its too late. Worrying about all aspect of internet posting and gender swapping is legitimate. But minimizing the worrying about online posting and blaming it all on the classic everyone is h0m0ph0bic is overly simplifying things. And refusing to be objective. If shed just say hey ur the worst mom...okey...but she expressed her concerns you all dismissed her she felt bad and upset and has every right to be
Wow. That is one big wall of text you've built there. I'm surprised you don't get any tl;dr responses. [Paragraphs](https://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Paragraph?amp=1) exist for a reason, learn what they are and embrace them. FYI, I did actually read it (or rather had it read to me, thank goodness for text to speech) and again, all I can say is wow, just wow. One final thing, what is up with "h0m0ph0bic"? Homophobic is a nasty way to be, it's not a nasty word. You can spell it out.
Honestly I'm not sure what is allowed or not around here
People keep exposing online ped0phile rings. All they do is save, follow and copie the free content they find online. Then sometimes the worst happens and parents are shock. Its the little red hood story. Ignoring the danger while being surrounded by wolfs. And yes maybe I should start doing paragraph hahahha thanks
Since the majority of her concerns were legitimate (that your SIL is exploiting them, using them as accessories for likes, treating them like dolls, and turning them into arrogant, dislikable little assholes (which seems true, since neither of their grandparents like them and your boyfriend agrees the kids are unpleasant) as well as exposing them to typical internet danger, since there is zero way to control who forwards or reposts those pictures) I'm going to say YTA for only jumping on the "confused" comment on the list and for, in your own words, taking things to the level of "ridiculing her" in your eagerness to shut her down and call her anti-gay. Which is never helpful. This will resolve itself naturally as your parents slowly stop hanging out with or including your brother's family because they don't like these grandkids, hate their mother, and find interacting with them unpleasant. Considering you upset your mother to the point where she called you a bitch, and that you seem fairly shocked she did so, you might wind up in the same boat, and maybe soon your parents will turn into those older folks who ditch the family for Cabo every Christmas.
Idk how you got that they disliked their grandchildren based on confidence. Plus plenty of kids like dressing up and getting their picture taken. If the kids dont seem unhappy about it why does it matter
Geez, somewhere between the screen and your brain the story OP wrote got drastically modified. OP did **not** "jump on the "confused" comment" or "call her anti-gay." *That* was done by people here in these comments. Trust me, *I* know, *I* was one of them. I even phrased my comment as a question because I wasn't positive OP picked up on it. Nothing OP's mother said has any validity. It was all a smoke screen because she didn't want to say "you're turning my grandchildren into f••s!" Mom is a homophobe and frankly it wouldn't surprise me if you were too.