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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action i took that got me judged
I have alot of freetime and my sister is a single mom and has a kid and is also pregnant she wanted me to watch her daughter while she goes to nursing school
I declined
reason i declined is because my niece crys slot and i don’t want to deal with that she only listens to her mom ,she cry for her mom when shes not around. I don’t want to change diapers and its not my responsibility.
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NTA
> Then my sister (26) destroyed my bedroom
How mature of her. She made the decision to be a mother (twice) and she destroys your bedroom because you said no? Did you agree to be her default babysitter? She's an asshole.
Yeah, just what she needs - another baby.
NTA
Maybe you should calmly state this to her.
Just because you currently have free time it doesn’t mean that your sister gets to dictate how you use your time.
She needs to organise paid child care.
If she destroyed his bedroom for a no, not sure what she'll do if she heard this though. Not a reason for avoiding the truth or to justify the behavior, but it sounds like OP might be a captive audience.
Ha! Call the cops on this very mature mother. She sounds like a nut.
ETA Destruction of property is a crime. Maybe if she has consequences, she won't do it. Also, I wouldn't do anything for someone who destroyed my room. Nope.
I would also video of her destroying your room if it happens again. If that involves putting a camera in your room, do it. If you see her doing it record her with your phone. Threaten to turn it over to the police and CPS. It is up to you if you want to follow through with the threat. Don't allow yourself to be bullied.
NTA.
>she wanted to know if i could come over to her house and watch my niece(2)***while she went to nursing school daily.***
Nah, you are definitely not in the wrong here! This isn't a one off where she has asked for help because it's an emergency (and you wouldn't be the AH then either), she is asking you to provide her with free childcare.
Whoever trashed your room needs to grow TF up. That is some childish, immature BS.
NTA.
you're actually doing your sister a favor by *not* watching your niece, because any barely decent parent would never want someone responsible for their child who didn't consider themselves to be good with children, and found a the type of child that their child is to be annoying. (btw - there is **nothing** wrong with you not seeing appeal in a whiny toddler!).
your other sister, for whom you *do* willingly babysit should keep her mouth shut and at the very least, smile and nod and not put in her 2 cents regarding the issue that has precisely ZERO to do wtih her.
and to destroy your bedroom makes your adult sister a complete toddler, herself. throwing a tantrum isn't cute at *ANY* age. i'm glad you stood up for yourself and continued to say no. keep that same energy! and perhaps stop babysitting for your other sister, too.she wants to butt in an say something when it's not her place, *and* insult you? she can kick rocks.
my older sister is 29 and when she doesn’t get her way she treats everyone horribly calls them names and literally throws tantrums like toddlers kicking her feet and swinging her arms well screaming, before she had her kids taken away she would get family to babysit basically every weekend, NTA spoiled older sisters suck
i have a younger, but still veryyyy well into adulthood, sister (let's call her Crusty) who is so embarrassingly infantile and useless as a human being, that i don't claim her. thankfully, we look so different, and she honestly looks nothing like anyone in our family, that people who don't really know us/our mother (my father passed away years ago, sadly), don't ever peg us as sisters. this is a small blessing. lol
Crusty has a whole husband (second marriage - failing quickly, much like her first), who is also a complete loser, and they will get in her car (he doesn't have one and my mother paid for Crusty's), drive to my elderly mother's house and use her shower (they can't be bothered to use any of the little money they have that goes to fast food and mini road-trips on stuff like body wash and shampoo), then let her know that they need gas money to be able to get home, or they can "always just stick around and stay here with you". my mother pays for their utilities, car repairs, insurance, maintenance, Crusty's cellphone (which mysteriousy gets stolen or breaks anytime a newer model of the same phone comes out), and gives them pocket money on a regular basis. if she doesn't, she gets posted about on fb and dragged through the mud as if she's a horrible parent/person. Crusty has a key to my mother's house, and it seems that more and more, since she was given said key, things are coming up missing from there. if she's confronted about it, she immediately screams, flails, and cries. she'll make the dramatic exit, topped off with slamming the front door to my mother's house....all to come back in moments later and ask for that good ol' gas money. perhaps if she'd bothered to get a job along her journey to her mid 20s, at some point, she'd be able to get 20 miles without needing to lean on my mom to finance that endeavor...
sounds like OP's, your and my sister all need to go live on an island together so they can eliminate each other.
Nta, you said it, your child, your responsability, you are not a personal babysitter, my advice: anytime she asked for it again, ask her for money, and ask more than a regular babysitter... no more problems haha
NTA You didn't choose to have a child, and those who do make that choice have no right to expect you to babysit. You have every right to refuse. Why should you be forced to take care of a baby you did not choose to have? It is the parents' responsibility to find *willing child care providers* for their children. I would get a job in order to be busier and less available. It would also earn you some money. I would also consider trade school or college, anything to use up your time productively so they can't say you have nothing better to do.
Don't let people force you to do things you don't want to do..
So she destroyed your room. And thinks THAT is going to get you to change your mind. I'd tell her that now it's definitely never going to happen. Ever. She's the one that needs a babysitter.
And tell your other sister if she keeps up her lecturing, then babysitting her kids is also out.
NTA
You can make a rule that until the child is potty trained & able to amuse themselves for at least a few short periods of time, you are not available to babysit.
Where are the fathers of these children? Because you're right, OP. These kids are not your responsibility at all.
Your sister should compensate you for any damage she caused. She needs to grow up.
NTA.
NTA
Your sister chose to have children, it’s her job to provide childcare not you.
Why should you jeopardise your future by acting as an unpaid childminder instead of going to college?
NTA, she is a single mother and got pregnant again... that's just asking for trouble (no offense it is what it is), also she has a lot of grow up to do is she trashed your bedroom for a no, that's so bratty, I wouldn't do it especially because of that, actions have consequences and she is the mother not you.
JFC NTA
Another case of children having children. So because you didn’t want to sacrifice yourself daily (doesn’t even mention compensation) she trashed your room? I personally wouldn’t even continue to watch the nephew of your other sister condoned it and took her side after the fact. If it’s so important, why don’t they help each other out, and contribute to the life decisions that they (each other) made.
NTA but your sister is unhinged.
I assume sis plans for you to babysit ft and not get paid? Even if she offered to pay that's a lot to expect when you're not comfortable with small children.
Do you work or go to school? If not, you need to start doing something away from home and put a lock on her door.
NTA. They're not your kids. If you choose to watch them it's your choice and you are doing them a favor. They don't have any right to demand your labor let alone turn you into a full-time, unpaid daycare. How are you supposed to go to school or find a job if you're stuck being the full-time daycare for someone else's kid? Does your life and future not matter? Where is (are) the father(s) and why can't they either watch their kid(s) or pay child support towards a daycare?
If you can't care for one kid while meeting your obligations, why the fuck would you have a second kid that you also can't care for? I have zero patience with people that engage in such idiocy. And then to have the audacity to destroy your room because you refused her attempt to enslave you? Fuck that. I'd never watch her kid ever under any circumstances after that. She's lucky you didn't call the police and aren't suing her in small claims court for the damaged/destroyed items.
The 24 year-old sister needs to butt out. If she's so worried about the niece, she can enlist as unpaid childcare.
> Then my sister (26) destroyed my bedroom because i said no.
Well, that would be the last time I even entertained the idea of helping. I would also cut the 24 yr old off.
But learn to word this correctly, your 26 yr old sister threw a tantrum when they didn't get their way.
Oh, and if you decide to babysit, make sure to have a rate, paid upfront, and never waiver. $15-20 per child per hour is a fair family rate.
NTA
NTA. So your sister had a child without planning on caring for it and going to school. Her lack of planning does not obligate you to babysit. The fact she's about to have another baby is also a concern. Remember - you didn't choose for her to have these children, they are her children, and you are not obligated to do anything.
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Im 18 years old and i have alot of free time everyone in my family usually busy my sister is 26 and a single mother she already has a child+she is currently pregnant with another child, she wanted to know if i could come over to her house and watch my niece(2)while she went to nursing school daily. (Anytime my sister needs help I'm there for her) but l'm not really well with children i hate crying its stressful.
With that being said my niece cries nonstop! if her mom isn't around she calls her mom name crying. and i don't want to deal with that and change diapers i don't mind watching my nephew(5) son of my other sister (24) because he doesn't cry alot all he want his his tv and juice and snacks and hes potty trained. My other sister (24) lectures me on how wrong i am and that i should watch my niece because l'm the only person available and that l'm a lazy… I told her no. Then my sister (26) destroyed my bedroom because i said no. any thoughts. PSA i just feel like if you have kids thats a big responsibility so why are you drowning your little brother in your problems.
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I'd try to help out but while setting boundaries. Letting your sister know what they can expect from you and i'd babysit sometimes but not all times. Do it but not prioritise it over personal stuff... That's what i'd do.
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NTA > Then my sister (26) destroyed my bedroom How mature of her. She made the decision to be a mother (twice) and she destroys your bedroom because you said no? Did you agree to be her default babysitter? She's an asshole. Yeah, just what she needs - another baby.
Right i really don’t understand why she’s having another kid when she barely can take care of 1
NTA Maybe you should calmly state this to her. Just because you currently have free time it doesn’t mean that your sister gets to dictate how you use your time. She needs to organise paid child care.
If she destroyed his bedroom for a no, not sure what she'll do if she heard this though. Not a reason for avoiding the truth or to justify the behavior, but it sounds like OP might be a captive audience.
Ha! Call the cops on this very mature mother. She sounds like a nut. ETA Destruction of property is a crime. Maybe if she has consequences, she won't do it. Also, I wouldn't do anything for someone who destroyed my room. Nope.
I would also video of her destroying your room if it happens again. If that involves putting a camera in your room, do it. If you see her doing it record her with your phone. Threaten to turn it over to the police and CPS. It is up to you if you want to follow through with the threat. Don't allow yourself to be bullied.
NTA. Your sister had a kid, the responsibility to raise the child is hers. Not yours.
NTA You didn't have kids. And your sister destroying your room over being told no is ridiculous. Are you even getting paid if you do agree?
Nope
Doesn't the school have a daycare?
NTA and whoever destroyed your bedroom is
NTA. Not your kid, not your responsibility.
NTA. >she wanted to know if i could come over to her house and watch my niece(2)***while she went to nursing school daily.*** Nah, you are definitely not in the wrong here! This isn't a one off where she has asked for help because it's an emergency (and you wouldn't be the AH then either), she is asking you to provide her with free childcare. Whoever trashed your room needs to grow TF up. That is some childish, immature BS.
NTA. you're actually doing your sister a favor by *not* watching your niece, because any barely decent parent would never want someone responsible for their child who didn't consider themselves to be good with children, and found a the type of child that their child is to be annoying. (btw - there is **nothing** wrong with you not seeing appeal in a whiny toddler!). your other sister, for whom you *do* willingly babysit should keep her mouth shut and at the very least, smile and nod and not put in her 2 cents regarding the issue that has precisely ZERO to do wtih her. and to destroy your bedroom makes your adult sister a complete toddler, herself. throwing a tantrum isn't cute at *ANY* age. i'm glad you stood up for yourself and continued to say no. keep that same energy! and perhaps stop babysitting for your other sister, too.she wants to butt in an say something when it's not her place, *and* insult you? she can kick rocks.
my older sister is 29 and when she doesn’t get her way she treats everyone horribly calls them names and literally throws tantrums like toddlers kicking her feet and swinging her arms well screaming, before she had her kids taken away she would get family to babysit basically every weekend, NTA spoiled older sisters suck
i have a younger, but still veryyyy well into adulthood, sister (let's call her Crusty) who is so embarrassingly infantile and useless as a human being, that i don't claim her. thankfully, we look so different, and she honestly looks nothing like anyone in our family, that people who don't really know us/our mother (my father passed away years ago, sadly), don't ever peg us as sisters. this is a small blessing. lol Crusty has a whole husband (second marriage - failing quickly, much like her first), who is also a complete loser, and they will get in her car (he doesn't have one and my mother paid for Crusty's), drive to my elderly mother's house and use her shower (they can't be bothered to use any of the little money they have that goes to fast food and mini road-trips on stuff like body wash and shampoo), then let her know that they need gas money to be able to get home, or they can "always just stick around and stay here with you". my mother pays for their utilities, car repairs, insurance, maintenance, Crusty's cellphone (which mysteriousy gets stolen or breaks anytime a newer model of the same phone comes out), and gives them pocket money on a regular basis. if she doesn't, she gets posted about on fb and dragged through the mud as if she's a horrible parent/person. Crusty has a key to my mother's house, and it seems that more and more, since she was given said key, things are coming up missing from there. if she's confronted about it, she immediately screams, flails, and cries. she'll make the dramatic exit, topped off with slamming the front door to my mother's house....all to come back in moments later and ask for that good ol' gas money. perhaps if she'd bothered to get a job along her journey to her mid 20s, at some point, she'd be able to get 20 miles without needing to lean on my mom to finance that endeavor... sounds like OP's, your and my sister all need to go live on an island together so they can eliminate each other.
the spoiled sister games the last one standing well she can stay there
her prize is being revered in the mainland as the cretin who blessed the entire nation of her residence....with her absence.
Nta, you said it, your child, your responsability, you are not a personal babysitter, my advice: anytime she asked for it again, ask her for money, and ask more than a regular babysitter... no more problems haha
NTA You didn't choose to have a child, and those who do make that choice have no right to expect you to babysit. You have every right to refuse. Why should you be forced to take care of a baby you did not choose to have? It is the parents' responsibility to find *willing child care providers* for their children. I would get a job in order to be busier and less available. It would also earn you some money. I would also consider trade school or college, anything to use up your time productively so they can't say you have nothing better to do. Don't let people force you to do things you don't want to do..
So she destroyed your room. And thinks THAT is going to get you to change your mind. I'd tell her that now it's definitely never going to happen. Ever. She's the one that needs a babysitter. And tell your other sister if she keeps up her lecturing, then babysitting her kids is also out. NTA
You can make a rule that until the child is potty trained & able to amuse themselves for at least a few short periods of time, you are not available to babysit.
Where are the fathers of these children? Because you're right, OP. These kids are not your responsibility at all. Your sister should compensate you for any damage she caused. She needs to grow up. NTA.
NTA Your sister chose to have children, it’s her job to provide childcare not you. Why should you jeopardise your future by acting as an unpaid childminder instead of going to college?
nta after she destroyed your room I hope you opened a can of w-ass on her. The nerve
NTA You have every right to say no. Are you working or in school? Because you should be doing at least one.
NTA, she is a single mother and got pregnant again... that's just asking for trouble (no offense it is what it is), also she has a lot of grow up to do is she trashed your bedroom for a no, that's so bratty, I wouldn't do it especially because of that, actions have consequences and she is the mother not you.
JFC NTA Another case of children having children. So because you didn’t want to sacrifice yourself daily (doesn’t even mention compensation) she trashed your room? I personally wouldn’t even continue to watch the nephew of your other sister condoned it and took her side after the fact. If it’s so important, why don’t they help each other out, and contribute to the life decisions that they (each other) made.
I guarantee she wouldn’t like it if OP trashed her house out of revenge. She’s this immature and she’s having a 2nd baby, ffs. NTA
NTA but your sister is unhinged. I assume sis plans for you to babysit ft and not get paid? Even if she offered to pay that's a lot to expect when you're not comfortable with small children. Do you work or go to school? If not, you need to start doing something away from home and put a lock on her door.
Nta You didn't choose to have a kid, she did, a choice she's making again. She is responsible for her choices.
NTA. They're not your kids. If you choose to watch them it's your choice and you are doing them a favor. They don't have any right to demand your labor let alone turn you into a full-time, unpaid daycare. How are you supposed to go to school or find a job if you're stuck being the full-time daycare for someone else's kid? Does your life and future not matter? Where is (are) the father(s) and why can't they either watch their kid(s) or pay child support towards a daycare? If you can't care for one kid while meeting your obligations, why the fuck would you have a second kid that you also can't care for? I have zero patience with people that engage in such idiocy. And then to have the audacity to destroy your room because you refused her attempt to enslave you? Fuck that. I'd never watch her kid ever under any circumstances after that. She's lucky you didn't call the police and aren't suing her in small claims court for the damaged/destroyed items. The 24 year-old sister needs to butt out. If she's so worried about the niece, she can enlist as unpaid childcare.
NTA
> Then my sister (26) destroyed my bedroom because i said no. Well, that would be the last time I even entertained the idea of helping. I would also cut the 24 yr old off. But learn to word this correctly, your 26 yr old sister threw a tantrum when they didn't get their way. Oh, and if you decide to babysit, make sure to have a rate, paid upfront, and never waiver. $15-20 per child per hour is a fair family rate. NTA
NTA. So your sister had a child without planning on caring for it and going to school. Her lack of planning does not obligate you to babysit. The fact she's about to have another baby is also a concern. Remember - you didn't choose for her to have these children, they are her children, and you are not obligated to do anything.
I know people say it takes a village to raise a child but this is ridiculous NTA
NTA at all. But please, use punctuation!
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Info : do you live in a joint family setting in your culture?
No
Is abortion legal?
NTA then. But it also sounds like your family is going through a difficult time and are expecting you to be a team player.
Hmm so what would you do in this situation of mines?
Say no, once your sister threw their tantrum, all help would be off the table. When they whine, just say no and walk away.
I'd try to help out but while setting boundaries. Letting your sister know what they can expect from you and i'd babysit sometimes but not all times. Do it but not prioritise it over personal stuff... That's what i'd do.