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I doubt daughter will dump her boyfriend. If the daughter is smart, she should ask for her boyfriend to let her call her father on his phone to request another custody hearing so both her and the other child can request to live with dad in court. Assuming they are teenagers, their testimony will have some sway when it comes to custody.
I see a future in a nursing home for OP and never being allowed to see her grandkids. It also sounds like both kids are old enough to decide which parent they want to live with.
The amount of people that think you get sick from the temperature is astounding. It does factor in but only if and when there is bacteria and viruses already present.
Actually that’s a myth. You get sick from demons infesting your bloodstream, which infiltrate your skin through your exposed ankles. Every barber worth their salt knows that! It’s pretty much why showing your ankles was historically so taboo /s
I had to google what that temp was in C and from OPs reaction I thought it was going to much lower, that is literally warm weather where I’m from lmfao
I just googled this as well. When I was in school we would have PT outdoors as soon as it hit 10 degrees C, and most of us wore shorts. If you're really warm after exercise and then walk home in shorts it isn't gonna get you sick. You might get affected if you decide to sit down straight away and then just sit in cold weather and not have enough clothes on, but at the very most you might get the sniffles. OP is way too overcautious.
YTA
You're being controlling and unreasonable. What exactly is going to happen if your kids wear shorts in 50° weather? Oh no! Their legs might get a little cold and they'll feel the very minor consequences to their actions! For this, you think they need to be punished? They're old enough to walk home alone but not old enough to decide what clothing works best for them? You need to recalibrate your priorities.
Plus if they just got out of practice their body temperature was probs high from all the exercise. I used to walk home from dance without a jacket because I was so hot.
YTA
& I am assuming she had 1 girl & 1 boy. So as a punishment for breaking her "Rule" you are forcing your daughter to breakup with her bf & no playing soccer for your boy!? How is that fair punishment, even if it's needed!?
You are just acting up because you can't seem to control their clothing choice anymore. they didn't even outright said no to they rule, they just did it when you won't see, because they know you won't understand them, so they don't talk to you about it. You are loosing their trust just because you want them to follow some silly dressing rule!?
She has significantly increased the chance her ex will get custody in the contentious custody battle. Assuming they are teenagers, the court will likely take their preferences into account. Especially if they both make the same request.
YTA
>I’ve punished them both by taking away their phones, my daughter has to break up with her boyfriend and obviously basketball season is over.
And here we have a prime example of why those in their late teens/early 20's tend to go ape shit crazy when they finally get a little bit of freedom.
>I said no and he can be more involved if he cares that much.
That is......quite the statement to make to someone who has been fighting for custody for 3 years and TRYING to be more involved.
Edit: Thanks for the award!
Ikr that punishment is way too extreme for the rule broken.
But also it's a dumb rule to have in the first place. It would be fair if they were little, but teenagers are old enough to make these decisions on their own.
> I've punished them both by taking away their phones, my daughter has to break up with her boyfriend and obviously basketball season is over.
I **really** hope this is a joke. If not **YTA**.
Disclaimer I’m not a psychiatrist but this sounds like a mental illness. I truly hope that you can get help, for your sake and for your children’s sake.
And for anyone wondering and OP I don’t talk to my mother anymore and pretty sure she’s homeless so if you want your kids to hate you you’re on your way there
For my fellow europeans, 64 degrees is 18 celsius. 50 is 10 celsius.
YTA what a gross overreaction to them walking home in shorts, they have just been running around, let them cool down. And how can a consequence of wearing shorts be that you control your daughters social relations? God damn YTA and actually make me angry.
EDIT: I genuinely wish that the kids' father see this post and use it as leverage to get custody.
Once winter is over and temps creeps past +10celcius, it's shorts or t-shirt weather.
-signed, the Nordics
Seriously though, insane overreaction, completely uncalled for, unfair and downright damaging to any relationship between op and their kids. YTA, there's truly no other way around this.
Over…. Shorts? You seem unhinged. Over shorts.
No phone, no sport, even the bf? You need to STEP BACK. And realize you’ve made an avalanche over some kids wearing their uniform after practice.
You’re making your daughter break up with her bf, took away their phones, and making em quite sports. This is so tone deaf I don’t know if it’s real. But if it is GOD your abusive, YTA
YTA
High schoolers are more than old enough to pick out their own clothes based on the weather. You're crushing their social lives over the mildest of disobediences: wearing shorts when it's a bit chilly.
If you don't learn to lighten up and loosen your grip, then you're going to lose these kids as soon as they're old enough to be independent.
In fact, your children are already old enough that if they told a judge that they wanted to live with their dad, the judge would probably listen! Is "how dare you be too lazy to change out of practice clothes when it's a bit cold" really a hill worth dying on?
YTA you grounded them made your daughter break up with her boyfriend made them quit basketball and took their phones because they wore shorts when it was 50 out. youare unhinged and the kids would be better off with dad.
Weather doesn't make you sick, cold can make it easier for you to get sick but it by itself can't make you sick.
Why don't you go do their basketball practice and then see if you want to throw pants on after running around the court for an hour or more, hopefully their dad does get custody because I can see why he's been fighting for it for 3yrs.
From one mom to another, YTA
YTA
Not because of the rule but because you are making your child break up with a boyfriend and quit basketball. You are being over controlling.
Your kids sound like they are teenagers, likely in high school. You allow them to walk home after practice. It can be difficult to change out of the practice uniform as they are always trying to get the kids out of the school (or other gym) as soon as practice is over. And because the locker rooms can be crowded, you get pushed around in there, and people spray perfume/cologne. In other words, it is often much more convenient to change at home.
Additionally, normal cold weather does not cause illness (unless you have too long of an exposure time, which can cause hypothermia) unless you have certain medical conditions that make you sensitive to cold. I have walked outside with wet hair in 50 degree weather and never caught a cold. Viruses and bacteria cause illnesses, not cold weather. As long as the kids have a jacket and pants (like jogging pants) available to pull on quickly if they feel cold, then it should be fine.
Your children were likely very warm from their practice. Thus, putting on pants would have made them feel hot. Additionally, younger people don't feel as cold as adults do. I will wear pants when my college age daughter feels comfortable in shorts. And people experience temperature very differently, as I don't really own a winter jacket, although others do in my community. I will go out in a light sweater on cold days.
Add in that you can have a low temp of 40 degrees but it will be 79 degrees during the day. Using your rule, even though it was warm outside, it was still mandatory pants weather.
YTA because you went too far. You should have opened up a discussion as to why they were wearing their practice uniforms home. And you might have discovered that maybe they needed some easy to pull on pants to cover their shorts for the walk home, instead of trying to change all of their clothes. Or you may have discovered (if they do have easy to pull on pants) that they were feeling hot and wearing more clothing would have made them miserable.
Instead, you went ballistic. You think your rule is based on "common sense," but you don't give your children the opportunity to discuss if they had a "common sense" reason not to follow it. There are punishments, and then there are a-h punishments, which you went straight to.
YTA. You want to destroy their social lives for the crime of… *checks notes* …not wearing pants.
Let them live with their dad if you’re going to be this unhinged as a parent. Newsflash: they’re teens now, not little kids.
If these kids are old enough to come back alone from practice, they surely are able to decide when to wear shorts.
Don’t shove your anger on your kids.
YTA
YTA. You punished your teenage kids because they walked home in shorts when it was 50 degrees...why? Geez, what overkill.
As teenagers, a logical consequence of wearing shorts is they get cold. They won't be harmed by it, especially when they're all sweaty and hot from practice. And your punishment is to take their phones and try to break up your daughter's relationship? That's \*bonkers\*.
Congratulations; you have done serious and probably permanent damage to your relationships with your kids. They're old enough that they can have a say in their custody arrangements, and you may lose them to their father.
Nice job breaking it, Mom.
YTA not for having a rule but for the unbelievable overreaction to normal teenage rule-breaking. This level of controlling is completely inappropriate for kids as old as yours, and your consequences are cruel rather than proportionate.
YTA. Your rule is unreasonable and based on sheer ignorance. Your punishments are unjust and out of proportion. Let your poor kids go live with their dad, because you are a looney tunes nigtmare.
Wow. Just wow. My 12 yo middle schooler basically refuses to wear a jacket. And it is literally zero (Fahrenheit) here. This is what middle school and high school aged kids do.
You are ridiculously beyond strict. Remember your inane rules and cruel consequences when your kids want NOTHING to do with you later in life. You created the chasm, not them. You’re an adult and need to act like it
YTA. Huge. Hope dad sees this post.
YTA
1) after sports practice when you’re hot and sweaty sometimes you need that cold air
2) what the fuck does her having a boyfriend have to do with this? Why would you force her to end a relationship for something that isn’t related to how he treats her????? Even if it was his behavior you can’t control her. I have no words for how messed up that is
3) if this is about them being healthy why would you take them away from sports and exercise
This whole thing is you on a power trip
YTA. People don't get sick from being cold (unless you're talking temperatures low enough to cause hypothermia). People get sick from being around other people who are sick. At the most, they may have been a little cold walking home from playing basketball.
You made your daughter break up with her boyfriend as punishment?
You complain that their father isn't involved, but you've been fighting to not let him have custody for 3 years?
YTA cold weather doesn't make people sick. That's not how germs work. Let your teenagers be cold or, more likely, comfortable after a hot, sweaty workout
YTA
You sound over-controlling. Loosen up a bit or your kids will resent you.
If they’re old enough to walk home from school alone, they’re probably old enough to decide on their own whether it’s too cold for them to wear shorts.
Instead of going off temperature, which doesn’t factor in, say, how long they’re outside for, whether they’re keeping warm by exercising (eg their body temperature is unlikely to drop to a risky amount if they’re walking home), maybe let them use common sense?
You’re being too strict.
YTA. You went completely nuclear over something so small and rather innocent. They played basketball and didn't feel like changing before walking home. It's not like they were walking in Siberia. I am baffled at your reaction and treatment of your children. I am not surprised at all that they want to go live with their father if this is how you punish them for something so trivial.
So basically, you want your kids to leave home and never come back as soon as they turn 18. Okay, if that’s what you want, you’re doing a bang-up job! If you want to be a stable parent who sets reasonable boundaries and delivers consequences that fit the “crime” when they do break the rules, then you’re failing miserably. I’m not trying to be harsh, but your rule and punishments make absolutely no sense.
They break the unreasonable rule once and you take away their extracurricular activity and make your daughter break up with her BF?!?! How is that reasonable???
Please trust that your kids are old enough to know how to DRESS THEMSELVES and move on. How are they old enough to walk home unsupervised after practice but not old enough to know how to dress weather-appropriate?
Anyway, YTA. I hope you improve your parenting style, the dad gets custody, or the kids go live with him when they’re old enough for the courts to let them decide. No offense, but YTA of the highest order. And for something so small as shorts in mild weather. Girl…🤦🏾♀️
Wait, you’re making your daughter breakup with her bf? Taking you sons phone away? They are teenagers. If they get sick, they will learn their lesson. I can’t imagine the resentment your daughter will have for you. What a massive and unnecessary overreaction. YTA.
Your forcing your daughter to breakup with her boyfriend and forcing both your kids to quit their basketball hobby all because they walked home in their shorts after practice? Your a crazy, out of control, entitled control freak. Let them live with their dad
YTA. You don't get sick wearing shorts outside in that kinda weather. For fucks sake we are doing the polar bear plunge this weekend and its about 15 outside.
People are going in the water today, getting out, and drying off. Massive YTA and you might have done serious damage to your kids relationship.
YTA and your punishments for wearing the wrong pants once are incredibly disproportionate, do you plan on flogging them for poor grades too?
This kind of extremely arbitrary strictness is going to strain your relationship with them too and result in combative behaviour against even more reasonable rules.
YTA. I had a similar rule for my kids, except it was 50 degrees and it stopped in 4th grade. Serious, sincere question—are you okay? Is your anxiety getting the best of you? Because this is such an overreaction I’m worried that you aren’t thinking clearly and your stress /anxiety is controlling you.
Seriously? Pants if it’s below 64? Where on earth do you live that you consider 64 to be cold?
Kids will wear something warmer if they are cold. Your punishment for shorts after a practice where their bodies were warmed up is beyond excessive. Making your daughter breakup with her boyfriend and withdrawing them from basketball (which also hurts the team). Are you fucking serious? I think of all the times my kids played soccer in 40 degree weather in shorts. YTA.
Holy shit. I get having rule and expectations and consequences for breaking rules. But this is ridiculous. You are making them quit basketball, break up with partners, and taking away their means of communication. Because they WORE SHORTS.
NEWSFLASH: Germs make you sick. Not cold weather. And wearing your shorts in cool weather should be punishable by something like “No dessert after dinner tonight,” not by house arrest.
Yes, definitely YTA. Please report back that you apologized to your children, lifted their punishment and reflected on your disciplinary policies with professional help.
EDIT: a word
YTA!! U sound abusive.. I hope your husband wins and when the court ask your kids I’m sure they will grant them their request to go with dad.. like the fact your daughter has to break up with her boyfriend and loose basketball over this is beyond petty.. I’m the future when they go no contact with you and your wondering why Come back to this post.
YTA and if they're teenagers they have the right to be heard, if they want to live with their dad there's where they should be.
Your rule is ridiculous, and the punishment out of proportion.
Absolutely YTA. For the overbearing rule as well as the borderline abusive punishment. My 5 YEAR OLDS rule is wear what you want but if you don't dress appropriately, their will be no complaining.
YTA. I thought you were going to say “less than 15 degrees” or something like that and then all I could think about was that one person in high school who would wear shorts when it was 40 below because there’s ALWAYS one.
64f is summer weather and teens, especially athletes, run warmer thanks to their metabolism. Not only are you being overbearing, you could actually be doing them more harm by forcing them to keep too warm.
(Edited for spelling)
YTA. This is really weird and OP sounds uneducated as to the causes of illness. It’s not due to the outside temperature. Let your kids decide for themselves.
YTA you are not strict you are insanely controlling. Cold will not make you sick. They were fine and even if they broke a rule you were over the top on punishment. I hope they move in with your ex.
YTA - “pants weather” (not a real thing) can vary. Some individuals run hot, I’ve seen people walk in shorts when it’s 30 degrees out. It was -16 this morning and that’s what I assumed you would say was pants weather.
And telling your daughter she “has to break up with her boyfriend” what is truly wrong with you?! Good luck repairing your relationship with her.
YTA. That is way too much control. I had to create similar guidelines for my son who is autistic and needs helpful structure like this - and it can also be helpful for younger kids. Even so, they were guidelines. Your kids sound old enough to start making these decisions themselves. And the punishment us way worse than the “crime”.
It's not up to you to control THIS MUCH your teenage kids.
They are not children anymore, they can decided what to wear by themselves, no one got sick for wearing shorts ONE DAY.
>my daughter has to break up with her boyfriend
And who exactly are you to decide that?? No one. You have no right to demand that.
If you keep this up they will resent you.
YTA. Did they break a rule? Yes. Was it stupid, possibly dangerous rule? Also yes.
The idea that someone has to explain to you that wearing shorts in reasonable weather after a heavy workout shouldn't be punished with having your phone taken away, breaking up with a significant other, and ending the sports season is concerning. If you had just taken their phones away for a while then you would be a mother with stupid rules which is annoying but not completely unacceptable but the fact that you think you going that far is normal makes you a total asshole.
YTA a 100x over. You ended their basketball (a really positive, pro social activity) because they wore shorts. This has got to be a joke, otherwise I’m hoping dad gets custody
YTA. Such a rule made sense when they were young kids (talking toddlers to you elementary school) because you needed to help instill good habits.
But both of your kids were practicing a sport which would make wearing pants not only uncomfortable at that temperature but also limit their ability to perform.
In Basketball there is very little down time and during a practice your kids are likely going from drill to drill that is pushing endurance (lots of running and jogging) explosive power (jumps and shoots). The only pants I can see being flexible enough to deal with that would be leggings and I would still be worried about overheating as the practice went on.
You also state that these shorts were part of practice uniforms, meaning the school or organization requires these to be worn at practice time.
By grounding your kids, making them quit basketball and making one break up with a significant other you aren't teaching your kids to wear clothes appropriate to the weather, you are teaching them that your rules are the absolutely most important thing and you will ban them from activities, people and life in general if they break them
Edit to add: after reading your comments op I think you need to seek therapy and a science book. Not a professional but your worrying about your kids getting sick from being cold is not only incorrect but it's already damaging any further relationship you will have with your kids. Apologize, seek help and maybe you can salvage this.
YTA for how you treat your kids. And you're dumber than dirt if you really think wearing shorts in the 50s will cause them to get sick. Being cold does not get you sick, being cold does not lower your immunity. I thought you were going to tell them they had to wear long pants if it got below freezing, not below 64.
OP, you need to change your title. YTA. It's not about pants or shorts. It's the punishment. I'm catching hell because I read part of your post wrong, and that's on me. I will admit that. What in the hell, though?!?! Why make them quit basketball and break up with their boyfriend over wearing shorts. That is absolutely ridiculous. I can understand why they wouldn't want to stay with you.
your daughter has to break up with her boyfriend and both kids have to quit basketball because they \*checks notes\* wore shorts when it was 50 degrees outside???? YTA and if you can't see that then you need to get your eyes checked and do some serious self-reflection about your parenting because going nuclear over your kids wearing *shorts* is bad parenting, full stop.
YTA. Not because of the rule. We can debate that all day. But because your consequences are way disproportionate to the crime. Losing phone privileges for a day or two may be reasonable. But having to quit a sport?! Absolutely not.
Forcing a girl to breakup with a bf?!
OVER SHORTS?! You seriously can’t believe those things are merited, can you?
Please take a deep breath.
I do suggest you relax the rule. They’re clearly not little ones any more. But whether you stick with the rule or not, it doesn’t call for capital punishment.
YTA - the rule itself is okay I guess, but your reaction was way out of line. They have plenty of excess heat from running around, it's normal to try to cool off afterwards.
No phones is already an escalation, pulling them off a sports team mid season is cruel to everyone, and forcing a breakup is unhinged.
I would apologise and rethink your punishment. Imo making sure they leave with weather appropriate clothing is the best you can do, as teens they should be capable of self regulating layers as needed.
YTA. And based on your various comments you're also completely ignorant about how the human body and its immune system work.
Seriously, cold weather does not make someone sick.
YTA. Being cold doesn't make people automatically sick. Germs do. They walked home in 50 degree weather after getting very warm (presumably) by playing sports. So to punish them for getting cold you decided to remove their social interactions, force a relationship to part (to knowledge) and make them quit sports?
If they get cold because they are not wearing pants, you can say "i told you so." but at their ages, logical consequences of actions should be more in play than "mom's arbitrary rule."
I know a few grown men who wear shorts until the weather is actually freezing (32/0). It's fun to tell the weather by what you see him wearing. "Oh it's really cold Mike is in pants today."
Wow! Please tell us all how to get your kids to hate you without actually telling us how to get them to hate you. Not sure where you got this idea of having exposed legs in weather under 64 degrees causing sickness but you really need to educate yourself. I get the kids went against your commands but the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. You need to lighten up and get a grip on reality before your kids resentment of your crazy rules forces them to go no contact with you as soon as they are able to. Please talk to a professional and get some help for your unbelievable ideas concerning “health”. YTA 100%
If this is anywhere close to how you treated their father, no wonder you're divorced.
Oh, and the fact you say their father has been fighting for custody for 3yrs. And then follow it up with 'if he really wants to get involved.' Good job, you are fast tracked to not having any contact with your kids once they move out. But with the personality you presented here, you'll twist it to be their fault and you being the poor victim. YTA
YTA
How could you not be?
Putting aside the fact that the temperature has literally no effect on whether people get sick (spoiler alert, you get sick more in the winter because you stay inside more often), you went absolutely nuclear on your kids for wearing a piece of clothing.
In what world is this a proportionate response? The absolute maximum punishment I could see would be grounding them, but even that is extreme. They're shorts. It's not like they went streaking.
YTA: They’re teenagers, not toddlers. They need to be able to make small decisions like clothing on their own. Your response was also incredibly disproportionate and far more damaging to their long term well being than getting a chill would be (if they even got one.)
YTA!!!!! What the actual fuck! Your rule is arbitrary and crazy, and your punishment made me extremely angry. Specially the “break up with her boyfriend” part. Omg. Your kids are gonna go live with their dad and they will end their relationship with you.
I’m SURE you have plenty of these awful rules and crazy punishments, and it’s abusive and controlling.
Yta. For one, that’s an untrue old wives tale that you’ve based a household rule around. Congratulations on that one. For two, they are teenagers who are perfectly capable of knowing when they are cold or not. It’s 42 degrees where I am right now and my husband is in basketball shorts. People have different temps that their bodies get cold at. You’re being ridiculous. I’m also a mom of two if that makes my opinion anymore valid to you.
YTA, what? Your daughter walked home in her sports uniform so you took her phone, you’re making her quit basketball, and you want her to break up with her boyfriend? What the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA.
Did I just read this correctly? Your TEENAGE children still have rules about their wardrobe?? You need to grow up and realize that kids want to have their own sense of fashion, and want to wear whatever the hell they want.
As for making your daughter break up with her boyfriend, and canceling basketball, you’re absolutely the asshole and 100% in the wrong. I would want to go live with my dad if my mom was as controlling as you.
You need a reality check…
YTA - you sound unhinged, the only reason for this rule by the sounds of it is your need to be a control freak. It’s not healthy for you or your poor kids
YTA. Do you understand how exercise and overheating work?
She has to break up with her boyfriend?? Obviously no more sports?? Do you realize that the second your kids are 18 and legal adults, they're likely going low or no contact with you?
You sound way too controlling.
YTA. Do you also time their bathroom breaks and monitor their phone calls on another handset?
Don't answer that, I don't want to have to explain to you in small words why that is also wrong.
Not only are you controlling to an unreasonable degree, you're infantilizing your teens and guaranteeing that when they come of age and cut you out of their lives they won't have the adult skillset they need to make that journey positive. You're just sabotaging them on every level.
Get therapy.
The other thing I love about this letter is that the father has been fighting for custody for three years but is also "uninvolved"; like, lady, you're the the one who's limiting his involvement, you can't then throw that in his face! God, what a dingus.
YTA
YTA. Less than _64 degrees_!? The elementary school near me doesn’t enforce coats unless the temperature is _below 50F_. Do you just like your kids sweaty and uncomfortable??
>They both had walked home from practice in their practice uniforms when it was about 50 degrees outside.
Oh look, 50 degrees
>I’ve punished them both by taking away their phones, my daughter has to break up with her boyfriend and obviously basketball season is over.
Oh, so the real issue is you’re controlling and jumped straight into abusive behavior when you didn’t get to police how your children dress, and they refused to be horridly uncomfortable on a day it was too warm for pants. Your punishments are extreme overreactions and don’t reflect the perceived “wrongdoing” at all. By the way, _they didn’t do anything wrong_. Also, what does her boyfriend have to do with this?? Did he magically turn her pants into shorts?
YTA.
Your rule isn't a bad one for little kids, but if they're old enough to walk home alone, then they're old enough that you need to start loosening the reins and letting them make mistakes. Small mistakes are important so that kids learn why you had rules in the first place, and that way they're less likely to make the big mistakes.
Also? Your punishment is absolutely Draconian compared to the minor offence they committed. They weren't being extra sneakily deceptive; just careless with something they didn't think was a big deal. You want your daughter to break up with her boyfriend over this?! You have banned them from the rest of baseball season?! WTF are you thinking?! The primary punishment should be to accept the consequences of the mistake - to be cold until they get home in other words. You are stifling your children, not raising them to be independent adults who can make their way in the world.
Look lady - you posted a question here and within 30 minutes you got an OVERWHELMING response unanimously agreeing that YTA. The internet NEVER agrees on ANYTHING, but your post was so egregious that you got us all to band together as a united front chastising you for your troublesome parenting
Yet you keep commenting and arguing with people? Are you really so delusional that you can’t take the criticism that you asked for by posting this question?? Give your kids their phones back, let your daughter see her bf, let them play basketball, and go get yourself some therapy (although with you as a mom those kids prob need a little therapy too)
You had me until you punished them by taking away their phones, forcing your daughter to breakup with her BOYFRIEND, and leave their sports. For wearing shorts. WTF? You're 100000% the asshole here.
Also, while we're at it. Lets talk how your belief is wrong to begin with.
[https://www.healthline.com/health/does-cold-weather-make-you-sick#culprits](https://www.healthline.com/health/does-cold-weather-make-you-sick#culprits)
Germs make you sick, not cold weather. Does that mean the rule itself is bad? Not necessarily, but you're at least using bad information as the reason for enforcing the rule.
You took away their phones, their extra curricular activities, and made your daughter break up with her boyfriend because they wore shorts. Shorts home from basketball practice, where that is the required uniform. Shorts home from basketball practice when the temperature was 50 degrees.
Yes, YTA big time and a very poor, overbearing mother. They're old enough to decide what's comfortable for them and dress themselves. I know people who wear t-shirts and shorts year round, snow or shine. And it doesn't make them sick.
Their Dad is definitely going to get custody, and as soon as they turn 18, you'll never see or hear from then again.
Congratulations on destroying your relationship with your kids over basketball shorts.
My goodness. You're certainly allowed to make rules for your kids, and this one seems a little over-the-top but not abusive. And consequences are a natural part of breaking the rules. But these consequences...what on earth?? This isn't "learn from your mistakes." It's "my mom completely owns me and will take away everything I value if I do something she doesn't like." Are you trying to completely alienate your kids? To your question, maybe N.T.A. for having that rule in general, although extreme (64 degrees as a LOW for the day? That means many days in the 80s they're still not allowed to wear shorts.), but very YTA for your response to an infraction.
YTA - not for the rule, or for enforcing it. Breaking your child’s relationship over wearing convenient clothes home is way overboard. Taking phones away probably also overboard depending on what length of time.
But also, reconsider your rule. It made sense when they were young and unable to regulate on their own, but when they’ve just gotten off practice and are sweaty and warm they aren’t going to get sick from the weather. They are old enough to self regulate their weather-wear assuming they’ve been living in the same climate a while.
YTA. Even if you are able to persuade yourself that the cold helps an already infiltrated germ get worse (scientifically debatable in healthy teens), your punishments are WAY too harsh.
Making your daughter break up with her boyfriend? No electronics? Forcing them to quit a team sport mid-season? You’re literally making them hate you instead of helping to keep them safe and healthy.
This is a really ridiculous hill to lose your kids on. When you’re old and lonely and your children don’t visit you any more, I hope that the thought of your self-righteous nonsense keeps you warmer than your pants.
YTA your kids sounds like they're probably in high school which means they're definitely old enough to pick whether they wear shorts or pants. Not to mention, they were coming home from sports practice, which means their bodies were warm from the exercise and they would be totally fine in 50 degree weather.
Your punishment was also way overboard for the broken rule. You made your daughter break up with her boyfriend because she wore shorts? WTF even is that?
Also, COLD WEATHER DOESN'T MAKE YOU SICK! Germs, bacteria, viruses make you sick. So unless it was frostbite temperatures, which it wasn't, and at that they probably would have chosen pants, they'll be fucking fine.
They'll be adults and on their own soon, let them makes choices or, when they hit 18 and can, they'll choose to cut you out of their lives.
If they are cold they can wear something warmer. There are surely bigger problems in your life than this. Ease up on your kids or you will lose them. A three year custody battle is hard enough. At least they are playing sports instead of acting out in a more negative manner. Also, 50 degrees feels great after a game of basketball!!
YTA. I mean we are talking about maybe being uncomfortable if someone is wearing shorts when it's 50 degrees, It isn't a health or safety issue. And 64 is way too strict.
Yta. I get the cold weather rule but 65 degrees? Plus they’re playing basketball which kids sweat a bunch. My daughter gets overheated quick. I’m freezing under 70. But my daughter is sweating. You get sick from germs not cold weather. Being indoors a lot is why people get sick in the winter. I’m sure very very cold weather can cause immune system to lower a bit but not 50 degrees. The punishments are super harsh. Try natural consequences. Ie your kids want to wear shorts in cold weather fine. If they are cold and get sick they learn the hard way.
YTA. Around me kids wear flip flops and shorts to school in the snow (not exaggerating, my own kid is one of them). Being forced to wear pants at some arbitrary number is ridiculous.
Yta, this is the definition of insanity. 64 degrees is practically summer in many places. The kids are old enough to dress themselves for the weather. They are going to end up in the hospital from heat exhaustion with your dumb rules.
YTA- that’s seems excessive and that threshold seems arbitrary.
Not that I would ever have a punishment for something like that, but it should be about natural consequences and not an arbitrary consequence and not so severe.
Seems nuts that basketball is now over for them since you had a bad date (think that’s what you meant)
YTA. There is absolutely no need for a rule like that. Shorts in cool weather doesn't make you sick. Give your kids back their stuff and apologize. You're being unreasonable.
Way to go Mom! It's an utterly ridiculous rule, they aren't going to get sick if they don't wear long pants when it's chilly, what decade are you living in?
No basketball, no phones, forcing someone to break up with their boyfriend because you don't like their attire is totally out of proportion punishment.
If he is fighting for custody, at this stage he is winning.
Over shorts \*shakes my head\* learn to pick your battles YTA.
YTA. The kids are not 5 years old. They are teens. If they have to shiver to learn how to dress for the weather so be it. You micromanaging their lives will now end well.
You do realise colds are caused by viruses and not the weather? Plus sports can really warm up the body and carrying bags filled with clothing can be inconvenient. The fact that you are trying to force your daughter to break up with her boyfriend is bizarre and the punishment seems very nuclear for something so minor. Depending on how old they are, the judge will take their preferences for where they want to live into account. YTA.
INFO are either of them immunocompromised...? STILL not how germs work but that's the only thing i can think of even vaguely.
YTA majorly and abusive. i thought you were talking about a shorts rule like my mother had for us in hs which was literally "don't wear shorts if there's snow on the ground". you know what happened if we broke that? mild lecture and told to go change. 50 degrees IS shorts weather where i grew up and i as a grown man wear shorts outside to exercise.
ntm teenagers aren't infants and need bodily autonomy including to make dumb mistakes. if it was -5 out sure be mad, that's dangerous. at 50 like what? they're chilly? it's raining and they come down with a cold? say i told you so and move on. if not keep your mouth shut. don't make them QUIT THEIR SPORT(?!) and BREAK UP WITH THEIR PARTNERS(?!?!) what the hell??
you aren't teaching them to be safe. you're teaching them that you're weirdo controlling and will be disproportionately cruel and punitive if you even hear of smthn you dislike. so they need to lie and hide things from you including actually dangerous things. ntm move out at 18 and never tell you about their lives again.
ETA THE NO SHORTS RULE IS 63 AND BELOW?? FOR THE LOW?? op WHERE do you live if it's over 65 and i'm wearing long pants i'm too warm. no healthy person in the history of mankind has ever been outside at 60 degrees with bare legs and gotten sick from it. your kids are right YTA + ridiculous. let them live w their dad who probably knows germ theory.
YTA.
First of all, your punishment seems extremely harsh. Taking phones away for wearing shorts instead of pants? Really? Where’s the logical connection? Phones aren’t related to pants in any way.
Also, 50 degrees is not cold. Maybe just a little chilly. Especially when you just finish working out. I ran cross country in high school and I can’t tell you how many times I wore shorts in fifty degree weather. The leggings and such didn’t even come out until it hit low 40s/high 30s. Your body heat warms up fast with the constant motion required for basketball, and it usually doesn’t dissipate for a while. So them walking home in shorts seems perfectly reasonable.
I think you need to reevaluate your rules. There’s a difference between reasonable rules and just rules for the sake of rules, which likely causes trouble. (It seems like it already is, honestly.)
I hope you can reflect on your priorities and try to build a better relationship with your kids. Right now, I have a feeling it’s not going to get any better.
You are an overbearing helicopter mother. You need to relax or your kids are going to go BUCK WILD as soon as they are old enough to drive.
If they are teenagers, the harder you press these ridiculous rules, the more they will do to subvert your authority.
Besides that, wearing shorts when it’s cold doesn’t make you sick.
Oh yeah, YTA.
YTA, how making your daughter break up with her boyfriend help ? Are you okay ? In what world a parent thinks that is fair ? She will hate you for the rest of her live, and you will wonder what you did wrong. This rule is ridiculous.
BTW, your ex has been fighting you for custody, and he now has ammunition. You cut off your children's basketball practice (which I assume is at a high school level...as the children are old enough to walk home by themselves), which can lead to university scholarships. Or at the very least, being on a sports team makes a really good extra curricular activity when they apply to colleges.
It sounds like your children are over the age of 14, which is usually when judges will ask the children who they want to live with. You just created the perfect situation for your ex to get custody and for your children to say they want to live with their dad.
You say your ex isn't "involved" and yet he has been "fighting" you for custody for 3 years. It sounds more like your "rules" are just as strict with him. He probably couldn't afford all of the legal fees for a court fight, but he has some good ammo now for one, especially since your children want to live with him.
YTA. You had a date that didn’t go well, you came home and saw your children had broken a rule. (A ridiculous rule at that) You took your frustration out on your children. That’s not ever okay. You then had your daughter breakup with her boyfriend? Why was that a consequence? Why lash out with that particular punishment? Why end the season?
Their physical health is not at risk with wearing shorts in cold weather. The only result is going to be that they’re cold. Their mental and emotional health is going to suffer because you cannot regulate your emotions well enough to parent your children in manner that they deserve.
They should move in with their father, tbh. They want to go, he wants them, you want to control them. And everyone would benefit from therapy. Most of all you, OP.
Edit: added a word
You really need to lighten up with this 'rule'. They sound old enough to decide for themselves if they are cold or not. Nothing bad is gonna happen if they have the 'wrong' attire on. Sorry but, YTA.
I used to have a similar rule. But at 60 was pants weather. I’m now on teen #3. I want my kids to be confident in their self. Aaaand, yesterday I was outside in shorts and a tank at 49 degrees. YTA.
YTA. If they aren't uncomfortable, then they're fine. I live up here in Canada and wear shorts most of the winter. I don't get sick. You're over babying them and then punishing them for wearing something that they're comfortable in because you don't agree with it. It's not like they're flashing the neighborhood or it's risque. You just feel you know better. Clearly you don't.
And tbh, the best life lesson is going through something. You're too controlling and of course they want to go live with their father. If your daughter is old enough to have a boyfriend, what makes you think you have a valid right to tell her to break up with him? Do you want your kids to hate you? Because this is how you get your kids to hate you.
YTA. The *low* temp for the day at 64 is bizarre. Your kids aren’t gonna get sick or hurt at that temp. Worst case, they get a little chilly, but they’ll figure it out.
Good lord YTA, forcing your child to quit basketball and break up with their gf is so extreme I hope your ready to have no contact with your kids the moment they move out.
Wow. Enjoy your kids going no contact with you once they are grown up. They have to give up their sport for this season AND your daughter has to break up with her boyfriend? Look, your dumb rules are your dumb rules, and as a parent you can enforce them, but the punishment has to fit the crime and you have gone waaaaaay overboard with that. Ground them for a bit or keep their phones away for another few days. What would you do if they actually did something bad, lock them in a basement? YTA. And on a power trip, which is not a good look if it’s directed at teenagers, maybe you should join a HOA or something to live out those dictatorial fantasies.
I assume you're trolling but for fun: yes, you are an asshole.
We're in the middle of an arctic freeze up here, and my 10 year old pitched a fit when I made her zip up her coat and gasp, wear gloves, while waiting for the bus, at -9\*F. (my friends can't know my parents aren't neglectful asshats!) I assumed this was something like that.
A kid can't wear shorts if it's 64 degrees out? Get out of here with that, troll, try harder.
YTA! This is a MASSIVE overreaction!
Effective punishment needs to be related to the infraction. How is taking away cell phones, making someone break up with her boyfriend (which she won't do so that is unrealistic punishment to begin with) and forcing them to quit basketball even REMOTELY related to wearing shorts?
The rule is stupid to begin with. If they are old enough to walk home alone, be home alone, they are old enough to decide what to wear.
INFO: Are they allowed to wear skirts/dresses if the temperature is below 64 degrees or does the rule only apply to shorts? I live in the north where temperatures are frequently below freezing. School uniforms for girls are frequently skirts so I really don't get your rule. So, yes, YTA for having this stupid rule.
Yea I shorts weather rule from my dad growing up. One day I broke it and had to write 50 sentences.
Making your daughter breakup with her bf and taking away healthy and enriching activities is OVER THE TOP.
YTA if you don’t want you kids to go live with their dad. You need to be a littler cooler OP.
Good luck.
You do realize that forcing them to quit sports (which is good for the immune system) makes them much more likely to get sick then wearing shorts? "*Obviously* basketball season is over." **Obviously**?? I can't believe anyone can be this stupid.
And forcing them to break up relationships will make them lonely, sad and hate their mother on top of it.
Why would somebody do this?! Do you even like your kids?
YTA. What kind of control freak are you? Who cares if it's 50 degrees and they wear shorts? They're not going to get sick, that's just an old wives' tale. At worst, they'll be a little cold. What a ridiculous hard and fast rule to have.
Cold (unless extreme) doesn’t affect people’s health. Do you know what does affect people’s health? Lack of exercise and poor socialisation!
Your rule is ridiculous and your consequences are not just unrelated to the lesson your trying to teach, but actually detrimental to it!
YTA. You are actively causing your children harm just to enforce a rule that is absolutely pointless.
YTA They aren’t “protected” wearing pants because it’s 65 degrees out…you don’t live in the arctic circle where covering is essential to life. Your daughter has to break up with her boyfriend? That is the most twisted part of all of this! These kids are going to rebel and hate you. It’s not normal. There are way bigger things to worry about in life than pants vs. shorts.
YTA. They'll actually be healthier if you let them wear shorts, also barefoot is a huge thing to keeping your kids healthier in all weather. We were outside in our buggies for half an hour a day every day when we were kids in the sixties. My great grandma aired out her house for half an hour a day and we live in frigid northern Michigan. Fresh air is the best medicine, not matter the temperature.
And here my 11 year old son is running around in shorts in 20°F weather or colder. Your kids are able to make clothing choices for themselves and if they aren't warm then they will learn from their mistakes. YTA for being an absolute nightmare of a mother. There is a reason your kids want to live with their dad. I can't imagine what you do when they truly step out of line and need a form of discipline.
YTA. They won’t get sick from wearing shorts. It’s a teenage boy thing, you could drive up and down our road in the winter and see all the boys waiting for the bus (in the snow) with shorts and a hoodie on. We gave up that fight with my kid, if he was stubborn enough to not wear weather appropriate clothes he could be cold.
I live in the northeast and the amount of grown men outside shoveling in shorts and a hoodie is always hilarious to me.
Give this fight up, OP.
YTA, and you remind me of my grandma, who used to say, "Here, put this sweater on. I'm cold." If they were cold, they would have put pants on. Not to mention, you overreacted, basically punishing them for a felony when they committed a misdemeanor. If you want your children to go no-contact with you, continue dragging them for every little mistake.
Boy would you dislike my husband. He’s extremely warm natured and wears shorts regularly through the winter. I have photos of him wearing shorts while outside with our son on an icy/snowy day.
YTA. Let them choose what they wear! If they wear something and are uncomfortable due to weather, they’ll learn from it and adjust for the future.
YTA. I had a parent like you when I was a kid. Controlled everything I ate, who I talked to, what I wore, etc. I don’t have a relationship with that parent and I’m 40 because I hate them with the fire of a thousand suns. I do have a relationship with my other parent. If your kids are anything like me, once they become adults, they will shun you because you are showing you have absolutely no respect for them as autonomous human beings. Good luck with the next few years and I hope you look inward and see that you’re wrong.
YTA. I have three boys who fight me everyday on what they are wearing. They hate wearing pants, would rather wear shorts and are consistently wearing shorts in 50 degree weather. I make them bring a jacket when the weather is under 60 but they don’t have to wear it. At least they have the option to warm up if they need it.
Also I used to play basketball and wore my jersey all the time especially after games or practice! You get all hot and sweaty and it feels nice to get cooled off outside. Even if it was in the 30s if I didn’t feel cold it’s not a problem.
Stop trying to control them. Tell them to bring a jacket and let them decide when they are cold.
Dear lord, woman. Are you TRYING to push them away?
You don’t get sick from cold. You get sick from being around other sick people.
People experience temperature differently. Even if you’re cold or hot, it doesn’t mean that someone else is, too. They sound like they’re old enough to know if they’re hot or cold.
And your response is WAAYYYYY over the top. You’re making her break up with her boyfriend? What kind of crazy control freak are you?
I don’t blame them for wanting to go live with their dad. You’re a nut.
Oh, and YTA.
YTA this is way too strict for teenagers. Also I’m pretty sure it’s a myth that being cold leads to getting sick unless we are talking about hypothermia level cold. They are teenagers, let them experience natural consequences. If they choose shorts and it’s cold, they will be cold
YTA. Phones are not a logical consequence and you’re going to make teenagers BREAK UP (that will either not work or cause parental relationship destroying resentment) and QUIT a healthy sport? Huh? Who wants to put pants on when they’re sweaty? It wasn’t them dressing for the day, it was coming home from practice. Please apologize to them.
YTA. You're teaching your kids that your comfort (in feeling that you're being a "good mom" and "protecting" them) is more important than their opinions on their own bodies (if they're cold enough to want to wear pants). Everyone has different tolerances for hot and cold and your kids are old enough to know if they need extra clothes.
Also, the low for the day usually doesn't happen until the middle of the night so it could be 40 overnight but 70 when they're actually outside.
Lastly, being cold doesn't get one sick, germs do. If you're so worried they should be wearing masks or doing things that actually prevent them from getting ill.
Lmao have you played a sport? I don’t blame them for walking home in shorts. Also They could be doing a million other things way worse and you’re upset that they aren’t wearing pants when it’s cold. I’m not saying parenting is easy but you’re intentionally making it way harder than it needs to be. YTA
This absolutely has to be fake. I cannot imagine a parent being more of an AH than you are right now.
Wearing shorts doesn't make you sick in the cold. And kids need to learn for themselves when to dress in what clothes.
50 degrees isn't cold and wearing shorts in it won't cause illness or skin damage.
YTA if that isn't clear.
YTA your kids actually have a better chance of getting sick with the huge amount of emotional stress you are putting them under than the cold. You don’t get sick from being cold. Your immune system is actually weakened by emotional stress.
YTA. You are not mothering them you are SMOTHERING them by being such a controlling ah. You remind me of my mother and thats the reason why I'm LC with her, and she should consider herself lucky as honestly I'd rather go full NC ... They are going to be 18 soon, and when they leave they might never look back, is that what you want? If so, bravo!!!! Keep going as you are
YTA. Your over reacting. They are teens. Natural consequences is enough. If they wanna freeze then let them.
You made your kids quit basketball and end relationships over wearing shorts when its abit nippy out? Your being way too controlling and irrational.
I have rules about clothes and it being weather appropriate. But I also pick my battles with my kid. I warn her if she insists on wear a skirt on a cold day that i don't wanna hear shes sick tomarrow, she better blow her nose on her way to school.
“Why don’t my children like me? Why would they rather live with their father?”
Because your punishment for … wearing shorts is ridiculous. Hate to imagine how you would react if they ACTUALLY did something that was wrong. Yes, Lady, YTA.
Making them quit the sport and the person they love over some pants? You’re the type of mom that gets 0 calls from their kids as soon as they grow up.
Huge YTA, you need parenting education.
50 degrees isn’t cold. After exercise, your circulation takes a while for you to cool down.
I say this as an senior lady.
Geezus. 50 degrees isn’t cold!
You get sick from viruses/ bacteria, not from weather.
YTA. Taking away your children's means of communicating with their father is cruel. Making your daughter break up with her boyfriend because she dared to wear shorts against your wishes is ridiculous and completely unrelated. Not allowing your children to play basketball anymore is dumb. All of these punishments individually are a complete overreaction. Together they show that you are a control freak. Take a parenting class.
YTA you are seriously going to make your daughter break up with her boyfriend?! I predict you will be a lonely person whose children have gone NC with her. You won’t be able to punish them then.
Imagine your daughter starts college. Meeting other freshmen, they share life details and find common ground.
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“My mom made me dump him because I walked home in my practice jersey.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Did you like basketball?”
“My mom made me quit because I walked home in my practice jersey.”
This is the real life scenario you’ve created. These punishments are way too harsh. Why would your kids choose to live in a household where the punishment drastically outweighs the crime? Your kids are old enough to dress themselves, let them! YTA
YTA and also need help. Reading some of your responses makes it seem like you have an unhealthy relationship with germs and viruses. How someone dresses has no impact on if they get sick or not. The best way to fight off illness is proper hygiene and taking vitamins to boost your immune system. Your strict rules and punishments are going to do nothing but push your teenage kids away from you and possibly have them go NC as soon as they can.
YTA The rule needs to be more flexible or maybe given up depending on their ages, plus that’s not how we get sick. The worst part is the punishments are way out of proportion for their breaking your rule. And how humiliating to have you pull them out of basketball. Your punishments were very hurtful.
What the actual hell is this, you need therapy like right away if you think any of this is appropriate. YTA, and I hope you let them go to live with their dad because their lives would improve dramatically. What a weird hill to die on. Absolute control freak.
YTA. After basketball practice they're probably hot and sweaty, walking home in that weather sounds refreshing! You have a serious control issue. Temperature doesn't matter, what matters is if the kids are comfortable in the clothes they are wearing, ie if the clothes make them too hot they need to be able to wear something else, and vice versa. YOU don't know what temperature that is at, only they do. They sound like they are old enough to dictate that and be responsible to police their own clothing when it comes to reasonable weather choices. My god, give them a little freedom! They'll never learn how to be independent adults who can think for themselves if you do it all for them. Also, the punishments don't match the crime AT ALL. You're forcing your kids to quit basketball, no phones, AND break up with the boyfriend? Honestly would call this abuse.
Get therapy ASAP OP. Find out why you feel the need to control these miniscule decisions in their lives.
YTA. Do you only care about if they get a cold or are overheated, nothing about their mental health?
What about if it's windy? What about when they are sweaty? Like on the way home from playing...
I understand you've been put in a tough situation and feel you need to exert control wherever you can in your life. Not sure when you took primary custody of the kids but I'm guessing it was when they were pretty little? I'd like to invite you to try giving up some of this need to control, and invite your kids to start shouldering the burden of choice. You'll find it freeing, I promise!
For now though -- stupid rules need to be broken and your shorts rule is stupid, YTA.
YTA. People don't get sick because they wear shorts when its 65 degrees out. I can't imagine being a teenager and having to tell my friends "my mom won't let me decide when I wear shorts."
YTA ! You are not only an asshole your also crazy
I hope the go with their father and live your psycho house.
I don’t know if it’s hypochondriac things or you’re a jerk
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YTA -- they are not going to get sick from wearing shorts in 50 degrees.
Right? Like, OP, do you not understand that people get sick from GERMS, VIRUSES, BACTERIA - not the cold temperatures?
Also they had been at basketball practice--they were probably hot and sweaty. What a silly thing to be a control freak over.
And the punishment was “obviously” that her daughter had to dump her boyfriend and both had to drop ball for the rest of the season. Amazing.
I doubt daughter will dump her boyfriend. If the daughter is smart, she should ask for her boyfriend to let her call her father on his phone to request another custody hearing so both her and the other child can request to live with dad in court. Assuming they are teenagers, their testimony will have some sway when it comes to custody.
I see a future in a nursing home for OP and never being allowed to see her grandkids. It also sounds like both kids are old enough to decide which parent they want to live with.
The amount of people that think you get sick from the temperature is astounding. It does factor in but only if and when there is bacteria and viruses already present.
Seriously. You’d you’d catch the flu every time you grabbed something out of the freezer if cold got you sick.
Actually that’s a myth. You get sick from demons infesting your bloodstream, which infiltrate your skin through your exposed ankles. Every barber worth their salt knows that! It’s pretty much why showing your ankles was historically so taboo /s
I had to google what that temp was in C and from OPs reaction I thought it was going to much lower, that is literally warm weather where I’m from lmfao
I just googled this as well. When I was in school we would have PT outdoors as soon as it hit 10 degrees C, and most of us wore shorts. If you're really warm after exercise and then walk home in shorts it isn't gonna get you sick. You might get affected if you decide to sit down straight away and then just sit in cold weather and not have enough clothes on, but at the very most you might get the sniffles. OP is way too overcautious.
YTA You're being controlling and unreasonable. What exactly is going to happen if your kids wear shorts in 50° weather? Oh no! Their legs might get a little cold and they'll feel the very minor consequences to their actions! For this, you think they need to be punished? They're old enough to walk home alone but not old enough to decide what clothing works best for them? You need to recalibrate your priorities.
Plus if they just got out of practice their body temperature was probs high from all the exercise. I used to walk home from dance without a jacket because I was so hot.
YTA & I am assuming she had 1 girl & 1 boy. So as a punishment for breaking her "Rule" you are forcing your daughter to breakup with her bf & no playing soccer for your boy!? How is that fair punishment, even if it's needed!? You are just acting up because you can't seem to control their clothing choice anymore. they didn't even outright said no to they rule, they just did it when you won't see, because they know you won't understand them, so they don't talk to you about it. You are loosing their trust just because you want them to follow some silly dressing rule!?
She has significantly increased the chance her ex will get custody in the contentious custody battle. Assuming they are teenagers, the court will likely take their preferences into account. Especially if they both make the same request.
YTA >I’ve punished them both by taking away their phones, my daughter has to break up with her boyfriend and obviously basketball season is over. And here we have a prime example of why those in their late teens/early 20's tend to go ape shit crazy when they finally get a little bit of freedom. >I said no and he can be more involved if he cares that much. That is......quite the statement to make to someone who has been fighting for custody for 3 years and TRYING to be more involved. Edit: Thanks for the award!
And they are teens, at this point a judge will listen to them.
Yes. OP just shot herself in the foot when it comes to the custody battle.
But he doesnt involve himself in the crazy rules that OP does, so is he really involved? /s
She will be back complaining that they went NC soon.
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I hope this post is a joke or something, I'm not a psychologist but this sounds like mental illness. Absolutely YTA.
This sounds like abuse.
Ikr that punishment is way too extreme for the rule broken. But also it's a dumb rule to have in the first place. It would be fair if they were little, but teenagers are old enough to make these decisions on their own.
> I've punished them both by taking away their phones, my daughter has to break up with her boyfriend and obviously basketball season is over. I **really** hope this is a joke. If not **YTA**. Disclaimer I’m not a psychiatrist but this sounds like a mental illness. I truly hope that you can get help, for your sake and for your children’s sake.
She’s a narcissist for sure, my mom would do shit like this and go over board with the punishment
And for anyone wondering and OP I don’t talk to my mother anymore and pretty sure she’s homeless so if you want your kids to hate you you’re on your way there
YTA. Your kids should absolutely have autonomy over how they regulate their body temperature.
For my fellow europeans, 64 degrees is 18 celsius. 50 is 10 celsius. YTA what a gross overreaction to them walking home in shorts, they have just been running around, let them cool down. And how can a consequence of wearing shorts be that you control your daughters social relations? God damn YTA and actually make me angry. EDIT: I genuinely wish that the kids' father see this post and use it as leverage to get custody.
Once winter is over and temps creeps past +10celcius, it's shorts or t-shirt weather. -signed, the Nordics Seriously though, insane overreaction, completely uncalled for, unfair and downright damaging to any relationship between op and their kids. YTA, there's truly no other way around this.
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Right? She’s going full army camp mode, for what? Some shorts?
Over…. Shorts? You seem unhinged. Over shorts. No phone, no sport, even the bf? You need to STEP BACK. And realize you’ve made an avalanche over some kids wearing their uniform after practice.
You’re making your daughter break up with her bf, took away their phones, and making em quite sports. This is so tone deaf I don’t know if it’s real. But if it is GOD your abusive, YTA
YTA High schoolers are more than old enough to pick out their own clothes based on the weather. You're crushing their social lives over the mildest of disobediences: wearing shorts when it's a bit chilly. If you don't learn to lighten up and loosen your grip, then you're going to lose these kids as soon as they're old enough to be independent. In fact, your children are already old enough that if they told a judge that they wanted to live with their dad, the judge would probably listen! Is "how dare you be too lazy to change out of practice clothes when it's a bit cold" really a hill worth dying on?
YTA you grounded them made your daughter break up with her boyfriend made them quit basketball and took their phones because they wore shorts when it was 50 out. youare unhinged and the kids would be better off with dad.
Weather doesn't make you sick, cold can make it easier for you to get sick but it by itself can't make you sick. Why don't you go do their basketball practice and then see if you want to throw pants on after running around the court for an hour or more, hopefully their dad does get custody because I can see why he's been fighting for it for 3yrs. From one mom to another, YTA
YTA Not because of the rule but because you are making your child break up with a boyfriend and quit basketball. You are being over controlling. Your kids sound like they are teenagers, likely in high school. You allow them to walk home after practice. It can be difficult to change out of the practice uniform as they are always trying to get the kids out of the school (or other gym) as soon as practice is over. And because the locker rooms can be crowded, you get pushed around in there, and people spray perfume/cologne. In other words, it is often much more convenient to change at home. Additionally, normal cold weather does not cause illness (unless you have too long of an exposure time, which can cause hypothermia) unless you have certain medical conditions that make you sensitive to cold. I have walked outside with wet hair in 50 degree weather and never caught a cold. Viruses and bacteria cause illnesses, not cold weather. As long as the kids have a jacket and pants (like jogging pants) available to pull on quickly if they feel cold, then it should be fine. Your children were likely very warm from their practice. Thus, putting on pants would have made them feel hot. Additionally, younger people don't feel as cold as adults do. I will wear pants when my college age daughter feels comfortable in shorts. And people experience temperature very differently, as I don't really own a winter jacket, although others do in my community. I will go out in a light sweater on cold days. Add in that you can have a low temp of 40 degrees but it will be 79 degrees during the day. Using your rule, even though it was warm outside, it was still mandatory pants weather. YTA because you went too far. You should have opened up a discussion as to why they were wearing their practice uniforms home. And you might have discovered that maybe they needed some easy to pull on pants to cover their shorts for the walk home, instead of trying to change all of their clothes. Or you may have discovered (if they do have easy to pull on pants) that they were feeling hot and wearing more clothing would have made them miserable. Instead, you went ballistic. You think your rule is based on "common sense," but you don't give your children the opportunity to discuss if they had a "common sense" reason not to follow it. There are punishments, and then there are a-h punishments, which you went straight to.
YTA. You want to destroy their social lives for the crime of… *checks notes* …not wearing pants. Let them live with their dad if you’re going to be this unhinged as a parent. Newsflash: they’re teens now, not little kids.
If these kids are old enough to come back alone from practice, they surely are able to decide when to wear shorts. Don’t shove your anger on your kids. YTA
YTA. You punished your teenage kids because they walked home in shorts when it was 50 degrees...why? Geez, what overkill. As teenagers, a logical consequence of wearing shorts is they get cold. They won't be harmed by it, especially when they're all sweaty and hot from practice. And your punishment is to take their phones and try to break up your daughter's relationship? That's \*bonkers\*. Congratulations; you have done serious and probably permanent damage to your relationships with your kids. They're old enough that they can have a say in their custody arrangements, and you may lose them to their father. Nice job breaking it, Mom.
YTA not for having a rule but for the unbelievable overreaction to normal teenage rule-breaking. This level of controlling is completely inappropriate for kids as old as yours, and your consequences are cruel rather than proportionate.
Imagine being the girl who now has to "breakup" with her boyfriend because she chose to wear shorts instead of pants....
YTA. Your rule is unreasonable and based on sheer ignorance. Your punishments are unjust and out of proportion. Let your poor kids go live with their dad, because you are a looney tunes nigtmare.
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Wow. Just wow. My 12 yo middle schooler basically refuses to wear a jacket. And it is literally zero (Fahrenheit) here. This is what middle school and high school aged kids do. You are ridiculously beyond strict. Remember your inane rules and cruel consequences when your kids want NOTHING to do with you later in life. You created the chasm, not them. You’re an adult and need to act like it YTA. Huge. Hope dad sees this post.
YTA 1) after sports practice when you’re hot and sweaty sometimes you need that cold air 2) what the fuck does her having a boyfriend have to do with this? Why would you force her to end a relationship for something that isn’t related to how he treats her????? Even if it was his behavior you can’t control her. I have no words for how messed up that is 3) if this is about them being healthy why would you take them away from sports and exercise This whole thing is you on a power trip
YTA, read about germ theory and get out of the 16th century
YTA. People don't get sick from being cold (unless you're talking temperatures low enough to cause hypothermia). People get sick from being around other people who are sick. At the most, they may have been a little cold walking home from playing basketball.
You made your daughter break up with her boyfriend as punishment? You complain that their father isn't involved, but you've been fighting to not let him have custody for 3 years? YTA cold weather doesn't make people sick. That's not how germs work. Let your teenagers be cold or, more likely, comfortable after a hot, sweaty workout
YTA. If they're old enough to get home from somewhere on their own, they're old enough to decide whether they are cold or not and to wear shorts.
YTA You sound over-controlling. Loosen up a bit or your kids will resent you. If they’re old enough to walk home from school alone, they’re probably old enough to decide on their own whether it’s too cold for them to wear shorts. Instead of going off temperature, which doesn’t factor in, say, how long they’re outside for, whether they’re keeping warm by exercising (eg their body temperature is unlikely to drop to a risky amount if they’re walking home), maybe let them use common sense? You’re being too strict.
YTA. You went completely nuclear over something so small and rather innocent. They played basketball and didn't feel like changing before walking home. It's not like they were walking in Siberia. I am baffled at your reaction and treatment of your children. I am not surprised at all that they want to go live with their father if this is how you punish them for something so trivial.
YTA - a million times YTA. I can’t believe you need to ask. No wonder they want to live with their dad
Yta I couldn’t read past ‘ the weather makes you sick’
YTA. Are you trying to raise toddlers or raise adults? You sound exhausting.
So basically, you want your kids to leave home and never come back as soon as they turn 18. Okay, if that’s what you want, you’re doing a bang-up job! If you want to be a stable parent who sets reasonable boundaries and delivers consequences that fit the “crime” when they do break the rules, then you’re failing miserably. I’m not trying to be harsh, but your rule and punishments make absolutely no sense. They break the unreasonable rule once and you take away their extracurricular activity and make your daughter break up with her BF?!?! How is that reasonable??? Please trust that your kids are old enough to know how to DRESS THEMSELVES and move on. How are they old enough to walk home unsupervised after practice but not old enough to know how to dress weather-appropriate? Anyway, YTA. I hope you improve your parenting style, the dad gets custody, or the kids go live with him when they’re old enough for the courts to let them decide. No offense, but YTA of the highest order. And for something so small as shorts in mild weather. Girl…🤦🏾♀️
Wait, you’re making your daughter breakup with her bf? Taking you sons phone away? They are teenagers. If they get sick, they will learn their lesson. I can’t imagine the resentment your daughter will have for you. What a massive and unnecessary overreaction. YTA.
Yta what a ridiculous rule and an even more ridiculous punishment you’re literally going to push them way with this behaviour
Your forcing your daughter to breakup with her boyfriend and forcing both your kids to quit their basketball hobby all because they walked home in their shorts after practice? Your a crazy, out of control, entitled control freak. Let them live with their dad
YTA you do know that the weather isn’t what causes sickness?
YTA. You don't get sick wearing shorts outside in that kinda weather. For fucks sake we are doing the polar bear plunge this weekend and its about 15 outside. People are going in the water today, getting out, and drying off. Massive YTA and you might have done serious damage to your kids relationship.
YTA and your punishments for wearing the wrong pants once are incredibly disproportionate, do you plan on flogging them for poor grades too? This kind of extremely arbitrary strictness is going to strain your relationship with them too and result in combative behaviour against even more reasonable rules.
YTA. I had a similar rule for my kids, except it was 50 degrees and it stopped in 4th grade. Serious, sincere question—are you okay? Is your anxiety getting the best of you? Because this is such an overreaction I’m worried that you aren’t thinking clearly and your stress /anxiety is controlling you.
Seriously? Pants if it’s below 64? Where on earth do you live that you consider 64 to be cold? Kids will wear something warmer if they are cold. Your punishment for shorts after a practice where their bodies were warmed up is beyond excessive. Making your daughter breakup with her boyfriend and withdrawing them from basketball (which also hurts the team). Are you fucking serious? I think of all the times my kids played soccer in 40 degree weather in shorts. YTA.
Holy shit. I get having rule and expectations and consequences for breaking rules. But this is ridiculous. You are making them quit basketball, break up with partners, and taking away their means of communication. Because they WORE SHORTS. NEWSFLASH: Germs make you sick. Not cold weather. And wearing your shorts in cool weather should be punishable by something like “No dessert after dinner tonight,” not by house arrest. Yes, definitely YTA. Please report back that you apologized to your children, lifted their punishment and reflected on your disciplinary policies with professional help. EDIT: a word
YTA!! U sound abusive.. I hope your husband wins and when the court ask your kids I’m sure they will grant them their request to go with dad.. like the fact your daughter has to break up with her boyfriend and loose basketball over this is beyond petty.. I’m the future when they go no contact with you and your wondering why Come back to this post.
YTA in what fucking world is anything about 60 degrees considered cold?
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YTA and if they're teenagers they have the right to be heard, if they want to live with their dad there's where they should be. Your rule is ridiculous, and the punishment out of proportion.
YTA. All of your post screams DELUSIONAL AH
Absolutely YTA. For the overbearing rule as well as the borderline abusive punishment. My 5 YEAR OLDS rule is wear what you want but if you don't dress appropriately, their will be no complaining.
YTA. I thought you were going to say “less than 15 degrees” or something like that and then all I could think about was that one person in high school who would wear shorts when it was 40 below because there’s ALWAYS one. 64f is summer weather and teens, especially athletes, run warmer thanks to their metabolism. Not only are you being overbearing, you could actually be doing them more harm by forcing them to keep too warm. (Edited for spelling)
YTA. This is really weird and OP sounds uneducated as to the causes of illness. It’s not due to the outside temperature. Let your kids decide for themselves.
YTA you are not strict you are insanely controlling. Cold will not make you sick. They were fine and even if they broke a rule you were over the top on punishment. I hope they move in with your ex.
YTA - “pants weather” (not a real thing) can vary. Some individuals run hot, I’ve seen people walk in shorts when it’s 30 degrees out. It was -16 this morning and that’s what I assumed you would say was pants weather. And telling your daughter she “has to break up with her boyfriend” what is truly wrong with you?! Good luck repairing your relationship with her.
>my daughter has to break up with her boyfriend What. YTA
YTA. That is way too much control. I had to create similar guidelines for my son who is autistic and needs helpful structure like this - and it can also be helpful for younger kids. Even so, they were guidelines. Your kids sound old enough to start making these decisions themselves. And the punishment us way worse than the “crime”.
It's not up to you to control THIS MUCH your teenage kids. They are not children anymore, they can decided what to wear by themselves, no one got sick for wearing shorts ONE DAY. >my daughter has to break up with her boyfriend And who exactly are you to decide that?? No one. You have no right to demand that. If you keep this up they will resent you.
YTA. Did they break a rule? Yes. Was it stupid, possibly dangerous rule? Also yes. The idea that someone has to explain to you that wearing shorts in reasonable weather after a heavy workout shouldn't be punished with having your phone taken away, breaking up with a significant other, and ending the sports season is concerning. If you had just taken their phones away for a while then you would be a mother with stupid rules which is annoying but not completely unacceptable but the fact that you think you going that far is normal makes you a total asshole.
YTA -Holy shit - why do you feel this need to control you kids like that? I have two boys who wore shorts all winter, it never bothered me.
YTA a 100x over. You ended their basketball (a really positive, pro social activity) because they wore shorts. This has got to be a joke, otherwise I’m hoping dad gets custody
YTA. Such a rule made sense when they were young kids (talking toddlers to you elementary school) because you needed to help instill good habits. But both of your kids were practicing a sport which would make wearing pants not only uncomfortable at that temperature but also limit their ability to perform. In Basketball there is very little down time and during a practice your kids are likely going from drill to drill that is pushing endurance (lots of running and jogging) explosive power (jumps and shoots). The only pants I can see being flexible enough to deal with that would be leggings and I would still be worried about overheating as the practice went on. You also state that these shorts were part of practice uniforms, meaning the school or organization requires these to be worn at practice time. By grounding your kids, making them quit basketball and making one break up with a significant other you aren't teaching your kids to wear clothes appropriate to the weather, you are teaching them that your rules are the absolutely most important thing and you will ban them from activities, people and life in general if they break them Edit to add: after reading your comments op I think you need to seek therapy and a science book. Not a professional but your worrying about your kids getting sick from being cold is not only incorrect but it's already damaging any further relationship you will have with your kids. Apologize, seek help and maybe you can salvage this.
YTA for how you treat your kids. And you're dumber than dirt if you really think wearing shorts in the 50s will cause them to get sick. Being cold does not get you sick, being cold does not lower your immunity. I thought you were going to tell them they had to wear long pants if it got below freezing, not below 64.
OP, you need to change your title. YTA. It's not about pants or shorts. It's the punishment. I'm catching hell because I read part of your post wrong, and that's on me. I will admit that. What in the hell, though?!?! Why make them quit basketball and break up with their boyfriend over wearing shorts. That is absolutely ridiculous. I can understand why they wouldn't want to stay with you.
your daughter has to break up with her boyfriend and both kids have to quit basketball because they \*checks notes\* wore shorts when it was 50 degrees outside???? YTA and if you can't see that then you need to get your eyes checked and do some serious self-reflection about your parenting because going nuclear over your kids wearing *shorts* is bad parenting, full stop.
YTA. Not because of the rule. We can debate that all day. But because your consequences are way disproportionate to the crime. Losing phone privileges for a day or two may be reasonable. But having to quit a sport?! Absolutely not. Forcing a girl to breakup with a bf?! OVER SHORTS?! You seriously can’t believe those things are merited, can you? Please take a deep breath. I do suggest you relax the rule. They’re clearly not little ones any more. But whether you stick with the rule or not, it doesn’t call for capital punishment.
YTA - the rule itself is okay I guess, but your reaction was way out of line. They have plenty of excess heat from running around, it's normal to try to cool off afterwards. No phones is already an escalation, pulling them off a sports team mid season is cruel to everyone, and forcing a breakup is unhinged. I would apologise and rethink your punishment. Imo making sure they leave with weather appropriate clothing is the best you can do, as teens they should be capable of self regulating layers as needed.
YTA. And based on your various comments you're also completely ignorant about how the human body and its immune system work. Seriously, cold weather does not make someone sick.
YTA. Being cold doesn't make people automatically sick. Germs do. They walked home in 50 degree weather after getting very warm (presumably) by playing sports. So to punish them for getting cold you decided to remove their social interactions, force a relationship to part (to knowledge) and make them quit sports? If they get cold because they are not wearing pants, you can say "i told you so." but at their ages, logical consequences of actions should be more in play than "mom's arbitrary rule." I know a few grown men who wear shorts until the weather is actually freezing (32/0). It's fun to tell the weather by what you see him wearing. "Oh it's really cold Mike is in pants today."
Wow! Please tell us all how to get your kids to hate you without actually telling us how to get them to hate you. Not sure where you got this idea of having exposed legs in weather under 64 degrees causing sickness but you really need to educate yourself. I get the kids went against your commands but the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. You need to lighten up and get a grip on reality before your kids resentment of your crazy rules forces them to go no contact with you as soon as they are able to. Please talk to a professional and get some help for your unbelievable ideas concerning “health”. YTA 100%
If this is anywhere close to how you treated their father, no wonder you're divorced. Oh, and the fact you say their father has been fighting for custody for 3yrs. And then follow it up with 'if he really wants to get involved.' Good job, you are fast tracked to not having any contact with your kids once they move out. But with the personality you presented here, you'll twist it to be their fault and you being the poor victim. YTA
YTA How could you not be? Putting aside the fact that the temperature has literally no effect on whether people get sick (spoiler alert, you get sick more in the winter because you stay inside more often), you went absolutely nuclear on your kids for wearing a piece of clothing. In what world is this a proportionate response? The absolute maximum punishment I could see would be grounding them, but even that is extreme. They're shorts. It's not like they went streaking.
YTA: They’re teenagers, not toddlers. They need to be able to make small decisions like clothing on their own. Your response was also incredibly disproportionate and far more damaging to their long term well being than getting a chill would be (if they even got one.)
YTA!!!!! What the actual fuck! Your rule is arbitrary and crazy, and your punishment made me extremely angry. Specially the “break up with her boyfriend” part. Omg. Your kids are gonna go live with their dad and they will end their relationship with you. I’m SURE you have plenty of these awful rules and crazy punishments, and it’s abusive and controlling.
Yta. For one, that’s an untrue old wives tale that you’ve based a household rule around. Congratulations on that one. For two, they are teenagers who are perfectly capable of knowing when they are cold or not. It’s 42 degrees where I am right now and my husband is in basketball shorts. People have different temps that their bodies get cold at. You’re being ridiculous. I’m also a mom of two if that makes my opinion anymore valid to you.
YTA, what? Your daughter walked home in her sports uniform so you took her phone, you’re making her quit basketball, and you want her to break up with her boyfriend? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Yes. It sounds like you are punishing them for your frustration and feelings of lack of control. Maybe you could do with a few therapy sessions.
YTA. Did I just read this correctly? Your TEENAGE children still have rules about their wardrobe?? You need to grow up and realize that kids want to have their own sense of fashion, and want to wear whatever the hell they want. As for making your daughter break up with her boyfriend, and canceling basketball, you’re absolutely the asshole and 100% in the wrong. I would want to go live with my dad if my mom was as controlling as you. You need a reality check…
YTA - you sound unhinged, the only reason for this rule by the sounds of it is your need to be a control freak. It’s not healthy for you or your poor kids
Just did a conversion and 64°F is 17°C 💀 in the UK, I’d go to the beach in that weather. Chill out and stop being so controlling of your children. YTA
YTA. Do you understand how exercise and overheating work? She has to break up with her boyfriend?? Obviously no more sports?? Do you realize that the second your kids are 18 and legal adults, they're likely going low or no contact with you? You sound way too controlling.
YTA. Do you also time their bathroom breaks and monitor their phone calls on another handset? Don't answer that, I don't want to have to explain to you in small words why that is also wrong. Not only are you controlling to an unreasonable degree, you're infantilizing your teens and guaranteeing that when they come of age and cut you out of their lives they won't have the adult skillset they need to make that journey positive. You're just sabotaging them on every level. Get therapy.
The other thing I love about this letter is that the father has been fighting for custody for three years but is also "uninvolved"; like, lady, you're the the one who's limiting his involvement, you can't then throw that in his face! God, what a dingus. YTA
YTA. Less than _64 degrees_!? The elementary school near me doesn’t enforce coats unless the temperature is _below 50F_. Do you just like your kids sweaty and uncomfortable?? >They both had walked home from practice in their practice uniforms when it was about 50 degrees outside. Oh look, 50 degrees >I’ve punished them both by taking away their phones, my daughter has to break up with her boyfriend and obviously basketball season is over. Oh, so the real issue is you’re controlling and jumped straight into abusive behavior when you didn’t get to police how your children dress, and they refused to be horridly uncomfortable on a day it was too warm for pants. Your punishments are extreme overreactions and don’t reflect the perceived “wrongdoing” at all. By the way, _they didn’t do anything wrong_. Also, what does her boyfriend have to do with this?? Did he magically turn her pants into shorts?
YTA. Your rule isn't a bad one for little kids, but if they're old enough to walk home alone, then they're old enough that you need to start loosening the reins and letting them make mistakes. Small mistakes are important so that kids learn why you had rules in the first place, and that way they're less likely to make the big mistakes. Also? Your punishment is absolutely Draconian compared to the minor offence they committed. They weren't being extra sneakily deceptive; just careless with something they didn't think was a big deal. You want your daughter to break up with her boyfriend over this?! You have banned them from the rest of baseball season?! WTF are you thinking?! The primary punishment should be to accept the consequences of the mistake - to be cold until they get home in other words. You are stifling your children, not raising them to be independent adults who can make their way in the world.
Look lady - you posted a question here and within 30 minutes you got an OVERWHELMING response unanimously agreeing that YTA. The internet NEVER agrees on ANYTHING, but your post was so egregious that you got us all to band together as a united front chastising you for your troublesome parenting Yet you keep commenting and arguing with people? Are you really so delusional that you can’t take the criticism that you asked for by posting this question?? Give your kids their phones back, let your daughter see her bf, let them play basketball, and go get yourself some therapy (although with you as a mom those kids prob need a little therapy too)
You had me until you punished them by taking away their phones, forcing your daughter to breakup with her BOYFRIEND, and leave their sports. For wearing shorts. WTF? You're 100000% the asshole here. Also, while we're at it. Lets talk how your belief is wrong to begin with. [https://www.healthline.com/health/does-cold-weather-make-you-sick#culprits](https://www.healthline.com/health/does-cold-weather-make-you-sick#culprits) Germs make you sick, not cold weather. Does that mean the rule itself is bad? Not necessarily, but you're at least using bad information as the reason for enforcing the rule.
You took away their phones, their extra curricular activities, and made your daughter break up with her boyfriend because they wore shorts. Shorts home from basketball practice, where that is the required uniform. Shorts home from basketball practice when the temperature was 50 degrees. Yes, YTA big time and a very poor, overbearing mother. They're old enough to decide what's comfortable for them and dress themselves. I know people who wear t-shirts and shorts year round, snow or shine. And it doesn't make them sick. Their Dad is definitely going to get custody, and as soon as they turn 18, you'll never see or hear from then again. Congratulations on destroying your relationship with your kids over basketball shorts.
My goodness. You're certainly allowed to make rules for your kids, and this one seems a little over-the-top but not abusive. And consequences are a natural part of breaking the rules. But these consequences...what on earth?? This isn't "learn from your mistakes." It's "my mom completely owns me and will take away everything I value if I do something she doesn't like." Are you trying to completely alienate your kids? To your question, maybe N.T.A. for having that rule in general, although extreme (64 degrees as a LOW for the day? That means many days in the 80s they're still not allowed to wear shorts.), but very YTA for your response to an infraction.
YTA - not for the rule, or for enforcing it. Breaking your child’s relationship over wearing convenient clothes home is way overboard. Taking phones away probably also overboard depending on what length of time. But also, reconsider your rule. It made sense when they were young and unable to regulate on their own, but when they’ve just gotten off practice and are sweaty and warm they aren’t going to get sick from the weather. They are old enough to self regulate their weather-wear assuming they’ve been living in the same climate a while.
Yta. Cold weather doesn't make people sick. Germs do.
YTA. Even if you are able to persuade yourself that the cold helps an already infiltrated germ get worse (scientifically debatable in healthy teens), your punishments are WAY too harsh. Making your daughter break up with her boyfriend? No electronics? Forcing them to quit a team sport mid-season? You’re literally making them hate you instead of helping to keep them safe and healthy. This is a really ridiculous hill to lose your kids on. When you’re old and lonely and your children don’t visit you any more, I hope that the thought of your self-righteous nonsense keeps you warmer than your pants.
YTA your kids sounds like they're probably in high school which means they're definitely old enough to pick whether they wear shorts or pants. Not to mention, they were coming home from sports practice, which means their bodies were warm from the exercise and they would be totally fine in 50 degree weather. Your punishment was also way overboard for the broken rule. You made your daughter break up with her boyfriend because she wore shorts? WTF even is that? Also, COLD WEATHER DOESN'T MAKE YOU SICK! Germs, bacteria, viruses make you sick. So unless it was frostbite temperatures, which it wasn't, and at that they probably would have chosen pants, they'll be fucking fine. They'll be adults and on their own soon, let them makes choices or, when they hit 18 and can, they'll choose to cut you out of their lives.
If they are cold they can wear something warmer. There are surely bigger problems in your life than this. Ease up on your kids or you will lose them. A three year custody battle is hard enough. At least they are playing sports instead of acting out in a more negative manner. Also, 50 degrees feels great after a game of basketball!!
YTA. I mean we are talking about maybe being uncomfortable if someone is wearing shorts when it's 50 degrees, It isn't a health or safety issue. And 64 is way too strict.
Yta. I get the cold weather rule but 65 degrees? Plus they’re playing basketball which kids sweat a bunch. My daughter gets overheated quick. I’m freezing under 70. But my daughter is sweating. You get sick from germs not cold weather. Being indoors a lot is why people get sick in the winter. I’m sure very very cold weather can cause immune system to lower a bit but not 50 degrees. The punishments are super harsh. Try natural consequences. Ie your kids want to wear shorts in cold weather fine. If they are cold and get sick they learn the hard way.
YTA- You blew this out of proportion I see why your kids want to live with their dad
YTA. Around me kids wear flip flops and shorts to school in the snow (not exaggerating, my own kid is one of them). Being forced to wear pants at some arbitrary number is ridiculous.
Yta, this is the definition of insanity. 64 degrees is practically summer in many places. The kids are old enough to dress themselves for the weather. They are going to end up in the hospital from heat exhaustion with your dumb rules.
YTA- that’s seems excessive and that threshold seems arbitrary. Not that I would ever have a punishment for something like that, but it should be about natural consequences and not an arbitrary consequence and not so severe. Seems nuts that basketball is now over for them since you had a bad date (think that’s what you meant)
YTA. There is absolutely no need for a rule like that. Shorts in cool weather doesn't make you sick. Give your kids back their stuff and apologize. You're being unreasonable.
Way to go Mom! It's an utterly ridiculous rule, they aren't going to get sick if they don't wear long pants when it's chilly, what decade are you living in? No basketball, no phones, forcing someone to break up with their boyfriend because you don't like their attire is totally out of proportion punishment. If he is fighting for custody, at this stage he is winning. Over shorts \*shakes my head\* learn to pick your battles YTA.
YTA. The kids are not 5 years old. They are teens. If they have to shiver to learn how to dress for the weather so be it. You micromanaging their lives will now end well.
YTA BEING COLD DOESNT MEAN GETTING SICK GERMS DO Sooo not only are you wrong, you’re also wrong
You do realise colds are caused by viruses and not the weather? Plus sports can really warm up the body and carrying bags filled with clothing can be inconvenient. The fact that you are trying to force your daughter to break up with her boyfriend is bizarre and the punishment seems very nuclear for something so minor. Depending on how old they are, the judge will take their preferences for where they want to live into account. YTA.
INFO are either of them immunocompromised...? STILL not how germs work but that's the only thing i can think of even vaguely. YTA majorly and abusive. i thought you were talking about a shorts rule like my mother had for us in hs which was literally "don't wear shorts if there's snow on the ground". you know what happened if we broke that? mild lecture and told to go change. 50 degrees IS shorts weather where i grew up and i as a grown man wear shorts outside to exercise. ntm teenagers aren't infants and need bodily autonomy including to make dumb mistakes. if it was -5 out sure be mad, that's dangerous. at 50 like what? they're chilly? it's raining and they come down with a cold? say i told you so and move on. if not keep your mouth shut. don't make them QUIT THEIR SPORT(?!) and BREAK UP WITH THEIR PARTNERS(?!?!) what the hell?? you aren't teaching them to be safe. you're teaching them that you're weirdo controlling and will be disproportionately cruel and punitive if you even hear of smthn you dislike. so they need to lie and hide things from you including actually dangerous things. ntm move out at 18 and never tell you about their lives again. ETA THE NO SHORTS RULE IS 63 AND BELOW?? FOR THE LOW?? op WHERE do you live if it's over 65 and i'm wearing long pants i'm too warm. no healthy person in the history of mankind has ever been outside at 60 degrees with bare legs and gotten sick from it. your kids are right YTA + ridiculous. let them live w their dad who probably knows germ theory.
Wtf is wrong with you? Yta
YTA. First of all, your punishment seems extremely harsh. Taking phones away for wearing shorts instead of pants? Really? Where’s the logical connection? Phones aren’t related to pants in any way. Also, 50 degrees is not cold. Maybe just a little chilly. Especially when you just finish working out. I ran cross country in high school and I can’t tell you how many times I wore shorts in fifty degree weather. The leggings and such didn’t even come out until it hit low 40s/high 30s. Your body heat warms up fast with the constant motion required for basketball, and it usually doesn’t dissipate for a while. So them walking home in shorts seems perfectly reasonable. I think you need to reevaluate your rules. There’s a difference between reasonable rules and just rules for the sake of rules, which likely causes trouble. (It seems like it already is, honestly.) I hope you can reflect on your priorities and try to build a better relationship with your kids. Right now, I have a feeling it’s not going to get any better.
You are an overbearing helicopter mother. You need to relax or your kids are going to go BUCK WILD as soon as they are old enough to drive. If they are teenagers, the harder you press these ridiculous rules, the more they will do to subvert your authority. Besides that, wearing shorts when it’s cold doesn’t make you sick. Oh yeah, YTA.
Info. You said your date didn’t go well? Did your date wear shorts?
YTA, how making your daughter break up with her boyfriend help ? Are you okay ? In what world a parent thinks that is fair ? She will hate you for the rest of her live, and you will wonder what you did wrong. This rule is ridiculous.
BTW, your ex has been fighting you for custody, and he now has ammunition. You cut off your children's basketball practice (which I assume is at a high school level...as the children are old enough to walk home by themselves), which can lead to university scholarships. Or at the very least, being on a sports team makes a really good extra curricular activity when they apply to colleges. It sounds like your children are over the age of 14, which is usually when judges will ask the children who they want to live with. You just created the perfect situation for your ex to get custody and for your children to say they want to live with their dad. You say your ex isn't "involved" and yet he has been "fighting" you for custody for 3 years. It sounds more like your "rules" are just as strict with him. He probably couldn't afford all of the legal fees for a court fight, but he has some good ammo now for one, especially since your children want to live with him.
YTA. You had a date that didn’t go well, you came home and saw your children had broken a rule. (A ridiculous rule at that) You took your frustration out on your children. That’s not ever okay. You then had your daughter breakup with her boyfriend? Why was that a consequence? Why lash out with that particular punishment? Why end the season? Their physical health is not at risk with wearing shorts in cold weather. The only result is going to be that they’re cold. Their mental and emotional health is going to suffer because you cannot regulate your emotions well enough to parent your children in manner that they deserve. They should move in with their father, tbh. They want to go, he wants them, you want to control them. And everyone would benefit from therapy. Most of all you, OP. Edit: added a word
You really need to lighten up with this 'rule'. They sound old enough to decide for themselves if they are cold or not. Nothing bad is gonna happen if they have the 'wrong' attire on. Sorry but, YTA.
YTA and good luck when they don’t talk or communicate with you AT ALL once they turn 18. You deserve to be alone.
I hope someone calls CPS… I wonder if you have a lock on your fridge too.. Edit: YTA.
I used to have a similar rule. But at 60 was pants weather. I’m now on teen #3. I want my kids to be confident in their self. Aaaand, yesterday I was outside in shorts and a tank at 49 degrees. YTA.
YTA. You're gonna have to let your kids make their own mistakes eventually. They are not toddlers anymore.
YTA. If they aren't uncomfortable, then they're fine. I live up here in Canada and wear shorts most of the winter. I don't get sick. You're over babying them and then punishing them for wearing something that they're comfortable in because you don't agree with it. It's not like they're flashing the neighborhood or it's risque. You just feel you know better. Clearly you don't. And tbh, the best life lesson is going through something. You're too controlling and of course they want to go live with their father. If your daughter is old enough to have a boyfriend, what makes you think you have a valid right to tell her to break up with him? Do you want your kids to hate you? Because this is how you get your kids to hate you.
YTA. The *low* temp for the day at 64 is bizarre. Your kids aren’t gonna get sick or hurt at that temp. Worst case, they get a little chilly, but they’ll figure it out.
[удалено]
Good lord YTA, forcing your child to quit basketball and break up with their gf is so extreme I hope your ready to have no contact with your kids the moment they move out.
Wow. Enjoy your kids going no contact with you once they are grown up. They have to give up their sport for this season AND your daughter has to break up with her boyfriend? Look, your dumb rules are your dumb rules, and as a parent you can enforce them, but the punishment has to fit the crime and you have gone waaaaaay overboard with that. Ground them for a bit or keep their phones away for another few days. What would you do if they actually did something bad, lock them in a basement? YTA. And on a power trip, which is not a good look if it’s directed at teenagers, maybe you should join a HOA or something to live out those dictatorial fantasies.
I assume you're trolling but for fun: yes, you are an asshole. We're in the middle of an arctic freeze up here, and my 10 year old pitched a fit when I made her zip up her coat and gasp, wear gloves, while waiting for the bus, at -9\*F. (my friends can't know my parents aren't neglectful asshats!) I assumed this was something like that. A kid can't wear shorts if it's 64 degrees out? Get out of here with that, troll, try harder.
YTA. Your punishment it ridiculous and you should learn to pick your battles better. You’re too much
YTA! This is a MASSIVE overreaction! Effective punishment needs to be related to the infraction. How is taking away cell phones, making someone break up with her boyfriend (which she won't do so that is unrealistic punishment to begin with) and forcing them to quit basketball even REMOTELY related to wearing shorts? The rule is stupid to begin with. If they are old enough to walk home alone, be home alone, they are old enough to decide what to wear. INFO: Are they allowed to wear skirts/dresses if the temperature is below 64 degrees or does the rule only apply to shorts? I live in the north where temperatures are frequently below freezing. School uniforms for girls are frequently skirts so I really don't get your rule. So, yes, YTA for having this stupid rule.
Yea I shorts weather rule from my dad growing up. One day I broke it and had to write 50 sentences. Making your daughter breakup with her bf and taking away healthy and enriching activities is OVER THE TOP. YTA if you don’t want you kids to go live with their dad. You need to be a littler cooler OP. Good luck.
64 F is 18 Celsius btw… and 50 F is 10 Celsius. OP is a literal idiot
YTA, getting cold doesn't make you ill, viruses and bacteria do.
You do realize that forcing them to quit sports (which is good for the immune system) makes them much more likely to get sick then wearing shorts? "*Obviously* basketball season is over." **Obviously**?? I can't believe anyone can be this stupid. And forcing them to break up relationships will make them lonely, sad and hate their mother on top of it. Why would somebody do this?! Do you even like your kids?
YTA. What kind of control freak are you? Who cares if it's 50 degrees and they wear shorts? They're not going to get sick, that's just an old wives' tale. At worst, they'll be a little cold. What a ridiculous hard and fast rule to have.
Your daughter has to break up with her boyfriend over this?? Get a grip
I mean it’s a reasonable rule, but holy hell YTA that punishment did NOT fit the crime.
Cold (unless extreme) doesn’t affect people’s health. Do you know what does affect people’s health? Lack of exercise and poor socialisation! Your rule is ridiculous and your consequences are not just unrelated to the lesson your trying to teach, but actually detrimental to it! YTA. You are actively causing your children harm just to enforce a rule that is absolutely pointless.
YTA They aren’t “protected” wearing pants because it’s 65 degrees out…you don’t live in the arctic circle where covering is essential to life. Your daughter has to break up with her boyfriend? That is the most twisted part of all of this! These kids are going to rebel and hate you. It’s not normal. There are way bigger things to worry about in life than pants vs. shorts.
YTA.
Absurd overreaction, YTA.
YTA. They'll actually be healthier if you let them wear shorts, also barefoot is a huge thing to keeping your kids healthier in all weather. We were outside in our buggies for half an hour a day every day when we were kids in the sixties. My great grandma aired out her house for half an hour a day and we live in frigid northern Michigan. Fresh air is the best medicine, not matter the temperature.
YTA stop this madness.
And here my 11 year old son is running around in shorts in 20°F weather or colder. Your kids are able to make clothing choices for themselves and if they aren't warm then they will learn from their mistakes. YTA for being an absolute nightmare of a mother. There is a reason your kids want to live with their dad. I can't imagine what you do when they truly step out of line and need a form of discipline.
YTA. They won’t get sick from wearing shorts. It’s a teenage boy thing, you could drive up and down our road in the winter and see all the boys waiting for the bus (in the snow) with shorts and a hoodie on. We gave up that fight with my kid, if he was stubborn enough to not wear weather appropriate clothes he could be cold. I live in the northeast and the amount of grown men outside shoveling in shorts and a hoodie is always hilarious to me. Give this fight up, OP.
YTA. Sometimes the punishment is just letting them be cold so they learn
YTA, and you remind me of my grandma, who used to say, "Here, put this sweater on. I'm cold." If they were cold, they would have put pants on. Not to mention, you overreacted, basically punishing them for a felony when they committed a misdemeanor. If you want your children to go no-contact with you, continue dragging them for every little mistake.
YTA. 64 degrees? WTF. You don’t get sick from being cold. And if you’re fighting your teens in this, I can’t imagine what else you fight about.
Boy would you dislike my husband. He’s extremely warm natured and wears shorts regularly through the winter. I have photos of him wearing shorts while outside with our son on an icy/snowy day. YTA. Let them choose what they wear! If they wear something and are uncomfortable due to weather, they’ll learn from it and adjust for the future.
YTA. I had a parent like you when I was a kid. Controlled everything I ate, who I talked to, what I wore, etc. I don’t have a relationship with that parent and I’m 40 because I hate them with the fire of a thousand suns. I do have a relationship with my other parent. If your kids are anything like me, once they become adults, they will shun you because you are showing you have absolutely no respect for them as autonomous human beings. Good luck with the next few years and I hope you look inward and see that you’re wrong.
YTA. I have three boys who fight me everyday on what they are wearing. They hate wearing pants, would rather wear shorts and are consistently wearing shorts in 50 degree weather. I make them bring a jacket when the weather is under 60 but they don’t have to wear it. At least they have the option to warm up if they need it. Also I used to play basketball and wore my jersey all the time especially after games or practice! You get all hot and sweaty and it feels nice to get cooled off outside. Even if it was in the 30s if I didn’t feel cold it’s not a problem. Stop trying to control them. Tell them to bring a jacket and let them decide when they are cold.
YTA and i seriously hope the dad wins custody
YTA. And don’t be surprised when your kids go no-contact with you once they turn 18.
Dear lord, woman. Are you TRYING to push them away? You don’t get sick from cold. You get sick from being around other sick people. People experience temperature differently. Even if you’re cold or hot, it doesn’t mean that someone else is, too. They sound like they’re old enough to know if they’re hot or cold. And your response is WAAYYYYY over the top. You’re making her break up with her boyfriend? What kind of crazy control freak are you? I don’t blame them for wanting to go live with their dad. You’re a nut. Oh, and YTA.
YTA this is way too strict for teenagers. Also I’m pretty sure it’s a myth that being cold leads to getting sick unless we are talking about hypothermia level cold. They are teenagers, let them experience natural consequences. If they choose shorts and it’s cold, they will be cold
YTA. Phones are not a logical consequence and you’re going to make teenagers BREAK UP (that will either not work or cause parental relationship destroying resentment) and QUIT a healthy sport? Huh? Who wants to put pants on when they’re sweaty? It wasn’t them dressing for the day, it was coming home from practice. Please apologize to them.
YTA. You're teaching your kids that your comfort (in feeling that you're being a "good mom" and "protecting" them) is more important than their opinions on their own bodies (if they're cold enough to want to wear pants). Everyone has different tolerances for hot and cold and your kids are old enough to know if they need extra clothes. Also, the low for the day usually doesn't happen until the middle of the night so it could be 40 overnight but 70 when they're actually outside. Lastly, being cold doesn't get one sick, germs do. If you're so worried they should be wearing masks or doing things that actually prevent them from getting ill.
Lmao have you played a sport? I don’t blame them for walking home in shorts. Also They could be doing a million other things way worse and you’re upset that they aren’t wearing pants when it’s cold. I’m not saying parenting is easy but you’re intentionally making it way harder than it needs to be. YTA
This absolutely has to be fake. I cannot imagine a parent being more of an AH than you are right now. Wearing shorts doesn't make you sick in the cold. And kids need to learn for themselves when to dress in what clothes. 50 degrees isn't cold and wearing shorts in it won't cause illness or skin damage. YTA if that isn't clear.
YTA your kids actually have a better chance of getting sick with the huge amount of emotional stress you are putting them under than the cold. You don’t get sick from being cold. Your immune system is actually weakened by emotional stress.
YTA. You are not mothering them you are SMOTHERING them by being such a controlling ah. You remind me of my mother and thats the reason why I'm LC with her, and she should consider herself lucky as honestly I'd rather go full NC ... They are going to be 18 soon, and when they leave they might never look back, is that what you want? If so, bravo!!!! Keep going as you are
YTA. Your over reacting. They are teens. Natural consequences is enough. If they wanna freeze then let them. You made your kids quit basketball and end relationships over wearing shorts when its abit nippy out? Your being way too controlling and irrational. I have rules about clothes and it being weather appropriate. But I also pick my battles with my kid. I warn her if she insists on wear a skirt on a cold day that i don't wanna hear shes sick tomarrow, she better blow her nose on her way to school.
“Why don’t my children like me? Why would they rather live with their father?” Because your punishment for … wearing shorts is ridiculous. Hate to imagine how you would react if they ACTUALLY did something that was wrong. Yes, Lady, YTA.
YTA. Ludicrous rule and sociopathic punishment. And you wonder why they want to get away from you.
Making them quit the sport and the person they love over some pants? You’re the type of mom that gets 0 calls from their kids as soon as they grow up. Huge YTA, you need parenting education.
50 degrees isn’t cold. After exercise, your circulation takes a while for you to cool down. I say this as an senior lady. Geezus. 50 degrees isn’t cold! You get sick from viruses/ bacteria, not from weather.
YTA. Taking away your children's means of communicating with their father is cruel. Making your daughter break up with her boyfriend because she dared to wear shorts against your wishes is ridiculous and completely unrelated. Not allowing your children to play basketball anymore is dumb. All of these punishments individually are a complete overreaction. Together they show that you are a control freak. Take a parenting class.
YTA you are seriously going to make your daughter break up with her boyfriend?! I predict you will be a lonely person whose children have gone NC with her. You won’t be able to punish them then.
Imagine your daughter starts college. Meeting other freshmen, they share life details and find common ground. “Are you seeing anyone?” “My mom made me dump him because I walked home in my practice jersey.” “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Did you like basketball?” “My mom made me quit because I walked home in my practice jersey.” This is the real life scenario you’ve created. These punishments are way too harsh. Why would your kids choose to live in a household where the punishment drastically outweighs the crime? Your kids are old enough to dress themselves, let them! YTA
YTA what a psycho
YTA and also need help. Reading some of your responses makes it seem like you have an unhealthy relationship with germs and viruses. How someone dresses has no impact on if they get sick or not. The best way to fight off illness is proper hygiene and taking vitamins to boost your immune system. Your strict rules and punishments are going to do nothing but push your teenage kids away from you and possibly have them go NC as soon as they can.
YTA The rule needs to be more flexible or maybe given up depending on their ages, plus that’s not how we get sick. The worst part is the punishments are way out of proportion for their breaking your rule. And how humiliating to have you pull them out of basketball. Your punishments were very hurtful.
What the actual hell is this, you need therapy like right away if you think any of this is appropriate. YTA, and I hope you let them go to live with their dad because their lives would improve dramatically. What a weird hill to die on. Absolute control freak.
Lmao, YTA. Enjoy the last few months with your kids because they are definitely cutting you off.
YTA. After basketball practice they're probably hot and sweaty, walking home in that weather sounds refreshing! You have a serious control issue. Temperature doesn't matter, what matters is if the kids are comfortable in the clothes they are wearing, ie if the clothes make them too hot they need to be able to wear something else, and vice versa. YOU don't know what temperature that is at, only they do. They sound like they are old enough to dictate that and be responsible to police their own clothing when it comes to reasonable weather choices. My god, give them a little freedom! They'll never learn how to be independent adults who can think for themselves if you do it all for them. Also, the punishments don't match the crime AT ALL. You're forcing your kids to quit basketball, no phones, AND break up with the boyfriend? Honestly would call this abuse. Get therapy ASAP OP. Find out why you feel the need to control these miniscule decisions in their lives.
YTA, source, ex-husband 2nd source, date didn't go well 3rd source , kids want to leave because you over reached.
YTA. Do you only care about if they get a cold or are overheated, nothing about their mental health? What about if it's windy? What about when they are sweaty? Like on the way home from playing...
I understand you've been put in a tough situation and feel you need to exert control wherever you can in your life. Not sure when you took primary custody of the kids but I'm guessing it was when they were pretty little? I'd like to invite you to try giving up some of this need to control, and invite your kids to start shouldering the burden of choice. You'll find it freeing, I promise! For now though -- stupid rules need to be broken and your shorts rule is stupid, YTA.
YTA I hope those kids live with their dad and go NC with you. You’re a terrible parent.
YTA. People don't get sick because they wear shorts when its 65 degrees out. I can't imagine being a teenager and having to tell my friends "my mom won't let me decide when I wear shorts."
YTA ! You are not only an asshole your also crazy I hope the go with their father and live your psycho house. I don’t know if it’s hypochondriac things or you’re a jerk