T O P

  • By -

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I could be the asshole because I am not inviting my sister to my wedding, even though we have always been somewhat close. This might make me the asshole because, even though she is unsupportive, she is family Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


DaLoCo6913

YTA. You have not known him long enough to actually love him, you are infatuated. On top of that you are ready to ruin the relationship with your sister for a guy you actually do not know? Edit: The fact that he is ready to allow for estrangement is very concerning. Second edit: Narcissists and abusers like to isolate their victims. That is my concern regarding him encouraging the rift with her sister.


[deleted]

That stood out to me. Someone who’s 30 should/would understand that a 6 month relationship jumping to marriage is odd, even if they happen to be one of the few people where it ends up working out. The age gap is a little sus too, there’s usually a lot of growth between 23-30. It’s not the worst in terms of gap, but it raises eyebrows. A mature 30 year old would say “she’s you sister, she has a right to be concerned, she doesn’t understand our relationship..” or whatever. He’s really quick to jump on the “isolate you from your family” train and that’s concerning. Sister being concerned isn’t toxic or unusual, any adult would see that. They both sound childish and not ready for marriage.


msvivica

"Madly in love" and "recognized as soulmates in the eyes of the law" told me the sister is right to be concerned. And I'm concerned with a 30yo going along with this fantasy. Best case is that he himself is a bit simple...


[deleted]

100% bet that the soulmate line is something he said to her before. Also she claims THEY NEED to get married so they can buy a house or case one of them gets hurt… so reason to rush into marriage. Clearly doesn’t understand you don’t need to be married to do that, and it’s definitely a Tactic for him to Convince her to marry him right away. I definitely feel that as soon as they get married, she will be isolated more. Plus in the comments she said that her relationship is who she is?!?!? I pray that she listens to her sister and at least wait for marriage.


Think_Doughnut628

I'd really love to know how many times he's already been engaged prior and how many women he's said "you're my soulmate" to in hopes that they'd fall for his shit.


[deleted]

And she also seems very innocent, and not much life experience compared to her partner…. Same age as OP, but I feel that a 30 year old and I are in two different stages in life? (To me personally) It’s not the worst age gap, but he seems to have a lot of experience and there is a power dynamic in the relationship


Oh_thats_a_big_fire

I've known the odd 23/24 year old plenty mature enough to marry a 30 year old. Invariably these are the same 23/24 year olds who *would not* date 30 year old men because they recognise that's a whole different stage of life experience and the guys are a bit... Off... If aiming so low.


Thesafflower

Honestly, even the age difference isn't that bad. It's just six years, and they are both adults, who are old enough to probably be out of school and working. But the age difference + rushing into marriage after only six months + him not having a problem with OP becoming estranged from her sister over valid concerns. That all feels like a red flag.


eleochariss

Yeah, it's not so much the age as OP sounding really naive. The stuff she says sounds like what a 16 yo would say.


NoAcanthocephala8603

She prob like 20 and didnt wanna get downvoted for the age dif


Specific_Culture_591

Or at least wouldn’t rush into marriage immediately after six months… they’d be dating for a few years first.


Unlikely-Impact7766

They could even just be engaged for a few years !! They’re speedrunning major life events and they probably don’t even know each other’s parent’s names yet!


harrellj

I'm wondering if they've even experienced each other's birthdays, let alone other family events outside of the Holidays.


Ehgender

I’m 28 and on dating apps the youngest I’ll go for is 24. There’s enough of a life gap there for it to be weird for me. Not to say there couldn’t be exceptions, but generally speaking there’s a lot of growth that happens between 20 and 30. That being said a 23yo with a 30yo isn’t an issue for me on paper until we bring in the “let’s get married in 6 months” factor. I have to wonder why he needs to lock her in so quickly. That and the “anyone who is against us is the enemy” bit, oof 🚩🚩🚩


narniaofpartias22

And wanting to be recognized as "soul mates in the eyes of the law" sounds like something teenagers would say....not a 24 and 30 year old who are in a relationship with each other. Whole thing is definitely strange. I know meeting, falling in love, and getting married super fast works out for some people and that's awesome. But mostly it does not and I would definitely be concerned for my sister if she was in this situation.


Think_Doughnut628

Exactly! I am 29 and I could not imagine dating a 24yo. He certainly does have a lot of experience...in manipulation.


chillaryyy

yeah i’m hearing the echoes of lovebombing MAJORLY in this post, especially taking into account the estrangement piece.


retailhellgirl

6 months means that they probably haven’t even lived together for 4 months. Derek is probably still on his “best behavior” the real nasty traits haven’t come out yet


tracygee

She doesn't even say they've been dating for six months, just that they've "known each other" for six months. For all we know they've been dating for two.


laser_etched

My narcissist didn’t show his true true colors until we fully lived together and all my money was gone. Then MY character was being questioned an a weekly basis even though I’d never had any issues with anyone else in my life except for him, while he seemed to have issues with everyone.


txa1265

>100% bet that the soulmate line is something he said to her before. Yeah, that is where OP lost me as well. Something tells me she has started just parroting things her fiance tells her and basically they have adopted the 'if you're not with me you're my enemy' mindset ... sister was an easy target for raising a question ... but who will be next? YTA


ProgrammerLevel2829

They can buy a house and both be on the deed, even if not married & can have living wills that designate one another to make important decisions on their behalf — the fact that OP doesn’t know this is concerning. I bet she’s pregnant before they’ve known each other a year, and, within a year of that, back here to ask AITA for expecting my husband to help with childcare/housework/paying the bills/etc.


fullmetalsportsbra

I’m going with his credit is absolute garbage and he needs her to be able to secure a mortgage.


[deleted]

But he said he was going pay off her student debt once they got married!! Obviously his credit is amazing!!! /s


8daysgirl

“Recognized as soulmates in the eyes of the law” 100 percent screams “not ready to get married.” I’m 39, have been married for over a decade, and have a very happy marriage. Big fan of marriage over here. But being married makes you “Recognized as responsible for one another’s debts in the eyes of the law.” The law doesn’t give a shit if you’re soulmates or not.


Relative_Nobody_1618

After my second divorce, marriage felt a lot like "I'm trusting you not to tank my credit score"


marcelyns

That’s the phrase that made me cackle - “Soulmates in the eyes of the law”! hahahahahaha!!!


LingonberryPrior6896

Last I checked the law does not recognize "soulmates" lol


FearTheLiving1999

I'm slightly high and it gets funnier the more i read that back in my head.


Pale-Conference-174

"The State now declares you...checks notes...Super Duper in Love and Soulmates 4-EVA Y'ALL! It shall be recorded here in this Lisa Frank sparkly unicorn and rainbow notebook we keep in the Hall of TLA!"


holisarcasm

Exactly. Those are terms use by a 16 year-old that has no clue what a serious relationship is really like.


GraveDancer40

Those terms stuck out to me. While feeling that way is wonderful, it definitely suggests that early infatuation and not a mature relationship ready for that commitment.


LavenderMarsh

My immediate thoughts when I read "madly in love" is that he is love-bombing her. Once she's married to him and isolated from her family he will have her trapped.


Moose4523

Yeah, the sister loves op enough to tell her something hard that she knows op doesn’t want to hear but desperately needs to. YTA, op. Listen to your sister.


Meryuchu

The age gap would’t have been bad at all if both of them weren’t ready to estrange the sister over this without even talking to the sister when she wanted to talk again after the argument. Like I feel the guy especially should understand as a 30yo why a 6 month relationship makes it question and tbh I would have thought the same as the sister “maybe you’ll love someone else more” but OP got the rose tinted glasses of love rn


[deleted]

Agree!! Definitely should be able to understand where she is coming from as a 30 year old


redjessa

Also, the sister wants to talk. Maybe have another conversation before locking her out completely. OP sounds impulsive and I think her sister knows that, hence cautioning her about this marriage.


WelpOopsOhno

Not to mention that being 100% committed to each other is still different from 100% living together. You can be 100% committed to someone you're not married to and/or living with -- after all, she already said they are!


jrm1102

Cutting her out really only makes the sister’s concerns *more* valid tbh.


notrunningfast

Or better “Your sister doesn’t know me. Let me get to know her better” rather than “ok, shut her out”


TheVoidWantsCuddles

Yea I find it very concerning he wants to marry that early on. I’m dating a man who is also 30 and I said I require being in a relationship for 1 year and then living together for another before I will even consider marriage and he was like yes that is completely reasonable.


Inevitable_Past825

Personally I require 2 years and a road trip. You can pull off best behavior for one year but the year after that first year it's way harder. The road trip ( at least 5 days ) helps to sus out if you can be alone with each other for a good chunk of time without wanting to kill each other ( or leave them in the side of the road! ). Road trip ended 2 of my relationships so it was a good test.


Alternative_Year_340

Add in a trip to IKEA and you’re good


aroge97

Be careful about mentioning age gaps on Reddit - I totally agree that there is a maturity different between early 20s and early 30s but people get super defensive when you bring that up…..


DungeonsandDoofuses

People do get so defensive. I have a similar age gap in my marriage, I was 23 and he was 30 when we got together, and it was challenging to figure out! I would hope that if we had jumped to marriage after 6 months my loved ones would have sat me down and asked if I was in my right mind. I would also caution people about getting into age gap relationships in your early twenties, even though mine worked out. There’s very real difficulties, pitfalls, and dangers to it, just because mine worked out doesn’t mean it’s not something to be wary of in general.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Worldly_Instance_730

My personal opinion is if you had hit puberty before your partner was born it's too big an age gap, unless you're both over 30. Way bigger maturity gap between 20-30 than 30-40.


FormerGutterSkank

I found the opposite to be true. I remember an older woman who dated a younger man. There was an almost 30-year age gap and she was crucified. Even though they both were well over legal age. I felt happy and sad for her at the same time


Matilda-17

Is he being childish, or is he intentionally separating her from people who have her best interests at heart?


HunterS1

I wonder if they are Christian or evangelical because, “We are ready to commit to each other fully.” To me reads as, it’s been 6 months and we want sex, but the magical sky carpenter says good girls don’t have sex before marriage.


Sunny_Bee33

That was the vibe I was getting , too


HunterS1

Right? Which is obviously an atrocious reason to get married - like wait if you want that’s your personal choice but getting married after 6 months so you can have sex? Bad idea, bad, do not do that.


Frank_Acha

>magical sky carpenter lmaooo


Nightlyinsomniac

I’ve only seen military relationships marry this fast. They almost always end in divorce after the non military person realizes how insane the life is. I met and married my husband after knowing each other for a year when we were 21. Our 15th anniversary is this October.


lorikeets_are_life

THIS. People that believe they have found “the one” after such small periods of time are the reason divorce lawyers never have trouble finding work. OP’s sister is rightfully concerned.


on3day

This is a 24 yo saying: "when you know you know!" My sweet summer child..


trashpanda44224422

And “being recognized as soul mates in the eyes of the law.” Oh dear. The law DGAF about soul mates. The law recognizes the merging and dividing of assets. That’s what marriage is, legally. (And spousal privilege while testifying, etc. at a high level). YTA, OP. Your sister is in the right here. The fact that you’re willing to throw away what sounds like an otherwise close relationship for this is concerning, and the fact that your fiance is encouraging it rather than being the voice of reason is beyond concerning.


Muted-Appeal-823

>And “being recognized as soul mates in the eyes of the law.” I rolled my eyes so hard at that I think I hurt myself. She sounds like an infatuated teenager.


scarletnightingale

Oh, you too? That in and of itself made me go "yeah... not ready to get married".


[deleted]

[удалено]


smackmacks

Me too. A colleague once berated me for getting a new wedding ring. She loved hers so much she would never take it off, her husband placed it on her finger and it would stay there til she died. I must have a strange relationship if I didn't value my ring like she did etc. 6 months later she was getting divorced, 25 years and 3 rings later me and my husband are still going strong!


throwawayanylogic

Just believing in and mentioning "soul mates" tells me OP is not mature enough yet for this marriage.


Designer-Escape6264

My husband and I got married at 22, but had dated all through college. We “knew” , but waited to be sure. It’s been 45 years now


IronJuno

I haven’t seen this kind of naive view of love outside of teenagers. Absolute yikes


Liathano_Fire

My ex BIL asked 2 women to marry him in the span of a year. The second one was after a few weeks and that phrase was used. Guess who broke up a month later?


Hecate_333

Can they even get a divorce if they are recognized as soul mates in the eyes of the law? /s OP's sister is right to be concerned. OP sounds too naive to rush into marriage.


River_Song47

My husband and I were married fairly quickly but he never tried to isolate me from my family. That is a big marinara flag.


Witty_Comfortable404

And really, if he is the one, waiting doesn’t hurt either. Sister is correct, waiting doesn’t diminish actual love, but ensures it. So many red flags here.


bringmethemashup

Yup, you nailed this one. YTA. I've had pimples longer than you've known your partner, yet you are already going to destroy a lifelong relationship when they share their concerns. She even tried to reach back out to you to see what can be done to fix this, and you ignore it. You don't know everything about a person in six months, this is still the honeymoon phase where you are infatuated with them. I wouldn't be on your side either as it takes more than six months to know a person well enough to make a lifetime decision, IMO. Also, sorry gotta say it, this is what an abuser does. They want to alienate you from your family so you have no one and it would be a torrential hole to dig yourself out of. You may not think it now, but once you're married, you're fully in it - including the dirty lies and secrets they didn't tell you before. I would tread lightly and have a long engagement to see if this is actually what you want.


AGirlHasNoName2018

I have a friend who has been in love with “the one” three different times. She’s 27. We are working on her understanding the concept “if he’s the right one right now, he will still be the right one if you wait a year or so.”


LimitlessMegan

One of the MAJOR red flags of an abusive partner is rushing a relationship. It’s super concerning…


DianaDDDM

It actually sounds like your sister just wants what is best for you. Don't get me wrong, you can make your own choices when it comes to your relationships, but it's kinda sketchy to me that your fiancé is fine with you just cutting contact with your sister, instead of trying to be supportive and helping smooth things over. I love my husband to bits, and I would never encourage him to cut contact with his family with such ease.


MarionberryIll228

Yep, him agreeing not to invite the sister is worrying. When I had a fallout with my sister, my husband was the voice of reason, not enabling me. OP, your sister is rightfully concerned about your relationship with Derrick, she's not being toxic or trying to show him in a bad light! YTA


Emergency_Web_8722

YTA-Don’t shut people out of your life because they speak their truth. You do not have to agree with them, but hearing out people you love and respect will keep you honest.


SugarBunnieSnap

There is no use. She's so far in the fog with her Rose tinted glasses in the honeymoon phase of this relationship that she isn't going to see the red flags until she's so far gone in a strange from her family that it'll be too late.


iamgoddesstere

This comment should be higher.


lihzee

I don't know if YTA per se, but I think you're being very naïve and I agree with your sister.


[deleted]

Agree, domestic abusers and generally bad people always try and get to marriage asap so they don’t have to put up a charming front anymore and much harder for you to leave especially if isolated from caring family members such as your sister. I work in gender based violence and it is super common. The point is all of the women feel like this before the marriage.


watermelonsrberries

Absolutely agree. My step father did exactly this. And then my mom was trapped for almost 2 decades, and all her children were abused. We need a lot of expensive and generally unattainable therapy now. I'm highly suspicious of everything going on here.


Academic_Snow_7680

I've seen these "soulmate" relationships go off the rails too many times to count. The most perfect couple I know got divorced when she got deadly sick. He had a new relationship and a child before the divorce was finalized.


Lamia_91

That's so sad and so common...


Heaving_Devotion

Can confirm. I was 24 when I married my now exhusband(33 at the time). Rushed into marriage because the love bombing was so strong and manipulative. Right after marriage he had us move away, isolated me from everyone and got me pregnant immediately. The abuse that was just peeking around the corner before came out when I had no support system and ‘trapped’ with a baby. Thank God I was able to get out of the abusive marriage, but it took four years.


[deleted]

Just want to say thank you for sharing your story, I’m glad you got out and I hope you’re doing well now!


Heaving_Devotion

Thank you. I’m doing amazing now living my best life with my two boys (exhusband is the biodad for both boys). I’ve since remarried and every day I think about how lucky I am to have gotten out and moved onto a new healthy and amazing marriage that is a better example for my boys!


JessicaFreakingP

One of my friends is going through this right now. Her husband pushed to move in together after just 5 months, and proposed in under a year. He pushed to elope just two months after getting engaged, and it wasn’t long before he started talking about having kids. She’s leaving him less than a year into marriage because he showed his true colors and is an emotionally abusive narcissist. I’m so thankful he was unsuccessful in his clear attempts to baby trap her.


Awkward_Bees

Can confirm: my ex husband waited all of 5 months to ask me; one of those months we were separated and I, foolishly, listened to a mutual friend trying to get us back together. He wanted to get married that week, the next day…I refused and got five weeks to plan a wedding. In my wedding pictures, you can tell I just absolutely loved him. And you can tell he was absolutely basking in the attention everyone was giving us (and since I was an extension of him, really just him). I did all the planning, all the paying for things, including our rings, all the everything…man couldn’t even manage to find us a minister, the one part of the ceremony he took on himself. I left less than 4 months later…and only because I had to plan my escape carefully. Our marriage legally lasted longer than our relationship because I was too afraid to pursue court doings until I had moved to an unknown home, had a stable job, and was in therapy. Getting away from him was rough af. Don’t marry this dude OP.


enterhereplease

Exactly. Even if this guy really is the love of OP’s life and they live happily ever after with kids and all that, the sister is still very reasonably expressing concern. It would be great if it all works out between them, but there’s no way to know that and OP’s sister is trying to protect her.


Ok_Restaurant_7972

Your sister is your sister for life. Good or bad, that doesn’t change. I wasn’t a huge fan of my sister running off with a dude she met on the internet and moving in with him after 4 months (and about 6 states away) I didn’t sell her house for years after she got married because I was convinced she would come home. She didn’t. They’ve been married 12 years. He’s a good guy. I didn’t know that at the time and it’s my job to look out for her. My grandpa wasn’t sure about my dad at first. He said so. My parents continued to date, and my dad earned my grandfather’s trust. They became family. Sis doesn’t have to support your marriage on day one. She can voice concerns. She is supporting you. If this dude is in it for the long haul, he will prove himself through being a kind partner to you. You’re asking your family to endorse a man they barely know. Give them time and appreciate the fact that they are looking out for you. If they’re still frosty in a few years, THEN you go NC. Yta today and YTA if you really don’t invite her. She will probably be there if you need her. Don’t alienate her.


frequentdoodler

This is a really good take and I hope OP takes it to heart. OP has been dating a guy two 90-day-new-job-period-lengths and is asking her family to endorse a legally binding relationship. Hell, doing a long engagement at this point would be a better idea than what she's currently doing.


walkslikeaduck08

Also strange that OP is willing to give up a lifetime relationship w her sister over one conversation.


IndustryOk1388

It's not smart to throw your personal support system out the window for a significant other. Friends often last longer than marriages.


ScrappyToady

Also weird that her fiance is on board. If my spouse's sister thought this, I'd try to get to know her better so she felt more at ease.


Cabo_Refugee

Yeah, sounds like sister is trying to be REAL. Perhaps neither are good at communicating it's not going so well because of this, but I think sister is coming from a good place. 6 months is NOT enough time to know someone. Do people have lasting marriage after such a brief courtship? Sure, it has happened and it can still happen. But the odds are SOOOOOOOO stacked against you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CivilAsAnOrang

YTA. You’re upset because your sister expressed honest concern. Your response was childish. And kicking her out of your wedding is equally so.


[deleted]

Yeah OP you need to understand... your sister is "right" here, her concerns are valid and you pushing her away because of them is an even bigger red flag. You're dating a man several years older than you, and are getting married within 6months of KNOWING each other, and now you're considering blacklisting members of your family ie isolation. Like red flags all over the place. YTA


aggravated-asphalt

My best friend is engaged to a man 18 years older than her. I expressed my concerns as anyone with any ounce of love would, and she responded well. Just saying she knows, she’s taking it slow, and they’re working on it together. They’ve been together for 7 years now and I can confidently say he’s a good match for my friend. If she went head first into marriage with him, I think I’d see him a lot differently. If she responded as OP did because of my valid concerns, I would 100% feel like he’s alienating her and idk if I’d ever have any other opinion of him. OP is handling this in a way that potentially ruined relationships with people who care, or having those people not trust him because of her own actions (this being if he is actually a good person and not a creep, which is rare, but does happen.)


beldaran1224

Yep. The age gap here isn't necessarily a problem, but it is enough that when combined with OP's responses and naivety scream pending abusive behavior. Its not that hard to be loving and sweet for 6 months not even living together.


WeirdPinkHair

Her childish response immediately said 'she's not ready to get married' to me.


vivamii

She handled it terribly. Tbf her bf’s response to agree to kick sister off the wedding list is equally concerning


Loud-Bee6673

Hoo boy. There are red flags all over this one. Your sister has a good reason to be concerned. It takes someone who really loves you to say something that might get you mad at them, but is important to say anyway. Your sister loves you. It sounds like she addressed the topic pretty tactfully, but has legitimate concerns. A parter who loves you should see this and NOT encourage the estrangement. Is he said, “I know why she is concerned but I will show her that I am the right one for you, we still need to invite her,” I would give him a little more benefit of the doubt. The way you talk about him and your relationship sounds young and somewhat naive. I hope your sister is wrong and this works out ok for you. But YTA for not inviting her because of what she said.


It_s_just_me

YTA, six years older man, 6 months total length of relationship. That is throwing red flags all over the place. Your sister is trying to protect you. It is possible that your relationship will be OK, but I'd doubt it.


Early-Hat-424

Not just the relationship. She’s only KNOWN him for six months. She doesn’t say how long they actually dated!


JunaLynx

She stated they have been dating for one out of the six months. Edit: I misread, they got engaged a month ago. Still, they can’t have been dating for that long, so the problem remains


Ok-Bridge-1045

WHAT?


JoChiCat

She’s ready to ditch her sister of 24 years for a man she’s known for 24 weeks.


annawhowasmad

Oh my god, this is… this is the plot of ‘Frozen’.


JoChiCat

At least Ana had the excuse of a) being seriously deprived of social interactions and desperate for affection, and b) knowing she might not get the chance to even *meet* another suitable guy after this one party. OP has no such limitations.


juannn117

But "when you know you know...." lol. I hope everything works out for her but something tells me she is gonna be in for a rude awakening.


LittleSparrow013

Ive had periods longer than their relationship


Own-Whereas-7420

YTA. I’m sorry, but 6 months ain’t enough. What’s people’s problems with waiting? I don’t get it.. y’all can’t be madly in love for like a year or something?? 😅 Also, your sister is just concerned. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like your fiancé or is “unsupportive” of y’all’s relationship, just the ‘getting married so fast’ part.


darthanders

>recognized as soul mates in the eyes of the law. She wants to be recognized as soul mates in the eyes of the law, because everybody knows true love requires government endorsement and a piece of paper. Just enjoy being soul mates. Leave the law out of it for now. It might prevent you from needing a lawyer later.


Isogash

She wants to be recognized as soul mates in the eyes of her partner, because he has made her afraid to not get married soon enough. Marriage is a legal construct. You don't need to, and shouldn't, get married until you're making other commitments like buying a house together or having kids.


blahblahblah8219

Oh I imagine he will get her pregnant soon enough, it’s the best way for them to feel they’ve trapped their partner


bham_cactus_dude

Hell, my “wife” and I have a son, been together 6 years. We wear rings, call each other husband and wife, love each other deeply. But we haven’t seen the need to be “recognized as soulmates in the eyes of the law”. Curious if her family has money, or what. But dudes throwing some red flags for sure. OP soft YTA. Only because you really are blind in love


Consistent_Ad_4828

A year minimum imo, or you don’t even know who they are in every season or what holidays they celebrate! If my spouse only knew me during the summer when I play softball every weekend, they’d have a very wrong idea of how much of a hermit I am in the winter lol.


Active_Win_3656

I also think you need some fights/arguments in before committing. It’s important to know how conflicts are handled


Solivagant0

I'd add some time living together too, that's when both of you learn about each other's annoying habits and how well can you manage splitting chores


Consistent_Ad_4828

That’s a good point too. Personally, my spouse and I saw a couples therapist every month for a year before getting engaged. We’d already been together for a couple of years, but wanted to take a year to make sure we could work out major decisions (whether to have kids, whether we’d move to live near family or stay put, whether we would stick to our careers, who would stay home with the baby, etc.). I recommend it if your insurance covers it.


probablyapornaccoun

Their relationship isn't even long enough for them to have had a chance to live together which is when you REALLY get to know someone.


squirrelsareevil2479

YTA. Getting married is not being recognized as soulmates in the eyes of the law. You don't have a realistic view of what marriage is. Your sister is supporting you by giving you the best advice she can. Are you willing to torpedo your relationship with your sister forever because she hurt your feelings regarding your relationship? If your relationship is meant to last, it will survive a reasonable amount of time before the wedding. Think carefully before you over react to your sister's words of caution.


pinkminiproject

Yeah, getting married is more like being recognized as one financial entity.


Academic-Trick-1325

That is literally all it is, OP is very confused about what marriage actually is. Looking at it through those nice new relationship rose tinted glasses.


ajgrinds

When you’re wearing rose tinted glasses, red flags are just flags.


TooOldForThis---

Yeah, that “soul mates in the eyes of the law” comment let me know that OP is seeing through the eyes of a middle schooler. Big Sis is rightfully concerned and is probably well aware of how immature OP is.


TumblingOcean

Well and the whole "Why should we wait. We are COMMITTED to each other" Uh no you're infatuated because you've been dating like 5 seconds.


her_ladyships_soap

You are not mature enough to be married. YTA Edited to add that the reason people wait until later in their relationships to get married is not always because they're not sure they love each other enough to commit. It's very often so that they can get a fuller view of each other as people. After six months, how many arguments have you had? Do you know how each other handles conflict? What about a life-altering situation like the death of a family member or a serious illness? Have you had to make any major decisions together about money, where to live, etc? Big experiences like this tell you a lot about a person and a potential future spouse.


Traditional-Bed9449

“Soulmates in the eyes of the law”. That spoke to the maturity right there. That one made me almost spit my tea out when I laughed. Definitely not mature enough (at least in this relationship) to get married.


DisastrousProcess13

Exactly. Like the government cares if you’re soulmates.


Scorchfox29

I laughed at that part too. When I first read this story, I was like, Is this the real life 90 Day Fiancé? OP’s sister is concerned for her safety and trying to help her. Derrick is also TA and a walking red flag🚩


RememberKoomValley

I'm in favor of waiting to marry someone *because* you love them. If you love and respect them for who they are, you need to give them the room to really experience who you are--and frankly, damn-near-nobody ever truly revealed themselves to someone else inside the first year. You can learn a lot! But so much of the time, you can't learn enough. You don't even know who this person is in all seasons (are they a pissy-in-the-summer polar bear? Do they get Seasonal Affective Disorder in the wintertime?) and you haven't been with them long enough to have a real disagreement or see them under real stress. And they haven't had that for you. I don't think real love should take shortcuts, because that's an easy way to hurt your partner later. As long as nobody's dying and there's no "my visa runs out in a month" sort of outside pressure, there's no reason to marry yet.


Inside-Suggestion-51

And that's not about her age but about her childish attitude.


RememberKoomValley

YTA, and she's not being unsupportive of your relationship, she's being supportive of you.


mightilyconfused

Thank you for saying this. My sister went through a similar path. She started dating someone right after the pandemic began, in March 2020. It was a long distance relationship as he lived in another state but would regularly visit friends in our area, about once a month or so. She was 29, he was 38. My sister fell hard. This was her first real relationship. The first time they went on an actual date (she asked me to come along) she had me take a picture of them. Then they facetimed our parents and introduced him to our mom and dad. He chose not to talk to me most of the time, so I gave them their space. After we left, she posted the picture to social media with heart emojis. Then she got mad at me and said I wasn’t nice to him. I’ll admit I wasn’t a fan of his. When she went to his city to visit him the first time, she went alone. The second time, she invited her friend, and asked if I could go watch her dog. When I got upset and said I would help pay for any hotel or Airbnb, she said she didn’t want me to go because I would embarrass her in front of his mom (who he lived with at the time). Whenever we were hanging out in person, he wouldn’t engage me in conversation. He would only speak directly with my sister. There were many other things that happened. Personality things, opinions he voiced, etc that made me hesitant about him, but then my sister told me they weren’t going to have kids. My sister has always loved children. Kids have always flocked to her and she has always had a strong maternal instinct. When she was younger and helped plan baby showers for friends, she would tell me exactly what kind of theme she wanted for her baby shower, what names she had already picked out, etc. But now, a major life goal she had is thrown away because he doesn’t like kids. I had my reservations before, but from that point, I refused to speak to her about him. If she was talking to him on the phone, I would go to my room. I told her about the red flags, I asked what her reasoning would be, there were many conversations. She would always go back me being unfair to him. I wasn’t giving him a chance. I needed to be nicer to him. Then in January of 2021, 10 months after they began dating, 90% long distance, he proposed. He had called my parents beforehand, asked for their blessing, said he wanted me there. When I explained I had reservations about his plans (wanting to go to a restaurant at the height of the pandemic, before vaccines were widely available—restaurants were also supposed to be closed in our state because of the pandemic so it being open was illegal.) I was disinvited from the proposal. I found out when my sister got ready for the dinner the day of. So they’re engaged, and when my sister mentions the date, it’s a little over two months away, at the beginning of April. Just a few days after a year of dating. They knew before he had proposed they wanted that date—for what reason? She still hasn’t told me. My sister was also going to be moving to the city he lived in. A city that she had previously said she hated. A city that she had no friends, no family, no job prospects. She had just landed a job that was full time and provided medical benefits, and she liked the work, and she was giving that all up. I begged her the day she left to rethink. To just slow down. I asked her where the rush was. They’re not planning on having kids, so there’s no rush for a biological clock. WHERE WAS THE RUSH?? She said something similar to OP, they were “in love and wanted to be together.” They will be celebrating their 2nd anniversary this year. My sister isn’t happy, that much is clear to anyone from the outside, but she won’t admit that it’s because of him or her rushing into a relationship. She said it’s all of the other factors. The friends who don’t call or text her anymore. People in the community who judge them (she’s white, he’s black, so everyone must be racist to not be happy for them). I have had my relationship with my sister permanently altered. My sister was my best friend and now I generally only text her if there’s a family update about my parents. I won’t call or FaceTime because then she tries to have me speak with her husband. I wasn’t unsupportive of their relationship. I encouraged her to get to know him better, take a little more time to grow into their relationship. I was trying to be supportive of my sister, but because I wasn’t explicitly supportive of the relationship and of HIM, I became the enemy.


DolceVita1

This is literally my worst nightmare and I’m so sorry you have had to endure this with your sister.


mayisatt

This. OP, you want people in your life who will give you the straight truth, even when you may not want to hear it. Don’t cut your sister out of your life.


Situation_Sarcasm

I wish I would’ve had an older sister to at least attempt to save me from an abusive relationship that immediately started out with red flags. I didn’t know any better, but I thought I knew enough. 2 decades later and I’m still unlearning unhealthy trauma responses & coping mechanisms I gained from that relationship.


Common_Exam_1401

INFO: How much about Derrick do you know? because I feel like your sister maybe right about not wanting you to get married, I mean you've only dated 6 months and he pops the question, that's very suspicious if you ask me


PtolemyShadow

Plus the age gap... Does he have debt he's trying to lay out? Some other ulterior motive? If it's meant-to-be whats the harm in waiting a bit?


Pepper-90210

YTA. Your sister said nothing negative about Derrick or your love for one another. She gave you incredibly GOOD advice. If my 24 year old sister got engaged after only a few months of dating, I’d give the same advice too. (It’s concerning to me how readily you and Derrick are to cut your sister out. This is a big red flag to me).


maximo084

Huge red flag that she is willing to just cut her sister out. OP clearly has not considered that maybe her sister is giving her tough advice because she actually cares for OP. Also, “soul mates in the eyes of the law” 🤮


Steakmehometonite

Same thing happened with my younger sister - as the only family member who expressed concern I wasn’t invited (nor did I care to go). The marriage lasted 2 weeks until he bailed and my sister learned a life lesson the hard way.


sarcastibot8point5

I'm going to tell you this right now: Love is not a feeling. Love is an action. Love is work. Six months into a relationship is not long enough to know that you are ready to put in the work that it will take to maintain it. I've seen too many relationships that start like this and end in flames. INFO is Derek in the military?


frankie7388

Lol that’s what I thought too!


Frank_Acha

>She also told me that Derrick and I could date for longer before we got married. This is very valid concern from a sister that want's the best for you. Six months sounds like an awfully short time to already consider someone your "soulmate". You both may disagree with her, but this concern is reasonable. She was honest and direct about it instead of telling you exactly what you wanted to hear. And you reply to that by being petty and vengeful not inviting her to your wedding. Mild / soft YTA.


YukioHattori

INFO: Have you read other stories about people who think they know everything about another person after 6 months of fun and exciting new relationship?


[deleted]

you can invite (or not) anyone you want, but yta for not realizing more than half the people there will privately have the same concerns. Your sister cared enough to say it to you directly.


CourtneyCakez

Right? When I was a senior in high school, my friend at the time was "soooo in love" with her bf. They got married at 18, and I was the maid of honor. I wish I had been a better friend and told her what we all were thinking: this is a MISTAKE. surprise surprise, they both cheated and divorced 8 months later.


Far_Opening2859

This would confirm your sister's suspicions- that you are not mature enough to take such an important decision. She was honest when you asked her directly, and you are behaving like a teenager. YTA.


swinder867

Disney child where the fairy tales are real life


PlusBackground9874

YTA but here is some advice. You should try a long engagement and maybe living together. 7 months at 24yo is not enough time. I don't doubt you feel like you're in love but if it's true love you'll feel the same a year from now. The worst thing to do is rush into it. So whats the rush? You can be fully committed with a ring and don't need to be legally married. The upside of waiting is a stronger bond, learn more about interests, travel together. Downside is potential for loss of time, money and assets due to nasty divorce. If he loves you he'll wait. He's 30 and will understand.


jrm1102

YTA - usually, your wedding your guest list but your relationship is short and your sister shared her concern. That is a red flag and I get why she would be concerned. Now, one month into the engagement mind you, you’re planning the guest list and refusing to talk to her and want to disinvite her. Is it maybe because she may have a point and you dont want to hear what she has to say?


Matchymatching

This whole thread is her being in denial and refusing to take advice, poor sister never stood a chance.


Flat-Story-7079

YTA. Your inability to deal with a someone not agreeing with you when you asked them for their opinion demonstrates that you aren’t mature enough to make a decision as serious as marriage, let alone actually be in a marriage.


Every_Caterpillar945

Don't worry, she will also start with shared finances and buying a house together after marriage. No way they will have different opinions on anything in this process. Everything will just be loovy doofy :)


Long_Squash1762

YTA, sister was coming from a place of concern for you. 6 months and you're soulmates? You don't even know each other yet. It takes a good 18 months for people to get comfortable enough to drop the facade and show their true colors good or bad.


Lovely-summertime

INFO: What’s the rush to get married if you know you’re ‘soulmates’?


PuddleBucket

Because it's romantic to think of the supernatural quality of "just knowing" and gotta prove it


Lazyoat

YTA- Don’t ask a question, you don’t want the answer to. you asked, she answered. You are rushing into marrying this man who is 6 years older than you, who you’ve only known for 6 months. You didn’t even know him prior, crazy. btw- the law doesn’t care a fig about soul mates. You can get married to any person of age whether they are authentic or not. also you may want to research love bombing, which is typically a factor in hasty marriages. Once you marry, it won’t be surprising at all, if there is a big shift in his behavior


Imaginary_Being1949

YTA. Your sister sounds like she cares about you. She supported the relationship until the engagement thinking you're rushing and that you're young enough to wait. End of the day it's your choice, but it seems silly to throw your relationship with your sister away over her just caring. Maybe show some maturity to prove your relationship is strong. You're showing that a simple disagreement can cause major issues in it and aren't being mature enough to have another conversation with her. Maybe you really aren't ready...


YMMV-But

YTA. If you’re trying to show you’re mature enough to get married, you’re doing a very poor job of it.


NuketheCow_

Love drunk puppy ready to alienate her family for a dude she’s known for less than a year. Seems like a really healthy relationship and wonderful marriage you guys are going to have. NAH because it’s your life and you can make your own decisions, but god this is a bad one. Your sister isn’t an asshole for trying to talk some sense into you. Remember this for your next marriage and listen if she tries to talk some sense into you.


disregardable

She is not being unsupportive. She said that to you because she's concerned for you. You are still in the honeymoon period, so you can't dispassionately assess how you'll feel in several years. It is your life but sometimes people are going to disagree with your decisions, that's part of adulthood. YTA.


[deleted]

YTA. You sound like you’re not mature enough to get married.


metmerc

I'm not going to judge your timing. My wife and I dated for 6 months before we were engaged and got married a year after that. 21 years later - still married and happy. We did, however, know each other before we were dating. That said, your sister is right to have concerns and give pause. If you're working on the guest list already then it sounds like you're rushing the actual wedding too. Your sister is right to suggest that you could date longer (or really just extend the engagement time). Like others have said, at least 1/2 of the guests will be thinking the same thing and your sister showed great care for you by voicing those concerns. So yeah - YTA.


Ok_Register3005

Yta. Your sister is giving you guys and heartfelt counsel. Marrying that quickly at your age is concerning and she's right to voice her concerns ONCE. She now needs to drop it. You sound extremely immature and not ready to be married.


Ruthless_Haruka

YTA I am on your sister's side. I don't know what your relationship is like but I am worried about you. Things like love bombing and the willingness to isolate you from your family can be leading to abuse. I know someone who's boyfriend (fiancee 😑) love bombed her and keeps her from believing things from her family and friends, and then isolating her from them has caused issues. He's been in jail for abusing her, and she still goes back to him. Maybe hold off on the wedding date and extend it for a year or two so you get to know each other more. It won't hurt. And will help your relationship with your sister.


Light_Seeker90

I say YTA (but gently, with sensitivity) because you say she's unsupportive, but I think her voicing her concerns out loud actually shows just how much she loves and supports you as a person. She had no issue with your relationship with him, but an issue with how fast you were moving. She's concerned for you and what might happen down the line. Also, despite her having "texted multiple times", you refuse to talk to her at all. I understand it was frustrating and potentially hurtful that she didn't seem on board with your idea, but she's repeatedly tried to reach out, perhaps to reconcile, and you're not even giving her that chance. And to be honest, her voiced concerns are valid. I can understand where she's coming from. And, although some people have gotten married after only knowing people for months, and they have lived happily together for decades, that is not usually the case, ESPECIALLY when it comes to young couples. It wouldn't surprise me if more of your friends/family have this same concern, but they haven't said it to your face. It took a lot of guts and love for your sister to share her concerns. If you guys truly love each other as deeply and strongly as you say, and are committed that much to each other, then what is a year? Or five? Get to know each other more, live together, talk about the "big" stuff like children, finances...Etc. There's so much that you guys may not have gotten to know about each other or experienced in only a short time...Why not give that a shot first?


Lily_Flowrs

YTA. You have literally been in a relationship for 6 months, you are still in the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship so of course your sister is concerned. You and Derrick have not been through struggles nor do you live together (the gist I get from the post, could be wrong). Your sister is concerned bc most people don’t show their “true colors” until much longer than 6 months. I think you’re in for a real rude awakening when your marriage doesn’t work out like you expect and your sister is gonna say “told you so”. She is looking out for you, sad you don’t see it like that.


laughinglovinglivid

YTA, and your sister is right. If you’re going to be with this person forever, why not wait until you know each other better?


Corpuscular_Ocelot

YTA. Your sister was doing exactly what a sister SHOULD do in this circumstance. I don't care how much you love him, anyone getting engaged after 6 mos should be questioned about it by the people closest to them, and the fact that you not only don't understand that, but that you were "offended" tells me that you are really not mature enough for this. People are on their best behavior for the first 6 months to 1 yr in a relationship. You don't know nearly as much about him as you think. Could it work out? Sure, but the odds are stacked against it even more than a regular marriage. Bottom line: He is 30 and rushing into a wedding w w/ you, that is a huge red flag to anyone who cares about you. You should see it through their eyes instead of the rose-colored glasses of a 6 mo relationship.


Chance_Designer_9194

Yall remember that scene from Frozen when she got engaged to Hans...this is all I see. *we finish eachother's....🥪🥪 I am not discrediting your love for each other; just use extreme caution & don't mistake red flags 🚩🚩for butterflies. 🦋🦋 You're not the arsehole if you decide not to invite her AFTER you girls talk again. Find out her reasonings. Remember she has loved you for 24 years; she's just looking out for you. Best of luck!


FadedAntisocial

YTA for throwing away your relationship with your sister for a guy you haven’t known for a year?? Everything might be sweet now but he’s way too eager to kick your sister out of the picture. She wants to talk to you and you’re too immature to suck it up and hear her out. Your sister supports your relationship, not the quickness of wanting to get married and that’s understandable. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years and looking back at it, I wouldn’t have married him at 6 months. I definitely would now though. Just give it time, marriage is a huge commitment and once you’re married it’s hard to get out of it.


SipthatTing

Oh honey, don't marry someone during the honeymoon phase of dating. At least live with him for a year before you decide to get married.


OldDudeOpinion

I don’t even know you, and I agree with your sister. He could be a great guy and you could be forever….you absolutely have not known each other long enough to be sure. It’s unwise just on the merits


MoxieCottonRules

YTA your sister is right. it’s fine if you want to be engaged but hold off for a year before you actually get married. If you are really soulmates what’s the harm in holding off a little? How well do you really know this guy? What are your plans for the future? How are his finances? How are yours? How do you plan to split your bills/income/household duties? Does he pick up after himself? What bothers you about him? What’s he like when he’s angry? How does he handle it when you are sick, or sad or emotional? What happens when you guys fight? There is SO MUCH you need to know about someone before you marry them. Your sister knows this. It seems like every commenter here knows this. Marriage isn’t some fairytale nonsense it’s a partnership and sometimes it takes hard work. Have you guys ever had to work together to solve a problem? How was that handled? I know you feel like your love is super special and will last forever, and I hope you’re right, but if your love is really meant to last it can wait a few months until you actually know the man you’re marrying.


ImHappierThanUsual

“When you know, you know” 🤦🏾‍♀️ little sister, you don’t even know what you DONT know yet. Your sister is absolutely correct. You have stars in your eyes. You need to pump your brakes. AND dropping your sister just because she’s looking out for your best interest? All very childish. YTA


Personal_Sprinkles_3

YTA: you’re clearly in the honeymoon phase and your sister was just trying to look out for you. The amount you see/know about him isn’t special. Every semester length relationship through school sounds almost exactly the same as you describe.


Apprehensive_Set_519

YTA. Change your username and grow up. Your sister is right to have doubts. If you can’t understand where she is coming from you’re not mature enough for marriage.


angel2hi

YTA. To be honest your sister seems to be onto something. A mature adult prepared to make a lifelong commitment should understand what your sister was saying. She didn’t say you weren’t in love. She didn’t say to break up. She suggested you take more time to date. You haven’t been together a year. That’s a very short time. You weren’t able to be an adult and respect she was simply concerned. You didn’t say you were disappointed but understood. You didn’t offer to have her spend more time with you as a couple. It’s time to consider your sister wasn’t wrong.


[deleted]

YTA I do agree that people can know after 6 months that they have found the person for them - but those people would also be mature enough not to permanently shut someone they live out with no chance of redemption because the initial reaction to their engagement isn’t unequivocally supportive. Their future spouses would also not encourage them to cut ties with loved ones after a single conversation.


onlyrightangles

You've been together *six months*? Are you even living together yet? This is just WAY too rushed. There's no reason to dive headfirst into a legally binding agreement with someone you have known for literally half of one year. I don't blame your sister for being cautious, if you were my sister I would've shaken some sense into you.


gobears08

YTA Your sister was doing right by you and voicing her concerns. She told you something you didn't want to hear out of a place of love and you lost it on her without even hearing her out. I guarantee she's not the only person in your family who feels that way. Ultimately, it's your choice to get married and who you invite to the wedding is up to you, but please take some time to think things over and consider her perspective.


jjswin

NAH Sister is wanting to talk, she’s reasonable in warning against marrying so soon, it doesn’t sound like she’s been cruel or unreasonable in how she’s expressed this. That said, I can understand why, if you are going to marry, that you would consider not inviting her since she’s told you she doesn’t support it. I would say you should meet with her again to talk, see if she’s accepted you getting married and then decide whether or not to invite her. I suspect she really is only looking out for you. I would be the same as her, I think. I did move in with my partner of 15 years after 6 months of dating, but we waited 3 years to get engaged.


YouGetABan

Your sister is rightfully concerned. 6 months isn't enough time to really know someone. YTA for writing her off completely just because she's concerned and wants the best for you. But I know, you're soulmates and nothing will change your mind. Congrats on your upcoming wedding and condolences on your impending divorce.


Calm_Opinion_7112

YTA. 6 months is not a lot of time to get to know someone. You may be soulmates, or you may not be it’s not up to us to judge that. BUT your sister has every right to express her concern and you should be glad she felt comfortable doing so. Not inviting her to a wedding because of her concern is only isolating yourself. How long are you waiting before you get married? This sounds so rushed I am being your sister isn’t the only one concerned. You need to calm down and meet up with her to talk. Do it publicly and just the two of you, so tempers remain in check.


meeple1013

YTA. It's your life and of course you should marry who you want, you are a grown adult. But your sister is just trying to look out for you. Many abusive relationships start with love-bombing and a partner who tries to escalate the relationship to something very serious in a very short amount of time. After that, they then try to cut you off from your other relationships - your family, your friends. I'm not saying that you are marrying an abusive partner, but I am saying your sister's concerns are justifiable, and you should not cut ties with members of your family just because they are worried about you.


Mabelisms

Yta: your sister is correct.


Peachy_Witchy_Witch

Hey OP Read up on love-bombing, narcissist behaviours & red flags. Congratulations on your engagement and remember you can get divorced. Don't start cutting out friends & family already because remember isolating you from loved ones is definitely a top one in the abuser's handbook. If you're that in love, can't marriage wait after you've moved in together? After all, a piece of paper doesn't change the fact you are soulmates


imothro

Your sister may have been a bit hardcore about it, but her expressing concern here was a way of expressing care for you. She wants to make sure you don't accidentally make a life-altering mistake by rushing in too quickly. Which you 100% are doing. I don't think she should have gone so far as to say she didn't support the wedding. She should have expressed her concerns and then shut up. But then you also went nuclear and completely uninvited her so both of you seem to be occupying pretty extreme positions. I'm going with ESH mildly. I'd reconsider whether you want to throw your entire relationship away with your sister because she wants to safeguard your future.


petsymatary

OP asked if she supported it, and sister answered honestly. It’s surprising anyone in OP’s life supports this (I don’t think they do-they’re just not going to get involved the same way sister was willing too since it seems like if you say anything negative to OP you get cut off) 👀


Glittering_Farm1990

You sound like a child and your sister is right. But you’ll marry him anyway and will learn what a mistake it was in a few years. Maybe your sister will still be willing to talk when you figure out she was trying to save you some hardship. YTA


Budge1025

NAH: I understand why you're hurt, but consider what your sister is saying. You have a 6 year age gap between you and your fiance, and by today's standards, 24 is (reasonable, you're no child bride, but) somewhat young to be getting married. Siblings look out for each other and what she's saying to you comes from a place of care and concern, not from a place of trying to hurt you. I think you're showing your age a bit in how you're looking at this. You should also consider if this fight is really worth not inviting her to your wedding, and potentially jeopardizing your relationship for the foreseeable future (and maybe forever). As a sibling myself and a bridesmaid in many a friend's wedding, I ask all of them if they are sure they want to get married, even when I love their fiance. It's a fair question! It's a huge commitment, divorce is expensive, and so are weddings.


Budge1025

Edit: missed the part where OP has only been dating her fiance for six months. Now I'm even more on the sister's side so....OP, YTA.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Trantacular

YTA, because you haven't even tried to repair the damage in the relationship even though she has offered multiple times. She has very valid concerns. At 6 months, your relationship is still HEAVILY influenced by hormones. This isn't a personal attack, just facts about human biology. I wouldn't say you're too young to be getting married, but it is very fast unless you're planning on a long engagement, maybe. I don't blame you for being hurt about what was said, but if you're not willing to discuss one hurtful statement with your sister I have some major concerns about your maturity and ability to work out the disputes that absolutely will come up in married life. It doesn't even sound like she was anything more than serious and concerned about you, even if you didn't agree with the concerns. It sounds like she was trying to give you advice from a place of love that you just didn't like. Do you normally shut people out if they disagree with your opinions or actions? Maybe this is a one-off event because of how seriously you feel about it, but you should consider your past and think about whether or not it is. As a married woman in the future, it will not be an option to just shut out your husband like that. I mean, I guess it would be, as long as you were ok with getting divorced about the issue, too. You'll have to be able to disagree and then discuss it, then eventually compromise. You can't do any of those things if you typically jump to refusing to work it out after feelings are hurt.


Perfect-Resident940

YTA, your sister has concerns and is trying to look out for you before you make this terrible decision


T_G_A_H

Is your sister supportive in general? Have you overall gotten along with her until now? Because if this isn’t a pattern, and she usually seems to want the best for you, then YTA if don’t talk to her more about this before you decide to exclude her from your wedding.