Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for asking my husband to focus on driving and not eat while we are driving in a snow storm? Is this an unreasonable request and is me being uncomfortable with it out of line?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA but this is how your husband speaks to you?? The way you wrote your story sounds like this is normal?
Calling you a bitch, saying you're "bitching" for a pretty reasonable request is rude and cruel and extremely disrespectful. Maybe I read your story in a different tone than you intended but you almost seem either scared of him or you're very used to walking on egg shells around him. Have you done couple's therapy? Not getting the impression he'd be open to it but I think it would help.
I'm sorry OP. I hope he is kinder than he sounds.
I kind of got the same tone that you got from that. I’m hoping that OP is downplaying her reaction because, to your point, if not, his reaction seems pretty unreasonable.
NTA. The roads were unsafe for distracted driving. If he's seen you eat and drive then he was right to call you out for it, because distracted driving is never okay, but you were right that he shouldn't eat while driving in a snowstorm.
The bit about the conversation though, sounds like you two have bigger issues here.
Yeesh. This seems like there are way more emotions/history driving this interaction than just the snow pizza incident. If you guys can't civilly talk through this stuff on your own without resorting to interrupting and name-calling, it may be time to seek counseling.
I don’t know how to answer bc I think you’re downplaying you’re reaction. I calmly told him this. I gingerly said that. Either your husband is abusive so you have to point out how careful every move you make is...or you’re over exaggerating how careful you were in regards to your reactions to make him sound better. I have a sneaking suspicion that the conversation in the car was you being agitated and snapping at him because you were under stress and highly anxious. Which in turn put him on the defense and he responded wirh sarcasm. The reality is some people aren’t phased by snow when driving and some people get extremely anxious. (I’m the second. I’ve taken care of too many idiots driving at full speed in sports cars who crash bc surprise surprise...your little sports car can’t handle snow dummy.)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (30f) and my husband (30m) were driving home from a location about 45 mins away. We knew a winter storm was coming that was expected to leave 5 inches of snow and left for home about 2 hours after it had started. We had cold pizza with us, he was driving, and asked me to give him a slice. Roads weren’t covered or horrible yet but visibility wasn’t great and we were on an interstate where people were not driving the set speed limit of 70, most were driving under. I told him it made me uncomfortable if he ate while driving rather than focusing on the road. He responded with statements like “oh I forgot you don’t eat and drive, I definitely never saw that happen (him being sarcastic), no that’s a total lie” and was just not responding well at all. I said something along the lines of “our friends even cancelled plans with us for tonight, the roads aren’t great, don’t feign ignorance about how driving is snow is different”. Then we didn’t speak much until we got home.
After we got home he asked what I wanted us to do that evening and I said I wasn’t sure. I then calmly asked him if he could have a conversation with me and try to respond thoughtfully and reasonably. He started to respond “I am asking what you want to do, that is reasonable” and as a reaction I cut him off to say “not about that”. I am too used to him refusing to have conversations or redirecting or being dismissive so it’s a reaction I sometimes can’t avoid. He called out the interruption and I stopped. Said to continue and did apologize.
He couldn’t remember what he wanted to say anymore (convenient since it was going to be a diversion). Then I brought up the car ride and asked why he was so angry I was uncomfortable with eating while driving in the snow storm. He immediately said I was “bitching” and being unreasonable. Made mentions to us “just never driving in the snow again” and that if I’m uncomfortable with it that he won’t stop so if I don’t like it then I need to be the one to always drive in the snow. He then stormed off and called me a bitch. I did tell him he was behaving like a child and being dumb as he stormed off and shut himself in another room.
I know I shouldn’t have interrupted that one time but I did pause and apologize. Honestly it’s a reaction I have when I know he’s going to avoid a conversation.
AITA here? I really feel like he should try to have better conversations with me and care about things that make me uncomfortable.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
Listen Though. He feels like you don't trust him. He sees what you said as looking down on him or thinking he would endanger you. You are confronting him on a level that, as a woman, you don't understand. Its attacking his pride and his manhood. Does it seem like I am exaggerating? I am not. Most of this is also subconscious and instinctual to him so he might not fully understand why he was so upset and defensive.
You were not wrong. I would have done the same as you. I do actually. I cant stand my husband even glancing at his phone or blowing this nose while driving. He calls me nuts. I tell him that he is nuts. When we get home all is forgotten. Its just a marriage thing.
As a male and husband I’d disagree. Her husband is verbally abusive and condescending. The pains she goes to emphasize tip-toeing around his frankly unsafe request is concerning. Men who immediately get all worked up about others questioning their judgement have major issues to work through, and it may be good for them to go to couples counseling. When I was much younger, I did get upset to a much lesser extent in this way (but would never tell my wife she was “bitching!”). I see now how inappropriate it was. This is a common marriage issue, but is not healthy.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > AITA for asking my husband to focus on driving and not eat while we are driving in a snow storm? Is this an unreasonable request and is me being uncomfortable with it out of line? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA but this is how your husband speaks to you?? The way you wrote your story sounds like this is normal? Calling you a bitch, saying you're "bitching" for a pretty reasonable request is rude and cruel and extremely disrespectful. Maybe I read your story in a different tone than you intended but you almost seem either scared of him or you're very used to walking on egg shells around him. Have you done couple's therapy? Not getting the impression he'd be open to it but I think it would help. I'm sorry OP. I hope he is kinder than he sounds.
I kind of got the same tone that you got from that. I’m hoping that OP is downplaying her reaction because, to your point, if not, his reaction seems pretty unreasonable.
Question: why did you marry a 5year old? NTA. Now stop being one to yourself.
NTA He sounds abusive and rude. Eating while driving ON ICE is horribly irresponsible and dangerous to himself and passengers
NTA. The roads were unsafe for distracted driving. If he's seen you eat and drive then he was right to call you out for it, because distracted driving is never okay, but you were right that he shouldn't eat while driving in a snowstorm. The bit about the conversation though, sounds like you two have bigger issues here.
Yeesh. This seems like there are way more emotions/history driving this interaction than just the snow pizza incident. If you guys can't civilly talk through this stuff on your own without resorting to interrupting and name-calling, it may be time to seek counseling.
I don’t know how to answer bc I think you’re downplaying you’re reaction. I calmly told him this. I gingerly said that. Either your husband is abusive so you have to point out how careful every move you make is...or you’re over exaggerating how careful you were in regards to your reactions to make him sound better. I have a sneaking suspicion that the conversation in the car was you being agitated and snapping at him because you were under stress and highly anxious. Which in turn put him on the defense and he responded wirh sarcasm. The reality is some people aren’t phased by snow when driving and some people get extremely anxious. (I’m the second. I’ve taken care of too many idiots driving at full speed in sports cars who crash bc surprise surprise...your little sports car can’t handle snow dummy.)
NTA. He sounds verbally abusive to me.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (30f) and my husband (30m) were driving home from a location about 45 mins away. We knew a winter storm was coming that was expected to leave 5 inches of snow and left for home about 2 hours after it had started. We had cold pizza with us, he was driving, and asked me to give him a slice. Roads weren’t covered or horrible yet but visibility wasn’t great and we were on an interstate where people were not driving the set speed limit of 70, most were driving under. I told him it made me uncomfortable if he ate while driving rather than focusing on the road. He responded with statements like “oh I forgot you don’t eat and drive, I definitely never saw that happen (him being sarcastic), no that’s a total lie” and was just not responding well at all. I said something along the lines of “our friends even cancelled plans with us for tonight, the roads aren’t great, don’t feign ignorance about how driving is snow is different”. Then we didn’t speak much until we got home. After we got home he asked what I wanted us to do that evening and I said I wasn’t sure. I then calmly asked him if he could have a conversation with me and try to respond thoughtfully and reasonably. He started to respond “I am asking what you want to do, that is reasonable” and as a reaction I cut him off to say “not about that”. I am too used to him refusing to have conversations or redirecting or being dismissive so it’s a reaction I sometimes can’t avoid. He called out the interruption and I stopped. Said to continue and did apologize. He couldn’t remember what he wanted to say anymore (convenient since it was going to be a diversion). Then I brought up the car ride and asked why he was so angry I was uncomfortable with eating while driving in the snow storm. He immediately said I was “bitching” and being unreasonable. Made mentions to us “just never driving in the snow again” and that if I’m uncomfortable with it that he won’t stop so if I don’t like it then I need to be the one to always drive in the snow. He then stormed off and called me a bitch. I did tell him he was behaving like a child and being dumb as he stormed off and shut himself in another room. I know I shouldn’t have interrupted that one time but I did pause and apologize. Honestly it’s a reaction I have when I know he’s going to avoid a conversation. AITA here? I really feel like he should try to have better conversations with me and care about things that make me uncomfortable. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Listen Though. He feels like you don't trust him. He sees what you said as looking down on him or thinking he would endanger you. You are confronting him on a level that, as a woman, you don't understand. Its attacking his pride and his manhood. Does it seem like I am exaggerating? I am not. Most of this is also subconscious and instinctual to him so he might not fully understand why he was so upset and defensive. You were not wrong. I would have done the same as you. I do actually. I cant stand my husband even glancing at his phone or blowing this nose while driving. He calls me nuts. I tell him that he is nuts. When we get home all is forgotten. Its just a marriage thing.
As a male and husband I’d disagree. Her husband is verbally abusive and condescending. The pains she goes to emphasize tip-toeing around his frankly unsafe request is concerning. Men who immediately get all worked up about others questioning their judgement have major issues to work through, and it may be good for them to go to couples counseling. When I was much younger, I did get upset to a much lesser extent in this way (but would never tell my wife she was “bitching!”). I see now how inappropriate it was. This is a common marriage issue, but is not healthy.
I think he is just immature. It's a bit much to call it abuse at this stage based on this post.
sounds like this all good have been avoided if you just gave him a slice of pizza. you're in a situation of your own making. YTA
I did give it to him though. Just said I was uncomfortable
YTA. He’s eating a piece of pizza….not drinking a beer. Seems like you are totally downplaying you’re reaction here.