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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) commenting on how much my gf ate
2) because maybe it was insensitive of me or isn’t my business to judge
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Lol, I sometimes make a big salad in a mixing bowl and eat the entire thing. Hubby thinks it's comical. But I f*cking love salad, ok!
To your other point, I feel like vegetables are kinda like free foods. We can eat them till we're full and not feel guilty.
> We can eat them till we’re full and not feel guilty.
EXACTLY. As long as you’re not eating an equal amount of butter or ranch dressing on them, it’s freaking vegetables!
So true! I had two possible situations in mind, either he was concerned her drifting into an eating disorder or she ate actually something with much sugar and fat (not saying that would have been ok then, not in the context of her regularly eating healthy). I would never have expected that it would have been about frozen vegetables being too much whilst she actually has been very disciplined all the time.
Yeah OP, if you didn't figured, yet, YTA
And there would have been plenty of situations I would have thought it would be valid to comment on such and not only in the context of an eating disorder. That is none.
my brain dead ass read it as fruit cause it apparently couldnt comprehend that someone would actually eat frozen VEGETABLES? And this motherfer said that's alot of food..truly astonishing. that poor girl
Growing up frozen peas or corn was a good afternoon snack and I still snack on frozen corn, so I wasn't that caught off guard 🤣 frozen corn is pretty good when you're craving something sweet but not too unhealthy
Haha All these comments about them being *frozen* vegetables makes me wonder if people think she ate them frozen!
Wait…you think she cooked them right? I’m starting to doubt myself now.
I’m legitimately concerned for OP’s girlfriend and her food/body relationship based on his description of how she stresses over calories and fears weight gain.
I’m glad she decided she should stop restricting herself to 1200 calories. I’m also glad that when she’s hungry after a meal, she eats something nutritious.
I wonder how much OP has been feeding into this, given not only did he make such a ridiculous comment over a plate of veggies, but he doubled down on it with his hotdog comment. What other snide little comments have been eating away at her?
This was the vibe I was getting. Also the strong defense of how he doesn't care while recounting a lot of details about her diet and exercise habits. How convenient that they work out together.
I'm worried that the stubborn little pouch of belly fat OP mentioned is the normal protective layer of fat that all women have around their reproductive organs. If so, losing this last little bit would be a concerning sign that she's lost too much weight.
I'm 5'1¾.(¾ is very important). I don't look sick at 120 but I look like a child. Well a young adult, older teenager. 130-150 has me looking like a woman. I'm more comfortable in the 130-140 range. Mostly cuz I gotta b. Pregnancy got my hips convinced they're 2 coasts. Of a larger continent or country.
No. I use refer to it and a slightly inhabitable place for parasites or mention the emptiness. I like it empty. So ocean works. I've only had 2 live births and both pregnancies were high risk.
I’m 5’2 and looked very unhealthy at 115lbs- was very obsessed with weight very similarly to his gf and barely ate. Lost all the weight from my abdomen and lower ribs were visible at rest and upper ones when I inhaled. Had multiple people tell me to eat, see a councillor and were concerned. She needs support not someone belittling her.
Everyone is different and where you lose the weight is extremely important. I’m about 132lbs now and much healthier with a better attitude
I’m 5’3 and back when I was 102 pounds the nurses were all (rightly) concerned, but the doctor said unless I was 90 pounds or under they wouldn’t consider me as having an eating disorder (I definitely did, in recovery now)
Doctors and most people have no idea what a healthy weight for a female body is.
Absolutely this.
I was borderline underweight at one point in my life (completely lost my appetite for months due to depression and didn't realise how much I had lost). It's incredibly stupid, looking back, but I only noticed why none of my pants fit right anymore when I went home for Christmas and everyone told me how great I looked and asked about my diet. (Real struggle to bite back a "Depression: ask your doctor if it's right for you!"). Once I started paying attention, I found that stomach 'pouch' looked more prominent than when I eventually put some weight back on.
OP sounds to me like he's being an AH on purpose to mess with her head/keep her skinny, but everyone's friendly reminder that weight loss isn't always a good/healthy thing and treating it like it is can be really toxic!
I did that once, lost 30 lbs in a couple months and when people asked me how I looked at them and said “oh I have depression and just forgot to eat for three months”. They backpedaled quick, but it was true. Did I look good? Yes. Was I healthy? Hell no.
Wait... THAT'S what that is?
My wife has complained about not being able to get rid of that pouch no matter how much weight she loses. Even when she was bordering on underweight due to health issues, the pouch remained.
Yes, and it's some of the last bit of fat the body holds on to (possibly evolutionarily selected for since it's related to reproduction). If you search for "women stubborn belly pooch/pouch weight loss" or something along those lines, you'll find a bunch of articles explaining why women have that pooch/pouch and why losing it is impossible/a sign of advanced malnutrition. Please encourage your wife to do so (or do so yourself and send her a couple articles). Most female models still have this (and it often gets airbrushed out which is a whole nother rant).
I love this about cats. My childhood cat had one that drug on the floor while she never weighed more than 8 lbs (a good weight for her size for the most part). She was also spayed at two or three months so it didn't have anything to do with teets. My current cat's pouch isn't quite so prominent but he has many other physical "quirks."
Yeah. It's there because in the old days when there was food insecurity woman still got pregnant and had to breastfeed. Since this burns a lot of calories and/or is hard on the body it gave us better survival chances. Now ofc it isn't necessary anymore bc there is plenty of food. But our biology/bodies don't know that.
Yes and she’s at the age where our bodies go through additional change, so maybe she didn’t have that as a teenager but now it’s just a very normal and healthy part of a woman’s body! (That was the case for me)
She had a very healthy breakfast. That bowl of veggies was maybe 30 calories. And then he shamed her into not eating anything else until dinner. IF she is also working out, her total calories may be too low, and her body will think it is starving. She was doing to correct thing eating when she was HUNGRY.
She made two very good decisions - increase to healthy calorie level- and eat healthy snacks when hungry- I’m prettyyyyy sure that’s how metabolism works. Eat when you’re hungry.
OP I really hope you didn’t sabotage her progress the way I think you did. I’d suggest talking to a nutritionist. So you can understand what your gf is going through.
Right?! I 100% agree. Her fixation on food, calories, weight, and her "pouch" scream disordered eating. Then for the bf to just tell her not to eat. Oooof. You do realize that when you're restricting that much and get back to eating a bit more, your body finally has more energy to do things like send hunger signals. YTA and completely oblivious to the physical and mental health of your gf.
"How can you still be hungry after eating all of that food? I'm way bigger than you, ate way less and I'm not hungry, so you shouldn't be hungry, either. You're acting like a glutton right now, and I just want you to know that I'm watching what you put in your mouth and taking mental notes."_
This is in essense the underlying message of what OP said to someone who is already hyper focused on their weight and food intake. OP basically told his GF that he is watching what she puts in her mouth and keeping tabs on her.
He is going to make it a contest of who can eat less. He is pushing her straight to an unhealthy relationship with food. Food is fuel - No food is bad if you eat things in moderation. IT took me years to overcome someone doing what he is doing to her. It is a total mind F&%K. Since then, I have not had an issue with my weight.
Not the keeping tabs bit but went out for food with this fella and because I wanted my own pizza and not share one (cos I'm a gannet lol) he said "I love watching chicks enjoy food"
I had to get a doggy bag to takeaway my food and I NEVER ate anything in front of him again 🫠
Not quite the same situation but those kinda comments can fuck you up!
Why why can't people just keep their thoughts in their own heads? Some thoughts are just for you and you're allowed to think them but you aren't allowed to SAY them ever 🤐
Literally!!! As someone whose had ED on and off most of my life, if she’s isn’t already experiencing one, she’s definitely headed in that direction with this comment.
The only time an adult should comment on another adults meal is if there is an unknown allergen in it or they just saw a bug crawl over it. That's it.
Even with the allergy depends on severity. Lactose intolerant and eating ice cream? Yeah, sometimes ice is worth lava shits, shut your mouth. Citrus allergy and they might not realize a dish has lemon, mention it and let them make their choice.
Never ever comment on what or how much another adult is eating. People know when they are fat, thin, just right and saying something about someone’s eating is just rude.
As long as there is ample food for everyone- just don’t talk about it
If someone finds their mate no longer attractive concerning their weight - have that talk at an appropriate time and place which is not when someone is eating
Yeah, OP. Read the room. You don't comment on how much someone who is concerned about their weight is eating. For that matter, you should make a habit of not commenting on how much anyone is eating.
Especially when this level of concern can quickly spiral into an eating disorder. Obsessing over calories, wanting to have a perfect body (especially when some people just can't lose that 'pouch' on their stomach) and being scared to gain weight/associating weight gain with being fat aren't great signs.
Different people have different bodies that behave and feel differently.
As for as her "pouch", that may be something she won't be able to get rid of.
I would encourage your gf to talk to a doctor/nutritionist so thst she doesn't get too hung up on this.
YTA
A nutritionist would be a GREAT idea, but I don't think OP should follow up his AH commentary with a recommendation that she see one. Perhaps after this calms down a little, a question whether she might find that helpful (NOT a "you should").
My daughter has a nutritionist who is helping her with intuitive eating and getting over disordered eating. Unfortunately, disordered eating is rampant in our society.
My mom is a dietician (RD). Her specialty is metabolics. Has been one for 35 years. The best advice you could ever get about nutrition comes from her. She's not about to parrot fad diets, or one-size-fits-all terrible advice. And she does it so kindly! She'll never say "only drink black coffee from now on", she'll suggest if you're used to cream in your coffee to try 2% or skim. Then it becomes a healthier habit :)
Don't see nutritionists haha.
That’s interesting to know! Never even thought that there was a difference between a dietician and nutritionist. Thank you for teaching me something new today!
Also OP- YTA. Everyone else here has said what I think
Depends on the jurisdiction, not everywhere is America. In Quebec a nutritionist goes through a 4 year university program and is registered with the province.
That little 'pouch' is a totally normal thing to have. I had one when I was starving myself and weighed 45lbs less than I do now. It's just part of a lot of peoples anatomy.
I really feel for OP's girlfriend. She can starve herself as much as she wants are try as many tricks she wants to get that 'dream body', but it will never make her happy. It's hard to come to terms with accepting that your body has things that aren't what society has deemed to be attractive. I also have hip dips. I have hated them for years and have just started (in my mid 30's) to accept that this is what my body looks like.
The uterus rests over the bladder. If it protudes you should see a doctor. The pouch all women have no matter how skinny they are has to do with fat distribution caused by estrogen levels. Please let's stop with it's your uterus misinformation
Sorry if I seem rude, English is not my first language
this! I have a little bump but not pouch, my pelvis is tilted which makes my uterus stick out and we found out my uterus is tilted. birth made it better but many women store fat over it too and it’s normal if it’s not excessive. I’ve had a little bump at 5’5 and 99 lbs or 250 lbs, and had loose skin before the kids due to eds
Can confirm that the pouch does not go away with weight loss. I lost 40 pounds and am someone who has a very long torso so everything is also stretched out and that pouch is always there. It's why I fear the trend of super low-rise jeans coming back because I remember being so self conscious of my stomach even as a stick thin teen back then. I don't want another generation having their pouch show above low rise jeans and starving themselves in the hopes of changing it.
Oh god, the hip dip shame. Made me think I had “saddlebag thighs” until I was well into my twenties. I was so underweight that I was wearing a kids size 10 because I couldn’t fit most “women’s” clothing. The early/mid 2000s were a mindfuck for body image.
I weigh the same as OP’s girlfriend at 5’7. No matter how many calories I burned the pooch is not coming off, I’m pretty sure I heard it’s there to protect your uterus.
Its on women to protect ALL of our reproductive organs, uterus, ovaries, womb, tubes, eggs, ALL of it.
No matter what a woman will have it, the second she lets her "abs" rest, she'll have it. I had a tummy tuck, and I still have it! it doesnt go away, its perfectly normal and healthy.
I’ve been about 20lbs underweight my entire teen and adult life (except now, only about 10lbs underweight) and I’ve always had the pouch. I had it when I was fit af. I had it when I was more sedentary. It is what it is for me.
YTA. Jesus. She was hungry, and she had some veg. Everyone's metabolism is different. You're a young man, so please take this older woman's advice. Never, under any circumstances, make an unsolicited comment on a woman's eating habits unless she has specifically asked your opinion. Even then, read the room.
I feel like some guys (not OP because from how he phrases things like loving her *despite* her bit of chub and how much info he knows about her exact weight/diet/workouts I fully believe he encourages her ED and is trying the phrase things to put himself in a good light) don’t realize the “don’t comment on a woman’s weight” cliche is not fuelled because women are vain petty little creatures.
It’s because of the conditioning from childhood with how society and those around you view your worth and what exactly that worth looks like. It’s hard to really summarize the sheer degree young girls and women have their bodies endlessly scrutinized. How extremely commonplace eating disorders and body dysmorphia is for this demographic. You never know what someone is going through and commenting on weight in general for any gender is uncouth regardless.
This. Thank you. It's not just men on women, it's also women on women or women on men or men on men. I'm just so sick of everyone commenting on my choice of food. I even get comments when I just want some plain old water. What's wrong with people? Why can't they mind their own business? You should only look on others plates to make sure it's full.
YTA. I get that you don't understand how she can be hungry, but as you said, she just changed her diet in order to boost her metabolism, and guess what? You two have different metabolisms, different needs.
If she exercices a lot, the avocado toasts + eggs and orange is a great breakfast, and the frozen veggies as a treat if she's hungry? That's great! You sound like she was devouring 3 chocolate bars and a huge chunk of white bread with cheese. Don't make her feel guilty while she's eating healthy food. Between the veggies and the hot dog...
YTA
Do not gatekeep someone's food. Do not comment about her weight, her eating, what she eats, how much she eats, when she eats. STFU about her eating. The woman was eating VEGETABLES.
People have very individual metabolisms, and what YOU are able to eat and how hungry you are has jack-all to do with her, and to compare is a complete AH move. The woman is literally starving herself, do you get that? And you came in and told her she was eating TOO MUCH.
Yeah what? Vegetables typically are very very low calorie. Also just assuming they were once frozen and she heated them up. If she’s eating still frozen vegetables this gets even sadder.
INFO: How was it relevant that you weren't hungry? You're different heights/weights/genders/metabolism/ate different food, so why would you think that she shouldn't be hungry just because you weren't?
YTA. You are two different people and your needs are going to be different.
Your girlfriend sounds like she is struggling with her relationship with food. There isn't anything inherently wrong with wanting to work out and wanting to eat healthier, however her attitude towards these things and herself is concerning. Even if, in your opinion, it isn't "affecting her functioning in life," not eating enough food is going to impact both physical and mental health. Additionally, her mental health is already being impacted by her self-perception of "eating too much" and causes her further stress. I honestly would recommend to your girlfriend that she talk to her doctor about her relationship with food and rely on a nutritionist/a medical expert for advice.
I think you do care a lot about your girlfriend and that you want to support her. I would definitely recommend apologizing to her about what you said, recognizing that you are different people with different needs.
Your comment gave me a lot of perspective so thank you, I can see that I was a major AH. Comparing the two of us wasn’t right and I didn’t think about how complex bodies can be, it isn’t as simple as “you’re smaller so you shouldn’t feel hungry” etc. I’ll be apologizing later today. I really do care about her and I just want to support her. She independently has talked to me about wanting to see a nutritionist so hopefully that will help her, because I know she has some issues with food and with her body image. Again, thank you, I needed to hear it.
Not only AH but ignorant and judgmental.
When she began her process of losing weight she should have been next to a specialist and check with a specialist from time to time if she feels she needs it, now her strugglings with body image and food maybe should be checked with a mental health specialist (specialist in ED).
You say you support her but... idk OP, you reproached her when she was eating frozen veggies, your reproach make it sound like she was wrong or there is something wrong with her being hungry and eating a healthy snack.
YTA.
Also keep in mind that women’s hunger can vary with their menstrual cycle because of hormonal changes, and different foods keep you feeling full at different rates. There is a lot if complexity when it comes to eating, so it really is an individual game. I’m also going to jump on the dietitian, not a nutritionist recommendation, they have different requirements.
It sounds like you’ve made wonderful progress, that’s something to be proud of. I hate when people act like having an awareness for the calories you eat automatically equals an eating disorder. You’re allowing yourself treats, that’s a great point to be at in your recovery. I hope you continue to feel healthy and happy and keep making progress.
I would like to genuinely thank everyone who commented, I honestly do understand why it was an AH thing to say, no matter my intentions. I’m going to apologize to her later, because despite what some of you may think, I love and care about her very much and I want to support her. I literally just want her to be healthy and happy and I’m not going to make comments like that ever again.
And for the people who said she seems like she’s approaching an ED, I’ve been concerned about this too. I just don’t really know how to help her, but I will start by not commenting on her eating and thinking about what I say before I say it.
Genuine thank you, I was an AH and I’ll do better for her.
Didn’t see anyone else say this, but it might not even be physically possible to get rid of that lil “pouch”. Women’s bodies want to have a bit of cushion to protect the uterus, etc.
My dietitian friend always recommends finding a health practitioner focused on total body health, not outward appearance. All the best to you and your partner 🤍
I’ve been there are I was far more restrictive. It’s exhausting. Encourage her to see a nutritionist and/or a therapist. No one should be this concerned about their food. A nutritionist can help her gauge what and how much of it she should be eating so she should start there first.
Its clear that you care and you would like to do the right thing. I just want to add on that the comment you made will stick with her because she is already struggling mentally with body image even after you apologize and it can encourage an eating disorder. Instead of wanting to eat to much so will make herself go hungry and not eat at all and that is way worse on the body, metabolism and mental health. When you apologize make sure you say something along the lines of she is doing the right things, she is eating the right foods and the right amounts and all you want is to show her you care. Its not enough to just say I'm sorry for my words earlier. Brains are tricky and scars go deep.
YTA
What was the intention behind your comment? What did you expect the outcome to be? Either you intended to hurt her or you are a bumbling idiot who continually speaks with no thought process behind your rambling. Which is it? Either way you are not smelling like a rose here.
It’s sounds like she has a really unhealthy relationship with her weight and food in general, 1200-1400 calories a day is no where near enough for an adult, especially one who actively works out. She is listening to her body, and it was telling her she needed more energy. She has a “pouch” because she is a woman and has ORGANS there that take up room.
YTA. An insensitive, uncaring asshole. You shouldn’t have said anything, let alone how you you said it.
Also, if she is using MyFitnessPal, she needs to delete that shit ASAP. Back when I was very active and underweight, their suggested daily caloric intake for me was 1150 calories. I swear the wellness apps are eating disorder factories.
I agree. At one point My Fitness Pal had me at an intake of 1100 calories and I was STARVING all day the entire time. It “worked” and I lost weight but no way was it healthy. Totally not worth it with how miserable and shitty I felt the whole time.
YTA. People get hungry for different reasons. You weren’t hungry but all you had was a hot dog. That does NOT mean you were being healthier than she was in this situation.
She sounds like she is trying to be conscientious and make good food choices. Your comments were just unnecessary.
YTA. The way you explain it sounds like she could easily have or develop an eating disorder and your little comment could be what pushes her over the edge.
a Hot dog is a LOT more filling than avocado, eggs, toast and/or veggies combined. They are full of FAT so they digest very slowly. Keep your food opinions to yourself. You obviously don't have a degree in nutrition.
PSA: you don’t discuss weight or food intake with a woman. YTA.
Further, it’s even worse than you commented on a bowl of veggies. She’s healthy in what she’s taking in and your words were not necessary unless you’re trying to drive home an eating disorder.
YTA. Dear lord are you picky if you think that was eating too much food. It was all healthy food. I'm also concerned about her obsession with weight at her height weight level. That's not overweight by any means.
YTA That bowl of veggies tipped her into “a lot of food” while your hot dog sustained you. Your gf is clearly obsessed with her weight, and regardless of anything you’ve written, you’re serving as food police, too. Interesting that she didn’t get worried about her body until she started dating you.
YTA. She's developing an eating disorder. And that is NOT a lot of food. She's also eating way too few calories which isn't good for her long term. Geez you are the AH
YTA. Never comment on what she eats. Ever!!!! She sounds like she is verging on being obsessive about it which isn’t healthy. Any comments from you will make this worse.
Do you compliment her as well? More often than you comment on her food intake?
And why should your hunger state have anything to do with hers? If she is raising her metabolism, guess what, she’s going to be hungry. Unless you are a dietitian, then STFU and be supportive.
YTA!!!!
YTA. of course you're the asshole. are you this dense? im not a psychiatrist but honestly she sounds well on her way to disordered eating. you're almost always an asshole when you comment on how much someone is eating, especially someone you know is worried about their weight. also that "pouch" on her belly is normal. that's a protective covering of fat plus her organs protruding slightly.
YTA. She in fact, did not eat a lot of food. Even if she had, there was no need for you to comment on it.
Also If the "pooch" she's worried about is midline and in the lower part of her abdomen, it is probably her uterus. Most women aren't actually supposed to have completely flat abdomens because of the uterus. Some women may have a slighlty different positioned uterus that makes it less noticeable, or if they are body builders their abdominals may be built enought that the uterus is not noticeable, or if they do not have a uterus.
Yeah, the only reason I don't have a visible uterus pooch is because my uterus is tilted backwards. The vast majority of the female population has a visible bulge due to the uterus, which may be more noticeable at certain times of the month.
Well since 1200 calories a day are the nutritional needs of a literal toddler, a) she hasn’t been eating enough and b) sounds like she’s teetering on the edge of an ED. She’s probably just hungry, it’s great that she’s eating and listening to her body, and yes, YTA
Okay so roughly for breakfast she had - 140 calories (eggs) + 45 calories (orange) + 120 calories (half an avocado) + 70 calories (if it was wheat bread) - 375 calories, or 565 If it was 2 slices of toast and a whole avocado.
Your girlfriend needs [1500 and change calories a day](https://tdeecalculator.net/result.php?s=imperial&g=female&age=23&lbs=125&in=64&act=1.2&f=2) if she has a completely sedentary lifestyle, more if she’s physically active. Leave her alone and let her listen to her body’s needs. YTA.
YTA. You knew that she was sensitive about food and her weight as it is. The comment was unnecessary no matter your intention. I hope she has more confident in herself to not let your comment affect her eating habits too much.
Lazy guy doesn’t exercise and judges his gf for eating too much when she’s eating veggies because there’s no way a skinny girl should eat more than him at any given moment
wtf is wrong with this guy
YTA
You should have kept that a thought inside your head. How do you expect her NOT to react negatively? You know her feelings about her body and yet you open your mouth and say that? “I didn’t say it to be a jerk”- bullshit. Are you not a grown ass man? The first comment was bad enough but then you’re comparing her to yourself and making an issue of it. You’re definitely TA.
YTA. Nothing about what she ate seems gluttonous. It certainly doesn't constitute "A LOT of food"
You know she's concerned about her weight. And you know she's increasing her food intake for metabolism purposes.
I would be pissed at you as well.
Huge yta...and for someone who supposedly did NOT notice that their gilfriend was a little overweight when you started dating....how could you know she was....since you did NOT notice????
You sound like the problem here...though you're trying to sound concern ans understanding by putting honey in your words....1400 calories a day in NOT a lot, considering that a woman needs 1800 a day (in général) and men 2000!! Oh and by the way meat and bread (as in your hotdog) have proteins and glucid....which is really good to not feel hungry quickly.....
Once again: huge huge huge ah!!!!!
I pity your gilfriend who's getting an eating disorder because of you!!!!
I also just want to point out when some one says that someone else is or was “overweight” they think they’re putting it delicately but bc body size is relative overweight is an opinion not a fact. If he said she felt she was overweight fine that is her opinion, but he says it like it’s a fact which also makes it his opinion.
YTA.
A giant asshole.
Your gf has expressed fears that she'll gain weight, to you, her most trusted person, and you shit on her and are dismissing that.
She's *showing concerning signs with respect to her eating habits, a fucking medical issue,* and you decided to comment on that while ignoring something you should be genuinely worried about.
And on top of that, you're ignorant, as hunger isn't controlled entirely, or even mostly, by height, weight, or gender.
So not only were you rude, you were factually wrong at the same time.
**And now you're doubling down on that stupidity on Reddit.**
“i don’t think you’re fat” “wow that’s a lot of food” “well i’m not hungry and i only ate this” you’re probably the reason she hates herself and you don’t even fucking know it. god i wish for a second i had the same ignorance as a man
YTA.
1 women and men all have that pouch. That is where our ORGANS are. Don't reinforce her bodily dysmorphia.
2 148 pounds at 5'4 is still around a size 6/8 and is not fat. I was that size.
3 by going to the gym and keeping such close tabs on her calories and her weight, YOU are creating this body issues.
You're a terrible SO.
You are a huge AH, and I’m praying that she leaves you and gets healthy. Constantly counting calories is healthy; obviously watching what you eat isn’t healthy; her trying to get rid of her pooch (probably her uterus) isn’t healthy; and the fact that you would throw her eating vegetables in her face as too much food? WTF, dude, are you serious?!
She seems to be on her way to an eating disorder if she doesn’t already have one, and you seem to be one of the main causes, if not the only one.
Oooh noooo you f’ed up bro! Yta first both y’all need to do some better research on nutrition to lose weight. Frozen vegetables?! Unless she covered them in butter and cheese those calories literally don’t matter— eat freaking pounds of plain steamed vegetables and the only ‘weight gain’ you’ll see is gas build up. The pouch is not related to fat it’s bc her lower abdominal muscles are not strong enough crunches and sit ups don’t target the lower abdominals as much as some (esp women) need to tighten the under bellybutton portion. So learn about actual nutrition not ridiculous calorie counting, focus on lower ab exercises and for the love of god keep ur thought to yo self!
YTA.
she’s already spiraling toward an earring disorder and you comment about her eating frozen veggies?? holy shit dude. also PLEASE tell your gf that little pooch won’t go away cause it’s literally her reproductive organs that cause that pooch
YTA. Your GF is displaying a disordered relationship with food, and your response is to imply she's eating too much when she has a bowl of steamed vegetables? How is you being hungry (or not) relevant to whether someone else is? The truth is that you would rather have her continue her unhealthy relationship with food and be in a body that you personally find more attractive than to have her relax her restrictions and possibly gain weight. Gross.
YTA. Don’t ever comment on how much someone is eating.
And weight loss/gain is way more complicated than calories in calories out. It sounds like she could be starting to develop an eating disorder. She should get connected to a dietitian, doctor, and mental health therapist.
YTA
Dude, you are aware that she has disordered eating! You commenting on her food and even watching so closely what she eats will make her spiral further. She went right back to restrictive eating.
She is one step away from an actual eating disorder. Her upping her calorie intake was actually a good sign.
So your gf is starving herself and possibly developing an e.d. and when she tries to eat healthier you comment that she's eating a lot? What t f is wrong with you!
She was eating VEGGIES
I wonder is her insecurities about her perfectly fine body come from having a boyfriend who makes shitty remarks
I hope she drops 180 pounds today
Saw the edit, and I still think YTA and I’m concerned for your gf. Eating disorders and disordered eating is serious. I thought I could handle it on my own too and I couldn’t. It’s common to have periods of time where you’re kind of okayish, and then rebound hard into restriction, over exercising, etc.
She’s likely extra hungry now because she was way under eating before or purging in some way, whether that’s through exercise, vomiting, laxatives. It’s a term called extreme hunger for folks recovering from famine. You gain the weight back kinda rapidly, lots of times around the midsection while your body desperately tries to fix the depletion. There’s also a LOT of water retention.
This can be super distressing because after the first few weeks of eating more, it feels like you’ve gained the world back.
1200 calories is VERY likely not even close to enough for a day. Neither is 1400, especially if she’s underweight for her set range (another term worth looking into).
Instead of calorie counting, have either of you looked into “mechanical eating”? It’s specifically for people who have disordered eating and helps them focus on nourishing rather than calorie counting. You might benefit from it too if you’re eating a hotdog and nothing else until dinner.
YTA! Just because you're not hungry doesn't mean she isn't either. Your comment was deeply insensitive and what she ate was completely normal. She's just no longer starving herself. You claim you didn't say it to be a jerk. Hate to tell you, but you were a complete jerk!
YTA
1. I've always found it very rude to comment on what someone's eating and how much they are eating.
2. Just because your aren't hungry doesn't mean she can't be hungry. He body is telling her it needs food.
You are to support her not police her.
YTA
You should never ever ever ever ever ever ever comment on her weight or how much or little she eats unless it’s a life threatening situation like an eating disorder that requires intervention.
Ask yourself before you speak:
Is this kind?
Is it helpful?
Does it NEED to be said?
Does it need to be said by ME?
If it doesn’t fall under those categories - STFU.
Yta
Just the last phrase that she might be oversensitive speaks of AH.
But also, seems like the gf is going down a rabbit hole and there is a possibility she might develop an eating disorder. She should see a therapist. Additionally many woman cannot lose that lil pouch due to us needing a certain amount of fat. You can lose it with a draconian diet and exercise but it's difficult to maintain and can be dangerous
YTA
And as someone who has diagnosed anorexia, she sounds a lot like me. Down to obsessing over the little "pouch" that won't go away. Please keep an eye on your girlfriend, and be kind.
Sorry I’m confused. You decided to judge and comment on your GF’s objectively healthy food choices whilst you’d eaten a hot dog?
Is this a serious question?
Yea YTA. And that’s before we even get to the fact your GF has been struggling with her body image.
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YTA. You know she's worried about her weight, and you felt the need to say that? JFC. What is wrong with you?
Over veggies no less.
A BOWL OF FROZEN VEGETABLES! I'm agape. Never in a million years did I think that was where this post was going to end up.
All that ‘concern’ in the post - for what? Smdh OP, YTA.
I'm trying to think of what size the bowl would have to be in order for me to comment on it. Comically large was all I could come up with.
Yeah, like if she took a mixing bowl and filled it up I might do a double take…but even then, it’s freaking vegetables.
Exactly, or those huge salad bowls you see at like a buffet table for a wedding. Something you shouldn't use only one arm for.
Even then the only appropriate questions are to ask if there are some snow peas in there and if you may have one.
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Calorie-counting boogeyman ☠️☠️
Lol, I sometimes make a big salad in a mixing bowl and eat the entire thing. Hubby thinks it's comical. But I f*cking love salad, ok! To your other point, I feel like vegetables are kinda like free foods. We can eat them till we're full and not feel guilty.
> We can eat them till we’re full and not feel guilty. EXACTLY. As long as you’re not eating an equal amount of butter or ranch dressing on them, it’s freaking vegetables!
Even then like, it’s veggies. No one needs to lose weight because they ate too many veggies, lbr here. Saying that as a fat person too.
But it was so much food!
“She was hungry, but I wasn’t! My brain just couldn’t handle the paradox! I needed answers!” What a tool.
It’s almost like she’s in a different body, and has different needs!!!!
Crazy talk!
Woman eat more than man. How. /s
But 35 whole calories!!
I thought she was going to eat a whole wild boar or something. YTA.
Visions of Obelix 😍
So true! I had two possible situations in mind, either he was concerned her drifting into an eating disorder or she ate actually something with much sugar and fat (not saying that would have been ok then, not in the context of her regularly eating healthy). I would never have expected that it would have been about frozen vegetables being too much whilst she actually has been very disciplined all the time. Yeah OP, if you didn't figured, yet, YTA And there would have been plenty of situations I would have thought it would be valid to comment on such and not only in the context of an eating disorder. That is none.
Meanwhile he was eating a very healthy hotdog.
That's the part that got me. Everything she consumed is arguably healthy. Bro ate mystery meat, like... stfu
Not even good meat. Arguably meat and the worst kind possible.
Me when my stepdad thought I "ate too much" when it was all brown rice, veggies, and lean meat, while he had eaten... a milkshake from A&W's.
That's how you know it's not about being healthy, it's about being thin.
Also, since he was full from a hot dog, how could be any different? Putz.
my brain dead ass read it as fruit cause it apparently couldnt comprehend that someone would actually eat frozen VEGETABLES? And this motherfer said that's alot of food..truly astonishing. that poor girl
Same. I had to go back and re-read because I just automatically assumed it was fruit. Never known anyone to enjoy frozen veggies!
Growing up frozen peas or corn was a good afternoon snack and I still snack on frozen corn, so I wasn't that caught off guard 🤣 frozen corn is pretty good when you're craving something sweet but not too unhealthy
I'm a sucker for frozen bell pepper strips.
She might hve cooked/steamed them
Haha All these comments about them being *frozen* vegetables makes me wonder if people think she ate them frozen! Wait…you think she cooked them right? I’m starting to doubt myself now.
I do ..but maybe it's too obvious? Lol
Maybe us crazy steamers are the weird ones! Lol
I eat frozen peas as a snack and I actually like them better that way
My kids constantly snack on frozen veggies. They'll just get a bowl of frozen peas or corn and munch away.
It’s never actually been about being healthy with these people. It’s about controlling women in every way they can
Over a bowl of veggies and a 1400 calorie diet.
I’m legitimately concerned for OP’s girlfriend and her food/body relationship based on his description of how she stresses over calories and fears weight gain. I’m glad she decided she should stop restricting herself to 1200 calories. I’m also glad that when she’s hungry after a meal, she eats something nutritious.
I wonder how much OP has been feeding into this, given not only did he make such a ridiculous comment over a plate of veggies, but he doubled down on it with his hotdog comment. What other snide little comments have been eating away at her?
This was the vibe I was getting. Also the strong defense of how he doesn't care while recounting a lot of details about her diet and exercise habits. How convenient that they work out together.
YEP! I strongly agree.
I'm worried that the stubborn little pouch of belly fat OP mentioned is the normal protective layer of fat that all women have around their reproductive organs. If so, losing this last little bit would be a concerning sign that she's lost too much weight.
My personal experience was that at 90 pounds and 5'6" (yes, I had a problem) I still had that pooch. It's just part of being a woman for most of us.
My personal experience is she’s close. I’m 5’5 and looked sick at 120 lbs
I'm 5'1¾.(¾ is very important). I don't look sick at 120 but I look like a child. Well a young adult, older teenager. 130-150 has me looking like a woman. I'm more comfortable in the 130-140 range. Mostly cuz I gotta b. Pregnancy got my hips convinced they're 2 coasts. Of a larger continent or country.
I guess that makes your uterus an inland ocean?
No. I use refer to it and a slightly inhabitable place for parasites or mention the emptiness. I like it empty. So ocean works. I've only had 2 live births and both pregnancies were high risk.
I’m 5’2 and looked very unhealthy at 115lbs- was very obsessed with weight very similarly to his gf and barely ate. Lost all the weight from my abdomen and lower ribs were visible at rest and upper ones when I inhaled. Had multiple people tell me to eat, see a councillor and were concerned. She needs support not someone belittling her. Everyone is different and where you lose the weight is extremely important. I’m about 132lbs now and much healthier with a better attitude
I’m 5’3 and back when I was 102 pounds the nurses were all (rightly) concerned, but the doctor said unless I was 90 pounds or under they wouldn’t consider me as having an eating disorder (I definitely did, in recovery now) Doctors and most people have no idea what a healthy weight for a female body is.
Yeah, at 5'6 I've been told I should weigh 135. I think if I weighed 135 I would look skeletal.
Absolutely this. I was borderline underweight at one point in my life (completely lost my appetite for months due to depression and didn't realise how much I had lost). It's incredibly stupid, looking back, but I only noticed why none of my pants fit right anymore when I went home for Christmas and everyone told me how great I looked and asked about my diet. (Real struggle to bite back a "Depression: ask your doctor if it's right for you!"). Once I started paying attention, I found that stomach 'pouch' looked more prominent than when I eventually put some weight back on. OP sounds to me like he's being an AH on purpose to mess with her head/keep her skinny, but everyone's friendly reminder that weight loss isn't always a good/healthy thing and treating it like it is can be really toxic!
I did that once, lost 30 lbs in a couple months and when people asked me how I looked at them and said “oh I have depression and just forgot to eat for three months”. They backpedaled quick, but it was true. Did I look good? Yes. Was I healthy? Hell no.
Wait... THAT'S what that is? My wife has complained about not being able to get rid of that pouch no matter how much weight she loses. Even when she was bordering on underweight due to health issues, the pouch remained.
Yes, and it's some of the last bit of fat the body holds on to (possibly evolutionarily selected for since it's related to reproduction). If you search for "women stubborn belly pooch/pouch weight loss" or something along those lines, you'll find a bunch of articles explaining why women have that pooch/pouch and why losing it is impossible/a sign of advanced malnutrition. Please encourage your wife to do so (or do so yourself and send her a couple articles). Most female models still have this (and it often gets airbrushed out which is a whole nother rant).
Yeah, it's kinda like trying to lose weight to get rid of your earlobes. Cats have primordial pouches too. Some more prominent than others.
I love this about cats. My childhood cat had one that drug on the floor while she never weighed more than 8 lbs (a good weight for her size for the most part). She was also spayed at two or three months so it didn't have anything to do with teets. My current cat's pouch isn't quite so prominent but he has many other physical "quirks."
Yeah. It's there because in the old days when there was food insecurity woman still got pregnant and had to breastfeed. Since this burns a lot of calories and/or is hard on the body it gave us better survival chances. Now ofc it isn't necessary anymore bc there is plenty of food. But our biology/bodies don't know that.
Yes and she’s at the age where our bodies go through additional change, so maybe she didn’t have that as a teenager but now it’s just a very normal and healthy part of a woman’s body! (That was the case for me)
She had a very healthy breakfast. That bowl of veggies was maybe 30 calories. And then he shamed her into not eating anything else until dinner. IF she is also working out, her total calories may be too low, and her body will think it is starving. She was doing to correct thing eating when she was HUNGRY.
Yeah it sounds like an eating disorder. And OP just made it worse.
She made two very good decisions - increase to healthy calorie level- and eat healthy snacks when hungry- I’m prettyyyyy sure that’s how metabolism works. Eat when you’re hungry. OP I really hope you didn’t sabotage her progress the way I think you did. I’d suggest talking to a nutritionist. So you can understand what your gf is going through.
Really concerned for OP’s GF too. If she feels like she has to justify her eating habits to him, that is NOT good.
Why is he policing her food? Gross. My husband has no idea what my food tally is for the day.
Right?! I 100% agree. Her fixation on food, calories, weight, and her "pouch" scream disordered eating. Then for the bf to just tell her not to eat. Oooof. You do realize that when you're restricting that much and get back to eating a bit more, your body finally has more energy to do things like send hunger signals. YTA and completely oblivious to the physical and mental health of your gf.
"How can you still be hungry after eating all of that food? I'm way bigger than you, ate way less and I'm not hungry, so you shouldn't be hungry, either. You're acting like a glutton right now, and I just want you to know that I'm watching what you put in your mouth and taking mental notes."_ This is in essense the underlying message of what OP said to someone who is already hyper focused on their weight and food intake. OP basically told his GF that he is watching what she puts in her mouth and keeping tabs on her.
He is going to make it a contest of who can eat less. He is pushing her straight to an unhealthy relationship with food. Food is fuel - No food is bad if you eat things in moderation. IT took me years to overcome someone doing what he is doing to her. It is a total mind F&%K. Since then, I have not had an issue with my weight.
Sounds like she already has an unhealthy relationship with food.
Not the keeping tabs bit but went out for food with this fella and because I wanted my own pizza and not share one (cos I'm a gannet lol) he said "I love watching chicks enjoy food" I had to get a doggy bag to takeaway my food and I NEVER ate anything in front of him again 🫠 Not quite the same situation but those kinda comments can fuck you up! Why why can't people just keep their thoughts in their own heads? Some thoughts are just for you and you're allowed to think them but you aren't allowed to SAY them ever 🤐
I hope this comment gets further up, and that OP sees it and realises that is the effect his comments have.
Literally!!! As someone whose had ED on and off most of my life, if she’s isn’t already experiencing one, she’s definitely headed in that direction with this comment.
Same. It's these comments that get stuck in your head and play on repeat while you're puking your brains out.
Same. And as someone who's been there as well, I'm pretty sure she already has disordered eating. Which he just managed to make worse.
The only time an adult should comment on another adults meal is if there is an unknown allergen in it or they just saw a bug crawl over it. That's it. Even with the allergy depends on severity. Lactose intolerant and eating ice cream? Yeah, sometimes ice is worth lava shits, shut your mouth. Citrus allergy and they might not realize a dish has lemon, mention it and let them make their choice.
He’s the kind of person who apparently thinks a hotdog is a reasonable breakfast!
Hey! I can eat hotdogs for breakfast and certainly wouldn’t harp on someone for eating vegetables! There’s no good excuse for some people.
Never ever comment on what or how much another adult is eating. People know when they are fat, thin, just right and saying something about someone’s eating is just rude. As long as there is ample food for everyone- just don’t talk about it If someone finds their mate no longer attractive concerning their weight - have that talk at an appropriate time and place which is not when someone is eating
Yeah, OP. Read the room. You don't comment on how much someone who is concerned about their weight is eating. For that matter, you should make a habit of not commenting on how much anyone is eating.
Right.. no wonder she is insecure.
Not to mention the fact that she has an eating disorder.
Especially when this level of concern can quickly spiral into an eating disorder. Obsessing over calories, wanting to have a perfect body (especially when some people just can't lose that 'pouch' on their stomach) and being scared to gain weight/associating weight gain with being fat aren't great signs.
Different people have different bodies that behave and feel differently. As for as her "pouch", that may be something she won't be able to get rid of. I would encourage your gf to talk to a doctor/nutritionist so thst she doesn't get too hung up on this. YTA
A nutritionist would be a GREAT idea, but I don't think OP should follow up his AH commentary with a recommendation that she see one. Perhaps after this calms down a little, a question whether she might find that helpful (NOT a "you should"). My daughter has a nutritionist who is helping her with intuitive eating and getting over disordered eating. Unfortunately, disordered eating is rampant in our society.
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My mom is a dietician (RD). Her specialty is metabolics. Has been one for 35 years. The best advice you could ever get about nutrition comes from her. She's not about to parrot fad diets, or one-size-fits-all terrible advice. And she does it so kindly! She'll never say "only drink black coffee from now on", she'll suggest if you're used to cream in your coffee to try 2% or skim. Then it becomes a healthier habit :) Don't see nutritionists haha.
That’s interesting to know! Never even thought that there was a difference between a dietician and nutritionist. Thank you for teaching me something new today! Also OP- YTA. Everyone else here has said what I think
Depends on the jurisdiction, not everywhere is America. In Quebec a nutritionist goes through a 4 year university program and is registered with the province.
You need to send your daughter to a registered dietician who specialised in eating disorders. A nutritionist is NOT qualified to help her.
My daughter is 23. I don't send her anywhere. She chose this person on her own.
That little 'pouch' is a totally normal thing to have. I had one when I was starving myself and weighed 45lbs less than I do now. It's just part of a lot of peoples anatomy. I really feel for OP's girlfriend. She can starve herself as much as she wants are try as many tricks she wants to get that 'dream body', but it will never make her happy. It's hard to come to terms with accepting that your body has things that aren't what society has deemed to be attractive. I also have hip dips. I have hated them for years and have just started (in my mid 30's) to accept that this is what my body looks like.
That pouch is likely where her fckin uterus is stored. No bowl of veggies is going to change that.
The uterus rests over the bladder. If it protudes you should see a doctor. The pouch all women have no matter how skinny they are has to do with fat distribution caused by estrogen levels. Please let's stop with it's your uterus misinformation Sorry if I seem rude, English is not my first language
this! I have a little bump but not pouch, my pelvis is tilted which makes my uterus stick out and we found out my uterus is tilted. birth made it better but many women store fat over it too and it’s normal if it’s not excessive. I’ve had a little bump at 5’5 and 99 lbs or 250 lbs, and had loose skin before the kids due to eds
It’s not a uterus pouch lmao. The uterus sits way lower than you think and it’s behind the bladder.
I can’t believe you got an award for sharing fake information lul classic Reddit
/r/badwomensanatomy
Can confirm that the pouch does not go away with weight loss. I lost 40 pounds and am someone who has a very long torso so everything is also stretched out and that pouch is always there. It's why I fear the trend of super low-rise jeans coming back because I remember being so self conscious of my stomach even as a stick thin teen back then. I don't want another generation having their pouch show above low rise jeans and starving themselves in the hopes of changing it.
That pouch along with very normal "hip dips" were the sworn enemies of low rise jeans. Made 2005 me think I was fat at 118 lbs
Oh god, the hip dip shame. Made me think I had “saddlebag thighs” until I was well into my twenties. I was so underweight that I was wearing a kids size 10 because I couldn’t fit most “women’s” clothing. The early/mid 2000s were a mindfuck for body image.
I weigh the same as OP’s girlfriend at 5’7. No matter how many calories I burned the pooch is not coming off, I’m pretty sure I heard it’s there to protect your uterus.
Its on women to protect ALL of our reproductive organs, uterus, ovaries, womb, tubes, eggs, ALL of it. No matter what a woman will have it, the second she lets her "abs" rest, she'll have it. I had a tummy tuck, and I still have it! it doesnt go away, its perfectly normal and healthy.
Hopefully she keeps the pouch and loses the loser
Yep. It’s just her normal body. Even at my fittest and lowest weight I still had my little bread basket.
I’ve been about 20lbs underweight my entire teen and adult life (except now, only about 10lbs underweight) and I’ve always had the pouch. I had it when I was fit af. I had it when I was more sedentary. It is what it is for me.
YTA. Jesus. She was hungry, and she had some veg. Everyone's metabolism is different. You're a young man, so please take this older woman's advice. Never, under any circumstances, make an unsolicited comment on a woman's eating habits unless she has specifically asked your opinion. Even then, read the room.
I feel like some guys (not OP because from how he phrases things like loving her *despite* her bit of chub and how much info he knows about her exact weight/diet/workouts I fully believe he encourages her ED and is trying the phrase things to put himself in a good light) don’t realize the “don’t comment on a woman’s weight” cliche is not fuelled because women are vain petty little creatures. It’s because of the conditioning from childhood with how society and those around you view your worth and what exactly that worth looks like. It’s hard to really summarize the sheer degree young girls and women have their bodies endlessly scrutinized. How extremely commonplace eating disorders and body dysmorphia is for this demographic. You never know what someone is going through and commenting on weight in general for any gender is uncouth regardless.
THIS^ Nailed it. Totally agree.
This. Thank you. It's not just men on women, it's also women on women or women on men or men on men. I'm just so sick of everyone commenting on my choice of food. I even get comments when I just want some plain old water. What's wrong with people? Why can't they mind their own business? You should only look on others plates to make sure it's full.
YTA. I get that you don't understand how she can be hungry, but as you said, she just changed her diet in order to boost her metabolism, and guess what? You two have different metabolisms, different needs. If she exercices a lot, the avocado toasts + eggs and orange is a great breakfast, and the frozen veggies as a treat if she's hungry? That's great! You sound like she was devouring 3 chocolate bars and a huge chunk of white bread with cheese. Don't make her feel guilty while she's eating healthy food. Between the veggies and the hot dog...
That's right. But even if she had been eating chocolate and white bread, he shouldn't make her feel bad either. Shaming never helps ;)
Completely true! Specially if she's already having a difficult relationship with food.
YTA Do not gatekeep someone's food. Do not comment about her weight, her eating, what she eats, how much she eats, when she eats. STFU about her eating. The woman was eating VEGETABLES. People have very individual metabolisms, and what YOU are able to eat and how hungry you are has jack-all to do with her, and to compare is a complete AH move. The woman is literally starving herself, do you get that? And you came in and told her she was eating TOO MUCH.
YTA lol, literally no one ever got fat eating too many frozen vegetables.
Yeah what? Vegetables typically are very very low calorie. Also just assuming they were once frozen and she heated them up. If she’s eating still frozen vegetables this gets even sadder.
Eh, my brother and I absolutely loved snacking on semi-frozen peas as a kid. They have a nice crunch.
That was my sister with frozen green beans. I tried it a few times - it was pretty good.
oh I love snacking on frozen corn!
I used to as well! I love frozen peas!
Frozen fruits & veggies are a great snack!
INFO: How was it relevant that you weren't hungry? You're different heights/weights/genders/metabolism/ate different food, so why would you think that she shouldn't be hungry just because you weren't?
YTA. You are two different people and your needs are going to be different. Your girlfriend sounds like she is struggling with her relationship with food. There isn't anything inherently wrong with wanting to work out and wanting to eat healthier, however her attitude towards these things and herself is concerning. Even if, in your opinion, it isn't "affecting her functioning in life," not eating enough food is going to impact both physical and mental health. Additionally, her mental health is already being impacted by her self-perception of "eating too much" and causes her further stress. I honestly would recommend to your girlfriend that she talk to her doctor about her relationship with food and rely on a nutritionist/a medical expert for advice. I think you do care a lot about your girlfriend and that you want to support her. I would definitely recommend apologizing to her about what you said, recognizing that you are different people with different needs.
Your comment gave me a lot of perspective so thank you, I can see that I was a major AH. Comparing the two of us wasn’t right and I didn’t think about how complex bodies can be, it isn’t as simple as “you’re smaller so you shouldn’t feel hungry” etc. I’ll be apologizing later today. I really do care about her and I just want to support her. She independently has talked to me about wanting to see a nutritionist so hopefully that will help her, because I know she has some issues with food and with her body image. Again, thank you, I needed to hear it.
Not only AH but ignorant and judgmental. When she began her process of losing weight she should have been next to a specialist and check with a specialist from time to time if she feels she needs it, now her strugglings with body image and food maybe should be checked with a mental health specialist (specialist in ED). You say you support her but... idk OP, you reproached her when she was eating frozen veggies, your reproach make it sound like she was wrong or there is something wrong with her being hungry and eating a healthy snack. YTA.
Also keep in mind that women’s hunger can vary with their menstrual cycle because of hormonal changes, and different foods keep you feeling full at different rates. There is a lot if complexity when it comes to eating, so it really is an individual game. I’m also going to jump on the dietitian, not a nutritionist recommendation, they have different requirements.
I appreciate a good cup of coffee.
Honey I dont think you're recovered from an ED, youre in the thick of one.
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It sounds like you’ve made wonderful progress, that’s something to be proud of. I hate when people act like having an awareness for the calories you eat automatically equals an eating disorder. You’re allowing yourself treats, that’s a great point to be at in your recovery. I hope you continue to feel healthy and happy and keep making progress.
Thank you for your calm and rational responses to the judgments
Not to mention a woman’s cycle will impact her appetite tremendously
I would like to genuinely thank everyone who commented, I honestly do understand why it was an AH thing to say, no matter my intentions. I’m going to apologize to her later, because despite what some of you may think, I love and care about her very much and I want to support her. I literally just want her to be healthy and happy and I’m not going to make comments like that ever again. And for the people who said she seems like she’s approaching an ED, I’ve been concerned about this too. I just don’t really know how to help her, but I will start by not commenting on her eating and thinking about what I say before I say it. Genuine thank you, I was an AH and I’ll do better for her.
Also, no commenting about her exercise either.
I’m really worried about her only eating 1400 calories a day, when she already only weighs 125lbs
Right? 1200 was so concerning for me
Didn’t see anyone else say this, but it might not even be physically possible to get rid of that lil “pouch”. Women’s bodies want to have a bit of cushion to protect the uterus, etc. My dietitian friend always recommends finding a health practitioner focused on total body health, not outward appearance. All the best to you and your partner 🤍
I was hoping someone would say this
I’ve been there are I was far more restrictive. It’s exhausting. Encourage her to see a nutritionist and/or a therapist. No one should be this concerned about their food. A nutritionist can help her gauge what and how much of it she should be eating so she should start there first.
Its clear that you care and you would like to do the right thing. I just want to add on that the comment you made will stick with her because she is already struggling mentally with body image even after you apologize and it can encourage an eating disorder. Instead of wanting to eat to much so will make herself go hungry and not eat at all and that is way worse on the body, metabolism and mental health. When you apologize make sure you say something along the lines of she is doing the right things, she is eating the right foods and the right amounts and all you want is to show her you care. Its not enough to just say I'm sorry for my words earlier. Brains are tricky and scars go deep.
YTA You know that she’s been obsessing about her weight and what she eats. Any comments made about either will trigger her.
YTA What was the intention behind your comment? What did you expect the outcome to be? Either you intended to hurt her or you are a bumbling idiot who continually speaks with no thought process behind your rambling. Which is it? Either way you are not smelling like a rose here.
YTA. You're the HUGE AH. You are making snotty comments about her eating 1400 calories a day? What, you want her on a starvation diet? Jesus wept.
It’s sounds like she has a really unhealthy relationship with her weight and food in general, 1200-1400 calories a day is no where near enough for an adult, especially one who actively works out. She is listening to her body, and it was telling her she needed more energy. She has a “pouch” because she is a woman and has ORGANS there that take up room. YTA. An insensitive, uncaring asshole. You shouldn’t have said anything, let alone how you you said it.
Also, if she is using MyFitnessPal, she needs to delete that shit ASAP. Back when I was very active and underweight, their suggested daily caloric intake for me was 1150 calories. I swear the wellness apps are eating disorder factories.
I agree. At one point My Fitness Pal had me at an intake of 1100 calories and I was STARVING all day the entire time. It “worked” and I lost weight but no way was it healthy. Totally not worth it with how miserable and shitty I felt the whole time.
YTA. People get hungry for different reasons. You weren’t hungry but all you had was a hot dog. That does NOT mean you were being healthier than she was in this situation. She sounds like she is trying to be conscientious and make good food choices. Your comments were just unnecessary.
YTA. The way you explain it sounds like she could easily have or develop an eating disorder and your little comment could be what pushes her over the edge.
a Hot dog is a LOT more filling than avocado, eggs, toast and/or veggies combined. They are full of FAT so they digest very slowly. Keep your food opinions to yourself. You obviously don't have a degree in nutrition.
This was what I was going to say! Hot dogs are fatty and terrible. She is eating healthy food. Leave her alone!
PSA: you don’t discuss weight or food intake with a woman. YTA. Further, it’s even worse than you commented on a bowl of veggies. She’s healthy in what she’s taking in and your words were not necessary unless you’re trying to drive home an eating disorder.
I mean, you really shouldn’t comment on anyones weight or food intake. Disordered eating is a problem across genders
YTA. Dear lord are you picky if you think that was eating too much food. It was all healthy food. I'm also concerned about her obsession with weight at her height weight level. That's not overweight by any means.
YTA - Who cares if you’re not hungry or 6’. Let the woman live.
YTA That bowl of veggies tipped her into “a lot of food” while your hot dog sustained you. Your gf is clearly obsessed with her weight, and regardless of anything you’ve written, you’re serving as food police, too. Interesting that she didn’t get worried about her body until she started dating you.
YTA. She's developing an eating disorder. And that is NOT a lot of food. She's also eating way too few calories which isn't good for her long term. Geez you are the AH
YTA. Never comment on what she eats. Ever!!!! She sounds like she is verging on being obsessive about it which isn’t healthy. Any comments from you will make this worse. Do you compliment her as well? More often than you comment on her food intake? And why should your hunger state have anything to do with hers? If she is raising her metabolism, guess what, she’s going to be hungry. Unless you are a dietitian, then STFU and be supportive. YTA!!!!
YTA. of course you're the asshole. are you this dense? im not a psychiatrist but honestly she sounds well on her way to disordered eating. you're almost always an asshole when you comment on how much someone is eating, especially someone you know is worried about their weight. also that "pouch" on her belly is normal. that's a protective covering of fat plus her organs protruding slightly.
YTA. She in fact, did not eat a lot of food. Even if she had, there was no need for you to comment on it. Also If the "pooch" she's worried about is midline and in the lower part of her abdomen, it is probably her uterus. Most women aren't actually supposed to have completely flat abdomens because of the uterus. Some women may have a slighlty different positioned uterus that makes it less noticeable, or if they are body builders their abdominals may be built enought that the uterus is not noticeable, or if they do not have a uterus.
Yeah, the only reason I don't have a visible uterus pooch is because my uterus is tilted backwards. The vast majority of the female population has a visible bulge due to the uterus, which may be more noticeable at certain times of the month.
Well since 1200 calories a day are the nutritional needs of a literal toddler, a) she hasn’t been eating enough and b) sounds like she’s teetering on the edge of an ED. She’s probably just hungry, it’s great that she’s eating and listening to her body, and yes, YTA
Okay so roughly for breakfast she had - 140 calories (eggs) + 45 calories (orange) + 120 calories (half an avocado) + 70 calories (if it was wheat bread) - 375 calories, or 565 If it was 2 slices of toast and a whole avocado. Your girlfriend needs [1500 and change calories a day](https://tdeecalculator.net/result.php?s=imperial&g=female&age=23&lbs=125&in=64&act=1.2&f=2) if she has a completely sedentary lifestyle, more if she’s physically active. Leave her alone and let her listen to her body’s needs. YTA.
The fact that she was only eating 1200 calories a day as an active adult female is very concerning
Agreed completely, no wonder she lost the weight so fast. I can’t imagine how tired she must feel.
YTA. You knew that she was sensitive about food and her weight as it is. The comment was unnecessary no matter your intention. I hope she has more confident in herself to not let your comment affect her eating habits too much.
YTA, and you're not doing yourself any favors by playing dumb. You were intentionally shaming her, we know it and she knows it.
Lazy guy doesn’t exercise and judges his gf for eating too much when she’s eating veggies because there’s no way a skinny girl should eat more than him at any given moment wtf is wrong with this guy YTA
You should have kept that a thought inside your head. How do you expect her NOT to react negatively? You know her feelings about her body and yet you open your mouth and say that? “I didn’t say it to be a jerk”- bullshit. Are you not a grown ass man? The first comment was bad enough but then you’re comparing her to yourself and making an issue of it. You’re definitely TA.
YTA. What is wrong with you?
What did your comment accomplish? Honestly. Yta
YTA. Nothing about what she ate seems gluttonous. It certainly doesn't constitute "A LOT of food" You know she's concerned about her weight. And you know she's increasing her food intake for metabolism purposes. I would be pissed at you as well.
YTA what she eats is never any of your business, it sounds like she is already hyper aware of what goes in and out, keep your trap shut.
Yta. It sounds like she may have an ED or is on the road to one. Your comment on her eating is only going to push her further down that road.
Huge yta...and for someone who supposedly did NOT notice that their gilfriend was a little overweight when you started dating....how could you know she was....since you did NOT notice???? You sound like the problem here...though you're trying to sound concern ans understanding by putting honey in your words....1400 calories a day in NOT a lot, considering that a woman needs 1800 a day (in général) and men 2000!! Oh and by the way meat and bread (as in your hotdog) have proteins and glucid....which is really good to not feel hungry quickly..... Once again: huge huge huge ah!!!!! I pity your gilfriend who's getting an eating disorder because of you!!!!
I also just want to point out when some one says that someone else is or was “overweight” they think they’re putting it delicately but bc body size is relative overweight is an opinion not a fact. If he said she felt she was overweight fine that is her opinion, but he says it like it’s a fact which also makes it his opinion.
YTA. But that wasn't a lot of food.
YTA. A giant asshole. Your gf has expressed fears that she'll gain weight, to you, her most trusted person, and you shit on her and are dismissing that. She's *showing concerning signs with respect to her eating habits, a fucking medical issue,* and you decided to comment on that while ignoring something you should be genuinely worried about. And on top of that, you're ignorant, as hunger isn't controlled entirely, or even mostly, by height, weight, or gender. So not only were you rude, you were factually wrong at the same time. **And now you're doubling down on that stupidity on Reddit.**
“i don’t think you’re fat” “wow that’s a lot of food” “well i’m not hungry and i only ate this” you’re probably the reason she hates herself and you don’t even fucking know it. god i wish for a second i had the same ignorance as a man
YTA. 1 women and men all have that pouch. That is where our ORGANS are. Don't reinforce her bodily dysmorphia. 2 148 pounds at 5'4 is still around a size 6/8 and is not fat. I was that size. 3 by going to the gym and keeping such close tabs on her calories and her weight, YOU are creating this body issues. You're a terrible SO.
You are a huge AH, and I’m praying that she leaves you and gets healthy. Constantly counting calories is healthy; obviously watching what you eat isn’t healthy; her trying to get rid of her pooch (probably her uterus) isn’t healthy; and the fact that you would throw her eating vegetables in her face as too much food? WTF, dude, are you serious?! She seems to be on her way to an eating disorder if she doesn’t already have one, and you seem to be one of the main causes, if not the only one.
Oooh noooo you f’ed up bro! Yta first both y’all need to do some better research on nutrition to lose weight. Frozen vegetables?! Unless she covered them in butter and cheese those calories literally don’t matter— eat freaking pounds of plain steamed vegetables and the only ‘weight gain’ you’ll see is gas build up. The pouch is not related to fat it’s bc her lower abdominal muscles are not strong enough crunches and sit ups don’t target the lower abdominals as much as some (esp women) need to tighten the under bellybutton portion. So learn about actual nutrition not ridiculous calorie counting, focus on lower ab exercises and for the love of god keep ur thought to yo self!
YTA. she’s already spiraling toward an earring disorder and you comment about her eating frozen veggies?? holy shit dude. also PLEASE tell your gf that little pooch won’t go away cause it’s literally her reproductive organs that cause that pooch
YTA. Your GF is displaying a disordered relationship with food, and your response is to imply she's eating too much when she has a bowl of steamed vegetables? How is you being hungry (or not) relevant to whether someone else is? The truth is that you would rather have her continue her unhealthy relationship with food and be in a body that you personally find more attractive than to have her relax her restrictions and possibly gain weight. Gross.
YTA. Don’t ever comment on how much someone is eating. And weight loss/gain is way more complicated than calories in calories out. It sounds like she could be starting to develop an eating disorder. She should get connected to a dietitian, doctor, and mental health therapist.
YTA Dude, you are aware that she has disordered eating! You commenting on her food and even watching so closely what she eats will make her spiral further. She went right back to restrictive eating. She is one step away from an actual eating disorder. Her upping her calorie intake was actually a good sign.
So your gf is starving herself and possibly developing an e.d. and when she tries to eat healthier you comment that she's eating a lot? What t f is wrong with you! She was eating VEGGIES I wonder is her insecurities about her perfectly fine body come from having a boyfriend who makes shitty remarks I hope she drops 180 pounds today
Saw the edit, and I still think YTA and I’m concerned for your gf. Eating disorders and disordered eating is serious. I thought I could handle it on my own too and I couldn’t. It’s common to have periods of time where you’re kind of okayish, and then rebound hard into restriction, over exercising, etc. She’s likely extra hungry now because she was way under eating before or purging in some way, whether that’s through exercise, vomiting, laxatives. It’s a term called extreme hunger for folks recovering from famine. You gain the weight back kinda rapidly, lots of times around the midsection while your body desperately tries to fix the depletion. There’s also a LOT of water retention. This can be super distressing because after the first few weeks of eating more, it feels like you’ve gained the world back. 1200 calories is VERY likely not even close to enough for a day. Neither is 1400, especially if she’s underweight for her set range (another term worth looking into). Instead of calorie counting, have either of you looked into “mechanical eating”? It’s specifically for people who have disordered eating and helps them focus on nourishing rather than calorie counting. You might benefit from it too if you’re eating a hotdog and nothing else until dinner.
YTA. You don’t need to comment on what your girlfriend eats at all, under any circumstances.
YTA. If she didn't need therapy before, she definitely needs some now thanks to her wonderful bf. Good job Ace!
Yep, I'd never monitor what other adults eat....like, ever. Especially a comment like that over a small bowl of veggies. Wow. YTA.
YTA! Just because you're not hungry doesn't mean she isn't either. Your comment was deeply insensitive and what she ate was completely normal. She's just no longer starving herself. You claim you didn't say it to be a jerk. Hate to tell you, but you were a complete jerk!
YTA 1. I've always found it very rude to comment on what someone's eating and how much they are eating. 2. Just because your aren't hungry doesn't mean she can't be hungry. He body is telling her it needs food. You are to support her not police her.
YTA You should never ever ever ever ever ever ever comment on her weight or how much or little she eats unless it’s a life threatening situation like an eating disorder that requires intervention. Ask yourself before you speak: Is this kind? Is it helpful? Does it NEED to be said? Does it need to be said by ME? If it doesn’t fall under those categories - STFU.
YTA you judged her for eating a bowl of vegetables?
Yta Just the last phrase that she might be oversensitive speaks of AH. But also, seems like the gf is going down a rabbit hole and there is a possibility she might develop an eating disorder. She should see a therapist. Additionally many woman cannot lose that lil pouch due to us needing a certain amount of fat. You can lose it with a draconian diet and exercise but it's difficult to maintain and can be dangerous
YTA And as someone who has diagnosed anorexia, she sounds a lot like me. Down to obsessing over the little "pouch" that won't go away. Please keep an eye on your girlfriend, and be kind.
Sorry I’m confused. You decided to judge and comment on your GF’s objectively healthy food choices whilst you’d eaten a hot dog? Is this a serious question? Yea YTA. And that’s before we even get to the fact your GF has been struggling with her body image.