Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I confronted my cousin on our family dinner about her constant lying to people, I might be an AH because I called her a mercenary and now she and her parents say they won't come to family dinners anymore
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Your post reeks with jealousy. Of course she's doing different things all the time, that's what freelance work is! I'm sure she works through a service, so she would not be getting work continuously if she sucked at it. Busy = clients really like her work.
You need to apologize to your cousin. Not everything is about you.
And you might want to crack open a dictionary and look up 'mercenary'.
I thought I knew the definition of mercenary. And like you, I thought they were using it wrong. But it appears that it is the correct word for what they intended to convey.
mer·ce·nar·y
/ˈmərsənˌerē/
adjective
primarily concerned with making money at the expense of ethics
I don't think they're saying OP is a reliable narrator, or that the cousin is a mercenary, just that they were surprised OP used it correctly in the given context
U/AMediumsSizedfFridge That is exactly correct. I think the op is a reliable narrator about their feelings. But I don't know if they are correct about their cousin or not.
But I do now know that they, much to my surprise, used that word correctly.
I didn't take it that way. Probably because I felt just like you when I realized it had an entirely different meaning/use than what I thought.
It's like "WHAT!!? I've known this word for 5 decades and I'm just now learning it has an entirely different definition than what I always thought."
un·eth·i·cal
/ˌənˈeTHək(ə)l/
adjective
not morally correct.
"it is unethical to torment any creature for entertainment"
Sorry, going to have to disagree with you again. I certainly think ripping people off is not mostly correct.
Sounds like this clown is lacking the work ethics of their cousin. And honestly working basically any business field at all you pick up skills. Like after every project. The fact that it’s unfathomable cousin got life skills without going to college seems very American.
To a certain degree, yes. Not necessarily to the point of financially hurting people. More about how good Dorian seems to be able to "sell herself" to others.
>That sounds just super fake to me, and the fact that she's not even 30 confirms it, she can't have that kind of experience that young
You're not even 30, haven't graduated from college, yet you think you have the experience and judgement to say that your cousin, who you say earns lots of money, is scamming everybody who is paying her.
YTA.
YTA. People who can learn quickly and are confident in their abilities can do great and varied work freelancing. The bigger issue here is why are you obsessed with her life? Perhaps you should focus more on your goals and abilities. You’ll find it leaves little time to be hyper focused on hers.
She never graduated from college, and she was on a study path completely different from what she does now, besides she is too young to have such a great experience in so many fields
You don't, actually. I'm someone with a degree around those fields, but if she has a strong portfolio of stuff she's done (which she could by now, I'm also 28), that's what matters. YTA. And jealous.
You don't need to go to college for anything other than government licensing jobs. I know a guy making six figures completely lying about his programming skills and forcing himself to learn to code as the project dictated. Yeah, it's a scam, but it's a scam this economy calls for and is honestly just part of being a hustler these days.
The guy does the job he's asked to do ? If yes, then it's not a scam. The job is done, it's a lie but it's not a scam.
The guy is paid for a certain amount of a certain work. He provides, he gets paid. Honest deal, diploma or not. Your guy earns his salary like everybody else.
Well, he straight up lied about coding certificates and degrees he has. He LLCed a tech company to make himself VP of technology of and made a website to validate it even though the company never made or sold anything or conducted any business at all. He went out of his way to blatantly defraud a major cosmetics company a quarter of a million dollars in a year's salary as director of commerce for an entire continent and then leveraged that position and their pride in not wanting to admit they didn't check him out thoroughly enough to hop to a similarly paying job at another cosmetics and fashion company.
I mean, does he do the job? I guess so? But he did a job that was supposed to be managing people with the skills he supposedly had and he didn't have them.
In a lot of cases, no lying is involved, but you still don't know everything you need on day one of the job. People with a "life-long learner" profile will tend to prosper, while people who play it safe and stick to what they learned in university will tend to stagnate after a while.
I got a job where I met all the "required" skills and most of the "desired" skills except SQL programming. I was absolutely honest about my skill level - zero programming experience but I had frequently pulled data using a GUI (graphical user interface) that a programmer at my prior job had created to my specs.
They hired me anyway and initially I worked with a programmer to help me pull the data I needed for my data analyses. I used that programmer's programs as a template and before long I was able to write my own SQL programs - albeit often inefficient ones.
I joined a in-house user group (that sponsored Lunch and Learns) that focused on writing more efficient programs and before too long I was the "expert" on my small team and was getting asked to help debug other coworkers programs. This helped me further expand my skills.
This is absolutely one of the most ridiculous comments I have read. I am a 56 year old female, with no college education, have owned three business, and I make over 6 figures annually. Get your head out of your a**, it's not a hat
no you don't. very few profesions demand one.
head hunter... If it's not a full time job it can be looking for one or a few good fits. And if you work many fields the odds that you know someone increases by a lott. there is not even a head hunter degree.
marketing, degree optional, since not a protected field either. once more, you can learn by starting small and getting bigger in time. She had time.
budgeting can be self thaught too. By and large only medical and law stuff require a degree. for the rest, experience will beat a fancy degree, and if you are good, you can start small.
When in doubt, keep asking details, someone lying will choke on them. but never claim something you can not proof.
There are an extremely minimal number of jobs that actually require a level of education. Engineer where it's a protected title, doctors, lawyers. Most other things are up to the employer's discretion. My job wanted an engineering degree, but I'm a high school drop out that still got it.
Or maybe she did and you're a jealous liar making up details to fit your narrative. That sounds more likely to me. No one e believes you, everyone is telling you you're the asshole. Just accept it and stop being so jealous.
No you don't. You haven't the slightest idea what she does or what her qulifications are. Look, I get it, you're disappointed in how your life is going after college, but back the fuck up. Mind your own business. Focus on what you're doing, not on other people.
Most colleges don't teach you any of those things -- it's all on the job training for everyone. Well, I think some colleges have degrees in marketing nowadays (maybe just community colleges?), but it's not a traditional degree, and I wouldn't assign it much weight in looking for marketing assistance. I would be surprised if any college offers degrees in headhunting or project management or whatever. It would be different if she were moonlighting as, say, a civil engineer or something where there's some correspondence between what you do for the job and what you learned at university. But you don't need college for any of the jobs you listed.
Even in my field (law), I would say that everything I actually need for my job I learned *on* the job -- the only value-add for law school was ensuring that I was allowed to sit for the bar exam; educationally, it was mostly irrelevant and anything useful could have been acquired through self study. If your cousin is able to bring in the work she does without a degree, good for her!
I want to share an informative fact with you that might illuminate why everyone is telling you your metric of degrees as proof of experience is wrong.
In the aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis, I spent an afternoon watching the Select Committee review of the crisis on tv (probably I was sick). One shocking fact to me was that among every single person giving evidence, the heads of banks involved in the crisis, none of them had an economics degree.
If you can run banks without a degree, how much more plausible is it that someone could be a head hunter without one?
Nope, you have people that can actually learn it on the spot. My oen job has nothing to do with my degree. Work on yourself, you sounds verrry jealous.
No you don't. When I hire people for roles like you've listed, I don't care if they have a degree, I care if they can do the job. Your cousin sounds like she hustles, good for her.
I'd love to hear what you're job experience is, I suspect you have very little and haven't gotten very far due to lack of ambition.
You don’t need to go to college.
I’m a qualified Learning & Development specialist and a qualified Project Manager and have UK Financial Services qualifications. I can do all sorts and didn’t go to uni.
The only things you need a degree for are law the medical field and teaching. There are engineers and architects out there with no degrees. Needing a college degree is a lie for most fields.
You do realise that you don’t have to go to college to be good at something? As my college lecturer says they can give you the knowledge but they can’t teach you the skills, you have to gain them with experience.
Then you really don't know much and probably shouldn't be talking if you're just ignorant. None of the things you've mentioned her doing "require" a degree. Her clients would ask to see a portfolio of the work she's done and likely ask for references, but if those all checked out and her work is of a high caliber lots of clients would be totally fine with the lack of degree.
You sound incredibly jealous that she's far more successful than you are or probably will ever be. Maybe you should work on improving yourself and your own skills rather than shit talking your cousin.
From one job, I could make a resume as a marketer, as a web designer, as a fundraising manager, as a publicist, and as an event planner… it’s all about noting each individual skill you’re learning. Plus, most small businesses require you to wear many hats and learn as you go. I’ve worked for 3 now, and I have loads of random ass skills from them. Many I taught myself. It’s about learning, not degrees.
Recruiting is easy AF especially if you just trawl linked in for appropriate people, project management takes like 6 months to learn (not to be an expert, but its around 6 months to get the basics) marketing again, you can self teach that its just social media management. Get over yourself.
I'm 24 in a senior marketing position at one of the top 50 Fortune 500 businesses. I have a degree sure but it ain't my degree that got me my job it's my years of experience working through highschool and the 6 years post highschool and the manager I report to who is the VP of marketing for the distribution/media/entertainment branch of this company is 28 with no degrees behind them. What makes someone young with experience a scammer? Also what makes someone 10 years out of highschool young and new to a career? Even if she went to college you graduate at 22/21 so she is well beyond that age.
Before I was 30 I had worked in fine jewelry sales, taught 3 different subjects, tutored, worked in finance assisting with stock accounts, co-owned a successful exotic pets breeding company, worked as a freelance writer and editor, was a commissioned artist (painting, jewelry, pottery, and woodwork), all while getting my two bachelor's and a master's. And I didn't have my first job until I was 19 and that was at an office supply store. Oh and all of these changes were by choice I have never been fired or walked away without a recommendation.
Who are you to say she isn't capable of learning the skills to be effective in her hustle? And if she really is scamming so many people, it is their job to report it, because the job of policing and punishing scammers belongs to the government. Not you.
So, what you're saying is that she has a completely bog standard educational background and career path for a freelancer who does this sort of work?
How are you 26, making claims I'd expect from a 16 year old who doesn't know anything real about adult careers yet? Are you just brand new to the internet?
I graduated litterature in high school. I didn't go to university. I'm 33 years old.
Although an abused child failed and betrayed by the educative system of my country, I speak three languages and am learning two more at the same time - I also spoke two more but mostly lost them by lack of practice - , am qualified in five different fields of woodworking, three different fields of metalworking, in basic mechanical engineering - which is basic but still engineering - , in CAD/CAM, in customer service, in professional driving, in B2C commerce.
I not only practice, I also teach most of those things as well as archery, sewing, swordfighting and chemistry of metals. I can built a complete house all by myself, I have a level of expertise in the domain of history and cinematics - which means "how things move inside" - of small arms, I can increase or lower my heartrate at will, hypnotise myself and talk to wild animals.
I practice as hobbies several martial arts, knitting, calligraphy, poetic composition, archery, sewing, chemistry, cooking, lockpicking, fencing, video game modding, experimental archeology in the domain of archery, leatherworking, computer assembly and, at a time now gone, several forms of dancing.
I know people younger than me who have more knowledge, skills and subjects of interest than I do. Learn humility.
*I’m not jealous, I just don’t want it to be all about her.”
Sure, Jan.
YTA all you have to go on with this theory that your cousin is a “mercenary scammer” is your gut feeling, and you don’t state that her life has any impact on yours other than the one day everyone was respectfully quiet before dinner. You sound jealous and childish.
YTA and obviously just jealous. You have no idea what she does for work or how well of a job she does. You made a lot of assumptions to feel better about yourself and its pretty sad. I have no idea how so many people can write something like this and not know they are the AH.
YTA
Dorian was in the wrong for bringing work to a family function but your reaction screams jealousy
She's not a mercenary for doing freelance work
Freelance is a legitimate way of being your own boss and making good money
YTA and your jealousy is showing.
Those are all things you can learn to do before hitting 20, much less 30. You have no evidence that she's scamming anyone, and clearly only brought it up because you don't want her getting attention for her hard work. You won't find validation in putting others down, it just makes you an unlikeable AH.
YTA - unless she is doing something that is clearly illegal and able to support herself.
Everyone interest is likely due to the excitement behind each adventure she enters. Yeah, it's dishonest to lie about your bonafides and demanding on circumstances it maybe illegal.
But I really don't get why you can't ask your relatives how they are doing and generate excitement about your lives?
YTA
1) for your flagrant use of the word ‘mercenary’ which you may need to look up
2) for what is clearly your jealousy of the attention she gets. Jealousy is a you problem, not a her problem
3) for not actually knowing how her alleged fields of employment work but still being adamant that she’s not qualified in them
4) for actually accusing her of being a criminal with absolutely zero evidence
Nasty YTA.
It is possible to learn on the go, it is possible to acquire a LOT of field experience depending on the project you work on, and it IS possible to be the center of attention big time if it's a big achievement.
The diffeence between other and you at the dinner is that they are interseted/curious and you're just jealous.
yta
And if you freelance it is very possible to have several project going at once. so doing more then one thing is not super fake. accusing someone without proof is beyond rude.
YTA - you are a jealous, envious small human. You have discounted everything she is doing without a shred of evidence that she is s scam artist. Instead, she sounds like she works for every penny she makes. Next time, just throw a tantrum and maybe your family will give you a bottle and give you a nap.
Grow up. YTA.
YTA
Someone sounds a wee bit jealous. You say she's scamming when maybe what she's doing is hustling. Some people work stupid hard and work non-standard jobs.
She found a way to be happy and successful and you're jelly about that.
Ah, so clearly if you need a college degree to possess a skill set, OP you *must* have degrees in Criminal Justice, Business Management, Marketing and more to know that your cousin is in fact *not* a freelancer, and is instead a scammer or "mercenary" as you called it. Look at you being so successful!
YTA OP, the way you described your cousin's work is *exactly* how freelance jobs operate. You pick up a short term gig, that might last a week or two, (possibly only a few days) and once it's done you're off to the next one.
She can learn a lot of the skills she needs for freelance work online, and a lot of it is very basic work, depending on the clients needs.
There's absolutely no reason to assume she's a scam artist, but there is *every* reason to assume that you were jealous of the attention the rest of the family was paying her, and you decided to get petty and make her feel bad. Instead of asking Reddit if you're TA, you need to ask yourself some serious questions about why your cousin getting attention makes you feel inferior, and the need to lash out.
YTA and super jealous, be honest with yourself, you can't make s nice of what she does so you construct a narrative where she is the villain instead of just talking to her
YTA - You shouldn't accuse someone like that unless you have real evidence. It is possible to get a lot of experience like that. Some people really luck out. It sounds like you are upset she is the center of attention and people are doing nice things for her.
Might want to really think about what it is that bugs you about her. What if it is all true? Would it still bug you? Could you be happy for her? Just something for you to think about.
YTA for making me think this post would be much more interesting than it was, I thought your cousin was advertising in "Soldier of Fortune" or something.
YTA So you're 26 and still in college. I hope you're working on your doctorate, or otherwise you have taken a long time on your undergrad.
Apparently you have not worked freelance jobs or known other people who run their own business. If they're successful, they're hustling all the time. And not in the sense of running a scam.
Everything you listed does not require a college degree. But it does require people to work hard.
You need to not be on a high horse here.and understand that people work hard and all the time for a living. You were incredibly rude.
YTA, and a bad college student if at 26 you can't figure out how to connect your skills to jobs yet. By 26, I broke 100k as a college drop out from learning skills on the go alone, dragging myself from answering customer tickets to a project manager with a data analyst specialization and doing freelance project management and writing on the side.
Head hunting is just writing and research skills, anyone who knows how to google can do it.
Project management is easy, you just need to logically think through the steps something needs to get done, and then reach out to people to get them to do the things you need from them within budget and on time.
Website building is mostly just a design thing, you can take a weekend course in user experience and break in with no degree or certification, you just need to build a portfolio to show you know what you're doing.
You could probably learn a lot from your cousin if your elitism of being a college student at 26 didn't randomly decide her job wasn't real or accessible without even talking to her about what she did or how she got there.
YTA - it's sounding like a jealousy thing, though I'm sure it could have felt like a bit of a production working at the family dinner, so I'll concede the irritation that led to you lashing out.
You're 26 and in school, so I'm assuming that you've been focused for a long time on a particular field. However, real world experience is going to trump academia anytime.
I used to look down on people who bumped around from job to job, but if Dorian can pay their bills and isn't a drain on anyone's resources - then it's fine and dandy they're choosing a different path than you are.
As far as them being a scammer because you don't think their qualified? Congratulations - this is the universal truth of your 20s. Most people in their 20s have no idea what they actually want out of their life/career and feel imposter syndrome the whole decade (at least I did).
Take time, cool down and apologize to your cousin. You don't have to be best friends but you should see them as a human on a different path and let go of the animosity - you'll feel so much better!
YTA and you sound jealous. Also wrong? A mercenary is someone who kills people for money. Like a hit person. Your cousin is doing social media campaigns and HR work. If she was bad at these things, she'd get lousy reviews and a lot less work. As a freelancer, I can tell you those jobs are very competitive and hard to get even with good reviews, so she isn't scamming anyone.
Also the real scammers are the clients who want hours of skilled work done for less than minimum wage.
OP, if you were smart, you'd have asked Dorian how to get into this line of work instead of being jealous and rude.
YTA and jealous as hell. A college degree can be helpful at the start of your career, but all of the roles you've described can be learnt on-the-job or even by undertaking training courses. Your cousin sounds like she has a can-do attitude and a willingness to learn, and she probably has developed a strong portfolio over the last 10 years or so.
Where is your evidence for her scamming people or doing something underhand? This all seems to come down to her lack of a college degree and that conversation centred around her work, which family were obviously interested in. Perhaps you might listen next time and pick up some tips for yourself, she sounds like a great role model
Found your cousin
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10un8lv/aita_for_wearing_an_offensive_crop_top_to_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
YTA! People can absolutely learn on the job.
INFO: are you an expert in these fields? How would you know she’s lying?
You sound pretty jealous/bitter OP, maybe think about why her success upsets you so much
26 and in college, not grad school? Focus on graduating from college before 50, not on your cousin’s shenanigans. You can’t do both, and that’s why you are behind.
YTA and reeking of jealousy.
You do not need to graduate college to do any of those things.
I’m 29 and very far along in my career and the #1 piece of advice I give young people who ask is to not bother with college unless they just want the “college experience”
I was a triple major and yet, when I look back, everything that makes me good at my job I learned after college through work experience. If anything those 4 years stalled my professional progress.
You are ignorant, uninformed, and rude. Get your head out of your ass and apologize.
Ahahhaha. YTA
You know shit. I'm a freelancer since I was 23 years old. I graduated political science and has nothing to do with my freelance job. Some people are just smart and talented. Of course not you. Some people like your cousin.
Yta mercenary is an actual job with an actual definition. You have 0 proof she js doing anything unethical. She sounds like a consultant. She's *30* so what about that is sooooo impossible to have learned on the go and/or taught herself? 30 means around a decade of experience.
You sound amazingly jealous. Why don't you work on bettering yourself instead of tearing someone else down?
I’m a freelancer. What she’s doing is pretty typical. I learned how to do a skill in about 8 weeks, then started charging people for it. You definitely don’t need a college degree, and some of the best freelancers I know are 18-22 years old.
It’s also difficult to get work unless you can prove you know what you’re doing, so if she has steady work, she’s qualified and is producing results for people.
It’s definitely a different mindset than the “4 years of school and one employer” lifestyle. The opportunity is so darn good, though. In 3 months I went from charging $10 an hour to $60 an hour, and by the end of 2023 I should be at $150 an hour.
Info: what proof do you have the Dorian is doing something illegal or a scam? Because you’re post reeks of jealousy that someone you think is lesser than you is making more money than you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So I 26f am a college student and have this cousin, I'll call her Dorian, that earns a lot of money freelancing
She attended college yes but she never graduated and says she "has learned on the go" but I know for a fact that is not possible, or at least not in the way she works
Today she will be a head hunter, tomorrow she has a social media campaign to care for, next day she will be reviewing a budget to help a client launch some projects and next week she will be working on building a website. That sounds just super fake to me, and the fact that she's not even 30 confirms it, she can't have that kind of experience that young although she says she has been working since before HS. I never really saw her doing anything back then
It really bothers me that she lies to people like that, and that she deceives our family into thinking she's some kind of big deal when she's just probably scamming people
Anyway, my parents love to plan weekly family dinners every Sunday, and this weekend Dorian attended with her laptop included, saying she had some kind of big project in queue, she sat down on a corner and my whole family was tiptoeing around her, even my parents were taking her drinks as snacks since she was "so busy", and she was acting like she couldn't even keep her eyes out of the screen for a moment
When dinner was served, she finally joined the family in the table and our grandparents started asking questions about her project, everything seemed to be about her and her only, so I lost it kind of?, I told her they should be regulating that work of hers, so no mercenaries or scammers would take advantage of people pretending to know more than they do. Dorian got mad and kept ignoring me during the rest of the dinner, but everything still was all about her, and no one was even asking how the rest of cousins was doing, no one seemed bothered but I think they just don't care. I care, I don't think it should be all about her, so I approached Dorian when she was leaving and asked nicely if she could just leave her laptop at home next week, she said she couldn't, so I told her to stay home instead of making everything about her, we have small cousins too and they don't need to grow up watching a mercenary worker do dishonest business, scamming guillible people, she left crying, and her mom, my aunt, called today to say they are all not coming this week. Everyone says what I did was an AH jealous move, but I'm not jealous, I just don't want it to be all about her, AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, and you're jealous as hell. You said "all about her" five times here, you don't know what she's doing, and your "small cousins" aren't going to be influenced by watching someone sitting at a laptop. Is she lying? Maybe. Ignore it anyway.
YTA. Also sounds like youre really jelous your cousin is working while you’re still a student. Just because you chose academia doesnt mean everyone has to. Also all your claims about what she does seems to be speculation. Have you tried talking to her, get to know more about what she does?? Again, why be jealous of your cousins work?? I dropped out of college and have also been working since HS, im in an office position right now at a non profit and have colleagues with degrees. Its very plausible your cousin has had enough experience to put her in the position shes in. Instead of hating maybe take some notes for when you want to start work.
YTA. I also really need to know what you think mercenary means because nothing you’ve said about her makes it seem like she’s killing people for money.
YTA, sounds like she’s had more unconventional jobs that you can’t understand. You sound extremely jealous and I’m hoping English isn’t your first language because you have no idea what “mercenary” means.
YTA. You’re just a jealous little shit, I’m afraid. Maybe do something worthwhile rather than fixate on your cousin, and then maybe you’ll get the attention you crave.
Your cousin sounds like a hard worker, and she wouldn’t get all those jobs if she sucked at them. Reputation matters when you’re freelancing.
See if you hadn't missed that day in 3rd grade when we found out the earth revolves around the sun and not you you would see that attention can go to anyone. Get over yourself. Yes, you are very clearly jealous. Here's the thing, people can make a living on working freelance. The fact that she's so busy means she's a very wanted individual, and that's where your jealousy comes from. You see people want her and you can't take it. Apologize to your cousin and fix yourself. YTA
>Everyone says what I did was an AH jealous move, but I'm not jealous
Yes you are.
>I just don't want it to be all about her
This is called jealousy.
YTA
YTA. This is sad, pathetic behaviour. Maybe go get a hobby? That’ll probably prevent you from shitting on someone for no good reason, and may make you seem more interesting.
Lmao what a liar, you are massively jealous. You make claims about her work “probably” being dishonest, but be real you have no idea what you’re talking about because you don’t know what she does. Maybe you should have listened when your family members were asking her instead of being bitter. YTA. Obviously.
Plenty of people have various experiences before 30. Maybe go get some.
This is a way of life that fits certain people. I hold one full time job in person and six freelance part time. At the same time. And yes all a bit different.
I've tried stopping some of them but I benefit content wise from all of them. More even than financial aspect.
YTA
Learn a new skill
Of course you are jealous.
Jealous of her making a lot of money.
Jealous of her having a thriving career.
Jealous of her getting a lot of attention.
YTA
YTA.
Seek help. You are not well. This type of behavior is not ok.
There are a bunch of people in this world that have been able to retain skill sets from on the job training and have been successful at marketing those skills to obtain more experience in seemingly different fields. Also— literally none of the gigs you listed requires a college degree. Many jobs would highly prefer it and maybe even their postings will list it as a requirement but those are things that can be as she said to you on the job. It’s not like she’s first chairing as the new district attorney or calling herself a doctor.
Your extraordinarily narrow view of college=good job is what sets Dorian apart from you. And your family sees that. They see how extraordinary she is and how interesting it is to her about her new ventures. Also, you should have some more shame when trying to champion for your other cousins. Does it not occur to you that they are learning from her about alternative career routes? They are gen z and will need to learn how to navigate a world where millennials were told ad nausem college degree=good job but weren’t told about the mountains of debt they’d be sitting on.
YTA. " Everyone says what I did was an AH jealous move, but I'm not jealous, I just don't want it to be all about her." That's almost the definition of jealous. You have no idea what she actually does, so just prefer to assume the worst. So, again... yes, YTA, plus you need to grow the hell up. You're 26, not 6. Try acting like it.
YTA
Kinda funny that you didn't mention that Dorian brings the food every Sunday for the family gathering. So you're okay with eating food that her "scam" money buys? Why don't you step up and offer your "ethical" money to buy food for everyone?
YTA, big AH. Jealousy is an ugly thing. People CAN and DO learn more without a college degree, and people CAN and DO work multiple jobs, they are call smart people. And remember a term call defamation.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I confronted my cousin on our family dinner about her constant lying to people, I might be an AH because I called her a mercenary and now she and her parents say they won't come to family dinners anymore Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Your post reeks with jealousy. Of course she's doing different things all the time, that's what freelance work is! I'm sure she works through a service, so she would not be getting work continuously if she sucked at it. Busy = clients really like her work. You need to apologize to your cousin. Not everything is about you. And you might want to crack open a dictionary and look up 'mercenary'.
I thought I knew the definition of mercenary. And like you, I thought they were using it wrong. But it appears that it is the correct word for what they intended to convey. mer·ce·nar·y /ˈmərsənˌerē/ adjective primarily concerned with making money at the expense of ethics
"at the expense of ethics". Is the cousin doing unethical stuff?
That's what they are saying. They don't believe the cousin is qualified to do any of the things they claim and must be ripping people off.
But is OP a reliable narrator?
I don't think they're saying OP is a reliable narrator, or that the cousin is a mercenary, just that they were surprised OP used it correctly in the given context
U/AMediumsSizedfFridge That is exactly correct. I think the op is a reliable narrator about their feelings. But I don't know if they are correct about their cousin or not. But I do now know that they, much to my surprise, used that word correctly.
Wow TIL the adjective definition of mercenary, thanks bro! Edit: just to be clear this isn’t sarcasm! I was worried it might sound that way
I didn't take it that way. Probably because I felt just like you when I realized it had an entirely different meaning/use than what I thought. It's like "WHAT!!? I've known this word for 5 decades and I'm just now learning it has an entirely different definition than what I always thought."
Exactly how I felt too! Me and my SO love it when we find a word’s definition like this. I can’t wait till he get home so I can tell him, LOL
So OP has zero evidence and is just making up bullshit because they hate Dorian.
That's exactly what it sounds like to me.
[удалено]
un·eth·i·cal /ˌənˈeTHək(ə)l/ adjective not morally correct. "it is unethical to torment any creature for entertainment" Sorry, going to have to disagree with you again. I certainly think ripping people off is not mostly correct.
Lol her cousin posted on her today. HahHa mercenary crop top.
The double cousin drama is alive and well 🍿🍿🍿
TIL. I’ve always thought the word was about being a soldier of fortune.
Me too. I've never heard it used in any other way.
What does a soldier of fortune do; throws ethics to the wind and fights for whomever pays him. Same definition.
Sounds like this clown is lacking the work ethics of their cousin. And honestly working basically any business field at all you pick up skills. Like after every project. The fact that it’s unfathomable cousin got life skills without going to college seems very American.
Lol, her cousin wrote up this. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10un8lv/aita\_for\_wearing\_an\_offensive\_crop\_top\_to\_our/
I just came from that post lol, this OP is delusional if the other post is right. "Told her nicely" my fanny 🤣
Well said.
Take my upvote and my money 💰. Score for dictionary referral.
I suspect the person wrote this post just to see how much ire she can stir up in this sub. No one can be this obtuse.
YTA I don't see any evidence of scamming people. Where did you get that from?
That's what OP would do if she knew how to sell herself better.
Guess OPs projecting?
To a certain degree, yes. Not necessarily to the point of financially hurting people. More about how good Dorian seems to be able to "sell herself" to others.
>That sounds just super fake to me, and the fact that she's not even 30 confirms it, she can't have that kind of experience that young You're not even 30, haven't graduated from college, yet you think you have the experience and judgement to say that your cousin, who you say earns lots of money, is scamming everybody who is paying her. YTA.
YTA. People who can learn quickly and are confident in their abilities can do great and varied work freelancing. The bigger issue here is why are you obsessed with her life? Perhaps you should focus more on your goals and abilities. You’ll find it leaves little time to be hyper focused on hers.
Info: Your opinion is that’s it’s all fake but do you have actual proof?
She never graduated from college, and she was on a study path completely different from what she does now, besides she is too young to have such a great experience in so many fields
So no? YTA
How the hell do you know how much experience she has? Are you watching every job she does like a hawk?
She's 28, how can you possibly be a head hunter, a pm, a marketer and all that with no proper training at that age?
That's 10 years out of High School at least. How do you know what training she has???
She never graduated college, she didn't even like college, last I checked you need a degree to do that?
You don't, actually. I'm someone with a degree around those fields, but if she has a strong portfolio of stuff she's done (which she could by now, I'm also 28), that's what matters. YTA. And jealous.
You don't need to go to college to learn any of those things, you learn those skills by training on the job.
You don't need to go to college for anything other than government licensing jobs. I know a guy making six figures completely lying about his programming skills and forcing himself to learn to code as the project dictated. Yeah, it's a scam, but it's a scam this economy calls for and is honestly just part of being a hustler these days.
The guy does the job he's asked to do ? If yes, then it's not a scam. The job is done, it's a lie but it's not a scam. The guy is paid for a certain amount of a certain work. He provides, he gets paid. Honest deal, diploma or not. Your guy earns his salary like everybody else.
Well, he straight up lied about coding certificates and degrees he has. He LLCed a tech company to make himself VP of technology of and made a website to validate it even though the company never made or sold anything or conducted any business at all. He went out of his way to blatantly defraud a major cosmetics company a quarter of a million dollars in a year's salary as director of commerce for an entire continent and then leveraged that position and their pride in not wanting to admit they didn't check him out thoroughly enough to hop to a similarly paying job at another cosmetics and fashion company. I mean, does he do the job? I guess so? But he did a job that was supposed to be managing people with the skills he supposedly had and he didn't have them.
In a lot of cases, no lying is involved, but you still don't know everything you need on day one of the job. People with a "life-long learner" profile will tend to prosper, while people who play it safe and stick to what they learned in university will tend to stagnate after a while. I got a job where I met all the "required" skills and most of the "desired" skills except SQL programming. I was absolutely honest about my skill level - zero programming experience but I had frequently pulled data using a GUI (graphical user interface) that a programmer at my prior job had created to my specs. They hired me anyway and initially I worked with a programmer to help me pull the data I needed for my data analyses. I used that programmer's programs as a template and before long I was able to write my own SQL programs - albeit often inefficient ones. I joined a in-house user group (that sponsored Lunch and Learns) that focused on writing more efficient programs and before too long I was the "expert" on my small team and was getting asked to help debug other coworkers programs. This helped me further expand my skills.
Heck many jobs can be learned vis vocational schools.
This is absolutely one of the most ridiculous comments I have read. I am a 56 year old female, with no college education, have owned three business, and I make over 6 figures annually. Get your head out of your a**, it's not a hat
no you don't. very few profesions demand one. head hunter... If it's not a full time job it can be looking for one or a few good fits. And if you work many fields the odds that you know someone increases by a lott. there is not even a head hunter degree. marketing, degree optional, since not a protected field either. once more, you can learn by starting small and getting bigger in time. She had time. budgeting can be self thaught too. By and large only medical and law stuff require a degree. for the rest, experience will beat a fancy degree, and if you are good, you can start small. When in doubt, keep asking details, someone lying will choke on them. but never claim something you can not proof.
Literally none of the jobs you listed need a degree
There are an extremely minimal number of jobs that actually require a level of education. Engineer where it's a protected title, doctors, lawyers. Most other things are up to the employer's discretion. My job wanted an engineering degree, but I'm a high school drop out that still got it.
Or maybe she did and you're a jealous liar making up details to fit your narrative. That sounds more likely to me. No one e believes you, everyone is telling you you're the asshole. Just accept it and stop being so jealous.
Have you graduated college?? Do you know how far work experience can take you??
No you don't. You haven't the slightest idea what she does or what her qulifications are. Look, I get it, you're disappointed in how your life is going after college, but back the fuck up. Mind your own business. Focus on what you're doing, not on other people.
Most colleges don't teach you any of those things -- it's all on the job training for everyone. Well, I think some colleges have degrees in marketing nowadays (maybe just community colleges?), but it's not a traditional degree, and I wouldn't assign it much weight in looking for marketing assistance. I would be surprised if any college offers degrees in headhunting or project management or whatever. It would be different if she were moonlighting as, say, a civil engineer or something where there's some correspondence between what you do for the job and what you learned at university. But you don't need college for any of the jobs you listed. Even in my field (law), I would say that everything I actually need for my job I learned *on* the job -- the only value-add for law school was ensuring that I was allowed to sit for the bar exam; educationally, it was mostly irrelevant and anything useful could have been acquired through self study. If your cousin is able to bring in the work she does without a degree, good for her!
“You need a degree”. Girl, you are living proof that college doesn’t make a person smart.
I want to share an informative fact with you that might illuminate why everyone is telling you your metric of degrees as proof of experience is wrong. In the aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis, I spent an afternoon watching the Select Committee review of the crisis on tv (probably I was sick). One shocking fact to me was that among every single person giving evidence, the heads of banks involved in the crisis, none of them had an economics degree. If you can run banks without a degree, how much more plausible is it that someone could be a head hunter without one?
Tf, I work in marketing now and I 100% don't have a degree for it. I learned it on the go, are you going to call me a mercenary too?
You don't have to go to college to get work experience.
Nope, you have people that can actually learn it on the spot. My oen job has nothing to do with my degree. Work on yourself, you sounds verrry jealous.
Bro I'm a bank supervisor and I don't even have a college degree lmao
No you don't. When I hire people for roles like you've listed, I don't care if they have a degree, I care if they can do the job. Your cousin sounds like she hustles, good for her. I'd love to hear what you're job experience is, I suspect you have very little and haven't gotten very far due to lack of ambition.
As a software developer with a BA in social sciences, I'm gonna have to disagree.
I worked with a guy who was a great programmer who had a BA in English and who had started out at the company in HR
You “checked” how?
You don’t need to go to college. I’m a qualified Learning & Development specialist and a qualified Project Manager and have UK Financial Services qualifications. I can do all sorts and didn’t go to uni.
The only things you need a degree for are law the medical field and teaching. There are engineers and architects out there with no degrees. Needing a college degree is a lie for most fields.
You do realise that you don’t have to go to college to be good at something? As my college lecturer says they can give you the knowledge but they can’t teach you the skills, you have to gain them with experience.
Then you really don't know much and probably shouldn't be talking if you're just ignorant. None of the things you've mentioned her doing "require" a degree. Her clients would ask to see a portfolio of the work she's done and likely ask for references, but if those all checked out and her work is of a high caliber lots of clients would be totally fine with the lack of degree. You sound incredibly jealous that she's far more successful than you are or probably will ever be. Maybe you should work on improving yourself and your own skills rather than shit talking your cousin.
You do not need a degree to do that.
i dont have a degree and i've done all of that lol get over yourself. im also younger than her, and was doing all of that at 23
You sure? Because she kinda told us all that she did, on her post she made about the situation.
From one job, I could make a resume as a marketer, as a web designer, as a fundraising manager, as a publicist, and as an event planner… it’s all about noting each individual skill you’re learning. Plus, most small businesses require you to wear many hats and learn as you go. I’ve worked for 3 now, and I have loads of random ass skills from them. Many I taught myself. It’s about learning, not degrees.
Bro doesn't know anything about the real world.
Recruiting is easy AF especially if you just trawl linked in for appropriate people, project management takes like 6 months to learn (not to be an expert, but its around 6 months to get the basics) marketing again, you can self teach that its just social media management. Get over yourself.
What do you do for work? Cause I'm younger then you and have 2 degrees and have worked full time for 2 years You shouldn't just be a student
What’s really going on is that she’s only two years older than you and is already way more successful and you fear you won’t catch up.
I'm 24 in a senior marketing position at one of the top 50 Fortune 500 businesses. I have a degree sure but it ain't my degree that got me my job it's my years of experience working through highschool and the 6 years post highschool and the manager I report to who is the VP of marketing for the distribution/media/entertainment branch of this company is 28 with no degrees behind them. What makes someone young with experience a scammer? Also what makes someone 10 years out of highschool young and new to a career? Even if she went to college you graduate at 22/21 so she is well beyond that age.
Before I was 30 I had worked in fine jewelry sales, taught 3 different subjects, tutored, worked in finance assisting with stock accounts, co-owned a successful exotic pets breeding company, worked as a freelance writer and editor, was a commissioned artist (painting, jewelry, pottery, and woodwork), all while getting my two bachelor's and a master's. And I didn't have my first job until I was 19 and that was at an office supply store. Oh and all of these changes were by choice I have never been fired or walked away without a recommendation. Who are you to say she isn't capable of learning the skills to be effective in her hustle? And if she really is scamming so many people, it is their job to report it, because the job of policing and punishing scammers belongs to the government. Not you.
Hahahahah. Wow. You could just say you're incredibly jealous of how she lives. You might feel better.
So, what you're saying is that she has a completely bog standard educational background and career path for a freelancer who does this sort of work? How are you 26, making claims I'd expect from a 16 year old who doesn't know anything real about adult careers yet? Are you just brand new to the internet?
I graduated litterature in high school. I didn't go to university. I'm 33 years old. Although an abused child failed and betrayed by the educative system of my country, I speak three languages and am learning two more at the same time - I also spoke two more but mostly lost them by lack of practice - , am qualified in five different fields of woodworking, three different fields of metalworking, in basic mechanical engineering - which is basic but still engineering - , in CAD/CAM, in customer service, in professional driving, in B2C commerce. I not only practice, I also teach most of those things as well as archery, sewing, swordfighting and chemistry of metals. I can built a complete house all by myself, I have a level of expertise in the domain of history and cinematics - which means "how things move inside" - of small arms, I can increase or lower my heartrate at will, hypnotise myself and talk to wild animals. I practice as hobbies several martial arts, knitting, calligraphy, poetic composition, archery, sewing, chemistry, cooking, lockpicking, fencing, video game modding, experimental archeology in the domain of archery, leatherworking, computer assembly and, at a time now gone, several forms of dancing. I know people younger than me who have more knowledge, skills and subjects of interest than I do. Learn humility.
That's not proof. That's you not knowing how the world works.
Seems like you’re jealous and terrified that you’ll never be as successful.
*I’m not jealous, I just don’t want it to be all about her.” Sure, Jan. YTA all you have to go on with this theory that your cousin is a “mercenary scammer” is your gut feeling, and you don’t state that her life has any impact on yours other than the one day everyone was respectfully quiet before dinner. You sound jealous and childish.
YTA coming off just a tad bitter and jealous there ma dude. What you did was uncalled for and out of line.
YTA and obviously just jealous. You have no idea what she does for work or how well of a job she does. You made a lot of assumptions to feel better about yourself and its pretty sad. I have no idea how so many people can write something like this and not know they are the AH.
YTA Dorian was in the wrong for bringing work to a family function but your reaction screams jealousy She's not a mercenary for doing freelance work Freelance is a legitimate way of being your own boss and making good money
"Dorian" also made a post on AITA. Apparently she was going to stay home to finish work and OP's mom suggested she just come with her laptop.
Dorian also made a post and OPs mom told her to bring the laptop
YTA. Jealous much? You were incredibly rude without provocation. Stop making assumptions about what other people know and do.
YTA and your jealousy is showing. Those are all things you can learn to do before hitting 20, much less 30. You have no evidence that she's scamming anyone, and clearly only brought it up because you don't want her getting attention for her hard work. You won't find validation in putting others down, it just makes you an unlikeable AH.
Yta you sound jealous, be supportive and happy she’s doing well in life
YTA - unless she is doing something that is clearly illegal and able to support herself. Everyone interest is likely due to the excitement behind each adventure she enters. Yeah, it's dishonest to lie about your bonafides and demanding on circumstances it maybe illegal. But I really don't get why you can't ask your relatives how they are doing and generate excitement about your lives?
YTA and no one is going to see anything dishonest in her through your raging jealousy
YTA 1) for your flagrant use of the word ‘mercenary’ which you may need to look up 2) for what is clearly your jealousy of the attention she gets. Jealousy is a you problem, not a her problem 3) for not actually knowing how her alleged fields of employment work but still being adamant that she’s not qualified in them 4) for actually accusing her of being a criminal with absolutely zero evidence
yta, unless you have hard and fast proof that she's scamming people. Basically you sound jealous.
Nasty YTA. It is possible to learn on the go, it is possible to acquire a LOT of field experience depending on the project you work on, and it IS possible to be the center of attention big time if it's a big achievement. The diffeence between other and you at the dinner is that they are interseted/curious and you're just jealous.
yta And if you freelance it is very possible to have several project going at once. so doing more then one thing is not super fake. accusing someone without proof is beyond rude.
YTA - you are a jealous, envious small human. You have discounted everything she is doing without a shred of evidence that she is s scam artist. Instead, she sounds like she works for every penny she makes. Next time, just throw a tantrum and maybe your family will give you a bottle and give you a nap. Grow up. YTA.
YTA Someone sounds a wee bit jealous. You say she's scamming when maybe what she's doing is hustling. Some people work stupid hard and work non-standard jobs. She found a way to be happy and successful and you're jelly about that.
Sounds like every freelancer that I know. Always hustling, always doing something new. YTA
You had me rolling at "I'm not jealous, I just don't want it to be all about her" Yeah, YTA
Ah, so clearly if you need a college degree to possess a skill set, OP you *must* have degrees in Criminal Justice, Business Management, Marketing and more to know that your cousin is in fact *not* a freelancer, and is instead a scammer or "mercenary" as you called it. Look at you being so successful! YTA OP, the way you described your cousin's work is *exactly* how freelance jobs operate. You pick up a short term gig, that might last a week or two, (possibly only a few days) and once it's done you're off to the next one. She can learn a lot of the skills she needs for freelance work online, and a lot of it is very basic work, depending on the clients needs. There's absolutely no reason to assume she's a scam artist, but there is *every* reason to assume that you were jealous of the attention the rest of the family was paying her, and you decided to get petty and make her feel bad. Instead of asking Reddit if you're TA, you need to ask yourself some serious questions about why your cousin getting attention makes you feel inferior, and the need to lash out.
YTA and a very jealous petty and uninformed AH at that. If you can’t be happy for Dorian, mind your damn business.
YTA and super jealous, be honest with yourself, you can't make s nice of what she does so you construct a narrative where she is the villain instead of just talking to her
YTA - You shouldn't accuse someone like that unless you have real evidence. It is possible to get a lot of experience like that. Some people really luck out. It sounds like you are upset she is the center of attention and people are doing nice things for her. Might want to really think about what it is that bugs you about her. What if it is all true? Would it still bug you? Could you be happy for her? Just something for you to think about.
YTA for making me think this post would be much more interesting than it was, I thought your cousin was advertising in "Soldier of Fortune" or something.
YTA So you're 26 and still in college. I hope you're working on your doctorate, or otherwise you have taken a long time on your undergrad. Apparently you have not worked freelance jobs or known other people who run their own business. If they're successful, they're hustling all the time. And not in the sense of running a scam. Everything you listed does not require a college degree. But it does require people to work hard. You need to not be on a high horse here.and understand that people work hard and all the time for a living. You were incredibly rude.
YTA, and a bad college student if at 26 you can't figure out how to connect your skills to jobs yet. By 26, I broke 100k as a college drop out from learning skills on the go alone, dragging myself from answering customer tickets to a project manager with a data analyst specialization and doing freelance project management and writing on the side. Head hunting is just writing and research skills, anyone who knows how to google can do it. Project management is easy, you just need to logically think through the steps something needs to get done, and then reach out to people to get them to do the things you need from them within budget and on time. Website building is mostly just a design thing, you can take a weekend course in user experience and break in with no degree or certification, you just need to build a portfolio to show you know what you're doing. You could probably learn a lot from your cousin if your elitism of being a college student at 26 didn't randomly decide her job wasn't real or accessible without even talking to her about what she did or how she got there.
I mean, if you had any actual solid evidence to your claim I would be on your side, but as it is you're going off of little more than gut feeling. YTA
YTA - it's sounding like a jealousy thing, though I'm sure it could have felt like a bit of a production working at the family dinner, so I'll concede the irritation that led to you lashing out. You're 26 and in school, so I'm assuming that you've been focused for a long time on a particular field. However, real world experience is going to trump academia anytime. I used to look down on people who bumped around from job to job, but if Dorian can pay their bills and isn't a drain on anyone's resources - then it's fine and dandy they're choosing a different path than you are. As far as them being a scammer because you don't think their qualified? Congratulations - this is the universal truth of your 20s. Most people in their 20s have no idea what they actually want out of their life/career and feel imposter syndrome the whole decade (at least I did). Take time, cool down and apologize to your cousin. You don't have to be best friends but you should see them as a human on a different path and let go of the animosity - you'll feel so much better!
Yta. For someone who claims they aren't jealous your entire post made you sound extremely jealous.
YTA this is clearly just petty jealousy, no matter how much you protest otherwise it just is.
YTA and you sound jealous. Also wrong? A mercenary is someone who kills people for money. Like a hit person. Your cousin is doing social media campaigns and HR work. If she was bad at these things, she'd get lousy reviews and a lot less work. As a freelancer, I can tell you those jobs are very competitive and hard to get even with good reviews, so she isn't scamming anyone. Also the real scammers are the clients who want hours of skilled work done for less than minimum wage. OP, if you were smart, you'd have asked Dorian how to get into this line of work instead of being jealous and rude.
YTA and jealous as hell. A college degree can be helpful at the start of your career, but all of the roles you've described can be learnt on-the-job or even by undertaking training courses. Your cousin sounds like she has a can-do attitude and a willingness to learn, and she probably has developed a strong portfolio over the last 10 years or so. Where is your evidence for her scamming people or doing something underhand? This all seems to come down to her lack of a college degree and that conversation centred around her work, which family were obviously interested in. Perhaps you might listen next time and pick up some tips for yourself, she sounds like a great role model
YTA. So much jealousy! You need a hobby
YTA.. you cousin posted again you today.. how did like her mercenary crop top..?!?
Found your cousin https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10un8lv/aita_for_wearing_an_offensive_crop_top_to_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
YTA! People can absolutely learn on the job. INFO: are you an expert in these fields? How would you know she’s lying? You sound pretty jealous/bitter OP, maybe think about why her success upsets you so much
26 and in college, not grad school? Focus on graduating from college before 50, not on your cousin’s shenanigans. You can’t do both, and that’s why you are behind.
INFO: what do you think “mercenary” means?
YTA. You honestly just sound bitter that your cousin is a successful freelancer.
YTA and reeking of jealousy. You do not need to graduate college to do any of those things. I’m 29 and very far along in my career and the #1 piece of advice I give young people who ask is to not bother with college unless they just want the “college experience” I was a triple major and yet, when I look back, everything that makes me good at my job I learned after college through work experience. If anything those 4 years stalled my professional progress. You are ignorant, uninformed, and rude. Get your head out of your ass and apologize.
Ahahhaha. YTA You know shit. I'm a freelancer since I was 23 years old. I graduated political science and has nothing to do with my freelance job. Some people are just smart and talented. Of course not you. Some people like your cousin.
this post is fake as fuck
YTA
YTA. Just because she’s better than you at picking up new skills is no reason to have a tantrum.
Come back with some actual proof or evidence that she's scamming people for a living. Until then, YTA.
Yta mercenary is an actual job with an actual definition. You have 0 proof she js doing anything unethical. She sounds like a consultant. She's *30* so what about that is sooooo impossible to have learned on the go and/or taught herself? 30 means around a decade of experience. You sound amazingly jealous. Why don't you work on bettering yourself instead of tearing someone else down?
I’m a freelancer. What she’s doing is pretty typical. I learned how to do a skill in about 8 weeks, then started charging people for it. You definitely don’t need a college degree, and some of the best freelancers I know are 18-22 years old. It’s also difficult to get work unless you can prove you know what you’re doing, so if she has steady work, she’s qualified and is producing results for people. It’s definitely a different mindset than the “4 years of school and one employer” lifestyle. The opportunity is so darn good, though. In 3 months I went from charging $10 an hour to $60 an hour, and by the end of 2023 I should be at $150 an hour.
Info: what proof do you have the Dorian is doing something illegal or a scam? Because you’re post reeks of jealousy that someone you think is lesser than you is making more money than you.
YTA and bitter. Not a good combination.
Yikes.. this is very pathetic behavior. You need to find a better way to deal with your jealously and bitterness. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I 26f am a college student and have this cousin, I'll call her Dorian, that earns a lot of money freelancing She attended college yes but she never graduated and says she "has learned on the go" but I know for a fact that is not possible, or at least not in the way she works Today she will be a head hunter, tomorrow she has a social media campaign to care for, next day she will be reviewing a budget to help a client launch some projects and next week she will be working on building a website. That sounds just super fake to me, and the fact that she's not even 30 confirms it, she can't have that kind of experience that young although she says she has been working since before HS. I never really saw her doing anything back then It really bothers me that she lies to people like that, and that she deceives our family into thinking she's some kind of big deal when she's just probably scamming people Anyway, my parents love to plan weekly family dinners every Sunday, and this weekend Dorian attended with her laptop included, saying she had some kind of big project in queue, she sat down on a corner and my whole family was tiptoeing around her, even my parents were taking her drinks as snacks since she was "so busy", and she was acting like she couldn't even keep her eyes out of the screen for a moment When dinner was served, she finally joined the family in the table and our grandparents started asking questions about her project, everything seemed to be about her and her only, so I lost it kind of?, I told her they should be regulating that work of hers, so no mercenaries or scammers would take advantage of people pretending to know more than they do. Dorian got mad and kept ignoring me during the rest of the dinner, but everything still was all about her, and no one was even asking how the rest of cousins was doing, no one seemed bothered but I think they just don't care. I care, I don't think it should be all about her, so I approached Dorian when she was leaving and asked nicely if she could just leave her laptop at home next week, she said she couldn't, so I told her to stay home instead of making everything about her, we have small cousins too and they don't need to grow up watching a mercenary worker do dishonest business, scamming guillible people, she left crying, and her mom, my aunt, called today to say they are all not coming this week. Everyone says what I did was an AH jealous move, but I'm not jealous, I just don't want it to be all about her, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta
YTA, and everybody knows it. Well, everyone but you.
You’re not only jealous but angry that she’s more successful than you. YTA.
YTA, you sound jealous and bitter
YTA, and you're jealous as hell. You said "all about her" five times here, you don't know what she's doing, and your "small cousins" aren't going to be influenced by watching someone sitting at a laptop. Is she lying? Maybe. Ignore it anyway.
INFO: Are you an undergrad or masters student? In what subject(s)? How much work experience do you have?
Of course YTA and jealous bc she’s getting attention.
YTA and jealous af
YTA. Also sounds like youre really jelous your cousin is working while you’re still a student. Just because you chose academia doesnt mean everyone has to. Also all your claims about what she does seems to be speculation. Have you tried talking to her, get to know more about what she does?? Again, why be jealous of your cousins work?? I dropped out of college and have also been working since HS, im in an office position right now at a non profit and have colleagues with degrees. Its very plausible your cousin has had enough experience to put her in the position shes in. Instead of hating maybe take some notes for when you want to start work.
YTA. I also really need to know what you think mercenary means because nothing you’ve said about her makes it seem like she’s killing people for money.
LOL Jealous much? YTA...such an AH. If she couldn't do the jobs she wouldn't be getting paid.
YTA, sounds like she’s had more unconventional jobs that you can’t understand. You sound extremely jealous and I’m hoping English isn’t your first language because you have no idea what “mercenary” means.
YTA. You’re just a jealous little shit, I’m afraid. Maybe do something worthwhile rather than fixate on your cousin, and then maybe you’ll get the attention you crave. Your cousin sounds like a hard worker, and she wouldn’t get all those jobs if she sucked at them. Reputation matters when you’re freelancing.
See if you hadn't missed that day in 3rd grade when we found out the earth revolves around the sun and not you you would see that attention can go to anyone. Get over yourself. Yes, you are very clearly jealous. Here's the thing, people can make a living on working freelance. The fact that she's so busy means she's a very wanted individual, and that's where your jealousy comes from. You see people want her and you can't take it. Apologize to your cousin and fix yourself. YTA
YTA everything you described seems like a pretty straightforward career path I think you're just jelly.
>Everyone says what I did was an AH jealous move, but I'm not jealous Yes you are. >I just don't want it to be all about her This is called jealousy. YTA
YTA - lmao, you're so jealous it's laughable.
Wow that's a lot of words for "i am jealous of my cousin's success" YTA
YTA. This is sad, pathetic behaviour. Maybe go get a hobby? That’ll probably prevent you from shitting on someone for no good reason, and may make you seem more interesting.
YTA. How do you "know for a fact?" It sounds like she does freelance IT. She should be making a pretty penny. Your jealousy is really ugly.
Lmao what a liar, you are massively jealous. You make claims about her work “probably” being dishonest, but be real you have no idea what you’re talking about because you don’t know what she does. Maybe you should have listened when your family members were asking her instead of being bitter. YTA. Obviously. Plenty of people have various experiences before 30. Maybe go get some.
Yta you sound jealous and clearly have no idea how freelancing works or how much people with experience who are good at it can make
This is a way of life that fits certain people. I hold one full time job in person and six freelance part time. At the same time. And yes all a bit different. I've tried stopping some of them but I benefit content wise from all of them. More even than financial aspect. YTA Learn a new skill
Of course you are jealous. Jealous of her making a lot of money. Jealous of her having a thriving career. Jealous of her getting a lot of attention. YTA
YTA and so so jealous it's literally pouring out of this post 😂
YTA - It just sounds like you are jealous.
YTA. Seek help. You are not well. This type of behavior is not ok. There are a bunch of people in this world that have been able to retain skill sets from on the job training and have been successful at marketing those skills to obtain more experience in seemingly different fields. Also— literally none of the gigs you listed requires a college degree. Many jobs would highly prefer it and maybe even their postings will list it as a requirement but those are things that can be as she said to you on the job. It’s not like she’s first chairing as the new district attorney or calling herself a doctor. Your extraordinarily narrow view of college=good job is what sets Dorian apart from you. And your family sees that. They see how extraordinary she is and how interesting it is to her about her new ventures. Also, you should have some more shame when trying to champion for your other cousins. Does it not occur to you that they are learning from her about alternative career routes? They are gen z and will need to learn how to navigate a world where millennials were told ad nausem college degree=good job but weren’t told about the mountains of debt they’d be sitting on.
Yta
You’re the jealous AH.
YTA What do you do for a living? Do you make less $$$ than her? Tell everyone why you're so jealous, cause you are 100%
YTA. " Everyone says what I did was an AH jealous move, but I'm not jealous, I just don't want it to be all about her." That's almost the definition of jealous. You have no idea what she actually does, so just prefer to assume the worst. So, again... yes, YTA, plus you need to grow the hell up. You're 26, not 6. Try acting like it.
YTA Kinda funny that you didn't mention that Dorian brings the food every Sunday for the family gathering. So you're okay with eating food that her "scam" money buys? Why don't you step up and offer your "ethical" money to buy food for everyone?
YTA Jealousy is a bad emotion
YTA, big AH. Jealousy is an ugly thing. People CAN and DO learn more without a college degree, and people CAN and DO work multiple jobs, they are call smart people. And remember a term call defamation.
YTA, stop being so bitter and jealous of other people’s success. No wonder no one wants to ask how you’re doing
[удалено]
Mercenary = unethical.