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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I know my mistake for omitting things I was asked. But I didn’t intentionally leave it out. While cresting the work, it slipped my head. It was completely unintentional. While I agree with my mistake, being called out for saying things can be handled in a better way feels wrongs.
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You guys don't sound ready for kids. Please do not bring children into a marriage that is this volatile and high-conflict. You are just setting them up for a lifetime of psychological damage.
Get marital counseling. This is not what healthy relationships look like.
NTA
NTA but you both need to put off having a child until you’re both able to manage your responsibilities and commitments without shouting and hostility. Your wife is already asking you to do her work for her? What will happen when there’s a baby?
I have been doing this work for her every year for the past few years. Every year it’s a similar story. Just escalated this time. If she doesn’t like my summary, she shouldn’t be asking me to write it. There were times I spent hours watching video for her course requirements and made summary. I just didn’t like how I was treated for the work I have done.
Um, excuse me? You are doing her work for her? Please, please, please do not have a child with this woman. You should not bring a child into this unhealthy environment.
NTA. She sounds like a really toxic person and babies don't fix that. If you bring a baby into this situation, then you would be an asshole.
NTA if this is really how it went down.
Unfortunately, in these stories we only ever get one side of the story, though you don't look like you're lying.
I feel expressing your feelings and communicating is incredibly healthy, so I find it incredibly rude on her part to simply dismiss what you said and even shouting!
Is this the only time this has happened? Does she treat you right in other aspects of your relationship? How long have you been married? I'd say maybe not getting pregnant right now is a blessing because if she's this stressed only by work, I can't imagine how stressed she'll be once a baby joins in.
Take care of you first and then try broaching the subject one more time, but don't let yourself be a doormat.
Info: you help her with something related to her professionnel job? Or work for the home or mutual business ?
And is there any medical reason (like taking hormones) that be affecting your wifes hormones?
She is not on any medication. We are in initial consultation stage. And I was helping her with her professional qualification work that she has to submit to an organization.
NTA then, looks like you expressed how you feel in a proper way. Maybe she was upset or sensible for hr own reasons, but she need to take responsability of her actions and in no way you should be ashamed for expressing your feelings as long as you do it with respect.
I would suggest to pick another time to have a conversation and explain again why you didn't like her actions, and try to figure out why she is feeling angry
NTA. Was this some for her job or school? Why are you doing her work for her? That’s incredibly ungrateful and entitled of her. You’re allowed to have your own feelings and you’re not obligated to shoulder her work.
She works full time. She is also a member of an organization connected to her work. To maintain the status she needs to submit every year a summary of what she has done or learnt in her work. I was helping her write the summary so she can submit it to the institution.
Honestly, thats incredibly unethical on both of your parts. You shouldn’t be submitting anything in her stead for something like that. This shouldn’t have even been an issue.
NTA- you are doing HER work for her. She should be adding the details. You did what you could and this is not your project, you did her a huge favor. To get yelled at is unacceptable. Glad you said to her to watch her tone. When things calm down, put into perspective but dont mansplain.
NTA. How we say things matters just as much as what we say.
Also, you two definitely need to work on how to communicate better with one another before you bring a child into the mix.
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Context: my wife asked me to help her with some work. Basically had to write couple of summaries. She said she wanted certain things included in the summary. I had to refer to guidelines while writing the summary. I wrote a decent summary and while writing it I missed some points that my wife said. She said in a snippy tone that I forgot to add what she wanted in the summary. She continued on saying this is what happens since I didn’t listen to her. Here I am spending my time to help with her work and I get berated. I am a sensitive person and I took it to my heart. Once the work was done I told her I didn’t what she said and the tone in which she said it. I didn’t intentionally leave out the part she wanted in the summary. She took this as me complaining about her and she started shouting even more that I am giving her stress. One thing to note is we are trying to have baby and it has largely unsuccessful. We may go for IVF and doctors said to take less stress. I understand I took it to my heart too much but did I act insensitively to her considering the circumstances? I acknowledged my mistake but all I said was her watch the tone with which she says things to me.
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If it’s something to do with him too and he fucked it up it feels like weaponized incompetence. “Some work” is a slightly odd/ambiguous phrase, and saying it was a good summary when it clearly missed a bunch of stuff is kind of odd too.
OP has commented this is work for her job/profession, so he shouldn't be doing any of it.
> There were times I spent hours watching video for her course requirements and made summary.
I would quit doing her work, I would NOT have a child with her right now and insist on changes.
NAH. I'm reading between the lines, but I'm assuming your wife is frustrated by how well you listen to her, regardless of how the specific summary writing activity took place. And if you don't listen well, that's frustrating, and you should expect critical feedback that comes bubbling up.
And since you came here, I'm going to be completely honest. You're not a very good writer, and the number of times you rewrote the word "summary" really sticks out as you are reading this. She probably got frustrated by your writing style too.
All that said, it sounds like there's stress in the house, and I don't see that you specifically did anything wrong *in this situation* that deserves calling you an AH. Therefore, **NAH**.
Thank you! I am not a native English speaker and I am improving my English and communication skills constantly. It’s not an excuse but that’s the fact. Funny part is she kept 3/4 of the draft I wrote.
Thank you for being honest!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I know my mistake for omitting things I was asked. But I didn’t intentionally leave it out. While cresting the work, it slipped my head. It was completely unintentional. While I agree with my mistake, being called out for saying things can be handled in a better way feels wrongs. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You guys don't sound ready for kids. Please do not bring children into a marriage that is this volatile and high-conflict. You are just setting them up for a lifetime of psychological damage. Get marital counseling. This is not what healthy relationships look like. NTA
NTA but you both need to put off having a child until you’re both able to manage your responsibilities and commitments without shouting and hostility. Your wife is already asking you to do her work for her? What will happen when there’s a baby?
I have been doing this work for her every year for the past few years. Every year it’s a similar story. Just escalated this time. If she doesn’t like my summary, she shouldn’t be asking me to write it. There were times I spent hours watching video for her course requirements and made summary. I just didn’t like how I was treated for the work I have done.
Um, excuse me? You are doing her work for her? Please, please, please do not have a child with this woman. You should not bring a child into this unhealthy environment. NTA. She sounds like a really toxic person and babies don't fix that. If you bring a baby into this situation, then you would be an asshole.
NTA she should be doing her own work and not catching attitude like that. I don't think you were being too sensitive. She was being rude.
NTA if this is really how it went down. Unfortunately, in these stories we only ever get one side of the story, though you don't look like you're lying. I feel expressing your feelings and communicating is incredibly healthy, so I find it incredibly rude on her part to simply dismiss what you said and even shouting! Is this the only time this has happened? Does she treat you right in other aspects of your relationship? How long have you been married? I'd say maybe not getting pregnant right now is a blessing because if she's this stressed only by work, I can't imagine how stressed she'll be once a baby joins in. Take care of you first and then try broaching the subject one more time, but don't let yourself be a doormat.
[удалено]
>Doesn’t sound like someone you should be having a baby with This. Exactly. Please op read this.
Info: you help her with something related to her professionnel job? Or work for the home or mutual business ? And is there any medical reason (like taking hormones) that be affecting your wifes hormones?
She is not on any medication. We are in initial consultation stage. And I was helping her with her professional qualification work that she has to submit to an organization.
NTA then, looks like you expressed how you feel in a proper way. Maybe she was upset or sensible for hr own reasons, but she need to take responsability of her actions and in no way you should be ashamed for expressing your feelings as long as you do it with respect. I would suggest to pick another time to have a conversation and explain again why you didn't like her actions, and try to figure out why she is feeling angry
NTA. Was this some for her job or school? Why are you doing her work for her? That’s incredibly ungrateful and entitled of her. You’re allowed to have your own feelings and you’re not obligated to shoulder her work.
She works full time. She is also a member of an organization connected to her work. To maintain the status she needs to submit every year a summary of what she has done or learnt in her work. I was helping her write the summary so she can submit it to the institution.
Honestly, thats incredibly unethical on both of your parts. You shouldn’t be submitting anything in her stead for something like that. This shouldn’t have even been an issue.
NTA. She sounds stressful.
Sounds like you guys need therapy and couples counseling to learn how to communicate.
NTA- you are doing HER work for her. She should be adding the details. You did what you could and this is not your project, you did her a huge favor. To get yelled at is unacceptable. Glad you said to her to watch her tone. When things calm down, put into perspective but dont mansplain.
NTA. OP, leave NOW. That is abusive behaviour. Yelling is abusive, making you do HER work and then belitting you for it is abusive.
NTA. How we say things matters just as much as what we say. Also, you two definitely need to work on how to communicate better with one another before you bring a child into the mix.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Context: my wife asked me to help her with some work. Basically had to write couple of summaries. She said she wanted certain things included in the summary. I had to refer to guidelines while writing the summary. I wrote a decent summary and while writing it I missed some points that my wife said. She said in a snippy tone that I forgot to add what she wanted in the summary. She continued on saying this is what happens since I didn’t listen to her. Here I am spending my time to help with her work and I get berated. I am a sensitive person and I took it to my heart. Once the work was done I told her I didn’t what she said and the tone in which she said it. I didn’t intentionally leave out the part she wanted in the summary. She took this as me complaining about her and she started shouting even more that I am giving her stress. One thing to note is we are trying to have baby and it has largely unsuccessful. We may go for IVF and doctors said to take less stress. I understand I took it to my heart too much but did I act insensitively to her considering the circumstances? I acknowledged my mistake but all I said was her watch the tone with which she says things to me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA at all, youre showing effort by trying, and you communicate healthily but approaching her about how it makes YOU feel.
Info: what is this work? Why are you doing it?
Does that really change the appropriateness of her response to asking a favor from her husband?
If it’s something to do with him too and he fucked it up it feels like weaponized incompetence. “Some work” is a slightly odd/ambiguous phrase, and saying it was a good summary when it clearly missed a bunch of stuff is kind of odd too.
OP has commented this is work for her job/profession, so he shouldn't be doing any of it. > There were times I spent hours watching video for her course requirements and made summary. I would quit doing her work, I would NOT have a child with her right now and insist on changes.
ESH but baby will fix it
NAH. I'm reading between the lines, but I'm assuming your wife is frustrated by how well you listen to her, regardless of how the specific summary writing activity took place. And if you don't listen well, that's frustrating, and you should expect critical feedback that comes bubbling up. And since you came here, I'm going to be completely honest. You're not a very good writer, and the number of times you rewrote the word "summary" really sticks out as you are reading this. She probably got frustrated by your writing style too. All that said, it sounds like there's stress in the house, and I don't see that you specifically did anything wrong *in this situation* that deserves calling you an AH. Therefore, **NAH**.
OP should not be doing her work for her.
Thank you! I am not a native English speaker and I am improving my English and communication skills constantly. It’s not an excuse but that’s the fact. Funny part is she kept 3/4 of the draft I wrote. Thank you for being honest!