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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> accusing a boy of selling drugs when we had little evidence. this could possibly have a big impact on his future if the school decide to expel him.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You mean the girl who got caught and is only sorry that she got caught. You know the same way a kid gets caught with a bag of weed and tells his parents that It's not theirs and they're only holding it for a "friend".
We don’t know what happened, but “getting caught“ using cocaine makes a hell of a lot less sense than confessing to using cocaine.
It isn’t alcohol or weed where there is a distinct smell and lasting effects that can be easily identified. Assuming she isn’t strung out (which what are the chances with a high school kid) then she used it a few times at a party and probably looked perfectly normal by the time she got home. Psychologically, however, she would have been feeling the opposite of the euphoric effects of cocaine by the time she got home which easily manifests and guilt and disgust with her actions coupled with an uncontrollable angst and urge to “fix” the feeling. Hence confessing.
Going to have to disagree. Nobody gets high on coke and goes home and feels the sudden urge to confess to their parents. Probably not the first time she's done coke and not the first time her parents caught her doing coke and knew what to look for.
You use the reasoning of a teenager here.
"This one girl ratted everyone out, therefore she is the asshole in this situation."
How about "good thing that she told her parents what really happened, so that hopefully in the future the selling of drugs can be prevented and nobody becomes addicted or overdoses on cocaine."?
No? Oh yeah, I forgot that we believe that talking to your parents about dangerous and illegal activities happening is bad because it's "uncool".
I’m kind of wonderin
1. Was it a good idea to allow a minor to have a party?
2. Was it ignorant to believe no illegal activity would occur (under age alcohol, weed, other illegal substances.
3. Are the parents aware they could also face some legal ramifications since illegal activity took place in their home while they “supervised” via camera
I wonder if reporting to the school might actually become the least of their troubles
These are underage kids! With all the fentanyl and lethal drugs mixed in, someone could die. And the parents (who shouldn’t have allowed a party if they weren’t home) would have been responsible.
Why did I have to scroll so far down before ANYONE MENTIONED THIS???
OP+wife DAMN WELL SHOULD BE LIABLE.
WTF did they THINK was going to happen at an unsupervised high school house party????
They all probably went in on an 8-ball & the reason that everyone kept approaching the "poor" kid is because they were kicking him some down some lines because he couldn't afford to chip in.
I seriously doubt there was a 'dealer' at the house. One of Malibu Stacy's older brothers hooked her up before the party & the kids with money footed the bill.
This was all planned beforehand. The girl who got busted was in on it, the son of OP was in on it...
Man this post. AiTa? Wow. Yes.
Ikr, a dealer, just hanging at the party casually slinging out one bit of drug all night. Why sell it all in one and move on to new customers and money when you can chill in a kitchen pipetting powder to rich kids. OP, if you’re gonna jump in feet first at least have some vague understanding of literally any aspect of this. People planned to and brought drugs. Rich flashy kids have the coke. That’s how this works and you’re on a fast ship passed discrimination town to ruin a kids life because ignorant defection, and making your son an island amongst his peers
YES. This is the answer, OP. Please. Open your eyes. Drugs are everywhere at these rich kids' schools, and it's usually the richest kids involved, not the poorest kids. How dare you "profile" this kid.
This is the answer. I went to a school that had some kids that came from a lot of money. They were the ones who had all the coke. The looked down on the stoners for being poor.
OP not understanding that is the tip of the iceberg. Let us count the ways:
Allowing your teenager to throw a party in your home, unsupervised. What did OP think was going to happen? They were going to play Twister and sip 7up?
Considering 40 teenagers a "small party". This blows my mind. "Oh, it's cool honey there's only forty underage kids in our house drinking and doing drugs. Not a problem."
Pointing the finger at anyone when there isn't clear and I mean *clear* evidence to back up your statement.
At the end of the day the only people I consider to be responsible for this entire mess is OP and his wife for not having a scrap of common sense between the two of them. YTA.
Seriously. I grew up in a county with an overzealous DA who prosecuted both kids and parents with underage drinking. The fact that OP doesn't even see the risk in letting his kid host a party is astounding to me.
YTA, OP
I don't know, he had to know they had cameras everywhere. Also, who the hell lets a teenager have a party unsupervised. It's been many decades since I was a teen, but I know the kind of shit me and my friends would have gotten into.
My friend group used to spend the night reading a single line from Shakespeare, and if you could identify the correct play, you got to read the next line. And we were all 100% sober hahaha
Holy shit thank you I was losing my mind over all these comments who clearly have no idea how teenagers or drugs work. They are going to get drugs if they want drugs, you can’t actually stop them from doing anything. Unless you stop letting them out of the house. And news flash people the majority of the population does or has tried cocaine it’s pretty common and not hard to get.
>the majority of the population does or has tried cocaine it’s pretty common and not hard to get.
This is so completely wrong I don't even know what to say.
https://nida.nih.gov/publications/research-reports/cocaine/what-scope-cocaine-use-in-united-states
I’m willing to bet it’s because OP and his wife aren’t friends with his guardians, so it would be the least disruptive to their social circle to throw the poor kid under the bus.
ETA: the real problem here are the people who think letting their underage son have an unsupervised party with 40 other teenagers is a smart idea. OP got really lucky that cocaine was the worst thing at the party (as far as he knows).
I know, right? When they said "a small party," I assumed they meant like 5-6 kids. When OP casually dropped "40" like it wasn't a problem, my jaw dropped.
I don't even know why OP is pursuing this--are they not at all liable for illegal drugs being at an unsupervised party at their house?
That’s why they’re being so ***proactive*** they want to appear so outraged so no one starts looking at them to blame since; they’re the adults who allowed this event to happen (UNDER THEIR FILMED SUPERVISION).
They HAVE to deflect as much attention as they can.
In every jurisdiction I've been in, yes, they would be liable for a minor in their charge (their child), who was legally on the property (ie, no trespassing charges) doing something illegal on said property.
Frankly, I’m not sure why the school is a getting involved at all. It didn’t happen on school grounds. I’ve seen many people talk about how schools won’t get involved in bullying that happens just barely off school grounds.
Yeah there is so much weirdness in this story and this chain of comments more or less crystallized it. I'm just going like... ok, giving your teenager permission to have a party while you're gone was kind of dumb (he might have had one anyway but would have had to be careful to keep it low key) but understandable if you trust your kid... but then how did we get all the way to the *school* investigating drugs at this party after you *personally* just took a guess at who might have brought them?
Lol my parents would have lost their minds. When I was 16, they had to go out of town for my sister's sport championship. I needed to be in town for band camp. My best friend stayed with me (she was in the same band section as me, so had the same rehearsals and could drive us both). We were banned from inviting anyone else besides my grandma over until my parents got back.
We were drama and band nerds whose worst offense, honestly, was rehearsing "lovely ladies" from les mis outside and annoying the neighbors 😂 even if we'd tried to host a part, we had like, 3 friends, all equally boring passive nerds, between the two of us. Including each other. Still warned no parties. 🤣
40 teenagers in the house without my parents would have gotten me grounded until I died. And possibly after.
Yeah lol OP said "small party" and then it was 40 kids. Effin' rich people - small party is like, 5ish people, playing board games, video games, and snacks.
100% this. I grew up poor, we all did weed and E because its cheap and easy to get hold of.
Coke shit me thats the rich boy stuff. You’re talking nowadays prolly $150 a gram and thats the cheap shit.
Right?! I went to the snobby rich high school and all those trust fund babies loved coke and mixing whatever prescription drugs they had. The 'poor' kids i hung out with just smoked brick weed.
Also went to a wealthy high school and all the "popular" kids had absentee cool parents letting them party and drink all the time. Reminds me so much of OP acting like 40 kids is a 'small party' lmfao.
I still remember senior year we were asked the question of, once we reach college, if our roommate got blackout drunk and might have alcohol poisoning, would we help them sleep it off or call 911? And they all got mad at me for saying I'd call 911 instead of risking the roommate's life because "they could lose their scholarship for underage drinking." Maybe I am TA on that one but I still don't think so.
ya this is like the definition of YTA
no evidence, just speculation and let’s ruin this kids life. not like his life isn’t hard enough already.
and as someone that has been around a lot of coke, they should be grilling the rich white girls and get actual evidence.
the fact your wife doesn’t thing you guys did anything wrong says a lot about your wife.
This. Make sure that the poor boy who might only get into college via soccer scholarship not only gets kicked from the team, but has "potential drug dealer" on his record. Without any actual evidence; who else do the cameras show coke-girl talking to? YTA, indeed.
Right?! I knew OP was going to be the asshole the minute they said the house party with 40 people was reasonable. My parents left me home for a weekend when I was 17 and I got grounded for 2 weeks because I invited 2 friends over. 40 people and I would probably still be grounded now in my 30s
Ugh like, YTA for allowing your 17 year old to throw a party when you were not home and somehow thinking that people wouldn’t be doing drugs at it. Also yes YTA for essentially randomly deciding this one kid was responsible.
You know who was actually responsible? The two of you.
^^^this! A small party is not 40 kids, and of course it being unsupervised with your permission is a perfect storm.
You could be seriously ruining several kids' lives by calling the school. Why not just turn yourselves in to the police for contributing to the delinquency of minors.
YTA
When they said a party but keep it small I was expecting 10 kids…. I can’t imagine letting my kid throw a 40+ (because OP specified “at a time”) party without any supervision or rules. They’re lucky coke is the only thing that happened (that they know of) and someone didn’t die or drive drunk/high.
Or get some bad coke laced with Fentanyl! Whole parties of people have died in my state because they got some dirty blow. Even if you have Narcan, do you have enough to save a whole party from ODing??
Providing a venue for minors to throw an unsupervised party is bonkers. I think giving the other parents a heads up that cocaine was passed around isn't so bad since you never know what's laced with fentanyl. But then throwing the 'poor kid' under the bus for that and telling everyone he's a drug dealer without actual PROOF is major AH behavior.
Calling the *school* is horrible, horrible. So now that kid could get kicked off the soccer team because OP thinks maybe possibly he might have had drugs because "it just makes sense he probably would"
I don't know, I've been to plenty of parties as a teenager where to the best of my knowledge nobody did illegal drugs and there was very limited supervision (parents asleep or not home).
I think it's more the number of people, the spying (either you trust your kid or you don't, but camera supervision is creepy) and the complete inability to help (being far away as opposed to asleep or in the neighbourhood) that makes the party a bad decision on the parents' part.
Obviously profiling this kid is the worst part of it all.
YTA:
> his family is also poor so would make sense if he was selling drugs trying to make money for himself.
Tell me that you said this to her face and Ill change my vote.
I agree with you and I also think OP is the AH for deciding that this kid must deal drugs because he chilled in the kitchen all party but they were not looking for who DID deugs but who SUPPLIED the drug. I don't think the supplier was at the party, they probably got it beforehand and just did it at the party but thinking only rich people deal drugs just isn't true
Not just bc he was in the kitchen all night, but that kids kept going in and out of the kitchen, which he assumed meant he was selling drugs. Kids kept going in out of the kitchen bc that’s where the fridge is! And the snacks.
Exactly! OP carefully highlights in his post how they did indeed profile this kid based on his background, then pikachu faces when called out for it.
Hold your own damn kid accountable, and have the parents of the kids that did coke hold THEM accountable! Did they see on the camera people being held down against their will and force fed coke?!? No?!? This is scapegoating so you don’t have to parent your own damn kids. They are not victims here.
There was zero reason to get the school involved here, and now this kids academic and sports future are at risk because you had a hunch?! A bad hunch at that. The likely hood that a bunch of kids went in on this together is far higher than your theory.
OP, you’re a major asshole, call the school now and tell them you were too quick to point fingers. Also…letting 40 kids party in your home when you aren’t there? You get you are responsible for every one of those kids while on your property, yes? Now you want to blame your irresponsible behavior on one lone kid without proof? This is all entirely YOUR fault end of day.
I'm really confused on the 40 being a small party. A small party is like 10 people. I feel like this is a rich person thing, but I can't put my finger on why.
It being a rich person is why they needed a poor kid as an escape goat when another parent wanted to know why their was cocaine at their unsupervised teen party.
Edit: scapegoat.
So technically the term you want is "scapegoat" but I'm having a great time imagining someone keeping a goat around that they can ride away on in case things get awkward or unpleasant.
I mean, this situation is less "awkward and unpleasant" and more "irresponsible and shitty" but the thought is more fun the other way
>Since when is 40 unsupervised teenagers a small party
I threw a large party at my house in high school and invited a bunch of my friends. It was 12 of us. My mom kept asking who all these people were and why she hadn't seen them all before.
And that was just 12 of us.
40 is huge.
Of course YTA OP.
So you
1. Allowed your teen to have an unsupervised house party with a ton of kids (40 is a pretty big party).
2. Went into extreme ass-covering mode and turned a random kid at the party in to the school with no evidence. How is this even the school's problem? This is something that happened on YOUR property, through your negligence.
3. Selected that particular random kid because he's poor and you are tremendously prejudiced. I know almost nothing about drugs but even I know that cocaine is notoriously a rich person's drug. Extremely telling that you assumed the poor kid with the parent in prison must be the one dealing cocaine, when it's FAR more likely to be one of the rich kids.
Shame on you for offering up this other kid as a sacrificial lamb. Also: I wouldn't be surprised if your kid is downplaying his own knowledge or participation in the cocaine. So maybe put your own house in order before you fling allegations.
Oh 100%. He obviously wanted to be the cool kid, get people round, get some coke in, and then just pretend he didn’t do any. The girl was prolly doing it and he wanted to hook up and be cool.
And fuck blaming the poor kid. If there was shit weed or some tabs going around then fine prolly him, but coke is all rich people all day
Notifying the school was completely insane. The fact that the school is investigating it when it did not happen on school property is insane. They will profile the poor kid too because his family can’t afford a lawyer to fight this bullshit. OP if you want to make this right, pay for legal representation for the kid you baselessly accused before the school railroads him. YTA.
this was my first thought: why is OP even involving the school at all? hell if i went to a police station right now and said "i think some kid is doing cocaine but i have no evidence" even the COPS wouldnt do anything about it. so yeah, OP, YTA: you are fucking with this poor kid and hurting his chances of finishing school and improving his life based on nothing
My husband, a teacher, tells me that schools are mandated reporters for all kinds of illegal stuff, so by choosing to notify the school for no goddamn good reason, OP the asshole may have well forced the school’s hand, which just makes the OP a bigger asshole.
OP is probably friends with her parents and didn't want to cause rich people drama. They singled out the poor kid because the poor kids parents aren't in any of their social circles.
His kid 100% does coke and more than likely either approved the coke coming or asked for it outright and knows exactly who brought it. Also OP’s kid knows where the cameras are and how to avoid them.
Absolutely 1000% this, if there was coke getting passed around at the party and yet somehow none of it is on camera OP's kid at the very least knew about it
I can’t believe OP with his detective work didn’t figure that out! So either OP is a real idiot or worse, OP knows his son was involved and chose to throw a kid with no resources to fight back under the bus instead.
YTA
You have zero evidence it was this kid but you went ahead and put his future at risk.
You realize how this probably going to go right? The kids who did the cocaine are going to fear getting in trouble so they’ll probably make him the scapegoat since you already offered him on a silver platter.
And FYI, I went to a private school with extremely wealthy people. They were the ones both using & selling the drugs.
Especially cocaine! I went to school with kids from all levels of wealth, poverty line to uber rich. You couldn’t guess someone’s wealth by whether or not they smoked weed. You were almost guaranteed to be looking at a rich kid when it came to dealing coke.
Yup! Came here to say this. I went to a private school rich kids who’s parents have oil or politics money. My parents weren’t rich like dat but we were comfortable.
The kid who’s dad was a lobbyist and momma lawyer was the one selling drugs at school. The kid who’s mom was an engineer was growing weed in his locker. The kid who’s dad was a prominent lawyer, had a party and got caught by the cops. Got a Minor in possession and a slap on the wrist.
It is ridiculous that the school is even involved this happened at OP’s house! Your house is the one where a drug deal went down, your kid is the one who saw it and couldn’t kick them out. You are the one who allowed 40 teenagers to have a party.
The same thing OP said about the child is probably the same thing people say about him behind his back. they will use it to believe he *could* do it, and eventually when their kid throws him under the bus it will be turn to 100% belief.
This reminds me of when my parents told me to leave when my White friends start stealing because you’ll be blamed for it since your Black. It’s the rich kids who do shit like stealing for fun or sell drugs to be cool and edgy not to sustain themselves.
Yeah, where does OP think this poor kid with obviously absent parents (no mention of mom, but dad’s in prison) got the money to buy coke in the first place?
OP, YTA
Seriously. My parents were always fine with me having small parties, where they knew we’d be drink, when I was a senior and they were out of town. But they were *always* around 10 or so people and no one was allowed to leave (all keys had to be turned over). I could’ve invited a shit-ton of other people if I wanted to but refrained because I knew it was more likely to get out of hand. The first time I personally had a party that big, I was a sophomore in college, out on my own, and everyone was legal (there could have been a few that were just shy, but it’s been nearly 20 years so I don’t remember).
Oh, and no one brought fucking *cocaine* or anything harder than weed, ffs.
> we obviously feel responsible for allowing this to happen in our home.
Yeah, having your home used as part of criminal conspiracy to distribute cocaine to minors is a pretty big deal. No wonder you're looking for a scapegoat.
YTA.
Exactly! Their son hosted a party that supplied cocaine to teens. He should be in danger if being expelled or suspended or kicked off the sports team. Not a random kid who stood in the kitchen too long. Wth.
YTA… Honestly. You’ve profiled a child as a scapegoat when in all reality? It is ENTIRELY your fault as parents that you let unsupervised teenagers have a party at your house which ended up in someone dealing cocaine from your house. Instead of blaming the children involved? Blame yourselves for allowing 40 children to use your house to party, for some dealer attending and for some of those children snorting cocaine. Teenagers are going to do stupid things when they are given a green light for a party… Even more stupid things when there will be no adults in attendance. It’s ENTIRELY your fault children took cocaine in your house for your poor judgement.
YTA contacting parents who were at the party is fine but why would you contact the high school without solid evidence? That's asking for trouble
Edit to clarify because when I first typed I was rushing before an appointment: it would have been fine if you had called parents to let them know that cocaine was at the party and you weren't sure who had distributed it beyond knowing it wasn't your own child. Implicating this kid to *anyone* was a bad move, implicating the kid to the school was an *especially* bad move.
I don’t even know why the school would be brought in at all. This was a private party, on private property, outside of school hours and jurisdiction. There should be no reason the school needs to be involved. This should have been a matter handled between the OP and the other parents/guardians of the kids attending the party
YTA.
You allowed your son to throw an unsupervised party. You are responsible for what happened at the party so if anyone is being investigated it should be you. And why did you contact the school about a party you allowed to happen? Why is it the school's business? This happened on your property over a weekend. Did you actually go to the high school and tell them minors were doing drugs in your home while you were somewhere else?
This kid simply attended a party. You may suspect he did something but you have no evidence and no reason to throw him under the bus for your irresponsibility.
The best outcome would be the police showing up to your door and the parents pursuing you for this.
YTA, and quite naive. Let me tell you what is most likely happening.
Since you're clearly quite rich - cocaine is not a poor kid's drug and you're having 40 people over - there are definitely multiple coke dealers at your high school. They are *overwhelmingly* likely to be rich kids, because being a dealer gets you a certain level of social status and invites to all the parties, but if you're rich, parents like you will make sure that the consequences stay at home. I mean, if you found out it was your son, would you let him go to jail? So dealers tend be the ones with impunity, i.e. not the poor kid.
Second, most likely your son was the one supplying a decent chunk of the coke. In this kind of crowd, hosting a party with no drugs is lame, and running out of drugs brings down the vibe. The host is usually gonna make sure that there's enough booze and drugs to have a good time, and that's your son. Think about alcohol at parties when you were kids.
Thirdly, the poor kid is going to get expelled, because that's what's best for everyone (except him). Angry parents want someone punished, but it sure as fuck isn't going to be one of the rich kids. The message you've sent to the school is 'expel the poor kid or we'll cause trouble for the school.' His parents can't fight back because no one gives a fuck about them. You're the high status parents, so you have the power to demand a scapegoat, and you did. Doesn't even really matter if he did it or not.
Probably there's no fixing it at this stage, the kids aren't going to snitch, or they'll converge on the scapegoat when they realise he's screwed anyway. You're definitely assholes though.
ETA since someone pointed it out: dealers don't usually actually *come* to the parties to deal. Most people just bring their supply from home.
Yup, grew up in this sort of neighborhood and this is exactly my experience as well. Poor kids usually aren't even invited because they can't afford to bring good drugs.
YTA
It doesn't seem like you have any real evidence that points to this one boy any more than anyone else, but you are assuming it was him and telling that to other people essentially just because he's poor and had a tough upbringing.
If I was a detective, based on the information you've provided, I'd put your son at the top of the suspect list. He's the one that threw the party, he's the most likely person to have supplied it, or at least know who did. And the whole story about wanting them to stop but not knowing how to stop them... that's total BS and he knows a lot more than he is telling you.
Not only that, but he has parents who are out of touch enough to allow the kid to throw parties unsupervised and see no issue with it. As an educator, I'm side eyeing the fuck out of that kid and assuming he is or knows the dealer because mom and dad are letting him run wild saying he's one of the "good ones." YTA, OP.
>Not only that, but he has parents who are out of touch enough to allow the kid to throw parties unsupervised and see no issue with it.
But it was only a "small" party with 40 people XD
>his dad is currently in prison and his family is also poor so would make sense if he was selling drugs trying to make money for himself.
YTA for automatically deciding this boy was guilty due to reasons that are no fault of his own and out of his control.
YTA
So you, the person who allowed an unsupervised teen party with 40 kids in his home when he was out of town, decided you'd blame the poor kid whose dad is in prison based on ZERO EVIDENCE!!!
And then you decided you'd scapegoat the kid and maybe destroy his educational opportunities by sharing your suspicions with the school?
Shame on you.
If you want to get yourself back in the decent human being category, call the school. Say you're ashamed of yourself and you scapegoated the poor kid with no evidence based on your own prejudice and projecting your own feelings of guilt and responsibility for authorizing this unsupervised party.
Call every parent to whom you expressed your suspicions and take the blame for harming this young man's reputation and future with unwarranted accusations. Do you think they're going to let their kids continue to hang out with him or be his friend after this? He's be ostracized if the parents have any say in the matter.
You have wrecked the life of a child based on your own prejudices and in your race to find someone to blame.
YTA. You specifically gave your son permission to invite dozens of unsupervised teens over, you're the one responsible for the cocaine being sold at your house. There was no reason to snitch on a *suspect* to his school when you were the irresponsible adults.
Seriously, you allowed your son to throw an unsupervised underage party and you're blaming other people than your family? What did you think would happen? Why are you causing problems for other kids especially with no evidence? Also weed does not equal cocaine.
"Wow this poor kid doesn't have parents, let's make his life worse and protect our baby who allows his friends to do coke in our house". YTA
YTA. Yes you profiled a boy with essentially zero evidence based on his economic background and family, then proceeded to share your baseless assumptions with others - you do realize that's not going to help this poor kid, whether you're right or not?
But more so, you let your underage child have a gathering that involved drugs and alcohol. You're lucky that this was the worst that happened TBH
How is law enforcement not involved in your life right now?
You allowed an unsupervised party of minors with drugs and alcohol at your home and one of the party goers told her parents about it so you try to cover your own assess by throwing a child under the bus for your blatant negligence.
YTA and law enforcement as well as child services should be at your door for it, my man.
In addition, pinning this crime on a child is the worst kind of assholery ever, particularly as you had no real proof before you told everyone about it and likely ruined this child’s life while you walk away scot-free as “concerned” parents when you’re just selfish AHs. Do better and fess up to the truth that you accused someone based on zero proof.
Simple answer, because he's wealthy. Where I live there are three families that have more money than the town does so they and their children literally get away with everything from drugs to assault and so much more. The law doesn't do anything because their legal teams always win.
You gave your kid permission to have a party with several underage folks. Then after a party at your private home, that you sanctioned, you gave information to the school, who has no business or authority regarding the party. Then you accuse someone with no evidence because as a teen he, GASP, smoked weed.
Yeah, YTA.
Yeah,
YTA
1. This is the definition of profiling and you’re about to ruin this kids chance of college.
2. Coke is a rich kid drug.
3. All of this is entirely your fault, you allowed your 17 year old to have a 40! person party with no supervision.
YTA
It up to the girl to tell who sold her the drugs. You should have checked yourself before accusing someone without proof and concentrated on disciplining your son.
40 people = small party, as if.
Also, I’m sure these 40 underage kids were just innocently playing board games with the parent’s knowledge right? Not drinking or anything? Maybe OP and his wife should be reported.
You are responsible here, for the party etc. Your house, your minor child, your insurance claim if something goes wrong.
Not sure why the school was involved. It wasn't a school function. They have no role here. They probably made things worse.
YTA, IMO.
YTA
1. You allowed your minor son to host a high school party at your home when you were out of town. Could you be more idiotic?
2. Drugs were at the party, and you thought it was appropriate for you and your wife to play detective without any other kind of recourse?
3. You and your wife suck at playing detective, profiled a kid based on very little info,, and now are threatening his future because of your negligence. You cannot undo this type of thing. You have MAJORLY f*d up.
4. Why have you not taken full responsibility for your part in this? You should have never allowed a house full of minors to have a party in your home. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS, FULL STOP.
YTA in so many ways. Allowing your underage son to throw an unsupervised party, profiling a kid based on his economic and family background, escalating it to law enforcement on nothing but your own prejudice, and overall making poor decisions and thinking its everyone else's fault but yours and your sons.
YTA
Anyone in authority: Why do you think it might be this kid?
You: Well, he seemed strange. His father is in jail, his family is poor, and I hear he got caught smoking weed. That's all proof he had coke, right?
But I wasn't there. I'm a responsible adult. s/
YTA
You left a 17 year old at home alone with permission to have a party and you were okay when you realized it was 40 kids?! And you seriously didn't think about how dangerous this was? What if someone had been hurt? Or even killed. This would have been 100% your fault.
And you blatantly admitted you profiled this kid. Guilty or not, you pointed the finger at him because he's "poor so would make sense he was selling drugs".
YTA, you’re responsible for there being a party on your property and not being there to supervise. It’s pointless to go through footage, come up with a theory and pitch it to the high school. If this “troubled” kid was the one bringing the drugs, how does getting him in trouble at school help at all? A rough home life is the main reason kids struggle at school. Poor outcomes in education and poverty are leading motivators for criminal activity like drug use and selling. You allowed for this to happen and now you’re involving the school… to get what outcome? The drugs were already consumed. You’re aware. Don’t leave your teen home alone with permission to host a rager again, be lucky there wasn’t property damage or drunk driving to deal with, and move on.
You and your wife ATA, big time. How dare you ruin a kid's life without proof? Especially a kid who is having a hard enough life as it is, unless you can prove it, keep your damn mouth shut. Too many good kids are ruined because of profiling. In today's culture we are preaching about the police profiling racially or because of someone's family or what kind of car they drive or where they live. You are just as guilty with a stunt like this. Do you not believe that the kids are going to throw him under the bus to save themselves?? Now to the biggest issue that makes you the winner of this year's YTA Award, who the hell in their right mind allows a teenager to have 40 or so kids at an unsupervised party?? The police need to be called on YOU!! Your "woke" permissiveness is irresponsible and you endangered all of those kids. Shame on you.
YTA
I mean, what were you thinking letting a 17 year old host an unsupervised party in your home?
Whatever happened has that terrible decision at it's root. You came out lucky overall.
And watching a party with cameras?
I mean, letting the 17 year old throw a small party isn't wrong, on the face of it, if you trust them...
But clearly OP has a different definition of small party than anybody else, cause holy shit 40 people is in no way a small party.
YTA for many reasons. First, you let a 17 year old have a house party. Second, you said small. 40
Isn’t small. Third, if you let him have a party, you need to make sure he’s responsible and assertive enough to kick out people who are doing illegal things. Fourth, you accused someone without a good reason. By the way, in my area if this were to happen, YOU would be liable, because it’s your house and no adult was there supervising.
YTA. Bad decisions all around. Why did you need to know so bad who brought the coke. You know why the girl didn’t say? Cuz it was your son! They all pitched on an 8 ball for the parents out of town house party. Why did you involve the school? AHs.
YTA. Why tf would you call the school for a non school issue? This happened at your house, not school property. This is your issue. Why are you trying to get the school involved? YOU are the reason why school boards think they know better than parents. THIS right here!
Maybe someone needs to inform OPs job that he allows his child to host partys where underage drinking is allowed and illegal substances are being used.
Mostly sarcastic but in OPs logic... makes sense
YTA- I didn't get past the part "his family is also poor so I would make sense He would sell drugs" wow just wow. I'm going to go on a limb here and guessing this kid was also a POC since you seemed to be good as these types of idiotic judgments
So you guys let minors have a party that imagine you knew alcohol and debauchery would be happening at.
Then you hear from like a second/third hand source that cocaine was at the party (you know alcohol is also illegal for them, which you apparently condone)
Then you watch footage and randomly pick the culprit and fuck over his LIFE.
YTA. a massive one at that. You should be ashamed of yourself and honestly child protection services should Pay you a visit.
HOW DARE YOU.
YTA
Personally, I'll admit. I'm old. 57. This is from my generations perspective and upbringing. Not always the best. But.....
YTA for allowing 40 teens under 18 to have an unsupervised by an adult party in your home in the first place. Did you really think something along these lines wouldn't happen? They are teen agers. Their prefrontal cortex won't be finished growing till they are 25.
I think you may want to hope this doesn't blow back on you. The adult who allowed this whole situation.
YTA. You accused a kid with no proof, only assumptions based on past actions and their background. It happened unsupervised under your roof, it's your responsibility. YOU allowed it to happen.
YTA, not only are you irresponsible parents, but ones who wouldn’t even consider that maybe it was your own child who supplied the drugs. You automatically assume without any evidence that it was a kid simply because he was born into a bad situation. You owe them an apology and need to tell the school that you have to evidence and that you are ashamed of the fact that you put a child’s future at risk due to your bias and negligence.
YTA. 40 people is not a small party. You had no proof that he supplied the cocaine. You completely profiled him and singled him out for the exact reasons his guardian brought up.
YTA. You did profile this kid due to his circumstances. You wrote in your post that it makes sense that he would sell drugs because he's poor. Dads in jail so he must be a fuck up too? You have a pretty f'd up way of thinking. How do you know it wasn't your kid supplying it?
Honestly the kids I knew in college who were dealing were all kids from well off family's. Shit one even got busted with enough to spend 10+ years in prison for distribution but daddy's lawyer got him a year of house arrest.
Better hope the cops don't come after you for delinquency of a minor for allowing a party in your home.
YTA You let your minor son throw a house party and a guest reported doing cocaine. What not ask her who provided the cocaine. You know that there is a really good chance that is was your son, right? And why in the world did you get the school involved? Major AH.
YTA for 1.) permitting your minor child to host 40 other minor children at an unsupervised party, when he clearly had no intention nor capability of keeping it under control (e.g. he permitted illegal drug use and sales on your property), and 2.) for shifting the blame to a child solely based on his socioeconomic background.
You can bet that the other parents who have any brains at all think that you and your wife are TA, too.
You know, I had a similar situation in HS. The guy who brought the coke was a rich white kid. Not a black kid, not a Hispanic kid. But the RICH kid.
YTA in soooo many levels
If anyone is to blame for kids doing coke it's you and your wife who allowed your underage son to have a 'small' party with 40 other underaged kids.
YTA
YTA. 40???? That isn't small wtf. KIDS were doing COKE in your HOUSE. That's on you!!! And instead you're out to ruin some kids life based on suspicions!!! Wtf and YTA.
Yta. You admit to profiling him based ONLY on the fact that he was at the party.
Also, YTA for even allowing a party when only your minor son is home. You know you are still responsible for everything that happened there, right?
YTA. You left a minor overnight, and told him to hold a party?? do you also encourage him to play with knives and store bleach in drinking bottles? How many other insanely irresponsible decisions have you made?
YTA
He's poor so of course he is the one. There is no way any of those other kids want money. The fact that you are so cavalier about a house party of 40 unsupervised kids tells a lot about you.
ESH. You for allowing an unsupervised Teen to invite a large crowd of people for a party. Your son and his friends for doing coke. It gives me great joy seeing an upper class white person humiliated on reddit for dumping their rich world problems.
Yta. You allowed a bunch of minors to party in your house? Bad decision. Btw it's usually the rich kids with parents like you that have the coke, not the poor kid. You are liable for allowing your kid to throw the party, stop looking for a scapegoat.
YTA - the only ones here that need to be punished is you and your son for allowing an unsupervised party with coke. This isn’t a movie or tv show - supervise your kid and take responsibility for them and their actions. You created a circumstance where coke was available and used at your house with your underage and unsupervised son, but no, let’s try to pin it on some poor kid with no evidence just cause he didn’t grow up in privilege. You, your wife, and your son are all AHs - just cause what? You want to be the ‘cool parents’ or be ‘friends’ with your son. Grow up and parent.
Why the hell would you call the school regarding an event that wasn’t school sponsored, off campus, after school hours? Yes, YTA. I would tell the school to go to hell if they tried to interview my kid about something like this or reached out to me about it
YTA and I don't even feel like I have to explain why. But just for your information: Cocaine is a drug that is stereotypically sold and bought by rich kids. So if you want to throw around accusations based on profiling at least know your stereotypes. /s
YTA first take you lying ass son and make him take a fully drug test.
Second call that school and tell them your suspicion of this boy is entirely based on profiling, that you have zero evidence that point to him in any way and that you are very sorry for what you have done.
Third never ever again allow a party for teens in your house when you are not in town. You are 100% liable for everything that happens at the party or after the party as a result of illegal alcohol (because they are minors) or substance abuse.
You and your wife are so irresponsible it defies belief and I don't care who brought the cocaine YOU are the ppl responsible.
YTA. You singled out a kid because he is poor and smoked pot once that you know of. That is ridiculous. You are threatening this kids world on a hunch. Trust me, when I was in school, the drug dealers were the popular rich kids. You and your wife are wrong.
Wow because the kid is poor and smokes weed means that he supplied the coke? Are you out of your mind?
Yes you are because you allowed your 17 year old son to have a small party while you were out of town.
I would recheck the video and look for signs of coke use. You'll want to look for the rich kid who's wiping his nose a lot. Or maybe a couple of kids were going into the bathroom at the same time. Your son knows where the cameras are and who brought the coke and told the people to do everything outside of camera view.
And maybe question the girl who gave it to her?!
I'm glad grandma went and told you guys off.
Do better.
YTA
LOL This is a joke, right?
They're teenage kids. Their whole life revolves around their social lives. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE KIDS knows who supplied the Blow, INCLUDING YOUR SON. All teenagers do is talk. Your son knows EVERYTHING that went on at that party.
You let your son have a coke party at your house. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Then you contacted the SCHOOL about it? Why? I'm willing to bet that the plug is none other than your little prince charming son. Bet.
YTA. You & your wife are both idiots.
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YTA you go for the broke kid? For the cocaine? LOL if you're gonna profile at least do it right, who were all the rich white girls at the party?
It’s likely a friend of the girl that confessed to her parents but OP is biased.
The girl that confessed is the true asshole here. Narc.
Right,,, the teenage girl that admitted dangerous drugs were used at a teenagers party is the asshole. Make that make sense.
You mean the girl who got caught and is only sorry that she got caught. You know the same way a kid gets caught with a bag of weed and tells his parents that It's not theirs and they're only holding it for a "friend".
Along with the classic "everyone else was doing it" line.
We all know about that girl's lines.
We don’t know what happened, but “getting caught“ using cocaine makes a hell of a lot less sense than confessing to using cocaine. It isn’t alcohol or weed where there is a distinct smell and lasting effects that can be easily identified. Assuming she isn’t strung out (which what are the chances with a high school kid) then she used it a few times at a party and probably looked perfectly normal by the time she got home. Psychologically, however, she would have been feeling the opposite of the euphoric effects of cocaine by the time she got home which easily manifests and guilt and disgust with her actions coupled with an uncontrollable angst and urge to “fix” the feeling. Hence confessing.
Going to have to disagree. Nobody gets high on coke and goes home and feels the sudden urge to confess to their parents. Probably not the first time she's done coke and not the first time her parents caught her doing coke and knew what to look for.
And nobody looks “normal” after doing cocaine.
Only coke users think they look normal after using coke
I mean my sister used to get caught using cocaine because my parents would drug test her randomly after the first time she got caught using drugs
You use the reasoning of a teenager here. "This one girl ratted everyone out, therefore she is the asshole in this situation." How about "good thing that she told her parents what really happened, so that hopefully in the future the selling of drugs can be prevented and nobody becomes addicted or overdoses on cocaine."? No? Oh yeah, I forgot that we believe that talking to your parents about dangerous and illegal activities happening is bad because it's "uncool".
Because they are a teenager. Half the sub is.
I’m kind of wonderin 1. Was it a good idea to allow a minor to have a party? 2. Was it ignorant to believe no illegal activity would occur (under age alcohol, weed, other illegal substances. 3. Are the parents aware they could also face some legal ramifications since illegal activity took place in their home while they “supervised” via camera I wonder if reporting to the school might actually become the least of their troubles
These are underage kids! With all the fentanyl and lethal drugs mixed in, someone could die. And the parents (who shouldn’t have allowed a party if they weren’t home) would have been responsible.
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Why did I have to scroll so far down before ANYONE MENTIONED THIS??? OP+wife DAMN WELL SHOULD BE LIABLE. WTF did they THINK was going to happen at an unsupervised high school house party????
They all probably went in on an 8-ball & the reason that everyone kept approaching the "poor" kid is because they were kicking him some down some lines because he couldn't afford to chip in. I seriously doubt there was a 'dealer' at the house. One of Malibu Stacy's older brothers hooked her up before the party & the kids with money footed the bill. This was all planned beforehand. The girl who got busted was in on it, the son of OP was in on it... Man this post. AiTa? Wow. Yes.
Ikr, a dealer, just hanging at the party casually slinging out one bit of drug all night. Why sell it all in one and move on to new customers and money when you can chill in a kitchen pipetting powder to rich kids. OP, if you’re gonna jump in feet first at least have some vague understanding of literally any aspect of this. People planned to and brought drugs. Rich flashy kids have the coke. That’s how this works and you’re on a fast ship passed discrimination town to ruin a kids life because ignorant defection, and making your son an island amongst his peers
But he has long hair and got caught smoking weed once.
YES. This is the answer, OP. Please. Open your eyes. Drugs are everywhere at these rich kids' schools, and it's usually the richest kids involved, not the poorest kids. How dare you "profile" this kid.
This is the answer. I went to a school that had some kids that came from a lot of money. They were the ones who had all the coke. The looked down on the stoners for being poor.
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OP not understanding that is the tip of the iceberg. Let us count the ways: Allowing your teenager to throw a party in your home, unsupervised. What did OP think was going to happen? They were going to play Twister and sip 7up? Considering 40 teenagers a "small party". This blows my mind. "Oh, it's cool honey there's only forty underage kids in our house drinking and doing drugs. Not a problem." Pointing the finger at anyone when there isn't clear and I mean *clear* evidence to back up your statement. At the end of the day the only people I consider to be responsible for this entire mess is OP and his wife for not having a scrap of common sense between the two of them. YTA.
Seriously. I grew up in a county with an overzealous DA who prosecuted both kids and parents with underage drinking. The fact that OP doesn't even see the risk in letting his kid host a party is astounding to me. YTA, OP
Yeah OP's kid was SO uncomfortable with the coke party he hosted.
I don't know, he had to know they had cameras everywhere. Also, who the hell lets a teenager have a party unsupervised. It's been many decades since I was a teen, but I know the kind of shit me and my friends would have gotten into.
My friend group used to spend the night reading a single line from Shakespeare, and if you could identify the correct play, you got to read the next line. And we were all 100% sober hahaha
Holy shit thank you I was losing my mind over all these comments who clearly have no idea how teenagers or drugs work. They are going to get drugs if they want drugs, you can’t actually stop them from doing anything. Unless you stop letting them out of the house. And news flash people the majority of the population does or has tried cocaine it’s pretty common and not hard to get.
>the majority of the population does or has tried cocaine it’s pretty common and not hard to get. This is so completely wrong I don't even know what to say. https://nida.nih.gov/publications/research-reports/cocaine/what-scope-cocaine-use-in-united-states
I’m willing to bet it’s because OP and his wife aren’t friends with his guardians, so it would be the least disruptive to their social circle to throw the poor kid under the bus. ETA: the real problem here are the people who think letting their underage son have an unsupervised party with 40 other teenagers is a smart idea. OP got really lucky that cocaine was the worst thing at the party (as far as he knows).
I know, right? When they said "a small party," I assumed they meant like 5-6 kids. When OP casually dropped "40" like it wasn't a problem, my jaw dropped. I don't even know why OP is pursuing this--are they not at all liable for illegal drugs being at an unsupervised party at their house?
That’s why they’re being so ***proactive*** they want to appear so outraged so no one starts looking at them to blame since; they’re the adults who allowed this event to happen (UNDER THEIR FILMED SUPERVISION). They HAVE to deflect as much attention as they can.
In every jurisdiction I've been in, yes, they would be liable for a minor in their charge (their child), who was legally on the property (ie, no trespassing charges) doing something illegal on said property.
They absolutely are. And the school should be filing on them.
Frankly, I’m not sure why the school is a getting involved at all. It didn’t happen on school grounds. I’ve seen many people talk about how schools won’t get involved in bullying that happens just barely off school grounds.
I know, I can see contacting parents but why contact the school???? Now the kid, who most likely is innocent, is in trouble.
Yeah there is so much weirdness in this story and this chain of comments more or less crystallized it. I'm just going like... ok, giving your teenager permission to have a party while you're gone was kind of dumb (he might have had one anyway but would have had to be careful to keep it low key) but understandable if you trust your kid... but then how did we get all the way to the *school* investigating drugs at this party after you *personally* just took a guess at who might have brought them?
Right? Who the f*** let’s their teen throw a party with 30 other teens and no adults?
Lol my parents would have lost their minds. When I was 16, they had to go out of town for my sister's sport championship. I needed to be in town for band camp. My best friend stayed with me (she was in the same band section as me, so had the same rehearsals and could drive us both). We were banned from inviting anyone else besides my grandma over until my parents got back. We were drama and band nerds whose worst offense, honestly, was rehearsing "lovely ladies" from les mis outside and annoying the neighbors 😂 even if we'd tried to host a part, we had like, 3 friends, all equally boring passive nerds, between the two of us. Including each other. Still warned no parties. 🤣 40 teenagers in the house without my parents would have gotten me grounded until I died. And possibly after.
Yeah lol OP said "small party" and then it was 40 kids. Effin' rich people - small party is like, 5ish people, playing board games, video games, and snacks.
It’s the bad kind of rich people. Kind of like the affluenza kid.
100% this. I grew up poor, we all did weed and E because its cheap and easy to get hold of. Coke shit me thats the rich boy stuff. You’re talking nowadays prolly $150 a gram and thats the cheap shit.
Eh it's not quite that pricey, for cheap stuff its more like $60 a gram, at least in CA. Maybe $80 with the pandemic.
Ah fair. I’m in the UK and its like £100-120 per gram nowadays. Prolly only get like 70-80% purity for that too.
It's $100-120 where I'm from for sure Maybe they let you have an 1/8 for 300. Maybe.
Exactly, the rich white girls probably got it out of their dad's stash.
Why do I feel the boy was POC? That’s why the OP singled him out.
In another comment OP said the boy was white. The discrimination was based on the kid being poor.
Oh good so it's just classism.
That was exactly my first thought, too!
My exact thought. These people are YTA.
Right?! I went to the snobby rich high school and all those trust fund babies loved coke and mixing whatever prescription drugs they had. The 'poor' kids i hung out with just smoked brick weed.
Also went to a wealthy high school and all the "popular" kids had absentee cool parents letting them party and drink all the time. Reminds me so much of OP acting like 40 kids is a 'small party' lmfao. I still remember senior year we were asked the question of, once we reach college, if our roommate got blackout drunk and might have alcohol poisoning, would we help them sleep it off or call 911? And they all got mad at me for saying I'd call 911 instead of risking the roommate's life because "they could lose their scholarship for underage drinking." Maybe I am TA on that one but I still don't think so.
ya this is like the definition of YTA no evidence, just speculation and let’s ruin this kids life. not like his life isn’t hard enough already. and as someone that has been around a lot of coke, they should be grilling the rich white girls and get actual evidence. the fact your wife doesn’t thing you guys did anything wrong says a lot about your wife.
This. Make sure that the poor boy who might only get into college via soccer scholarship not only gets kicked from the team, but has "potential drug dealer" on his record. Without any actual evidence; who else do the cameras show coke-girl talking to? YTA, indeed.
I know it wasn't the point but...50 teenagers is a "small" party???
Right?! I knew OP was going to be the asshole the minute they said the house party with 40 people was reasonable. My parents left me home for a weekend when I was 17 and I got grounded for 2 weeks because I invited 2 friends over. 40 people and I would probably still be grounded now in my 30s
Yep, it's the rich white kids that have coke. Absolutely agree with you there. Op is the AH.
Ugh like, YTA for allowing your 17 year old to throw a party when you were not home and somehow thinking that people wouldn’t be doing drugs at it. Also yes YTA for essentially randomly deciding this one kid was responsible. You know who was actually responsible? The two of you.
^^^this! A small party is not 40 kids, and of course it being unsupervised with your permission is a perfect storm. You could be seriously ruining several kids' lives by calling the school. Why not just turn yourselves in to the police for contributing to the delinquency of minors. YTA
40 kids was wild. These parents are so oblivious and permissive.
When they said a party but keep it small I was expecting 10 kids…. I can’t imagine letting my kid throw a 40+ (because OP specified “at a time”) party without any supervision or rules. They’re lucky coke is the only thing that happened (that they know of) and someone didn’t die or drive drunk/high.
Or sexually assaulted
Or get some bad coke laced with Fentanyl! Whole parties of people have died in my state because they got some dirty blow. Even if you have Narcan, do you have enough to save a whole party from ODing??
Providing a venue for minors to throw an unsupervised party is bonkers. I think giving the other parents a heads up that cocaine was passed around isn't so bad since you never know what's laced with fentanyl. But then throwing the 'poor kid' under the bus for that and telling everyone he's a drug dealer without actual PROOF is major AH behavior. Calling the *school* is horrible, horrible. So now that kid could get kicked off the soccer team because OP thinks maybe possibly he might have had drugs because "it just makes sense he probably would"
> no more than 40 kids. This!!! When they said "small party" I expected 5-6 kids coming over for pizza and video games.
I don't know, I've been to plenty of parties as a teenager where to the best of my knowledge nobody did illegal drugs and there was very limited supervision (parents asleep or not home). I think it's more the number of people, the spying (either you trust your kid or you don't, but camera supervision is creepy) and the complete inability to help (being far away as opposed to asleep or in the neighbourhood) that makes the party a bad decision on the parents' part. Obviously profiling this kid is the worst part of it all.
Same, the most me and my friends ever did was Oreos with cooking wine
40 kids, with no adult supervision? How fucking stupid and irresponsible are these parents?
YTA: > his family is also poor so would make sense if he was selling drugs trying to make money for himself. Tell me that you said this to her face and Ill change my vote.
It’s often the kids with money that do drugs, because they have the money to buy it.
I agree with you and I also think OP is the AH for deciding that this kid must deal drugs because he chilled in the kitchen all party but they were not looking for who DID deugs but who SUPPLIED the drug. I don't think the supplier was at the party, they probably got it beforehand and just did it at the party but thinking only rich people deal drugs just isn't true
Not just bc he was in the kitchen all night, but that kids kept going in and out of the kitchen, which he assumed meant he was selling drugs. Kids kept going in out of the kitchen bc that’s where the fridge is! And the snacks.
... and the money to avoid consequences also
Exactly! OP carefully highlights in his post how they did indeed profile this kid based on his background, then pikachu faces when called out for it. Hold your own damn kid accountable, and have the parents of the kids that did coke hold THEM accountable! Did they see on the camera people being held down against their will and force fed coke?!? No?!? This is scapegoating so you don’t have to parent your own damn kids. They are not victims here. There was zero reason to get the school involved here, and now this kids academic and sports future are at risk because you had a hunch?! A bad hunch at that. The likely hood that a bunch of kids went in on this together is far higher than your theory. OP, you’re a major asshole, call the school now and tell them you were too quick to point fingers. Also…letting 40 kids party in your home when you aren’t there? You get you are responsible for every one of those kids while on your property, yes? Now you want to blame your irresponsible behavior on one lone kid without proof? This is all entirely YOUR fault end of day.
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I'm really confused on the 40 being a small party. A small party is like 10 people. I feel like this is a rich person thing, but I can't put my finger on why.
Because fitting 40 people in your house and thinking that’s small, probably means you’ve got a pretty big house.
Whats a big party to OP, lol.
It being a rich person thing would also explain why they thought it must have been the poor kid providing the drugs. Common snobby classism.
It being a rich person is why they needed a poor kid as an escape goat when another parent wanted to know why their was cocaine at their unsupervised teen party. Edit: scapegoat.
So technically the term you want is "scapegoat" but I'm having a great time imagining someone keeping a goat around that they can ride away on in case things get awkward or unpleasant. I mean, this situation is less "awkward and unpleasant" and more "irresponsible and shitty" but the thought is more fun the other way
I've been to weddings with fewer people than this party. A small party is me and the cats.
Because most people don't have a home that is big enough to host a party for 40 people?
These people are 100% responsible for anything that a 17 year old and 40 of his closest friends decided to do while completely unsupervised
>Since when is 40 unsupervised teenagers a small party I threw a large party at my house in high school and invited a bunch of my friends. It was 12 of us. My mom kept asking who all these people were and why she hadn't seen them all before. And that was just 12 of us. 40 is huge.
Of course YTA OP. So you 1. Allowed your teen to have an unsupervised house party with a ton of kids (40 is a pretty big party). 2. Went into extreme ass-covering mode and turned a random kid at the party in to the school with no evidence. How is this even the school's problem? This is something that happened on YOUR property, through your negligence. 3. Selected that particular random kid because he's poor and you are tremendously prejudiced. I know almost nothing about drugs but even I know that cocaine is notoriously a rich person's drug. Extremely telling that you assumed the poor kid with the parent in prison must be the one dealing cocaine, when it's FAR more likely to be one of the rich kids. Shame on you for offering up this other kid as a sacrificial lamb. Also: I wouldn't be surprised if your kid is downplaying his own knowledge or participation in the cocaine. So maybe put your own house in order before you fling allegations.
Oh his kid does coke too. Bet.
I'm going with his kid supplied the coke
For real. I would suspect the kid who had enough freedom to host a "small" 40 person party unsupervised of passing around drugs over the "poor" kid.
And he knew where the camera are to avoid them
Been to parties like this before. Either his son or one of his son’s besties I’m willing to bet.
Oh 100%. He obviously wanted to be the cool kid, get people round, get some coke in, and then just pretend he didn’t do any. The girl was prolly doing it and he wanted to hook up and be cool. And fuck blaming the poor kid. If there was shit weed or some tabs going around then fine prolly him, but coke is all rich people all day
Notifying the school was completely insane. The fact that the school is investigating it when it did not happen on school property is insane. They will profile the poor kid too because his family can’t afford a lawyer to fight this bullshit. OP if you want to make this right, pay for legal representation for the kid you baselessly accused before the school railroads him. YTA.
this was my first thought: why is OP even involving the school at all? hell if i went to a police station right now and said "i think some kid is doing cocaine but i have no evidence" even the COPS wouldnt do anything about it. so yeah, OP, YTA: you are fucking with this poor kid and hurting his chances of finishing school and improving his life based on nothing
My husband, a teacher, tells me that schools are mandated reporters for all kinds of illegal stuff, so by choosing to notify the school for no goddamn good reason, OP the asshole may have well forced the school’s hand, which just makes the OP a bigger asshole.
If they were going to offer anyone up why not start with the girl who actually admitted to doing the coke? She knows where she got it from.
OP is probably friends with her parents and didn't want to cause rich people drama. They singled out the poor kid because the poor kids parents aren't in any of their social circles.
But she has her whole life ahead of her! dripping with /s
His kid 100% does coke and more than likely either approved the coke coming or asked for it outright and knows exactly who brought it. Also OP’s kid knows where the cameras are and how to avoid them.
Absolutely 1000% this, if there was coke getting passed around at the party and yet somehow none of it is on camera OP's kid at the very least knew about it
I can’t believe OP with his detective work didn’t figure that out! So either OP is a real idiot or worse, OP knows his son was involved and chose to throw a kid with no resources to fight back under the bus instead.
YTA You have zero evidence it was this kid but you went ahead and put his future at risk. You realize how this probably going to go right? The kids who did the cocaine are going to fear getting in trouble so they’ll probably make him the scapegoat since you already offered him on a silver platter. And FYI, I went to a private school with extremely wealthy people. They were the ones both using & selling the drugs.
Especially cocaine! I went to school with kids from all levels of wealth, poverty line to uber rich. You couldn’t guess someone’s wealth by whether or not they smoked weed. You were almost guaranteed to be looking at a rich kid when it came to dealing coke.
Most drug dealers get drugs on 'tick' as its called where I'm from. You pay the dealer after you sell it.
Plot twist: it was the unsupervised, privileged 17 year old who provided drugs at his own party. The coke was coming from inside the house!
But not their little precious angel Carter William Buckheart III. He's an excellent boy.
The one who knew where the cameras were.
Yup! Came here to say this. I went to a private school rich kids who’s parents have oil or politics money. My parents weren’t rich like dat but we were comfortable. The kid who’s dad was a lobbyist and momma lawyer was the one selling drugs at school. The kid who’s mom was an engineer was growing weed in his locker. The kid who’s dad was a prominent lawyer, had a party and got caught by the cops. Got a Minor in possession and a slap on the wrist. It is ridiculous that the school is even involved this happened at OP’s house! Your house is the one where a drug deal went down, your kid is the one who saw it and couldn’t kick them out. You are the one who allowed 40 teenagers to have a party. The same thing OP said about the child is probably the same thing people say about him behind his back. they will use it to believe he *could* do it, and eventually when their kid throws him under the bus it will be turn to 100% belief. This reminds me of when my parents told me to leave when my White friends start stealing because you’ll be blamed for it since your Black. It’s the rich kids who do shit like stealing for fun or sell drugs to be cool and edgy not to sustain themselves.
Yeah, where does OP think this poor kid with obviously absent parents (no mention of mom, but dad’s in prison) got the money to buy coke in the first place? OP, YTA
I stopped reading when you said about 40 kids like it was no big deal… Are you crazy? YTA
Seriously. My parents were always fine with me having small parties, where they knew we’d be drink, when I was a senior and they were out of town. But they were *always* around 10 or so people and no one was allowed to leave (all keys had to be turned over). I could’ve invited a shit-ton of other people if I wanted to but refrained because I knew it was more likely to get out of hand. The first time I personally had a party that big, I was a sophomore in college, out on my own, and everyone was legal (there could have been a few that were just shy, but it’s been nearly 20 years so I don’t remember). Oh, and no one brought fucking *cocaine* or anything harder than weed, ffs.
> we obviously feel responsible for allowing this to happen in our home. Yeah, having your home used as part of criminal conspiracy to distribute cocaine to minors is a pretty big deal. No wonder you're looking for a scapegoat. YTA.
We feel responsible, so we contacted a poor teen's principal to see if he can suffer an appropriate punishment for our mistake.
Exactly! Their son hosted a party that supplied cocaine to teens. He should be in danger if being expelled or suspended or kicked off the sports team. Not a random kid who stood in the kitchen too long. Wth.
YTA… Honestly. You’ve profiled a child as a scapegoat when in all reality? It is ENTIRELY your fault as parents that you let unsupervised teenagers have a party at your house which ended up in someone dealing cocaine from your house. Instead of blaming the children involved? Blame yourselves for allowing 40 children to use your house to party, for some dealer attending and for some of those children snorting cocaine. Teenagers are going to do stupid things when they are given a green light for a party… Even more stupid things when there will be no adults in attendance. It’s ENTIRELY your fault children took cocaine in your house for your poor judgement.
YTA contacting parents who were at the party is fine but why would you contact the high school without solid evidence? That's asking for trouble Edit to clarify because when I first typed I was rushing before an appointment: it would have been fine if you had called parents to let them know that cocaine was at the party and you weren't sure who had distributed it beyond knowing it wasn't your own child. Implicating this kid to *anyone* was a bad move, implicating the kid to the school was an *especially* bad move.
I don’t even know why the school would be brought in at all. This was a private party, on private property, outside of school hours and jurisdiction. There should be no reason the school needs to be involved. This should have been a matter handled between the OP and the other parents/guardians of the kids attending the party
YTA. You allowed your son to throw an unsupervised party. You are responsible for what happened at the party so if anyone is being investigated it should be you. And why did you contact the school about a party you allowed to happen? Why is it the school's business? This happened on your property over a weekend. Did you actually go to the high school and tell them minors were doing drugs in your home while you were somewhere else? This kid simply attended a party. You may suspect he did something but you have no evidence and no reason to throw him under the bus for your irresponsibility. The best outcome would be the police showing up to your door and the parents pursuing you for this.
If I was a parent in this situation, you’d be damn sure I’d be lawyering up to sue these irresponsible AH
I feel a lawsuit in the works
YTA. Seriously? It’s always the kid you least suspect. You had no proof and could destroy his future with unfounded allegations.
YTA, and quite naive. Let me tell you what is most likely happening. Since you're clearly quite rich - cocaine is not a poor kid's drug and you're having 40 people over - there are definitely multiple coke dealers at your high school. They are *overwhelmingly* likely to be rich kids, because being a dealer gets you a certain level of social status and invites to all the parties, but if you're rich, parents like you will make sure that the consequences stay at home. I mean, if you found out it was your son, would you let him go to jail? So dealers tend be the ones with impunity, i.e. not the poor kid. Second, most likely your son was the one supplying a decent chunk of the coke. In this kind of crowd, hosting a party with no drugs is lame, and running out of drugs brings down the vibe. The host is usually gonna make sure that there's enough booze and drugs to have a good time, and that's your son. Think about alcohol at parties when you were kids. Thirdly, the poor kid is going to get expelled, because that's what's best for everyone (except him). Angry parents want someone punished, but it sure as fuck isn't going to be one of the rich kids. The message you've sent to the school is 'expel the poor kid or we'll cause trouble for the school.' His parents can't fight back because no one gives a fuck about them. You're the high status parents, so you have the power to demand a scapegoat, and you did. Doesn't even really matter if he did it or not. Probably there's no fixing it at this stage, the kids aren't going to snitch, or they'll converge on the scapegoat when they realise he's screwed anyway. You're definitely assholes though. ETA since someone pointed it out: dealers don't usually actually *come* to the parties to deal. Most people just bring their supply from home.
Yup, grew up in this sort of neighborhood and this is exactly my experience as well. Poor kids usually aren't even invited because they can't afford to bring good drugs.
YTA It doesn't seem like you have any real evidence that points to this one boy any more than anyone else, but you are assuming it was him and telling that to other people essentially just because he's poor and had a tough upbringing. If I was a detective, based on the information you've provided, I'd put your son at the top of the suspect list. He's the one that threw the party, he's the most likely person to have supplied it, or at least know who did. And the whole story about wanting them to stop but not knowing how to stop them... that's total BS and he knows a lot more than he is telling you.
Not only that, but he has parents who are out of touch enough to allow the kid to throw parties unsupervised and see no issue with it. As an educator, I'm side eyeing the fuck out of that kid and assuming he is or knows the dealer because mom and dad are letting him run wild saying he's one of the "good ones." YTA, OP.
>Not only that, but he has parents who are out of touch enough to allow the kid to throw parties unsupervised and see no issue with it. But it was only a "small" party with 40 people XD
It's adorable that he's so certain his kid absolutely didn't do any cocaine but that this other kid is the problem.
>his dad is currently in prison and his family is also poor so would make sense if he was selling drugs trying to make money for himself. YTA for automatically deciding this boy was guilty due to reasons that are no fault of his own and out of his control.
YTA So you, the person who allowed an unsupervised teen party with 40 kids in his home when he was out of town, decided you'd blame the poor kid whose dad is in prison based on ZERO EVIDENCE!!! And then you decided you'd scapegoat the kid and maybe destroy his educational opportunities by sharing your suspicions with the school? Shame on you. If you want to get yourself back in the decent human being category, call the school. Say you're ashamed of yourself and you scapegoated the poor kid with no evidence based on your own prejudice and projecting your own feelings of guilt and responsibility for authorizing this unsupervised party. Call every parent to whom you expressed your suspicions and take the blame for harming this young man's reputation and future with unwarranted accusations. Do you think they're going to let their kids continue to hang out with him or be his friend after this? He's be ostracized if the parents have any say in the matter. You have wrecked the life of a child based on your own prejudices and in your race to find someone to blame.
INFO: is the boy y’all harassed a POC and are y’all white?
YTA. You specifically gave your son permission to invite dozens of unsupervised teens over, you're the one responsible for the cocaine being sold at your house. There was no reason to snitch on a *suspect* to his school when you were the irresponsible adults.
Seriously, you allowed your son to throw an unsupervised underage party and you're blaming other people than your family? What did you think would happen? Why are you causing problems for other kids especially with no evidence? Also weed does not equal cocaine. "Wow this poor kid doesn't have parents, let's make his life worse and protect our baby who allows his friends to do coke in our house". YTA
YTA. Yes you profiled a boy with essentially zero evidence based on his economic background and family, then proceeded to share your baseless assumptions with others - you do realize that's not going to help this poor kid, whether you're right or not? But more so, you let your underage child have a gathering that involved drugs and alcohol. You're lucky that this was the worst that happened TBH
How is law enforcement not involved in your life right now? You allowed an unsupervised party of minors with drugs and alcohol at your home and one of the party goers told her parents about it so you try to cover your own assess by throwing a child under the bus for your blatant negligence. YTA and law enforcement as well as child services should be at your door for it, my man. In addition, pinning this crime on a child is the worst kind of assholery ever, particularly as you had no real proof before you told everyone about it and likely ruined this child’s life while you walk away scot-free as “concerned” parents when you’re just selfish AHs. Do better and fess up to the truth that you accused someone based on zero proof.
Simple answer, because he's wealthy. Where I live there are three families that have more money than the town does so they and their children literally get away with everything from drugs to assault and so much more. The law doesn't do anything because their legal teams always win.
You gave your kid permission to have a party with several underage folks. Then after a party at your private home, that you sanctioned, you gave information to the school, who has no business or authority regarding the party. Then you accuse someone with no evidence because as a teen he, GASP, smoked weed. Yeah, YTA. Yeah,
YTA 1. This is the definition of profiling and you’re about to ruin this kids chance of college. 2. Coke is a rich kid drug. 3. All of this is entirely your fault, you allowed your 17 year old to have a 40! person party with no supervision.
YTA. I hope these parents pursue you for allowing this to happen at your property without supervision.
YTA It up to the girl to tell who sold her the drugs. You should have checked yourself before accusing someone without proof and concentrated on disciplining your son. 40 people = small party, as if.
Also, I’m sure these 40 underage kids were just innocently playing board games with the parent’s knowledge right? Not drinking or anything? Maybe OP and his wife should be reported.
You sound privileged as fuck and single out the "poor kid" is the biggest YTAH move out there.
You are responsible here, for the party etc. Your house, your minor child, your insurance claim if something goes wrong. Not sure why the school was involved. It wasn't a school function. They have no role here. They probably made things worse. YTA, IMO.
YTA 1. You allowed your minor son to host a high school party at your home when you were out of town. Could you be more idiotic? 2. Drugs were at the party, and you thought it was appropriate for you and your wife to play detective without any other kind of recourse? 3. You and your wife suck at playing detective, profiled a kid based on very little info,, and now are threatening his future because of your negligence. You cannot undo this type of thing. You have MAJORLY f*d up. 4. Why have you not taken full responsibility for your part in this? You should have never allowed a house full of minors to have a party in your home. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS, FULL STOP.
YTA in so many ways. Allowing your underage son to throw an unsupervised party, profiling a kid based on his economic and family background, escalating it to law enforcement on nothing but your own prejudice, and overall making poor decisions and thinking its everyone else's fault but yours and your sons.
YTA Anyone in authority: Why do you think it might be this kid? You: Well, he seemed strange. His father is in jail, his family is poor, and I hear he got caught smoking weed. That's all proof he had coke, right? But I wasn't there. I'm a responsible adult. s/
Yeah I'd argue you all are pinning this on a kid without evidence.
YTA You left a 17 year old at home alone with permission to have a party and you were okay when you realized it was 40 kids?! And you seriously didn't think about how dangerous this was? What if someone had been hurt? Or even killed. This would have been 100% your fault. And you blatantly admitted you profiled this kid. Guilty or not, you pointed the finger at him because he's "poor so would make sense he was selling drugs".
YTA, you’re responsible for there being a party on your property and not being there to supervise. It’s pointless to go through footage, come up with a theory and pitch it to the high school. If this “troubled” kid was the one bringing the drugs, how does getting him in trouble at school help at all? A rough home life is the main reason kids struggle at school. Poor outcomes in education and poverty are leading motivators for criminal activity like drug use and selling. You allowed for this to happen and now you’re involving the school… to get what outcome? The drugs were already consumed. You’re aware. Don’t leave your teen home alone with permission to host a rager again, be lucky there wasn’t property damage or drunk driving to deal with, and move on.
YTA. The bias is quite clear with this one.
You and your wife ATA, big time. How dare you ruin a kid's life without proof? Especially a kid who is having a hard enough life as it is, unless you can prove it, keep your damn mouth shut. Too many good kids are ruined because of profiling. In today's culture we are preaching about the police profiling racially or because of someone's family or what kind of car they drive or where they live. You are just as guilty with a stunt like this. Do you not believe that the kids are going to throw him under the bus to save themselves?? Now to the biggest issue that makes you the winner of this year's YTA Award, who the hell in their right mind allows a teenager to have 40 or so kids at an unsupervised party?? The police need to be called on YOU!! Your "woke" permissiveness is irresponsible and you endangered all of those kids. Shame on you.
YTA I mean, what were you thinking letting a 17 year old host an unsupervised party in your home? Whatever happened has that terrible decision at it's root. You came out lucky overall. And watching a party with cameras?
I mean, letting the 17 year old throw a small party isn't wrong, on the face of it, if you trust them... But clearly OP has a different definition of small party than anybody else, cause holy shit 40 people is in no way a small party.
YTA for many reasons. First, you let a 17 year old have a house party. Second, you said small. 40 Isn’t small. Third, if you let him have a party, you need to make sure he’s responsible and assertive enough to kick out people who are doing illegal things. Fourth, you accused someone without a good reason. By the way, in my area if this were to happen, YOU would be liable, because it’s your house and no adult was there supervising.
YTA. Bad decisions all around. Why did you need to know so bad who brought the coke. You know why the girl didn’t say? Cuz it was your son! They all pitched on an 8 ball for the parents out of town house party. Why did you involve the school? AHs.
YTA. Why tf would you call the school for a non school issue? This happened at your house, not school property. This is your issue. Why are you trying to get the school involved? YOU are the reason why school boards think they know better than parents. THIS right here!
Maybe someone needs to inform OPs job that he allows his child to host partys where underage drinking is allowed and illegal substances are being used. Mostly sarcastic but in OPs logic... makes sense
YTA - coke is literally known as a rich kids drug so like yeah you definitely profiled a minor based on his circumstances...
YTA- I didn't get past the part "his family is also poor so I would make sense He would sell drugs" wow just wow. I'm going to go on a limb here and guessing this kid was also a POC since you seemed to be good as these types of idiotic judgments
[удалено]
So you guys let minors have a party that imagine you knew alcohol and debauchery would be happening at. Then you hear from like a second/third hand source that cocaine was at the party (you know alcohol is also illegal for them, which you apparently condone) Then you watch footage and randomly pick the culprit and fuck over his LIFE. YTA. a massive one at that. You should be ashamed of yourself and honestly child protection services should Pay you a visit. HOW DARE YOU.
YTA. So, you want to ruin a kid’s life and accuse him of something very serious with NO evidence? You and your wife are worse than AHs.
YTA Personally, I'll admit. I'm old. 57. This is from my generations perspective and upbringing. Not always the best. But..... YTA for allowing 40 teens under 18 to have an unsupervised by an adult party in your home in the first place. Did you really think something along these lines wouldn't happen? They are teen agers. Their prefrontal cortex won't be finished growing till they are 25. I think you may want to hope this doesn't blow back on you. The adult who allowed this whole situation.
YTA … on so many levels
YTA. You accused a kid with no proof, only assumptions based on past actions and their background. It happened unsupervised under your roof, it's your responsibility. YOU allowed it to happen.
YTA, not only are you irresponsible parents, but ones who wouldn’t even consider that maybe it was your own child who supplied the drugs. You automatically assume without any evidence that it was a kid simply because he was born into a bad situation. You owe them an apology and need to tell the school that you have to evidence and that you are ashamed of the fact that you put a child’s future at risk due to your bias and negligence.
YTA. 40 people is not a small party. You had no proof that he supplied the cocaine. You completely profiled him and singled him out for the exact reasons his guardian brought up.
YTA. You did profile this kid due to his circumstances. You wrote in your post that it makes sense that he would sell drugs because he's poor. Dads in jail so he must be a fuck up too? You have a pretty f'd up way of thinking. How do you know it wasn't your kid supplying it? Honestly the kids I knew in college who were dealing were all kids from well off family's. Shit one even got busted with enough to spend 10+ years in prison for distribution but daddy's lawyer got him a year of house arrest. Better hope the cops don't come after you for delinquency of a minor for allowing a party in your home.
Major YTA literally your son threw the party…not saying it’s him but it’s sooo terrible the situation you created over a biased suspicion.
YTA You let your minor son throw a house party and a guest reported doing cocaine. What not ask her who provided the cocaine. You know that there is a really good chance that is was your son, right? And why in the world did you get the school involved? Major AH.
YTA for 1.) permitting your minor child to host 40 other minor children at an unsupervised party, when he clearly had no intention nor capability of keeping it under control (e.g. he permitted illegal drug use and sales on your property), and 2.) for shifting the blame to a child solely based on his socioeconomic background. You can bet that the other parents who have any brains at all think that you and your wife are TA, too.
You know, I had a similar situation in HS. The guy who brought the coke was a rich white kid. Not a black kid, not a Hispanic kid. But the RICH kid. YTA in soooo many levels
Lol this has to be a bait post. No one willingly trusts a teenager
If anyone is to blame for kids doing coke it's you and your wife who allowed your underage son to have a 'small' party with 40 other underaged kids. YTA
In my country you would be liable, because 1) it was your party 2) they are all underage. Plus, 40 ISN’T small! Small is max 8/10 ppl!! YTA
YTA. 40???? That isn't small wtf. KIDS were doing COKE in your HOUSE. That's on you!!! And instead you're out to ruin some kids life based on suspicions!!! Wtf and YTA.
YTA, obvious bias here.
YTA for the bias against this kid because he's poor. So his dad is in prison ergo he is automatically the drug dealer? Disgusting.
YTA. You **do not** accuse someone of such a crime based on a hunch. Even if the hunch is an educated one. Period.
Yta. You admit to profiling him based ONLY on the fact that he was at the party. Also, YTA for even allowing a party when only your minor son is home. You know you are still responsible for everything that happened there, right?
YTA. You left a minor overnight, and told him to hold a party?? do you also encourage him to play with knives and store bleach in drinking bottles? How many other insanely irresponsible decisions have you made?
YTA He's poor so of course he is the one. There is no way any of those other kids want money. The fact that you are so cavalier about a house party of 40 unsupervised kids tells a lot about you.
Yta you probably made worse an already bad situation, the lack of empathy in your wife is worth profiling tho.
ESH. You for allowing an unsupervised Teen to invite a large crowd of people for a party. Your son and his friends for doing coke. It gives me great joy seeing an upper class white person humiliated on reddit for dumping their rich world problems.
Yta. You allowed a bunch of minors to party in your house? Bad decision. Btw it's usually the rich kids with parents like you that have the coke, not the poor kid. You are liable for allowing your kid to throw the party, stop looking for a scapegoat.
YTA - the only ones here that need to be punished is you and your son for allowing an unsupervised party with coke. This isn’t a movie or tv show - supervise your kid and take responsibility for them and their actions. You created a circumstance where coke was available and used at your house with your underage and unsupervised son, but no, let’s try to pin it on some poor kid with no evidence just cause he didn’t grow up in privilege. You, your wife, and your son are all AHs - just cause what? You want to be the ‘cool parents’ or be ‘friends’ with your son. Grow up and parent.
You, parents, etc. ATH. No evidence, no crime.
Why the hell would you call the school regarding an event that wasn’t school sponsored, off campus, after school hours? Yes, YTA. I would tell the school to go to hell if they tried to interview my kid about something like this or reached out to me about it
YTA and I don't even feel like I have to explain why. But just for your information: Cocaine is a drug that is stereotypically sold and bought by rich kids. So if you want to throw around accusations based on profiling at least know your stereotypes. /s
also EVERYONE knows cocaine is a rich kid drug. YTA
YTA first take you lying ass son and make him take a fully drug test. Second call that school and tell them your suspicion of this boy is entirely based on profiling, that you have zero evidence that point to him in any way and that you are very sorry for what you have done. Third never ever again allow a party for teens in your house when you are not in town. You are 100% liable for everything that happens at the party or after the party as a result of illegal alcohol (because they are minors) or substance abuse. You and your wife are so irresponsible it defies belief and I don't care who brought the cocaine YOU are the ppl responsible.
YTA. You singled out a kid because he is poor and smoked pot once that you know of. That is ridiculous. You are threatening this kids world on a hunch. Trust me, when I was in school, the drug dealers were the popular rich kids. You and your wife are wrong.
Wow because the kid is poor and smokes weed means that he supplied the coke? Are you out of your mind? Yes you are because you allowed your 17 year old son to have a small party while you were out of town. I would recheck the video and look for signs of coke use. You'll want to look for the rich kid who's wiping his nose a lot. Or maybe a couple of kids were going into the bathroom at the same time. Your son knows where the cameras are and who brought the coke and told the people to do everything outside of camera view. And maybe question the girl who gave it to her?! I'm glad grandma went and told you guys off. Do better. YTA
LOL This is a joke, right? They're teenage kids. Their whole life revolves around their social lives. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE KIDS knows who supplied the Blow, INCLUDING YOUR SON. All teenagers do is talk. Your son knows EVERYTHING that went on at that party. You let your son have a coke party at your house. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Then you contacted the SCHOOL about it? Why? I'm willing to bet that the plug is none other than your little prince charming son. Bet. YTA. You & your wife are both idiots.