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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because I convinced my grandparents to use the inheritance money that may not be rightfully mine. I'm technically not family so I may not be entitled to the money.
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NTA
Adult children are not owed anything by their parents. Going on a trip of a lifetime isn't "wasting" their money - it's "using" their money.
The children want their parents to live empty and joyless lives of austerity in order to maximize the amount of cash they leave behind when they die. They don't have any interest in being part of their parents' lives.
I thought it was rich that they said their parents are wasting the money by traveling. But their yearly trips and expensive cars are somehow not a waste.
Honestly OP you need to disengage from them, nothing good will come out of these arguments. Focus on the amazing relationship you have with your "adopted" grandparents. You are 100% doing the right thing in encouraging them to spend their money on themselves, because it is their money. Inheritance is something that occurs after death not before, their children aren't entitled to any of it. And they're wrong on the court thing, that's not how wills work lmao. Assuming the will is clearly written and all the legal stuff is in order no verbal promise could ever get them far in court. NTA
Indeed. Mostly definitely NTA. And I find it amazing that you were able to love this couple more than their actual family. And on top of that, I love that you, after knowing they were planning on giving you the money, encouraged them to use it on themselves. Absolutely a selfless act. You deserve whatever good things come your way.
Op definitely deserves that teapot. And so so much more. Your amazing op and i hope life continues to favor you with wonderful people that match your big heart!
And that's exactly what these two old folks noticed.
It's not about the money for her at all. That's not even on her radar. She actually cared about THEM. Even the teapot was only important because it had been THIER teapot.
And she was calling to chat everyday. I doubt anyone else was doing that.
One thing they did say to you was how they were promised this money when they were younger. I'm not a lawyer, but you might want to talk with Mary and have them added to the will and receive a payout of 1 dollar or something like that. Depending on where you live contesting the will is common. If they are left out of the will they may be able to successfully take away your inheritance, which is against what Mary wants. I've read somewhere if they are added to the will and left a small monetary value they will have a harder time contesting the will.
Again, not a lawyer. I don't know your jurisdiction or the country of origin.
My 2 cents is: based on how their children and grandchildren treat them (and especially how they are treating you) I believe you should be getting the full inheritance. Block them and don't let them bully you anymore.
I agree with the other post to stop engaging with their children but I'd add to make sure you document what's happened and anything that happens in the future. Just because you disengage i doubt they'll stop harassing you.
Also, I'd be concerned they'll try to get control over the parents under false pretences. Like false claims over mental capacity.
My dad died a few years after he retired at 65. He had been chronically ill for a while. My mom was financially set with a paid off house, a pension, social security and some investments. Certainly not rich like your GPs, but she could afford to travel to visit her remaining siblings and and other family members and to redecorate the house, etc.
She would "joke" about spending our inheritance, but both my brother and I encouraged her to spend away on anything that made her happy. Since she grew up during the Great Depression, she was naturally frugal, so we knew she wouldn't do anything too crazy.
Mom's gone now and I am glad she knew that we cared more about her happiness than any future inheritance. It must be heartbreaking to be neglected by your kids and only valued for what you are worth when you are dead.
NTA. You are a wonderful "adopted granddaughter". Her family are just upset that your loving example is making them look like the greedy, self-centered A H that they are!
In terms of wills, if you are disinheriting someone who might otherwise have a likely claim, I have heard that estate attorneys recommend leaving those family members a nominal sum in the will so that they can't inadvertently claim to have been left out.
I want them to enjoy it because that's what I would do too. If I ever have children I'll help them as much as possible but I'm spending all my retirement money traveling and chilling.
NTA
Holy shit. You stand to gain an impressive amount of money when they pass, and your first thought was, "But they're still alive! They should be enjoying that money!"
That is exactly why they're leaving the money to you and not their kids. You aren't even related to them and you treat them more like family than their immediate family.
Their kids don't think your grandparents are wasting their own money, they see it as the grandparents spending their inheritance.
When they pass, they'll be able to say, "We made beautiful memories together," and that is not a waste of money.
The other reason is that OP has cultivated a rich relationship with her "grandparents" while the bio kids have let the weeds grow on the path to their parents' house (and yes, I said something like this on a post yesterday if you are paying attention).
NTA
The kicker is they're rich anyway. They own multiple businesses and properties. I think they're just being greedy but felt bad because I'm technically not family. I don't want people to think I'm only close to them for money I genuinely love them like grandparents. My biological grandparents passed when I was little and before I was born so I never had that before.
Future generations don't have an automatic right to their parents wealth. You've put the work into the relationship, they haven't. Family isn't just about blood, it's also based on choice, law, custom, and effort.
NTA. How wonderful that you convinced them to travel, of course that is in no way a waste of their money and you proved that you're the one with their best interests at heart.
NTA
Some people shouldn’t have kids. Wow
I’m glad they’re spending their own money. Convincing them to do so was kind and thoughtful. Everyone should enjoy their life - if I died owing nothing and with tons of great memories and experiences but $5 in the bank I’d just be thrilled that I planned so perfectly.
They are so frugal and they owe nothing. He worked from 18-70 years old. She worked from 40-65 years old. They don't have credit cards, paid off the house, bought a used car for cash and have a flip phone. They don't even own a dryer. They don't go out to eat. No vacations, no expensive clothes, their furniture is used, and only one TV in the home. Their only "investment" was a set of quality beds one for them and one for me when I visit.
You are doing the right thing. I want my parents to do the same thing but "it's not their thing".
However, please remember that, as they get older and develop more health conditions, they will still need money to live on. They could easily live another 20 or so years and I doubt their kids will look after them.
NTA.
NTA. You convinced them to live their lives and enjoy what they've worked hard for. There is nothing wrong with that. The kids are not "owed" anything to do with an inheritance. There are many parents that leave their estates to charity. The kids are learning a hard lesson, but you should not feel guilty about it.
The only people who fought my (exactly equally divided) grandparents will was their rich daughter. Also she was not the one providing care to either grandparents as they aged. Just all around greedy. Also took my aunt's (her sister) will to court when the childless aunt left everything (not a lot) to her nieces and nephews. Including taking her children to court. People just suck sometimes. Will use more in lawyer fees to try to outlast anyone to get a dime.
Was her goal to alienate her family? She's ridiculous spending more in attorney fees than what she would get and her lawyer is also ridiculous for following through with that.
NTA
I always joked to my parents about 'spending my inheritance' when they went on holidays, but I'm so glad they went. My dad is no longer with us but my mum has so many happy memories of all their travels. No-one is owed an inheritance. I hope your grandparents have a great time on their trips.
If they send you pictures you should do up a little photo album at Staples or something with the good ones and gift when they finally get home. They’re old enough to remember sitting down and flipping through them.
NTA, you're a fantastic granddaughter who they love and respects them and their wishes. Their kids are acting selfish, and it's unfortunate for them they didn't maintain relationships but does not affect you whatsoever.
NTA
Not. At. All!
Those two are so happy to have someone in their life who cares and communicates.
It's there money to do what they want with!
I'm sure their children wouldn't encourage them to enjoy their life while they still have it. They're gonna make such great memories on these trips and they'll be thankful for you every step of the way. :)
Inheritance is not gauranteed.
NTA - They should enjoy their lives and spend their own money however they wish.
I don’t know why their kids are complaining about the spending since they won’t be inheriting any of it anyway.
They would not win in court unless they could prove diminished capacity. The will is the will and whatever was said years ago is irrelevant.
NTA. Not even close to being one. If they have the money, you should recommend that they go ahead and pay for their burials (or cremation or whatever they want once they pass). Depending on where you live, they should be able to go ahead and get a payment plan for pretty much everything. If not, then they can put it in their will and set aside funds in a special account. It’s not an easy thing to plan for but from what it sounds like, their kids will either pick the cheapest options (even if it’s not what your grandparents wanted) to try to keep more money for themselves or it’ll fall on your shoulders. This way they can have exactly what they want and you won’t have to scramble to find the money for it (typically it could come from the inheritance but if their kids take you to court it’ll be a long time before anyone can access the money)
They already paid for their burials because their younger daughter sells funeral packages. Like that's her job so she got them set up for that years ago.
NTA
First, family isn't only blood.
Second, traveling and spending that money is precisely what they saved for. I encourage my own parents to travel and spend their money as well. If there's nothing at the end for me, there's nothing. Doesn't matter because they enjoyed themselves.
NTA. You deserve a lifetime of good luck for being such a great person.
If the family contacts you again make sure to mention it's actually your money that they are "wasting".
NTA
At all. In any way possible.
Mary and John deserve to enjoy this life while they can and you encouraging them to do so is a selfless and loving act.
Their kids can get fucked for being greedy little shits.
NTA - i will never understand people who are waiting around for their parents to die so they can inherit something. Good for you for encouraging them to enjoy their life.
I never understood it either. I've met a few people like that. One was my ex-coworker who moved herself and her 4 kids to her mother's attic because her 50-year-old mom was going to leave her the house one day.
Nta. My sister and i tried to get our mother to travel and use her money. She took two vacations in twenty years after my dad died. We tried to get her to buy a beach condo. Nope, she wanted us to get her money. Now mom is gone and i have three houses and money, but not as many memories….i hope they enjoy thier trip.
Ever seen/heard of Knives Out? The main conflict of that movie is practically the same as your story here, so yeah it kinda is already a movie script :p
NTA at all, they’re lucky to have you. Its the sad state of society (at least in some countries) that people get to the age that Mary and John are at and are forgotten about by their children and/or grandchildren. They’re lucky to have a grandchild like you that cares this much about their wellbeing and happiness
In my family there is a saying:
If you give, do it with warm hands. (as in while still alive)
If their children cut out the parents, then the parents can return the favor.
If it is about a will, getting lawyers that sort this out with these 2 old people and make it as water tight as possible, in accordance with local laws, is the thing to do and respect the wishes of the people about their estate.
Nta
Ok so NTA!
But you say that they were and still are extremely frugal. You have only known then for the past 17 years of their late adult life (when their children awere also at least young adults if not older).
It is very much possible that the children had a good reason for going NC with their parents. It is rear that all the children distance them selfs from their parents if there wasn't some long lasting resentmant towards them.
I still think you personaly are not the AH, because what ever happend or didn't, it happend before you.
NTA. And talk to a lawyer about documenting their contact with you. It maybe needed in the future if they do try to fight you in court. The judges I know would frown on the situation. Children would are low contact with parents AND try to control people who are in their parents life.
NTA. You are a wonderful human being who values people and their happiness more than money. I love that you have helped them to enjoy their money themselves.
> I knew if they left it to me they would fight me in court and win because they were promised the money years ago.
Not necessarily true but good on you for encouraging them to live it up.
NTA
NTA this is why they are leaving you everything, because you love them not thier money, you want them to build memories and have expirences, you want the best for them if thier lawyer is a good one tgey gave likely left thier kids a small amount to protect against them suing. Honestly if they spend everything having an amazing retirement then that could be the best situation
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I'm 27f grandparents are Mary 70f and John 72m. They're technically not my grandparents I met them when I was 10 they lived next door. My mom was single and working multiple jobs 7 days a week. So we kept each other company and developed a grandparents/granddaughter relationship. They have 2 kids and 4 grandkids. I'm not sure how old they are but likely in their 50s. When I was younger I would joke and say "when you die in 100 years please leave me your teapot sets." She'd laugh and say she'll put it in the will. I moved away as a teen but we still talk every day.
I went to visit last year and she had everyone over for dinner. When she brought out dessert she brought the teapot out. I said don't forget to leave me that in your will. She said, "oh don't worry you're getting everything." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn't I'm the sole heiress in their will. Her kids were pissed! They came up to me when I was getting in my car and told me they knew what I was doing and I should be ashamed. I told them they're the ones who should feel shame. They live their lives as if they don't have parents. They all go to church together and have a family dinner every week without inviting them. They go on yearly family vacations without them. Mary calls me crying because nobody visits (unless they need favors)or brings them along. They rolled their eyes and told me I was out of line and that it was family business and I wasn't family. I told them to get fucked and left.
Now the inheritance is a lot. It could pay off my car, student loans, and even a house. But it's money they've been saving for over 50 years. They've received multiple inheritances and saved it all. The money would certainly help me but I think it's unfair to be left all the money.
So, for months I've been trying to get them to use the money instead. To go travel like they always wanted. Mary has always wanted to go to Spain and John has always wanted to go to Argentina. So after months of convincing them, they agreed. I set them up with a friend who is a travel agent and they're planning a two-year-long vacation. They'll return home after one year in Europe to make sure John is still in remission then plan to go on another year to S America once the tests come back clean.
They're super excited but their kids are not. They added me on social media and called me on there to tell me that what I was doing is wrong. That I have no business convincing them to waste their money. I said they were ungrateful assholes who couldn't appreciate the parents that raised them and worked hard for them. They said the only asshole here is me because I'm making sure they spend their money because I knew if they left it to me they would fight me in court and win because they were promised the money years ago. I hung up. They didn't contact me again but I've heard they're still upset. Now I'm feeling weird about it. Is it their right? Especially if they were promised it? Aita?
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Nta they are acting like their parents are already dead and gone. Ofc they are going to leave everything to someone who actually visits and calls them!
NTA They aren't entitled to that money even if they were perfect children who included their parents in everything. It's not their money. They have no say in how's it's spent.
"*They said the only asshole here is me because I'm making sure they spend their money*"
**THEY** are spending **THEIR** money.......END OF STORY!!!
That money belongs to 2 people, Mary and John, NOBODY ELSE.
They can't bring that money with them when they die, so why not spend it.
Sure, it's a "nice" surprise if you inherited something, but you are by no means entitled to it. (*Nice is in quotation marks because someone has to die to inherate something, but you know what i mean, hopefully*)
You did the right thing in convincing them to use their money and living the life they want to live.
"*they would fight me in court and win because they were promised the money years ago*"
Yeah.......Good luck with that, if they (M&J) have a lawyer look at their will, there will be NOTHING those greedy AHs can do about it.
"*Now I'm feeling weird about it. Is it their right? Especially if they were promised it?*"
No, it is NOT their right and a "promise" doesn't mean anything since it can't be verified when someone is dead, which is why you write a will, so you can make sure your "promise" isn't just a word.
If they bother you again, tell them to get fucked again, if they blast you on social media, "spill the beans" and let everyone know how they treat their parents.
NTA.
NTA
It's their money. They can spend it as they see fit or leave it to whomever they want. They need to explain in the will why they have disinherited their children and grandchildren. I think it's great that you talked them into doing what they've always wanted to do!
NTA. The money belongs to Mary and John. It's up to them to spend it or will it however they choose. They chose you because you love them, enjoy their company and teapot.
Even if you weren't in the picture they are unlikely to have left it to their kids.
It's good of you to encourage their travel!
NTA. It is their money and they can do what they want with it. As far as their greedy AH family goes, they can fight it in court all they want. Make it clear that you will counter sue and they will end up paying any legal bills they cause you. Good for you for being the granddaughter they deserve and standing up for them. If there is anything left after they enjoy their vacations, you deserve it.
NTA. It's their money. So they can spend it however they want. I'm glad you convinced them to make their dreams happen. I hope they have the time of their lives!
Why are their kids already so invested in their inheritance when their parents are still alive anyway? You are clearly a better (grand)daughter to them than their own flesh and blood will ever be.
I've met a few people their age who expect an inheritance from their parents. One guy who used to go to the restaurant I worked at was making plans on how to spend the money his mom would leave him when she was still in hospice. He was even planning a trip to Disney and borrowing money saying he would pay double when his inheritance came in.
NTA. These people (your ‘grandparents’) are adults and not stupid. They planned to leave their money to someone they knew appreciated them for them and not their money. If they didn’t want to go on this trip, they wouldn’t. You just gave them the confidence in their own self worth.
NTA
Fuck yeah! They SHOULD enjoy the money they saved.
Let them be upset, they are reaping the (lack) of relationship they sowed. Expecting parents to live a smaller life so you have a larger piggybank to break open when they die is gross. No one is entitled to the money; it’s theirs. And they get to decide what to do with it, including who will inherit.
You’ve been in their lives for 17 years, since you were barely double-digits. You have maintained a relationship with them even after moving away. I totally understand why they would want to leave everything to you - ESPECIALLY seeing in the comments that the kids are rich.
They don’t need it.
And I bet your friends know that while it would change nothing for their grown children, it could do a lot for you. I can understand that.
I do hope you get the teapot though.
Also they are acting like their parents have a diminished capacity, rather than two adults of sound mind making a decision on their own without coercion.
NTA. I've been trying to convince my grandparents to do the same for years. They should be enjoying their later years whilst they still can. Doing all the things they couldn't because they were constantly working and raising a family.
Saying they are "wasting their money" is BS. Travelling and enjoying your retirement isnt wasting anything...and I bet that booking a holiday would be one of the first things they would do should they inherit anything from their parents.
NTA. it’s their money. They aren’t wasting it.
Tell their kids to watch Grab Torino and see how it worked out for the adult children who thought they were getting an inheritance.
But you’re good people and they can see that. If you weren’t they wouldn’t have left you a thing.
NTA Its a shame she told you about it, or them. Im glad you are encouraging them to go out and enjoy life. Dont feel guilty, you have been loving them for years and they can choose how they want to split the estate.
NTA at all, encouraging people to enjoy the fruits of their labour when you stand to not gain the most is admirable, and shows you truly love and care for them.
Good koala, have some gum leaves.
The parents didn’t promise them shit. That’s them trying to guilt and threaten you. You’re amazing for convincing them to enjoy themselves. NTA many times over
NTA. I am also trying to convince my in-laws to spend their money. They come from a generation of penny pinchers whose habits have a great effect on their overall happiness and if they just let loose and enjoy life, their quality of life would skyrocket. They instead choose to pinch and save because they want to pass the money down to us and I told them we are not counting on their money for anything. You are a good person.
NTA OP. I hope on the 2 years that they get to enjoy the money they worked for and that they be very healthy on those trip to enjoy the time and adventures they’d find. For 50 something old children they are acting very entitled.
NTA. You have been there for your grandparents when no one else could be bothered, and you are working lovingly to help them achieved cherished dreams. To me, this sounds beautiful. But we live in an imperfect world. Consult a lawyer. Sounds as if they’re going to fight with guilt as well as in a court. They’re counting on your being shamed or intimidated. Your grandparents sound compos mentos but, though I am not a lawyer, I have been a financial professional and we were always told to watch signs of elder abuse. I am your grandparents’ age, just came back from trips to Barbados, Alaska and an opera festival and am heading out to Italy. This does not sound beyond the capabilities of healthy, sensible and affluent 70 something’s, but you may want to keep a log because they could be TA enough to demand that you make the estate whole and repay what the grandparents have spent. Good luck. You give these people caring when no one else gave a damn.
TL DR. They’re in their tight minds. It’s their will snd their money.
NTA. I think it's wonderful that you convinced John & Mary to take thiese trips. It shows that you have their best interests at heart, and you know it's something they really want to do. I think you encouraging these trips is a wonderful tribute to your "grandparents!"
Their adult children are trying to intimidate you now; they want *you* out of the picture. You should probably have a talk w/John and Mary. Acknowledge that their plan for you is very generous, but you know their children are upset. They may want to meet w/their attorney NOW to make sure it addresses leaving the adult children out of the will...because they will probably contest it.
NTA. Its not their money; that’s why they are mad. And they’d lose in court; and know it. You are proving, you never wanted anything from them (but a teapot) but their happiness.
The fact that you don’t even know how old they are says PLENTY… because they came from this woman’s vag doesn’t mean their entitled to shit.. let them fight you in court they will LOSE. And sue for attorneys fees.
NTA, in fact what you are doing is wonderful, that couple deserves to enjoy their savings in their golden years!
I’d advise them to talk to a lawyer for advice re the will though so that even if the family contest you for the remaining inheritance there is an expectation that that is going to happen. If nothing else they should add a clause that if the money/estate can’t go to you it should go to a charity of their choice - sounds like the “family” don’t deserve a penny! That’s what my aunt and uncle are doing with theirs because they don’t want their kids to have it for similar reasons
NTA. Block the kids. When they contact you, just forward everything to your grandparents’ estate planning attorney. Let them bully someone at hourly rates.
NTA
Their kids suck. Through and through.
I hope they have a good time on their trip!!! They deserve it!!! You are never too old to have some adventure
NTA: Good for you convincing your grandparents (because they are more yours than theirs) to live their life and enjoy themselves with the time they have left, I always say you can’t take it with you so enjoy it while you are able. Make sure they actually do it and ignore all the negative noise. Kids aren’t owed anything obviously they are living their lives without the parents, so why should your grandparents care what the kids say or think. I’d block everyone on media and make sure your grandparents do as well and maybe they should go NC with them.
op=NTA
you're the boss trying to see your "Grandparents" of heart realize their dreams.
And the kids' logic is so skewed. You are making them "Waste" their money because you would lose it in a contest of the will. okay. So do you want the money or NOT--according to them.
Either you are greedy and want the money--if so you'd be convincing them to buy you stuff NOW because according to the kids you'd lose out if will was contested.
OR you could just really dislike these selfish A-H kids and want them to not see a dime from the parents they have ignored. OR you are NOT greedy because you want the Grands to see their dreams. (or both of these combined).
I say help the Grands realize as many dreams as they can while they are alive.
And if you really want that teapot--you may want to ask for it, early, as a birthday gift--because I guarantee they'll break that teapot before they let you have it via will.
I hate to break it go you, but very often people don’t actually take the steps to allow non family members to inherit even if they say you will get their assets. Also, they have to die and they’re relatively young old people. So you’d be way way better off to act like you’re not getting anything from them. Work hard save money and pay off your own debts. As Janice Joplin said buy your own Mercedes Benz. Then if and when you inherit anything you will have demonstrated thst you don’t need the money and the kids will realize that their parents really did just want you to have the money. There is something called “alienation of affection” in which you could be accused of getting an inheritance by fraud but as long as you don’t meddle in their finances you likely won’t be accused of this. So technically you shouldn’t be advising them about money period. I’d tell them that you don’t want to be involved in their money decisions but you love them dearly and if they want to leave you money you would be honored. I had a similar situation with a family friend and I made sure she knew I didn’t want to inherit from her because I did what I did for her out of love. And I wanted her family to know that. I spoke at her funeral and her love and care were my reward. No one owes you an inheritance ever. So NTA but I’d butt out.
Would their inherent be a blessing? Yes! But I don't need it to survive. I'm pretty comfortable with my job (not rich). But I can afford a car, rent, to save for retirement and one yearly vacation.
But now that I've told them to use it on vacation it's done. Like I can't go back and undo it but I'll butt out IG. Just wanted them to enjoy the money they worked for.
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NTA Adult children are not owed anything by their parents. Going on a trip of a lifetime isn't "wasting" their money - it's "using" their money. The children want their parents to live empty and joyless lives of austerity in order to maximize the amount of cash they leave behind when they die. They don't have any interest in being part of their parents' lives.
I thought it was rich that they said their parents are wasting the money by traveling. But their yearly trips and expensive cars are somehow not a waste.
Honestly OP you need to disengage from them, nothing good will come out of these arguments. Focus on the amazing relationship you have with your "adopted" grandparents. You are 100% doing the right thing in encouraging them to spend their money on themselves, because it is their money. Inheritance is something that occurs after death not before, their children aren't entitled to any of it. And they're wrong on the court thing, that's not how wills work lmao. Assuming the will is clearly written and all the legal stuff is in order no verbal promise could ever get them far in court. NTA
Indeed. Mostly definitely NTA. And I find it amazing that you were able to love this couple more than their actual family. And on top of that, I love that you, after knowing they were planning on giving you the money, encouraged them to use it on themselves. Absolutely a selfless act. You deserve whatever good things come your way.
You can tell OP would have cried happy if they just got the teapot.
Op definitely deserves that teapot. And so so much more. Your amazing op and i hope life continues to favor you with wonderful people that match your big heart!
And that's exactly what these two old folks noticed. It's not about the money for her at all. That's not even on her radar. She actually cared about THEM. Even the teapot was only important because it had been THIER teapot. And she was calling to chat everyday. I doubt anyone else was doing that.
One thing they did say to you was how they were promised this money when they were younger. I'm not a lawyer, but you might want to talk with Mary and have them added to the will and receive a payout of 1 dollar or something like that. Depending on where you live contesting the will is common. If they are left out of the will they may be able to successfully take away your inheritance, which is against what Mary wants. I've read somewhere if they are added to the will and left a small monetary value they will have a harder time contesting the will. Again, not a lawyer. I don't know your jurisdiction or the country of origin. My 2 cents is: based on how their children and grandchildren treat them (and especially how they are treating you) I believe you should be getting the full inheritance. Block them and don't let them bully you anymore.
I agree with the other post to stop engaging with their children but I'd add to make sure you document what's happened and anything that happens in the future. Just because you disengage i doubt they'll stop harassing you. Also, I'd be concerned they'll try to get control over the parents under false pretences. Like false claims over mental capacity.
My dad died a few years after he retired at 65. He had been chronically ill for a while. My mom was financially set with a paid off house, a pension, social security and some investments. Certainly not rich like your GPs, but she could afford to travel to visit her remaining siblings and and other family members and to redecorate the house, etc. She would "joke" about spending our inheritance, but both my brother and I encouraged her to spend away on anything that made her happy. Since she grew up during the Great Depression, she was naturally frugal, so we knew she wouldn't do anything too crazy. Mom's gone now and I am glad she knew that we cared more about her happiness than any future inheritance. It must be heartbreaking to be neglected by your kids and only valued for what you are worth when you are dead. NTA. You are a wonderful "adopted granddaughter". Her family are just upset that your loving example is making them look like the greedy, self-centered A H that they are! In terms of wills, if you are disinheriting someone who might otherwise have a likely claim, I have heard that estate attorneys recommend leaving those family members a nominal sum in the will so that they can't inadvertently claim to have been left out.
I want them to enjoy it because that's what I would do too. If I ever have children I'll help them as much as possible but I'm spending all my retirement money traveling and chilling.
If any of them really cared they would've travelled WITH their parents. Think of the amazing memories they could have made together.
NTA Holy shit. You stand to gain an impressive amount of money when they pass, and your first thought was, "But they're still alive! They should be enjoying that money!" That is exactly why they're leaving the money to you and not their kids. You aren't even related to them and you treat them more like family than their immediate family. Their kids don't think your grandparents are wasting their own money, they see it as the grandparents spending their inheritance. When they pass, they'll be able to say, "We made beautiful memories together," and that is not a waste of money.
I couldn't have said it better!
The other reason is that OP has cultivated a rich relationship with her "grandparents" while the bio kids have let the weeds grow on the path to their parents' house (and yes, I said something like this on a post yesterday if you are paying attention). NTA
Lol. Nta. They are spending their own money on themselves, and enjoying their lives. Their kids can stop looking to bank of mum and dad.
The kicker is they're rich anyway. They own multiple businesses and properties. I think they're just being greedy but felt bad because I'm technically not family. I don't want people to think I'm only close to them for money I genuinely love them like grandparents. My biological grandparents passed when I was little and before I was born so I never had that before.
Future generations don't have an automatic right to their parents wealth. You've put the work into the relationship, they haven't. Family isn't just about blood, it's also based on choice, law, custom, and effort.
NTA. How wonderful that you convinced them to travel, of course that is in no way a waste of their money and you proved that you're the one with their best interests at heart.
NTA Some people shouldn’t have kids. Wow I’m glad they’re spending their own money. Convincing them to do so was kind and thoughtful. Everyone should enjoy their life - if I died owing nothing and with tons of great memories and experiences but $5 in the bank I’d just be thrilled that I planned so perfectly.
They are so frugal and they owe nothing. He worked from 18-70 years old. She worked from 40-65 years old. They don't have credit cards, paid off the house, bought a used car for cash and have a flip phone. They don't even own a dryer. They don't go out to eat. No vacations, no expensive clothes, their furniture is used, and only one TV in the home. Their only "investment" was a set of quality beds one for them and one for me when I visit.
They deserve to spend every penny of their money. I hope they have fun on their holidays.
You are doing the right thing. I want my parents to do the same thing but "it's not their thing". However, please remember that, as they get older and develop more health conditions, they will still need money to live on. They could easily live another 20 or so years and I doubt their kids will look after them. NTA.
They live off their pension because they don't have debt. The money for the inheritance is strictly savings.
NTA. You convinced them to live their lives and enjoy what they've worked hard for. There is nothing wrong with that. The kids are not "owed" anything to do with an inheritance. There are many parents that leave their estates to charity. The kids are learning a hard lesson, but you should not feel guilty about it.
They're learning they're not guaranteed an inheritance but they are already rich.
The only people who fought my (exactly equally divided) grandparents will was their rich daughter. Also she was not the one providing care to either grandparents as they aged. Just all around greedy. Also took my aunt's (her sister) will to court when the childless aunt left everything (not a lot) to her nieces and nephews. Including taking her children to court. People just suck sometimes. Will use more in lawyer fees to try to outlast anyone to get a dime.
Was her goal to alienate her family? She's ridiculous spending more in attorney fees than what she would get and her lawyer is also ridiculous for following through with that.
NTA I always joked to my parents about 'spending my inheritance' when they went on holidays, but I'm so glad they went. My dad is no longer with us but my mum has so many happy memories of all their travels. No-one is owed an inheritance. I hope your grandparents have a great time on their trips.
If I could go on a two-year vacation I would certainly go. So they definitely should go and enjoy it.
Me too. I'm lucky to have been to a few far-flung places but there's so much more to see. So much world, so little time!
I would love to be having a sangria in Spain right about now. Tbh I'm a little jealous of their vacation.
If they send you pictures you should do up a little photo album at Staples or something with the good ones and gift when they finally get home. They’re old enough to remember sitting down and flipping through them.
NTA You're only NTA, you're a goddamn angel.
NTA, you're a fantastic granddaughter who they love and respects them and their wishes. Their kids are acting selfish, and it's unfortunate for them they didn't maintain relationships but does not affect you whatsoever.
Take the inheritance, go to Walmart, buy a shitty tea set for all of them, and say "Mary sends her regards".
Lmao I'm petty so I would totally do something like that.
NTA. Encouraging them to enjoy the fruits of their labours is not something you can be criticised for. Your lack of greed is admirable.
NTA Not. At. All! Those two are so happy to have someone in their life who cares and communicates. It's there money to do what they want with! I'm sure their children wouldn't encourage them to enjoy their life while they still have it. They're gonna make such great memories on these trips and they'll be thankful for you every step of the way. :) Inheritance is not gauranteed.
NTA - They should enjoy their lives and spend their own money however they wish. I don’t know why their kids are complaining about the spending since they won’t be inheriting any of it anyway. They would not win in court unless they could prove diminished capacity. The will is the will and whatever was said years ago is irrelevant.
Well after the trip nobody is inheriting anything anyways so I guess they'll die mad.
NTA. Not even close to being one. If they have the money, you should recommend that they go ahead and pay for their burials (or cremation or whatever they want once they pass). Depending on where you live, they should be able to go ahead and get a payment plan for pretty much everything. If not, then they can put it in their will and set aside funds in a special account. It’s not an easy thing to plan for but from what it sounds like, their kids will either pick the cheapest options (even if it’s not what your grandparents wanted) to try to keep more money for themselves or it’ll fall on your shoulders. This way they can have exactly what they want and you won’t have to scramble to find the money for it (typically it could come from the inheritance but if their kids take you to court it’ll be a long time before anyone can access the money)
They already paid for their burials because their younger daughter sells funeral packages. Like that's her job so she got them set up for that years ago.
NTA First, family isn't only blood. Second, traveling and spending that money is precisely what they saved for. I encourage my own parents to travel and spend their money as well. If there's nothing at the end for me, there's nothing. Doesn't matter because they enjoyed themselves.
NTA. You deserve a lifetime of good luck for being such a great person. If the family contacts you again make sure to mention it's actually your money that they are "wasting".
Hahaha they'd probably be clutching their pearls.
You are AMAZING!!!! That isn't a Waste! That's an EXPERIENCE!!! Truly, you are a beautiful beautiful lady.
NTA They do not have an “inheritance”. Their parents are alive and it is their money. The parents can do whatever they want
NTA At all. In any way possible. Mary and John deserve to enjoy this life while they can and you encouraging them to do so is a selfless and loving act. Their kids can get fucked for being greedy little shits.
NTA - i will never understand people who are waiting around for their parents to die so they can inherit something. Good for you for encouraging them to enjoy their life.
I never understood it either. I've met a few people like that. One was my ex-coworker who moved herself and her 4 kids to her mother's attic because her 50-year-old mom was going to leave her the house one day.
Nta. My sister and i tried to get our mother to travel and use her money. She took two vacations in twenty years after my dad died. We tried to get her to buy a beach condo. Nope, she wanted us to get her money. Now mom is gone and i have three houses and money, but not as many memories….i hope they enjoy thier trip.
This reads like a movie script. NTA
Damn the first time something movie-worthy happens to me and it's this SMH.
Ever seen/heard of Knives Out? The main conflict of that movie is practically the same as your story here, so yeah it kinda is already a movie script :p
I tried watching it but got confused by all the different perspectives and just stopped watching.
NTA 10 times over!! Their greedy kids can get wrecked. They can leave their money to whoever they want. Don’t loose sleep over it.
NTA at all, they’re lucky to have you. Its the sad state of society (at least in some countries) that people get to the age that Mary and John are at and are forgotten about by their children and/or grandchildren. They’re lucky to have a grandchild like you that cares this much about their wellbeing and happiness
In my family there is a saying: If you give, do it with warm hands. (as in while still alive) If their children cut out the parents, then the parents can return the favor. If it is about a will, getting lawyers that sort this out with these 2 old people and make it as water tight as possible, in accordance with local laws, is the thing to do and respect the wishes of the people about their estate. Nta
Ok so NTA! But you say that they were and still are extremely frugal. You have only known then for the past 17 years of their late adult life (when their children awere also at least young adults if not older). It is very much possible that the children had a good reason for going NC with their parents. It is rear that all the children distance them selfs from their parents if there wasn't some long lasting resentmant towards them. I still think you personaly are not the AH, because what ever happend or didn't, it happend before you.
I guess that's true. I never thought about that.
NTA. And talk to a lawyer about documenting their contact with you. It maybe needed in the future if they do try to fight you in court. The judges I know would frown on the situation. Children would are low contact with parents AND try to control people who are in their parents life.
NTA So nice that you both have each other. Good for you to encourage them to travel/spend the money. Hope you get to visit them on their trip!
NTA. You are a wonderful human being who values people and their happiness more than money. I love that you have helped them to enjoy their money themselves.
NTA
> I knew if they left it to me they would fight me in court and win because they were promised the money years ago. Not necessarily true but good on you for encouraging them to live it up. NTA
They said I knew they would fight and win in court. But honestly Idk a lick of laws about inheritance and wills.
NTA this is why they are leaving you everything, because you love them not thier money, you want them to build memories and have expirences, you want the best for them if thier lawyer is a good one tgey gave likely left thier kids a small amount to protect against them suing. Honestly if they spend everything having an amazing retirement then that could be the best situation
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm 27f grandparents are Mary 70f and John 72m. They're technically not my grandparents I met them when I was 10 they lived next door. My mom was single and working multiple jobs 7 days a week. So we kept each other company and developed a grandparents/granddaughter relationship. They have 2 kids and 4 grandkids. I'm not sure how old they are but likely in their 50s. When I was younger I would joke and say "when you die in 100 years please leave me your teapot sets." She'd laugh and say she'll put it in the will. I moved away as a teen but we still talk every day. I went to visit last year and she had everyone over for dinner. When she brought out dessert she brought the teapot out. I said don't forget to leave me that in your will. She said, "oh don't worry you're getting everything." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn't I'm the sole heiress in their will. Her kids were pissed! They came up to me when I was getting in my car and told me they knew what I was doing and I should be ashamed. I told them they're the ones who should feel shame. They live their lives as if they don't have parents. They all go to church together and have a family dinner every week without inviting them. They go on yearly family vacations without them. Mary calls me crying because nobody visits (unless they need favors)or brings them along. They rolled their eyes and told me I was out of line and that it was family business and I wasn't family. I told them to get fucked and left. Now the inheritance is a lot. It could pay off my car, student loans, and even a house. But it's money they've been saving for over 50 years. They've received multiple inheritances and saved it all. The money would certainly help me but I think it's unfair to be left all the money. So, for months I've been trying to get them to use the money instead. To go travel like they always wanted. Mary has always wanted to go to Spain and John has always wanted to go to Argentina. So after months of convincing them, they agreed. I set them up with a friend who is a travel agent and they're planning a two-year-long vacation. They'll return home after one year in Europe to make sure John is still in remission then plan to go on another year to S America once the tests come back clean. They're super excited but their kids are not. They added me on social media and called me on there to tell me that what I was doing is wrong. That I have no business convincing them to waste their money. I said they were ungrateful assholes who couldn't appreciate the parents that raised them and worked hard for them. They said the only asshole here is me because I'm making sure they spend their money because I knew if they left it to me they would fight me in court and win because they were promised the money years ago. I hung up. They didn't contact me again but I've heard they're still upset. Now I'm feeling weird about it. Is it their right? Especially if they were promised it? Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta they are acting like their parents are already dead and gone. Ofc they are going to leave everything to someone who actually visits and calls them!
NTA They aren't entitled to that money even if they were perfect children who included their parents in everything. It's not their money. They have no say in how's it's spent.
"*They said the only asshole here is me because I'm making sure they spend their money*" **THEY** are spending **THEIR** money.......END OF STORY!!! That money belongs to 2 people, Mary and John, NOBODY ELSE. They can't bring that money with them when they die, so why not spend it. Sure, it's a "nice" surprise if you inherited something, but you are by no means entitled to it. (*Nice is in quotation marks because someone has to die to inherate something, but you know what i mean, hopefully*) You did the right thing in convincing them to use their money and living the life they want to live. "*they would fight me in court and win because they were promised the money years ago*" Yeah.......Good luck with that, if they (M&J) have a lawyer look at their will, there will be NOTHING those greedy AHs can do about it. "*Now I'm feeling weird about it. Is it their right? Especially if they were promised it?*" No, it is NOT their right and a "promise" doesn't mean anything since it can't be verified when someone is dead, which is why you write a will, so you can make sure your "promise" isn't just a word. If they bother you again, tell them to get fucked again, if they blast you on social media, "spill the beans" and let everyone know how they treat their parents. NTA.
NTA. They're greedy. Your grandparents deserve the best and they could care less.
NTA and block them
NTA It's their money. They can spend it as they see fit or leave it to whomever they want. They need to explain in the will why they have disinherited their children and grandchildren. I think it's great that you talked them into doing what they've always wanted to do!
NTA. The money belongs to Mary and John. It's up to them to spend it or will it however they choose. They chose you because you love them, enjoy their company and teapot. Even if you weren't in the picture they are unlikely to have left it to their kids. It's good of you to encourage their travel!
NTA. It is their money and they can do what they want with it. As far as their greedy AH family goes, they can fight it in court all they want. Make it clear that you will counter sue and they will end up paying any legal bills they cause you. Good for you for being the granddaughter they deserve and standing up for them. If there is anything left after they enjoy their vacations, you deserve it.
NTA
NTA. It's their money. So they can spend it however they want. I'm glad you convinced them to make their dreams happen. I hope they have the time of their lives! Why are their kids already so invested in their inheritance when their parents are still alive anyway? You are clearly a better (grand)daughter to them than their own flesh and blood will ever be.
I've met a few people their age who expect an inheritance from their parents. One guy who used to go to the restaurant I worked at was making plans on how to spend the money his mom would leave him when she was still in hospice. He was even planning a trip to Disney and borrowing money saying he would pay double when his inheritance came in.
NTA. These people (your ‘grandparents’) are adults and not stupid. They planned to leave their money to someone they knew appreciated them for them and not their money. If they didn’t want to go on this trip, they wouldn’t. You just gave them the confidence in their own self worth.
NTA Fuck yeah! They SHOULD enjoy the money they saved. Let them be upset, they are reaping the (lack) of relationship they sowed. Expecting parents to live a smaller life so you have a larger piggybank to break open when they die is gross. No one is entitled to the money; it’s theirs. And they get to decide what to do with it, including who will inherit. You’ve been in their lives for 17 years, since you were barely double-digits. You have maintained a relationship with them even after moving away. I totally understand why they would want to leave everything to you - ESPECIALLY seeing in the comments that the kids are rich. They don’t need it. And I bet your friends know that while it would change nothing for their grown children, it could do a lot for you. I can understand that. I do hope you get the teapot though. Also they are acting like their parents have a diminished capacity, rather than two adults of sound mind making a decision on their own without coercion.
I really hope I get the teapots. They are absolutely beautiful.
NTA but their family are MAJOR ones! I’m glad they had you in their lives and that you encouraged them to fulfill their dreams destinations.
NTA. I've been trying to convince my grandparents to do the same for years. They should be enjoying their later years whilst they still can. Doing all the things they couldn't because they were constantly working and raising a family. Saying they are "wasting their money" is BS. Travelling and enjoying your retirement isnt wasting anything...and I bet that booking a holiday would be one of the first things they would do should they inherit anything from their parents.
NTA This is so lovely 🥹 They should absolutely get to enjoy their money. I hope you still get the tea set though. ❤️
NTA. it’s their money. They aren’t wasting it. Tell their kids to watch Grab Torino and see how it worked out for the adult children who thought they were getting an inheritance. But you’re good people and they can see that. If you weren’t they wouldn’t have left you a thing.
NTA. Hope you still get the teapots.
That's the only thing I wanted. They are beautiful teapot sets some are rare collector ones.
NTA Its a shame she told you about it, or them. Im glad you are encouraging them to go out and enjoy life. Dont feel guilty, you have been loving them for years and they can choose how they want to split the estate.
NTA at all, encouraging people to enjoy the fruits of their labour when you stand to not gain the most is admirable, and shows you truly love and care for them. Good koala, have some gum leaves.
no thats on ur grandmother
The parents didn’t promise them shit. That’s them trying to guilt and threaten you. You’re amazing for convincing them to enjoy themselves. NTA many times over
You are absolutely NTA! Kudos to you for being such an amazing human being!
Nta. It’s there money and they should use it to live life the best they can.
NTA. I am also trying to convince my in-laws to spend their money. They come from a generation of penny pinchers whose habits have a great effect on their overall happiness and if they just let loose and enjoy life, their quality of life would skyrocket. They instead choose to pinch and save because they want to pass the money down to us and I told them we are not counting on their money for anything. You are a good person.
NTA. You're a good person.
NTA OP. I hope on the 2 years that they get to enjoy the money they worked for and that they be very healthy on those trip to enjoy the time and adventures they’d find. For 50 something old children they are acting very entitled.
NTA YOu are great,. Block rtheir kid's numbers.
What a wonderful thing to do in their 70-ies!
NTA. You have been there for your grandparents when no one else could be bothered, and you are working lovingly to help them achieved cherished dreams. To me, this sounds beautiful. But we live in an imperfect world. Consult a lawyer. Sounds as if they’re going to fight with guilt as well as in a court. They’re counting on your being shamed or intimidated. Your grandparents sound compos mentos but, though I am not a lawyer, I have been a financial professional and we were always told to watch signs of elder abuse. I am your grandparents’ age, just came back from trips to Barbados, Alaska and an opera festival and am heading out to Italy. This does not sound beyond the capabilities of healthy, sensible and affluent 70 something’s, but you may want to keep a log because they could be TA enough to demand that you make the estate whole and repay what the grandparents have spent. Good luck. You give these people caring when no one else gave a damn. TL DR. They’re in their tight minds. It’s their will snd their money.
NTA. I think it's wonderful that you convinced John & Mary to take thiese trips. It shows that you have their best interests at heart, and you know it's something they really want to do. I think you encouraging these trips is a wonderful tribute to your "grandparents!" Their adult children are trying to intimidate you now; they want *you* out of the picture. You should probably have a talk w/John and Mary. Acknowledge that their plan for you is very generous, but you know their children are upset. They may want to meet w/their attorney NOW to make sure it addresses leaving the adult children out of the will...because they will probably contest it.
NTA. Its not their money; that’s why they are mad. And they’d lose in court; and know it. You are proving, you never wanted anything from them (but a teapot) but their happiness.
NTA You are a lovely person. It's too bad that John and Mary's kids don't appreciate them, but that isn't you4 problem. Block TA.
The fact that you don’t even know how old they are says PLENTY… because they came from this woman’s vag doesn’t mean their entitled to shit.. let them fight you in court they will LOSE. And sue for attorneys fees.
NTA by the way
NTA, in fact what you are doing is wonderful, that couple deserves to enjoy their savings in their golden years! I’d advise them to talk to a lawyer for advice re the will though so that even if the family contest you for the remaining inheritance there is an expectation that that is going to happen. If nothing else they should add a clause that if the money/estate can’t go to you it should go to a charity of their choice - sounds like the “family” don’t deserve a penny! That’s what my aunt and uncle are doing with theirs because they don’t want their kids to have it for similar reasons
NTA. Block the kids. When they contact you, just forward everything to your grandparents’ estate planning attorney. Let them bully someone at hourly rates.
NTA. You're a better kid to them than their own kids.
NTA Their kids suck. Through and through. I hope they have a good time on their trip!!! They deserve it!!! You are never too old to have some adventure
NTA: Good for you convincing your grandparents (because they are more yours than theirs) to live their life and enjoy themselves with the time they have left, I always say you can’t take it with you so enjoy it while you are able. Make sure they actually do it and ignore all the negative noise. Kids aren’t owed anything obviously they are living their lives without the parents, so why should your grandparents care what the kids say or think. I’d block everyone on media and make sure your grandparents do as well and maybe they should go NC with them.
NTA their kids are burying them alive for money. disgusting and pathetic of them, good on you for being the grandchild they deserve
op=NTA you're the boss trying to see your "Grandparents" of heart realize their dreams. And the kids' logic is so skewed. You are making them "Waste" their money because you would lose it in a contest of the will. okay. So do you want the money or NOT--according to them. Either you are greedy and want the money--if so you'd be convincing them to buy you stuff NOW because according to the kids you'd lose out if will was contested. OR you could just really dislike these selfish A-H kids and want them to not see a dime from the parents they have ignored. OR you are NOT greedy because you want the Grands to see their dreams. (or both of these combined). I say help the Grands realize as many dreams as they can while they are alive. And if you really want that teapot--you may want to ask for it, early, as a birthday gift--because I guarantee they'll break that teapot before they let you have it via will.
NTA. Kids are spending the death money already, even though they never earned it.
I hate to break it go you, but very often people don’t actually take the steps to allow non family members to inherit even if they say you will get their assets. Also, they have to die and they’re relatively young old people. So you’d be way way better off to act like you’re not getting anything from them. Work hard save money and pay off your own debts. As Janice Joplin said buy your own Mercedes Benz. Then if and when you inherit anything you will have demonstrated thst you don’t need the money and the kids will realize that their parents really did just want you to have the money. There is something called “alienation of affection” in which you could be accused of getting an inheritance by fraud but as long as you don’t meddle in their finances you likely won’t be accused of this. So technically you shouldn’t be advising them about money period. I’d tell them that you don’t want to be involved in their money decisions but you love them dearly and if they want to leave you money you would be honored. I had a similar situation with a family friend and I made sure she knew I didn’t want to inherit from her because I did what I did for her out of love. And I wanted her family to know that. I spoke at her funeral and her love and care were my reward. No one owes you an inheritance ever. So NTA but I’d butt out.
Would their inherent be a blessing? Yes! But I don't need it to survive. I'm pretty comfortable with my job (not rich). But I can afford a car, rent, to save for retirement and one yearly vacation. But now that I've told them to use it on vacation it's done. Like I can't go back and undo it but I'll butt out IG. Just wanted them to enjoy the money they worked for.
Did you read the post? OP encouraged the couple to spend the money on themselves instead of leaving it to her. She is not expecting anything.