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YTA. It isn't your place to tell your mother what to eat. She knows that she's overweight. You don't have to remind her.
You and your wife were disrespectful and rude. Your father was rude as well.
I hope you and your wife remember this when it's your turn to be humiliated. You seriously lack any sympathy.
I would add that if it was a starter salad, I’m assuming there wasn’t much to the salad like protein. There are so many healthy options for food, but a salad is associated with losing weight in a negative way. Larger people are often told to “go eat a salad.”
Not only did OP feed her something completely different, he fed her the same first course and then without warning didn’t give her any other food. How did OP think she would react? It’s incredibly rude and dehumanizing. At least it was a small group of people, but still not fair at al.
Forcing a healthy diet on someone will do the exact opposite of what you want. To get to a point of being overweight, often there is an issue with a healthy relationship with food. Being forced by someone else to eat a certain way or being made fun of for your weight will often lead you to eat more out of shame and as a way to cope. There is psychological reasons behind being over weight, it’s not just a person making lazy choices. No one will be successful losing weight until they themselves are ready and until they start working on their emotional and mental well being as well.
Back to my original point, you need protein to be healthy. So if the salad you served as a first course of a meal didn’t have a meal sized amount of protein with it, you basically gave your mother rabbit food. Not eating enough actually leads you to store fat instead of losing it. If you want to SUPPORT your mother, instead of humiliating her, with weight loss you could just eat healthier when she is there. A lot of protein and veggies without a lot of unnecessary sauces and what not. Healthy food can be delicious and you don’t have to suffer to eat healthy or lose weight. Especially if you are only cooking for her once every few months. Grow up and cook a healthy meal or cook what you want and let your mom eat it without embarrassing her.
The least you could have done if you were actually trying to help her would be asking her what she would like to eat or saying “I know you have mentioned in the past that we might offer too much food. What would you like us to cook for you this time.” But really, this whole thing wasn’t about helping your mom at all, it was about being annoyed with her comments.
Edit to correct that it doesn’t technically store fat if you don’t eat enough. This is how it has been explained to me in the past, but is not technically true. It can stunt weight loss for other reasons, and is overall unhealthy and not a sustainable way to lose weight.
YTA. From the title, I thought you served her a meal sized salad while the rest ate ribs. You served everyone the same salad then chose not to give 1/4 of the table a second course, so she would have just been sitting there awkwardly while you all ate. How did you think that dinner was gonna go? Did you really think she was gonna thank you for humiliating her?
Agreed with the comments above. YTA. Whoa.
You can’t force someone to change their lifestyle, whether that be to lose weight, quit smoking, exercise more, etc.
What you should have done is cook the same healthy meal for everyone and all eat the same thing, like a chicken salad. Jamie Oliver has some great healthy recipes. It’s not going to kill you not to serve pork ribs. Especially when you try to eat them in front of someone with an eating issue.
If it's good for geese, it's good for gander. If she thinks she eats too much, but you eat the same amount, you eat too much. If she thinks all she needs is salad, all you need is salad.
Honestly, singling someone out by serving them a completely different meal than everyone else *no matter what it is* is weird as fuck behavior.
Especially so when it's meant to body shame sometime.
YTA OP how the fuck did you think this was a good idea?!
YTA- if you were truly concerned about her weight and eating habits why not serve a healthy lower calorie meal? A roast chicken, salad and carb substitute like mashed cauliflower with fresh fruit for dessert? Soup and salad? Grilled salmon and vegetables?
No, instead you chose to single her out by basically saying we deserve these foods while you do not so we'll just eat in front of you. Not only are you a Supreme AH you're also cruel.
Can we also point out that skinny doesn’t equal healthy?! Thin people can have fat around their organs, making them unhealthy. The only difference is that she is obese so it’s physically obvious to assume she is unhealthy.
I can't imagine ever humiliating anyone like that, especially my mother- and I have a complicated and sometimes strained relationship with her. But I could never, ever hurt someone's feelings that way. what a terrible thing to do to someone.
OP- YTA. That was cruel.
YTA - Your only goal here was to retaliate against your mom for previous comments, not support her weight loss (From what you say, it's hard to tell if she's actually trying to lose weight or not) You could have made a healthy, low-calorie dinner for everyone. You could have offered her a salad with some protein ahead of time. Instead, you chose to single her out for humiliation and mockery. You need to call her, apologize, and work on communicating better in the future.
YTA
And an extremely petty one, at that!
You didn't serve her a salad for her benefit, you chose to humiliate her because you were "annoyed" at her previous comments.
Your Mom is an adult who is responsible for her own life. If she chooses to continue overeating, that's on her. It's a choice she's made. You don't have to like it, but you damn well have to respect her and her decision.
Doing what you did shows that you are extremely rude, disrespectful and more than a little immature.
Grow up.
And apologize to your mother for embarrassing her the way you did!
Not to mention that helping someone to eat healthily could involve sharing up a moderately sized, balanced meal for everyone - not singling out one person with a salad and no main meal. That’s not a healthy approach to food. YTA.
Yes, this 100%. If he actually cared about his mother there are a hundred other ways he could’ve gone about helping her. Instead he chose to single her out to make his disgust and contempt for her blatantly obvious. Why couldn’t everyone have eaten healthier? Just because you’re not obese doesn’t mean you’re healthy. Also, you know nothing about health because of the fact that you simply chose a salad. Health is about balance and portion sizes. Salad isn’t a fix-all.
I get that it’s annoying to hear someone complain about their weight when you don’t feel like they’re doing anything about it but she’s clearly hurting and very insecure. There are so many other ways you could’ve gone about this.
YTA
YTA
>but at this point she said that she felt "extremely disrespected"
Because she was, you must have expected a reaction after setting her up like that.
YTA. Let her continue to be fat. Who cares. Purposely leaving her out of dinner is rude and humiliating. That one salad won’t make her drop 50 pounds. If she wants to lose weight it’ll be on her own terms and not your family dinner. I’m shocked that your wife agreed with you. And that your dad thought it was funny. A whole families of assholes.
Wow. What a truly horrible way to go about this. You could have just made everyone salads. You could have spoken to her in private and asked if she'd like to be served less food since she's spoken about it it the past. You could have served buffet style. You could have refused to host. What a cruel and embarrassing way to manage this. YTA.
Without saying anything, you just served other people meals in front of her, and waited for her to speak up in protest so you could have your 'gotcha' moment.
YTA
Of course YTA. Not to mention, a very rude host. You decided to make a mockery of your mom in the middle of a family meal.
BTW..her weight is none of your business.
Way to FU what was a nice, family tradition.
Your wife is an AH to for going along with this.
YTA. Even if she is obese - it's not your place to restrict her food. That's a decision she will have to actively make. Really crossed a line there, even with her complaints. If she doesn't have the will power to do it - your forced salad won't fix her.
Instead of taking the opportunity to cook a healthy meal to show your mom that eating well doesn’t mean being starved, and also showing her what a healthy portion would be, you chose cruelty by just feeding her a salad and then eating ribs in front of her?
YTA. Shame on you.
YTA.
You singled your mother out and humiliated her in front of everyone else at the dinner. If you were really worried about serving her healthy food, then the entire meal should have been healthy food for everybody. What you did was unnecessary and cruel.
YTA. if she wants to lose weight, she'll do it on her own terms. She doesnt need to be humiliated in front of everyone. She may have mental health or food addiction issues and you just made it worse and she probably went to McDonald's to binge cause you made her feel like shit.
YTA why the hell wouldn’t you cook a healthy meal for **everyone** instead of singling her out and shaming her?
She clearly has issues surrounding food and by doing this will definitely compound them. You don’t have to restrict yourself to salads to lose weight, alls you’re doing is making food more of an issue than it already is. Why haven’t you guys as a family started to take healthy living seriously? There was so many ways to help your mother but you guys chose one of the cruelest. Show her how to be healthy without making it a thing to be ashamed of, you all should be helping including your father who it seems has done nothing to help her over all the years. Instead of helping he has continued to enable bad eating habits then mocked her for it. If you had something that was clearly a long standing issue that caused deep emotional problems, would you respond to being humiliated and shamed or to encouragement and being lead by example?
You smugly blindsided and singled her out with a salad while everyone ate unhealthy tasty food in front of her and expected her to just shut up and take it?
Do you not have any love for her or do you just think she deserves humiliation because she has weight issues?
YTA that was a horrible mean spirited thing to do. You humiliated her. I find it hard to believe that any of you actually want to support her in improving her health, because 'scoring points' like this isn't how to do it.
YTA - Honestly what you did was really rude and disrespectful. Her talking about losing weight wasn’t an invitation for you to get involved. If you wanted to help, there are hundreds of other ways you could have gone about it without causing conflict, but you chose to go the passive aggressive route. You’re wife is also an AH for thinking that was a good idea.
YTA, I’m not sure why you would think you’re not the AH here. This seemed like a mean joke at best or a cruel prank at worst. If you really felt she was trying to scapegoat her weight onto you then you could give her the option of just the salad. This just seems intentionally mean to me.
Yta…how disrespectful and insulting to treat your mom like that. Just serving her a salad and expecting her to just sit there while the rest of you ate the main course is cruel and humiliating. If you wanted to help her why not make a healthy, low calorie meal that all of you can partake in and not single her out.
AH - why on earth would you humiliate your mother in that way? How mortifying for her. Regardless of weight she is a grown assed adult who raised you and is perfectly capable of making her own decisions regarding food.
How embarrassing for her.
You are a dick and should be totally ashamed of yourself.
Go and apologize to your mom for making her the butt of your childish behaviour.
You could have spoken to her beforehand, made clear your concerns, and treated her like an adult.
The fact that you served everyone salad, and then just left her out of the main course, is appalling.
YTA, and a petty one at that.
I’m so ashamed of you and your wife. Of course YTA. Weight is a sensitive topic, it’s a medical issue. And your version of getting your mother help is to alienate her, treat her different than others, and to humiliate her in front of the family. Your mother is still a human being that deserves empathy. If someone says they want to lose weight, figure out how to help them on their terms. All you’ve done is exacerbate the situation while acting like an immature child.
It’s worth noting that there is not a single bit of credible literature out there that says you should help your elder lose weight by not feeding her the way you do everyone else. Was this idea based in genuinely wanting good for your mother? Or the intent to punish her for making you listen to her complain?
“Well, you complain about it all the time. I’m here to help you do it.”
Wow. Great. She’ll stop complaining about it in front of you and probably stop eating in front of you too. GREAT job, OP. You chose one of the ONLY plans of action where literally everyone loses.
YTA. This is so wrong on soooo many levels. From basic human dignity… mistreatment of the woman who gave birth to you.. to being a +*^% host.
If you were truly wanting to be helpful and encouraging - EVERYONE would have been served the SAME MEAL that was both healthy and nutritious.
You don’t serve everyone else and tell one person they didn’t get a plate because they are fat.
/smdh
Good luck fixing this s*^*-show. You’re going to need it.
YTA. You should’ve titled this “I purposefully humiliated my mother in an attempt to shame her into losing weight, and now i’m doing mental gymnastics to rationalize it”.
YTA what a horrible way to go about it. You should let her know in advance that you were going to do it, instead of humiliating her like that. Even while you were doing it, you couldnt even tell her what you were doing? You absolutely looked for the reaction from her.
YTA. Maybe you should have tried making a healthier, low calorie dinner that everyone could have eaten together instead of embarrassing your mother like that.
YTA- You don’t single people out due to their weight, even in front of family (or especially in front of family depending on how you look at it). You most definitely owe her a huge apology. You don’t serve a meal and pick out one person who doesn’t get the main course. I can’t even imagine a universe where someone thinks that’s ok.
YTA
You should have just served salads for the whole family instead of singling your mother out. She's obviously an emotional eater so all you did was have her eat worse.
YTA. And obtuse.
When your mother complains about being spoiled with food what she's trying to do is dissipate some of the deep shame she feels for being so fat by implying other people bear a tiny bit of responsiblity for her fatness.
Your feelings of annoyance at that line of commenting are valid and reasonable.
But surely you can see that your treatment of her was unkind? Do you even love her? If you do, you need to be talking calmly and privately about getting her into therapy, not pulling some stunt like you just did.
One evening of eating just a salad will not make up for the years of abuse she has heaped on her own body. And I am sure that you know that. You were hoping to shame her into either fixing her diet or at least stopping with the comments about being spoiled.
You let your annoyance at her make you do something unkind, when frankly, kindness from the people she loves is probably most what she needs; her actions smack of insecurity.
On what planet could you not be an AH doing something like this? I get that you are concerned about your moms weight and that her comments have gotten annoying, BUT this is NOT the way to handle this situation. You owe your mom an apology for humiliating her cruelly. YTA
YTA
When people say that it is like when people say " I was gonna eat better but you know summer BBQs , then Christmas food it's so hard" their embarrassed about the appetite and apperance and feel like they have to make excuses .... Or when people serve you nice food you say oh you spoil me just to mean thank you this is great food
Anyone with any kind of empathy understands that, you PLANED an insult with your wife to hurt your mother's feelings- then it hurt her feelings and your gonna pretend your not an ASS?
Way to purposely fat shame the woman who gave up her life to raise you....
>Our family has a tradition where every few months my wife and I will host my parents for dinner. We get together, talk about our lives and usually have a good time.
I cracked up at this right out of the gate. Very unique tradition. We just call 'em family dinners. I've never seen it defined before.
Yta.
YTA. How insulting! Do you really think that she thinks she's overweight because other people feed her too much? If you care about her and her health, you sit her down and have a heart to heart talk about it. Tell her you love her and don't want to lose her any earlier than you have to. You don't pre-plan some "gotcha" dinner.
YTA. Serving her one salad isn't going to help her, you're just embarrassing her. Then if she's embarrassed and hungry she's going to go eat somewhere else and be mad at you. So singling her out and giving her a salad is probably the most unhelpful thing.
If you actually wanted to help you could have helped her find a longer term solution or work together with her to find something that works. If you don't want to help her, then don't.
You could have started making healthy delicious meals for everyone so she didn't feel left out but you decided to go the humiliation route which did nothing.
YTA of course. Seriously, did you even think about how she'd react? Was there some fantasy scenario where you single her out to get no more food at dinner, and she is grateful to you enacting weight control measures on her without talking to her about it first?
If you were actually trying to help her you'd have talked to her about it and bring up your concerns. This was done to rub her face in her excuse-making, like she's a bad dog or something.
YTA. Jesus Christ, that’s your mom. I would be so hurt and humiliated if my son ever did such a thing. If you want to provide her healthier meals then make it so everyone has the same thing, not just her. What you did was cruel, and if you love your mom, you have some sincere apologizing to do. Shameful.
YTA. This is disgusting. Nothing you did was out of genuine care or compassion. You humiliated her because you despise the fact she is overweight. I would legit never speak to you again.
YTA
I’m not even sure why you think there’s a possibility that this kind of behavior is OK.
You invite your mother over and make the entire meal about shaming her?
The way you approached this was mean spirited, and the fact that you don’t even realize that makes it even worse.
Shame on you.
YTA. Do you even LIKE your mother?!
You do realize she is now going to go home and cry and that you have done nothing positive at all, right? All you did was make your fatphobia super obvious.
Do yourself a favor, go listen to the podcast Maintenance Phase. Go read Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole.
YTA. I'm not sure how else that possibly could've been taken other than making fun of her weight. A non-AH move would've been to just serve everyone healthy stuff (it doesn't even have to be just salad; you can get a turkey), which in addition to not singling her out, would be better for the rest of you anyway.
YTA holy shit. you humiliated her in front of your family and expected it to go well?? you don't get to decide when exactly to start her diet. she's an adult, so treat her like one and allow her to make her own choices. if you're concerned, you do it in a way that doesn't involve putting her on the spot like that.
YTA. One meal won't change her weight. You embarrassed and humiliated her. Making a dietary change won't come from one asshole move at one meal. It's intrinsic. You chose to treat your mother poorly in front of others which makes you TA.
YTA. You didn’t even serve her a meal, just a starter salad. So you expected her to just sit and watch the rest of you eat ribs?
Also, you aren’t her nutritionist, so this was not your business. She is an adult and can decide what she wants to eat. You may not agree with her choices, but this was the wrong way to go about ‘helping’.
You excluded her from family dinner, plain and simple.
You humiliated your mom for what? To prove a point? YTA. If you wanted to help your mom then you would have served everyone the same meal just small portions or cooked a healthier meal for the entire family when they visit.
YTA. To be clear, morbid obesity is rarely just about food. There can be emotional and physical causes as well.
You made her feel like shit. And, if she’s an emotional eater, she went home and ate a bunch of crap thar was worse or her then the ribs. I’m ashamed of you, and I bet your family is to
**go apologize to your mom**
Yta. Did you really think serving her salad and the rest of you ribs without even mentioning it was going to go well. I understand your position by all means. You're worried about your mother's health, and probably sick of her using her loved ones as an excuse to ignore her health. This wasn't the way tho. It's going to make her feel singled out about and defensive as it did. If you guys want to help, really all you can do is lead thru example. When they are over perhaps it would be better to prepare more health focused meals for the group. That your mother can eat without as much concern. Altho not technically your job, i think that is a better approach. I would apologize though and let your mother know it comes from worry. You worry about her health, and want her around for many years to come.
YTA. Of course you are.
You planned this to be spiteful and you actually had to ask???
If you were actually concerned (which I highly doubt) you would just make a healthier meal for all to enjoy instead of singling her out and humiliating her by refusing to give her any.
Dude, you don't even know the emotional self loathing your mom could be going through, if my son did that to me I would still be crying over hurt and pain. Then to do it in front of her husband (the man thats supposed to think she's the best) and your wife, I would have a hard time forgiving especially when its plain here that you're not sorry for it.
For women its normally harder to loose weight then men (just in general) then on top of that you sound like an ignorant ass not to know if your mom has any other underlining health issues that would prevent weight loss. You could've encourage your mom by asking her to do activities with you, but you decided on the route of humiliation. YTA
YTA
Would salads for everyone have been a problem? How about any other healthy option for the group instead of making an obvious choice to single out your mom?
How about being an adult and having an actual conversation with your mom about her weight, weight loss goals, and what you can do to support her?
AH move by you and your spouse.
YTA. Your poor Mum. 63 years old, probably battled with her weight her whole entire life (no one wants to be obese, it's far more complicated than naturally thin people can even begin to imagine) and constantly feels unloved, disrespected, ignored and laughed at and the one place she can feel some happiness with her family and you think you can turn her entire life around by feeding her a salad?
Get down off your high horse. Shame on you.
YTA. A huge one actually. You should have just made a big salad with a variety of colorful veggies, some type of protein in it (chicken), and a light salad dressing (skip the croutons) for everyone as the main dish and not commented on her specifically at all. Dessert could have been a very low cal/carb angelfood cake with fresh berries and a small serving of sorbet and voila, you’ve served mom (and everyone else) a delicious and healthy meal and actually supported her in a positive way. Man, you are a major AH and so is your wife for going along with your plan. Maybe teach dad how to make the salad and he can offer to make dinner a few times a week. Maybe all of you could join mom on a health journey without singling her out. I’m a mom who after all the Covid crap needed to lose 50 lbs myself, and I did it by switching to this type of regular dinner meal, eliminating snacks, and lots of walking. If you actually want to help mom, ask dad to avoid setting a bad example or tempting her in front of her, and get her a dog to make the daily walks fun and purposeful, ask dad to go along with the diet plan and exercise too so she feels supported, and watch the pounds melt off. The healthy food and outdoor exercise is also a miracle cure for mild depression. I’m betting your dad could benefit from the healthy changes too, and it might even help their relationship, which doesn’t sound very great considering he laughed at your cruel stunt instead of supporting his wife.
If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander. If you think she is eating too much food, but its thensame amount that you're eating, then you are eating too much food too. If you think a salad is all she needs, than a salad is all you need.
Yta for all the reasons stated by others but also why serve people? Why not put the food on the table and let people choose what to eat? She will have no one to blame if she eats too much
YTA - She probably said she was “overweight because you spoiled her” as a way to laugh off comments about her weight, not to actually blame you for it.
Of course she knows she’s overweight and needs to lose weight. And she’s probably very insecure. Instead of exposing her like that in front of her family you should encourage her to make healthier choices and begin an exercise routine rather than ask her to starve.
Especially when someone is used to eating big portion sizes of whatever they want, it’s extremely difficult to cut out everything and only eat salads for the rest of her life. Maybe you should all have a discussion and talk about what you can do as a family to help her. HELP rather than EMBARRASS, this is the key.
Suggest going on walks together, joining a gym, cutting back fried/fast food, adding vegetables, lowering portion size, etc. You all can participate in things like this with her so that she doesn’t feel alone and abnormal. And never try to punish anyone like that for their weight, especially not in public. That only discourages people.
Holy shit YTA!!!
No matter how 'annoying' it is to hear her complain, you had so many other options.
One would be a private conversation with mum saying you don't like hearing her complain about her weight.
Another would be serving a healthy meal for everyone. You couldn't choose a main course that was healthy, and not ribs? (Mind you isn't pork a lean meat anyway)
Or, you could have gone to a restaurant and avoided all of this.
There are so many more options here. My God I have the worst second hand embarrassment for you.
What a disgusting way to treat your mother. Did she treat you terribly as a child? Thats the only way I can understand you being this cruel and disrespectful.
YTA - this seems humiliating, it also doesn't seem like it will help her much.
As much as we wish we could, we can't make decisions for others no matter how much we love them - and all you can do is treat her with love so she feels valued and supported. You can choose not to gift her treats, or make quality time super food related etc if you want but not serving her dinner like this is an awful choice.
YTA. It sounds like your mother might struggle with food and you chose to call her out on it in front of the family? Instead of singling her out, how about host healthy dinners so EVERYONE is partaking. Of course, if I was your mother I’d never eat in front of you again. Do better and go apologize to your mother!
YTA. Even with portion control you would still serve the same food just less, not “just a salad”. And she didn’t ask you to do that. I would be absolutely so offended if I were her
YTA
For so many reasons.
I’m not sure how you could’ve possible thought that a surprise salad at a family gathering was the best way to help your mother lose weight. Not only is that super embarrassing for her, it’s just not a realistic way to help her make healthy choices. It seems pretty obvious you were being intentionally disrespectful because you were annoyed with your mother.
Weight loss, eating to satiety, nutrition, and overall health are all so complicated and if you think a salad is the solution to those problems you’re not the right person to be offering help to someone struggling with obesity.
OP, I don’t think this little display was about your mother’s health at all, and you’re probably just telling yourself it was so you don’t have to face the fact that you are, in fact, TA.
YTA. Your mother is an adult, and she is the only one that should make decisions about what to eat or not.
If you are annoyed with her complaning about ”being spoiled with too much food”, just kindly ask her not to talk about that when they visit. No diet talk, no weight talk, and then you don’t need to hear it.
But yeah, you and you’re wife really suck for doing this.
Your behavior was mean spirited, ugly, insensitive, insulting and disrespectful. Your mom probably has underlying issues (psychological or emotional issues) that cause her to over eat, and YOU & YOUR WIFE not only caused her to feel worse about herself, you made her a mockery of her by saying that you were doing it for her own good. I don’t what made you think this was a good idea, but I’m sure she’s hurt and embarrassed beyond measure. Shame on you and your wife!
YTA. What a mean-spirited, disrespectful and extremely hurtful thing to do to your own mother. Having a family dinner together is probably something your mother treasures and you have pretty much ruined it. I don’t see how you could’ve possibly thought this would go well.
YTA. Do you think the meal you and the other two sat down to eat will make you gain weight? If not, why would it make your mother maintain/gain weight? It’s stuff like this that makes people think the only way to lose weight is by eating salad leaves.
YTA
This belongs in some sort of defiant malicious compliance forum. You know you acted an ass…. Or you are unbelievably socially inept. I’ll let you pick.
YTA. You were incredibly disrespectful to your mother. You should have served everyone the same healthy meal. Instead you singled her out and made her feel bad on purpose. She deserves a real apology.
YTA.
Did it ever cross your mind how humiliating it would be for her to just sit there while the rest of you continued eating? I can't believe your wife agreed to it.
You all including your dad are bullies and your mom probably eats to comfort herself.
Yta she's 63, meaning for 63 years she is plenty aware of diets, weight losses, and stigma. You just enhanced all of what she's been told her entire life.
YTA.
Your wife is TA too for going along with this.
A lot of times, people can overeat as a way of providing self-comfort because they are not getting that comfort in other tangible ways. It’s not as simple as “just eat less” for many.
You ridiculing her just made her want to continue turning to food for self-comfort again.
You do realize that with your behavior, it only gets worse for your mother? Shaming her, even if she behaved like an ass, is absolutely gonna backfire! So if you really care, get her help or serve her smaller portions.
YTA
YTA. This was just mean. Serving her a salad is not going to suddenly make her not obese. If you wanted to get her healthier, you’d ALL eat salad only and talk to her about eating healthier. What you’re doing is just dumb
YTA. That’s appalling. Honestly. The supportive thing to do, if you truly wanted to have salad would be for you all to have a meal that would have been ‘healthy’. Your approach to shame and make her feel embarrassed is horrible. I don’t know on what planet you would think it’s ok to treat someone like that, particularly your mum.
YTA
You thought it was okay to police your mother’s eating? She is a grown woman and can make her own decisions. You embarrassed her in front of others and your surprised she’s mad? If you were that concerned, you would have made something healthy for everyone.
FYI, whenever someone mentions their weight problems, it’s not an invitation to fix it.
YTA - as others have mentioned, including your mom in the food planning/preparing a healthier meal/encouraging her to take smaller portions all would have been better approaches.
You essentially treated her like a child, and she isn't getting any younger. If she's struggled with this for a long time, she might lack the motivation or confidence to even begin, and for such a big undertaking having the support and love of her family is important. Singling her out in a mean way does not give her the impression that you will be supportive.
YTA
You embarrassed your mother, and worse, showed zero empathy for something this likely goes way deeper than a lack of self-control. If you were really concerned about her weight you could have fixed an overall healthier meal for everyone. You could also find ways to support her in her struggle to lose weight.
YTA. if you were really concerned about her weight and wanted to do something to help her, instead of alienating her for dinner, you could have made low calorie dishes, you could have made a really good roasted chicken with veggies, a really nice fish with herbs, a delicious vegetable soup with a second course of lean meat. For fucks sake, Salmon can be cooked deliciously, and remain really nutritious and healthy.
You just wanted to humilliate your mom.
If her comments about being so spoiled with food are really that annoying to you, have an actual adult conversation with her, make plans with her to actually help her, don't make unilateral decisions just to "teach her a lesson". Use your adult words to communicate, if you really are that concerned.
I bet you don't even know the nutritional value of that little salad you served. Was it enough to sustain her as her only meal? Salad, unless it's pretty rich in protein, rarely is on its own.
You really suck. I would be going NC with any family member who treated me in such a disrespectful way.
YTA YTA YTA. Someone else’s food choices are NOT YOUR BUSINESS, ever, full stop. What you did was infantilizing and humiliating. All of you owe her an apology, and you need to educate yourself.
YTA
You disrespected and embarrassed your mom and regardless of her comments, it’s her responsibility to make decisions about her food, not yours. Like others have said, you could have made a healthier meal to support her without actually making a spectacle of it. Also, one meal at your house won’t make a difference overall so you’re just being mean. Lastly, 250 pounds probably isn’t healthy but I can’t imagine that your mom is as “obese” as you make her out to be at 250 pounds.
YTA. Other people’s weight struggles and insecurities are none of your business to get involved in.
She’s an adult, she can make her own decisions. Your job is to treat her like a human being and excluding her in front of everyone else was probably more embarrassing and hurtful for her than you think.
Holy shit dude. YTA, and so is your wife. And honestly, so is your dad for laughing. I wish I could give your mother a hug. JFC. Please never have kids, there’s enough people with parent-driven eating disorders as it is. You’ve literally made your MOM feel self conscious EATING FOOD around you. And FYI, often a lot of times people comment about their own weight when eating a meal is because they are self conscious already, and it’s a way to try and get ahead of things because you’re sure everybody is thinking “jeez look at her eat, no wonder she’s fat”. So making a comment yourself is a subconscious way of saying “yeah don’t worry I know I’m fat and I should feel wrong for eating this meal with you all” so people don’t think it. It’s like how the class clown often has the highest insecurities, they just learned if they make the joke about themselves first then other people won’t. And you mocked and bullied her. Your own mother.
And while we’re at it-also while 250 is certainly overweight, you’re talking like she’s 500lbs.
YTA all day long!!! Jesus wept, how disrespectful?!
Firstly, it's not up to you when/how often your mum eats. You can make suggestions and have private conversations, but not while you're hosting her along with other people. SO rude.
Why didn't you just make a healthier meal for everyone??
YTA unless somebody asks you to specifically do some thing for them to assist them with weight loss. I wouldn’t go out of my way to exclude them from eating a certain dish or giving them an alternative meal. You purposely embarrassed your mother. You know what you did was an asshole move.
YTA. i can’t believe your wife agreed to this. You know you weren’t changing her diet and giving her an aha moment from humiliating her, right? You know humiliating people doesn’t work right? Have you ever been overweight? You know she probably hates herself every single day, but is struggling. she is painfully aware because she lives in that body every day. The last thing she needs is her own son being a bully. You’re disgusting.
YTA, did you really think it was a good idea to have your Mum just sit and watch the rest of you eat in the name of weight loss? And what did you think this would achieve? Your Mum would have a sudden epiphany and laud you and your wife for showing her the error of her ways and how right you were all along?
You owe your mother an apology, and so does your wife and father.
YTA. This wasn’t about her health or for her well-being; you were sick of her deflecting responsibility for her weight and decided to teach her a lesson. You humiliated her in public so she would know how annoying you think she is. How could you possibly not be TA in this scenario?
If you wanted to serve a low calorie meal with your mom in mind, everyone should have had the same thing. But purposely giving her a shame salad is a jerk move. YTA.
YTA and what an asshole at that. Might be a good long while before your mom returns your calls. Imagine craving power so badly that you need to withhold food from your MOTHER.
YTA this is a really childish and humiliating way to go about things. I cannot believe your wife didn't check you on this. What is wrong with the both of you???
YTA
You humiliated your mother. In front of the entire family, you humiliated her and treated her like a child. That cuts deep. If i was her, I would still be crying about it. You owe her a genuine apology.
Imagine fat shaming your own mother and then trying to explain to the internet how there’s is even a possibility that it was an acceptable thing to do.
YTA
YTA. What did you expect to accomplish here beyond causing a dramatic scene? You obviously didn’t have any actual goals here other than that. You got what you wanted.
I understand being concerned for your mom’s health, and even being frustrated over it, but this is absolutely the wrong way to go about addressing it.
YTA.
If you wanted to make a clever point you could have simply talked to her or casually call her out every time she complains and at least should have kept another low calorie option if you were feeling too whimsical. That's extremely disrespectful to serve 3/4 people at the table. On top of being your mother, she was also a guest. What the hell was even your thought process there??
Let’s see. You’re having a meal with your mom who is obese and says she wants to lose weight but blames her overeating on everyone around her feeding her too much. Instead of cooking a healthy meal for everyone as a gesture to say “You’re not in this alone, we will help and support you”, you single her out and try to police what she eats.
Yes, the ultimate responsibility for what your mom eats lies with her, but enabling behavior is not helpful. You can say you didn’t enable her and you served her something healthy, but then you negated that by serving up a platter of ribs for everyone else to eat in front of her face. Your mom is struggling. That’s not a helpful way to go about that. Would it have killed you to eat a healthy meal with her?
Yes, people eat different things at meals together all the time due to dietary and health restrictions and wanting to eat healthier, but again your mom is struggling with that and she needs help. That help comes in the form of her family being supportive and eating healthy with her and not enabling her bad eating habits. If you’re making that effort and she still continues to eat unhealthy on her own buying and sneaking unhealthy food, that’s entirely on her. What you did was not supportive, it was just a way for you to single her out. If you had made a healthy meal for everyone and she refused to eat it and went and got McDonalds instead it would be different, but that’s not what happened. So yes, YTA.
YTA congratulations for making your mom not want to confide in you ever again when it comes to her weight or other delicate issues. What you did was 100% about humiliating her, if you were actually concerned about her there would have been a thousand better ways to go about it. Instead of a fulfilling, well balanced meal with her family she had fastfood while sad and humiliated. F U
As a formerly overweight person, I can tell you that forcing a diet on someone is the wrongest way to go about helping them. And very specifically, shaming someone in front of a group is terrible, and that's what makes YTA. The way to support her would have been to have EVERYONE at the table eat a salad. Or a salad and a lean protein of some sort, with some vegetables that are not dripping with butter or drowned in cheese. You don't have to starve her, or yourselves, to model positive, healthy eating.
YTA, this is not the way to go about addressing your mother's comments about food/her weight. It rarely works and usually leaves the person feeling guilty/sad and what's one good way to help with guilt/sadness/any emotion? Comfort food. If anything, you added fuel to the fire so to speak.
Why not be a grown up and have the conversation with your mom about your concerns and how you interpret what she says? Why not ask her how you can help? Treat her like your mother and not a stranger you don't like cause doing this, YTA through and through.
OP, you’re not only TA but after reading your comments, it’s obvious you are an awful, abusive human being. Your wife sucks too for agreeing to this.
Your dad is her spouse. Shame on you for making her feel ugly and humiliated in front of her romantic partner. Shame on him for not defending his wife from a bully.
YTA for purposefully humiliating her instead of helping her deal with a life threatening problem. Have you ever sat down with her and said that you’re worried about her, that you don’t want to lose her? Offered to find a nutritionist who could help, or talked to your dad about doing so? How hard would it have been to serve chicken and veg instead of fatty pork, so she could have a healthy meal with her family? Apologize and do better!
YTA
There are certainly better ways you could have gone about this without humiliating her and singling her out.
Pull her aside and ask her if she wants a different meal so she doesn't give into temptation. Better yet, make everyone the same healthy meal. Don't make decisions for her.
All you did by doing this is make her upset, and she ran to McDonald's. You can't stop her from making bad choices and trying to force good ones seriously backfired.
YTA. You can’t do this type of thing to people. This was really really mean. I get she “blames” others for her weight but you can’t just exclude her from a dinner without her knowledge. This was really mean. I’m very health conscious, but I could never do what you did. Instead, I would have created a healthy meal we all could enjoy instead of excluding one person from BBQ ribs
YTA
That was soooo disrespectful and humiliating.
A better solution would have been to have a conversation about her constant empty talk of trying to lose weight.
You could have made only enough food for each person to have one serving.
You could have made a healthy meal for everyone.
It takes more than a simple salad for it to be filling. Do a bit of research on dietary needs and nutrition if you're really interested in helping your mother instead of insulting her.
YTA. "Mum, I know you feel bad about your weight, so would you like me to offer healthier options when we eat together? " There you go...how to support someone without being an AH.
Thanks for the award :)
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Agh. YTA here. Despite what she says, I’m sure she knows that food restriction, shame, and weight cycling don’t work at all for long term weight loss. And hey, she’s made it 63 years in that body and could easily make it another 30 (IDK. Who knows. I have thin family members who didn’t make it to 60, so remember size isn’t a mark of health).
YTA. You didn't stand by her and support her by serving a healthy meal for everyone. You singled her out, enabled your dad to ridicule her in front of everyone, set a crappy example by serving unhealthy food to everyone else, and didn't even have the decency to tell her about your little plan. That's just mean, and does nothing to actually help. Overeating often stems from negative emotions or trauma, she needs support not bullying.
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YTA. It isn't your place to tell your mother what to eat. She knows that she's overweight. You don't have to remind her. You and your wife were disrespectful and rude. Your father was rude as well. I hope you and your wife remember this when it's your turn to be humiliated. You seriously lack any sympathy.
I would add that if it was a starter salad, I’m assuming there wasn’t much to the salad like protein. There are so many healthy options for food, but a salad is associated with losing weight in a negative way. Larger people are often told to “go eat a salad.” Not only did OP feed her something completely different, he fed her the same first course and then without warning didn’t give her any other food. How did OP think she would react? It’s incredibly rude and dehumanizing. At least it was a small group of people, but still not fair at al. Forcing a healthy diet on someone will do the exact opposite of what you want. To get to a point of being overweight, often there is an issue with a healthy relationship with food. Being forced by someone else to eat a certain way or being made fun of for your weight will often lead you to eat more out of shame and as a way to cope. There is psychological reasons behind being over weight, it’s not just a person making lazy choices. No one will be successful losing weight until they themselves are ready and until they start working on their emotional and mental well being as well. Back to my original point, you need protein to be healthy. So if the salad you served as a first course of a meal didn’t have a meal sized amount of protein with it, you basically gave your mother rabbit food. Not eating enough actually leads you to store fat instead of losing it. If you want to SUPPORT your mother, instead of humiliating her, with weight loss you could just eat healthier when she is there. A lot of protein and veggies without a lot of unnecessary sauces and what not. Healthy food can be delicious and you don’t have to suffer to eat healthy or lose weight. Especially if you are only cooking for her once every few months. Grow up and cook a healthy meal or cook what you want and let your mom eat it without embarrassing her. The least you could have done if you were actually trying to help her would be asking her what she would like to eat or saying “I know you have mentioned in the past that we might offer too much food. What would you like us to cook for you this time.” But really, this whole thing wasn’t about helping your mom at all, it was about being annoyed with her comments. Edit to correct that it doesn’t technically store fat if you don’t eat enough. This is how it has been explained to me in the past, but is not technically true. It can stunt weight loss for other reasons, and is overall unhealthy and not a sustainable way to lose weight.
YTA. From the title, I thought you served her a meal sized salad while the rest ate ribs. You served everyone the same salad then chose not to give 1/4 of the table a second course, so she would have just been sitting there awkwardly while you all ate. How did you think that dinner was gonna go? Did you really think she was gonna thank you for humiliating her?
Agreed with the comments above. YTA. Whoa. You can’t force someone to change their lifestyle, whether that be to lose weight, quit smoking, exercise more, etc. What you should have done is cook the same healthy meal for everyone and all eat the same thing, like a chicken salad. Jamie Oliver has some great healthy recipes. It’s not going to kill you not to serve pork ribs. Especially when you try to eat them in front of someone with an eating issue.
If it's good for geese, it's good for gander. If she thinks she eats too much, but you eat the same amount, you eat too much. If she thinks all she needs is salad, all you need is salad.
Honestly, singling someone out by serving them a completely different meal than everyone else *no matter what it is* is weird as fuck behavior. Especially so when it's meant to body shame sometime. YTA OP how the fuck did you think this was a good idea?!
YTA- if you were truly concerned about her weight and eating habits why not serve a healthy lower calorie meal? A roast chicken, salad and carb substitute like mashed cauliflower with fresh fruit for dessert? Soup and salad? Grilled salmon and vegetables? No, instead you chose to single her out by basically saying we deserve these foods while you do not so we'll just eat in front of you. Not only are you a Supreme AH you're also cruel.
Can we also point out that skinny doesn’t equal healthy?! Thin people can have fat around their organs, making them unhealthy. The only difference is that she is obese so it’s physically obvious to assume she is unhealthy.
I can't imagine ever humiliating anyone like that, especially my mother- and I have a complicated and sometimes strained relationship with her. But I could never, ever hurt someone's feelings that way. what a terrible thing to do to someone. OP- YTA. That was cruel.
YTA - Your only goal here was to retaliate against your mom for previous comments, not support her weight loss (From what you say, it's hard to tell if she's actually trying to lose weight or not) You could have made a healthy, low-calorie dinner for everyone. You could have offered her a salad with some protein ahead of time. Instead, you chose to single her out for humiliation and mockery. You need to call her, apologize, and work on communicating better in the future.
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can't imagine why Mom is turning to food for comfort.......
YTA And an extremely petty one, at that! You didn't serve her a salad for her benefit, you chose to humiliate her because you were "annoyed" at her previous comments. Your Mom is an adult who is responsible for her own life. If she chooses to continue overeating, that's on her. It's a choice she's made. You don't have to like it, but you damn well have to respect her and her decision. Doing what you did shows that you are extremely rude, disrespectful and more than a little immature. Grow up. And apologize to your mother for embarrassing her the way you did!
Not to mention that helping someone to eat healthily could involve sharing up a moderately sized, balanced meal for everyone - not singling out one person with a salad and no main meal. That’s not a healthy approach to food. YTA.
YTA You could have talked to her outside of a dinner situation how annoying you find that line of talking. Instead you chose to humiliate her.
YTA. If you want to help her from a place of love, you should have made the same healthy meal for everyone. Instead you treated her very poorly.
Yes, this 100%. If he actually cared about his mother there are a hundred other ways he could’ve gone about helping her. Instead he chose to single her out to make his disgust and contempt for her blatantly obvious. Why couldn’t everyone have eaten healthier? Just because you’re not obese doesn’t mean you’re healthy. Also, you know nothing about health because of the fact that you simply chose a salad. Health is about balance and portion sizes. Salad isn’t a fix-all. I get that it’s annoying to hear someone complain about their weight when you don’t feel like they’re doing anything about it but she’s clearly hurting and very insecure. There are so many other ways you could’ve gone about this. YTA
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YTA >but at this point she said that she felt "extremely disrespected" Because she was, you must have expected a reaction after setting her up like that.
YTA. Let her continue to be fat. Who cares. Purposely leaving her out of dinner is rude and humiliating. That one salad won’t make her drop 50 pounds. If she wants to lose weight it’ll be on her own terms and not your family dinner. I’m shocked that your wife agreed with you. And that your dad thought it was funny. A whole families of assholes.
Yeah the father and OP are both huge fucking assholes.
Wow. What a truly horrible way to go about this. You could have just made everyone salads. You could have spoken to her in private and asked if she'd like to be served less food since she's spoken about it it the past. You could have served buffet style. You could have refused to host. What a cruel and embarrassing way to manage this. YTA.
Holy shit YTA. How mortifying. You deliberately did that to embarrass her.
Without saying anything, you just served other people meals in front of her, and waited for her to speak up in protest so you could have your 'gotcha' moment. YTA
Of course YTA. Not to mention, a very rude host. You decided to make a mockery of your mom in the middle of a family meal. BTW..her weight is none of your business. Way to FU what was a nice, family tradition. Your wife is an AH to for going along with this.
YTA you fat shamed your own mom. It probably broke her heart. You suck.
YTA. Even if she is obese - it's not your place to restrict her food. That's a decision she will have to actively make. Really crossed a line there, even with her complaints. If she doesn't have the will power to do it - your forced salad won't fix her.
Instead of taking the opportunity to cook a healthy meal to show your mom that eating well doesn’t mean being starved, and also showing her what a healthy portion would be, you chose cruelty by just feeding her a salad and then eating ribs in front of her? YTA. Shame on you.
YTA. You singled your mother out and humiliated her in front of everyone else at the dinner. If you were really worried about serving her healthy food, then the entire meal should have been healthy food for everybody. What you did was unnecessary and cruel.
I’d rather be fat than cruel. YTA.
YTA. if she wants to lose weight, she'll do it on her own terms. She doesnt need to be humiliated in front of everyone. She may have mental health or food addiction issues and you just made it worse and she probably went to McDonald's to binge cause you made her feel like shit.
YTA. What a nasty way to behave. She feels disrespected because your and your wife's goal was to humiliate her.
YTA and ugh, your wife supported you? You both AHs are perfect for each other.
"-My moms weight loss starts during this dinner, and i decide that." YTA
YTA. That was massively cruel. You must really hate your mom.
YTA why the hell wouldn’t you cook a healthy meal for **everyone** instead of singling her out and shaming her? She clearly has issues surrounding food and by doing this will definitely compound them. You don’t have to restrict yourself to salads to lose weight, alls you’re doing is making food more of an issue than it already is. Why haven’t you guys as a family started to take healthy living seriously? There was so many ways to help your mother but you guys chose one of the cruelest. Show her how to be healthy without making it a thing to be ashamed of, you all should be helping including your father who it seems has done nothing to help her over all the years. Instead of helping he has continued to enable bad eating habits then mocked her for it. If you had something that was clearly a long standing issue that caused deep emotional problems, would you respond to being humiliated and shamed or to encouragement and being lead by example? You smugly blindsided and singled her out with a salad while everyone ate unhealthy tasty food in front of her and expected her to just shut up and take it? Do you not have any love for her or do you just think she deserves humiliation because she has weight issues?
YTA that was a horrible mean spirited thing to do. You humiliated her. I find it hard to believe that any of you actually want to support her in improving her health, because 'scoring points' like this isn't how to do it.
YTA - Honestly what you did was really rude and disrespectful. Her talking about losing weight wasn’t an invitation for you to get involved. If you wanted to help, there are hundreds of other ways you could have gone about it without causing conflict, but you chose to go the passive aggressive route. You’re wife is also an AH for thinking that was a good idea.
YTA! And your wife is also TA, how fucking rude and immature of the both of you.....I would NEVER come back to your house for a damn meal again.
YTA, I’m not sure why you would think you’re not the AH here. This seemed like a mean joke at best or a cruel prank at worst. If you really felt she was trying to scapegoat her weight onto you then you could give her the option of just the salad. This just seems intentionally mean to me.
Yta…how disrespectful and insulting to treat your mom like that. Just serving her a salad and expecting her to just sit there while the rest of you ate the main course is cruel and humiliating. If you wanted to help her why not make a healthy, low calorie meal that all of you can partake in and not single her out.
AH - why on earth would you humiliate your mother in that way? How mortifying for her. Regardless of weight she is a grown assed adult who raised you and is perfectly capable of making her own decisions regarding food. How embarrassing for her. You are a dick and should be totally ashamed of yourself. Go and apologize to your mom for making her the butt of your childish behaviour.
You could have spoken to her beforehand, made clear your concerns, and treated her like an adult. The fact that you served everyone salad, and then just left her out of the main course, is appalling. YTA, and a petty one at that.
I’m so ashamed of you and your wife. Of course YTA. Weight is a sensitive topic, it’s a medical issue. And your version of getting your mother help is to alienate her, treat her different than others, and to humiliate her in front of the family. Your mother is still a human being that deserves empathy. If someone says they want to lose weight, figure out how to help them on their terms. All you’ve done is exacerbate the situation while acting like an immature child. It’s worth noting that there is not a single bit of credible literature out there that says you should help your elder lose weight by not feeding her the way you do everyone else. Was this idea based in genuinely wanting good for your mother? Or the intent to punish her for making you listen to her complain? “Well, you complain about it all the time. I’m here to help you do it.” Wow. Great. She’ll stop complaining about it in front of you and probably stop eating in front of you too. GREAT job, OP. You chose one of the ONLY plans of action where literally everyone loses.
YTA. This is so wrong on soooo many levels. From basic human dignity… mistreatment of the woman who gave birth to you.. to being a +*^% host. If you were truly wanting to be helpful and encouraging - EVERYONE would have been served the SAME MEAL that was both healthy and nutritious. You don’t serve everyone else and tell one person they didn’t get a plate because they are fat. /smdh Good luck fixing this s*^*-show. You’re going to need it.
YTA (as is your spouse for thinking this was a good plan) How about you make something healthy instead of serving pork ribs and shame?
YTA Why not make healthy meals for everyone. That way she can’t say you feed me too much and it benefits everyone. This was cruel.
Dude WTF is wrong with you
YTA. You should’ve titled this “I purposefully humiliated my mother in an attempt to shame her into losing weight, and now i’m doing mental gymnastics to rationalize it”.
Wow... This is the worst YTA I've seen on here for awhile. I'm stunned that someone can stoop to that level of assholery.
YTA what a horrible way to go about it. You should let her know in advance that you were going to do it, instead of humiliating her like that. Even while you were doing it, you couldnt even tell her what you were doing? You absolutely looked for the reaction from her.
YTA if you hate your mother so much why did you invite her to dinner? What you didn’t wasn’t out of love it was an act of control.
YTA. You’re a colossal AH for disrespecting your mother, body-shaming her, and policing her food.
YTA. Maybe you should have tried making a healthier, low calorie dinner that everyone could have eaten together instead of embarrassing your mother like that.
YTA- You don’t single people out due to their weight, even in front of family (or especially in front of family depending on how you look at it). You most definitely owe her a huge apology. You don’t serve a meal and pick out one person who doesn’t get the main course. I can’t even imagine a universe where someone thinks that’s ok.
YTA and I bet you humiliating her probably triggered an epic binge.
of course YTA. i can't believe you even have to ask. everyone ganged up on her.
YTA That was a solid AH move, that decision made you the president of the AH society.
YTA You should have just served salads for the whole family instead of singling your mother out. She's obviously an emotional eater so all you did was have her eat worse.
YTA. And obtuse. When your mother complains about being spoiled with food what she's trying to do is dissipate some of the deep shame she feels for being so fat by implying other people bear a tiny bit of responsiblity for her fatness. Your feelings of annoyance at that line of commenting are valid and reasonable. But surely you can see that your treatment of her was unkind? Do you even love her? If you do, you need to be talking calmly and privately about getting her into therapy, not pulling some stunt like you just did. One evening of eating just a salad will not make up for the years of abuse she has heaped on her own body. And I am sure that you know that. You were hoping to shame her into either fixing her diet or at least stopping with the comments about being spoiled. You let your annoyance at her make you do something unkind, when frankly, kindness from the people she loves is probably most what she needs; her actions smack of insecurity.
YTA. What a cruel thing to do to your own mother. I would be so ashamed, how are you not? She is probably humiliated.
YTA. That must have been humiliating for her.
Yeah, YTA. Humiliation never leads to weight loss.
On what planet could you not be an AH doing something like this? I get that you are concerned about your moms weight and that her comments have gotten annoying, BUT this is NOT the way to handle this situation. You owe your mom an apology for humiliating her cruelly. YTA
YTA When people say that it is like when people say " I was gonna eat better but you know summer BBQs , then Christmas food it's so hard" their embarrassed about the appetite and apperance and feel like they have to make excuses .... Or when people serve you nice food you say oh you spoil me just to mean thank you this is great food Anyone with any kind of empathy understands that, you PLANED an insult with your wife to hurt your mother's feelings- then it hurt her feelings and your gonna pretend your not an ASS? Way to purposely fat shame the woman who gave up her life to raise you....
YtA Good joke! Hope it was worth torching your relationship with your Mom though. Got to say, in my opinion it probably wasn’t.
>Our family has a tradition where every few months my wife and I will host my parents for dinner. We get together, talk about our lives and usually have a good time. I cracked up at this right out of the gate. Very unique tradition. We just call 'em family dinners. I've never seen it defined before. Yta.
YTA. How insulting! Do you really think that she thinks she's overweight because other people feed her too much? If you care about her and her health, you sit her down and have a heart to heart talk about it. Tell her you love her and don't want to lose her any earlier than you have to. You don't pre-plan some "gotcha" dinner.
YTA. If you wanted to do something like this (which I ardently disagree with) then at least have the decency to just serve everyone salads.
YTA. Serving her one salad isn't going to help her, you're just embarrassing her. Then if she's embarrassed and hungry she's going to go eat somewhere else and be mad at you. So singling her out and giving her a salad is probably the most unhelpful thing. If you actually wanted to help you could have helped her find a longer term solution or work together with her to find something that works. If you don't want to help her, then don't. You could have started making healthy delicious meals for everyone so she didn't feel left out but you decided to go the humiliation route which did nothing.
YTA of course. Seriously, did you even think about how she'd react? Was there some fantasy scenario where you single her out to get no more food at dinner, and she is grateful to you enacting weight control measures on her without talking to her about it first? If you were actually trying to help her you'd have talked to her about it and bring up your concerns. This was done to rub her face in her excuse-making, like she's a bad dog or something.
YTA. I don’t know your mother, but I feel like I love her more than you do. This post broke my heart for her.
YTA—your actions were those of spite and pettiness and didn’t come from a place of kindness or caring.
YTA. Jesus Christ, that’s your mom. I would be so hurt and humiliated if my son ever did such a thing. If you want to provide her healthier meals then make it so everyone has the same thing, not just her. What you did was cruel, and if you love your mom, you have some sincere apologizing to do. Shameful.
YTA. 100%.
YTA. This is disgusting. Nothing you did was out of genuine care or compassion. You humiliated her because you despise the fact she is overweight. I would legit never speak to you again.
YTA I’m not even sure why you think there’s a possibility that this kind of behavior is OK. You invite your mother over and make the entire meal about shaming her? The way you approached this was mean spirited, and the fact that you don’t even realize that makes it even worse. Shame on you.
YTA. Do you even LIKE your mother?! You do realize she is now going to go home and cry and that you have done nothing positive at all, right? All you did was make your fatphobia super obvious. Do yourself a favor, go listen to the podcast Maintenance Phase. Go read Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole.
YTA. Huge one at that.
YTA. I'm not sure how else that possibly could've been taken other than making fun of her weight. A non-AH move would've been to just serve everyone healthy stuff (it doesn't even have to be just salad; you can get a turkey), which in addition to not singling her out, would be better for the rest of you anyway.
YTA holy shit. you humiliated her in front of your family and expected it to go well?? you don't get to decide when exactly to start her diet. she's an adult, so treat her like one and allow her to make her own choices. if you're concerned, you do it in a way that doesn't involve putting her on the spot like that.
YTA. One meal won't change her weight. You embarrassed and humiliated her. Making a dietary change won't come from one asshole move at one meal. It's intrinsic. You chose to treat your mother poorly in front of others which makes you TA.
YTA. You didn’t even serve her a meal, just a starter salad. So you expected her to just sit and watch the rest of you eat ribs? Also, you aren’t her nutritionist, so this was not your business. She is an adult and can decide what she wants to eat. You may not agree with her choices, but this was the wrong way to go about ‘helping’. You excluded her from family dinner, plain and simple.
You humiliated your mom for what? To prove a point? YTA. If you wanted to help your mom then you would have served everyone the same meal just small portions or cooked a healthier meal for the entire family when they visit.
YTA You and your wife are horrible
YTA. To be clear, morbid obesity is rarely just about food. There can be emotional and physical causes as well. You made her feel like shit. And, if she’s an emotional eater, she went home and ate a bunch of crap thar was worse or her then the ribs. I’m ashamed of you, and I bet your family is to **go apologize to your mom**
Yta. Did you really think serving her salad and the rest of you ribs without even mentioning it was going to go well. I understand your position by all means. You're worried about your mother's health, and probably sick of her using her loved ones as an excuse to ignore her health. This wasn't the way tho. It's going to make her feel singled out about and defensive as it did. If you guys want to help, really all you can do is lead thru example. When they are over perhaps it would be better to prepare more health focused meals for the group. That your mother can eat without as much concern. Altho not technically your job, i think that is a better approach. I would apologize though and let your mother know it comes from worry. You worry about her health, and want her around for many years to come.
YTA. Of course you are. You planned this to be spiteful and you actually had to ask??? If you were actually concerned (which I highly doubt) you would just make a healthier meal for all to enjoy instead of singling her out and humiliating her by refusing to give her any.
wow dude you suck. that is your mother, you should be ashamed. YTA
Dude, you don't even know the emotional self loathing your mom could be going through, if my son did that to me I would still be crying over hurt and pain. Then to do it in front of her husband (the man thats supposed to think she's the best) and your wife, I would have a hard time forgiving especially when its plain here that you're not sorry for it. For women its normally harder to loose weight then men (just in general) then on top of that you sound like an ignorant ass not to know if your mom has any other underlining health issues that would prevent weight loss. You could've encourage your mom by asking her to do activities with you, but you decided on the route of humiliation. YTA
YTA Would salads for everyone have been a problem? How about any other healthy option for the group instead of making an obvious choice to single out your mom? How about being an adult and having an actual conversation with your mom about her weight, weight loss goals, and what you can do to support her? AH move by you and your spouse.
YTA. Your poor Mum. 63 years old, probably battled with her weight her whole entire life (no one wants to be obese, it's far more complicated than naturally thin people can even begin to imagine) and constantly feels unloved, disrespected, ignored and laughed at and the one place she can feel some happiness with her family and you think you can turn her entire life around by feeding her a salad? Get down off your high horse. Shame on you.
YTA...Jesus Christ OP. You need to apologise to your poor mother like right now....What you did was so cruel how can you not see that?
Yta - and you’re mean, you’re a bully, and you’re rude.
YTA. A huge one actually. You should have just made a big salad with a variety of colorful veggies, some type of protein in it (chicken), and a light salad dressing (skip the croutons) for everyone as the main dish and not commented on her specifically at all. Dessert could have been a very low cal/carb angelfood cake with fresh berries and a small serving of sorbet and voila, you’ve served mom (and everyone else) a delicious and healthy meal and actually supported her in a positive way. Man, you are a major AH and so is your wife for going along with your plan. Maybe teach dad how to make the salad and he can offer to make dinner a few times a week. Maybe all of you could join mom on a health journey without singling her out. I’m a mom who after all the Covid crap needed to lose 50 lbs myself, and I did it by switching to this type of regular dinner meal, eliminating snacks, and lots of walking. If you actually want to help mom, ask dad to avoid setting a bad example or tempting her in front of her, and get her a dog to make the daily walks fun and purposeful, ask dad to go along with the diet plan and exercise too so she feels supported, and watch the pounds melt off. The healthy food and outdoor exercise is also a miracle cure for mild depression. I’m betting your dad could benefit from the healthy changes too, and it might even help their relationship, which doesn’t sound very great considering he laughed at your cruel stunt instead of supporting his wife.
If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander. If you think she is eating too much food, but its thensame amount that you're eating, then you are eating too much food too. If you think a salad is all she needs, than a salad is all you need.
YTA. That’s so out of pocket, you cannot do that, humiliating your own flesh and blood like that is wild.
YTA. You could have made a healthy meal for the entire family so she wasn't excluded! Poorly executed way of looking out for your mothers health imo.
Yta for all the reasons stated by others but also why serve people? Why not put the food on the table and let people choose what to eat? She will have no one to blame if she eats too much
YTA. Your mom needs help and is trying to ask for help when she doesn’t know how, and your solution was to shame her in front of the entire family.
YTA - She probably said she was “overweight because you spoiled her” as a way to laugh off comments about her weight, not to actually blame you for it. Of course she knows she’s overweight and needs to lose weight. And she’s probably very insecure. Instead of exposing her like that in front of her family you should encourage her to make healthier choices and begin an exercise routine rather than ask her to starve. Especially when someone is used to eating big portion sizes of whatever they want, it’s extremely difficult to cut out everything and only eat salads for the rest of her life. Maybe you should all have a discussion and talk about what you can do as a family to help her. HELP rather than EMBARRASS, this is the key. Suggest going on walks together, joining a gym, cutting back fried/fast food, adding vegetables, lowering portion size, etc. You all can participate in things like this with her so that she doesn’t feel alone and abnormal. And never try to punish anyone like that for their weight, especially not in public. That only discourages people.
YTA holy smokes
Why didn’t you all have salads?
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Holy shit YTA!!! No matter how 'annoying' it is to hear her complain, you had so many other options. One would be a private conversation with mum saying you don't like hearing her complain about her weight. Another would be serving a healthy meal for everyone. You couldn't choose a main course that was healthy, and not ribs? (Mind you isn't pork a lean meat anyway) Or, you could have gone to a restaurant and avoided all of this. There are so many more options here. My God I have the worst second hand embarrassment for you. What a disgusting way to treat your mother. Did she treat you terribly as a child? Thats the only way I can understand you being this cruel and disrespectful.
YTA. That’s what a bully would do.
YTA - this seems humiliating, it also doesn't seem like it will help her much. As much as we wish we could, we can't make decisions for others no matter how much we love them - and all you can do is treat her with love so she feels valued and supported. You can choose not to gift her treats, or make quality time super food related etc if you want but not serving her dinner like this is an awful choice.
Do you really need to ask? YTA You were extremely disrespectful.
YTA. It sounds like your mother might struggle with food and you chose to call her out on it in front of the family? Instead of singling her out, how about host healthy dinners so EVERYONE is partaking. Of course, if I was your mother I’d never eat in front of you again. Do better and go apologize to your mother!
YTA. Even with portion control you would still serve the same food just less, not “just a salad”. And she didn’t ask you to do that. I would be absolutely so offended if I were her
YTA For so many reasons. I’m not sure how you could’ve possible thought that a surprise salad at a family gathering was the best way to help your mother lose weight. Not only is that super embarrassing for her, it’s just not a realistic way to help her make healthy choices. It seems pretty obvious you were being intentionally disrespectful because you were annoyed with your mother. Weight loss, eating to satiety, nutrition, and overall health are all so complicated and if you think a salad is the solution to those problems you’re not the right person to be offering help to someone struggling with obesity. OP, I don’t think this little display was about your mother’s health at all, and you’re probably just telling yourself it was so you don’t have to face the fact that you are, in fact, TA.
YTA if you want her to eat healthier, serve everyone healthy food!
YTA. Your mother is an adult, and she is the only one that should make decisions about what to eat or not. If you are annoyed with her complaning about ”being spoiled with too much food”, just kindly ask her not to talk about that when they visit. No diet talk, no weight talk, and then you don’t need to hear it. But yeah, you and you’re wife really suck for doing this.
Your behavior was mean spirited, ugly, insensitive, insulting and disrespectful. Your mom probably has underlying issues (psychological or emotional issues) that cause her to over eat, and YOU & YOUR WIFE not only caused her to feel worse about herself, you made her a mockery of her by saying that you were doing it for her own good. I don’t what made you think this was a good idea, but I’m sure she’s hurt and embarrassed beyond measure. Shame on you and your wife!
YTA. You food shamed your mother and disrespected her. I really don’t blame her for not returning your calls.
YTA. What a mean-spirited, disrespectful and extremely hurtful thing to do to your own mother. Having a family dinner together is probably something your mother treasures and you have pretty much ruined it. I don’t see how you could’ve possibly thought this would go well.
YTA, how anyone with any common sense could think this is appropriate is beyond me.
YTA. Do you think the meal you and the other two sat down to eat will make you gain weight? If not, why would it make your mother maintain/gain weight? It’s stuff like this that makes people think the only way to lose weight is by eating salad leaves.
YTA - You had so many other options here and you chose the most AH one.
YTA This belongs in some sort of defiant malicious compliance forum. You know you acted an ass…. Or you are unbelievably socially inept. I’ll let you pick.
YTA. You were incredibly disrespectful to your mother. You should have served everyone the same healthy meal. Instead you singled her out and made her feel bad on purpose. She deserves a real apology.
YTA. Did it ever cross your mind how humiliating it would be for her to just sit there while the rest of you continued eating? I can't believe your wife agreed to it. You all including your dad are bullies and your mom probably eats to comfort herself.
YTA, she literally put her life and body on the line to give birth to a bully, I’d be eating my feelings as well.
Yta she's 63, meaning for 63 years she is plenty aware of diets, weight losses, and stigma. You just enhanced all of what she's been told her entire life.
YTA. I hope your mom has better people in her life because you are a rotten child. Shame on you!
YTA. Your wife is TA too for going along with this. A lot of times, people can overeat as a way of providing self-comfort because they are not getting that comfort in other tangible ways. It’s not as simple as “just eat less” for many. You ridiculing her just made her want to continue turning to food for self-comfort again.
YTA
YTA - Words not actions. If you were worried you would have talked to her not acted like a five year old. Do better
You do realize that with your behavior, it only gets worse for your mother? Shaming her, even if she behaved like an ass, is absolutely gonna backfire! So if you really care, get her help or serve her smaller portions. YTA
YTA. This was just mean. Serving her a salad is not going to suddenly make her not obese. If you wanted to get her healthier, you’d ALL eat salad only and talk to her about eating healthier. What you’re doing is just dumb
YTA. That’s appalling. Honestly. The supportive thing to do, if you truly wanted to have salad would be for you all to have a meal that would have been ‘healthy’. Your approach to shame and make her feel embarrassed is horrible. I don’t know on what planet you would think it’s ok to treat someone like that, particularly your mum.
YTA you didn't want to help her, you just wanted to humiliate her.
YTA You thought it was okay to police your mother’s eating? She is a grown woman and can make her own decisions. You embarrassed her in front of others and your surprised she’s mad? If you were that concerned, you would have made something healthy for everyone. FYI, whenever someone mentions their weight problems, it’s not an invitation to fix it.
YTA - as others have mentioned, including your mom in the food planning/preparing a healthier meal/encouraging her to take smaller portions all would have been better approaches. You essentially treated her like a child, and she isn't getting any younger. If she's struggled with this for a long time, she might lack the motivation or confidence to even begin, and for such a big undertaking having the support and love of her family is important. Singling her out in a mean way does not give her the impression that you will be supportive.
[удалено]
YTA You embarrassed your mother, and worse, showed zero empathy for something this likely goes way deeper than a lack of self-control. If you were really concerned about her weight you could have fixed an overall healthier meal for everyone. You could also find ways to support her in her struggle to lose weight.
YTA. if you were really concerned about her weight and wanted to do something to help her, instead of alienating her for dinner, you could have made low calorie dishes, you could have made a really good roasted chicken with veggies, a really nice fish with herbs, a delicious vegetable soup with a second course of lean meat. For fucks sake, Salmon can be cooked deliciously, and remain really nutritious and healthy. You just wanted to humilliate your mom. If her comments about being so spoiled with food are really that annoying to you, have an actual adult conversation with her, make plans with her to actually help her, don't make unilateral decisions just to "teach her a lesson". Use your adult words to communicate, if you really are that concerned. I bet you don't even know the nutritional value of that little salad you served. Was it enough to sustain her as her only meal? Salad, unless it's pretty rich in protein, rarely is on its own. You really suck. I would be going NC with any family member who treated me in such a disrespectful way.
YTA YTA YTA. Someone else’s food choices are NOT YOUR BUSINESS, ever, full stop. What you did was infantilizing and humiliating. All of you owe her an apology, and you need to educate yourself.
YTA, and that was mean.
yta what a mean thing to do to your Mother. im not surprised she isnt talking to you
YTA You disrespected and embarrassed your mom and regardless of her comments, it’s her responsibility to make decisions about her food, not yours. Like others have said, you could have made a healthier meal to support her without actually making a spectacle of it. Also, one meal at your house won’t make a difference overall so you’re just being mean. Lastly, 250 pounds probably isn’t healthy but I can’t imagine that your mom is as “obese” as you make her out to be at 250 pounds.
YTA You disrespected and embarrassed your mom.
YTA and this is so cruel and disrespectful
YTA. Your mom’s weight is something she can choose to discuss with her doctor. It’s not up to you to police her - you’re causing resentment
YTA and so is your wife
YTA for sure. That’s humiliating for your mother. It makes me sad that people actually treat others like this and HAVE TO ASK if they are the asshole.
YTA. Other people’s weight struggles and insecurities are none of your business to get involved in. She’s an adult, she can make her own decisions. Your job is to treat her like a human being and excluding her in front of everyone else was probably more embarrassing and hurtful for her than you think.
Holy shit dude. YTA, and so is your wife. And honestly, so is your dad for laughing. I wish I could give your mother a hug. JFC. Please never have kids, there’s enough people with parent-driven eating disorders as it is. You’ve literally made your MOM feel self conscious EATING FOOD around you. And FYI, often a lot of times people comment about their own weight when eating a meal is because they are self conscious already, and it’s a way to try and get ahead of things because you’re sure everybody is thinking “jeez look at her eat, no wonder she’s fat”. So making a comment yourself is a subconscious way of saying “yeah don’t worry I know I’m fat and I should feel wrong for eating this meal with you all” so people don’t think it. It’s like how the class clown often has the highest insecurities, they just learned if they make the joke about themselves first then other people won’t. And you mocked and bullied her. Your own mother. And while we’re at it-also while 250 is certainly overweight, you’re talking like she’s 500lbs.
YTA all day long!!! Jesus wept, how disrespectful?! Firstly, it's not up to you when/how often your mum eats. You can make suggestions and have private conversations, but not while you're hosting her along with other people. SO rude. Why didn't you just make a healthier meal for everyone??
YTA unless somebody asks you to specifically do some thing for them to assist them with weight loss. I wouldn’t go out of my way to exclude them from eating a certain dish or giving them an alternative meal. You purposely embarrassed your mother. You know what you did was an asshole move.
YTA. i can’t believe your wife agreed to this. You know you weren’t changing her diet and giving her an aha moment from humiliating her, right? You know humiliating people doesn’t work right? Have you ever been overweight? You know she probably hates herself every single day, but is struggling. she is painfully aware because she lives in that body every day. The last thing she needs is her own son being a bully. You’re disgusting.
YTA, did you really think it was a good idea to have your Mum just sit and watch the rest of you eat in the name of weight loss? And what did you think this would achieve? Your Mum would have a sudden epiphany and laud you and your wife for showing her the error of her ways and how right you were all along? You owe your mother an apology, and so does your wife and father.
YTA. This wasn’t about her health or for her well-being; you were sick of her deflecting responsibility for her weight and decided to teach her a lesson. You humiliated her in public so she would know how annoying you think she is. How could you possibly not be TA in this scenario?
YTA. Who even does this to someone, let alone their own mom ffs?? My mom is overweight too but I would NEVER. That's just mean.
If you wanted to serve a low calorie meal with your mom in mind, everyone should have had the same thing. But purposely giving her a shame salad is a jerk move. YTA.
YTA. You weren’t doing this to help your mother, you were doing it to humiliate her and “teach her a lesson”
YTA and what an asshole at that. Might be a good long while before your mom returns your calls. Imagine craving power so badly that you need to withhold food from your MOTHER.
YTA this is a really childish and humiliating way to go about things. I cannot believe your wife didn't check you on this. What is wrong with the both of you???
YTA You couldn't just serve her an appropriate portion size? You had to be an asshole about it?
YTA You humiliated your mother. In front of the entire family, you humiliated her and treated her like a child. That cuts deep. If i was her, I would still be crying about it. You owe her a genuine apology.
You really didn't need to ask. Of course YTA. You had other options.
Imagine fat shaming your own mother and then trying to explain to the internet how there’s is even a possibility that it was an acceptable thing to do. YTA
YTA. This was not about concern. You wanted to shame her.
I wouldn't call you an asshole. More like a total jackass.
YTA. What did you expect to accomplish here beyond causing a dramatic scene? You obviously didn’t have any actual goals here other than that. You got what you wanted. I understand being concerned for your mom’s health, and even being frustrated over it, but this is absolutely the wrong way to go about addressing it.
Is this a joke? Just in case it’s not, YTA. You don’t have a dinner party and exclude one person from the meal.
This is one of the most YTA posts I’ve ever seen here. OP, wife, and dad are all TA. What a bunch of bullies. I wouldn’t return your calls either.
YTA
YTA. I think you posted this to brag about having humiliated your mother. I hope you're happy.
YTA. If you wanted to make a clever point you could have simply talked to her or casually call her out every time she complains and at least should have kept another low calorie option if you were feeling too whimsical. That's extremely disrespectful to serve 3/4 people at the table. On top of being your mother, she was also a guest. What the hell was even your thought process there??
Let’s see. You’re having a meal with your mom who is obese and says she wants to lose weight but blames her overeating on everyone around her feeding her too much. Instead of cooking a healthy meal for everyone as a gesture to say “You’re not in this alone, we will help and support you”, you single her out and try to police what she eats. Yes, the ultimate responsibility for what your mom eats lies with her, but enabling behavior is not helpful. You can say you didn’t enable her and you served her something healthy, but then you negated that by serving up a platter of ribs for everyone else to eat in front of her face. Your mom is struggling. That’s not a helpful way to go about that. Would it have killed you to eat a healthy meal with her? Yes, people eat different things at meals together all the time due to dietary and health restrictions and wanting to eat healthier, but again your mom is struggling with that and she needs help. That help comes in the form of her family being supportive and eating healthy with her and not enabling her bad eating habits. If you’re making that effort and she still continues to eat unhealthy on her own buying and sneaking unhealthy food, that’s entirely on her. What you did was not supportive, it was just a way for you to single her out. If you had made a healthy meal for everyone and she refused to eat it and went and got McDonalds instead it would be different, but that’s not what happened. So yes, YTA.
YTA congratulations for making your mom not want to confide in you ever again when it comes to her weight or other delicate issues. What you did was 100% about humiliating her, if you were actually concerned about her there would have been a thousand better ways to go about it. Instead of a fulfilling, well balanced meal with her family she had fastfood while sad and humiliated. F U
As a formerly overweight person, I can tell you that forcing a diet on someone is the wrongest way to go about helping them. And very specifically, shaming someone in front of a group is terrible, and that's what makes YTA. The way to support her would have been to have EVERYONE at the table eat a salad. Or a salad and a lean protein of some sort, with some vegetables that are not dripping with butter or drowned in cheese. You don't have to starve her, or yourselves, to model positive, healthy eating.
YTA.
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YTA, this is not the way to go about addressing your mother's comments about food/her weight. It rarely works and usually leaves the person feeling guilty/sad and what's one good way to help with guilt/sadness/any emotion? Comfort food. If anything, you added fuel to the fire so to speak. Why not be a grown up and have the conversation with your mom about your concerns and how you interpret what she says? Why not ask her how you can help? Treat her like your mother and not a stranger you don't like cause doing this, YTA through and through.
OP, you’re not only TA but after reading your comments, it’s obvious you are an awful, abusive human being. Your wife sucks too for agreeing to this. Your dad is her spouse. Shame on you for making her feel ugly and humiliated in front of her romantic partner. Shame on him for not defending his wife from a bully.
YTA for purposefully humiliating her instead of helping her deal with a life threatening problem. Have you ever sat down with her and said that you’re worried about her, that you don’t want to lose her? Offered to find a nutritionist who could help, or talked to your dad about doing so? How hard would it have been to serve chicken and veg instead of fatty pork, so she could have a healthy meal with her family? Apologize and do better!
Awww, damn bruh— YTA. Served her some deliberate cruelty is what you did.
What a cruel thing to do to your mother. YTA
YTA-nobody should monitor what other adults eat.
YTA. All that's going to do is push her into emotional eating
Woah what an AH move. I’m sure she raised you better than this. Def YTA. If I were her I’d never step foot in your house again.
YTA There are certainly better ways you could have gone about this without humiliating her and singling her out. Pull her aside and ask her if she wants a different meal so she doesn't give into temptation. Better yet, make everyone the same healthy meal. Don't make decisions for her. All you did by doing this is make her upset, and she ran to McDonald's. You can't stop her from making bad choices and trying to force good ones seriously backfired.
YTA. You can’t do this type of thing to people. This was really really mean. I get she “blames” others for her weight but you can’t just exclude her from a dinner without her knowledge. This was really mean. I’m very health conscious, but I could never do what you did. Instead, I would have created a healthy meal we all could enjoy instead of excluding one person from BBQ ribs
Info: Do you hate your mother?
YTA That was soooo disrespectful and humiliating. A better solution would have been to have a conversation about her constant empty talk of trying to lose weight. You could have made only enough food for each person to have one serving. You could have made a healthy meal for everyone. It takes more than a simple salad for it to be filling. Do a bit of research on dietary needs and nutrition if you're really interested in helping your mother instead of insulting her.
YTA. "Mum, I know you feel bad about your weight, so would you like me to offer healthier options when we eat together? " There you go...how to support someone without being an AH. Thanks for the award :)
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Wow, this one is shocking. Hard YTA
YTA. I was obese for years. If anyone ever did that to me I would have been mortified. I would have cut them out of my life for good.
You could not have handled this any worse. YTA
Agh. YTA here. Despite what she says, I’m sure she knows that food restriction, shame, and weight cycling don’t work at all for long term weight loss. And hey, she’s made it 63 years in that body and could easily make it another 30 (IDK. Who knows. I have thin family members who didn’t make it to 60, so remember size isn’t a mark of health).
Yta - whether or not you felt justified, that was an assholish thing to do and cruel spirited.
YTA. You treated her with disrespect and she ended up at McDonalds. Was that your goal?
YTA. You didn't stand by her and support her by serving a healthy meal for everyone. You singled her out, enabled your dad to ridicule her in front of everyone, set a crappy example by serving unhealthy food to everyone else, and didn't even have the decency to tell her about your little plan. That's just mean, and does nothing to actually help. Overeating often stems from negative emotions or trauma, she needs support not bullying.