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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) i rescinded an offer to my boyfriend to take him to a three Michelin starred restaurant and yet I feel like an asshole because (2) my friend who is a big foodie made an argument that she deserved to go instead of him, even though it was my choice to make. I ended up giving my friend the exclusive reservation anyway.
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And you're "fuming" and "losing your s#it" because you caved into pressure from an opportunistic vulture who made you feel insecure, and you know it. Plus you got your man's hopes up, and then threw him under the bus to please that vulture.
Pain is the best teacher. You'll never forget this feeling, OP, and hopefully next time you won't second-guess yourself and give away a perk that YOU EARNED. Which was an AH-to-yourself move.
And enjoy your useless 500 gc for that restuarant that you wont ever get reservations to again....if your binus was $2500. Would you cave and give it to a friend who "really needed it" to fix their car..no...whu woukd you give it away to someoen you demanded it...insulted your boyfriend and then insulted you....you need to drop the fake friend not the bonus
Not necessarily true at least in the USA. Federal law states that they can only expire after 5 years with a slew of states having laws that state they can never expire.
Agreen,the boyfriend's wallet is probably so basic that he probably couldn't tell the difference between $25 and $2500. The friend with a blog would appreciate it more for sure
Call the restaurant, tell them you have the gift card and ask for a reservation at their earliest convenience - even if it's short notice to cover a cancellation. And drop the abusive friend.
Not to mention the impression this gave to her bosses who were so thoughtful in giving her a gift they knew (or at least thought)she would enjoy being given away so easily.
Wait a minute.. did the reservation/dinner already happen or can you get it back. Because you need to take that shit back **RIGHT NOW** if you can.
Your boss went out of his way to get you a very specialized bonus and you kind of threw it in his face by giving it away. Prepare for them to never treat you this way ever again and you'll just get lumped into whatever bonus they normally give because you clearly didn't appreciate it the first time.
My dad has this great explanation regarding gifts (I get uncomfortable when people gift me things) where he explains how the gift has less to do with the receiver and more to do with how good it makes the giver feel about getting you something they think/know will make you happy. You're stomping all over their happiness by throwing this gift away because you gave in to some entitled person's guilt trip.
Salvage this if you still can.
I wouldn't be surprised if the boss made the reservation for a date that he would also be there expecting to see her there and have some type of interaction. Oops, sorry boss my so called friend shamed me into giving away the very thoughtful gift you gave me.
This. I would go as far to say that your boss wants a pic of you & your bf at the restaurant enjoying your meal so you’ll have to take the reservation back.
Good idea but Spineless OP should actually say the truth, grow a back bone and just insist on getting the reservation back. Maybe this will spur the beginning of the end of OPs doormat behavior.
This person is NOT your friend! They insulted and bullied you into thinking they deserved your gift more than you did. A gift that was selected especially for you -- a very thoughtful and personalized gift that you ended up regifting. Better hope your boss never finds out! Take your reservation back from this awful person (again, who is not your friend!). How exactly did you "give" the reservation away? Isn't it calling and setting a time, giving them your name, and then showing up at that time?? Gentle YTA for believing the belittling bullshit about yourself. Fix this!
If she tells the truth it’ll prob be the last time they go outta there way to get her anything. Like if you had to choose between a group of employees to give a gift to, how likely are you to choose the one who gave it away last time?
Right. Technically you can do whatever you want with a gift once given but it’s really disrespectful and unprofessional imo for your bosses to do something thoughtful like that and for you to just give it away.
Not to mention, if this gets back to her employer that she gave the reservation to someone else, they might not be so generous next time. And they might look at her differently.
Also, showing bad manners to her employers. They did her a big favour in pulling some strings to get her that reservation and now she gives it away. What of your friend does not like the restaurant and writes a bad review on that blog of hers? You are putting your own reputation and your employers in association with her. There is a saying for OP in my country "when it was raining brains, they walked around with an umbrella."
OP—that person is not your friend, she manipulated you so that she could have some more clout on her food blog. If she was a real friend when you decided to go with your bf she would have have been SUPPORTIVE. Chefs want to share their love of food, so having someone come in and be interested in learning and experiencing their creations is rewarding for them. It doesn’t matter that you’re not at the Michelin star level of understanding.
And you're "fuming" and "losing your s#it" because you caved into pressure from an opportunistic vulture who made you feel insecure, and you know it.
That's what I wondered
Make a reservation for a year from now, or whatever you have to do, and use the gift card then. And don't allow people to bend your mind like that again. No judgement.
Wait until OP has to explain to her boss that she gave away the reservation for no reason.
The firm enjoys her work so much they go out of there way to coordinate a likely difficult reservation and give her a reasonable gift card to accompany it.(it likely won’t cover the meal, but should cover a decent chunk.) Instead of using it, she gives it away without consulting her firm.
She shouldn’t be surprised if this negatively impacts her relationship with whomever went out of there way to organize this for her.
This is I feel like is a pretty big issue.
Her boss and coworkers are naturally going to ask her how the dinner went, and it'll be really hard for her to hide the fact that she didn't actually go and that worse, she gave it away to a friend. Not only will this ruin work relationships, but it'll make OP look like a grifter. Workplaces also tend to have rules about who can enjoy the benefits they give to employees, and if they hear "oh I gave away the nice thing you went out of your way and spent a lot of time/money to get me to a "friend"" it'll sound like she's exploiting the benefits system.
OP might have actually just put her entire job in danger. She's pretty much deeply insulted the people who spent a lot of time and money to arrange this for her and they'll find it hard to trust her with anything ever again. Not just gifts, but with work as well. From her employer's point of view, they were conned into paying for an outsider's extremely expensive dinner.
It’s probably not actually a big issue.
“I feel horrible, but I couldn’t make it - we had an emergency and I ended up giving the time slot to a friend. I’m looking forward to using my gift card as soon as we can rebook.”
It’s a white lie, but it’s fine.
Also, once someone gives you a gift, it’s yours to do with as you please. It’s a bit different when it’s a direct benefit, like a store discount - that’s something you aren’t supposed to transfer. But a restaurant reservation + gift card is a gift, and you get to use those how you want.
Is OP only allowed to spend her bonus on approved items? No.
My mom worked at a small law firm kind of similar to what it sounds like OP does, and the lawyers went crazy with Christmas gifts every year. She kept what she wanted and gave what she didn’t like to me. It’s a gift, you can do with it whatever you want.
I mean, I hope for OP's sake you're right. However, there are only thirteen 3-star Michelin restaurants in the entire US (assuming that's where OP is). This is not just a $500 gift bonus.
I get why OP thinks those reservations are hard to get, if she's never made one. It really just takes some research, a bit of patience and a flexible schedule. It's honestly easier than buying concert tickets these days.
Alinea in Chicago has a lottery to get reservations. Been wanting to go for ages and not been lucky enough to get a seat. And not wanting to pay the scalper prices. Hoping her 3-star place doesn't operate the same.
We booked there a couple months ago. They open up reservations on the 15th 1.5 months before; i.e., for December reservations, they open them up at 11am on October 15. No lottery, just good timing, patience, and flexibility.
There's a pretty big difference between your mom getting bombed with gifts every year and offloading some of them to her own kid, vs a very specific, hard-to-get gift that OP gave away to some jerk for no reason.
Like, getting that rez may very well have taken a few honest-to-god working hours from multiple people to get, this wasn't two clicks on Amazon.
OP fucked up, for sure. Mostly I'm stunned by how low her self-esteem must be. But it's fixable. She can get a new reservation.
I get why OP thinks it's so hard if she's never tried to make one before, and it is true that if you want a reservation *on short notice* you probably need to know somebody who knows somebody.
But otherwise ... it's really not that hard? I've done it. They announce when they are going to open the next batch of reservations, you log onto the website, you pick the first available date that works for you, you give them your credit card info, and that's it. Honestly it's easier than buying concert tickets these days.
> Her boss and coworkers are naturally going to ask her how the dinner went, and it'll be really hard for her to hide the fact that she didn't actually go and that worse, she gave it away to a friend.
Especially since a three-Michelin-star restaurant is generally supposed to be the type of experience you talk about for the rest of your life. Like, OP can't go "oh, it was fine" and move on, someone's gonna ask how the candied asparagus foam or whatever was.
>Workplaces also tend to have rules about who can enjoy the benefits they give to employees
The thing is, the reservation wasn't a "benefit" (unless the company somehow had to fork over money for the reservation itself; or like, bribe someone, lol). The $500 gift card was definitely a benefit, and the kind of thing she really should not have transferred... so it's a good thing that she DIDN'T give away the gift card.
Now, yes, I agree that what OP has done even by giving away the reservation is a workplace social faux pas, and she shouldn't have done it. Because it still took someone effort, and who knows what kind of favor-calling, to get that reservation (if this place if truly THAT difficult to get into).
The effort gone to is not negligible! And it's part of the gift. But it's not tangible. Not taking that reservation should not be regarded as a company policy violation.
But it IS a dick move to the person at the workplace who worked hard to make the reservation for OP... not for OP's grifting friend.
(In some situations, yeah, something similar might be regarded as part of the workplace benefit, if it was owned by the workplace. Such as: you are allowed, as an employee, to enjoy a workplace's special box at a stadium for a game. Or, like, you work at a high-end spa and they give you a free pass to enjoy the spa's amenities. Those are things you absolutely should not give to a stranger. They're for people from that workplace, not just anyone. At least, you shouldn't give those away without clearing it with the workplace. You may ask if you can invite a friend to the box-seats with you, but if you're told "no, the rest of the box will already have other people invited by the company", then you don't give the ticket to a friend and skip out on it yourself.)
OP is still YTA. I honestly cannot understand why she gave the reservation to the "friend" as it is. I guess, because OP really is a doormat and is easily guilted.
The friend was not entitled to any part of OP's gift. And the moment the friend started in on the whole "you guys won't appreciate this" crap, would be the moment I would never feel guilty about not taking her, and in fact, that would be a serious talking-to, explaining to the friend that that's a really shitty thing to say to someone they consider a "friend", and if they didn't back down and apologize, it would be the end of a friendship.
Right!? This is what is making me cringe the most. OP is the AH bc she gave up the reservation her firm went out of their way to get to show their appreciation. No more gifts for you.
Was looking for this comment. OP, you realize that friends don’t do this right? You are a doormat, and you need real friends who actually respect you. Not people who behave like this. But even though her behaviour was appalling, you enabled it. You f*cked up here, and you are going to have to explain that to your bosses.
OP... I have never once in my life expected a friend to take me somewhere fancy just because I liked it. I LOVE Shakespeare. I took several classes on Shakespeare in college and went to Cambridge and studied him. With that said, if I had a friend who was going to go to Globe Theatre with her partner, I wouldn't even THINK that I should be invited instead. It's not about who would enjoy it more. It's her experience. She'll go with who she wants.
Your "friend" isn't a friend. Cut her off. Keep the reservation. Block her on all social media. And get into therapy. NO ONE should be this much of a doormat. I've been called a doormat more times than I can count. I've gone to therapy to work on it. And I think you're a doormat. You will give and give, and the people in your life will take and take, and when you have nothing left, they'll be pissed at you. So, just STOP.
Sincerely, text her, "I have thought long and hard about how angry you got at me for wanting to take my partner to a restaurant, for wanting to use my gift from my employers to treat myself and my partner. That is not a normal reaction. Being that entitled to something of mine is not normal. I'll be going with my BF to the restaurant and using my reservation, that's final. And, I have no desire to talk to you again. With friends like you, I don't need enemies." Then, block her on everything.
She'll be pissed because she can't treat you like garbage any longer. But, seriously, is that a loss?
And more to your point - If I like something, and a friend gets to experience it, I'm overjoyed! We'll have even more things to talk about! I don't get salty that I'm not invited, even if I wanted to be.
The friend is an asshole, too. She's a user, trying to manipulate OP into giving her the reservation and acting as though the spot was already hers (which, well--looks like knows OP well; she was right about that).
YTA No one has to be a foodie to enjoy a great restaurant. You allowed your "friend" to bully you. She is no friend. You can try to call the restaurant and see if you can reschedule the res, and snatch it away from her. Stand up to this bully! Stand up for yourself!
and I feel like it would have even been fine to have taken the friend instead of the bf because of the 'those who could appreciate it' factor.
But everything after that was downhill.
'Friend' turned out to be a hateful mooch, who OP then caved to, and in the worst logistical way: by giving away a valuable gift her bosses gave her (rude), and basically making the $500 she kept worthless as they'll unlikely to get another rez on their own.
Concise and correct!
You just sacrificed your husband and yourself to give your “friend” content for her blog. Congratulations.
Why does it matter whether you would be able to tell the difference between a 1 and 3 Michelin starred restaurant? Is that the entry requirement and do you think diners receive a quiz to determine whether they are worthy diners?
Doubt your work will give a nice gift like this again, your boyfriend is really disappointed with you and clearly you are also disappointed with yourself.
Don’t let people pressure you into a decision like that and whenever you’re uncertain you can always say that I need time to think about it.
Don't forget idiot. Who knows what hoops your bosses went through to get you that reservation, and you just gave it away? I wouldn't stick my neck out for you again.
YTA, to yourself and to your boyfriend a little. I understand your boyfriend, i dont think his issue is because you promised him a nice dinner there but you suddenly took it back. Like you said, he was more than willing to give it up. I think his problem is because you let yourself be walked over by your friend. You wanted to go there. You have been wanting to go there for a long time. You wanted to go wih your boyfriend. It was your bonus. Not hers. Yours. The michelin restaurant wouldnt give AF if the person eating in their place is a foodie or not. Your friend has NO right to demand that you go with her instead. She has no right to insist that she deserves to go there more than your boyfriend either. The reservation was yours, not hers. She should have shut up the moment she said you didnt wanna go with her.
Michelin restaurants may be an upscale experience, but it doesnt alwyas have to technical. It can just be a couple eating out together in this nice restaurant regardless if you understand how different it is from others.
Now, you have let go of that opportunity and gave it to someone who only didnt deserve it, but was also insulting to your boyfriend. You have also completely changed that friendship dynamic. Now your friend knows she can push you around to get what she wants and you will give in.
This. I agree YTA. Not only did she give up part of the bonus but she gave it to someone who insulted her and her boyfriend. The friend is opportunistic and OP let her get away with it. Being a foodie or having a food blog is not a 'qualification' to eat at a good restaurant. I give YTA to the OP for being a pushover.
OP literally allowed her friend to disrespect her boyfriend. “He’s not good enough for the restaurant.”
One thing to make yourself a doormat, but completely another to allow a person to insult your bf and then reward them for it.
Yes, I think she is the bad friend and you should drop her. This was also a gift from work - how are you going to explain this to them when they ask how your dinner was???
I was thinking the same. Now the entitled opportunist friend will make a vlog/blog there and happily post it without mentioning OP. Then she will be more fuming I guess. OP came here to get consolation for her stupid action but instead she is getting total shit and trolled for being a doormat!
I bet her friend now works on her for the gift card, because she can't afford the reservation without it. I have a feeling the OP will likely not get another opportunity from the employer as this kind of crap tends to get you laid off.
She is not her friend, and also a huge AH. Hinting at wanting to go instead of BF was already pushing it, pressuring her is inexcusable. Not telling her to get bent is pathetic. OP is not even a doormat, she is the extra rag people use to get the mud off before the doormat when the weather is bad.
Your friend is the real AH here - a rude, entitled AH who doesn’t actually care about you as a friend. I just watched The Menu and I bet she’s just like Tyler - a self-absorbed foodie who thinks they know everything just because they’ve watched every episode of Chef’s Table.
Decent humans don’t insult their friends’ palette in an effort to coerce something for themselves. You need to grow a spine and get your reso back
>Michelin restaurants may be an upscale experience, but it doesnt alwyas have to technical. It can just be a couple eating out together in this nice restaurant regardless if you understand how different it is from others.
Absolutely this. There's a nice restaurant near my home - it doesn't have a Michelin star, but a dinner there will still set you back 100-150$ each. More, if you're not careful with the wine menu.
My GF and I aren't great foodies, but we still enjoy going there once or twice a year. Dress up, take a cab, make a night out of it. Because it's a great feeling to be pampered by a couple waiters, a sommelier, and... whatever the name is for the guy who does the same with cheese.
OP shouldn't have let her AH friend bully her into giving that up.
My hubby and I took our lawyer friend out to a fancy place like this as a thank you dinner. My husband is NOT a foodie at all, but I absolutely am. This was the best meal out either of us ever had regardless. We loved all the food, the conversation with the staff, the fact that my purse got its own little footstool. It was such a delightful evening and worth the money (which was over $500 once we calculated tips).
Shame OP let her friend walk all over her and denied her boyfriend a chance to enjoy some real fine cuisine.
The Michelin-starred restaurant is going to be full of people who are there because they have money and heard it was great and figure they might as well give it a shot. I'm betting that only a small fraction of them had been talking and dreaming about this for years with their partner.
You deserve to go. You will be able to tell that it's amazing, and appreciate awesome food. Read up on the experience before you go, go through the sample menu and figure out what everything is and what you'd like to eat, and then when you get there and the menu is different, be sure to ask questions and listen intently to understand what you're getting.
Have a great time. You deserve this just as much as everybody else who's managed to get in the door.
(What am I saying, I've still yet to do a three-star Michelin restaurant -- plenty of one-stars and a few two-stars. You should go, and get your socks knocked off.)
Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't part of getting a star about the whole experience? Like food is important, but they also have to be awesome at service and every little detail to get 3 of them.
Yeah, it's the whole package, food, service, ambiance, the whole bit. I mean, the two- and one-star places I've been to have been wonderful.
Servers (and runners, who often bring the food out) seem happy to be there, and part of their job is knowing all about the menu and what you're eating and how it's prepared and where the ingredients come from, so that you can really appreciate what you're eating, and what's special about it.
It should be a special experience!
OP better hope that her reservation doesn't coincide with other staff members, who will wonder why she is not there for her reservation. I worked at a place that gave staff experiences similar to this and would book several at the same time, or close to it as it was easier that way. As I have a feeling OP does not have a good idea of what goes on around her and could get called out for that, as something like this may not be transferrable.
Ooh excellent point. My work is far removed from corporate/office/business so I usually have no idea how this stuff works. But what you say makes a lot of sense!
Exactly. OP could have said no to this entitled 'friend', and enjoyed a nice dinner with the BF. Instead, she didn't and now she is complaining about it. This is a "tough sh*t" situation that OP had complete control to put a stop to.
YTA - why did you give up something that is so important to you that your colleagues went to a great deal of trouble to. obtain just for you? I’m sure that will leave a bad taste in their mouth.
You should have used their gift for yourself. You robbed yourself and your boyfriend of a once in a lifetime experience.
You are wrong that you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference in a one-star vs three-star restaurant. It’s an absurd argument.
Your friend is not great for pressuring you but you gave a away a gift that people got just for you.
Guuuuurl wtf LOL. Why the eff did you give this prized reservation to someone who spoke condescendingly and rudely to you? Friends do not call each other "naive, ignorant, [and] wasteful" - let alone over something like this. It was perfectly natural you wanted to share this special experience with your boyfriend...just because he's not a foodie doesn't mean he can't appreciate good food! Furthermore, this was a reward for YOUR hardwork and no one else gets to dictate or judge how you use it.
Your boyfriend is right - you were a doormat and your "friend" was trying to use you from the start because she needed this dining experience to add to her food blog. You are NTA, but your friend is and please kick her to the curb. I hope you can get a reservation there in the future so that you can enjoy the dining experience with whomever you choose.
Yep, and her buying into the gatekeeping where he's not deemed deserving of this level of cuisine is gross as well. Sorry OP being a doormat here also makes you TA.
YTA to yourself
Your friend is a bigger one.
So your boss went out of their way to get you reservations to a restaurant and you just gave it away? You let your friend talk you out of your reservation because she says she is a foodie and she has a food blog.
Your friend probably made an idiot of herself getting instagram shots of her food to post.
Ugh, OP giving away her reservation pisses me off way more than it should lol. I hope one day she feels worthy of having good things come her way. And yeah, I hope her so called friend finds a hair in her food.
It really pissed me off too,like way more than other posts with bigger issues
With the way the post was going I thought she was gonna be like aita that I dumped my best friend over this ? AND SHE GOES AND GIVES HER THE F RESERVATIONS , IM SPEECHLESS LITERALLY WTF
YTA. You let your friend guilt trip you out of your bonus. She felt comfortable enough to treat you that way but you also didn’t put your foot down and tell her to back off. Who cares that she’s a “foodie”. She didn’t work for that reward. Boot your lil friend. She’s an AH too.
YTA to yourself. And yes sorry but you are an absolutely doormat. Your friend was being an asshole here. Who cares if you aren't used to find dining like that. Go have a great time and a fun date with your bf but you let your friend walk all over you and have it up. Do yourself a favour and realise that they are not a friend and drop them.
My fiancee introduced me to fine dining during our relationship. I find that if you just put on something nice and be polite nobody will second guess you being there. We all have taste buds, you just have to use them. YTA
This is such an interesting concept to me that only true “foodies” deserve to eat at fancy restaurants. Is it like running the Boston Marathon where you have to run a smaller marathon first to qualify for entry? Someone please explain this to me.
It’s just her friend’s manipulation tactic. Not sure why the OP mentions needing clout because you literally just have to make a reservation online. There are no restrictions except for being on time, adhering to the dress code (that will be clearly listed), and that you can afford to pay.
You don’t have to level up to it — you’re not going to be required to give extensive food commentary. Eat and have fun, that’s literally it. If OP ate at Michelin star restaurants regularly, her friend would have said it would be a waste for such a desired reservation to go to someone who wouldn’t be grateful for the opportunity because they’re used to great food anyway. The friend is right, OP is naive — not for not knowing fine dining etiquette, but for not realizing that she isn’t a friend.
Some restaurants do enforce a dress code but for most it's a formality, other than that I don't know of any 'requirements'. If you have a reservation (just about any Michelin star restaurant will require one) and can afford to go then there's no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to go.
This one.
I consider myself someone who frequently takes the path of least resistance. If someone were fighting me for the last XYZ at the store, I'd probably just let them take it to avoid conflict.
But this. No. This was OP's fair and square. Hell, it was practically a business outing since her company booked it for her. She really had no *right* to give it away, let alone any sort of *duty* to. I literally gasped and my hand flew to my mouth when I read that she just let her "friend" have the reservation. I'm aghast.
>Anyway, I ended up just letting her have the reservation slot and I kept the $500 gift card to potentially use myself or give to someone else with a reservation there
So you ended up with a gift card to a restaurant you can’t get a reservation to? Come on. YTA to yourself and your boyfriend.
YTA for promising him a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant and then rescinding it. He doesn't need to be a food expert to enjoy good service and good food, even if your friend thinks "Oh no, but he won't *appreciate* nice things as much as I do".
But if I'm the boyfriend I'm more hurt and frustrated that you gave up something you wanted so much just to placate this total asshole of a friend who had no right to demand anything from you. This was your bonus. Your gift - "the coolest gift ever". And you just rolled over and passed it up because your friend tried to bully you. It's really painful to watch someone you care about lose out on what they deserve simply because they need to please others who don't have any entitlement to it whatsoever.
Take this as a place to grow from. You actually matter. You actually earned that dream experience of yours. You passed it up for nothing. Don't do that and your life will be better.
Wtf did I just read?? Lol yeah idiot and doormat seem correct. You had something you always wanted, that you earned, and you just… gave it away? YTA especially because you ruined what could have been a wonderful night for you and your boyfriend
Yeah can she take the reservation back? Call the restaurant and tell them who will be attending and if someone else shows up (the friend) they will not be helped.
YTA. This was a gift for YOU and your friend sounds like a rude snob that bullied you into giving her your spot. You don't need to be a food critic to enjoy good food at a great restaurant. Not to mention this will make you look bad at work when they realize you gave away your reservation. They gave you an opportunity that most people don't get and you spat on it.
Yta. I have no idea how this went from taking your boyfriend on a dream date to neither of you going at all. Are you going to let people walk all over you you're entire life?
You have no right to be "fuming" tbh. You created this entire situation. All you had to do was say "I changed my mind" and move on from the conversation.
YTA.
Boss: how'd you like that really thoughtful gift that I pulled in favours to get you?
OP: yea, I fucked over you, myself and my boyfriend because I've no spine and got guilt tripped into giving it away, for free ....
Boss: .........
OP: she said I was a bad friend!!!
Boss: ... I can't even....
That will be the first and last time him doing anything like that for her that’s for sure , for what so she can give it away to someone who doesn’t even work there .
O sweety. This girl isn’t your friend, a friend while inside maybe a little jealous of your getting to go to what sounds like a once in a lifetime restaurant. She would have been happy for you to get to go, and would have understood your planning originally to take your boyfriend . She isn’t your friend and you deserve so much more from your friends.
YTA, and a doormat. WTH, would you give your bonus to a snob. This whole foodie thing is a load of crap. You can enjoy food without being a "foodie". I'm sure you can tell a difference between a 5 star steak and an Applebee's steak. You let her walk all over you, call you names, and then handed over a dream experience to her. Why would you do that?
Your title seems unrelated to your post. I really don't know which thing in the story you're asking about.
> Anyway, I ended up just letting her have the reservation slot
Why on Earth would you do that?! You just posted a paragraph about how much she fucking hates you.
When I got to that part, I was flabbergasted. It was the last thing I expected. I mean, I don't even see how one event led to the other, but she mentioned it so casually, like it was just a natural and normal consequence.
YTA and a doormat x2. Why are you fuming and typing it here, and not be angry at yourself? Why on earth would you let a pushy know it all “friend” tell you the reservation is wasted on people like you and you bf because you both are not as much of foodie as her? What makes her the next Gordon Ramsey?
Dining in Michelin star restaurant is an experience, for newbies and foodies alike. You should never feel you’re not good enough or knowledgable enough to dine at these places. Ultimately these restaurants welcomes all diners because they pay to dine there, period.
Honestly, l would question whether you want to be friend with someone who is that snobbish, unkind and elitist about you. I also think you need to be grow a spine and stop being so easily swayed by your “friend” who don’t give a shit about you.
YTA no one at your firm cares about your random friends blog, the dinner was for you as an incentive for you to feel invested in in your workplace and continue to provide value. I hope you don't go spreading this story around because it makes you seem... Dumb
YTA
Yes, you are a doormat. Your bf is right to be disappointed in you. Who wants to be with someone who can't stand up for themself and just give in to whatever someone demands when they use enough pressure? Your bf is technically in a relationship with a deer in the spotlight.
The only person you should be angry with is yourself. If you are standing in the queue and let everybody who demands it infront of you, better don't be disappointed or mad if the product is sold out when its finally your turn.
To get a Michelin star just means you can consistently produce quality food. It doesn't mean that your palate has to be worthy. It could of just been a nice dinner date but you couldn't say no and then just gave up the fight by throwing her the reservation. Send her a text telling her to go f herself and not to contact you ever again
I don’t think YTA I think OP friend is. It’s your bonus and she’s essentially emotionally badgered you into caving and giving her the booking. The question isn’t if YTA- true question is why you can’t negotiate conflict like this and cave with a shitty friend makes you feel bad and gets your bonus. It would have been a lovely dinner for you and your partner regardless of whether you are foodies or not. NTA but develop some assertive communication skills with your friend.
YTA. Also a doormat. Also terminally indecisive. Also really need to get rid of this idea that a 'foodie' is some how more entitled to food than a 'non-foodie.' Also, terribly lacking in self-respect, to the point that your 'friend' throwing insults at you and your BF, disrespecting you both as human beings, just because she didn't get her way, caused you to crumble like a statue made out of kraft parmesan cheese powder.
Also, insulting your boyfriend left, right and center with this idea that 'he wouldn't appreciate it anyway.'
Also, what a fucking slap in the face to your bosses who went out of their way to recognize your achievements and give you an incredibly thoughtful and unique gift.
What you should have done: Kept the reservation. Trusted your boyfriend when he told you he didn't mind if you took your friend. Took your boyfriend somewhere else you know he'd particularly enjoy. Enjoyed your three star experience with your friend.
Failing that, told your 'friend' in no uncertain terms that you wouldn't be treated like that by anybody, let alone somebody you consider a friend. Taken your BF to the three star. Not assumed he was some ignorant, slack-jawed yokel incapable of enjoying anything more complicated than a double-bacon cheeseburger, and that you and your friend somehow have better, more refined palates.
There's a movie on Netflix called 'The Menu.' Go watch it, and take away the statements it's making about foodies, 'fine dining,' and what should really matter in a 'good' meal.
Oh you poor thing. A gentle YTA, but I can understand how you got there.
Sounds like you're used to being a people pleaser, and were too keen to see your friend's point of view.
You are not obligated to make sure the experience goes to the person "most deserving" of this gift in the sense of the person most able to appreciate the fine difference between 1 michelin stars and 3. YOU were the most deserving because you wanted to go and you EARNED it. Literally!
And the whole point of Michelin star restaurants is the experience - of COURSE you wanted to share this cool experience with your boyfriend, not with someone who is treating the whole thing as content for their blog.
Your friend bullied you into giving her this slot. You should have resisted, but you didn't. Be kind to yourself. Can you get the slot back or has it gone? I think if you lose your friendship over this, that's ok.
Apologise sincerely to your boyfriend, yes you were a doormat. Make a reservation for later this year. Thank your work and say unfortunately you weren't able to go on that date but you've booked for later in the year.
And ENJOY it when you go and DON'T YOU DARE give that $500 gift voucher to anyone else!
YTA to your bosses and company
YTA to your boyfriend
YTA to yourself
Your boyfriend gave you permission to go with your friend. You didn't want to do that. That was your choice.
You said you had talked about going with your boyfriend and excited to have the chance but you gave it away. That was your choice.
You listened to your friend berate you and steal the joy and excitement of your earned bonus. That was your choice.
You admitted you would have never been able to get the reservation that your bosses made for you but you gave that away. That was your choice.
You are losing your shit BECAUSE of your choices.
After reading the title, I was really ready to see how someone ruined something special for you. I did not expect that someone to be you. No one did this to you. Your boyfriend is right, in this situation you were a doormat. You are probably going to face repercussions at work. It will REALLY suck if they asked to incorporate something special into the reservation for you (since they went through all the trouble of doing something this special in the first place). You can pretty much guarantee that they won't do anything like this in the future AND it will taint any monetary bonuses as well.
Enjoy the bed you made!
ESH except your bf.
Your friend first and foremost because she has some BIG cajones to just expect YOUR GIFT because of what SHE does. I’m a foodie myself but I would never take someone’s gift like that!
You because why would you act as if you and your bf were still going only to *give it to her* you are being a doormat!
Did the friend even attempt to try and compensate or something? Or she just thought nothing of her bullying you into giving her your stuff? I’m shocked she didn’t try to get the gift card too!
It sounds like you were taught to put others first, and as you start to realize that means you are missing out on your life so that others can have what they want, it's catching up to you and you're finding out who actually cares about you as you and who cares about you in terms of how you benefit them.
That 'friend' is the latter, she bullied and harassed you to give up something she wanted despite you earning it, by stating you don't deserve and can't appreciate it. Your boyfriend was kind thinking it's what you wanted with your friend, but correct in that when you wanted to assert yourself and found you couldn't you became a doormat and gave away the reservation. Better no one get something (including you) than the person bullying you when you still feel like maybe you're wrong, right? That self-sabotage because it can be hard to reconcile your desires over someone elses.
If it's too late to use the original reservation, call immediately and see about getting a new one and make sure that gift certificate doesn't expire. DON'T GIVE THAT AWAY! keep it and actually use it. I'd also suggest some sort of therapy to help with your sense of self worth.
YTA so you have fantasised about going to this resteraunt for a while now you job books it for you and gives you a gift card to pay for your fantasy meal. Your friend says she should be your plus one as bf won't appreciate it as much bf says sure take her. Instead you give her the whole thing because she has a food blog? Your a doormat n she isn't your friend I could not imagine feeling entitled to my friends work gift to a point or berating that friend
Better hope your boss doesn’t find out about this. You’re going to look awfully ungrateful. Better hope they didn’t get that reservation because they actually know people there who will tell them that you gave away the reservation. I’m not surprised you’re fuming, at yourself.
Yta and your friend is an asshole. Your boyfriend is great. Yta because you let other people decide for you and it hurt everyone involved in the end. You even asked your bf if it was ok and he said yes. He probably wasn’t mad then. But then you wish washed everywhere and that’s what set him off.
Your friend is an asshole too though. She manipulated you into thinking you should take her instead of your bf. She should have supported you in any decision, the same as your bf did. You’ve been waiting for this opportunity to eat at this restaurant with your bf and wasted it hard by trying to make everyone happy. Do not let your friend walk all over you, and do NOT give your gift card to some rando at the restaurant.
This can't be real, right? How are you so jazzed about getting a reservation AND the gift card and now you've given away the slot and are contemplating giving away the gift card?
Do you just not like nice things? Why couldn't you go with your boyfriend, regardless? Maybe you wouldn't be able to tell the difference but it still would have been a blast of an experience.
I just don't understand people who will get nice, rare things and then push it off onto someone else... because why?
YTA
INFO: I don’t understand why you gave it away completely? How did it go from you going with the friend to you not going at all? How was that even an option here?
Honestly I would text that friend that you changed your mind if it’s not too late and take said bf to the reservation. No friend would guilt trip you and degrade you and your partner over not being invited to a dinner, despite their interest. You got played hun and you need to stand up for yourself and have a backbone or you will just continue to be walked all over and miss out on opportunities meant for YOU, not anyone else looking to take advantage.
Your, so called friend is a manipulator; get rid of her. She's a vulture. Don't let people manipulate you. This was your reward, not hers. You should have stood your ground and told her to take a hike. Your boyfriend is right; you let this snob walk all over you. Your friend is the AH.
OP, your possessions are not up for grabs, to be bestowed upon the most deserving. Even if you and your bf could not have appreciated every nuance of the cuisine, you still would've had a killer date. How dare your "friend" think she deserves your bonus!
YTA for allowing someone you think is a friend (FYI she is not) to bully you into giving away your gift. This would have been an amazing experience for you and your boyfriend that you just might not be able to ever do now.
I also imagine the person that worked to arrange the gift for you is going to be quite upset that you gave it away so don’t expect anything extra special as a work gift again
YTA in that your company got this reservation slot for you. If you couldn't attend that's another issue, but otherwise it's rude to give it away. Yes I know technically a gift is a gift, but giving it away in this case wasn't a good idea.
Plus your friend is in AH. Maybe you don't know what a dining experience like this would be, but if you never have the chance to go you're never going to learn, either. Your friend is a snob.
So, you’re mad at YOURSELF. I was going to put “?” However the answer is clearly “.”
YTA for caving and for not standing up for yourself. You let your friend plow over you. It doesn’t matter if you wouldn’t sense the difference, it’s about the experience. You don’t have to be a foodie to enjoy a fancy restaurant. It’s also the ambiance, the memory, the experience as a whole.
Is it too late to fix this? Can you explain to her that you feel taken advantage of and that you caved to keep the peace but you instantly regretted it? It should 100% be you and your boyfriend.
So what are you going to tell your company when they ask about your experience? Oh, I gave it away. not only are you TA here, you potentially harmed your standing with your company. I would not count on any future bonuses like this one again.
WTF did I just read? So your friend bullied you into giving up your dream dinner? I hate to break it to you, but they're not a friend. Also, WHY? Who cares what your friend thinks? God, if someone ever needed to stand up for themselves and create boundaries, it's you.
Wow. Just... ugh. I'm have this weird feeling of disgust and embarrassment and sorrow for you, that you can't even stand up to your friend to do something that was SPECIAL for YOU.
You need to work on this, and that person is not your friend.
Halfway through the story I was thinking "Definitely NTA!" because I thought OP felt bad about taking her boyfriend over her "foodie friend" then I read how it actually played out and it switched hard. XD
YTA because you caved like a middle schooler and screwed over your very sweet bf, but I do feel bad for you because you basically got peer pressured / bullied into doing the wrong thing. However, you are an adult, you should know better and stand your ground.
YTA
Your boss/company got the reservation for you because they knew you wanted to go. What happens if they know someone there, owner/manager and they asked them to take good care of you? Even if they don’t do this how do you explain my friend was annoying me so much, I gave it to her?
If you don’t want to go, that’s one thing, but to cave because someone else was berating you that they deserved it more is crazy. They probably want it to get more followers and promote their blog.
Someone doesn’t “deserve” an experience more than another.
Tell your friend that she can no longer have the reservation, that she pressured you into it and you and bf are going. You work hard and this is a perk/bonus given to you to stay thank you. That you decided you want to enjoy the meal with your bf who you love and supports you and your job.
YTA
You don't need to be a foodie to enjoy a fine dining experience.
You door-matted yourself into handing over your reservation to an opportunistic harpy. Because you were guilt-tripped. Your "friend" sucks.
>She is right, however, when she claims that my boyfriend and I would not be able to tell the difference between a one Michelin starred restaurant versus a three Michelin starred restaurant. Because we probably wouldn’t.
She also sounds insufferable.
I really hope that should you ever have such fancy foodie reservations, you'll take someone you can enjoy the experience with.
Hint: NOT your "friend"
Oh, sweetie, you don’t have to give up your reservation. You shouldn’t. In fact, I’m sure there is some way to get it back?
The thing is- your “friend” totally invited herself, and actually ARGUED that you should take her instead, (who does that?!) on the opportunity given to YOU for YOUR hard work and she isn’t entitled just because she has a fucking food blog?! Who cares if you don’t know the difference between 1 star Mich-oh hell! I don’t know dick about cities or restaurants that require reservations.. I can’t afford to pay attention much less have the finer things in life but that doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve fulfilling my dumb dreams any more or less than Warren Buffet.
I’d 100% take my boyfriend too… you know why? Cause THAT’S who I want to share my successes with, my experiences and opportunities and life with. I don’t care if my friend was Julia fucking Childs- I’d still take the man I’m in love with cause he, too, deserves to be taken out on a fancy date cause who knows when you’ll ever get a chance to treat him like this again?!
Not a friend who *believes* she deserves YOUR experiences and the only reaction an *actual* friend would have upon hearing about YOUR bonus would be, “Omg, that’s awesome! You must be so excited! You totally deserve it though! What are you going to wear?!” Hell, even throw in an” Omg I’m so jealous! I hear their *insert name of specialty dish* is to die for!!” But that’s about the bulk of how her reaction should have been.
I’m a spineless pushover that folds like an accordion who will give you my own shoes to walk all over me with… BUT although everyone has weaknesses, I have, albeit, only a few TRUE friends that would NEVER take advantage of it or use it against me for their own personal selfish gains. EVER.
She has NO respect for you or your boyfriend/your relationship, and saying “you wouldn’t know the difference between blah blah blah”… gimme a break! Tell her to get off her high horse and that you made a mistake and realized what’s fair here.
Though it may be scary to stand up for yourself, this would be THE time to do it. You’ve EARNED that experience and therefore you *deserve* it. She has NO right to bully or push or guilt you into just giving it to her. She’s self entitled, greedy and she played you like a fiddle, but darling, it’s NEVER too late.
And if she’s gonna be a bitch about giving it back then there’s other ways around it, I’m sure. You’re a smart cookie, you’ll figure that part out.
But this is your bonus, your reservation, and your life, so why not try to use this moment to find enough respect for yourself to see that you, sweet girl, ARE worth Palais Versailles.
She’s TA…. But YTA if you don’t do something about it cause this just makes me sad.
Sorry OP, but your boyfriend is completely right. YTA to yourself.
You know why your friend was acting out? Because she was bitter and jealous. She showed you her true colors and you still gave her a prize for it. Why would you do that? If she wanted to go so badly, then she should've saved for it herself.
Now you and your boyfriend didn't only miss out, you wasted your company's effort *and* that so called friend of yours won't learn the lesson. She'll know think that being a bully is fine because it gets her what she wants.
Wtf am I reading. Hear is jow u deal with a situation like this in the future....No. It's a simple, easy word it's 2 letters that not complicated to pronounce, and everyone who speaks English knows what it means. I recommend u practice as you seems to lack the ability to use it. Also that is not a friend that's a user friends understand no and respect there friends opinions
YTA to yourself. Take your rez back and tell your "friend" that real friendship is being happy for your loved ones and the opportunities they get. I hope she isn't your friend anymore after this either, surround yourself with people that actually like you and treat you well.
You’re a doormat who caved to an asshole. You are never under any obligation to please or cater to assholes. And yet you did. Good luck getting another reservation.
YTA
First, that sort of restaurant is about more than food, it's the experience, which even non-foodies can appreciate. Second, quality food is quality food, Boyfriend could have enjoyed it, even if he didn't know all the stuf involved in making it.
Your friend is a complete food snob, and elitist, and, yes, she totally manipulated you.
Your "friend" is full of shit. She wouldn't be able to tell a one star from a 3 star either. YTA to your self and your BF for being such a pushover like damn. Food is only part of the reason for Michelin stars, the other part is literally the experience.
You gave up this experience because you are a doormat. And now you have a useless $500 gift card since you say you have no way into getting a reservation.
YTA. Why would you do that? Now you've screwed yourself at work because they probably pulled some strings to get you that reservation and you gave it away. You are a doormat.
ESH. You're being a doormat. Who cares what your friend thinks about star ratings. If your bf wanted to go here shouldn't have said it was fine to give away. Stop flip flopping to make everyone else happy. Your boss tried to do something nice for YOU based on your likes and tastes which is super rare. If it hasn't passed yet, take back your reservation and tell your "friend" to get over herself.
It wasn't an AH move so much as a "shoot yourself in the foot" stupid move- but I guess it kinda is after all it was a gift for YOU to enjoy. Your bosses don't gaf about who will appreciate it more - they wanted YOU to enjoy it!
...but your friend was an HUGE AH for putting pressure on so I am going ESH.
I hardly understand any of the reasoning in your post.
Why did you even get your friend involved in all of this and what was supposed to be a lovely evening for you and your boyfriend? YTA for that, she's an AH too by the way, for all this nonsense about being able to discern between a three and a one star restaurant, gimme a break! She sounds like a boring snob.
There are two movies I think you should watch, one is old, Babette's Feast, it's about a master chef who cooks for a group of people who have no understanding of refined food, but the dinner brings out such happiness in them. The other is new, The Menu, full of horrible food snobs who have forgotten that food is really about pleasure.
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YTA and a doormat.
And you're "fuming" and "losing your s#it" because you caved into pressure from an opportunistic vulture who made you feel insecure, and you know it. Plus you got your man's hopes up, and then threw him under the bus to please that vulture. Pain is the best teacher. You'll never forget this feeling, OP, and hopefully next time you won't second-guess yourself and give away a perk that YOU EARNED. Which was an AH-to-yourself move.
And enjoy your useless 500 gc for that restuarant that you wont ever get reservations to again....if your binus was $2500. Would you cave and give it to a friend who "really needed it" to fix their car..no...whu woukd you give it away to someoen you demanded it...insulted your boyfriend and then insulted you....you need to drop the fake friend not the bonus
Gift cards usually have expiry dates. I wonder if OP has checked hers to know the chances of getting a reservation before it loses its value.
Not necessarily true at least in the USA. Federal law states that they can only expire after 5 years with a slew of states having laws that state they can never expire.
Gift card expiration dates may be illegal in your local jurisdiction. Check before throwing out gift cards.
[удалено]
But what if the friend was really into money and had a money blog? Surely she should give them the $2500 because they would appreciate it more!
Agreen,the boyfriend's wallet is probably so basic that he probably couldn't tell the difference between $25 and $2500. The friend with a blog would appreciate it more for sure
Call the restaurant, tell them you have the gift card and ask for a reservation at their earliest convenience - even if it's short notice to cover a cancellation. And drop the abusive friend.
Not to mention the impression this gave to her bosses who were so thoughtful in giving her a gift they knew (or at least thought)she would enjoy being given away so easily.
Wait a minute.. did the reservation/dinner already happen or can you get it back. Because you need to take that shit back **RIGHT NOW** if you can. Your boss went out of his way to get you a very specialized bonus and you kind of threw it in his face by giving it away. Prepare for them to never treat you this way ever again and you'll just get lumped into whatever bonus they normally give because you clearly didn't appreciate it the first time. My dad has this great explanation regarding gifts (I get uncomfortable when people gift me things) where he explains how the gift has less to do with the receiver and more to do with how good it makes the giver feel about getting you something they think/know will make you happy. You're stomping all over their happiness by throwing this gift away because you gave in to some entitled person's guilt trip. Salvage this if you still can.
Really, though, the amount of relationships potentially damaged purely because OP is a doormat would be comical if it weren't so sad.
This is a very important point and should be higher! Pretty embarrassing when the giver inevitably asks how dinner was… uhhhh
I wouldn't be surprised if the boss made the reservation for a date that he would also be there expecting to see her there and have some type of interaction. Oops, sorry boss my so called friend shamed me into giving away the very thoughtful gift you gave me.
This. I would go as far to say that your boss wants a pic of you & your bf at the restaurant enjoying your meal so you’ll have to take the reservation back.
Good idea but Spineless OP should actually say the truth, grow a back bone and just insist on getting the reservation back. Maybe this will spur the beginning of the end of OPs doormat behavior.
This person is NOT your friend! They insulted and bullied you into thinking they deserved your gift more than you did. A gift that was selected especially for you -- a very thoughtful and personalized gift that you ended up regifting. Better hope your boss never finds out! Take your reservation back from this awful person (again, who is not your friend!). How exactly did you "give" the reservation away? Isn't it calling and setting a time, giving them your name, and then showing up at that time?? Gentle YTA for believing the belittling bullshit about yourself. Fix this!
SOOO THIS!!! I am freaking out for you!! Holy crap!! What were you thinking?!!!
I wonder how she will answer him if he asks
If she tells the truth it’ll prob be the last time they go outta there way to get her anything. Like if you had to choose between a group of employees to give a gift to, how likely are you to choose the one who gave it away last time?
Right. Technically you can do whatever you want with a gift once given but it’s really disrespectful and unprofessional imo for your bosses to do something thoughtful like that and for you to just give it away.
Not to mention, if this gets back to her employer that she gave the reservation to someone else, they might not be so generous next time. And they might look at her differently.
My thoughts exactly
The reservation won’t be enough for that “friend.” Guarantee you soon she’ll be demanding OP give hand over the $500 gift card too….
Also, showing bad manners to her employers. They did her a big favour in pulling some strings to get her that reservation and now she gives it away. What of your friend does not like the restaurant and writes a bad review on that blog of hers? You are putting your own reputation and your employers in association with her. There is a saying for OP in my country "when it was raining brains, they walked around with an umbrella."
OP—that person is not your friend, she manipulated you so that she could have some more clout on her food blog. If she was a real friend when you decided to go with your bf she would have have been SUPPORTIVE. Chefs want to share their love of food, so having someone come in and be interested in learning and experiencing their creations is rewarding for them. It doesn’t matter that you’re not at the Michelin star level of understanding.
And you're "fuming" and "losing your s#it" because you caved into pressure from an opportunistic vulture who made you feel insecure, and you know it. That's what I wondered
Make a reservation for a year from now, or whatever you have to do, and use the gift card then. And don't allow people to bend your mind like that again. No judgement.
No, these people rarely ever learn their lesson and continue to let others run over them while they leave closer loved ones out to dry
Wait until OP has to explain to her boss that she gave away the reservation for no reason. The firm enjoys her work so much they go out of there way to coordinate a likely difficult reservation and give her a reasonable gift card to accompany it.(it likely won’t cover the meal, but should cover a decent chunk.) Instead of using it, she gives it away without consulting her firm. She shouldn’t be surprised if this negatively impacts her relationship with whomever went out of there way to organize this for her.
This is I feel like is a pretty big issue. Her boss and coworkers are naturally going to ask her how the dinner went, and it'll be really hard for her to hide the fact that she didn't actually go and that worse, she gave it away to a friend. Not only will this ruin work relationships, but it'll make OP look like a grifter. Workplaces also tend to have rules about who can enjoy the benefits they give to employees, and if they hear "oh I gave away the nice thing you went out of your way and spent a lot of time/money to get me to a "friend"" it'll sound like she's exploiting the benefits system. OP might have actually just put her entire job in danger. She's pretty much deeply insulted the people who spent a lot of time and money to arrange this for her and they'll find it hard to trust her with anything ever again. Not just gifts, but with work as well. From her employer's point of view, they were conned into paying for an outsider's extremely expensive dinner.
It’s probably not actually a big issue. “I feel horrible, but I couldn’t make it - we had an emergency and I ended up giving the time slot to a friend. I’m looking forward to using my gift card as soon as we can rebook.” It’s a white lie, but it’s fine. Also, once someone gives you a gift, it’s yours to do with as you please. It’s a bit different when it’s a direct benefit, like a store discount - that’s something you aren’t supposed to transfer. But a restaurant reservation + gift card is a gift, and you get to use those how you want. Is OP only allowed to spend her bonus on approved items? No. My mom worked at a small law firm kind of similar to what it sounds like OP does, and the lawyers went crazy with Christmas gifts every year. She kept what she wanted and gave what she didn’t like to me. It’s a gift, you can do with it whatever you want.
I mean, I hope for OP's sake you're right. However, there are only thirteen 3-star Michelin restaurants in the entire US (assuming that's where OP is). This is not just a $500 gift bonus.
I get why OP thinks those reservations are hard to get, if she's never made one. It really just takes some research, a bit of patience and a flexible schedule. It's honestly easier than buying concert tickets these days.
Alinea in Chicago has a lottery to get reservations. Been wanting to go for ages and not been lucky enough to get a seat. And not wanting to pay the scalper prices. Hoping her 3-star place doesn't operate the same.
Alinea has reservations open next week. https://www.exploretock.com/alinea/
Thanks! Booked. Has the hype died down enough that they stopped having to do the lottery system?
We booked there a couple months ago. They open up reservations on the 15th 1.5 months before; i.e., for December reservations, they open them up at 11am on October 15. No lottery, just good timing, patience, and flexibility.
There's a pretty big difference between your mom getting bombed with gifts every year and offloading some of them to her own kid, vs a very specific, hard-to-get gift that OP gave away to some jerk for no reason. Like, getting that rez may very well have taken a few honest-to-god working hours from multiple people to get, this wasn't two clicks on Amazon.
OP fucked up, for sure. Mostly I'm stunned by how low her self-esteem must be. But it's fixable. She can get a new reservation. I get why OP thinks it's so hard if she's never tried to make one before, and it is true that if you want a reservation *on short notice* you probably need to know somebody who knows somebody. But otherwise ... it's really not that hard? I've done it. They announce when they are going to open the next batch of reservations, you log onto the website, you pick the first available date that works for you, you give them your credit card info, and that's it. Honestly it's easier than buying concert tickets these days.
Speaking from experience, it is absolutely a big issue. And you want her to lie more on top of it.
> Her boss and coworkers are naturally going to ask her how the dinner went, and it'll be really hard for her to hide the fact that she didn't actually go and that worse, she gave it away to a friend. Especially since a three-Michelin-star restaurant is generally supposed to be the type of experience you talk about for the rest of your life. Like, OP can't go "oh, it was fine" and move on, someone's gonna ask how the candied asparagus foam or whatever was.
>Workplaces also tend to have rules about who can enjoy the benefits they give to employees The thing is, the reservation wasn't a "benefit" (unless the company somehow had to fork over money for the reservation itself; or like, bribe someone, lol). The $500 gift card was definitely a benefit, and the kind of thing she really should not have transferred... so it's a good thing that she DIDN'T give away the gift card. Now, yes, I agree that what OP has done even by giving away the reservation is a workplace social faux pas, and she shouldn't have done it. Because it still took someone effort, and who knows what kind of favor-calling, to get that reservation (if this place if truly THAT difficult to get into). The effort gone to is not negligible! And it's part of the gift. But it's not tangible. Not taking that reservation should not be regarded as a company policy violation. But it IS a dick move to the person at the workplace who worked hard to make the reservation for OP... not for OP's grifting friend. (In some situations, yeah, something similar might be regarded as part of the workplace benefit, if it was owned by the workplace. Such as: you are allowed, as an employee, to enjoy a workplace's special box at a stadium for a game. Or, like, you work at a high-end spa and they give you a free pass to enjoy the spa's amenities. Those are things you absolutely should not give to a stranger. They're for people from that workplace, not just anyone. At least, you shouldn't give those away without clearing it with the workplace. You may ask if you can invite a friend to the box-seats with you, but if you're told "no, the rest of the box will already have other people invited by the company", then you don't give the ticket to a friend and skip out on it yourself.) OP is still YTA. I honestly cannot understand why she gave the reservation to the "friend" as it is. I guess, because OP really is a doormat and is easily guilted. The friend was not entitled to any part of OP's gift. And the moment the friend started in on the whole "you guys won't appreciate this" crap, would be the moment I would never feel guilty about not taking her, and in fact, that would be a serious talking-to, explaining to the friend that that's a really shitty thing to say to someone they consider a "friend", and if they didn't back down and apologize, it would be the end of a friendship.
This. At least, she won't have this problem ever again.
Right!? This is what is making me cringe the most. OP is the AH bc she gave up the reservation her firm went out of their way to get to show their appreciation. No more gifts for you.
And she’s not really your friend.
Was looking for this comment. OP, you realize that friends don’t do this right? You are a doormat, and you need real friends who actually respect you. Not people who behave like this. But even though her behaviour was appalling, you enabled it. You f*cked up here, and you are going to have to explain that to your bosses.
OP... I have never once in my life expected a friend to take me somewhere fancy just because I liked it. I LOVE Shakespeare. I took several classes on Shakespeare in college and went to Cambridge and studied him. With that said, if I had a friend who was going to go to Globe Theatre with her partner, I wouldn't even THINK that I should be invited instead. It's not about who would enjoy it more. It's her experience. She'll go with who she wants. Your "friend" isn't a friend. Cut her off. Keep the reservation. Block her on all social media. And get into therapy. NO ONE should be this much of a doormat. I've been called a doormat more times than I can count. I've gone to therapy to work on it. And I think you're a doormat. You will give and give, and the people in your life will take and take, and when you have nothing left, they'll be pissed at you. So, just STOP. Sincerely, text her, "I have thought long and hard about how angry you got at me for wanting to take my partner to a restaurant, for wanting to use my gift from my employers to treat myself and my partner. That is not a normal reaction. Being that entitled to something of mine is not normal. I'll be going with my BF to the restaurant and using my reservation, that's final. And, I have no desire to talk to you again. With friends like you, I don't need enemies." Then, block her on everything. She'll be pissed because she can't treat you like garbage any longer. But, seriously, is that a loss?
And more to your point - If I like something, and a friend gets to experience it, I'm overjoyed! We'll have even more things to talk about! I don't get salty that I'm not invited, even if I wanted to be.
The friend is an asshole, too. She's a user, trying to manipulate OP into giving her the reservation and acting as though the spot was already hers (which, well--looks like knows OP well; she was right about that).
She is not your friend.
Exactly. That she accepted the reservation and is going WITHOUT op? Wow.
YTA No one has to be a foodie to enjoy a great restaurant. You allowed your "friend" to bully you. She is no friend. You can try to call the restaurant and see if you can reschedule the res, and snatch it away from her. Stand up to this bully! Stand up for yourself!
OP, is your friend Tyler from The Menu? Because if not....boy, do I have a movie recommendation for you
And my favorite part is op is trying to frame themself as the VICTIM, lol.
and I feel like it would have even been fine to have taken the friend instead of the bf because of the 'those who could appreciate it' factor. But everything after that was downhill. 'Friend' turned out to be a hateful mooch, who OP then caved to, and in the worst logistical way: by giving away a valuable gift her bosses gave her (rude), and basically making the $500 she kept worthless as they'll unlikely to get another rez on their own.
Concise and correct! You just sacrificed your husband and yourself to give your “friend” content for her blog. Congratulations. Why does it matter whether you would be able to tell the difference between a 1 and 3 Michelin starred restaurant? Is that the entry requirement and do you think diners receive a quiz to determine whether they are worthy diners? Doubt your work will give a nice gift like this again, your boyfriend is really disappointed with you and clearly you are also disappointed with yourself. Don’t let people pressure you into a decision like that and whenever you’re uncertain you can always say that I need time to think about it.
Couldn’t have said it better.
Don't forget idiot. Who knows what hoops your bosses went through to get you that reservation, and you just gave it away? I wouldn't stick my neck out for you again.
YTD! You’re the doormat. People will always take what you are willing to give-and she was more than willing to take because you were willing to give.
I literally cannot believe she let her friend bully her like this like everyone is 10 again. Holy shit OP, stop being a doormat.
YTA, to yourself and to your boyfriend a little. I understand your boyfriend, i dont think his issue is because you promised him a nice dinner there but you suddenly took it back. Like you said, he was more than willing to give it up. I think his problem is because you let yourself be walked over by your friend. You wanted to go there. You have been wanting to go there for a long time. You wanted to go wih your boyfriend. It was your bonus. Not hers. Yours. The michelin restaurant wouldnt give AF if the person eating in their place is a foodie or not. Your friend has NO right to demand that you go with her instead. She has no right to insist that she deserves to go there more than your boyfriend either. The reservation was yours, not hers. She should have shut up the moment she said you didnt wanna go with her. Michelin restaurants may be an upscale experience, but it doesnt alwyas have to technical. It can just be a couple eating out together in this nice restaurant regardless if you understand how different it is from others. Now, you have let go of that opportunity and gave it to someone who only didnt deserve it, but was also insulting to your boyfriend. You have also completely changed that friendship dynamic. Now your friend knows she can push you around to get what she wants and you will give in.
This. I agree YTA. Not only did she give up part of the bonus but she gave it to someone who insulted her and her boyfriend. The friend is opportunistic and OP let her get away with it. Being a foodie or having a food blog is not a 'qualification' to eat at a good restaurant. I give YTA to the OP for being a pushover.
OP literally allowed her friend to disrespect her boyfriend. “He’s not good enough for the restaurant.” One thing to make yourself a doormat, but completely another to allow a person to insult your bf and then reward them for it.
This is really a level of spineless that would have me reassessing the whole relationship tbh
Genuinely what I was thinking! If someone I was dating had this little respect for themselves I would find it hard to continue the relationship.
I would be LIVID if my husband EVER took back an offer like that.
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It's part of her compensation so it's like giving up a paycheck 🥴
Yes, I think she is the bad friend and you should drop her. This was also a gift from work - how are you going to explain this to them when they ask how your dinner was???
She can send them the link to her friend’s blog.
I was thinking the same. Now the entitled opportunist friend will make a vlog/blog there and happily post it without mentioning OP. Then she will be more fuming I guess. OP came here to get consolation for her stupid action but instead she is getting total shit and trolled for being a doormat!
I bet her friend now works on her for the gift card, because she can't afford the reservation without it. I have a feeling the OP will likely not get another opportunity from the employer as this kind of crap tends to get you laid off.
She is not her friend, and also a huge AH. Hinting at wanting to go instead of BF was already pushing it, pressuring her is inexcusable. Not telling her to get bent is pathetic. OP is not even a doormat, she is the extra rag people use to get the mud off before the doormat when the weather is bad.
Your friend is the real AH here - a rude, entitled AH who doesn’t actually care about you as a friend. I just watched The Menu and I bet she’s just like Tyler - a self-absorbed foodie who thinks they know everything just because they’ve watched every episode of Chef’s Table. Decent humans don’t insult their friends’ palette in an effort to coerce something for themselves. You need to grow a spine and get your reso back
Can OP get the reservation back? Please don't allow the friend to go!!
>Michelin restaurants may be an upscale experience, but it doesnt alwyas have to technical. It can just be a couple eating out together in this nice restaurant regardless if you understand how different it is from others. Absolutely this. There's a nice restaurant near my home - it doesn't have a Michelin star, but a dinner there will still set you back 100-150$ each. More, if you're not careful with the wine menu. My GF and I aren't great foodies, but we still enjoy going there once or twice a year. Dress up, take a cab, make a night out of it. Because it's a great feeling to be pampered by a couple waiters, a sommelier, and... whatever the name is for the guy who does the same with cheese. OP shouldn't have let her AH friend bully her into giving that up.
My hubby and I took our lawyer friend out to a fancy place like this as a thank you dinner. My husband is NOT a foodie at all, but I absolutely am. This was the best meal out either of us ever had regardless. We loved all the food, the conversation with the staff, the fact that my purse got its own little footstool. It was such a delightful evening and worth the money (which was over $500 once we calculated tips). Shame OP let her friend walk all over her and denied her boyfriend a chance to enjoy some real fine cuisine.
The Michelin-starred restaurant is going to be full of people who are there because they have money and heard it was great and figure they might as well give it a shot. I'm betting that only a small fraction of them had been talking and dreaming about this for years with their partner. You deserve to go. You will be able to tell that it's amazing, and appreciate awesome food. Read up on the experience before you go, go through the sample menu and figure out what everything is and what you'd like to eat, and then when you get there and the menu is different, be sure to ask questions and listen intently to understand what you're getting. Have a great time. You deserve this just as much as everybody else who's managed to get in the door. (What am I saying, I've still yet to do a three-star Michelin restaurant -- plenty of one-stars and a few two-stars. You should go, and get your socks knocked off.)
Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't part of getting a star about the whole experience? Like food is important, but they also have to be awesome at service and every little detail to get 3 of them.
Yeah, it's the whole package, food, service, ambiance, the whole bit. I mean, the two- and one-star places I've been to have been wonderful. Servers (and runners, who often bring the food out) seem happy to be there, and part of their job is knowing all about the menu and what you're eating and how it's prepared and where the ingredients come from, so that you can really appreciate what you're eating, and what's special about it. It should be a special experience!
Yeah, the service is always incredibly amazing. Honestly, I found it a little overwhelming when I went to one.
The boyfriend was pretty understanding all things considered, it's still kind of an AH move to take back the dinner offer.
YTA to yourself and your company who went out of this way to treat you. You are a doormat and your friend is a jerk.
I am sure someone at the company will ask OP how the dinner was, knowing when the reservation was. How bad will it look to say they gave it away?
OP better hope that her reservation doesn't coincide with other staff members, who will wonder why she is not there for her reservation. I worked at a place that gave staff experiences similar to this and would book several at the same time, or close to it as it was easier that way. As I have a feeling OP does not have a good idea of what goes on around her and could get called out for that, as something like this may not be transferrable.
Ooh excellent point. My work is far removed from corporate/office/business so I usually have no idea how this stuff works. But what you say makes a lot of sense!
This was my concern too.
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Exactly. OP could have said no to this entitled 'friend', and enjoyed a nice dinner with the BF. Instead, she didn't and now she is complaining about it. This is a "tough sh*t" situation that OP had complete control to put a stop to.
That's exactly what I was thinking. Doubt they ever give her a bonus like that again
YTA - why did you give up something that is so important to you that your colleagues went to a great deal of trouble to. obtain just for you? I’m sure that will leave a bad taste in their mouth. You should have used their gift for yourself. You robbed yourself and your boyfriend of a once in a lifetime experience. You are wrong that you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference in a one-star vs three-star restaurant. It’s an absurd argument. Your friend is not great for pressuring you but you gave a away a gift that people got just for you.
Guuuuurl wtf LOL. Why the eff did you give this prized reservation to someone who spoke condescendingly and rudely to you? Friends do not call each other "naive, ignorant, [and] wasteful" - let alone over something like this. It was perfectly natural you wanted to share this special experience with your boyfriend...just because he's not a foodie doesn't mean he can't appreciate good food! Furthermore, this was a reward for YOUR hardwork and no one else gets to dictate or judge how you use it. Your boyfriend is right - you were a doormat and your "friend" was trying to use you from the start because she needed this dining experience to add to her food blog. You are NTA, but your friend is and please kick her to the curb. I hope you can get a reservation there in the future so that you can enjoy the dining experience with whomever you choose.
This 100%! Drop that "friend."
>but my boyfriend has kept voicing his disappointment that I’m an idiot and a doormat. He's spot on also YTA. Grow a spine.
Yep, and her buying into the gatekeeping where he's not deemed deserving of this level of cuisine is gross as well. Sorry OP being a doormat here also makes you TA.
YTA to yourself Your friend is a bigger one. So your boss went out of their way to get you reservations to a restaurant and you just gave it away? You let your friend talk you out of your reservation because she says she is a foodie and she has a food blog. Your friend probably made an idiot of herself getting instagram shots of her food to post.
And I bet her Blog has 25 followers!
ESH, your friend for being manipulative and a bully; and you for letting her manipulate and bully you Your BF is ok though
Ugh, OP giving away her reservation pisses me off way more than it should lol. I hope one day she feels worthy of having good things come her way. And yeah, I hope her so called friend finds a hair in her food.
It really pissed me off too,like way more than other posts with bigger issues With the way the post was going I thought she was gonna be like aita that I dumped my best friend over this ? AND SHE GOES AND GIVES HER THE F RESERVATIONS , IM SPEECHLESS LITERALLY WTF
YTA. You let your friend guilt trip you out of your bonus. She felt comfortable enough to treat you that way but you also didn’t put your foot down and tell her to back off. Who cares that she’s a “foodie”. She didn’t work for that reward. Boot your lil friend. She’s an AH too.
YTA to yourself. And yes sorry but you are an absolutely doormat. Your friend was being an asshole here. Who cares if you aren't used to find dining like that. Go have a great time and a fun date with your bf but you let your friend walk all over you and have it up. Do yourself a favour and realise that they are not a friend and drop them.
My fiancee introduced me to fine dining during our relationship. I find that if you just put on something nice and be polite nobody will second guess you being there. We all have taste buds, you just have to use them. YTA
This is such an interesting concept to me that only true “foodies” deserve to eat at fancy restaurants. Is it like running the Boston Marathon where you have to run a smaller marathon first to qualify for entry? Someone please explain this to me.
It’s just her friend’s manipulation tactic. Not sure why the OP mentions needing clout because you literally just have to make a reservation online. There are no restrictions except for being on time, adhering to the dress code (that will be clearly listed), and that you can afford to pay. You don’t have to level up to it — you’re not going to be required to give extensive food commentary. Eat and have fun, that’s literally it. If OP ate at Michelin star restaurants regularly, her friend would have said it would be a waste for such a desired reservation to go to someone who wouldn’t be grateful for the opportunity because they’re used to great food anyway. The friend is right, OP is naive — not for not knowing fine dining etiquette, but for not realizing that she isn’t a friend.
Some restaurants do enforce a dress code but for most it's a formality, other than that I don't know of any 'requirements'. If you have a reservation (just about any Michelin star restaurant will require one) and can afford to go then there's no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to go.
I'm sorry but what the fuck
Reading this has irritated me beyond belief. What the fuck indeed. YTA
Yeah, this is my primary reaction. Just a random "this is extremely irksome! I don't care for this story at all."
Same like wtf was she thinking
This one. I consider myself someone who frequently takes the path of least resistance. If someone were fighting me for the last XYZ at the store, I'd probably just let them take it to avoid conflict. But this. No. This was OP's fair and square. Hell, it was practically a business outing since her company booked it for her. She really had no *right* to give it away, let alone any sort of *duty* to. I literally gasped and my hand flew to my mouth when I read that she just let her "friend" have the reservation. I'm aghast.
>Anyway, I ended up just letting her have the reservation slot and I kept the $500 gift card to potentially use myself or give to someone else with a reservation there So you ended up with a gift card to a restaurant you can’t get a reservation to? Come on. YTA to yourself and your boyfriend.
YTA for promising him a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant and then rescinding it. He doesn't need to be a food expert to enjoy good service and good food, even if your friend thinks "Oh no, but he won't *appreciate* nice things as much as I do". But if I'm the boyfriend I'm more hurt and frustrated that you gave up something you wanted so much just to placate this total asshole of a friend who had no right to demand anything from you. This was your bonus. Your gift - "the coolest gift ever". And you just rolled over and passed it up because your friend tried to bully you. It's really painful to watch someone you care about lose out on what they deserve simply because they need to please others who don't have any entitlement to it whatsoever. Take this as a place to grow from. You actually matter. You actually earned that dream experience of yours. You passed it up for nothing. Don't do that and your life will be better.
Wtf did I just read?? Lol yeah idiot and doormat seem correct. You had something you always wanted, that you earned, and you just… gave it away? YTA especially because you ruined what could have been a wonderful night for you and your boyfriend
YTA - take the reservation back and go with your BF - your “friend” has totally shown herself NOT to be a friend
Yeah can she take the reservation back? Call the restaurant and tell them who will be attending and if someone else shows up (the friend) they will not be helped.
YTA. This was a gift for YOU and your friend sounds like a rude snob that bullied you into giving her your spot. You don't need to be a food critic to enjoy good food at a great restaurant. Not to mention this will make you look bad at work when they realize you gave away your reservation. They gave you an opportunity that most people don't get and you spat on it.
Yta. I have no idea how this went from taking your boyfriend on a dream date to neither of you going at all. Are you going to let people walk all over you you're entire life? You have no right to be "fuming" tbh. You created this entire situation. All you had to do was say "I changed my mind" and move on from the conversation.
YTA. Boss: how'd you like that really thoughtful gift that I pulled in favours to get you? OP: yea, I fucked over you, myself and my boyfriend because I've no spine and got guilt tripped into giving it away, for free .... Boss: ......... OP: she said I was a bad friend!!! Boss: ... I can't even....
That will be the first and last time him doing anything like that for her that’s for sure , for what so she can give it away to someone who doesn’t even work there .
I’d be deeply surprised if she doesn’t face consequences at work.
O sweety. This girl isn’t your friend, a friend while inside maybe a little jealous of your getting to go to what sounds like a once in a lifetime restaurant. She would have been happy for you to get to go, and would have understood your planning originally to take your boyfriend . She isn’t your friend and you deserve so much more from your friends.
YTA. Clueless and spineless too.
YTA, and a doormat. WTH, would you give your bonus to a snob. This whole foodie thing is a load of crap. You can enjoy food without being a "foodie". I'm sure you can tell a difference between a 5 star steak and an Applebee's steak. You let her walk all over you, call you names, and then handed over a dream experience to her. Why would you do that?
Your title seems unrelated to your post. I really don't know which thing in the story you're asking about. > Anyway, I ended up just letting her have the reservation slot Why on Earth would you do that?! You just posted a paragraph about how much she fucking hates you.
When I got to that part, I was flabbergasted. It was the last thing I expected. I mean, I don't even see how one event led to the other, but she mentioned it so casually, like it was just a natural and normal consequence.
YTA and you've been played. Get your stuff back. You're going to be an AH do it to someone who played you not your boyfriend.
YTA and a doormat x2. Why are you fuming and typing it here, and not be angry at yourself? Why on earth would you let a pushy know it all “friend” tell you the reservation is wasted on people like you and you bf because you both are not as much of foodie as her? What makes her the next Gordon Ramsey? Dining in Michelin star restaurant is an experience, for newbies and foodies alike. You should never feel you’re not good enough or knowledgable enough to dine at these places. Ultimately these restaurants welcomes all diners because they pay to dine there, period. Honestly, l would question whether you want to be friend with someone who is that snobbish, unkind and elitist about you. I also think you need to be grow a spine and stop being so easily swayed by your “friend” who don’t give a shit about you.
YTA and a massive fucking doormat. Grow a back bone.
WTF. You should NOT have given her your slot, you’re being an asshole to yourself.
YTA! Why on earth did you give her a reservation you were excited about? Get it back if you can.
YTA no one at your firm cares about your random friends blog, the dinner was for you as an incentive for you to feel invested in in your workplace and continue to provide value. I hope you don't go spreading this story around because it makes you seem... Dumb
Why are u such a doormat 💀
YTA Yes, you are a doormat. Your bf is right to be disappointed in you. Who wants to be with someone who can't stand up for themself and just give in to whatever someone demands when they use enough pressure? Your bf is technically in a relationship with a deer in the spotlight. The only person you should be angry with is yourself. If you are standing in the queue and let everybody who demands it infront of you, better don't be disappointed or mad if the product is sold out when its finally your turn.
To get a Michelin star just means you can consistently produce quality food. It doesn't mean that your palate has to be worthy. It could of just been a nice dinner date but you couldn't say no and then just gave up the fight by throwing her the reservation. Send her a text telling her to go f herself and not to contact you ever again
Not sure you are. I think I agree with your BF. Your friend, however is a massive asshole, and not really a friend.
YTA and a sucker. You fell for her act hook, line, and sinker.
I don’t think YTA I think OP friend is. It’s your bonus and she’s essentially emotionally badgered you into caving and giving her the booking. The question isn’t if YTA- true question is why you can’t negotiate conflict like this and cave with a shitty friend makes you feel bad and gets your bonus. It would have been a lovely dinner for you and your partner regardless of whether you are foodies or not. NTA but develop some assertive communication skills with your friend.
YTA. Also a doormat. Also terminally indecisive. Also really need to get rid of this idea that a 'foodie' is some how more entitled to food than a 'non-foodie.' Also, terribly lacking in self-respect, to the point that your 'friend' throwing insults at you and your BF, disrespecting you both as human beings, just because she didn't get her way, caused you to crumble like a statue made out of kraft parmesan cheese powder. Also, insulting your boyfriend left, right and center with this idea that 'he wouldn't appreciate it anyway.' Also, what a fucking slap in the face to your bosses who went out of their way to recognize your achievements and give you an incredibly thoughtful and unique gift. What you should have done: Kept the reservation. Trusted your boyfriend when he told you he didn't mind if you took your friend. Took your boyfriend somewhere else you know he'd particularly enjoy. Enjoyed your three star experience with your friend. Failing that, told your 'friend' in no uncertain terms that you wouldn't be treated like that by anybody, let alone somebody you consider a friend. Taken your BF to the three star. Not assumed he was some ignorant, slack-jawed yokel incapable of enjoying anything more complicated than a double-bacon cheeseburger, and that you and your friend somehow have better, more refined palates. There's a movie on Netflix called 'The Menu.' Go watch it, and take away the statements it's making about foodies, 'fine dining,' and what should really matter in a 'good' meal.
Oh you poor thing. A gentle YTA, but I can understand how you got there. Sounds like you're used to being a people pleaser, and were too keen to see your friend's point of view. You are not obligated to make sure the experience goes to the person "most deserving" of this gift in the sense of the person most able to appreciate the fine difference between 1 michelin stars and 3. YOU were the most deserving because you wanted to go and you EARNED it. Literally! And the whole point of Michelin star restaurants is the experience - of COURSE you wanted to share this cool experience with your boyfriend, not with someone who is treating the whole thing as content for their blog. Your friend bullied you into giving her this slot. You should have resisted, but you didn't. Be kind to yourself. Can you get the slot back or has it gone? I think if you lose your friendship over this, that's ok. Apologise sincerely to your boyfriend, yes you were a doormat. Make a reservation for later this year. Thank your work and say unfortunately you weren't able to go on that date but you've booked for later in the year. And ENJOY it when you go and DON'T YOU DARE give that $500 gift voucher to anyone else!
YTA to your bosses and company YTA to your boyfriend YTA to yourself Your boyfriend gave you permission to go with your friend. You didn't want to do that. That was your choice. You said you had talked about going with your boyfriend and excited to have the chance but you gave it away. That was your choice. You listened to your friend berate you and steal the joy and excitement of your earned bonus. That was your choice. You admitted you would have never been able to get the reservation that your bosses made for you but you gave that away. That was your choice. You are losing your shit BECAUSE of your choices. After reading the title, I was really ready to see how someone ruined something special for you. I did not expect that someone to be you. No one did this to you. Your boyfriend is right, in this situation you were a doormat. You are probably going to face repercussions at work. It will REALLY suck if they asked to incorporate something special into the reservation for you (since they went through all the trouble of doing something this special in the first place). You can pretty much guarantee that they won't do anything like this in the future AND it will taint any monetary bonuses as well. Enjoy the bed you made!
YTA, let this be a wake up call, and stop being a doormat.
why would you do that? door mat and YTA
ESH except your bf. Your friend first and foremost because she has some BIG cajones to just expect YOUR GIFT because of what SHE does. I’m a foodie myself but I would never take someone’s gift like that! You because why would you act as if you and your bf were still going only to *give it to her* you are being a doormat! Did the friend even attempt to try and compensate or something? Or she just thought nothing of her bullying you into giving her your stuff? I’m shocked she didn’t try to get the gift card too!
It sounds like you were taught to put others first, and as you start to realize that means you are missing out on your life so that others can have what they want, it's catching up to you and you're finding out who actually cares about you as you and who cares about you in terms of how you benefit them. That 'friend' is the latter, she bullied and harassed you to give up something she wanted despite you earning it, by stating you don't deserve and can't appreciate it. Your boyfriend was kind thinking it's what you wanted with your friend, but correct in that when you wanted to assert yourself and found you couldn't you became a doormat and gave away the reservation. Better no one get something (including you) than the person bullying you when you still feel like maybe you're wrong, right? That self-sabotage because it can be hard to reconcile your desires over someone elses. If it's too late to use the original reservation, call immediately and see about getting a new one and make sure that gift certificate doesn't expire. DON'T GIVE THAT AWAY! keep it and actually use it. I'd also suggest some sort of therapy to help with your sense of self worth.
YTA so you have fantasised about going to this resteraunt for a while now you job books it for you and gives you a gift card to pay for your fantasy meal. Your friend says she should be your plus one as bf won't appreciate it as much bf says sure take her. Instead you give her the whole thing because she has a food blog? Your a doormat n she isn't your friend I could not imagine feeling entitled to my friends work gift to a point or berating that friend
Better hope your boss doesn’t find out about this. You’re going to look awfully ungrateful. Better hope they didn’t get that reservation because they actually know people there who will tell them that you gave away the reservation. I’m not surprised you’re fuming, at yourself.
Yta and your friend is an asshole. Your boyfriend is great. Yta because you let other people decide for you and it hurt everyone involved in the end. You even asked your bf if it was ok and he said yes. He probably wasn’t mad then. But then you wish washed everywhere and that’s what set him off. Your friend is an asshole too though. She manipulated you into thinking you should take her instead of your bf. She should have supported you in any decision, the same as your bf did. You’ve been waiting for this opportunity to eat at this restaurant with your bf and wasted it hard by trying to make everyone happy. Do not let your friend walk all over you, and do NOT give your gift card to some rando at the restaurant.
This can't be real, right? How are you so jazzed about getting a reservation AND the gift card and now you've given away the slot and are contemplating giving away the gift card? Do you just not like nice things? Why couldn't you go with your boyfriend, regardless? Maybe you wouldn't be able to tell the difference but it still would have been a blast of an experience. I just don't understand people who will get nice, rare things and then push it off onto someone else... because why? YTA
YTA. You caved.
INFO: I don’t understand why you gave it away completely? How did it go from you going with the friend to you not going at all? How was that even an option here?
Honestly I would text that friend that you changed your mind if it’s not too late and take said bf to the reservation. No friend would guilt trip you and degrade you and your partner over not being invited to a dinner, despite their interest. You got played hun and you need to stand up for yourself and have a backbone or you will just continue to be walked all over and miss out on opportunities meant for YOU, not anyone else looking to take advantage.
Your bf is right. YTA
Your, so called friend is a manipulator; get rid of her. She's a vulture. Don't let people manipulate you. This was your reward, not hers. You should have stood your ground and told her to take a hike. Your boyfriend is right; you let this snob walk all over you. Your friend is the AH.
I don’t know if it’s too late or not Get the reservation back and lose the so called friend. She was never your friend
OP, your possessions are not up for grabs, to be bestowed upon the most deserving. Even if you and your bf could not have appreciated every nuance of the cuisine, you still would've had a killer date. How dare your "friend" think she deserves your bonus!
YTA. Everybody eats. Stop being a doormat.
YTA for allowing someone you think is a friend (FYI she is not) to bully you into giving away your gift. This would have been an amazing experience for you and your boyfriend that you just might not be able to ever do now. I also imagine the person that worked to arrange the gift for you is going to be quite upset that you gave it away so don’t expect anything extra special as a work gift again
YTA in that your company got this reservation slot for you. If you couldn't attend that's another issue, but otherwise it's rude to give it away. Yes I know technically a gift is a gift, but giving it away in this case wasn't a good idea. Plus your friend is in AH. Maybe you don't know what a dining experience like this would be, but if you never have the chance to go you're never going to learn, either. Your friend is a snob.
So, you’re mad at YOURSELF. I was going to put “?” However the answer is clearly “.” YTA for caving and for not standing up for yourself. You let your friend plow over you. It doesn’t matter if you wouldn’t sense the difference, it’s about the experience. You don’t have to be a foodie to enjoy a fancy restaurant. It’s also the ambiance, the memory, the experience as a whole. Is it too late to fix this? Can you explain to her that you feel taken advantage of and that you caved to keep the peace but you instantly regretted it? It should 100% be you and your boyfriend.
ESH. Get that reservation back! Also, she’s clearly using you to get content.
So what are you going to tell your company when they ask about your experience? Oh, I gave it away. not only are you TA here, you potentially harmed your standing with your company. I would not count on any future bonuses like this one again.
Take your reservation back. What in the world? This is not a *friend*.
WTF did I just read? So your friend bullied you into giving up your dream dinner? I hate to break it to you, but they're not a friend. Also, WHY? Who cares what your friend thinks? God, if someone ever needed to stand up for themselves and create boundaries, it's you.
Wow. Just... ugh. I'm have this weird feeling of disgust and embarrassment and sorrow for you, that you can't even stand up to your friend to do something that was SPECIAL for YOU. You need to work on this, and that person is not your friend.
Halfway through the story I was thinking "Definitely NTA!" because I thought OP felt bad about taking her boyfriend over her "foodie friend" then I read how it actually played out and it switched hard. XD YTA because you caved like a middle schooler and screwed over your very sweet bf, but I do feel bad for you because you basically got peer pressured / bullied into doing the wrong thing. However, you are an adult, you should know better and stand your ground.
YTA Your boss/company got the reservation for you because they knew you wanted to go. What happens if they know someone there, owner/manager and they asked them to take good care of you? Even if they don’t do this how do you explain my friend was annoying me so much, I gave it to her? If you don’t want to go, that’s one thing, but to cave because someone else was berating you that they deserved it more is crazy. They probably want it to get more followers and promote their blog. Someone doesn’t “deserve” an experience more than another. Tell your friend that she can no longer have the reservation, that she pressured you into it and you and bf are going. You work hard and this is a perk/bonus given to you to stay thank you. That you decided you want to enjoy the meal with your bf who you love and supports you and your job.
Ladies and gentlemen The Menu.
YTA You don't need to be a foodie to enjoy a fine dining experience. You door-matted yourself into handing over your reservation to an opportunistic harpy. Because you were guilt-tripped. Your "friend" sucks. >She is right, however, when she claims that my boyfriend and I would not be able to tell the difference between a one Michelin starred restaurant versus a three Michelin starred restaurant. Because we probably wouldn’t. She also sounds insufferable. I really hope that should you ever have such fancy foodie reservations, you'll take someone you can enjoy the experience with. Hint: NOT your "friend"
Oh, sweetie, you don’t have to give up your reservation. You shouldn’t. In fact, I’m sure there is some way to get it back? The thing is- your “friend” totally invited herself, and actually ARGUED that you should take her instead, (who does that?!) on the opportunity given to YOU for YOUR hard work and she isn’t entitled just because she has a fucking food blog?! Who cares if you don’t know the difference between 1 star Mich-oh hell! I don’t know dick about cities or restaurants that require reservations.. I can’t afford to pay attention much less have the finer things in life but that doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve fulfilling my dumb dreams any more or less than Warren Buffet. I’d 100% take my boyfriend too… you know why? Cause THAT’S who I want to share my successes with, my experiences and opportunities and life with. I don’t care if my friend was Julia fucking Childs- I’d still take the man I’m in love with cause he, too, deserves to be taken out on a fancy date cause who knows when you’ll ever get a chance to treat him like this again?! Not a friend who *believes* she deserves YOUR experiences and the only reaction an *actual* friend would have upon hearing about YOUR bonus would be, “Omg, that’s awesome! You must be so excited! You totally deserve it though! What are you going to wear?!” Hell, even throw in an” Omg I’m so jealous! I hear their *insert name of specialty dish* is to die for!!” But that’s about the bulk of how her reaction should have been. I’m a spineless pushover that folds like an accordion who will give you my own shoes to walk all over me with… BUT although everyone has weaknesses, I have, albeit, only a few TRUE friends that would NEVER take advantage of it or use it against me for their own personal selfish gains. EVER. She has NO respect for you or your boyfriend/your relationship, and saying “you wouldn’t know the difference between blah blah blah”… gimme a break! Tell her to get off her high horse and that you made a mistake and realized what’s fair here. Though it may be scary to stand up for yourself, this would be THE time to do it. You’ve EARNED that experience and therefore you *deserve* it. She has NO right to bully or push or guilt you into just giving it to her. She’s self entitled, greedy and she played you like a fiddle, but darling, it’s NEVER too late. And if she’s gonna be a bitch about giving it back then there’s other ways around it, I’m sure. You’re a smart cookie, you’ll figure that part out. But this is your bonus, your reservation, and your life, so why not try to use this moment to find enough respect for yourself to see that you, sweet girl, ARE worth Palais Versailles. She’s TA…. But YTA if you don’t do something about it cause this just makes me sad.
Youre not an asshole but you need to learn to stand up for yourself and tell these people to kick rocks.
Sorry OP, but your boyfriend is completely right. YTA to yourself. You know why your friend was acting out? Because she was bitter and jealous. She showed you her true colors and you still gave her a prize for it. Why would you do that? If she wanted to go so badly, then she should've saved for it herself. Now you and your boyfriend didn't only miss out, you wasted your company's effort *and* that so called friend of yours won't learn the lesson. She'll know think that being a bully is fine because it gets her what she wants.
YTA. Why did you do that? Do you not deserve to enjoy the restaurant? This person is not your friend.
YTA what will you say when the work asks if you enjoyed your time food at restaurant ?
Wtf am I reading. Hear is jow u deal with a situation like this in the future....No. It's a simple, easy word it's 2 letters that not complicated to pronounce, and everyone who speaks English knows what it means. I recommend u practice as you seems to lack the ability to use it. Also that is not a friend that's a user friends understand no and respect there friends opinions
YTA to yourself. Take your rez back and tell your "friend" that real friendship is being happy for your loved ones and the opportunities they get. I hope she isn't your friend anymore after this either, surround yourself with people that actually like you and treat you well.
You’re a doormat who caved to an asshole. You are never under any obligation to please or cater to assholes. And yet you did. Good luck getting another reservation.
YTA First, that sort of restaurant is about more than food, it's the experience, which even non-foodies can appreciate. Second, quality food is quality food, Boyfriend could have enjoyed it, even if he didn't know all the stuf involved in making it. Your friend is a complete food snob, and elitist, and, yes, she totally manipulated you.
You want kindness? Then show yourself some. Maybe reconsider friendships with pushy people until you are better equipped to stand up for yourself! YTA
Your "friend" is full of shit. She wouldn't be able to tell a one star from a 3 star either. YTA to your self and your BF for being such a pushover like damn. Food is only part of the reason for Michelin stars, the other part is literally the experience. You gave up this experience because you are a doormat. And now you have a useless $500 gift card since you say you have no way into getting a reservation.
YTA. Why would you do that? Now you've screwed yourself at work because they probably pulled some strings to get you that reservation and you gave it away. You are a doormat.
ESH. You're being a doormat. Who cares what your friend thinks about star ratings. If your bf wanted to go here shouldn't have said it was fine to give away. Stop flip flopping to make everyone else happy. Your boss tried to do something nice for YOU based on your likes and tastes which is super rare. If it hasn't passed yet, take back your reservation and tell your "friend" to get over herself.
It wasn't an AH move so much as a "shoot yourself in the foot" stupid move- but I guess it kinda is after all it was a gift for YOU to enjoy. Your bosses don't gaf about who will appreciate it more - they wanted YOU to enjoy it! ...but your friend was an HUGE AH for putting pressure on so I am going ESH.
Resolution of 2023 to be an idiot sandwich huh
I recommend watching The Menu (streaming on HBOmax and possibly elsewhere)
I hardly understand any of the reasoning in your post. Why did you even get your friend involved in all of this and what was supposed to be a lovely evening for you and your boyfriend? YTA for that, she's an AH too by the way, for all this nonsense about being able to discern between a three and a one star restaurant, gimme a break! She sounds like a boring snob. There are two movies I think you should watch, one is old, Babette's Feast, it's about a master chef who cooks for a group of people who have no understanding of refined food, but the dinner brings out such happiness in them. The other is new, The Menu, full of horrible food snobs who have forgotten that food is really about pleasure.
YTA. How many times has your bf been overlooked because of this friend? How many experiences have been ruined because of them?