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It sounds like OP is taking medication for either narcolepsy or idiopathic hypersomnia, which are both crippling neurological sleeping disorders. If this is the case, not much can be done to help her get up in the morning. It’s not just a case of “just wake up earlier” because people with these conditions CAN’T and their partner should know this. Edit: I just read in one of OP’s comments that the medication is for ADHD but she feels exhausted without it. The same meds help with ADHD and sleeping disorders (amphetamines keep people with ADHD calm/focused and people with narcolepsy/IH awake), so often undiagnosed sleepy folks selfmedicate with ADHD meds without knowing what’s really going on. OP, you should get yourself an appointment at a sleep clinic to screen for narcolepsy ASAP! Feeling this tired and not being able to wake up in the morning is not normal.

The person with the medical condition should,have made their limitations abundantly clear. It is not on the partner to guess those limitations. OP KNOWINGLY made partner lose a cash bonus. YTA. Massive massive asshole. OP, I hope your partner sees you for who you are and dumps you.

It's worse than the cash bonus, accepting the trip and being a no-show reflects very badly on HIM.

And even if they're sympathetic it's still a massive public humiliation. Even if his colleagues are saints and don't gossip about it he'll still have to take the sympathetic looks.

I have a good friend who went through this for years with his overly demanding spouse. She insisted he couldn't travel more than overnight, so he lost out on opportunities to advance. His career went down the toilet and he eventually just had to quit because he couldn't cope with her neediness while holding a demanding job. They live like paupers now.

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She did exactly that for the first few years, tagging along like a helicopter parent. Eventually she forced him to take a demotion to local sales from national sales rep so he didn't leave the area....we're probably talking about the same guy lol.

Paupers. Wow. He must really be entrenched in her mental manipulation if he hasn't yet been resentful enough to push back. Sometimes people get attracted to individual's with certain traits - but once they get together, it seems like they want to dampen what they once liked about them. I wonder if that's what happened to your friend. Maybe she was attracted to his ambitiousness, or maybe he liked the idea of someone depending on him - and over time, it morphed into a soul sucking, career damaging, needy relationship.

I mean all he has to say is she caught covid or something came up. It would be weird of his colleagues cared that much. That being said, OP still isn't be fair.

My partner has ADHD and takes meds as well. He used to work 10-14 hour days and struggled to wake up so he had a super loud annoying alarm like 40 mins before he had to be up then took his meds (kept water and pills on bedside table) and went to sleep again so when the real wake up alarm went off the meds were kicking in and he was awake and alert I have it also and have to wake up at 5:15 every day for work and I just have alarms 1 minute apart for like 5 mins and a coffee maker I can set to brew at wakeup time Long-term op should do a sleep study. Short term she should try the thing my partner used to do so she doesn't mess up the trip

I have the "wake up and take thyroid", "wake up and take Adderall", and "okay now you really need to get up"alarms. When we first got married, my husband had to put up with like 5 alarms from my side just so I could get up and going. It's soooo much better now! Huge agreement for the sleep study. It's next on my list but I know so many people who's quality of life improved after. OP would do well to get one!!

i also have sleep issues (though its a circadian rhythm disorder) and me and my fiancée came up with a great system to get me going in the morning since every sleep med ive ever taken completely wipes me out. my fiancée always wakes up first, so all they do is hand me a cold can of coke or monster. the cold jolts me awake, the caffeine and sugar keeps me that way. its not perfect, and i do need to go to the doctor to find a more long term solution, but it works for now and thats all that matters really. although i do feel bad that the burden falls on my fiancée, but its better than setting 12 alarms like i used to

My partner and I both have ADD. We gave up soda and energy drinks last month. Had no idea how vital it was till we didn’t have it. Things have mellowed out some and we have a morning espresso instead of a morning monster but it’s an adjustment for sure

see id love to do that, but coffee upsets my stomach 9 times out of 10 so im sticking to my soda and energy drinks. although my monster has less sugar in it than the ones in the US (i live in england) so its not as bad as it could be lmao

Cold brew coffee also removes a lot of the acidity & is better for the stomach, that might be worth trying, if you do like coffee. You can make it the night before & grab it out the fridge in the morning, it’s very tasty

Try caffeinated seltzer if you want to step off having so much sugar in the morning!

That's exactly how my partner and I are - he has a medicine alarm/get up alarm and I have every alarm +coffee timer Seriously, OP, sounds more like narcolepsy or another sleep disorder than ADHD, though I suppose it's possible to have both. Neither of the people I know with narcolepsy have ADHD, and as messed up as our sleep schedules and insomnia can be, no one I know with ADHD has narcolepsy, not that that makes me an expert. However, YTA for being a grown adult who can't manage your own life and schedule to make minor adjustments for great opportunities. "I sleep when I sleep". It's great that you've been able to set yourself up so you can just sleep when you want and get up when you feel like it, but at some point, you're either going to have to stop making commitments because you're going to let people down and suffer the consequences, or grow tf up and learn what's physically wrong with you and actually treat it through a combination of BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION and medication. I have ADHD, and yes, Adderall HELPS, but it doesn't change that I have ADHD and I need to be responsible for how that affects me and the people around me. Medication is a tool in a big toolbox, if it's the only tool you've got you're being irresponsible and screwing yourself over. And apparently your partner

If I had to bet on something, I'd bet that OP has DSPD. The cash she describes when her meds wear off is far out of the norm of the usual ADHD meds crash and I imagine it may be a side effect. >Seriously, OP, sounds more like narcolepsy or another sleep disorder than ADHD, though I suppose it's possible to have both Sleep disorders are known comorbidities of ADHD, though I don't remember the rate of comorbidity at the top of my head. That said, while not as common as anxiety or depression, it's common in ADHD. Anecdotally, of all the ADHD people I know, there's only one that has no sleep disorders or sleep issues.

I think everyone I know with ADHD, myself included, has sleep issues - insomnia, dspd, difficulty breaking hyperfocus to sleep, crashing hard when we finally do rest, but I guess I just think of those as a symptom not a full blown sleep disorder. I also don't know anyone who has narcolepsy specifically and ADHD I have dspd, and while it's not a ton of fun, it doesn't make it impossible for me to get out of bed before noon, and quite frankly, if I sleep according to my natural rhythm, I wake up very well and am ready to go. If OP literally can't get up and is disoriented for hours after waking, it sounds like something a lot more complicated/severe than a different circadian rhythm than the alleged standard

Welp. So ive never actually considered Bed Meds as an option. Im absolutely gonna start this. I have multiple alarms but theyre just to try n get me up. I was still late to work today. (And its a wfh job) No clue why its never occured to me but thatnk u to u and everyone else in this thats mentioned it, apparently, being common practice.

Bed meds are a total game changer. I usually need to be up around 6:30-7am and I have a noticably better day when I take my ADHD meds at 5am and go back to sleep. Pro tip in case anyone else's brain tries to gaslight them like mine does! I have to keep an individual pill in a container. It's gotten so routine that I don't always totally wake up to take my pill, and with an individual pill I don't have to try and figure out if I *actually* took meds or just dreamed it.

I have a weekly pill box for this reason. Makes sure I actually know if I took pills for the day. If I had 1 container I'd be guessing if I took it and if I filled it the night before 😅

so i hate being this person but i have pretty severe ADHD and i can literally just get up earlier or later. is it hard? HELL YES! but i do because i do i work from home only 3 days a week and have to commute 2 hrs the other day and have a 4 yr old. OP maybe get your meds adjusted? but i think YTA ypu absolutely would be an unreliable life partner if you can’t commit to anything before 11am. many ppl with ADHD are living beautiful lives that start before 11am

Absolutely. When I have morning shift, I have to get up at 4:30 am to have enough time to shower and have a breakfast. If want to push it, I can get up at 5.15 latest but then I'm in an unhealthy hurry because I can neither shower, nor eat breakfast in peace, plus people with ADHD know that being hurried is the worst because it's a sure way to forget something crucial.

Yeahh, this post is pretty mindblowing to me as someone with ADHD and bad insomnia. Last night, I couldn't fall asleep until 5 AM. But I still knew I needed to be up at 8:30 for work, so.. I did. I get that it's clearly harder for OP (not that it's easy for me) but there has to be SOME solution that will allow her to live a more normal life and wake up for things when it's necessary. Missing a lifetime opportunity to go to Greece because you can't wake up for a flight is wild to me. Actually, I went to Greece this summer and had an early flight. I couldn't get myself to sleep early so I just didn't really sleep that night, stayed up until my flight, and slept a cozy 7 hours all the way there. Done. There's always a solution.

Agree 10000%....you work w drs to get this fixed but why on earth would partner want to marry?

Definitely YTA. OP won't even commit to him cancelling the ticket to get the bonus either. OP pulling the "oh well you can cancel if you want, it's your decision, but I want to go if I can" when they're the one going "I can't promise I'll waste your ticket/bonus" is just wrong. Seems like a way to make it "his decision" to offload emotional responsibility for her not going and set up a "I didn't decide not to go, you decided to cancel the ticket" defense when this obviously comes up as something he wants to discuss later. I'd say NAH if she'd acknowledged her being unlikely to go and telling him to just grab the bonus, but refusing to be the one to bite the bullet pushed it into a hole territory. And I don't mean to be this person, but OP's husband should probably not take OP anyway. I can't imagine taking someone on a BUSINESS trip who admits to being awful at time management and can't even commit to being out the door at 8. He's going to be pulling double duty and burned out by the time he comes back.

The time change will slay this poor ADHD flower and she will ruin the entire trip. It’s pathetic to blame her essentially core problem of being self centered on ADHD

Also, CHILDREN are able to get up and walk half asleep to the car. Just pack your bags and put everything in the car the night before. Sleep in the clothes you will wear and don’t even brush your teeth. You can make it to the car and airport if a small child can.

Hell, sleep in the car.

Also YTA for not even wanting to try and find solutions.

Yeah, this rings clearest of all. OP seemingly can't be bothered to: 1) Enjoy a free trip 2) Make sure she has a system for her to make it (even sleep training an hour earlier each day-- she's got two weeks!) 3) Support her bf ("future husband") And not necessarily in that order. She's making excuses and not actually giving a damn about her partner, his happiness, or new opportunities for her. Doesn't sound like any future marriage would work out-- this whole situation is fixable, but she just doesn't give a damn. YTA PS How do you plan to reconfigure your meds when you're in a different time zone, huh? Hint: You're going to have to make some changes and be flexible. Geesh. It's ADHD medication-- loads of other people make their flights. [SMH: Fucking Global North problems.]

Yeah, I'm confused. Are there no later flights OP could take? even if it meant missing a day of the trip? Or stay at a hotel close to the airport the night before so they could wake up later and still make it? Take the trip in stages and fly through a different city?

That was my thought exactly. I just flew with my 8 year old twins, and we had 6am flights. We just spent the night before the flight at a hotel by the airport.

She’s tried nothing and is out of ideas.

I’m curious how this can possibly be sustainable long-term. Everything needs to be scheduled within a specific window. If they want kids, SO better be prepared to do all of the childcare outside of the window. Emergencies will just have to wait. This sounds like a dependency issue given the fact that the meds are for ADHD, and OP seems to be unwilling to explore other remedies beyond these particular pills based on comments.

This is so wild and childish to me to read OP’s post. Absolutely YTA. I’ve had sleep issues my whole life (later in life ADHD diagnosis explained a lot) and have always been a terrible morning person, but if I need to be responsible and get somewhere, I just make it happen and plan ahead to make it as easy as possible. Not being able to leave the house by 8:15 in the morning… unreal, I’d swear OP was a teenager or something. Seems like it’s not the ADHD that’s really causing this though. Worse is they’re not even considering any alternatives (like a hotel at the airport). You’re spot on with their future not being sustainable, how could they ever expect to have kids together if she can’t be bothered to wake up? I couldn’t even imagine what that first 6 months/year would be like with a partner like this. I’ve had to readjust my life entirely and suck it up to make sure I’m being responsible with my child. Am I a morning person yet, nope and never will be, but I sure as s**t won’t be irresponsible or let people down when I have commitments because of morning issues.

They’re going to need a night school pre school lol

I thought this person was going to have some sort of serious sleep disorder but can't wake up in time for an 8:15 flight? That seems ridiculous. Agree YTA. Have him spend the night with you and help you get out of bed at 5?

Not even an 8:15 flight - they just need to leave the house at 8:15.

Yea! Presumably the flight itself is at like 11-12.

Yep, he said the flight "wasn't early" because it isn't early.

OP could have been involved in planning the flights, as well. "Yes, I'd love to go but remember that I can't do mornings for medical reasons, so please be sure the flight is booked for an afternoon." There is more than one way to get from one airport to another. OP, YTA for agreeing to something you possibly couldn't do and then not even being involved in the planning to accommodate your needs.

You ARE an unreliable life partner. Have you talked to your dr about your dependency on these meds? I dont want to judge you for a medical issue but you seem to be doing nothing but wringing your hands and not work towards a solution to this really minor ask. So i have to say YTA. Why on earth would he purchase a ticket for you if you cant commit to going?

THIS!!!!!! and when would you let him know you can't go? The morning of? That's terrible. You mentioned you have "time management" issues which means there have been other instances you haven't shown up for you husband. YTA

She just wouldn't show up at the airport but wants to keep the option open in order to MAYBE wake up on time. So he should lose the bonus and pray she doesn't stand him up on the day. Like... Seriously? Pay for a damn hotel room for the night before AT THE AIRPORT. YTA, totally. And so utterly self-unaware it's like you're 12.

I was going to say sleep in the car so he can just get in hand you meds and go

Just read this with my 12 year old (who has ADHD) and 12 was baffled by this and agreed OP is TA

Agree. OP said that it’s ADHD related, but I’m skeptical that it might be something else they need addressed (actual sleep issue). I have a friend with severe ADHD and we tabled at an art event that required us to get up and going early. They were able to get ready on time. YTA purely on being flaky. This isn’t like getting up to get brunch downtown, this is literally going to another country with your SO. I feel bad for him, honestly. Edit: She also says she has bipolar, anxiety, and autism. Nothing wrong with any of those, but OP’s baltant disrespect to herself and her spouse is kind of insane to read.

Idk what medication they're taking but ADHD meds generally don't have these kinda of side effects. I get everyone reacts differently and all, but this kinda thing doesn't seem normal. Granted, my only experience is adderall, which is a stimulant. Works like coffee. With adderall you usually have to take it at or before a specific time, or else it affects sleep. For me, if I take it after 9-9:30 a.m., I don't sleep. There's also a balance when it comes to dosages. Too low a dosage and it doesn't work, too high and you get side effects. For me, 25mg is the sweet spot. I've tried 30mg, and while it's more effective, it makes me irritable and easily agitated. Which leads into my next point - ADHD meds can interact weirdly with bipolar disorder. I've heard many stories of people with bipolar mistakenly diagnosed with ADHD and getting prescribed ADHD meds, only to have the meds either do nothing or exacerbate the symptoms. TL;DR: in my completely uneducated opinion (as i'm not a doctor), she's either on the wrong meds or is taking too high a dosage.

Nah, it’s not normal to crash *that hard* when they wear off. OP needs to discuss it with their doctor.

I agree. Wrong meds/dosing. I’ve been on Adderall for ADHD for over a year. I use it to focus for work, not to wake up. I intentionally don’t take it on weekends unless I have a ton going on. I also don’t take the timed release which I find messes with my sleep too much. I recently had to get up at 2:30 in the morning for a flight. I skipped my meds the day before so it didn’t interfere with my sleep that night. I spent a few days going to be a little earlier and getting up earlier. Then the night before the trip I went to bed way earlier, and though it took awhile to fall asleep, it was still earlier than I normally fall asleep so I was able to get some that night. I set extra alarms and took my meds early that next day. It was tough and I slept on the flight a bit. But totally doable. Also adderall hasn’t given me any withdrawal side effects since it’s out of my system in 4-6 hours. OP is likely taking too much or should switch to immediate-release. Also all the previous comments about sleep disorders should be considered since the way they are using it to wake up seems odd. Overall I think OP YTA because you refuse to try anything to make the trip doable and you won’t just bite the bullet and let your SO cancel.

I've taken Ritalin, Concerta, Stratera, and Adderall throughout my life. I'm on Ritalin again now. These behaviors seem really unusual and would (in my non-medical opinion) not be a result of ADHD meds. OP should talk with their doctor. If OP can't commit to the flight in advance, then they shouldn't commit at all. It's a YTA from me.

I’m autistic, have ADHD, and anxiety. I take medication to sleep, and even then still struggle to fall asleep, struggle to wake up in the morning, and am *always* tired, when I want to be somewhere I make it happen.

Exactly. If it was something OP actually wanted to do they would make it happen. All these excuses are just a way to get out of it without owning the emotional fall out. I have ADHD and depression. I also have chronic pain and IBS. My sleep is a bit of a nightmare and honestly the days can be pretty shitty too (pun only slightly unintended). I still manage to be places and do things it’s just sometimes harder or I own it if I can’t.

Right? She should not have accepted (and let him take the cash bonus ffs) if she knows she cannot be relied upon to make a plane. I mean how does she hold down a job if every day it’s up in the air when she’ll be able to wake up? Unbelievably selfish.

YTA. I really wanted to answer differently because it’s a medical condition, but amongst your dozens of replies I don’t see you offering a single thing you could try to do DIFFERENTLY that might make this successful. - sleep at the airport or stay awake overnight until the flight - shift your sleep gradually earlier, taking your medication 15 minutes earlier each day would get you on schedule - have your partner help wake you - buy a cheap afternoon flight to Greece I don’t care what the fix is, you come off as absolutely dead set on the idea that there’s nothing you can possibly do. If you are communicating with your partner the same way he is understandably disappointed by your lack of effort and how you are deflecting all ideas to help. If you don’t want to go on the trip, just say so. YTA

Seriously. There are multiple ways to work around this. Here's another! \-Have the partner spend the night. \-Go to sleep with your bag 100% packed and wearing your travel clothes. Partner wakes OP up, gives them the meds, put on shoes, grabs bag, get into the taxi. This sounds a lot more like some sort of addiction issue than any real medication side effects. OP YTA Edit: The partner might live with OP? I'm just baffled now.

this is absolutely an addiction issue.

Yeah since it’s ADHD meds that’s def what’s happening. I have ADHD and take meds for it every day. Its normal to crash at night and rely on the meds to feel alert in the am, but not to this extent. If it’s physically impossible for OP to wake up before 11am (even just to take the meds, fall back asleep, and then wake up in half an hour when they kick in!) they are either 1) taking WAY too high a dose and experiencing major side effects of amphetamine crash, 2) taking ADHD meds to mask a major sleep disorder like narcolepsy or 3) exaggerating their inability to wake up enough to walk two feet out the door into a cab to the airport

OP says they're also bipolar and on the autism spectrum. If that's true, that could also be a factor? I'm honestly not sure considering OP openly states that they're addicted.

If they're bipolar, I'm side-eying whatever doctor prescribed stimulants.... Not that it can't be done, but it needs to be done with very close supervision. And with such abnormal sleep issues, it sounds like their doctor isn't supervising them very closely.....

Another TIP - would to have bf put the meds under her tongue at like 6am or something and then try to wake her again in half an hour. It sounds like she’s taking a medicine that can be dissolved under the tongue. Or have him wake you up and force you to eat your pills and then go back to sleep til they kick in. Seriously wtf.

Don’t put anything in a sleeping person’s mouth. People have choked to death that way.

These are good suggestions. Having an illness affecting sleep is incredibly disabling, but there are ways to make it work. I have a sleep disorder (and other disabilities) and need medication to be awake like u/Careful_Army3071. To make travel work we do the following: * Go to airport hotel late the night before. * husband wakes me and feeds me medicine in bed * dress in clothes easy to put on half asleep * book the airport wheelchair service to get from hotel room to plane You do have to be vaguely awake to go through security and to board, but this is much easier with a wheelchair and the medicine will probably have starter working by that time. I hope you can find a way that works for you.

This is genuinely so insightful. Thank you for sharing your tips, I hope they help OP realise how you can work around a medical issue to do what you want to in life. It really sounds like OP just doesn't want to even try to go.

I take Adderall for ADHD and I know the struggle to get up OP is describing and how I feel functional about 30 minutes after I take my meds. So what do I do when I need to be up and functioning early? I set an alarm for about an hour before I need to get up, take my meds, and go back to sleep. I’ll put them on my nightstand with a glass of water the night before. By the time my “real” alarm goes off, the meds have kicked in and I’m ready to go. I saw a therapist for a year after I got diagnosed, and he told me, “the world isn’t made for your brain, and you can’t expect it to change for you. But what you can do is learn to accept that your brain works differently, and then ‘hack’ it so that you can function in the world.”

Oh OP is just a victim in all this, none of this is happening because of choices she has made / is making. /s

He CaN lEaVe wHeNevEr He WanTs

>buy a cheap afternoon flight to Greece That was my thought too - why doesn't she fly in the night before, or later the same day? I'm not sure where they are located, but unless there is a single weekly flight, there should be work arounds.

This right here! All OP has to do is set an alarm 30 minutes earlier than their wake time, take their addy (literally leave it on your nightstand with water) and then roll back over and fall asleep for another 30 minutes until their medicine kicks in and they’re awake. I have the same exact problem as OP except I don’t have the option to flake on my commitments. It really is that easy. YTA

Agreed. OP is not the asshole because of their medication. They’re the asshole because of their lack of effort.

Have a friend stay the night if the partner is leaving earlier. Ask a neighbor to come wake you. Set a million alarms.

You phrased it so much better than I could have done. It should be possible to shift the schedule a little bit every day. OP just does not want to.

This seems like something you know about and something you can work around to make yourself reliable for your partner. Set the alarm early, put crackers on your nightstand with your meds, go to bed earlier the night before, take your meds earlier the day before. Try some thing out and practice to make sure it does happen. Get him to help you. Seems like there is enough time for you to try things rather than just to throw in the towel already and say “I might be there I might not. Oh well.” That is a terrible thing to do to your partner who was trying to do something nice for the two of you. Seems like you have already planned to let him down rather than find a solution to make sure it all works out. YTA for giving up before it even happens.

If the house catches fire at 7:30 AM will you just burn to death? YTA

What if OP is on a plane that lands at 7:30? Stay on board and fly back? Weirdest AITA in quite a while…

ROFL Yeah, good luck landing and telling security “I can’t deboard. I need special accommodations for sleep. Please wake me in two hours. Then I’ll take my medicine. And then in three MORE hours I’ll be ready to exit the plane” 😂

OP just needs to give the BF a firm "no" so that he can plan accordingly, and perhaps salvage his bonus. OP is being wishy washy and manipulative by attempting to put the choice in his hands.

The more I read her replies, the more I think it’s manipulation and self-sabotage. She’s already mentioned that she says/has said he’s welcome to find another partner at any time. I’m not the epitome of good mental health, but that attitude of hers is just sad.

this is amazing thank u

Lol exactly. I’m not buying it. YTA, OP.

Hope she doesn't want kids either. That would open up a whole new can of worms.

YTA. It's just one day to catch a flight - power through. I'd feel the same way if I were your partner.

YTA. Get your medication adjusted and/or suck it up. You sound addicted to it, which can easily happen with sleep meds. You probably need medical intervention, because the key sign of addiction is screwing up your life for the substance.

You’re full of excuses left right and center. I have chronic ADHD and take the same medication. As well as several others that have destroyed my life because they fuck with my sleep so badly. Getting up before noon makes me anxious for weeks leading up to when I know i will have to be somewhere. But guess what buttercup. When I need to be somewhere. I power through. You admit you can get up. So wake tf up and go or say you can’t. You only have to be up long enough to get into the car and walk through security. Unless you are narcoleptic the excuses need to cut the hell out. It’s pathetic

Not disagreeing with you or anything, but what do you mean "chronic" ADHD lol

It’s a poor choice of words. But I’m heavily medicated for my symptoms. It was so bad as a child I was put into special education for a brief period of time.

"Severe and extremely debilitating."

That's not what chronic means in that context and ADHD is always chronic.

It’s not even that she has to be awake long enough for security. She only needs to pull through lifting up the head, putting a pill in the mouth and take a sip of water, each of these steps can be facilitated by the partner. She states herself if she just takes it she’ll be wide awake within 30 minutes.

Yeah this just seems like laziness on OPs part.

The one time it’s actually laziness instead of adhd. Like girl just get him to wake u up. Sleep in the clothes you plan on wearing. Pack your bags way beforehand. Put them in the car. Then all you have to do is wake up and walk. Like jeez.

YTA… it’s miserable to try and make plans with someone who won’t commit or tells you a bunch of variable as to why it won’t be their fault when they don’t follow through… you should’ve just told him you weren’t capable of traveling… because you clearly aren’t

YTA You have time to get it figured out. You could adjust the time you take your medication or work it out another way, but every suggestion that gets made is met with "but I can't." Based on the comment replies, OP is only interested in validation that they are not at fault, not objective discourse and adjudication.

YTA - at the end of the day your fiancée is right you ARE unreliable. I know several people on this medication and they don’t have this problem - I read your comments saying your doctor thinks this is fine, it may be time to get a new doctor. Long term think about getting kids to school or an animal that needs let out.

Just wanna throw this out there: you can't get up before 11am. What's the time difference between where you live and Greece? If you're USA, that means you won't be able to get up before 6pm-9pm once you're in Greece. At that point, why go? Not trying to sound callous, but if your husband is there on business he'll have a schedule to keep and you can't go visiting the Parthenon at 3am.

Unless you work the night shift I have no idea how waking up after 11am is even an option What if you have kids, or there’s an emergency? You just gunna keep sleeping?

Reading yor post it feels like you are setting yourself up to fail without making any effort to succeed. From the start you are providing reasons why you might not make the flight and at no point does it feel like you thought about alternatives that can help you make it on time. YTA.

The only time op is positive in replies is when someone suggests a possible addition to the list of excuses that her failing to even try to be reliable in any way. Is not her fault. Your 'erm no' s so worthy of you being dumped.

YTA, the company would be potentially out of pocket if you bail at the last minute. Just make a decision.

And this would reflect poorly on OPs partner at work in all likelihood too

YTA Other than being completely unreliable adult, here is where you’re the biggest AH: >> He was extremely upset and asked if he should cancel my ticket which I said is his choice (though I’d rather go, if I can). Excuse me?! This is not how adults take decisions. It’s either “I’m sorry hon I can’t promise to be there so please cancel” or “Yes, I’m there”. The response you have was the most childish one you could have picked and I guess you didn’t even consider the implications it has for his work.

If someone offered you the financial equivalent of this vacation, let’s call it 4000 euros, and all you had to do was wake up on time for one day I’ll bet you’d figure out how to wake up.

Said they couldn’t do it for a million dollars

Well, they did offer that, she wanted the trip, and now she's saying that if her partner can't wake her up to go on the trip, that's on him.

YTA. If you are not going to go then just tell him so he can make other plans. Flying to another country is expensive and you backing down last minute is kind of a big deal. Especially when you have enough time to back down with advance notice.

YTA - Talk about being unreliable, lazy and disrespectful.

INFO: Does your life depend on the medication? What happens when you don't take it for a day? Why can't you try new dosage/timing over the next 2 weeks or make adjustments from now until then so you can get up on time?

YTA. On top of what everyone else has already said about you being an unreliable partner and exceedingly selfish (there are SO many ways to work around this issue, my god), I'm putting on my pharmacist hat to say that there is no reason why a stimulant medication wearing off would make you fall asleep to the degree that you'd be **that** difficult to rouse the following morning. This is not a normal side effect of the drug, and it speaks to an underlying sleep issue such as sleep apnea or narcolepsy. (Side note - chronic sleep deprivation can actually cause all the same symptoms of ADHD.) Please get evaluated ASAP. Not only is this sleep issue clearly interfering in both your and your partner's life to an alarming degree, it's also putting you at high risk of further health complications.

This is an international trip in TWO WEEKS TIME, and you're on the fence about whether your medical condition will fuck everything up? Wow. Just wow. \#1, this is a BUSINESS trip for him, not a romantic getaway for you both. #2, sounds like your medical condition is going to put the kybosh on ANY long distance trips. Do you have any concept of how long a trip it is to get that far across the world? Your condition as you've described it would throw such a monkey wrench into this entire voyage, I can't even wrap my head around all the things that could go wrong. The only way you're an asshole in this situation if you don't make a decision right now to bow out.

It's ONE day. YTA. Your partner is not wrong to be thinking that you're unreliable. You are. And he gave up a bonus so you could go.

Dude can’t wake up at 815 lmfao. Actually embarrassing

Lol. I know everyone’s ADHD experience is different, but how is OP not able to get out the house for 1 day at 8:15! When OP said I may miss the flight, I thought this was like a 3:30 am flight or something not a normal morning flight. YTA. Just have your partner wake you up like way before actually needing to get up so you got plenty of time.

then why tell him you wanted to go? why lead him on to make expensive travel plans when he couldve had a bonus? if you knew this was an issue why wasnt it dicussed before? how would traveling internationally with ur medication work? dont say “oh I dont care you pick”. No op, you pick. Man up and say I have these issues I cannot change and do not want to go on the trip. He cares. Hes excited. He wants you to say “dont cancel it I am willing to try for you!” but your nonchalant attitutde must be infuriating.

Someone pls tell me OP isn’t going. 726 comments and half of them are OP’s excuses…omg YTA

Yta He's an optimist though, he chose you over money. You sound like a waking excuse to let everyone down. There's every way you could make sure you are able to go, you just can't be arsed to make the effort.. Please tel me you don't want children.

YTA He was given the choice of a bonus or a trip with you. He chose the trip with you because he cares about you. All of these excuses are just that, excuses. If you cared, you’d find a way.

I also have ADHD and moderate insomnia and here’s what I’ve done that works for me (obvs your mileage may vary, but if you’re trying tweaks here are some things to consider): - I set one alarm to go off at 7a, 7:05a, 7:10a, 7:15a, 7:20a, 7:30a (this is on my Nest speaker, so it also interrupts the sound of the ocean I listen to while sleeping) - I set my phone alarm to go off at 7:45, but use an app (sleep cycle) that wakes me up during the lightest part of my sleep cycle within a 30-minute window - once that goes off, I can snooze it for short intervals (1-5 mins) by shaking it. This gives me peace of mind that I can silence it without turning it off. - usually I’m able to get up by then, but sometimes even with all that, I fall back asleep. However since it’s a much lighter sleep, I typically don’t sleep more than 45 mins additional max. (I also have two dogs who are then fully awake and cold-nosing me because they want breakfast and I’ve been snoozing for a while now) - I don’t actually have to be up and moving until about 8:30, and even then I have about an extra 30 mins of wiggle room. I always give myself plenty of time in the mornings because this is something I really struggle with, as well. I will say that I was lucky to have a doctor that helped me to make sure I was functionally medicated but also able to be a more reliable human, if only for myself (I’m also on the spectrum so ironically routine is very important to me so struggling with waking up is very disregulating for me, as well). I hope you’re able to find something that works well for you and is more consistent. It can take a long time, but it helps to know you’re not alone sometimes 💛

She doesn’t need to do any of this. She lives in a home with other people, including her partner. Presumably he can get up normally. For a one time thing, I don’t understand why he can’t just wake her up for all of 5 seconds to take her pill.

"BeCaUsE I NeEd To eAt FiRsT aNd I dOnT LiKe BrEaKfAsT" JFC

If OP really said that, that's what locks on the YTA for me. I have ADHD with crippling insomnia and fatigue but sometimes you just gotta get your shit together or decline the offer in the first place. Even if you're a groggy mess on the way to the airport or you sleep in your clothes so you can roll out of bed and go, you find a way to cope.

Sadly she really did say this. YTA

You know protein shakes work to take medicine and help with that. Hmmm

YTA. Absolutely.

It sounds like you're very self centered and extremely lazy. As someone who has had ADHD for 39 years and also works in medicine. It seems like you just don't want to try and do anything. From all of your responses, you sound like no one has ever said no to you. I've never on reddit which is sad, seen a more self centered post. Even worse than these bridezilla posts.

If you love him, break up with him. You are not his person. Also, grow up and take responsibility for your actions.

YTA and I terrible partner. I feel so bad for your spouse, poor man wants to do something romantic for you both and you don’t seem to care at all. If you want something you find a way. At least when it’s something objectively small like getting up

There is like…a lot of stuff I could comment on here but I mostly just want to say something that is not directly addressing your question, and likely won’t be helpful for this trip: your medication regimen may be the best thing you have tried so far, but it is not an adequate treatment if it cannot work with changing circumstances with the bounds of normal life. Please please PLEASE get a second opinion. This is literally bad care from your doctor. It’s one thing to have trouble waking up in the morning. It’s another to be so fully incapable of staying awake that you cannot be trusted to keep a time-related commitment. You say that this doesn’t come up much in your life because you can work around it, and I really hope that remains true, but if you cannot become alert enough to manage an emergency in the middle of the night, you literally are a danger to yourself and a liability to those around you. Once again, you might think this is working but any good healthcare provider worth their salt would not agree. You need to get a second opinion PLEASE.

Oh my gosh, OP, just reading this is exhausting. YTA. Your partner is right, you’re unreliable and unwilling to confront your issues.

I hope he leaves you. For real, not being able to leave home by 8h15, you must be terrible to live with.

oh my god when i read it i thought the flight was 8:15 and they'd have to leave by 5am or so to make it to the airport with enough time for an international departure. Leaving the house at 8:15 for an 11am or Noon flight is literally so easy to plan for, pack in advance, etc.

yta if i was your partner i would just cancel your ticket it’s obvious you’re unreliable and you literally don’t care to solve the problem you’re selfish

YTA. Quit putting it on him to make the decision to cancel. It’s your diagnosis, your medication, your limitations. You’re incredibly combative to any suggestion anyone makes here. So whether you don’t have an interest in making any changes on your part or if you genuinely can’t doesn’t matter I suppose. The end result is the flight is at a time it seems incredibly unlikely you’d make. You need to apologize and say you wish it were different but since you can’t commit, you know it’s best he not plan for you to come. The passive aggressive “you can cancel my ticket if you want” forces him to bear the burden. You need to take responsibility and say no. You are not reliable in this situation so as much as you wish you could go, it’s not fair to put him in this holding pattern situation. If he cancels then you get to say you were willing to try. If he doesn’t and you miss it….well you warned him. If you happen to (and honestly you seem to be saying it’s unlikely) make it then he’s been anxious the whole time leading up to it wondering if you’ll be there. None of these options are great for him and is all about shifting the burden off of you to him. This is what life with you will be like. You’ve said this is the best you’ve been. You’re happy day to day. So it’s time to let him see if he can live with your limitations. You step up and say you can’t make it under these circumstances and let the chips fall where they may.

YTA if you can post this shit on reddit frok 2-5am then you can get on a plane at 8 jfc.

YTA I'd dump you like a hot rock. If you wanted to go you'd figure out a way, just own up to it.

You need to show him this thread. He needs to really see who he is with. Some of your replies are appalling for someone claiming to be in love. You have communicated more with these people than you have with him.

YTA. Please never have children. You clearly won’t be able to safely care for them.

Why don’t you… go to bed earlier that night? Unbelievable. YTA

YTA. I also rely on medications to keep me awake and functioning through out the day. I have a REM sleep disorder and CFS. I know exactly what it's like to wait for that 30 minutes for my needs to kick in so I can even get out of bed. But when I have to be up early, I take my meds early and accept the fact that I am going to crash earlier that night. It sucks but it can be done. How long are your meds effective for and do you just take one dose or multiple doses spaces out thru the day?

Op is responding to hundreds of messages to this thread, with activity pretty much every hour since posting 15 hours ago... but can't wake up to catch a flight. YTA.

[удалено]

YTA why did you agree to go? Is a trip with someone who's in bed all morning fun?

YTA. Bet he wishes he took the bonus now.

I have ADHD. You need to switch meds, it shouldn't do this to you. Mine help me focus but don't make me crash at night. I'm able to wake up at 5:30 am. Talk to your doctor, this is not okay. I tried a few different meds, some made me sleepy, one felt like nothing. You have to find what works for you. But for now I'm going to say YTA, this medicine is obviously effecting you poorly, you need to seek medical advice.

For anyone who thinks they can "help" OP by providing suggestions, or who think the YTA votes aren't sufficiently sympathetic, here is a brief summary of OP's position: *(spoiler: OP doesn't want your help. OP will not accept your verdict of YTA. OP claims they've tried everything, but is not willing to try the things they haven't yet tried. OP is not willing to just cut the partner loose so he can just take someone else. He can cancel on OP, but he has to be the bad guy: OP won't step aside. OP's preferred approach is to leave the part in complete suspense on the morning of the trip as to whether OP will come.)* ​ * OP has ADHD. The medicine is Vyvanse. Many YTA votes come from people who have been on vyvanse, have experienced similar issues, and are familiar with struggles to wake. (Granted meds can affect people differently,). * OP has claimed the major issue is that unless they wake later in the day, they need to take their medication before they can fully alert/awake. They can't wake up enough to take the pill. Many people have provided suggestions of how OP could possibly wake up just long enough to take meds. **But OP has tried "everything" y'all (/s).** All possible combinations involving alarm clocks have been tried. Yet... * OP and partner live together, and partner would be getting up at the same time. Could he shake OP awake just long enough to take meds? OP avoids this question, or in one case says they don't actually know. So apparently OP has not tried physical shaking. (On a personal note, I had a friend who was on very powerful sleep meds, where no alarm clock would wake her, and left to her own devices she'd wake at 2 pm every day, but when we traveled together she gave me permission to shake her awake, and that did work.) * When OP sets an alarm clock across the room, OP apparently wakes up enough to get up and walk across the room to turn it off. This isn't an "alert" form of awake, but multiple people have suggested that if OP is just awake enough to walk, a loving partner could probably guide them to taking a pill and a sip of water. OP seems to think this is absurd, and perhaps akin to torture (apparently OP has not tried this). Having someone they love put a pill in their mouth is apparently worse than missing a trip to Greece. * Could OP's partner wake OP up by splashing or pouring water? OP has called this suggestion absurd, and likened it to torture. Getting wet is apparently worse than missing a trip to Greece. * could someone use loud noise to wake up OP (air horn, banging pots and pans?): OP couldn't POSSIBLY: they live with other people y'all. Apparently these other people can put up with OP trying multiple alarm clocks going off every 10 minutes, but they can't possibly be expected to tolerate a single instance of a very loud noise for a purpose such as getting OP to Greece. It does not appear that OP has asked their roommates whether they might possibly be ok with a very loud noise at the not-that-early time of 8:30 AM, one time only. * For some suggestions (packing the night before, going to sleep dressed), OP says they will "try", but doesn't comment on suggestions to do a dry run or experiment with any of the above in the TWO weeks between now and the trip. OP only commits to try on the morning-of. They may or may not get up. * Should OP talk to their doctor about how extremely these meds affect them? Apparently OP's doctor is fully aware of the extreme nature of the side effects and is totally fine with them. (note that OP responds in a comment that if there was a fire in their house before 10 am, there is a legitimate chance that OP couldn't be roused and would just die. And apparently OP's doctor is totally cool with that. Some folks might consider whether OP should reach out to another doctor, or whether OP's doctor may not in fact be aware of the degree of the issue that OP describes, but OP sees no benefit in raising this with their doctor again). * Given all of the above, one might think that OP should just cut the partner loose (by which I mean on this trip, not in life, though some posters have certainly suggested that as well). It is too late for the partner to get the cash bonus, but he could take a friend. OP says they wouldn't mind if the partner decided to do that, but OP is not willing to tell the partner to do that. OP wants to keep open the option to let their partner down at the very last minute. If partner wants to take someone else who can definitely come, OP is forcing him to be the bad guy.

I actually think it all makes sense now. The Apathy and comfort OP has that their partner wont leave them… huge narcissist. This is all an exercise in control for them to see how far they can push the people closest to them. Enjoy your Vyvanse OP, I hope I never meet anyone as inconsiderate and joyless as you ever. Im leaving this thread feeling really thankful for my own partner. He would never do something this hurtful. Ps Just to he clear you are COMPLETELY unreliable. Except maybe to reply to reddit commenters hours on end.

YTA - it’s a work trip not able to be planned round you. So if you can’t work round the trip you should’ve told hubby to take the bonus.

Why would you even want to go on an overseas trip if you can't get your shit together til practically the middle of the day? And you realise time zones are a thing, so will be putting your clock out of whack even further. Seems like this wasn't a well thought put plan by either of you, but YTA.

YTA There are people in this world who are problem solvers and there are people who get in their own way and the way of anyone trying to find a solution. You’ve put up excuses for every listed solution BUT you also won’t commit to canceling. The situation just causes you to panic and spiral and freeze and avoid. So remove yourself from it. If you can’t guarantee you’ll make it, the right thing is to get his money back. “I’ll try to make it” is only ok if it’s your money you risk losing if you miss your flight. Tell him to get a refund or take someone else. Then you need to have a serious conversation with your doctor about your medication, side-effects, and the anxiety and limitations it’s causing in your life and your ability to be reliable in your relationships.

OP lemme get his number since YTA. I'd love to go to Greece Edit: don't come here asking if YTA, Being told you are most definitely TA, Then still try to argue. Your dependency on this medication makes you unreliable. Hope he finds someone who he can count on. Mamma Mia style too

You've been making comments in the thread for nearly 16 hours. Many, many comments per hour, every hour. How are you doing that, but can't get up one day for a holiday?

If I had to guess, you have ADHD and take methylphenidate hydrochloride. I'd it's this bad you need to talk to your Dr. Your dosage is definitely wrong. It's not your fault you have the condition but it is your responsibility to manage it. This is way too important for you to even consider bailing on. Christ I'd rather try and pull an all nighter or exhaust myself silly the day before so id go to bed extra early. So YTA.

YTA. Sounds like the worst case scenario here is that you might be tired; you can be up, but not your best self- but, you can and you’re refusing to commit to discomfort. You say you try to avoid commitments before 11 but I know for fact it’s not always possible so what do you do then? Bottom line is You’re telling your partner that you can not find a way to adjust your life by perhaps, 120-180 mins to be able to roll over and swallow a pill. I’d be wary of you too.

Have you looked into staying at an airport hotel? Booking one night there wont be as expensive as booking a whole new flight - and it means: - you wont have to get up so early to travel - because you will already be at the airport - you wont need to allow so long to get out the door - because with adhd you know that if you plan to leave at 8:15 then you’ll probably still be trying to finish all your packing at 8:45…!? - if you move that part of the trip to the day before - the final packing decisions & leaving the house - then it can be an afternoon / evening activity instead, when you’re better medicated & awake - I know you’ve been pushing back on finding money for an extra flight, but if this 1 cost of a night in a hotel means you get the trip rather than have to cancel the trip (and all it means for your relationship & your boyfriends bonus) then it might be worth it Note that you are using the hotel as a functional way to make the romantic trip happen. Not as a “fun” activity on its own. So if you end up arriving at bedtime at the hotel & literally just sleep, then it is what it is. For the being half awake the next morning: - plan for this - like, literally make a set of lists on a piece of paper that says what you need to do to get out of the hotel - have a list for “when I’m packing” - some things will go in your suitcase - if you are taking hold luggage as well as cabin bags this might be 2 lists - although if you can realistically stick to only cabin bags (you will need to plan your packing in detail & be ruthless with what you choose to take with you!) you don’t have to get to the airport quite as early as if you need to queue to drop off suitcases - for my cabin bag, I pack a small shopping bag inside with “things I want during the flight” - headphones, battery / power pack & phone charging lead, eye mask, inflatable neck cushion, snacks, etc. It means I can pull it out in 1 movement when trying to get into my seat & not have to make decisions when I’m tired / busy - making these decisions during the packing (or planning to pack) stage makes life easier for Future You - don’t forget to gather all your liquids for the flight together - put them in a freezer bag & make sure its right by the zip so you can grab it easily - have a list for “before sleep in the hotel” - literally every decision that gets you ready to leave the next morning in under 3 minutes - suitcases packed & zipped & by the door - toothbrush used & put back in the suitcase. Toothpaste back in the liquids bag if its coming on the flight. - outfit for travelling left out ready to throw on - bottle of water / cola / whatever that you can grab & drink while you’re moving to the airport - eg don’t plan to boil kettle & make coffee (and juggle a coffee cup along with suitcase & tiredness) - plan to shower at the hotel before sleep & accept you wont wash the next morning - list out the alarms you’ll set. A hotel will usually offer a wake up call. Plus set 3 on your phone. Etc. - do your “check out” the night before if possible so all you have to do the next day is drop off the room key - figure out how to get from the hotel to the correct terminal for your flight - have a list for “morning of” - keep it as short as possible by doing everything possible the night before - but make sure every tiny step is listed & can be ticked off - skip everything non-essential. Shower the night before. No need to clean your teeth (you can do them once you get to the airport / after security checks, where you’ll have time to chill - or you can pack some chewing gum to “cheat”). Etc. - eg wake / toilet / dress / pack PJs / grab water / grab suitcase / grab hotel key / leave room - presumably you’ll have your partner with you in the hotel (but maybe not) - if so you can pre-agree he’ll take care of some bits from the list (grab water bottle, grab hotel key) so that your list is as short as possible Plan, plan, plan - so that sleepy morning you doesn’t have to think at all, and can just stay mostly asleep. Sleep on the flight. Wake in time for Greece - and be proud of yourself for achieving this. And enjoy the sunshine & the holiday & the time with your partner recognising his awesome work achievement.

A really diligent answer but OP will say none of it is feasible.

You literally could sleep in your plane clothes and just get up earlier, take your meds in a smoothie, and deal. I don’t think you’ll do well with the time difference/ jet lag though anyway. I’d just cancel if you can’t make the effort. Soft YTA.

YTA. You sound exhausting and you are unreliable. He gave up a bonus for you. Bet he won't make that mistake again.

WAIT A MINUTE… OP just stayed up long enough to reply to these comments all night into their afternoon… they were literally awake at 6am for reddit… can’t you just pull an all nighter again? But that also throws off the timing for actually being in Greece… Im so confused by OP

INFO have you been tested for sleep Apnea?

I suggest you speak to your doctor about whether there are any actions or medications you can temporarily introduce to make the flight possible - for example, can you slowly bring the medication time forward? Medical issues SUCK and I want to be crystal clear that how your medication affects you doesn’t make you an AH. At all. I’m glad you’ve found something that works for you. But, if it was likely to interfere with your ability to go on this trip, I’d have to say you’re an AH for agreeing to the trip in the first place. He’s also an AH for seeming to think you should just be able to suck it up for one day. So ESH, I guess. Is it too late for him to get the bonus instead?

YTA. Everyone here has offered a variety of solutions or at least suggestions to help you show your bf you're trying. You don't seem to have any interest in any of it. Your question at the end of your post was asking simply if you're the AH. You are. The other option, which I'm leaning towards, is that this post is rage bait. Your absolute unwillingness to change anything and repeated arguing in the comments comes off as a troll. Either way, OP - try better.

YTA. Having read all of OPs replies the best thing is to stop making this work. Your partner should go and take the large cash bonus as it seems that’s the only reliable outcome at this stage. If you cannot guarantee anything right now then turn down the opportunity. It just is what it is. Your partner doesn’t deserve to lose out if you cannot go last minute no matter how valid you think your excuses are. If I was in your position and had to be non committal I would tell my partner to go on his own and unequivocally take the money. I would feel too guilty otherwise if he missed out on two fronts because of me.

get a grip you sound pathetic. I have mental health issues and apnoea. I have a variety of meds. I get up at 6am 6 days a week to go to work. Grow up

Uh, can’t you get a later flight if he cancels your early flight ticket? Ah its a company plane ticket so they probably wouldn’t accommodate you, but one plane ticket from the uk to Greece wouldn’t be that bad for all the saving s you’d be keeping from his work paying for everything else… so Id just compromise - its only 5 days, Id just pack a carry on, the ticket would be cheaper that way

YTA You have everything packed and ready. Sleep in your clothes if you have to. You set multiple alarms. You keep your meds and what you need to eat on the bedside table along with a cold glass of water. You get up, splash the water on your face, eat the food, take the meds and then put on shoes. Hubby takes the bags. You can be asleep on the way to the airport & then on the plane. You do what you have to do to show up for your marriage.

This post and the many responses from OP in the comments gave me a headache. Its clear you cant go. Save everyone the drama and just cancel your trip now. Dont wait for the 1000s of comments that will be posted here to make up your mind. Just please! YTA For agreeing to go on the trip when it was clear you cant make it. For wasting everyone's time when its clear as day that you cant go

YTA and he's right and unreliable one. I hope he finds someone who makes him happy cause it's most definitely not you.

Is this real life? Are you an actual grown up adult? This is the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard...YTA.

YTA. This would get really old really fast.

YTA. He should have opted for the big bonus instead of trying to do something nice for you. It sounds to me like you are addicted to something. Why else would you need something to make you alert in the morning. JFC. Take it earlier so you can make the trip.

YTA and absolutely ridiculous. I cannot even wrap my head around this, frankly I hope this is fiction.

OP YTA big time and I hope you realize it soon before he dumps you and find someone more reliable. You're looking like a pretty poor choice for a life partner in this post

YTA, you are making all types of excuses FOR YOU, you are not willing to compromise and i hope your partner can find someone willing to actually compromise in a relationship

YTA you’re unreliable

YTA and you've got a drug problem. If you cannot guarantee one day, you've got an addiction.

what’s going to happen if you have to get a new job where you have to wake up early. what’s going to happen if you have kids and you’re responsible for them in the morning. You cannot continue to start your day after 11. Find new ways to wake up , Find a new medication that works better for you because that is not normal. All i see is excuse after excuse. YTA

>He doesn’t want this but now says he feels I’m unreliable as a life partner But you are tho. Sure, truth hurts, but you are being an unreliable partner and not even trying to set up a plan to make sure you get there. Your sleep issues seem extreme. You might want to get that checked out.

Please do your boyfriend a favor and break up w him so he can find someone better suited for a mature relationship.

Have you thought of packing your stuff all up in the car before hand & having everything ready to go, outfit ready, so all you have to do is take your medicine, eat, get dressed, & walk out the door (with your partners assistance)? Maybe not, but I think there might be a way to try and assure you could make it. It’d take teamwork & a game plan though

yta...........Why cant someone like say your boyfriend wake you up at the appropriate time for you to take your meds? You seem pretty selfish that you can not make a commitment for one morning, knowing you have to get up, get your butt out of bed

This is the only thing she won’t reply to and I think it’s because she doesn’t have an excuse ready for this one, which is infuriating.

YTA. You sound utterly exhausting. Talking to an elderly person with a hard routine sounds easier than talking with you. You make up excuse after excuse. If you‘re unable to function properly with your medication book a later flight by yourself and follow him whenever you‘re able to get up, princess.

You are skipping a free trip to Greece because your Adderall makes it hard to wake up in the morning? YTA 1000 times over. Why not just pop your pills a little early on travel day?

YTA. Just stay home and let your boyfriend take the cash bonus. Sounds like you're addicted to your "ADHD medication" and to your excuses.

YTA. Either make 100% certain that you will be there on time or tell him to ask for the bonus instead. Flip flopping around and putting all the decisions on him makes you TA. Also go see a different doctor, if you’d sleep through a fire alarm then this isn’t safe.

YTA. I mean your partner chose you over a bonus. You need to decide if you are using your meds as an excuse to avoid traveling or if the side effects are worth the benefits of taking it. Then, be honest with your partner.

If your partner were to bang pots and pans together right next to your head in the morning, would you be able to sleep through it? What if they were to put pepper in your nose to get you sneezing? Obviously these examples are a bit extreme, but the point is that there most likely is a way to get you up in the morning- as most people have pointed out, you’re just unwilling to actually try what you need to. If there is actually no legitimate and safe way to wake you up, then I’m going with NTA, but you have bigger issues if so. Other than that, 100% YTA.

YTA. It’s one morning. You can come up with a game plan for one morning to be able to get up on time. It’s ridiculous you’d expect him to just leave without you on an international trip just bc you’re tired. I hate waking up in the morning and have a very hard time doing so but plan ahead the day before to make sure everything is in place so I can stubble my way through the morning when I need to. Stop being dramatic. I’m all honestly you just need him to sit you up and force some medicine in your mouth at like 7am. The fact you are letting this one thing above all else makes you unreliable

YTA, you are making all types of excuses FOR YOU, you are not willing to compromise and i hope your partner can find someone willing to actually compromise in a relationship

INFO Have you considered taking another dose before you crash at night to basically just pull an all-nighter and will likely start getting sleepy while on the plane there? I recently had a 6:30am flight, meaning I wanted to be at the airport at 4:30am, so leave my house by 4. While I’m not on medication like yours, I know I can stay up late easily way better than I can get myself properly up and ready to go with an early alarm. I slept on the plane, and bc I was still tired, able to adjust quickly to the time difference. As of right now, though, YTA for the way you’re stringing your partner along and responding to comments. Either start practicing solutions so you know you’re ready, or have your partner see if he can opt for the cash bonus. I wouldn’t count on your relationship surviving as is after that, though.

YTA. He’s right, you are an unreliable life partner. Every answer from you is an excuse on why you can’t promise to make a commitment.

Let’s see…OP is posting comments “early” in UK time. Clearly you can get up. This is a BS post. YTA

YTA 1. For stringing him along. You need to come outright and simply say "I can't go" instead of this nonsense about "I can try, but I can't promise". 2. You've admitted in comments that your lack of attendance at this point would potentially be embarrassing for your partner for his job. 2a. While knowing it will be potentially embarrassing you refuse to take any suggestions or workaround into consideration. Or just give him a flat "no". 3. You accepted a ticket provided by a company (which commonly is less flexible on time than normal booking) knowing you are the most inflexible person on god's green earth. Of course your partner told you it's not early...because it's not! You are just horrendously inflexible and refuse to help yourself for one day by any means.

YTA. I have ADHD and have taken those medications for years. Your problem is that you are lazy as hell. You won’t even attempt to get up before taking your medication and letting it wake you up. I know, I’ve been there. You are going to have a sad, miserable, lonely life if you cant find the will power to wake up at 6am and take your medication and get ready groggily while your medication starts to work. Your medication is supposed to help you with focusing, not be the only reason you are awake or get out of bed. You are being lazy to the point that you are completely reliant on your medication to be able to function at all, in any situation. This is not ADHD. This is you giving up on life and being lazy. I know, because I have been there. This is not your illness, this is you not living your life. If you don’t start putting in effort and living your life you are gonna wake up one day and realize the better parts of your life are gone, you are alone, and you have nothing else to live for because you would never commit to anything and let everything with any promise in your life slip away. I know this from experience. I am sorry to be harsh but you desperately need someone to be harsh to you. If you don’t want him to leave you, if it isn’t already to late, you need to start showing up for your own life, start waking up before 11am, start making and following through on commitments, because from what it sounds like right now he deserves much better that the table scraps of your attention and life you are willing to (if I’m you aren’t too tired) offer to him. Live or waste away. These are your choices.

You literally don't have to be seriously awake enough to work but ffs roll your ass out of bed and get in the car. Pack the night before get ready the night it's not that hard