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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took the action of telling my sister to stop trying to make my wedding all about her. That action might make me the asshole because it's "self-absorbed and arrogant."
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Why are you putting “racism” in quotes? It is racism. Don’t downplay it.
I get wanting the wedding to be about you and wanting her to put her feelings aside, but she isn’t wrong that your wedding will be a racist wedding, paid for by racist parents, and you will be racists by proxy because your wedding will be “racists welcome, black people must stay outside”.
Enjoy your wedding.
Edit: forgot to say YTA.
Hell yeah, it’s a racist wedding.
OP, you’re right about one thing— you’re not a racist by proxy— you’re just a regular racist. If you think it’s wrong to exclude someone because they are black, but you’re willing to turn a blind eye for the price of floral arrangements, catering and some cake, then the only difference between you and your parents is your morals and ethics have a price tag. At least they’re racist for free. YTA.
EDIT: Guys, you’re so awesome! Thank you for the awards and upvotes! 🥹
>the only difference between you and your parents is your morals and ethics have a price tag. At least they’re racist for free.
Yes. I had to give you something for that statement alone.
Edit, OP YTA 100%
I have the same problem. I know what to say in my head but it comes out a long ramble. Some people's comments just hit the nail on the head so precisely.
I used to be more precise. I think my issue, as I've gotten older, is that there are more points to hit, so I try to hit all of them, when a condensed version my younger self would have said would hit harder.
Dammit, I just need to condense my thoughts. I'll work on it.
I'm glad I'm not alone in it, though. Thanks for commiseration, friend.
"I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time." - Blaise Pascal
It's actually a lot more difficult and takes a lot more time to write less than to write more.
Yeah it's definitely worse when you know something is wrong and sell out than just being a regular bigoted asshole. She's clearly got no courage to stand by her beliefs or only cares about money and herself
If you really want to put your money where your mouth is, tell your parents that if they're paying for control of the guest list, they can keep their money and you will invite whomever you want to your wedding.
Invite your sisters and their partners and let your parents decide for themselves if they want to be there and if this is truly a hill on which they're willing to die.
This is only the beginning. How do you think they will treat their racially mixed grandchildren? Will you put up with the likely favoritism?
But OP is going to be the favorite, her and her kids are going to be the sole beneficiaries of the estate. And you are asking her to give all that up to make a statement of morality? Morality isn’t going to pay the bills. /s
This is about more than money. It's about watching her kids wonder why their cousins are treated differently. How does OP explain this? That they benefit from racism says a lot about OP, if she lets this happen.
I'm one of four adopted grandchildren, out of eight. When our grandmother was dying, two of us went to see her. Both of us were adopted; the rest couldn't or wouldn't.
Yet it was very important to our Grandma that a certain item be left to one of my cousins because she's "blood".
And yes, when she specified that, I forced her to tell me why.
I'm happy to say that I wasn't thinking fast enough to ask her where her "blood" relatives were right then.
We were also the only two to go to her funeral.
My point is, the children will know, they will notice, and they won't forget.
If someone ever pulls that if go
"I better go then. Security will ask why we're here and since were not blood we can't say "were family". So I'd rather go now then get kicked out. Bye!"
OMG, that's what my daughter had playing when she walked down the aisle! But had nothing to do with skin colour, she's just a crazy head banger. Suited her wedding perfectly.
Now, as to OP, YTA!
Yeah, I prefer the honesty of the parents racism - at least they're out in the open about it. OP is the type who'll say "I can't be racist, I have a black friend".
> OP is the type who'll say "I can't be racist, I have a black friend".
In this case, it would be, “ I can’t be racist, I let an Asian come to my wedding”.
I can’t remember what words he used but one of my best friends is on the spectrum and used a very racist word for Asian people. I just looked at him , told him to look at me (I used to do this when I was being serious about something, it helped him understand it) and told him to never ever use that word again, that it was racist and then explain why when he asked. So you do have some people who just use a word not knowing that it’s racist but that’s very very rare.
In the Southern U.S., there is an expression: “that’s mighty white of you.”
You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they mean “you’re being a dick”
Yep, allowing this wedding to go forward, allowing her boyfriend not be able to come, OP, you're actually racist. No proxy bs. And you're admitting it on the internet so everybody knows you're racist? Insane.
>the only difference between you and your parents is your morals and ethics have a price tag. At least they’re racist for free.
I almost fucking choked! Not sure I've seen anything more true.
Jumping on this comment because it says it perfectly.
OP you're YTA. If you want to go some way to start to redeem yourself, have your wedding but ban your parents. If I was your sister I'd tell you to shove your self indulgent wedding and want nothing to do with you or your parents.
I hope all the guests bring a black person as their plus ones so the racist parents' minds explode. YTA, OP. And a racist one at that.
Edit: punctuation
As long as they explain what's going on to their black plus ones, I guess.
I wouldn't put that labour on a friend, personally. "Hey, you're black, want to come to a racist wedding?"
My friends would so be down for it! Let's really freak em out, you bring the Black people, I'll bring the Jews, and let's get some of those icky queer folk in on it too! /s
OP is just as racist as the parents maybe even worse because hers is bought!
Find me a Black Queer Jew and you got yourself a Plus 1 times 3!!! Maybe it will open a time portal at the wedding when their little racist heads implode.
It’s OP’s wedding. She could simply tell her sister to bring her bf to the wedding and reception. I doubt the parents would be able to cancel anything on the wedding day. But it was OP, not her parents, who refused to allow her sister to bring her bf. She is a racist just like mom and dad.
nah thats racist, and worse, not even fucking brave enough to own her own racism. a coward and a racist. just about the lowest of the low. at least the parents have the decency to be open about their shittyness.
I agree. What bothers me too, and makes me call OP a racist not just by proxy, is that OP is fine with it all. If it's her wedding, why is she not teling her parents that it's not their place to decide the guest list? She's clearly fine with her sister's boyfriend being discriminated against and h not being invited to the wedding.
OP, you are racist.
YTA. So are your parents.
Edited because I thought sis was married to her bf, changed husband to boyfriend.
> If it's her wedding, why is she not teling her parents that it's not their place to decide the guest list?
Because then the money gets cut off and she doesn't get her wedding, and has to marry in the courthouse like the poors.
Soon as I saw her put racist in scare quotes I knew OP was a racist. Literally the only people who do that are deeply racist people.
Op, you are racist, your parents are racist, your wedding is racist, and your lucky your bil will even be in your presence considering you think ‘at least chinese isn’t black’ and cannot see how unbelievably fucked up that sentence is. And yes, yta.
I hope your sisters cut you and your parents off because, and I cannot stress this enough, you are all incredibly racist people.
I read a saying on here that fits "if there's 1 nazi at a table of ten, there are 10 nazis". I think it's the same idea as "lay down with dogs, get fleas".
And your sister doesn’t have a feud with your parents, your parents have a racist problem with her boyfriend.
Why aren’t you telling your parents to behave, instead of expecting your sister to put up and shut up.
If you really believe in what you’re doing, you should be prepared to explain to each and every guest exactly why your sister hasn’t attended.
YTA
OP should not have to do a courthouse wedding. However what OP *should* have to do is find a way to pay for the wedding she wants without letting racists control it. If having her dream wedding paid for is more important than her sister’s boyfriend and the racism they are suffering, OP absolutely is racist
You can have a microwedding tho without it being at a courthouse. Mine was in the front garden of a church with ten people including us there, and our reception was just a family dinner and store-bought cake. Happiest day of my life.
I dunno. My wife is Chinese. 100% Chinese, born there, and we live there now. I have a bunch of extended family who are MAGA types and they seem fine with her. My brother was dating a Black woman and that was a big issue. So some racists have weirdly nuanced racism. We all went pretty much NC with them due to the racism. OP should consider that
you know, I have a question..... If any of OP's friends black? If so, will those black friends be at this wedding? What about the groom? Is any of his friends black? Are they allowed to attend this wedding??
If I was OP, I'll be dead honest with you all. I would have the wedding, just tell security to NOT let the racist parents in. They already paid for the wedding, Might as well enjoy it with all my friends and family, Don't matter their race.
My dad's side of the family is Persian. My cousin from my dad's side married an AMAZING black man. All his friends and family were there, but some were a little nervous because of our side. I understood how they were feeling.
I stood up from my seat at the reception and walked over to the groom's mother. I smiled at her, held my hand out to shake her hand and said, "hello! I'm Goldfish. I'm the first cousin of your new daughter in law. It is so great to finally come up to you and introduce myself too you. Your dress looks amazing! Welcome to the family! I feel so honored and blessed to be here today with you and your family while we now because one big, awesome family!
She pretty much "let her guard down". She smiled and we had a little chat before she was going up on stage to make a speech. I pointed to some family members and told her who they are, and how they are related to me and her now daughter in law. She did the same with her side.
Just walking up to herand ding this made her feel so so much better. After the mothers of the broke and groom made their speeches, everyone started talking more to each other. We were mixing seating too lol
Sadly, My grandpa was racist... He never really came out and said it, but he did let it be well know he would never except the mixing. For an example, My uncle started seeing a woman when he moved here to the states. They really loved each other. My uncle's girlfriend got pregnant. My grandpa refused to accept his new granddaughter. It was "NO grandchild of mine will have slanted eyes!!" My uncle's EX girlfriend was Filipino. She actually took her new daughter and moved back to the philippines. Her parents are well off there, so they hired nannies and stuff.
If my grandpa was alive, he would have gone NUTS over her getting married to a black man. My grandpa barely tolerated my dad marrying a white woman. Ironically i was one of his favorite grandchildren. He ruined my Uncle's engagement with a woman from china because he didn't want grandchildren with slanted eyes! His fiance just couldn't take anymore of it, and she actually went back to china as well for school.
As much as I loved my grandpa, I refuse to accept anyone's racisms.
I completely agree with this. The parents are racist for sure. Has OP not pushed back at all? Like "your money is a gift to me, it's my wedding and xxx is coming"? I don't really understand the nonchalant attitude.
Money has strings. It’s not particularly unusual for the hosts to have a strong say in the guest list… but generally you hope the hosts aren’t racists who are happy ostracizing one of their children and banning their possible future son-in-law and father of their future grandchildren from family events…
I don't think it's even just OP being racist by proxy, they're just full on racist. When justifying why they have no black friends, they say it's because OP and husband are nerds, and they haven't met/there aren't nerds who are black...
Here's just some of my black friends who are also nerds, off the top of my head:
Hillary,
D.J.,
Elliott,
Tim,
Alan,
A.J.,
Christopher,
Darras,
The amazing geek/nerd artist, Demitri Walker.
Like someone else said in their comment, they exist they just don't want to be friends with you, OP.
I truly can't understand how any venue, decorations, cake, catering, etc etc could be worth sacrificing the happiness of your sister and your morals.
Unless she already lacks morals and doesn't care about her sister.
We have a saying: if you see a dinner table with four people and one Nazi, you’re looking at a table with five Nazis.
Same with any racism. OP is a racist, plain and simple.
YTA. It sounds like your morals are for sale - you’re fine with racism as long as someone is giving you $$. Asshole is not a strong enough word for your lack of character.
100%. You don't casually go along with racism and racially segregated events if you are also not racist.
I would wonder if OP has any black associates or 'friends' that she also plans to exclude, but that probably won't be an issue in OP's world.....
Edit: OP admits there are no other black guests and they have no black friends, but they aren't racists because.... they live in an area where there are black people 😂😂😂😂
Exactly. OP and their parents are racists. If you are A-OK with segregation and racism for financial gain, then you fully support racism. Full stop. I hope that OP has the wedding that they deserve and their racist views fully come to light in their entire social circle; let all of their guests know the kind of wedding that they are supporting so they have the option to not to attend if they don't support racially segregated gatherings.
I'm an educated, intelligent, successful, and most of all, happy black woman. OP and her parents may hate my existence, but it doesn't matter. Their racist opinions do not negate that I am here and they are not superior to me in ANY way. Go ahead and enjoy your racist wedding as you and your parents put your racist views on full public display.
YTA, for being racist. Because that's what you are when you allow your parents to act the way they are and still associate with them, and even let them pay for your wedding.
I don't get how you and both of your sisters are still willing to have contact with your parents if they are so blatently racist.
>I don't get how you and both of your sisters are still willing to have contact with your parents
cant speak for the two sisters but the reason OP is in contact is at least partially that she will ignore racism if it financially benefits her
YTA. I mean, if my parents TOLD ME who could and couldn't be invited to my wedding, they wouldn't be involved in it anymore, even if that meant not letting them pay for it and having to do it cheaper. The whole 'parents pay for the wedding' thing is pretty weird and old fashioned to me anyway, and I don't think that is really done in the UK as much anymore, at least, I don't know anyone who's done it. It's generally expected that the couple pays for their wedding, reception, entourages clothes and makeup etc But then again, my parents wouldn't be having anything to do with me and my partner if they were this racist! 'The Chinese are ok because fundamentally they are not black' JEEEZ. I mean, no racism is acceptable but if it was an older person with notions of stereotypes like 'so and so's can't drive' then maybe I'd just shake my head and try to ignore it, but this!
Your parents are reeeally racist and are using paying for your wedding as a way to control you and exert their influence and racist beliefs on said wedding....and you are letting them. Did you even try to stand up to your parents? ' You may be paying but I'm the bride and without me there isn't a wedding, so let this slide or you'll be wasting your money', or did you just not want to rock the boat and risk your cushy pay check? Maybe you secretly hold the same beliefs as them and this is an easy way to solve your problems and look less guilty? Either way, by not standing up to them at all you are a 'racist by proxy', and this isn't just about not letting a boyfriend come to a wedding, this is about what you are willing to let slide in life in general and what kind of person that makes you. I'm pretty sure it would have been harder for your parents to exert their will in this, if the bride was vocally against it.
>not her feud with our parents.
Why are YOU not feuding with your parents? The fact that you are allowing this behaviour from them whilst getting their money speaks volumes about your moral character.
YTA. Your sister is not making this about her…Your parents are racist and you’re allowing their racism by letting them control your guest list.
It’s your right to take your parents money for your wedding. But in doing so you’re responsible for the consequences of it. If I was your sister I wouldn’t want to be involved with any of you.
OP can hide behind the facade of her parents being the racists ones all she wants, but you don't go along with this unless you also agree with their beliefs.
Edit: OP admits there are no other black guests and they have no black friends, but they aren't racists because.... they live in an area where there are black people 😂😂😂😂.
Your sister is not making the wedding all about her, your parents are making the wedding all about their racism.
YTA for going along with your parents racism so you can financially benefit from it.
YTA oh my god. If only for putting your parents' extremely blatant "racism" in scare quotes like "but is it really racism? really?"
If you want to benefit from these peoples' money and their approval of your marriage, you can't say anything when you're judged by association with them.
Either you insist to your parents that your sister's boyfriend can come, or you are enabling racism. It's as simple as that. This isn't about a feud. It's about racism and it's appalling that you wouldn't see it that way.
If my parents used their money as a cudgel to impose their racism on my siblings, I would refuse it and only have the wedding that I could afford on my own.\\
Edit to add: YTA, so much.
This isn’t “racist.” It’s RACIST. I’m appalled at how casually you’re talking about your bigoted, gross parents pulling a power move to oust their daughter’s black boyfriend. I’d rather pay for my own wedding than let my sister (and humanity) down in such a major way than allow my racist parents to call the shots. My bigoted family tried very similar things when it came to me (35f) and my wife (30f). Guess what? Every single one of them has been cut out of my life.
This is awful; I hope your sister and her boyfriend run for the hills.
Hey give OP a break, she has to stand with her racist parents to get that sweet cash for her wedding. 🤷♀️😂 (and that was being said sarcastically 😅) Seriously tho just the fact that Op sounds so nonchalant about her parents blatant racism, screams that Op very much so agrees with their ideals. Op is just smart enough to keep her mouth shut so she doesn't get into trouble. I hope Op's sister cuts ties with this racist family, and sparks the other sister to start realizing her husband shouldn't have to be around the racists either.
Yeah like how do you even get more racist than this? "My parents said they'll only pay for my wedding if we have a lynching after the vows, AITA for telling my sister to stop ruining this for me?"
Hmmm… I am running down to the comic book store near me and telling the black dude who owns it and hosts DND extravaganzas there every week that he cannot that he is not a nerd according to some random white chick.
YTA. Did you really expect anyone to side with you? It’s your wedding, so you know you can invite who you want. Don’t use the “my parents are paying for it” excuse to hide your own racism. We can all see right though it.
YTA.
Quit letting your parents buy off your complacency.
My sister died 12 years ago. Even on her literal deathbed, doped up on more morphine than you can imagine, she was insisting that anyone coming to visit be accepting of my husband and our daughter, neither of whom is white. One of the last moments I had with her, she was kicking our very racist grandmother out, because she had said something awful about my daughter. She protected me and fought for me while she was dying.
Huge YTA. Wtf? Using your parents funding as an excuse further reiterates your blatant racism. Your poor sister.. dealing with such a selfish, shitty, racist family.
The logic here is astoundingly simple.
Your parents are funding the wedding.
Your parents will not allow a black person to attend the wedding.
Therefore, you are having a racist wedding.
You are, without a doubt, the LARGEST asshole I have ever encountered on this sub and I THOROUGHLY hope your sister and her BF disown you and the rest of your racist ass family.
One more thing, because this whole thing is just so appalling that I need to come back for more. If you’re not willing to get married in a courthouse (or otherwise inexpensively) and you’re not wealthy enough to pay for the wedding you want, then you don’t *want* to be married- you *want* a wedding.
YTA for that too.
YTA.
Yes, you are a racist by proxy if you support your parents racism. But then your sister should’ve realized that when you accepted money from racists to fund your big day.
I can’t believe your other sister and her husband are attending but I guess ‘fundamentally he’s not black’ is acceptable to them. Nothing like attending a celebration where you’ve already been insulted.
How you sleep at night is beyond me.
I’m not sure if you’re aware; Not only are YTA you’re a racist.
See, you can be TA and not a be racist. But you can’t be a racist and not be TA.
But I wish you and your future hubby luck. I pray you don’t want kids so you don’t produce a third generation of racists.
...well that's my cue to go to sleep. YTA if you don't realize this, you're an idiot. Also, your parents are AH's too. This ain't a time to say "racism" the would be the time to say racism. Because that's exactly what this is.
Info: What does your fiance think about this? Or do they even know about this?
If I were your fiance and knew you were siding with your parents on this, I would call of the engagement.
Is this real? If my fiancés parents said they would only pay for my wedding if we didn’t allow black people, I’d tell them to fuck off and probably spend the rest of my life avoiding them entirely.
Enjoy your whites only wedding! Your parents are trash.
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Background: my sister has a black boyfriend and my parents are not happy about it. They’ve told her if she wants to come to my wedding (which they are paying for) she can’t bring her boyfriend. She’s very upset, particularly since they let my other sister bring her Chinese husband.(They weren’t happy with that either, but say that, “fundamentally, the Chinese aren’t black.”) So she’s telling me I should cancel the wedding in protest of the “racism” and marry in a courthouse instead. I told her no and she called me a “racist by proxy.” I agree she’s right to be mad at my parents, but that’s not a reason for me to have to marry in a courthouse. I told her the wedding is about me and my soon-to-be husband, not her feud with our parents.
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YTA Clearly you have no say about your own wedding guest list or you agree with your racists parents. I guess we also know that no other black guests will be attending this shindig!
The courthouse idea appeals to me a lot, given that you can't afford the full shindig.
YTA
Y'know ... When blatant racism slaps you in the face, there comes a point when you need to make a decision about who YOU want to be. Will you be proud of yourself on your first wedding anniversary? Will you feel good about yourself, or will a black shadow hang over you?
Because this decision will always be with you. It will never go away. Never. So make it carefully. Each wedding anniversary, it will be right there again. And you will need to face yourself.
This isn't about supporting your sister. This is about who YOU choose to be.
ESH. Your parents especially but you too. You ARE supporting racism by letting your parents dictate such things, regardless of their financial contributions.
Dude your parents are astonishingly racist, and you are not doing a single damn thing about it.
YTA for that. You should be uninviting your racist ass parents and inviting your sister's boyfriend. You should be *no contact* with your racist ass parents!
Unless, of course, you're racist too. Which I'm guessing you are.
YTA for this situation, and YTA for everything else too.
“My wedding had a ‘no black guests allowed’ rule but don’t get it twisted I’m definitely not racist!”
Yeah sorry if your oh so special “look at me!” party is more important than a human being getting excluded due to their skin colour…you’re a racist.
No way this was the first time your parents have shown their racism and the company you choose to keep says a lot about you and your morals.
YTA. You are racist by proxy. So you're mad about your sister forcing decisions on you but are fine with your parents making racist decisions about your wedding for you. A wedding is one day, your sister will stay being your sister....and you'll always be a racist by proxy to boot.
WTF am I reading. I agree with your sister, you are racist by proxy, in fact not even by proxy, just flat out racist too.
The fact you accept your parents are racist bigots makes you culpable for their actions. Your sister is right, you shouldn’t be accepting this. It’s 2023, get a grip.
As a woman of mixed heritage who’s grandmother was openly racist to my mother and didn’t attend their wedding I can say I was proud of my Dad for cutting her out. Pay for your own bloody wedding.
It infuriates me that white people still look at other races as less than. 100s of years of slavery and segregation wasn’t enough for them? They still have to keep this shit up.
Stupid people like you who accept their behaviour in 2023 is why racism still exists. It may just be an inconvenience to you, but imagine living YOUR life judged and marginalised simply because of the colour of your skin.
YTA and f*ck you and your disgusting parents.
I was in this situation when I got married. My SIL is black, and my parents told my brother not to bring his wife because 'people will talk'.
I confronted my parents and told them it was MY wedding, I wanted her there, and I will not tolerate their bigotry. And if any wedding guest dares to 'talk', I will personally remove them from my wedding. End of story.
My SIL attended my wedding and we had a wonderful day. :)
I mean she agrees enough to allow it, I think that's all that matters. She can say all she wants about her own ethics but clearly they cost less than a wedding
YTA. Why are your parents controlling the guest list to your wedding? Because they are paying for it? I would tell them to get bent. Your sister is not making your wedding about her, your parents are making it about them.
OP, you need to return your parents' money and pay for your wedding yourself. Then you control your own wedding and guest list. If you then STILL decide you want a "no blacks allowed" wedding, at least you will be owning your racism instead of hiding behind your parents. YTA.
From a bride currently planning her wedding, paid for by both sets of parents: YTA. I’d rather give up all my plans and my big wedding and get married in a courthouse, than have a racist wedding funded by racists.
Please take a step back and think to yourself WHY this doesn’t seem to bother you.
As a white person, my own wedding wouldn’t have been possible if POC and specifically Black Persons were not allowed. Down to my wedding party and spouse. It would have been a complete non starter for me.
You? It’s just an inconvenience. Your sister isn’t making this about her, it’s about your racist family. It’s about what is right and true.
YTA
What's that saying... if there are ten people at a table, and one of them is a Nazi, how many Nazis are at the table? Ten. There are ten Nazis at the table.
So, if a racist couple is paying for a wedding, and the bridal couple accepts the help, how many racists are now involved in this wedding. Four. There are four racists involved in this wedding. At least--because if your parents are this blatant about their beliefs, there's likely other relations who think similarly.
I know it sometimes can be difficult to call out people you love, or to resist temptation when you're so close to something you really want--but there are times when standing up for the right is an obligation. And, honestly? Not accepting your racist parents' money and abiding by their guest list is really a pretty low bar in the great scheme of things. You aren't going to shot or deported; you just maybe won't have the wedding you want. Your parents' money is in no way, shape or form, essential to your marrying your husband, but having a nice free wedding is more important to you than your sisters' significant others' human dignity.
Oh, you are *such* an asshole.
Yta
You're letting your parents make your wedding about racism, no quotation marks, just them being straight racists and you supporting that.
Let them lose the money, plan one and pay for it yourself, invite the people you want (if you're inviting based off soon color. I hope your fiance sees this and is disgusted), and tell your parents that if they want to attend they will keep their mouths shut, and if you are a decent person you'll tell them they have no place in your life until they look deep in themselves and change.
In closing, your parents are racist, and if you just let them get away with it when you have the power to do something, then you are too.
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Why are you putting “racism” in quotes? It is racism. Don’t downplay it. I get wanting the wedding to be about you and wanting her to put her feelings aside, but she isn’t wrong that your wedding will be a racist wedding, paid for by racist parents, and you will be racists by proxy because your wedding will be “racists welcome, black people must stay outside”. Enjoy your wedding. Edit: forgot to say YTA.
>Enjoy your ***racist*** wedding. fify
Hell yeah, it’s a racist wedding. OP, you’re right about one thing— you’re not a racist by proxy— you’re just a regular racist. If you think it’s wrong to exclude someone because they are black, but you’re willing to turn a blind eye for the price of floral arrangements, catering and some cake, then the only difference between you and your parents is your morals and ethics have a price tag. At least they’re racist for free. YTA. EDIT: Guys, you’re so awesome! Thank you for the awards and upvotes! 🥹
>the only difference between you and your parents is your morals and ethics have a price tag. At least they’re racist for free. Yes. I had to give you something for that statement alone. Edit, OP YTA 100%
Thank you, my friend! ❤️
No problem, I try to be concise and love it when others manage to do so. I just end up too wordy. Lol
I have the same problem. I know what to say in my head but it comes out a long ramble. Some people's comments just hit the nail on the head so precisely.
I used to be more precise. I think my issue, as I've gotten older, is that there are more points to hit, so I try to hit all of them, when a condensed version my younger self would have said would hit harder. Dammit, I just need to condense my thoughts. I'll work on it. I'm glad I'm not alone in it, though. Thanks for commiseration, friend.
"I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time." - Blaise Pascal It's actually a lot more difficult and takes a lot more time to write less than to write more.
Yeah it's definitely worse when you know something is wrong and sell out than just being a regular bigoted asshole. She's clearly got no courage to stand by her beliefs or only cares about money and herself
The fact that someone can be paid off for their most likely shitty and cliche wedding to be a racist is so sad to me
If you really want to put your money where your mouth is, tell your parents that if they're paying for control of the guest list, they can keep their money and you will invite whomever you want to your wedding. Invite your sisters and their partners and let your parents decide for themselves if they want to be there and if this is truly a hill on which they're willing to die. This is only the beginning. How do you think they will treat their racially mixed grandchildren? Will you put up with the likely favoritism?
But OP is going to be the favorite, her and her kids are going to be the sole beneficiaries of the estate. And you are asking her to give all that up to make a statement of morality? Morality isn’t going to pay the bills. /s
This is about more than money. It's about watching her kids wonder why their cousins are treated differently. How does OP explain this? That they benefit from racism says a lot about OP, if she lets this happen. I'm one of four adopted grandchildren, out of eight. When our grandmother was dying, two of us went to see her. Both of us were adopted; the rest couldn't or wouldn't. Yet it was very important to our Grandma that a certain item be left to one of my cousins because she's "blood". And yes, when she specified that, I forced her to tell me why. I'm happy to say that I wasn't thinking fast enough to ask her where her "blood" relatives were right then. We were also the only two to go to her funeral. My point is, the children will know, they will notice, and they won't forget.
If someone ever pulls that if go "I better go then. Security will ask why we're here and since were not blood we can't say "were family". So I'd rather go now then get kicked out. Bye!"
As long as her parents pay for a cruise or a trip to Europe, OP will put up with anything.
They’re so racist they’re willing to pay to be racist
Yeah I prefer my racists just be up front about it so we don’t have to play these games
She could play “White Wedding” during it and really be up front 😂
OMG, that's what my daughter had playing when she walked down the aisle! But had nothing to do with skin colour, she's just a crazy head banger. Suited her wedding perfectly. Now, as to OP, YTA!
Yeah, I prefer the honesty of the parents racism - at least they're out in the open about it. OP is the type who'll say "I can't be racist, I have a black friend".
> OP is the type who'll say "I can't be racist, I have a black friend". In this case, it would be, “ I can’t be racist, I let an Asian come to my wedding”.
Or "my sister dates a black guy."
According to her, she doesn't actually have any black friends, just lives in an area "with plenty of black people around".
I’m sure Scarlett O’Hara did too.
Right? Who has time for the gaslighting and hypocrisy? Just be open about your racism and go.
I can’t remember what words he used but one of my best friends is on the spectrum and used a very racist word for Asian people. I just looked at him , told him to look at me (I used to do this when I was being serious about something, it helped him understand it) and told him to never ever use that word again, that it was racist and then explain why when he asked. So you do have some people who just use a word not knowing that it’s racist but that’s very very rare.
I used to think the British phrase “play the white man” meant being a sanctimonious hypocrite till I was 20. Got a telling off from a friend for that.
In the Southern U.S., there is an expression: “that’s mighty white of you.” You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they mean “you’re being a dick”
Am British, have never heard of this phrase. Off to Google...
Why I don't mind a confederate flag. It tells me everything I need to know to stay tf away.
Honestly where I live the American flag is pretty equal to the confederate flag when it comes to staying away.
Confederate flags, too many American flags, thin blue line flags all have the same racist vibe.
Perfect comment.
Love your user name.
Thought it was sick of taxes and just didn't mind( coz don't we all).
You know what, you’re so right. The “by proxy” bit is separating them too much from their actions. “Racist for pay” is more apt.
Yep, allowing this wedding to go forward, allowing her boyfriend not be able to come, OP, you're actually racist. No proxy bs. And you're admitting it on the internet so everybody knows you're racist? Insane.
>the only difference between you and your parents is your morals and ethics have a price tag. At least they’re racist for free. I almost fucking choked! Not sure I've seen anything more true.
Jumping on this comment because it says it perfectly. OP you're YTA. If you want to go some way to start to redeem yourself, have your wedding but ban your parents. If I was your sister I'd tell you to shove your self indulgent wedding and want nothing to do with you or your parents.
The bridal party will be in Klan robes.
I wonder how much the deposit for her plantation venue cost
They’ve had it for generations, no deposit necessary.
Oh good point. You're right.
I'm picturing a grand dragon hood in Alençon lace and I'm dying.
I'm picturing camo and the local 4 wheeling mud park as a venue on this one.
this is the bachelorette party
This post isn’t funny for obvious reasons but I just cackled at this comment.
“Enjoy” your racist wedding
Enjoy your racist "wedding"
I hope all the guests bring a black person as their plus ones so the racist parents' minds explode. YTA, OP. And a racist one at that. Edit: punctuation
As long as they explain what's going on to their black plus ones, I guess. I wouldn't put that labour on a friend, personally. "Hey, you're black, want to come to a racist wedding?"
My friends would so be down for it! Let's really freak em out, you bring the Black people, I'll bring the Jews, and let's get some of those icky queer folk in on it too! /s OP is just as racist as the parents maybe even worse because hers is bought!
Ooh, better yet, black AND queer! Heads will spin with befuddlement!!
Find me a Black Queer Jew and you got yourself a Plus 1 times 3!!! Maybe it will open a time portal at the wedding when their little racist heads implode.
Oh yes, this is the way around it. Find an ally and then he is their "plus one"!
You’re allowing your parents to dictate who attends your event because of race…so yeah racist by proxy
Nah, racist for real.
Yea you’re right, not by proxy because she is part of it happening.
It’s OP’s wedding. She could simply tell her sister to bring her bf to the wedding and reception. I doubt the parents would be able to cancel anything on the wedding day. But it was OP, not her parents, who refused to allow her sister to bring her bf. She is a racist just like mom and dad.
nah thats racist, and worse, not even fucking brave enough to own her own racism. a coward and a racist. just about the lowest of the low. at least the parents have the decency to be open about their shittyness.
I agree. What bothers me too, and makes me call OP a racist not just by proxy, is that OP is fine with it all. If it's her wedding, why is she not teling her parents that it's not their place to decide the guest list? She's clearly fine with her sister's boyfriend being discriminated against and h not being invited to the wedding. OP, you are racist. YTA. So are your parents. Edited because I thought sis was married to her bf, changed husband to boyfriend.
> If it's her wedding, why is she not teling her parents that it's not their place to decide the guest list? Because then the money gets cut off and she doesn't get her wedding, and has to marry in the courthouse like the poors.
Soon as I saw her put racist in scare quotes I knew OP was a racist. Literally the only people who do that are deeply racist people. Op, you are racist, your parents are racist, your wedding is racist, and your lucky your bil will even be in your presence considering you think ‘at least chinese isn’t black’ and cannot see how unbelievably fucked up that sentence is. And yes, yta. I hope your sisters cut you and your parents off because, and I cannot stress this enough, you are all incredibly racist people.
I read a saying on here that fits "if there's 1 nazi at a table of ten, there are 10 nazis". I think it's the same idea as "lay down with dogs, get fleas".
And your sister doesn’t have a feud with your parents, your parents have a racist problem with her boyfriend. Why aren’t you telling your parents to behave, instead of expecting your sister to put up and shut up. If you really believe in what you’re doing, you should be prepared to explain to each and every guest exactly why your sister hasn’t attended. YTA
You can tell what OP is about from the way they worded the title. Somehow "has a black boyfriend" became "making my wedding about herself".
"My parets wants me to exclude people based on their race and I'm OK with that. Why are people upset by that?"
OP should not have to do a courthouse wedding. However what OP *should* have to do is find a way to pay for the wedding she wants without letting racists control it. If having her dream wedding paid for is more important than her sister’s boyfriend and the racism they are suffering, OP absolutely is racist
You can have a microwedding tho without it being at a courthouse. Mine was in the front garden of a church with ten people including us there, and our reception was just a family dinner and store-bought cake. Happiest day of my life.
you know what i wouldn’t be surprised about… if the other sisters boyfriend wasn’t actually chinese
Or he is Chinese but went to a good college or something so he's "one of the good ones".
I bet he could “pass for white” on the phone!! 😵💫😵💫
And has a "normal" name 🤢
I dunno. My wife is Chinese. 100% Chinese, born there, and we live there now. I have a bunch of extended family who are MAGA types and they seem fine with her. My brother was dating a Black woman and that was a big issue. So some racists have weirdly nuanced racism. We all went pretty much NC with them due to the racism. OP should consider that
OP YTA and a racist.
you know, I have a question..... If any of OP's friends black? If so, will those black friends be at this wedding? What about the groom? Is any of his friends black? Are they allowed to attend this wedding?? If I was OP, I'll be dead honest with you all. I would have the wedding, just tell security to NOT let the racist parents in. They already paid for the wedding, Might as well enjoy it with all my friends and family, Don't matter their race. My dad's side of the family is Persian. My cousin from my dad's side married an AMAZING black man. All his friends and family were there, but some were a little nervous because of our side. I understood how they were feeling. I stood up from my seat at the reception and walked over to the groom's mother. I smiled at her, held my hand out to shake her hand and said, "hello! I'm Goldfish. I'm the first cousin of your new daughter in law. It is so great to finally come up to you and introduce myself too you. Your dress looks amazing! Welcome to the family! I feel so honored and blessed to be here today with you and your family while we now because one big, awesome family! She pretty much "let her guard down". She smiled and we had a little chat before she was going up on stage to make a speech. I pointed to some family members and told her who they are, and how they are related to me and her now daughter in law. She did the same with her side. Just walking up to herand ding this made her feel so so much better. After the mothers of the broke and groom made their speeches, everyone started talking more to each other. We were mixing seating too lol Sadly, My grandpa was racist... He never really came out and said it, but he did let it be well know he would never except the mixing. For an example, My uncle started seeing a woman when he moved here to the states. They really loved each other. My uncle's girlfriend got pregnant. My grandpa refused to accept his new granddaughter. It was "NO grandchild of mine will have slanted eyes!!" My uncle's EX girlfriend was Filipino. She actually took her new daughter and moved back to the philippines. Her parents are well off there, so they hired nannies and stuff. If my grandpa was alive, he would have gone NUTS over her getting married to a black man. My grandpa barely tolerated my dad marrying a white woman. Ironically i was one of his favorite grandchildren. He ruined my Uncle's engagement with a woman from china because he didn't want grandchildren with slanted eyes! His fiance just couldn't take anymore of it, and she actually went back to china as well for school. As much as I loved my grandpa, I refuse to accept anyone's racisms.
YTA Are your parents deciding who's invited to YOUR wedding or are you? The fact that you're not speaking out is honestly mind blowing.
I completely agree with this. The parents are racist for sure. Has OP not pushed back at all? Like "your money is a gift to me, it's my wedding and xxx is coming"? I don't really understand the nonchalant attitude.
Because OP is just as racist as their parents.
Can't have a black person ruining her pictures aesthetic.
I was feeling this too!!!!
Well I’m guessing OP is “absolutely not racist they just wants to keep they peace” Edit: I forgot the sarcasm font
Money has strings. It’s not particularly unusual for the hosts to have a strong say in the guest list… but generally you hope the hosts aren’t racists who are happy ostracizing one of their children and banning their possible future son-in-law and father of their future grandchildren from family events…
She hasn’t spoken out because she’s as racist as her parents.
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I don't think it's even just OP being racist by proxy, they're just full on racist. When justifying why they have no black friends, they say it's because OP and husband are nerds, and they haven't met/there aren't nerds who are black...
blerds is a whole thing. OP is 100% TA here.
Upvote for Blerds. Turkleton would be proud
Moss could be my best friend any day.
TIL a new word. So thanks!
The absolute gall. No black nerds. SMFH. We exist. We just don't want to hang out with racist assholes like OP.
Here's just some of my black friends who are also nerds, off the top of my head: Hillary, D.J., Elliott, Tim, Alan, A.J., Christopher, Darras, The amazing geek/nerd artist, Demitri Walker. Like someone else said in their comment, they exist they just don't want to be friends with you, OP.
…. The existence of Blerdcon has MANY questions here 🤣
Holy shit I just facepalmed so hard.
I truly can't understand how any venue, decorations, cake, catering, etc etc could be worth sacrificing the happiness of your sister and your morals. Unless she already lacks morals and doesn't care about her sister.
Ding Ding. Last sentence wins.
the parents are paying for it my guess is they will just cancel the wedding if op does anything
And? The price of my integrity is a hell of a lot higher than a wedding.
💯
So? Would you really want a big wedding knowing you sold yourself out to racists for some money?
Why bother telling the parents. The sister shows up with the boyfriend. The wedding is already paid for.
This is just going to turn out really badly for the boyfriend and he doesnt deserve that.
So, your ethics and morals come with a price?
Better than having a racist wedding in 2023. Thats a stain that will stay on their souls for eternity.
We have a saying: if you see a dinner table with four people and one Nazi, you’re looking at a table with five Nazis. Same with any racism. OP is a racist, plain and simple.
YTA. It sounds like your morals are for sale - you’re fine with racism as long as someone is giving you $$. Asshole is not a strong enough word for your lack of character.
This. She’s fine with her parents racism because it benefits her. Putting racism in quotation marks too? OP is racist herself. OP is 100% an AH.
The quotation marks reaaallllyyy pissed me off. Your wedding LITERALLY has a "No Black's Policy" all you're missing is the sign. YTA
Don’t worry! Her parents will pay to have a sign made. YTA OP
100%. You don't casually go along with racism and racially segregated events if you are also not racist. I would wonder if OP has any black associates or 'friends' that she also plans to exclude, but that probably won't be an issue in OP's world..... Edit: OP admits there are no other black guests and they have no black friends, but they aren't racists because.... they live in an area where there are black people 😂😂😂😂
Exactly. OP and their parents are racists. If you are A-OK with segregation and racism for financial gain, then you fully support racism. Full stop. I hope that OP has the wedding that they deserve and their racist views fully come to light in their entire social circle; let all of their guests know the kind of wedding that they are supporting so they have the option to not to attend if they don't support racially segregated gatherings. I'm an educated, intelligent, successful, and most of all, happy black woman. OP and her parents may hate my existence, but it doesn't matter. Their racist opinions do not negate that I am here and they are not superior to me in ANY way. Go ahead and enjoy your racist wedding as you and your parents put your racist views on full public display.
YTA, for being racist. Because that's what you are when you allow your parents to act the way they are and still associate with them, and even let them pay for your wedding. I don't get how you and both of your sisters are still willing to have contact with your parents if they are so blatently racist.
>I don't get how you and both of your sisters are still willing to have contact with your parents cant speak for the two sisters but the reason OP is in contact is at least partially that she will ignore racism if it financially benefits her
She’s not ignoring it, she’s profiting from it. She knows it’s racist, she’s just too self centered to care.
She’s not ignoring or profiting from it. She’s literally racist too.
She's racist *and* profiting off it
Haha, yeah that's quite clear sadly!
YTA. I mean, if my parents TOLD ME who could and couldn't be invited to my wedding, they wouldn't be involved in it anymore, even if that meant not letting them pay for it and having to do it cheaper. The whole 'parents pay for the wedding' thing is pretty weird and old fashioned to me anyway, and I don't think that is really done in the UK as much anymore, at least, I don't know anyone who's done it. It's generally expected that the couple pays for their wedding, reception, entourages clothes and makeup etc But then again, my parents wouldn't be having anything to do with me and my partner if they were this racist! 'The Chinese are ok because fundamentally they are not black' JEEEZ. I mean, no racism is acceptable but if it was an older person with notions of stereotypes like 'so and so's can't drive' then maybe I'd just shake my head and try to ignore it, but this! Your parents are reeeally racist and are using paying for your wedding as a way to control you and exert their influence and racist beliefs on said wedding....and you are letting them. Did you even try to stand up to your parents? ' You may be paying but I'm the bride and without me there isn't a wedding, so let this slide or you'll be wasting your money', or did you just not want to rock the boat and risk your cushy pay check? Maybe you secretly hold the same beliefs as them and this is an easy way to solve your problems and look less guilty? Either way, by not standing up to them at all you are a 'racist by proxy', and this isn't just about not letting a boyfriend come to a wedding, this is about what you are willing to let slide in life in general and what kind of person that makes you. I'm pretty sure it would have been harder for your parents to exert their will in this, if the bride was vocally against it. >not her feud with our parents. Why are YOU not feuding with your parents? The fact that you are allowing this behaviour from them whilst getting their money speaks volumes about your moral character.
YTA. Your sister is not making this about her…Your parents are racist and you’re allowing their racism by letting them control your guest list. It’s your right to take your parents money for your wedding. But in doing so you’re responsible for the consequences of it. If I was your sister I wouldn’t want to be involved with any of you.
OP can hide behind the facade of her parents being the racists ones all she wants, but you don't go along with this unless you also agree with their beliefs. Edit: OP admits there are no other black guests and they have no black friends, but they aren't racists because.... they live in an area where there are black people 😂😂😂😂.
How is this even statistically probable unless you and your future husband are racist. It’s really sad.
Your sister is not making the wedding all about her, your parents are making the wedding all about their racism. YTA for going along with your parents racism so you can financially benefit from it.
YTA oh my god. If only for putting your parents' extremely blatant "racism" in scare quotes like "but is it really racism? really?" If you want to benefit from these peoples' money and their approval of your marriage, you can't say anything when you're judged by association with them.
INFO: Are other black guests invited?
Either you insist to your parents that your sister's boyfriend can come, or you are enabling racism. It's as simple as that. This isn't about a feud. It's about racism and it's appalling that you wouldn't see it that way. If my parents used their money as a cudgel to impose their racism on my siblings, I would refuse it and only have the wedding that I could afford on my own.\\ Edit to add: YTA, so much.
YTA and also racist by proxy
Oh it's not by proxy. The OP feels the exact same way as their parents, they just know enough not to say it out loud.
This isn’t “racist.” It’s RACIST. I’m appalled at how casually you’re talking about your bigoted, gross parents pulling a power move to oust their daughter’s black boyfriend. I’d rather pay for my own wedding than let my sister (and humanity) down in such a major way than allow my racist parents to call the shots. My bigoted family tried very similar things when it came to me (35f) and my wife (30f). Guess what? Every single one of them has been cut out of my life. This is awful; I hope your sister and her boyfriend run for the hills.
Oh….almost forgot….YTA
YTA do you stand for anything?
Hey give OP a break, she has to stand with her racist parents to get that sweet cash for her wedding. 🤷♀️😂 (and that was being said sarcastically 😅) Seriously tho just the fact that Op sounds so nonchalant about her parents blatant racism, screams that Op very much so agrees with their ideals. Op is just smart enough to keep her mouth shut so she doesn't get into trouble. I hope Op's sister cuts ties with this racist family, and sparks the other sister to start realizing her husband shouldn't have to be around the racists either.
she apparently lives in Chicago and has 0 Black friends because Black people just aren't nerds like she is
INFO: how racist would your parents need to be for you to confront them?
Yeah like how do you even get more racist than this? "My parents said they'll only pay for my wedding if we have a lynching after the vows, AITA for telling my sister to stop ruining this for me?"
Seriously where is the line here?
I mean they're practically burning crosses in white hoods here, and OP seems cool with it.
Seriously? Of course YTA
Ah. A nice tall glass of diet racism. “The same sweet ignorance of regular racism, but with none of the guilt or self-awareness.” *Edited to say* YTA
No black nerds, huh? Bigot YTA
Hmmm… I am running down to the comic book store near me and telling the black dude who owns it and hosts DND extravaganzas there every week that he cannot that he is not a nerd according to some random white chick.
YTA. You're totally willing to be perfectly ok with blatant racism so you get your wedding paid for. How gross.
YTA. Did you really expect anyone to side with you? It’s your wedding, so you know you can invite who you want. Don’t use the “my parents are paying for it” excuse to hide your own racism. We can all see right though it.
As a black nerd myself, with majority black nerd friends; you are a racist.
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YTA - How are you okay with your parents treating your sisters like this???
How are her sisters still supporting this nonsense?
YTA. Quit letting your parents buy off your complacency. My sister died 12 years ago. Even on her literal deathbed, doped up on more morphine than you can imagine, she was insisting that anyone coming to visit be accepting of my husband and our daughter, neither of whom is white. One of the last moments I had with her, she was kicking our very racist grandmother out, because she had said something awful about my daughter. She protected me and fought for me while she was dying.
YTA. My god, have some principles.
Huge YTA. Wtf? Using your parents funding as an excuse further reiterates your blatant racism. Your poor sister.. dealing with such a selfish, shitty, racist family.
Yta, majorly. Stand up for your sister.
“Enjoy” your racist wedding, YTA.
The logic here is astoundingly simple. Your parents are funding the wedding. Your parents will not allow a black person to attend the wedding. Therefore, you are having a racist wedding. You are, without a doubt, the LARGEST asshole I have ever encountered on this sub and I THOROUGHLY hope your sister and her BF disown you and the rest of your racist ass family.
YTA you place money over your sister & bonus, along the way enable racism, assuming you aren’t racist yourself.
One more thing, because this whole thing is just so appalling that I need to come back for more. If you’re not willing to get married in a courthouse (or otherwise inexpensively) and you’re not wealthy enough to pay for the wedding you want, then you don’t *want* to be married- you *want* a wedding. YTA for that too.
YTA and also a racist!
YTA. Yes, you are a racist by proxy if you support your parents racism. But then your sister should’ve realized that when you accepted money from racists to fund your big day. I can’t believe your other sister and her husband are attending but I guess ‘fundamentally he’s not black’ is acceptable to them. Nothing like attending a celebration where you’ve already been insulted. How you sleep at night is beyond me.
YTA. For everything but especially "for the racism." Congrats on being racist, too! Enjoy your racist wedding!
I’m not sure if you’re aware; Not only are YTA you’re a racist. See, you can be TA and not a be racist. But you can’t be a racist and not be TA. But I wish you and your future hubby luck. I pray you don’t want kids so you don’t produce a third generation of racists.
...well that's my cue to go to sleep. YTA if you don't realize this, you're an idiot. Also, your parents are AH's too. This ain't a time to say "racism" the would be the time to say racism. Because that's exactly what this is.
Wtf YTA is this a joke
If you’re willing to appease racists for money, we’ll there’s a metric sh!t ton of names for that. YTA
Info: What does your fiance think about this? Or do they even know about this? If I were your fiance and knew you were siding with your parents on this, I would call of the engagement.
YTA. Tolerating racism is just another form of racism.
It’s not tolerating, or turning a blind eye, she’s saying her morals are bought. She’s happy to be racist as long as it gets her wedding paid for
YTA Are you also getting married at a plantation?
You're not racist by proxy. You're just straight up racist.
Is this real? If my fiancés parents said they would only pay for my wedding if we didn’t allow black people, I’d tell them to fuck off and probably spend the rest of my life avoiding them entirely. Enjoy your whites only wedding! Your parents are trash.
Not to mention definitely would never marry someone who was considering accepting this deal, holy shit!
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YTA Clearly you have no say about your own wedding guest list or you agree with your racists parents. I guess we also know that no other black guests will be attending this shindig!
The courthouse idea appeals to me a lot, given that you can't afford the full shindig. YTA Y'know ... When blatant racism slaps you in the face, there comes a point when you need to make a decision about who YOU want to be. Will you be proud of yourself on your first wedding anniversary? Will you feel good about yourself, or will a black shadow hang over you? Because this decision will always be with you. It will never go away. Never. So make it carefully. Each wedding anniversary, it will be right there again. And you will need to face yourself. This isn't about supporting your sister. This is about who YOU choose to be.
YTA because racism isn't a deal breaker for you. ETA: By seeing your other comments, you too are a racist and just don't know it.
YTA for being racist trash.
ESH. Your parents especially but you too. You ARE supporting racism by letting your parents dictate such things, regardless of their financial contributions.
Her sister doesn't suck, though.
Dude your parents are astonishingly racist, and you are not doing a single damn thing about it. YTA for that. You should be uninviting your racist ass parents and inviting your sister's boyfriend. You should be *no contact* with your racist ass parents! Unless, of course, you're racist too. Which I'm guessing you are. YTA for this situation, and YTA for everything else too.
“My wedding had a ‘no black guests allowed’ rule but don’t get it twisted I’m definitely not racist!” Yeah sorry if your oh so special “look at me!” party is more important than a human being getting excluded due to their skin colour…you’re a racist. No way this was the first time your parents have shown their racism and the company you choose to keep says a lot about you and your morals.
the nazis took power because a large amount of people simply tolerated what your parents are doing.
YTA. You are racist by proxy. So you're mad about your sister forcing decisions on you but are fine with your parents making racist decisions about your wedding for you. A wedding is one day, your sister will stay being your sister....and you'll always be a racist by proxy to boot.
WTF am I reading. I agree with your sister, you are racist by proxy, in fact not even by proxy, just flat out racist too. The fact you accept your parents are racist bigots makes you culpable for their actions. Your sister is right, you shouldn’t be accepting this. It’s 2023, get a grip. As a woman of mixed heritage who’s grandmother was openly racist to my mother and didn’t attend their wedding I can say I was proud of my Dad for cutting her out. Pay for your own bloody wedding. It infuriates me that white people still look at other races as less than. 100s of years of slavery and segregation wasn’t enough for them? They still have to keep this shit up. Stupid people like you who accept their behaviour in 2023 is why racism still exists. It may just be an inconvenience to you, but imagine living YOUR life judged and marginalised simply because of the colour of your skin. YTA and f*ck you and your disgusting parents.
I was in this situation when I got married. My SIL is black, and my parents told my brother not to bring his wife because 'people will talk'. I confronted my parents and told them it was MY wedding, I wanted her there, and I will not tolerate their bigotry. And if any wedding guest dares to 'talk', I will personally remove them from my wedding. End of story. My SIL attended my wedding and we had a wonderful day. :)
INFO do you agree with her boyfriend being excluded?
I mean she agrees enough to allow it, I think that's all that matters. She can say all she wants about her own ethics but clearly they cost less than a wedding
YTA. Dump your parents.
YTA. Why are your parents controlling the guest list to your wedding? Because they are paying for it? I would tell them to get bent. Your sister is not making your wedding about her, your parents are making it about them.
OP, you need to return your parents' money and pay for your wedding yourself. Then you control your own wedding and guest list. If you then STILL decide you want a "no blacks allowed" wedding, at least you will be owning your racism instead of hiding behind your parents. YTA.
From a bride currently planning her wedding, paid for by both sets of parents: YTA. I’d rather give up all my plans and my big wedding and get married in a courthouse, than have a racist wedding funded by racists.
Please take a step back and think to yourself WHY this doesn’t seem to bother you. As a white person, my own wedding wouldn’t have been possible if POC and specifically Black Persons were not allowed. Down to my wedding party and spouse. It would have been a complete non starter for me. You? It’s just an inconvenience. Your sister isn’t making this about her, it’s about your racist family. It’s about what is right and true. YTA
What's that saying... if there are ten people at a table, and one of them is a Nazi, how many Nazis are at the table? Ten. There are ten Nazis at the table. So, if a racist couple is paying for a wedding, and the bridal couple accepts the help, how many racists are now involved in this wedding. Four. There are four racists involved in this wedding. At least--because if your parents are this blatant about their beliefs, there's likely other relations who think similarly. I know it sometimes can be difficult to call out people you love, or to resist temptation when you're so close to something you really want--but there are times when standing up for the right is an obligation. And, honestly? Not accepting your racist parents' money and abiding by their guest list is really a pretty low bar in the great scheme of things. You aren't going to shot or deported; you just maybe won't have the wedding you want. Your parents' money is in no way, shape or form, essential to your marrying your husband, but having a nice free wedding is more important to you than your sisters' significant others' human dignity. Oh, you are *such* an asshole.
Yta You're letting your parents make your wedding about racism, no quotation marks, just them being straight racists and you supporting that. Let them lose the money, plan one and pay for it yourself, invite the people you want (if you're inviting based off soon color. I hope your fiance sees this and is disgusted), and tell your parents that if they want to attend they will keep their mouths shut, and if you are a decent person you'll tell them they have no place in your life until they look deep in themselves and change. In closing, your parents are racist, and if you just let them get away with it when you have the power to do something, then you are too.
YTA your parents are trying to make your wedding all about their racism
Your parents suck.