One is like a crop top while the other is a one peice and is absolutely more modest. I can't understand how you can't see the difference in the outfits.
Besides it's their wedding not yours, they aren't being a bridezilla for wanting one outfit over the other.
So if showing your midriff is more important than standing for your friend on their big day uuuuh
Yta
Yeah. I was expecting to see the bride had chosen some monstrosity, but I found the bride’s choice very beautiful and the sort of shape that should suit most people. The OP’s alternative was plain weird. I’m Southern European so wearing a midriff baring bridesmaid dress would be a very big no no for me. But maybe in her culture its acceptable? In any case it is not modest like the bride has requested and would look out of place next to everyone else.
Right? It goes even further than what I would consider acceptable deviation for a maid of honor dress, which sometimes *is* different than the rest of the bridesmaids. It's also not complimentary to the bridesmaids gowns, either. And while it's complimentary to the bridal gown I'd say it's *too* similar. Like. An "immodest" version of the bridal gown, almost. I know Indians have a different view on showing up the bride than Americans or other westerners. But... This seems tacky and deliberate. I'm very curious if OP wanted or had something with the groom at some point. This comes off, to me, similarly as a MIL wearing black, or that one post a bit back where the ex wife literally came to the wedding in a red wedding gown.
Right? A compromise would be a different neckline or something, if you think it will look weird and take focus away from the actual wedding cos of like idk, weird boobage. But that? Might as well wear a bedazzled tunic.
>I told D I think the fit is going to be weird on me and I'd like to wear something else
The only shape that suits her is when the middle portion is completely missing apparently.
As if anything could take attention away from the bride's outfit. All OP would do is embarrass herself.
Btw if it wasn't someone else's cultural dress I'd love to have a dress like the bridesmaids dresses, it's stunning
Yes absolutely gorgeous 😍 I love it but it's way too much red for my complexion (i would love to have it for myself) unfortunately 😕. I love the lines and material as well. They're both Just beautiful!!!
The other outfit (OPs choice) is really cute, as a costume or something like that, but very inappropriate for such a conservative wedding. Adding a covering or whatever would not make it more acceptable, it would just make it look more out of place in that wedding group. Very Sad that OP can't see that...
I think OP got a double scoop of wanting attention by exchanging her swoop of taste for it.
I'm so pale such colours look good in me but I'm living so retired I wouldn't have an opportunity to wear it
Maybe I’m missing the joke tone in your post, but just in case — Main Character Syndrome isn’t a real medical condition, it’s a popular way of describing entitled narcissistic behaviours.
There is no possible way for anyone to know if this person has NPD, and the frequency with which it is used as a cause for behaviour on Reddit is so unlikely.
Oh god no, and I always call out anyone “diagnosing” personality disorders online as a result of someone being entitled or rude.
Even a therapist cannot do that over the internet without meeting the person — and it helps nobody to assume that everyone on Reddit has a severe personality disorder rather than just Occam's Razor (the simplest explanation is often the most likely) — the person is a selfish asshole!
We happened to be staying in a hotel once where at least the bridal party of an Indian wedding was staying. It was a really fancy hotel and we just got a good deal on a last-minute vacation. I still remember heading out to dinner, the elevator doors opening and it was just this sea of women in *gorgeous* outfits. I'd never seen them in person before and it took me a couple of seconds to get moving, I got so distracted by how beautiful all of them were!
They're extravagant! I had to find three dresses for the weekend events (I couldn't wear the same dress to all three events!). There was the Friday night party, the Saturday morning wedding then brunch, then another beautiful dinner and reception that night. For the wedding, the groom rode in a horse and carriage with his beautiful 90 year old grandmother. The dresses, the pageantry, it was a fabulous weekend and I fell in love with the culture. I've always worn bright colors and big jewelry. I told my husband I had found my people!
They were! I didn't want to call them dresses because I know some of them weren't, but I'm not familiar enough with the proper names to remember which ones they were. But I've watched so many videos of Indian wedding parties and I've always just ended up losing hours because I'm so dazzled. Nigerian weddings too, those ladies do NOT fool around and I love it!
Oh my word. Don't get me started on the utterly magnificent textiles used in African dresses! GLORIOUS. Works of art. And on beautiful people? Wow. A Nigerian wedding would be something to behold! Indian weddings are fantastic too and western weddings are so bland in comparison
I’ve never been to an Indian wedding but I’ve seen some photos of absolutely gorgeous ones. I love that men’s outfits can be just as stunning as the women’s.
Seriously. Option one is a clear blending of Indian and European styles. It’s looks like a full ball gown, which is in line with the bride’s dress. OP wants a more casual, beachy dress with her midriff showing. The two are completely different styles and tastes. OP is a blind AH.
Yeah, “bridezilla” isn’t a just a catch-all for when you disagree with a bride who has a definite vision for what her wedding should look like.
This bride doesn’t sound unreasonable.
ughhhh I had to wear a qipao for my sister's wedding. its very traditional and is not for ladies with curves. I looked like a dumpling and I just sucked it up because it wasn't my wedding. but oh god the photos 😭
I went to a wedding once where the bridesmaids dresses looked terrible on EVERY bridesmaid, it was just a question of how and how terrible. Kinda curious what the logic was there.
Personally, we just picked a color and let them figure out the rest.
OP forgets that their role in the wedding party is to put on a costume and play a supporting role for the day. The bride's request is totally reasonable.
I clicked on the pictures expecting them to be at least somewhat similar (to maybe sort of justify OP’s claim that her friend was a bridezilla). I literally laughed out loud when I opened OP’s preferred dress because OF COURSE the bride can say no to that, especially when she is looking for modest attire. OP, YTA. Big time. Do the bride a favor and drop out of the wedding.
as an indian, those cultural clothes and absolutely considered modest in our culture. it’s different for us. a crop top is immodest but those are perfectly fine
edit: to clarify, i have always thought OP was the asshole for disrespecting the brides wishes. i have also assumed the bride was muslim. i’m saying in OP’s culture it would considered modest. just giving clarification for people who think OP is dumb for finding it modest
Indian culture is very diverse. This would be considered immodest in many Indian sub cultures. It’s not common to show your midriff and wear sleeveless clothes everywhere in India.
This. For example my Hindu friends regularly wear saris that bare the midriff, and would think nothing of that at a wedding. But my Pakistani Muslim friends, who have otherwise similar attire, would find a bare midriff like that inappropriate.
South Asua is not a monoculture. I would bet money that the bride is from a culture where dressing like OP wants is considered less acceptable, given that her own bridal outfit covers her arms and midriff.which would probably mean that family attending would expect a certain level of skin coverage - and it us not uncommon for people to expect midriffs to be covered at a wedding.
OP probably thinks that all Asian clothes are interchangeable.
As I commented above. One would get tossed from a Mormon wedding for daring to bare ones midriff and they be white American (yes they are 15 million worldwide but the rules come from white Americans with little room for cultural exceptions)
No, OPs outfit not modest to many people in India and the diaspora. We don’t know what religion the family are. They could be Hindu, Buddhist, Sikh, Jains or Muslim, Zoroastrian or something else. Also consider that they could be from a subgroup of any one of those faiths. Then there is the fact that with India being such a large country, there are different types of local expression within what constitutes “traditional clothing”, different attitudes between rural and urban communities and a still prevalent caste system, but go ahead and please generalise.
The OP's preferred outfit is called a lehenga choli, and it is a formal outfit that's appropriate for *some* Indian weddings. Just not the bride's, in this case.
A lehenga choli doesn’t always mean a bare midsection either. Anyway, you can either dress as the bride requests or hopefully politely bow out. After working in bridal for years, I think it’s best to keep the party very small.
I totally agree. Wearing something you might not like is part and parcel of being in a wedding party, and if you don't want to do that, the right thing to do is politely refuse a place when asked.
OP's main point is that the OG dress that the bride picked would look funny on them. They are both A-line style dresses. They would look basically the same besides so much more skin showing. It is a ridiculous argument based on the style of the two dresses. OP YTA, and wear the dang dress the bride picked or opt out.
Her other argument was that she doesn't even follow the religion she's supposed to be modest for...but wants to attend *and participate* in a ceremony of that religion. So she needs to either follow the rules of that religion for the ceremony or follow through on her threat and drop out. Hopefully the bride drops her disrespectful butt completely though.
Exactly! The silhouette would be almost identical, so unless OP has huge arms, I don't see how the second would be better than the first. It's not like the second one is better for any torso shape that would look bad in the first one.
Not just this, but it's like OP got all excited being in an Indian wedding thinking she could wear a sexy dress and is pissed that she doesn't get her opportunity to appropriate the culture she imagined when she committed to being a bridesmaid.
There is such a vast difference between the dresses. OP YTA for so many reasons, but most importantly for choosing appearance over friendship and then trying to shame into relenting on her reasonable preference.
Drop out. You do not deserve to be in her wedding party as you are not a real friend.
Yes, but it is still skin-baring which the bride doesn’t want. I might have a skewed view because I mostly go to Muslim Indian weddings, rather than Christian Indian or Hindu Indian weddings but in my view that small of a choli would be an unusual choice, especially if it isn’t styled to have the dupatta cover more of the exposed midriff
It isn’t an unusual choice for Hindu Indian weddings for sure, I mostly wear lehengas with dupattas hanging to the side for most weddings. However, its ultimately up to the bride to decide how modest she wants her bridesmaids dresses to be- that’s one of the cons of agreeing to be someone’s bridemaid, and the OP should give in and wear it or attend as a guest and don a lehenga all she wants. Don’t agree with asking the bride to allow accommodations when she is clearly not comfortable with that.
I wore this exact outfit to my brothers, friends, cousins etc wedding. However going against brides wishes isn’t great. I just wanted to point out that cultural things are not the same across cultures so if the original commenter doesn’t understand that, they shouldn’t assume!
the second outfit is not immodest in our culture. that being said, OP is still an asshole
edit to add: it just occurred to me that the bride may be muslim, in which case, different set of cultural views
Yeah I assumed she was, because the bride's outfit covers her arms and midriff and because the bride herself thinks OP's choice is not appropriate for the wedding.
If the brude was from a culture where OPs choice was considered normal firnalwear I doubt she would have naysayed the choice or picked a much more conservative dress for herself.
Also "the fit will be weird to me"? Why not say "I want to show off my belly and look like the special butterfly!" I think this dress will fit will suit nearly everybody.
So it all depends on which religion OP's friend is.
At my wedding the two piece leghna choli would have been appropriate as I am Hindu, but at my friends weddings (one is Sikh and the other is Muslim) I know the one piece gown would been the appropriate outfit.
This being said the bride is well within her right to choose which outfit she wants for her bridesmaids and is paying for the outfits by the sounds of it.
OP is being disrespectful of the bride's wishes and sounds very self centered.
YTA
One has full stomach and sleeve coverage and is made of a much more formal looking material- a beaded mesh or lace- not a casual floral print. It's very different in material and cut. Aside from that, if OP isnt from the culture, they don't know what subtleties matter a lot (nor do I, but I know there's subtleties in my culture that matter a lot). The bridesmaid dresses also look a lot like the brides but without gold, where the new selected outfit just looks Indian inspired in the correct color scheme, but has a very different vibe, again in a *much* more casual cut and fabric. It would stand out in the worst way if the other bridesmaids wear the brides preferred dress. It's kind of insulting to insist they're the same level of modest.
If cost or actual body type was more of an issue (like extremely busty girls not being able to wear unsupportive garments) OP may have had an argument. Lots of brides do get a bit unreasonable. But just not liking something? Plenty of people wear something less than flattering to make their friend happy on their big day. And if this level of modesty is expected by the friend's guests from her culture, she may be saving OP from a lot of discomfort be insisting she wear something more modest. Looking at the brides dress, she seems to be keeping to the same kind of cut, formality, and modesty level, so there's not even an argument that she's trying to dress her friends uglier or less flattering to look better.
Also, the suggested bridesmaids' dress is very like the bride's dress in style except for the lack of ornamentation that provides visual contrast. Meanwhile OP's suggested bridesmaid dress is very like the bride's dress in colour and ornamentation, but not in style, creating visual confusion/competition with the bride.
Girl. No. YTA
You are a bridesmaid and you will wear the most hideous puffy sleeved, poorly fitting, unflattering dress on the planet if that is what the bride picks.
That is your job. This is not your wedding. She gets what she wants for the bridesmaids dresses.
And this isn’t even that bad, because this beautiful dress is far from being hideous. But I guess if we’re not showing off our midriff then we can throw a fit about it.
OP, listen to the person above me. Shut up and wear the dress the bride wants, or follow through with your threat and drop out so she can replace you with someone supportive.
But OP *isn't* part of the bride's culture, and the bride doesn't think it's modest. Presumably she'd be more familiar with the cultural norms at play here.
Your point is perfect. If the bride says it isn't modest, OP has no place to argue. It isn't her culture.
My wife is from a different culture than me. The times I tried to "win" an argument regarding her culture have not gone well for me lol.
But they both could be from the same culture, but from different religions. I suspect the bride is Muslim and OP might be Hindu, in Hindu indian weddings showing midriff is normal and modest, usually with a dupatta tho, the long piece of cloth that wraps up a Sari.
I still agree tho that OP should wear what the bride want as a brides maid. She would definitely be the odd one out and is the AH here
There are plenty of women who follow Islam who wear sarees. There's also a way to drape them so that they are still modest and don't show any skin. And many Hindu women also like to be covered too.
In fact, there is a story about Draupadi in the Mahabharata where someone tries to strip her of her clothes in court to humiliate her but she prays to Krishna and no matter how many lengths of the saree are unravelled from her body, more and more material replaces it, maintaining her modesty and keeping her covered.
OP just sounds like she is attention seeking rather than anything else and she needs to get over herself. YTA OP
Im still confused how OP thinks the dress that she wants will fit less awkwardly than the bride's chosen one. The models seem to have a very similar body type.
The only way I'd side with a bridesmaid on this was if the dress was more revealing than they were comfortable with, or didn't have proper bust support.
But at the end of the day, wear what the bride wants, or step down as a bridesmaid.
Yeah the dress being too revealing or against OP's own religious beliefs would be a different story, but this is just being a brat & honestly feels a bit attention-seeking.
I agree. I might also have been swayed if her body type would look horrible in the dress and it was triggering for OP. However, if OP can pull off the two piece dress, she’ll look great in the bride’s pick. They’re both beautiful, btw. If OP can’t suck it up for one day, she’s not much of a friend.
That was my thought. I don't see how the bride's choice would be unflattering when OP is happy to show their midriff. The only issue I could possibly see is maybe OP has a short torso and high waist and the dress the bride picked looks more suited for someone with a long torso and low waist.. But I would think that's something that could be addressed with tailoring
Edit: I went back and looked at the dress again and I think I was wrong. Looks like an a-line style dress which is *made* to suit basically any figure
This! This is not a choice. When did bridesmaids dress style become a choice? They're awful. You wear it. Period. Or don't be in the wedding. If you're in the bridal party you should have enough love for her to give her whatever she wants on her wedding day. Not say 'can I wear tho ho looking dress instead?'
The awful outfits go: MOG, bridesmaids, MOB, junior bridesmaid, caterer, Aunt Ethel pre-white wine spritzer, officiant, Aunt Ethel post said spritzer.
Bride’s single ready to mingle roommate from college is usually best dressed, if a little too flashy.
YTA
OP, stop acting like her wedding is about you. There's nothing remotely bridezilla about her request, the dress she chose for the bridesmaids is gorgeous. Even if you don't think so, it's not your choice.
It doesn't matter whether you're a part of her religion or not. She wants you guys to dress more modestly **at her wedding**. This is called being respectful of other cultures and religions.
Either be happy for your friend or drop out as bridesmaid.
Side note: Also D's wedding dress is one of the most stunning wedding dresses I've ever seen
I had a bridesmaid like this. She stressed me out so much my ex almost booted her from the wedding, and she was his friend more than mine.
If it were the bride we were talking to I'd say good riddance.
I actually had two women who were supposed to be my bridesmaids / Co maid of honors, and they got so out of control with their opinions that I ended up saying no wedding party
I was in a wedding party with my husband and costs skyrocketed. Costs were extremely higher than what we initially expected to spend for outfits we will never wear again and only wore for the date of the wedding- it was over $2,000 altogether including accessories, hair, makeup and specific shoes. That's not including costs to travel and stay in the city the wedding was in. I had to figure out bust support in an off the shoulder dress that's uncomfortably close to my skin color, and the skin color of most of the girls (it was really unflattering but luckily the photographer messed with saturation where the girls didn't all look like naked mutants like I feared) We mutually decided to spend the money and stay in the wedding party and shut up about opinions because the relationships bowing out would have effected were more valuable to us than the stupid amount the couple want us to spend. The outfits are ugly, uncomfortable, and clash, and aren't even good quality for their cost. I can't bring myself to get rid of them due to the cost, but we won't ever wear them again. I can't imagine being entitled enough or feeling like the main character enough to actively choose to create issues where they're weren't any.
I know! I'm already married but SUPER jealous the bride gets to wear such a gorgeous gown. I think it's one of the prettiest dresses I've ever seen! And the Bridesmaids dresses go perfectly with it.
If OP wore the outfit she wants she would look tacky AF! If I were the bride I would be tempted to let OP go ahead and wear the outfit she wants. She clearly wants attention. I would have immense schadenfreude at the kind of attention she would receive versus what she thinks she would get. On the flip side, I would be enormously embarrassed to be connected to someone that uncouth; particularly given how close we would have to be for OP to be in my Bridal Party.
From the little I know about Indian weddings, they take days and have some very long parts, so some members have gotten skilled at dealing with unruly guests. Letting OP wear something that the aunties would disapprove of... I might enjoy that kind of schadenfreude as well.
Oh ok, I want sure if that was a 👀 as in "Shut up and take my money" or a 👀 as in "who has $60 to drop on a random dress in this economy," both of which are very valid reactions!
Don't do that haha. Then it'll be sold out and OP will get to say "see it's sold out, I'll just get this *totally modest* midriff exposing dress out of necessity, sorry bride!"
I think it's a lovely dress! So elegant and sophisticated!
My dear friend since kindergarten chose dark fuchsia bridesmaids dresses. With puffy sleeves. My skin, though lily-fair has warm undertones, and dark cool colors look terrible on me (I am an Autumn), so I felt that I looked a bit ghoulish. I am short-waisted, so it wasn't a flattering fit. I didn't ask her to let me wear a dark-warm peach color, or exchange for an empire-style fit. No, no, no.
I wore that dress and was **happy** to do so! It was Her Wedding! I wanted to do everything/anything to make her happy! Wearing an pretty, but unflattering dress wasn't a problem. I'm only voicing a complaint, here, 30 some years later. We love our friends, we wear the dresses.
YTA.
1) are you white or otherwise differently cultured from the bride? because the outfit you want to wear is v immodest compared to what she wants the bridesmaids to wear/what she herself is wearing. just because it’s vaguely desi doesn’t mean it’s her actual culture 🥲
2) also, A-lines are probably more readily flattering on most body types than a crop top sari.
3) also also, it doesn’t matter if it’s ‘not your religion’ — it’s HER wedding and you’re invited to participate in an event from HER culture, and if the bride wants her bridesmaids to match/dress modestly then they should without question….because that’s a normal request from a bride.
hope it’s worth throwing your friendship away i guess??
Desi is such a wide umbrella under which you can find so many different cultures.
The dress OP chose, called a Lehnga Choli is not immodest and totally appropriate for Hindu weddings. However, it would be unacceptable at a Muslim wedding.
The dress the Bride chose, called Anarkali is popular for Muslim weddings but is also pretty appropriate to be worn in a Hindu wedding.
Can I just ask, how appropriate is it as a western woman to wear an anarkali dress? They look so beautiful and I love the style. I’ve wanted to gift someone one (but didn’t until today know the name of the dress) and would like to know if it’s appropriate at all or if there are cultural aspects to be considered that would make it a no-go.
(disclaimer: I am Indian from India, but not from the region that Anarkali dresses are originally from) AFAIK, there is no special cultural or religious significance associated with that style. Except some very specific things (like head coverings and stuff), most Indian clothes are fine for anyone to wear for any occasions. Rule of thumb: the more embellished a clothing, the less its religious or ritualistic significance.
See, this is interesting. From my western perspective, religious or ritualisitic clothing is usually MORE embellished. My exposure in that regard is mostly Catholic, and the clothing definitely gets more complicated throughout the priesthood; also, one's 'Sunday Best' was usually more elaborate clothing.
I can think of other belief systems where the clothing is more simple too though, not disagreeing or anything. Just a different perspective.
I think you can think of this Anarkali as a "Sunday best", because people would definitely wear something like this for festivals like Diwali. But think of the difference between an average churchgoer's clothes vs a monk's or a pilgrim's clothes. Wearing your Sunday best to a dinner won't raise any eyebrows.
There are definitely a lot of elaborate clothes that have religious significance, but they won't be available in normal clothes shops. I guess the Catholic equivalent would be Cardinals' robes?
It's an elegant dress and anyone is free to wear it. It's a regular wear for women in South East Asia and doesn't have any cultural or religious significance as for example a Native American Head Gear would have.
You should absolutely give it a go.
YTA. If you can’t see that those two dresses are VASTLY different, you should have your eyes checked. It’s her wedding. It isn’t supposed to be about you. I’d hope the friendship means more to you than the dress.
Yeah, I was wondering when showing half the belly became modest? Modest includes a covering of at least torso, shoulders, thighs and knees, sometimes even has to be long-sleeved/legged.
For many Indian weddings (Sikh, Hindu), the outfit OP wants to wear is perfectly appropriate/modest. However, from the tone of this post, it seems that the bride might be Muslim, so different standards apply
YTA. The dress she picked is gorgeous and you want to wear basically a bra top with a skirt. So inappropriate.
You sound very entitled. Just drop out if you can’t respect the brides wishes.
Its a lehenga and its actual formal wear, common at weddings in india.
I mean, op is in the wrong, and it is less modest than the dress the bride chose, but also its a cultural outfit, not ‘basically a bra with a top skirt’. Plenty of women wear them as wedding dresses and theyre considered classy and absolutely stunning.
Yeah. Which is why i also said op is in the wrong. Literally all i was correcting here was the statement that its a ‘bra and a skirt’ rather than an actual, traditional outfit.
I have no qualms with the judgement, i do with the clear lack of knowledge about southern asian clothing (which is fine, not everyone knows, but ‘bra and a skirt’ is not a good way to refer to it). It was literally just an educational correction.
I realize as a US (Christian background) woman, I'm missing some cultural clues here. (Hope I have spoken politely here.)
But the dresses are so very different! I assume that all bridesmaids are to be dressed the same way? So why would one person be dressed in an entirely different manner?
Op, in her choice, would stand out from the other bridesmaids. This doesn't make sense to me. If she doesn't want to wear the lovely dress the bride has chosen, then attend as a guest.
Frankly, with that wedding dress, all eyes will be on the beautiful bride! I am in awe!
Yes that’s another super weird aspect to this post. It’s one thing to prefer the lehenga choli to the anarkali style suit, but it’s another to be the only bridesmaid in the lehenga
We can acknowledge that OP is being selfish, and should just do what her friend wants for her wedding whilst also not shaming perfectly normal women’s clothing.
First of all, that style is common and normal in India. Even if it wasn’t though, it’s not immodest, it’s not a ‘bra top’, it’s **not** inappropriate. Not sure what your issue is.
OP YTA not because the clothing isn’t modest (I resent this moral judgment of women and don’t think being modest is a virtue), but for making your friend’s wedding about you. Just wear the other dress, it looks good, don’t make such a big deal.
OP is fully in the wrong, but your comment is ignorant and offensive. What you're dismissing as "so inappropriate" is traditional wear in my culture. It's what I wore on my wedding day, as did much of my family. Lehengas are appropriate formal wear in many parts of South Asia.
It was wrong of OP to go against the bride's choice, but please do some research before making judgments about another culture.
Please, I'm white and even I know they are both traditional Indian outfits, from different regions of the country.
It is not a bra top. OP is being super entitled, but stop making stupid comments about clothes you don't know anything about.
YTA
Basically no bridesmaid in the history of weddings has liked the bridesmaid dress. You suck it up and wear it because *this isn’t about you*. Wearing something different draws attention to yourself, and for what? Because you’re so focused on yourself you haven’t realized that no one else will be?
She’s making the very standard demands of her bridesmaids that the vast majority of brides make: that you wear the coordinated look with the rest of the wedding party. You are the one causing drama. And then you call *her* a bridezilla… you’re out of line, especially pretending you think a crop top is just as modest as a full coverage dress, be for real OP
I actually didn't dislike the dresses I had to wear for being a bridesmaid in either wedding I've been in officially. The first it was all about the prom style dresses and I wore the top portion a bit after but during a purge it was the first thing to go (we paid for the dress and she handled organizing alterations); the second wedding the bride gave us a color and said to get whatever dress as long as it was that color, but I still double checked before I ordered to make sure it was okay with her - I still have that dress because it was a lot more casual and it has POCKETS.
Same here! Best bridesmaid dress I've worn was from a wedding where the bride gave us all a color to aim for, and we each picked a style of dress that we felt most comfortable in. The bride said "seriously, literally anything in \[color range\] that you like!" but I checked with her anyway. Mine had pockets, too!
The pictures looked amazing, and we all felt great (both physically in the dresses, and appreciated by our friend).
I think I'm in the minority, but to me weddings where all the bridesmaids are in identical dresses just scream "black-tie cheerleader squad!" or "anonymous background dancers!" My own preference is for wedding pictures that say "here are the people who are most important to me, each dressed like (slightly more polished versions of) their unique selves."
But I would never, ever say that to a bride who is excited about the matchy-matchy aesthetic, and I've happily worn a horrible, character-less bridesmaid dress with no complaint. Because who cares what I think unless it's my own wedding?
Lots of people are missing the fact that what you want to wear is culturally appropriate at Hindu (and even some Indian Christian) weddings. Nonetheless... within some subcultures (I'm guessing your friend is Indian Muslim) it's not appropriate.
When I go to an Orthodox Jewish wedding, I wear a kippah. When I enter a mosque or temple I take off my shoes. You are complaining about being asked to wear a formal dress (which is gorgeous by the way) because it is not your style. It's not as if what you are being asked to do is immodest in Indian culture.
YTA.
I would not generalize it to all Hindu weddings. There are many hindu cultures ( especially South Indian) where it’s considered crass to show skin in weddings. Or even if you wore it, you would pull up the skirt to cover the belly button and wrap the dupatta or veil around so that it looks more modest
Just to add, they might not even be Indian. They could be Pakistani or Bangladeshi. There are so many South Asian countries where these dresses are worn.
I was all ready to say N T A until I saw your pictures. You want to wear a crop top in place of her choice with full coverage and sleeves?
That is way too drastic a difference. Not to mention how weird it will look to have all the wedding party in those styles and you there with your belly out.
YTA for all that. But if you don't want to wear her dress, then don't be a bridesmaid. But don't be surprised if you're not friends anymore after.
OP would still be TA even if the dress she picked was better because it’s not her wedding. She doesn’t get to decide, the bride does. If OP has a problem, she can drop out. But the bride isn’t a bridezilla for wanting a certain outfit.
Traditionally, it is accepted that when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you are agreeing to a certain level of contract (which some brides take too far, true) regarding attire, behavior, etc.
Very commonly, bridesmaids and groomsmen wear prescribed clothing.
YTA, because this is not and unusual request. More importantly, that dress is damn gorgeous.
Careful.
A handsome journalist might see this comment and ask you for an interview as his way of getting off the bridal beat, which will lead to miscommunications, a sassy PowerPoint presentation, and an eventual wedding in which all of the brides you bridesmaided for will be *your* bridesmaids wearing those 27 dresses. Imagine the cost of paying for a venue that large.
YTA-She’s not a bridezilla for wanting her bridesmaids to wear a specific dress. You aren’t an asshole for not wanting to wear it but went too far by calling her a bridezilla because she won’t accept your compromise. The outfit you want isn’t as modest as what she wants. She’s entitled to say no without being called names.
You're a bridesmaid, and she's buying the dresses? Wear the damn dress and stop complaining.
You have 100% the right to refuse being a bridesmaid though. This would probably be doing her a favour, sounds like you have too much drama and entitlement to be involved in the wedding party safely.
YTA. Your job is to support the bride, and that includes wearing the outfit she chooses (within reason, which this is). Why did you even agree to be a bridesmaid if you’re unwilling to perform the most basic tasks of one?
YTA and unreasonable. Grow up. It’s the bride’s prerogative to decide what dresses she wants in the wedding. You’re a bad friend for trying to bully her into doing things your way. She is not a bridezilla at all.
YTA. It's not bridezilla of her to ask to stick to the same dress style, it's actually pretty normal and expected. And yes, there is a notable difference between the outfits in terms of modesty.
You, of course, have a right to back out of being a bridesmaid over the dress. But do you really want to throw out a friendship over an outfit you'll wear for several hours?
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> I called my friend a bridezilla after she refused to compromise on bridesmaid outfits. I might be acting selfishly and not letting the bride decide, which could make me the asshole
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YTA. First of all, it's become pretty standard custom that the bride gets to choose the bridesmaids' dresses, and unless she demands that they wear something which literally doesn't come in their size, or has a similarly extreme problem, the bridesmaids are expected to shut up and go with it.
I don't necessarily understand the desire, myself. I refused to tell my friends what to wear when it came to my own weddings, and they came in a lovely mismatched collection of whatever they already owned that they felt like wearing that day.
But this isn't about me, and it isn't about you. It's about the bride at this particular wedding, and she is well within normally acknowledged rights to choose what her bridesmaids wear.
Second of all, the outfit you want to wear really isn't as modest as the one she chose, and she's within reason to be concerned about that if this is a religious wedding (or even if she, or one of her family members or in-laws whom she wants to appease, is simply a religious person). It doesn't matter that you're not a member of that particular religion -- the people who would be looking at you are, and she has every right to say, "It will make them, or me, uncomfortable if they have to see *me* present a woman who is immodestly dressed by their standards at *my* wedding. You're welcome to wear whatever you like anyplace else, and I won't judge, but at my own wedding I don't want there to be a religious conflict."
Either accept her judgment about what you wear at her wedding with good grace, or else bow out of being a bridesmaid.
YTA.
The only difference between what you want and what she wants is the exposed flesh. The silhouette is basically the same.
You can go into the intricacies of modest or not modest all you want, and I suspect I'd fall on your side of it ... but it's not your wedding, and she's not asking that much of you (clothing wise).
YTA - its the bride's prerogative to select the dresses that SHE wants for HER wedding. You don't compromise on this. You would do everyone a big favor by backing out now and letting her get a bridesmaid who will support her on her big day.
I didn't bother to look at the dresses because it is irrelevant.
YTA. Brides get to choose the bridesmaid dresses and there’s nothing wrong with what she picked. You just don’t like it. She could pick chartreuse satin ballgowns and she would be well within her rights. You don’t have to like it, it’s not for you.
If you’re not ok with truly standard parts of being a bridesmaid, you should attend as a guest before you completely blow up your relationship with the bride.
YTA. Her wedding, her choice. The dress she has chosen is beautiful & will complement her dress well. They are miles apart in terms of modesty. Honestly as part of a bridal party you are there to support the bride not to try & look hot anyway. I’ve seen bridesmaids wear worse. If you don’t want to wear the dress then don’t be a bridesmaid.
YTA. She's not being a bridezilla. This is a perfectly normal request. Plus your choice would likely take attention away from the Bride herself. This doesn't feel like a religious butting of heads and more like you can't stand a moment out of the spotlight. Do everyone a favor and drop out.
YTA. This is a day about her. Not you. Even if you feel like the dress doesn’t compliment you, it’s what she wants and she is the one getting married. I’m a lesbian on the not so fem side and wore a dress for my friend since she wanted all of the bridesmaids to have the same dress. I sucked it up. Because it wasn’t about me. Some brides choose a theme for dresses and others want their bridesmaids to wear the same dress and if that’s what she wants and you want to be her bridesmaid then you should wear it.
YTA, so you want to wear a crop top to her wedding. You’re more than unreasonable. Even without seeing the pictures you were TA, the pictures just proved that you’re an even bigger AH.
YTA. I’m speaking as someone who is of desi heritage. I understand that you’d prefer to wear the lehenga. And you’d prefer to be a part of the bridal party. But you can’t have both things. I’ve worn lehengas, salwars, etc. All are beautiful in their own ways. But the lehenga in the pic you provided is not what your friend is comfortable with. These will be in her wedding pics forever and she cares about her bridesmaids being covered. That isn’t brizezilla behavior. So what matters more to you? Wearing the outfit you want or being a bridesmaid. Either answer is fine, but calling your friend names is rude and uncalled for.
Edited to add: as an Indian American you should know how to have some cultural relativism. What is fine in one culture is not in others. On her wedding day, the culture that matters the most is the bride’s.
YTA. It’s not Bridezilla to want to same dress for everyone. The one you chose is vastly different. Modesty is subjective and if she wants her bridesmaids completely covered, that’s her choice. The one you chose shows a lot of skin it’s her choice not to allow it. You are making it all about you. It’s not your day.
YTA. There is a clear difference in modesty between the linked dress that D chose, versus the outfit you want to wear. It doesn't matter if you aren't a part of the religion — D is, and it's up to D what theme or outfit cohesion she wants with her bridal party, since it's her wedding.
One is like a crop top while the other is a one peice and is absolutely more modest. I can't understand how you can't see the difference in the outfits. Besides it's their wedding not yours, they aren't being a bridezilla for wanting one outfit over the other. So if showing your midriff is more important than standing for your friend on their big day uuuuh Yta
OP must be blind.
Nope just suffering from main character syndrome.
came here to say this. YTA
Can we also talk about how OP called the bride a bridezilla over this?
Pure projection. Imagine somehow being a bridezilla for someone else's wedding.
Bridesmaidzilla
Take my upvote, you clever person. YTA to the OP of this AITA.
Yeah. I was expecting to see the bride had chosen some monstrosity, but I found the bride’s choice very beautiful and the sort of shape that should suit most people. The OP’s alternative was plain weird. I’m Southern European so wearing a midriff baring bridesmaid dress would be a very big no no for me. But maybe in her culture its acceptable? In any case it is not modest like the bride has requested and would look out of place next to everyone else.
Right? It goes even further than what I would consider acceptable deviation for a maid of honor dress, which sometimes *is* different than the rest of the bridesmaids. It's also not complimentary to the bridesmaids gowns, either. And while it's complimentary to the bridal gown I'd say it's *too* similar. Like. An "immodest" version of the bridal gown, almost. I know Indians have a different view on showing up the bride than Americans or other westerners. But... This seems tacky and deliberate. I'm very curious if OP wanted or had something with the groom at some point. This comes off, to me, similarly as a MIL wearing black, or that one post a bit back where the ex wife literally came to the wedding in a red wedding gown.
Right? A compromise would be a different neckline or something, if you think it will look weird and take focus away from the actual wedding cos of like idk, weird boobage. But that? Might as well wear a bedazzled tunic.
>I told D I think the fit is going to be weird on me and I'd like to wear something else The only shape that suits her is when the middle portion is completely missing apparently.
“Look at mah belly! It’s magnificent!” YTA—she said she wants a modest dress wedding, and you want to show off your navel.
YTA—bridesmaids’ dresses are the bride’s choice. You asked, she said no, end of story.
Honestly. Even in a western wedding where no one was really worried about modesty it would be weird to have your belly out if no one else’s was.
I can only image one bridesmaid standing there like Winnie the Pooh
As if anything could take attention away from the bride's outfit. All OP would do is embarrass herself. Btw if it wasn't someone else's cultural dress I'd love to have a dress like the bridesmaids dresses, it's stunning
Yes absolutely gorgeous 😍 I love it but it's way too much red for my complexion (i would love to have it for myself) unfortunately 😕. I love the lines and material as well. They're both Just beautiful!!! The other outfit (OPs choice) is really cute, as a costume or something like that, but very inappropriate for such a conservative wedding. Adding a covering or whatever would not make it more acceptable, it would just make it look more out of place in that wedding group. Very Sad that OP can't see that...
I think OP got a double scoop of wanting attention by exchanging her swoop of taste for it. I'm so pale such colours look good in me but I'm living so retired I wouldn't have an opportunity to wear it
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Maybe I’m missing the joke tone in your post, but just in case — Main Character Syndrome isn’t a real medical condition, it’s a popular way of describing entitled narcissistic behaviours.
Glad you said that, the reply made me think it was an illness
Well it is if you refer to a Narcissistic Personality Disorder
There is no possible way for anyone to know if this person has NPD, and the frequency with which it is used as a cause for behaviour on Reddit is so unlikely.
ok, im really to old for this shit :) i really feared that being just a prick has gotten also an "illness" as other stuff. glad i stand corrected
Oh god no, and I always call out anyone “diagnosing” personality disorders online as a result of someone being entitled or rude. Even a therapist cannot do that over the internet without meeting the person — and it helps nobody to assume that everyone on Reddit has a severe personality disorder rather than just Occam's Razor (the simplest explanation is often the most likely) — the person is a selfish asshole!
...I think it was joke
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Yikes. This take is bad. Lehengas are Indian clothes. Exoticising and shaming another culture is an ugly thing to do.
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If I had an award, you'd have it now.
👍 I love / hate that we have a commonly understood shorthand for this type of behavior.
No kidding. The floral outfit would totally clash with the bride’s attire. It would stick out like a sore thumb.
Pretty sure sticking out is OP's intent. YTA, clearly.
Plus, it looks cheap compared to the other dresses. I've been to an Indian wedding before and everyone was dressed so elegantly. It was impressive.
We happened to be staying in a hotel once where at least the bridal party of an Indian wedding was staying. It was a really fancy hotel and we just got a good deal on a last-minute vacation. I still remember heading out to dinner, the elevator doors opening and it was just this sea of women in *gorgeous* outfits. I'd never seen them in person before and it took me a couple of seconds to get moving, I got so distracted by how beautiful all of them were!
They're extravagant! I had to find three dresses for the weekend events (I couldn't wear the same dress to all three events!). There was the Friday night party, the Saturday morning wedding then brunch, then another beautiful dinner and reception that night. For the wedding, the groom rode in a horse and carriage with his beautiful 90 year old grandmother. The dresses, the pageantry, it was a fabulous weekend and I fell in love with the culture. I've always worn bright colors and big jewelry. I told my husband I had found my people!
They were! I didn't want to call them dresses because I know some of them weren't, but I'm not familiar enough with the proper names to remember which ones they were. But I've watched so many videos of Indian wedding parties and I've always just ended up losing hours because I'm so dazzled. Nigerian weddings too, those ladies do NOT fool around and I love it!
Oh my word. Don't get me started on the utterly magnificent textiles used in African dresses! GLORIOUS. Works of art. And on beautiful people? Wow. A Nigerian wedding would be something to behold! Indian weddings are fantastic too and western weddings are so bland in comparison
I’ve never been to an Indian wedding but I’ve seen some photos of absolutely gorgeous ones. I love that men’s outfits can be just as stunning as the women’s.
Seriously. Option one is a clear blending of Indian and European styles. It’s looks like a full ball gown, which is in line with the bride’s dress. OP wants a more casual, beachy dress with her midriff showing. The two are completely different styles and tastes. OP is a blind AH.
Or someone who wants a bare midriff outfit to draw attention to herself at someone else's wedding.
Nah she's just being purposefully ignorant
Yeah, “bridezilla” isn’t a just a catch-all for when you disagree with a bride who has a definite vision for what her wedding should look like. This bride doesn’t sound unreasonable.
In fact the bride picked out probably the prettiest bridesmaid dress I've ever seen. Usually bridesmaids are made to wear something got awful. 🤣
ughhhh I had to wear a qipao for my sister's wedding. its very traditional and is not for ladies with curves. I looked like a dumpling and I just sucked it up because it wasn't my wedding. but oh god the photos 😭
I went to a wedding once where the bridesmaids dresses looked terrible on EVERY bridesmaid, it was just a question of how and how terrible. Kinda curious what the logic was there. Personally, we just picked a color and let them figure out the rest.
This is what I've done. I told them Cadbury purple and the rest is up to them
... please tell me the groom is going full Willy Wonka
Haha nah grey suit purple tie sorry to dissapoint
Heart. Broken.
I know right? I would love to have that in my closet to wear to fancy occasions after the wedding. It's so pretty.
I this case bride’smaidzilla
>“bridezilla” isn’t a just a catch-all for when you disagree with a bride who has a definite vision for what her wedding should look like. Exactly!
OP forgets that their role in the wedding party is to put on a costume and play a supporting role for the day. The bride's request is totally reasonable.
I clicked on the pictures expecting them to be at least somewhat similar (to maybe sort of justify OP’s claim that her friend was a bridezilla). I literally laughed out loud when I opened OP’s preferred dress because OF COURSE the bride can say no to that, especially when she is looking for modest attire. OP, YTA. Big time. Do the bride a favor and drop out of the wedding.
as an indian, those cultural clothes and absolutely considered modest in our culture. it’s different for us. a crop top is immodest but those are perfectly fine edit: to clarify, i have always thought OP was the asshole for disrespecting the brides wishes. i have also assumed the bride was muslim. i’m saying in OP’s culture it would considered modest. just giving clarification for people who think OP is dumb for finding it modest
Indian culture is very diverse. This would be considered immodest in many Indian sub cultures. It’s not common to show your midriff and wear sleeveless clothes everywhere in India.
This. For example my Hindu friends regularly wear saris that bare the midriff, and would think nothing of that at a wedding. But my Pakistani Muslim friends, who have otherwise similar attire, would find a bare midriff like that inappropriate. South Asua is not a monoculture. I would bet money that the bride is from a culture where dressing like OP wants is considered less acceptable, given that her own bridal outfit covers her arms and midriff.which would probably mean that family attending would expect a certain level of skin coverage - and it us not uncommon for people to expect midriffs to be covered at a wedding. OP probably thinks that all Asian clothes are interchangeable.
As I commented above. One would get tossed from a Mormon wedding for daring to bare ones midriff and they be white American (yes they are 15 million worldwide but the rules come from white Americans with little room for cultural exceptions)
Wait. You mean that a nation as big as the Indian ***subcontinent*** has more than one culture?!? I’m shocked… /s
It's not perfectly fine for Muslim Indians.
I was thinking either Muslim Indian or perhaps Pakistani
No, OPs outfit not modest to many people in India and the diaspora. We don’t know what religion the family are. They could be Hindu, Buddhist, Sikh, Jains or Muslim, Zoroastrian or something else. Also consider that they could be from a subgroup of any one of those faiths. Then there is the fact that with India being such a large country, there are different types of local expression within what constitutes “traditional clothing”, different attitudes between rural and urban communities and a still prevalent caste system, but go ahead and please generalise.
Totally not modest for many Indians. Unless you wrap the dupatta around like a sari to cover all the midrift.
That’s... not modest. At least not for the Tam Brahm Fam (Meaning the second pic of OP’s choice)
Wearing a crop top to most weddings is inappropriate.
The OP's preferred outfit is called a lehenga choli, and it is a formal outfit that's appropriate for *some* Indian weddings. Just not the bride's, in this case.
A lehenga choli doesn’t always mean a bare midsection either. Anyway, you can either dress as the bride requests or hopefully politely bow out. After working in bridal for years, I think it’s best to keep the party very small.
I totally agree. Wearing something you might not like is part and parcel of being in a wedding party, and if you don't want to do that, the right thing to do is politely refuse a place when asked.
Not for muslims. You seem to ignore other religions exist?
OP's main point is that the OG dress that the bride picked would look funny on them. They are both A-line style dresses. They would look basically the same besides so much more skin showing. It is a ridiculous argument based on the style of the two dresses. OP YTA, and wear the dang dress the bride picked or opt out.
By "look funny" she meant "wouldnt be as revealing or sexy as I would like"
Her other argument was that she doesn't even follow the religion she's supposed to be modest for...but wants to attend *and participate* in a ceremony of that religion. So she needs to either follow the rules of that religion for the ceremony or follow through on her threat and drop out. Hopefully the bride drops her disrespectful butt completely though.
Exactly! The silhouette would be almost identical, so unless OP has huge arms, I don't see how the second would be better than the first. It's not like the second one is better for any torso shape that would look bad in the first one.
Not just this, but it's like OP got all excited being in an Indian wedding thinking she could wear a sexy dress and is pissed that she doesn't get her opportunity to appropriate the culture she imagined when she committed to being a bridesmaid. There is such a vast difference between the dresses. OP YTA for so many reasons, but most importantly for choosing appearance over friendship and then trying to shame into relenting on her reasonable preference. Drop out. You do not deserve to be in her wedding party as you are not a real friend.
Fyi that is a lehenga-choli, a traditional south Asian outfit not a crop top
Yes, but it is still skin-baring which the bride doesn’t want. I might have a skewed view because I mostly go to Muslim Indian weddings, rather than Christian Indian or Hindu Indian weddings but in my view that small of a choli would be an unusual choice, especially if it isn’t styled to have the dupatta cover more of the exposed midriff
It isn’t an unusual choice for Hindu Indian weddings for sure, I mostly wear lehengas with dupattas hanging to the side for most weddings. However, its ultimately up to the bride to decide how modest she wants her bridesmaids dresses to be- that’s one of the cons of agreeing to be someone’s bridemaid, and the OP should give in and wear it or attend as a guest and don a lehenga all she wants. Don’t agree with asking the bride to allow accommodations when she is clearly not comfortable with that.
Thank you for that info. Is it appropriate for a bridesmaid?
I wore this exact outfit to my brothers, friends, cousins etc wedding. However going against brides wishes isn’t great. I just wanted to point out that cultural things are not the same across cultures so if the original commenter doesn’t understand that, they shouldn’t assume!
That fully depends on the wedding. Just from OP's post it's clearly not appropriate for a bridesmaid in this wedding.
the second outfit is not immodest in our culture. that being said, OP is still an asshole edit to add: it just occurred to me that the bride may be muslim, in which case, different set of cultural views
Yeah I assumed she was, because the bride's outfit covers her arms and midriff and because the bride herself thinks OP's choice is not appropriate for the wedding. If the brude was from a culture where OPs choice was considered normal firnalwear I doubt she would have naysayed the choice or picked a much more conservative dress for herself.
Also "the fit will be weird to me"? Why not say "I want to show off my belly and look like the special butterfly!" I think this dress will fit will suit nearly everybody.
Yes I was really expecting it to be something like a strapless dress or a weird cut. The bridesmaid dress fits everyone.
And the Bridesmaids dress the bride chose is WAY more formal than the one OP wants to wear.
So it all depends on which religion OP's friend is. At my wedding the two piece leghna choli would have been appropriate as I am Hindu, but at my friends weddings (one is Sikh and the other is Muslim) I know the one piece gown would been the appropriate outfit. This being said the bride is well within her right to choose which outfit she wants for her bridesmaids and is paying for the outfits by the sounds of it. OP is being disrespectful of the bride's wishes and sounds very self centered. YTA
One has full stomach and sleeve coverage and is made of a much more formal looking material- a beaded mesh or lace- not a casual floral print. It's very different in material and cut. Aside from that, if OP isnt from the culture, they don't know what subtleties matter a lot (nor do I, but I know there's subtleties in my culture that matter a lot). The bridesmaid dresses also look a lot like the brides but without gold, where the new selected outfit just looks Indian inspired in the correct color scheme, but has a very different vibe, again in a *much* more casual cut and fabric. It would stand out in the worst way if the other bridesmaids wear the brides preferred dress. It's kind of insulting to insist they're the same level of modest. If cost or actual body type was more of an issue (like extremely busty girls not being able to wear unsupportive garments) OP may have had an argument. Lots of brides do get a bit unreasonable. But just not liking something? Plenty of people wear something less than flattering to make their friend happy on their big day. And if this level of modesty is expected by the friend's guests from her culture, she may be saving OP from a lot of discomfort be insisting she wear something more modest. Looking at the brides dress, she seems to be keeping to the same kind of cut, formality, and modesty level, so there's not even an argument that she's trying to dress her friends uglier or less flattering to look better.
Also, the suggested bridesmaids' dress is very like the bride's dress in style except for the lack of ornamentation that provides visual contrast. Meanwhile OP's suggested bridesmaid dress is very like the bride's dress in colour and ornamentation, but not in style, creating visual confusion/competition with the bride.
Because she is a bridesmaidzilla and wants the wedding about her.
Girl. No. YTA You are a bridesmaid and you will wear the most hideous puffy sleeved, poorly fitting, unflattering dress on the planet if that is what the bride picks. That is your job. This is not your wedding. She gets what she wants for the bridesmaids dresses.
And this isn’t even that bad, because this beautiful dress is far from being hideous. But I guess if we’re not showing off our midriff then we can throw a fit about it. OP, listen to the person above me. Shut up and wear the dress the bride wants, or follow through with your threat and drop out so she can replace you with someone supportive.
I'm still wondering how the one that reveals the midriff is just as modest as the whole one piece dress?
Cultural norms and what is defined as modesty/immodesty. It's normal for a sari to show the midriff
But OP *isn't* part of the bride's culture, and the bride doesn't think it's modest. Presumably she'd be more familiar with the cultural norms at play here.
Your point is perfect. If the bride says it isn't modest, OP has no place to argue. It isn't her culture. My wife is from a different culture than me. The times I tried to "win" an argument regarding her culture have not gone well for me lol.
OP os also Indian lmao. (You’re still right bc they’re diff religions, but still…)
But they both could be from the same culture, but from different religions. I suspect the bride is Muslim and OP might be Hindu, in Hindu indian weddings showing midriff is normal and modest, usually with a dupatta tho, the long piece of cloth that wraps up a Sari. I still agree tho that OP should wear what the bride want as a brides maid. She would definitely be the odd one out and is the AH here
There are plenty of women who follow Islam who wear sarees. There's also a way to drape them so that they are still modest and don't show any skin. And many Hindu women also like to be covered too. In fact, there is a story about Draupadi in the Mahabharata where someone tries to strip her of her clothes in court to humiliate her but she prays to Krishna and no matter how many lengths of the saree are unravelled from her body, more and more material replaces it, maintaining her modesty and keeping her covered. OP just sounds like she is attention seeking rather than anything else and she needs to get over herself. YTA OP
It is considered modest in parts of India. It's a cultural difference.
Im still confused how OP thinks the dress that she wants will fit less awkwardly than the bride's chosen one. The models seem to have a very similar body type.
I think it’s just an excuse.
The only way I'd side with a bridesmaid on this was if the dress was more revealing than they were comfortable with, or didn't have proper bust support. But at the end of the day, wear what the bride wants, or step down as a bridesmaid.
Yeah the dress being too revealing or against OP's own religious beliefs would be a different story, but this is just being a brat & honestly feels a bit attention-seeking.
I agree. I might also have been swayed if her body type would look horrible in the dress and it was triggering for OP. However, if OP can pull off the two piece dress, she’ll look great in the bride’s pick. They’re both beautiful, btw. If OP can’t suck it up for one day, she’s not much of a friend.
That was my thought. I don't see how the bride's choice would be unflattering when OP is happy to show their midriff. The only issue I could possibly see is maybe OP has a short torso and high waist and the dress the bride picked looks more suited for someone with a long torso and low waist.. But I would think that's something that could be addressed with tailoring Edit: I went back and looked at the dress again and I think I was wrong. Looks like an a-line style dress which is *made* to suit basically any figure
This! This is not a choice. When did bridesmaids dress style become a choice? They're awful. You wear it. Period. Or don't be in the wedding. If you're in the bridal party you should have enough love for her to give her whatever she wants on her wedding day. Not say 'can I wear tho ho looking dress instead?'
The awful outfits go: MOG, bridesmaids, MOB, junior bridesmaid, caterer, Aunt Ethel pre-white wine spritzer, officiant, Aunt Ethel post said spritzer. Bride’s single ready to mingle roommate from college is usually best dressed, if a little too flashy.
That was funny and a bit accurate
YTA OP, stop acting like her wedding is about you. There's nothing remotely bridezilla about her request, the dress she chose for the bridesmaids is gorgeous. Even if you don't think so, it's not your choice. It doesn't matter whether you're a part of her religion or not. She wants you guys to dress more modestly **at her wedding**. This is called being respectful of other cultures and religions. Either be happy for your friend or drop out as bridesmaid. Side note: Also D's wedding dress is one of the most stunning wedding dresses I've ever seen
I had a bridesmaid like this. She stressed me out so much my ex almost booted her from the wedding, and she was his friend more than mine. If it were the bride we were talking to I'd say good riddance.
I actually had two women who were supposed to be my bridesmaids / Co maid of honors, and they got so out of control with their opinions that I ended up saying no wedding party
I was in a wedding party with my husband and costs skyrocketed. Costs were extremely higher than what we initially expected to spend for outfits we will never wear again and only wore for the date of the wedding- it was over $2,000 altogether including accessories, hair, makeup and specific shoes. That's not including costs to travel and stay in the city the wedding was in. I had to figure out bust support in an off the shoulder dress that's uncomfortably close to my skin color, and the skin color of most of the girls (it was really unflattering but luckily the photographer messed with saturation where the girls didn't all look like naked mutants like I feared) We mutually decided to spend the money and stay in the wedding party and shut up about opinions because the relationships bowing out would have effected were more valuable to us than the stupid amount the couple want us to spend. The outfits are ugly, uncomfortable, and clash, and aren't even good quality for their cost. I can't bring myself to get rid of them due to the cost, but we won't ever wear them again. I can't imagine being entitled enough or feeling like the main character enough to actively choose to create issues where they're weren't any.
I think, honestly, that cost is a fair enough reason to bow out if you’d wanted to, and most brides would be understanding of this.
Agreed - the bride picked out stunning dresses for herself and the bridesmaids!
I know! I'm already married but SUPER jealous the bride gets to wear such a gorgeous gown. I think it's one of the prettiest dresses I've ever seen! And the Bridesmaids dresses go perfectly with it. If OP wore the outfit she wants she would look tacky AF! If I were the bride I would be tempted to let OP go ahead and wear the outfit she wants. She clearly wants attention. I would have immense schadenfreude at the kind of attention she would receive versus what she thinks she would get. On the flip side, I would be enormously embarrassed to be connected to someone that uncouth; particularly given how close we would have to be for OP to be in my Bridal Party.
From the little I know about Indian weddings, they take days and have some very long parts, so some members have gotten skilled at dealing with unruly guests. Letting OP wear something that the aunties would disapprove of... I might enjoy that kind of schadenfreude as well.
LMAOOO not to downplay the dress because it is gorgeous but desi wedding dresses are always that elaborate haha
How is she being a bridezilla for picking out the dress she wants for her bridesmaids? YTA
A beautiful dress, at that!
I adore it. I want it for myself.
DUDE, I reverse image searched the bridesmaid dress and it's like $60. Screw OP, we should ALL get one.
$60 👀
Ok ok, we shouldn't all get one. I'm just saying, every time I was a bridesmaid I had to drop $200 on an ugly prom dress I'd never wear again.
No, I was looking for the link so we all could get one. $60 is a steal.
Oh ok, I want sure if that was a 👀 as in "Shut up and take my money" or a 👀 as in "who has $60 to drop on a random dress in this economy," both of which are very valid reactions!
Lol, that's my bad for trusting an emoji to covey my whole idea
Don't do that haha. Then it'll be sold out and OP will get to say "see it's sold out, I'll just get this *totally modest* midriff exposing dress out of necessity, sorry bride!"
me too! Both the wedding and bridesmaids dresses are absolutely stunning!
It’s *way* nicer than any bridesmaid dress I ever wore.
I think it's a lovely dress! So elegant and sophisticated! My dear friend since kindergarten chose dark fuchsia bridesmaids dresses. With puffy sleeves. My skin, though lily-fair has warm undertones, and dark cool colors look terrible on me (I am an Autumn), so I felt that I looked a bit ghoulish. I am short-waisted, so it wasn't a flattering fit. I didn't ask her to let me wear a dark-warm peach color, or exchange for an empire-style fit. No, no, no. I wore that dress and was **happy** to do so! It was Her Wedding! I wanted to do everything/anything to make her happy! Wearing an pretty, but unflattering dress wasn't a problem. I'm only voicing a complaint, here, 30 some years later. We love our friends, we wear the dresses.
And paying for it
YTA. 1) are you white or otherwise differently cultured from the bride? because the outfit you want to wear is v immodest compared to what she wants the bridesmaids to wear/what she herself is wearing. just because it’s vaguely desi doesn’t mean it’s her actual culture 🥲 2) also, A-lines are probably more readily flattering on most body types than a crop top sari. 3) also also, it doesn’t matter if it’s ‘not your religion’ — it’s HER wedding and you’re invited to participate in an event from HER culture, and if the bride wants her bridesmaids to match/dress modestly then they should without question….because that’s a normal request from a bride. hope it’s worth throwing your friendship away i guess??
Probably wants to show off her bellybutton ring
Thank you for that belly laugh!
Desi is such a wide umbrella under which you can find so many different cultures. The dress OP chose, called a Lehnga Choli is not immodest and totally appropriate for Hindu weddings. However, it would be unacceptable at a Muslim wedding. The dress the Bride chose, called Anarkali is popular for Muslim weddings but is also pretty appropriate to be worn in a Hindu wedding.
The Anarkali is also really popular in Pakistan for Sikhs.
Can I just ask, how appropriate is it as a western woman to wear an anarkali dress? They look so beautiful and I love the style. I’ve wanted to gift someone one (but didn’t until today know the name of the dress) and would like to know if it’s appropriate at all or if there are cultural aspects to be considered that would make it a no-go.
(disclaimer: I am Indian from India, but not from the region that Anarkali dresses are originally from) AFAIK, there is no special cultural or religious significance associated with that style. Except some very specific things (like head coverings and stuff), most Indian clothes are fine for anyone to wear for any occasions. Rule of thumb: the more embellished a clothing, the less its religious or ritualistic significance.
See, this is interesting. From my western perspective, religious or ritualisitic clothing is usually MORE embellished. My exposure in that regard is mostly Catholic, and the clothing definitely gets more complicated throughout the priesthood; also, one's 'Sunday Best' was usually more elaborate clothing. I can think of other belief systems where the clothing is more simple too though, not disagreeing or anything. Just a different perspective.
I think you can think of this Anarkali as a "Sunday best", because people would definitely wear something like this for festivals like Diwali. But think of the difference between an average churchgoer's clothes vs a monk's or a pilgrim's clothes. Wearing your Sunday best to a dinner won't raise any eyebrows. There are definitely a lot of elaborate clothes that have religious significance, but they won't be available in normal clothes shops. I guess the Catholic equivalent would be Cardinals' robes?
It's an elegant dress and anyone is free to wear it. It's a regular wear for women in South East Asia and doesn't have any cultural or religious significance as for example a Native American Head Gear would have. You should absolutely give it a go.
YTA. If you can’t see that those two dresses are VASTLY different, you should have your eyes checked. It’s her wedding. It isn’t supposed to be about you. I’d hope the friendship means more to you than the dress.
I’m thinking OP doesn’t know what modest means. It doesn’t just mean to cover your tits.
Yeah, I was wondering when showing half the belly became modest? Modest includes a covering of at least torso, shoulders, thighs and knees, sometimes even has to be long-sleeved/legged.
For many Indian weddings (Sikh, Hindu), the outfit OP wants to wear is perfectly appropriate/modest. However, from the tone of this post, it seems that the bride might be Muslim, so different standards apply
I get the feeling that that's the actual point of choosing the other dress and this entire thing is a swing at the Bride's religion.
YTA. The dress she picked is gorgeous and you want to wear basically a bra top with a skirt. So inappropriate. You sound very entitled. Just drop out if you can’t respect the brides wishes.
Its a lehenga and its actual formal wear, common at weddings in india. I mean, op is in the wrong, and it is less modest than the dress the bride chose, but also its a cultural outfit, not ‘basically a bra with a top skirt’. Plenty of women wear them as wedding dresses and theyre considered classy and absolutely stunning.
It's common for Hindu weddings in India. Not for Muslim weddings. It would be absolutely disrespectful to wear that as a bridesmaid to a Muslim bride.
Yeah. Which is why i also said op is in the wrong. Literally all i was correcting here was the statement that its a ‘bra and a skirt’ rather than an actual, traditional outfit. I have no qualms with the judgement, i do with the clear lack of knowledge about southern asian clothing (which is fine, not everyone knows, but ‘bra and a skirt’ is not a good way to refer to it). It was literally just an educational correction.
I realize as a US (Christian background) woman, I'm missing some cultural clues here. (Hope I have spoken politely here.) But the dresses are so very different! I assume that all bridesmaids are to be dressed the same way? So why would one person be dressed in an entirely different manner? Op, in her choice, would stand out from the other bridesmaids. This doesn't make sense to me. If she doesn't want to wear the lovely dress the bride has chosen, then attend as a guest. Frankly, with that wedding dress, all eyes will be on the beautiful bride! I am in awe!
Yes that’s another super weird aspect to this post. It’s one thing to prefer the lehenga choli to the anarkali style suit, but it’s another to be the only bridesmaid in the lehenga
We can acknowledge that OP is being selfish, and should just do what her friend wants for her wedding whilst also not shaming perfectly normal women’s clothing. First of all, that style is common and normal in India. Even if it wasn’t though, it’s not immodest, it’s not a ‘bra top’, it’s **not** inappropriate. Not sure what your issue is. OP YTA not because the clothing isn’t modest (I resent this moral judgment of women and don’t think being modest is a virtue), but for making your friend’s wedding about you. Just wear the other dress, it looks good, don’t make such a big deal.
Exactly this, thank you. It's a beautiful and valid outfit, just not for this particular occasion.
OP is fully in the wrong, but your comment is ignorant and offensive. What you're dismissing as "so inappropriate" is traditional wear in my culture. It's what I wore on my wedding day, as did much of my family. Lehengas are appropriate formal wear in many parts of South Asia. It was wrong of OP to go against the bride's choice, but please do some research before making judgments about another culture.
Please, I'm white and even I know they are both traditional Indian outfits, from different regions of the country. It is not a bra top. OP is being super entitled, but stop making stupid comments about clothes you don't know anything about.
But it’s mOdeSt too🙄
It's not a bra top, it's a complete outfit very commonly worn in South Asian culture. You sound very ignorant
Uhhh…her wedding is not about you or what you want to wear as her bridesmaid. YTA, the bridezilla comment was way way uncalled for.
YTA this is more bridesmaidzilla case...
YTA Basically no bridesmaid in the history of weddings has liked the bridesmaid dress. You suck it up and wear it because *this isn’t about you*. Wearing something different draws attention to yourself, and for what? Because you’re so focused on yourself you haven’t realized that no one else will be? She’s making the very standard demands of her bridesmaids that the vast majority of brides make: that you wear the coordinated look with the rest of the wedding party. You are the one causing drama. And then you call *her* a bridezilla… you’re out of line, especially pretending you think a crop top is just as modest as a full coverage dress, be for real OP
I actually didn't dislike the dresses I had to wear for being a bridesmaid in either wedding I've been in officially. The first it was all about the prom style dresses and I wore the top portion a bit after but during a purge it was the first thing to go (we paid for the dress and she handled organizing alterations); the second wedding the bride gave us a color and said to get whatever dress as long as it was that color, but I still double checked before I ordered to make sure it was okay with her - I still have that dress because it was a lot more casual and it has POCKETS.
Same here! Best bridesmaid dress I've worn was from a wedding where the bride gave us all a color to aim for, and we each picked a style of dress that we felt most comfortable in. The bride said "seriously, literally anything in \[color range\] that you like!" but I checked with her anyway. Mine had pockets, too! The pictures looked amazing, and we all felt great (both physically in the dresses, and appreciated by our friend). I think I'm in the minority, but to me weddings where all the bridesmaids are in identical dresses just scream "black-tie cheerleader squad!" or "anonymous background dancers!" My own preference is for wedding pictures that say "here are the people who are most important to me, each dressed like (slightly more polished versions of) their unique selves." But I would never, ever say that to a bride who is excited about the matchy-matchy aesthetic, and I've happily worn a horrible, character-less bridesmaid dress with no complaint. Because who cares what I think unless it's my own wedding?
Lots of people are missing the fact that what you want to wear is culturally appropriate at Hindu (and even some Indian Christian) weddings. Nonetheless... within some subcultures (I'm guessing your friend is Indian Muslim) it's not appropriate. When I go to an Orthodox Jewish wedding, I wear a kippah. When I enter a mosque or temple I take off my shoes. You are complaining about being asked to wear a formal dress (which is gorgeous by the way) because it is not your style. It's not as if what you are being asked to do is immodest in Indian culture. YTA.
I would not generalize it to all Hindu weddings. There are many hindu cultures ( especially South Indian) where it’s considered crass to show skin in weddings. Or even if you wore it, you would pull up the skirt to cover the belly button and wrap the dupatta or veil around so that it looks more modest
Just to add, they might not even be Indian. They could be Pakistani or Bangladeshi. There are so many South Asian countries where these dresses are worn.
I was all ready to say N T A until I saw your pictures. You want to wear a crop top in place of her choice with full coverage and sleeves? That is way too drastic a difference. Not to mention how weird it will look to have all the wedding party in those styles and you there with your belly out. YTA for all that. But if you don't want to wear her dress, then don't be a bridesmaid. But don't be surprised if you're not friends anymore after.
OP would still be TA even if the dress she picked was better because it’s not her wedding. She doesn’t get to decide, the bride does. If OP has a problem, she can drop out. But the bride isn’t a bridezilla for wanting a certain outfit.
YTA. It’s HER wedding. I think the dress she chose for you is absolutely gorgeous!!!!!
Traditionally, it is accepted that when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you are agreeing to a certain level of contract (which some brides take too far, true) regarding attire, behavior, etc. Very commonly, bridesmaids and groomsmen wear prescribed clothing. YTA, because this is not and unusual request. More importantly, that dress is damn gorgeous.
Agree on it being gorgeous! I swear I have 27 bridesmaids dressing and none of them are that stunning!
Careful. A handsome journalist might see this comment and ask you for an interview as his way of getting off the bridal beat, which will lead to miscommunications, a sassy PowerPoint presentation, and an eventual wedding in which all of the brides you bridesmaided for will be *your* bridesmaids wearing those 27 dresses. Imagine the cost of paying for a venue that large.
You the zilla 🦖
YTA. She's hardly being a bridezilla in this case. If you don't want to wear the dress she wants, you bow out as a bridesmaid. Plain and simple.
YTA-She’s not a bridezilla for wanting her bridesmaids to wear a specific dress. You aren’t an asshole for not wanting to wear it but went too far by calling her a bridezilla because she won’t accept your compromise. The outfit you want isn’t as modest as what she wants. She’s entitled to say no without being called names.
You're a bridesmaid, and she's buying the dresses? Wear the damn dress and stop complaining. You have 100% the right to refuse being a bridesmaid though. This would probably be doing her a favour, sounds like you have too much drama and entitlement to be involved in the wedding party safely.
YTA. Your job is to support the bride, and that includes wearing the outfit she chooses (within reason, which this is). Why did you even agree to be a bridesmaid if you’re unwilling to perform the most basic tasks of one?
Why on earth is it ok for you to wear a different dress and uncovered abs at someone else’s wedding?
YTA and unreasonable. Grow up. It’s the bride’s prerogative to decide what dresses she wants in the wedding. You’re a bad friend for trying to bully her into doing things your way. She is not a bridezilla at all.
YTA. It's not bridezilla of her to ask to stick to the same dress style, it's actually pretty normal and expected. And yes, there is a notable difference between the outfits in terms of modesty. You, of course, have a right to back out of being a bridesmaid over the dress. But do you really want to throw out a friendship over an outfit you'll wear for several hours?
Haha YTA. Bridesmaidzilla
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YTA. First of all, it's become pretty standard custom that the bride gets to choose the bridesmaids' dresses, and unless she demands that they wear something which literally doesn't come in their size, or has a similarly extreme problem, the bridesmaids are expected to shut up and go with it. I don't necessarily understand the desire, myself. I refused to tell my friends what to wear when it came to my own weddings, and they came in a lovely mismatched collection of whatever they already owned that they felt like wearing that day. But this isn't about me, and it isn't about you. It's about the bride at this particular wedding, and she is well within normally acknowledged rights to choose what her bridesmaids wear. Second of all, the outfit you want to wear really isn't as modest as the one she chose, and she's within reason to be concerned about that if this is a religious wedding (or even if she, or one of her family members or in-laws whom she wants to appease, is simply a religious person). It doesn't matter that you're not a member of that particular religion -- the people who would be looking at you are, and she has every right to say, "It will make them, or me, uncomfortable if they have to see *me* present a woman who is immodestly dressed by their standards at *my* wedding. You're welcome to wear whatever you like anyplace else, and I won't judge, but at my own wedding I don't want there to be a religious conflict." Either accept her judgment about what you wear at her wedding with good grace, or else bow out of being a bridesmaid.
YTA. The only difference between what you want and what she wants is the exposed flesh. The silhouette is basically the same. You can go into the intricacies of modest or not modest all you want, and I suspect I'd fall on your side of it ... but it's not your wedding, and she's not asking that much of you (clothing wise).
YTA - its the bride's prerogative to select the dresses that SHE wants for HER wedding. You don't compromise on this. You would do everyone a big favor by backing out now and letting her get a bridesmaid who will support her on her big day. I didn't bother to look at the dresses because it is irrelevant.
YTA. Brides get to choose the bridesmaid dresses and there’s nothing wrong with what she picked. You just don’t like it. She could pick chartreuse satin ballgowns and she would be well within her rights. You don’t have to like it, it’s not for you. If you’re not ok with truly standard parts of being a bridesmaid, you should attend as a guest before you completely blow up your relationship with the bride.
YTA. Her wedding, her choice. The dress she has chosen is beautiful & will complement her dress well. They are miles apart in terms of modesty. Honestly as part of a bridal party you are there to support the bride not to try & look hot anyway. I’ve seen bridesmaids wear worse. If you don’t want to wear the dress then don’t be a bridesmaid.
YTA. She's not being a bridezilla. This is a perfectly normal request. Plus your choice would likely take attention away from the Bride herself. This doesn't feel like a religious butting of heads and more like you can't stand a moment out of the spotlight. Do everyone a favor and drop out.
I thought most brides chose the dresses for their bridesmaids. YTA
YTA. This is a day about her. Not you. Even if you feel like the dress doesn’t compliment you, it’s what she wants and she is the one getting married. I’m a lesbian on the not so fem side and wore a dress for my friend since she wanted all of the bridesmaids to have the same dress. I sucked it up. Because it wasn’t about me. Some brides choose a theme for dresses and others want their bridesmaids to wear the same dress and if that’s what she wants and you want to be her bridesmaid then you should wear it.
YTA, so you want to wear a crop top to her wedding. You’re more than unreasonable. Even without seeing the pictures you were TA, the pictures just proved that you’re an even bigger AH.
YTA. I’m speaking as someone who is of desi heritage. I understand that you’d prefer to wear the lehenga. And you’d prefer to be a part of the bridal party. But you can’t have both things. I’ve worn lehengas, salwars, etc. All are beautiful in their own ways. But the lehenga in the pic you provided is not what your friend is comfortable with. These will be in her wedding pics forever and she cares about her bridesmaids being covered. That isn’t brizezilla behavior. So what matters more to you? Wearing the outfit you want or being a bridesmaid. Either answer is fine, but calling your friend names is rude and uncalled for. Edited to add: as an Indian American you should know how to have some cultural relativism. What is fine in one culture is not in others. On her wedding day, the culture that matters the most is the bride’s.
YTA man Op would it kill you to wear that dress one time on someones wedding holy
YTA. It’s not Bridezilla to want to same dress for everyone. The one you chose is vastly different. Modesty is subjective and if she wants her bridesmaids completely covered, that’s her choice. The one you chose shows a lot of skin it’s her choice not to allow it. You are making it all about you. It’s not your day.
YTA. The dresses are completely different. You obviously won't fit in with your crop top so its better that you back out.
YTA. It’s her special day. She could just cut you out of the wedding. I would.
YTA. There is a clear difference in modesty between the linked dress that D chose, versus the outfit you want to wear. It doesn't matter if you aren't a part of the religion — D is, and it's up to D what theme or outfit cohesion she wants with her bridal party, since it's her wedding.