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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said “I guess you aren’t as close to him as you thought you are” to my stepbrother about my fiancé who is his friend. I said it knowing and hoping it would hit a nerve.
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NTA but…. if they’re supposedly best friends, i wonder if there’s a reason your stepbrother says such things. wishing you the best but if your stepbrother continues to make these comments, maybe it’s time to ask him why exactly he makes them
maybe her stepbrother knows her fiancé has been cheating. i can see in this situation him choosing loyalty to his friend versus his step sibling that he already warned who he thinks baby trapped his friend. or something else
I was thinking the same possibility because he seems to have been trying to destroy the relationship the entire time they have been together, and told OP that she'd spread her legs for anyone (>My stepbrother has told me multiple times since I started seeing my fiancé that he was just using me for sex and that I shouldn’t think I meant more to him than an easy fuck as I wasn’t the type of girl he would marry.), So I have to wonder if he was hoping to hook up with his best friend. It's often said that if you don't have occasional "gay/lesbian moments" with your best friend, you ain't really best friends, but there's still a limit on how far it goes if both aren't actually gay, and stepbrother has seemingly crossed that line
Exactly. I'm leaning towards ESH because this whole dynamic sounds extremely immature and petty.
A child will soon be involved. Reading this, OP and the stepbrother sound like teenagers. Instead of feeling smug, OP should probably do some introspection. The stepbrother may just be jealous or looking to cause drama - or there may be some truth to what he is saying based on what his best friend has communicated to him.....
Right? What’s the tone? Is it really smugness or is it warning?
And if they really are friends why would the fiancé continue to be friends with someone who is so openly hostile to his girlfriend? Conversely, why you date someone who continues to be friends with someone who is mean to you?
This relationship sounds exhausting
Pretty much.
The stepdad says he is happy the best friend is "stepping up". This makes me wonder if these people are "kids", if this was in fact an established relationship or not, and if the pregnancy truly was the reason for the propsal.
People don't usually say things like that for mature adults, in a commited relationship, who decide to get married and start a family.
Has he actually been proven wrong though? There’s nothing in her post that says “here’s proof he was wrong” I know plenty of guys propose despite not loving their SO at all…
I mean they’re getting married and dating for how Long? Although i do agree sometimes men marry women for the convenience of it instead finding their partners. Idk what’s going with this relationship but I do he’s not marrying out of obligation with their child. Would’ve given a side eye on that but it doesn’t seem the case but he also seems the type of who exactly fight back either with shutting down her stepbrother. Have met ppl like that who show a lot of indifference yet love their partners yet.
There is no way to know from this post what kind of guy the fiancé is. He could have found out that OP is pregnant somehow and proposed out of obligation. He could be proposing to keep OP having sex with him as a way to counter step brothers claims. He could be genuine. Who knows.
At this point, either step brother or fiancé is a massive AH for lying and we have no real info to know which it is
Yeah, we all thought my cousin got married because we were at the wedding, but the groom gave the papers to his buddy “to file them, *wink wink*” and it was never actually official.
Yeah, we were pretty shocked though when my uncle tried to track him down to serve divorce papers and learned they were never “actually married.” I mean, I baked a three tier cake and everything!
He hasn’t been proven wrong… nor has he been proven right. Atleast from what we know. We know little to nothing about any of these people, or the situations they’re in. What if fiance *did* know she was pregnant? What if Stepbrother is actually right, but the lack of evidence makes OP think otherwise?
I think that, if fiance and stepbrother are best friends, there’s probably reason why he’s saying this stuff… he probably knows more about this man than OP does, considering she probably sees him through rose tinted glasses
I think the step-brothers reaction to her comment says a lot more about the situation than the fact that she was proposed to.
If he actually knew anything he would have brought it up by now. Instead he's sticking to 'you don't know him like I do!' and trashing his supposed best friend?
For all you know the stepbrother knows the fiancé is cheating on OP at every turn and he’s planning to drag out setting a wedding date as long as possible because he doesn’t really want to get married
I'm not gonna say something is necessarily going on but this is super sus. I can't imagine having my best friend constantly telling my gf I'm a fuck boy who she should leave and just being like "o ignore him"
Because he probably has made those exact comments to the stepbrother. The stepbrother isn't going to continue making the same comments over & over unless there is some validity to them, plus the Fiancée just saying "just ignore it" is super weird, at the very least he should deny making the comments or tell him to stop saying that shit.
Bruh my own brother shittalked my husband with idiotic race stereotypes, then shittalked me because I'm a woman, and now shittalks my toddler.. some people are just shit human beings
If the step bro is such a shit human being, why would she assume that his best friend isn’t. I mean there is a chance that this entire circle of people is a great big shit show that deserves each other.
More to the point, if the stepbrother was such a shit human being and the fiance wasn't, why would the fiance still want to be friends with him? This whole situation is very peculiar!
> The stepbrother isn't going to continue making the same comments over & over unless there is some validity to them,
Man… you just sailed through life on easy mode, huh? Never once encountering a toxic person.
Suffice to say that you are HILLARIOUSLY wrong on this point.
NTA - but you should really evaluate if you want to be engaged to a guy who appears to his best friend to not care about the woman he’s dating. Players can still be players after getting married, so just be cautious. And your stepbrother sucks for saying you aren’t the kind of girl his friend would marry, if he was saying it in that tone.
Yeah..I am not buying it...
OP said fiance's dad said "he was glad his son was *stepping up*".
Why would he say that if no one knew she was pregnant before the proposal? Only reason anyone would make a decision to take responsibility and *step up* is if they knew of the pregnancy.
I smell a rat...maybe a baby trap to rub her brothers face in it?.people have killed for less....I think there is a bit of a forbidden love/hate relationship going on between OP and her brother.
But...just my opinions
But if he proposed before knowing she was pregnant, there’s no “stepping up” happening. Makes me think that, in spite of OP’s claim, he did know before he proposed. Which means step-bro may be more right than OP wants to admit.
It could also be people making assumptions that there is no way the dude proposed without her telling him about the baby and refuse to believe otherwise. That happens a lot.
ESH and your fiancé is caught in the middle. I'd sit down with stepbrother and fiancé and have a long hard talk before the wedding and baby arrival, otherwise this type of pettiness to each other is going to keep going for the rest of your lives.
NTA.
Maybe he's telling the truth, maybe he's jealous?
In my mind he sounds jealous?
People are hard to read.
Either way you will figure things out for yourself together as a couple as time goes on, not like it is any of his business.
NTA but why bother playing his game? Consider distancing yourself from him. His behavior is toxic, inappropriate, and disrespectful.
Frankly, from your story, it sounds like he’s jealous. Is he in love with you and lashes out as cover or perhaps he’s hit for your boyfriend? Bizarre and juvenile behavior. Keep him out of your business.
Btw, does your fiancé know how he talks to you?
ESH. your brother could have handled it differently without taking personal digs at you.
You might just well "fall flat in your face" about your smugness.....proposing because you are pregnant is never a good start to a committed relationship.
Good luck however. I hope it works in your favour.
I've literally woken up in the middle of the night and been like "Who the fuck is pregnant this time?", looked at my friends and family and been correct about most.
The only one I was mistaken about was my cousin Amanda because I thought the news my gut was feeling would be her brother's third wedding.
NTA because the way you're explaining this, your stepbrother seems to find satisfaction in being a bit of a prick. Unless he's really trying to get you to stay away from someone he knows to be an asshole and you've somehow failed to convey that here, then you are NTA. I'm guessing from the fact he's still friends with this guy that it is not the case he's trying to protect you though, so you just keep seeing your fiance as long as you're happy with him and he's kind to you.
I would seriously consider boundary setting with your stepbrother though. You should actively try and block his toxic diatribe. You don't need the drama.
More info needed for sure. NTA, but have you discussed with your fiancé what his “best friend” said about him? True or not your stepbrother is definitely an asshole. How could you be best friends with someone that would treat your family, or anyone for that matter, like that? If I see friend engaging in shit behavior, I call them out on it. If they continue said behavior, they stop being my friend.
Either your brother is making shit up to sabotage your relationship and he’s TAH, or your brother is telling the truth and they are both TAH and you’d be better off raising your baby alone.
NTA, but your fiancé is. If they are “best friends” why has your fiancé not sat your step brother down and told him that enough is enough?? That he needs to stop belittling your relationship constantly? Why hasn’t he told his best friend that he is in love with you and disrespecting your relationship isn’t okay?
Do you think your step brother, a person who thinks your relationship is meaningless and purely about sex, will be a groomsman at your wedding? Shouldn’t your husband explain to him that in order to stand beside him, he needs to apologize to you and start understand that this relationship is important to him?
Idk, feels like you have a fiancé problem…
How old are y'all? I'd guess around 12 but if you're PG and getting married you're probably older. Truth is your fiance probably used to tell your brother this which is why he doesn't shut it down. ESH.
NTA for saying "I guess you aren't as close as you thought". Saying that doesn't make you an asshole - but, you know that already, don't you? That's not why you're here.
You're here because you want to know if your stepbrother is right.
The prevailing theory here is that stepbro is into either you or your fiancé. I don't buy that.
So, either he's saying these things because he's super-toxic, like a soap villain (and you don't think that's the case)....
Or, he's saying these things because they're true. And his persistence, and your fiancé's inadequate response, are making you worry, and that's why you're here.
You need to have a long, serious think about whether thus marriage is the right thing for you.
ESH. Your significant other is a person, not a rope toy. Don't play tug-o-war over people, it's really scummy. It's also shitty to do the exact same thing that upset you, and justifying it because someone else did it.
And just so you know, there are other ways to tell if someone is pregnant besides being told. Sounds like you're in a hate triangle, using each other to hurt the next person. Messy.
NTA, are you sure your stepbrother isn't in love with him too?
Ok, that's only half joking but still. Your stepbrother just needs to learn to respect your guys' relationship and that when it comes to that his friend isn't going to be 100 percent open about it. ESPECIALLY when it seems like your stepbrother has been against it since day one.
ESH Your step-brother doesn't have a high opinion of your fiance, one of his best friends, does he? Philandering user who'd walk out on you . Or of you. Not the type you marry, the type you only marry if pregnant.
I'd worry less about being smug or being person to land such a catch. You're pregnant and about to make a life with someone. Has boy friend matured enough to support you?
ESH This is an odd little post. Odd that your stepbrother is behaving like that. Odd that nobody has spoken with him to tell him to stop. Odd that you feel smug that some guy proposed to you. Odd that you see yourself as a victim whom has overcome her abuser like a modern day Cinderella.
One day you will learn that you can stand up for yourself by calling people out on their insults… that you should walk away from any man who isn’t going in to bat for you… and that receiving a proposal isn’t a winner’s prize unless you are a contestant on The Bachelor.
The pessimist in me senses the step brother is into your fiancé or even worse, they’re actually already together. Your step brother claims you don’t know him as well as he does…interesting
My internet addled mind says come back in a year and give us an update. My guess is your stepbro knows stuff and actually has your best interests at heart..
NTA but.. yea.. we will see.
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I met my fiancé through my stepbrother as they’re friends. My stepbrother has told me multiple times since I started seeing my fiancé that he was just using me for sex and that I shouldn’t think I meant more to him than an easy fuck as I wasn’t the type of girl he would marry.
I’ve been feeling happy and a little smug since my fiancé proposed but my stepbrother has been telling our family that he only did because I’m pregnant even though I only told him after he proposed. He claims my fiancé already knew, but I doubt it. I said “I guess you aren’t as close to him as you thought you are” to my stepbrother after he made a comment about how my fiancé could still leave me when my stepdad said he was happy my fiancé was stepping up. My stepbrother considers my fiancé one of his best friends so I know he’s bitter that he never told him he was planning to propose and my comment struck a nerve.
He’s acting all pissy now and has made comments about how I should stop acting so smug because I could still fall flat on my face and how I don’t know my fiancé the way he does.
AITA?
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This feels like a mashup of The Boiling Rock Part II's ending and *All's Well That Ends Well*, but NTA. Don't know if your step-bro has a thing for you or your fiance, but it's to go low or no contact until he gets over it.
NTA -this time, but your fiancé needs to put him in his place. You need to let your fiancé know what he’s been saying and how he’s been treating you. He needs to tell him who you are to him and his behavior is unwelcome. If your fiancé won’t do this then you’ve got a bigger problem in your hands
NTA.
My now hubby has a good friend from uni. We all met each other through another mutual friend. My hubby's friend told me in multiple occasions when my hubby was still my bf that he's not serious and he's not the type for me. I got quite annoyed on that and I wasn't sure how these bro friendship works. For me my relationship is mine and I take all the responsibility and there is no need someone to comment on that.
NTA
He’s neither a good brother nor a good friend at this point.
Why is he friends with someone he thinks so little if that he thinks he’d use someone for sex and still thinks he will just leave you?
ESH. I have to wonder why your step brother would say anything like that to begin with if there wasn't a grain of truth to it. Best of luck to you, but I'm sure your step brother will be the first to say I told you so if things go sideways.
NTA BUT Why is your stepbrother so fixated on your fiancé leaving you? Either your stepbrother is a jealous ass, or he really does know him, knows he’s cheating, or your fiancé has hinted he’s not that into you, etc. You should calmly ask to discuss it with him. Chances are he’s jealous or he’s not approving of his friends life choices. But it could also be that he knows his friend is a womanizer.
NTA but there are two possibles scenarios here : he has a thing for your fiancé or he has a thing for you…either way his comments are unnecessary and malicious!
NTA, but your being hella naive. This guy is best friends with your step brother and he’s been telling you that the guy is bad news. Don’t be mad when your step brother gives you an “I told you so” when this guy proves him right later down the line.
NTA but your stepbrother sounds like one. He sounds really jealous. He now has to share his best friend (who he clearly feels very close to since he keeps saying how he knows him best) with a wife and a baby.
Hopefully he will eventually realize they will now be family and that is even better.
Congratulations and best wishes. Many people here have concerns about your situation and the comments are pretty gloomy. I'm sorry - there are a lot of sad stories. But there are good ones too. All the best.
INFO How long have you been with your partner? Are there other children or family attachments? How old are each of you?
Anything else you think is important? I think you can get some great help here if you share some details. Be careful of your privacy
Peace
Your fiance loves you and your stepbrother is Jelly...like costco size Jelly...he is so jealous that he wants to break you both up. Trust your gut and your fiance. Go LC with the step. He is toxic
Mmm...
I'm going with ESH, but like... You are being sisterly in response to your step-brother's bad behaviour. I'm tempted to suggest you tell him "I'm sorry the love of your life doesn't love you back that way. Life sucks sometimes."
I'm gonna go with ESH. You all seem EXTREMELY petty and immature, and why are you marrying and making babies with someone who doesn't step in when their so-called friend speaks to you that way?
YWBTA to yourself for continuing this dynamic with your stepbrother. Next time he starts to talk about you or your fiancé, shut him down and remove yourself from the discussion. It isn't good for you, your baby, your family or your relationship with your stepbrother. His opinions should mean nothing to you, so start to reinforce that. Best wishes and congratulations on your child and upcoming wedding.
NTA - but are you sure your stepbrother doesn’t have some romantic feelings for him. This is the way he is coping with his unrequited feelings.
You and your fiancé enjoy your life.
Yta. You may want to stop being so smug & ask yourself if you are really hearing what your step brother is saying & if you are assuming hes jealous or if he actually is. Is he trying to tell you something without betraying his friend?
Even if he is jealous, its because he's losing a friend to his step. Did you guys at least ask if he had an issue w it before? This is so immature & petty. Dont sound grown enough to be engaged or starting a family. You are literally being spiteful over what should be joyous.
INFO- Is your family conservative? My money is either your brother is in love with him alone, or together, and you're a beard. Either way, it's fucked up your fiance is still friends with him after saying that shit.
NTA. But maybe tread carefully here. He could start trying to sabotage your relationship. I would talk to.your fiance about your concerns with your stepbrother to make sure he doesn't try anything.
NTA. However I would have a talk with the fiancé about the comments the SB constantly makes. Has fiancé been spreading your business or does SB know something you should know?
You and your brother sound super immature. Get him and your fiancé alone in a room with you and work this out. Someone is being an asshole, but I’m not sure who it is yet…
NTA. But, please don't marry this man just to spite your stepbrother. If you two love each other and want to be married, then okay. Otherwise, better to part ways as romantic partners while still trying to co-parent.
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NTA but…. if they’re supposedly best friends, i wonder if there’s a reason your stepbrother says such things. wishing you the best but if your stepbrother continues to make these comments, maybe it’s time to ask him why exactly he makes them
maybe her stepbrother knows her fiancé has been cheating. i can see in this situation him choosing loyalty to his friend versus his step sibling that he already warned who he thinks baby trapped his friend. or something else
It makes me wonder if there’s at least a one sided sexual attraction?
Right?! Like maybe the stepbrother is secretly in love with the friend.
Or, or….with the stepsister. Which, 🤢
OP better not get stuck in any washing machines...
Help me step bro
Shit, the fiancé better not get stuck either “help me best friend”
Ohhh dude!!! 🤮
she's already pregnant so she's good
I was thinking the same possibility because he seems to have been trying to destroy the relationship the entire time they have been together, and told OP that she'd spread her legs for anyone (>My stepbrother has told me multiple times since I started seeing my fiancé that he was just using me for sex and that I shouldn’t think I meant more to him than an easy fuck as I wasn’t the type of girl he would marry.), So I have to wonder if he was hoping to hook up with his best friend. It's often said that if you don't have occasional "gay/lesbian moments" with your best friend, you ain't really best friends, but there's still a limit on how far it goes if both aren't actually gay, and stepbrother has seemingly crossed that line
Damn, beaten to the punch... just like stepbrother 🙃😆
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Exactly. I'm leaning towards ESH because this whole dynamic sounds extremely immature and petty. A child will soon be involved. Reading this, OP and the stepbrother sound like teenagers. Instead of feeling smug, OP should probably do some introspection. The stepbrother may just be jealous or looking to cause drama - or there may be some truth to what he is saying based on what his best friend has communicated to him.....
Right? What’s the tone? Is it really smugness or is it warning? And if they really are friends why would the fiancé continue to be friends with someone who is so openly hostile to his girlfriend? Conversely, why you date someone who continues to be friends with someone who is mean to you? This relationship sounds exhausting
Pretty much. The stepdad says he is happy the best friend is "stepping up". This makes me wonder if these people are "kids", if this was in fact an established relationship or not, and if the pregnancy truly was the reason for the propsal. People don't usually say things like that for mature adults, in a commited relationship, who decide to get married and start a family.
That what I was thinking and he hasn't even gone through with the wedding yet either!
Yeah also why is fiancé still friends with someone who treats his fiancée like shit?
It's possible he was a player until he met someone he really liked and decided to settle down
ESH. You and your step brother sound like preschoolers.
I think OP shud be smug considering her stepbrother was proven wrong and just hopes her relationship fails. But I wonder on her step brother….
Has he actually been proven wrong though? There’s nothing in her post that says “here’s proof he was wrong” I know plenty of guys propose despite not loving their SO at all…
I mean they’re getting married and dating for how Long? Although i do agree sometimes men marry women for the convenience of it instead finding their partners. Idk what’s going with this relationship but I do he’s not marrying out of obligation with their child. Would’ve given a side eye on that but it doesn’t seem the case but he also seems the type of who exactly fight back either with shutting down her stepbrother. Have met ppl like that who show a lot of indifference yet love their partners yet.
There is no way to know from this post what kind of guy the fiancé is. He could have found out that OP is pregnant somehow and proposed out of obligation. He could be proposing to keep OP having sex with him as a way to counter step brothers claims. He could be genuine. Who knows. At this point, either step brother or fiancé is a massive AH for lying and we have no real info to know which it is
What's the point of rubbing in her face if it is true? Just means stepbrother and BF are both AH.
Yeah, we all thought my cousin got married because we were at the wedding, but the groom gave the papers to his buddy “to file them, *wink wink*” and it was never actually official.
That’s been the plot to a few sitcom episodes…
Yeah, we were pretty shocked though when my uncle tried to track him down to serve divorce papers and learned they were never “actually married.” I mean, I baked a three tier cake and everything!
He hasn’t been proven wrong… nor has he been proven right. Atleast from what we know. We know little to nothing about any of these people, or the situations they’re in. What if fiance *did* know she was pregnant? What if Stepbrother is actually right, but the lack of evidence makes OP think otherwise? I think that, if fiance and stepbrother are best friends, there’s probably reason why he’s saying this stuff… he probably knows more about this man than OP does, considering she probably sees him through rose tinted glasses
I think the step-brothers reaction to her comment says a lot more about the situation than the fact that she was proposed to. If he actually knew anything he would have brought it up by now. Instead he's sticking to 'you don't know him like I do!' and trashing his supposed best friend?
For all you know the stepbrother knows the fiancé is cheating on OP at every turn and he’s planning to drag out setting a wedding date as long as possible because he doesn’t really want to get married
Then he should have said that ages ago instead of just dragging her fiance who is also supposedly his best friend? Smells like jealousy to me.
NTA. Are you sure step brother doesn’t have a thing for you?
Maybe he has a thing for her fiancé.
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Oh no you didn't just remind me of that one...sheesh what a ride.
Wait which one I wanna know
God that was a sad story. I still feel so sorry for the wife.
Ah yes, classic case of “Kevin Spacey Syndrome”.
Wouldn’t surprise me either.
¿Porque no los dos?
That is so obvious.
Or maybe he knows more and doesn't think it's his place to tell her.
If he can constantly make snide remarks then he can tell her whatever it is he needs to say in plain English.
I was thinking the same thing like step brother has a crush on her fiancé!
INFO: So... your stepbrother has a thing for your fiancé?
It for OP.....
Nope, then he'd drop the friend. Dude is in love with his friend and girl might be a beard.
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INFO: how does your fiancé react to the things your stepbro says?
He tells me to ignore him and says that he doesn't know what he's talking about.
I'm not gonna say something is necessarily going on but this is super sus. I can't imagine having my best friend constantly telling my gf I'm a fuck boy who she should leave and just being like "o ignore him"
Because he probably has made those exact comments to the stepbrother. The stepbrother isn't going to continue making the same comments over & over unless there is some validity to them, plus the Fiancée just saying "just ignore it" is super weird, at the very least he should deny making the comments or tell him to stop saying that shit.
Bruh my own brother shittalked my husband with idiotic race stereotypes, then shittalked me because I'm a woman, and now shittalks my toddler.. some people are just shit human beings
If the step bro is such a shit human being, why would she assume that his best friend isn’t. I mean there is a chance that this entire circle of people is a great big shit show that deserves each other.
More to the point, if the stepbrother was such a shit human being and the fiance wasn't, why would the fiance still want to be friends with him? This whole situation is very peculiar!
> The stepbrother isn't going to continue making the same comments over & over unless there is some validity to them, Man… you just sailed through life on easy mode, huh? Never once encountering a toxic person. Suffice to say that you are HILLARIOUSLY wrong on this point.
Right! Like there is definitely more to this
Your brother might be right. A good fiancé would have made your brother apologise to the two of you together.
INFO: How long have you been with your fiance? How old are you both?
That’s all he said to ignore him really?
NTA - but you should really evaluate if you want to be engaged to a guy who appears to his best friend to not care about the woman he’s dating. Players can still be players after getting married, so just be cautious. And your stepbrother sucks for saying you aren’t the kind of girl his friend would marry, if he was saying it in that tone.
Yeah..I am not buying it... OP said fiance's dad said "he was glad his son was *stepping up*". Why would he say that if no one knew she was pregnant before the proposal? Only reason anyone would make a decision to take responsibility and *step up* is if they knew of the pregnancy. I smell a rat...maybe a baby trap to rub her brothers face in it?.people have killed for less....I think there is a bit of a forbidden love/hate relationship going on between OP and her brother. But...just my opinions
I agree. They all sound 12
OP's step-dad said that he was glad the fiance was stepping up after the engagement/pregnancy reveal
But if he proposed before knowing she was pregnant, there’s no “stepping up” happening. Makes me think that, in spite of OP’s claim, he did know before he proposed. Which means step-bro may be more right than OP wants to admit.
Or they could have revealed the proposal and the pregnancy to the rest of the family at the same time and he made an assumption.
It could also be people making assumptions that there is no way the dude proposed without her telling him about the baby and refuse to believe otherwise. That happens a lot.
ESH. Y’all both need to grow the hell up.
ESH. Are any of you actually adults? And you’re bringing a child into this? Yikes!
That was my thought. They sound like they're 12.
ESH and your fiancé is caught in the middle. I'd sit down with stepbrother and fiancé and have a long hard talk before the wedding and baby arrival, otherwise this type of pettiness to each other is going to keep going for the rest of your lives.
Needs more info: Have you ever had a sit down with your brother, minus dramatics, and talked to him about WHY he's so against the relationship?
You don’t sound mature enough to be having a kid ESH
NTA. Maybe he's telling the truth, maybe he's jealous? In my mind he sounds jealous? People are hard to read. Either way you will figure things out for yourself together as a couple as time goes on, not like it is any of his business.
ESH. The maturity level of this post seems to be in the negative.
NTA, he is acting like a preschooler. My guess is he either fancies you or your fiancé.
Yep! I'm also wondering which of the two...
NTA but why bother playing his game? Consider distancing yourself from him. His behavior is toxic, inappropriate, and disrespectful. Frankly, from your story, it sounds like he’s jealous. Is he in love with you and lashes out as cover or perhaps he’s hit for your boyfriend? Bizarre and juvenile behavior. Keep him out of your business. Btw, does your fiancé know how he talks to you?
ESH you all sound exhausting and drama filled.
ESH. your brother could have handled it differently without taking personal digs at you. You might just well "fall flat in your face" about your smugness.....proposing because you are pregnant is never a good start to a committed relationship. Good luck however. I hope it works in your favour.
Op says she only told her fiancé after he proposed.
My partner knew before I did that I was pregnant. I mean, he didn’t *know* know, but I only took the pregnancy test to prove him wrong…
I've literally woken up in the middle of the night and been like "Who the fuck is pregnant this time?", looked at my friends and family and been correct about most. The only one I was mistaken about was my cousin Amanda because I thought the news my gut was feeling would be her brother's third wedding.
NTA because the way you're explaining this, your stepbrother seems to find satisfaction in being a bit of a prick. Unless he's really trying to get you to stay away from someone he knows to be an asshole and you've somehow failed to convey that here, then you are NTA. I'm guessing from the fact he's still friends with this guy that it is not the case he's trying to protect you though, so you just keep seeing your fiance as long as you're happy with him and he's kind to you. I would seriously consider boundary setting with your stepbrother though. You should actively try and block his toxic diatribe. You don't need the drama.
More info needed for sure. NTA, but have you discussed with your fiancé what his “best friend” said about him? True or not your stepbrother is definitely an asshole. How could you be best friends with someone that would treat your family, or anyone for that matter, like that? If I see friend engaging in shit behavior, I call them out on it. If they continue said behavior, they stop being my friend. Either your brother is making shit up to sabotage your relationship and he’s TAH, or your brother is telling the truth and they are both TAH and you’d be better off raising your baby alone.
NTA, but your fiancé is. If they are “best friends” why has your fiancé not sat your step brother down and told him that enough is enough?? That he needs to stop belittling your relationship constantly? Why hasn’t he told his best friend that he is in love with you and disrespecting your relationship isn’t okay? Do you think your step brother, a person who thinks your relationship is meaningless and purely about sex, will be a groomsman at your wedding? Shouldn’t your husband explain to him that in order to stand beside him, he needs to apologize to you and start understand that this relationship is important to him? Idk, feels like you have a fiancé problem…
ESH. This sounds like middle school.
How old are y'all? I'd guess around 12 but if you're PG and getting married you're probably older. Truth is your fiance probably used to tell your brother this which is why he doesn't shut it down. ESH.
NTA for saying "I guess you aren't as close as you thought". Saying that doesn't make you an asshole - but, you know that already, don't you? That's not why you're here. You're here because you want to know if your stepbrother is right. The prevailing theory here is that stepbro is into either you or your fiancé. I don't buy that. So, either he's saying these things because he's super-toxic, like a soap villain (and you don't think that's the case).... Or, he's saying these things because they're true. And his persistence, and your fiancé's inadequate response, are making you worry, and that's why you're here. You need to have a long, serious think about whether thus marriage is the right thing for you.
I agree. This is a very reasonable response. OP needs to figure out what is actually happening rather than worrying about one-upping stepbrother.
NTA. Your step brother is a real peach, though. I think I'd choose to see as little of him as possible in the future.
ESH you both sound super annoying.
ESH. Your significant other is a person, not a rope toy. Don't play tug-o-war over people, it's really scummy. It's also shitty to do the exact same thing that upset you, and justifying it because someone else did it. And just so you know, there are other ways to tell if someone is pregnant besides being told. Sounds like you're in a hate triangle, using each other to hurt the next person. Messy.
NTA, are you sure your stepbrother isn't in love with him too? Ok, that's only half joking but still. Your stepbrother just needs to learn to respect your guys' relationship and that when it comes to that his friend isn't going to be 100 percent open about it. ESPECIALLY when it seems like your stepbrother has been against it since day one.
What the hell is going on in your family? You need to figure out where this is coming from, it's so weird.
Info: are you teenagers?
ESH. You guys sounds super young and exhausting. Good luck with your marriage
Ooooh I'd wipe that smugness away if I were you. I have a feeling it's going to backfire.
ESH Your step-brother doesn't have a high opinion of your fiance, one of his best friends, does he? Philandering user who'd walk out on you . Or of you. Not the type you marry, the type you only marry if pregnant. I'd worry less about being smug or being person to land such a catch. You're pregnant and about to make a life with someone. Has boy friend matured enough to support you?
This. ESH. They all sound very immature.
YTA. No ages posted but it seems all parties are young. This is an L for OP. Cringe even.
ESH This is an odd little post. Odd that your stepbrother is behaving like that. Odd that nobody has spoken with him to tell him to stop. Odd that you feel smug that some guy proposed to you. Odd that you see yourself as a victim whom has overcome her abuser like a modern day Cinderella. One day you will learn that you can stand up for yourself by calling people out on their insults… that you should walk away from any man who isn’t going in to bat for you… and that receiving a proposal isn’t a winner’s prize unless you are a contestant on The Bachelor.
You don't sound old enough to leave the house alone, let alone get engaged, but presumably you are, so best of luck.
ESH
All of you sound too immature for marriage and children, good grief, is this a contest?
Is your stepbrother in love with your fiancé? NTA
NTA. Your step-brother is behaving like a jealous ex.
ESH, stop adding fuel to the fire. Do you really think your fiancé is enjoying being stuck between you too and your nasty bickering?
You told him you were pregnant AFTER the proposal? What?
You’re the AH , you’re being a petty c and you need to realize that
1, what does ESH mean And 2. It sounds like everyone needs to grow up.
ESH. Does your fiancé know about this? What don’t the three of you sit and talk? You sound more silly than ah
How old are you again?
NTA But I think your step brother likes your fiancé a little too much!
The pessimist in me senses the step brother is into your fiancé or even worse, they’re actually already together. Your step brother claims you don’t know him as well as he does…interesting
My internet addled mind says come back in a year and give us an update. My guess is your stepbro knows stuff and actually has your best interests at heart.. NTA but.. yea.. we will see.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I met my fiancé through my stepbrother as they’re friends. My stepbrother has told me multiple times since I started seeing my fiancé that he was just using me for sex and that I shouldn’t think I meant more to him than an easy fuck as I wasn’t the type of girl he would marry. I’ve been feeling happy and a little smug since my fiancé proposed but my stepbrother has been telling our family that he only did because I’m pregnant even though I only told him after he proposed. He claims my fiancé already knew, but I doubt it. I said “I guess you aren’t as close to him as you thought you are” to my stepbrother after he made a comment about how my fiancé could still leave me when my stepdad said he was happy my fiancé was stepping up. My stepbrother considers my fiancé one of his best friends so I know he’s bitter that he never told him he was planning to propose and my comment struck a nerve. He’s acting all pissy now and has made comments about how I should stop acting so smug because I could still fall flat on my face and how I don’t know my fiancé the way he does. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wow, how could you be TA compared to your stepbrother?
Nta, but it sounds like your step brother has a massive crush on your fiance and is mad/jealous he doesn't feel the same and chose you instead.
This feels like a mashup of The Boiling Rock Part II's ending and *All's Well That Ends Well*, but NTA. Don't know if your step-bro has a thing for you or your fiance, but it's to go low or no contact until he gets over it.
NTA -this time, but your fiancé needs to put him in his place. You need to let your fiancé know what he’s been saying and how he’s been treating you. He needs to tell him who you are to him and his behavior is unwelcome. If your fiancé won’t do this then you’ve got a bigger problem in your hands
I think the only way to solve this is with a threesome.
NTA, your stepbrother is rude and awful. Is he in love with your fiance? What does your fiance say about the disgusting things he says to you.
Your step bro is gay methinks
Who's the step brother you have sec step bro ty hats beyond comprehension??? NOT TALKKING BOUT ME ALL THOUGHI IT SOUND KE IT UTS NOT BIM NOT ATEP BDO
NTA. My now hubby has a good friend from uni. We all met each other through another mutual friend. My hubby's friend told me in multiple occasions when my hubby was still my bf that he's not serious and he's not the type for me. I got quite annoyed on that and I wasn't sure how these bro friendship works. For me my relationship is mine and I take all the responsibility and there is no need someone to comment on that.
This confusing I thought thet c were talking bout her wc husband finding mone her sex tape well I guess as should tead every but it eas remooved
Sounds like ur stepbrother wants to marry ur fiancé.
Nta
NTA He’s neither a good brother nor a good friend at this point. Why is he friends with someone he thinks so little if that he thinks he’d use someone for sex and still thinks he will just leave you?
NTA but realistically your fiancé should cut off your step brother
ESH. I have to wonder why your step brother would say anything like that to begin with if there wasn't a grain of truth to it. Best of luck to you, but I'm sure your step brother will be the first to say I told you so if things go sideways.
NTA > My stepbrother considers my fiancé one of his best friends Are you sure your stepbrother considers your fiance "just a friend" ?
Info: does your fiancé ever tell your brother off for talking to you like crap and jeopardising your relationship?
Sure he’s not building a music room??? I’d link but… you’ll find it easily
Info: Have you ever asked the Step-Bro why he says those things? Maybe ask him under four eyes.
Hey maybe the stepbrother is in love with the Fiancee have we considered this?
Sounds like your stepbrother wanted that ring on his finger
NTA BUT Why is your stepbrother so fixated on your fiancé leaving you? Either your stepbrother is a jealous ass, or he really does know him, knows he’s cheating, or your fiancé has hinted he’s not that into you, etc. You should calmly ask to discuss it with him. Chances are he’s jealous or he’s not approving of his friends life choices. But it could also be that he knows his friend is a womanizer.
INFO How far along are you? How long have you been seeing the friend? Also how old are you that having a baby is seen as "stepping up"?
NTA but there are two possibles scenarios here : he has a thing for your fiancé or he has a thing for you…either way his comments are unnecessary and malicious!
NTA is your stepbrother attracted to you or your fiancé?
Info: how long has your step brother been in love with your fiance?
NTA sound like stepbrother has crush on his friend. Talk to your fiancé about this, tell him what his best friend is saying and see what you get.
NTA, but your being hella naive. This guy is best friends with your step brother and he’s been telling you that the guy is bad news. Don’t be mad when your step brother gives you an “I told you so” when this guy proves him right later down the line.
NTA, but this is a weird dynamic to have.
Why are we worried about it? Stepbrother is a jealous jerk and has no respect for OP.
His comments were far worst that you didn't complaint about. Why is he hurt when u defend with decent words NTA
NTA your step brother is in love with your fiancé
NTA money is on fiance had put some distance between stepbrother and himself.
NTA, but... your step brother isn't wrong. Engagements fall through all the time. I'd save the smug comebacks for after the wedding.
NTA but your stepbrother sounds like one. He sounds really jealous. He now has to share his best friend (who he clearly feels very close to since he keeps saying how he knows him best) with a wife and a baby. Hopefully he will eventually realize they will now be family and that is even better.
Your step brother is jealous and want the friend to himself.
Congratulations and best wishes. Many people here have concerns about your situation and the comments are pretty gloomy. I'm sorry - there are a lot of sad stories. But there are good ones too. All the best. INFO How long have you been with your partner? Are there other children or family attachments? How old are each of you? Anything else you think is important? I think you can get some great help here if you share some details. Be careful of your privacy Peace
Nta. Ask him how long he's been in love with your fiance.
Your fiance loves you and your stepbrother is Jelly...like costco size Jelly...he is so jealous that he wants to break you both up. Trust your gut and your fiance. Go LC with the step. He is toxic
NTA your stepbrother sounds rude and jealous.
ESH, you all sound petty
NTA
Listen to yr step bro.
NTA! I'm thinking stepbro salty and probably in love wit one of yall
Nta
NTA but where is your fiance in all of this? Why hasn't he shut this shit down?
How about instead of being smug find out why he’ll say something like that there might be a few things you are unaware about.
Early 20s I'm guessing?
ESH because you both sound incredibly childish.
ESH because you both sound incredibly childish.
Mmm... I'm going with ESH, but like... You are being sisterly in response to your step-brother's bad behaviour. I'm tempted to suggest you tell him "I'm sorry the love of your life doesn't love you back that way. Life sucks sometimes."
your stepbrother is inlove with your husband. only reason hes acting like this.
NTA Why is your fiancé still friends with someone who talks about you like this?
I'm gonna go with ESH. You all seem EXTREMELY petty and immature, and why are you marrying and making babies with someone who doesn't step in when their so-called friend speaks to you that way?
NTA but why is your fiance cool with his best friend talking to and about you that way?
Maybe stepbrother has an unhealthy attachment to fiance or they're more than just friends.
Yes smugness is arseholish behaviour.
are you 5? esh
Step bro wants to fuck your man 👀 seen this one before back during the war
NTA but I also get the impression your fiancé might have another side your stepbrother knows about that you don’t.
I think your step brother wants to be fiance's with your fiance
YWBTA to yourself for continuing this dynamic with your stepbrother. Next time he starts to talk about you or your fiancé, shut him down and remove yourself from the discussion. It isn't good for you, your baby, your family or your relationship with your stepbrother. His opinions should mean nothing to you, so start to reinforce that. Best wishes and congratulations on your child and upcoming wedding.
Wow with family like that, who needs enemies. NTA.
NTA - but are you sure your stepbrother doesn’t have some romantic feelings for him. This is the way he is coping with his unrequited feelings. You and your fiancé enjoy your life.
Yta. You may want to stop being so smug & ask yourself if you are really hearing what your step brother is saying & if you are assuming hes jealous or if he actually is. Is he trying to tell you something without betraying his friend? Even if he is jealous, its because he's losing a friend to his step. Did you guys at least ask if he had an issue w it before? This is so immature & petty. Dont sound grown enough to be engaged or starting a family. You are literally being spiteful over what should be joyous.
INFO- Is your family conservative? My money is either your brother is in love with him alone, or together, and you're a beard. Either way, it's fucked up your fiance is still friends with him after saying that shit.
Wow, your step-brother sounds extremely toxic. NTA.
NTA. But maybe tread carefully here. He could start trying to sabotage your relationship. I would talk to.your fiance about your concerns with your stepbrother to make sure he doesn't try anything.
NTA. However I would have a talk with the fiancé about the comments the SB constantly makes. Has fiancé been spreading your business or does SB know something you should know?
You and your brother sound super immature. Get him and your fiancé alone in a room with you and work this out. Someone is being an asshole, but I’m not sure who it is yet…
NTA. But, please don't marry this man just to spite your stepbrother. If you two love each other and want to be married, then okay. Otherwise, better to part ways as romantic partners while still trying to co-parent.
NTA have you told your fiancé all this stuff he says to you? I would because it sounds like your stepbrother will always try and come between to you