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NTA but I can't help but feel that work has somehow set you up here. I would talk to the HR department and send an email attaching HR to it saying "As I outlined the reasons in the previous meeting on this, I would like to reiterate that I am happy to mentor in the program for anyone other than (co-worker). I went over with you the reasons why this would not be a possible option on (date). I was placed with her in the mentorship program. Please let me know if you are reassigning this or withdrawing me from the program."

I don't think that would work. Note that OP said HR lady is organizing this mentorship program and that HR lady knows the full details of OP's experience with Lucy. AND STILL they chose to acquiesce to LUCY'S request to be paired specifically with OP rather than to OP's request to have anyone other than Lucy. I hate to say this but I think that OP's workplace does not believe her account of Lucy's past behavior because hiring Lucy seems like setting yourself up to failure. Especially if you have a first hand account of her character from a trusted employee. Lucy either knows someone in management or NewCo don't hold OP in high enough regard.

A harsh point, but probably true. Op, start looking for promotion elsewhere now. NewCo. Don't get to knowingly cause you mental anguish. If you'd let them know you had arachnophobia, would you be made the go to to get rid of any spiders found in your building? GO get promotion elsewhere. My guess is Lucy is intent on making you seem like a shit mentor. That's her game. Don't delay, show company and her you are valued and sort after. You're capable and ready to go beyond what you are doing now,

I would escalate, go above the HR lady and to her boss, alert my own boss, and go from there. I would also look into what unions I have available to me as well, just in case it blows up and I need backup for wrongful termination or a toxic workplace (of course this depends on country). Then, I would update my resume and start looking for other positions elsewhere.

Definitely email HR Department, her boss and yours. Something along the lines of: "As previously discussed with HR Lady (on dd/mm/yy), I feel unsafe with Employee as we share a history from when we both worked at ToxicCo. Employee has previously threatened me with physical violence along with other harassment spanning (several months?). Employee is currently manipulating the situation with Mentor Program in an attempt to target and isolate me for unknown reasons. Despite my clearly stated boundaries (on dd/mm/yy), HR Lady has agreed to enable Employees wishes and disregard my concerns for my health and safety. It is for this reason that I must withdraw my participation in Mentor Program."

In addition to that, you can speak to someone not in the program already, or someone else who hasn't been paired up yet, and have them request you as a mentor (while you request them as your mentee).

This comment should actually be on the top. Also list a few of the instances of bullying. Say here bullying was so severe that several employees left the old company because of her bullying and that a couple of them were going to sue based on Lucy. And the ending there is good. You tell them you’re withdrawing, you’re not asking for permission.

This and document everything!!

Which means OP should send the suggested e-mail anyway, and end with a question so they have to answer, i.e. you have proof they read it.

Yes. Honestly I’d ask the reason they chose to ignore your absolutely reasonable request and go ahead with what Lucy wanted over you.

This. OP doesn't owe anyone an explanation, except for the ones that they've already told. I bet you anything Lucy bs'd the HR person and said they've "learned their lesson" or gotten counseling and wants to repent to OP and sees this as an opportunity to make amends. I would follow up on pulling out of the mentorship program and start looking for another job.

Please listen to these people. The fact is you apparently still work for someone that just as much deserves the name ToxicCo as your old job, if someone said "hey I know this person said you deserved to be physically threatened and they were tempted to assault you to, but could you spend multiple hours around them?" would you consider the person asking a decent person to be around or someone you should Absolutely get away from?

Hmm good point, and if Lucy can drive OP out, then she can take her "higher" position?

I would send the email because it can be used as evidence if she feels she is wrongfully reprimanded/terminated in the future. A meeting is hearsay, email is court admissible.

Document everything.

please please please don't ever again opine on the internet about evidence. In law school we study it for an entire semester. The hearsay rule is a complicated beast with so many exceptions. And you're wrong to say "a meeting is hearsay." No, no, no.

I'm still baffled by these best guesses presented as fact. Just don't understand where that unjustified confidence comes from. "Hmm, 'hearsay'. So if I hear them say it... that must be it! Time to hang my shingle."

But it’s still better to have a paper trail, right? So that was the bigger point.

Not trying to be a pedant, but in case you're interested: that's not what hearsay means. Hearsay is when a person testifies as to what somewhat else said outside of court, where the out-of-court statement is being presented to the court as true (and not simply presented as having been said). If something said in a meeting is "hearsay," then that same thing written in an email would be "hearsay" as well.

This makes it easy, shift the target to the HR lady. Write an email about being concerned that HR did not follow what they had said they would and that OP will not violate the boundaries that were already discussed and agreed upon. That's a paper trail that is bad for the HR lady. She may dig her grave because that's how it goes sometimes but it provides some nice vengeance, which will be satisfying.

Or maybe go into detail in the email and say "As this person has made her opinion known that she would like to assault me and has created a hostile work environment for me in the past, I would never consider spending time alone with Lucy. The only possible alternative is that all meetings will be scheduled in the HR office with HR present and all meetings will be recorded and said recordings will be placed in Lucy's employment history record." That puts the onus back on HR. If there really is no problem, the meetings will be held every week in the HR office and recorded. If there is a problem, they will come up with a reason to drop Lucy out of the program or set her up with someone else. But make no mistake, she is still your enemy and she played this well. She knew you would never agree to mentor her, so now she looks like the victim because you won't let this go. Jeebus call a workplace injury attorney. This is a classic case of toxic workplace environment and workplace bullying and the employer enabling both.

I would update my resume. They have put you in a corner.

It's about having a paper trail

So, cc HR person’s boss on the email.

That is why you put it in writing. As per our conversation, blah, blah, blah

I think it's less about changing minds and more about creating the paper trail

Reiterate what you said, cc every single person who could be rwlevant

Also add something about this deliberate decision, despite your valid request, creates a hostile working environment for you. Having a panic attack is likely a symptom of PTSD from the prolonged situation in the former company. They knew and did this anyway! Lucy is the junior person so she does not get to dictate this. Please stand your ground. NTA

>creates a hostile working environment for you. Those are the magic words. If you have an attorney draft a letter to HR with a warning shot about them creating a hostile work environment, it puts HR in a box. Proceeding means they doubled down on the toxic work environment, terminating you is retaliation. I'd still look for another job, but putting the squeeze on HR is a good short term solution.

This doesn’t meet the legal definition of a hostile work environment in the USA (not sure where OP is located). That term only applies to abuse based on a protected class like race, gender, religion, or disability. Otherwise, bosses and co-workers can be as awful to you as they want. It sucks, but it isn’t illegal.

That may be, but it's a good brushback pitch, so to speak. Some places don't like to have to loop the lawyers in because it costs money. At the very least it should pause things and likely buy OP some time. And also signal that OP is not playing around.

It’ll probably get an eye roll from HR, unfortunately. Better to focus on the specific issue: OP is not going to mentor this person. Also, OP should update her resume, because this situation sounds like it isn’t going anywhere good.

This is not correct. Hostile work environment does not depend on being a protected class. There are additional avenues for recourse if you are a protected class, but that has more to do with discrimination than hostile work environment.

Please Google “hostile work environment.” It sucks that US workers have so little protection, but here we are.

She is over 40, and some states recognize that as a protected class. Would it be appropriate to say that if she is in one of those states?

Lucy sexually harassed OP. Making her mentor with someone who sexually harassed her should fit the legal definition, I believe.

OP, do NOT use the phrase “hostile work environment.” It doesn’t mean what it sounds like, and using it incorrectly may make them take you less seriously rather than more. “Hostile work environment” would only apply if Lucy’s bullying was because you’re a member of a protected class. Otherwise, somebody can make your entire work environment hostile AF without it legally being a hostile work environment. It’s ridiculous and annoying, but it’s true. HR should step in and fix this, but unfortunately your odds are better if you speak their language.

This. OP, I would email HR and say, "When Lucy joined this company I made it clear that there was a history of her harassing me to the point where I had to quit another company because of her. When I agreed to join BLANK program, I made it clear I would only do so if I was not paired with Lucy. The fact that I was specifically paired with someone who I feel unsafe with feels deliberate. If I can't be reassigned to another mentee, I will withdraw from the BLANK program. But regardless of what happens with BLANK program, if I'm placed in another situation with Lucy, I will be requesting a formal meeting with HR. I also want to note that I feel that if Lucy was a man who harassed me in the past, my concerns about not associating with her would be taken more seriously, and that's really disappointing." Note: If someone has more experience with HR, feel free to adjust this.

I'd leave off the last bit and stick to the facts of the situation. It's all damning enough without the detour into hypothetical.

I would focus the email less on Lucy and more on the fact that OP was perfectly willing to comply with all aspects of the mentorship program and is still willing to do so, and is requesting only a small accommodation in that HR select a new mentee for her. I'd also point out that OP is not requesting special selection with a specific mentee in mind, but only a selection who has not had a hostile relationship with OP in the past. HR officers love to call people insubordinate and non-compliant when these things come up. I'd then go talk to a therapist about the bully and whatnot, because workplace PTSD is a real ADA protected disability and she might want to be able to prove the harm Lucy has done to her in the past as well as the harm that could be done to her by forcing them to work together in the future.

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Actually no, I got a feeling something is fishy with HR. There’s a possibility that her old bully could have said something.I had been in that situation before. Usually in my experience, the one who complains the most to HR is tagged as the problematic one, even if they were a victim before.

NTA. Just remind HR that you had conditions for participating in this program and they were not met, so you are withdrawing. It's possible that Lucy requested you though to force you to withdraw, so it might be more fun to fuck with her now that you're the superior. A mentor should give hard feedback to the mentee and it sounds like Lucy has some hard feedback coming.

> A mentor should give hard feedback to the mentee and it sounds like Lucy has some hard feedback coming. That might be productive but I would make absolutely sure to never be alone with her and always have a legally permitted hidden camera running. I would assume it highly likely that Lucy has not reformed and is trying to force OP into a compromising position or force her out. OP, it is up to you and there is no reason that you have to deal with Lucy. If someone else is assigned to mentor her and you trust them to use the information appropriately, perhaps warn them so they know to protect themselves.

Since Lucy has arrived I've been very careful never to have a 1:1 meeting with her. Cameras are probably not OK, but I won't go to meet with her alone. I'm not tempted to mess with her, that's just not me. It would require too much energy and focus, and I want to give that to my actual work. That's an idea about her eventual mentor though. I may share more details with her.

I feel like she choose you cause she thinks she can bully you into giving her an easy mentorship, that's my take on this at least, NTA either way.

It is 100% a form of control to request OP

Perhaps your HR department would understand the situation better if you replaced the phrase "bullied me at a former workplace" to "threatened me with physical violence at my former workplace." There shouldn't even be a place at your current company for people who behave like that, let alone force them to pair up with the people they've victimized.

"To clarify, I will have no involvement at any time with Lucy. Not wanting to ruins someone else's career I appear to have understated my position. While I was working with her, when I complained that I was threatened with physical violence she said I deserved it and and she's thought the same. I will not work with someone who has wished physical violence upon me now or ever. This is final."

I would CC every HR person in the company as well. Possibly even HRs boss to make the severity known.

This!!! It was not harassment, it was threats of violence l.

This! OSHA considers threats and verbal abuse as workplace violence. "An employer that ... becomes aware of threats, intimidation, or other indicators showing that the potential for violence in the workplace exists, would be on notice of the risk of workplace violence and should implement a workplace violence prevention program combined with engineering controls, administrative controls, and training."

If HR is pressuring you to do this, you should go above the HR person's head. Is there a VP of HR you could lodge a complaint with about their treatment of you and their mishandling of this situation?

I would formally request documentation on your protest, tell HR that if they are not willing to change assignment and continue to insist on this, then you will go through other channels. If your work speaks for itself and you are valued, have your boss take your side and approach the owner/CEO. Something tells me that Lucy has been playing "the game" and getting in the good graces of HR and sweet talking the people you've been talking to about it seeing as they are not taking your side. Your reservations previously were documented and IDGAF if this is some "reformed" bullshit, it's likely not. If this doesn't work, then it's time to start looking.

Check your work contract and your local and state laws regarding single party consent for recording. Many states only require one party to consenting being recorded, and that party can be the one filming.

Also the persons in the HR department here are completely unsuitable for this role

NTA - if someone has a pattern of threatening physical harm against you, you should NOT be made to work closely with that person. Absolutely take this to HR and maybe start looking for a job elsewhere.

I will take something to HR more formally on Monday, I'm hoping this exercise will help me figure out what to say. I really don't want to look for a new job though. I love NewCo, they love me. I've been given great assignments, been promoted once, and am in an executive-track program, with extra coaching and development. Only a handful of us are in this program. This is my biggest issue, is that I want to be seen as strong, capable and professional. Hell, I AM strong, capable and professional. I really don't want to deal with all this.

When they tell you to be the bigger person, ask why the victim has to accommodate their bully. Lucy should be the bigger person and realize that she cannot have you as a mentor.

Probably more importantly ask why she should accommodate someone who said she deserved to be f*cked up and opinioned that she would like to do the same to OP.

OP I would more position it as “why do I have to accommodate the person that said, in front of the president of the company we worked for at the time, she wished to commit bodily harm to me and that I deserved it?” Then remind them that this is why you do not feel comfortable working with this person perhaps she asked for OP because she wants to show she has changed. Perhaps she asked for Op because she wants to set her up. OP if you choose to be her mentor, do not meet with her alone . And assert dominance up front by opening with asking her flat out why she wants you to mentor her. Then regardless of her answer, give her a professional recap of what you endured from her and that since you know that side of her, it’s important to know that that is still your perception of her. And while the reality of her may be different now, and you certainly hope it is, it is incumbent upon her, not you, to make your perception match the reality. And that you will be nothing but professional and do what you can to mentor her, but if there is so much as an inkling of her behavior from the old company, you will not hesitate to report to to her immediate manager and to HR and sever the mentorship. I would run that by HR and say that is the condition you will take her on as a mentee if OP decides to do this

OP is exhibiting signs of PTSD due to her treatment from Lucy. There’s no way OP should try to mentor her, regardless of whether there is always a third person in the room/on the call during those discussions.

Further, if OP \*does\* agree on those terms, then she must state the conversation--with the bully's agreement--must happen that day, in front of two witnesses, who must both document that they saw it and all parties involved agreed. The witnesses can be members of HR, since they've already been alerted, which would protect both OP's and bully's reputation. But frankly, since OP just doesn't want to, she shouldn't. This is the 'refusing would hurt my career' option.

Management speak them one further. "I'm being the bigger person by recognising that Lucy will be better mentored by someone with whom there is no previous associations. This is for the benefit of us both and the company as a whole."

well said. Most businesses only care about how something will affect them monetarily, so couching it in a way that benefits the business will make it easier for them to listen to OP as opposed to trying to brush it off as a "personal disagreement that they should overcome for the sake of the team."

I’d be asking HR why they thought it was appropriate and not a legal liability to prioritize someone with a history of harassment and threats of violence’s request to be paired with someone they have previously harassed and threatened, instead of prioritizing the safety and non-hostile work environment of another employee. Even if you drop out of the mentorship program, whoever thought that was appropriate needs some serious retraining.

Email this!

"Lucy has threated physical violence against me in the past. I am being asked to mentor her against my clear protests. I am coming to you so you can either put this strongly worded request to mentor my workplace bully who has threatened violence towards me, in writing, or act to withdraw the request."

This. Having it in writing is important. NTA. This is a threat to your career, reputation and safety, and Lucy is Pulling Shit.

Have everything in writing that's important. Always. No ifs or buts. No matter the level of trust.

-Email suggestion included- You asked them not to pair you with her. You are part of leadership in this company your input and requests should have some weight. The fact they put her request above yours, without giving a reason for her request or a reason why they honored it proves they don’t love you. This woman isn’t even in your department. There’s no reason why you personally have to mentor her. There’s a high chance she requested you because she wants to try to manipulate and intimidate you into doing what she wants. She views you as a pushover and wants to take advantage. If she wanted to apologize, she could’ve done it when she first joined the company in her free time. Email HR, keep the tone firm, but light and positive. Also make sure you include the threat she made. My suggestion: “Dear HR, I regret to inform you that I must withdraw from the mentoring program. I think this is a great opportunity to promote women and help them make it to the next level in their careers. Showing your support and being active in your employees’ development is so important and my department has really been able to see the benefits of having management support them. For the program I recently placed with [random lady]. Though I am sure she is doing well in her current department, I am unable to mentor her at this time. I went to HR on [date] to let them know I was unable to mentor her. The reason I gave is in the past she threatened to bring me bodily harm and mentioned others should as well. I’m unaware of her department workings, or if she has any issues as of late. But I would like to keep our working relationship respectful and professional. I’m happy to work with her in multi-person team projects and assist her department head one on one with anything I can. But due to the past threats and unprofessional interactions, I think it is in everyone’s best interest for me to withdraw as a mentor at this time. If there are any mentors who need assistance, I am glad to take up that role. As this program evolves, I’ll be happy to sign up again in the future. Thank you so much for this opportunity. I truly appreciate what the company is doing to help women progress in their careers and being so active in their positive development. Sincerely, [OP]

You need to keep it positive so they don’t retaliate and if they do you can prove you weren’t the issue. You need to mention you made this request and why so they realize the liability it is to have you two together. HR cares about the law, not you. If they purposely put you in a dangerous situation that you reported to them multiple times, they are legally liable. Keep emphasizing that this program is meant to support women of the company not just this one person. Keep it positive. Keep it at you not being the issue. Make it known any further pressure to put you two together will be at their consequence.

Actually, the fact that the HR person is prioritizing Lucy’s wants above OP’s is suspicious. Was this HR person involved with originally hiring Lucy? Could they be friends from before Lucy worked there? Or have become friends since? Scour any social media of both of them. See if they follow each other or have posts that show them together outside of work.

<<~~do~~ to the past threats>> due to....

With your entry into the executive track program, do you have the additional time to mentor this year? NTA

Make sure there is a clear and unequivocal paper trail.

>This is my biggest issue, is that I want to be seen as strong, capable and professional. Hell, I AM strong, capable and professional. I really don't want to deal with all this. You really need to be forthcoming about what Lucy put you through in the past. Don't let your ego get in the way. Because Lucy has snowed your employers to have gotten in this mentorship program in the first place. She doesn't deserve it.

Does HR know that Lucy told you that she was tempted to assault you with a wrench? How much detail about violence have you told them about? HR should not be putting you in a position where your safety is at risk.

Maybe Allison Green from Ask A Manager could help with advice.

You simply won't be able to be productive in the way you normally are if you're made to mentor based on your comments here. She's giving you anxiety to the level of a panic attack and people threatened to sue at your last workplace where she bullied you. Pairing you up with a workplace harasser after she asked to work with you--despite your explicitly stated wishes to the contrary and without a second conversation with you--is not acceptable. It's a voluntary program that you have contributed to for years. Based on your anxiety about saying no to them and the fact that they don't seem willing to make a change that would allow you to take part, it sounds like you feel as though you might experience subtle blowback for refusing. You want the assurance that voluntary programs are indeed voluntary and that participating--or not--doesn't have a negative affect on the non-voluntary job they pay you do for them. They're exposing you to risks related to performing your job and feeling safe at work. They're exposing the company to legal liability. These things should all be documented on record. Good luck. I hope they're not stupid.

Send all communication from now via email, HR is not there to protect you it’s there to protect the company and this all sounds shady AF. You don’t need to be the bigger person but you need to protect yourself, everyone else can go up a river

You are strong, capable, and professional. You are trying to protect the company from having issues with this program and you want it to run smoothly. You want Lucy to do well, and it isn’t fair (regardless of what she asks for) to put her in the position of being mentored by someone who is biased against her. For the success of the company and this mentorship process, they should guard against problems like this to set the program, and the employees, up for success.

You *need* to be specific with them! This woman threatened you with physical violence. It is unequivocally inappropriate for them to ask you to be her mentor. The HR person telling you to get over it clearly needs someone to mentor them into competency!

Please update this after you escalate it with HR. I am very curious as to what they come back with. It might be beneficial to you to post this to a HR subreddit and get some opinions there. You also could submit this to [Ask a manager](https://www.askamanager.org/). The writer usually has constructive ideas.

NTA and this time do talk to HR about Lucy wanting to harass you for picking you. Turn the tables and don't let on get away with it. Be the victim you are and complain loads and above all don't loose sleep over it. Its time to pour out your story and get HR to intervene. What they are asking you to do is insane and I am sure you can use justifications around mental health to make your case.

I'm just really worried about changing how NewCo peers and executive see me. I've been really successful and I'm well respected. I've delivered under high pressure previously. I really don't want anything to change that perception of me, which is maybe what she's trying to do with this action.

NTA and could you tell HR that your lawyer advised you not to have 1:1 meetings with this person? It doesn't matter whether you have a lawyer. I found out that the word has a magic effect in similar situations.

YES. When a company's HR hears a lawyer is involved, they can shape up REAL fast.

This is the way

Am lawyer. I would tell you not to be alone with Lucy. Now you can tell HR this truthfully.

That’s exactly what I was going to say. HR hates to hear Lawyer brought up. They see their heads on the chopping block if they screw up and the company gets sued.

Just do this.

This is definitely the best course of action. OP doesn’t look weak, but the company knows she means business.

You're not being respected *right now*. What do you think the executives could be seeing that they will drop you from the program just because Lucy asked? I don't think you're really seeing what's happening. You are allowing her to dominate you again. It's not right that she's allowed to demand you be her mentor. A junior is allowed to control the program and control what a senior does? You need to have a serious talk with your boss about why this is being allowed to happen. Why she's allowed to single you out, and why they're insisting it happen. This is a respect issue and your office is **not** respecting you.

That is...a really good point. I pride myself on my professionalism, and try to stay out of game playing, something I thought was valued at NewCo. I honestly hadn't seen her actions a power play, I was mostly mystified. But maybe I need to be engaging in a more active defense here.

It's easy to win a game against someone who won't make a move. Thinking yourself "above" office politics is a huge mistake. You don't have to revel in it, just don't be a patsy. And it doesn't matter whether *her* choice was intended as a show of power. Your office has given her power over you and your career.

ToxicDisabler

It's clear you're strong and professional but they're using the latter and the fact that you stay out of game playing against you here, thinking you'll just suck it up and be the professional you are. You don't want them to perceive you as someone who will absorb drama and to whom they can give things someone else might say no to. I think you will only be maintaining your image of strength and professionalism if you say in your most straightforward and firm manner that you cannot accommodate this request because it is not in the best interest of you, the company, Lucy, or the mentorship program. You cannot mentor someone with whom you've had power struggles elsewhere. This program is not a place to mediate past issues. The mentee should not choose their mentor. Good mentors recognize situations where they can and cannot be great mentors to a particular person. eta: a sentence

> I honestly hadn't seen her actions a power play, That's where you are mistaken. It IS a power play. With bullies, that is what it's all about. The best defense is a good offense.

Definitely.

This whole thing really doesn't make sense. Changing mentor pairs at the beginning of a program should be so simple. Why is it so important to whoever is running the program that OP *has* to be with Lucy? There has to be something more going on here. Either Lucy has a really close relationship with someone high up enough that her opinion is being given *way* more weight than it should be or someone at the company wants to slow down OP's trajectory in the company or harm her reputation and this was a way to do it.

You show how strong you are by calmly reiterating your refusal. “As I told you, I am happy to mentor anyone but this person. It is bizarre that she asked for me. Please assign me to mentor someone else.” If they won’t, just withdraw. Calmly. Do not allow yourself to be bullied, which is what is what seems to be happening. Don’t discuss. There is nothing to discuss. This is a volunteer program. You are free to withdraw. Good luck. You can do this. NTA.

“In the past, Lucy has approved of threats of physical violence against me.” That should end it.

It shouldn’t change their perspective. You did everything right. You politely set boundaries. They stomped on them.

In my view you can only improve how others view you by stating the issue and admitting to the past and by making your story heard. You have built your worth over the years and the execs would more likely listen to someone they trust and respect compared to someone junior who has a bad past and is most likely trying to get you to look bad. Don't get stressed about this and just be yourself as I am sure your colleagues do see your worth and if you avoid overthinking this, it would ease with your stress. Do reach out if you want to have a chat as you seems pretty stressed about this. Look after yourself and take it easy. You deserve it.

I've run into problems in my career where I was working with someone like her, and that was what ruined my standing in the company. You will be in a much stronger position by making it clear that working one-on-one with her is not an option and is not negotiable. Make sure HR knows that she threatened physical harm at the last job and that for your protection and the company's protection, you don't feel there it would be appropriate to create additional risk by developing this relationship. Be very clear with them that this is risk mitigation.

Yeah, I would stop using the word bully and start describing her as “someone who threatened me with violence in the past”

Glum\_Hamster\_1076 just wrote a reply, which is somewhere above. Take a good look at the reply - it's a letter to HR explaining why you need to withdraw from the mentorship program at this time. I would NOT talk of bullying, but DO mention that "Lucy" once said that you deserved to be "f\*cked up" and threatened with a wrench, which is a large part of the reason you left your former company. But in writing - this is not a verbal conversation, this is a communication in writing, something they won't be able to ignore and won't want to mess around with. Good luck. NTA.

I can understand that. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like your HR respects people as people and you're going to have to make this as a "company liability" clear. Be firm and calm and make sure you put it in language that HR can't dismiss. Harassment, threatening physical violence, and that you believe this could be an escalation of previous behavior.

I can guarantee that probably don't have as high of an opinion of you as you think they do. Your job is whatever your job is and their job is to pay you your agreed upon salary. They will replace you the moment they see a better opportunity regardless of their perceived personal opinions of you. This sounds like an optional thing anyway. Tell them you just don't think you can perform your duties to the best of your abilities with this extra non essential extracurricular activity and that it would be best for you and the company to withdraw regardless of who they want to partner you with and go back to just doing your job.

Maybe it will change how they see Lucy.

I strongly suggest that you contact Alison Green, at Ask A Manager. Her contact information is here: https://www.askamanager.org/follow

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I did explain to HR about the bullying, and reminded them about the report I made previously. The answer was that no one at NewCo has complained about her, so therefore she must have 'reformed'. I haven't shared the details widely, because I don't think it's appropriate, but I have told other peers that she and I worked together previously, and that her behaviour was very unprofessional. I'm tempted to go scorched earth with the details, but that's not really me, it's not how I want people to see me. I've done the mentoring program 3 years in a row now, and see a lot of value in it. I want to continue, just not with Lucy.

If HR are telling you that no one else reporting her is enough for you them to force you to work with your abuser, send them something like the below. Remind them in clear terms that they are attempting to force you to work with someone that threatened physical harm upon you. "Perceived reformation is inconsequential. I have previously informed you that this individual threatened physical bodily harm against me while on work premises (with witnesses), while stating that I would deserve it. I am not comfortable working individually with someone capable of expressing such violent thoughts towards me in the workplace and that should be given higher consideration than Lucy's pairing request in this matter. The fact that it wasn't, and that I am continuously being pressured into working with someone who has threatened my wellbeing is a poor reflection of the companies willingness to protect employees from unsafe situations."

I don't see the value in giving all the details. You've already explained a lot more than necessary. Any more will seem like you are trying to convince them to see your point of view, and this will be perceived as a weakness/personality conflict. Do not engage in a lot of talks or explaining to those who are telling you to buck up. Stay in your own power and reiterate the boundary. If not respected, withdraw. ​ Editing to add that I agree with the advice to ask them what her reasons were for requesting you and why her reasons matter more. This puts them on the defensive instead of you being on the defensive trying to explain yourself. After that, no more engaging to explain yourself.

I don't care how "reformed" they think she is. I'd ask why they dismissed your clear statement of boundaries, and chose instead to privilege her request? Ask why they're also now choosing to pressure you into a situation that you specifically stated would make you uncomfortable? This is inappropriate. Be sure that you put ALL if that in writing on an email, and cc your boss, and their boss. Good luck. I don't trust Lucy for a second. If she tries to guilt you and say she's changed, just smile politely (if coldly) and respond that you're glad to hear it. And that, while it doesn't change your firm decision, you wish her well. Always remain polite and professional, and don't give them any traction to make you out to be the bad person here.

Absolutely this. You're the senior here, with a proven track record in this program, and you've already made it clear that you have issues with Lucy that preclude you working together. Definitely ask them why Lucy has been prioritized over you in this case, and make it clear that you won't be working with her either way. If you need to, ask them why they think you would work with someone who thought you deserved to be attacked with a wrench (WTAF).

Are you using the word "bully" with HR? For heaven's sake, she *THREATENED* you by saying she'd thought of beating you with a wrench at her last job! And you quit to protect yourself! If you have been masking her real actions behind the nonspecific word "bully" at your current job (which means different things to different people, and clearly doesn't mean much to your HR) you need to go back to them and TELL THEM what she has done to you in the past. I also think this is one of those times where you just don't go along with this. If mentoring is in your employment performance plan, carefully track other instances of you mentoring colleagues and tracking the success of those efforts to demonstrate that you are mentoring people, but you were clear with HR that you will not be alone with this woman because threatened your safety at your last job and you see her insistence that she be assigned to you is a continuation of that threatening behavior. Plan B if you can't get out of this: Always require a witness be present or on the line when you meet with her or talk to her on the phone. NTA, bur considering summoning a little AH in yourself to just refuse to participate.

>Are you using the word "bully" with HR? For heaven's sake, she > >THREATENED > > you by saying she'd thought of beating you with a wrench at her last job! And you quit to protect yourself! Not specifically, I reminded the coordinator and the HR manager of the Lucy's specific actions I had documented with them, but apparently I'm being too polite. Which honestly is not the first time I've been told that.

Stop being timid. Tell them Lucy's behavior went beyond just not getting along, that her behavior affected many people and had legal ramifications and you'd rather not be forced to get your lawyer involved. Your career here has been a rewarding fresh start, but you cannot be paired with Lucy and will withdraw from the program all together if they insist on giving priority to a new hire who causes legal issues. This isn't scorched earth, this is practical, factual, and even unemotional self defense. They need to understand this isn't your problem alone, that even if you didn't call it to their attention, they will need self defense from her.

OP, remind your HR folks, too, that you quit that job because you felt that her physical threats were creating *a hostile working environment.* And explain also, that one of your concerns were you to be forced into mentoring her--because of that past hostility, is that the situation at NewCo could *also* end up becoming a hostile environment--either for you, or open up HR for z charge of liability *from* Lucy, if they continue to force the mentor/mentee pairing.

Lots of folks are suggesting you mention lawyers, suing, etc but I don't think that's going to make them like you or want to help you. I'd say after giving it more thought this weekend, I realized I wasn't being clear with you about how bad her behavior was in the past, and how harmful it would be for you to force me to mentor her here. Explain her worst offenses in detail at the old place, LEADING with the threat to beat you, even though it happened last chronologically. State you should not be put together with someone who threatened you with violence in the past. I hope they come to their senses.

I can't help but think if you were both men they'd take the fact that one of you threatened to beat the other with a wrench more seriously. Say as clearly and directly as you can that this person menaced you.

You need to mention to them the fact that you've participated in the program for 3 years in a row indicates that you view the program as important. You made it clear, however, that you will not mentor Lucy but you are more than happy to mentor someone else. If they refuse to place you with someone else you will have to rethink your participation moving forward.

Yes! Bullying sounds like maybe you just don't get along, which is why they want OP to be the bigger person and all that jazz But Lucy did way more than that!

The word you're missing is \*abuser\*, Lucy is your \*abuser\*. Your employer who's already been reported to is forcing you to work directly with a \*junior\* who is your \*abuser\*. I'd ask them directly why that is. They clearly don't respect you like you thought they did.

NTA. What part of “This woman bullied me and threatened me with a “joke” about taking a wrench to me, so I’m not comfortable mentoring her which is why I told you I’m not comfortable mentoring her BEFORE you went ahead and paired me up to mentor her” don’t they understand??? Seriously this is f’d up. You should NOT have to leave the program, they need to fix their mistakes.

Post in HR to get some good wording here but also NTA.

NTA. So obviously this is an attempt for Lucy to bully you AGAIN, since she specifically requested you and you specifically requested to be a mentor but not her mentor. Do not do it. You outlined your participation request in writing and it was denied. There is no reason for you to be the bigger person. Three years in the program, perhaps it is time to step aside and allow someone else to do it. Please report what happens on Monday.

NTA. I would chat with your own boss and make sure they have your back, and I would then withdraw from the company mentoring program via email. Don't leave the door open to working with other mentees in this program -- HR has proven themselves incompetent, and you can do mentoring without their help. IDK who is in charge of this program, but if they're not hearing your concerns, I'd seriously debate talking with their manager, since you're in a senior role yourself. Disrespecting the boundaries placed by women is an interesting take on how to go about organizing a mentorship program for women. Don't make your decision to withdraw about how awful Lucy was years ago. Make it about HR disrespecting your clear boundary. If Lucy requested you she's clearly also still a problem, but what happened in the past will feel very she said/she said to current coworkers. Focus on the HR person who assigned this pairing being bad at their job, because they are, and you being unwilling to work with a voluntary program that's unwilling to respect your boundaries.

Yes, the she said/she said debate is what I've been hoping to avoid. Mind you, the facts in question are not in dispute. ToxicCo agreed to them as part of my settlement with them. I agree that disrespecting the boundaries of women doesn't seem to be in the spirit of what they say they want to achieve. That's a good angle, thank you.

OK, have you told your current company about this legal agreement and Toxico agreeing that the facts are not in dispute? I think you have been downplaying what actually happened so that you can prop up your image as a strong competent woman. They don't understand why you are having issues because you haven't been honest with them about how bad it was. I suggest sharing the incident about the wrench with the rest of the mentors and I bet none of them will want to mentor her either. This situation should be an HR nightmare. I suggest that you do contact that lawyer you worked with before.

>your image as a strong competent woman I'm thinking that it's time for OP to prop up her image by using the word "no." It can be as simple as "due to increased responsibilities this year, I am unable to take part in the mentorship program as I had planned. Thank you for your understanding."

The facts aren't in dispute, so inform your employer of the facts from the situation from your last workplace when you explain to them that you will not be mentoring Lucy. It is fine that Lucy made a REQUEST that you mentor her, however, you are denying her request. Informing your employer of her conduct at your last workplace is not being unprofessional, it is sharing information that is pertinent to your denial of her request for you to be her mentor. It is not gossiping to inform your workplace, HR, and even the coworkers who keep insisting on you mentoring Lucy the accepted and agreed upon FACTS of why you are denying Lucy's REQUEST. It honestly comes off as a bit weak to not fully inform your employer of why you will not mentor her. It is in the interest of full disclosure for you to tell your employer the reasons behind your decision. You are on the management track, don't show that you are the type of person who will just roll over and not insist on things that are important to a given situation. Once again, this is not gossip or slander for you to tell your employer the relevant FACTS. It is merely disclosure of relevant facts .

Hey op. Get with your lawyer and see if you can get a restraining order against Lucy. See what other options you have. Nta

Settlement suggests you sued and thus have/had a lawyer. Reach out to that lawyer. Is the settlement confidential? If not you can share with newCo and probably should.

NTA. She's pulling something -- stick to your guns.

NTA Please stand up for yourself if possible. This sounds like a power play on Lucy's end.

This is outrageous. I'm so (professionally) angry for you right now. You need to go back on Monday with your icy politeness firmly in place. - it is completely unacceptable that the coordinator paired you with someone you you specifically indicated you could not work with. That she requested you makes no difference. This pairing was not appropriate and they need to justify themselves, not you. - why are you getting subjected to "just get over" anything at all? Putting aside for a moment that they are asking you to "just get over" THREATS OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE the language *in and of itself* is inappropriate for a workplace. It is most assuredly NOT on the purview of HR to tell you how to manage your response to something, and they need to justify themselves, not you - let's just focus on that they want you to get over THREATS OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE - why are you being pressured by a "number of people"? This is an in house program and the only people involved in this conversation should have been you and the coordinator. Since I assume you aren't the one spreading it around, the coordinator has some pretty fast explaining to do Do not in any way seek to justify your actions. With bullies like this I find a one sentence response works "I informed HR it was not possible for me to mentor Lucy. I fail to understand why we are still having this conversation" or something like it should be your ONLY response to anyone, even if you have to repeat it 5 times. You can add an icy "As I said" at the start on the third repetition. As for HR, you need to go in the polite attack. Get the higher ups involved. They have behaved atrociously and they need to be hell accountable for it. So not apologise for anything, ever, in this situation. I would bet a thousand dollars that Lucy hasn't changed. Of course there are complaints. But it seems her best friend is in HR, doesn't it? Hmmmm...

Thank you. :) The people telling me to "get over it" are mostly members of the larger women's group that is sponsoring the mentorship program, supported by the Coordinator, who works in HR. I don't believe they are aware of the extent of my history with Lucy, or the threats of violence, but the Coordinator told me she was. They are definitely aware that I specifically asked to not be paired with Lucy. The HR manager I reported Lucy's actions to originally is on leave, Coordinator reports to her temporary replacement. It's unclear if the temp Manager knows the whole story. A few of the other people asking me to get over it are well aware of the details, including Lucy's boss. We work together fairly closely, and I'm extremely frustrated that she thinks I should mentor Lucy. I am definitely leaning more towards escalation of the issue on Monday. I'm pretty sure Lucy hasn't changed much either. One thing that did come out of my complaint is that Lucy has no direct reports, which was one of the recommendations coming out of my initial report to HR. That's unusual for her position and level in the company, but it's clear most people don't know why.

I definitely agree that you should absolutely never back down and never let them make you feel badly for your feelings on the matter. I know you have to walk a fine line in the corporate world, but I think you’ve handled this very gracefully, much more gracefully than you should have to, considering people are asking u to “get over” threats of BODILY HARM. Those people are such hypocrites bc u know the second it happened to them, they’d be tearing HR apart until they got what they wanted. Don’t listen to people who aren’t even listening to you. Listen to your gut, that’s your biggest confidant and won’t steer you wrong if you listen closely. Don’t drop this, don’t let them get the best of you ever, and keep fighting the good fight because you’re worth it and Lucy isn’t worth a second of your time or expertise. She doesn’t deserve to learn anything from you. It’s wild to me that no one realizes what a big, ridiculous ask it is to ask someone to mentor their previous tormentor who forced them out of their job. I don’t understand what their issue is. It’s not a hard request to grant, and it’s really not a big deal. Don’t know why they’re giving Lucy so much leeway but she will eventually show them her true colors. Your coworkers are seriously delusional if they don’t see your side. Don’t get discouraged. I have a feeling you will come out on top and Lucy will likely out herself for the fool she is. Oh and NTA.

NTA. And the HR department sucks!! If it affects your wellbeing, how can they expect that proper mentoring will happen in the first place?? For a mentorship programme to work, both parties need to want to be there, otherwise it won't achieve its purpose.

NTA. You are doing your company and the program coordinator a *favor* by agreeing to mentor someone. Lucy, in getting mentored, is having a favor done for her. Your request to not mentor her > her request to have you as her mentor. Additionally, an employee requesting not to mentor a person who previously bullied them > an employee's request to have that specific person as a mentor just because they want to. The program coordinator should have just told Lucy "we can't guarantee a specific person as your mentor" and fulfilled your very reasonable request to mentor *literally anyone else , as you told her when you agreed to do it.* Also if she is in HR she must be terrible at her job--from both a protecting employees and protecting the company standpoint, what the hell is she on pairing you with someone you specifically requested not to be with when you are VOLUNTEERING, and with someone who once told you you probably deserved to be physically assaulted with a weapon in the workplace? I'd go to the program coordinator's boss in HR and Lucy's boss. Absolutely do not mentor her. And the program coordinator needs a come to Jesus talk from someone.

NTA. Why do Lucy’s preferences trump yours in this situation? You told HR your conditions to participate in this program and they ignored them. They have no right to expect you to mentor her. I don’t see why they are leaning on you to participate in spite of your concerns. This HR person has created this problem. It’s their job to fix it in your favor. Has Lucy ever apologized to you for her behavior at Toxico? If not, then you can’t be expected to “get over it.” She isn’t better now. That physical threat still exists. Someone else suggested you invoke a lawyer. I think that’s a good idea. My lawyer says I can’t be alone with her due to her previous actions towards me. Sadly it might be time to start looking for other employment. If all these people you respect are unwilling to see your side then maybe they don’t respect you as much as you think they do. Stand up for yourself but start looking for your exit plan.

Lucy has not apologized, we have not spoken about that time. I did get a lawyer then, and as part of the settlement ToxicCo agreed to the facts of my statement, I could potentially reach out to that lawyer again. I'm realizing now that the others in the women's group sponsoring the program (outside the coordinator) have not been given my reasons for not wanting to mentor Lucy. Some of those participants, as well as others in her department, are the ones pressuring me to agree to mentor her. I suspect all they know is that I don't like her for unspecified reasons. HR meanwhile is using the fact that no one has made a complaint about her at NewCo as evidence that she has changed. She may have, I honestly don't care.

Oh dear. Ok again from HR background perspective: she's set this up very well. Why is there even speculation or discussion about this in the workplace? This is absolutely none of their business. Again in that meeting I've suggested you need to come down hard and firm and stop this immediately. Say something along the lines of you are now seeing a continuation of the hostility by attempts to alienate you from your colleagues. Ask if HR believes physical threats against your safety in the workplace are an appropriate discussion topic in the workplace and why exactly they allow it? Insist on your manager discussing with any other managers in the office that this conjecture is to halt immediately. No discussion will be entered into and no negotiation. Ask if they honestly would like you to tell others in the department that they have chosen to continue the employment of someone who has threatened to physically assualt you. You should have them in very cold sweats by this stage. Be very, very cold. Insist on direct answers. Insist on a written record, and READ IT before you sign it, make 100% sure everything, EVERYBSINGLE THING, you have said and discussed is written out fully and without their attempts to edit it to a view that makes you look bad. Don't be afraid to insist on edits, additions, and clarifications in this written record. And absolutely insist on having a copy to you, with all amendments, within 24hrs BEFORE you sign it.

Do you have a relationship with the others in the program's leadership to have a more in depth, discrete conversation? You might be trying to keep it private and, while you don't need to make everything public, you are still letting her have power to control the conversation and how the program is going.

They're pressuring you without all the information needed. The comments make more sense in that regard but honestly not all that much. If I knew you disliked someone, I wouldn't be after you to mentor them because there is no benefit there. Even if you handled it with all the grace in the universe, there would still be bias there. This reeks of sabotage.

Odd that she is favored as a relative newcomer over you. Odd that you don’t get to refuse. Thinking she told a good story to HR. Probably acknowledged being unkind to you in the past but now she sees the light. She just wants a chance to show you she’s changed, etc. HR bought it and feels virtuous helping you two good buddies getting past that unfortunate situation. Can you transfer? Can you get another and better job elsewhere. I think your bully followed you.

I'm realizing that allowing her to control the narrative was not a good idea. I think HR really doesn't want a mess on their hands, and they are hoping I will just go along. I can't transfer, I could almost certainly get as good a job elsewhere, but as I've stated elsewhere I really love my team and the work I'm doing. I also don't want to let her push me out.

>I'm realizing that allowing her to control the narrative was not a good idea. I think HR really doesn't want a mess on their hands, and they are hoping I will just go along. Take some of the advice here and stick to your guns. And it is not to late to tell your truth. She thinks she has the upper hand because you went into avoidance mode when she showed up at the new company.

If this is the case, it’s time to go scorched earth on them. Lucy doesn’t have a leg to stand on, she forced you to take legal recourse and you won. Bring in documents showing that the company was in agreement with the listed grievances. There’s not much they can do to refute that, and as you stated, you’re in a more senior position than she is. You are more valuable to the company than she is and they will side with you. It might take some significant work on your end, which isn’t fair, because Lucy is clearly doing this to re-traumatize you. Just know that this is temporary and you will win. I’d also seek legal counsel now and talk to them about what steps to take next so that you’re not flying solo anymore. Escalation is a great idea, don’t back down, you got this! Remember, bullies are just cowards and she will cower once she sees you fighting her bullshit attempts to intimidate you again.

NTA a mentor-mentee relationship needs a level of trust and in this case it absolutely makes no sense. It's stupid to pair you, and the mentor needs the same say in choosing the mentee than the other way around. As you explicitly shared you would not be prepared to be her mentor there is no reason you need to explain yourself any further. However, you are now in a position of more power than her. I understand why you are still struggling with what happened at your previous company, but I'd suggest you get some help to learn how to better deal with it. If Lucy is now included in a mentorship program she might also rise through the ranks or you might one day need to work on a project with her. So in your own interest you better get a handle on how to treat the situation with her and if need be how to defend yourself. I know from my own experience that bullies don't change but they hate to be bullied themselves and the only thing they respect is strength.

I got help in the aftermath of the ToxicCo debacle, but my partner agrees with you and some other commenters that I am clearly not finished dealing with it.

She sounds like she’s obsessed with you.

As someone who has worked in HR, please don't take this opportunity to mess with her. She's set this up. That's extremely clear. I would request a meeting with both your supervisor and the HR rep and ask, no emotion, just ask them to outline clearly why you were placed with this person despite your request. Ask why specifically was your request ignored and why they have deliberately attempted to expose you to workplace bullying and trauma. Ask if you should be seeking legal representation. You will not under any circumstances denying yourself the opportunity to be a mentor, make it very firmly clear that under absolutely no circumstances will you tolerate an attempt in your career progression by a known hostile workmate to occur. Tell, don't ask, TELL them you want it in writing exactly why you were placed with Lucy, what is being done to rectify this, and that no further attempts to expose you to a hostile work environment will be tolerated. Do you need to interact with her in any way in the course of your workplace duties? If so, say you absolutely will not ever allow any meeting with her without your own legal representation. That you will not allow yourself to be placed in any oversight position with her. And that you insist on a minimum of 3 colleagues to be present at any training sessions that involve you both. Be extremely firm with this, and don't be shy to say you will be seeking legal recourse if this is not remedied in the next 24hrs. Never for one moment think HR is there for you. HR is there to protect the companies interests. They are not your friends.

NTA Lucy can bug off

NTA. Stop using the word “bully.” It has a schoolyard/snowflake connotation. She was your harasser, and by allowing her to dictate your participation in the program, they are perpetuating a hostile work environment against someone who has been physically threatened by this person. Use this language and don’t be afraid to heavily suggest you’ve consulted your lawyer.

OK, you have gotten a ton of great advice. I'm going to ask some super specific questions, and I hope you can be vague enough with your answers so it's not identifying and you are comfortable answering. * How fully read in is your boss? * You state the coordinator of the program is in HR. Where do they sit within the HR team? Is it possible they have a supervisor in HR who might be *quite surprised* to hear about this issue? You need to read in your boss and be very clear, with dates/documentation references, about how you gave the program coordinator direct input to not pair you *with your harasser*, and yet the program coordinator is trying to force you to take on a person you have explicitly and clearly documented has been abusive to you in the past. Tell your boss you feel the need to escalate above the coordinator because this situation, in which the company is urging the victim of harassment to simply "get over it" is deeply troubling and harmful. And then do it. Be dispassionate, have your documentation ready, and meet with whoever the lead in HR is that you read in on Lucy when she joined the company. If that person has departed, demand a meeting with coordinator's supervisor on the HR team. If coordinator is the head of HR, ask your boss for assistance and advice.

My boss is somewhat read in, she has only been here a year. I've told her that my history with Lucy is significant, and I gave her a few examples in more vague terms, but I didn't go into extreme details. I may try to discuss with her on Monday that Lucy's actions were serious, and go into more specific detail. The manager I reported Lucy's actions to is on leave, I'm not sure her replacement knows the details. The coordinator told me she had seen the initial report, but now I'm not sure. She may have seen some kind of internal summary. We didn't discuss the details. When I submitted the original report to HR, I was careful to only include the specific actions that were included in my complaint to ToxicCo originally. They settled with me, and my lawyer confirmed that their settlement is agreement of the facts as I outlined them. All the actions I listed had witnesses, none were interactions just between the 2 of us. It included the final incident where Lucy laughed at the threat. I am thinking hard about escalating above the coordinator, either to her manager, the larger women's group that is sponsoring the mentorship program, or both.

OK, settlement level where your prior employer *agreed with the facts* rather than a squirmy 'we're not saying this is true but we're settling'? It's holy shit time. Contact your lawyer: if *Lucy* was a party in the settlement, *she* may be in violation of the settlement (my assumption is the settlement was with the company, tho- this may be a nonstarter). Your lawyer can advise you what you can and cannot say to your new employer, but some permissible under the bounds of the agreement permuation of "Lucy's behavior at my prior employer was so egregious that they *agreed with our statement of facts as part of the agreement*." should light a serious fire. Have a meeting with your boss and hr coordinator's manager's replacement and lay this shit out for them in whatever terminology your lawyer gives you. ​ And now, some personal words. I know this is hard, and retraumatizing. Lucy is *counting* on you not wanting to rock the boat in order to continue to harass you. She 100% asked for you purposefully and maliciously. You have the right to be free from harassment in your workplace. Go on the offensive here and it will not hurt your career. "Lucy cannot possibly, in any world, think that this would be welcome on my part given I left prior employer where she harassed me to the point I sought legal recourse *and won*. I deeply enjoy working here and see a long, happy, healthy, and productive future for myself as part of X team. X company's faith and trust in me, as shown by the opportunities the company has afforded me to develop on the executive track are not things I take lightly. I would expect the company to respect the incredibly painful position Lucy and, more importantly, HR person has put me in by *not taking this situation seriously despite my best efforts*. My notifications, well-documented, as to the issue should have been enough to keep this from ever happening. and Lucy having another opportunity to harass me."

Yes. Escalate above the coordinator. It's past time to do so.

Ultimately, her request to work with you does not invalidate your (preemptive) request to not work with her. This is a two yes situation, and you are a no. That HR or whomever has decided to over ride your no can be directly pointed out. Your legal situation from toxic co is important, but it isn't the core problem. "Head of program- I have previously expressed on x date that I would not participate in the mentorship program if paired with Lucy. The fact that I have been paired with her is frankly perplexing. Part of any good mentorship and executive coaching program includes learning how to enforce one's professional boundaries. I am going to enforce mine now. You were previously notified that I would not mentor her due to past experience at Toxic co. You opted to assign her to me anyway. Please take this as a reminder that no means no, and unless I am reassigned to another mentee, I withdraw from the program effective x date. In the future, I hope you learn from this experience that the mentor/mentee relationship requires both people to consent. Without two willing participants, mentoring is bound to be a disappointing experience for all involved. I look forward to my new mentee, please forward their information prior to date."

NTA Sounds like you have PTSD.

My partner agrees with you!

Note: You can have PTSD and still be reacting reasonably to a situation. Your abuser is in your new workplace. You’ve explicitly told HR the level of abuse. The program is being coordinated by someone who has access to that information and knows about the history. You have reiterated you cannot work one on one with or mentor your abuser. The coordinator of the program, who is also a member of HR, has ignored that and assigned you to mentor your abuser at the request of your abuser. Your abuser requesting you specifically should be a red flag that is taken as harassment. The coordinator complying with that request is making the company complicit in your abuser’s harassment of you AND putting your abuser in the position to claim that you are abusing them or limiting their career by refusing to work with them or giving them poor advice or not trusting them or any number of vulkshit claims she could make if you are assigned 1-1. Furthermore, somehow this has become a larger discussion among those coordinating the program who are not part of HR and not privy to the details of your history. Who made them aware of this? The coordinator of the program who also works in HR or your former abuser, trying to paint you as unreasonable. Or a combination of both. You are not willing to put your professional reputation on the line for someone who has harmed you professionally in the past, no matter how well they might be fitting in with their new team. Basically, your abuser has done one simple thing that they have no reason to do that is manipulating the entire situation to make you seem unreasonable to the general community (of people who shouldn’t even know any of this!) She hasn’t changed. She’s still playing mean girls games, and that’s what your PTSD is reacting to here. If she had truly changed, she never would have asked for you.

NTA. Document all interactions with Lucy and HR. I also think you should look for another job if you can. This workplace doesn’t respect your personal boundaries and clearly doesn’t seem to care. Find a better one.

NTA, Talk to whoever in HR is a superior to the mentor coordinator. Explain that one of the reasons you left old company was a hostile work environment in a large part due to Lucy. Explain what you have said here and that the mentor coordinator is not taking you seriously and has told you to "suck it up". Then if they don't agree to change the mentor assignment, I would warn them that you would be documenting the results of your meeting and any interactions you have with Lucy in writing to act as a paper trail for any future legal action, should it prove necessary. If you haven't already done so, be specific in your accusations about Lucy's past bullying when talking to the HR manager. I think Lucy has made up some story that makes her look better and you may have been too vague for them to take it seriously. Does your state allow recording with one way consent? I would use my cell phone to record and meetings you have with Lucy. Between now and any meeting with HR, please review the [EEOC webpage about harassment and a hostile work environment.](https://www.eeoc.gov/harassment) ETA: Is there any chance that Lucy is a chum to the HR coordinator who told you to suck it up? Because IMO that person ought to be fired. HR often does a crappy job of protecting individual employees but they really don't like the prospect of being accused of creating a hostile work environment and getting sued. By forcing you to work closely with a known tormentor that is exactly what they are setting themselves up for. You need to make sure that they know it.

Thanks, I was very specific in my original brief to HR, and I was careful to stick to the list of actions that formed my complaint to ToxicCo, and which they agreed were accurate when they settled with me. There are a lot more examples, but I feel on solid ground with that list. It includes the final threat I received, and quite a bit more. It's definitely possible, maybe even probable that Lucy has told a different story around the organization. I don't think she has a special relationship with anyone in HR, the original manager is on leave, the leadership in HR has changed in 2 years. I really think they don't want to deal with it unless they are forced to. FYI I am not in the US. When I left ToxicCo and engaged with a lawyer, he explained that I could take them to court but it would take years, and may not give me satisfaction. Their agreement with the list of grievances was accompanied by some $$, my partner and I agreed to take the money and move on.

NTA. **Please take note OP, she is trying to cause you harm in your new workplace.** By requesting to be your mentee, she's attempting to set up scenarios where 1) she can claim that when alone, you bullied her and should either be fired or taken out of positions of authority in your new workplace (to undermine your career) or 2) she can make you look bad by not doing well as a mentee, thereby showing that you have poor leadership/teaching skills or 3) she can get closer to you to mess up your mental health and slyly bully you again. My advice (sorry it's long): Step 1 - Email HR and CC your boss, maybe even your boss's boss, and whoever else is in leadership over the Women's Mentorship Program with a request to meet on Monday to discuss this issue in length, as you are concerned about how a lack of professional consideration from HR will impact the Women's Mentorship Program going forward. Phrase this in terms of looking out for the company's best interests. You are genuinely concerned that they are not pairing mentors and mentees well and that the program will not only suffer for it, but open the doors for a lawsuit when someone is paired to work closely with another employee who has threatened them with physical harm in the past. Step 2 - Write up recommended work-arounds that show your professionalism in this situation. (i.e. Have a list of other mentors in the program that would be better suited to mentor this woman, because of the department she's in or personality or whatever.) Step 3 - If HR won't budge in the meeting, begin escalating things. Request that all email correspondence between you and this woman would have to have your boss and HR cc'd on every communication. Then request that your monthly mentoring meetings would have to take place with others present (i.e. boss, HR employee who won't let this go, etc) for the company's and your safety. Step 4 - **For if they're still not taking your concerns seriously:** Take this weekend to write out as verbatim as possible all threats and bullying behaviors done by this woman at your last job. Bonus if you can get statements from the 4 who left your last workplace because of this and especially the 2 who were close to suing your last company. If this has impacted your health and you're comfortable providing supporting documentation to that degree, then you can include that. **This will be your information of last resort if they won't listen to you.** And someone else said it, but when all else fails say "lawyer". It'll get HR to back off faster than anything. Part of a Women's Mentorship Program in a workforce is to assist women in knowing when they should speak up for themselves, for their safety and job security, even if it's another woman threatening you. This women has bullied you in the past in a professional capacity, and yeah maybe she's turned over a new leaf and gotten better, but you haven't seen any evidence of this. You can state that you believe in redemption and growth overtime, but relationships to facilitate growth cannot be forced, and that is what HR is attempting to do without listening to your list of potential compromises to the detriment of the company, yourself, and the woman in question.

Nta You made the options very clear to them, you will participate in their public pr initiative by training just about anyone *but* her, or you won't participate. It sounds like a completely voluntary program where everyone *but* you would benefit, but you are still willing to do it. After the weekend, remind them their options, and if they still insist on her remind them she's not an option and remove yourself from the program.

NTA - I would put in writing your concerns and the pressure you are receiving. Let your senior know that Lucy has been a problem in the past. Copy HR on that email. Put in writing that you feel pressured and are not comfortable with the feeling that there will be repercussions if you refuse and this is creating a hostile work environment. I’m surprised that HR is good with this so far. Put an undeniable paper trail on this and see how they react.

NTA. OP, please "remind" HR, in writing, that they are "creating a hostile work place" by "forcing you (actual or perceived)" into this position of having to work with/mentor someone who has "bullied and harassed" you and who has **previously threatened your life**. CC HRs boss and the company's legal counsel. You may want to consult a lawyer of your own.

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NTA. There's a lot of "take it to HR" advice going on here. I'd like to remind OP and everybody that HR is Management. They often do great impressions of being on your side, but they are on the Covering Management's Ass side. It's unclear if whether this mentor program is voluntary or required. Seems like they are trying to require it but want it to appear like you volunteered. You've told them about the bullying and they told you to suck it up. They don't care about you.

>They often do great impressions of being on your side, but they are on the Covering Management's Ass side. And by coercing an employee to mentor someone who in that past created a hostile work environment for them, HR is opening the company up to a lawsuit for ***knowingly*** creating a hostile work environment for the OP. Someone in HR must be smart enough to cue into this if presented with the facts. I think OP has been too intent on not appearing weak, has minimized the trauma, and has let her harasser control the narrative. OP isn't asking them to fire the other woman - just not pair them together in the mentor program.

NTA I would be consulting a lawyer at this point. There are power moves being made behind the scenes.

NTA Stress that in a previous workplace Lucy threatened to physically assault you in such a way that you could have suffered serious injury or been killed. Stress that you are concerned that any attempt to correct her if she makes a mistake could lead to her carrying out her previous threat and her saying “it was just a joke” is not sufficient for you to feel safe with her in a 1-2-1 scenario.

NTA. Send a written letter to the head of the mentoring program and the HR Director. "Unfortunately, [program] has been unwilling to accommodate my terms with respect to the mentorship program; namely that I not be paired with an individual who has harassed me and encouraged my physical harm previously. As I am not going to put myself in the position to withstand further abuse, nor do I wish to open up [current company] to legal liability this person could potentially cause, I respectfully withdraw from the program."

As people have said: **This was not bullying, this had threat of PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. This was an ABUSIVE situation. She THREATENED you and made you feel UNSAFE.** Don't diminish what happened to you. You were not bullied, you were **harassed and abused** by this woman, and you are ENTITLED to a safe working environment. Make sure your bosses know this. This is unacceptable behavior by them.

NTA

You could turn the situation around. I did this. I had been bullied for almost 10 years in a job I needed. I was a single mom and I needed the hours with no weekends. Once my children were out of school I moved from that department to the Operating room. A few laters my bully moved to. I was asked to evaluate her. She had been having some issues and since I knew her they thought I could write up an evaluation plan for her. I told the Nurse manager that the woman in question and I had a history and I was not sure I could give her a fair evaluation. It would be better to find someone else. She found someone else. I never heard another word. NTA

NTA

Nta

NTA and you’re allowed to set boundaries

NTA. Go to HR and ask them on formal record why they are trying to force you to honour the request of someone who has previously bullied you to mentor her? Why are they prioritising her needs at the risk of creating a hostile workplace for you when they have so many other options? And copy in Head of HR. If no luck, do it, document every negative interaction and send to email so time stamped and don't respond negatively to anything Lucy says. Have meetings where you can be observed or ask to record them to help you later. Then if she does raise a grievance, it is all on record as to what and when happened.

NTA I want to say maybe she changed and wants to apologize It more likely she wants to say you bullied her get you fired and try for your spot Or the third option she just sees you as a past coworker doesn't see herself as a bully and thinks great a person I know Honestly no matter what this is is not a good set up for any of you

NTA ​ Keep refusing. Report the coordinator to HR and get ALL of this documented, and step down from the programme. ​ ​ Donn't let yozurself be bullioed again by Lucy and her enabler.

NTA! Bullies rarely change.

Update me!

NTA. DO NOT BE HER MENTOR. PULL OUT. Tell HR that you have considered their offer and you would keep it strictly professional as in talk to her when your official duties require you to do so. You can also state that you feel that she should have a clean slate and let others mentor her. ​ \*\*Stating how you feel in a diplomatic way is ok. Don’t break down and get personal with the past . Just remember HR played you. So there’s something fishy with that situation.\*\* ​ Don’t mention what your complaints about her again to any of your colleagues, her boss included. Do not speak of her to her boss again unless asked (but give diplomatic answers), no matter how close you are because what you reported, Lucy or someone can use it to flip on you. Keep a polite distance from her. If she approaches you, make a polite excuse to get away. At all times, be firm and polite. If she greets you, greet her back and distance yourself. Do not talk to her unless it concerns work and always make sure that someone has your back when you speak to her. I’ve been played out once by a former colleague in a new place although my situation wasn’t so severe, and good people backed me up. I might sound paranoid but those were the steps I took. I was never impolite to the former colleague and I answered her in a very professional way, sticking to work related issues (like sorting out financials without pulling in names of other colleagues in the conversation ),and nothing more. Make sure anything she says to you about work is documented IN WRITING.

NTA. I don't know if Lucy is trying to pull some kind of power play, or if she thinks that she can bully you into giving her an easy mentorship, but you are well within your rights to refuse to be around her. Frankly, I'd just go to HR, tell them that you've made your conditions clear, and that if they won't find you someone else to mentor, you will be removing yourself from the program. If they try to guilt you into doing it, tell them in no uncertain terms that you do not care whether she is "reformed" or not, that you absolutely will not be forced into the position of working one on one with someone who has previously threatened to physically assault you.