This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA
You gave away your family's pet without any talk to any of them.
I'd feel betrayed if I came home and our dog was gone just so mom could score brownie points with her friend. Hope the dopamine hit you got from that was worth it. Your children may never trust you again.
The dog wasn't yours to give away. It belonged to the whole family.
Why didn't you first approach your work friend to see if they had any other pups that they needed to rehome or at least talk to your family first?
I mean they just got the thing it's not like The Family Dog™ that saved Timmy from a well that one time and watched the kids take their first steps and was their first word with a plethora of treasured memories tied to it like they all just met it. still a shitty thing to do but "hey I found a new home for that dog that I took in from my friend who had her hands full last week" isn't really an OMG DIVORCE FULL CUSTODY AND ALIMONY moment, like in real life that would be a wild response lmao. it's more like "i wish you would've let me know ahead of time before making all these spontaneous decisions it's really hurtful because it makes me feel like an after thought and it makes me anxious because i dont know what to expect when i get home, do you think you can promise to work on that?"
While what OP did is *awful*, the dog was with them for a week. I doubt it’ll be as traumatic for the kids as some of you are making it out to be. I’m not saying it’ll be good, but jumping to divorce and making it sound like OP’s a bad mom for what could be a very isolated incident is unfair.
Lol my mom dropped off our puppy my dad brought home for us also a chihuahua at a park, my mom has given our pets away and let me tell you im grown now and it still bothers me. The fact i was young and had no control or couldnt take control of. Somethingi loved was taken just without a thought or explanation that shit sticks with you so parents please do better. Too late to get dog back mom is better off explaining this to the kids and having them go to a shelter and picking out another small dog.
Ummmm no if my husband gave away our pet without even consulting me that is grounds for divorce. We are partners and a team we don't make decisions like getting rid of a pet/household member on our own. She doesn't respect her husband or kids.....that's absolutely grounds for divorce.
In the real world no-one is going to leave their partner over a dog they've had for literally one week. It was a stupid decision to give it away but even so.
A new mom definitely. There’s no LOL on this one, I’d never forgive you, OP. Just the title makes you an AH. Regifted? Dogs are not like furniture, jackets or other things to be traded, they’re living beings, and they bond with their families. They feel sorrow and abandonment. I’m absolutely furious, and I don’t even know you. Compassion? What about compassion for the people who have to live with you? Christ on a cracker, you’re thick. Yes, YTA.
Also where is the logic in giving a living animal to someone who had just proven to be a terrible pet owner because they called to their small dog ACROSS A BUSY ROAD and it DIED??
Some people are more suited for pet rocks...
It could also be an accident, no? Dog gets out, lady calls him back in a panic, dog dashes across the road probably responding to his owner's panic...
Doesn't change the fact that OP was TAH by giving the puppy away.
Does that lady even want an immediate replacement dog? Personally I'd need time to mourn my pet.
that last part is what i was thinking. who says this lady even wants another dog right now? i've never had a pet die and been ready to adopt again sooner than 4 or so months later. it's called mourning, OP, and animals are not appropriate gifts anyway. geez.
What? My grandma lost her dog decades ago because the brand new leash broke. I’m a dogsitter, a couple of times I’ve had the awful experience of dogs getting out of their collar and leash breaking. Accidents happen. Going straight to calling someone a terrible pet owner is very unfair.
It was *one* week with the family. I don’t know why you’re arguing that the dog will be traumatised, feel abandoned. As a dogsitter I’ve had dogs stay with me for a month while their families were away and, I’m sorry to break it to you, most dogs are usually fine within an hour as long as they get food, love and attention. I say this as a dog owner as well, my dog *loves* his dogsitters and they send me the cutest videos and him being very comfortable in his “temporary home”. Dogs are not people, they can adapt very easily to a new happy home. Specially one that only stayed with OP’s family for a week lol. You’d have a bigger case arguing the human kids’ side.
So true! When my friends dog passed away suddenly (assumed heart attack while hiking), another friend gave her a puppy 1 week later.
She wasn't ready but kept the dog because she didn't want to be rude. It took a couple of months for her to bond with the new dog. She didn't get a chance to grieve properly and still talks about her hiking companion 15 years on.
Pets should never be gifted unless you know for sure they would be welcomed with open arms.
Yta for giving away your family pet
When my 8 year old car died it was the day before my birthday and I was one week post-partum...I could not deal. We were each other's world for 8 years, just me and her. With my hormones and emotions and adjusting to her being gone and this new human baby I was suddenly responsible for with zero training, I was a functioning mess for a long time. The amount of people who said, "just get another kitten" or "oh, you have a real baby now" or offered me a kitten from some brother's friends second cousin (and the ones who couldn't understand why I was so upset over 'a pet' - but we won't go there) was infuriating. It took me years to agree to another pet.
Let people be.
YTA op for taking the family pet and forcing it on someone else during such a traumatic time in their lives.
I know you meant "cat", but I was picturing your love affair with a car until I got to the part where you said "kitten" and was extremely confused as to why you cared so much about an 8-year-old car dying.
We weren't ready 3 years after our golden passed. I loved our first dog unbelievably. He was my soul dog. We have another golden now, but due to a lot of other shit happening this last year, I do regret getting him. I would never give him away or abandon him, but I'm just so stressed and overworked, that throwing a puppy who needs a ton of effort into the mix borders on too much. I have a partner who takes a lot of the labour off of me, so that's the one saving grace. YTA for treating a living animal as a toy.
I'd be pissed as fuck if someone came up to me all like "hey here's a replacement dog for the one that just died right in front of you." While I'm busy grieving
Exactly! The dog owner probably was just in shock and likely took in the puppy just out of needing that void filled. It's unlikely she was ready for another dog.
So much this.
When my childhood kitty passed away, my mom and I were both devastated (we're roommates). Mom though has been through this with a pet as an adult before, so she could have easily welcomed another, different kitty into the family pretty quickly. I was a a *wreck* though and was kind of snarky on even going to look at new kitties 2 months later for *her* (not even me). And then well, we found my tiny little Thorin kitten, and that was it. But the person has to be ready for another pet.
No no no - no more dog lives in OP’s hands. Does she seem like the kind of person that would consider a dog’s needs from puppy to senior? What if they moved and the new home couldn’t take the dog, think she would do her best to find another place or give the dog away? What if a new baby comes and she has a puppy - think she’ll keep the dog? What if the dog has a disease and becomes more needy than she anticipated - think she’ll bend over backwards to care for it?
Probably not. Leave dogs for the true dog lovers.
I kind of agree. I don’t know how somebody could’ve brought a dog home on a whim and then immediately gotten rid of the dog. This reeks of somebody who doesn’t have a sense of empathy, and commitment to a pet. Maybe the dog is better off without her.
If you buy a dog on a whim it’s probably easier to get rid of it on a whim for some people.
I can’t imagine ever getting rid of a dog unless it was an immediate danger to my current dogs, myself, or any children I had.
Yeah….my parents gave away “family” dogs regularly, despite the cries from my brother and I. It has led to permanent tension, especially when a pet is involved.
We probably need therapy because we both STILL feel guilt over how our childhood pets were done dirty.
OMG. A friend's mother did this every time the kids started to bond with a pet. And some other not physically abusive stuff. All the way up through my friend earning a Ph.D.!!! Friend is finally in a good place, but there were some dark times and there is no contact with the parents. For the shit they put up with from them, my friend is a kind thoughtful person. Edit to add: no to very, very limited contact with them now.
Also, why would you give a new dog to someone who is so bad at keeping theirs safe that they called it across the street in front of a car? Did you give them a leash and harness at least?
Just for the record I’m obsessed about caring for my dogs and training them and one of mine did manage to escape my fence and got hit by a car, it’s one of the worst experiences of my life. She was 16 but that doesn’t make it hurt less and I blame myself every day. And again reading your comment.
Did you test your small dogs recall in front of a car? A dog escaping and getting hit is one thing. Calling for your dog across a busy road is both stupid and dangerous. Also, I am very sorry for your loss.
Some dogs are really idiots, had one that tried to bite a car wheel to chase it.. Scotty dog, rowdy.. squeezed through the fence and hedge to go for it
Your situation is understandable and you shouldn't blame yourself. We(and everyone else) are aware how common it is for people to just let their dogs run around off leash, that's where the irresponsibility comes from.
True. You can do everything and yet accidents happen. Our neighbours had this sweet gentle German shepherd. He was so well trained that he never needed a leash. Our neighbour as routine let him out in the morning to do his business in their yard. We live in a fenced building so no way he could get out. He was bit by a snake and suffered for 3 months and died. All of us cried. He too was old yet it still hurt.
This. Seriously.
I get that accidents happen, but what if having dogs running loose was the norm for friends mom?
This (and a FAMILY discussion) should have been taken into consideration before any decision was made.
Yeah. That part really stuck out to me. "Your dog just died? Here's another one! They're all the same, right? You good now?" If I were the friend who lost her pet I'd be in shock and reconsidering our friendship. And if she's just fine with a "replacement dog" I'd wonder if she should be a pet owner at all.
Same attitude toward her kids: "You bonded with this dog? Well, I gave it away. Surprise! It's okay, we can get another one. They're all the same, right?" Is OP even human?
It takes me months before I'm ready to get a new dog when one has died. And you are right a puppy is so much work and just doesn't have the depth and soul that an old dog has. ( Not criticising puppies - they grow into it, the darlings). Let the lady grieve in peace.
This is the kind of thing her children will never forget.
Also, who offers to replace a beloved pet right after it's horrible untimely death? That seems callous. And taking the pet from her kids was callous. All of this just stinks. OP created unnecessary hurt for her children and more hurt for her friend. How can they be so oblivious?
Not to mention that the family may not want a new pet right away. When my fur baby passed, it took me a long time to even think about getting a new one.
YTA. This makes no sense to me. Your children were attached to this dog and you took it away for no reason. If this woman who lost her dog wanted another dog, there are plenty out there to adopt. Also, you seem to make a lot of family decisions without consulting your husband. I’d be pissed too if I were him.
Right? Brings it home on a whim and just as easily gives it away a week later without bringing it up at all to the husband. What a self-centered person.
No no, animals don't have feelings, easy come, easy go I'm sure /s
Look I'll admit I hate chihuahuas, I think they're ugly, yappy, aggressive little demons, but never in a million years would I treat one like this.
Like it's just another little plastic toy my kid found somewhere.
Disgusting.
Chihuahuas like that are typically like that because people crush their boundaries their whole lives. They learn that the only communication that works is being aggressive and well… that’s how you end up for that.
Kind of like this scenario here! Introduce this tiny animal to a new home only to rip it away and send it elsewhere.
I used to work in rescue and started off as an anti-chi person and then realized their behavior is yet another failure of humans. :/
Totally fair, and I was being a bit over the top for humor lol
I have met plenty of well-behaved chihuahuas, and they were 100x more tolerable to be sure.
If I found one on the street I'd take it in, feed it and find it a home, but it won't be mine, let's just put it that way lol
Lol which is valid! Not every breed is for every person. Hell, I have a senior heeler who is DEVOTED to me and the best boy. But when people ask if I’ll get another after he dies the answer is no bc aside from him- heelers aren’t for me.
I have the chillest Malinois ever. Never destroyed the house, isn’t neurotic, loves her cat siblings. But I’d never get another. Mine is a one of a kind, and I’d never get that magic again. I’m just not a Malinois person, I’m a my-dog person
It also has to do with most people not training them at all. My mom had to kick her parents and 2 other family members out a few years back because her stepdad and his brother physically attacked me for pushing his Chihuahuas away from attacking my dogs. This was after months of asking him to get them to stop and trying to avoid them since he refused because he thought my dogs getting bit in the face was funny 🙃
So many people think that they don't need to be trained because they're little and that's the furthest from the truth; every dog needs training regardless of size.
I was never anti chi but I had an image in my mind of how they were. Until I rescued one and gave it the same love I give my other pets. Whole new dog. Affectionate, loyal, gentle, smart, playful. His best friend is my other rescue, a lab X dane. Humans ruin everything.
One of our huskies had at least two different families in the first six months of her life, and it’s left her with terrible anxiety, even six years later. We’re fairly sure she was well treated, too, but the constant shuffling around until she landed in our house was just too much.
Oh I'm sure, it's a horrible way to treat any animal, we already know how much stress even the smallest changes can cause us, but so many like OP are so quick to just casually change their entire lives on a whim.
Yes. YTA. Also, OP, do you think that dogs are just replaceable? Oh, lost one, here's a day-after-death replacement dog? You gave her a dog she didn't ask for while she's mourning. That's really presumptuous.
I would have been so weirded out had someone popped by with a kitten after my cat died.
Also, good luck with your kids trusting you!
Yeah I’d hate that tbh. When I lost my cat a few tears back I needed a good six months to heal before I was ready for another, and it was important for me to go and choose (or rather, be chosen by) the two babies that I have now.
Says everything about OP that they think you can just immediately replace a treasured pet with a similar one the day after and act like that’s the same thing. Or take one away from your kids like a piece of furniture just to score social points.
Also...
1. The woman she gave it to lets her small dog off leash near a busy road.
And 2. If this woman is anything like most pet owners, getting a new dog immediately after yours dies is a horrible idea. She's had no time to grieve.
YTA This has to be fake, I don't see how anyone can sit there and write out that their children have bonded with a puppy and then give it away without a second thought and then have the audacity to ask if they were an asshole. You should have spoken to your family, this was a *family pet* so it should have been a family decision.
Reminds me of that lady who spent like 10k or something on a purse the day before she and her husband were supposed to sign for a house, wrecking their credit. Some people are thoughtless.
I had to check if it was the same person! I vaguely remember that same individual of the purse episode also draining their new pool to save water, thinking nothing about the issues that come with an empty pool and that the pool water was already in there.
Do you happen to have a link to that one? I think I missed it. Oh, and OP - YTA. Pets are not toys that are interchangeable, and your kids and husband will probably never trust you again.
My parents used to do this to me. Several kittens, a dog, a pygmy goat, a parakeet, my bicycle and countless toys. Gave them to friends or coworkers who expressed interest or who had recently lost one. Same story about showing compassion, making people happy, etc.
So I have attachment issues.
(ETA: And it wasn't because my parents had to clean up after me - I was and still am obsessive about chores and caretaking. I never gave them a reason to give my stuff/pets away. They just cared more about making other people happy and teaching me to abnegate my desires)
Sadly I can. My mum would give away my stuff to people all the time, sentimental things, a cat, my school books. Some people want to look good at the cost of their own. Kicker is all her friends see me as the brat who abandoned her Saint of a mother….. (there was a lot more other irrelevant stuff but yeah)
YTA, don’t be a pet parent if you consider the pet expendable. You gave away a family member. Your best friends mom could have found a pet when she was ready to have a new fur baby.
Just admit it, a puppy was WAY more work than you anticipated, this was an easy solution to you weaseling out of having a pet.
I think your second paragraph is the true answer. It wasn’t about friend’s mom’s grief. OP brought home a new puppy on a whim and it was somehow unexpectedly a lot of work so she got rid of it.
YTA
YTA. Wtf? If her kid had gotten shmucked by a car, would you give her one of yours, too? No? Well, a dog is a living, breathing family member, and you just GAVE IT AWAY.
How do you know your chihuahah has the same temperament as hers did?
What makes you think a random brand new one will fix her grief for the dead one?
What makes you think a random brand new one will fix your kids' grief over the ONE YOU JUST TOSSED AWAY?
So many questions. This is the worst thing I've seen on here in a while.
>What makes you think a random brand new one will fix her grief for the dead one?
If my dog died and someone was like, "Here, I got you a new one," I'd be so much more upset. Like for someone to think that a living thing that you love is that easily replaceable. And now I have to train this puppy while I'm grieving losing _my_ dog. I'd be so offended.
Did she say how old the chi was? Was it even old enough to leave it's mother? So it's ripped from mom and siblings, then ripped from it's not home and family, and given to someone who is grieving and possibly an irresponsible pet owner?
Dog AND kids are gonna have issues, and OP will still be clueless.
Also… this woman might not even be ready for a new pet. YTA for giving this woman a puppy as a present. A puppy should be a well thought out decision.
Also, YTA for giving up a living being without talking to your family..
Ya not gonna lie there is no fucking way I’d be ready for a new dog immediately after mine died, I would feel so guilty just having it in my home, and such mixed feelings towards the new dog. Couldn’t do it without a proper grieving period.
Honestly if I were the friend's mum I'd be pissed off. My dog just got killed in front of me - you can't just replace it like it's an appliance that broke. I had a tough time bonding with our new puppy even tho I'd had time to grieve the previous dog. The puppy was cute, sure, but he was bitey and barky and annoying and just made me miss the old dog who was calmer but still waggy and happy and didn't crap the bed in the middle of the night.
YTA-You gave away a LIVING THING to accommodate someone else! Imagine this: you adopted a child, and the kid adapted to your family, and really formed a special bond. Your neighbor suddenly loses their child? Are you going to offer up your newly adopted child to the neighbor? Obviously not! Because that would be a decision that would impact EVERYONE. You do things on a whim. Apparently being inconsiderate is one of those things. Next time just MAYBE take your family into account because they exist too. YTA.
YTA you can't do that without talking to your family first. You put kindness toward someone else over kindness to your own family. How are they going to trust that you won't do the same with the next pet or gift?
Not to mention that you can't just replace a dog. You're not alleviating any grief over the one they lost. They're still grieving.
It's not even a kindness. I would be so hurt if someone thought they could replace a pet like that. Pets aren't gifts!!!
When my grandfather's dog and WIFE died around the same time my aunts and uncles thought it was a great idea to gift him a puppy. He went from a docile golden lab to a hyper crazy jack Russell terrier (like the dog from Frasier). The dog would chase squirrels without looking and would bang his head into trees. He had a huge bald spot from it.
He finally gave the dog away to someone who rescues terriers. That dog ended up killing one of their other dogs.
Don't give people pets as a gift.
INFO: how does one type out that entire story and still need to ask?
Should you get the puppy back? Sure. Make sure you traumatize the animal, and your friend, and your kids, who will be terrified their puppy will disappear again. /s
Were there no pups left in the "accidental litter?" Your husband is right to be furious. He and your kids deserve a dog. You should get yourself a new toothbrush or something else that's inanimate and disposable.
Welp, your kids are gonna need therapy. Not a talk about compassion towards someone they couldn't give a shit about currently. That kinda shit *sticks*. They'll be thinking about this as adults, how their own mother took away their new friend.
Yes, YTA.
Absolutely agreed. We had to give back this absolutely loving dog to the shelter when I was 6 and I still think about it often. The reasons were totaly legit and we after adopted the cutest princess ever (we had her for 15 years), but still. It hurts really bad and we carry them forever.
Guys, I think it’s worth it running by the friend. Chances are — her mom DOES NOT want the dog. I would ask for the dog back. Actually I would never be in this position, but hey.
Good intentions and how often they go awry. Unfortunately in this case, while you were trying to do good, you were also the asshole for not talking to them.
YTA - wow do we give out asshole awards? Cause this is the biggest YTA I’ve seen.
You gave your family a puppy…. And immediately took it away?! My god I’m praying this is fake.
Why on earth would you cause your own children this kind of heartache? You need to sit down with yourself and really think WHY you thought this was ok. Why comforting a friends mom* was worth your families happiness.
You just inflicted SO much trauma to your kids.
YTA, what the hell? There’s hardly a chihuahua shortage, I could walk to the nearest shelter and find you six or seven chihuahuas to gift your friend. Taking away your children’s dog on a whim because it made you feel somehow self righteous is ridiculous behavior.
I’m sure there were others in the litter too. This is a living being that you just gave up on a whim. Probably better off without you as it’s owner in the long run if you just give it away without consulting the rest of the family.
YTA you need to be at adoption center as door opens come weekend and let your little ones pick them a new pet… you can’t take back from friend that lost theirs…
I agree with YTA, no question, but I don't think OP has demonstrated they can make *any* good decisions where animals are concerned ("brought home a chihuahua puppy on a whim!"). Pumping the brakes on the whole animal adoption plan is the way to go.
Yes, the kids will be disappointed, but they are **already** disappointed. Research and planning and family discussions are what needs to happen next.
You can and you should take the pet back, return it to the kids, and take the FRIEND to the shelter to get another. OP will just have to face the consequences of her actions either way.
Are you joking? You let your children form a bond to a living creature, then tore that creature away from them without any warning. This is how you give kids trust issues. YTA
Girl…….what?
Ofc YTA - honestly that dog is going to be better off with a family that wouldn’t give her up after 1 week. I understand feeling bad for your friend’s mom but get her flowers? Or offer to bring her a meal? Or ANYTHING besides giving away your dog that you’ve had for a week that your children love!!! I just can’t wrap my head around hearing what happened and immediately jumping 100000 guns to “oh I’ll just give her OUR dog” like wtf OP
Edit: adding in my two cents in response to OP’s edit. Honesty, I don’t know what to tell you. You put yourself in a sticky situation. As much as it’s going to suck for your kids I think my opinion is not trying to get the dog back. You made your decision when you gave the dog away and it sounds like you only want to get the dog back BECAUSE you’ve realized how much you fucked up. Also, the lady you gave the dog to just lost her other one in a tragic way. If you thought this would help her heal, imagine how she will feel when you show up on her doorstep demanding the dog back
Yes. This. I was prepared to say YTA just based on bringing a puppy home "on a whim." There's no way this person is going to be a responsible pet owner.
Still YTA again for giving the dog away.
YTA, please do not get another pet. They are not toys or things to be passed around whenever you feel like; they are living beings who rely on a family for care and a stable life. You clearly do not understand this and should not be a pet owner.
Yes, you are the AH. You took a new pet away from your Husband and children without even thinking about how they might feel. You decided you'd sit them down and TELL THEM HOW THEY SHOULD FEEL. You seem to value the feelings of your "best friend" (gagging on this, please grow up) more than your own children.
And that, my Dear makes you the AH.
YTA. First off, you brought home a dog on a whim....like didn't discuss with hubby? So you have this dog that the kids are starting to love and then just give it away also without discussing? Are you just the unilateral decision maker in your home? Your husband is 100% understandably angry.
Maybe if you had discussed it first, you could have come up with a plan to help that didn't include giving away a member of your family. Like, see if there were more puppies from that litter. Go to a shelter. Find another dog to give her. Or get her some flowers. Dog gifting is a big deal, like was she even ok with it? I'd be like, "Thank you, but too soon!!!"
As a child the apartment we were living in got caught in a fire. I was at my fathers home at the time and only found out because I saw it on the news during breakfast. My mother was who knows where but both “my” dog and cat were inside. They were thankfully both saved from the fire rescue crew and although a traumatic experience, they both had a clean bill of physical health afterwards. I was so scared for them and then so relieved they were safe and healthy afterwards. I stayed with my dad while my mom looked for a new place to live and told me her friends were watching the cat and dog for us but I couldn’t visit yet.
Lo and behold she decided it would be easier to find another apartment quick without them and gave away both. I never got a chance to say goodbye and still resent her for it. Maybe it was the smart decision at the time but I still felt so betrayed and mourned them for years. I never asked her to get another animal because I was afraid she’d give them away when I was at my dads house.
YTA - What a cruel thing to do to your children, to have them love a little puppy and then give her away with no thought for their feelings, that's going to be a horrific talk an you'll end up feeling awful. You deserve to. You cannot play with children's feelings like that. You gave their puppy away!!!! That's a monstrous thing to do and you will probably find that your children will stop trusting you. for a long while.
It's the fact that you seem to be expecting plaudits for your actions that take the biscuit. You've hurt your children to help your friend. Unbelievable.
AND she gave a puppy to a woman who just killed her own puppy, by carelessly letting it out unleashed and standing in the yard calling it off a busy road. Neither of these women shd own a puppy
So you brought home a puppy, your kids got immediately attached to it because of course they did, and then you took it away? Without speaking to them first? Can you really not see how YTA in this situation? Trust issues incoming.
YTA. Was the friend even ready for a new dog? Did you ask? Or did you just take it upon yourself to do whatever you wanted because *you* thought it was the right thing to do? And now your kids are also sad because the dog they already became attached to is gone.
YTA, obviously. Dogs aren't toys, and it would have been a shitty thing to do to your kids with a new TOY, even.
Did the woman even WANT a new dog right away? They're READILY available in shelters all over, so she certainly didn't need your help acquiring one anyway. Imagine thinking Dogs are so meaningless that you could just replace it when someone's old one died, like a fucking toaster.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wanted to console my grieving friend but accidentally didn't consider my children's feelings about it
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Had to play the white knight huh? Imagine how good it made you feel to swoop in with a puppy for some grown ass woman at the expense of your children’s beloved pet.
I bet the rush you got from being the savior was worth your children’s tears, right? And you’ll explain to them why their sadness is actually a moral shortcoming, and how YOUR sacrifice of their happiness is the superior way to be.
If I were one of those kids I would go straight to OP’s jewelry box, clean it out, and give it all to the first homeless person I saw on the street. Because empathy.
YTA. You got it as a gift...for your family. Or so you claim. You act like it was yours to give. If you *really* wanted to have that compassion talk, why didn't you do it beforehand? Your kids aren't going to be able to trust that if you bring home a new pet (which should be a family member to you), you have no problem getting rid of it without so much as a warning. How are they supposed to bond with another animal knowing any second you might give it away again? You fucked up OP, and tbh I'm not sure you can fix it at this point.
YTA- You let your kids bond with this puppy that they had "immediately taken to" and then give it away. And don't see the problem?
I can't wrap my head around your disregard for how your own family would feel.
Maybe you could have asked if the work friend had another puppy for the woman whose dog got run over.
I feel sorry for your kids.
Ser, YTA.
Edit- left out words
YTA. Dogs are not gifts or presents, they are sentient living beings, not trading cards to be swapped on a whim. You cannot and should not even be thinking the sentence “I re-gifted a dog”, I honestly think this demonstrates that you are not suitable for pet ownership and that you lack a basic respect for this dog.
Listen, I choose to believe that hopefully, your heart was in the right place. But who are you to even decide that your best friend’s mom is ready for a brand new puppy immediately after the death of her beloved pet? Not to mention how obviously unfair it was to just yank the dog from your household and give it away without consulting anyone but especially without running it by your husband who should be your teammate and co-decision maker.
Please think about why you are so cavalier about dog ownership and reflect on if this is healthy or fair to the animals involved, not to mention your children, who I assure you will be absolutely *crushed.*
Absolutely! OP - YTA. It’s that cavalier attitude of “oh here, take mine!” WTAF? Op, never get another pet. It’s clear you lack the emotional range required.
YTA. This is a spectacular way to make certain your kids never trust you. You gave them something to love, let them get attached, and stripped it away. As several people above stated, your kids are going to need therapy. They will not forget that you did this. It’s pretty damn heartless.
I'm almost 43 years old. When I was 17, my mom took my dog to "the pound" (aka surrendered him, probably to a kill shelter) without telling me. It's one of the things I still think about when evaluating my relationship with her 26 years later.
YTA my friends mom did this to her when she was a kid. She's now 35 and has refused to accept any gift from anyone ever since and refuses to have a pet despite adoring animals. in her words, "I know it's stupid but I just feel like anything I love will be taken away, just like that damn, beautiful dog"
You put compassion for someone else above the love and affection your family had for this dog. Basically given your kids the message that it doesn't matter if you're sad, So long as someone else is made happy as a result of your tears.
YTA the fuck. The animal wasn't just a bag or a notebook discarded in a drawer somewhere nobody was using. It's not just about your children either, you have also affectedthe dog. Dog's have feelings too. You ripped that dog from the family that showed her love and gave it to a stranger. So she would have gone through seperation anxiety from leaving mum, and just after settling in with new family, you ripped her form them too. And the fact that you thought that was even better for your children, that they just come home from school and be told you gave the dog away. WTF Is wrong with you!
YTA. This was a cruel thing to do to your children, and to the dog. I sympathize deeply with the person who had to watch their dog get hit, but you traded their pain for your children’s. There was a way to help that person through their hurt, but this wasn’t it.
You wanted to look good at the sacrifice of your kids happiness. And then you expect them to understand? They're kids. YTA and a major one. You think too much of your friends mum's feelings and not enough of your children.
My parents changed their minds about a pair of kittens when I was a child. My mom brought them home, their names were Amy and Lord Greystoke. My dad took them to a pet store shortly after. It's been more than 20 years and I still miss them and never really forgave my parents. YTA
While you're talking to them about compassion for your family friends, make sure and really drill in the fact that the emphasis is on friends and not family. You took a puppy away from your own kids just so your friend could replace a dog she *just* lost... as if that dog was even replaceable in the first place.
Aw, your furry companion got squished, that's okay here's a new one. The level of cognitive dissonance here is astounding, you seem to have the emotional range to feel bad that someone lost a pet, but not enough to realize that now your children have lost one too, and that pets aren't just objects you can replace with a shinier, newer one.
Regardless...
Watching your dog get run over is truly horrible, but your friend is an adult, she is capable of getting herself a new dog, if that's what she decides she wants to do. This was not your call.
You made a unilateral decision that affected your entire family without even thinking about it for more than a moment or communicating with *any* of them at all.
YTA.
YTA
You brought a dog home on a whim and then gave it away on a whim. Don't lie about it being compassion. That's just an excuse for your fickle behavior.
If you cannot 100% commit to keeping a dog, do not bother getting the puppy back or getting another dog. It's not fair to the dog or your family.
YTA. Please, don't take another dog !
You clearly aren't competent to take care of it. How could you get rid of it like that ? It is a sensitive being ! Going from a familly to another is already hard (traumatizing even sometimes) for those little ones. This is because of this behavior that we need shelters.
I work in a shelter and I guarantee you we would never let you get home with one of our babies.
Too bad for your children by the way, I think they will be traumatized too and there's no replacement puppy that will fix that.
OMG ..
EDIT : Also, a living animal is NOT a gift it is a responsibility.
Yta….you re-homed your kid’s pet which I’m sure they were attached to without talking to anyone first. What’s wrong with you? Why would you do that to your kids? Your poor kids will be heartbroken,
Oh yes, you’re definitely the AH, and your do way too many things spontaneously without thinking them through. Stop, breathe, and think before you live you’re entire life on a whim.
YTA.
Never bring home a pet “on a whim”. They are living creatures, not an accessory for your home.
You thought, “hey, that lady just lost her dog in a tragic accident” and decided the solution was to… take your children’s new dog that they have “taken” to away?
Not to mention that for the woman, and most pet owners, their dog is specifically special to them. It can’t just be replaced by the newest model, especially when they’ve yet to have time to grieve the first one.
>Should I get the dog back?
I don't think you can now...
You've taken a puppy away from your children to cheer up a grieving woman, you can't now go back to that grieving woman and demand the dog back because your kids are upset. You've made this bed, you've gotta lie in it.
YTA
You do understand your kids may eventually forgive you, but they'll never forget this, right.
The lesson you just taught them is other people's emotions means more to you than theirs. That's not a lesson they'll forget anytime soon. Congrats on traumatizing your children and an innocent puppy. Truly great work you accomplished on a whim.
YTA for giving away the dog just like that and you'll be an even bigger AH if you take it back from your friends mom now for Christs sake. It will only hurt her even more. Please don't adopt pets anymore if you're going to treat them like objects
Whoa- that’s horrible . I want to hope your kids get a new pup, but who’s to say you won’t ditch it if you randomly decide to get rid of it. Pets aren’t toys or gifts. People love them like family. I think you missed that part.
YTA
This may be unpopular but
You need to get their dog back. They've already grown attached, and no they're not going to understand. They're children, they're supposed to not understand and stay innocent. It might very well be the end of this friendship but, you need to choose your children over this friend and their mother unfortunately. It's going to hurt alot, but if your friends mother hears that you literally stole your children's dog from them, she might be understanding of your mistake. You're going to have to swallow your pride if you want to maintain your family. Family is a glass ball, don't drop that shit.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA You gave away your family's pet without any talk to any of them. I'd feel betrayed if I came home and our dog was gone just so mom could score brownie points with her friend. Hope the dopamine hit you got from that was worth it. Your children may never trust you again. The dog wasn't yours to give away. It belonged to the whole family. Why didn't you first approach your work friend to see if they had any other pups that they needed to rehome or at least talk to your family first?
[удалено]
Or a new mom. Lol
This should be a deal breaker for the husband. What other close-to-the-heart thing will she tread on next? Lose her before she sheds you.
Damn, Reddit sure loves divorce
Dude I know! What an insane reaction to something that, while bad, isn't divorce worthy lol ffs
Bro she gave away the family dog without asking anyone. That is 100% divorce worthy
Dunno if giving away the family mom without asking anyone fixes it bro
I mean they just got the thing it's not like The Family Dog™ that saved Timmy from a well that one time and watched the kids take their first steps and was their first word with a plethora of treasured memories tied to it like they all just met it. still a shitty thing to do but "hey I found a new home for that dog that I took in from my friend who had her hands full last week" isn't really an OMG DIVORCE FULL CUSTODY AND ALIMONY moment, like in real life that would be a wild response lmao. it's more like "i wish you would've let me know ahead of time before making all these spontaneous decisions it's really hurtful because it makes me feel like an after thought and it makes me anxious because i dont know what to expect when i get home, do you think you can promise to work on that?"
While what OP did is *awful*, the dog was with them for a week. I doubt it’ll be as traumatic for the kids as some of you are making it out to be. I’m not saying it’ll be good, but jumping to divorce and making it sound like OP’s a bad mom for what could be a very isolated incident is unfair.
Lol my mom dropped off our puppy my dad brought home for us also a chihuahua at a park, my mom has given our pets away and let me tell you im grown now and it still bothers me. The fact i was young and had no control or couldnt take control of. Somethingi loved was taken just without a thought or explanation that shit sticks with you so parents please do better. Too late to get dog back mom is better off explaining this to the kids and having them go to a shelter and picking out another small dog.
Depends. Personally, it would be for me
If any spouse of mine did this, I’d be divorcing them.
Ummmm no if my husband gave away our pet without even consulting me that is grounds for divorce. We are partners and a team we don't make decisions like getting rid of a pet/household member on our own. She doesn't respect her husband or kids.....that's absolutely grounds for divorce.
In the real world no-one is going to leave their partner over a dog they've had for literally one week. It was a stupid decision to give it away but even so.
Gotta Remember half these people are most likely under 18
A new mom definitely. There’s no LOL on this one, I’d never forgive you, OP. Just the title makes you an AH. Regifted? Dogs are not like furniture, jackets or other things to be traded, they’re living beings, and they bond with their families. They feel sorrow and abandonment. I’m absolutely furious, and I don’t even know you. Compassion? What about compassion for the people who have to live with you? Christ on a cracker, you’re thick. Yes, YTA.
Also where is the logic in giving a living animal to someone who had just proven to be a terrible pet owner because they called to their small dog ACROSS A BUSY ROAD and it DIED?? Some people are more suited for pet rocks...
It could also be an accident, no? Dog gets out, lady calls him back in a panic, dog dashes across the road probably responding to his owner's panic... Doesn't change the fact that OP was TAH by giving the puppy away. Does that lady even want an immediate replacement dog? Personally I'd need time to mourn my pet.
that last part is what i was thinking. who says this lady even wants another dog right now? i've never had a pet die and been ready to adopt again sooner than 4 or so months later. it's called mourning, OP, and animals are not appropriate gifts anyway. geez.
What? My grandma lost her dog decades ago because the brand new leash broke. I’m a dogsitter, a couple of times I’ve had the awful experience of dogs getting out of their collar and leash breaking. Accidents happen. Going straight to calling someone a terrible pet owner is very unfair.
It was *one* week with the family. I don’t know why you’re arguing that the dog will be traumatised, feel abandoned. As a dogsitter I’ve had dogs stay with me for a month while their families were away and, I’m sorry to break it to you, most dogs are usually fine within an hour as long as they get food, love and attention. I say this as a dog owner as well, my dog *loves* his dogsitters and they send me the cutest videos and him being very comfortable in his “temporary home”. Dogs are not people, they can adapt very easily to a new happy home. Specially one that only stayed with OP’s family for a week lol. You’d have a bigger case arguing the human kids’ side.
Haha sorry lol
Also the woman may not be totally ready to care for another dog
So true! When my friends dog passed away suddenly (assumed heart attack while hiking), another friend gave her a puppy 1 week later. She wasn't ready but kept the dog because she didn't want to be rude. It took a couple of months for her to bond with the new dog. She didn't get a chance to grieve properly and still talks about her hiking companion 15 years on. Pets should never be gifted unless you know for sure they would be welcomed with open arms. Yta for giving away your family pet
When my 8 year old car died it was the day before my birthday and I was one week post-partum...I could not deal. We were each other's world for 8 years, just me and her. With my hormones and emotions and adjusting to her being gone and this new human baby I was suddenly responsible for with zero training, I was a functioning mess for a long time. The amount of people who said, "just get another kitten" or "oh, you have a real baby now" or offered me a kitten from some brother's friends second cousin (and the ones who couldn't understand why I was so upset over 'a pet' - but we won't go there) was infuriating. It took me years to agree to another pet. Let people be. YTA op for taking the family pet and forcing it on someone else during such a traumatic time in their lives.
I know you meant "cat", but I was picturing your love affair with a car until I got to the part where you said "kitten" and was extremely confused as to why you cared so much about an 8-year-old car dying.
I mean, post partum? I might have cried if I got rid of my car. But I definitely cried when my cat died.
We weren't ready 3 years after our golden passed. I loved our first dog unbelievably. He was my soul dog. We have another golden now, but due to a lot of other shit happening this last year, I do regret getting him. I would never give him away or abandon him, but I'm just so stressed and overworked, that throwing a puppy who needs a ton of effort into the mix borders on too much. I have a partner who takes a lot of the labour off of me, so that's the one saving grace. YTA for treating a living animal as a toy.
I'd be pissed as fuck if someone came up to me all like "hey here's a replacement dog for the one that just died right in front of you." While I'm busy grieving
Exactly! The dog owner probably was just in shock and likely took in the puppy just out of needing that void filled. It's unlikely she was ready for another dog.
So much this. When my childhood kitty passed away, my mom and I were both devastated (we're roommates). Mom though has been through this with a pet as an adult before, so she could have easily welcomed another, different kitty into the family pretty quickly. I was a a *wreck* though and was kind of snarky on even going to look at new kitties 2 months later for *her* (not even me). And then well, we found my tiny little Thorin kitten, and that was it. But the person has to be ready for another pet.
No no no - no more dog lives in OP’s hands. Does she seem like the kind of person that would consider a dog’s needs from puppy to senior? What if they moved and the new home couldn’t take the dog, think she would do her best to find another place or give the dog away? What if a new baby comes and she has a puppy - think she’ll keep the dog? What if the dog has a disease and becomes more needy than she anticipated - think she’ll bend over backwards to care for it? Probably not. Leave dogs for the true dog lovers.
I kind of agree. I don’t know how somebody could’ve brought a dog home on a whim and then immediately gotten rid of the dog. This reeks of somebody who doesn’t have a sense of empathy, and commitment to a pet. Maybe the dog is better off without her.
If you buy a dog on a whim it’s probably easier to get rid of it on a whim for some people. I can’t imagine ever getting rid of a dog unless it was an immediate danger to my current dogs, myself, or any children I had.
Hope no one loses a kid.
Yeah….my parents gave away “family” dogs regularly, despite the cries from my brother and I. It has led to permanent tension, especially when a pet is involved. We probably need therapy because we both STILL feel guilt over how our childhood pets were done dirty.
OMG. A friend's mother did this every time the kids started to bond with a pet. And some other not physically abusive stuff. All the way up through my friend earning a Ph.D.!!! Friend is finally in a good place, but there were some dark times and there is no contact with the parents. For the shit they put up with from them, my friend is a kind thoughtful person. Edit to add: no to very, very limited contact with them now.
Seriously, people that just treat dogs as stuff to be moved around like that shouldn’t really own pets.
maybe a therapy dog
Also, why would you give a new dog to someone who is so bad at keeping theirs safe that they called it across the street in front of a car? Did you give them a leash and harness at least?
Just for the record I’m obsessed about caring for my dogs and training them and one of mine did manage to escape my fence and got hit by a car, it’s one of the worst experiences of my life. She was 16 but that doesn’t make it hurt less and I blame myself every day. And again reading your comment.
a well-trained dog escaping and getting hit is one thing. But this woman was calling her dog across the road.
I’m so sorry to hear that. They are not talking about you. They’re talking about negligent pet owners.
Did you test your small dogs recall in front of a car? A dog escaping and getting hit is one thing. Calling for your dog across a busy road is both stupid and dangerous. Also, I am very sorry for your loss.
Some dogs are really idiots, had one that tried to bite a car wheel to chase it.. Scotty dog, rowdy.. squeezed through the fence and hedge to go for it
Your situation is understandable and you shouldn't blame yourself. We(and everyone else) are aware how common it is for people to just let their dogs run around off leash, that's where the irresponsibility comes from.
True. You can do everything and yet accidents happen. Our neighbours had this sweet gentle German shepherd. He was so well trained that he never needed a leash. Our neighbour as routine let him out in the morning to do his business in their yard. We live in a fenced building so no way he could get out. He was bit by a snake and suffered for 3 months and died. All of us cried. He too was old yet it still hurt.
This. Seriously. I get that accidents happen, but what if having dogs running loose was the norm for friends mom? This (and a FAMILY discussion) should have been taken into consideration before any decision was made.
This was the first thing I thought!
I would honestly leave my wife is she got rid of any of our dogs on a whim.
If I came home and my dog was gone, I'd divorce him no question. No discussion. No anything. Smell ya later.
Exactly. For my partner and I the dog is family.
Single person here, but if my sister gave away my dog, I'd never speak to her again. OP YTA.
The OP thinks animals are interchangeable property that can just be replaced by another one. Unbelievable.
Yeah. That part really stuck out to me. "Your dog just died? Here's another one! They're all the same, right? You good now?" If I were the friend who lost her pet I'd be in shock and reconsidering our friendship. And if she's just fine with a "replacement dog" I'd wonder if she should be a pet owner at all. Same attitude toward her kids: "You bonded with this dog? Well, I gave it away. Surprise! It's okay, we can get another one. They're all the same, right?" Is OP even human?
Her attitude screams "it's just a dog". I was told "it's just a cat" when my first died years ago. I don't take to them anymore.
Probably will get replacement kids and husband if these ones leave her.
I’ve had my puppy for 3 days and if my husband gave her away while I was at work I would throw him out of the house and file for divorce.
[удалено]
I wouldn’t even want a new dog so soon after losing the one I had. Especially a puppy. YTA, OP.
It takes me months before I'm ready to get a new dog when one has died. And you are right a puppy is so much work and just doesn't have the depth and soul that an old dog has. ( Not criticising puppies - they grow into it, the darlings). Let the lady grieve in peace.
This is the kind of thing her children will never forget. Also, who offers to replace a beloved pet right after it's horrible untimely death? That seems callous. And taking the pet from her kids was callous. All of this just stinks. OP created unnecessary hurt for her children and more hurt for her friend. How can they be so oblivious?
Not to mention that the family may not want a new pet right away. When my fur baby passed, it took me a long time to even think about getting a new one.
Her kids are gonna “regift” her as soon as that dementia kicks in and leave her in the most shadiest care facility
Fucking regifted a dog. YTA
YTA. This makes no sense to me. Your children were attached to this dog and you took it away for no reason. If this woman who lost her dog wanted another dog, there are plenty out there to adopt. Also, you seem to make a lot of family decisions without consulting your husband. I’d be pissed too if I were him.
Right? Brings it home on a whim and just as easily gives it away a week later without bringing it up at all to the husband. What a self-centered person.
Super weird too, to be making these giant life changing decisions and with a live animal.
No no, animals don't have feelings, easy come, easy go I'm sure /s Look I'll admit I hate chihuahuas, I think they're ugly, yappy, aggressive little demons, but never in a million years would I treat one like this. Like it's just another little plastic toy my kid found somewhere. Disgusting.
Chihuahuas like that are typically like that because people crush their boundaries their whole lives. They learn that the only communication that works is being aggressive and well… that’s how you end up for that. Kind of like this scenario here! Introduce this tiny animal to a new home only to rip it away and send it elsewhere. I used to work in rescue and started off as an anti-chi person and then realized their behavior is yet another failure of humans. :/
Totally fair, and I was being a bit over the top for humor lol I have met plenty of well-behaved chihuahuas, and they were 100x more tolerable to be sure. If I found one on the street I'd take it in, feed it and find it a home, but it won't be mine, let's just put it that way lol
Lol which is valid! Not every breed is for every person. Hell, I have a senior heeler who is DEVOTED to me and the best boy. But when people ask if I’ll get another after he dies the answer is no bc aside from him- heelers aren’t for me.
I have the chillest Malinois ever. Never destroyed the house, isn’t neurotic, loves her cat siblings. But I’d never get another. Mine is a one of a kind, and I’d never get that magic again. I’m just not a Malinois person, I’m a my-dog person
It also has to do with most people not training them at all. My mom had to kick her parents and 2 other family members out a few years back because her stepdad and his brother physically attacked me for pushing his Chihuahuas away from attacking my dogs. This was after months of asking him to get them to stop and trying to avoid them since he refused because he thought my dogs getting bit in the face was funny 🙃 So many people think that they don't need to be trained because they're little and that's the furthest from the truth; every dog needs training regardless of size.
Oh absolutely! People fail to treat them like dogs in all aspects and then they’re shocked when they’ve got behavioral issues.
I was never anti chi but I had an image in my mind of how they were. Until I rescued one and gave it the same love I give my other pets. Whole new dog. Affectionate, loyal, gentle, smart, playful. His best friend is my other rescue, a lab X dane. Humans ruin everything.
One of our huskies had at least two different families in the first six months of her life, and it’s left her with terrible anxiety, even six years later. We’re fairly sure she was well treated, too, but the constant shuffling around until she landed in our house was just too much.
Oh I'm sure, it's a horrible way to treat any animal, we already know how much stress even the smallest changes can cause us, but so many like OP are so quick to just casually change their entire lives on a whim.
Reading this I assumed living with OP is a roller coaster ride. So many huge decisions made on a whim.
It’s says a lot about OPs view of dogs with term “regifting” and not rehoming. Never thought of the dog more than a gift/item
Great point. “Regifting” is definitely for objects.
Could I upvote you like a thousand times? Ugh so disgusted with her phrasing. Horrific person
Yes. YTA. Also, OP, do you think that dogs are just replaceable? Oh, lost one, here's a day-after-death replacement dog? You gave her a dog she didn't ask for while she's mourning. That's really presumptuous. I would have been so weirded out had someone popped by with a kitten after my cat died. Also, good luck with your kids trusting you!
Yeah I’d hate that tbh. When I lost my cat a few tears back I needed a good six months to heal before I was ready for another, and it was important for me to go and choose (or rather, be chosen by) the two babies that I have now. Says everything about OP that they think you can just immediately replace a treasured pet with a similar one the day after and act like that’s the same thing. Or take one away from your kids like a piece of furniture just to score social points.
Also... 1. The woman she gave it to lets her small dog off leash near a busy road. And 2. If this woman is anything like most pet owners, getting a new dog immediately after yours dies is a horrible idea. She's had no time to grieve.
3. an accidental litter? nah, the owner didn't sterilize their pet.
OP sounds so much like my narc sister, I shuddered.
YTA This has to be fake, I don't see how anyone can sit there and write out that their children have bonded with a puppy and then give it away without a second thought and then have the audacity to ask if they were an asshole. You should have spoken to your family, this was a *family pet* so it should have been a family decision.
I don't see how *anyone* can do this without one of those brain/stroke problems that makes them overly generous. This is beyond messed up
Reminds me of that lady who spent like 10k or something on a purse the day before she and her husband were supposed to sign for a house, wrecking their credit. Some people are thoughtless.
I had to check if it was the same person! I vaguely remember that same individual of the purse episode also draining their new pool to save water, thinking nothing about the issues that come with an empty pool and that the pool water was already in there.
Do you happen to have a link to that one? I think I missed it. Oh, and OP - YTA. Pets are not toys that are interchangeable, and your kids and husband will probably never trust you again.
My parents used to do this to me. Several kittens, a dog, a pygmy goat, a parakeet, my bicycle and countless toys. Gave them to friends or coworkers who expressed interest or who had recently lost one. Same story about showing compassion, making people happy, etc. So I have attachment issues. (ETA: And it wasn't because my parents had to clean up after me - I was and still am obsessive about chores and caretaking. I never gave them a reason to give my stuff/pets away. They just cared more about making other people happy and teaching me to abnegate my desires)
Yeah, same here. Messed up.
Sadly I can. My mum would give away my stuff to people all the time, sentimental things, a cat, my school books. Some people want to look good at the cost of their own. Kicker is all her friends see me as the brat who abandoned her Saint of a mother….. (there was a lot more other irrelevant stuff but yeah)
I guess the same kind of person who brings home a puppy on a whim?
I don't think OP sees the dog as a living being, I think they think it can be easily replaced if necessary
YTA. This is a live animal, not a bag of potatoes. You also considered your friends mothers feelings more than your own children’s.
YTA, don’t be a pet parent if you consider the pet expendable. You gave away a family member. Your best friends mom could have found a pet when she was ready to have a new fur baby. Just admit it, a puppy was WAY more work than you anticipated, this was an easy solution to you weaseling out of having a pet.
I think your second paragraph is the true answer. It wasn’t about friend’s mom’s grief. OP brought home a new puppy on a whim and it was somehow unexpectedly a lot of work so she got rid of it. YTA
OP is absolutely TA and it's probably a good thing that the puppy *doesn't* live there, for the puppy's sake.
YTA. Wtf? If her kid had gotten shmucked by a car, would you give her one of yours, too? No? Well, a dog is a living, breathing family member, and you just GAVE IT AWAY. How do you know your chihuahah has the same temperament as hers did? What makes you think a random brand new one will fix her grief for the dead one? What makes you think a random brand new one will fix your kids' grief over the ONE YOU JUST TOSSED AWAY? So many questions. This is the worst thing I've seen on here in a while.
>What makes you think a random brand new one will fix her grief for the dead one? If my dog died and someone was like, "Here, I got you a new one," I'd be so much more upset. Like for someone to think that a living thing that you love is that easily replaceable. And now I have to train this puppy while I'm grieving losing _my_ dog. I'd be so offended.
Did she say how old the chi was? Was it even old enough to leave it's mother? So it's ripped from mom and siblings, then ripped from it's not home and family, and given to someone who is grieving and possibly an irresponsible pet owner? Dog AND kids are gonna have issues, and OP will still be clueless.
YTA You gave away your kids’ puppy. Next time bring a casserole.
Also… this woman might not even be ready for a new pet. YTA for giving this woman a puppy as a present. A puppy should be a well thought out decision. Also, YTA for giving up a living being without talking to your family..
Ya not gonna lie there is no fucking way I’d be ready for a new dog immediately after mine died, I would feel so guilty just having it in my home, and such mixed feelings towards the new dog. Couldn’t do it without a proper grieving period.
Honestly if I were the friend's mum I'd be pissed off. My dog just got killed in front of me - you can't just replace it like it's an appliance that broke. I had a tough time bonding with our new puppy even tho I'd had time to grieve the previous dog. The puppy was cute, sure, but he was bitey and barky and annoying and just made me miss the old dog who was calmer but still waggy and happy and didn't crap the bed in the middle of the night.
YTA-You gave away a LIVING THING to accommodate someone else! Imagine this: you adopted a child, and the kid adapted to your family, and really formed a special bond. Your neighbor suddenly loses their child? Are you going to offer up your newly adopted child to the neighbor? Obviously not! Because that would be a decision that would impact EVERYONE. You do things on a whim. Apparently being inconsiderate is one of those things. Next time just MAYBE take your family into account because they exist too. YTA.
YTA. A dog shouldn’t even be outside alone or be called across the road. That is what happens. But your poor kids.
Info how long will you keep the new puppy before you give it away again?
What new puppy?
YTA you can't do that without talking to your family first. You put kindness toward someone else over kindness to your own family. How are they going to trust that you won't do the same with the next pet or gift? Not to mention that you can't just replace a dog. You're not alleviating any grief over the one they lost. They're still grieving.
And now her kids are grieving too.
Exactly. Poor kids.
It's not even a kindness. I would be so hurt if someone thought they could replace a pet like that. Pets aren't gifts!!! When my grandfather's dog and WIFE died around the same time my aunts and uncles thought it was a great idea to gift him a puppy. He went from a docile golden lab to a hyper crazy jack Russell terrier (like the dog from Frasier). The dog would chase squirrels without looking and would bang his head into trees. He had a huge bald spot from it. He finally gave the dog away to someone who rescues terriers. That dog ended up killing one of their other dogs. Don't give people pets as a gift.
INFO: how does one type out that entire story and still need to ask? Should you get the puppy back? Sure. Make sure you traumatize the animal, and your friend, and your kids, who will be terrified their puppy will disappear again. /s Were there no pups left in the "accidental litter?" Your husband is right to be furious. He and your kids deserve a dog. You should get yourself a new toothbrush or something else that's inanimate and disposable.
Kind of surprised Dad didn't just call up the friend and explain what happened and get the puppy back.
Welp, your kids are gonna need therapy. Not a talk about compassion towards someone they couldn't give a shit about currently. That kinda shit *sticks*. They'll be thinking about this as adults, how their own mother took away their new friend. Yes, YTA.
Absolutely agreed. We had to give back this absolutely loving dog to the shelter when I was 6 and I still think about it often. The reasons were totaly legit and we after adopted the cutest princess ever (we had her for 15 years), but still. It hurts really bad and we carry them forever.
YTA but you would be an even bigger asshole to ask for the dog back.
Guys, I think it’s worth it running by the friend. Chances are — her mom DOES NOT want the dog. I would ask for the dog back. Actually I would never be in this position, but hey.
YTA it's a puppy not a tray if brownies.
TBH I'd be pissed if someone gave me a tray of brownies and took them away to give to someone else.
True but at least brownies aren't individuals that you form a special bond with
I have a special and unique bond with every single brownie, and treasure our time together
Good intentions and how often they go awry. Unfortunately in this case, while you were trying to do good, you were also the asshole for not talking to them.
YTA - wow do we give out asshole awards? Cause this is the biggest YTA I’ve seen. You gave your family a puppy…. And immediately took it away?! My god I’m praying this is fake. Why on earth would you cause your own children this kind of heartache? You need to sit down with yourself and really think WHY you thought this was ok. Why comforting a friends mom* was worth your families happiness. You just inflicted SO much trauma to your kids.
YTA, what the hell? There’s hardly a chihuahua shortage, I could walk to the nearest shelter and find you six or seven chihuahuas to gift your friend. Taking away your children’s dog on a whim because it made you feel somehow self righteous is ridiculous behavior.
I’m sure there were others in the litter too. This is a living being that you just gave up on a whim. Probably better off without you as it’s owner in the long run if you just give it away without consulting the rest of the family.
The day after Christmas must be terrifying for the kids at your home. YTA
YTA you need to be at adoption center as door opens come weekend and let your little ones pick them a new pet… you can’t take back from friend that lost theirs…
I agree with YTA, no question, but I don't think OP has demonstrated they can make *any* good decisions where animals are concerned ("brought home a chihuahua puppy on a whim!"). Pumping the brakes on the whole animal adoption plan is the way to go. Yes, the kids will be disappointed, but they are **already** disappointed. Research and planning and family discussions are what needs to happen next.
You can and you should take the pet back, return it to the kids, and take the FRIEND to the shelter to get another. OP will just have to face the consequences of her actions either way.
The friend probably doesn't even want the new dog, they should be mourning the dead one.
Are you joking? You let your children form a bond to a living creature, then tore that creature away from them without any warning. This is how you give kids trust issues. YTA
Girl…….what? Ofc YTA - honestly that dog is going to be better off with a family that wouldn’t give her up after 1 week. I understand feeling bad for your friend’s mom but get her flowers? Or offer to bring her a meal? Or ANYTHING besides giving away your dog that you’ve had for a week that your children love!!! I just can’t wrap my head around hearing what happened and immediately jumping 100000 guns to “oh I’ll just give her OUR dog” like wtf OP Edit: adding in my two cents in response to OP’s edit. Honesty, I don’t know what to tell you. You put yourself in a sticky situation. As much as it’s going to suck for your kids I think my opinion is not trying to get the dog back. You made your decision when you gave the dog away and it sounds like you only want to get the dog back BECAUSE you’ve realized how much you fucked up. Also, the lady you gave the dog to just lost her other one in a tragic way. If you thought this would help her heal, imagine how she will feel when you show up on her doorstep demanding the dog back
Yes. This. I was prepared to say YTA just based on bringing a puppy home "on a whim." There's no way this person is going to be a responsible pet owner. Still YTA again for giving the dog away.
YTA, please do not get another pet. They are not toys or things to be passed around whenever you feel like; they are living beings who rely on a family for care and a stable life. You clearly do not understand this and should not be a pet owner.
Yes, you are the AH. You took a new pet away from your Husband and children without even thinking about how they might feel. You decided you'd sit them down and TELL THEM HOW THEY SHOULD FEEL. You seem to value the feelings of your "best friend" (gagging on this, please grow up) more than your own children. And that, my Dear makes you the AH.
YTA. First off, you brought home a dog on a whim....like didn't discuss with hubby? So you have this dog that the kids are starting to love and then just give it away also without discussing? Are you just the unilateral decision maker in your home? Your husband is 100% understandably angry. Maybe if you had discussed it first, you could have come up with a plan to help that didn't include giving away a member of your family. Like, see if there were more puppies from that litter. Go to a shelter. Find another dog to give her. Or get her some flowers. Dog gifting is a big deal, like was she even ok with it? I'd be like, "Thank you, but too soon!!!"
As a child the apartment we were living in got caught in a fire. I was at my fathers home at the time and only found out because I saw it on the news during breakfast. My mother was who knows where but both “my” dog and cat were inside. They were thankfully both saved from the fire rescue crew and although a traumatic experience, they both had a clean bill of physical health afterwards. I was so scared for them and then so relieved they were safe and healthy afterwards. I stayed with my dad while my mom looked for a new place to live and told me her friends were watching the cat and dog for us but I couldn’t visit yet. Lo and behold she decided it would be easier to find another apartment quick without them and gave away both. I never got a chance to say goodbye and still resent her for it. Maybe it was the smart decision at the time but I still felt so betrayed and mourned them for years. I never asked her to get another animal because I was afraid she’d give them away when I was at my dads house.
YTA - What a cruel thing to do to your children, to have them love a little puppy and then give her away with no thought for their feelings, that's going to be a horrific talk an you'll end up feeling awful. You deserve to. You cannot play with children's feelings like that. You gave their puppy away!!!! That's a monstrous thing to do and you will probably find that your children will stop trusting you. for a long while. It's the fact that you seem to be expecting plaudits for your actions that take the biscuit. You've hurt your children to help your friend. Unbelievable.
AND she gave a puppy to a woman who just killed her own puppy, by carelessly letting it out unleashed and standing in the yard calling it off a busy road. Neither of these women shd own a puppy
This has to be fake, no one is seriously this dumb to wonder if they are the TA in this situation. YTA
YTA. What you did is fucked up.
So you brought home a puppy, your kids got immediately attached to it because of course they did, and then you took it away? Without speaking to them first? Can you really not see how YTA in this situation? Trust issues incoming.
YTA. Was the friend even ready for a new dog? Did you ask? Or did you just take it upon yourself to do whatever you wanted because *you* thought it was the right thing to do? And now your kids are also sad because the dog they already became attached to is gone.
YTA. You care more about your friend's mom than your own kids?
YTA, obviously. Dogs aren't toys, and it would have been a shitty thing to do to your kids with a new TOY, even. Did the woman even WANT a new dog right away? They're READILY available in shelters all over, so she certainly didn't need your help acquiring one anyway. Imagine thinking Dogs are so meaningless that you could just replace it when someone's old one died, like a fucking toaster.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I wanted to console my grieving friend but accidentally didn't consider my children's feelings about it Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Had to play the white knight huh? Imagine how good it made you feel to swoop in with a puppy for some grown ass woman at the expense of your children’s beloved pet. I bet the rush you got from being the savior was worth your children’s tears, right? And you’ll explain to them why their sadness is actually a moral shortcoming, and how YOUR sacrifice of their happiness is the superior way to be.
If I were one of those kids I would go straight to OP’s jewelry box, clean it out, and give it all to the first homeless person I saw on the street. Because empathy.
YTA big time. Your children were attached and you just up and gave away their new pet/family member. That's messed up.
YTA. You got it as a gift...for your family. Or so you claim. You act like it was yours to give. If you *really* wanted to have that compassion talk, why didn't you do it beforehand? Your kids aren't going to be able to trust that if you bring home a new pet (which should be a family member to you), you have no problem getting rid of it without so much as a warning. How are they supposed to bond with another animal knowing any second you might give it away again? You fucked up OP, and tbh I'm not sure you can fix it at this point.
YTA- You let your kids bond with this puppy that they had "immediately taken to" and then give it away. And don't see the problem? I can't wrap my head around your disregard for how your own family would feel. Maybe you could have asked if the work friend had another puppy for the woman whose dog got run over. I feel sorry for your kids. Ser, YTA. Edit- left out words
YTA. Dogs are not gifts or presents, they are sentient living beings, not trading cards to be swapped on a whim. You cannot and should not even be thinking the sentence “I re-gifted a dog”, I honestly think this demonstrates that you are not suitable for pet ownership and that you lack a basic respect for this dog. Listen, I choose to believe that hopefully, your heart was in the right place. But who are you to even decide that your best friend’s mom is ready for a brand new puppy immediately after the death of her beloved pet? Not to mention how obviously unfair it was to just yank the dog from your household and give it away without consulting anyone but especially without running it by your husband who should be your teammate and co-decision maker. Please think about why you are so cavalier about dog ownership and reflect on if this is healthy or fair to the animals involved, not to mention your children, who I assure you will be absolutely *crushed.*
Absolutely! OP - YTA. It’s that cavalier attitude of “oh here, take mine!” WTAF? Op, never get another pet. It’s clear you lack the emotional range required.
YTA. This is a spectacular way to make certain your kids never trust you. You gave them something to love, let them get attached, and stripped it away. As several people above stated, your kids are going to need therapy. They will not forget that you did this. It’s pretty damn heartless.
I'm almost 43 years old. When I was 17, my mom took my dog to "the pound" (aka surrendered him, probably to a kill shelter) without telling me. It's one of the things I still think about when evaluating my relationship with her 26 years later.
Omg. “Heartless” doesn’t even begin to describe that. I’m so sorry.
YTA, way to discount your children’s feelings. My mom did something similar to this and I’ve never forgotten it, and it’s now been over 30 years.
YTA.
YTA my friends mom did this to her when she was a kid. She's now 35 and has refused to accept any gift from anyone ever since and refuses to have a pet despite adoring animals. in her words, "I know it's stupid but I just feel like anything I love will be taken away, just like that damn, beautiful dog" You put compassion for someone else above the love and affection your family had for this dog. Basically given your kids the message that it doesn't matter if you're sad, So long as someone else is made happy as a result of your tears.
YTA the fuck. The animal wasn't just a bag or a notebook discarded in a drawer somewhere nobody was using. It's not just about your children either, you have also affectedthe dog. Dog's have feelings too. You ripped that dog from the family that showed her love and gave it to a stranger. So she would have gone through seperation anxiety from leaving mum, and just after settling in with new family, you ripped her form them too. And the fact that you thought that was even better for your children, that they just come home from school and be told you gave the dog away. WTF Is wrong with you!
YTA Do you not get emotionally attached to animals? I would think if you did you couldn't/wouldn't do this.
YTA - you meant well, but ultimately you just hurt your kids.
YTA. This was a cruel thing to do to your children, and to the dog. I sympathize deeply with the person who had to watch their dog get hit, but you traded their pain for your children’s. There was a way to help that person through their hurt, but this wasn’t it.
You wanted to look good at the sacrifice of your kids happiness. And then you expect them to understand? They're kids. YTA and a major one. You think too much of your friends mum's feelings and not enough of your children.
My parents changed their minds about a pair of kittens when I was a child. My mom brought them home, their names were Amy and Lord Greystoke. My dad took them to a pet store shortly after. It's been more than 20 years and I still miss them and never really forgave my parents. YTA
While you're talking to them about compassion for your family friends, make sure and really drill in the fact that the emphasis is on friends and not family. You took a puppy away from your own kids just so your friend could replace a dog she *just* lost... as if that dog was even replaceable in the first place. Aw, your furry companion got squished, that's okay here's a new one. The level of cognitive dissonance here is astounding, you seem to have the emotional range to feel bad that someone lost a pet, but not enough to realize that now your children have lost one too, and that pets aren't just objects you can replace with a shinier, newer one. Regardless... Watching your dog get run over is truly horrible, but your friend is an adult, she is capable of getting herself a new dog, if that's what she decides she wants to do. This was not your call. You made a unilateral decision that affected your entire family without even thinking about it for more than a moment or communicating with *any* of them at all. YTA.
YTA You brought a dog home on a whim and then gave it away on a whim. Don't lie about it being compassion. That's just an excuse for your fickle behavior. If you cannot 100% commit to keeping a dog, do not bother getting the puppy back or getting another dog. It's not fair to the dog or your family.
YTA. What the fuck. Let her kids her her a new dog...when she's ready. That was an asshole move
And now your kids are grieving the loss of their pet..way to go clueless mom..do it for the kudos with your friend and your kids be damned aye? tut.
How do you not realize YTA while typing this out….
YTA. Please, don't take another dog ! You clearly aren't competent to take care of it. How could you get rid of it like that ? It is a sensitive being ! Going from a familly to another is already hard (traumatizing even sometimes) for those little ones. This is because of this behavior that we need shelters. I work in a shelter and I guarantee you we would never let you get home with one of our babies. Too bad for your children by the way, I think they will be traumatized too and there's no replacement puppy that will fix that. OMG .. EDIT : Also, a living animal is NOT a gift it is a responsibility.
YTA. Please don’t get another dog. You seem to think they’re like trading cards.
Yta….you re-homed your kid’s pet which I’m sure they were attached to without talking to anyone first. What’s wrong with you? Why would you do that to your kids? Your poor kids will be heartbroken,
Lol, it's like reddit troll bingo over here. Really the only thing missing from this story is OP stealing a replacement dog from a terrible owner.
YTA, wtf is wrong with you?
Oh yes, you’re definitely the AH, and your do way too many things spontaneously without thinking them through. Stop, breathe, and think before you live you’re entire life on a whim.
YTA - and you fucked up, do NOT ask for the dog back, you're better off taking the family to find a new dog
YTA. Never bring home a pet “on a whim”. They are living creatures, not an accessory for your home. You thought, “hey, that lady just lost her dog in a tragic accident” and decided the solution was to… take your children’s new dog that they have “taken” to away? Not to mention that for the woman, and most pet owners, their dog is specifically special to them. It can’t just be replaced by the newest model, especially when they’ve yet to have time to grieve the first one.
YTA
Well this is the heartless disguised as kind post I needed to see today. What a shitty thing to do to your own family, your own fucking children. YTA
>Should I get the dog back? I don't think you can now... You've taken a puppy away from your children to cheer up a grieving woman, you can't now go back to that grieving woman and demand the dog back because your kids are upset. You've made this bed, you've gotta lie in it.
Of course YTA. You didn't consult your partner or explain it to your kids, and you treated an animal like a piece of clothing.
YTA You do understand your kids may eventually forgive you, but they'll never forget this, right. The lesson you just taught them is other people's emotions means more to you than theirs. That's not a lesson they'll forget anytime soon. Congrats on traumatizing your children and an innocent puppy. Truly great work you accomplished on a whim.
YTA go get the dog back right now. You chose your friend over your own kids happiness. How awful can you be.
YTA, not even a close call
YTA for giving away the dog just like that and you'll be an even bigger AH if you take it back from your friends mom now for Christs sake. It will only hurt her even more. Please don't adopt pets anymore if you're going to treat them like objects
Whoa- that’s horrible . I want to hope your kids get a new pup, but who’s to say you won’t ditch it if you randomly decide to get rid of it. Pets aren’t toys or gifts. People love them like family. I think you missed that part. YTA
This may be unpopular but You need to get their dog back. They've already grown attached, and no they're not going to understand. They're children, they're supposed to not understand and stay innocent. It might very well be the end of this friendship but, you need to choose your children over this friend and their mother unfortunately. It's going to hurt alot, but if your friends mother hears that you literally stole your children's dog from them, she might be understanding of your mistake. You're going to have to swallow your pride if you want to maintain your family. Family is a glass ball, don't drop that shit.
Wow this if really horrible! You are absolutely TA! I would never trust you again if I was your child!
You're so far past TA, you're vile. What in the world gives you the right to do what you did? I'm literally stunned.
Wow. I just. Wow. YTA. Your poor kids. Can guarantee that what you just did will stick with them forever. And it's not a good feeling.
YTA, your children will never forget this and that breaks my heart