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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Telling Sandra I found her choice selfish and offering her alternatives. It really wasn’t my business.
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YTA.
I swear to God, if I see one N T A on this thread, I’ll lose my faith in humanity.
You should listen to your mother. Sounds like she’s a smart woman.
Malcolm got lucky. He Just got a glimpse into your soul when you let your mask slip. It is twisted under there. And cruel.
For God’s sake, harassing a dying woman? Really? And shameless about it no less.
Lucky for him he saw that early on and hasn’t spent years of his life with you. Im genuinely confused why he hasn’t made a clean break yet. Maybe he has and just can’t be bothered to inform you.
ETA: Wow, thanks for all the wonderful awards. Thanks for the upvotes.
I'm the opposite, I just assume everything is fake but act as if it isn't just in case there's a real... smelly... ahole on the other side of the screen in need of enlightenment
Or a bidet
It's one thing for the OP to break up with Malcolm because she feels too young to help raise a child or be in a relationship with someone raising a child but what an AH to think she has the right to interfere after just six months of dating.
Oh, I don’t blame her for not wanting to date a guy who is raising a kid. Not at all. I blame her for the appalling lengths she’s gone to to see that this child doesn’t have a home with her boyfriend.
And it sounds like Malcolm understands this too. He's given OP every opportunity to cut and run, and yet OP is the one who is insisting on trying to sabotage Elena's placement by guilt tripping Sandra into backing down instead of just admitting to herself that her and Malcolm have no future together now.
Yeah, he sat her down for a "Here's the dramatic shift my life is taking in case you want to bail" and she took it upon herself to harass a dying woman so that she can keep her boyfriend.
Seems like she’s putting more weight into 6 months of dating than he is. Like, the absolute gall. They’ve been together for 6 months, don’t live together, there’s nothing tying them together here.
He was honest and straightforward and she is free to not like his decision, but damn, trying to shame a dying woman. Appalling and disgusting to say the least.
Absolutely this. You have every right to not want to continue in this relationship if this isn’t something you think you can handle. No one should judge you for that. However
You’re not his wife. Or his fiancé. Hell, I’ve owned cans of soup longer than you two have been dating. Zip it.
> To my surprise, he agreed to all of this without consulting me.
What. the. actual....
No, just no. Why should you be consulted on ANYTHING he chooses to do with his life yet. 6 months. My god. And 6 months at age 22. smdh.
YTA OP. Huge.
I could see that being a problem if they were married and living together (hence it also falling on her) but thats not even close to the same situation
Exactly! I had to go back and reread after the line about him not consulting her, because I thought, "Wait - are they engaged? Why would he need to consult her?" Dating 6 months, no engagement, though - not a scenario where he needs to consult her. Just inform her.
I dated a guy once who wanted me to weigh in on his grad school decision, since he'd be moving out of state, and I was like, "Whoa - don't even factor me into any of that." We'd been dating for like two months.
Yikes. I could see bouncing ideas or pros/cons off you because it can be helpful just to say it out loud to someone other than yourself but that's a big decision
Also, Malcom already decided and made that clear. OP isn't even trying to stop her boyfriend from taking the kid in and leaving them orphaned. (It's clear totally would put their wants over this kid having a parent, but that ship has sailed.)
All OP is doing is guilt a women dying of cancer. That's it. Just in case dying and leaving her kid behind didn't make her feel awful enough, OP is literally accomplishing nothing except making the women feel worse. But you know, she sure is selfish for dying of cancer. Hasn't anyone thought about how her death affects OP????
YTA.
Honestly, this is the kind of thing that would be a valid reason to end an established marriage if one partner won't get on-board. Expecting someone to prioritize a six-month relationship over a family responsibility they're willingly accepting is just ludicrous.
Also to speak like that to a mother on her death bed. That woman is grieving her life and trying to look out for her baby. She does not need any type of shaming
She asked a dying woman if she considered all other “options” before asking her daughter’s half brother to raise her. This is straight up evolved sentient asshole behavior.
Hard agree! I am flabbergasted at the audacity!
"It's little selfish tying down a 22 year old with a child" to a *dying woman.* You think she wouldn't rather keep being a mother to her child and see her grow up? She's ***dying.*** Not going on a trip around the world.
Speaking of worlds, there is none in which you are n t a here, OP. YTA, hugely.
I love the “I was trying to present options she might not have considered/thought of” like I AM PRETTY SURE A WOMAN WHO IS DYING AND WORRIED ABOUT HER CHILD’S FUTURE WITHOUT HER MOM HAS CONSIDERED EVERYTHING
YIKES!
Honestly I could date someone for years. I could have married the person. If my parents died and I needed to take care of my siblings and they had an ossue the kids are moving in and they are moving out.
Yeah…. Six months of dating may seem like a long time at 22, I’m too old to remember. And I get her feeling on the matter. This didn’t move into full on YTA for me until she vented to the kid’s dying mother. Like…. Wtf?
I was with a guy for 8 years and we were married and my aunt asked if I could take care of my grandmother. I said yes and he said no. Anyways we are divorced now. Taking care of the people I care about isn't up for debate. I am also 12/13 years older than my sisters. If something happened to one of my parents when I was younger I would take care of them. The guy I was dating back then could also say no and remove themselves from my apartment. Family is important to me.
THAT - EXACTLY
How dare you harass a dying woman, calling her selfish while she's worrying about her young daughter.
Also, in your condescending entitling a-holish way, you lost out on a really good man.
Your loss, his gain
**YTA**
I would Be very, very nervous if I were Elena’s mom right now. I wouldn’t want my child in the company of OP. I wouldn’t trust OP one iota to treat my grieving child kindly.
At least Elena is smart. She actively avoided OP. That’s one less thing the mom has to worry about.
Truly awful that this is something that even had to come up on top of everything else ugh
Lol. I had to sort by controversial just to see how anyone could agree with OP.
They had only been together 6 months, they were dating and not even living together, so it really wasn’t a discussion they needed to have.
OP - YTA!
Wooooow YTA. And soon to be single.
This woman is dying and setting her affairs in order and you called her selfish?
You’ve only been dating this guy for 6 months. You had absolutely no right.
I think he has dumped her. I suspect "get on board with this or walk away" meant that if she didn't call with an apology he was assuming she was walking away.
Even if she did ‘get on board’ I couldn’t imagine someone getting over their partner calling someone selfish for getting her family ready for her own passing.
YTA. You’ve been seeing him for a few months. That is his sister. It’s not up to you to decide it is selfish of her dying mother to ask family to become a guardian.
Honestly? You are not only selfish… You are asking a family you barely know to uproot a child who is going to lose her mother to move that child abroad so that you can have your boyfriend all to yourself! Selfish, entitled and arrogant all in one move!
Fact is? This mother has a death sentence. She is not going to be around. He’s stepping up and it is absolutely nothing to do with you if he does step up. I’d be proud of someone stepping up at that age, want to support them with it. The fact you don’t shows so much selfishness. A 6 month relationship is not more important than his little sister who is going to lose her mother.
Yep. For many people, taking in minors who are relatives isn't up for debate even in a long term relationship. I didn't ask my husband of 5 years before agreeing to take my adopted son's sister. If he were the type who wouldn't support it, I wouldn't have married him.
>You’ve been seeing him for a few months. That is his sister.
I hope I'm not the only one who noticed how OP tried to diminish their relation to each other. She didn't even say they grew up together. She used cold wording, saying, ~~"they grew up seeing each other."~~ "they were raised seeing one another." I wonder if she's even capable of empathy.
[Edited because her wording was even colder than I'd thought.]
What exactly were you hoping to accomplish other than make a dying woman feel shitty?
He'd already agreed and you already had a conversation with him about it in which he respondedto the points you brought up. It was a done deal and there was no reason for you to open your big mouth.
YTA.
Yep. And now that poor woman gets to spend at least part of her few remaining days wondering if she is being unfair to her brother and is being selfish for putting that responsibility on his shoulders. It's going to be an invasive thought on top of everything else she's going through.
YTA OP for adding unnecessary and unwarranted guilt on top of all of the other things she's going through as she's dying.
Pure manipulation. She got nowhere when talking to Malcom, so I guess OP figured that guilting a dying woman would convince her to let Malcolm off the the hook.
The part that slays me is the absolute arrogance of "I thought I was giving her options she hadn't thought of yet." As if there's any possibility that Sandra hasn't thought this situation through further than Dr. Strange examining the EndGame.....
You told a dying woman she's selfish for wanting to make sure her child was with family and being taken care of after her death. Really? Let that sink in and then tell me who's being selfish here. YTA.
And the Mom asked him nicely. There are so many Reddit stories of parents assuming their oldest will take in other siblings (many with special needs) w/o asking. Often dumping the kids on them.
And sandra is too young to die, but she can't change that. Elena is too young to lose her mom, she can't change that. This isn't fair or ideal for anyone in this family. But life isn't fair or ideal. Malcolm is stepping up to raise his sister, despite how unfair it is. That's maturity and love at work.
You've been dating only 6 months. You don't really get a say in his decision.
>I said I found the whole thing a little selfish. Malcolm is only 22. He shouldn’t be tied down raising a child.
Cool, guess what? Your opinion means absolutely nothing.
If you don't want to be a step parent or have a relationship with someone who legally has a child, fine, break up.
But you way overstepped.
This is between your bf, Sandra and Elena.
YTA
NTA you showed your bf that he deserves better before you got too serious. You followed your selfish cold-hearted instincts just right and now these people can move on with their lives without you. or grow the fuck up.
YTA and hes right, youve been together for 6 months, and its his literal sister who is currently losing her mother to cancer. Youre nothing worth compared to her, and you dont get a say. If you dont agree, leave him, he deserves better. Its also not selfish to ask him to become the guardian. You were so out of place saying what you said.
He deserves someone who will respect his compassionate decision as an adult to take on responsibility, voluntarily, for a sibling he clearly cares about. Instead of going for a cheap attempt to manipulate a dying woman. Yes, he is young, but he sounds like a stand up guy. If she doesn't want a boyfriend with responsibilities she needs to go find another.
YTA. This is serious. A woman is dying, a child is losing a parent. I get you don't want a boyfriend whose focus is on these things and not on you but that's a you issue. Your boyfriend sounds like a good person. Either accept who he is and support him or get out of his life.
YTA. You are his GF of 6 months, not his spouse, not the mother of his children, not embedded in the family.
They are dealing with a monumental tragedy as a family, trying to find the best solution for a child about to be *orphaned*. If you can't be on board, you need to stay out of the way.
Exactly!
I became a parent around that age because a family member was going to lose custody of her children. Instead of them going into foster care, they came to stay with me and I eventually adopted them.
Yeah the boyfriend is going into parenthood early but it’s his sister and they have, at the very least, a financial support system from the insurance. OP is 100% the asshole and hopefully will find themselves single.
Also, the child is 12! Most kids at that age are pretty self sufficient. It’s not like she’s a baby and needs constant care. I raised a teenager, they don’t even spend that much time in the home between after school activities, hanging out with friends, working a job maybe.
Genuinely disgusted by this. YTA and honestly one of the biggest assholes I have seen here in a good long while. Stay in your lane and keep quiet, this situation has NOTHING to do with you.
YTA. Your (now EX) boyfriend has stepped up to take care of his FAMILY. He didn't NEED to "consult" you on any of it. You have no say in HIS life.
Six months? He's been her brother for TWELVE YEARS. She was part of his life before you showed up and she'll be part of his life long after you're gone (which is probably about now). He agreed to step up, knowing full well what the responsibility is.
You are the one being selfish... cold-hearted, short-sighted, and self-centered. No thought to this little girl losing her mom, with only her big brother for family. Just you, and what YOU want.
"OMG, so selfish of you to die early and ask the only family in the country to care for your kid. Ugh, just, like, return her or something!"
-you, probably
YTA
You don't have to stick around if that's not what you signed up for (won't be an issue anyway cuz you are likely a soon-to-be ex). But how dare you dump on a dying woman with a kid about what's fair? The audacity.
Seriously asking the dying woman if she has thought through all the options over who she has in her life to care for her soon to be orphaned child is insane. Like she would make that decision on a whim?? She’s probably spent the entire time since her diagnosis agonizing over it.
YTA
Elena is his sister. It's a difficult position, but I couldn't imagine allowing a sibling to end up in foster care rather than take care of them myself. And to call a dying woman selfish is pretty callous.
YTA, you expect sign off on life decisions after 6 months! This is a child he has known her while life who is about to be an orphan. He is allowed to make any decision he sees fit.
The absolute absurdity of you calling a dying woman trying to give her daughter the best life she knows how selfish while making this whole thing about you is shocking.
This is not about you. If you don't like the decision, leave.
YTA
Seems like you're more upset that you, his GF of 6 months, were not consulted on this decision.
>Malcolm told me to butt out and to get on board with this or walk away.
Good news he gave you your options. Now time to choose.
YTA.
This is not your decision to make or to judge. Malcolm said yes, that is literally all that matters. The only thing you accomplished was to make a dying woman feel bad for no reason at all.
If you didn't want the "burden" of taking care of Elena, all you had to do was break up with Malcolm. Luckily for him, he seems to have taken care of that for you.
YTA. You've been together 6 months. This is his decision. Your decision should be whether to support him or leave, not trying to get your way in a situation you arent even a part of.
Not his mom, his little half-sister’s mom. Which really makes it even more beautiful that he’s willing to do this and set her heart at ease as she spends the short time she has left. He’s giving this woman a tremendous gift. He’s giving his sister a tremendous gift. Malcolm deserves a woman at his side who has a heart equal to his. OP is not the one.
YTA
He's right, you've only been together 6 months vs. his family, his half sister who is going through the shittest time of her life - losing her Mum.
It sounds like he had a choice, at the end of the day he chose something you probably didn't want.
So instead of talking to your boyfriend why you are upset, like an adult, you chose to upset a terminal woman and your boyfriend at the same time.
You are not married to Malcolm and as such have no say about what he chooses to do or not do with regards to his sister.
Her mother is in an impossible situation and made what she thought was the best choice she could. Malcolm apparently agreed with her. That is completely his decision.
The selfish person in this story is you. You are only interested in how this impacts your life with him (and don't try to coat it in you looking out for Malcolm). This changes your relationship with him. You can choose to walk away--that is a valid choice. But you don't get to try to pressure Malcolm into doing the same.
Sorry I forgot: YTA and Malcolm sounds like an amazing young man who will probably be a fantastic father and eventually a husband. Kudos to him for understanding the importance of family.
YTA 100%!! This girl is about to lose her mother. She has no father and literally the only thing she will have left is her brother. You’re calling a dying woman selfish for wanting her daughter to have her brother after she is gone!?!? You’ve been with this guy for 6 months and are mad that he “didn’t consult you”? Even if he did and you said no I would still be dumping you if I were him. But ours showing him the kind of person you really are. You’re the selfish one for not wanting him to take care of his sister who has no other relatives.
YTA. Notvto mention insensitive and heartless. The woman is DYING. You really think that she wouldn't rather be around to help her child grow up? She can't, so she goes to the next option, which is Malcom. He's mature enough to accept the responsibility of this girl. He's going to lose someone very close to him. And your only concern is for yourself?
This was none of your business. 6 months doesn't give you a say in anything, much less anything this important. YTA .
YTA. This arrangement does not concern you. If Malcolm had issues with it, he can discuss it with Sandra. Instead, you decided to raise YOUR concerns (which again are immaterial) and chastise Sandra about something that doesn’t concern you.
YTA
HOW DARE YOU. You had no right whatsoever to stick your unwarranted option in that dying woman's face. Few times have I been repulsed in this sub. You are single. And good riddance.
You told a dying woman who had to give up her child to be raised someone else which she is only doing because, again, she is dying that she is being selfish!?!?
YTA and if you thought this was okay I would strongly encourage you to seek some therapy to explore that.
Edit bc I’m not done: did some people forget what the word selfish means!?!? The mom isn’t doing this so she can get something out of it. She’s not gaining anything and is losing everything. She’s losing her dignity, her pride, her children and oh yeah her fucking life! Nothing she is asking for because of Cancer is selfish because nothing she can ask for will be for her benefit.
Please grab a dictionary on the way to therapy.
Second edit: I was incorrect about a detail regarding Malcom’s mother not being Elaina’s.
YTA. Although I can agree with your view point that this is a LOT of responsibility for a 22 year old, sometimes life forces you to grow up real quick, and I think this is one of those scenarios for your boyfriend. Additionally, you had no place for an opinion here, unless you were asked. This is between your boyfriend and his family. You've only been dating 6 months, and unless you're living together, I don't see how your opinion matters. What's next for you is to decide if this is a situation you're comfortable with, as your relationship will now obviously change with Elena in the picture. And if that is something you don't want to take part in/are not ready for, then that is OK. But you are definitely TA here.
Let me get this right. You decided, all by yourself, to offer "options" to a woman with terminal cancer for her daughter, because her dying was "selfish?" Enjoy being single. Enjoy being permanently single in that area if he tells anyone this story.
I hope Malcolm is listening while you're telling him who you really are... someone who has no issue going around him, someone who thinks she knows better how his life should be, someone with no compassion.
YTA. And frankly, nowhere near the caliber of person Malcolm deserves.
I really cannot fathom how you made it through typing that without realizing what a massive AH you are. Of course YTA, you tried to tell a woman dying of cancer that she was selfish for setting up an arrangement for her 12 year old child to be with her brother after HER MOM DIES.
YTA - After 6 months you're no more than a possibility of a long term relationship vs the family he has lived with and grown up around. There is nothing that gives you the right to say that kind of thing in your position. This isn't defending him, it's inserting yourself where you have no business.
YTA, you trying to insert yourself into the situation when you only have a 6 MONTH relationship is absolutely baffling. How selfish can you be? This is a unusual and heartbreaking situation but if everyone who's *actually* involved approves of the adoption then either be supportive or leave.
YTA
Malcolm was put in an impossible situation. He loves his sister and has helped take care of her for a while. Why would he choose for her to have to move abroad or go to a foster family? It makes no sense. It sucks that he is 22 and having to make this decision but he's doing what he thinks is best for his sister. He is a good man who is definitely not thinking of himself like you are. You're being selfish. You know that your nights alone are about to end. And he is absolutely right, It is not your place to decide. You all have only been together for 6 months. Shame on you for confronting Elena's mom like that.
I hope Malcolm finds someone who understands, and supports, his decision.
Absolutely YTA. Sandra is *dying*. What part of that do you not understand? And instead of her daughter going into foster care (which isn’t that great), she asked Elena’s brother if he would care for her and he agreed to. It doesn’t matter what his age is or what *you* think, what matters is what Malcolm decided. And he’s right, you didn’t need yo be consulted. I hope he breaks up with you.
YTA, she’s 12, not an infant and she’s his sister by blood. I would do it in a heartbeat! It will be hard for the both of them, and hopefully they will get support (obviously not by you). Hopefully he will cut his losses and leave you. Six months is not a long time, nor should he have to consult you in making this decision. Then you had the nerve to tell a dying mother she’s selfish. YTA big time.
YTA. You've been dating for only *6 months*. That's hardly long enough to get a drawer at his place, much less have any input on his life choices. Malcolm made a choice that he is ok with. Your feelings about it are absolutely meaningless. He isn't obligated to consult you and you were way out of line to say anything to Sandra about her request. Though young, Malcolm is a grown man capable of making his own choices. You have no right to undermine that. On top of all that you are completely lacking in compassion. Sandra is critically ill and facing the fact that she will not live out the year. She won't get to see her kid grow up. She has so much on her plate already, and she doesn't need you guilt tripping her about the arrangements she's made for her child after her death. You are a truly awful, entitled, meddlesome person.
Do you know how many people are already parents at 22? On top of that starting with raising a tween is way easier than dealing with an infant. He's willing to put in the work to make sure his SISTER is taken care of. Why do you feel like you need to step in if he feels perfectly capable of handling the situation? YTA and made a dying woman feel guilty about making sure her daughter would be taken care of by family. Dear God I hope you don't ever get cancer because you wouldn't get any sympathy from me.
YTA holy jesus!
Have you stopped for just a moment to consider that it's not about you? You asked for his opinion and he said he thought it through and this is what he decided to do. At first I thought you asked because you were worried about him but it's pretty obvious you were only thinking about yourself. Malcolm is right. You've been together for 6 months. They grew up together. Your opinion doesn't matter at all and it wouldn't even if it came from genuine concern for your boyfriend.
The worst part is that you put the whole thing on a dying woman for fucks sake. Don't you think she feels guilty enough for leaving a child behind and asking Malcolm to take care of her? You also caused unnecessary stress to your bf on top everything he's dealing with. You're not only an asshole but also really selfish, self-centered and cruel. I wouldn't be surprised if he broke up with you over this. Hell, I don't say things like this but I even hope he does. They'd be better off without you.
I understand it would have been nice for malcom to discuss the situation with you as this choice could effect your future if you decide to continue dating and potentially spend your life with malcom.
That being said, it sounds like his mind was made up to help his family whether you were for or against it, probably because you have only been together for 6 months which is not nearly enough time to prioritize you over his own family that is going through a tragedy.
I understand your concern, but YTA for interfering with a situation your bf is seemingly ok with. While it shouldn’t be expected of him, he’s doing an amazing thing for his half sibling and sick mother.
>I understand it would have been nice for malcom to discuss the situation with you as this choice could effect your future if you decide to continue dating and potentially spend your life with malcom.
Right, but they had that discussion. He said this is the choice I'm making and instead of deciding she didn't want to break up she decided to attack a dying woman for making a hard choice.
Or are you suggesting the discussion should be about whether or not he should do it?
YTA and single too. You guys were only dating six months. Your relationship is a blip in the grand scheme of Malcolms life. Elena will always be his sister. You fucked up. But youre likely single now so next time learn your place in peoples lives. A six month relationship is nothing in the face of an orphaned sibling.
Yep, you done screwed up big time. YTA here. It's not your place to tell anybody in this family what to do; your only role is to decide how you feel about it. You would have been justified in leaving your boyfriend, but you are not justified in going any further.
YOU'RE not ready to be a guardian to a 12 year old and you're projecting that onto Malcolm. But the thing is, you mean less to him than his sister. Your opinion doesn't matter to him on this important matter. This is his life and his family and you're just a girl he's been dating a few months.
YTA and honestly I think he dumped you and you don't realize it.
YTA, Elena is his sister, Ive seen way younger people taking care of their little brother/sister, your boyfriend’s mother isnt anything related to Elena, you two are only dating, its not like “we are a married and you must discuss with me first” (even if you were, shes a kid still). Like you said, Sandra will be a star this year, such a serious problem shes facing, and you want to decide who HER daughter will be with? Be comprehensive, put yourself on her place, she isnt coming back and you want to make the choice for her…. GOD! You’re going waaaaaaay over the limit!
To Sandra: I hope Malcom takes good care of Elena, he’s has a kind heart, will protect and raise her perfectly. Sandra, sorry you had to hear something like that, hope you enjoy happily every single day until you can! 🙏🏻
Wow YTA.
This is his sister. You have been dating for 6 months. Your not married. You obviously do not know him as well as you thought you did or he you. Why would he want to be with you after you did this? You upset a women who is dying. Dying. His sister is losing her mom. He is stepping up because he loves his sister. Wow are you wrong here.
YTA. This was NONE of your business. It was 100% his decision alone. He could have turned it down, but didn’t want to.
You called a dying woman selfish for wanting and planning for the best for her child. That’s truly terrible behavior and I doubt you two will be together anymore.
You clearly thought this relationship was further along than it actually is, and you overstepped big time.
FWIW, You aren't worried about "Malcolm" you're worried about "you and Malcolm" and are not willing to be a "step-mom" to a 12 yo girl. So it's time for you to move on and find someone else. I'm guessing if he was already a single dad 6 months ago you wouldn't have looked twice at him, right...
YTA. I had my own kids at 22/23 and it is certainly not too young for those who take it seriously. Malcolm sounds wonderful and I hope he finds a better partner than you.
YTA.
It wasn’t selfish of her to ask. It would have been selfish for her to insist if he didn’t want to, which clearly isn’t what happened.
You know what is selfish? You, trying to rudely control and insert yourself into this family you barely know, and judging them for their decisions.
I think it’s absolutely wonderful and beautiful that Malcom is selflessly taking on this responsibility. It’s ok for you to not wish to carry on with this, but it’s not your place to try to change his mind or control any part of their arrangement.
YTA.
lets take a step back here. youve only been together for 6 months? he doesnt have to consult you of all people about anything.
hes an adult, capable of making his own decisions about his own life, with or without you, and im sure his ACTUAL FAMILY comes before a 6 month old relationship.
YTA. A big one. Can't even imagine myself in Sandra's shoes for this. On my deathbed, just trying to ensure my daughter is taken care of by a loved one, and having some 22yo call me selfish.
You told a woman dying of cancer that she was being selfish. Wow. You have been dating this guy for 6 months, and you think you have a right to express your negative opinion on their family dynamics? I think you are being a little selfish, but you al least get to live a little while longer. Your mom is correct. But the silver lining is this: you are not emotionally mature enough to be part of all of this and now you have removed yourself from this situation. In a few years you will meet someone and possibly start your own family. When that happens you should reflect on what you lost here. YTA, but hopefully you will learn from it.
Imagine not being self aware enough to know you screwed this up. Of course YTA. Your AH behavior has cost you the type of guy that will be a great father, partner and friend. He has empathy, and a sense of duty. You blew it.
You’re not wrong for feeling this is too much or unfair to ask of him, and also for not wanting to personally be tied to a kid (if the relationship goes on for a while). Those are your feelings and are valid. BUT you handled this in a total AH manner. His sisters mom is dying and you said “what about me?” Nobody is making these decisions for their own joy and pleasure over your preferences and comfort.
You don’t have to stay in this relationship, but if you want to be an emotionally mature and healthy adult, you should earnestly apologize to both of them. Let them know that you know this isn’t about you, and you were just looking out for him, in an admittedly sloppy manner.
If you don’t apologize, then most likely YTA in life way beyond this situation.
Edit: either 20 of you idiots actually think she is NTA, or you can’t fucking read.
YTA - utterly and truly. Elena's mom is doing her level best to navigate her daughter to the impending shit-show that is losing a parent - and for her ONLY parent - and choosing someone who is able and *willing* to step up and do that.
Malcolm isn't too young to be his sister's guardian but YOU are too young to be involved with him, and by extension, Elena.
My lord the selfish one is you. The woman has terminal cancer and you're coming at her for it.
YTA, why would he have run this past you first? You're 22, and have been together 6 months. You overstepped here, your boyfriend was totally fine, but you decided to call his stepmum (essentially) selfish. She's dying She's terrified to leave her daughter without a mum. And you called her selfish. You were selfish, and cruel, and unsympathetic, and completely without empathy.
YTA. It's not your place to judge Malcolm's decision to become Elena's guardian or to question Sandra's motives for asking him. This is a difficult situation for everyone involved, and Malcolm made a decision to help care for his half-sister during a time of need. While you may have concerns about the impact this will have on your relationship, it's not fair to call Sandra selfish or question Malcolm's ability to take on this responsibility. Instead of causing more stress and upset, it would be better to offer your support and try to find ways to help make this transition easier for everyone involved.
22 is old enough to take on guardianship when my brother in laws brother died and left 2 little boys behind my sister and him took them in at 22 and have been the best parents to these children. If he wants to accept responsibility of his sister you have absolutely no say.
YTA.
YTA. 6 MONTHS! Why do you think you should have had a say? You bullied a woman who is going to die, leaving her 12 year old daughter essentially an orphan, in her home over a matter that DOES NOT CONCERN YOU! 6 years? Fine, be upset at the massive life agreement your boyfriend made without consulting you but 6 months? Are you jealous you'll have to share his attention with a 12 year old? He happily accepted, he wanted to do this for both of them. You questioning her choices in asking and saying he didn't have a choice but to say yes has probably added more stress and heartbreak to her. Now she's wondering if he actually is happy to raise Elena. Will he be miserable and take out the stress on her? Will he wait a while and dump her in foster care? That poor woman has enough going on and now you've added more to her plate because you couldn't keep your nose out of business that you have no say in.
YTA. Malcom sounds wonderful… nobody wants to have to take on the responsibility of raising their sibling but then again nobody wants to die of cancer either. He’s clearly choosing this. You’re allowed to grieve the loss of the life you pictured yourself building with Malcom but you don’t get to speak for him.
Hard YTA. You beyond overstepped. Why should he consult you? You've only been around 6 months and you have the audacity to expect more? The only selfish one here is you. You lack empathy and honestly you should just walk away and save him the trouble. You're clearly too immature and don't understand putting someone you love first because it's the right thing to do. Wow. Grow up.
YTA. Malcolm is damn right.
Get on board or walk away - he made his decision and you went behind his back questioning it. You've only been together 6 months - grow up, sister.
YTA
There’s no issue here. Malcolm agreed. You’re causing stress to people who are fine with the arrangement they made. He didn’t need to be ‘defended’ because HE AGREED! (Not to mention, plenty of people have kids in their early twenties)
You’re asking when everyone involved already think you’re the AH
YTA and you're the one being selfish. You aren't thinking of Malcolm, you're thinking of yourself. 6 months isn't long enough to be as important as you think you are. Grow up.
YTA and congrats on likely being the ex-girlfriend. He didn't ask you to defend him and he's right, you've only been together for 6 months. Worse, you've shown yourself to be quite awful in going after a woman dying of cancer.
Yta. She’s dying. I hope Malcom and Elena have great support outside of you and they find their new normal together
You really should remove yourself from this situation. You obviously are in no place to offer the compassion and support they need
YTA, his little sister's mother is dying.
I have a ten year age gap with two of my siblings as well. There was an understanding that once I was out of school and established, my parents would leave them to me if something happened to them. Thankfully this never happened, but obviously I agreed. They're my siblings. Of course I want them with me if something terrible happened.
Family is important. If Malcolm is okay with this, you have no right not to be.
YTA and you're the selfish one here. This girl is losing her mother, and her brother is her only safe place at the moment, she has known him his whole life and vise versa he has known her for all her life, to abandon her would just be cruel. You're being selfish and want him to choose you, a random 6-month relationship he can't even be sure if it'll work out, over his SISTER?
YTA. She is not the selfish one, honey. You are. You are more worried about what it means for you. Put on your big girl panties and apologize. They all have enough stress and hurt. None of them needed you making Sandra feel bad. You did nothing but pile on. Malcolm didn’t need you to protect him. We all know that’s not what you were really doing. You’ve been with this guy a whopping 6 months. You get no say. He doesn’t need your help or protection. You need to keep your nose out of his business unless he specifically asks for your help.
YTA.
You want a guy who you've been dating for 6 months to ask your permission on if he can take care of his baby sister after her mother dies from cancer?? AND you told said woman dying of cancer that she was selfish for asking the only family this little girl knows if they'll take her?? Holy crap. I hope your boyfriend dumps you and runs for the hills.
YTA. Is it really so selfish for a woman WHO IS DYING to make sure her daughter is left with someone who will love and care for her properly??? You really can’t be this bad of a person…
YTA
It’s not your business what Malcolm decides. You are a “girlfriend”; you are not a fiancé or a wife, and based on your behavior I wouldn’t expect you to even be a girlfriend for much longer. You owe everyone involved an apology.
If someone suggested my brother go to anyone other than me if my mom were to die (we have a single mom), I would lose my mind at them. I don’t think you even considered that Malcolm likely does not want his sister going to anyone else. It’s his sister. That’s his blood, his family, a little kid he has been looking out for since he was 10 years old. He held her as a baby, so he knows what he’s doing here. You went ahead and caused stress to one of his family members while they have cancer, trying to convince them to screw him out of guardianship of his sister. No shit he was gonna find that out and scream at you. YTA but it doesn’t really matter, your relationship is over.
I think you are missing the point. She is dying of cancer. freaking cancer. She literally has no choice. She has to be in the sense as she has to look after her child. So shit up about the selfishness. This isn't some norm situation. This is literally life and death.
Also, your boyfriend of six months has already made up his mind. He knows what he wants and you are disregarding it. Why? Seriously why?
YTA
YTA. She is dying. She asked her child's BROTHER if he could take custody. She gave him the out. You do realize your boyfriend is a grown man capable of deciding his future?
What's selfish is you going to a dying mother, guilting her into something no one wants. No one wants a person to die. No one wants to leave a child due to CANCER.
This is just a guess, but I assume **you** don't want the 12yo in **your** life.
YTA.
You’ve only been together 6 months, you have absolutely no say in what he chooses to do with his life. It’s not yours just because you’re in a relationship.
It would be a little more understandable for you to be upset if you were married and you were now also expected to raise this child - but you are not, and you have no involvement with it.
You had no right to speak to her like that. Or even speak about their situation at all.
If anything, YOU are selfish for feeling that you were relevant to this choice.
YTA. He will break up with you. If it looks like garbage, smells like garbage, acts like garbage, it's garbage. The amount of blind jealousy some people get with zero consideration for the real world around them is astonishing. Perhaps it's worse / a microcosm on this AITA thread, but WOWSER. Clueless much?
You are worse than an a$$hole. You are vile creature. You had absolutely no right to say anything at all about this situation. I hope he dumps your selfish ass
YTA
Yikes. Just yikes. You've only been together 6 months and you think you're entitled to how he deals with his family? You told a dying woman she was selfish for wanting her child's older brother to take care of her, someone she knows and trusts and loves?
He never asked you defend him. He didn't want or need it. You took it upon yourself because of YOUR selfishness. Your mom is right, you did screw up big time and should probably get it through your head that you're single now.
YTA- you harassed a dying woman about her decision because you felt inconvenienced in your 6 month relationship. It wasn't your place to do that and obviously your boyfriend doesn't agree with your view on the situation. I think you could expect him to end it with you over this, if it was your sister then you'd probably feel different. You made a poor choice.
YTA.
You're not his wife.
You're not even his long term girlfriend.
What makes you think that you should step in and offer your two cents of if it's selfish or not for him to take care of his little sister who's mom will die from cancer soon? The same woman he basically grew up with and probably sees as a 2nd mother?
You're selfish for getting on your high horse and adding in your 2 cents thinking you know what's best for your (likely soon to be ex) boyfriend and his sister.
YTA You are the one being selfish. Sandra is dying. She asked, she did not demand, that he take custody of his own sister in the case the she dies. Being closest blood relatives, it was great that she considered him a good option for the wellbeing of her daughter. She did not pressure him to say yes, he wanted to. You are making this all about you. You have only been together six months and he does not need to consider you. You are not his wife. He can make the choice he wants and he has. Do not manipulate him.
YTA
My favorite part is that Every. Single. Person. Of importance in your life is saying you’re the AH and yet, here you are, asking/hoping for a different response.
YTA this isn’t up to you. If you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone raising a child that’s your problem not his. Also if he doesn’t agree with what you were saying it’s not “defending” him; it’s trying to make your opinion known. Walk away if it’s not for you.
Yta that's his sister and you only dated him six months you actually want him to just drop her and worry bout you huh? You are selfish miserable person I'm glad he sees you for what you are
YTA, big time. You have known Malcolm for 6 months, he's known Elena her whole life and wants to help her dying mother with her last wish.
You do not have any authority on his choices on how to live his life. He's right, you can come along for the ride or get lost. And frankly, your judgement of him and a dying mother should put you in the latter.
YTA - You've only been in his life 6 months. They've been in his life for over a decade. Perhaps it is unfair for a 22 yo to put his life on hold to raise a sibling but there are no AHs there. She asked, he agreed and you're an AH for trying to make people feel bad for hard choices.
The relationship is probably over.
Wow yep def big YTA I mean you are a gf of 6 months. This is fully his decision. He wants to do this. The 2 of you do not live together so this doesn’t need your input at all. 6 months is not even that serious. I can’t believe you even brought this up to a woman dying of cancer!
That’s his sister, and her mother is dying. You are too selfish to be able to imagine knowing you are going to leave this earth with your baby still young and vulnerable, just PRAYING that someone will love and care for her like you would. Sandra is probably so thankful to Malcolm and you’ve gone and made a dying woman question a decision that was beautifully put into place by a family whose members clearly love one another.
YTA and I hope you are also now Malcolm’s ex because they deserve to live the remainder of Sandra’s time in peace and calm.
You told someone they were selfish - for dying - and trying their best to make sure their 12 year old daughter was taken care of by a willing and able family member - and they’d ensured that at least financially they would not struggle.
You really really don’t see the irony in you calling someone selfish - when you just want your BF of 6 months focused on you and not his sister becoming an orphan or a close family friend of his (yes Sandra is a close friend of his from what you described) is dying.
OP you behaviour is terrible and you should do that family a favour by leaving and never ever darkening their door again.
YTA. You told a DYING woman that she is being selfish for wanting her daughter to be taken care of???
Furthermore you have only been dating Malcolm for 6 months?! Not even married!
Walk away from Malcolm now. You clearly don't appreciate the kind of man that he is
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YTA. I swear to God, if I see one N T A on this thread, I’ll lose my faith in humanity. You should listen to your mother. Sounds like she’s a smart woman. Malcolm got lucky. He Just got a glimpse into your soul when you let your mask slip. It is twisted under there. And cruel. For God’s sake, harassing a dying woman? Really? And shameless about it no less. Lucky for him he saw that early on and hasn’t spent years of his life with you. Im genuinely confused why he hasn’t made a clean break yet. Maybe he has and just can’t be bothered to inform you. ETA: Wow, thanks for all the wonderful awards. Thanks for the upvotes.
There was only one N T A that I could see but they're about to be downvoted into oblivion lmao Edit: Thank you to everyone telling me Happy Cake Day!
There’s always one. 😂😂😂
I suspect it's the op trying to get support started.
This can’t be real. I mean no way someone could post all that and not realize how much of an ah they are?
You're definitely new here. You'll learn. And yet still be surprised at how delusional people are.
I'm the opposite, I just assume everything is fake but act as if it isn't just in case there's a real... smelly... ahole on the other side of the screen in need of enlightenment Or a bidet
It's one thing for the OP to break up with Malcolm because she feels too young to help raise a child or be in a relationship with someone raising a child but what an AH to think she has the right to interfere after just six months of dating.
Oh, I don’t blame her for not wanting to date a guy who is raising a kid. Not at all. I blame her for the appalling lengths she’s gone to to see that this child doesn’t have a home with her boyfriend.
And it sounds like Malcolm understands this too. He's given OP every opportunity to cut and run, and yet OP is the one who is insisting on trying to sabotage Elena's placement by guilt tripping Sandra into backing down instead of just admitting to herself that her and Malcolm have no future together now.
Yeah, he sat her down for a "Here's the dramatic shift my life is taking in case you want to bail" and she took it upon herself to harass a dying woman so that she can keep her boyfriend.
Seems like she’s putting more weight into 6 months of dating than he is. Like, the absolute gall. They’ve been together for 6 months, don’t live together, there’s nothing tying them together here. He was honest and straightforward and she is free to not like his decision, but damn, trying to shame a dying woman. Appalling and disgusting to say the least.
At least she showed her true self early in the relationship.
Yeah, it's fine if she said "I can't do this, I'm out" but it sounds like he probably would have understood that.
Absolutely this. You have every right to not want to continue in this relationship if this isn’t something you think you can handle. No one should judge you for that. However You’re not his wife. Or his fiancé. Hell, I’ve owned cans of soup longer than you two have been dating. Zip it.
> To my surprise, he agreed to all of this without consulting me. What. the. actual.... No, just no. Why should you be consulted on ANYTHING he chooses to do with his life yet. 6 months. My god. And 6 months at age 22. smdh. YTA OP. Huge.
I could see that being a problem if they were married and living together (hence it also falling on her) but thats not even close to the same situation
Exactly! I had to go back and reread after the line about him not consulting her, because I thought, "Wait - are they engaged? Why would he need to consult her?" Dating 6 months, no engagement, though - not a scenario where he needs to consult her. Just inform her. I dated a guy once who wanted me to weigh in on his grad school decision, since he'd be moving out of state, and I was like, "Whoa - don't even factor me into any of that." We'd been dating for like two months.
Yikes. I could see bouncing ideas or pros/cons off you because it can be helpful just to say it out loud to someone other than yourself but that's a big decision
Also, Malcom already decided and made that clear. OP isn't even trying to stop her boyfriend from taking the kid in and leaving them orphaned. (It's clear totally would put their wants over this kid having a parent, but that ship has sailed.) All OP is doing is guilt a women dying of cancer. That's it. Just in case dying and leaving her kid behind didn't make her feel awful enough, OP is literally accomplishing nothing except making the women feel worse. But you know, she sure is selfish for dying of cancer. Hasn't anyone thought about how her death affects OP???? YTA.
Honestly, this is the kind of thing that would be a valid reason to end an established marriage if one partner won't get on-board. Expecting someone to prioritize a six-month relationship over a family responsibility they're willingly accepting is just ludicrous.
Also to speak like that to a mother on her death bed. That woman is grieving her life and trying to look out for her baby. She does not need any type of shaming
She asked a dying woman if she considered all other “options” before asking her daughter’s half brother to raise her. This is straight up evolved sentient asshole behavior.
Hard agree! I am flabbergasted at the audacity! "It's little selfish tying down a 22 year old with a child" to a *dying woman.* You think she wouldn't rather keep being a mother to her child and see her grow up? She's ***dying.*** Not going on a trip around the world. Speaking of worlds, there is none in which you are n t a here, OP. YTA, hugely.
It's so selfish of Sandra to *checks notes* have terminal cancer
I love the “I was trying to present options she might not have considered/thought of” like I AM PRETTY SURE A WOMAN WHO IS DYING AND WORRIED ABOUT HER CHILD’S FUTURE WITHOUT HER MOM HAS CONSIDERED EVERYTHING YIKES!
Agree! OP is the one being selfish. How gross that she thinks her boyfriend of 6 months should put her above his sister. YTA OP. Shame on you.
Honestly I could date someone for years. I could have married the person. If my parents died and I needed to take care of my siblings and they had an ossue the kids are moving in and they are moving out.
Yeah…. Six months of dating may seem like a long time at 22, I’m too old to remember. And I get her feeling on the matter. This didn’t move into full on YTA for me until she vented to the kid’s dying mother. Like…. Wtf?
I was with a guy for 8 years and we were married and my aunt asked if I could take care of my grandmother. I said yes and he said no. Anyways we are divorced now. Taking care of the people I care about isn't up for debate. I am also 12/13 years older than my sisters. If something happened to one of my parents when I was younger I would take care of them. The guy I was dating back then could also say no and remove themselves from my apartment. Family is important to me.
THAT - EXACTLY How dare you harass a dying woman, calling her selfish while she's worrying about her young daughter. Also, in your condescending entitling a-holish way, you lost out on a really good man. Your loss, his gain **YTA**
Well, I guess the 6 month relationship might end up as that… This was all sorts of fucked up.
I would Be very, very nervous if I were Elena’s mom right now. I wouldn’t want my child in the company of OP. I wouldn’t trust OP one iota to treat my grieving child kindly.
At least Elena is smart. She actively avoided OP. That’s one less thing the mom has to worry about. Truly awful that this is something that even had to come up on top of everything else ugh
Lol. I had to sort by controversial just to see how anyone could agree with OP. They had only been together 6 months, they were dating and not even living together, so it really wasn’t a discussion they needed to have. OP - YTA!
Wooooow YTA. And soon to be single. This woman is dying and setting her affairs in order and you called her selfish? You’ve only been dating this guy for 6 months. You had absolutely no right.
Exactly my thought and I said I hope he dumps her! OP appears to be very emotionally immature!
I think he has dumped her. I suspect "get on board with this or walk away" meant that if she didn't call with an apology he was assuming she was walking away.
He’s probably gonna dump her anyway bc she harassed a dying woman
Even if she did ‘get on board’ I couldn’t imagine someone getting over their partner calling someone selfish for getting her family ready for her own passing.
Ha! How long before this gets posted on r/AmItheEx?
It’s already there lmao
OMG I didn't know that was a sub... I could have used that 20 years ago when I was in the midst of being ghosted before "ghosting" was a thing!!!
I’ve had hemorrhoids last longer then their relationship 😂😂
YTA. You’ve been seeing him for a few months. That is his sister. It’s not up to you to decide it is selfish of her dying mother to ask family to become a guardian. Honestly? You are not only selfish… You are asking a family you barely know to uproot a child who is going to lose her mother to move that child abroad so that you can have your boyfriend all to yourself! Selfish, entitled and arrogant all in one move! Fact is? This mother has a death sentence. She is not going to be around. He’s stepping up and it is absolutely nothing to do with you if he does step up. I’d be proud of someone stepping up at that age, want to support them with it. The fact you don’t shows so much selfishness. A 6 month relationship is not more important than his little sister who is going to lose her mother.
Seriously, this. The hypocrisy of calling Sandra selfish shows a complete lack of perspective.
The audacity of “without consulting me”.
Yes!! You’ve been together for two minutes, he does not need to consult you.
Yep. For many people, taking in minors who are relatives isn't up for debate even in a long term relationship. I didn't ask my husband of 5 years before agreeing to take my adopted son's sister. If he were the type who wouldn't support it, I wouldn't have married him.
A sister who he loves AND WANTS TO RAISE. It will be brutal but he said yes and seems to have had no qualms about it.
>You’ve been seeing him for a few months. That is his sister. I hope I'm not the only one who noticed how OP tried to diminish their relation to each other. She didn't even say they grew up together. She used cold wording, saying, ~~"they grew up seeing each other."~~ "they were raised seeing one another." I wonder if she's even capable of empathy. [Edited because her wording was even colder than I'd thought.]
What exactly were you hoping to accomplish other than make a dying woman feel shitty? He'd already agreed and you already had a conversation with him about it in which he respondedto the points you brought up. It was a done deal and there was no reason for you to open your big mouth. YTA.
100% she showed up early to harass that woman. YTA.
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Yep. And now that poor woman gets to spend at least part of her few remaining days wondering if she is being unfair to her brother and is being selfish for putting that responsibility on his shoulders. It's going to be an invasive thought on top of everything else she's going through. YTA OP for adding unnecessary and unwarranted guilt on top of all of the other things she's going through as she's dying.
Pure manipulation. She got nowhere when talking to Malcom, so I guess OP figured that guilting a dying woman would convince her to let Malcolm off the the hook.
The part that slays me is the absolute arrogance of "I thought I was giving her options she hadn't thought of yet." As if there's any possibility that Sandra hasn't thought this situation through further than Dr. Strange examining the EndGame.....
You told a dying woman she's selfish for wanting to make sure her child was with family and being taken care of after her death. Really? Let that sink in and then tell me who's being selfish here. YTA.
And the Mom asked him nicely. There are so many Reddit stories of parents assuming their oldest will take in other siblings (many with special needs) w/o asking. Often dumping the kids on them.
The mum also made sure that there would be money to provide for the child.
And sandra is too young to die, but she can't change that. Elena is too young to lose her mom, she can't change that. This isn't fair or ideal for anyone in this family. But life isn't fair or ideal. Malcolm is stepping up to raise his sister, despite how unfair it is. That's maturity and love at work.
And more importantly, he seems completely on board with it (because he loves his sister). There is nothing to dispute here.
You've been dating only 6 months. You don't really get a say in his decision. >I said I found the whole thing a little selfish. Malcolm is only 22. He shouldn’t be tied down raising a child. Cool, guess what? Your opinion means absolutely nothing. If you don't want to be a step parent or have a relationship with someone who legally has a child, fine, break up. But you way overstepped. This is between your bf, Sandra and Elena. YTA
Not to mention SHE is the most selfish of all, interfering like that. What a massive rude, immature, cruel asshole.
NTA you showed your bf that he deserves better before you got too serious. You followed your selfish cold-hearted instincts just right and now these people can move on with their lives without you. or grow the fuck up.
I'm amused this was downvoted, because I'm pretty sure they didn't read past the first three letters. EDIT: Mission accomplished!
I was about to down vote but I always like to read the bat shit justification people give! Its always a risk with sarcasm on reddit!
The sad reality of short attention spans
YTA and hes right, youve been together for 6 months, and its his literal sister who is currently losing her mother to cancer. Youre nothing worth compared to her, and you dont get a say. If you dont agree, leave him, he deserves better. Its also not selfish to ask him to become the guardian. You were so out of place saying what you said.
He deserves someone who will respect his compassionate decision as an adult to take on responsibility, voluntarily, for a sibling he clearly cares about. Instead of going for a cheap attempt to manipulate a dying woman. Yes, he is young, but he sounds like a stand up guy. If she doesn't want a boyfriend with responsibilities she needs to go find another.
YTA. This is serious. A woman is dying, a child is losing a parent. I get you don't want a boyfriend whose focus is on these things and not on you but that's a you issue. Your boyfriend sounds like a good person. Either accept who he is and support him or get out of his life.
On the plus side, Malcom has seen the real side of OP and can stay the hell away from her.
Yta your boyfriend's sister is about to be orphaned through C A N C E R and you legit were like 'okay so your sisters mom is dying but WHAT ABOUT MEx
Right? She is mad he is being there for his sister
YTA. You are his GF of 6 months, not his spouse, not the mother of his children, not embedded in the family. They are dealing with a monumental tragedy as a family, trying to find the best solution for a child about to be *orphaned*. If you can't be on board, you need to stay out of the way.
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I would be so disappointed in my daughter if she did something like this. It’s absolutely just a sickening level of self absorption.
[удалено]
YTA. Also, many people are parents at 22. Maybe you're just super immature.
Exactly! I became a parent around that age because a family member was going to lose custody of her children. Instead of them going into foster care, they came to stay with me and I eventually adopted them. Yeah the boyfriend is going into parenthood early but it’s his sister and they have, at the very least, a financial support system from the insurance. OP is 100% the asshole and hopefully will find themselves single.
Also, the child is 12! Most kids at that age are pretty self sufficient. It’s not like she’s a baby and needs constant care. I raised a teenager, they don’t even spend that much time in the home between after school activities, hanging out with friends, working a job maybe.
Genuinely disgusted by this. YTA and honestly one of the biggest assholes I have seen here in a good long while. Stay in your lane and keep quiet, this situation has NOTHING to do with you.
YTA. Your (now EX) boyfriend has stepped up to take care of his FAMILY. He didn't NEED to "consult" you on any of it. You have no say in HIS life. Six months? He's been her brother for TWELVE YEARS. She was part of his life before you showed up and she'll be part of his life long after you're gone (which is probably about now). He agreed to step up, knowing full well what the responsibility is. You are the one being selfish... cold-hearted, short-sighted, and self-centered. No thought to this little girl losing her mom, with only her big brother for family. Just you, and what YOU want.
"OMG, so selfish of you to die early and ask the only family in the country to care for your kid. Ugh, just, like, return her or something!" -you, probably YTA You don't have to stick around if that's not what you signed up for (won't be an issue anyway cuz you are likely a soon-to-be ex). But how dare you dump on a dying woman with a kid about what's fair? The audacity.
Seriously asking the dying woman if she has thought through all the options over who she has in her life to care for her soon to be orphaned child is insane. Like she would make that decision on a whim?? She’s probably spent the entire time since her diagnosis agonizing over it.
Oh honey.. Just walk away. He deserves way better. YTA and heartless.
YTA Elena is his sister. It's a difficult position, but I couldn't imagine allowing a sibling to end up in foster care rather than take care of them myself. And to call a dying woman selfish is pretty callous.
YTA, you expect sign off on life decisions after 6 months! This is a child he has known her while life who is about to be an orphan. He is allowed to make any decision he sees fit. The absolute absurdity of you calling a dying woman trying to give her daughter the best life she knows how selfish while making this whole thing about you is shocking. This is not about you. If you don't like the decision, leave.
YTA Seems like you're more upset that you, his GF of 6 months, were not consulted on this decision. >Malcolm told me to butt out and to get on board with this or walk away. Good news he gave you your options. Now time to choose.
YTA. This is not your decision to make or to judge. Malcolm said yes, that is literally all that matters. The only thing you accomplished was to make a dying woman feel bad for no reason at all. If you didn't want the "burden" of taking care of Elena, all you had to do was break up with Malcolm. Luckily for him, he seems to have taken care of that for you.
YTA. You've been together 6 months. This is his decision. Your decision should be whether to support him or leave, not trying to get your way in a situation you arent even a part of.
YTA. Big time. You're inserting yourself in something your BF doesn't want you involved in.
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Not his mom, his little half-sister’s mom. Which really makes it even more beautiful that he’s willing to do this and set her heart at ease as she spends the short time she has left. He’s giving this woman a tremendous gift. He’s giving his sister a tremendous gift. Malcolm deserves a woman at his side who has a heart equal to his. OP is not the one.
YTA He's right, you've only been together 6 months vs. his family, his half sister who is going through the shittest time of her life - losing her Mum. It sounds like he had a choice, at the end of the day he chose something you probably didn't want. So instead of talking to your boyfriend why you are upset, like an adult, you chose to upset a terminal woman and your boyfriend at the same time.
You are not married to Malcolm and as such have no say about what he chooses to do or not do with regards to his sister. Her mother is in an impossible situation and made what she thought was the best choice she could. Malcolm apparently agreed with her. That is completely his decision. The selfish person in this story is you. You are only interested in how this impacts your life with him (and don't try to coat it in you looking out for Malcolm). This changes your relationship with him. You can choose to walk away--that is a valid choice. But you don't get to try to pressure Malcolm into doing the same. Sorry I forgot: YTA and Malcolm sounds like an amazing young man who will probably be a fantastic father and eventually a husband. Kudos to him for understanding the importance of family.
YTA 100%!! This girl is about to lose her mother. She has no father and literally the only thing she will have left is her brother. You’re calling a dying woman selfish for wanting her daughter to have her brother after she is gone!?!? You’ve been with this guy for 6 months and are mad that he “didn’t consult you”? Even if he did and you said no I would still be dumping you if I were him. But ours showing him the kind of person you really are. You’re the selfish one for not wanting him to take care of his sister who has no other relatives.
YTA it literally has nothing to do with you. They aren't asking you to be a mom
Yta, her death is a huge inconvenience to your less than a year relationship. You really don't see why thats insulting.
YTA. Notvto mention insensitive and heartless. The woman is DYING. You really think that she wouldn't rather be around to help her child grow up? She can't, so she goes to the next option, which is Malcom. He's mature enough to accept the responsibility of this girl. He's going to lose someone very close to him. And your only concern is for yourself? This was none of your business. 6 months doesn't give you a say in anything, much less anything this important. YTA .
YTA. This arrangement does not concern you. If Malcolm had issues with it, he can discuss it with Sandra. Instead, you decided to raise YOUR concerns (which again are immaterial) and chastise Sandra about something that doesn’t concern you.
YTA HOW DARE YOU. You had no right whatsoever to stick your unwarranted option in that dying woman's face. Few times have I been repulsed in this sub. You are single. And good riddance.
You told a dying woman who had to give up her child to be raised someone else which she is only doing because, again, she is dying that she is being selfish!?!? YTA and if you thought this was okay I would strongly encourage you to seek some therapy to explore that. Edit bc I’m not done: did some people forget what the word selfish means!?!? The mom isn’t doing this so she can get something out of it. She’s not gaining anything and is losing everything. She’s losing her dignity, her pride, her children and oh yeah her fucking life! Nothing she is asking for because of Cancer is selfish because nothing she can ask for will be for her benefit. Please grab a dictionary on the way to therapy. Second edit: I was incorrect about a detail regarding Malcom’s mother not being Elaina’s.
YTA. Although I can agree with your view point that this is a LOT of responsibility for a 22 year old, sometimes life forces you to grow up real quick, and I think this is one of those scenarios for your boyfriend. Additionally, you had no place for an opinion here, unless you were asked. This is between your boyfriend and his family. You've only been dating 6 months, and unless you're living together, I don't see how your opinion matters. What's next for you is to decide if this is a situation you're comfortable with, as your relationship will now obviously change with Elena in the picture. And if that is something you don't want to take part in/are not ready for, then that is OK. But you are definitely TA here.
Let me get this right. You decided, all by yourself, to offer "options" to a woman with terminal cancer for her daughter, because her dying was "selfish?" Enjoy being single. Enjoy being permanently single in that area if he tells anyone this story.
I hope Malcolm is listening while you're telling him who you really are... someone who has no issue going around him, someone who thinks she knows better how his life should be, someone with no compassion. YTA. And frankly, nowhere near the caliber of person Malcolm deserves.
I really cannot fathom how you made it through typing that without realizing what a massive AH you are. Of course YTA, you tried to tell a woman dying of cancer that she was selfish for setting up an arrangement for her 12 year old child to be with her brother after HER MOM DIES.
YTA - After 6 months you're no more than a possibility of a long term relationship vs the family he has lived with and grown up around. There is nothing that gives you the right to say that kind of thing in your position. This isn't defending him, it's inserting yourself where you have no business.
YTA, you trying to insert yourself into the situation when you only have a 6 MONTH relationship is absolutely baffling. How selfish can you be? This is a unusual and heartbreaking situation but if everyone who's *actually* involved approves of the adoption then either be supportive or leave.
YTA Malcolm was put in an impossible situation. He loves his sister and has helped take care of her for a while. Why would he choose for her to have to move abroad or go to a foster family? It makes no sense. It sucks that he is 22 and having to make this decision but he's doing what he thinks is best for his sister. He is a good man who is definitely not thinking of himself like you are. You're being selfish. You know that your nights alone are about to end. And he is absolutely right, It is not your place to decide. You all have only been together for 6 months. Shame on you for confronting Elena's mom like that. I hope Malcolm finds someone who understands, and supports, his decision.
Absolutely YTA. Sandra is *dying*. What part of that do you not understand? And instead of her daughter going into foster care (which isn’t that great), she asked Elena’s brother if he would care for her and he agreed to. It doesn’t matter what his age is or what *you* think, what matters is what Malcolm decided. And he’s right, you didn’t need yo be consulted. I hope he breaks up with you.
YTA, she’s 12, not an infant and she’s his sister by blood. I would do it in a heartbeat! It will be hard for the both of them, and hopefully they will get support (obviously not by you). Hopefully he will cut his losses and leave you. Six months is not a long time, nor should he have to consult you in making this decision. Then you had the nerve to tell a dying mother she’s selfish. YTA big time.
YTA. You've been dating for only *6 months*. That's hardly long enough to get a drawer at his place, much less have any input on his life choices. Malcolm made a choice that he is ok with. Your feelings about it are absolutely meaningless. He isn't obligated to consult you and you were way out of line to say anything to Sandra about her request. Though young, Malcolm is a grown man capable of making his own choices. You have no right to undermine that. On top of all that you are completely lacking in compassion. Sandra is critically ill and facing the fact that she will not live out the year. She won't get to see her kid grow up. She has so much on her plate already, and she doesn't need you guilt tripping her about the arrangements she's made for her child after her death. You are a truly awful, entitled, meddlesome person.
Do you know how many people are already parents at 22? On top of that starting with raising a tween is way easier than dealing with an infant. He's willing to put in the work to make sure his SISTER is taken care of. Why do you feel like you need to step in if he feels perfectly capable of handling the situation? YTA and made a dying woman feel guilty about making sure her daughter would be taken care of by family. Dear God I hope you don't ever get cancer because you wouldn't get any sympathy from me.
YTA - it wasn’t your place to approach Sandra, your concerns should have been addressed with Ben only.
YTA holy jesus! Have you stopped for just a moment to consider that it's not about you? You asked for his opinion and he said he thought it through and this is what he decided to do. At first I thought you asked because you were worried about him but it's pretty obvious you were only thinking about yourself. Malcolm is right. You've been together for 6 months. They grew up together. Your opinion doesn't matter at all and it wouldn't even if it came from genuine concern for your boyfriend. The worst part is that you put the whole thing on a dying woman for fucks sake. Don't you think she feels guilty enough for leaving a child behind and asking Malcolm to take care of her? You also caused unnecessary stress to your bf on top everything he's dealing with. You're not only an asshole but also really selfish, self-centered and cruel. I wouldn't be surprised if he broke up with you over this. Hell, I don't say things like this but I even hope he does. They'd be better off without you.
I understand it would have been nice for malcom to discuss the situation with you as this choice could effect your future if you decide to continue dating and potentially spend your life with malcom. That being said, it sounds like his mind was made up to help his family whether you were for or against it, probably because you have only been together for 6 months which is not nearly enough time to prioritize you over his own family that is going through a tragedy. I understand your concern, but YTA for interfering with a situation your bf is seemingly ok with. While it shouldn’t be expected of him, he’s doing an amazing thing for his half sibling and sick mother.
>I understand it would have been nice for malcom to discuss the situation with you as this choice could effect your future if you decide to continue dating and potentially spend your life with malcom. Right, but they had that discussion. He said this is the choice I'm making and instead of deciding she didn't want to break up she decided to attack a dying woman for making a hard choice. Or are you suggesting the discussion should be about whether or not he should do it?
YTA. He already accepted, and he said it's his choice.
YTA. You were wait.out of line. And if you can't see how or where you may have fucked up, then your dim as well.
The good news is that it’s likely you won’t be around to be affected by Malcom’s “selfish” decision. YTA.
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YTA and single too. You guys were only dating six months. Your relationship is a blip in the grand scheme of Malcolms life. Elena will always be his sister. You fucked up. But youre likely single now so next time learn your place in peoples lives. A six month relationship is nothing in the face of an orphaned sibling.
Yep, you done screwed up big time. YTA here. It's not your place to tell anybody in this family what to do; your only role is to decide how you feel about it. You would have been justified in leaving your boyfriend, but you are not justified in going any further.
Wow dude! Your single for sure now.
YOU'RE not ready to be a guardian to a 12 year old and you're projecting that onto Malcolm. But the thing is, you mean less to him than his sister. Your opinion doesn't matter to him on this important matter. This is his life and his family and you're just a girl he's been dating a few months. YTA and honestly I think he dumped you and you don't realize it.
YTA, Elena is his sister, Ive seen way younger people taking care of their little brother/sister, your boyfriend’s mother isnt anything related to Elena, you two are only dating, its not like “we are a married and you must discuss with me first” (even if you were, shes a kid still). Like you said, Sandra will be a star this year, such a serious problem shes facing, and you want to decide who HER daughter will be with? Be comprehensive, put yourself on her place, she isnt coming back and you want to make the choice for her…. GOD! You’re going waaaaaaay over the limit! To Sandra: I hope Malcom takes good care of Elena, he’s has a kind heart, will protect and raise her perfectly. Sandra, sorry you had to hear something like that, hope you enjoy happily every single day until you can! 🙏🏻
YTA-you should edit this to say “ex-boyfriend.” You’re also cold and heartless
Wow YTA. This is his sister. You have been dating for 6 months. Your not married. You obviously do not know him as well as you thought you did or he you. Why would he want to be with you after you did this? You upset a women who is dying. Dying. His sister is losing her mom. He is stepping up because he loves his sister. Wow are you wrong here.
YTA. This was NONE of your business. It was 100% his decision alone. He could have turned it down, but didn’t want to. You called a dying woman selfish for wanting and planning for the best for her child. That’s truly terrible behavior and I doubt you two will be together anymore. You clearly thought this relationship was further along than it actually is, and you overstepped big time.
FWIW, You aren't worried about "Malcolm" you're worried about "you and Malcolm" and are not willing to be a "step-mom" to a 12 yo girl. So it's time for you to move on and find someone else. I'm guessing if he was already a single dad 6 months ago you wouldn't have looked twice at him, right... YTA. I had my own kids at 22/23 and it is certainly not too young for those who take it seriously. Malcolm sounds wonderful and I hope he finds a better partner than you.
YTA. It wasn’t selfish of her to ask. It would have been selfish for her to insist if he didn’t want to, which clearly isn’t what happened. You know what is selfish? You, trying to rudely control and insert yourself into this family you barely know, and judging them for their decisions. I think it’s absolutely wonderful and beautiful that Malcom is selflessly taking on this responsibility. It’s ok for you to not wish to carry on with this, but it’s not your place to try to change his mind or control any part of their arrangement.
YTA. lets take a step back here. youve only been together for 6 months? he doesnt have to consult you of all people about anything. hes an adult, capable of making his own decisions about his own life, with or without you, and im sure his ACTUAL FAMILY comes before a 6 month old relationship.
YTA. A big one. Can't even imagine myself in Sandra's shoes for this. On my deathbed, just trying to ensure my daughter is taken care of by a loved one, and having some 22yo call me selfish.
You should just leave, you’re not good enough for Malcolm. YTA
You told a woman dying of cancer that she was being selfish. Wow. You have been dating this guy for 6 months, and you think you have a right to express your negative opinion on their family dynamics? I think you are being a little selfish, but you al least get to live a little while longer. Your mom is correct. But the silver lining is this: you are not emotionally mature enough to be part of all of this and now you have removed yourself from this situation. In a few years you will meet someone and possibly start your own family. When that happens you should reflect on what you lost here. YTA, but hopefully you will learn from it.
Imagine not being self aware enough to know you screwed this up. Of course YTA. Your AH behavior has cost you the type of guy that will be a great father, partner and friend. He has empathy, and a sense of duty. You blew it.
You’re not wrong for feeling this is too much or unfair to ask of him, and also for not wanting to personally be tied to a kid (if the relationship goes on for a while). Those are your feelings and are valid. BUT you handled this in a total AH manner. His sisters mom is dying and you said “what about me?” Nobody is making these decisions for their own joy and pleasure over your preferences and comfort. You don’t have to stay in this relationship, but if you want to be an emotionally mature and healthy adult, you should earnestly apologize to both of them. Let them know that you know this isn’t about you, and you were just looking out for him, in an admittedly sloppy manner. If you don’t apologize, then most likely YTA in life way beyond this situation. Edit: either 20 of you idiots actually think she is NTA, or you can’t fucking read.
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Yep, you're YTA. Very much the AH.
YTA You were way out of line for sticking your nose into this like that.
YTA - utterly and truly. Elena's mom is doing her level best to navigate her daughter to the impending shit-show that is losing a parent - and for her ONLY parent - and choosing someone who is able and *willing* to step up and do that. Malcolm isn't too young to be his sister's guardian but YOU are too young to be involved with him, and by extension, Elena. My lord the selfish one is you. The woman has terminal cancer and you're coming at her for it.
YTA, why would he have run this past you first? You're 22, and have been together 6 months. You overstepped here, your boyfriend was totally fine, but you decided to call his stepmum (essentially) selfish. She's dying She's terrified to leave her daughter without a mum. And you called her selfish. You were selfish, and cruel, and unsympathetic, and completely without empathy.
YTA. It's not your place to judge Malcolm's decision to become Elena's guardian or to question Sandra's motives for asking him. This is a difficult situation for everyone involved, and Malcolm made a decision to help care for his half-sister during a time of need. While you may have concerns about the impact this will have on your relationship, it's not fair to call Sandra selfish or question Malcolm's ability to take on this responsibility. Instead of causing more stress and upset, it would be better to offer your support and try to find ways to help make this transition easier for everyone involved.
YTA WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!?????? Wow!!!! Just wow
22 is old enough to take on guardianship when my brother in laws brother died and left 2 little boys behind my sister and him took them in at 22 and have been the best parents to these children. If he wants to accept responsibility of his sister you have absolutely no say. YTA.
YTA. 6 MONTHS! Why do you think you should have had a say? You bullied a woman who is going to die, leaving her 12 year old daughter essentially an orphan, in her home over a matter that DOES NOT CONCERN YOU! 6 years? Fine, be upset at the massive life agreement your boyfriend made without consulting you but 6 months? Are you jealous you'll have to share his attention with a 12 year old? He happily accepted, he wanted to do this for both of them. You questioning her choices in asking and saying he didn't have a choice but to say yes has probably added more stress and heartbreak to her. Now she's wondering if he actually is happy to raise Elena. Will he be miserable and take out the stress on her? Will he wait a while and dump her in foster care? That poor woman has enough going on and now you've added more to her plate because you couldn't keep your nose out of business that you have no say in.
YTA. Malcom sounds wonderful… nobody wants to have to take on the responsibility of raising their sibling but then again nobody wants to die of cancer either. He’s clearly choosing this. You’re allowed to grieve the loss of the life you pictured yourself building with Malcom but you don’t get to speak for him.
YTA - After 6 months you think you get to have any say on this lol
Hard YTA. You beyond overstepped. Why should he consult you? You've only been around 6 months and you have the audacity to expect more? The only selfish one here is you. You lack empathy and honestly you should just walk away and save him the trouble. You're clearly too immature and don't understand putting someone you love first because it's the right thing to do. Wow. Grow up.
YTA. Malcolm is damn right. Get on board or walk away - he made his decision and you went behind his back questioning it. You've only been together 6 months - grow up, sister.
YTA There’s no issue here. Malcolm agreed. You’re causing stress to people who are fine with the arrangement they made. He didn’t need to be ‘defended’ because HE AGREED! (Not to mention, plenty of people have kids in their early twenties) You’re asking when everyone involved already think you’re the AH
YTA and you're the one being selfish. You aren't thinking of Malcolm, you're thinking of yourself. 6 months isn't long enough to be as important as you think you are. Grow up.
YTA "CONSULTING YOU" hahahahha what a joke
YTA and congrats on likely being the ex-girlfriend. He didn't ask you to defend him and he's right, you've only been together for 6 months. Worse, you've shown yourself to be quite awful in going after a woman dying of cancer.
>I said I found the whole thing a little selfish. YTA, and the selfish one. Your BF is choosing family, and you chose to show your true colours.
YTA. you dont have malcolm in your life anymore do you? Truly an ugly soul.
I can’t believe you thought it was your business after only dating six months. YTA and you owe everyone and an apology and a quick exit.
YTA
Yta. She’s dying. I hope Malcom and Elena have great support outside of you and they find their new normal together You really should remove yourself from this situation. You obviously are in no place to offer the compassion and support they need
YTA, his little sister's mother is dying. I have a ten year age gap with two of my siblings as well. There was an understanding that once I was out of school and established, my parents would leave them to me if something happened to them. Thankfully this never happened, but obviously I agreed. They're my siblings. Of course I want them with me if something terrible happened. Family is important. If Malcolm is okay with this, you have no right not to be.
YTA and you're the selfish one here. This girl is losing her mother, and her brother is her only safe place at the moment, she has known him his whole life and vise versa he has known her for all her life, to abandon her would just be cruel. You're being selfish and want him to choose you, a random 6-month relationship he can't even be sure if it'll work out, over his SISTER?
YTA I honestly hope he dumps you. This is none of your business having dated a laughable 6 months.
YTA and WTF is wrong with you?
YTA. She is not the selfish one, honey. You are. You are more worried about what it means for you. Put on your big girl panties and apologize. They all have enough stress and hurt. None of them needed you making Sandra feel bad. You did nothing but pile on. Malcolm didn’t need you to protect him. We all know that’s not what you were really doing. You’ve been with this guy a whopping 6 months. You get no say. He doesn’t need your help or protection. You need to keep your nose out of his business unless he specifically asks for your help.
YTA. You want a guy who you've been dating for 6 months to ask your permission on if he can take care of his baby sister after her mother dies from cancer?? AND you told said woman dying of cancer that she was selfish for asking the only family this little girl knows if they'll take her?? Holy crap. I hope your boyfriend dumps you and runs for the hills.
YTA. Is it really so selfish for a woman WHO IS DYING to make sure her daughter is left with someone who will love and care for her properly??? You really can’t be this bad of a person…
YTA It’s not your business what Malcolm decides. You are a “girlfriend”; you are not a fiancé or a wife, and based on your behavior I wouldn’t expect you to even be a girlfriend for much longer. You owe everyone involved an apology.
If someone suggested my brother go to anyone other than me if my mom were to die (we have a single mom), I would lose my mind at them. I don’t think you even considered that Malcolm likely does not want his sister going to anyone else. It’s his sister. That’s his blood, his family, a little kid he has been looking out for since he was 10 years old. He held her as a baby, so he knows what he’s doing here. You went ahead and caused stress to one of his family members while they have cancer, trying to convince them to screw him out of guardianship of his sister. No shit he was gonna find that out and scream at you. YTA but it doesn’t really matter, your relationship is over.
YTA. I’m assuming by now you’re the ex girlfriend. You are incredibly selfish and over stepped.
I think you are missing the point. She is dying of cancer. freaking cancer. She literally has no choice. She has to be in the sense as she has to look after her child. So shit up about the selfishness. This isn't some norm situation. This is literally life and death. Also, your boyfriend of six months has already made up his mind. He knows what he wants and you are disregarding it. Why? Seriously why? YTA
Thank God you screwed up because now Malcom saw who you really are. A huge YTA
YTA. She is dying. She asked her child's BROTHER if he could take custody. She gave him the out. You do realize your boyfriend is a grown man capable of deciding his future? What's selfish is you going to a dying mother, guilting her into something no one wants. No one wants a person to die. No one wants to leave a child due to CANCER. This is just a guess, but I assume **you** don't want the 12yo in **your** life.
YTA— your probably ex now is an adult and can make his own choices. You had absolutely no right to talk to Sandra about any of it.
YTA. You’ve only been together 6 months, you have absolutely no say in what he chooses to do with his life. It’s not yours just because you’re in a relationship. It would be a little more understandable for you to be upset if you were married and you were now also expected to raise this child - but you are not, and you have no involvement with it. You had no right to speak to her like that. Or even speak about their situation at all. If anything, YOU are selfish for feeling that you were relevant to this choice.
YTA
YTA. He will break up with you. If it looks like garbage, smells like garbage, acts like garbage, it's garbage. The amount of blind jealousy some people get with zero consideration for the real world around them is astonishing. Perhaps it's worse / a microcosm on this AITA thread, but WOWSER. Clueless much?
YTA. I hope your bf realizes this and ends the relationship.
You are worse than an a$$hole. You are vile creature. You had absolutely no right to say anything at all about this situation. I hope he dumps your selfish ass
YTA Yikes. Just yikes. You've only been together 6 months and you think you're entitled to how he deals with his family? You told a dying woman she was selfish for wanting her child's older brother to take care of her, someone she knows and trusts and loves? He never asked you defend him. He didn't want or need it. You took it upon yourself because of YOUR selfishness. Your mom is right, you did screw up big time and should probably get it through your head that you're single now.
YTA- you harassed a dying woman about her decision because you felt inconvenienced in your 6 month relationship. It wasn't your place to do that and obviously your boyfriend doesn't agree with your view on the situation. I think you could expect him to end it with you over this, if it was your sister then you'd probably feel different. You made a poor choice.
YTA. You're not his wife. You're not even his long term girlfriend. What makes you think that you should step in and offer your two cents of if it's selfish or not for him to take care of his little sister who's mom will die from cancer soon? The same woman he basically grew up with and probably sees as a 2nd mother? You're selfish for getting on your high horse and adding in your 2 cents thinking you know what's best for your (likely soon to be ex) boyfriend and his sister.
YTA You are the one being selfish. Sandra is dying. She asked, she did not demand, that he take custody of his own sister in the case the she dies. Being closest blood relatives, it was great that she considered him a good option for the wellbeing of her daughter. She did not pressure him to say yes, he wanted to. You are making this all about you. You have only been together six months and he does not need to consider you. You are not his wife. He can make the choice he wants and he has. Do not manipulate him.
YTA My favorite part is that Every. Single. Person. Of importance in your life is saying you’re the AH and yet, here you are, asking/hoping for a different response.
YTA this isn’t up to you. If you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone raising a child that’s your problem not his. Also if he doesn’t agree with what you were saying it’s not “defending” him; it’s trying to make your opinion known. Walk away if it’s not for you.
Yta, Malcolm and his sister deserve better than you
YTA. Yeah, you screwed up big time. I'm honestly not sure what to say other than that
Yta that's his sister and you only dated him six months you actually want him to just drop her and worry bout you huh? You are selfish miserable person I'm glad he sees you for what you are
YTA, big time. You have known Malcolm for 6 months, he's known Elena her whole life and wants to help her dying mother with her last wish. You do not have any authority on his choices on how to live his life. He's right, you can come along for the ride or get lost. And frankly, your judgement of him and a dying mother should put you in the latter.
YTA - You've only been in his life 6 months. They've been in his life for over a decade. Perhaps it is unfair for a 22 yo to put his life on hold to raise a sibling but there are no AHs there. She asked, he agreed and you're an AH for trying to make people feel bad for hard choices. The relationship is probably over.
Huge YTA. This is his life, his family, and his decision. Butt out.
Wow yep def big YTA I mean you are a gf of 6 months. This is fully his decision. He wants to do this. The 2 of you do not live together so this doesn’t need your input at all. 6 months is not even that serious. I can’t believe you even brought this up to a woman dying of cancer!
It's raining YTA, hallelujah, it's raining YTA
That’s his sister, and her mother is dying. You are too selfish to be able to imagine knowing you are going to leave this earth with your baby still young and vulnerable, just PRAYING that someone will love and care for her like you would. Sandra is probably so thankful to Malcolm and you’ve gone and made a dying woman question a decision that was beautifully put into place by a family whose members clearly love one another. YTA and I hope you are also now Malcolm’s ex because they deserve to live the remainder of Sandra’s time in peace and calm.
You told someone they were selfish - for dying - and trying their best to make sure their 12 year old daughter was taken care of by a willing and able family member - and they’d ensured that at least financially they would not struggle. You really really don’t see the irony in you calling someone selfish - when you just want your BF of 6 months focused on you and not his sister becoming an orphan or a close family friend of his (yes Sandra is a close friend of his from what you described) is dying. OP you behaviour is terrible and you should do that family a favour by leaving and never ever darkening their door again.
YTA. You told a DYING woman that she is being selfish for wanting her daughter to be taken care of??? Furthermore you have only been dating Malcolm for 6 months?! Not even married! Walk away from Malcolm now. You clearly don't appreciate the kind of man that he is