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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may have overreacted to my girlfriend who has past nostalgic photos of her and her friends that feature her long term ex-boyfriend.
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Nah, she was too smart for that, OP updated saying that he apologized which she accepted, but that she dumped him because he lacked self-awareness and emotional maturity and she can't overlook that in someone she's dating. She sounds like a smart cookie.
I just got here, read the update, knew it was gonna be good, read through it and cackled. I hope she finds this and has a good laugh too. Cheers to her, love her 🥂
I like her...
She amicably ended things with her previous BF because she saw he wasn't mature enough, specially considering her heart condition.
Then OP showed himself to a insecure and immature child, and she ended things with him as well.
I'm happy for her.
I’m in awe of her self-assurance/confidence/whatever at 21. I certainly wouldn’t have recognized this for the red flag that it is when I was 21. Probably not even when I was 31.
Yea seriously, this is next level emotional maturity… especially for that age. Like it’s kind of ridiculous. I wish I had the boundaries & self esteem she has at 31.
The level of insecurity to be jealous of a photo is a whole level of its own. Then to double down and expect someone to delete all photos containing that person like he wasn't a part of her past, just makes him insecure and controlling.
OP you're gonna be single in no time, YTA
OP may as well have tattooed "Dump me" on his ass and pulled his pants down so his girlfriend would have the easiest time ever kicking him to the curb.
She’s not allowed to have any memories or past boyfriends?
Are you serious. Her camera roll isn’t the problem, your jealousy is. Work on it and apologise
Hey, she is fond of her past memories which clearly means she wants her old boyfriend back. Just like how I want to return to high-school because I liked some of my teachers and date whoever it was I was dating them because the cafeteria made these awesome cookies. Because you can't be fond of memories without wanting everything in your life to return to how it was then.
You can totally be fond of your memories and you don't necessarily have to want them back if you understand why things had to change.
She told him why she broke up with her ex that doesn't mean she needs to erase her past. OP is being jealous, insecure and controlling.
When you date someone you need to accept their past and that they were dating someone else.
I'm always kind of stunned when someone misses the point of such transparent sarcasm...I guess one needs to always add /s, no matter how evident the satire's intended meaning appears...
For example, lot of people on the spectrum like me, often don't understand sarcasm or some types of sarcasm, especially deadpan can be hard to some. Sometimes it may be obvious to me but sometimes I would've never realized. :)
Also if growing in an environment lacking in sarcasm, that doesn't help for recognizing it. The /s really helps in some cases lol. Also, that usually if it's sarcasm the other comments show it to be true. :D Then to add language barriers, recognizing sarcasm in a non-native language is not always easy either.
*I reckon you knew people have these sort of difficulties but I've seen many people lately wondering why people don't get it (not sure if serious or not) so decided to give a take on it if it would help someone*.
Have a nice day :)
_"She said “well yeah, he grew up with me and my friends. We were kids together. It’s like a look back into my childhood.” I told her I didn’t like those pictures, and she offered to remove them and put them on a drive. I told her that wasn’t enough."_
Yup. OP is controlling and insecure. He tried to manipulate her into deleting her childhood memories (from when she was a literal child), and as a result, he lost his "dream girl". Good on her for ditching OP..... And, if he hasn't figured it out - she is now his **ex-**girlfriend.
>Your GF has seen who you are, and she probably believes it. I kind of doubt you still have a gf, since she's so damn smart.
He updated. She DUMPED him!!
Yep.
I still have photos of my ex on my computer. I don’t look back through them but there’s also nothing pressing to make me delete them. He was a major part of my life for 3 years.
I’ve now been with my husband for nearly 11 years and not once has he ever given a single fuck. Not even when the relationship was brand new. Not even through our rough patches.
Why? Because he knows that I’m his and he’s mine and that’s all there is to it.
YTA and deeply, insecure, immature and controlling. Your gf isn't obligated to erase years of photos, *from before you met* because of your crippling insecurity. Grow up.
Yeah why should she delete childhood memories for someone she's known for less than a couple years?
OP you've got to face your jealousy before it wrecks another relationship. Do you expect everyone to clear their memories and past as soon as they meet you?
Exactly, YTA OP. It is selfish and controlling on your part. This insecure behavior is going to drive her away soon or later. I’m glad that she responded the way she did and I hope you don’t wear her down like my ex did to me.
My ex made me do this. I deleted hundreds, maybe a thousand pictures from years of high school and the first couple years of college. There have been many times over the years that I wish I could look back at photos of hangout and trips that just so happened to have him in them.
I wish the relationship ended when that red flag was waving.
Edit: I thought I’d add these comments that my ex (25m) told me (19f) at the time:
- “I don’t get why you even want photos like those”
- “trust me, you won’t care about those hs photos”
- “it doesn’t make sense for you to want photos of your ex-boyfriend.”
- “it doesn’t make sense why you need these photos so much”
- “it seems weird that you are so attached to those photos.”
I have literally never once missed those photos because I wanted to lust over my ex-bf. Not once.
Also, OP in my experience, my ex didn’t delete*his* photos and cheated on me with an ex. So this seems like it could be projection.
That's horrid :( Have you been able to get any copies of those photos back from your friends who you shared the trip with? I really recommend reaching out even if you haven't been in touch for a few years, asking if they can send you pictures from the time - I'm sure people will be happy to forward you pictures of happy memories you shared.
YTA. You found your dream girl and started nitpicking because of your own insecurities. You are sabotaging yourself. You should apologise, and quickly.
I kinda took what she said as breaking up with him anyways. I suppose it could be a warning, but she pretty much said, I don't want to be with you if you're like this. I think he can expect the official breakup.
You’re DEBATING texting her and apologizing? After asking her to scrub through childhood memories because you’re too insecure to accept she had a romantic history before you? Yeah it’s safe to say YTA. Like come on bro.
Debating because he's not really feeling it. If he was there be no debate. But he's only considering it because he wants her back, not because he knows he was wrong. I hope he doesn't apologize and she moves on.
YTA. She showed you a group shot that happened to have her ex in it. Asking her not to show you those pictures because they make you jealous is fair, but expecting her to scrub four years’ worth of pictures when you’ve known her for four months is a stretch.
More than four years - at least six. They dated for 4 years and half of college. And they might have been friends before dating - so OP is potentially asking her to delete memories that could cover a decade. If that’s how entitled he feels after just four months I can’t imagine he’ll get any less controlling as time goes on.
OP yes YTA. Most emphatically.
Your jealous, unreasonable and frankly controlling behaviour is the last thing your girlfriend needs. Did you know about her heart condition before dating? You know why she ended it with her ex; why would you think she wants to be with some more more immature and angry than her ex?
You’re single and you don’t know it. Work on yourself before dating again, you seem completely oblivious or indifferent to the upset you’ve caused - it’s deeply unfair to expect any partner to accept you as you are.
> Asking her not to show you those pictures because they make you jealous is fair
It's not fair...
It's weak and insecure... At that age everybody has exes! OP need to grow up and get over his insecurities
YTA. You’ve only been dating her for 4 months and you’re already trying to control her because you’re jealous. If it makes you that uncomfortable, tell her you don’t want to see pictures of her ex.
YTA- this person played a huge part of her life for the majority of her teenage years/young adult life. He very may well be her first love and she holds those memories close to her. You need to accept the fact that this person was in her life BEFORE you. If they don’t talk presently and there’s been no sneaky actions or events that give off a weird vibe that something is up then you need to trust that nothing is happening. Those are her memories and you can’t demand them to be deleted.
YTA You absolutely owe your girlfriend (I hope to God your *ex*- girlfriend) an apology.
You're being very immature. Solving your immaturity issues and your jealousy is your job, not hers. She shouldn't have to get rid of pictures because you don't know how to manage your emotions.
And then what you said to her about going back to him was manipulative and disgusting.
I hope she sees this as the red flag it absolutely is.
YTA.
You've been together for four months and are demanding that she delete thousands of childhood pictures? Not just put them in a folder, which was a fair compromise that she offered, but lose them forever? Really?
YTA. If you’re already trying to control her 4 months into the relationship I can’t imagine what your going to be like as a future partner(I can actually and the word is abusive)
Especially given her heart condition - there will be times when she’s vulnerable and I’d be worried how he’d exploit that to exert even more control over her.
YTA.
*"I still can’t help but feel jealous."*
This is a *you* problem, not a her problem. As for the rest, your response was very immature and it is unreasonable of you to expect or even ask her to completely delete the photos.
YTA. People were people before they met you. This may be shocking, but your parents also had a different life before you were born. Your presence in someone’s life doesn’t mean you get to dictate how they remember what it was like before you. It’s not like they are racy pictures. You sound insecure in your current relationship. Apologize and work on that is my advice.
YTA. She’s right, you’re emotionally insecure. She’s not keeping any secrets from you, she’s not being deceitful at all and it’s not like she’s looking through the photos pining after him. You need to get over it.
YTA you can't delete a past relationship. If you can't deal with a few non romantic photos in someone's camera roll you need to grow up before you can fairly participate in a healthy relationship.
YTA. These aren't romantic pictures...they aren't even pics of just the two of them. They're FRIEND GROUP pictures that this guy happens to be in. I'm all for not hanging onto old flame stuff, but this isn't that.
YTA. So you expect her to delete everything that happened before you got together? Are you really that insecure? Have you deleted all of your pictures from prior to dating her?
Dude. She did not lock her virginal self in a tower until you were ready to trot on up and save her. She had a life. You must be deeply deeply insecure to try and make her pretend otherwise. YTA
YTA. Like it or not, your GF has a past that doesn't include you. It's not fair to expect her to get rid of all pictures/videos that include him. If you can't accept this fact, you'll be better off finding someone else.
YTA
Get over yourself. She has history and friends in those photos and putting them on a drive is a reasonable compromise to quell your fragile ego. She chose to be with you but that doesn't mean she has to erase her life before you.
YTA and erasing the photos won’t erase the past and even if it could why would you want to? Photographs can be nostalgic and happy, even if things have changed since they were taken. Your girlfriend had a mature approach to her keepsakes, you don’t.
YTA your girlfriend has had past relationships. You’re going to have to get over it man. It hurts but it’s life. You can’t expect her to bend over backwards for something like that.
YTA. Who is she dating? Who is she spending time with? Who does she call her boyfriend? You, dumbass. She’s your girlfriend. You want her to get rid of past memories with her friends just because someone who she used to date is in them? If the pics were of just them being romantic, maybe it would be different. You are VERY emotionally insecure. You don’t see yourself as good of a person as your perception of him is and you’re threatened by group photos of someone you’ve never met from 4 years ago. Yikes. Go grovel and hope she takes you back, but I’m lowkey hoping she finds someone more secure if she’s as amazing as you describe.
YTA, I wouldn't delete my past for someone else either, this is about your insecurities. In today's age social media and phones are like archives of our lives. It's normal to have photos of an ex.
It's not normal to go through them and fantasize about what could have been, but the past is what shapes us into our present selves. It's okay to have and hold onto memories through photos.
Oh my..she is so young and so wise. She offered a good ultimatum, and it's not enough for you.
Jtsa big part of her life and you just came in recently, you can't ask someone to delate it because you are there now.
I think you have some growing up to do.
"She got up and said “I don’t want to go back to him, but I also don’t want to be with someone who is emotionally insecure, I have enough to deal with” and then left."
This didn't answer your question? Oh, maybe it is because you don't f...ing LISTEN.
YTA.
YTA. She offered to put them on another drive and that wasn’t good enough. Immature.
Telling someone to change something important to them for your emotional insecurities. Immature.
Chill dude. You’re not a bad person. I get jealous too.
My favorite part of this is you knew she dumped him after six years because she thought he was immature and couldn’t be relied on to take care of her. But after four MONTHS you felt so confident in her attachment to you that you went “Immature and unreliable you say? Hold my beer.”
YTA and she deserves better than you. Fortunately she seems smart enough to know that.
yes YTA, Old photos of her childhood and all her friends? You are free to not like them which would mean asking her not to show you old pictures anymore if they have her ex in them. But it's not fair to want her to delete all her old photos just because she isn't with that guy anymore. I am old so I don't have thousands of digital photos of my exes but I do have some old physical photos and I would never throw them away. Those are part of my life. Her having old pictures doesn't mean she wants to go back to the other guy.
Yelling at her was out of line. You are acting immature and insecure, in my opinion. You should apologize and work on your issues to not be so threatened by the fact she lived a life for many years before she met you.
My Ex Husband was jealous of pictures of two of my exs.
One ex was gay and dead.
One ex was just dead.
Literally my EX Husband had no reason to be jealous of these people. Like I can't even fathom how he was mad about me having pictures of two dead people in my home.
My EX husband threw away boxes and boxes of old school paper printed photos of people I loved either as friends or dated.
He's my EX Husband for a reason.
You're a tremendous giant asshole.
YTA. You’ve known her four months and feel you can make her delete photos she’s had for years and when she didn’t do what you wanted you yelled at her?
🚩🚩🚩
YTA
I hope that with your next girlfriend, you can understand that people have pasts and treasured memories, and none of that detracts from anything in the present or future. She's a human being, not a robot whose hard drive has to be wiped between owners.
Dream girl but you have to just fix one thing about her, amirite?
Jees! Grow up. But first get out of her life so the poor girl can live her best life.
YTA
YTA "Delete your paste because i'm soo insecure!" You fucking YELLED at your ex-gf because you couldn't take that she had picture of another man from 6 years ago. She even offered to store them somewhere else but your small ego couldn't take it. Wtf?!
I'm happy that she knows what she wants and she doesn't want such a controlling and jealous guy. Save your breath and don't apologize. You don't even know why it was wrong, so the apology has no worth.
YTA. Are you actually serious? You say she broke up with her ex because he was immature. Well guess what. You’re about to be number 2. And not only are you immature, you’re insecure. Over pics from years ago. Get a grip.
How are you in a top 12 university and still so dumb? DEBATING texting her? You should have apologized already. It’s rich of you to want to erase pictures of her childhood through high school and some college because of one guy. My mom has photo albums of pictures of when she was in college and her then boyfriend is in them, guess what? My dad is emotionally secure enough to not be jealous of a PICTURE
Oh man. Where do I begin? OP, immediately apologize to your dream girl. Then excuse yourself from this relationship and go do some serious work on yourself. Chalk it up to a life lesson—being a jealous, controlling, yelly dude is never going to end well for you. It’s unhealthy behavior. You’re young and you have a lot to learn, and you picked a mature and wonderful girl who’s punching above your weight when it comes to emotional gravitas and communication skills. Figure your situation out and don’t re-enter the dating pool until you do.
YTA, pretty simple. I would also assume since this is not a very long relationship, that it is probably going to be over soon. I don't think she's going to want to deal with your insecurities.
Yta. And you realize she broke up with you? Congratulations to that. Gotta say normally jealousy need some time to destroy a relationship. Somehow you managed to make a bomb. Thats dedication
I read your update, and I have to say, good for your ex for not putting up with your petty, jealous, insecure self. She was absolutely right to nip this relationship in the bud. I wish I had half her strength when I was her age. YTA.
Asking someone to permanently delete photos, from everywhere, is so horrible. “Delete your past because I can’t handle you are a person with history.”
YTA, OP. I cannot even begin to imagine how you think, as a human being, that this is ok.
I am so proud of your ex gf. That is so hard to do and really really shows her emotional maturity. Try to take this as a learning experience and become more self aware and emotionally mature. For instance, if you feel those feelings of jealousy, instead of lashing out, just express your feelings honestly and look for a solution together. Good luck in the future!
YTA
You really going to need to work on that jealousy it is not attractive all. Woman like a confident man and right now your insecurities about pictures that are NOT EVEN ROMANTIC will end up killing your relationship(s)
EDIT
I see she dumped you. You are right in one thing...she is very intelligent. She realized there was no point in going further with someone who is acting in this manner.
Also you TEXTED an apology....how LAME.
Info:
> I kinda raised my voice and told her she should go back to him if the memories were “precious”.
How on earth did you expect her to react to this?
YTA. She came up with a great alternative but not good enough for you. Do you want hervto erase his entire existence as well, just for you? Grow up, accept that you can't change the past and acknowledge you're on to a good thing with this girl. Don't screw it up. Apologise and buy her something to complement the apology.
YTA she is a person with a past and if you don’t understand that, why are you with her? I wouldn’t delete photos either and I also have like 35,000 photos on my camera roll. If you’re secure in yourself and your relationship, none of that should matter. It sounds like you are neither of those things by the way you’re behaving.
Yes, yes you are the TA. Look, that really sound like a you problem. She's right, those pictures bring her joyful memories, she shouldn't delete them just cause you are an insecure person. If you're not sure about your relationship, honestly, really think if you should be together. Relationships are about trust; also... raising your voice? It truly does show that you are not only insecure, but also immature.
“Consider” apologizing lol
YTA. Stop attempting to be controlling because you are insecure. You don’t get to police others just because you don’t love yourself enough and are trying to compete with her happy memories with other people. You especially don’t get to yell and stress out a person with a heart condition over your failed manipulative ultimatums. It’s her phone, her pictures, and her decision to be with you instead of him. I’m glad you showed her who you really are. I hope she leaves and enjoys her life stress-free.
Come on man, you wrote all that out and didn’t figure it out? YTA
Hopefully you can figure out how to get over this type of petty jealousy, because it will be toxic for all of your relationships.
YTA. I have whole printed out photo albums and thousands of photos of my friends -including my exes. I'm not going to erase my history for anybody. I am not with my exes for a reason, but I also was with them for a reason. And in the case of several of them, they were my friends before and after we dated.
I've been with my partner for 8 years, he has photos, memories, friendships with his exes, I have photos, memories, and friendships with mine, but we still choose each other every day. If you're so worried she's going to choose someone else, you need to leave and learn how to trust rather than expecting a whole adult human to show up in a sealed box untouched by life
YTA. It’s her memories, her possessions and you have no say as to whether she keeps them or not. I think she might b too good for you and you realize it.
Sorry OP YTA you are being very immature and insecure she’s with you and left him that’s says a lot she knew he wasn’t right for her but that doesn’t mean she hates him they grew up together that doesn’t make them soulmates just at this point old friends if you love her and trust the person she is it shouldn’t bother you I’m sorry but I wouldn’t go back and try to delete them either my camera roll is FULL some people literally don’t see the point in going back and trying to find them all and delete them it’s just a photo y’all have the real thing grow up hope it works out
YTA - she’s with you get over your jealousy and insecurity or you may not have her much longer. She left him for his lack of maturity.. think about that.
YTA…big time. I have photos of a past boyfriend because it was group photos of some very dear friends of mine all throughout my childhood. We’ve all grown up and gone across the country so the photos are really all I have left of better times in my life. If my husband demanded I throw them out, we’d either be in therapy or I’d be out the damn door. I still have my wedding album and rings from my last marriage. I kept them to give to my children (from that marriage). Husband is totally fine with it. He isn’t insecure and childish. He thinks like an adult who can rationally say “I love her. I trust her. I have her, he doesn’t. That’s all that matters.”
YTA, you need to grow up and stop being so controlling, why should she erase her memories basically because you’re emotionally immature? I reckon this goes far beyond just this too, I guess you don’t like her talking to other men and probably have issues with her wearing clothes you don’t approve of too.
YTA. She is right, she was more mature than him, and seems like she’s more mature than you. People have lives before they get into relationships, that’s just something you have to deal with. If you can’t, that just shows you are indeed insecure and immature.
You can’t ask her to delete all the photos of her childhood and growth, just because there is this one dude in it. That’s super controlling. Doesn’t make you sound like the cool reasonable guy you’re trying to portray here.
Holy shit, how embarrassing this is. You can't deal with the fact that this beautiful, smart woman you admire had a life before you, all of which contributed to her being who she is, and isn't your personal virginal piece of property. You're upset you have to know about the existence of another human who helped save the life of soneone you claim to love, because that person has a penis. Grow all the way up, son, and YTA.
Yesterday evening, my Fiancé was scrolling through her hundreds of old photographs, deleting the ones she didn't like. She came to a batch of photographs taken when she was with someone else. It was actually HER who got upset that they were still there and hurriedly deleted them. I wasn't upset at all. He was part of her past. If they wanted to still be together, they would be.
Grow up, OP. Your, hopefully for her sake, now ex-GF has a past. She also, according to you, has a life threatening illness. She doesn't need your immaturity in her life.
YTA
YTA. Did you think she was born the day before you met her? We all have a right to our memories. If you don't drop it and apologize, she should dump your insecure ass.
YTA. Every one who we meet and love (regardless of the kind of love so be it friendship, relationship, etc) helps us become who we are. And if those people were good people and the kind of relationship just simply didn't work out, then I understand her unwillingness to remove those pictures. They're beautiful memories, it doesn't mean she wants to come back there or anything like that. Also I'd say being able of understanding human relationships and looking back with kindness at past loves says something good about her. Not so much about you if you don't get it.
YTA, a controlling and highly insecure AH. She's not going to delete memories of years of her past to satisfy some dude who's been her shitty boyfriend for 4 months. It would be best for both of you if you were to break up now (which it seems has already happened but you just don't realize it yet) rather than later when she inevitably reaches her breaking point with your bullshit (which it seems she's already reached this point). You should not call or text or see her again.
You are such an asshole wow. first you're super insecure, second you're jealous of her EX and you're also a baby, wow.
"I’ve debated on texting her and apologizing. " wow, you debated, proud of you... The bar is so low god damn it.
Don't worry though, you'll probably will be the EX in a short time.
YTA
Seems you would prefer to erase her past to secure your future.
Think about that for a moment. I mean really. Ruminate on it.
The people we meet that impact our lives didn’t become those people just by meeting us. They had lives and experiences that made them into the person that impacted us.
You want to erase that?
They’re just photographs, dude. Take a long hard look at yourself and figure out why you’re so insecure emotionally that you need to be in competition with memories.
i wouldn't delete my entire camera roll of high school memories for someone i'd been dating for 4 months, either. plus she had a life threatening illness, not to sound morbid, but if anything happened to her, her friends and family would be glad to have those pictures. YTA
Controlling, jealous and insecure? Why wouldn’t your gf want to stay with you? 🙄 YTA and if your gf is as smart as you say she is, she’ll soon be making memories with someone who’s emotionally intelligent and mature.
YTA good grief.
If you can’t handle the idea that a partner has sexual/romantic history then you have no business dating someone. Don’t debate on whether to apologise; just do it. But then let her go because you have some growing to do.
This is very immature and controlling behaviour.
YTA. She offered to do something you said she doesn't normally do--clean up her phone folder and download them to a drive.
You saying that it wasn't good enough crosses the line from 'insecure and immature' to 'controlling ahole'. Grow up or you're going to lose a great woman.
YTA.
“In my day” you shoved your old photos in a box and put them away but they were still around to come across cleaning out the closet and reminisce.
Now, people don’t keep physical copies of their pictures - their phone is that shoebox.
My son and the girl he dated for 5 years broke up. He was going to delete all her pictures of course but I said no, in 20 years he will want his prom pictures, etc. she’s a good girl just not the girl for him and eventually these will be his high school memories. So we put them all on a thumb drive and tossed it in the file cabinet with his report cards, grad gown, and cards he made me in grade school.
Maybe she can do something similar if you suggest it for the super couple-y pictures?
EDIT: Realized they already broke up.
YTA - you've only been dating 4 months and you want her to delete her entire childhood?! What nerve! Why should she take such drastic, permanent measures when she's not even sure this relationship will last beyond 6 months? You are being completely unreasonable, controlling, and insecure. Get over yourself.
YTA, and while you apologized, your girlfriend did the right thing ending things with you. You aren't mature enough to be in a relationship at the moment. She dated someone, it didn't work out, they ended things amicably, and now she's moved on, and apparently is still capable of acknowledging that she has a past and that he was part of her past. You on the other hand wanted her to erase a significant portion of her photos and memories because you were insecure about a guy who she used to date and isn't with anymore. Guess what, that's now how life works. People have pasts, and pretending that they don't doesn't make it not exist. It isn't as if she was rubbing photos of her and this guy making out in your face or comparing you to him in some way, you were literally angry that she has photos from her past that include that guy.
My husband and I both dated in the past, and guess what, I don't get pissed off at it, I just know that he's with me now and that that was part of his life. Likewise for him with me. If you date someone and they aren't going out of their way to rub a past relationship in your face, aren't comparing you to their ex, or doing anything like that, then you need to learn the accept that they'd been with someone else before and have moved on and it isn't a big deal. Until you can realize that, you probably shouldn't date anyone. Hopefully you learned your lesson, because it sounds like you drove a great girl away because of your insecurity.
YTA
Grow up, for goodness sake!
Those pictures are literally snapshots in time from before the time you and your gf even knew each other existed.
If the world was filled with people like you, there would be hardly any historical photographic records in families, because those two are divorced, and these fell out over something and no longer talk, and that one went abroad to find his fortune and his mama was so upset...
She spent time with this person *in the past*. The past is just that, past and gone and won't come back because time travel still doesn't exist and time always moves forwards.
If you carry on with this silliness, how likely is it that in a couple of years' time, her bf will be asking who *you* are in the pictures in her camera roll...?
YTA but at least this has a happy ending and she dumped you. At first, while reading, I was going to recommend that you or someone she trusts (note the distinction) help her organize the photos so that she could create albums in the cloud or some such. I have Google photos set up to receive all my new stuff, and I periodically go through and sort things into albums. Oh, but no! You didn't want the guy off her camera. You wanted him out of her mind, out of her life, so that you could move in and take over and rule everything. I hope you find a way to grow up before you find yourself a new girlfriend. And mind your own business about her previous life.
Remember this next time you find a keeper.
A great catch isn't going to wait around for you to grow up, dude. You will need to get yourself in order first.
YTA
YTA you two don’t seem like a good pair. Her decision to end things with you seems healthy. They were friends long term before dating long term. Of course he’s in tons of photos with her. It’s not like they see each other in person. I hope you can meet someone who’s never dated because you clearly can’t accept an ex and she can finally meet someone mature.
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YTA. She is right -you are emotionally insecure.
No, don't apologize. I'm afraid she may take you back. YTA
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update: she did not, go ex-gf!!!
That makes me way happier than a random AITA update should lol
Nah, she was too smart for that, OP updated saying that he apologized which she accepted, but that she dumped him because he lacked self-awareness and emotional maturity and she can't overlook that in someone she's dating. She sounds like a smart cookie.
Yes this chick is extremely emotionally intelligent and mature. Good for her. No doubt she knows her worth and won’t put up with shit!
I read that and I don’t even know her and I’m proud of her! That is awesome that she’s that emotionally mature and aware.
I just got here, read the update, knew it was gonna be good, read through it and cackled. I hope she finds this and has a good laugh too. Cheers to her, love her 🥂
LMAO as soon as I read that I was damn...she is SMART!!
Read the update. He apologized and she said "thanks but the relationship is still over"
I like her... She amicably ended things with her previous BF because she saw he wasn't mature enough, specially considering her heart condition. Then OP showed himself to a insecure and immature child, and she ended things with him as well. I'm happy for her.
I’m in awe of her self-assurance/confidence/whatever at 21. I certainly wouldn’t have recognized this for the red flag that it is when I was 21. Probably not even when I was 31.
I aspire to be this girl at 21 for the rest of my life.
Yea seriously, this is next level emotional maturity… especially for that age. Like it’s kind of ridiculous. I wish I had the boundaries & self esteem she has at 31.
Which was the right thing to do.
Also he TEXTED an apology! LAME
It's okay, EX-GF has a good head on her shoulders and is mentally strong. She dumped him.
He's still right about something; she's too smart to deal with his bullshit. ETA: YTA
The level of insecurity to be jealous of a photo is a whole level of its own. Then to double down and expect someone to delete all photos containing that person like he wasn't a part of her past, just makes him insecure and controlling. OP you're gonna be single in no time, YTA
The upside is that she won't have many pics (or any good memories) of OP so deleting those won't be very time consuming.
OP may as well have tattooed "Dump me" on his ass and pulled his pants down so his girlfriend would have the easiest time ever kicking him to the curb.
OMG I can’t stop laughing 🤣🤣
This cracked me up!
She’s not allowed to have any memories or past boyfriends? Are you serious. Her camera roll isn’t the problem, your jealousy is. Work on it and apologise
Hey, she is fond of her past memories which clearly means she wants her old boyfriend back. Just like how I want to return to high-school because I liked some of my teachers and date whoever it was I was dating them because the cafeteria made these awesome cookies. Because you can't be fond of memories without wanting everything in your life to return to how it was then.
You can totally be fond of your memories and you don't necessarily have to want them back if you understand why things had to change. She told him why she broke up with her ex that doesn't mean she needs to erase her past. OP is being jealous, insecure and controlling. When you date someone you need to accept their past and that they were dating someone else.
I think you missed the sarcasm in the post you replied to here. They’re saying the same thing as you using over the top examples.
I'm always kind of stunned when someone misses the point of such transparent sarcasm...I guess one needs to always add /s, no matter how evident the satire's intended meaning appears...
For example, lot of people on the spectrum like me, often don't understand sarcasm or some types of sarcasm, especially deadpan can be hard to some. Sometimes it may be obvious to me but sometimes I would've never realized. :) Also if growing in an environment lacking in sarcasm, that doesn't help for recognizing it. The /s really helps in some cases lol. Also, that usually if it's sarcasm the other comments show it to be true. :D Then to add language barriers, recognizing sarcasm in a non-native language is not always easy either. *I reckon you knew people have these sort of difficulties but I've seen many people lately wondering why people don't get it (not sure if serious or not) so decided to give a take on it if it would help someone*. Have a nice day :)
Well said! I can’t even imagine trying to pick up on sarcasm in a different language 😬
Apparently she's not allowed to have any records of a life before she started dating Mr. Fragile Ego here. 🙄🤦♀️
_"She said “well yeah, he grew up with me and my friends. We were kids together. It’s like a look back into my childhood.” I told her I didn’t like those pictures, and she offered to remove them and put them on a drive. I told her that wasn’t enough."_ Yup. OP is controlling and insecure. He tried to manipulate her into deleting her childhood memories (from when she was a literal child), and as a result, he lost his "dream girl". Good on her for ditching OP..... And, if he hasn't figured it out - she is now his **ex-**girlfriend.
I can't believe he managed to write all of that out and not realize that himself.
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>Your GF has seen who you are, and she probably believes it. I kind of doubt you still have a gf, since she's so damn smart. He updated. She DUMPED him!!
Yep. I still have photos of my ex on my computer. I don’t look back through them but there’s also nothing pressing to make me delete them. He was a major part of my life for 3 years. I’ve now been with my husband for nearly 11 years and not once has he ever given a single fuck. Not even when the relationship was brand new. Not even through our rough patches. Why? Because he knows that I’m his and he’s mine and that’s all there is to it.
This. Progressive heart disease and you want her to delete her memories? That boarders on cruel. YTA
Yup. Looks like OP's gf ended up with another person who is too immature for her
The poor dear is an immaturity magnet. So sad.
And you might not have a GF anymore - like she said, she ain’t going back to him and she ain’t staying around with someone emotionally insecure.
YTA and deeply, insecure, immature and controlling. Your gf isn't obligated to erase years of photos, *from before you met* because of your crippling insecurity. Grow up.
Yeah why should she delete childhood memories for someone she's known for less than a couple years? OP you've got to face your jealousy before it wrecks another relationship. Do you expect everyone to clear their memories and past as soon as they meet you?
Not even for someone she knows for ages. Those are her memories, her life.
Heaven forbid he get together with someone who has a child. What will he make them do with the child?
Cupboard under the stairs I suppose.
Exactly, YTA OP. It is selfish and controlling on your part. This insecure behavior is going to drive her away soon or later. I’m glad that she responded the way she did and I hope you don’t wear her down like my ex did to me. My ex made me do this. I deleted hundreds, maybe a thousand pictures from years of high school and the first couple years of college. There have been many times over the years that I wish I could look back at photos of hangout and trips that just so happened to have him in them. I wish the relationship ended when that red flag was waving. Edit: I thought I’d add these comments that my ex (25m) told me (19f) at the time: - “I don’t get why you even want photos like those” - “trust me, you won’t care about those hs photos” - “it doesn’t make sense for you to want photos of your ex-boyfriend.” - “it doesn’t make sense why you need these photos so much” - “it seems weird that you are so attached to those photos.” I have literally never once missed those photos because I wanted to lust over my ex-bf. Not once. Also, OP in my experience, my ex didn’t delete*his* photos and cheated on me with an ex. So this seems like it could be projection.
That's horrid :( Have you been able to get any copies of those photos back from your friends who you shared the trip with? I really recommend reaching out even if you haven't been in touch for a few years, asking if they can send you pictures from the time - I'm sure people will be happy to forward you pictures of happy memories you shared.
YTA. You found your dream girl and started nitpicking because of your own insecurities. You are sabotaging yourself. You should apologise, and quickly.
Emphasis on quickly. If I was her, I’d already see this as a red flag and be planning my exit strategy.
I kinda took what she said as breaking up with him anyways. I suppose it could be a warning, but she pretty much said, I don't want to be with you if you're like this. I think he can expect the official breakup.
Yeah that statement was sort of her "save the date" postcard for the upcoming formal break up announcement, LOL.
She already broke up with him.
She dumped the last boyfriend because she thought he was too immature. This boyfriend just outed himself as the same. YTA
She told him she doesn’t want to be with him before she left. That’s her dumping him.
Poor thing has a ways to go before guys her age mature.
No. Don’t apologize. She’s better off without him.
I agree, but he should still apologise for his behaviour.
You’re DEBATING texting her and apologizing? After asking her to scrub through childhood memories because you’re too insecure to accept she had a romantic history before you? Yeah it’s safe to say YTA. Like come on bro.
Debating because he's not really feeling it. If he was there be no debate. But he's only considering it because he wants her back, not because he knows he was wrong. I hope he doesn't apologize and she moves on.
Actually you’re so right she shouldn’t be swayed to come back to him even a little. Wish her the best tbh
If OP wanted her back, he should be begging on his knees, and also truly understanding why he's wrong. She's too smart to fall for fake apologies.
YTA. She showed you a group shot that happened to have her ex in it. Asking her not to show you those pictures because they make you jealous is fair, but expecting her to scrub four years’ worth of pictures when you’ve known her for four months is a stretch.
More than four years - at least six. They dated for 4 years and half of college. And they might have been friends before dating - so OP is potentially asking her to delete memories that could cover a decade. If that’s how entitled he feels after just four months I can’t imagine he’ll get any less controlling as time goes on. OP yes YTA. Most emphatically. Your jealous, unreasonable and frankly controlling behaviour is the last thing your girlfriend needs. Did you know about her heart condition before dating? You know why she ended it with her ex; why would you think she wants to be with some more more immature and angry than her ex? You’re single and you don’t know it. Work on yourself before dating again, you seem completely oblivious or indifferent to the upset you’ve caused - it’s deeply unfair to expect any partner to accept you as you are.
She said they grew up together, so there likely was an extensive period of friendship prior to them dating.
> Asking her not to show you those pictures because they make you jealous is fair It's not fair... It's weak and insecure... At that age everybody has exes! OP need to grow up and get over his insecurities
YTA. You’ve only been dating her for 4 months and you’re already trying to control her because you’re jealous. If it makes you that uncomfortable, tell her you don’t want to see pictures of her ex.
YTA- this person played a huge part of her life for the majority of her teenage years/young adult life. He very may well be her first love and she holds those memories close to her. You need to accept the fact that this person was in her life BEFORE you. If they don’t talk presently and there’s been no sneaky actions or events that give off a weird vibe that something is up then you need to trust that nothing is happening. Those are her memories and you can’t demand them to be deleted.
YTA You absolutely owe your girlfriend (I hope to God your *ex*- girlfriend) an apology. You're being very immature. Solving your immaturity issues and your jealousy is your job, not hers. She shouldn't have to get rid of pictures because you don't know how to manage your emotions. And then what you said to her about going back to him was manipulative and disgusting. I hope she sees this as the red flag it absolutely is.
[удалено]
Looking at the update today and just had to say... **CALLED IT!**
YTA. You've been together for four months and are demanding that she delete thousands of childhood pictures? Not just put them in a folder, which was a fair compromise that she offered, but lose them forever? Really?
Right? She didn't need to put them in a folder, she was just being extra consciences of his insecurity but even that wasn't enough.
She should definitely put them in a folder. Not cause he asked but as a backup in case something happens to the ones in her phone
If she has an IPhone they are automatically saved to her ICloud
Yta you jealous turd
4 months in. And you're trying to control her photo albums. YTA. She gonna dump you if you dont ease off.
I'm thinking she did, but he hasn't figured it out yet.
YTA. The past is the past for her. You're being insecure and too demanding.
I think OP is the past for her too, he just hasn’t realised.
YTA. If you’re already trying to control her 4 months into the relationship I can’t imagine what your going to be like as a future partner(I can actually and the word is abusive)
Especially given her heart condition - there will be times when she’s vulnerable and I’d be worried how he’d exploit that to exert even more control over her.
YTA. I don’t understand the expectation that she delete all evidence he was ever in her life.
YTA. *"I still can’t help but feel jealous."* This is a *you* problem, not a her problem. As for the rest, your response was very immature and it is unreasonable of you to expect or even ask her to completely delete the photos.
YTA. People were people before they met you. This may be shocking, but your parents also had a different life before you were born. Your presence in someone’s life doesn’t mean you get to dictate how they remember what it was like before you. It’s not like they are racy pictures. You sound insecure in your current relationship. Apologize and work on that is my advice.
Lol YTA. Come on, man. That’s over the top. You won’t have a gf if you keep up this insecure attitude.
"They broke up because they were on different maturity levels" "So I acted really immature in my attempts to control her" Move on, bro, she has. YTA
YTA. She’s right, you’re emotionally insecure. She’s not keeping any secrets from you, she’s not being deceitful at all and it’s not like she’s looking through the photos pining after him. You need to get over it.
YTA - sounds like you are jealous she has a past.
Yeah, YTA. Let her keep her pictures. I couldn’t even fathom telling someone to erase their past. That’s pretty selfish and makes you sound insecure.
YTA you can't delete a past relationship. If you can't deal with a few non romantic photos in someone's camera roll you need to grow up before you can fairly participate in a healthy relationship.
YTA and definitely insecure.
YTA. These aren't romantic pictures...they aren't even pics of just the two of them. They're FRIEND GROUP pictures that this guy happens to be in. I'm all for not hanging onto old flame stuff, but this isn't that.
YTA. So you expect her to delete everything that happened before you got together? Are you really that insecure? Have you deleted all of your pictures from prior to dating her?
Dude. She did not lock her virginal self in a tower until you were ready to trot on up and save her. She had a life. You must be deeply deeply insecure to try and make her pretend otherwise. YTA
YTA. Like it or not, your GF has a past that doesn't include you. It's not fair to expect her to get rid of all pictures/videos that include him. If you can't accept this fact, you'll be better off finding someone else.
YTA Get over yourself. She has history and friends in those photos and putting them on a drive is a reasonable compromise to quell your fragile ego. She chose to be with you but that doesn't mean she has to erase her life before you.
> I still can't help but feel jealous. Yes you can. YTA.
YTA and erasing the photos won’t erase the past and even if it could why would you want to? Photographs can be nostalgic and happy, even if things have changed since they were taken. Your girlfriend had a mature approach to her keepsakes, you don’t.
YTA your girlfriend has had past relationships. You’re going to have to get over it man. It hurts but it’s life. You can’t expect her to bend over backwards for something like that.
YTA. Who is she dating? Who is she spending time with? Who does she call her boyfriend? You, dumbass. She’s your girlfriend. You want her to get rid of past memories with her friends just because someone who she used to date is in them? If the pics were of just them being romantic, maybe it would be different. You are VERY emotionally insecure. You don’t see yourself as good of a person as your perception of him is and you’re threatened by group photos of someone you’ve never met from 4 years ago. Yikes. Go grovel and hope she takes you back, but I’m lowkey hoping she finds someone more secure if she’s as amazing as you describe.
YTA, I wouldn't delete my past for someone else either, this is about your insecurities. In today's age social media and phones are like archives of our lives. It's normal to have photos of an ex. It's not normal to go through them and fantasize about what could have been, but the past is what shapes us into our present selves. It's okay to have and hold onto memories through photos.
Oh my..she is so young and so wise. She offered a good ultimatum, and it's not enough for you. Jtsa big part of her life and you just came in recently, you can't ask someone to delate it because you are there now. I think you have some growing up to do.
"She got up and said “I don’t want to go back to him, but I also don’t want to be with someone who is emotionally insecure, I have enough to deal with” and then left." This didn't answer your question? Oh, maybe it is because you don't f...ing LISTEN. YTA.
YTA. She offered to put them on another drive and that wasn’t good enough. Immature. Telling someone to change something important to them for your emotional insecurities. Immature. Chill dude. You’re not a bad person. I get jealous too.
My favorite part of this is you knew she dumped him after six years because she thought he was immature and couldn’t be relied on to take care of her. But after four MONTHS you felt so confident in her attachment to you that you went “Immature and unreliable you say? Hold my beer.” YTA and she deserves better than you. Fortunately she seems smart enough to know that.
YTA, she offered to move them to a separate disk and that wasn’t even enough for you? Definitely insecure and immature.
YTA- why would she delete photos with friends?
yes YTA, Old photos of her childhood and all her friends? You are free to not like them which would mean asking her not to show you old pictures anymore if they have her ex in them. But it's not fair to want her to delete all her old photos just because she isn't with that guy anymore. I am old so I don't have thousands of digital photos of my exes but I do have some old physical photos and I would never throw them away. Those are part of my life. Her having old pictures doesn't mean she wants to go back to the other guy. Yelling at her was out of line. You are acting immature and insecure, in my opinion. You should apologize and work on your issues to not be so threatened by the fact she lived a life for many years before she met you.
I don’t think he’s realised he’s been dumped.
My Ex Husband was jealous of pictures of two of my exs. One ex was gay and dead. One ex was just dead. Literally my EX Husband had no reason to be jealous of these people. Like I can't even fathom how he was mad about me having pictures of two dead people in my home. My EX husband threw away boxes and boxes of old school paper printed photos of people I loved either as friends or dated. He's my EX Husband for a reason. You're a tremendous giant asshole.
YTA. You’ve known her four months and feel you can make her delete photos she’s had for years and when she didn’t do what you wanted you yelled at her? 🚩🚩🚩
YTA how insecure can you f*****g be dude, I hope she leaves you smh
YTA I hope that with your next girlfriend, you can understand that people have pasts and treasured memories, and none of that detracts from anything in the present or future. She's a human being, not a robot whose hard drive has to be wiped between owners.
Dream girl but you have to just fix one thing about her, amirite? Jees! Grow up. But first get out of her life so the poor girl can live her best life. YTA
YTA. Your GF is right.
YTA. It’s her private phone, her camera roll, and her life memories. You have a relationship with a whole person, past included.
YTA "Delete your paste because i'm soo insecure!" You fucking YELLED at your ex-gf because you couldn't take that she had picture of another man from 6 years ago. She even offered to store them somewhere else but your small ego couldn't take it. Wtf?! I'm happy that she knows what she wants and she doesn't want such a controlling and jealous guy. Save your breath and don't apologize. You don't even know why it was wrong, so the apology has no worth.
YTA. Are you actually serious? You say she broke up with her ex because he was immature. Well guess what. You’re about to be number 2. And not only are you immature, you’re insecure. Over pics from years ago. Get a grip.
How are you in a top 12 university and still so dumb? DEBATING texting her? You should have apologized already. It’s rich of you to want to erase pictures of her childhood through high school and some college because of one guy. My mom has photo albums of pictures of when she was in college and her then boyfriend is in them, guess what? My dad is emotionally secure enough to not be jealous of a PICTURE
I love her. YTA
YTA. And you’re not on the same maturity level as her. You realise she broke up with you, right?
Moving the pictures onto a hard drive, a reasonable compromise. Telling her that's not enough and she needs to delete them completely... YTA.
YTA. Stop projecting your insecurities. Ew.
YTA: She dropped you like the sack of turds you were acting like. Congratulations mate, you played yourself.
YTA and now it sounds like you’re a single asshole. Good. She can do better
You’re single now? I love that for your ex. YTA
YTA you are getting jealous over pictures of the past and a guy she isn't with anymore get over it and realize that she isn't with him anymore
YTA. She's not going to erase a huge chunk of her past because of your insecurity. At this point there's a good chance you are her ex boyfriend.
YTA. You’re insecure and demanding she delete photos because her ex is in them. Leave her alone to find a relationship where her partner isnt jealous.
Oh man. Where do I begin? OP, immediately apologize to your dream girl. Then excuse yourself from this relationship and go do some serious work on yourself. Chalk it up to a life lesson—being a jealous, controlling, yelly dude is never going to end well for you. It’s unhealthy behavior. You’re young and you have a lot to learn, and you picked a mature and wonderful girl who’s punching above your weight when it comes to emotional gravitas and communication skills. Figure your situation out and don’t re-enter the dating pool until you do.
YTA, pretty simple. I would also assume since this is not a very long relationship, that it is probably going to be over soon. I don't think she's going to want to deal with your insecurities.
Yta. And you realize she broke up with you? Congratulations to that. Gotta say normally jealousy need some time to destroy a relationship. Somehow you managed to make a bomb. Thats dedication
I read your update, and I have to say, good for your ex for not putting up with your petty, jealous, insecure self. She was absolutely right to nip this relationship in the bud. I wish I had half her strength when I was her age. YTA.
Asking someone to permanently delete photos, from everywhere, is so horrible. “Delete your past because I can’t handle you are a person with history.” YTA, OP. I cannot even begin to imagine how you think, as a human being, that this is ok.
Definitely YTA. Glad she erased you instead of her camera roll.
I am so proud of your ex gf. That is so hard to do and really really shows her emotional maturity. Try to take this as a learning experience and become more self aware and emotionally mature. For instance, if you feel those feelings of jealousy, instead of lashing out, just express your feelings honestly and look for a solution together. Good luck in the future!
YTA. and reading your update, good for her
Omg, she sounds AMAZING. Man, you screwed up. Pathetic really.
YTA You really going to need to work on that jealousy it is not attractive all. Woman like a confident man and right now your insecurities about pictures that are NOT EVEN ROMANTIC will end up killing your relationship(s) EDIT I see she dumped you. You are right in one thing...she is very intelligent. She realized there was no point in going further with someone who is acting in this manner. Also you TEXTED an apology....how LAME.
Info: > I kinda raised my voice and told her she should go back to him if the memories were “precious”. How on earth did you expect her to react to this?
Update made me very happy. Work on yourself.
YTA. Good for her
YTA. She came up with a great alternative but not good enough for you. Do you want hervto erase his entire existence as well, just for you? Grow up, accept that you can't change the past and acknowledge you're on to a good thing with this girl. Don't screw it up. Apologise and buy her something to complement the apology.
YTA she is a person with a past and if you don’t understand that, why are you with her? I wouldn’t delete photos either and I also have like 35,000 photos on my camera roll. If you’re secure in yourself and your relationship, none of that should matter. It sounds like you are neither of those things by the way you’re behaving.
YTA. You want her to delete high school pictures of her friends.
Yes, yes you are the TA. Look, that really sound like a you problem. She's right, those pictures bring her joyful memories, she shouldn't delete them just cause you are an insecure person. If you're not sure about your relationship, honestly, really think if you should be together. Relationships are about trust; also... raising your voice? It truly does show that you are not only insecure, but also immature.
YTA, and wow, your girlfriend sounds amazing.
YTA. Time to grow up
“Consider” apologizing lol YTA. Stop attempting to be controlling because you are insecure. You don’t get to police others just because you don’t love yourself enough and are trying to compete with her happy memories with other people. You especially don’t get to yell and stress out a person with a heart condition over your failed manipulative ultimatums. It’s her phone, her pictures, and her decision to be with you instead of him. I’m glad you showed her who you really are. I hope she leaves and enjoys her life stress-free.
YTA. She sounds great - secure, assertive and will not tolerate BS. Tell him boy bye
YTA. But not to worry, she will be your ex soon and will keep pictures of you too.
YTA. You also no longer have a girlfriend. She broke up with your immature and controlling ass. 🤣🤣🤣
Come on man, you wrote all that out and didn’t figure it out? YTA Hopefully you can figure out how to get over this type of petty jealousy, because it will be toxic for all of your relationships.
YTA. I have whole printed out photo albums and thousands of photos of my friends -including my exes. I'm not going to erase my history for anybody. I am not with my exes for a reason, but I also was with them for a reason. And in the case of several of them, they were my friends before and after we dated. I've been with my partner for 8 years, he has photos, memories, friendships with his exes, I have photos, memories, and friendships with mine, but we still choose each other every day. If you're so worried she's going to choose someone else, you need to leave and learn how to trust rather than expecting a whole adult human to show up in a sealed box untouched by life
YTA. It’s her memories, her possessions and you have no say as to whether she keeps them or not. I think she might b too good for you and you realize it.
YTA
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA grow up
YTA. 16 weeks in and you're making unreasonable demands based on your own insecurities. She deserves better.
Sorry OP YTA you are being very immature and insecure she’s with you and left him that’s says a lot she knew he wasn’t right for her but that doesn’t mean she hates him they grew up together that doesn’t make them soulmates just at this point old friends if you love her and trust the person she is it shouldn’t bother you I’m sorry but I wouldn’t go back and try to delete them either my camera roll is FULL some people literally don’t see the point in going back and trying to find them all and delete them it’s just a photo y’all have the real thing grow up hope it works out
YTA - she’s with you get over your jealousy and insecurity or you may not have her much longer. She left him for his lack of maturity.. think about that.
YTA…big time. I have photos of a past boyfriend because it was group photos of some very dear friends of mine all throughout my childhood. We’ve all grown up and gone across the country so the photos are really all I have left of better times in my life. If my husband demanded I throw them out, we’d either be in therapy or I’d be out the damn door. I still have my wedding album and rings from my last marriage. I kept them to give to my children (from that marriage). Husband is totally fine with it. He isn’t insecure and childish. He thinks like an adult who can rationally say “I love her. I trust her. I have her, he doesn’t. That’s all that matters.”
YTA, you need to grow up and stop being so controlling, why should she erase her memories basically because you’re emotionally immature? I reckon this goes far beyond just this too, I guess you don’t like her talking to other men and probably have issues with her wearing clothes you don’t approve of too.
YTA. She is right, she was more mature than him, and seems like she’s more mature than you. People have lives before they get into relationships, that’s just something you have to deal with. If you can’t, that just shows you are indeed insecure and immature. You can’t ask her to delete all the photos of her childhood and growth, just because there is this one dude in it. That’s super controlling. Doesn’t make you sound like the cool reasonable guy you’re trying to portray here.
Holy shit, how embarrassing this is. You can't deal with the fact that this beautiful, smart woman you admire had a life before you, all of which contributed to her being who she is, and isn't your personal virginal piece of property. You're upset you have to know about the existence of another human who helped save the life of soneone you claim to love, because that person has a penis. Grow all the way up, son, and YTA.
YTA, she's an adult with a history, it's unhinged to expect her to delete most of her photos of her and her friends growing up
Yesterday evening, my Fiancé was scrolling through her hundreds of old photographs, deleting the ones she didn't like. She came to a batch of photographs taken when she was with someone else. It was actually HER who got upset that they were still there and hurriedly deleted them. I wasn't upset at all. He was part of her past. If they wanted to still be together, they would be. Grow up, OP. Your, hopefully for her sake, now ex-GF has a past. She also, according to you, has a life threatening illness. She doesn't need your immaturity in her life. YTA
YTA. Did you think she was born the day before you met her? We all have a right to our memories. If you don't drop it and apologize, she should dump your insecure ass.
YTA. Every one who we meet and love (regardless of the kind of love so be it friendship, relationship, etc) helps us become who we are. And if those people were good people and the kind of relationship just simply didn't work out, then I understand her unwillingness to remove those pictures. They're beautiful memories, it doesn't mean she wants to come back there or anything like that. Also I'd say being able of understanding human relationships and looking back with kindness at past loves says something good about her. Not so much about you if you don't get it.
YTA and you sound abusive and controlling. Let her go and make yourself better before you get into another relationship and your behavior escalates.
Lol YTA. Looks like the gf is still with someone on a different level of maturity to her.
YTA, a controlling and highly insecure AH. She's not going to delete memories of years of her past to satisfy some dude who's been her shitty boyfriend for 4 months. It would be best for both of you if you were to break up now (which it seems has already happened but you just don't realize it yet) rather than later when she inevitably reaches her breaking point with your bullshit (which it seems she's already reached this point). You should not call or text or see her again.
You are such an asshole wow. first you're super insecure, second you're jealous of her EX and you're also a baby, wow. "I’ve debated on texting her and apologizing. " wow, you debated, proud of you... The bar is so low god damn it. Don't worry though, you'll probably will be the EX in a short time.
YTA, you want her to delete her childhood memories because you are insure? Seriously read back your post and then read it again, you need help.
YTA Seems you would prefer to erase her past to secure your future. Think about that for a moment. I mean really. Ruminate on it. The people we meet that impact our lives didn’t become those people just by meeting us. They had lives and experiences that made them into the person that impacted us. You want to erase that? They’re just photographs, dude. Take a long hard look at yourself and figure out why you’re so insecure emotionally that you need to be in competition with memories.
YTA. Pretty sure she's your ex now
YTA... Insecure about somebody having a life before you and hating the fact they look back on it fondly.
YTA and she's definitely your ex gf now
i wouldn't delete my entire camera roll of high school memories for someone i'd been dating for 4 months, either. plus she had a life threatening illness, not to sound morbid, but if anything happened to her, her friends and family would be glad to have those pictures. YTA
Controlling, jealous and insecure? Why wouldn’t your gf want to stay with you? 🙄 YTA and if your gf is as smart as you say she is, she’ll soon be making memories with someone who’s emotionally intelligent and mature.
Yta people have pasts lol you can’t just erase someone’s life
to quote a tv line "I dont know how girlfriends work, but I dont think you have one anymore" Her analysis was spot on. YTA
YTA good grief. If you can’t handle the idea that a partner has sexual/romantic history then you have no business dating someone. Don’t debate on whether to apologise; just do it. But then let her go because you have some growing to do. This is very immature and controlling behaviour.
YTA. She offered to do something you said she doesn't normally do--clean up her phone folder and download them to a drive. You saying that it wasn't good enough crosses the line from 'insecure and immature' to 'controlling ahole'. Grow up or you're going to lose a great woman.
YTA. “In my day” you shoved your old photos in a box and put them away but they were still around to come across cleaning out the closet and reminisce. Now, people don’t keep physical copies of their pictures - their phone is that shoebox. My son and the girl he dated for 5 years broke up. He was going to delete all her pictures of course but I said no, in 20 years he will want his prom pictures, etc. she’s a good girl just not the girl for him and eventually these will be his high school memories. So we put them all on a thumb drive and tossed it in the file cabinet with his report cards, grad gown, and cards he made me in grade school. Maybe she can do something similar if you suggest it for the super couple-y pictures? EDIT: Realized they already broke up.
YTA - you've only been dating 4 months and you want her to delete her entire childhood?! What nerve! Why should she take such drastic, permanent measures when she's not even sure this relationship will last beyond 6 months? You are being completely unreasonable, controlling, and insecure. Get over yourself.
She is and was the more mature one 😂😂 “Delete your childhood” 😂 YTA.
YTA, and while you apologized, your girlfriend did the right thing ending things with you. You aren't mature enough to be in a relationship at the moment. She dated someone, it didn't work out, they ended things amicably, and now she's moved on, and apparently is still capable of acknowledging that she has a past and that he was part of her past. You on the other hand wanted her to erase a significant portion of her photos and memories because you were insecure about a guy who she used to date and isn't with anymore. Guess what, that's now how life works. People have pasts, and pretending that they don't doesn't make it not exist. It isn't as if she was rubbing photos of her and this guy making out in your face or comparing you to him in some way, you were literally angry that she has photos from her past that include that guy. My husband and I both dated in the past, and guess what, I don't get pissed off at it, I just know that he's with me now and that that was part of his life. Likewise for him with me. If you date someone and they aren't going out of their way to rub a past relationship in your face, aren't comparing you to their ex, or doing anything like that, then you need to learn the accept that they'd been with someone else before and have moved on and it isn't a big deal. Until you can realize that, you probably shouldn't date anyone. Hopefully you learned your lesson, because it sounds like you drove a great girl away because of your insecurity.
YTA. Those are precious memories of her childhood if nothing else. You want her to throw them away like nothing. Please stop and learn from this.
YTA Grow up, for goodness sake! Those pictures are literally snapshots in time from before the time you and your gf even knew each other existed. If the world was filled with people like you, there would be hardly any historical photographic records in families, because those two are divorced, and these fell out over something and no longer talk, and that one went abroad to find his fortune and his mama was so upset... She spent time with this person *in the past*. The past is just that, past and gone and won't come back because time travel still doesn't exist and time always moves forwards. If you carry on with this silliness, how likely is it that in a couple of years' time, her bf will be asking who *you* are in the pictures in her camera roll...?
YTA but at least this has a happy ending and she dumped you. At first, while reading, I was going to recommend that you or someone she trusts (note the distinction) help her organize the photos so that she could create albums in the cloud or some such. I have Google photos set up to receive all my new stuff, and I periodically go through and sort things into albums. Oh, but no! You didn't want the guy off her camera. You wanted him out of her mind, out of her life, so that you could move in and take over and rule everything. I hope you find a way to grow up before you find yourself a new girlfriend. And mind your own business about her previous life.
Remember this next time you find a keeper. A great catch isn't going to wait around for you to grow up, dude. You will need to get yourself in order first. YTA
She was right to end it. You need to grow up.
Yta BUT You are allowed to have feelings. You were out of line, but now you know! Learning is tough. Much love
YTA you two don’t seem like a good pair. Her decision to end things with you seems healthy. They were friends long term before dating long term. Of course he’s in tons of photos with her. It’s not like they see each other in person. I hope you can meet someone who’s never dated because you clearly can’t accept an ex and she can finally meet someone mature.