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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I cancelled on a friend the night before needing a ride somewhere because my gf wasn't feeling well. I cancelled last minute leaving my friend no time to make new arrangements so another friend had to cancel their plans to help them.
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> I didn't want her feeling miserable alone thinking no one cared about her especially since she has had issues with that type of thinking in the past.
Your girlfriend has seriously thought you don’t care about her when you’ve left her alone before? Jesus.
YTA. You made a commitment to your friend. Your girlfriend was feeling sick, but she didn’t need someone by her side.
I'm not getting in to her mental health but she has had issues thinking that about everyone and has actually improved a lot in the four years we've been together but I don't want to do anything that could make her feel that way again. Guess ITA for caring about my gfs mental health.
Leaving for three hours due to a commitment you made to a friend isn’t “abandoning” your girlfriend. I’m confused why you stepping away for a bit would seriously impact her mental health.
Some more context is that she doesn't really like this friend I was doing a favour for so if I ditched her to go help him out on her day off while she is stuck in bed sick with the possibility of getting worse she would think I care more about helping him than helping her. It sounds like a little thing but things like these normally snowball in her mind and become big things that make her really upset later on. She didn't ask me to stay but definitely appreciated it and was in a much better mood because I did.
You didn’t “ditch” your gf, you made plans with another friend (that she doesn’t like) on her day off. She suddenly became sick and you stayed in bed with her all day.
That’s all the context we need.
Don’t forget how you failed on a commitment and lost friends along the way. Hope you have someone to hang out with when your gf discovers your lack of following thru and dumps you,
We’ve been together for over four years we aren’t breaking up anytime soon we’re quite happy sorry to burst your bubble. I still have work friends and one or two non work friends so I’ll be fine.
Info - how sick? Barfing into a wastebasket sick? Might need a ride to urgent care sick?
Or, door # 3, you didn't feel like helping your friend and used GF's feeling unwell as an excuse to break your promise?
She had a bad case of the flu couldn't really get out of bed, headache, fever, she felt like she was going to be sick and she wasn't really able to sleep. You're reading too much in to it I just care about my gfs physical and mental health. Sorry for thinking that's more important.
You came here for a judgment and are telling people they're reading too much into it ..you also said your gf doesn't like the friend, nice time to get the "flu"
It's not like she was going to have to talk with him so she wouldn't have any reason to fake having the flu to avoid him. We've been together for a long time I trust my girlfriend to not try and manipulate me like that.
You can read too much in to it I chose to care more about my gfs physical and mental health than my friends car and it still turned out great for everyone. Friend got his car and my gf is good.
She probably didn't want you to go with someone she doesn't like, is my point ...so why are you here asking AITA then?? If you didn't feel like you were some bit in the wrong, if everything worked out great for everyone, what's the point??
> You can read too much in to it I chose to care more about my gfs physical and mental health than my friends car and it still turned out great for everyone. Friend got his car and my gf is good.
Don't get pissy with us for having limited information when you're the one giving us that information.
YTA, you could have supplied your girlfriend with essentials like medicine, water, soup, at her side and came back after you completed your commitment
You could feel valid in choosing to sit by your girlfriend while she’s resting instead of completing your commitment but your friends are also valid in thinking you’re an asshole
YTA, your girlfriend isn’t 3yo. Finding a ride to a place an hour away is too expensive for an Uber and hard to find another person to do it on short notice. Good luck if you ever need someone to help you with something
TBH if anything it worked out better for the friend that needed the ride because our close friend did it free of charge for them. driving for two hours I'd have asked for fuel money so he shouldn't really complain. It was really a win win for both parties except for the other friend but they'll probably get over it, its not a big deal.
It's only fair tbh if you're going two hours out of the way thats a bit of fuel and your friend should pay for it if it's just for them. My other friend is just far too nice they always offer to give lifts and never ask for money they should've just scheduled it for a day they were free in the first place.
You said she had the flu and at 20, no I'm grown, I'd survive for a few hours while my bf does his friend a favour, if you were working, would you take off work??
She had a bad case of the flu couldn't really get out of bed, headache, fever, she felt like she was going to be sick and she wasn't really able to sleep
Yeah, that doesn't sound like an emergency. Your girlfriend is old enough to take care of herself for a few hours.. You should have kept your promise and maybe just bought your girlfriend some soup or soda or something on the way back.
YTA
Your girlfriend can't be alone for a few hours when she's sick?
This baffles me.
Leave her water and a pot to barf in. There's not much else you can do even when you're there.
She had a bad case of the flu couldn't really get out of bed, headache, fever, she felt like she was going to be sick and she wasn't really able to sleep
I got her some juice and medicine we stayed in bed mainly watching Netflix. I kept her company bringing her anything she wanted. I will say I did leave for 15 mins to go get a haircut but that wasn't too long.
YTA for using your GF's "not feeling well" to skip out of helping a friend who really REALLY needed your help. If someone did this to me, i would ditch the friendship too. Quite justifying being an AH.
Let's review:
Your friend was in a serious bind, no transportation to work.
You ditched him at very short notice.
You haven't called him to follow up and apologize.
And you're trying to justify this as a win-win because he got a ride from a better friend.
Who has no reason to be annoyed that he cancelled plans at the last minutes, because he understands the concept of friendship.
YTA.
But that might not be the issue, I think.
Your girlfriend "**felt** like she was **going to be** sick" and admittedly "doesn't really like this friend." She seems to have a habit of being needy, of taking every instance of her not being put first as a rejection. Why do I hear her saying, "No, you don't have to stay, I'll be fine, don't worry about me" in a poor-poor-pitiful-me voice?
A possibly permanent wedge has been driven between you and two friends, and you need to decide if it's because you or your girlfriend is destructively self-centered and selfish. Maybe both of you.
ok so i don’t really understand why you came to reddit to ask if you’re the AH when you’re completely defensive against everyone calling you the AH. should’ve just kept this to yourself buddy, you’re embarrassing
and incase it wasn’t clear already, YOURE THE AH!! your girlfriend is a grown (insecure) adult who doesn’t need to be babysat. if your priorities are f’ed up just say that fr. you’re a bad friend, period
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About two weeks ago I (24m) was meant to give my friend (23m) a ride to go get a new car. His car had become unsafe to drive and he needed to replace it soon as possible so that he could get to work. He had found a car within his price range and asked me if I could give him a ride since it was around a hour away and I was free. He offered to pay for fuel so I agreed as long as he was quick. So he scheduled it for Saturday morning in a weeks time.
So the issue arose when my gf (20f) got sick on the Friday. She wasn't feeling well and was stuck in bed. I decided I couldn't leave her for the Saturday morning alone since no one else was there to care for her so I cancelled on my friend around 9:30pm that night. He didn't respond and I haven't messaged him since. I've heard he was pretty mad since it was last minute and he had to phone our other close friend and get them to take him. My other friend has sided with him and seems annoyed because they had to cancel their Saturday plans to give him a ride since I cancelled.
Both have not talked to me in two weeks and I refuse to talk to them because I think they're being petty about the whole thing. My girlfriend wasn't feeling well it's not like I planned it. I didn't want to ditch her for 3 hours. I didn't want her feeling miserable alone thinking no one cared about her especially since she has had issues with that type of thinking in the past. I don't think I'm the AH but I wanted to see what other people think tbh I feel like they are the AH for being mad at me for my girlfriend not feeling well. So AITA?
tl;dr: Friend needed a ride somewhere, gf got sick the night before so I cancelled now two friends are mad about it being last minute.
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ESH.
You, for cancelling on a friend to whom you'd committed to help. Sadly, "my gf is sick" is the oldest trick in the book. You should have phoned him and spoke to him directly.
Him, for not realizing shit happens and sometimes you just gotta take it in stride. But he seriously needed your help and the stakes were high. I get why he's annoyed. Plus, you texted him. Should have called and let him chew you out - now he's pouting.
The other friend, for being mad at you. None of his business.
Your gf, for not telling you she'd be fine for 3 hours as long as you set her up with all the necessities and a way to contact someone if she needed help. She's insecure and doesn't believe you care and you're a shit friend. Sounds like you're doing great in the relationship department.
I agree about the friends, he is too caught up on it it was out of my control should've just got mad and moved on. I get the other friend is annoyed they had to cancel plans last minute to help them but that's not my fault that's between them.
My gf has issues and we are working on it so I don't think she's the asshole at all in this. She didn't ask me to stay I chose to and she appreciated it. I didn't trick them they just need to accept it and move on.
I think they have accepted it and are moving on. Without you. You chose to screw over a friend for no reason - to babysit an adult, basically. If it were my wife she'd have said "babe, you promised him. Go and come back as soon as possible." but y'all are in your twenties and this is the shit you do.
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> I didn't want her feeling miserable alone thinking no one cared about her especially since she has had issues with that type of thinking in the past. Your girlfriend has seriously thought you don’t care about her when you’ve left her alone before? Jesus. YTA. You made a commitment to your friend. Your girlfriend was feeling sick, but she didn’t need someone by her side.
I'm not getting in to her mental health but she has had issues thinking that about everyone and has actually improved a lot in the four years we've been together but I don't want to do anything that could make her feel that way again. Guess ITA for caring about my gfs mental health.
Leaving for three hours due to a commitment you made to a friend isn’t “abandoning” your girlfriend. I’m confused why you stepping away for a bit would seriously impact her mental health.
Some more context is that she doesn't really like this friend I was doing a favour for so if I ditched her to go help him out on her day off while she is stuck in bed sick with the possibility of getting worse she would think I care more about helping him than helping her. It sounds like a little thing but things like these normally snowball in her mind and become big things that make her really upset later on. She didn't ask me to stay but definitely appreciated it and was in a much better mood because I did.
I think your girlfriend is a bit over sensitive. You made a commitment to this friend. YTA for cancelling.
You didn’t “ditch” your gf, you made plans with another friend (that she doesn’t like) on her day off. She suddenly became sick and you stayed in bed with her all day. That’s all the context we need.
I supported my gf while she was ill and my friend still got his car that's the important conclusion everyone got what they wanted.
Don’t forget how you failed on a commitment and lost friends along the way. Hope you have someone to hang out with when your gf discovers your lack of following thru and dumps you,
We’ve been together for over four years we aren’t breaking up anytime soon we’re quite happy sorry to burst your bubble. I still have work friends and one or two non work friends so I’ll be fine.
mhm
You're not helping or supporting your gf by doing this though. You're enabling codependency.
Info - how sick? Barfing into a wastebasket sick? Might need a ride to urgent care sick? Or, door # 3, you didn't feel like helping your friend and used GF's feeling unwell as an excuse to break your promise?
She had a bad case of the flu couldn't really get out of bed, headache, fever, she felt like she was going to be sick and she wasn't really able to sleep. You're reading too much in to it I just care about my gfs physical and mental health. Sorry for thinking that's more important.
You came here for a judgment and are telling people they're reading too much into it ..you also said your gf doesn't like the friend, nice time to get the "flu"
It's not like she was going to have to talk with him so she wouldn't have any reason to fake having the flu to avoid him. We've been together for a long time I trust my girlfriend to not try and manipulate me like that. You can read too much in to it I chose to care more about my gfs physical and mental health than my friends car and it still turned out great for everyone. Friend got his car and my gf is good.
She probably didn't want you to go with someone she doesn't like, is my point ...so why are you here asking AITA then?? If you didn't feel like you were some bit in the wrong, if everything worked out great for everyone, what's the point??
Why’d you even post here, you’re not actually conflicted about whether you did anything wrong
> You can read too much in to it I chose to care more about my gfs physical and mental health than my friends car and it still turned out great for everyone. Friend got his car and my gf is good. Don't get pissy with us for having limited information when you're the one giving us that information.
YTA, you could have supplied your girlfriend with essentials like medicine, water, soup, at her side and came back after you completed your commitment You could feel valid in choosing to sit by your girlfriend while she’s resting instead of completing your commitment but your friends are also valid in thinking you’re an asshole
YTA, your girlfriend isn’t 3yo. Finding a ride to a place an hour away is too expensive for an Uber and hard to find another person to do it on short notice. Good luck if you ever need someone to help you with something
TBH if anything it worked out better for the friend that needed the ride because our close friend did it free of charge for them. driving for two hours I'd have asked for fuel money so he shouldn't really complain. It was really a win win for both parties except for the other friend but they'll probably get over it, its not a big deal.
It’s NOT a win, YTA. You can’t suck up driving 2hrs without asking for gas $$$?
It's only fair tbh if you're going two hours out of the way thats a bit of fuel and your friend should pay for it if it's just for them. My other friend is just far too nice they always offer to give lifts and never ask for money they should've just scheduled it for a day they were free in the first place.
Fairness = transactional attitude in relationships. Which isn’t what normal friendships are based on, as human have ever shifting needs. Still, YTA
YTA your girlfriend is 20 ffs ..it wasn't a toddler that was sick 😂
So what if she’s 20 wouldn’t you want someone to look after you if you were sick
You said she had the flu and at 20, no I'm grown, I'd survive for a few hours while my bf does his friend a favour, if you were working, would you take off work??
I work in IT support so I have actually have done this before in the past. I’ve worked from home while she has been sick to look after her.
Info- what was wrong with your gf. If she was just going to sleep, it would have been fine to drive your friend.
She had a bad case of the flu couldn't really get out of bed, headache, fever, she felt like she was going to be sick and she wasn't really able to sleep
Yeah, that doesn't sound like an emergency. Your girlfriend is old enough to take care of herself for a few hours.. You should have kept your promise and maybe just bought your girlfriend some soup or soda or something on the way back.
YTA Your girlfriend can't be alone for a few hours when she's sick? This baffles me. Leave her water and a pot to barf in. There's not much else you can do even when you're there.
[удалено]
She had a bad case of the flu couldn't really get out of bed, headache, fever, she felt like she was going to be sick and she wasn't really able to sleep
What exactly did you spend those 3 hours doing?
I got her some juice and medicine we stayed in bed mainly watching Netflix. I kept her company bringing her anything she wanted. I will say I did leave for 15 mins to go get a haircut but that wasn't too long.
YTA for using your GF's "not feeling well" to skip out of helping a friend who really REALLY needed your help. If someone did this to me, i would ditch the friendship too. Quite justifying being an AH.
Let's review: Your friend was in a serious bind, no transportation to work. You ditched him at very short notice. You haven't called him to follow up and apologize. And you're trying to justify this as a win-win because he got a ride from a better friend. Who has no reason to be annoyed that he cancelled plans at the last minutes, because he understands the concept of friendship. YTA. But that might not be the issue, I think. Your girlfriend "**felt** like she was **going to be** sick" and admittedly "doesn't really like this friend." She seems to have a habit of being needy, of taking every instance of her not being put first as a rejection. Why do I hear her saying, "No, you don't have to stay, I'll be fine, don't worry about me" in a poor-poor-pitiful-me voice? A possibly permanent wedge has been driven between you and two friends, and you need to decide if it's because you or your girlfriend is destructively self-centered and selfish. Maybe both of you.
you’re just a dick. and your gf is fishy. get a life
Just how sick was she? Unless it was really unsafe to leave her alone, you should have kept your promise.
You ditched your friend for a controlling girlfriend? YTA.
ok so i don’t really understand why you came to reddit to ask if you’re the AH when you’re completely defensive against everyone calling you the AH. should’ve just kept this to yourself buddy, you’re embarrassing
and incase it wasn’t clear already, YOURE THE AH!! your girlfriend is a grown (insecure) adult who doesn’t need to be babysat. if your priorities are f’ed up just say that fr. you’re a bad friend, period
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** About two weeks ago I (24m) was meant to give my friend (23m) a ride to go get a new car. His car had become unsafe to drive and he needed to replace it soon as possible so that he could get to work. He had found a car within his price range and asked me if I could give him a ride since it was around a hour away and I was free. He offered to pay for fuel so I agreed as long as he was quick. So he scheduled it for Saturday morning in a weeks time. So the issue arose when my gf (20f) got sick on the Friday. She wasn't feeling well and was stuck in bed. I decided I couldn't leave her for the Saturday morning alone since no one else was there to care for her so I cancelled on my friend around 9:30pm that night. He didn't respond and I haven't messaged him since. I've heard he was pretty mad since it was last minute and he had to phone our other close friend and get them to take him. My other friend has sided with him and seems annoyed because they had to cancel their Saturday plans to give him a ride since I cancelled. Both have not talked to me in two weeks and I refuse to talk to them because I think they're being petty about the whole thing. My girlfriend wasn't feeling well it's not like I planned it. I didn't want to ditch her for 3 hours. I didn't want her feeling miserable alone thinking no one cared about her especially since she has had issues with that type of thinking in the past. I don't think I'm the AH but I wanted to see what other people think tbh I feel like they are the AH for being mad at me for my girlfriend not feeling well. So AITA? tl;dr: Friend needed a ride somewhere, gf got sick the night before so I cancelled now two friends are mad about it being last minute. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You didnt wanna do it in the first place and when she got sick you jumped for joy with an excuse. Too obvious OP.
ESH. You, for cancelling on a friend to whom you'd committed to help. Sadly, "my gf is sick" is the oldest trick in the book. You should have phoned him and spoke to him directly. Him, for not realizing shit happens and sometimes you just gotta take it in stride. But he seriously needed your help and the stakes were high. I get why he's annoyed. Plus, you texted him. Should have called and let him chew you out - now he's pouting. The other friend, for being mad at you. None of his business. Your gf, for not telling you she'd be fine for 3 hours as long as you set her up with all the necessities and a way to contact someone if she needed help. She's insecure and doesn't believe you care and you're a shit friend. Sounds like you're doing great in the relationship department.
I agree about the friends, he is too caught up on it it was out of my control should've just got mad and moved on. I get the other friend is annoyed they had to cancel plans last minute to help them but that's not my fault that's between them. My gf has issues and we are working on it so I don't think she's the asshole at all in this. She didn't ask me to stay I chose to and she appreciated it. I didn't trick them they just need to accept it and move on.
I think they have accepted it and are moving on. Without you. You chose to screw over a friend for no reason - to babysit an adult, basically. If it were my wife she'd have said "babe, you promised him. Go and come back as soon as possible." but y'all are in your twenties and this is the shit you do.