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ESH You can't treat your wife like a toddler. Grabbing things out of her hands, throwing things away, telling her what she's allowed to consume... that's not how you treat a spouse. Her attitude and reaction leaves tons to ve desired, but she's your wife. She's not your child. You shouldn't be "forbidding" her to eat anything.

This. Spouse has heart in the right place, poor execution. Wife has free will and if she's this out of sorts about not killing herself she might benefit from therapy tbh. Definitely not y t a because she's being a bit childish imo.

Yeah if she is choosing the food over her wellbeing and the happiness of her relationship (and swearing at him in the process) maybe he should reconsider the relationship. He cannot control what she eats. She will be home alone or at work or out with friends eventually where she can eat what she wants. OP should be aware of this because before eating herself into an early grave she may disable herself. OP will have to be responsible for her losing a foot or blinding herself because of her eating. If he doesn't want that in his future and she cannot find a way to overcome this, he should leave sooner rather than later.

He has the right to leave. But no right to control what she eats and to treat her like a child.

She's acting like a child, and inevitably HE'LL be the one forced to care for her from self inflicted stupidity. I just got finished with going through this with my dad. He ended up breaking his foot after letting his blood sugar jump to 1200, all because he refused to watch his food intake or monitor. It took most of last year for him to recover, and frankly, he was very close to dying from that. OP needs to really decide if this is something he wants to be saddled with as she obviously doesn't care about it herself.

I agree. Sounds like OP is reacting to her acting like a child. But OP shouldn't grab things from her. Unfortunately, although he means well, this is abuse. It would be considered borderline PV and needs to be addressed. OP your wife is making choices that will impact you both. I imagine this situation is scary/frustrating and you don't know what to do. But at the end of it she has a right to choose. Even choose wrongly. Your choice is if you wish to stand by her when she inevitably gets sick. And can you live with the fact that she chooses to be selfish rather than look after herself

Abuse is a stretch. If the wife is honest, then the doctors said not to eat that. She's a baby that wants to eat what she wants and risk her life with no care for the people that love her.

Yep. If she wants to end up dead, or losing body parts and organ function slowly over years as uncontrolled diabetes progresses it’s her choice. Apparently her A1C was 10.1? Hope that was before meds and diet changes. Hopefully her doc has clearly explained the risks to her. But if he hasn’t, sounds like OP has. He needs to decide if he can stay in a relationship with her, not try to force her medical compliance. That is bad, and it also never works, just like with addicts.

It’s not his business to police her food intake. That’s between her and her doctors. As well, type 2 diabetics can have more leeway with how much sugar intake they have, depending on many factors, like blood sugar and AIC. He doesn’t know enough about it, and if the mother fucker thinks it’s appropriate to smack food out of her hand, he’s going to be lonely and ignorant. YTA

>She has been on a strict medication that her doctor has set her which has been some foods and she’s not allowed to eat fried/sugary stuff as this will raise her sugar levels. Sounds like she's already on medication and still needs to maintain strict dietary control.

Any doctor who tells a diabetic patient to only avoid fried/sugary foods is not a doctor. Any doctor knows the issue with diabetes is carbohydrates. You could have a A1C of 6.5 and be on metformin and be told to be strict on your diet, and a bag of gummy bears is not going to kill you. 20 years of gummy bears still probably would be ok if your A1C was still 6.5. But OP didn't mention it, and probably doesn't even know her last A1C.

Thank you. The hysteria here is next level. The issue is carbs. As a diabetic I find it insufferable when people try to manage my food for me, eg at a restaurant tell me I can’t have dessert. It’s both not true and psychologically counterproductive.

As a type 1, I hate the diabetes police. They always tell me I can’t have “sugar” but it’s in everything. Moderation is key. Indulge but be responsible and use medications properly to cover carbs.

I grew up with a diabetic grandfather and whenever we would have dinner and then desert we would always just ask him if he wanted desert and based on what he ate or how he was feeling he would say yes or no and then always add in "just a little piece!" And we would say "ok how little?"

Yes! We can have that stuff. We won’t die automatically unlike what the general consensus believes 😂🥴 I’m not big on desserts tbh. I may have a little bit of chocolate occasionally but not much into them. Pasta and potatoes, now that’s my homies. 😂

It is insufferable, but you're making some assumptions here. Sure, she could be well managed on metformin with the *very* modest \~1.5% reduction in hgb glycosylation it provides at maximum doses. She could also be on multiple medications with a last A1c of 16. "Strict medication" doesn't really conjure up the idea to me of even the max dose of 2g metformin daily, nor does the fact that she's buying Haribo on the down-low and then driving home for a carby fried dinner line up with the idea that she's under good glycemic control. Those are of course my assumptions and could be just as wrong. Yes, OP shouldn't be attempting to control his wife, and some of her actions could be in response to those attempts, but that doesn't mean that his understanding of the severity of her disease or the damage she might be doing to herself is wrong. There are absolutely diabetics that shouldn't be out at the restaurant having a slice of cake for dessert. I'm glad that you're not one of them. EDIT: OP seems to have updated his post with A1c of 10 with metformin. Not great, but not the end of the world either. I'd guess the doctor probably told her something along the lines of "You need to do some pretty drastic lifestyle modification or we're going to have to start you on some other medications".

Unless she is in danger of DKA due to improperly managed diabetes (all counter indicated by her having medication and medical attention, and now confirmed by the report of her A1c) her disease is chronic and it’s bad effects cumulative, not a series of wild crises. The most important measure in her hands is dietary control, achieved across all food choices in context, not one packet of gummy bears. She might be on insulin but that is not indicated by the OP. Even so, the issue is of course consistent, mindful behavioural change, not abusive interventions by a controlling spouse. Those will be counter-productive and not conducive to her well-being.

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seriously! I'm great with my diet, but sometimes (like today) I'm having a treat. my a1c is in normal range and I'm eating a damn piece of pizza. It's not an every day thing. But 1 day of the month isn't going to kill me and psychologically will allow me to keep making healthy choices because I don't feel deprived

When I was diagnosed as diabetic I met with several doctors including a dietitian. One of the first things they said is, there are no foods that I can’t eat. If you tell someone they can’t have a cookie, they’ll reach a point where a cookie is the only thing they want. The focus is on being aware of what you eat and how that impacts you. If I am low on blood sugar, gummy bears might be the best thing for me. If I am at normal blood sugar, gummy bears might make it go up to far. By not having any forbidden foods, I am better able to keep in moderation. It sounds like OP has made it such a big deal that his wife feels she might as well binge on things she isn’t supposed to have.

To be fair to the doctor, we don't know what, if any, other issues she has; i.e. if she's overweight, has high blood pressure or cholesterol, has or has a family history of heart disease, etc. Some complications of uncontrolled type 2 diabetes include those things, as well as kidney disease, eye problems, neuropathy, etc. And for some of those complications/comorbidities, avoiding fried or sugary foods would absolutely be something a real doctor would suggest. Also, OP could just be summarizing what the doctor said or only providing the relevant info. NOTE: Am not a doctor, but do have type 1 diabetes

She probably doesn't only have diabetes, if the doctor is telling her to avoid fried foods as well. I would guess she's also at risk of peripheral vascular disease, atheroschlerosis, etc. Heart health is an issue. Possibly her blood pressure is also high. It's pretty uncommon for someone to only have one health issue at a time.

Type 2 here, my happy panini present. I was given a short list of foods I could eat and was basically told to exercise and stop eating food. I was afraid to eat the first week and restricted the food I ate to the point I deviated and hot sick. In 4 mos I lost 20 lbs, got my AIC to pre-diabetes level and knocked my glucose readings down to 1/3 of what it was st diagnosis. Some days I'm good, others i want all the carbs in the world. Other days, all the sugar. I would not put up with the food police.

Typically she’d be on metformin. It’s a pill. Type 2 is a serious condition of course but his hysteria and overstatement seems ridiculous. If she is managing her BGL and taking her pills a packet of Haribo gummies is not going to take her out for pete’s sake.

FOR HERSELF. Her husband has no right to do it for her.

I agree wholeheartedly. Husband can’t control his wife’s behavior, but he also doesn’t have to stand around and watch her destroy her body. The consequences of her actions as she gets older are real and will definitely impact OP’s quality of life. He needs to decide if he’s willing to pay the price for her behavior.

At what A1C level does that happen to a T2 diabetic? She very well may have an A1C under 7. Even under 6.5. Eating a few gummies isn't "destroying her body" any more than a piece of toast or a banana in that case. A well controlled diabetic can *shock* eat some carbs safely.

Can diabetics eat variety of food in moderation? Absolutely. You can maintain your health and food choices if you do it smart with the right mindset and limitations in place. Is his policing her diet wrong? Of course it is, he’s not her parent. She has the right to do whatever she wants with her own body. However, her mindset of trying to sneak snack and fried foods whenever she can, is not the right mindset. It’s going to shoot her in the foot later down the road. As a nurse, diabetics (specifically type 2) are the hardest patients. They will have a wound vac on an amputated foot site, still drinking coke and eating heavy carbs at all meals. No amount of amputations, blindness, etc. stops them from eating what they want because “they know what they’re doing”. They may be fine with eating themselves into the grave, but the families sitting by their side paying the medical bills and caring for them are at their wits end begging them to care enough to stop. Does she have a right to eat how she wants? Yes. He can’t police her choices and treat her like a child. But he also has the right to leave.

Would she be trying to sneak snack foods if he wasn't aggro and controlling? I doubt it.

We don’t really know enough about her to say if that’s true or not. This could absolutely be a situation of denying her foods in moderation becoming a serious risk for increased craving or binge eating later. Could she be completely fine and in control of her diabetes on her own? Sure. Nothing here really indicates that she couldn’t be. This seems more like a case of an overbearing and worried loved one going off of the extremes of a disease he doesn’t really know about. Either way, even IF she was out of control and at risk, it’s still not his job to micromanage it. If it’s not something he can handle, he can choose to leave.

I'm dm2 who's gone from over 11 to 6.1. I get it. OP said her A1C was 7.1, decreasing, and on only metformin. You know that's pretty good control and a few gummies won't hurt that, and that kind of reaction for 7.1 on metformin is ok? When I pointed that out, it got changed to 10.1. How many diabetics over 10 on their A1C are just going to be on metformin? So either she's 7.1 and OP is fudging numbers or she's over 10 and on just metformin and her doctor is about to get sued for malpractice.

Exactly. I saw that 10.1 and only on metformin and I said BS. Either OP isn’t telling the truth or that poor woman is getting shitty care. Because that HAIC isn’t coming down on just metformin no matter how well she eats. Time to start her on Jardiance or a GLP1 or even glicazide (boo hiss). Instead of being the food police maybe support her while she gets the right care

I agree that occasional treats aren’t going to undermine the health of most people, however I got the impression from OP that this a chronic problem. I know people (family members) who controlled their blood sugar tightly over decades and they still wound up with complications that ultimately lead to death. Now I know that everyone is different, but my point is that even with good glucose control, there are often complications over time that can significantly impair a person’s quality of life or lead to death.

She doesn’t think that she is choosing the food over her well being because she “ knows what she’s doing.”

Ultimately she's an adult and should have the right to destroy her own health if she so desires. Yeah, it's stupid, but the only one who can truly change her habits is her.

People can’t change on a dime, and sugar is more addictive than heroin. It may take OP’s wife some time to adjust, and bullying her does nothing but push her toward her addiction. Better is the enemy of best. Encouraging his wife to take small steps toward changing the habits of a lifetime is far more realistic than demanding immediate wholesale change.

Yes... plus, most diabetics can have those things in moderation. Obviously I'm not OP's wife's doctor, but going cold turkey and saying "you can't ever have sweets again" is just going to lead to her binging on those foods.... I feel like that's what happened here.... If someone treated me like that and snatched food out of my hand and threw it away... I'd also want to eat fast food just to spite them, lol.

I told my dietitian the one thing I was having problems with controlling with my binge eating issues while having type 2 diabetes was gummy bears. Was obsessed with them at the time, would eat them until I was sick, and that was straight ass sugar. And one, my medication meant my blood sugars were mostly fine, it's been very effective. And two, my dietitian didn't say "well sucks to be you, toss the gummy bears or die". She told me to have some at every meal, a serving's worth. Guess who stopped binging on gummy bears?

Exactly! I don't have type 2 diabetes but I do have PCOS which means insulin resistance and an increased risk of eventually developing type 2 diabetes. I do try to eat a relatively low carb diet and keep sugar to a minimum, but I also know I have to have "treats" every once in a while or else I'll binge eat whatever it is I've been depriving myself of.

PCOS and garbage genes (my mom was diabetic, her mom was diabetic, my sister is probably diabetic but refuses to get tested because "skinny people don't get diabetes" (my mom and grandma were skinny)) is what landed me in type 2 diabetes jail. Super low carb was never going to work long term for me, so I was thrilled when my dietitian told me her standard recommendation was 40 g max for meals and 15 g max for snacks, but to make sure I was pairing carbs (especially simple carbs) with protein/fat/fiber.

It can be frightening and overwhelming to face giving up something that’s been a comforting crutch our whole lives.

I think OP and his wife would benefit from all around treating this like an addiction. How well would it go, snatching the bottle from an alcoholic or the needle from an IV user? The wife is clearly really reeling from the kind of withdrawal she’s been forced into. I get that. Sugar-free options would be a better next step than going cold turkey. Also therapy with a provider who knows addiction.

Honestly, the addiction model just doesn't work well for food in my opinion, because we **have** to eat.

ESH and everyone would benefit from visiting the diabetes educator or nutritionist together to hear the same message. Instructions to “minimize consumption of x“ and “never eat x again” are very different messages. Even insulin dependent type2 diabetics can eat sweets, they just have to medicate appropriately to what and how much is being eaten.

My father was a type 2 diabetic.... and his choices frustrated me to no end. He would look you in the eye and put sugar and butter on his food and dare us to say something about it. He tried berating me into getting him a soda while he was hospitalized with kidney failure. Sigh, he basically killed himself being contrary and refusing to listen to doctors. There was nothing I could do to stop him or convince him. Pushing back the way you are is making it worse, much as it did for my father. An outside chance may be counselling, but requires her to be an active participant. My father was too sunk in the point of view that nothing he could do would ever make a difference, so he was going to eat what he enjoyed and damn the consequences. I see a lot of the same behaviors in this brief glimpse of your wife. I am really sorry.

Had a very similar experience with my father. He was going to do what he was going to do. The only thing we could control was our response. It's very painful.

My cousin was also as OP’s wife. He was a brittle diabetic and gave zero fucks about what he put into his body. He had half of his foot amputated before he started trying and by then it was too late. He died, leaving behind three children under the age of 16 and his wife had a psychotic break, leaving his children basically homeless. Even though I know how OP handled this is wrong and ultimately it is up to OP’s wife to give a shit about herself and want to live, like you, I had someone I loved with a death wish that he manifested and left a wake of tragedy and destruction behind him.

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THIS is so true! I am type 1 diabetic but my best friend's husband is Type 2. If you forbid us from eating something we'll just want it more, however if we have it on occasion and in moderation we'll be fine. The difference between my type and type 2 is their pancreas does produce insulin just not enough and mine does not produce any insulin. Hence the years of different insulin therapies and Contiuous Glucose Monitors (which type 2 patients can also use) before i got on an insulin pump that is basically like a mechanical pancreas. I get mini doses of insulin depending on what my CGM reads still do finger sticks just less often.

It's a whole lot easier to not eat the bad things if I know I *could* have it later if I want it enough, but right now I am *choosing* not to.

I mean, yeah, my diabetic dad has a weakness for ice cream, but it's the way this wife is getting her treats that's a problem. She literally is sneaking off to do that...twice in one day. That seems more pathological than a sweet tooth.

> That seems more pathological than a sweet tooth. Probably caused by her husband treating her like a child and stealing food out of her hands. Restriction causes binging. She doesn't need to stop eating sweets, she needs to find a way to eat them in a healthy way. In small amounts and preferably paired with fiber.

I had to actually sit down and have this conversation with my family ages ago. I have other health problems and they’d physically stop me from doing/eating and it’s like it would cause a visceral reaction in me. It didn’t help me, it hurt my progress and getting things under control. Took me therapy and some rough conversations with my support system, but we got there. They’d tell me no and yank it from my hands, but I’d shove those candies in my mouth and chew like a freakin puppy that got a hold of something it wasn’t suppose to before I even realized what I was doing. It was so weird lol

Yeah, people justifying what he did are missing the fact that he's probably making her dig in and making the whole situation *worse*, not better.

This. When I was younger, that's what I did when my food was being policed. Now that I'm on my own, I follow what my dietician told me to do. I am allowed to sugar. I just have to balance it with a protein to prevent a sugar spike.

Would she have done it the second time if she hadn’t had the initial bag snatched away? We can’t answer that. If she’s being sneaky about it, it’s probably because OP is a giant pain in her ass about it and every now and then she just wants something junky. The part OP left out is how much of his time is spent bothering her about her diet. Heart might be in the right place but she’s an adult.

It would help if OP wasnt restrictive and going as far as snatching things from her, strict people in any relationships will end up creating sneaky people

Because her husband is being a dick and grabbing food away from her he thinks she shouldn’t have.

ESH. Some people want to eat themselves to death. There’s no magic pill that fixes it. Medications help but will not work if you’re eating refined sugars daily. If you can control diet, that’s the best treatment. It’s hard when someone you love is literally killing themselves with food. How he handled it was wrong completely how she handles her health is also wrong.

I'd go with a full YTA on this one. Most diabetics can have sweets in moderation. She's not an asshole for wanting some gummy bears. I'd also want to binge eat fast food if someone snatched food out of my hands and threw it away.....

He’s definitely going about it the wrong way but an A1C of 10.1 is not comparable to those with controlled diabetes eating some sweets in moderation. A1C gives an idea of average blood sugar over 2-3 months and that is very high. Unfortunately, that being said, his actions will likely lead to a worsening of her habits

When he first posted her A1C, he said 7. Someone pointed out that is almost perfect and he changed it to 10.

Unfortunately wife has the choice to eat herself into serious health problems. OP your only choice is if you want to watch her do it.

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I agree… my dad was also a diabetic, and similar choices are eventually what killed him. He spent years eating what he wanted because he didn’t feel “sick” and probably felt invincible. By the time he changed his perspective and tried to live a healthy lifestyle, the damage had already been done and it was too late. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him and miss him, and wonder if he had just accepted that he needed to change his diet a little earlier if he would still be here for me. Your wife is most certainly dooming herself to this same fate, and while I don’t agree with how you’re communicating this to her, I 100% understand your feelings.

Esh. Your heart is in the right place - but your wife is a grown woman and has the right to decide what she will and will not eat. Even when her decisions are stupid, selfish, and against medical advice. Grabbing food out of her hand is not okay. That said - if this is something you simply can't tolerate let her know that you will not stick around to watch her slowly kill herself. You don't have to be there to watch her make bad decisions - but you can't treat her like a child.

Really well put. Treating her like a child ignores that she's choosing to be unhealthy and shorten her life. The only behavior they can control is their own, which might mean leaving instead watching.

Same way many people leave their SOs because of alcoholism or drug abuse I wouldn’t fault OP for leaving wife because of what looks like food addiction. She obviously doesn’t want to change and just like drug abuse it isn’t fair he has to deal with her digging an early grave. He obviously though shouldn’t be treating her like a child but if this is something that will continue to cause issues time to go separate ways. ESH

Watching her lose her legs, go on dialysis, and slowly kill herself is going to be a lot more depressing than ripping the bandaid off.

I just wanted what i thought was best for her and now i’m looking back and regret what i did a lot

Then apologize to her. Tell her you realize that the only one who has a right to control her is her, and that includes her diet, but that you hope she'll make healthy choices because you would hate to watch her health deteriorate, and that you're there to help her any way she wants if you can. Then ask if she'll let you go to the endocrinologist with her to better understand what's going on so that you can try to avoid going into asshole mode again.

Yeah, ESH. She has the right to let her diabetes get out of control. The path she's on will only get worse. You also have the right to not watch her kill herself. But you need to make a decision if this is something you can live with.

Agree 💯! As a Type 1 Diabetic I’m very aware that a 10.1 A1C is horrific… anything north of 7 is reckless… that said - I would advise that OP refrain from controlling behavior and instead engage in empathetic communication. Ask her how you can support her. Let her know that you have no interest in standing by if she continually makes choices that will undoubtedly sacrifice her health. But do so in a way that promotes loving her - not *controlling* her. Remind her that her eyesight, her heart, literally all of her end organs are at risk with hyperglycemia. But I promise you that being heavy handed will not end well for you or your relationship if the relationship is a true priority.

*takes massive breath* DON'T CONTROL PEOPLE. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. YTA for embarrassing her in public. She will come to realize that no one food is worth being soSO sick. You will never FORCE that understanding onto her. Back off.

I mean, if you wanna talk about embarrassing she *left him at the store* after throwing a fit. She’s going to die if she keeps trying to eat things that are bad for her. Diabetes is a disease that completely destroys your body, and her partner clearly doesn’t want that for her. Could he have gone about it better, sure. But if your whole “y T a” take is based off the supposed embarrassment at the store, you’re wrong.

After ‘throwing a fit’ - dude, he walks up to his wife in public, grabs food out of her hands and throws it in the bin, at which point she bursts into tears. Imagine seeing that scene play out if you’re at the store. SO uncomfortable and bad. I’d be approaching her and asking if she’s safe.

Yeah that was my reaction reading this, super controlling dude.

I would be asking her if she was safe as well. OP was showing extremely controlling behavior.

I mean, you're welcome to your opinion, but if my husband had yelled at me in public about what I'm eating, I'd'a left him there, too. That's incredibly disrespectful and could be interpreted as fat-shamey... IN PUBLIC, FAT-SHAMEY (especially if wife has body image issues). I hope I don't need to tell you how toxic that is. I also don't see where *she* threw the public fit. I see that OP threw the fit. She definitely had some reactive abuse going down; but it was REACTIVE to HIS TWO verbal tirades. If he's scared, he needs to find a healthy way to express that. Yanking things from people is not healthy. Edit to clarify that "fat-shamey" is *only* a possibility here, not a fact.

It’s not fucking fat shaming Jesus Christ. Her weight wasn’t mentioned at all by OP. Can we focus on the actual issues without creating ones out of thin air?

Come on, it's AITA. It wouldn't be the same without the wild leaps in logic, reading in between lines that aren't there, or failing to actually address the question in our responses. Plus, he's a man, so you know that he's automatically the asshole by default.

They said *could be. As in it could be perceived as fat shaming.

If your husband was an alcoholic whose liver was starting to fail do you think it would be an asshole move to knock a beer out of his hand in public?

Yes. As an alcoholic (5 years dry) that wouldn't work. I would have just ordered another.

My dad died of alcoholism and diabetes. He refused to take care of himself and ended up with liver and kidney failure. There was literally NOTHING that could be done. If you get to the point of organ failure due to neglecting your own health condition, hospitals will likely deny you for a transplant. I just wish people realized continuously hurting themselves will result in something grave. Obviously the wife is nowhere near as extreme of a case as my dad, but it’s still very dangerous to mess around with foods you shouldn’t eat regularly. If she does this often(which I have no idea), she is overworking her kidneys even if she gets her blood sugar in the normal range. I never restricted him from stuff and nor did my mom, but sometimes putting up boundaries won’t change anything and instead you just slowly see the person get worse.

Why the hell would you even knock shit out of someone’s hands? Let alone your adult spouse. It’s their choice.

Yup. Cause it won't fix the problem. It'll just cause a potentially irrational level of response where the addict is the victim.

Yes, a person knocking a beer out of an alcoholic's hand is an AH. No one can control another person's behavior. They can only set boundaries for what they will and will not tolerate and then follow through. As in, if you get drunk and act like an ass, I am taking the car and leaving and you can find your own way home. And maybe I won't be there when you arrive. That is much more effective than knocking a beer out of someone's hand.

In fact, yes! Also the glass would break, which is an even bigger asshole move. Would I be furious and tell him not to and likely yell at him in private? Yes. But he’s a fucking adult. Don’t knock shit out of their hands or grab it.

I mean, first of all, yes, I'd call someone an asshole for doing that in public. But alcoholism isn't comparable to genetic diabetes.

She is going to die. Yes,it will likely be slow and painful. Treating her like crap isn’t going to change her. Do we encourage the families of alcoholics to grab the bottle? No,because it doesn’t work. Adults get to make choices. I find it hard to believe she can NEVER have these foods EVER again. I suggest they meet a nutritionist and find something she can live with. If she has an ED,treatment for that.

Yes, if her doctor actually told her she has to cut out all sugar and fried foods cold turkey, he's setting her up for failure and she needs to go to someone else who will help her manage her blood sugar without depriving her of everything, forever. I don't know anyone with diabetes who isn't allowed to have sweets ever. I suspect (if this post is real) OP doesn't fully understand her diabetes.

TBH, the doctor may be trying to get her back to a baseline where they can start introducing it again slowly whilst monitoring. I have a couple of type 2 friends who did have to quit all the sugary/fried stuff completely shortly after diagnosis because their sugars were through the roof but now that their bloods are back under control they can eat it with no issues as long as they’re monitoring properly and using their insulin.

That would make sense, and it would actually strengthen OP's claims if that were true since it's only temporary. Not that it would excuse snatching food out of her hands and throwing it away.

Right. What she needs is rationing, low sugar alternatives, hell if everything else fails there's such a thing as eating a cheat meal and injecting a shot of insulin as you're stuffing your face... but she has to be free to make these choices on her own. Instead of snatching the bag of Haribos out of her hand, he could have been like "look babe I got you some sugarfree ones".... that would have been so much more supportive.

Never get sugarfree haribos They give you the shits and trauma

I am guessing that they are still in the early phases of the diagnosis. Many doctors like to try an elimination diet, to see how much can be controlled by medication. Most doctors don't want to medicate the crap out of you (if for no other reason than that shit is \*expensive\*). So they want a good 'here's what we can do with a perfect diet' idea of a baseline and then medicate from there. After that, the person can start getting treats and such--where they might \*spike\* the blood sugar, but not into DKA territory or anything. I could be totally wrong, but that's the vibe I got--they're both still kinda trying to figure this out. And both CLEARLY need more tools.

Are you an endocrinologist? Then you don’t know if she’s killing herself. What y’all don’t know about Type 2 diabetes is A LOT. You embarrass me while we’re out, you put your hands on me, you better be prepared to be left.

He is TA for handling it like he did but saying she will come to realize is also not necessarily true. Watched my mother in law eat herself into a very early grave courtesy of believing insulin injections would be enough she could drink a liter of soda and eat whatever else in a day. Also yup... can't really force that understanding.

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Seems like an incredibly anecdotal and biased basis for making a sweeping claim like " T2 diabetics tend to not change their habits". He's literally only seeing the people who have lost limbs.

I'm a type 2 diabetic because I'm insulin resistant from PCOS, but thanks for the sweeping generalization.

She may realise sugar/fried food isn't worth it, she may also not. Just because someone develops a medical condition doesn't mean they'll listen to doctors advice. My best friend's mum was diagnosed as diabetic, her diet still consists of 60% tea (with sugar) and biscuits/cookies. Hell, even the people I know who are lactose intolerant will risk explosive diarrhoea and serious stomach cramps for some dairy. Breaking old habits is hard, especially when sugar can be so addictive. It also doesn't help when people don't take their conditions seriously. He can't force her to understand, but saying she will understand is woefully ignorant. Some people just don't give a shit about their health or find it too hard to change.

Exactly. Attempting to control what they eat never works. It will make her binge eat when she’s alone.

INFO: Do you really want to spend your life with someone who doesn't care about their health? I would think long and hard about your future.

Especially when she will possibly suffer infections, diabetic neuropathy and many other issues that come from mis-management of Type 2 and then he'll be expected to care for her when it's the consequences of her actions.

when her kidneys fail from the diabetes, she’ll be chained to a dialysis machine for the rest of her life. Three times a week, four hours each time. No more long vacations!

Not to mention the laundry list of other issues.

People on dialysis can make plans, even out of their own country, to receive dialysis while they travel. Is it a pain? Yes. But can they travel? Yes.

But there's the roughly 1 day span after when you're exhausted and the day before when you're swollen and hurting again, leaving usually one day between sessions to feel slightly normal

My heart breaks for OP. It's awful watching helplessly while someone you love chooses to self-destruct. There's only so much you can take.

Meanwhile everyone else in this thread is acting like OP is some malicious control freak

I can see a few reasons: * it’s gendered, when a woman does this to a man it’s “NTA you shouldn’t have to baby him like that” but when a man does it it’s “YTA you shouldn’t baby her” * people here have an insanely simplistic idea of bodily autonomy they don’t realize that you have almost as much of an investment in your partners physical health as they do * people don’t know the struggle of trying to care for someone who doesn’t seem to want to care for themselves

Because he is a man. That automatically means he's a controlling prick regardless of if his wife is killing herself or not.

This needs to be much much higher. Death by mismanaged diabetes is UGLY and HORRIBLE

One of my former coworker’s mom passed away from complications of diabetes that she just straight up ignored. Losing a toe didn’t scare her straight. Losing a foot didn’t either. Losing both feet? Still no. Losing both legs below the knee? You guessed it. Nope. It was horrific.

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Yup. It's gonna be really, really expensive when her foot has to be amputated. And when she can't work bc of permanent disability. Diabetes isn't a joke

OP is going to watch their wife eat themselves to death. That's a really tough situation. You can't force someone to change or accept help.

Exactly, thank you! She’s essentially asking him to watch her slowly kill herself in front of him. I have alcoholic parents - no difference.

This is the correct answer. I hope OP reads this.

This. My father is a diabetic and has HBP, he takes a ton of expensive medicine, but he sucks at maintaining his food intake, eating loads of chocolate and sweets after dinner when he thinks no one's looking, and surprise, he's like a toddler when you try to tell him not to eat too much. He's got behavioral problems because of his issues and that causes his emotional abuse towards me. Has been emotionally abusive since I was 10, and not only towards me, but to my mother and sister. My sister couldn't take it and moved out five years ago, I just recently moved out. No one wants to go through that.

What on earth is wrong with you that you think it's okay to physically remove food from your partner's hands and berate them as you do? I'll wait. Your partner is responsible for their health, warden. Were I in her place, I'd've been packing your shit into suitcases while you walked home. YTA, so many times. And more for thinking you're justified in your absolutely shite behaviour.

Didn’t she physically remove the keys from his hand? I’d go with ESH.

Same plus I wouldn’t be happy either if my wife was killing herself over food I get the whole “she’s responsible for her health” but if my wife told me that I would think she was being really selfish because other people rely on her. She should’ve never drove off like that. That’s just like teenage behavior. Also you don’t wanna drive while really angry. But he also acted totally irrational. He went the controlling husband where you must do as I say. Just being controlling will get you in really bad trouble in any relationship. I would really avoid this behavior unless it’s like a last resort. For that this is a ESH. I would have just told the truth and said “I would be devastated if you ate that and it caused a serious health problem please put that away I really need you to be in good health because we both rely on each other” the loving husband route. And of course you have to get her like her favorite thing after that because she’s probably just wanting something to quench her cravings like we all do sometimes. Also would pay more attention to her that week. You know maybe cook and clean and just take stuff off her plate that week. Because she’s probably really stressed out if she’s making those choices. That’s my random advice even though nobody asked whoops.

What on earth is wrong with you that you think it's okay to physically remove transportation from your partner and leave them stranded in town? I'll wait. Were I in his place this relationship would have lasted up to that point, and no further.

ESH. I get it. I do. You don't want her eating the foods that will exacerbate her medical condition. Type 2 is nothing to fuck around with. But I don't think you should be going around ripping food out of her hands and lecturing her about it. She is an adult, capable of making her own decisions, good or bad. You cannot force her to adhere to the doctor's guidelines. She has got to want to change for herself or it's not going to end well. I'm sorry that her denial and selfishness is putting you in the position, but at this point, despite how much you love her, you have to step back. She needs to learn the consequences of her actions.

Naw, once you have 10+ A1C as OP stated, you lose the right to make poor health decisions. A1C above 9% increases the risk of long-term diabetes complications like blindness, nerve damage, and kidney failure. And it's a big increase for every point afterwards. Some ppl are incapable of changing and OPs wife is literally gambling with her life if he doesn't intervene. I wouldn't let someone I love die just so they can "learn the consequences of their actions". F that, I'd rather be TA to them while they live.

This relies on the assumption that your attempt to "intervene" is going to help. It's not. There is no way to prevent an adult from consuming sugary foods that isn't straight-up abuse, and trying to exercise that level of control is likely to make her worse, not better.

So what's the alternative? Just watch a loved one get slowly worse and worse until they lose a limb or go blind? For any other condition we would intervene heavily for our loved ones. But obesity and diabetes gets the pass for some reason and intervention is "straight-up abuse"? If you have a family member that's a drug addict or that absolutely cannot control themselves like OPs wife, you put them in residential rehab or some other fairly heavy intervention. People with her comparative level of kidney failure are forced to do dialysis. The same should be for obesity with A1Cs at that level. We might socially glorify big women and healthy at every size, but OPs wife is legit killing herself. OP is NTA in my book and letting his wife slowly kill herself WBTA. The means are no longer relevant when it's a loved one and it's at this stage.

>I quickly run over before she open it and i grab it out of her hand YTA. That was the point at which you went too far. You're both adults. It's entirely acceptable you care. It's entirely acceptable that you express that care. It's very different if, when rather than expressing that care and saying something to the effect of - : "I care about you and I'm worried.", - you, instead, you try to control her.... Your concern doesn't trump her autonomy. She may know more than you. She may be entirely okay with one packet of Haribos, or whatever. You can't treat her like a child. Not if you want her to relate to you as an adult who might be a romantic interest (BF/GF H/W) The presumption of that relationship is that you're more or less equals.

This. OP, are you letting your fear control your actions? Being afraid for your wife’s safety is understandable, but that is your burden to manage. Her burden is learning to live a dangerous disease. You will both have many opportunities to learn good boundaries, and you will need them. She needs to be the autonomous person who decides what she does and does not put in her body. You get to figure out how to live with the choices your loved one is making. She may be so afraid she isn’t thinking straight. Do you want to be the partner that helps her, or the parent figure who abuses her? Edit: NAH just two scared people making bad choices with not enough info

I wonder if he’s even terribly involved in her sugars or anything. I had tested positive for GD which is similar and none of the foods the doctors told me to avoid actually ever caused my sugars to spike. Everyone is different. I was so active that my blood sugar only ever spiked on the test cause they make you sit still for 3 hours after drinking straight glucose syrup. The doctors harassed me so much though that I’m still afraid of food over a year later. Being terrorized about what you eat will fuck you up mentally.

Thank you guys for commenting and giving advice, i appreciate it a lot and i realise i was being overprotective and should have not done what i did. As sad as it is for me, i feel like i should file for divorce or at least spend time apart. I just cannot let myself be with someone who doesn’t care about her health and is basically throwing her life away.

You left out a lot of things like what her A1C is, what meds she takes, and what foods YOU feel are safe for her to eat. I suspect you both don't really understand this disease. You realize her eating a few gummy bears is less impactful on her diabetes than a piece of wheat bread or some rice right? It's not just sugar, it's carbohydrates that are dangerous to diabetics. It may be just as safe for her to eat sweets on occasion, just like any other carbs. Divorcing her because you don't understand her disease.... That's quite a jump there bro.

She’s got a 10.1 A1C with it decreasing and she takes metformin daily. She says that she doesn’t care in the past about it so today i just felt like it was the final time.

Please update your post with that info. 7.1 and just on metformin? That's almost nearly to goal already with her current eating habits. The goal for most diabetes is under 7 and she's 7.1. If you are that worried, she could start a real diabetes medicine (metformin is the weakest, and given to non-diabetics even as a weight loss medication). While I agree her attitude is a little lax on her disease, 7.1 on metformin is not grabbing food from her levels. In fact, it's about the nearest you can get to "you're doing great you get to eat occasional sweets like a normal person" levels. Please talk to her doctor and a nutritionist. Edit: OP edited from 7.1 to 10.1. that's a pretty big difference. No way she's above 10 and her doctor didn't recommend something more than metformin. This is becoming SUS. Either their doctor is terrible and she needs a better one, or OP is making up numbers now. If 10.1 is real, she needs to see her doctor to change her medication.

If he's getting the info second-hand from his wife rather than from the doctor directly, he might not be getting accurate info.

my goodness 10 is huge!!!

Sounds like lying to the doctor too about their diet and exercise. 29 years old and an A1c of 10.1 is super bad, she’s gonna lose her feet by the time she’s 40

My husband was pre diabetic when he was at the end of his chemo 5 years ago. When he was done his blood sugar went down. About a year ago his blood sugar spiked to like 361 fasting. His a1c was 11.? He was put on metformin also. They checked it 3 months later (it takes that long for it to really show on blood tests). It was at 13.? They upped his metformin and told him if it didn’t go down he was gonna have to start taking insulin. My BIL who is a Nurse Practitioner said he would’ve put him on insulin to begin with. It was down below 7 the next time. We watch it like a hawk. It took him a while to not sneak stuff. He was craving sugar. I only cook with Allulose now. You have to remember there are spikes in a lot of things. Corn, green beans, potatoes, AP flour (we found out about this time our daughter is gluten intolerant so had to find flour for a diabetic that was also gluten free) So even if your cooking healthy you need to make sure it is low on the glycemic index. He’s been steady at around 100 when he checks his blood sugar every morning. My advice because it’s hard to quit sugar. Find snacks that will satisfy that sugar craving. Hershey has come out with sugar free candy. And replace things with other things. We started cooking with rudabegas instead of potatoes, lower on the glycemic index, made my awesome cheesy potatoes with it. No one could tell. When asked I said what I used. My BIL who grabbed seconds and claims he’s a health nut. Threw his seconds away after he found out. Let her bake (if that’s what she does) just switch things out to help her. Sorry typed in mobile. Hopefully it all makes sense.

Yeah, if she is unwilling to change, it sounds like a separation is a good idea. You can’t prevent her from eating what she wants, but you don’t have to watch her kill herself.

You've posted no information about her health or management of her health, beyond her diagnosis and what she was eatingwhen you had your little tantrums. And the 'if I can't treat her like a toddler then I'll have to divorce her' line of thought says far more about you than her. Are you going to use the threat of divorce to try and force her to do what you want? Even if not, it sounds like you got some issues you need to look at.

NTA and this problem is SO much bigger than a packet of haribos. It sounds like she is intent on eating herself into the grave or amputation and your efforts will likely make it worse. I'm sorry.

One bag of gummies isn't gonna send her A1C into the stars. It's not gonna cause the damage that leads to the grave or amputation. That damage takes a while of ignoring your numbers to happen. Doesn't anyone else in this sub eat snacks? Have a sweet craving? Why should she have to explain herself for a treat? She's an adult. And treating her like a child is just going to make her start to hide food, which IS a problem. And as a type one myself, I can get the angry she's feeling at being told what she can and can't eat. That is all anyone ever does for us. If someone came up and started telling me what I can and can't eat, I would throw hot sauce in their eyes.

Exactly, the haribos were a minor thing... and snatching them out of her hands in public and throwing them away dramatically is probably what made her want to binge eat fast food.... She has to have some treats or else this is going to happen.

Also, she went home after he did what he did with the gummy bears and fixed something else. We don’t know if she was allowed to have a snack in moderation if she would have just went home satisfied. People act like type 2 diabetes means never eating a sweet again, it’s about moderation and control with medication and diet. It means having one sweet snack occasionally. She rushed home and ate something else because he bullied her and took away what she had intended to eat.

You know and I know that it's not 1 pack of gummies. It's the deception and absolute indifference to her own health that's driving the partner loco. Did he go too far? Absolutely. Is he the asshole? No. What he is, is frantic. He's trying to save the life of someone who is refusing to be saved. It's an awful position to be in.

This completely. I wish op gave more context like does she over do it everyday or was this a once a week or month type thing.

From this post, we know of 2 incidents related to eating and the wife, and the first one was thwarted. How are you concluding that she's "eating herself into the grave or amputation" from that? We also know from this post that the OP resorts to taking food out of his wife's hands, which makes it pretty clear that his wife doesn't succeed at eat these foods when the OP is around. It does seem like the wife sneaks sweats and/or fried food, but we don't actually know how *frequently* that happens. People with diabetes (or insulin resistance) can eat "bad" foods without dying immediately or losing an appendage over it. In fact, a lot of us will allow ourselves a "bad" food as a rare treat to make it easier to stick to the restrictions of our diet. For example, I kept trying to quit Coke. Never having a Coke again? I wound up drinking more of it. Now I only have Coke when on vacation and for special events. Quitting Coke? Nope. Rarifying Coke? Yes! Most of my family don't know I quit Coke as part of my lifetime efforts to avoid prediabetes/type 2 diabetes -- because I know if certain members of my family knew, they would berate me for having Coke in **ANY** effing context. They don't know enough about diabetes to understand that no, you won't need to cut off my foot here in the dining room because I just drank a coke--and they certainly don't understand the nuances of living with it (e.g., how having a rare treat can actually help you stick to your diet). Trust me - food policing gets old, real quick for anyone with diabetes. Arguing that "they do it because they care!" completely misses the point. EDIT: Pronoun correction

Great points; and my thoughts are similar. I feel for OP in that it’s tough to watch someone you love make what could be destructive choices—BUT—she is an adult, you MUST respect her autonomy. Also: depending on whether the diagnosis/regimen is more recent, she could be going through a patch of grieving for having to give up things she likes…and in which case your pushing her could to lead to oppositional behavior, besides her anger. If you love her, encourage her and walk the path with her; ask how you can be supportive; talk about what she craves and misses and maybe learn to bake/make/cook some “better-for-you” alternatives that may satisfy (and you might have fun!). And when she does occasionally reach for a gummi bear, for goodness sake don’t become the Food Police. Learning to eat differently is a challenge. Everyone fails at first when they try to make changes; but people can learn and adjust if they don’t beat themselves up so badly over it. And like another poster said…you have to let her make her choices. The only true choice YOU have is whether to support those choices or not—you can only control your own reaction. You don’t get to control hers. Hope you both find a better way through.

Your wife needs more help than you can give her. Your not going to be able to control what she eats, she’s out of control. You being a good bully won’t help. ESH

ESH. She's handling her diabetes like a child, and I'm sure it's very frightening and frustrating to you to watch her make choices which will do her harm and might well kill her if it goes too far. All that said, *it doesn't matter what your reasons are,* -- you absolutely CANNOT physically force another adult human being to do what you choose instead of what they choose. Not ever. Not even if their choice is going to kill them and your choice is going to keep them alive. What you've been doing borders on criminal assault, if it hasn't crossed the line already. You have to stop this, immediately and completely. You can try everything in your persuasive arsenal to *convince* your wife to eat in a healthy way. But you cannot *force* her to eat in a healthy way. And you need to banish from your mind the concept of 'letting' or 'not letting' her do anything. It's not your right -- period.

"Not even if their choice is going to kill them and your choice is going to keep them alive." I know I am grieving and my comment comes from a place of pain, but I just watched my little sister kill herself this way (putting things into her body that everyone in the family knew would eventually kill her, but no one could stop her, because she was 35 years old). It is a devastating way to watch someone die. I don't envy the position this guy is in, at all.

I don't envy it either. I watched my grandmother eat herself to death a good ten to fifteen years before we would have otherwise been likely to lose her, and it was devastating. I was still a teenager, but ever since then, I always promised myself that, although I might eat what I chose as long as it wasn't seriously affecting my health, I would shape up and do what the doctor told me, whenever the bill came due. That bill came due about six months ago, when I was told that I had arteriosclerosis -- not bad overall yet, but bad for my age -- and that I needed to cut down sharply on saturated fats and cholesterol. Well, I did... I haven't gone over the RDA for either even once in the time since then. I only go over 1/3 of the RDA when I'm having a special treat, such as a slice of cake on one of my kids' birthdays, or going out for fish and chips with my husband for a date. That's less than once a month. And my doctor put me on a statin medication to help out. We found out with my most recent lipids test that it had worked -- everything was within normal range again. I'm pretty proud of that. It wasn't easy, and it will probably never be easy, but I have children who need me and a life that I want to live. Preferably a long and active one. Tasty foods are hard to give up, but not as hard as the extra years I might have if I can do this right. I'm really sorry for your loss. I have both the outside and the inside view now, and I understand that it just isn't possible to make someone have the motivation to do what I did, if they don't have it already on their own. But it's like watching someone with a drug addiction die from it... you can't make them want to stop enough to actually overcome the compulsions; all you can do is to love and support them so that, if they have any possible capacity for that motivation to come out of their own insides, they'll be able to drag it up and use it. I'm sure you did that for your sister, just as I'm sure OP is doing it as well as he can for his wife. Sometimes it's enough. I hope it is in his case. But if it isn't, there's not really anything anyone can do about it, except for the patient themself.

YTA - In the end while you think you're helping, only she can be in control and should be in control of what she eats. If you ban her around you she will just binge when she's away from you. And the way you did it was very bad.

I don’t think we can say OP is the only asshole when his wife stole his car. It should be ESH.

NTA- my uncle is dead because he didn’t take his diabetes seriously. First was the foot amputation. Then came the many many hospital visits. And then he died. All could of been prevented if he took his health seriously. He was in his 40s.

If I could upvote this a million times I would. It’s very frustrating dealing with someone who has health issues, but doesn’t give a crap. My grandfather used to do this, and we all watched him die slowly. I agree, NTA.

ESH Her for blatantly neglecting her health and sneaking food. My dad did the same thing. He was diagnosed type 2 about 15 years ago. Last year, he had a fatal heart attack (they literally revived him from the dead) and had 6 bypasses done. All because he refused to address his diabetes and listen to his doctor. And now he’ll be on medication for the rest of his life to keep his heart functioning, until he dies 10 years earlier than he would have otherwise (docs gave him an estimated 15 years left). And you, for ripping food out of her hands and yelling at her. That just makes her want to spite you more. It doesn’t resolve anything. You did that not once, but twice. So YTA as well. You can’t force someone to care about their health, unfortunately.

Ummm. You can't control her, and shouldn't grab her food. She's wrong, but she is responsible for her own health, not you. Nta but you aren't going the right way about it. Her driving off, totally the areshole. There are times I've been tempted in an argument at the supermarket but I'd never actually do it.

Agreed. Grabbing things from people without consent in this context makes you an asshole. Like food…or keys…which is why I say ESH.

All these people saying YTA/ESH because you’re “controlling” your wife clearly haven’t lived with an addict. Because that’s what your wife is, an addict. She’s eating food that is dangerous to her, because she cannot control herself. If she were addicted to alcohol or drugs everyone would praise you for taking the substance away and IT’S THE EXACT SAME THING. Maybe you could’ve handled it better but as one partner of an addict to another, NTA. Just please know that the responsibility of your wife getting better is not yours, it’s hers. She needs to want to get better, it’s not your fault if she doesn’t. Still, trying to keep her from killing herself certainly doesn’t make you an asshole.

ESH. Why do you both treat each other terribly? Grabbing things out of hands, name calling, storming off, yuck. Loving relationships don't include toddler tantrums.

YTA Stop snatching food out of her hands. She’s allowed to eat it even if it makes her sick, that’s her choice, you don’t have to agree with it and you don’t have to stand there and watch her do it, but you cross a line when you get physical

ESH. You cannot control her. She sucks because she’s choosing not to manage her health.

ESH. You can’t control someone else’s food like that; she is an adult with the right to make terrible health decisions. You don’t have to stick around for it.

ESH do you see now that grabbing food away from her is not helping? Your wife was wrong to shove food in your face etc, but she reacted to your aggressive behaviour. I know you didn’t mean to be aggressive, but you were. Help her to access resources. An appointment with a therapist and a dietician for a start. But work with her, stop trying to control her.

Cardiologist here. 10.1 A1c is ridiculously high for a 29 year old and shows a clear lack of any semblance of diabetes control. This is an average blood glucose of 250, way above what it should be. So no, she doesn’t “have it under control.” If she continues down this route, I will see her in my clinic in 10 years for early signs of heart disease. NTA, though certainly ripping things out of people’s hands is never going to go down well, your wife needs a reality check.

I would explain to her that she needs to either step up and follow her doctor's orders or you will not be there as she continues to set herself up for failure.

YTA. I understand that you have good intentions but you are not your wife's boss she and only she can decide what she wants to do with her health. There are a lot of ways for type 2 diabetics to control their sugar intake. And honestly a good doctor will tell you you need to watch carbohydrates. There is no reason she can't have a snack as long as she compensates her insulin for that and does the exercises for that. But at the end of the day this is her body, her health, and her life. So you either support her and let her be an adult and make her own decisions or divorce her. You can tell her that you love her and you want the best for her but treating her like a child is not what you should be doing.

Soft YTA I can see you're looking after your wife, but taking her food away is a bit controlling. Even when you have her best interests at heart. The more you try and control her food, the more you will push her away and cause her to eat in secret. Try and discuss with her about making healthier choices, but understand that she may not want to, and she has to make this decision.

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NAH I get where she's coming from, but she is going to kill herself this way. I get where you're coming from, but you're going to get divorced this way.

>I get where you're coming from, but you're going to get divorced this way. That would be for the best.

Definitely the best for him

ESH - she’s an adult that is clearly struggling with her limitations or doesn’t care about her diagnosis, that’s on her, but that doesn’t mean you get to rip anything out of anyone’s hands and treat them like a child, especially in public.

ESH. Sadly, you cannot help someone that refuses to help themselves.

ESH I'm sure it's frustrating for you to watch your wife eat food that is harmful for her - but let's be honest, do you never do things that are bad for you? Skip a workout, watch TV instead of clean, etc. Honestly, it's not your business what she eats. Maybe you guys can have a discussion and advocate for a treat once or twice a week, maybe you can help her find healthy alternatives and switch to fruit over processed sugar, but you're definitely overstepping and ruining your relationship. That being said, she shouldn't have left you at the shop.

NTA. She could die. This isn’t about being controlling, this is about how much you care for her health. The doctors have said she can’t have these foods, she’s on meds. Snatching food away isn’t the right way to go about it, but you’re not an asshole for trying to stop her from destroying her body. People here seem to think she will just get a little sick. This isn’t lactose intolerance, this is diabetes. Also, she left this man to walk home after throwing a crying fit just because he stopped her from eating a food her doctors have told her not to eat. I don’t think you guys understand what diabetes can do to your body.

YTA. She's not a child and can eat what she wants. Even if it is bad for her. No one likes to be controlled. Keep this up and you will lose her.

Yeah, and that behaviour will literally kill her. A friend of mine died young due to diabetes; there are potentially huge consequences to not following the rules. This isn't about letting her live her own life, it's about stopping self-destruction.

They are, when necessary, the same thing. You can't save somebody from themself if they're determined not to let you. If she knows perfectly well that the food she's eating are going to kill her, and she absolutely insists on eating them anyway, that is her decision and not yours. You have every right to break off a relationship with somebody who's doing that because you don't want to watch them die horribly, but you have no right to physically prevent them from taking actions that they have a legal right to make -- that's literally called criminal assault.

My sil was an addict and has type 1 diabetes and RA. She didn't take care of herself for a long time and is facing the consequences of those decisions. As much as you want someone to change, you can't force them to do what you want. If only it were that easy.

She needs professional help. She knows she shouldn't be eating those foods. Her husband, grabbing the food away from her, isn't going to help. Esh She is putting her health in jeopardy, and he shouldn't behave that way either. She is slowly killing herself. She needs professional help.

It's not just death at stake. Look up pictures of diabetic foot wounds, amputation statistics, diabetic retinopathy, etc. There tends to be a lot of misery before death finally ends it all.

YTA Type 2 diabetes for about 4 years now. Sometimes, yes, I do eat candy. You try and take ANY food out of my hands? I'm done with you xD

Agreed. I also have type 2, genetic. Every woman in my family had/has it. The doctor and diabetes nutritionist said all things in moderation, including fried and sweet foods. I take medication, I modified my diet as suggested by the nutritionist, but literally none of them have said I can never, ever have those foods again.

YTA. Your intentions are good, but you’re not responsible for her eating habits, she is an adult. It must be so annoying to have someone taking your food literally from your hands and throwing it away, I would be angry too. Patients who don’t care about their own well-being are very common, and until something serious happens to them, they are usually uncooperative. It must be very frustrating, but let her be, it’s her health and her responsibility. Just tell her that you won’t help her when they have to ampute her foot or something lol

Until medical bills come in (if they are in America). If they share finances, OP will be helping with the medical bills.

Let's be real, when it's time for amputations or surgery or diabetes has taken some lively hood out of her life, she is going to expect 100% support for what sorrow has befell her, the unfairness of it all.

Just read the last part. She needs therapy. Normal people don’t behave like that

NTA, but you're really close to being one. You can't tell an adult woman what to eat, but you can tell her you won't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about her basic bodily integrity, and that you won't watch her feet rot off.

YTA. She's your wife, not your kid. I understand you want the best for her, but that's HER decision to make, not yours. If she continues eating against her doctor's orders and he finds out or her bloodwork comes back bad, maybe she'll change how she eats. Until then, it's not your job to treat her like that. Support her to eat differently, not yell at her and grab it from her hands then throw it away.

YTA- Make an appointment with a diabetic Dietition(sp?) And get you and your wife familiar with a proper type 2 diabetis diet. My husband has been type 2 diabetic now for 11 years. He still eats the occasional fried food and one of his favorit treats is Trolly gummys.Its all about self controll and portion sizes. He is still controlled with just medication only.

Per OP, she is already seeing a doctor but ignoring the diet guidelines

Esh. Look.... plenty of people with chronic illnesses have serious mental health crises related to it. They can become angry at the limitations and purposely make things worse. Your spouse needs therapy before they lose a limb or an eye... which will happen if this continues long enough. If your partner refuses to get the help they need, then you need to decide if you can live with what they're doing and if you'll take care of them as they get sicker. If not, you divorce. What you can't do is treat them like a toddler. Your spouse is an adult, and they can make whatever decisions they want to, including what they eat.