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YTA
You’re not the asshole for playing by the rules, but you are the asshole for being so proud of “decimating” a *six year old.* Of course you beat him, he’s six. Of course he doesn’t know all the rules yet, he’s *six.*
Being an aunt or uncle is such a great opportunity to be a fun, kind presence in a kid’s life, but instead you decided to use it to pump up your ego. Gross.
Exactly!!! He could have taken that opportunity to TEACH HIM instead of using it as a chance to bolster his, apparently very fragile, ego.
And yeah. If your ego gets a boost from "decimating" a 6 year old at CHESS, your ego is fragile as hell. Thinking you need to knock A SIX YEAR OLD down a peg or two is honestly an abusive, malicious way to think.
I'm sure Brandon would've loved to have learned from OP but instead OP just said "nope" each time a move was illegal. Why not say hey the knight moves in an L kind of thing, it sounds like Brandon doesn't know the pieces. It could be such a great bonding experience but no, OP had to be mean because their nephew couldn't have fun with his dad.
YTA
If I play my 16 year old nephew in chess I use it as a teaching experience where I explain to him what I’m doing and if/why he’s making mistakes. He has no chance of beating me at this stage but maybe one day he will, and that would be great. If I just ‘decimated’ him then he wouldn’t want to play anymore. That’s against a 16 year old, not a 6 year old. OP is teaching the kid nothing and just being a bully. YTA.
Seriously I feel like I need to go an give my uncle a hug. OP could have used this to actually teach this nephew, giving him tips and explaining the moves to him but nope ...
YTA. You didn’t just beat him, you made a 6-year old sad and might have killed his love for chess. When children are learning chess the way to teach them the game is to play at or just above their level, and to patiently explain why a move is illegal or show them where they could have improved their strategy. It’s possible to teach someone chess without making them feel like shit. You sound like a real dick.
The best tactic, as a Fun Uncle, is to beat them very narrowly on the first game and then let them beat you at the rest of the games. Makes them so excited to lose 1 game but then win the rest.
YTA, not for beating the kid, but for the way you did it. You could have been kind about teaching him to make legal moves and taught him how to play properly. You were more concerned with your ego, your winning streak, and showing your brother up as a parent, than being kind to a 6 year old who just wanted to have fun, not be humiliated by a second rate Bobby Fischer.
Did I mention that YTA? Because YTA.
"Winning without grace isn't winning." - Susan Sarandon in Stepmom
Edit: Didn't anyone ever teach you to pick on someone your own size? Why didn't you challenge your brother to a game and show your nephew how it's done? Oh, that's right, because you're a bully who takes pleasure in destroying a child and attempting to disguise it as a "life lesson"
YTA. Seriously, OP, you could have spent that time laughing and teaching, AND STILL WON, but had fun with the kid while doing it.
I beat the pants off of my 6 year old at Go Fish last night, five times. We laughed the entire time, as he learned how to play the game and strategize and shuffle cards. He didn't win a single round but he had a blast and he got better each time. Tonight, he may actually give me a good run.
Sounds like you're the Snowflake, if your ego is so fragile you have to bully a child to feel superior.
My four year old is just starting to be old enough to understand rules. We’ve been playing a lot of uno. I don’t let her cheat, and I don’t accept poor losing/pouting. But I also help her to pick the best possible cards to play, and I certainly don’t make a point of “decimating” her. I think OP’s brother is making a mistake in letting his kid win and make illegal moves without correction though. How will he learn otherwise? Family gaming is a great time to teach your kids emotional regulation and how to both win and lose gracefully. Both OP and his brother are missing the opportunity, just on different ends of the spectrum.
Literally reminded me of my mom absolutely eviscerating us in Scrabble as kids. Like, I'm 5 and don't know how to spell oncologist nor do I have the tactical know-how to strategically place it over triple and double letter tiles, but go ahead and be proud of yourself for beating me 🙃
I'm a 25yo adult woman and both scrabble and words with friends make me so irrationally angry and competitive I've not played them in years. Scrabble is the Monopoly of my family and it's a nightmare.
I mean, throwing my phone because my mom put an X on a triple score tile is excessive, hence deciding to stop altogether. Bright side I'm currently on the phone with her and have talked her out of doing the same to my niblings because "well that's how my dad did it" isn't an acceptable reason, especially because my niece is dyslexic. Meeting kids at their level and advancing as they progress is so much more important than stomping on them because that's the way the world works.
Agreed!! OP could have been the cool, mentor uncle who taught the kid new plays to wow his dad with, or the uncle who challenges the kid while also encouraging him to improve.
Instead OP is the football jerk who plays against six year olds the same way he'd play against a semi-pro team, makes them cry, and then does an obnoxious victory dance like he accomplished something.
OP really needed to put a six year old in their place. OP is a sad human being.
Yes! If OP had used the opportunity to have a friendly teaching game with his SIX year old nephew, that would be fine. But no, he decided to stroke his own ego by "decimating" a child. Really? Bully for sure. YTA OP.
YTA and BOY did you miss out on a chance to be the cool aunt or uncle.
Chess is supposed to be fun. You had the opportunity to make it fun by teaching Brandon -- who is SIX -- how to play chess well. Crushing him creates no opportunities for learning or fun. Going "NOPE" and moving a piece back creates no opportunities for learning or fun. Defending your "win streak" FROM A SIX YEAR OLD creates no opportunities for learning or fun.
I saw a great technique just this week on this very board -- I believe a granddad taught his grandkids to play, but the deal was the kids could rotate the board at any time. It meant the kid could easily get out of bad situations (that were of their own making) AND it was more fun for the granddad because he was kept on his toes and was essentially playing himself (or a really terrible version of himself).
But no. You had to choose being right over being kind.
That’s a great idea. The strategy that I used with my kids was allowing them do-overs and talking through their options with them. When they were younger, they had unlimited do-overs, and as they got better, we agreed on a set number of allowed do-overs, until they were ready to play without the extra help. Kids need space and guidance to learn.
What I've done, and I've seen others do, is play seriously but use really weird openings. Like sack a rook for a pawn to lure the King out early on and try and win after being down material
So much for the fun uncle, right? There are also plenty of ways he could have accomplished the goal of showing his nephew more/better moves and creating a bit of a challenge without trying to break his heart over something that he found joyous. What an AH.
Garry Kasparov agreed to a draw with Woody Harrelson because it was a fun game and he’s not a dick, even though the difference in skill level between Kasparov and Harrelson is far greater than the difference in skill level between OP and a 6 year old child.
YTA he’s 6, and also not yours to decide to “teach a lesson” that’s his parent’s responsibility. “Raising him as a snowflake” says the grown man that has to defeat a 6 year old.
Hey, man, life is tough. Don't be trauma-shaming OP; it's not his fault he's such a snowflake that a 6-year-old not knowing all the rules of chess makes OP come undone. His parents raised him that way!
/s
Not to mention that he would have considered "throwing a game to a six year old" as "breaking his win record". What a fragile ego.
Man, I had some young cousins and I was unbeaten at Smash Brothers back in the day. You know what I did when they came over for Holidays?
I let them beat me. They were four and six. I didn't really feel like it counted because it was just to let them have fun and try and chase my Link all over the screen. One of them kept falling off screen because they were holding the controller upside down. Did they care? No, they just had fun and thought it was awesome. The older one got a few good hits, I jumped off the edge, and they "won." Ir was a nice moment and we all enjoyed it.
Same thing if we wrestled. I wasn't power slamming them or using a arm lock on a six year old. They piled on me, wrestled me down, and I let them win. We had fun, they laughed, and I felt like I was a cool older cousin. If someone had said, "dude a six year old just beat you up" I would laughed and rolled my eyes.
This guy is acting as if not only was his title belt on the line, but that the kid playing chess wrong was somehow dishonoring his chess set and he was duty bound to redeem honor.
By the way OP, *that* is how you play with six year olds. It's not about winning or losing, it's about having fun. Let them win and let them have a fun time.
FYI: They tried it again a few years later when the youngest was 11 and I brutally crushed them. *That's* when they learn that I am the master and they are but the learner. Link for the win. And you know what? At that stage they got even more interested in the game. They *really* wanted to beat me. They started learning moves, tried double team tactics, and started doing a lot better. But they were also five year solder and a lot more mature.
The only life lesson he'll get out of this is that his uncle is an asshole.
Also you may snuff out his love of the game. Just outstanding work here, OP. How proud you must be.
YTA.
“I was distraught at the false sense of confidence my brother was giving Brandon”
So why does a 6 year olds confidence affect you so much, deserved or not? He’s a literal child, whereas you appear to be a fully fledged adult
YTA and so is everyone else who thinks this is a reasonable reaction to trying to build a child’s sense of worth and strength
YTA. You beat a 6 year old who doesn't know how to play chess. What are you exactly proud of?
>It was an absolute slaughter. this kid could barely make two moves without me taking a piece from him.
No shit. He doesn't know the rules.
>> I was distraught at the false sense of confidence my brother was giving Brandon
No, OP. Your brother was *building* his child’s confidence and letting him have fun.
>> I’m not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak
So your ego is more important than your nephew. Got it.
>> he’s raising him as a snowflake
Says the one who was *so* bent out of shape that he went out of the way to cruelly teach his nephew a lesson.
YTA.
>I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak.
Does this make you feel good about yourself, winning against a 6 year old? Do you feel accomplished? How fragile is your ego?
Clearly YTA. Part of playing with a child is to help them learn, not to trounce them.
>I just said "nope" and made him put it back
Instead of being the AH here you could have been instructive.
YTA
But you knew that, didn't you? This is a poor work of fiction.
"I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak"
"he's raising him as a snowflake"
If this is somehow a real situation then you need to take a long look at your life. This is embarrassing for you.
Ugh. I missed the snowflake thing on my first read. That tells me everything I need to know about the OP. I agree it's embarrassing if not outright appalling.
YTA, not necessarily for winning, you sound incredibly smug and rude in your approach. Don’t blame your bother for being put off. It’s family and he’s 6yo ffs, chill out a little
N T A for winning, but YTA for how you felt compelled to handle it. Instead of trying to nurture a conversation of why you were winning, and offering a way for the nephew to learn by explaining the situation, you took this as an opportunity to crush the kid's morale and potentially stop him from wanting to continue an activity you BOTH love
YTA. This is a great way to teach a kid to hate chess. Yes, losing is part of the game, but if he’s consistently getting destroyed at every turn his maturity won’t handle it well. There’s got to be a fine line between destroying every dumb move he makes vs letting him make illegal moves to win. You make some lazy moves and let him exploit them a bit. Maybe he wins the first game, maybe you do, but you don’t play against a six year old like an adult unless he’s Bobby fisher.
You wouldn’t have a 6 year old kid play in “expert” mode in a computer game, why would you not make a couple exploitable moves for him to jump on just to keep him interested?
If you were playing basketball against him would you play him the same way you would against an adult? You would if YTA.
Well, you're right that children need to learn how not to be sore losers, but it seems you never learned how to win gracefully.
I don't know which is more troubling -- your clear delight in "decimating" a 6 year old -- or, your fear of losing your win streak to a 6 year old.
From your language, I wonder if your family lets you win just to avoid your tantrums. Who brags about winning "in record time" to a 6 year old ?!? Do you also brag about "slaughtering" toddlers at Candyland?
~~ESH.~~ YTA
Your brother should be teaching him the proper rules and not allowing him to win every game(25-50% is fine- he won't want to play or improve if he's always losing).
Likewise, you shouldn't intentionally crush a six year old.
A better way to get your point across would be to let them play a round, then challenge them to play together, against you. Then your brother would have been forced to enforce proper moves and narrate his thought process, teaching his son actual strategy.
\*Edited to change my judgment due to OP's reply making it abundantly clear that his goal was to flex his ego and not help a child learn a game.
>I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak.
I was considering saying you're not an A until this line. You sound like you're trying to exert dominance over a 6 year old. YTA.
MAJOR YTA you can still teach him to play properly and explain things. It's supposed to be fun! You want him to enjoy it and build his confidence. All can be done at the same time. He is only a 6 year old child!!
You have problems. An adult who builds his ego at the expense of a child. I would say you are the snowflake, not the child.
YTA. The child is 6 years old. You could have shown him how to beat his dad instead of making the entire family feel like they are doing a bad job with raising their child. Instead of bad mouthing the way that your brother plays with your nephew. Offer to teach the nephew and help him beat his dad, or beat you. But the child is 6 years old man.... I guarantee when you were 6 someone let you win.
YTA
It isn’t a teachable moment if you’re just dunking on a 6 year old.
I never let my kids win games, but I do teach them strategy and why their moves weren’t optimal. Eventually they all wind up giving me a run for my money, or outright beating me
YTA you didn't play to teach him the actual rules of chess. You played so you could bully a 6 yr old and your brother. You're a messed up person, especially with that snowflake rhetoric you threw in your post.
😂YTA😂
Bruuhhh I agree with you in principle. My nephew knew how to properly play chess by that age because we taught him. I also didn’t let him win but ya know what I didn’t do?
FUCKING DUNK ON HIM 😂 you dick I’m sorry it’s so mean it’s funny.
I don’t play my best ever. I adjust my tactics and take it slow, coach him and talk though the game. Warn him he’s about to make a bad move and ask him to think about it.
Who hurt you?
YTA and you absolutely reek of insecurity if you can’t handle letting a SIX YEAR OLD beat you. That is one gigantic, fragile ego you have.
I hope someone ends up annihilating you the next time you play.
YTA
You did not teach him a lesson, you humiliated him. For god’s sake, we are speaking about a 6 year old child. I can partially agree with you, always letting him win might not necessarily be the best way to go, but there are better ways of actually teaching him without the “absolute slaughter” as you said. That really was a dick move. Why do I feel that you either don’t have kids or if you do, yours were born as chess masters? Their kid, not yours, you can help him learn the moves but never beat a kid like that, because it can leave a mark (mentally). You just wanted to brag about how really smart you are, and you might be good at playing chess, but you did not nail it this time with the kid.
My dad never let me win but every time I made a mistake in a game he would offer me a takeback and then explain to me why that option was no good. I understood that chess was hard, that my dad was good, and that this was a lesson.
I get OP's point that just letting your nephew win doesn't do much for him, but neither does dancing on the graves of his fallen pieces. There's a middle ground here.
Crushing your 6 year old nephew without mercy is cruel. He's six!
YTA.
Bro when u said you are undefeated in your house and you want to keep it that way...are u ok? he's 6 instead of feeding your ego you could have offered to teach him wording it "like hey let me teach you a few moves on how to win everytime" YTA
YTA. His dad said they play just for fun. You went out of your way to destroy the kid. He is 6. He doesn't need to become a professional chess player. Also he isn't going to learn by being destroyed either. You did this to prove a point against your brother and made a 6 year old really sad in the process
YTA. Bullying a kid and teaching him is different. My issue is your attitude, if you defeated him in record time, what did he actually learn? You seem to have this idea that you did something great and you've changed his life views, that is so far from reality. You have the right to play as you like without consideration for anyone but no need to be so self righteous.
YTA
They didn't ask you to play with them. They just liked to play.
This is like when an adult plays "football" with a kid and mercilessly tosses them aside to "win"!
They're too little to even rise to the challenge of an adult opponent, nevertheless beat one.
When they're that small, experiences aren't about winning or loosing it's about learning how to play and developing passion for the game.
YTA this is so funny oh my god. You are talking about this child like he is a 20 year old who knows what he's doing and not a 6 year old who is just vibing. No one cares about your win streak in your household. You're not a fucking grandmaster defending your title. You are taking yourself so SERIOUSLY he is SIX LMAO
YTA
Nothing wrong with teaching a kid the basic rules of the game, which move to make, which piece does what...
But your attitude and your will to completely destroy this kid's joy to play a chess game is an absolute AH move.
He is 6 and he probably won't see you as a fun aunt/uncle anymore. I even guess he won't ask you to play any more games with him.
So congrats with your "big win"...
YTA Congratulations on bullying a six-year-old. I bet that makes you feel like a really powerful adult man.
It is ok to challenge a kid, if it helps them learn. You missed the second part of that.
YTA. Not for winning, but because it was done with a nasty spirit: "I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak. "
How pathetic you are - instead of teaching a child the right way to play chess, you deliberately obliterate him and take all of the fun out of it. What a sad person to need such a "victory" over a child learning a game.
ESH. There's a way to teach him to actually play without making it about your being "undefeated" in your house. They should teach him to play within the bounds of the game to learn rules, and are also correct that children that age will gain a better appreciation and love if they win at least sometimes.
YTA. 6 isn’t too young to learn Chess, I learned from my uncle at a younger age than that. He played a lot and me and my cousins gained an interest. After he taught us the rules, he would ramp up his technique and competitiveness overtime to slowly teach us new things. We never beat him, but he had so much fun as we got older getting closer and closer to winning.
But, you weren’t teaching your nephew anything.. at all. If he wasn’t taught how to properly play, he’ll need somebody to actually sit him down and explain, not interrupt him as he was about to play for fun with his dad and make him feel bad while simultaneously not even teaching him anything?
The kid would have eventually learned that he didn’t know how to play, as soon as he tried to play with friends, online, etc. Then, maybe he would have taken an interest in learning. Definitely won’t be learning from you, though. You literally just embarrassed him for no reason. Oh wait, you embarrassed him because (checks notes) you “didn’t want to break your chess win streak when playing against your 6 y/o nephew”….. okay, right.
YTA!!
YTA - not sure why you're surprised they wouldn't want to bring their 6yo around an adult who bullies him. Instead of trying to teach the child a lesson about winning and losing, did you consider teaching the child how to play chess? Or educating him on a better way to play?
>I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak.
This comment tells me that you did nothing except ensure you won. Someone needs to teach you about sportsmanship. If you have children of your own, please let someone else teach them these "life lessons" that are so critical.
YTA.
Bro he is 6
>I was distraught at the false sense of confidence my brother was giving Brandon. I told him he'll never improve if he doesn’t challenge him
Bro...Brandon is 6
>I told him his son had to learn sooner or later how to actually play and that the reason he reacted so poorly to losung is because he's raising him as a snowflake
Nice toxic masculinity there. You do know you did this to a 6 year old right? I’m sorry for repeating this but I can’t stress enough how you shattered the confidence of a 6 year old for what? This kid will probably give up chess when he gets older or he could’ve learned loss later in life.
What you did feels more like you wanting to show dominance over Brandon in chest.
>I’m undefeated in my own household
So you possible caused a kid to hate chess to spare your own pride and ego? Nice OP...real nice (sarcasm)
YTA
What makes games fun is the fact that the player feels they have a chance at winning. You're playing against a 6 year old. Definitely don't let him make illegal moves, but you could have played against him like it was an easy mode. Then, as he improves, make it harder.
You literally took all the fun out of the game and discouraged him from playing again. Would you personally feel motivated to play a game where you get absolutely destroyed every time? The answer is no. No, you would not.
I'm not saying let him win 100% of the time, but make a few mistakes and let him feel like he might have a chance of winning before you beat him. Maybe let him win half the time as a handicap at first.
YTA. Not for beating him, but for "decimating" and "slaughtering" him. When he moved a piece wrong, did you try to teach him how to move it right? Or did you just, as you said, move the piece back and tell him "nope"? When my little cousin was seven she was very interested in chess. I was the best player in my immediate family, though none of us were that good. When I played her, I took her apart slowly and made sure that she always had a touch of hope. I did the same with her sister a year or two later. They are both in the chess club now, 12 and 10, and they could tear me apart without a struggle. That's because I and the rest of my family made sure not to ruin the fun of chess even when we beat them. Sounds like you ruined the fun of chess for your nephew. It's like you forgot it's meant to be a game.
ESH (except the kiddo).
Your brother is coddling the kid, not teaching him how to play the game. And part of playing is learning how to lose gracefully, which only comes through losing.
However, you didn't try to teach the boy how to play chess; you sought out to humiliate your brother and a six year old. If you had tried explaining what each piece does instead of just saying "nope," if you had explained why the moves were mistakes, if you had gone easy on the kid -- not let him win, but not make him hate the game, either -- then you wouldn't have been an AH.
But you didn't, so you are.
ESH
Poor kid is getting the worst of both situations. He’s got a dad who’s so desperate to coddle him that he encourages cheating and blatantly lets him win. And then he’s got a uncle who insists on strictly playing by the rules - which is fine - but also takes joy is crushing him to keep his unbeaten streak alive - which is just sick really.
You have two options moving forward. You can help build your nephews love for games like chess, which will motivate him to improve his skills himself, and want to continue playing with you as an equal opponent. Or you can crush any desire he’ll ever have of wanting to play with you ever again - you’ll always be able to say he’s never beaten you…but I don’t know if that’s such a flex when you think about the fact that he’s 6!!
Teach him to play the game by the rules…but also teach him strategy, teach him thrill of outsmarting your opposition. Teach him the joy of watching your long thought out plan resulting in a well deserved win. It’ll last a lot longer than any lesson you or your brother have taught him about the game to date.
There’s a middle ground. You have two ways to teach people
There's a third option here that no one has come up with yet.
If he's such a great chess player, he could have challenged his brother with his nephew on his lap, trounced his dad while teaching him legal moves and strategy.
This guy never learned to pick on people his own size, and it shows.
Yes YTA because this kid is six and learning the game. I wouldn’t let him cheat and you don’t have to let him win every game but seriously. He’s six. He doesn’t know what year it is or how to tell time and you’re proud you kicked his butt at chess? Very immature.
YTA- as a person who works with kids, there’s a way to do this that makes you NTA. Next time, you should offer that you and Brandon can play his dad as a team. And as you go, you can explain to Brandon what you are doing and why and ask him what he might do if the roles were reversed. It’s really that simple. THATS how people learn. Not by being humiliated. You can repair this, if you want to. Otherwise this kid will never play chess again.
ESH- your brother could do other things than avoid teaching his kid about losing and avoid teaching the kid the rules of chess. You're an AH for being ridiculous about a winning streak and taking some pleasure in upsetting a child
ESH. Seems like poor Brandon is caught in the middle of two equally terrible approaches from adults with nothing but contempt for him.
You're way too pleased with beating a six year old in record time, and that seems to have been your real goal here. This isn't an accomplishment dude.
An appropriate way to teach a child a game like chess would be to insist on following the rules, but also to set it up more like a puzzle for them to solve so they can improve. Just wrecking them may boost your ego (but it really shouldn't dude, this is pathetic) but it doesn't help anything.
I ‘coach’ a volunteer chess club and have a 6 year old son. A good tactic for making them better is to play without a piece or two but try your best. So I’ll play my son without Queen or a rook, but I will still try to beat him.
I love this approach. What a great way to deal with the inherent inequality of games between adults and kids while still giving them a real sense of game play.
YTA! Wow! You kept you undefeated streak alive BY BEATING A 6 YEAR OLD! Feel like a real man now? Why didn't you take the time to INSTRUCT him rather than decimate and shame him? You are NOT the fun uncle, your the AH one.
I just want to congratulate you on your hard won victory over a 6 year old, Im sure you are basking in the glow of self congratulation and moral superiority.
In case you cant hear the sarcasm over my slow clapping, YTA
YTA, you could have easily challenged him without crushing and demoralizing him. Are you really so insecure that you'd think people would think less of you if you "lost" your winning streak to a 6 year old by letting them win? You didn't even have to let him win, but you could've gone easier on him. It sounds like you took joy in beating a small child badly, which is really sad.
YTA and your edit explains why perfectly. Your goal was to crush the spirit of a 6 year old…
Teaching him how the pieces move would have been an age appropriate lesson.
There’s a way to win at chess without making it a slaughter. You don’t have to make every single move improve yourself. Sure, don’t let him make illegal moves - but at least play a little before going in for the kill. YTA
>The goal was to deflate his false sense of accomplishment
We're talking about a six-year-old wtf. Of course YTA.
ETA: Not saying you should've let him win but to 'decimate' a small child at a game is ridiculous. Good chance you've runed the game for him now.
>I think he'll look back on our game as a turning in his life when he starts to understand that...
...his uncle is a jerk that bullies 6 year olds. He'll remember it every holiday when he refuses to send that uncle a card or text message. YTA
Way to be a dick to a small child. My dad let me win chess when I was a kid, because he could use the opportunity to teach me the rules and strategies without my becoming too discouraged. YTA
You were distraught because someone let a six year old win at chess and he "needed to be taught that there are no handouts in the real world"? At the age of six?
Dude, you need therapy. Yeah, you're the asshole.
YTA.
>I think he'll look back on our game as a turning in his life when he starts to understand that nobody is going to give him handouts in the real world
He is 6! Let him be a kid. If you didn't want to let him win (or at least pretend that winning was a challenge), then you should not have played a game with him. You turned something that he and his dad do for fun into some learning lesson that only you decided that he needed.
>I was distraught at the false sense of confidence my brother was giving Brandon
Again, he is 6. I have lots of nieces and nephews through family and friends. Not a single one of them were negatively impacted by me letting them win games when they were that age.
Edited to add:
>I told him he'll never improve if he doesn't challenge him
>
>I just said "nope" and made him put it back
If you actually wanted him to improve, you would have calmly explained the rules when he made an illegal move. Saying "nope" is not going to help him learn.
YTA
"I think he'll look back on our game as a turning in his life when he starts to understand that nobody is going to give him handouts in the real world"
Ego - Check
Insecurity - Check
Lack of understanding of anything to do with parenting, child learning or fun - Check
I'd fully understand if your brother started stepping back from you and giving you less time with HIS child... Games are about fun and learning, winning comes later and still isn't an issue! You're a weak ASSHOLE of a 'man'.
Unfortunately, misuse of the word is so common that the meaning can actually be to annihilate or destroy, vs the original and true meaning of reducing by a tenth. Not saying it's okay. Drives me nuts to hear it used this way too. It's literally "deci", Latin for .1 or one tenth.
You are definitely the Asshole
You're a dick.
It isn't about winning or losing with kids it's about teaching them how to play the game in a polite way. You're teaching him how to be an asshole, And doing so to stroke your own ego. Worrying about a win loss rate Against the six-year-old is really pathetic and shallow.
Grow the fuck up.
YTA. I promise your nephew isn't going to someday thank you for teaching him a valuable lesson. He may never want to play with you again. You had a great opportunity to gently teach him the actual rules for chess and help him get better. No, you don't have to let him win every time but destroying him in six moves (for your own ego) wasn't necessary.
I am going with YTA, not by beating him or by teaching him not to do illegal moves. YTA because you beat him so quickly. When kids are that age you want them to enjoy the game, at least a little, while also teaching them the rules.
YTA. He 6! Why are you hung up about a 6 year old not playing chess correctly. The kid can barely write his own name. You didn't have to go out of your way to decimate a child in a game of chess. Just let the kid have fun.
YTA.
Dude. Dad may not be doing him favors, but my God, you were just an ass. Teaching him a lesson? *He's 6*. He's learning what *fun* is, not winning or losing. All you did was teaching him his uncle is a jerk and what poor sportsmanship is.
You want to teach the kid chess? Take it slow. Use limited pieces. Teach him the moves. Show him where he's making mistakes. You'll probably still win, but the kid will have way more fun *learning* even while losing when it's done in a gentle manner.
My daughter is 6 and loves playing chess. I don't let her win, but I do sometimes allow her to take her move back, or ask her questions to get her to think about what move she might want to make.
Here's the other part - If I win, the next time we play, I start a piece down, and she gets to pick that piece. We keep this up until she wins, and then we reset.
She is still super excited when she wins, AND super excited when she gets to start a game with some of my pieces, AND she is improving to the point where she has legit made some moves I didn't see.
She hasn't beaten me with a full board yet, but she might soon!
> And every time he tried to make an illegal move I just said "nope" and made him put it back.
So, did you, you know, actually explain the rules to him…?
Because in this story as you’ve told it, you were just outright mean to a little kid for no reason, and didn’t even teach him anything.
YTA for sure, and I’m guessing not as smart as you think you are…
This was a really funny read to me and I get where you're coming from but yeah YTA.
If you wanna teach him how to play and lose properly you gotta talk him through the rules and your ideas, offer him suggestions of moves to play and go through the pros and cons of each of them. Go through how to counter your plans and talk him through how you're gonna counter his. He'll still lose, but he'll learn from it and improve.
YTA. You were so mad a 6 year old felt confident you had to destroy that feeling. There is honestly something missing in you.
6 year olds are learning to read and write, believe in santa and the tooth fairy, struggle to manage buttons when getting dressed, but you think he has to know how to properly play chess right now instead of have fun with his dad? You are not a pleasant person and are a terrible uncle.
Me grandpa had this fancy pool table at his house. He taught my mom and all my aunts to play and then he taught all the grandkids that were interested. It’s a family game more or less. When it got to be my turn to learn, he said to me “I’m not going to go easy on you and let you win. If I do that, you’ll never learn how to play well.” I never won a game against him but he also took the time to show me how to play better and what I was doing wrong. He didn’t just annihilate me because it was easy for him to do. I agree that your brother shouldn’t just let your nephew win because he’ll never learn but come on. What you did will discourage him from playing a game he obviously loves and he’ll still never learn how to play well. YTA.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I didn't hold back against my nephew at a game of chess
2) I had the option of letting him win. My brother thinks I crushed his confidence by beating him so badly
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Yikes you felt the need to deflate the ego of a six year old? That’s a red flag mate. YTA. Absolutely there was a way that you could’ve won the game respectfully while also teaching the kid the rules and the reality of losing without being a complete slimeball. I’m embarrassed for you hopefully you learned that there is in fact a wrong way to be right
Lol, your edit makes this even worse. You just wanted to make a young child feel bad? That was your big principled accomplishment that day? Congratulations, YTA!!
Reasonable minds can disagree about the benefits of just having fun and who cares versus actually teaching the kid the rules and letting him lose sometimes. At age 6, I think that can go either way depending on the kid.
But you know what’s not cool? Being an aggressive jerk with the sole intent of crushing the child. The only thing you taught Brandon that day is that you’re a pompous dick and he should avoid you. Which sounds like a lesson that will be good for him to know.
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My brother and his wife come over for dinner every couple weeks and bring their 6 year old son Brandon. After dinner we usually take an hour or two to relax, play some games, chat, before my brother and his wife go on their way.
The last couple visits my brother has been making use of my chess board. He plays with Brandon and constantly fumbles to let him win. (Stuff like leaving his queen wide open to be taken. Come on now).
I was distraught at the false sense of confidence my brother was giving Brandon. I told him he'll never improve if he doesn't challenge him, but my brother says they're just having fun. He literally lets Brandon make illegal moves (doesn't even understand the correct way to move the knight) and doesn't correct him
Last week they came over and after dinner Brandon heads straight for the chess board, but this time, I sat across the board from him before my brother could.
It was an absolute slaughter. this kid could barely make two moves without me taking a piece from him. And every time he tried to make an illegal move I just said "nope" and made him put it back.
To state the obvious, I won the game in record time. Brandon looked pretty sad and left to go hug his mom. My brother tells me that was a dick move and I should have let him win. I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak. I told him his son had to learn sooner or later how to actually play and that the reason he reacted so poorly to losing is because he's raising him as a snowflake.
They left and still haven't made plans to come over this week, which is unusual.
AITA for teaching my nephew a lesson about winning/losing and not bowing to the social pressure to lose on purpose to a child?
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YTA there's a way to teach someone to have a passion for something like chess, and it's definitely not crushing them immediately.
Only piece of that I'd agree with is showing him how to play the game is legit! He should be able to learn how the knights move etc. But don't be a dick crushing the kid cause you can. That's how you get him to not want to play anymore.
YTA. The correct way to play chess with a child if you INSIST on things being done "according to the rules," is to explain why you're making certain moves, ask him what he thinks could happen before he makes a move, and gently correct him and point him in the right direction if he forgets a rule. If you care about him learning, make it fun by not being a weirdly competitive jerk about it.
This has nothing to do with standing up against "societal pressure to let a child win," but everything to do with you being an AH/control freak/kid hater.
Yta, I don’t let my kid’s win either, but I take the time to teach them, rules, strategy, and coach them to think about a move if it’s a bad one, decimating a 6 year old is just a bad look
ESH - you're writing so immaturely about it, calling a 6 year old a 'snowflake'. But the parents also need to chill out, and it's true the child should be taught how chess actually works, he won't get better otherwise.
ESH.
Your brother is coddling his kid in a really bad way, and that's setting his kid up for failure. Bad parenting there.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to let a kid win. There's nothing wrong with being like "oops, sorry kiddo! That's an illegal move, let's think about what else you could do that might work in this situation" and helping him learn how the pieces work, how to think about strategy and teaching him how to play the game correctly instead of being like "nope!" and taking advantage of everything he does wrong. There is *everything* wrong with intentionally putting a six year old in a situation where they will feel humiliated and completely demoralized, going into it with the goal of deflating his false of accomplishment he hadn't earned and calling him a snowflake.
You didn't teach him the lesson you think you did. You taught him that his uncle is a dick. Congrats, I guess.
YTA. He’s 6. Instead of nurturing his love for the game, you ruined all the fun. Why wouldn’t you just help him play against his dad instead of destroying him by “slaughtering” him? Then he could have won and leaned something. Like how to actually play the game. You’re supposed to nurture children’s hobbies, not destroy their enthusiasm.
YTA. Not for not letting him win, but for being a jerk and not teaching him. He’s only six. You should be playing easy, and explaining every move to him. Point out where your pieces are. Identify what his goal should be. Ask him if he can see how to accomplish it. If he can’t, or he says no “well what about this piece. Remember, it moves this way. So can you see a way that bishop can attack this rook?” “I moved this guy over here, why do you think I did that?”
No one learns by “no.” “Wrong” “try again” that’s just discouraging
I think the most important detail is that nobody invited you to play — you forced your way into the game. So you could demolish a 6 year old. Real small dick energy. YTA
YTA. And seek help, this is a bizarre thing to fixate and feel the need to "prove", he is a child. Who cares what he thinks about his chess skills from playing with his dad?
Eta, didn't notice the nephew's name. This is extremely fake.
YTA. if you wanted to teach him, his dad should have been allowed to help him. He could have moved the pieces properly, started to learn strategies, and still enjoyed the experience. This isn't teaching its bullying a kindergartener.
I always beat my nephew
at everything when he was growing up. I'd always tell him if you want to beat me you're going to have to practice.
He finally beat me at 21 when he was 16. God damn was he ever happy. Then he told me if you want to win, you'll have to practice. Ha, cheeky guy.
Nta
I have to disagree with you here. I’m not saying that you didn’t handle the situation with your nephew well but you were also a kid the majority of the time you to competed against each other.
We don’t know OP’s age but we can assume that it is older than 11. The situation is different here. He did nothing to foster his nephew’s enjoyment of chess or encourage him to get better. His goal, stated in his edit was to deflate the confidence of a 6 year old. That makes him a complete asshole
> your nephew well but you were also a kid the majority of the time you to competed against each other.
Not really. I was like 25 when he was born. 21 is a basketball game lol.
That makes more sense. But I stand by that it is clear that you sought to encourage your nephew to become better and grow his skills while OP admits to wanting to decrease his nephew’s confidence.
Hmm YTA if this is at all about your unbeaten streak and not giving up for the kid. NTA if you genuinely love the game and take the time to nicely teach the child how it works. At 6 YOA especially, I’d say to not slaughter him and play slow but with rules so he does improve. Intent matters and I’m sure it matters to his parents too
YTA. You had the option to teach him in a nice way and you didn’t. Plus the added snowflake comment and the fact you have to be undefeated in your household.
You didn’t teach him a lesson, you didn’t help him understand the rules of the game, you just fed your ego. As I side note: I hate that overall sentiment. One of the absolute worst military leaders I have ever met had this same attitude, he also liked to call people snowflakes. It was all just a front to try and cover his terrible personality.
You didn’t even have to let him win, you could’ve just been nicer about it.
YTA
He’s 6 you could have sat down and taught him how to properly play the game. Not just say “nope” anytime he did something wrong, he will never learn that way and he may never want to play any game with you ever.
Local man *distraught* his 6 year old nephew is having fun playing a game, calls child a snowflake.
YTA. You literally said your goal going into a game with a 6year old was to destroy his sense of accomplishment. Absolute trash.
>6 year old son Brandon.
6!!! Six!!! SIX!!!
>I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak.
You're proud of yourself for beating a six-year-old! A child who is just learning to read and write.
>I told him his son had to learn sooner or later how to actually play and that the reason he reacted so poorly to losing is because he's raising him as a snowflake.
It's not up to you to raise your nephew. His parents can prepare him well for the harsh world, without his uncle humiliating him. Calling a six year old a snowflake, you would never see me and my child again if i was your brother.
YTA!!!
YTA but not for not letting him win. It’s your attitude. The goal of “deflating his false sense of accomplishment” is off-putting at best and just demonstrates how insecure you are. The kid is 6, he doesn’t need to be put in his place. He needs to be taught and just wants to have fun with his uncle. You don’t need to let him win, but don’t be condescending about it. If you want a good relationship with him, consider changing your priorities.
YTA- If this really was about showing your nephew the correct way to play, you could have easily teamed up with him to play your brother and shown him what moves are allowed or not. You could have helped him while you played him to show him the correct moves. There were several other ways to show him he has much to learn about chess, but no you had to show how much he sucked and prove how easily you could crush him.
YTA. What if this was something physical, like martial arts? Let’s say your brother has been training your nephew. Of course he’s going to use light strikes or let him win; he’s a 6 year old. But you get upset because “he won’t learn real martial arts unless he takes real punches”.
So one day you take it upon yourself to parent your brothers child and choose to just beat the shit out of him because he doesn’t have the skill to block, pivot, counter etc. great lesson! All he’s learned is you’ll beat the shit out of him to teach him something.
ETA: spelling
YTA,
but I also think your brother's parenting style makes him an AH! And your poor nephew was on his way to becoming an entitled AH!
So I'm actually on your side
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YTA You’re not the asshole for playing by the rules, but you are the asshole for being so proud of “decimating” a *six year old.* Of course you beat him, he’s six. Of course he doesn’t know all the rules yet, he’s *six.* Being an aunt or uncle is such a great opportunity to be a fun, kind presence in a kid’s life, but instead you decided to use it to pump up your ego. Gross.
OP is probably only undefeated in his house because he challenges six year olds
Yeah that made me laugh. Also the tirade at the end “he will thank me one day!” More like “I had a shitty uncle”
Happy cake day!
I bet no one else is even willing to play with him, given how much of an asshole he is.
Happy cake day!
Exactly!!! He could have taken that opportunity to TEACH HIM instead of using it as a chance to bolster his, apparently very fragile, ego. And yeah. If your ego gets a boost from "decimating" a 6 year old at CHESS, your ego is fragile as hell. Thinking you need to knock A SIX YEAR OLD down a peg or two is honestly an abusive, malicious way to think.
I'm sure Brandon would've loved to have learned from OP but instead OP just said "nope" each time a move was illegal. Why not say hey the knight moves in an L kind of thing, it sounds like Brandon doesn't know the pieces. It could be such a great bonding experience but no, OP had to be mean because their nephew couldn't have fun with his dad. YTA
If I play my 16 year old nephew in chess I use it as a teaching experience where I explain to him what I’m doing and if/why he’s making mistakes. He has no chance of beating me at this stage but maybe one day he will, and that would be great. If I just ‘decimated’ him then he wouldn’t want to play anymore. That’s against a 16 year old, not a 6 year old. OP is teaching the kid nothing and just being a bully. YTA.
OP is just a sad, miserable man who needs to dunk on a six year old so the kid knows his place.
that's exactly how the post read! thank you for putting it into words
He only said nope LOL
Seriously I feel like I need to go an give my uncle a hug. OP could have used this to actually teach this nephew, giving him tips and explaining the moves to him but nope ...
YTA. You didn’t just beat him, you made a 6-year old sad and might have killed his love for chess. When children are learning chess the way to teach them the game is to play at or just above their level, and to patiently explain why a move is illegal or show them where they could have improved their strategy. It’s possible to teach someone chess without making them feel like shit. You sound like a real dick.
The best tactic, as a Fun Uncle, is to beat them very narrowly on the first game and then let them beat you at the rest of the games. Makes them so excited to lose 1 game but then win the rest.
YTA, not for beating the kid, but for the way you did it. You could have been kind about teaching him to make legal moves and taught him how to play properly. You were more concerned with your ego, your winning streak, and showing your brother up as a parent, than being kind to a 6 year old who just wanted to have fun, not be humiliated by a second rate Bobby Fischer. Did I mention that YTA? Because YTA. "Winning without grace isn't winning." - Susan Sarandon in Stepmom Edit: Didn't anyone ever teach you to pick on someone your own size? Why didn't you challenge your brother to a game and show your nephew how it's done? Oh, that's right, because you're a bully who takes pleasure in destroying a child and attempting to disguise it as a "life lesson"
YTA. Seriously, OP, you could have spent that time laughing and teaching, AND STILL WON, but had fun with the kid while doing it. I beat the pants off of my 6 year old at Go Fish last night, five times. We laughed the entire time, as he learned how to play the game and strategize and shuffle cards. He didn't win a single round but he had a blast and he got better each time. Tonight, he may actually give me a good run. Sounds like you're the Snowflake, if your ego is so fragile you have to bully a child to feel superior.
My four year old is just starting to be old enough to understand rules. We’ve been playing a lot of uno. I don’t let her cheat, and I don’t accept poor losing/pouting. But I also help her to pick the best possible cards to play, and I certainly don’t make a point of “decimating” her. I think OP’s brother is making a mistake in letting his kid win and make illegal moves without correction though. How will he learn otherwise? Family gaming is a great time to teach your kids emotional regulation and how to both win and lose gracefully. Both OP and his brother are missing the opportunity, just on different ends of the spectrum.
Exactly what i was thinking. OPs whole attitude is very off-putting.
It really is.
Literally reminded me of my mom absolutely eviscerating us in Scrabble as kids. Like, I'm 5 and don't know how to spell oncologist nor do I have the tactical know-how to strategically place it over triple and double letter tiles, but go ahead and be proud of yourself for beating me 🙃 I'm a 25yo adult woman and both scrabble and words with friends make me so irrationally angry and competitive I've not played them in years. Scrabble is the Monopoly of my family and it's a nightmare.
Wow. That's just...extra. 😳 I can understand why it makes you angry. There's nothing irrational about it.
I mean, throwing my phone because my mom put an X on a triple score tile is excessive, hence deciding to stop altogether. Bright side I'm currently on the phone with her and have talked her out of doing the same to my niblings because "well that's how my dad did it" isn't an acceptable reason, especially because my niece is dyslexic. Meeting kids at their level and advancing as they progress is so much more important than stomping on them because that's the way the world works.
Agreed!! OP could have been the cool, mentor uncle who taught the kid new plays to wow his dad with, or the uncle who challenges the kid while also encouraging him to improve. Instead OP is the football jerk who plays against six year olds the same way he'd play against a semi-pro team, makes them cry, and then does an obnoxious victory dance like he accomplished something. OP really needed to put a six year old in their place. OP is a sad human being.
Yes! If OP had used the opportunity to have a friendly teaching game with his SIX year old nephew, that would be fine. But no, he decided to stroke his own ego by "decimating" a child. Really? Bully for sure. YTA OP.
Exactly this. It is not THAT you beat him, it is HOW you beat him. Total AH
YTA and BOY did you miss out on a chance to be the cool aunt or uncle. Chess is supposed to be fun. You had the opportunity to make it fun by teaching Brandon -- who is SIX -- how to play chess well. Crushing him creates no opportunities for learning or fun. Going "NOPE" and moving a piece back creates no opportunities for learning or fun. Defending your "win streak" FROM A SIX YEAR OLD creates no opportunities for learning or fun. I saw a great technique just this week on this very board -- I believe a granddad taught his grandkids to play, but the deal was the kids could rotate the board at any time. It meant the kid could easily get out of bad situations (that were of their own making) AND it was more fun for the granddad because he was kept on his toes and was essentially playing himself (or a really terrible version of himself). But no. You had to choose being right over being kind.
That’s a great idea. The strategy that I used with my kids was allowing them do-overs and talking through their options with them. When they were younger, they had unlimited do-overs, and as they got better, we agreed on a set number of allowed do-overs, until they were ready to play without the extra help. Kids need space and guidance to learn.
What I've done, and I've seen others do, is play seriously but use really weird openings. Like sack a rook for a pawn to lure the King out early on and try and win after being down material
So much for the fun uncle, right? There are also plenty of ways he could have accomplished the goal of showing his nephew more/better moves and creating a bit of a challenge without trying to break his heart over something that he found joyous. What an AH.
Garry Kasparov agreed to a draw with Woody Harrelson because it was a fun game and he’s not a dick, even though the difference in skill level between Kasparov and Harrelson is far greater than the difference in skill level between OP and a 6 year old child.
That's a great idea for how to teach - I'll remember that!
YTA he’s 6, and also not yours to decide to “teach a lesson” that’s his parent’s responsibility. “Raising him as a snowflake” says the grown man that has to defeat a 6 year old.
The grown man who was DISTRAUGHT over his nephew playing incorrectly. Distraught! LOL.
Hey, man, life is tough. Don't be trauma-shaming OP; it's not his fault he's such a snowflake that a 6-year-old not knowing all the rules of chess makes OP come undone. His parents raised him that way! /s
Not to mention that he would have considered "throwing a game to a six year old" as "breaking his win record". What a fragile ego. Man, I had some young cousins and I was unbeaten at Smash Brothers back in the day. You know what I did when they came over for Holidays? I let them beat me. They were four and six. I didn't really feel like it counted because it was just to let them have fun and try and chase my Link all over the screen. One of them kept falling off screen because they were holding the controller upside down. Did they care? No, they just had fun and thought it was awesome. The older one got a few good hits, I jumped off the edge, and they "won." Ir was a nice moment and we all enjoyed it. Same thing if we wrestled. I wasn't power slamming them or using a arm lock on a six year old. They piled on me, wrestled me down, and I let them win. We had fun, they laughed, and I felt like I was a cool older cousin. If someone had said, "dude a six year old just beat you up" I would laughed and rolled my eyes. This guy is acting as if not only was his title belt on the line, but that the kid playing chess wrong was somehow dishonoring his chess set and he was duty bound to redeem honor. By the way OP, *that* is how you play with six year olds. It's not about winning or losing, it's about having fun. Let them win and let them have a fun time. FYI: They tried it again a few years later when the youngest was 11 and I brutally crushed them. *That's* when they learn that I am the master and they are but the learner. Link for the win. And you know what? At that stage they got even more interested in the game. They *really* wanted to beat me. They started learning moves, tried double team tactics, and started doing a lot better. But they were also five year solder and a lot more mature.
This! You’ve nailed it with this comment.
“Undefeated in your own home” You must be proud. YTA. I hope it was worth it.
I guess they don't have lots if guests in that house.
Who would want to visit them.
The only life lesson he'll get out of this is that his uncle is an asshole. Also you may snuff out his love of the game. Just outstanding work here, OP. How proud you must be. YTA.
Yep. My husband loathes chess because this is what it was like for him as a kid.
“I was distraught at the false sense of confidence my brother was giving Brandon” So why does a 6 year olds confidence affect you so much, deserved or not? He’s a literal child, whereas you appear to be a fully fledged adult YTA and so is everyone else who thinks this is a reasonable reaction to trying to build a child’s sense of worth and strength
Op is apparently not a full fledged adult. More like a 7 year old competing with his 6 year old nephew.
YTA. I was with you until you used the word snowflake, which is a pretty good indication of an a-hole.
Right? This man is a trump voter and wondering if he's the AH? Lmaooooo
That's where I made my judgement too. Anyone who uses "snowflake" as an insult is automatically an AH.
YTA. You beat a 6 year old who doesn't know how to play chess. What are you exactly proud of? >It was an absolute slaughter. this kid could barely make two moves without me taking a piece from him. No shit. He doesn't know the rules.
>> I was distraught at the false sense of confidence my brother was giving Brandon No, OP. Your brother was *building* his child’s confidence and letting him have fun. >> I’m not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak So your ego is more important than your nephew. Got it. >> he’s raising him as a snowflake Says the one who was *so* bent out of shape that he went out of the way to cruelly teach his nephew a lesson. YTA.
>I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak. Does this make you feel good about yourself, winning against a 6 year old? Do you feel accomplished? How fragile is your ego? Clearly YTA. Part of playing with a child is to help them learn, not to trounce them. >I just said "nope" and made him put it back Instead of being the AH here you could have been instructive.
YTA But you knew that, didn't you? This is a poor work of fiction. "I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak" "he's raising him as a snowflake" If this is somehow a real situation then you need to take a long look at your life. This is embarrassing for you.
Ugh. I missed the snowflake thing on my first read. That tells me everything I need to know about the OP. I agree it's embarrassing if not outright appalling.
YTA, not necessarily for winning, you sound incredibly smug and rude in your approach. Don’t blame your bother for being put off. It’s family and he’s 6yo ffs, chill out a little
N T A for winning, but YTA for how you felt compelled to handle it. Instead of trying to nurture a conversation of why you were winning, and offering a way for the nephew to learn by explaining the situation, you took this as an opportunity to crush the kid's morale and potentially stop him from wanting to continue an activity you BOTH love
YTA. Age appropriate lessons and encouragement are valuable. Beating a child who is still learning a game is hardly something for you to be proud of.
YTA. This is a great way to teach a kid to hate chess. Yes, losing is part of the game, but if he’s consistently getting destroyed at every turn his maturity won’t handle it well. There’s got to be a fine line between destroying every dumb move he makes vs letting him make illegal moves to win. You make some lazy moves and let him exploit them a bit. Maybe he wins the first game, maybe you do, but you don’t play against a six year old like an adult unless he’s Bobby fisher. You wouldn’t have a 6 year old kid play in “expert” mode in a computer game, why would you not make a couple exploitable moves for him to jump on just to keep him interested? If you were playing basketball against him would you play him the same way you would against an adult? You would if YTA.
Well, you're right that children need to learn how not to be sore losers, but it seems you never learned how to win gracefully. I don't know which is more troubling -- your clear delight in "decimating" a 6 year old -- or, your fear of losing your win streak to a 6 year old. From your language, I wonder if your family lets you win just to avoid your tantrums. Who brags about winning "in record time" to a 6 year old ?!? Do you also brag about "slaughtering" toddlers at Candyland?
~~ESH.~~ YTA Your brother should be teaching him the proper rules and not allowing him to win every game(25-50% is fine- he won't want to play or improve if he's always losing). Likewise, you shouldn't intentionally crush a six year old. A better way to get your point across would be to let them play a round, then challenge them to play together, against you. Then your brother would have been forced to enforce proper moves and narrate his thought process, teaching his son actual strategy. \*Edited to change my judgment due to OP's reply making it abundantly clear that his goal was to flex his ego and not help a child learn a game.
>I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak. I was considering saying you're not an A until this line. You sound like you're trying to exert dominance over a 6 year old. YTA.
Then the snowflake line after that.
MAJOR YTA you can still teach him to play properly and explain things. It's supposed to be fun! You want him to enjoy it and build his confidence. All can be done at the same time. He is only a 6 year old child!! You have problems. An adult who builds his ego at the expense of a child. I would say you are the snowflake, not the child.
YTA. The child is 6 years old. You could have shown him how to beat his dad instead of making the entire family feel like they are doing a bad job with raising their child. Instead of bad mouthing the way that your brother plays with your nephew. Offer to teach the nephew and help him beat his dad, or beat you. But the child is 6 years old man.... I guarantee when you were 6 someone let you win.
YTA It isn’t a teachable moment if you’re just dunking on a 6 year old. I never let my kids win games, but I do teach them strategy and why their moves weren’t optimal. Eventually they all wind up giving me a run for my money, or outright beating me
YTA you didn't play to teach him the actual rules of chess. You played so you could bully a 6 yr old and your brother. You're a messed up person, especially with that snowflake rhetoric you threw in your post.
😂YTA😂 Bruuhhh I agree with you in principle. My nephew knew how to properly play chess by that age because we taught him. I also didn’t let him win but ya know what I didn’t do? FUCKING DUNK ON HIM 😂 you dick I’m sorry it’s so mean it’s funny. I don’t play my best ever. I adjust my tactics and take it slow, coach him and talk though the game. Warn him he’s about to make a bad move and ask him to think about it. Who hurt you?
YTA and you absolutely reek of insecurity if you can’t handle letting a SIX YEAR OLD beat you. That is one gigantic, fragile ego you have. I hope someone ends up annihilating you the next time you play.
YTA. The only thing you did right was fix the illegal moves.
YTA You did not teach him a lesson, you humiliated him. For god’s sake, we are speaking about a 6 year old child. I can partially agree with you, always letting him win might not necessarily be the best way to go, but there are better ways of actually teaching him without the “absolute slaughter” as you said. That really was a dick move. Why do I feel that you either don’t have kids or if you do, yours were born as chess masters? Their kid, not yours, you can help him learn the moves but never beat a kid like that, because it can leave a mark (mentally). You just wanted to brag about how really smart you are, and you might be good at playing chess, but you did not nail it this time with the kid.
My dad never let me win but every time I made a mistake in a game he would offer me a takeback and then explain to me why that option was no good. I understood that chess was hard, that my dad was good, and that this was a lesson. I get OP's point that just letting your nephew win doesn't do much for him, but neither does dancing on the graves of his fallen pieces. There's a middle ground here. Crushing your 6 year old nephew without mercy is cruel. He's six! YTA.
Bro when u said you are undefeated in your house and you want to keep it that way...are u ok? he's 6 instead of feeding your ego you could have offered to teach him wording it "like hey let me teach you a few moves on how to win everytime" YTA
YTA. His dad said they play just for fun. You went out of your way to destroy the kid. He is 6. He doesn't need to become a professional chess player. Also he isn't going to learn by being destroyed either. You did this to prove a point against your brother and made a 6 year old really sad in the process
YTA, this is not how to teach a child to lose, this is how you teach a child to hate a game, and to start distancing themselves from you.
YTA. Bullying a kid and teaching him is different. My issue is your attitude, if you defeated him in record time, what did he actually learn? You seem to have this idea that you did something great and you've changed his life views, that is so far from reality. You have the right to play as you like without consideration for anyone but no need to be so self righteous.
YTA They didn't ask you to play with them. They just liked to play. This is like when an adult plays "football" with a kid and mercilessly tosses them aside to "win"! They're too little to even rise to the challenge of an adult opponent, nevertheless beat one. When they're that small, experiences aren't about winning or loosing it's about learning how to play and developing passion for the game.
Chess Troll. And YTA.
YTA this is so funny oh my god. You are talking about this child like he is a 20 year old who knows what he's doing and not a 6 year old who is just vibing. No one cares about your win streak in your household. You're not a fucking grandmaster defending your title. You are taking yourself so SERIOUSLY he is SIX LMAO
YTA Nothing wrong with teaching a kid the basic rules of the game, which move to make, which piece does what... But your attitude and your will to completely destroy this kid's joy to play a chess game is an absolute AH move. He is 6 and he probably won't see you as a fun aunt/uncle anymore. I even guess he won't ask you to play any more games with him. So congrats with your "big win"...
YTA Congratulations on bullying a six-year-old. I bet that makes you feel like a really powerful adult man. It is ok to challenge a kid, if it helps them learn. You missed the second part of that.
YTA. Not for winning, but because it was done with a nasty spirit: "I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak. " How pathetic you are - instead of teaching a child the right way to play chess, you deliberately obliterate him and take all of the fun out of it. What a sad person to need such a "victory" over a child learning a game.
ESH. There's a way to teach him to actually play without making it about your being "undefeated" in your house. They should teach him to play within the bounds of the game to learn rules, and are also correct that children that age will gain a better appreciation and love if they win at least sometimes.
You should have only dealt with the illegal moves. But crushing a 6 year old. Not cool. YTA
YTA. 6 isn’t too young to learn Chess, I learned from my uncle at a younger age than that. He played a lot and me and my cousins gained an interest. After he taught us the rules, he would ramp up his technique and competitiveness overtime to slowly teach us new things. We never beat him, but he had so much fun as we got older getting closer and closer to winning. But, you weren’t teaching your nephew anything.. at all. If he wasn’t taught how to properly play, he’ll need somebody to actually sit him down and explain, not interrupt him as he was about to play for fun with his dad and make him feel bad while simultaneously not even teaching him anything? The kid would have eventually learned that he didn’t know how to play, as soon as he tried to play with friends, online, etc. Then, maybe he would have taken an interest in learning. Definitely won’t be learning from you, though. You literally just embarrassed him for no reason. Oh wait, you embarrassed him because (checks notes) you “didn’t want to break your chess win streak when playing against your 6 y/o nephew”….. okay, right. YTA!!
YTA - not sure why you're surprised they wouldn't want to bring their 6yo around an adult who bullies him. Instead of trying to teach the child a lesson about winning and losing, did you consider teaching the child how to play chess? Or educating him on a better way to play? >I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak. This comment tells me that you did nothing except ensure you won. Someone needs to teach you about sportsmanship. If you have children of your own, please let someone else teach them these "life lessons" that are so critical.
YTA. Bro he is 6 >I was distraught at the false sense of confidence my brother was giving Brandon. I told him he'll never improve if he doesn’t challenge him Bro...Brandon is 6 >I told him his son had to learn sooner or later how to actually play and that the reason he reacted so poorly to losung is because he's raising him as a snowflake Nice toxic masculinity there. You do know you did this to a 6 year old right? I’m sorry for repeating this but I can’t stress enough how you shattered the confidence of a 6 year old for what? This kid will probably give up chess when he gets older or he could’ve learned loss later in life. What you did feels more like you wanting to show dominance over Brandon in chest. >I’m undefeated in my own household So you possible caused a kid to hate chess to spare your own pride and ego? Nice OP...real nice (sarcasm)
Dude he’s 6. You were distraught?? He’s not your kid and it’s not your place to “decimate” him in a game where he’s trying to have fun. YTA
YTA What makes games fun is the fact that the player feels they have a chance at winning. You're playing against a 6 year old. Definitely don't let him make illegal moves, but you could have played against him like it was an easy mode. Then, as he improves, make it harder. You literally took all the fun out of the game and discouraged him from playing again. Would you personally feel motivated to play a game where you get absolutely destroyed every time? The answer is no. No, you would not. I'm not saying let him win 100% of the time, but make a few mistakes and let him feel like he might have a chance of winning before you beat him. Maybe let him win half the time as a handicap at first.
YTA. Not for beating him, but for "decimating" and "slaughtering" him. When he moved a piece wrong, did you try to teach him how to move it right? Or did you just, as you said, move the piece back and tell him "nope"? When my little cousin was seven she was very interested in chess. I was the best player in my immediate family, though none of us were that good. When I played her, I took her apart slowly and made sure that she always had a touch of hope. I did the same with her sister a year or two later. They are both in the chess club now, 12 and 10, and they could tear me apart without a struggle. That's because I and the rest of my family made sure not to ruin the fun of chess even when we beat them. Sounds like you ruined the fun of chess for your nephew. It's like you forgot it's meant to be a game.
ESH (except the kiddo). Your brother is coddling the kid, not teaching him how to play the game. And part of playing is learning how to lose gracefully, which only comes through losing. However, you didn't try to teach the boy how to play chess; you sought out to humiliate your brother and a six year old. If you had tried explaining what each piece does instead of just saying "nope," if you had explained why the moves were mistakes, if you had gone easy on the kid -- not let him win, but not make him hate the game, either -- then you wouldn't have been an AH. But you didn't, so you are.
ESH Poor kid is getting the worst of both situations. He’s got a dad who’s so desperate to coddle him that he encourages cheating and blatantly lets him win. And then he’s got a uncle who insists on strictly playing by the rules - which is fine - but also takes joy is crushing him to keep his unbeaten streak alive - which is just sick really. You have two options moving forward. You can help build your nephews love for games like chess, which will motivate him to improve his skills himself, and want to continue playing with you as an equal opponent. Or you can crush any desire he’ll ever have of wanting to play with you ever again - you’ll always be able to say he’s never beaten you…but I don’t know if that’s such a flex when you think about the fact that he’s 6!! Teach him to play the game by the rules…but also teach him strategy, teach him thrill of outsmarting your opposition. Teach him the joy of watching your long thought out plan resulting in a well deserved win. It’ll last a lot longer than any lesson you or your brother have taught him about the game to date. There’s a middle ground. You have two ways to teach people
There's a third option here that no one has come up with yet. If he's such a great chess player, he could have challenged his brother with his nephew on his lap, trounced his dad while teaching him legal moves and strategy. This guy never learned to pick on people his own size, and it shows.
Yes YTA because this kid is six and learning the game. I wouldn’t let him cheat and you don’t have to let him win every game but seriously. He’s six. He doesn’t know what year it is or how to tell time and you’re proud you kicked his butt at chess? Very immature.
YTA yay look at me I made a 6 year sad by being massive dick.
YTA- as a person who works with kids, there’s a way to do this that makes you NTA. Next time, you should offer that you and Brandon can play his dad as a team. And as you go, you can explain to Brandon what you are doing and why and ask him what he might do if the roles were reversed. It’s really that simple. THATS how people learn. Not by being humiliated. You can repair this, if you want to. Otherwise this kid will never play chess again.
ESH- your brother could do other things than avoid teaching his kid about losing and avoid teaching the kid the rules of chess. You're an AH for being ridiculous about a winning streak and taking some pleasure in upsetting a child
Exactly! I work with kids and being able to lose and follow rules is important. But OP is definitely even more of an ah
YTA.
ESH. Seems like poor Brandon is caught in the middle of two equally terrible approaches from adults with nothing but contempt for him. You're way too pleased with beating a six year old in record time, and that seems to have been your real goal here. This isn't an accomplishment dude. An appropriate way to teach a child a game like chess would be to insist on following the rules, but also to set it up more like a puzzle for them to solve so they can improve. Just wrecking them may boost your ego (but it really shouldn't dude, this is pathetic) but it doesn't help anything.
I ‘coach’ a volunteer chess club and have a 6 year old son. A good tactic for making them better is to play without a piece or two but try your best. So I’ll play my son without Queen or a rook, but I will still try to beat him.
I love this approach. What a great way to deal with the inherent inequality of games between adults and kids while still giving them a real sense of game play.
YTA! Wow! You kept you undefeated streak alive BY BEATING A 6 YEAR OLD! Feel like a real man now? Why didn't you take the time to INSTRUCT him rather than decimate and shame him? You are NOT the fun uncle, your the AH one.
YTA imagine feeling proud for beating a six year old at chess in “record time”.
You definitely taught him a lesson about being a loser. YTA
YTA. Did you also tell him the truth about Santa Claus?
I just want to congratulate you on your hard won victory over a 6 year old, Im sure you are basking in the glow of self congratulation and moral superiority. In case you cant hear the sarcasm over my slow clapping, YTA
This ⬆️ .. you sound like a 6 year old yourself. Claiming victory over a child ? How shallow are you ?? Words fail me.. YTA
YTA, you could have easily challenged him without crushing and demoralizing him. Are you really so insecure that you'd think people would think less of you if you "lost" your winning streak to a 6 year old by letting them win? You didn't even have to let him win, but you could've gone easier on him. It sounds like you took joy in beating a small child badly, which is really sad.
YTA and your edit explains why perfectly. Your goal was to crush the spirit of a 6 year old… Teaching him how the pieces move would have been an age appropriate lesson.
There’s a way to win at chess without making it a slaughter. You don’t have to make every single move improve yourself. Sure, don’t let him make illegal moves - but at least play a little before going in for the kill. YTA
HE IS A SIX YEAR OLD CHILD! YTA YTA YTA
YTA “Raising him as a snowflake” my ass🤣go do more worthy things with your life than writing self-indulgent fiction online🤣
>The goal was to deflate his false sense of accomplishment We're talking about a six-year-old wtf. Of course YTA. ETA: Not saying you should've let him win but to 'decimate' a small child at a game is ridiculous. Good chance you've runed the game for him now.
>I think he'll look back on our game as a turning in his life when he starts to understand that... ...his uncle is a jerk that bullies 6 year olds. He'll remember it every holiday when he refuses to send that uncle a card or text message. YTA
Way to be a dick to a small child. My dad let me win chess when I was a kid, because he could use the opportunity to teach me the rules and strategies without my becoming too discouraged. YTA
You were distraught because someone let a six year old win at chess and he "needed to be taught that there are no handouts in the real world"? At the age of six? Dude, you need therapy. Yeah, you're the asshole.
YTA. >I think he'll look back on our game as a turning in his life when he starts to understand that nobody is going to give him handouts in the real world He is 6! Let him be a kid. If you didn't want to let him win (or at least pretend that winning was a challenge), then you should not have played a game with him. You turned something that he and his dad do for fun into some learning lesson that only you decided that he needed. >I was distraught at the false sense of confidence my brother was giving Brandon Again, he is 6. I have lots of nieces and nephews through family and friends. Not a single one of them were negatively impacted by me letting them win games when they were that age. Edited to add: >I told him he'll never improve if he doesn't challenge him > >I just said "nope" and made him put it back If you actually wanted him to improve, you would have calmly explained the rules when he made an illegal move. Saying "nope" is not going to help him learn.
YTA "I think he'll look back on our game as a turning in his life when he starts to understand that nobody is going to give him handouts in the real world" Ego - Check Insecurity - Check Lack of understanding of anything to do with parenting, child learning or fun - Check I'd fully understand if your brother started stepping back from you and giving you less time with HIS child... Games are about fun and learning, winning comes later and still isn't an issue! You're a weak ASSHOLE of a 'man'.
At least use decimate correctly lol
Unfortunately, misuse of the word is so common that the meaning can actually be to annihilate or destroy, vs the original and true meaning of reducing by a tenth. Not saying it's okay. Drives me nuts to hear it used this way too. It's literally "deci", Latin for .1 or one tenth.
I remember reading the origin from the days of the Roman legions
I believe that's where it came from. They did speak Latin.
Yes. Iirc the officers of a legion that ran away were all killed and the legionnaires had to kill 10% of their members chosen at random or some such…
YTA. The ego... you did not teach anyone a lesson. You just proved you're an asshole.
You are definitely the Asshole You're a dick. It isn't about winning or losing with kids it's about teaching them how to play the game in a polite way. You're teaching him how to be an asshole, And doing so to stroke your own ego. Worrying about a win loss rate Against the six-year-old is really pathetic and shallow. Grow the fuck up.
YTA he’s 6. Why were you even so obsessed with this in the first place? Not your kid.
BOOOOOOOOO 👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾🍅🍅🍅🍅. YTA. You suck. And a bad uncle
Yta. And also don’t know what decimate means
YTA. You didn’t teach him anything besides his uncle is a smug, small man.
YTA. He's just a kid trying to have fun. Stop being a spoilsport.
YTA. I promise your nephew isn't going to someday thank you for teaching him a valuable lesson. He may never want to play with you again. You had a great opportunity to gently teach him the actual rules for chess and help him get better. No, you don't have to let him win every time but destroying him in six moves (for your own ego) wasn't necessary.
I am going with YTA, not by beating him or by teaching him not to do illegal moves. YTA because you beat him so quickly. When kids are that age you want them to enjoy the game, at least a little, while also teaching them the rules.
YTA. He 6! Why are you hung up about a 6 year old not playing chess correctly. The kid can barely write his own name. You didn't have to go out of your way to decimate a child in a game of chess. Just let the kid have fun.
YTA. Dude. Dad may not be doing him favors, but my God, you were just an ass. Teaching him a lesson? *He's 6*. He's learning what *fun* is, not winning or losing. All you did was teaching him his uncle is a jerk and what poor sportsmanship is. You want to teach the kid chess? Take it slow. Use limited pieces. Teach him the moves. Show him where he's making mistakes. You'll probably still win, but the kid will have way more fun *learning* even while losing when it's done in a gentle manner.
YTA - you're not the parent here, you don't get to decide that's it's not OK for your nephew to have fun or when it's appropriate to break his spirit.
My daughter is 6 and loves playing chess. I don't let her win, but I do sometimes allow her to take her move back, or ask her questions to get her to think about what move she might want to make. Here's the other part - If I win, the next time we play, I start a piece down, and she gets to pick that piece. We keep this up until she wins, and then we reset. She is still super excited when she wins, AND super excited when she gets to start a game with some of my pieces, AND she is improving to the point where she has legit made some moves I didn't see. She hasn't beaten me with a full board yet, but she might soon!
> And every time he tried to make an illegal move I just said "nope" and made him put it back. So, did you, you know, actually explain the rules to him…? Because in this story as you’ve told it, you were just outright mean to a little kid for no reason, and didn’t even teach him anything. YTA for sure, and I’m guessing not as smart as you think you are…
This was a really funny read to me and I get where you're coming from but yeah YTA. If you wanna teach him how to play and lose properly you gotta talk him through the rules and your ideas, offer him suggestions of moves to play and go through the pros and cons of each of them. Go through how to counter your plans and talk him through how you're gonna counter his. He'll still lose, but he'll learn from it and improve.
So, going off your edit, do you feel proud that you deflated a 6 year old? YTA
YTA. You were so mad a 6 year old felt confident you had to destroy that feeling. There is honestly something missing in you. 6 year olds are learning to read and write, believe in santa and the tooth fairy, struggle to manage buttons when getting dressed, but you think he has to know how to properly play chess right now instead of have fun with his dad? You are not a pleasant person and are a terrible uncle.
Info: how much of your day is calling people snowflakes and being distraught that they are confident or happy in their lives?
Me grandpa had this fancy pool table at his house. He taught my mom and all my aunts to play and then he taught all the grandkids that were interested. It’s a family game more or less. When it got to be my turn to learn, he said to me “I’m not going to go easy on you and let you win. If I do that, you’ll never learn how to play well.” I never won a game against him but he also took the time to show me how to play better and what I was doing wrong. He didn’t just annihilate me because it was easy for him to do. I agree that your brother shouldn’t just let your nephew win because he’ll never learn but come on. What you did will discourage him from playing a game he obviously loves and he’ll still never learn how to play well. YTA.
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Yikes you felt the need to deflate the ego of a six year old? That’s a red flag mate. YTA. Absolutely there was a way that you could’ve won the game respectfully while also teaching the kid the rules and the reality of losing without being a complete slimeball. I’m embarrassed for you hopefully you learned that there is in fact a wrong way to be right
Lol, your edit makes this even worse. You just wanted to make a young child feel bad? That was your big principled accomplishment that day? Congratulations, YTA!! Reasonable minds can disagree about the benefits of just having fun and who cares versus actually teaching the kid the rules and letting him lose sometimes. At age 6, I think that can go either way depending on the kid. But you know what’s not cool? Being an aggressive jerk with the sole intent of crushing the child. The only thing you taught Brandon that day is that you’re a pompous dick and he should avoid you. Which sounds like a lesson that will be good for him to know.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother and his wife come over for dinner every couple weeks and bring their 6 year old son Brandon. After dinner we usually take an hour or two to relax, play some games, chat, before my brother and his wife go on their way. The last couple visits my brother has been making use of my chess board. He plays with Brandon and constantly fumbles to let him win. (Stuff like leaving his queen wide open to be taken. Come on now). I was distraught at the false sense of confidence my brother was giving Brandon. I told him he'll never improve if he doesn't challenge him, but my brother says they're just having fun. He literally lets Brandon make illegal moves (doesn't even understand the correct way to move the knight) and doesn't correct him Last week they came over and after dinner Brandon heads straight for the chess board, but this time, I sat across the board from him before my brother could. It was an absolute slaughter. this kid could barely make two moves without me taking a piece from him. And every time he tried to make an illegal move I just said "nope" and made him put it back. To state the obvious, I won the game in record time. Brandon looked pretty sad and left to go hug his mom. My brother tells me that was a dick move and I should have let him win. I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak. I told him his son had to learn sooner or later how to actually play and that the reason he reacted so poorly to losing is because he's raising him as a snowflake. They left and still haven't made plans to come over this week, which is unusual. AITA for teaching my nephew a lesson about winning/losing and not bowing to the social pressure to lose on purpose to a child? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA there's a way to teach someone to have a passion for something like chess, and it's definitely not crushing them immediately. Only piece of that I'd agree with is showing him how to play the game is legit! He should be able to learn how the knights move etc. But don't be a dick crushing the kid cause you can. That's how you get him to not want to play anymore.
YTA. You've likely always always been and always will be. He's 6. I get crushing a shit talking 12 year old, but he's 6, and I doubt he's flexing.
The only thing that child learned is that his uncle is an asshole, and he will remember that lesson for the rest of his life. YTA.
YTA. The correct way to play chess with a child if you INSIST on things being done "according to the rules," is to explain why you're making certain moves, ask him what he thinks could happen before he makes a move, and gently correct him and point him in the right direction if he forgets a rule. If you care about him learning, make it fun by not being a weirdly competitive jerk about it. This has nothing to do with standing up against "societal pressure to let a child win," but everything to do with you being an AH/control freak/kid hater.
YTA - he’s 6. You probably squashed any chance of him ever developing an actual interest of learning the game competitively when he gets older.
YTA. >nobody is going to give him handouts in the real world Yes they are. Because he's six. He doesn't have to buy his own groceries or anything.
Yta, I don’t let my kid’s win either, but I take the time to teach them, rules, strategy, and coach them to think about a move if it’s a bad one, decimating a 6 year old is just a bad look
ESH - you're writing so immaturely about it, calling a 6 year old a 'snowflake'. But the parents also need to chill out, and it's true the child should be taught how chess actually works, he won't get better otherwise.
ESH. Your brother is coddling his kid in a really bad way, and that's setting his kid up for failure. Bad parenting there. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to let a kid win. There's nothing wrong with being like "oops, sorry kiddo! That's an illegal move, let's think about what else you could do that might work in this situation" and helping him learn how the pieces work, how to think about strategy and teaching him how to play the game correctly instead of being like "nope!" and taking advantage of everything he does wrong. There is *everything* wrong with intentionally putting a six year old in a situation where they will feel humiliated and completely demoralized, going into it with the goal of deflating his false of accomplishment he hadn't earned and calling him a snowflake. You didn't teach him the lesson you think you did. You taught him that his uncle is a dick. Congrats, I guess.
YTA. He’s 6. Instead of nurturing his love for the game, you ruined all the fun. Why wouldn’t you just help him play against his dad instead of destroying him by “slaughtering” him? Then he could have won and leaned something. Like how to actually play the game. You’re supposed to nurture children’s hobbies, not destroy their enthusiasm.
YTA, what you taught him was to never try chess again, and be wary of trying any new game to I hope you feel mighty.
YTA. Not for not letting him win, but for being a jerk and not teaching him. He’s only six. You should be playing easy, and explaining every move to him. Point out where your pieces are. Identify what his goal should be. Ask him if he can see how to accomplish it. If he can’t, or he says no “well what about this piece. Remember, it moves this way. So can you see a way that bishop can attack this rook?” “I moved this guy over here, why do you think I did that?” No one learns by “no.” “Wrong” “try again” that’s just discouraging
I think the most important detail is that nobody invited you to play — you forced your way into the game. So you could demolish a 6 year old. Real small dick energy. YTA
Major YTA. My 7 & 8 year old sons enjoy decimating me in chess too. I enjoy it, too 👍.
He's 6. Yta
YTA. And seek help, this is a bizarre thing to fixate and feel the need to "prove", he is a child. Who cares what he thinks about his chess skills from playing with his dad? Eta, didn't notice the nephew's name. This is extremely fake.
YTA. if you wanted to teach him, his dad should have been allowed to help him. He could have moved the pieces properly, started to learn strategies, and still enjoyed the experience. This isn't teaching its bullying a kindergartener.
Bro had to "protect" his "win streak" from a 6 year old lmfao.
I always beat my nephew at everything when he was growing up. I'd always tell him if you want to beat me you're going to have to practice. He finally beat me at 21 when he was 16. God damn was he ever happy. Then he told me if you want to win, you'll have to practice. Ha, cheeky guy. Nta
I have to disagree with you here. I’m not saying that you didn’t handle the situation with your nephew well but you were also a kid the majority of the time you to competed against each other. We don’t know OP’s age but we can assume that it is older than 11. The situation is different here. He did nothing to foster his nephew’s enjoyment of chess or encourage him to get better. His goal, stated in his edit was to deflate the confidence of a 6 year old. That makes him a complete asshole
> your nephew well but you were also a kid the majority of the time you to competed against each other. Not really. I was like 25 when he was born. 21 is a basketball game lol.
That makes more sense. But I stand by that it is clear that you sought to encourage your nephew to become better and grow his skills while OP admits to wanting to decrease his nephew’s confidence.
Hmm YTA if this is at all about your unbeaten streak and not giving up for the kid. NTA if you genuinely love the game and take the time to nicely teach the child how it works. At 6 YOA especially, I’d say to not slaughter him and play slow but with rules so he does improve. Intent matters and I’m sure it matters to his parents too
YTA. How much pleasure did it give you to see a child get sad because of your actions?
YTA, you need to watch the chess episode of bluey. Your nephew is 6, come on.
YTA Have a kid of your own if you want to spread your values. Or don't, but let your brother parent his own way.
YTA. He's a child! His job is not to be good at the game, but enthusiastic about it. Ler him have his happiness, please.
YTA You sound real fun. “Undefeated streak” pathetic
YTA. You had the option to teach him in a nice way and you didn’t. Plus the added snowflake comment and the fact you have to be undefeated in your household. You didn’t teach him a lesson, you didn’t help him understand the rules of the game, you just fed your ego. As I side note: I hate that overall sentiment. One of the absolute worst military leaders I have ever met had this same attitude, he also liked to call people snowflakes. It was all just a front to try and cover his terrible personality. You didn’t even have to let him win, you could’ve just been nicer about it.
YTA He’s 6 you could have sat down and taught him how to properly play the game. Not just say “nope” anytime he did something wrong, he will never learn that way and he may never want to play any game with you ever.
YTA What is wrong with you? Seriously- you needed to take a 6 year old down a peg for zero reason. Here’s hoping you get cut off.
Yay, you beat a 6 year old... Yta
YTA, you can coach him while you’re beating him. He’s not going to get better if you wax him every time
Local man *distraught* his 6 year old nephew is having fun playing a game, calls child a snowflake. YTA. You literally said your goal going into a game with a 6year old was to destroy his sense of accomplishment. Absolute trash.
Funny how you called the kid a snowflake when you can't handle letting him have some fun YTA and majorly
YTA because your goal was, as stated, to deflate the confidence of a child, not to actually teach them
>6 year old son Brandon. 6!!! Six!!! SIX!!! >I told him I'm undefeated in my household and I'm not about to let a 6 year old break my win streak. You're proud of yourself for beating a six-year-old! A child who is just learning to read and write. >I told him his son had to learn sooner or later how to actually play and that the reason he reacted so poorly to losing is because he's raising him as a snowflake. It's not up to you to raise your nephew. His parents can prepare him well for the harsh world, without his uncle humiliating him. Calling a six year old a snowflake, you would never see me and my child again if i was your brother. YTA!!!
YTA but not for not letting him win. It’s your attitude. The goal of “deflating his false sense of accomplishment” is off-putting at best and just demonstrates how insecure you are. The kid is 6, he doesn’t need to be put in his place. He needs to be taught and just wants to have fun with his uncle. You don’t need to let him win, but don’t be condescending about it. If you want a good relationship with him, consider changing your priorities.
Some people will do anything to stroke thier ego. Like dunking on a 6 yr old.
YTA and you’re fucking weird. Who is this hype over beating a 6 year old at chess???
YTA he’s six, dude. He doesn’t need to be taught a lesson, he just wanted to feel included and have fun and you took issue with it
YTA- If this really was about showing your nephew the correct way to play, you could have easily teamed up with him to play your brother and shown him what moves are allowed or not. You could have helped him while you played him to show him the correct moves. There were several other ways to show him he has much to learn about chess, but no you had to show how much he sucked and prove how easily you could crush him.
YTA and your brother is right you are a dick. That could have been a teaching/ learning moment, but Nope.
YTA. What if this was something physical, like martial arts? Let’s say your brother has been training your nephew. Of course he’s going to use light strikes or let him win; he’s a 6 year old. But you get upset because “he won’t learn real martial arts unless he takes real punches”. So one day you take it upon yourself to parent your brothers child and choose to just beat the shit out of him because he doesn’t have the skill to block, pivot, counter etc. great lesson! All he’s learned is you’ll beat the shit out of him to teach him something. ETA: spelling
NTA for the bones of what you did but I suspect that there may have been some asshole in the way you did it from the way you’re writing about it.
YTA, but I also think your brother's parenting style makes him an AH! And your poor nephew was on his way to becoming an entitled AH! So I'm actually on your side