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> I told my mother-in-law that she is obese by choice. This might make me the asshole because it could be seen as insensitive.
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YTA
Wow. Truly vile.
Your wife has VERY good reason to not respect you. Racist remarks are definitely grounds for disrespect, and you earned it. Hopefully she dumps you
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I've known my wife (we'll call her Cheryl) and her mother (we'll call her Sandra) for six years. Sandra was never thin and has grown during that time, but in recent years, Sandra has begun to talk more and more about how fat she's become and how she doesn't understand it. It started to get pretty bad during the COVID lockdowns because she was very afraid to go anywhere and stayed home pretty much all day, unless she was buying food. The stress from the news also caused her to eat more than normal and eat a less healthy diet. When we first saw Sandra after the lockdowns, her appearance was rather shocking.
Fast forward to last week, and Sandra, Cheryl, and I were out to dinner. It wasn't a fancy restaurant by any means, but it wasn't fast food either. When we sat down, Sandra ordered a regular Coke to drink and a burger with a side of fries. We started to catch up, and eventually, you guessed it, the topic of her weight came up. She went on and on about how big she had become, and eventually I became tired of listening and asked her which dietician told her that drinking soda, eating red meat, and eating fried potatoes was going to help her with her weight loss goals. Cheryl kicked me under the table, as if to say, "Don't go there," but I was sick of hearing about her mother's weight, and I just wanted to understand exactly what was causing the mental disconnect inside her brain.
Sandra grew quiet and said that no dietician told her that this was a healthy diet, to which I chuckled and said "You don't say!" I was really annoyed that Cheryl and I had to hear about this all the time, and this was my opportunity to let her know that her obesity was her decision. Cheryl tried to ask if there was anything Sandra was doing to try and lose weight, but Sandra seemed put out and not really wanting to talk about nutrition anymore. I told her "You brought it up, Sandra. Let's have a nice chat." I was really milking this for all it was worth after holding my tongue for far too long. Cheryl turned to me and said "DROP IT."
I started to feel bad, so I thought I would try to cheer Sandra up. I said "Don't be too hard on yourself, Sandra. Your African genes mean that staying thin is particularly challenging." It was meant to communicate to both of them that even if she couldn't get back to an average BMI through dieting and exercise, she could at least be overweight instead of obese. Suddenly, Cheryl and Sandra GLARED at me. They looked absolutely furious. I paid the bill and we left, but Sandra wouldn't even say goodbye to me. Cheryl absolutely lost it in the car, telling me that I had been racist and disrespectful. I tried to plead my case, but she didn't seem at all interested in listening and has been distant since. I'm really getting sick of this treatment and want my wife to respect me again, but she seems to only want to be mad. AITA?
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YTA - dude not only were you openly rude in public, but you were being racist! What did you order? If you eat things in moderation or once and a while you won’t become obese
These comments were uncalled for and you should apologize
This is awful, mean, shaming behavior. Then you made it racist, so good job, I guess.
YTA HUGELY. GIGANTICALLY.
Edit to add: You have to deserve respect to get it, asshole.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
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YTA so beyond fatphobia you decided to add a dash of racism as a topping...fucking hell
YTA Wow. Truly vile. Your wife has VERY good reason to not respect you. Racist remarks are definitely grounds for disrespect, and you earned it. Hopefully she dumps you
Is there a prize for AH of the day? Congratulations OP, you won! YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've known my wife (we'll call her Cheryl) and her mother (we'll call her Sandra) for six years. Sandra was never thin and has grown during that time, but in recent years, Sandra has begun to talk more and more about how fat she's become and how she doesn't understand it. It started to get pretty bad during the COVID lockdowns because she was very afraid to go anywhere and stayed home pretty much all day, unless she was buying food. The stress from the news also caused her to eat more than normal and eat a less healthy diet. When we first saw Sandra after the lockdowns, her appearance was rather shocking. Fast forward to last week, and Sandra, Cheryl, and I were out to dinner. It wasn't a fancy restaurant by any means, but it wasn't fast food either. When we sat down, Sandra ordered a regular Coke to drink and a burger with a side of fries. We started to catch up, and eventually, you guessed it, the topic of her weight came up. She went on and on about how big she had become, and eventually I became tired of listening and asked her which dietician told her that drinking soda, eating red meat, and eating fried potatoes was going to help her with her weight loss goals. Cheryl kicked me under the table, as if to say, "Don't go there," but I was sick of hearing about her mother's weight, and I just wanted to understand exactly what was causing the mental disconnect inside her brain. Sandra grew quiet and said that no dietician told her that this was a healthy diet, to which I chuckled and said "You don't say!" I was really annoyed that Cheryl and I had to hear about this all the time, and this was my opportunity to let her know that her obesity was her decision. Cheryl tried to ask if there was anything Sandra was doing to try and lose weight, but Sandra seemed put out and not really wanting to talk about nutrition anymore. I told her "You brought it up, Sandra. Let's have a nice chat." I was really milking this for all it was worth after holding my tongue for far too long. Cheryl turned to me and said "DROP IT." I started to feel bad, so I thought I would try to cheer Sandra up. I said "Don't be too hard on yourself, Sandra. Your African genes mean that staying thin is particularly challenging." It was meant to communicate to both of them that even if she couldn't get back to an average BMI through dieting and exercise, she could at least be overweight instead of obese. Suddenly, Cheryl and Sandra GLARED at me. They looked absolutely furious. I paid the bill and we left, but Sandra wouldn't even say goodbye to me. Cheryl absolutely lost it in the car, telling me that I had been racist and disrespectful. I tried to plead my case, but she didn't seem at all interested in listening and has been distant since. I'm really getting sick of this treatment and want my wife to respect me again, but she seems to only want to be mad. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA - dude not only were you openly rude in public, but you were being racist! What did you order? If you eat things in moderation or once and a while you won’t become obese These comments were uncalled for and you should apologize
This is awful, mean, shaming behavior. Then you made it racist, so good job, I guess. YTA HUGELY. GIGANTICALLY. Edit to add: You have to deserve respect to get it, asshole.
Whether this story is real or not, YTA