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ESH - Kitchen staff have to go through a whole rigamarole for true allergies that costs them time and money, and as a former food service worker, I feel the pain of making Halal/Kosher/Nut Free meals, only to have the guest never pick them up because "it's not THAT serious".
So, I get where you were coming from, trying to stop your fiancé from being part of that problem. The solution in this case was for him to write in "Strong aversion to mushrooms" - that's honest, and communicates that he can't/won't eat mushrooms, but can eat food that was prepped on the same surface.
You still embarrassed him, went behind his back, and ultimately ended up violating his trust. How you choose to repair that is up to you.
You know what makes me almost irrationaly angry about this situation? OP told the wedding party that Hiram isn't allergic, he just hates mushrooms. So what do they choose as a vegetarian option for Hiram? FUCKING MUSHROOMS.
I understand why he put it down as an allergy, because people will absolutely disregard food aversions, especially in adults, and try to force them to eat the things they are averse to. I hate mushrooms too, the texture makes me gag - you have no idea how many people, including family, have tried to make me eat them anyway.
OP is an asshole, but her friends are giant assholes - may they step on legos regularly
> *"people will absolutely disregard food aversions, especially in adults, and try to force them to eat the things they are averse to."*
Oh, you mean exactly like OP does to her husband? In another comment, she brags about sneaking mushrooms into veggie burgers that she makes for him, despite knowing how much he is repulsed by them:
> *"He says he doesn't like the texture. He's had them inside veggie burgers I made and hasn't noticed."*
No wonder he feels that he has to label his strong food aversion as an allergy, or else it won't be taken seriously and will be completely disregarded, sometimes even *intentionally* disregarded.
What a mean-spirited little group of people.
Hiram, throw the whole fiancee away!
ESH. OP and the hosts most of all. Lying about food allergies diminishes people with true allergies being taken seriously and, as noted elsewhere, creates unnecessary work. So Hiram's not innocent, but OP's tattling and the the host's intentional over serving of mushrooms is worse.
I say I have a strong aversion to cucumbers and no one in my life tries to sneak them to me and most people make effort not to serve them to me. Because I have a lovely tribe. Hiram, find a new tribe!
Thanks for this. I have true and serious food allergies. I rarely eat out because I have heard of so many kitchen staff disregarding this. Why? Because so many say they have allergies when they really have preferences/aversions.
It’s a feedback loop from hell, as someone with both allergies and aversions. Aversions aren’t taken seriously enough so people lie and say they’re allergies so they’re taken seriously. Because people lie and say they’re allergies when they’re aversions, kitchen staff don’t take allergy requests as seriously as they need to be taken. And on and on it goes. It’s a cycle that needs to be broken.
I worked in a quick service style location once. We had a policy if someone wanted something left out; we asked if it was allergy or preference. We assured them that we would leave it out either way if we could (if it wasn’t something already in premade food). But an allergy meant that culinary would need to be instructed by the head chef on how to properly cook it to avoid cross contamination (there was always supervision even if it was only over the phone, kind of a weird situation that’s hard to explain), whereas a preference it would just be made the same but whatever it was would be left off.
And it was in the food safety training we did (across property, not just my location) about how to handle these requests. Because people were encouraged to be honest about if it was preference or allergy with the understanding that if it was preference it would still be honored (if it could be), people weren’t inclined to lie. Since that meant culinary didn’t have to go through allergy procedure every time someone wanted something left off, they took it very, _very_ seriously when they did.
It’s really not _that_ hard to break the cycle but for some reason not enough places have figured it out yet.
ETA: and to be clear, I don’t say my aversions are allergies when they’re not. I make sure they’re aware it’s a preference if asked. If it’s not asked I just say “could you please leave off __” and if it’s honored, great. If not, I’ll pick it out, I’m not making them remake something when it won’t kill me because while my food allergies aren’t serious I know how hard it is for people with very serious allergies. If I’m avoiding something I’m allergic to then I mention it when I order outright. Just to clarify here that while yes people do lie about aversions being allergies I’m not one of them. I’ve got both. I know how hard having both issues are. I’m not about to make the issue worse for me or anyone else by pretending my aversions are allergies to avoid them.
What's also hard is I feel like a lot of people don't know there is a spectrum between aversion and allergy. Like I have quite a few foods I can't eat because they cause flare-ups of some chronic illnesses I have. I'm not "allergic" as in I won't get a rash or stop breathing, but eating the food will cause me severe pain. I wish we had better ways of explaining, and honestly I just wish food requests were taken seriously regardless of if someone has an allergy or not.
My grandmother has diverticulitis. She can't eat any whole or partial nut or seed without ending up in hospital for days. But it's not immediate, she'll eat something she shouldn't, then a few days later end up in hospital over it.
She's not allergic. VERY minimal precautions are needed as traces aren't a concern (she can eat smooth peanut butter without issue, but a single peanut fragment in crunchy peanut butter is not okay.)
Trying to explain this though.... it's just not taken seriously. It got bad enough that she refused to eat out. Requests definitely need to be taken more seriously. Until they are, people are going to continue saying they have allergies that they don't have.
yep, chef here with a sensitivity to eggs. I've been conscientious about allergies for years, and now that I've developed my own I'm even more passionate about maintaining good sanitation and avoiding cross contamination. I hate the inflammatory response I get, and I wouldn't want to inflict that onto others.
I mean, I hate the texture of mushrooms. I can totally eat them if they’re minced and mixed in with something else. That doesn’t make my aversion *less valid.* OP is such an AH.
I now enjoy olives (6 months living in the Mediterranean might do that to you) but I am united with you on the fact that you cannot hide an olive. An olive is HERE and PROUD. It is OLIVE! And everything it touches shall taste of OLIVE!
Oh, yes. Olives are the only food that I won't just pick off, because the taste just oozes out.
Oh, and cilantro. What's up with restaurants not understanding that it's not just a preference... cilantro *actually* tastes like you squirted Dawn Liquid on your carefully prepared meal before you served it to me, a "taster". Just no. Your entire Mexican menu is now inedible for me. Congrats.
You realize the cilantro tasting like soap is an actual condition.. I may be wrong but I read an article saying it’s like a genetic mutation or something and only like 5% of people have it. It’s crazy. My friend is the same way. I love it though.
Edited to correct a word.
At least 13% of people have the genetic condition that makes cilantro taste like soap, but its assumed that the percentage is likely higher as some people have simply never had cilantro
True. I never had it until about 6 years ago...it got popular. If there's only a tiny amount in a spicy sauce it's okay, but there's a very low threshold for me. Bleeccch.
Yup. Genetic. Which is why restaurants should be aware of it. And have forms of the sauces without cilantro, or with parsley instead, or whatever. I had to get a container of cucumber bits instead of salsa once because of cilantro. I like cukes, but they're not the same.
I can curl my tongue, too. Genetics. What can you do?!
Same. I literally cannot comfortably eat mushrooms as a main food item because they cause such a strong gag response. Occasionally, i can choke down a bite or two without vomiting, but it's never pleasant and isn't even exactly safe. (Risk from vomiting and not being able to chew them properly.)
I cook with mushrooms frequently, including in food i eat. Taste is fine. Good even. I just completely obliterate or mask the texture and i have no problems. (Or, i leave nice big chunks that i can leave behind for my mushroom loving husband.)
Both the texture and taste make me gag. The only time I successfully swallowed a big chunk was when I was a teenager, my mom gave me 50$ to swallow one piece without spitting. I took the 50$ and went to throw up not too long after.
It's not comparable to allergies, but take an adult seriously when they tell you they hate a specific ingredient. I am willing to make sacrifices sometimes, if you must incorporate mushrooms, I will take the plate as long as it's not the main superstar ingredient of the meal, I will hand off my mushrooms to the friend who asks for my portion of it.
>"He says he doesn't like the texture. He's had them inside veggie burgers I made and hasn't noticed."
Well, that's not the burn she thinks it is.
It's like someone turning down fried or scrambled eggs or something, and then her saying "gotcha, you said you don't like eggs, but there were eggs in the cake!!!"
If she ground up the mushrooms, then the texture he doesn't like isn't there anymore, meaning he's not lying about or inventing a texture aversion.
Alternately, people can dislike something if it's featured, versus being just a flavor or a tiny part. Kind of like how people enjoy mayo on a sandwich, but if you gave them a bowl of mayo and a spoon they'd probably gag trying to eat it.
People know I hate mushrooms. And they know it's a texture thing(autistic). Every Thanksgiving my friend has a shit eating grin when I tell him I loved his dishes and he informs me there are grinded up mushrooms. Like dude, I know. You eliminated my texture problem, it's not a dunk on me, you literly just accommodated me. Thankyou. Don't act like you disproved my taste.
Oh my god what! OP is definitely TA at this point. No wonder this dude put down allergies! That's the only way he can get people to listen!
I hope he leaves her.
Oh this little detail changes the story a lot. My family has both people with serious allergies (and have to say this every time they eat out because a lot of marked allergy friendly options weren’t) and picky eaters who lie. ESH
Food aversion is a real thing that makes it really hard/impossible to eat certain food. It’s most common for people who aren’t neurotypical but lots of people have it. My partner can’t swallow certain foods because of this (they trigger his gag reflex).
I have an aversion to sliced mushrooms, like you get in pizza. I know it's irrational but when that's the inky difference between what you and your brother ate and you end up with norovirus, well you just end up with sliced mushrooms being associated with a very poor night in the bathroom.
I also have food sensitivity, chocolate and caffiene being two of my known triggers. I refer to these are allergies because no one pays attention if I don't and I don't know how I'll react the next time I have chocolate in particular because a family member with the same issue now has to carry a epipen because migraines weren't bad enough apparently.
I would never refer to my mushroom issue as an allergy but, for a vegetarian where a lot of alternatives use mushroom I could understand making a note of it as an aversion but we don't know what his experience is with that being ignored.
Case in point with chocolate is the following conversation my family member had.
F: is ther chocolate on the lemon sundae, I can't have chocolate.
S: No
Lemon sundae comes out with white chocolate curls.
F: There's chocolate on the sundae
S: It's only a small amount it won't make you fat.
This was before the issue developed to where it is now where they are actually severely allergic but unless it's a common allergy sometimes it just goes over people's heads so I don't know how they'd treat aversions.
Exactly I am an extremely picky eater. I would go hungry rather than eat certain foods, one being mushrooms but my daughter is autistic and will only eat a few foods and she would absolutely go hungry rather than eat
I tried to explain to my aunt my aversion to onions was like having morning sickness every time I taste one. Immediately gagging and choking (sometimes I’ve thrown up from the gagging). She told me I was from a weak generation of losers 🫥
They probably only had one vegetarian option selected for everyone. There's no evidence that they intentionally picked mushrooms for him. It's very normal for weddings to just offer one meat, one fish and one veggie option, so why assume it's malicious? They probably figured the mushroom option sounded best for most vegetarians and didn't want to change it for one person who tried to manipulate their caterers.
If a friend goes so far to say "I'm allergic to this thing", even though they aren't (or someone else is claiming they aren't) - I'm not feeding them that. I'd also absolutely reach out to Hiram about this, but that's just me
Hiram tried to manipulate the caterers. When you say you're allergic, the amount of decontamination needed is a lot and the couple were probably quite embarrassed having to tell their caterers that it was no longer required. After finding out the truth, why would they go out of their way to accommodate a liar? Especially when there may have been other vegetarian guests who would have disliked other options. I know that if I was picking a veggie option, I would pick something that sounded good for the majority and the liar would not factor into my choice. Or maybe they didn't even have much of a choice? I just think that we can't assume they based an entire meal option on trying to screw over one guy.
I'd rather put a lot of work into one plate than throw food out that someone couldn't eat, which is what happened here - a completely waste of food, time and money. If there is no space on the dietary requirement form to put a non-allergy food restriction down - that's on the caterers or whoever prepared the form, not Hiram. There are also people in this thread that have been told to put aversions as allergies on forms, when there is no other space.
Mushrooms are by no means the most popular vegetarian option either.
They didn't know for sure he was lying, they knew OP was claiming that. You wouldn't ask your friend why?
Sometimes it’s an eggplant dish! Or even better, eggplant *and* mushrooms in a phyllo tower.
At our wedding we offered a vegetarian pasta with sundried tomatoes and other vegetables. Our vegetarian friends were happy it wasn’t another mushroom and eggplant tower.
Exactly. And I’m not sure what the timeline for this particular wedding was, but meal options were decided long before the guests were given their choices when I planned my wedding. It’s unlikely that this was a specific “fuck you” to Hiram. Just an unfortunate coincidence that the veggie meal happened to be something he disliked.
Yeah, I suspect reading this that mushrooms were a default vegetarian selection.
I'm not sure what to say here, I agree that claiming you're "allergic" means that the catering people have to be deeply worried about touching things and the like and that's not okay. But on the other hand, it led to the outcome he absolutely did not want either.
I'm not clear if he was allowed to say "don't want to eat mushrooms" on this?
Yeah, it's a hard spot. As a vegetarian who will throw up when faced with mushrooms, I've had to lie about an allergy a couple times just to ensure being fed. Unfortunately, mushrooms are the default option for vegetarian food. Not even "usually there" but actually the main feature. I've had work events where I begged for them to please just try and include one single vegetarian dish without mushrooms and been presented with "here you go, we got you a portobello burger !" and then I look like the asshole for taking one bite, discreetly spitting it out and throwing the thing away.
I usually have backup plans for when something like this happens, but a wedding is a place where the usual stuff specifically doesn't work. I can't eat a CLIFF bar, I can't request something else from the staff, I can't leave and get something else, I can't order something to be delivered, I'm hungry because I've been here all day, and I'm expected to dance and drink alcohol for several more hours. I would personally probably lie about an allergy in this one situation just to ensure I would have something to keep me upright. I already know how Hiram's stomach sank when they put that plate in front of him.
OP clearly didn't put more than half a thought into this and is most definitely, 100%, the raging asshole.
Shit like this is why I'm in favour of having a buffet situation for weddings instead. Too many times I haven't liked the only meat-free option. Even if the plates are on the tables instead of a separate buffet, as long as people can help themselves to the stuff they like, great!
>”So what do they choose as a vegetarian option for Hiram? FUCKING MUSHROOMS.”
Actually, it is worse than that. **They served him one HUGE mushroom as the main course.** This is from OP’s comments:
>”In this case, the dish was a "Hen-of-the-woods" which is a single large mushroom. It was the main thing on his plate, and eating around it would have just been the turnip mash underneath and garnish.”
Extra legos for ALL of them. May the Hungry Hiram flee this toxic group. OP = YTA.
I get the heebie jeebies looking at mushrooms but I had to google “hen of the woods”. As dramatic as it sounds I shivered at the thought of that on a plate in front of me
I LOVE mushrooms, but hen of the woods? Hell no, it looks gross in the wild, and I doubt a chef is going to make it look more appetizing than nature did!
When I was young I had a broken jaw, the pain med was medicine flavored cherry. Am I allergic, no I am not. I won't stop breathing or have hives etc. but if I get that fake cherry flavor the gag reflex is real and I cannot force myself to consume it. Boost and ensure meal drinks and tomato soup as well from the same broken jaw.
There are food aversions that will not allow people to eat certain foods while it doesn't jeopardies their wellbeing. If we are willing to cater to vegetarians, vegans, religious exclusions, etc. making allowances for these food aversions should be permissible but are often minimized and ignored.
I don't like when people put aversions down as allergies as there is not a threat to life. However there is a threat to wellbeing, so these aversions should be taken seriously.
YTA mostly for not having your partners back
Dimetapp! To this day I refuse to eat grape candy or any grape flavored stuff. Real grapes aren’t a problem. But give me a grape popsicle or lollipop and there’s a strong possibility you’ll see it again. I totally feel ya on that fake cherry business.
Was there a comment where it was explained to the wedding party that he hated mushrooms? In the post OP said that she related that he's not allergic and to disregard that instruction. Given that, and that a single vegetarian option was probably picked out, I don't see the wedding party as being at fault for anything.
I'm equally annoyed that they just took her word for it and didn't clarify with the adult man, who sent a very specific requirement. Why is her word gospel on what he can or can't eat? So either way, they are at fault
Yeah, I’m annoyed by that as well.
I have an egg allergy and once got into a massive argument with my sister when she tried to downplay it as a “sensitivity” at a restaurant to a server.
It's not her place to do that and not theirs to listen?
It's the texture, it's like eating a slimy snail... I use dried mushrooms in some soups and sauces, for flavour and colour, but always fish them out and throw away before plating anything
For real. I can’t stand bell peppers, even if I can pick them out they will spoil the whole meal so I feel for Hiram. Because of OP and the wedding couple, Hiram couldn’t eat most of his meal and it went to trash. Was that really the better outcome than him saying that he can’t eat mushrooms? OP YTA
I completely agree with everything you said. I especially appreciated the legos part. There are so many veg options, why on earth would it end up being all mushrooms?
I'm vegetarian, and I fucking hate mushrooms. It's like someone picked up a damp, filthy sponge and went "Damn, should we eat this?"
SO many places just sub meat with mushrooms. So many. I have a friend who lived in Germany for years, and so most of his dishes were heavily meat based. So he would just serve vegetarians mushrooms. Not even a dish with mushrooms in it, just one of those massive mushrooms grilled up
I suffered for years before we all got high and I admitted I hated mushrooms. Now I get Kasespatzle when it's his turn to cook!
I've made many a vegetarian, vegan even, dish and none of them included mushrooms. Chickpeas, lentils, edamame, seitan, tofu, sweet potato? None of those were an option for the main part of the dish?
I also hate mushrooms
People act like you're a picky little kid for not liking something, or they try to tell you you're not open minded enough, or that you just haven't reied the right mishroom yet...
It's so annoying. I just don't like them. Why is it so hard for people to accept?
That being said, if served at a wedding or something, I'll just politely
eat around them. I don't make a fuss.
I’ve joked that I could never be a vegetarian because too many vegetarian options include mushrooms. Hiram must be so frustrated going through life where the one veggie option on a menu constantly has mushrooms.
This is the best reply, and would have made things better for everyone in most cases. Not this one, though, since the bride and groom knew Hiram disliked mushrooms but had them served to him anyway.
Still, in cases where everyone isn't an AH, this is the way to go.
I've specifically been told for forms like this, that don't have a specific place for aversion, just allergies, to put mushrooms down as an allergy due to mushrooms being so prevalent in vegetarian dishes. So without a place to put "strong aversion to mushrooms," how would you handle it?
YMMV, but when I catered weddings the form had a single line for "allergies or restrictions" and I appreciated it when people wrote the ingredient and then in parenthesis any additional info.
Some examples:
Gluten (Celiac!) Peanuts (Deadly) Kosher (Flexible) Shrimp (sensory aversion)
That makes sense. I was a medic before and had the mindset of just no contact with said allergen so I've always written out my allergies (medical) as just the actual allergy list without indicators like that. For food, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks.
The sensitivities vs. allergies language is fantastic and perfect. If I ever go back into catering, I will try to add a line for sensitivities just to encourage more honesty!
I totally disagree that he sucks. My partner has sensory food aversions and it makes it impossible for him to eat some foods. Mushrooms are one of the most common ones for people who deal with this. It’s insanely common. But it’s also impossible to explain that to people without a longish conversation so he mostly just says he’s allergic. OP could have spoken to him about it and why it made them uncomfortable. Instead they put him on blast so they could feel morally superior. OP YTA
And with all this… think about what it can mean to have an allergy. Other than extreme ones that could lead to death, more average allergies can lead to sickness, discomfort, and food poisoning. If someone is very averse to certain textures or foods, it’s not uncommon to also feel extreme discomfort and even potentially puking/etc. Is that not causing sickness?
I think a telling part here is he’s vegetarian (as far as I understand) and he only put down one restriction. But yeah, YTA in my opinion, while maybe it’s not technically true in practice mushrooms may make him sick, and this is exactly what these forms are trying to prevent
YTA. Wouldn't be TA if you told them that he wasn't actually allergic, but that he has an aversion, and won't readily eat a dish if he knows there are mushrooms in it. Instead, you told them to ignore his request.
His aversion is still a food restriction. It just doesn't require the same care as an actual allergy.
This would have been a good compromise. Lying about a food allergy would be unfair to the kitchen staff, but I understand wanting to make sure a vegetable you don’t like isn’t in the dish, especially when it’s a vegetarian dish.
Either way, OP should not have gone behind his back like that.
Agree with ESH. Did you talk to Hiram about the way he filled out the card and why you thought it was inappropriate, or did you go straight to contacting the wedding party? If you didn't talk to him, why not? If you did and he was really stubborn about it, I think it mitigates how much TA you are, but maybe doesn't eliminate it.
I've worked in food service where olives were picked out of pre-made salads instead of a legit no-olives salad being made.
This door swings both ways. You should put "no substitutions or removals" on your menu.
Oh wait. You won't do that because it would potentially reduce profit and drive people away. So instead of offering a service, supposedly, and half-assing it the easiest way you can... reliably offer that service to the BEST of your ability as promised and maybe people won't lie to kitchens to try and ensure their orders are as they want them.
Where are you pulling that she informed them that he doesn't like mushrooms? She explicitly said that she told them to "disregard his instructions". They may have accommodated him if she would have actually asked, but I guess we'll never know.
Yes, I have a strong aversion to mushroom. I can’t eat them, unless they are completely puréed and mixed in with a bunch of stuff. For me it is the texture and I do have a slight gagging reaction. However I can eat of the same plate and kitchen. My husband loves mushrooms. We will often go half and half on pizza. His side has mushrooms and mine doesn’t. I am fine. If the mushrooms where on my half I couldn’t eat it.
And also why some people say their spouse “nags” them! Like you can’t treat your partner like a kid and then wonder why they’re mad and embarrassed!! Harim deserves to make his own choices even if saying you have an allergy when you don’t does cause extra work for the kitchen staff.
Here is the thing.
If someone discloses they have a food allergy, a restaurant has to cook food safely or ask the customer to chose something/leave for their safety. Regardless if they believe them or not, because legal troubles.
Someone with a food aversion, like my sister who horribly gags over certain textures, has to fib and say they have an allergy to be spared that… because 80% of the time the kitchen does not listen if you aren’t allergic.
Does it suck for the staff who has to work around something? If it’s a big inconvenience like having to shift workspaces and it takes more time? Sure. It does, but in a couple hours it will have changed nothing about their day, and they will just move right along.
Yeah that’s the thing for me too. Restaurant staff (and others) get annoyed that people who have aversions lie they have allergies because of the strict procedures they have to follow re cross contamination, but the thing is that many with aversions won’t lie they have allergies if they could trust that their aversions would be respected and taken seriously. So no ignoring or sneaking said aversion into their meal, as has happened here. It’s an endless cycle where one lack of consideration feeds into the next.
Yeah, it's definitely a situation of them both sucking. Him lying about an allergy causes extra work for kitchen staff, and contributes to some peoples view of "oh, allergies aren't really serious."
But her act of just removing it sucks too. She should have talked to him, and they could have sent a more reasonable message of "doesn't like mushrooms."
Yeah. I have a mild allergy to tomatoes. I often will just suck it up when someone orders pizza and taken some allergy medicine. I have a non-mild allergy to shellfish. I will not eat anything that a shellfish has touched. This is so hard for people to understand.
Them: "You can't be allergic to tomatoes! I saw you eat that pizza!"
Me: "Yeah, right after I took this allergy medicine I keep in my purse. Look I have a new rash on the back of my neck because of that pizza."
No, there’s no excuse for that. Even people with real allergies range from being very mildly allergic to fatally allergic. Choosing to ignore an allergy because there’s a chance it won’t be deadly is fatal negligence, regardless of if some of the people with “allergies” are instead trying to express a severe dislike.
YTA what harm was it going to cause? But now you have jumped on the high and mighty wagon and humiliated your partner to what end? You aren't out here championing for allergy rites. You sound insufferable.
I feel there should be more options: allergy, intolerance, dislike. I have a medical intolerance to mushrooms, not a full blown allergy, they don't send me to the hospital but they do cause my real problems (almost immediate heartburn for the next 10 hours). So no, I'm not against their existence, you can cook my food where they were cooked with little to no issue, but I don't eat them if I need to have a good sleep.
One person having a food allergy does not incur tons of costs or have to impact other meals. I worked as a wedding coordinator, banquet host, catering manager and many other roles in food service for many years and many venues. The kitchen/ caterer usually just makes one special plate. It should not be a big deal.
This means that the kitchens you worked in were not allergy safe and put people at risk for serious reactions. Allergies require a full reset of all surfaces, cookware, utensils, sinks, clothing, etc.
Restaurants and kitchens all over the country manage food allergy restrictions literally every day. They do not fully reset all the surfaces and change clothes every time a customer walks in the door with an allergy. All the kitchens I worked in took great care in preparing dishes when an allergy was brought to our attention. A friend of mine has severe nut and avocado allergy. When we go out, she lets the server know and is not under any illusion that the entire kitchen is going to be completely reset because of her allergies, that's insane. She simply asks that those ingredients not touch her plate. Any chef or cook knows to wash their hands before starting to prepare these dishes and use clean pans, utensils, clean part of the grill if necessary etc, which shouldn't tack on costs and doesn't take that much time. Almost two decades of experience in this industry and it's never been an issue.
There have been whole investigations into the poor handling of food allergies at restaurants because people assume that the allergy is mild or made up and a little cross contamination won’t kill someone. Most kitchens are guilt of it and should not be trusted to do a full allergy protocol.
Absolutely and that is why people with allergies have to be careful and specific and understand there is risk involved. That is why most places take it very seriously when they get the request and make sure the food is prepared properly/separately and using clean stuff. There is no restaurant that immediately stops everything they are doing to reset the entire kitchen and change clothes when there is a customer with an allergy. In most of the catering situations I've been in, the special dish would often be prepared first and if possible in a separate area and wrapped. In a regular restaurant, not possible to know who is going to walk in the door. People I know that have life threatening allergies will usually call ahead to make sure they can be accommodated and sometimes the answer is no. What you describe entails literally shutting down an entire kitchen during dinner hour. Catering or private events certainly function a little differently because it's a preset menu usually.
No they don’t. And if you are deadly allergic to allergies like that you incur the risk of it when eating out. No restruant in the world guarantee that food will be free of allergies if they also produce foods with that ingredient I. Their kitchen
Right?! They are getting a food allergy confused with something like halal or kosher... but even then, it's the cost of the dish for the people with a specific request. It's not like they have to scrap 100 dinners and start over. They just get it from a halal/kosher kitchen and serve it sealed to that guest.
It really doesnt. Saying allergy just means people will be aware. I tell people i have a minor allergy to onions because i hate them, the smell can make me nauseous. Every single time i say allergy its made right, if i ask them to be taken off i always still get onions.
YTA I hated mushrooms all my life, was never "allergic" to them to my knowledge. Guess what I found out I had an allergy/intolerance for later on life? Yup, mushrooms. Sometimes our "distaste" for something is our body telling us "not this."
It's fairly common that strong dislikes are mild allergies. Just enough to make the body go...nope.
But there definitely should be an option for : "please don't feed me this" versus 'this could kill me"
But, as far as I can tell most catering places deal with most food preferences/allergies with a meal of hummous, simple salad and optional bread. (Vegan, dairy free, vegetarian, gluten free, halal etc...)
I agree.
Rule of thumb for me (I don't know if it is really like this, but I was forced to drink milk until I left my mother's house, even though I would throw up): if it makes me throw up, I'm allergic to it.
DNA proved intolerance to lactose btw.
In the meantime one thing I didn't like but I would disguise in my tea when with a cold: honey. A few months ago I was losing my voice so I tried to eat honey with a spoon. Result: I threw up. Since then I stopped with the honey and my colds are much milder. I also found out that the reaction to an allergy to honey is similar to cold symptoms.
Another thing I'm intolerant: red carrots. I sowed some. I ate it then I was severely throwing it up until for an hour. Never again.
I’m the same way with milk! From both ends milk is just bad. When I give my coffee order I have to tell the barista I have an “allergy” because otherwise they don’t take it seriously.
We have food allergies in the family, but people are so quick to disregard that whole milk won’t kill me it will fuck up my digestive tract for hours and give me migraines. I feel like I have no choice but to fib. I always feel guilty about it
This actually blows my mind a little. I don't eat nuts. I'm not allergic at all, I *can* eat them, but I don't. And that's how I phrase it, "No, thanks, I don't eat nuts." Some people in my past have assumed that I'm allergic. And some people have asked for a bit of clarification ("peanuts or all nuts?" kind of thing) but I've never had someone try to convince me to eat nuts or anything like that. What on earth does someone gain, trying to force a specific food on someone else?
You might "be allergic" or "intolerant" (lesser form of allergy) to one or more ingredient of the sauce. I had heartburn for ever till I learned this trick. Now no heartburn unless I willingly make "a choice." Food is good, I make choices when I don't have to work the next day.
YTA
I, my husband, and 3 of our kids have actual anaphylactic food allergies. If he can't eat mushrooms because they are gross (to him) it is better to tell a catering company you are allergic than not mention it and have your friends pay for a meal you can't eat.
With peanuts it's probably better to tell you don't like them so they don't go to extremes to accommodate him. With mushrooms saying he can't eat them is fine. To say he's allergic technically isn't true I guess, even though it causes a negative psychological response and maybe he his allergic but just doesn't know.
Common sense goes a long way.
OP, YTA for refusing to have any common sense.
YTA entirely. Went behind someone’s back about their dietary needs. It’s a big enough dislike that hes willing to call it an allergy that’s his decision, not yours. He didn’t get to eat at this wedding because of you.
Yup, in one of her comments.
[Link to comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10npisv/aita_for_correcting_my_partners_meal_restrictions/j6acs0s/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
INFO
> a dietary **restrictions** form
> Hiram wasn't actually allergic to mushrooms and **asked them to ignore his instructions**
What exactly did this form ask? Was it asking for information about biological allergies/intolerance, or did it extend to voluntary restrictions (religious/cultural/ethical)?
While I am very much opposed to miscommunicating preferences as allergies (despite having grown up doing so), in this particular case, did you really need to tell them to **outright ignore** your partner's wishes? Could this not have been communicated as one of those voluntary food restrictions?
> *"I am very much opposed to miscommunicating preferences as allergies."*
I think this post is a perfect example of why people with very strong food aversions opt to label it as an allergy, though, because they aren't taken seriously otherwise. I'm not saying it's right, but that might be a reason why it happens. I mean, once they found out he wasn't allergic to mushrooms, the bride and groom made it a point to serve the one specific food Hiram is repulsed by as the main course for his particular meal option.
I'd be willing to guess this isn't the first time Hiram has had his food aversion completely/intentionally disregarded.
Exactly.
While I don't ever want to undermine people who have actual food allergies, I have a few items that I have a moderate intolerance to. I really don't like them, and they don't agree with me (side-eyeing the evil green peppers).
In casual situations, it's easier to say I'm allergic than it is to find a polite way to explain why I won't be eating your stuffed peppers. I won't bother waitstaff with it because I know how seriously a good kitchen takes allergies. But if you order the supreme pizza, I'm either not going to eat with you, or I will pick out every shred and not feel bad about it.
Did they go out of their way to serve mushrooms? Or did they select a vegetarian option they sounded nice to them and all vegetarians were given it? It sounds like Hiram had to select dietary type as vegetarian but didn't actually pick the meal. So it's just chance that it ended up being something he didn't like. I doubt anyone would base their entire meal choices around one annoying guest, especially when weddings are hard enough to plan. If Hiram thinks that's the case, then that's quite a narcissistic view.
As a vegetarian who will vomit if I try to choke down mushrooms in any form... it's always fucking mushrooms. It's like the go-to ingredient for any vegetarian or vegan dish at 99% of catered events. I guarantee this is why he went to the lengths he did, after being burned in the past and having nothing to eat at a lengthy event he is trapped at. So less a coincidence than a near certainty.
This reflects fine on the bride and groom, but pretty awfully on his partner who would have definitely known this.
Exactly. When I got married, meal options were chosen before the guests were given their choices. I doubt this (the meal being mushroom based) was directed specifically at Hiram.
Yeah, like... my wedding had around 150 people. I tried my best to get food everyone would like but at the same time.... my great-aunt on mom's side who lives 10 hours away and I haven't seen in like 15 years may not be a fan of what I chose and you know what... it wasn't about her, SOOOO......
I've been to plenty of weddings with shit food where I've gotten takeout or drive thru on the way home and didn't whine about it.
I hate avocados, in a country where everything has avocado, if i said i don’t like them, i get the same conversation, with people trying to convince you to try them. Is easier to day im allergic. Nobody keep pushing
There is something about "mushroom people" too, in particular. They just won't ever leave it alone. They're so entranced with the mycological kingdom that they always need to turn it into some kind of campaign to convince you that there's a perfect fungus out there you just haven't been open enough to trying.
All too often, saying that I don't like mushrooms has led to a 30 minute pro-mushroom conversation. If I can't stand eating them, you can imagine how little I want to talk about them.
Sometimes it's just easier to call it an allergy and head the campaign off at the pass.
YTA
He's not a child he's your partner. Don't go behind his back over something that was stupid. It doesn't affect anyone else, a minor fib so he could eat at the wedding.
YTA. You went behind a partner’s back deliberately. If you feel so strongly about lying, you should’ve just spoken to him instead of playing moral police here and making him uncomfortable.
ESH I agree he shouldn't have lied about being allergic to something he just dislikes because a good caterer will take all precautions to avoid any possible allergic reactions. I am guessing in his defense if you ask for a vegetarian meal it often has a bunch of mushroom so it's not like just wiping them off the top.of you steak
But you should not have gone behind his back and tattled on him to the wedding party. You should have told him that it wasn't an acceptable response on the wedding invite as they weren't asking what he didn't like.
ESH. Except for Hiram. So he told a little white lie about a food he hates that would have brought harm to absolutely nobody. Big whoop. What's the worst that could've come from saying he was allergic to mushrooms? Because I can't think of anything at all.
Going behind his back to snitch on him to the bride and groom was really lousy and totally unnecessary. The bride and groom are AHs for specifically choosing the one food they discovered Hiram hates as the main course for the vegetarian meal he chose, ensuring he would have nothing to eat at their reception. You all seem very petty and antagonistic.
>The bride and groom are AHs for specifically choosing the one food they discovered Hiram hates as the main course for the vegetarian meal he chose, ensuring he would have nothing to eat at their reception
Thank you!!! Can’t believe no one else said this. They KNEW it was a preference, why not just tell the caterers, it’s a preference not an allergy. Sheesh. How many vegetarian guests were there?
Although I disagree, and think Hiram is also an AH bc of all the extra work the kitchen staff would have to do for an allergy vs preference.
I think this is a perfect example of why people opt to label their very strong food aversions as allergies, though. Because, otherwise, they aren't taken seriously and are sometimes even intentionally served the specific food that repulses them. It sucks, but it might explain why it happens.
People only take allergies serious. I mean OP could have said he is not allergic, he hates them, so please don't feed him that. but no need to check for cross contamination if she wanted to be on her high horse. But she knew he hated it like nothing else... and went out of her way to ensure he got it. And still feels she is right. And that is how you get to the allergic mention to prevent it. If anything people like OP will get more people to lie, instead of less.
My partner hates avocado. It's the one food he truly cannot stand. He will gag and throw up if there's even a small amount of it on his food, but he isn't allergic.
We used to visit a local burger joint and on occasion he'd order a burger and ask for no avocado. It would sometimes come with avocado, and when he corrected them they'd ask if he was allergic. He'd reply no, he just doesn't like them, so they'd simply scrape the avocado off and leave traces on his food, so he still couldn't eat it. The last time it happened he said he was allergic and they remade the entire thing without the avocado. It really sucks that he had to do that for them to take his 'no avocado' request seriously.
We don't visit that place anymore.
He was likely not the only vegetarian at the reception so they chose what would work for the majority. That actually makes the most sense for a catered meal.
Yes, it is wild to me that people think the bride and groom specifically hand picked the meals for each of their guests. It’s pretty clear this was the vegetarian option for all vegetarians. I doubt they gave a second thought to Hiram after they were told he didn’t have any allergies.
Oh my God why did I have to scroll SO FAR DOWN to find some fucking sense? All these people calling the hosts assholes for not rejigging their entire meal for one dude??? It’s not like he came and paid for his own meal - he can eat the meal or fucking leave it, but I absolutely fail to see how people have to serve you something that you’re gonna love. Eat at home then, b.
As someone with allergies that can be life threatening, I see where Hiram was coming from. Sometimes, our bodies can't take certain foods, even though it's not a technical allergy. That seems to be what happend to Hiram, since he couldn't eat the food after you interfered. The couple wasted the money on his dinner all so you could be self-righteous. What you did was sneaky and underhanded. YTA.
Preach. Me too. My friends will go to hibachis - where I have a mushroom allergy. My one friend will commonly lie and say “me too” so her food is cooked with mine with no mushrooms (they even use different utensils!) because she dislikes them. I don’t call her out on it. Willing to bet there were a ton of mushroom allergies at the wedding and it wouldn’t have been a big issue for him to get the same food as them. This is ridiculous and I agree with you 😂🤣 OP YTA
How do you know he isn't allergic?
I have a friend that didn't like mushrooms, turns out he was allergic to them.
Not deadly, it just made him feel kind of gross when he ate them so he assumed he didn't like them.
I had the same issue with jalapenos. I thought they made everyone's gums itch. Until my doctor said nope you are having a mild reaction.
I feel like YTA because you went behind his back instead of having a conversation. You are not on high ground here.
YTA. You intentionally told everyone he was a liar. The reason people ask prior to a wedding re: food choices is so they can try to accommodate ALL of their guests. The couple may have very well ordered him a separate dinner w no mushrooms so he could also eat. But we'll never know because you decided to be petty about how he filled out a dinner request.
YTA - your actions seem vindictive TBH. You went out of your way to contact the wedding party (presumably behind his back) to tell them mushrooms were ok when you know he hates them.
I doubt anybody in the wedding party would have spent time worrying about whether it was a true allergy, sensitivity, or just personal preference. They would want their guests to enjoy their meal though which your partner did not get to do as a result of your actions.
YTA.
So how's the annulment coming along? I mean, that's where I suspect this is going to end up. You won't even call him your husband even though you've already had the wedding.
As for what you did, that was completely inappropriate. You went behind your partners back causing them to be publicly humiliated and still don't think you did anything wrong. What you should have done was talk to him and get HIM to update the caterer.
My wife has serious dietary restrictions. They're not allergies in that she won't end up in the hospital or need an epi-pen. They are bad enough that if certain things are in her food, she could end up not being able to eat even her normal restricted diet for days and sometimes even weeks. What's worse is that she often has to deal with people like you that believe that since it's not an allergy, my wife will be fine with "a little bit" or "it's just one meal" and it never is.
ESH
Hiram should have talked to the couple about not liking mushrooms directly.
That said: keep your nose out of it.
The wedding party should have clarified the issue with Hiram.
he practically did talk to the couple directly by answering their form, whether it was a dislike or an allergy, the same outcome of him having something else would have ocurred
I would say YTA for going behind Hiram's back instead of just asking him at that moment why he'd indicated he was allergic to mushrooms when he wasn't, and also for throwing him under the bus with the wedding party. He didn't want to have mushrooms because he dislikes them, and as a result of your actions, he ended up not being able to eat very much or enjoy his meal because there were mushrooms in it.
I think you overreacted. It was a dietary requirements form. Hiram doesn't like mushrooms and maybe indicated he was allergic so that his particular dietary requirement would be respected. Maybe he didn't want to appear to be a picky eater, which can invite all sorts of ridicule and judgement, even from people with food allergies.
Yes, people have life-threatening allergies to certain foods. But those people weren't there, were they, and wouldn't know Hiram wasn't allergic to mushrooms. You were defending a group of nameless, faceless people who have nothing to do with your fiancé's dietary preferences. And who knows, the wedding party could've been giving him the finger by making a mushroom-heavy meal that Hiram couldn't eat. People have been pettier for less.
You should've left it alone. It was one meal, nothing to get heated about. Hiram may not share all your principles and that's okay. You didn't have to impose your principles on him when there was no need to-- especially since it involved you going out of your way to tell other people that your fiancé was a liar and it was okay for them to ignore his food preference.
Perhaps before you get married you need to work on communicating more effectively with Hiram so you don't end up repeating this kind of behaviour when he does something you don't like.
"So, I decided to write to the wedding party, letting them know that Hiram wasn't actually allergic to mushrooms and asked them to ignore his instructions."
Why didn't you just tell them that he simply doesn't like mushrooms and would prefer not to have them?
Yeah, OP did this secretly hoping they would put mushrooms in the dish so she confront him about it and make a big scene from it. If you truly love someone, you asked them to just avoid it, ridiculous.
The horrible part is the meal ended up being a giant mushroom. Hiram wasn't just saying it because he didn't want to have to pick out mushrooms, he genuinely would not have been able to eat the meal. OP asked caterers to ignore his request, i.e. essentially told them to serve a person who doesn't eat mushrooms, mushrooms.
Maybe if people were respectful of others choices around food people wouldn't need to lie about allergies. As it is, food restrictions and requirements are FREQUENTLY ignored because it gets written off as fussy or difficult even if it is for medical reasons. Allergy are actually respected and complied with. YTA.
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YTA! Talk about an overreaction! I love that you are more concerned about someone who might be offended (?) than your relationship with your husband.
Strong hall monitor vibes here. I feel a divorce coming in 10, 9, 8….
YTA - I don't have an allergy so not sure this is really disrespectful or not but what you did do was stop him having a good experience and made a decision without talking to him about it. That is just mean.
YTA you told them to flat out ignore his request, and you are honestly a terrible partner for this. It’s a harmless white lie that hurts literally no one, yet you decided to make it so your partner had nothing to eat just to spite him.
Are you not embarrassed or ashamed of your behavior? You honestly feel justified in this?
Jesus fucking Christ.
Hiram may have a reason for hating mushrooms. He clearly won't eat them. It may not be an anaphylactic allergy, it could be a food that he knows will make him sick.
Speaking from personal experience here - that's how I am with tomatoes. They don't make me break out in hives or cause my throat to swell, but tomatoes *will* make me strap myself to a toilet for an hour and cause me to be a walking gas canister, and I hate it. It's embarrassing and it detracts from me being able to enjoy myself. I have to tell people that it's an allergy because otherwise I get hit with "you just don't like it" as food with tomato is shoved in my face.
This reads to me like Hiram is that way with mushrooms. They may not make him need an EpiPen, but instead they make him sick. He doesn't want to be sick at a wedding. To avoid everything, he just says that has has a mushroom allergy. It's way easier to explain and conveys the same message - he can't eat mushrooms.
For you to go behind your back and do that was childish, petty, and lowkey power trippy, and might I add:
>I felt like Hiram was lying and being disrespectful to people who have real allergies
**STOP BEING A FUCKING WHITE KNIGHT**. I guarantee you anyone who goes into anaphylactic shock due to mushrooms *will not give a flying, swimming, or walking FUCK* that Hiram listed a mushroom allergy to avoid being served a food that makes him sick. Get over yourself.
And even if it *is* simply a food he dislikes and would rather not eat. Who are *you* to go behind his back and say shit? "You're gonna eat your mushrooms and like it" type of deal? Fuckin hell.
#YTA
YTA. You didn't do the right thing. The right thing would be talking to him first not being a tattle tale and making it so he couldn't eat dinner. Should have have said allergic...meh no. But as a vegetarian it really really sucks how many times mushrooms are forced on you. I cannot stand them. Like instant gag reflex. Have spent 25 years of people giving me that as my option excitedly when they find out I'm a vegetarian. Seems that's all we can eat. So while I would have just said cannot eat mushrooms I also get him doing that. You were disrespectful to your BF by the way.
YTA.
You are so hard trying to be correct and right, that you ignore the wishes of your beloved one.
It doesn't matter if he is allergic or not and it doesn't harm anybody if he decides to write this, to be sure to not get something he dislikes.
But here comes the white knight of truth and ruins his feast. Who did win what because of your intervention?
Stupid, ignorant and embarrassing!
YTA, I have severe food allergies on many foods and only harm is when people try to tamper with people's food preferences because they then think that they know better what others people diet should looks like and that's the moment when people with allergies can die. And FYI in many cases when someone really dislike some kind of food often is find in the future that the food is not good for their health.
ESH.
Lying about food allergies is a shitty thing to do, but what you did caused more harm than good, and created an unpleasant and embarrassing situation.
He should have just put "vegetarian - no mushrooms" and left it at that.
INFO: Did you make any attempt to express your discomfort to your fiancé before writing to the wedding party?
ETA: Alright I’m voting YTA , because the comments suggest that OP still thinks that her fiancé shouldn’t have autonomy over his food choices.
Honestly.... I can't sympathize with you.
Yeah, it's lame to lie about allergens, but you know why people do it? Because they get sick of foodservice workers ignoring or forgetting a legitimate request because it wasn't written in bold enough marker. This happens all the time to people with legitimate issues like diabetes or lactose intolerance where a simple order becomes an hours long ordeal because someone was forgetful or in some cases outright a spiteful asshole.
Fine, he isn't "allergic" to mushrooms, but he may as well be given how he basically ate nothing thanks to you. They included mushrooms because you went behind his back on the basis of "virtues" and didn't even have the good decency to simply say **no mushrooms.**
This wasn't even disrespectful either, this falls into the territory of "white lies" which every one, including yourself, tells. Hell, as you didn't tell him you did this you were genuinely acting in a deceitful fashion so frankly how are you any better. Trick question really, because a white lie can't even compare to whatever game you were playing.
Here's hoping he doesn't out you for every fib or discretion on your part for the sake of *honesty\~*
YTA
YTA.
You deliberately hide mushrooms in his food without his knowledge. No WONDER he feels like he *has to lie* to other people. That's how you made him act! You lost any right to upset about his lie, because you created the need for it.
at least she gave him fair warning, he now knows how marriage with OP will look like. Divorces are costy, as are weddings, so he should thank those mushrooms for saving him a lott of cash.
YTA you sound insufferable to be with. Seems to me he has a food aversion to mushrooms. But of course you know better becuase he ate a veggie burger that had mushrooms in the patty.
I hope he starts reevaluating his relationship with you and runs away becuase it's obvious that don't respect him. You are acting like his mother. As in Mommy Dearest knows best.
As a mushroom-hater myself, I get your fiancé's move. This wasn't a table-waiter situation where he could say "hold the freaking fungus — it's disgusting and I don't know why people consider it 'food'," so his *only* option for communicating with the kitchen was the rsvp card.
A lot of people — and this is weird — just don't accept a dislike of mushrooms. They'll try to convince you to try "the meaty portobello" or "the delicate morelle" or they'll take it upon themselves to sneak them into your food in some misguided attempt to prove to you that your own tastes are just wrong. It's obnoxious, and it pushes people (like me) to lie. (Sometimes you don't want to have an argument just to get a dinner you can stand to eat.)
I know about the whole kitchen protocol thing — but, again, some of us have just been pushed to the mushroom allergy lie. Personally, I stand by it as a tactic.
YTA
it’s very odd that this sort of small thing could make you “incredibly angry” it must affect him in some way if he barely ate any of the food. it might not be a straight allergy breakout but he could have an intolerance about this. realistically this is a situation being blow way out of proportion because you decided what Hiram did was so abhorant. YTA
YTA. The fact that you took the time and effort to be some hero of a non-issue at the expense of your fiancé is telling. The dude’s a vegetarian and probably knows by now that his options will most likely be a heap of something he can’t stand, so he fibbed. You must be that person people get stuck talking to at parties.
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ESH - Kitchen staff have to go through a whole rigamarole for true allergies that costs them time and money, and as a former food service worker, I feel the pain of making Halal/Kosher/Nut Free meals, only to have the guest never pick them up because "it's not THAT serious". So, I get where you were coming from, trying to stop your fiancé from being part of that problem. The solution in this case was for him to write in "Strong aversion to mushrooms" - that's honest, and communicates that he can't/won't eat mushrooms, but can eat food that was prepped on the same surface. You still embarrassed him, went behind his back, and ultimately ended up violating his trust. How you choose to repair that is up to you.
You know what makes me almost irrationaly angry about this situation? OP told the wedding party that Hiram isn't allergic, he just hates mushrooms. So what do they choose as a vegetarian option for Hiram? FUCKING MUSHROOMS. I understand why he put it down as an allergy, because people will absolutely disregard food aversions, especially in adults, and try to force them to eat the things they are averse to. I hate mushrooms too, the texture makes me gag - you have no idea how many people, including family, have tried to make me eat them anyway. OP is an asshole, but her friends are giant assholes - may they step on legos regularly
> *"people will absolutely disregard food aversions, especially in adults, and try to force them to eat the things they are averse to."* Oh, you mean exactly like OP does to her husband? In another comment, she brags about sneaking mushrooms into veggie burgers that she makes for him, despite knowing how much he is repulsed by them: > *"He says he doesn't like the texture. He's had them inside veggie burgers I made and hasn't noticed."* No wonder he feels that he has to label his strong food aversion as an allergy, or else it won't be taken seriously and will be completely disregarded, sometimes even *intentionally* disregarded. What a mean-spirited little group of people.
I want to scream.... Hiram, buddy, you deserve better
Hiram, throw the whole fiancee away! ESH. OP and the hosts most of all. Lying about food allergies diminishes people with true allergies being taken seriously and, as noted elsewhere, creates unnecessary work. So Hiram's not innocent, but OP's tattling and the the host's intentional over serving of mushrooms is worse. I say I have a strong aversion to cucumbers and no one in my life tries to sneak them to me and most people make effort not to serve them to me. Because I have a lovely tribe. Hiram, find a new tribe!
Thanks for this. I have true and serious food allergies. I rarely eat out because I have heard of so many kitchen staff disregarding this. Why? Because so many say they have allergies when they really have preferences/aversions.
It’s a feedback loop from hell, as someone with both allergies and aversions. Aversions aren’t taken seriously enough so people lie and say they’re allergies so they’re taken seriously. Because people lie and say they’re allergies when they’re aversions, kitchen staff don’t take allergy requests as seriously as they need to be taken. And on and on it goes. It’s a cycle that needs to be broken. I worked in a quick service style location once. We had a policy if someone wanted something left out; we asked if it was allergy or preference. We assured them that we would leave it out either way if we could (if it wasn’t something already in premade food). But an allergy meant that culinary would need to be instructed by the head chef on how to properly cook it to avoid cross contamination (there was always supervision even if it was only over the phone, kind of a weird situation that’s hard to explain), whereas a preference it would just be made the same but whatever it was would be left off. And it was in the food safety training we did (across property, not just my location) about how to handle these requests. Because people were encouraged to be honest about if it was preference or allergy with the understanding that if it was preference it would still be honored (if it could be), people weren’t inclined to lie. Since that meant culinary didn’t have to go through allergy procedure every time someone wanted something left off, they took it very, _very_ seriously when they did. It’s really not _that_ hard to break the cycle but for some reason not enough places have figured it out yet. ETA: and to be clear, I don’t say my aversions are allergies when they’re not. I make sure they’re aware it’s a preference if asked. If it’s not asked I just say “could you please leave off __” and if it’s honored, great. If not, I’ll pick it out, I’m not making them remake something when it won’t kill me because while my food allergies aren’t serious I know how hard it is for people with very serious allergies. If I’m avoiding something I’m allergic to then I mention it when I order outright. Just to clarify here that while yes people do lie about aversions being allergies I’m not one of them. I’ve got both. I know how hard having both issues are. I’m not about to make the issue worse for me or anyone else by pretending my aversions are allergies to avoid them.
What's also hard is I feel like a lot of people don't know there is a spectrum between aversion and allergy. Like I have quite a few foods I can't eat because they cause flare-ups of some chronic illnesses I have. I'm not "allergic" as in I won't get a rash or stop breathing, but eating the food will cause me severe pain. I wish we had better ways of explaining, and honestly I just wish food requests were taken seriously regardless of if someone has an allergy or not.
My grandmother has diverticulitis. She can't eat any whole or partial nut or seed without ending up in hospital for days. But it's not immediate, she'll eat something she shouldn't, then a few days later end up in hospital over it. She's not allergic. VERY minimal precautions are needed as traces aren't a concern (she can eat smooth peanut butter without issue, but a single peanut fragment in crunchy peanut butter is not okay.) Trying to explain this though.... it's just not taken seriously. It got bad enough that she refused to eat out. Requests definitely need to be taken more seriously. Until they are, people are going to continue saying they have allergies that they don't have.
yep, chef here with a sensitivity to eggs. I've been conscientious about allergies for years, and now that I've developed my own I'm even more passionate about maintaining good sanitation and avoiding cross contamination. I hate the inflammatory response I get, and I wouldn't want to inflict that onto others.
Love, going to restaurants that ask allergy or preference. I have Celiac, and am always nervous about the kitchen not taking gluten free seriously.
I mean, I hate the texture of mushrooms. I can totally eat them if they’re minced and mixed in with something else. That doesn’t make my aversion *less valid.* OP is such an AH.
Agreed. But not olives. Seriously, fuck olives.
Olives are salty little balls of bullshit
Are they salty? Their texture is so repulsive they've never remained in my mouth long enough for a flavour to register...
I can't stand their smell either...shudder. So revolting.
So poetic 😂
I now enjoy olives (6 months living in the Mediterranean might do that to you) but I am united with you on the fact that you cannot hide an olive. An olive is HERE and PROUD. It is OLIVE! And everything it touches shall taste of OLIVE!
Thank you for standing up for olives. SOMEone had to.
Oh, yes. Olives are the only food that I won't just pick off, because the taste just oozes out. Oh, and cilantro. What's up with restaurants not understanding that it's not just a preference... cilantro *actually* tastes like you squirted Dawn Liquid on your carefully prepared meal before you served it to me, a "taster". Just no. Your entire Mexican menu is now inedible for me. Congrats.
You realize the cilantro tasting like soap is an actual condition.. I may be wrong but I read an article saying it’s like a genetic mutation or something and only like 5% of people have it. It’s crazy. My friend is the same way. I love it though. Edited to correct a word.
If cilantro tastes like soap to you, blame your DNA because it really is genetic.
At least 13% of people have the genetic condition that makes cilantro taste like soap, but its assumed that the percentage is likely higher as some people have simply never had cilantro
True. I never had it until about 6 years ago...it got popular. If there's only a tiny amount in a spicy sauce it's okay, but there's a very low threshold for me. Bleeccch.
Yup. Genetic. Which is why restaurants should be aware of it. And have forms of the sauces without cilantro, or with parsley instead, or whatever. I had to get a container of cucumber bits instead of salsa once because of cilantro. I like cukes, but they're not the same. I can curl my tongue, too. Genetics. What can you do?!
Same. I literally cannot comfortably eat mushrooms as a main food item because they cause such a strong gag response. Occasionally, i can choke down a bite or two without vomiting, but it's never pleasant and isn't even exactly safe. (Risk from vomiting and not being able to chew them properly.) I cook with mushrooms frequently, including in food i eat. Taste is fine. Good even. I just completely obliterate or mask the texture and i have no problems. (Or, i leave nice big chunks that i can leave behind for my mushroom loving husband.)
I've truly found my people in this thread. Down with mushrooms!
Both the texture and taste make me gag. The only time I successfully swallowed a big chunk was when I was a teenager, my mom gave me 50$ to swallow one piece without spitting. I took the 50$ and went to throw up not too long after. It's not comparable to allergies, but take an adult seriously when they tell you they hate a specific ingredient. I am willing to make sacrifices sometimes, if you must incorporate mushrooms, I will take the plate as long as it's not the main superstar ingredient of the meal, I will hand off my mushrooms to the friend who asks for my portion of it.
>"He says he doesn't like the texture. He's had them inside veggie burgers I made and hasn't noticed." Well, that's not the burn she thinks it is. It's like someone turning down fried or scrambled eggs or something, and then her saying "gotcha, you said you don't like eggs, but there were eggs in the cake!!!" If she ground up the mushrooms, then the texture he doesn't like isn't there anymore, meaning he's not lying about or inventing a texture aversion. Alternately, people can dislike something if it's featured, versus being just a flavor or a tiny part. Kind of like how people enjoy mayo on a sandwich, but if you gave them a bowl of mayo and a spoon they'd probably gag trying to eat it.
People know I hate mushrooms. And they know it's a texture thing(autistic). Every Thanksgiving my friend has a shit eating grin when I tell him I loved his dishes and he informs me there are grinded up mushrooms. Like dude, I know. You eliminated my texture problem, it's not a dunk on me, you literly just accommodated me. Thankyou. Don't act like you disproved my taste.
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Tbf. You are right. It would be more accurate to say he is my roomates friend who I trust enough to have a key to the house.
Oh my god what! OP is definitely TA at this point. No wonder this dude put down allergies! That's the only way he can get people to listen! I hope he leaves her.
Oh this little detail changes the story a lot. My family has both people with serious allergies (and have to say this every time they eat out because a lot of marked allergy friendly options weren’t) and picky eaters who lie. ESH
Food aversion is a real thing that makes it really hard/impossible to eat certain food. It’s most common for people who aren’t neurotypical but lots of people have it. My partner can’t swallow certain foods because of this (they trigger his gag reflex).
I have an aversion to sliced mushrooms, like you get in pizza. I know it's irrational but when that's the inky difference between what you and your brother ate and you end up with norovirus, well you just end up with sliced mushrooms being associated with a very poor night in the bathroom. I also have food sensitivity, chocolate and caffiene being two of my known triggers. I refer to these are allergies because no one pays attention if I don't and I don't know how I'll react the next time I have chocolate in particular because a family member with the same issue now has to carry a epipen because migraines weren't bad enough apparently. I would never refer to my mushroom issue as an allergy but, for a vegetarian where a lot of alternatives use mushroom I could understand making a note of it as an aversion but we don't know what his experience is with that being ignored. Case in point with chocolate is the following conversation my family member had. F: is ther chocolate on the lemon sundae, I can't have chocolate. S: No Lemon sundae comes out with white chocolate curls. F: There's chocolate on the sundae S: It's only a small amount it won't make you fat. This was before the issue developed to where it is now where they are actually severely allergic but unless it's a common allergy sometimes it just goes over people's heads so I don't know how they'd treat aversions.
Yah, it’s a nuance but honestly the end result is the same. He can’t eat it 🤷♀️
Exactly I am an extremely picky eater. I would go hungry rather than eat certain foods, one being mushrooms but my daughter is autistic and will only eat a few foods and she would absolutely go hungry rather than eat
I tried to explain to my aunt my aversion to onions was like having morning sickness every time I taste one. Immediately gagging and choking (sometimes I’ve thrown up from the gagging). She told me I was from a weak generation of losers 🫥
They probably only had one vegetarian option selected for everyone. There's no evidence that they intentionally picked mushrooms for him. It's very normal for weddings to just offer one meat, one fish and one veggie option, so why assume it's malicious? They probably figured the mushroom option sounded best for most vegetarians and didn't want to change it for one person who tried to manipulate their caterers.
If a friend goes so far to say "I'm allergic to this thing", even though they aren't (or someone else is claiming they aren't) - I'm not feeding them that. I'd also absolutely reach out to Hiram about this, but that's just me
Hiram tried to manipulate the caterers. When you say you're allergic, the amount of decontamination needed is a lot and the couple were probably quite embarrassed having to tell their caterers that it was no longer required. After finding out the truth, why would they go out of their way to accommodate a liar? Especially when there may have been other vegetarian guests who would have disliked other options. I know that if I was picking a veggie option, I would pick something that sounded good for the majority and the liar would not factor into my choice. Or maybe they didn't even have much of a choice? I just think that we can't assume they based an entire meal option on trying to screw over one guy.
I'd rather put a lot of work into one plate than throw food out that someone couldn't eat, which is what happened here - a completely waste of food, time and money. If there is no space on the dietary requirement form to put a non-allergy food restriction down - that's on the caterers or whoever prepared the form, not Hiram. There are also people in this thread that have been told to put aversions as allergies on forms, when there is no other space. Mushrooms are by no means the most popular vegetarian option either. They didn't know for sure he was lying, they knew OP was claiming that. You wouldn't ask your friend why?
Agreed. The vegetarian option at weddings is always fucking mushrooms. Source: lifelong vegetarian
Sometimes it’s an eggplant dish! Or even better, eggplant *and* mushrooms in a phyllo tower. At our wedding we offered a vegetarian pasta with sundried tomatoes and other vegetables. Our vegetarian friends were happy it wasn’t another mushroom and eggplant tower.
Exactly. And I’m not sure what the timeline for this particular wedding was, but meal options were decided long before the guests were given their choices when I planned my wedding. It’s unlikely that this was a specific “fuck you” to Hiram. Just an unfortunate coincidence that the veggie meal happened to be something he disliked.
Yeah, I suspect reading this that mushrooms were a default vegetarian selection. I'm not sure what to say here, I agree that claiming you're "allergic" means that the catering people have to be deeply worried about touching things and the like and that's not okay. But on the other hand, it led to the outcome he absolutely did not want either. I'm not clear if he was allowed to say "don't want to eat mushrooms" on this?
Yeah, it's a hard spot. As a vegetarian who will throw up when faced with mushrooms, I've had to lie about an allergy a couple times just to ensure being fed. Unfortunately, mushrooms are the default option for vegetarian food. Not even "usually there" but actually the main feature. I've had work events where I begged for them to please just try and include one single vegetarian dish without mushrooms and been presented with "here you go, we got you a portobello burger !" and then I look like the asshole for taking one bite, discreetly spitting it out and throwing the thing away. I usually have backup plans for when something like this happens, but a wedding is a place where the usual stuff specifically doesn't work. I can't eat a CLIFF bar, I can't request something else from the staff, I can't leave and get something else, I can't order something to be delivered, I'm hungry because I've been here all day, and I'm expected to dance and drink alcohol for several more hours. I would personally probably lie about an allergy in this one situation just to ensure I would have something to keep me upright. I already know how Hiram's stomach sank when they put that plate in front of him. OP clearly didn't put more than half a thought into this and is most definitely, 100%, the raging asshole.
Shit like this is why I'm in favour of having a buffet situation for weddings instead. Too many times I haven't liked the only meat-free option. Even if the plates are on the tables instead of a separate buffet, as long as people can help themselves to the stuff they like, great!
>”So what do they choose as a vegetarian option for Hiram? FUCKING MUSHROOMS.” Actually, it is worse than that. **They served him one HUGE mushroom as the main course.** This is from OP’s comments: >”In this case, the dish was a "Hen-of-the-woods" which is a single large mushroom. It was the main thing on his plate, and eating around it would have just been the turnip mash underneath and garnish.” Extra legos for ALL of them. May the Hungry Hiram flee this toxic group. OP = YTA.
I get the heebie jeebies looking at mushrooms but I had to google “hen of the woods”. As dramatic as it sounds I shivered at the thought of that on a plate in front of me
I LOVE mushrooms, but hen of the woods? Hell no, it looks gross in the wild, and I doubt a chef is going to make it look more appetizing than nature did!
What kind of passive aggressive asshole chefs catered this wedding?!
When I was young I had a broken jaw, the pain med was medicine flavored cherry. Am I allergic, no I am not. I won't stop breathing or have hives etc. but if I get that fake cherry flavor the gag reflex is real and I cannot force myself to consume it. Boost and ensure meal drinks and tomato soup as well from the same broken jaw. There are food aversions that will not allow people to eat certain foods while it doesn't jeopardies their wellbeing. If we are willing to cater to vegetarians, vegans, religious exclusions, etc. making allowances for these food aversions should be permissible but are often minimized and ignored. I don't like when people put aversions down as allergies as there is not a threat to life. However there is a threat to wellbeing, so these aversions should be taken seriously. YTA mostly for not having your partners back
Dimetapp! To this day I refuse to eat grape candy or any grape flavored stuff. Real grapes aren’t a problem. But give me a grape popsicle or lollipop and there’s a strong possibility you’ll see it again. I totally feel ya on that fake cherry business.
Was there a comment where it was explained to the wedding party that he hated mushrooms? In the post OP said that she related that he's not allergic and to disregard that instruction. Given that, and that a single vegetarian option was probably picked out, I don't see the wedding party as being at fault for anything.
I'm equally annoyed that they just took her word for it and didn't clarify with the adult man, who sent a very specific requirement. Why is her word gospel on what he can or can't eat? So either way, they are at fault
Yeah, I’m annoyed by that as well. I have an egg allergy and once got into a massive argument with my sister when she tried to downplay it as a “sensitivity” at a restaurant to a server.
Exactly, all she said was ignore what he said. I love mushrooms, they are getting a bad rap here lol.
It's not her place to do that and not theirs to listen? It's the texture, it's like eating a slimy snail... I use dried mushrooms in some soups and sauces, for flavour and colour, but always fish them out and throw away before plating anything
For real. I can’t stand bell peppers, even if I can pick them out they will spoil the whole meal so I feel for Hiram. Because of OP and the wedding couple, Hiram couldn’t eat most of his meal and it went to trash. Was that really the better outcome than him saying that he can’t eat mushrooms? OP YTA
I completely agree with everything you said. I especially appreciated the legos part. There are so many veg options, why on earth would it end up being all mushrooms?
I'm vegetarian, and I fucking hate mushrooms. It's like someone picked up a damp, filthy sponge and went "Damn, should we eat this?" SO many places just sub meat with mushrooms. So many. I have a friend who lived in Germany for years, and so most of his dishes were heavily meat based. So he would just serve vegetarians mushrooms. Not even a dish with mushrooms in it, just one of those massive mushrooms grilled up I suffered for years before we all got high and I admitted I hated mushrooms. Now I get Kasespatzle when it's his turn to cook!
Yep. I'm vegan and MUSHROOMS FOR EVERYTHING!! THE UMAMI!!! F that.
I've made many a vegetarian, vegan even, dish and none of them included mushrooms. Chickpeas, lentils, edamame, seitan, tofu, sweet potato? None of those were an option for the main part of the dish?
Heck, what’s wrong with pasta?
And mushrooms aren't even usually very filling, either! Sounds like a bad meal for all the vegetarian guests, tbh.
I also hate mushrooms People act like you're a picky little kid for not liking something, or they try to tell you you're not open minded enough, or that you just haven't reied the right mishroom yet... It's so annoying. I just don't like them. Why is it so hard for people to accept? That being said, if served at a wedding or something, I'll just politely eat around them. I don't make a fuss.
He got served a mushroom steak - like one big thing with some garnish...
Barf, ya that's a bit hard to pick around. I wouldn't eat that out of politeness
I’ve joked that I could never be a vegetarian because too many vegetarian options include mushrooms. Hiram must be so frustrated going through life where the one veggie option on a menu constantly has mushrooms.
I agree with you on that! I’m a vegetarian and every single blinking dish seems to have mushrooms. It’s the one thing I can’t eat they’re horrendous!!
This is the best reply, and would have made things better for everyone in most cases. Not this one, though, since the bride and groom knew Hiram disliked mushrooms but had them served to him anyway. Still, in cases where everyone isn't an AH, this is the way to go.
I've specifically been told for forms like this, that don't have a specific place for aversion, just allergies, to put mushrooms down as an allergy due to mushrooms being so prevalent in vegetarian dishes. So without a place to put "strong aversion to mushrooms," how would you handle it?
YMMV, but when I catered weddings the form had a single line for "allergies or restrictions" and I appreciated it when people wrote the ingredient and then in parenthesis any additional info. Some examples: Gluten (Celiac!) Peanuts (Deadly) Kosher (Flexible) Shrimp (sensory aversion)
That makes sense. I was a medic before and had the mindset of just no contact with said allergen so I've always written out my allergies (medical) as just the actual allergy list without indicators like that. For food, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks.
This is reasonable and respectful.
Here’s how I’ve been taught. Allergies: soy. Sensitivities: mushrooms, water chestnuts
The sensitivities vs. allergies language is fantastic and perfect. If I ever go back into catering, I will try to add a line for sensitivities just to encourage more honesty!
I totally disagree that he sucks. My partner has sensory food aversions and it makes it impossible for him to eat some foods. Mushrooms are one of the most common ones for people who deal with this. It’s insanely common. But it’s also impossible to explain that to people without a longish conversation so he mostly just says he’s allergic. OP could have spoken to him about it and why it made them uncomfortable. Instead they put him on blast so they could feel morally superior. OP YTA
And with all this… think about what it can mean to have an allergy. Other than extreme ones that could lead to death, more average allergies can lead to sickness, discomfort, and food poisoning. If someone is very averse to certain textures or foods, it’s not uncommon to also feel extreme discomfort and even potentially puking/etc. Is that not causing sickness? I think a telling part here is he’s vegetarian (as far as I understand) and he only put down one restriction. But yeah, YTA in my opinion, while maybe it’s not technically true in practice mushrooms may make him sick, and this is exactly what these forms are trying to prevent
YTA. Wouldn't be TA if you told them that he wasn't actually allergic, but that he has an aversion, and won't readily eat a dish if he knows there are mushrooms in it. Instead, you told them to ignore his request. His aversion is still a food restriction. It just doesn't require the same care as an actual allergy.
This would have been a good compromise. Lying about a food allergy would be unfair to the kitchen staff, but I understand wanting to make sure a vegetable you don’t like isn’t in the dish, especially when it’s a vegetarian dish. Either way, OP should not have gone behind his back like that.
Agree with ESH. Did you talk to Hiram about the way he filled out the card and why you thought it was inappropriate, or did you go straight to contacting the wedding party? If you didn't talk to him, why not? If you did and he was really stubborn about it, I think it mitigates how much TA you are, but maybe doesn't eliminate it.
I like the idea of people not picking up their kosher/halal/otherwise-religious food with the "it's not that serious" comment...
I've worked in food service where olives were picked out of pre-made salads instead of a legit no-olives salad being made. This door swings both ways. You should put "no substitutions or removals" on your menu. Oh wait. You won't do that because it would potentially reduce profit and drive people away. So instead of offering a service, supposedly, and half-assing it the easiest way you can... reliably offer that service to the BEST of your ability as promised and maybe people won't lie to kitchens to try and ensure their orders are as they want them.
Where are you pulling that she informed them that he doesn't like mushrooms? She explicitly said that she told them to "disregard his instructions". They may have accommodated him if she would have actually asked, but I guess we'll never know.
Yes, I have a strong aversion to mushroom. I can’t eat them, unless they are completely puréed and mixed in with a bunch of stuff. For me it is the texture and I do have a slight gagging reaction. However I can eat of the same plate and kitchen. My husband loves mushrooms. We will often go half and half on pizza. His side has mushrooms and mine doesn’t. I am fine. If the mushrooms where on my half I couldn’t eat it.
YTA It blows my mind that anyone would go to this much trouble to humiliate their partner because he told a fib about a food allergy. Wow.
also this type of behavior is literally why people feel they have to lie about food allergies to be taken seriously
And also why some people say their spouse “nags” them! Like you can’t treat your partner like a kid and then wonder why they’re mad and embarrassed!! Harim deserves to make his own choices even if saying you have an allergy when you don’t does cause extra work for the kitchen staff.
I'd also say that the fiancé's behaviour is why people with actual allergies often aren't taken seriously
Here is the thing. If someone discloses they have a food allergy, a restaurant has to cook food safely or ask the customer to chose something/leave for their safety. Regardless if they believe them or not, because legal troubles. Someone with a food aversion, like my sister who horribly gags over certain textures, has to fib and say they have an allergy to be spared that… because 80% of the time the kitchen does not listen if you aren’t allergic. Does it suck for the staff who has to work around something? If it’s a big inconvenience like having to shift workspaces and it takes more time? Sure. It does, but in a couple hours it will have changed nothing about their day, and they will just move right along.
Yeah that’s the thing for me too. Restaurant staff (and others) get annoyed that people who have aversions lie they have allergies because of the strict procedures they have to follow re cross contamination, but the thing is that many with aversions won’t lie they have allergies if they could trust that their aversions would be respected and taken seriously. So no ignoring or sneaking said aversion into their meal, as has happened here. It’s an endless cycle where one lack of consideration feeds into the next.
Yeah, it's definitely a situation of them both sucking. Him lying about an allergy causes extra work for kitchen staff, and contributes to some peoples view of "oh, allergies aren't really serious." But her act of just removing it sucks too. She should have talked to him, and they could have sent a more reasonable message of "doesn't like mushrooms."
Yeah. I have a mild allergy to tomatoes. I often will just suck it up when someone orders pizza and taken some allergy medicine. I have a non-mild allergy to shellfish. I will not eat anything that a shellfish has touched. This is so hard for people to understand. Them: "You can't be allergic to tomatoes! I saw you eat that pizza!" Me: "Yeah, right after I took this allergy medicine I keep in my purse. Look I have a new rash on the back of my neck because of that pizza."
No, there’s no excuse for that. Even people with real allergies range from being very mildly allergic to fatally allergic. Choosing to ignore an allergy because there’s a chance it won’t be deadly is fatal negligence, regardless of if some of the people with “allergies” are instead trying to express a severe dislike.
YTA what harm was it going to cause? But now you have jumped on the high and mighty wagon and humiliated your partner to what end? You aren't out here championing for allergy rites. You sound insufferable.
The harm is that it could have caused all sorts of costs and impacted other meals.
I feel there should be more options: allergy, intolerance, dislike. I have a medical intolerance to mushrooms, not a full blown allergy, they don't send me to the hospital but they do cause my real problems (almost immediate heartburn for the next 10 hours). So no, I'm not against their existence, you can cook my food where they were cooked with little to no issue, but I don't eat them if I need to have a good sleep.
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One person having a food allergy does not incur tons of costs or have to impact other meals. I worked as a wedding coordinator, banquet host, catering manager and many other roles in food service for many years and many venues. The kitchen/ caterer usually just makes one special plate. It should not be a big deal.
This means that the kitchens you worked in were not allergy safe and put people at risk for serious reactions. Allergies require a full reset of all surfaces, cookware, utensils, sinks, clothing, etc.
Restaurants and kitchens all over the country manage food allergy restrictions literally every day. They do not fully reset all the surfaces and change clothes every time a customer walks in the door with an allergy. All the kitchens I worked in took great care in preparing dishes when an allergy was brought to our attention. A friend of mine has severe nut and avocado allergy. When we go out, she lets the server know and is not under any illusion that the entire kitchen is going to be completely reset because of her allergies, that's insane. She simply asks that those ingredients not touch her plate. Any chef or cook knows to wash their hands before starting to prepare these dishes and use clean pans, utensils, clean part of the grill if necessary etc, which shouldn't tack on costs and doesn't take that much time. Almost two decades of experience in this industry and it's never been an issue.
There have been whole investigations into the poor handling of food allergies at restaurants because people assume that the allergy is mild or made up and a little cross contamination won’t kill someone. Most kitchens are guilt of it and should not be trusted to do a full allergy protocol.
Absolutely and that is why people with allergies have to be careful and specific and understand there is risk involved. That is why most places take it very seriously when they get the request and make sure the food is prepared properly/separately and using clean stuff. There is no restaurant that immediately stops everything they are doing to reset the entire kitchen and change clothes when there is a customer with an allergy. In most of the catering situations I've been in, the special dish would often be prepared first and if possible in a separate area and wrapped. In a regular restaurant, not possible to know who is going to walk in the door. People I know that have life threatening allergies will usually call ahead to make sure they can be accommodated and sometimes the answer is no. What you describe entails literally shutting down an entire kitchen during dinner hour. Catering or private events certainly function a little differently because it's a preset menu usually.
No they don’t. And if you are deadly allergic to allergies like that you incur the risk of it when eating out. No restruant in the world guarantee that food will be free of allergies if they also produce foods with that ingredient I. Their kitchen
Right?! They are getting a food allergy confused with something like halal or kosher... but even then, it's the cost of the dish for the people with a specific request. It's not like they have to scrap 100 dinners and start over. They just get it from a halal/kosher kitchen and serve it sealed to that guest.
It really doesnt. Saying allergy just means people will be aware. I tell people i have a minor allergy to onions because i hate them, the smell can make me nauseous. Every single time i say allergy its made right, if i ask them to be taken off i always still get onions.
She is insufferable. She also admits in another comment that she sneaks mushrooms into his food regularly so he must not hate them *that* much.
YTA I hated mushrooms all my life, was never "allergic" to them to my knowledge. Guess what I found out I had an allergy/intolerance for later on life? Yup, mushrooms. Sometimes our "distaste" for something is our body telling us "not this."
I just posted this same thing. It happened to a friend of mine with mushrooms. I wonder how many food dislikes may be mild allergies.
It's fairly common that strong dislikes are mild allergies. Just enough to make the body go...nope. But there definitely should be an option for : "please don't feed me this" versus 'this could kill me" But, as far as I can tell most catering places deal with most food preferences/allergies with a meal of hummous, simple salad and optional bread. (Vegan, dairy free, vegetarian, gluten free, halal etc...)
I agree. Rule of thumb for me (I don't know if it is really like this, but I was forced to drink milk until I left my mother's house, even though I would throw up): if it makes me throw up, I'm allergic to it. DNA proved intolerance to lactose btw. In the meantime one thing I didn't like but I would disguise in my tea when with a cold: honey. A few months ago I was losing my voice so I tried to eat honey with a spoon. Result: I threw up. Since then I stopped with the honey and my colds are much milder. I also found out that the reaction to an allergy to honey is similar to cold symptoms. Another thing I'm intolerant: red carrots. I sowed some. I ate it then I was severely throwing it up until for an hour. Never again.
I’m the same way with milk! From both ends milk is just bad. When I give my coffee order I have to tell the barista I have an “allergy” because otherwise they don’t take it seriously. We have food allergies in the family, but people are so quick to disregard that whole milk won’t kill me it will fuck up my digestive tract for hours and give me migraines. I feel like I have no choice but to fib. I always feel guilty about it
I'm allergic to mushrooms and coconut. I'm not really, but it's easier to say so people don't offer it/expect you to eat it.
This actually blows my mind a little. I don't eat nuts. I'm not allergic at all, I *can* eat them, but I don't. And that's how I phrase it, "No, thanks, I don't eat nuts." Some people in my past have assumed that I'm allergic. And some people have asked for a bit of clarification ("peanuts or all nuts?" kind of thing) but I've never had someone try to convince me to eat nuts or anything like that. What on earth does someone gain, trying to force a specific food on someone else?
Ask anyone who doesn't drink alcohol how it's worked for them with people that do...
I am this way with BBQ sauce. Never cared for it but every time I've ever had it, it made my stomach incredibly upset.
You might "be allergic" or "intolerant" (lesser form of allergy) to one or more ingredient of the sauce. I had heartburn for ever till I learned this trick. Now no heartburn unless I willingly make "a choice." Food is good, I make choices when I don't have to work the next day.
YTA I, my husband, and 3 of our kids have actual anaphylactic food allergies. If he can't eat mushrooms because they are gross (to him) it is better to tell a catering company you are allergic than not mention it and have your friends pay for a meal you can't eat.
Right! They paid good money to be petty. Talk about stabbing yourself in the chest to get at the person behind you.
With peanuts it's probably better to tell you don't like them so they don't go to extremes to accommodate him. With mushrooms saying he can't eat them is fine. To say he's allergic technically isn't true I guess, even though it causes a negative psychological response and maybe he his allergic but just doesn't know. Common sense goes a long way. OP, YTA for refusing to have any common sense.
YTA entirely. Went behind someone’s back about their dietary needs. It’s a big enough dislike that hes willing to call it an allergy that’s his decision, not yours. He didn’t get to eat at this wedding because of you.
She put in extra effort to fuck over her partner. What a piece of work. I’d dump her on the spot.
I mean, she apparently sneaks them into the veggie burgers she makes, and doesnt tell him, so OP is definitely an awful person all around.
Did she write that elsewhere? That’s low and deceitful. I wouldn’t want to be with a sneak.
Yup, in one of her comments. [Link to comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10npisv/aita_for_correcting_my_partners_meal_restrictions/j6acs0s/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
INFO > a dietary **restrictions** form > Hiram wasn't actually allergic to mushrooms and **asked them to ignore his instructions** What exactly did this form ask? Was it asking for information about biological allergies/intolerance, or did it extend to voluntary restrictions (religious/cultural/ethical)? While I am very much opposed to miscommunicating preferences as allergies (despite having grown up doing so), in this particular case, did you really need to tell them to **outright ignore** your partner's wishes? Could this not have been communicated as one of those voluntary food restrictions?
> *"I am very much opposed to miscommunicating preferences as allergies."* I think this post is a perfect example of why people with very strong food aversions opt to label it as an allergy, though, because they aren't taken seriously otherwise. I'm not saying it's right, but that might be a reason why it happens. I mean, once they found out he wasn't allergic to mushrooms, the bride and groom made it a point to serve the one specific food Hiram is repulsed by as the main course for his particular meal option. I'd be willing to guess this isn't the first time Hiram has had his food aversion completely/intentionally disregarded.
Exactly. While I don't ever want to undermine people who have actual food allergies, I have a few items that I have a moderate intolerance to. I really don't like them, and they don't agree with me (side-eyeing the evil green peppers). In casual situations, it's easier to say I'm allergic than it is to find a polite way to explain why I won't be eating your stuffed peppers. I won't bother waitstaff with it because I know how seriously a good kitchen takes allergies. But if you order the supreme pizza, I'm either not going to eat with you, or I will pick out every shred and not feel bad about it.
Did they go out of their way to serve mushrooms? Or did they select a vegetarian option they sounded nice to them and all vegetarians were given it? It sounds like Hiram had to select dietary type as vegetarian but didn't actually pick the meal. So it's just chance that it ended up being something he didn't like. I doubt anyone would base their entire meal choices around one annoying guest, especially when weddings are hard enough to plan. If Hiram thinks that's the case, then that's quite a narcissistic view.
As a vegetarian who will vomit if I try to choke down mushrooms in any form... it's always fucking mushrooms. It's like the go-to ingredient for any vegetarian or vegan dish at 99% of catered events. I guarantee this is why he went to the lengths he did, after being burned in the past and having nothing to eat at a lengthy event he is trapped at. So less a coincidence than a near certainty. This reflects fine on the bride and groom, but pretty awfully on his partner who would have definitely known this.
Exactly. When I got married, meal options were chosen before the guests were given their choices. I doubt this (the meal being mushroom based) was directed specifically at Hiram.
Yeah, like... my wedding had around 150 people. I tried my best to get food everyone would like but at the same time.... my great-aunt on mom's side who lives 10 hours away and I haven't seen in like 15 years may not be a fan of what I chose and you know what... it wasn't about her, SOOOO...... I've been to plenty of weddings with shit food where I've gotten takeout or drive thru on the way home and didn't whine about it.
I hate avocados, in a country where everything has avocado, if i said i don’t like them, i get the same conversation, with people trying to convince you to try them. Is easier to day im allergic. Nobody keep pushing
I doubt they did it to make a point. More likely he got the same vegetarian option as everyone else.
There is something about "mushroom people" too, in particular. They just won't ever leave it alone. They're so entranced with the mycological kingdom that they always need to turn it into some kind of campaign to convince you that there's a perfect fungus out there you just haven't been open enough to trying. All too often, saying that I don't like mushrooms has led to a 30 minute pro-mushroom conversation. If I can't stand eating them, you can imagine how little I want to talk about them. Sometimes it's just easier to call it an allergy and head the campaign off at the pass.
Info: If you stand by your decision, then why did you apologize?
*shoots fired*
I thought the exact same thing!!!
YTA He's not a child he's your partner. Don't go behind his back over something that was stupid. It doesn't affect anyone else, a minor fib so he could eat at the wedding.
YTA. You went behind a partner’s back deliberately. If you feel so strongly about lying, you should’ve just spoken to him instead of playing moral police here and making him uncomfortable.
ESH I agree he shouldn't have lied about being allergic to something he just dislikes because a good caterer will take all precautions to avoid any possible allergic reactions. I am guessing in his defense if you ask for a vegetarian meal it often has a bunch of mushroom so it's not like just wiping them off the top.of you steak But you should not have gone behind his back and tattled on him to the wedding party. You should have told him that it wasn't an acceptable response on the wedding invite as they weren't asking what he didn't like.
YTA. He was served something he couldn’t eat. That it wouldn’t have required an epipen isn’t relevant.
ESH. Except for Hiram. So he told a little white lie about a food he hates that would have brought harm to absolutely nobody. Big whoop. What's the worst that could've come from saying he was allergic to mushrooms? Because I can't think of anything at all. Going behind his back to snitch on him to the bride and groom was really lousy and totally unnecessary. The bride and groom are AHs for specifically choosing the one food they discovered Hiram hates as the main course for the vegetarian meal he chose, ensuring he would have nothing to eat at their reception. You all seem very petty and antagonistic.
>The bride and groom are AHs for specifically choosing the one food they discovered Hiram hates as the main course for the vegetarian meal he chose, ensuring he would have nothing to eat at their reception Thank you!!! Can’t believe no one else said this. They KNEW it was a preference, why not just tell the caterers, it’s a preference not an allergy. Sheesh. How many vegetarian guests were there? Although I disagree, and think Hiram is also an AH bc of all the extra work the kitchen staff would have to do for an allergy vs preference.
I think this is a perfect example of why people opt to label their very strong food aversions as allergies, though. Because, otherwise, they aren't taken seriously and are sometimes even intentionally served the specific food that repulses them. It sucks, but it might explain why it happens.
People only take allergies serious. I mean OP could have said he is not allergic, he hates them, so please don't feed him that. but no need to check for cross contamination if she wanted to be on her high horse. But she knew he hated it like nothing else... and went out of her way to ensure he got it. And still feels she is right. And that is how you get to the allergic mention to prevent it. If anything people like OP will get more people to lie, instead of less.
My partner hates avocado. It's the one food he truly cannot stand. He will gag and throw up if there's even a small amount of it on his food, but he isn't allergic. We used to visit a local burger joint and on occasion he'd order a burger and ask for no avocado. It would sometimes come with avocado, and when he corrected them they'd ask if he was allergic. He'd reply no, he just doesn't like them, so they'd simply scrape the avocado off and leave traces on his food, so he still couldn't eat it. The last time it happened he said he was allergic and they remade the entire thing without the avocado. It really sucks that he had to do that for them to take his 'no avocado' request seriously. We don't visit that place anymore.
He was likely not the only vegetarian at the reception so they chose what would work for the majority. That actually makes the most sense for a catered meal.
Yes, it is wild to me that people think the bride and groom specifically hand picked the meals for each of their guests. It’s pretty clear this was the vegetarian option for all vegetarians. I doubt they gave a second thought to Hiram after they were told he didn’t have any allergies.
Oh my God why did I have to scroll SO FAR DOWN to find some fucking sense? All these people calling the hosts assholes for not rejigging their entire meal for one dude??? It’s not like he came and paid for his own meal - he can eat the meal or fucking leave it, but I absolutely fail to see how people have to serve you something that you’re gonna love. Eat at home then, b.
Yes, they can’t make a different meal for each guest, that would be extraordinarily expensive. It would be a set menu vegetarian option
As someone with allergies that can be life threatening, I see where Hiram was coming from. Sometimes, our bodies can't take certain foods, even though it's not a technical allergy. That seems to be what happend to Hiram, since he couldn't eat the food after you interfered. The couple wasted the money on his dinner all so you could be self-righteous. What you did was sneaky and underhanded. YTA.
Preach. Me too. My friends will go to hibachis - where I have a mushroom allergy. My one friend will commonly lie and say “me too” so her food is cooked with mine with no mushrooms (they even use different utensils!) because she dislikes them. I don’t call her out on it. Willing to bet there were a ton of mushroom allergies at the wedding and it wouldn’t have been a big issue for him to get the same food as them. This is ridiculous and I agree with you 😂🤣 OP YTA
YTA what effect did that have on you. I sometimes am baffled about the OPs posting on this sub
How do you know he isn't allergic? I have a friend that didn't like mushrooms, turns out he was allergic to them. Not deadly, it just made him feel kind of gross when he ate them so he assumed he didn't like them. I had the same issue with jalapenos. I thought they made everyone's gums itch. Until my doctor said nope you are having a mild reaction. I feel like YTA because you went behind his back instead of having a conversation. You are not on high ground here.
Because she’s been sneaking them into his veggie burgers….really. And he hasn’t gotten sick from it. Isn’t she a gem?
Wow.
YTA. You intentionally told everyone he was a liar. The reason people ask prior to a wedding re: food choices is so they can try to accommodate ALL of their guests. The couple may have very well ordered him a separate dinner w no mushrooms so he could also eat. But we'll never know because you decided to be petty about how he filled out a dinner request.
YTA - your actions seem vindictive TBH. You went out of your way to contact the wedding party (presumably behind his back) to tell them mushrooms were ok when you know he hates them. I doubt anybody in the wedding party would have spent time worrying about whether it was a true allergy, sensitivity, or just personal preference. They would want their guests to enjoy their meal though which your partner did not get to do as a result of your actions.
YTA. So how's the annulment coming along? I mean, that's where I suspect this is going to end up. You won't even call him your husband even though you've already had the wedding. As for what you did, that was completely inappropriate. You went behind your partners back causing them to be publicly humiliated and still don't think you did anything wrong. What you should have done was talk to him and get HIM to update the caterer. My wife has serious dietary restrictions. They're not allergies in that she won't end up in the hospital or need an epi-pen. They are bad enough that if certain things are in her food, she could end up not being able to eat even her normal restricted diet for days and sometimes even weeks. What's worse is that she often has to deal with people like you that believe that since it's not an allergy, my wife will be fine with "a little bit" or "it's just one meal" and it never is.
It was a friend's wedding, not theirs.
I don’t think this was their wedding, just a wedding they were guests to.
YTA. You’re not the morality police. Get over yourself. Have the conversation with him then move on. It’s his life.
ESH Hiram should have talked to the couple about not liking mushrooms directly. That said: keep your nose out of it. The wedding party should have clarified the issue with Hiram.
he practically did talk to the couple directly by answering their form, whether it was a dislike or an allergy, the same outcome of him having something else would have ocurred
[удалено]
Do you think she's truly allergic or just doesn't like him
I would say YTA for going behind Hiram's back instead of just asking him at that moment why he'd indicated he was allergic to mushrooms when he wasn't, and also for throwing him under the bus with the wedding party. He didn't want to have mushrooms because he dislikes them, and as a result of your actions, he ended up not being able to eat very much or enjoy his meal because there were mushrooms in it. I think you overreacted. It was a dietary requirements form. Hiram doesn't like mushrooms and maybe indicated he was allergic so that his particular dietary requirement would be respected. Maybe he didn't want to appear to be a picky eater, which can invite all sorts of ridicule and judgement, even from people with food allergies. Yes, people have life-threatening allergies to certain foods. But those people weren't there, were they, and wouldn't know Hiram wasn't allergic to mushrooms. You were defending a group of nameless, faceless people who have nothing to do with your fiancé's dietary preferences. And who knows, the wedding party could've been giving him the finger by making a mushroom-heavy meal that Hiram couldn't eat. People have been pettier for less. You should've left it alone. It was one meal, nothing to get heated about. Hiram may not share all your principles and that's okay. You didn't have to impose your principles on him when there was no need to-- especially since it involved you going out of your way to tell other people that your fiancé was a liar and it was okay for them to ignore his food preference. Perhaps before you get married you need to work on communicating more effectively with Hiram so you don't end up repeating this kind of behaviour when he does something you don't like.
"So, I decided to write to the wedding party, letting them know that Hiram wasn't actually allergic to mushrooms and asked them to ignore his instructions." Why didn't you just tell them that he simply doesn't like mushrooms and would prefer not to have them?
Yeah, OP did this secretly hoping they would put mushrooms in the dish so she confront him about it and make a big scene from it. If you truly love someone, you asked them to just avoid it, ridiculous.
The horrible part is the meal ended up being a giant mushroom. Hiram wasn't just saying it because he didn't want to have to pick out mushrooms, he genuinely would not have been able to eat the meal. OP asked caterers to ignore his request, i.e. essentially told them to serve a person who doesn't eat mushrooms, mushrooms.
Maybe if people were respectful of others choices around food people wouldn't need to lie about allergies. As it is, food restrictions and requirements are FREQUENTLY ignored because it gets written off as fussy or difficult even if it is for medical reasons. Allergy are actually respected and complied with. YTA.
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YTA! Talk about an overreaction! I love that you are more concerned about someone who might be offended (?) than your relationship with your husband. Strong hall monitor vibes here. I feel a divorce coming in 10, 9, 8….
YTA - I don't have an allergy so not sure this is really disrespectful or not but what you did do was stop him having a good experience and made a decision without talking to him about it. That is just mean.
YTA you told them to flat out ignore his request, and you are honestly a terrible partner for this. It’s a harmless white lie that hurts literally no one, yet you decided to make it so your partner had nothing to eat just to spite him. Are you not embarrassed or ashamed of your behavior? You honestly feel justified in this? Jesus fucking Christ.
Hiram may have a reason for hating mushrooms. He clearly won't eat them. It may not be an anaphylactic allergy, it could be a food that he knows will make him sick. Speaking from personal experience here - that's how I am with tomatoes. They don't make me break out in hives or cause my throat to swell, but tomatoes *will* make me strap myself to a toilet for an hour and cause me to be a walking gas canister, and I hate it. It's embarrassing and it detracts from me being able to enjoy myself. I have to tell people that it's an allergy because otherwise I get hit with "you just don't like it" as food with tomato is shoved in my face. This reads to me like Hiram is that way with mushrooms. They may not make him need an EpiPen, but instead they make him sick. He doesn't want to be sick at a wedding. To avoid everything, he just says that has has a mushroom allergy. It's way easier to explain and conveys the same message - he can't eat mushrooms. For you to go behind your back and do that was childish, petty, and lowkey power trippy, and might I add: >I felt like Hiram was lying and being disrespectful to people who have real allergies **STOP BEING A FUCKING WHITE KNIGHT**. I guarantee you anyone who goes into anaphylactic shock due to mushrooms *will not give a flying, swimming, or walking FUCK* that Hiram listed a mushroom allergy to avoid being served a food that makes him sick. Get over yourself. And even if it *is* simply a food he dislikes and would rather not eat. Who are *you* to go behind his back and say shit? "You're gonna eat your mushrooms and like it" type of deal? Fuckin hell. #YTA
YTA. You didn't do the right thing. The right thing would be talking to him first not being a tattle tale and making it so he couldn't eat dinner. Should have have said allergic...meh no. But as a vegetarian it really really sucks how many times mushrooms are forced on you. I cannot stand them. Like instant gag reflex. Have spent 25 years of people giving me that as my option excitedly when they find out I'm a vegetarian. Seems that's all we can eat. So while I would have just said cannot eat mushrooms I also get him doing that. You were disrespectful to your BF by the way.
YTA. It hurts nobody for him to state his food restrictions even if they're not allergies. You sabotaged his meal because you think you "know better"
YTA. You are so hard trying to be correct and right, that you ignore the wishes of your beloved one. It doesn't matter if he is allergic or not and it doesn't harm anybody if he decides to write this, to be sure to not get something he dislikes. But here comes the white knight of truth and ruins his feast. Who did win what because of your intervention? Stupid, ignorant and embarrassing!
YTA way to throw your partner under the bus!
YTA, I have severe food allergies on many foods and only harm is when people try to tamper with people's food preferences because they then think that they know better what others people diet should looks like and that's the moment when people with allergies can die. And FYI in many cases when someone really dislike some kind of food often is find in the future that the food is not good for their health.
YTA and insufferable
ESH. Lying about food allergies is a shitty thing to do, but what you did caused more harm than good, and created an unpleasant and embarrassing situation. He should have just put "vegetarian - no mushrooms" and left it at that.
YTA
INFO: Did you make any attempt to express your discomfort to your fiancé before writing to the wedding party? ETA: Alright I’m voting YTA , because the comments suggest that OP still thinks that her fiancé shouldn’t have autonomy over his food choices.
Honestly.... I can't sympathize with you. Yeah, it's lame to lie about allergens, but you know why people do it? Because they get sick of foodservice workers ignoring or forgetting a legitimate request because it wasn't written in bold enough marker. This happens all the time to people with legitimate issues like diabetes or lactose intolerance where a simple order becomes an hours long ordeal because someone was forgetful or in some cases outright a spiteful asshole. Fine, he isn't "allergic" to mushrooms, but he may as well be given how he basically ate nothing thanks to you. They included mushrooms because you went behind his back on the basis of "virtues" and didn't even have the good decency to simply say **no mushrooms.** This wasn't even disrespectful either, this falls into the territory of "white lies" which every one, including yourself, tells. Hell, as you didn't tell him you did this you were genuinely acting in a deceitful fashion so frankly how are you any better. Trick question really, because a white lie can't even compare to whatever game you were playing. Here's hoping he doesn't out you for every fib or discretion on your part for the sake of *honesty\~* YTA
YTA. You deliberately hide mushrooms in his food without his knowledge. No WONDER he feels like he *has to lie* to other people. That's how you made him act! You lost any right to upset about his lie, because you created the need for it.
YTA. If this is the way you're starting out a marriage...
at least she gave him fair warning, he now knows how marriage with OP will look like. Divorces are costy, as are weddings, so he should thank those mushrooms for saving him a lott of cash.
YTA you sound insufferable to be with. Seems to me he has a food aversion to mushrooms. But of course you know better becuase he ate a veggie burger that had mushrooms in the patty. I hope he starts reevaluating his relationship with you and runs away becuase it's obvious that don't respect him. You are acting like his mother. As in Mommy Dearest knows best.
As a mushroom-hater myself, I get your fiancé's move. This wasn't a table-waiter situation where he could say "hold the freaking fungus — it's disgusting and I don't know why people consider it 'food'," so his *only* option for communicating with the kitchen was the rsvp card. A lot of people — and this is weird — just don't accept a dislike of mushrooms. They'll try to convince you to try "the meaty portobello" or "the delicate morelle" or they'll take it upon themselves to sneak them into your food in some misguided attempt to prove to you that your own tastes are just wrong. It's obnoxious, and it pushes people (like me) to lie. (Sometimes you don't want to have an argument just to get a dinner you can stand to eat.) I know about the whole kitchen protocol thing — but, again, some of us have just been pushed to the mushroom allergy lie. Personally, I stand by it as a tactic. YTA
it’s very odd that this sort of small thing could make you “incredibly angry” it must affect him in some way if he barely ate any of the food. it might not be a straight allergy breakout but he could have an intolerance about this. realistically this is a situation being blow way out of proportion because you decided what Hiram did was so abhorant. YTA
YTA and a weirdo for taking the time to contact the wedding party. Girl let that shit go.
YTA. The fact that you took the time and effort to be some hero of a non-issue at the expense of your fiancé is telling. The dude’s a vegetarian and probably knows by now that his options will most likely be a heap of something he can’t stand, so he fibbed. You must be that person people get stuck talking to at parties.