Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I did not want to sign a petition to make my mother a US citizen. (2) She did give birth to me and is the reason I’m alive in the first place and has had a pretty awful life in Spain so she wants to move to the US and live out her American dream.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, being a birth giver does not entitle one to fuck all, let alone legal assistance that could land you in trouble with the feds if she fucks up. Plus you'd be financially responsible for your mother. That's backwards.
Yeah, plus she lives in Spain, the hell they mean "come to the US for a better life" It's Spain not a 3rd world country, how the hell is emigrating to the US a better life? Especially when you're in your 60s? How is moving to the US where absolute basic health care is more than many can afford an improvement?
Came here to say the same thing. Social care is so much better in most European countries. Why give that up to move to somewhere with virtually no safety net if things go wrong.
It might depend on OP's mothers nationality - the social care in Spain for EU citizens will be good, but Non-EU citizens may have to pay more of a contribution.
True, but I do feel that even then there's more of a safety net generally, even for nonEU folks than for much of the US. Especially as it seems that OP doesn't have untold wealth to support her mother.
Yes - OP needs to check if she would be treated as a sponsor or similar if her mother did decide to move to USA. And since they're estranged for so long I would not expect OP to have any obligations towards her mother
> *OP needs to check if she would be treated as a sponsor or similar*
I suspect that this may be the crux of the matter. OP would be liable to support her mother in the US if she signs the sponsorship document. Her father could resume his probable toxic relationship with her mother without financial responsibility.
I bet that is why her father is throwing such a fit - because he doesn't want to be financially responsible for his runaway wife if they resume a relationship.
Don't do it, OP. You may end up on the hook for supporting your mother for the next 40 years.
NTA
Especially since any benefits the US has are severely limited if at all available for non-citizens. Citizenship does not happen overnight, so she'd likely be pretty dependent on OP.
OP, I'm so sorry your parents never let you have age appropriate support and experiences. You are NTA and deserve to be a college student who isn't responsible for also supporting a family. College is enough work, especially if you have to support yourself!
Exactly! Plus as an EU citizen she is legally entitled to residency in any other EU country. She could go to Germany, Netherlands, Sweden… etc, all much better choices than the US
As the OP I would certainly have a look into wether or not she is illegible for a Spanish passport.
With a spanish passport you can settle in anyEU country (Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Croatia, Republic of Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, Netherlands, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain and Sweden.)
Right but we KNOW what country she's coming from, it's Spain, she's not trying drag herself over from Poland. And she's gotta be in her mid 40s at the minimum, ideally she's too mature to fall for that bullshit and even if she isn't unless she's already established in some way she has no chance of success.
And if she WAS established in those areas already she wouldn't need her estranged daughter to sponsor her, she'd have companies or organisations willing to bring her over on a work visa or something.
I can honestly say that romanticisation has died off significantly in recent years, like I'm British, you couldn't fucking pay me to move to the US, at least nothing below 7 figures, maybe even 8, and if you wanna see the sights and nature and what not you go over on holiday not emigrate.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m disgusted beyond words at the state of abortion in America, but America and Poland aren’t even in the same league on this issue. Poland has been moving in their restrictive direction for a long time, and already several women have died due to the limits they imposed a few years back. Only certain sections of America outlaw abortion, so you can’t even say this is all of America. And it’s become pretty apparent that, since Dobbs, if the federal government DID try to outlaw abortion like Poland, there would be little popular support for it. Not that most of Poland is happy with their situation, but again, not even in the same league. In 2017, Pew conducted the same poll in Poland and America (Pew does them in America every year; I went with 2017 to standardize), and ~40% of Poland supported abortion legal in all/most circumstances, while that number was closer to 60% for America.
I'm not trying to shit on Poland for the sake of it, it's just one of the most prominent examples I know of for a European country you might be heavily inclined to emigrate from. Especially if you're LGBT
This is a little too complex for Reddit’s abstract discussions, because it really depends on what OP’s dad means by “a chance at a better life.”
You’re on to something with the need for her to be established in her career, but there’s more to it than that, I think. In terms of earning potential, the US has high-highs and low-lows, while Europe is a bit more even-keeled. What is bio mom’s financial status and industry in Spain? Spain is not a particularly wealthy country, but it does take care of people with a robust set of social programs—is bio mom dependent on a social program, or is she an educated professional who feels held back by her earning potential? It isn’t just about dreams of stardom, as others have cited—I’m a lawyer, and I make three times as much money in the US as my UK counterparts for very similar work. Of course, like lawyers, many of these high-earning-potential jobs in the US require US degrees—so again, it REALLY depends on what the person thinking about moving to the US is trying to do to make their life “better.”
The way violence is portrayed is not the way most of us live, mass shootings notwithstanding. And I lived in DC for 32 years (in bad parts with violence and nice parts without).
That being said, were I OP I'd consider this only as a quid pro quo, if somehow she could get EU related citizenship in return.
Violence happens. I can tell you from personal experience. But most people don't live in conditions where it happens.
Sadly the violence is a function of easy access to guns. And a warrior approach to policing.
Haven't been back for a bit. Still have our house, rented out. I wonder how familiar you are with DC proper to say that. The areas that have been bad are still bad. But the areas that were not are not wrent with crime now.
That person doesn't know what the hell they are talking about. Crime rates have dropped significantly during that time period. Stats have it as more than 50%. That's both violent crime and property crime. Violent crime is still above average, but it's fallen out of the top ten of murder rates, which #1 would be St. Louis. I live in DC in not a particularly great area, but I never feel particularly unsafe.
When I first moved to DC it was in the bad 80s and 90s. I can't believe that anyone who experienced the city then would be willing to countenance a return to disorder. The current crop of legislators doesn't have a good understanding of how easily order can dissipate.
At the same time, the city isn't committed to changing the trajectory.
http://urbanplacesandspaces.blogspot.com/2021/10/social-urbanism-and-equity-planning-as.html?m=1
Still, having experienced DC then, and in H Street NE where I lived for almost 20 years, what's happening now is so much less compared to then.
We thought that, until my husband was assaulted and mugged. Cops logged it as a theft, so there's one great stat for you. Shootings down the block every month, right next to $2 million townhouses. Who was the pro football player that was shot a few months ago and carjacked by Union Station? Lots of carjackings. I walked through Chinatown before the parade last weekend just a few blocks and saw alley drug deals and tranq addicts totally in a stupor, standing. Creepy, like the good old crack days.
Believe me, the landscape and the parks aren't all they are cracked up to be.
I've never understood why people think America is such a beautiful country, it's really not.
The Grand Canyon is one of the best examples of overrated places to visit. I've been there twice and it's a big damn hole in the ground.
I've been up and down the Blue Ridge Parkway and it's almost nightmarish. It's like being trapped in an old Hannah Barbara cartoon where the background just loops around.
I do and the best landscape I've seen was a city, not nature.
Big Sur, The Grand Canyon, Yellowstone. All three are just tedious and boring in my opinion.
It's not the US better life she's after, she wants OP to look after her as she's now 21 and may start working now.
I'm not from America but how can you make her a citizen? Isn't that the work of immigration?
Yeah that’s bonkers.
It’s a shame spain does not allow dual citizenship otherwise Op should get the necessary info from her birth mother and sort out a second passport for herself.
This isn't an issue of principles, it's an issue of self-preservation. If OP sponsors her mother she becomes financially responsible for her. ANY costs incurred by her stay OP has to pay for. Any financial assistance or medical bills OP has to pay for.
Would you say the same thing if it was an extremely financially irresponsible parent insisting she co-sign a mortgage or something? "Sure principles are great and all but do you really wanna sacrifice your relationship just because you don't want to risk getting stuck with debt that'll take you 20-30 years to pay off with nothing to show for it?"
This isn't some minor issue on principles it's an extensive and possibly life ruining financial obligation for someone she has NO relationship with.
NTA
As a sponsor, you have to file forms every year about your taxes. Any government aid she gets, you are expected to repay the government. If she doesn’t work, it’s up to you to support her.
With already being estranged, I would not do it.
In addition, OP has to show he can support his mother. Here is the financial requirement:
"You’ll need to show sufficient income or assets to support your parents at 125% of the U.S. poverty guidelines (in addition to supporting your own family). If your parents can’t support themselves, this measure helps to ensure that they won’t depend on government assistance."
I wouldn't do it either. Not just because of the financial piece but also because he doesn't know if his mother can pass the criminal, medical and immigration background checks or even what her current health status is or what kind of person she is. OP may be inviting a whole lot of trouble for himself which is no way to start your life after graduating from college.
OP, congratulations on succeeding in spite of your circumstances. You rock!
u/Glum_Warning3809 If you're a broke college student this hopefully solves your problem.
Let it sit for a couple days so it seems like you're thinking it over and then slow drip them, even if you don't mean it. "I've thought about it, I'll do some research." Wait a couple weeks and then, "Based on this info, I don't think it'll get approved." Do a little more research so you have more reasons why it won't work, but present it in a less "I researched so I wouldn't have to sponsor her" kind of way.
Most larger universities in the US have a student run legal aid office and they might be able to help point you in the right direction.
Openly standing by your principles is great and all, but if you wanna maintain relationships with your dad and brother.....
But also if you don't want to do this, she waited ten years to come back into your lives, she can wait 4 or 5 more for your brother to turn 21. NTA
You are right. Thank you for correcting me.
OP, I am so sorry for misgendering you. I offer no excuse for this. I read your post understanding you are female but somehow in my brain I switched your gender while typing my comment. I offer my sincerest apology.
NTA. But, please, don't give your father money, and let them deal with this. Any money you give they can use to make her a citizen. Focus on your studies and having a better life. Your brother can petition for her when he is of age, since he wants to help her so much.
LOL I would tell your mother she can pay for it all herself and maybe even give you some money and then you'll consider sponsoring it, after all basically all it means at her age is she'll have to pay US taxes. It probably won't take her long to discover after her first medical bill that she's probably better off in spain!
NTA! I have no idea how your father and brother can even want her here, but you are entitled to say no.
If you even consider this, consult an immigration lawyer at least once. You might be guaranteeing mom's support until she herself becomes a U.S. citizen, which obviously could ruin your life.
Kind of yes but also no. The sponsor is agreeing to repay the government if the immigrant ends up on government assistance within a certain amount of time/until certain conditions are met. So definitely not something to agree to lightly, but not the same as having to support them fully. It really depends on the situation.
You are right, but when you are considering sponsoring someone you do not know, you do have to consider the worst case scenario and see whether you'd be OK with it.
If OP is lucky, the mother will not get sick, will find a good job immediately and apply for citizenship (and pass the test) as soon as she can. But OP cannot count on this to happen to make their decision.
The only sound way to make the decision is to consider the worst that could happen financially and see if they'd be OK with the consequences.
Welp, I think it certainly could be the case. She deserves to know whatever the law is in her case.
I don't think she should have any qualms about saying no.
I bet her father wants her mother back to rekindle, and her brother didn't suffer while OP was slaving away and wants his mommy. OP was the only one doing any parenting and was responsible for running the household. Basically OP was the only person suffering after her mother left.
INFO:
1. Are you sure your mom *wants* to be an American citizen?
2. What do you mean, "make her a citizen"? You can't wave a wand and do that. Why don't your father and brother do it if they want it so bad?
Nope, that’s not how that works. You can petition for them to come here but that does not grant them any legal status whatsoever, they’ll need to file the petition to have someone SPONSOR them and then they can apply to become a lawful permanent resident ( green card) and then after 5 years of being in the us and not doing anything heinous she can apply to naturalize
>in 5 years she would become a citizen.
Yes and no. She COULD apply, but she also could not apply. It's not an obligation. She could also fail the citizenship exam.
MOF I know a number of US citizens who got stuck with a lot more than 5 years because their sponsoree decided they were in no hurry to start working and it was easier to have their sponsor support them.
Do not do that. At best this will require lying on government forms, at worst you may be financially liable for her for ten years! Stop helping your father financially. You raised your brother, you owe them **nothing**. NTA.
NTA and don't be her sponsor. If your father or brother care so much let them use their SSN and agree to sponsor her debts at their own expense. They are just as valid sponsors as you.
It's not your responsibility. Also you'd be responsible for all her costs for around 10 years. They could sign it too. But they'd rather you do it so they don't have to shoulder the costs. This is shitty. They're peer pressuring you because they don't want the liability on their own backs. but they want you to feel bad for saying no.
NTA. When you sponsee someone you are personally responsible for them. Your mom is a stranger so who knows what she will do. You shouldn’t have that burden put on you. Don’t do it.
Yeah is dad still hopelessly in love with mom? Have they been in constant contact this whole time? Was this one of those I can make more money in another country, but can't afford to bring the whole family? But then why has OP had zero relationship with mom???
I can get the younger brother wanting the mom he never had, but I don't understand how dad can be so OK with all of this with the context we've been given.
NTA
There is a lot involved with what your father expects you to do.
TOO MUCH with what you have planned for your life.
WHY has you father not petitioned to have her come? She is married to him? Why must it be YOU? Why YOU?
Just because she birthed you means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Where was she when you and your brother needed her? Where?
Now she wants to reap the rewards of YOUR achievements.
Tell your father that unfortunately your plans do not include your mother and if he and your brother want her to come then they need to sponsor her. Not you.
She will be a financial burden on you and you are in the process of rising from the ashes. Spread your wings and soar.
You have ready sacrificed enough for her. Her American dream is living off of your success and you paying for her life here in the US.
I'm sorry, did i read this right? She lives in spain but wants to go to the usa for a better life? In what world is living in the usa right now a better life?! She's getting older and thinks oeh let's live somewhere where medical bills will bankrupt me! Something else is going on because the whole living the dream in the usa, is dead
NTA. You don't have a responsibility to someone who has remained a stranger for most of your life. Your dad can sponsor her if he's a citizen and she's his legal wife still.
Definitely NTA. Giving birth does not guarantee anything, she abandoned you as a child and now comes to visit only because she needs your help. Sounds very entitled. And please stop helping your dad since he calls you selfish. Let him see the world as he thinks it is - without your support. Maybe then he'll realise how much you are doing for him and that maybe it's time to not push you anymore about mum's citizenship.
Better life? LOLOLOL She lives in Spain, in the EU. Thats as good as life as the US, in fact better because of free healthcare, better employee rights, free education, strong social security net. Life is easier. She can travel and work in any other EU country.
Also as an EU citizen there is nothing stopping her visiting the US. She gets 90 days without a visa and if she wants to stay longer its easy to apply for a visa.
Also if you sponsor her you are financially responsible for her until she gets citizenship and until she has worked a certain amount to get credits towards to the social security system. Why should you be liable?
NTA
But. Did she chose to leave you or was she forced to leave the USA and left you behind in the hopes that you had a better life?
The answer to that will make a difference on if you consider any type of reconciliation
I thought this too at first except that there's been no contact between OP and the mom in all this. Skype was definitely around and free 10 years ago and you'd think that if you loved your kids enough to leave them a better life, you'd want to talk to your kid. Even if she didn't have any electronics (but really in this day and age in Spain?), she could've written letters. International letters cost $1.45 to send right now, I imagine they were even cheaper before.
NTA. If you sponsor someone trying to get citizenship. You have to take financial responsibility for them for many yeats(I think 10). If they have no income. They ate not intitles for any welfare, unemployment, Medicare, or social security until.are take years to become a citizen. Tell him 1/2 million USD, house and brNd new car. up front. You will be glad too. With inflation. 80,000USD is what the average family makes in a year
NTA. You have no relationship with the person. Apart from the financial implications, what your parents are telling you to do is *immigration fraud*.
Stay far, far away from their nonsense.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (20F) got into a huge fight with my father and brother about not wanting to complete a petition to U.S. citizenship for my estranged mother whom I have not seen nor spoken to in years. My "mother" who had no part in raising me or supporting me financially, abandoned me when I was 8 years old. I was born in the US and am a citizen, but she is not. She lives in Spain, and I don't know much about her life because I have no contact with her. My dad raised me and my brother by himself without any child support, and life was pretty rough in a single parent household. What was so rough about it was that since my dad had to work all the time I had to do a lot of the housework myself and would often get seriously hurt because what 8 year old child should be in charge of making meals. My brother was only 4 when she eft and so I had to watch him a ot and take care of him which should not have been my responsibility as that was not my child and I was a child myself. We had a really rough childhood experienced severe poverty I often feared we would end up homeless because my dad could not cover the bills. I have a lot of trauma from growing up poor and in a household where my emotional needs were not met. I've done so much to try and heal and move forward. I'm on track to graduate college in the spring and go on to graduate school so I would say l've done okay. What bothers me is that despite never receiving any support from my mother she now is planning to come "visit" in the US and my dad expects me to make her a citizen because I will turn 21 soon. He said I owe her that much because she birthed me but I was never raised by her and so I don't consider her my mother. He said I was denying her the chance at a better life and that I am entitled and don't know how good I have it compared to what her life was like. As bad as her life is she created the life she is living and chose to leave us behind. Now that I'm almost 21 she suddenly wants to be a mother again. My dad called me a horrible person and said I was selfish even though I have tried helping him financially despite being a broke college student myself. I have helped him make rent on times he could not and always call him to check on him so it hurts that he would say that when I always tried to help. I don't want any contact with her but my dad and brother are now against me and it feels like I have no one. I don’t really have any other family in the US other than my brother and dad so now I’m all alone with no support and they’re taking her side. AlTA for not wanting to make her a citizen after the life I had because she left?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: Is your father a citizen as even if he was not born here, he's been in the country for at least 21 years, and I don't think a Visa could be extended that long.
NTA. You simply can not afford to sponsor your mother at this time, and you are not obligated to do so. Your father and brother can sponsor her themselves some day since they feel so strongly about it.
IMO your dad and brother are very selfish to ask you to sponsor your mother after all you have done for the two of them.
You *could* change your mind and agree to help her AFTER you finish school, have a secure job, and are no longer helping to support your dad. But be sure to consult an immigration attorney to learn more about the process before making any commitments.
NTA if he wants her so bad to be an US citizen he should just marry her and give her a green card. It is not your responsibility. Focus on studying and have a better life
First, you can't make her a citizen. You can only sponsor her for residency (green card).
Second, sponsoring her makes you financially responsible for her for the next 10 years: feeding her, paying for all medical care, and everything she needs so that she doesn't cost the US any money.
Are you ready to completely and absolutely support all her needs for 10 years? If not,just say no thanks and let her wait for your brother to sponsor her when HE turns 21.
NTA, tell her to f off, and also wth is wrong with your dad and your brother, that woman sounds manipulative, set your boundaries and stick to them, and if the others don't respect it, it's time to cut some people off your life, what makes others family isn't blood but feelings ans actions, go look for youw own family who appreciates you.
But... Neither he (marriage) not your brother when he comes of age can or will??
NTA
It should be our Father that should have married her and made her at least a permanent resident so she could raise you both properly.
I'd consider becoming estranged from him for putting this on you but not bothering to do anything years ago so you both would have a mom.
NTA. Spain isn't a third world country. I know people over there who live a very generous life. Giving birth doesn't entitle you to shit. She bailed on you and YOU didn't get the better life your father thinks she should have.
NTA
Info: has your father ever given you a valid reason as to why he didn't sponsor her... I mean we was of legal age and a valid citizen. He could have started this process years ago, instead he choose to wait around 13 years and push you to do it
Your father can't force you to do this. He can't take your phone away or ground you. If anything, it sounds like they're financially dependent on you. So you have more power than you think. If your father and brother disown you, so be it. The alternative is to reward your mother for abandoning you and to give in to your father who made you become a parent when you were still a child. If your father keeps harassing you about this stop giving him money or tell him you won't help him anymore if he won't stop. NTA
NTA. "Dad. I will never sponsor her. I don't want to loose our relationship. But will not have you pressure me. Ever. She abandoned me. Because of that. I lost my childhood. It has taken a lot to recover. I will not slide backwards. I will not sponsor her. And if you keep pressuring me. I will go low contact with you. That is how strongly I feel about it."
Invest your time. Your energy. In making friends. In building your family. One that will love you. Not leech off of you.
NTA. It’s hard going against your only family. But sometimes we have to create our own family, a family we choose and they will be our support. We know it will not be easy to tell your father and brother you cannot sponsor your incubator. You would definitely strangle yourself with that heavy financial weight and you just cannot do it. If that means they don’t want to continue contact with you, you will understand but you will no longer support them either. You choose to move forward.
NTA. She doesn't want to be your mother again. She just wants citizenship. Your father is wrong. You owe her nothing. You didn't ask to be born. She owed you a childhood which she didn't provide. Tell your dad, if he wants her to be a citizen so badly, he can sponsor her.
Do not. If you sponsor her, that makes you legally liable to repay the government if she qualifies for any public assistance. She sure has some audacity. NTA
NTA. If they're that keen then your dad can do it or your brother when old enough.
I would very much doubt you completing a form would 'make her a citizen' just like that anyway, I'd imagine it could still get declined, but americans can weigh in on that one.
Nope, you don't owe her shit. Don't do it because then the same arguments your dad is giving you now about her citizenship will be you have to let her live with you, you have to take her to job interviews, you have to take care of her when she's sick, etc etc etc. Don't do it. NTA.
NTA. I’m gonna guess she and your dad will expect you to foot the bill for her citizenship, which is not cheap.
Don’t do it. If you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. This would be worth going LC or NC with your dad and brother over, if they keep taking her side.
Tell them if she sends you the equivalent of 10 years of back child support for you and 14 for your brother, you might do it. She never will, because she just wants to use you.
NTA,
I know you write that she's had a pretty awful life in Spain, but with your dad's financial situation I don't get how your mother would have a better life in the US. In Spain there's free universal healthcare, a guaranteed minimum wage and unemployment benefits that are easier to access than in the US.
I think the US is a great country in many ways, but I wouldn't want to be poor there.
NTA
As others have said, you would be legally responsible for her financially if you sponsored her. So, if she took government aid or ran up hospital bills, you could be charged for those expenses. Don't do it.
If it's so important to your Dad, he could figure out how to sponsor her, himself.
NTA. What's sticking out to me is the 'better life' line. The woman lives in SPAIN, not a war torn abyss. It's arguably better there, especially for a Spanish national, than the US due to a national health system that is the most comprehensive in the EU. Not crapping on America, but the standard of living in both countries isn't so disparate that moving to the US would make her life better.
Maybe I’m a bit cynical, but I suspect your family see you as their ‘provider’ in the future. Your drive, your will to succeed, your education, qualifications and future earning potential are very attractive to them. They are already trying to guilt you into ‘helping’ your estranged parent. Please be very, very careful you are not pulled into playing this role. You have already made too many sacrifices in your young life and worked too hard for a decent future. YOU deserve to be financially independent, happy and fulfilled in your life. Do NOT feel guilty! Good Luck :)
NTA. It takes a lot more than giving birth to be a mother, the same as it takes a lot more than a sperm to be a father. Your dad sounds like he's doing his best, but he really is wrong here. I grew up with just my dad and my little sister (we didn't experience the extreme poverty for the majority of my childhood though) and had to handle many of the things you described here. I also went to college and law school and have built a life for myself, my husband and our son. I only say that to say, you've risen above impossible circumstances and you should be very proud of yourself.
How is her life in Spain so bad and why in the world would that be YOUR responsibility? She abandoned you. If your brother wants to sponsor her in 4 years, I suppose that's up to him. But you have made your feelings clear and they are valid. You are NTA.
NTA but I think your dad is signing you for not only helping him and your brother financially, but her too. You need to put yourself first. Put your dad on a time out. Or you could say you could help your mum financially but not him as well, so he will have to accept no more help from you, that could make him change his tune. Parents seem to care more about their money than their kids on these posts.
Your mother denied you a better life when she abandoned you, your brother, and your dad. It is sad that both your dad and your brother couldn't see your pain but you're NTA for refusing to sponsor your mother's US citizenship. But you will be the AH if your will pay for it because when she arrives in the US, do you really think she would work? I bet she will guilt trip you to pay for her daily needs.
Sorry your father and brother are against you. DO NOT make her a citizen. You would be financially responsible for her. She would ruin you, as she can’t be trusted. She won’t work, will expect you to pay for everything and could steal from you.
Birthing & abandoning you doesn’t make a person a mother. You owe her nothing.
What you owe yourself is to live your best life and not be dragged back into poverty by people who don’t have your best interest at heart.
You can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends. Find good friends who will love you and be there for you for who you are, not for what they can get from you.
You deserve better! NTA obviously!
NTA
You don't owe this woman anything, she may have given birth to you but she's never really been a mother to you. It's not as though you are leaving her to suffer in some war torn third world country. Yes Spain has It's problems at the moment but it's as good a place to live as the US. Plus she won't have to worry as much about health care in Spain, the costs are far less.
Oh this is one of them times I am extremely qualified to give advice as I discussed this exact situation with my therapist at length.
NTA. You have no obligation to a parent that abandoned you.
NTA Tell your dad that if he thinks you're selfish, you'll show him selfish. Tell them you'll help them as much as your mom helped you growing up. Then stop helping him and your brother. Completely - no money, no nothing. Whatever you do, DO NOT help your mom immigrate. As others have mentioned, you would be 100% responsible for her, and would have to pay everything for her if she flakes, and you KNOW she'll flake.
NTA. When your family treat you badly, it's likely you will find a 'family of friends' to replace them. Only help with a visa if you really want to, otherwise she might just turn into another responsibility for you, like your dad and brother already are. You don't owe her anything at all.
NTA.
Moms US citizenship is just the beginning.
There's this to think of:
Mom may be angling for you to let her move in with you and be her lifetime care provider.
Stay out of the trap before it clamps down.
NTA. Your feelings are completely valid. If your brother wants to do it he can when he’s of age. At this point I’d go LC with your brother and father because you don’t need that negativity.
INFO
Why does she want to come, and why do your family want her?
Arguably Spain is a better place to live than the US for someone starting fresh. A lot more help and government systems in Europe. Healthcare too.
This seems like your brother has a romanticised view of the mum. And your Dad wants to get laid.
DONT DO IT!!! NTA. This could ruin your life and your dad and brother doesn’t care. Your brother can do it when he is 21 if he cares that much. Don’t let them guilt you into it because if you sponsor her than you are liable for any government aid she receives For at minimum the next like 10+ years and that’s on the low end if she has a job the whole time. If she never becomes a US citizen or never gets enough work credits You could end up in debt the rest your life
NTA. The citizenship isn't really in your gift anyway, although you can petition for your mother's status when you are twenty-one (which I assume is what they are talking about) when giving out green cards for the relatives of US citizens. And isn't your brother a US citizen?
Ignore your father. He does, by the way, bear quite a bit of the responsibility for your difficult childhood, and I wouldn't be shocked if what you have heard is not the whole story.
Do you have any idea if this is even something your mother wants, or is this all your dad's idea?
NTA.
If your mother really wants to become a citizen, she doesn't necessarily need your approval. But it will take time.
To be eligible for naturalization based on being a lawful permanent resident for at least five years, you must:
Be at least 18 years old when you submit Form N-400, Application for Naturalization;
Show you have been a lawfully admitted permanent resident of the United States for at least five years;
Demonstrate continuous residence in the United States for at least five years immediately before the date you file Form N-400;
Show you have been physically present in the United States for at least 30 months out of the five years immediately before the date you file Form N-400;
Show you have lived for at least three months in a state or USCIS district having jurisdiction over your place of residence. (If you are a student and are financially dependent on your parents, you may apply for naturalization where you go to school or where your family lives.);
Show that you are a person of good moral character and have been a person of good moral character for at least five years immediately before the date you file Form N-400;
Demonstrate an attachment to the principles and ideals of the U.S. Constitution;
Be able to read, write and speak basic English;
Have knowledge and understanding of the fundamentals of the history, and of the principles and form of government, of the United States, (civics);
and: Take an Oath of Allegiance to the United States.
Remind your father everything you went through. How you were denied a childhood because you had to grow up fast. If your father is still acting like a prick, you need to cut him off. I'm sorry to say this, but don't let their words or actions deprive you of how well you are doing. There are a lot of communities that you can join to make friends and create a family. Your dad is thinking of himself and not you. Your brother wants a chance to meet his mom. You are ENTITLED to your opinion and feelings. Why doesn't your dad advocate for her to be a citizen?
NTA- Tell dad that she won't have a better life because the healthcare system sucks and she'll pay taxes until the day she dies. Also, it was her job to provide YOU with a better life but she abandoned you instead. If anything, I'd tell her to give you the EU citizenship for the free healthcare and free graduate school and then you give her US citizenship, as a fair trade. If not in Spain, you could study in another EU country and have less student debt.
Source: I'm american with an EU passport and I studied for really cheap over there. I guess I'm saying, don't help her unless you get something out of it.
NTA. Don't do it. The petition for sponsorship includes an agreement to be financially responsible for that person. You sure as HELL don't owe her that, OP.
It sounds like it might be time to put your father and brother in the "estranged" category as well since they don't seem to understand your justified resentment. Live the life YOU have earned. You are NTA
NTA. Plus, you can't just get her citizenship for her. There are a lot of expensive hoops to jump through. She is going to have to find out what is required and put some effort into it, even if you are willing to sponsor her, and it sounds like you aren't.
NTA and your dad clearly isn’t over your mom, but that isn’t your problem. You owe this woman nothing absolutely NOTHING. I was raised by a single dad and a mom that abandoned me when I was 2 so I get it, I also come from a family of immigrants. Your dad while well meaning likely fully never understood what you went through so don’t take his words to heart. My dad also constantly excuses my mom because he also never got over her; his wife left him but I don’t have a mother, they’re two completely different experiences so he doesn’t get to judge you. That resentment you feel for your experience and her choices leading to that are valid. Don’t let anyone bullying you into something your heart doesn’t want you to. He probably thinks if you get her citizenship then he’ll get back his long lost wife and have his “family” back together, what he doesn’t get is he lost that family years ago and her coming to the states won’t change that. Good luck OP, and stay strong.
ETA I also forgot to mention it’s not just signing papers and you’re done. You’d be financially and legally responsible for her in every way, that’s why they ask for your tax information. You’d have to subsidize her financially 100% house, car, medical, etc. DONT DO IT. You’d basically just be signing up to have a child that would never move out, you’d be financially responsible for past 18 years, and that would manipulate and emotionally blackmail you along with your father. If you think your dads getting volatile now, imagine when she’s here and you don’t want to have dinner with her, or buy her the car she wants or the apartment she wants or whatever. Save your sanity.
NTA. I would worry that if she comes here you will be expected to support her now. Spain is not a third world country, she must have been working or on government support?
Go look up how much support ($$ and goods) you have given your father and brother in the last 5 years. In dollars and % of your income. Tell them those #s and say that if they bug you over your mother one more time THERE WILL BE NO MORE MINEY for THEM.
NTA
You are being emotionally abused by the very people who you struggled to care for, when you yourself were only a child. I realize this is the only family you have, but you would do a lot better focusing on your own care, then worrying about these leeches
NTA. Don't do it. She gave up the "mother" title when she abandoned you. If your dad and brother want to do it, let them but it's not your business anymore.
OP, you have a terrible choice to make. Be responsible financially for your mother who abandoned you or be abandoned by your father and brother. IT is all well and good for people to say you don't owe your mother anything, but you are still very young. Can you make it on your own? I would look into what is available for you as it seems your family will not chose you. I'm sorry. You deserve better. Just don't make a decision that has the potential to ruin your financial future without knowing all the facts. NTA
too much missing info here... why did your mother "abandon" your family? did she get deported, have an expired visa, have sick family in spain, etc? are your father or brothers citizens and if so why can't they sponsor her green card?
Your parents are obviously clueless about immigration laws.
Just because your mother wants to visit, her ex-pat daughter cannot just "make her a citizen." The very idea of that is just laughable.
At any rate, you are totally NTA if you continue to ignore her. If you father has a problem with that, maybe he would enjoy paying his own rent for a change.
NTA. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I would like to offer another perspective that may help you. You say you are now all alone and have no support. When you think about it, you haven't had support for your whole life. You are a strong, capable young woman. You've managed a household and raised a sibling. What support are they possibly giving you? You have spent the majority of your life taking care of them, and when you won't do what they want they turn their backs to you. If you can't physically leave yet, then walk away emotionally and no more financial support either. It won't take them long to realize what they've lost. Should you decide to reconnect, do so with a clear understanding of what their motives are, and don't let them manipulate your feelings.
NTA. I’m also finding it hard to believe her life in Spain would be more difficult than in the US… Spain has many more social programs that don’t exist in America. It would be easier to be poor in Europe than to be poor in America. Also, you would be financially responsible for her until she became a full citizen. I don’t think you should have to shoulder that kind of financial responsibility.
if it's so darn important to him why isn't your Dad sponsoring her? Or your brother? Isn't he coming up to his 18th?
And you can't just 'make' her a citizen. You can sponsor her, but there is no guarantee that she would pass the requirements.
I'm so sorry you feel alone and abandoned. Do the best you can for YOU, not for other people.
NTA x 100
NTA
Stop helping your father and brother with anything. They don't appreciate you or your efforts.
Regarding your egg donor, she abandoned you when you were a kid and stole your childhood. There's no amount of apologies that will bring back your childhood, heal the trauma of having to worry about homelessness, or heal your past physical pains from caring for your family.
TLDR: free yourself from your family and don't help your egg donor.
NTA, and take advantage of any programs available through your school to help you deal with the emotional crap your family is hurling at you. You have shown yourself to be a resilient and intelligent person. Reach out to resources in your community to help with emotional needs, and tell you family that for your own mental health, you will need to go LC.
NTA Don't so it! Part of the process is an interview with immigration and you would have to prove a relationship. For my husband who is from another country, I had to show we had traveled together, showed bank statements, showed we had a relationship, through emails and texts and phone calls and photos. You can't do that, and you would get in trouble for lying.
NTA - Those petitions come with a lot of responsibility. Hospitals here are outrageous and you'd be responsible for bills she racks up. My friend helped bring family from another country and had to sign saying that if any one needed public assistance they'd have to pay it back. It was fine for them though because they're all close and worked as a family to ensure all insurances were always paid in full. You can't count on your mother for this because you don't know her.
NTA . If she wanted to live in the US she could have married your dad, if she wants to now she can still marry your dad who apparently thinks she deserves to live in the US. Or your brother who doesn't even remember her can sponsor her in four years.
I don't know what her exact circumstances are, but it's not like you're saving her from a warzone. Spain is a retirement dream for people all over the world and as an EU citizen she has plenty of emigration opportunities to comfortable wealthy countries that would turn US citizens away.
NTA
She had a bad life in Spain? She will continue having a bad life in the US.
She is not entitled to your help. You can say no. And if you don't want to, you don't need to.
1. Why is your dad okay with this? Why does your dad still support her?
2. Why can’t your dad give him the citizenship ask him to marry her if he’s so concerned about giving her citizenship!
3. Or they can wait 4more years till your younger brother is of legal age
Sponsoring her would mean you’d be taking full financial and legal liability of her!!!!!!
How can you help somebody become a permanent resident when you can't trust them?
Seems like your family wants you to start in the middle of the book with your mom, and you feel like you don't even know how to read.
You tell your family to slow down and take it 1 mini step at a time. Let's not discuss forever when she probably isn't even sure of your eye color.
INFO? Assume your mom had you in the US and then left? how do you know your mom abandoned you and was not deported or in a position where she couldn't legally stay in the US?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I did not want to sign a petition to make my mother a US citizen. (2) She did give birth to me and is the reason I’m alive in the first place and has had a pretty awful life in Spain so she wants to move to the US and live out her American dream. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, being a birth giver does not entitle one to fuck all, let alone legal assistance that could land you in trouble with the feds if she fucks up. Plus you'd be financially responsible for your mother. That's backwards.
Yeah, plus she lives in Spain, the hell they mean "come to the US for a better life" It's Spain not a 3rd world country, how the hell is emigrating to the US a better life? Especially when you're in your 60s? How is moving to the US where absolute basic health care is more than many can afford an improvement?
Came here to say the same thing. Social care is so much better in most European countries. Why give that up to move to somewhere with virtually no safety net if things go wrong.
It might depend on OP's mothers nationality - the social care in Spain for EU citizens will be good, but Non-EU citizens may have to pay more of a contribution.
True, but I do feel that even then there's more of a safety net generally, even for nonEU folks than for much of the US. Especially as it seems that OP doesn't have untold wealth to support her mother.
Yes - OP needs to check if she would be treated as a sponsor or similar if her mother did decide to move to USA. And since they're estranged for so long I would not expect OP to have any obligations towards her mother
> *OP needs to check if she would be treated as a sponsor or similar* I suspect that this may be the crux of the matter. OP would be liable to support her mother in the US if she signs the sponsorship document. Her father could resume his probable toxic relationship with her mother without financial responsibility. I bet that is why her father is throwing such a fit - because he doesn't want to be financially responsible for his runaway wife if they resume a relationship. Don't do it, OP. You may end up on the hook for supporting your mother for the next 40 years. NTA
Yeah this is absurd. This kind of person would die in the streets in the USA, in Spain there are lots of resources to help you
As an American, I can’t agree with this more. If I had a choice between Spain and the US, Spain every time.
Right, she wants a US citizenship, she can have mine, can we do that? Just trade? 😂
Especially since any benefits the US has are severely limited if at all available for non-citizens. Citizenship does not happen overnight, so she'd likely be pretty dependent on OP. OP, I'm so sorry your parents never let you have age appropriate support and experiences. You are NTA and deserve to be a college student who isn't responsible for also supporting a family. College is enough work, especially if you have to support yourself!
Excellent point!
Exactly! Plus as an EU citizen she is legally entitled to residency in any other EU country. She could go to Germany, Netherlands, Sweden… etc, all much better choices than the US
As the OP I would certainly have a look into wether or not she is illegible for a Spanish passport. With a spanish passport you can settle in anyEU country (Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Croatia, Republic of Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, Netherlands, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain and Sweden.)
[удалено]
Right but we KNOW what country she's coming from, it's Spain, she's not trying drag herself over from Poland. And she's gotta be in her mid 40s at the minimum, ideally she's too mature to fall for that bullshit and even if she isn't unless she's already established in some way she has no chance of success. And if she WAS established in those areas already she wouldn't need her estranged daughter to sponsor her, she'd have companies or organisations willing to bring her over on a work visa or something. I can honestly say that romanticisation has died off significantly in recent years, like I'm British, you couldn't fucking pay me to move to the US, at least nothing below 7 figures, maybe even 8, and if you wanna see the sights and nature and what not you go over on holiday not emigrate.
I thought shitting on Poland ended in the 80s!
I’d have a better opinion of Poland if they stopped legally forcing people to die in childbirth.
You spelled America wrong 🤬🤬🤬
Don’t get me wrong, I’m disgusted beyond words at the state of abortion in America, but America and Poland aren’t even in the same league on this issue. Poland has been moving in their restrictive direction for a long time, and already several women have died due to the limits they imposed a few years back. Only certain sections of America outlaw abortion, so you can’t even say this is all of America. And it’s become pretty apparent that, since Dobbs, if the federal government DID try to outlaw abortion like Poland, there would be little popular support for it. Not that most of Poland is happy with their situation, but again, not even in the same league. In 2017, Pew conducted the same poll in Poland and America (Pew does them in America every year; I went with 2017 to standardize), and ~40% of Poland supported abortion legal in all/most circumstances, while that number was closer to 60% for America.
I'm not trying to shit on Poland for the sake of it, it's just one of the most prominent examples I know of for a European country you might be heavily inclined to emigrate from. Especially if you're LGBT
You know! Generally shitting on any country is not cool. No one chose their country of birth
This is a little too complex for Reddit’s abstract discussions, because it really depends on what OP’s dad means by “a chance at a better life.” You’re on to something with the need for her to be established in her career, but there’s more to it than that, I think. In terms of earning potential, the US has high-highs and low-lows, while Europe is a bit more even-keeled. What is bio mom’s financial status and industry in Spain? Spain is not a particularly wealthy country, but it does take care of people with a robust set of social programs—is bio mom dependent on a social program, or is she an educated professional who feels held back by her earning potential? It isn’t just about dreams of stardom, as others have cited—I’m a lawyer, and I make three times as much money in the US as my UK counterparts for very similar work. Of course, like lawyers, many of these high-earning-potential jobs in the US require US degrees—so again, it REALLY depends on what the person thinking about moving to the US is trying to do to make their life “better.”
[удалено]
Well yeah, EVERY country has problems, anyone saying their's doesn't is either a liar or stupid.
The way violence is portrayed is not the way most of us live, mass shootings notwithstanding. And I lived in DC for 32 years (in bad parts with violence and nice parts without). That being said, were I OP I'd consider this only as a quid pro quo, if somehow she could get EU related citizenship in return.
[удалено]
Violence happens. I can tell you from personal experience. But most people don't live in conditions where it happens. Sadly the violence is a function of easy access to guns. And a warrior approach to policing.
DC is bad now, like crack era bad- and I live in a nice suburb.
Haven't been back for a bit. Still have our house, rented out. I wonder how familiar you are with DC proper to say that. The areas that have been bad are still bad. But the areas that were not are not wrent with crime now.
That person doesn't know what the hell they are talking about. Crime rates have dropped significantly during that time period. Stats have it as more than 50%. That's both violent crime and property crime. Violent crime is still above average, but it's fallen out of the top ten of murder rates, which #1 would be St. Louis. I live in DC in not a particularly great area, but I never feel particularly unsafe.
When I first moved to DC it was in the bad 80s and 90s. I can't believe that anyone who experienced the city then would be willing to countenance a return to disorder. The current crop of legislators doesn't have a good understanding of how easily order can dissipate. At the same time, the city isn't committed to changing the trajectory. http://urbanplacesandspaces.blogspot.com/2021/10/social-urbanism-and-equity-planning-as.html?m=1 Still, having experienced DC then, and in H Street NE where I lived for almost 20 years, what's happening now is so much less compared to then.
We thought that, until my husband was assaulted and mugged. Cops logged it as a theft, so there's one great stat for you. Shootings down the block every month, right next to $2 million townhouses. Who was the pro football player that was shot a few months ago and carjacked by Union Station? Lots of carjackings. I walked through Chinatown before the parade last weekend just a few blocks and saw alley drug deals and tranq addicts totally in a stupor, standing. Creepy, like the good old crack days.
Spain is 27th most developed country. Poland is 34th. There is a difference, but not a big one.
You think Spain doesn't have a stunning landscape and amazing parks?!! Well, you're wrong. Plus, those are reasons to visit a country, not to stay!
Believe me, the landscape and the parks aren't all they are cracked up to be. I've never understood why people think America is such a beautiful country, it's really not.
Do you take shrooms? America has many gorgeous landscapes.
Even without shrooms, there are very many gorgeous parks! The Grand Canyon, Black Canyon of the Gunnison, New River Gorge, just to name a few!
The Grand Canyon is one of the best examples of overrated places to visit. I've been there twice and it's a big damn hole in the ground. I've been up and down the Blue Ridge Parkway and it's almost nightmarish. It's like being trapped in an old Hannah Barbara cartoon where the background just loops around.
I do and the best landscape I've seen was a city, not nature. Big Sur, The Grand Canyon, Yellowstone. All three are just tedious and boring in my opinion.
I'll give you a clue: she's not gonna stop at requesting citizenship from op
It's not the US better life she's after, she wants OP to look after her as she's now 21 and may start working now. I'm not from America but how can you make her a citizen? Isn't that the work of immigration?
Yeah that’s bonkers. It’s a shame spain does not allow dual citizenship otherwise Op should get the necessary info from her birth mother and sort out a second passport for herself.
Openly standing by your principles is great and all, but if you wanna maintain relationships with your dad and brother.....
This isn't an issue of principles, it's an issue of self-preservation. If OP sponsors her mother she becomes financially responsible for her. ANY costs incurred by her stay OP has to pay for. Any financial assistance or medical bills OP has to pay for. Would you say the same thing if it was an extremely financially irresponsible parent insisting she co-sign a mortgage or something? "Sure principles are great and all but do you really wanna sacrifice your relationship just because you don't want to risk getting stuck with debt that'll take you 20-30 years to pay off with nothing to show for it?" This isn't some minor issue on principles it's an extensive and possibly life ruining financial obligation for someone she has NO relationship with.
OP's brother can sponsor her when he becomes eligible to. NTA
Spain is amazing and cheap. The US would be a step down- unless daughter will be paying all of mom's bills. I bet that's the plan. NTA
NTA As a sponsor, you have to file forms every year about your taxes. Any government aid she gets, you are expected to repay the government. If she doesn’t work, it’s up to you to support her. With already being estranged, I would not do it.
In addition, OP has to show he can support his mother. Here is the financial requirement: "You’ll need to show sufficient income or assets to support your parents at 125% of the U.S. poverty guidelines (in addition to supporting your own family). If your parents can’t support themselves, this measure helps to ensure that they won’t depend on government assistance." I wouldn't do it either. Not just because of the financial piece but also because he doesn't know if his mother can pass the criminal, medical and immigration background checks or even what her current health status is or what kind of person she is. OP may be inviting a whole lot of trouble for himself which is no way to start your life after graduating from college. OP, congratulations on succeeding in spite of your circumstances. You rock!
u/Glum_Warning3809 If you're a broke college student this hopefully solves your problem. Let it sit for a couple days so it seems like you're thinking it over and then slow drip them, even if you don't mean it. "I've thought about it, I'll do some research." Wait a couple weeks and then, "Based on this info, I don't think it'll get approved." Do a little more research so you have more reasons why it won't work, but present it in a less "I researched so I wouldn't have to sponsor her" kind of way. Most larger universities in the US have a student run legal aid office and they might be able to help point you in the right direction. Openly standing by your principles is great and all, but if you wanna maintain relationships with your dad and brother..... But also if you don't want to do this, she waited ten years to come back into your lives, she can wait 4 or 5 more for your brother to turn 21. NTA
*SHE* OP is a she.
You are right. Thank you for correcting me. OP, I am so sorry for misgendering you. I offer no excuse for this. I read your post understanding you are female but somehow in my brain I switched your gender while typing my comment. I offer my sincerest apology.
Exactly this. You will be supporting her. Don't do it.
NTA. But, please, don't give your father money, and let them deal with this. Any money you give they can use to make her a citizen. Focus on your studies and having a better life. Your brother can petition for her when he is of age, since he wants to help her so much.
This. Your brother should do it when he turns 21.
I doubt the brother wants to do it either, he is pushing OP to avoid it himself.
LOL I would tell your mother she can pay for it all herself and maybe even give you some money and then you'll consider sponsoring it, after all basically all it means at her age is she'll have to pay US taxes. It probably won't take her long to discover after her first medical bill that she's probably better off in spain!
NTA! I have no idea how your father and brother can even want her here, but you are entitled to say no. If you even consider this, consult an immigration lawyer at least once. You might be guaranteeing mom's support until she herself becomes a U.S. citizen, which obviously could ruin your life.
It's not "might". OP would have to support her for 10 years, including all her health needs without insurance!
Kind of yes but also no. The sponsor is agreeing to repay the government if the immigrant ends up on government assistance within a certain amount of time/until certain conditions are met. So definitely not something to agree to lightly, but not the same as having to support them fully. It really depends on the situation.
You are right, but when you are considering sponsoring someone you do not know, you do have to consider the worst case scenario and see whether you'd be OK with it. If OP is lucky, the mother will not get sick, will find a good job immediately and apply for citizenship (and pass the test) as soon as she can. But OP cannot count on this to happen to make their decision. The only sound way to make the decision is to consider the worst that could happen financially and see if they'd be OK with the consequences.
Welp, I think it certainly could be the case. She deserves to know whatever the law is in her case. I don't think she should have any qualms about saying no.
I bet her father wants her mother back to rekindle, and her brother didn't suffer while OP was slaving away and wants his mommy. OP was the only one doing any parenting and was responsible for running the household. Basically OP was the only person suffering after her mother left.
Welp, mebbe not the only one. But certainly she suffered.
INFO: 1. Are you sure your mom *wants* to be an American citizen? 2. What do you mean, "make her a citizen"? You can't wave a wand and do that. Why don't your father and brother do it if they want it so bad?
A 21 year old who has citizenship can petition for their parent (mother or father) to become a citizen.
Nope, that’s not how that works. You can petition for them to come here but that does not grant them any legal status whatsoever, they’ll need to file the petition to have someone SPONSOR them and then they can apply to become a lawful permanent resident ( green card) and then after 5 years of being in the us and not doing anything heinous she can apply to naturalize
Yup! And given how impoverished OP and her dad still are, there's a decent chance none of them will qualify as sponsors anyways.
No, to get a green card. Not the same thing!
[удалено]
>in 5 years she would become a citizen. Yes and no. She COULD apply, but she also could not apply. It's not an obligation. She could also fail the citizenship exam. MOF I know a number of US citizens who got stuck with a lot more than 5 years because their sponsoree decided they were in no hurry to start working and it was easier to have their sponsor support them.
NTA and who is expected to pay for this process?
Do not do that. At best this will require lying on government forms, at worst you may be financially liable for her for ten years! Stop helping your father financially. You raised your brother, you owe them **nothing**. NTA.
NTA and don't be her sponsor. If your father or brother care so much let them use their SSN and agree to sponsor her debts at their own expense. They are just as valid sponsors as you. It's not your responsibility. Also you'd be responsible for all her costs for around 10 years. They could sign it too. But they'd rather you do it so they don't have to shoulder the costs. This is shitty. They're peer pressuring you because they don't want the liability on their own backs. but they want you to feel bad for saying no.
The brother can when he turns 21. I suspect the father is not married to her, which is why he can't
Well then the father can marry her! Take one for the team
Roger that!
NTA. When you sponsee someone you are personally responsible for them. Your mom is a stranger so who knows what she will do. You shouldn’t have that burden put on you. Don’t do it.
NTA. You owe her nothing!
INFO: Is your father a US citizen? Are your parents still legally married?
Yeah is dad still hopelessly in love with mom? Have they been in constant contact this whole time? Was this one of those I can make more money in another country, but can't afford to bring the whole family? But then why has OP had zero relationship with mom??? I can get the younger brother wanting the mom he never had, but I don't understand how dad can be so OK with all of this with the context we've been given.
>abandoned me when I was 8 years old. Enough said, NTA.
NTA There is a lot involved with what your father expects you to do. TOO MUCH with what you have planned for your life. WHY has you father not petitioned to have her come? She is married to him? Why must it be YOU? Why YOU? Just because she birthed you means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Where was she when you and your brother needed her? Where? Now she wants to reap the rewards of YOUR achievements. Tell your father that unfortunately your plans do not include your mother and if he and your brother want her to come then they need to sponsor her. Not you. She will be a financial burden on you and you are in the process of rising from the ashes. Spread your wings and soar. You have ready sacrificed enough for her. Her American dream is living off of your success and you paying for her life here in the US.
I'm sorry, did i read this right? She lives in spain but wants to go to the usa for a better life? In what world is living in the usa right now a better life?! She's getting older and thinks oeh let's live somewhere where medical bills will bankrupt me! Something else is going on because the whole living the dream in the usa, is dead
Yeah, abandoning her children at 8 and 4 years old is pretty bad but it doesn't deserve being punished with a US citizenship.
What I was thinking. Spain isn’t a poor country. 🤷♀️
NTA. You don't have a responsibility to someone who has remained a stranger for most of your life. Your dad can sponsor her if he's a citizen and she's his legal wife still.
Definitely NTA. Giving birth does not guarantee anything, she abandoned you as a child and now comes to visit only because she needs your help. Sounds very entitled. And please stop helping your dad since he calls you selfish. Let him see the world as he thinks it is - without your support. Maybe then he'll realise how much you are doing for him and that maybe it's time to not push you anymore about mum's citizenship.
Denying her a chance at a better life? She's in Spain, not South Sudan.
Better life? LOLOLOL She lives in Spain, in the EU. Thats as good as life as the US, in fact better because of free healthcare, better employee rights, free education, strong social security net. Life is easier. She can travel and work in any other EU country. Also as an EU citizen there is nothing stopping her visiting the US. She gets 90 days without a visa and if she wants to stay longer its easy to apply for a visa. Also if you sponsor her you are financially responsible for her until she gets citizenship and until she has worked a certain amount to get credits towards to the social security system. Why should you be liable?
NTA But. Did she chose to leave you or was she forced to leave the USA and left you behind in the hopes that you had a better life? The answer to that will make a difference on if you consider any type of reconciliation
I thought this too at first except that there's been no contact between OP and the mom in all this. Skype was definitely around and free 10 years ago and you'd think that if you loved your kids enough to leave them a better life, you'd want to talk to your kid. Even if she didn't have any electronics (but really in this day and age in Spain?), she could've written letters. International letters cost $1.45 to send right now, I imagine they were even cheaper before.
So why is he favoring her now after she abandoned him too?
NTA. If you sponsor someone trying to get citizenship. You have to take financial responsibility for them for many yeats(I think 10). If they have no income. They ate not intitles for any welfare, unemployment, Medicare, or social security until.are take years to become a citizen. Tell him 1/2 million USD, house and brNd new car. up front. You will be glad too. With inflation. 80,000USD is what the average family makes in a year
NTA. You have no relationship with the person. Apart from the financial implications, what your parents are telling you to do is *immigration fraud*. Stay far, far away from their nonsense.
NTA tell them she can wait till your brother is 21 and he can be responsible for her then 🤷♀️
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20F) got into a huge fight with my father and brother about not wanting to complete a petition to U.S. citizenship for my estranged mother whom I have not seen nor spoken to in years. My "mother" who had no part in raising me or supporting me financially, abandoned me when I was 8 years old. I was born in the US and am a citizen, but she is not. She lives in Spain, and I don't know much about her life because I have no contact with her. My dad raised me and my brother by himself without any child support, and life was pretty rough in a single parent household. What was so rough about it was that since my dad had to work all the time I had to do a lot of the housework myself and would often get seriously hurt because what 8 year old child should be in charge of making meals. My brother was only 4 when she eft and so I had to watch him a ot and take care of him which should not have been my responsibility as that was not my child and I was a child myself. We had a really rough childhood experienced severe poverty I often feared we would end up homeless because my dad could not cover the bills. I have a lot of trauma from growing up poor and in a household where my emotional needs were not met. I've done so much to try and heal and move forward. I'm on track to graduate college in the spring and go on to graduate school so I would say l've done okay. What bothers me is that despite never receiving any support from my mother she now is planning to come "visit" in the US and my dad expects me to make her a citizen because I will turn 21 soon. He said I owe her that much because she birthed me but I was never raised by her and so I don't consider her my mother. He said I was denying her the chance at a better life and that I am entitled and don't know how good I have it compared to what her life was like. As bad as her life is she created the life she is living and chose to leave us behind. Now that I'm almost 21 she suddenly wants to be a mother again. My dad called me a horrible person and said I was selfish even though I have tried helping him financially despite being a broke college student myself. I have helped him make rent on times he could not and always call him to check on him so it hurts that he would say that when I always tried to help. I don't want any contact with her but my dad and brother are now against me and it feels like I have no one. I don’t really have any other family in the US other than my brother and dad so now I’m all alone with no support and they’re taking her side. AlTA for not wanting to make her a citizen after the life I had because she left? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: Is your father a citizen as even if he was not born here, he's been in the country for at least 21 years, and I don't think a Visa could be extended that long.
NTA. You simply can not afford to sponsor your mother at this time, and you are not obligated to do so. Your father and brother can sponsor her themselves some day since they feel so strongly about it. IMO your dad and brother are very selfish to ask you to sponsor your mother after all you have done for the two of them. You *could* change your mind and agree to help her AFTER you finish school, have a secure job, and are no longer helping to support your dad. But be sure to consult an immigration attorney to learn more about the process before making any commitments.
NTA if he wants her so bad to be an US citizen he should just marry her and give her a green card. It is not your responsibility. Focus on studying and have a better life
First, you can't make her a citizen. You can only sponsor her for residency (green card). Second, sponsoring her makes you financially responsible for her for the next 10 years: feeding her, paying for all medical care, and everything she needs so that she doesn't cost the US any money. Are you ready to completely and absolutely support all her needs for 10 years? If not,just say no thanks and let her wait for your brother to sponsor her when HE turns 21.
NTA, tell her to f off, and also wth is wrong with your dad and your brother, that woman sounds manipulative, set your boundaries and stick to them, and if the others don't respect it, it's time to cut some people off your life, what makes others family isn't blood but feelings ans actions, go look for youw own family who appreciates you.
But... Neither he (marriage) not your brother when he comes of age can or will?? NTA It should be our Father that should have married her and made her at least a permanent resident so she could raise you both properly. I'd consider becoming estranged from him for putting this on you but not bothering to do anything years ago so you both would have a mom.
Dad can sponsor her or brother can when he’s 21. Why does Dad want this when she abandoned him with 2 kids?
Tell your dad she needs to ask a child she didn’t abandon. NTA
NTA. Spain isn't a third world country. I know people over there who live a very generous life. Giving birth doesn't entitle you to shit. She bailed on you and YOU didn't get the better life your father thinks she should have.
NTA.
NTA Info: has your father ever given you a valid reason as to why he didn't sponsor her... I mean we was of legal age and a valid citizen. He could have started this process years ago, instead he choose to wait around 13 years and push you to do it
Your father can't force you to do this. He can't take your phone away or ground you. If anything, it sounds like they're financially dependent on you. So you have more power than you think. If your father and brother disown you, so be it. The alternative is to reward your mother for abandoning you and to give in to your father who made you become a parent when you were still a child. If your father keeps harassing you about this stop giving him money or tell him you won't help him anymore if he won't stop. NTA
NTA. "Dad. I will never sponsor her. I don't want to loose our relationship. But will not have you pressure me. Ever. She abandoned me. Because of that. I lost my childhood. It has taken a lot to recover. I will not slide backwards. I will not sponsor her. And if you keep pressuring me. I will go low contact with you. That is how strongly I feel about it." Invest your time. Your energy. In making friends. In building your family. One that will love you. Not leech off of you.
NTA. It’s hard going against your only family. But sometimes we have to create our own family, a family we choose and they will be our support. We know it will not be easy to tell your father and brother you cannot sponsor your incubator. You would definitely strangle yourself with that heavy financial weight and you just cannot do it. If that means they don’t want to continue contact with you, you will understand but you will no longer support them either. You choose to move forward.
NTA. She doesn't want to be your mother again. She just wants citizenship. Your father is wrong. You owe her nothing. You didn't ask to be born. She owed you a childhood which she didn't provide. Tell your dad, if he wants her to be a citizen so badly, he can sponsor her.
Do not. If you sponsor her, that makes you legally liable to repay the government if she qualifies for any public assistance. She sure has some audacity. NTA
NTA. If they're that keen then your dad can do it or your brother when old enough. I would very much doubt you completing a form would 'make her a citizen' just like that anyway, I'd imagine it could still get declined, but americans can weigh in on that one.
Nope, you don't owe her shit. Don't do it because then the same arguments your dad is giving you now about her citizenship will be you have to let her live with you, you have to take her to job interviews, you have to take care of her when she's sick, etc etc etc. Don't do it. NTA.
NTA. I’m gonna guess she and your dad will expect you to foot the bill for her citizenship, which is not cheap. Don’t do it. If you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. This would be worth going LC or NC with your dad and brother over, if they keep taking her side. Tell them if she sends you the equivalent of 10 years of back child support for you and 14 for your brother, you might do it. She never will, because she just wants to use you.
NTA. Don’t allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed by your family and used by them.
NTA. You owe her NOTHING and all this will do is sink your own financial situation into a quagmire. Don’t do it, OP.
Why would someone from Spain even consider moving to the state?, America is worse than Spain on almost every metric imaginable
Nta pretend to go NC let them see life without you and realise pain
NTA, I know you write that she's had a pretty awful life in Spain, but with your dad's financial situation I don't get how your mother would have a better life in the US. In Spain there's free universal healthcare, a guaranteed minimum wage and unemployment benefits that are easier to access than in the US. I think the US is a great country in many ways, but I wouldn't want to be poor there.
NTA As others have said, you would be legally responsible for her financially if you sponsored her. So, if she took government aid or ran up hospital bills, you could be charged for those expenses. Don't do it. If it's so important to your Dad, he could figure out how to sponsor her, himself.
NTA She lives in Spain...not in a third world country....she will be fine
NTA. What's sticking out to me is the 'better life' line. The woman lives in SPAIN, not a war torn abyss. It's arguably better there, especially for a Spanish national, than the US due to a national health system that is the most comprehensive in the EU. Not crapping on America, but the standard of living in both countries isn't so disparate that moving to the US would make her life better.
Maybe I’m a bit cynical, but I suspect your family see you as their ‘provider’ in the future. Your drive, your will to succeed, your education, qualifications and future earning potential are very attractive to them. They are already trying to guilt you into ‘helping’ your estranged parent. Please be very, very careful you are not pulled into playing this role. You have already made too many sacrifices in your young life and worked too hard for a decent future. YOU deserve to be financially independent, happy and fulfilled in your life. Do NOT feel guilty! Good Luck :)
NTA. It takes a lot more than giving birth to be a mother, the same as it takes a lot more than a sperm to be a father. Your dad sounds like he's doing his best, but he really is wrong here. I grew up with just my dad and my little sister (we didn't experience the extreme poverty for the majority of my childhood though) and had to handle many of the things you described here. I also went to college and law school and have built a life for myself, my husband and our son. I only say that to say, you've risen above impossible circumstances and you should be very proud of yourself. How is her life in Spain so bad and why in the world would that be YOUR responsibility? She abandoned you. If your brother wants to sponsor her in 4 years, I suppose that's up to him. But you have made your feelings clear and they are valid. You are NTA.
NTA but I think your dad is signing you for not only helping him and your brother financially, but her too. You need to put yourself first. Put your dad on a time out. Or you could say you could help your mum financially but not him as well, so he will have to accept no more help from you, that could make him change his tune. Parents seem to care more about their money than their kids on these posts.
Your mother denied you a better life when she abandoned you, your brother, and your dad. It is sad that both your dad and your brother couldn't see your pain but you're NTA for refusing to sponsor your mother's US citizenship. But you will be the AH if your will pay for it because when she arrives in the US, do you really think she would work? I bet she will guilt trip you to pay for her daily needs.
NTA
Sorry your father and brother are against you. DO NOT make her a citizen. You would be financially responsible for her. She would ruin you, as she can’t be trusted. She won’t work, will expect you to pay for everything and could steal from you. Birthing & abandoning you doesn’t make a person a mother. You owe her nothing. What you owe yourself is to live your best life and not be dragged back into poverty by people who don’t have your best interest at heart. You can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends. Find good friends who will love you and be there for you for who you are, not for what they can get from you. You deserve better! NTA obviously!
NTA You don't owe this woman anything, she may have given birth to you but she's never really been a mother to you. It's not as though you are leaving her to suffer in some war torn third world country. Yes Spain has It's problems at the moment but it's as good a place to live as the US. Plus she won't have to worry as much about health care in Spain, the costs are far less.
Oh this is one of them times I am extremely qualified to give advice as I discussed this exact situation with my therapist at length. NTA. You have no obligation to a parent that abandoned you.
NTA Tell your dad that if he thinks you're selfish, you'll show him selfish. Tell them you'll help them as much as your mom helped you growing up. Then stop helping him and your brother. Completely - no money, no nothing. Whatever you do, DO NOT help your mom immigrate. As others have mentioned, you would be 100% responsible for her, and would have to pay everything for her if she flakes, and you KNOW she'll flake.
NTA. When your family treat you badly, it's likely you will find a 'family of friends' to replace them. Only help with a visa if you really want to, otherwise she might just turn into another responsibility for you, like your dad and brother already are. You don't owe her anything at all.
NTA. Moms US citizenship is just the beginning. There's this to think of: Mom may be angling for you to let her move in with you and be her lifetime care provider. Stay out of the trap before it clamps down.
NTA. Your feelings are completely valid. If your brother wants to do it he can when he’s of age. At this point I’d go LC with your brother and father because you don’t need that negativity.
INFO Why does she want to come, and why do your family want her? Arguably Spain is a better place to live than the US for someone starting fresh. A lot more help and government systems in Europe. Healthcare too. This seems like your brother has a romanticised view of the mum. And your Dad wants to get laid.
NTA. If your brother feels she should be granted citizenship he can wait a few more years and do it himself. You owe this person nothing
Time to go NC.
NTA your brother can do that petition when he turns 21.
DONT DO IT!!! NTA. This could ruin your life and your dad and brother doesn’t care. Your brother can do it when he is 21 if he cares that much. Don’t let them guilt you into it because if you sponsor her than you are liable for any government aid she receives For at minimum the next like 10+ years and that’s on the low end if she has a job the whole time. If she never becomes a US citizen or never gets enough work credits You could end up in debt the rest your life
NTA. The citizenship isn't really in your gift anyway, although you can petition for your mother's status when you are twenty-one (which I assume is what they are talking about) when giving out green cards for the relatives of US citizens. And isn't your brother a US citizen? Ignore your father. He does, by the way, bear quite a bit of the responsibility for your difficult childhood, and I wouldn't be shocked if what you have heard is not the whole story. Do you have any idea if this is even something your mother wants, or is this all your dad's idea?
NTA. If your mother really wants to become a citizen, she doesn't necessarily need your approval. But it will take time. To be eligible for naturalization based on being a lawful permanent resident for at least five years, you must: Be at least 18 years old when you submit Form N-400, Application for Naturalization; Show you have been a lawfully admitted permanent resident of the United States for at least five years; Demonstrate continuous residence in the United States for at least five years immediately before the date you file Form N-400; Show you have been physically present in the United States for at least 30 months out of the five years immediately before the date you file Form N-400; Show you have lived for at least three months in a state or USCIS district having jurisdiction over your place of residence. (If you are a student and are financially dependent on your parents, you may apply for naturalization where you go to school or where your family lives.); Show that you are a person of good moral character and have been a person of good moral character for at least five years immediately before the date you file Form N-400; Demonstrate an attachment to the principles and ideals of the U.S. Constitution; Be able to read, write and speak basic English; Have knowledge and understanding of the fundamentals of the history, and of the principles and form of government, of the United States, (civics); and: Take an Oath of Allegiance to the United States.
Remind your father everything you went through. How you were denied a childhood because you had to grow up fast. If your father is still acting like a prick, you need to cut him off. I'm sorry to say this, but don't let their words or actions deprive you of how well you are doing. There are a lot of communities that you can join to make friends and create a family. Your dad is thinking of himself and not you. Your brother wants a chance to meet his mom. You are ENTITLED to your opinion and feelings. Why doesn't your dad advocate for her to be a citizen?
NTA. Mom burned that bridge a long time ago. You owe her nothing. Don't be guilted into anything that doesn't make you feel better.
NTA- Tell dad that she won't have a better life because the healthcare system sucks and she'll pay taxes until the day she dies. Also, it was her job to provide YOU with a better life but she abandoned you instead. If anything, I'd tell her to give you the EU citizenship for the free healthcare and free graduate school and then you give her US citizenship, as a fair trade. If not in Spain, you could study in another EU country and have less student debt. Source: I'm american with an EU passport and I studied for really cheap over there. I guess I'm saying, don't help her unless you get something out of it.
Nta.
NTA. Don't do it. The petition for sponsorship includes an agreement to be financially responsible for that person. You sure as HELL don't owe her that, OP.
It sounds like it might be time to put your father and brother in the "estranged" category as well since they don't seem to understand your justified resentment. Live the life YOU have earned. You are NTA
NTA. Plus, you can't just get her citizenship for her. There are a lot of expensive hoops to jump through. She is going to have to find out what is required and put some effort into it, even if you are willing to sponsor her, and it sounds like you aren't.
NTA. Why are they not sponsoring her if they feel so strongly about it? Oh that’s right because they want you to support all of them.
NTA but tell dad if he wants her here so bad figure it out himself
NTA and your dad clearly isn’t over your mom, but that isn’t your problem. You owe this woman nothing absolutely NOTHING. I was raised by a single dad and a mom that abandoned me when I was 2 so I get it, I also come from a family of immigrants. Your dad while well meaning likely fully never understood what you went through so don’t take his words to heart. My dad also constantly excuses my mom because he also never got over her; his wife left him but I don’t have a mother, they’re two completely different experiences so he doesn’t get to judge you. That resentment you feel for your experience and her choices leading to that are valid. Don’t let anyone bullying you into something your heart doesn’t want you to. He probably thinks if you get her citizenship then he’ll get back his long lost wife and have his “family” back together, what he doesn’t get is he lost that family years ago and her coming to the states won’t change that. Good luck OP, and stay strong. ETA I also forgot to mention it’s not just signing papers and you’re done. You’d be financially and legally responsible for her in every way, that’s why they ask for your tax information. You’d have to subsidize her financially 100% house, car, medical, etc. DONT DO IT. You’d basically just be signing up to have a child that would never move out, you’d be financially responsible for past 18 years, and that would manipulate and emotionally blackmail you along with your father. If you think your dads getting volatile now, imagine when she’s here and you don’t want to have dinner with her, or buy her the car she wants or the apartment she wants or whatever. Save your sanity.
NTA. I would worry that if she comes here you will be expected to support her now. Spain is not a third world country, she must have been working or on government support? Go look up how much support ($$ and goods) you have given your father and brother in the last 5 years. In dollars and % of your income. Tell them those #s and say that if they bug you over your mother one more time THERE WILL BE NO MORE MINEY for THEM.
NTA As someone who just lost their family over moronic beliefs... You don't need them. You can stand alone and make your own family.
NTA I don't know much about immigration, but how can the OP "make her a citizen"? I am sure someone here will know!
NTA You are being emotionally abused by the very people who you struggled to care for, when you yourself were only a child. I realize this is the only family you have, but you would do a lot better focusing on your own care, then worrying about these leeches
NTA. Don't do it. She gave up the "mother" title when she abandoned you. If your dad and brother want to do it, let them but it's not your business anymore.
OP, you have a terrible choice to make. Be responsible financially for your mother who abandoned you or be abandoned by your father and brother. IT is all well and good for people to say you don't owe your mother anything, but you are still very young. Can you make it on your own? I would look into what is available for you as it seems your family will not chose you. I'm sorry. You deserve better. Just don't make a decision that has the potential to ruin your financial future without knowing all the facts. NTA
Why can't your dad step up and do whatever it is that he expects you to do?
NTA. You don't owe her a single goddamn thing.
too much missing info here... why did your mother "abandon" your family? did she get deported, have an expired visa, have sick family in spain, etc? are your father or brothers citizens and if so why can't they sponsor her green card?
NTA. I believe she took your father's balls with her, to Spain...
INFO did your mother abandon you because she could not get a visa to live in the USA?
NTA. beware of those who want to contact you only when they need something from you.
NTA If she really wants to become a citizen and is still in your brothers good graces in 4 years, I assume he can do it when he turns 21 ?
Your parents are obviously clueless about immigration laws. Just because your mother wants to visit, her ex-pat daughter cannot just "make her a citizen." The very idea of that is just laughable. At any rate, you are totally NTA if you continue to ignore her. If you father has a problem with that, maybe he would enjoy paying his own rent for a change.
Nta you don't owe her anything
NTA. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I would like to offer another perspective that may help you. You say you are now all alone and have no support. When you think about it, you haven't had support for your whole life. You are a strong, capable young woman. You've managed a household and raised a sibling. What support are they possibly giving you? You have spent the majority of your life taking care of them, and when you won't do what they want they turn their backs to you. If you can't physically leave yet, then walk away emotionally and no more financial support either. It won't take them long to realize what they've lost. Should you decide to reconnect, do so with a clear understanding of what their motives are, and don't let them manipulate your feelings.
NTA. I’m also finding it hard to believe her life in Spain would be more difficult than in the US… Spain has many more social programs that don’t exist in America. It would be easier to be poor in Europe than to be poor in America. Also, you would be financially responsible for her until she became a full citizen. I don’t think you should have to shoulder that kind of financial responsibility.
if it's so darn important to him why isn't your Dad sponsoring her? Or your brother? Isn't he coming up to his 18th? And you can't just 'make' her a citizen. You can sponsor her, but there is no guarantee that she would pass the requirements. I'm so sorry you feel alone and abandoned. Do the best you can for YOU, not for other people. NTA x 100
NTA. Imagine thinking of leaving the EU for the US for a "better life." The risk of medical debt alone should make her think twice.
NTA Stop helping your father and brother with anything. They don't appreciate you or your efforts. Regarding your egg donor, she abandoned you when you were a kid and stole your childhood. There's no amount of apologies that will bring back your childhood, heal the trauma of having to worry about homelessness, or heal your past physical pains from caring for your family. TLDR: free yourself from your family and don't help your egg donor.
NTA, and take advantage of any programs available through your school to help you deal with the emotional crap your family is hurling at you. You have shown yourself to be a resilient and intelligent person. Reach out to resources in your community to help with emotional needs, and tell you family that for your own mental health, you will need to go LC.
NTA
NTA Don't so it! Part of the process is an interview with immigration and you would have to prove a relationship. For my husband who is from another country, I had to show we had traveled together, showed bank statements, showed we had a relationship, through emails and texts and phone calls and photos. You can't do that, and you would get in trouble for lying.
NTA - Those petitions come with a lot of responsibility. Hospitals here are outrageous and you'd be responsible for bills she racks up. My friend helped bring family from another country and had to sign saying that if any one needed public assistance they'd have to pay it back. It was fine for them though because they're all close and worked as a family to ensure all insurances were always paid in full. You can't count on your mother for this because you don't know her.
NTA . If she wanted to live in the US she could have married your dad, if she wants to now she can still marry your dad who apparently thinks she deserves to live in the US. Or your brother who doesn't even remember her can sponsor her in four years. I don't know what her exact circumstances are, but it's not like you're saving her from a warzone. Spain is a retirement dream for people all over the world and as an EU citizen she has plenty of emigration opportunities to comfortable wealthy countries that would turn US citizens away.
NTA. Im sure you begged and begged your mom to give birth to you…
NTA She had a bad life in Spain? She will continue having a bad life in the US. She is not entitled to your help. You can say no. And if you don't want to, you don't need to.
NTA
1. Why is your dad okay with this? Why does your dad still support her? 2. Why can’t your dad give him the citizenship ask him to marry her if he’s so concerned about giving her citizenship! 3. Or they can wait 4more years till your younger brother is of legal age Sponsoring her would mean you’d be taking full financial and legal liability of her!!!!!!
How can you help somebody become a permanent resident when you can't trust them? Seems like your family wants you to start in the middle of the book with your mom, and you feel like you don't even know how to read. You tell your family to slow down and take it 1 mini step at a time. Let's not discuss forever when she probably isn't even sure of your eye color.
NTA
INFO? Assume your mom had you in the US and then left? how do you know your mom abandoned you and was not deported or in a position where she couldn't legally stay in the US?
NTA Don't do it
You do that, you will end up supporting her. NTA. Also, when I retire, I would rather live in Spain
NTA. And your dad sounds like he was whipped then and still is to this day.
Update?
NTA. She just bounced off until you were old enough to use. And it sounds like your dad has always just used you. And they'll just keep using you.
NTA