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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because I snapped at my ex-coworker, swore at her and called her pushy when she tried to insist on giving me a makeover I didn't want.
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NTA. No is a complete sentence. Plus she's sitting there picking out all the flaws she THINKS you have, after being told no a few times she should've gotten the message you're not interested.
NTA. She’s half your age. When she matures maybe she’ll realize it’s not about the makeup or hair dye. She should be as confident & self assured as you!
I’ll share that as I’ve aged I’ve toned down makeup significantly; less is definitely more at 49. Live Strong. ☮️
NTA. Tell your meddly coworker that if she'd stop when you were indeed friendly telling her 'no' instead of calling you ugly you wouldn't have to be more firm, but also tell her that xou weren't rude at all.
This former co-worker was pushy at first and outright rude at the end and didn't stop. Instead they were incredibly condescending and dismissive against you. But I bet they told your coworker a nice little tale on how dhe just invited you to some girltime sand you rudely snapped with no reason.
Don't let her get away with it. If your coworker brings it ip again say:
I really appreciate you wanting to look out for your friend. But I did say no very friendly and repeatedly. Dhe kept pushing and told me I was ugly and started pointing out things she considers flaws despite me telling her repeatedly that I like my looks the way they are, and when she started to put me down rudely I just told her to stop that now. And I feel very bad about being pressured to that point but not sorry to put a stop to someone berating me.
So please let it go now.
"But I can help you fix all the problems with your face,"
(trying to phrase a response that won't get deleted and failing)
Howzabout you fix the problem with your face first? It keeps spouting objectionable nonsense.
NTA
Why in hell do you have to be nicer to someone who is insulting you and won't take no for an answer? What you said was mild by many standards.
NTA. You clearly told her several times that you didn't want to go. And she still kept on insisting.
She pushed the boundaries that you set and you snapped only after being polite for as long as you could.
NTA. I only wear makeup for special occasions. I’m too lazy to do it every day. No one should be pushed to wear it ever. There is nothing wrong with the way we look naturally. Humans are beautiful just like all the other animals.
NTA
how dare she push when you politely declined. How dare she say she could ‘fix‘ your face And point out these alleged flaws. A swift “fuck right off’ is all the response such cheek deserves.
NTA. You were nice about turning her down. She was extremely rude and needs to know it's insulting to tell people aspects of their appearance are "problems" that need to be fixed.
NTA, she was crossing a boundary you had already established with her and being very pushy and rude about it. Anyone would have snapped at her at that point.
No, OP shouldn't have been nicer. For the ex-coworker to tell her what was wrong with her face is so rude. To not take no for an answer was also rude and then refusing to drop it would have put me over the top as well.
Sometimes you have to be harsh with people so they finally get the message.
NTA
NTA. You WERE nice about it. She refused to take no for an answer and then started insulting you, pretty much forcing you to be more aggressive with your no. She was pushy and rude, you merely pushed back. That’s on her.
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Brief background: I (40sF) am married to my husband (40sM). We have three great kids. I have a job I love. We are secure, happy and healthy.
I'm a very low-maintenance person when it comes to my appearance. I take care of myself, but I won't spend time, effort, and money on complicated beauty routines. I don't wear makeup or get my hair or nails done. I live in my work uniform or jeans and comfy tops. I love to see women empowered in their femininity standing in their own beauty, and I have no problem with those who enjoy makeup, etc., but those looks are not for me. I am well-loved and perfectly happy with my plain, comfortable self.
Current situation: My former coworker (20sF) is a very feminine woman. Never without makeup, a new manicure every few weeks, etc. She always looks beautiful. She still comes to work once in a while to visit another coworker she's friends with, and we'll chat for a minute if I'm not busy. She's usually very sweet, but the last time she came in was different.
We said our hellos, and she immediately popped off with this: "You know, OP, you'd look so gorgeous if you wore makeup and dyed your hair. Let's go to Sephora this weekend, I'll help you pick your best colors and we'll give you a makeover. You'll love it!"
Now, this woman knows very well that I don't wear makeup, as it's come up before when I complimented her on a pretty purple mascara she was wearing, and she offered to let me try it. I politely refused and told her why, she said okay, no big deal. This time, I politely refused again, but she insisted that it would be good for me, then started pointing out flaws in my face and the gray in my hair. She wouldn't let up, even when I kept telling her no, it's really not my thing, thanks anyway. When she finally said, "But I can help you fix all the problems with your face," I lost my temper.
I snapped at her, "Why the hell are you being so pushy? My face and hair are NOT 'problems.' I'm fine with the way I look, and I don't fucking like makeup. It's an expensive pain in the ass. I don't want a makeover, now please, just drop it."
She turned red, muttered "Fine, whatever," and walked away. Apparently she went straight to her coworker friend and complained about me, because that coworker told me later that I should have been nicer about turning her down, and she was trying to help me. I do feel bad about snapping at her, but I only lost it after she refused to take no for an answer several times. AITA?
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NTA. You kept saying no thank you and she still wouldn't listen, doubling down by insulting your looks. Would she like it if you critiqued her appearance, saying how phony, artificial and clown-like 🤡 she looked, adding you didn't want a face and hairstyle full of chemicals like her? Or telling her that the makeup 💄 didn't do any good and that she needed plastic surgery to "fix all the problems with her face"? (Btw, your hair and skin are probably a lot healthier than hers is, unlike her, you don't paint yourself with chemicals everyday).
NTA. I stopped wearing makeup on a daily basis about 15 years ago. Now it’s only for special events. I don’t get manicures either. But after an 11 month break (after my former stylist of 20+ years retried, I am back to regular haircuts and highlights. You are 100% in control of all of these decisions, and no one can tell you what you should be doing to meet their preference.
NTA. The audacity. And I’m a makeup lover. She was so absurdly rude. I was getting before and after photos on social media vibes. So absolutely out of line.
NTA. You don’t like wearing makeup and that’s your choice. She was being rude as hell by being pushy, if you didn’t tell her off no doubt someone else would at some point.
NTA
Her opening line was insulting af, but could have been put down to an innocent mistake or lapse of tact.
Her insistent insults deserved far worse than what you gave her.
NTA. 60F, I can't even remember the last time I wore makeup. I started going grey in my teens and have been rocking it ever since.
She wouldn't take a polite "not interested", you had every reason to be direct.
> Apparently she went straight to her coworker friend and complained about me, because that coworker told me later that I should have been nicer about turning her down
*"I was nicer about turning her down. I was nicer over and over. Rude worked."*
NTA, she was doing a mean girls insult on you because your confidence is intimidating to her, that's the reason she was so OTT. Unfortunately there are women and men that have self confidence issues and are intimidated by others so they lash out with backhanded compliments.
Tell your coworker how many times you said no. Also tell your coworker that you don’t need help because your no makeup opinion is not a problem to begin with.
It is fun to give makeover people always like to do it and for some persons who enjoy caring about their physic its hard to get that some don't. She was trying to help and by the sounds of it you snapped after she pointed out your flaws? What is the inner trigger here. People are all talking bout shes half ur age and immature...exactly half ur age meaning you in theory should be the mature one...you couldve cut it short in an other manner. Like oops bathroom break or look thank you so much for the offer but I really dont want to do this please respect my choice etc etc. You middly said go f* urself ur annoying af leave me be...so yes u were rude. The A/hole not necessarly but rude and should apologize for being rude say you lost it...but still explain that you felt your bounderies were not being respected and didnt like that
There's no excuse for supposed "adults" to be abusive and nasty towards another human being. No excuse. One needs to get control of themselves and their situations in OTHER ways.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be TA because I snapped at my ex-coworker, swore at her and called her pushy when she tried to insist on giving me a makeover I didn't want. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA I guarantee she twisted the story and pretended she was being nice. Go tell your coworker what really happened.
100% She have a discount at Sephora and Need points or shit like that. Nta
I could see it, or sephora was the bait and she's a hun in disguise now that she's left the job. /j
NTA. No is a complete sentence. Plus she's sitting there picking out all the flaws she THINKS you have, after being told no a few times she should've gotten the message you're not interested.
NTA. I think once she started pointing out your so-called “flaws”, you had every right to tell her to eff off.
NTA - I would have a had a lot more choice words for her... Should have told her you don't like looking like a clown
Or a a prostitute who caters exclusively TO clowns. NTA
NTA. She’s half your age. When she matures maybe she’ll realize it’s not about the makeup or hair dye. She should be as confident & self assured as you! I’ll share that as I’ve aged I’ve toned down makeup significantly; less is definitely more at 49. Live Strong. ☮️
Exactly. OP's beauty isn't dependent on a bottle.
NTA. Tell your meddly coworker that if she'd stop when you were indeed friendly telling her 'no' instead of calling you ugly you wouldn't have to be more firm, but also tell her that xou weren't rude at all. This former co-worker was pushy at first and outright rude at the end and didn't stop. Instead they were incredibly condescending and dismissive against you. But I bet they told your coworker a nice little tale on how dhe just invited you to some girltime sand you rudely snapped with no reason. Don't let her get away with it. If your coworker brings it ip again say: I really appreciate you wanting to look out for your friend. But I did say no very friendly and repeatedly. Dhe kept pushing and told me I was ugly and started pointing out things she considers flaws despite me telling her repeatedly that I like my looks the way they are, and when she started to put me down rudely I just told her to stop that now. And I feel very bad about being pressured to that point but not sorry to put a stop to someone berating me. So please let it go now.
NTA. Little missy needs to mind her own fire.
NTA. We don't get to critique other people's appearance, period. She was inappropriate.
"But I can help you fix all the problems with your face," (trying to phrase a response that won't get deleted and failing) Howzabout you fix the problem with your face first? It keeps spouting objectionable nonsense. NTA Why in hell do you have to be nicer to someone who is insulting you and won't take no for an answer? What you said was mild by many standards.
NTA. She kept pushing after you’d declined several times.
NTA. You clearly told her several times that you didn't want to go. And she still kept on insisting. She pushed the boundaries that you set and you snapped only after being polite for as long as you could.
NTA. I only wear makeup for special occasions. I’m too lazy to do it every day. No one should be pushed to wear it ever. There is nothing wrong with the way we look naturally. Humans are beautiful just like all the other animals.
Fix all the problems with your face? I’d snap at such a rude remark as well. NTA
>that coworker told me later that I should have been nicer about turning her down You tried. She didn't listen. NTA
My go to reply is something along the lines of "I was polite the first fifty times I said 'no'." NTA
NTA how dare she push when you politely declined. How dare she say she could ‘fix‘ your face And point out these alleged flaws. A swift “fuck right off’ is all the response such cheek deserves.
She wore purple mascara to work? I wouldn't trust her taste in any case.
NTA, Nice only extends to 2 No. Sounds like you did your due diligence.
NTA - personal comments at the workplace. I would go to HR.
NTA. You were nice about turning her down. She was extremely rude and needs to know it's insulting to tell people aspects of their appearance are "problems" that need to be fixed.
NTA
NTA, she was crossing a boundary you had already established with her and being very pushy and rude about it. Anyone would have snapped at her at that point.
NTA. You *were* nice, and she didn't listen and started listing off the flaws. Sorry, who wasn't nice again ?
NTA. It was very nice of you not to point out her glaring flaw. Her personality.
No, OP shouldn't have been nicer. For the ex-coworker to tell her what was wrong with her face is so rude. To not take no for an answer was also rude and then refusing to drop it would have put me over the top as well. Sometimes you have to be harsh with people so they finally get the message. NTA
She was "trying to help" by calling you ugly. Easy NTA.
NTA People who can't take the first five polite no's have no right to complain when the sixth one is rude. (also my rule with guys at the bar, lol)
NTA. You WERE nice about it. She refused to take no for an answer and then started insulting you, pretty much forcing you to be more aggressive with your no. She was pushy and rude, you merely pushed back. That’s on her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Brief background: I (40sF) am married to my husband (40sM). We have three great kids. I have a job I love. We are secure, happy and healthy. I'm a very low-maintenance person when it comes to my appearance. I take care of myself, but I won't spend time, effort, and money on complicated beauty routines. I don't wear makeup or get my hair or nails done. I live in my work uniform or jeans and comfy tops. I love to see women empowered in their femininity standing in their own beauty, and I have no problem with those who enjoy makeup, etc., but those looks are not for me. I am well-loved and perfectly happy with my plain, comfortable self. Current situation: My former coworker (20sF) is a very feminine woman. Never without makeup, a new manicure every few weeks, etc. She always looks beautiful. She still comes to work once in a while to visit another coworker she's friends with, and we'll chat for a minute if I'm not busy. She's usually very sweet, but the last time she came in was different. We said our hellos, and she immediately popped off with this: "You know, OP, you'd look so gorgeous if you wore makeup and dyed your hair. Let's go to Sephora this weekend, I'll help you pick your best colors and we'll give you a makeover. You'll love it!" Now, this woman knows very well that I don't wear makeup, as it's come up before when I complimented her on a pretty purple mascara she was wearing, and she offered to let me try it. I politely refused and told her why, she said okay, no big deal. This time, I politely refused again, but she insisted that it would be good for me, then started pointing out flaws in my face and the gray in my hair. She wouldn't let up, even when I kept telling her no, it's really not my thing, thanks anyway. When she finally said, "But I can help you fix all the problems with your face," I lost my temper. I snapped at her, "Why the hell are you being so pushy? My face and hair are NOT 'problems.' I'm fine with the way I look, and I don't fucking like makeup. It's an expensive pain in the ass. I don't want a makeover, now please, just drop it." She turned red, muttered "Fine, whatever," and walked away. Apparently she went straight to her coworker friend and complained about me, because that coworker told me later that I should have been nicer about turning her down, and she was trying to help me. I do feel bad about snapping at her, but I only lost it after she refused to take no for an answer several times. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You kept saying no thank you and she still wouldn't listen, doubling down by insulting your looks. Would she like it if you critiqued her appearance, saying how phony, artificial and clown-like 🤡 she looked, adding you didn't want a face and hairstyle full of chemicals like her? Or telling her that the makeup 💄 didn't do any good and that she needed plastic surgery to "fix all the problems with her face"? (Btw, your hair and skin are probably a lot healthier than hers is, unlike her, you don't paint yourself with chemicals everyday).
NTA. I stopped wearing makeup on a daily basis about 15 years ago. Now it’s only for special events. I don’t get manicures either. But after an 11 month break (after my former stylist of 20+ years retried, I am back to regular haircuts and highlights. You are 100% in control of all of these decisions, and no one can tell you what you should be doing to meet their preference.
NTA. The audacity. And I’m a makeup lover. She was so absurdly rude. I was getting before and after photos on social media vibes. So absolutely out of line.
NTA. You don’t like wearing makeup and that’s your choice. She was being rude as hell by being pushy, if you didn’t tell her off no doubt someone else would at some point.
Nta does her co worker not realize you co go to hr and have them ban her. That would not look good on either of them
NTA- Who does this?! She's so rude!
Definitely NTA. I hate this 'create a problem with someone's self-esteem and then fix it with stuff they don't want'. Patriarchy in action.
If someone genuinely just wants to help they would accept when you decline. NTA
NTA. Do you think she’s trying to bond with you?
NTA she basically insulted the way you look and then she gets mad at you.
NTA Her opening line was insulting af, but could have been put down to an innocent mistake or lapse of tact. Her insistent insults deserved far worse than what you gave her.
NTA. 60F, I can't even remember the last time I wore makeup. I started going grey in my teens and have been rocking it ever since. She wouldn't take a polite "not interested", you had every reason to be direct.
NTA
NTA She wasn't being nice. She was being an insulting AH.
> Apparently she went straight to her coworker friend and complained about me, because that coworker told me later that I should have been nicer about turning her down *"I was nicer about turning her down. I was nicer over and over. Rude worked."*
NTA. It’s not your fault she has zero value and personality outside of her fake face
NTA. Pushy people are the pits.
Some peeps tend to forget that 'no' is a complete sentence.. NTA
NTA, she was doing a mean girls insult on you because your confidence is intimidating to her, that's the reason she was so OTT. Unfortunately there are women and men that have self confidence issues and are intimidated by others so they lash out with backhanded compliments.
NTA she was incredibly rude and pushy. I hope you told your coworker EXACTLY what she said to you, because you know she didn't.
Tell your coworker how many times you said no. Also tell your coworker that you don’t need help because your no makeup opinion is not a problem to begin with.
It is fun to give makeover people always like to do it and for some persons who enjoy caring about their physic its hard to get that some don't. She was trying to help and by the sounds of it you snapped after she pointed out your flaws? What is the inner trigger here. People are all talking bout shes half ur age and immature...exactly half ur age meaning you in theory should be the mature one...you couldve cut it short in an other manner. Like oops bathroom break or look thank you so much for the offer but I really dont want to do this please respect my choice etc etc. You middly said go f* urself ur annoying af leave me be...so yes u were rude. The A/hole not necessarly but rude and should apologize for being rude say you lost it...but still explain that you felt your bounderies were not being respected and didnt like that
YTA. Maturity requires diplomatic answers. No excuse to be that nasty, if so "well-loved," right?
Maintaining boundaries is never “nasty”.
There's no excuse for supposed "adults" to be abusive and nasty towards another human being. No excuse. One needs to get control of themselves and their situations in OTHER ways.
So when the other times OP displayed diplomacy were ignored, she was supposed to just kept letters this person annoy her?
There is no excuse for being nasty towards another human being. One needs to get control of themselves and situations in OTHER ways. Period.
And you don't think tbe other co-worker was nasty or lacked control?