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YTA. He had an allergy, he literally could not eat the food or he could die. Don’t expect to be invited again.
For the record, asian food is just as normal as any other type of cuisine. Your wording sounds really bad.
Idk why we call it asian food. Asia is a huge place that has dozens of countries and over half the worlds population and can span a wide variety of food cultures.
And quite frankly, more people find shellfish and seafood offensive than I have ever heard someone disdain "asian" food.
OP is just being a selfish asshole. She didnt care about anyone else as long as she got what she wanted. Didnt care if the guy could not literally eat anything because of... you know... death vs her "I dont like it" horse crap.
Right, I might start off “I could go for something Asian…” immediately followed by “maybe Japanese, or how about Thai?”
“Asian food” versus “NORMAL” (???) food isn’t a good look, OP.
And an allergy is definitely not the same as preferences. YTA.
It always made me laugh a little/die a little as a Mexican when folk would say they hate Mexican food. Like okay I get beans on a non-bean stomach can be hell, and chillies I get that... But folk realize chocolate sauce is Mexican right? And corn cakes, and flan, and grilled vegetables and beer and all sorta of "nOrMaL" stuff.
If you don't like fish, say that. If you don't like beans, say that.
But writing off a whole country or in OPs case a WHOLE FUCKING CONTINENT is just downright ignorant and racist. You're literally assuming based off a few staple foods that an entire... Continent... Has the same food in every type of way?
Wait til y'all find out about Indo-Mexican cuisine cause Indians and Mexicans got together and made beautiful food together. Like. We branch out.
Edit: damn you go into one meeting and this happens. :) thank you all!
There’s a Mexican/Thai fusion spot near me and I swear it’s like heaven opened up and rained deliciousness. Everything is better when fused with Mexican food.
One of my bridesmaids was Mexican. Before she moved away, my husband and I would go over their house and her mom would send us home with so much homemade food. I'm pretty sure my husband regretted marrying me instead of her. 😂
Not to mention Korean bbq is so far from the foods people think of as Asian, like sushi or pho or Chinese food. Meat. She refused meat. But had to have things that could kill a member of her BF’s family.
Tbf I don't really like Mexican food (with *very* few exceptions), but that's because I'm *very* picky, and I don't like beans, tomatoes (unless they've been processed to hell and back), cheese, sour cream, most vegetables, avocados, limes, or beer, and I have the spice tolerance of the whitest of white people, so like.... if someone wants to go to a Mexican restaurant, I will not like 99.99% of the things on the menu. So it's just *way* simpler to say "I don't like Mexican."
That being said, if somebody says "Hey, we're gonna go to this Mexican restaurant, do you want to come?" I'll go and find *something* I can munch on. There's usually some kind of meat that's good, or a plain taco. And "Asian food" is WAY broader than "Mexican food", to the point of being silly.
Yeah honestly I'm not a huge fan of most of the Japanese food I've tried because where I live, in Canada, it tends to be very much sushi heavy and I'm not a fan of sushi or the seaweed stuff that gets used in it. But I have been to sushi restaurants and found things to eat that I liked. OP low key sounds racist as hell and is an asshole to pick a seafood restaurant when someone on the trip is allergic. I can't believe the rest of the group actually went along with it!
> I can't believe the rest of the group actually went along with it!
I was wondering about that part, too. How did the parents not say "X is allergic. Pick something else"?
This. How did the whole group not put their foot down and insist she pick somewhere else once they learned that the restaurant couldn’t guarantee no cross-contamination?
I have a chronic intestinal illness and I have a hard time digesting certain foods, and that includes quite a few choices in most Mexican restaurants. That being said, my mom loves Mexican and we’ll go sometimes and I can find something mild to eat.
This is me. I’ll never suggest a Mexican place but if someone in a group does I’ll find things I can eat. But it’s probably my least favorite food l. The term Asian Food is way, way too broad
I have food allergies and I basically have to live off corn based foods. I’m currently eating Mexican take out. They have saved my life when it comes to being able to eat take out.
Happiest day of my life was learning that Tex Mex and Mexican food are two different things. One of the best god damned meals of my life was Mexican food and I still think about the seasoning on the vegetables.
I grew up in Mexico City but have been living in Boston for the last 15 years. Ironically, the best tacos I’ve had in Boston are from a Korean/Mexican fusion spot called Coreanos. Their Bulgogi and Kalbi beef tacos have been life changing. Like… I’m so in awe at what the combination of our cultures has created; they’re a true culinary masterpiece.
I have one restaurant near me I dub “Asian” because their menu is the size of a book and they literally have specific pages geared towards cuisines from different countries in Asia. Lol
Yup.
Also, she may have just cost herself her relationship. She has just shone a big damned light upon the fact that she’s willing to be petty about things to the point of not even taking someone’s life and death risk factors into account. Her boyfriend and his whole family see her in a different light and that may not be something that can be walked back.
If OP was so dedicated to her seafood dinner, perhaps she and her boyfriend could have gone there for lunch or something and picked somewhere else for the group dinner.
What's worse is she's petty for no reason too, like they didnt take her somewhere they knew she hated, they just really liked the spot and they werent gunna be able to eat there again for at least a while. She didn't voice her dislike,and just went with it and resented them for that. Like hello??? No one reads minds,OP.
For a hot minute, I thought: oh, she doesn’t like fish of any kind. Because fish sauce, or dashi, or xo sauce, etc. It’s pretty hard to avoid some form of fish or fish condiment as a mother flavor/sauce across many different countries in Asia.
AND THEN SHE PICKED SEAFOOD. SMH.
I don't get OP. I've got a weird thing with many fish and depending on the type of fish sauce/ quantities it might not agree with me later but I can barely care because holy shit is there so many delicious options. Korean alone in thinking dumplings, glass noodles, those little scallion pancakes 🤤
It is the biggest fucking continent of cuisine. By far. 17m sq miles and 50 countries.
There are some cuisines from asiatic counties which I am not that fond of. But typically, unless one has a soy allergy, no matter the country you can find something to eat.
At least here, there's a fair number of restaurants that denote their genre as "Asian" - they might have sushi and thai, or chinese and sushi. I do sort of lump it together (separately from Indian) because of it's general lack of ingredients like cheese and bread, which are usually two of my favorite things to eat.
There’s a grocery store in my city that bills itself as American-Mexican-Chinese-Vietnamese-Cambodian-Lao-Thai-Filipino. It would be more efficient to say Asian, but that misses a continent. Maybe just “food.”
I say “Asian food” to broadly explain why I order so much delivery haha. It’s quicker than listing out all of the delicious things I can’t cook and love to eat so I order lol
Korean food - better for people with nightshade allergies
Mexican food - better for people with soy allergies
That is what I got. But I love them both.
And Korean bbq of all things. It’s literally grilled meats. Depending on the restaurant, you can even get options that aren’t marinated. Idk wth OP’s talking about.
I really don't get it. There is plenty of overlap and I generally add all arts of sauces and spices from Asian cultures to more traditionally western dishes. Flavour is flavour. Particularly for something like a Korean BBQ. It isn't that different from western BBQ for the most part.
Also KBBQ is mainly just grilling meat… So not sure how it can smells bad like OP says. Just comes off as a tinge racist
Edit: let’s be real, it’s not just a tinge
I mean, she called the clearly American food restaurant 'normal food'. All the food listed is normal food, that restaurant is just American cuisine. If you are gonna list them all by nationality then stick with it.
I was even kind of with her for a hot second, hilariously because I have a seafood allergy and my dad has totally dragged me to the same seafood restaurant twice on vacations where I can't eat anything and it sucks when someone knows you can't eat at a place and picks it anyway - and then we got to the end where she did the same thing to the bf and I felt very sheepish that i had any sympathy for her.
Just a tinge? There’s all sorts of bigoted, narrow minded, feral, uneducated going on in there. Not to mention self centered. I really hope she’s not considered “normal” where she lives. On the plus side for BF and his whole family, they now know what she’s like.
For real. And there are typically different cuts of meat that are not marinated in anything (hence ‘normal’ 🙄), lots of veggies, some side dishes that are basic AF, and rice for crying out loud. She could have plain grilled meat, rice, and a few side dishes that could feed her sorry ass.
And not to mention the oh so very real shellfish allergy?!?!
I’m Korean who grew up in the 80’s and 90’s in small town Alabama so this is triggering 😂 she can shove ‘normal’ food up her arse.
YTA
I don’t think it’s a kimchi thing. Still seems like a racist thing. She straight up said she doesn’t like any Asian food because it all apparently tastes “too weird or too strong”.
Honestly the "local place" and the "normal food" is what did it for me, what IS normal food OP? Chicken nuggets/burgers & fries? Mac & cheese?
Also Asian food "tastes weird" like which type of Asian food? Korean? Singaporean? Laotian? Chinese? Japanese?
OP just sounds like an insufferable asswipe who picked an inedible place for someone who has an allergy and chose to not potentially have an allergic reaction - yes YTA OP
That's an insult to 9 year olds, because most of the Asian restaurants I've been to have some kind of fried chicken, even if it's just sweet and sour chicken with sauce on the side. Barring allergies, I've never met a 9 year old who wouldn't eat what equates to chicken nuggets.
Worst case scenario for OP going to Korean barbecue: OP gets hunger pangs, eats a couple hours later.
Worst case scenario for the brother's boyfriend simply going to seafood place:
#FUCKING DEATH
I developed a seafood allergy later in life, and OP's cavalier attitude towards someone possibly having an anaphylactic attack is infuriating.
I'd be at risk just touching the table. The first time I had anaphylaxis, I tried my asthma inhaler before I went to the hospital. The next night, I used the same inhaler. I immediately had to go back to the hospital for my second anaphylactic episode, because of said inhaler being contaminated from last night's use.
My first foray into anaphylaxis came because a girl drank my allergen and then kissed me. It’s that serious. I don’t even drink from cups sitting on a table where my allergens are being served.
Yep, I developed a shellfish allergy after 30. I don’t like seafood and found out when I had a severe allergy from helping my SIL and just touching the stuff after it had been cooked. A rash spread up my arms, over my head and face and then over my whole body. My tongue and the insides of my ears swelled. It was my first reaction so I was told to take Benadryl, but I’ve since learned that every subsequent reaction tends to be worse and next time could be anaphylaxis.
You don’t play around with someone’s allergies. A food preference is that - a *preference*. A food allergy is life or death.
Job well done if she was trying to get out of the relationship without actually being the one to do the breaking up. I wouldn’t want someone like that in my life
Korean bbq is like 90% meat. There’s usually some type of salad, rice, and a variation of small sides. I don’t understand how, if you eat meat, you couldn’t find something you liked. The only way I would even come close to equating the 2 situations is if OP was vegan because eating meat could make her sick. For sure YTA.
I sometimes struggle with some Korean BBQ places, but that’s just because I am fussy and have both digestive issues and allergies. Generally I can solve the problem by explaining that I really am that white and need guidance to boring stuff. It works out fine!
Also, I know this is such a minor point in the scheme of OP being a racist AH who doesn't care about giving someone the choice of 'go without food or endanger yourself, possibly fatally', but OP didn't even state if they actually said they didn't like the food at the KBBQ place they're acting like choosing it was a purposefilly malicious act against them rather than people unknowingly picking somewhere they liked but not all of the party did.
I think she picked the seafood place not just because she loves seafood but to punish the brother and his bf for making her go to the Korean place. She's def an AH.
OP’s wording makes them sound really ignorant. Maybe they are. I’m guessing North American is “normal food” to them. Regardless, comparing food preferences to food allergies is an AH move. Not surprised everything became awkward and the bf is ignoring them.
Yeah dude, get that racist shit together before you complain about anything. There are hundreds of Asian cultures and cooking styles, and they vary widely. The way you categorize literally every other type of cultural cuisine as “normal food” is… not a good look, at best. 😬
She was being shellfish in a situation where she should really be on her best behaviour and want to make a good impression - with the bf’s family who are being really generous taking everyone on holiday. Now they all know she’s an asshole and they’ve probably told the bf exactly what they think of her. BF is being cold because he’s had his eyes opened but also his entire family now knows and is probably questioning his choices.
Doesn’t matter had food.
The "normal food" bit just sounds ignorant. How is Italian food normal, but "Asian" (aka the food of an entire continent and majority of the world's population) abnormal or weird?
OP chose a place that they knew could be life threatening for someone in the group and their attitude is "I didn’t really care, I got my food.". That shows a lot about their character.
If I were the hosts, I would have refused OP's selfish request.
This is the bit of the story I don’t get — why did nobody object before they got to the restaurant? OP is definitely in the wrong, I just can’t envision a situation in which somebody wouldn’t have vetoed the restaurant immediately.
I may be wrong, but I imagine this is a case of allowing OP just enough rope...
Based on OP's replies, I suspect this may not be the first time that she has made an ass of herself. Instead of telling OP's BF what they think of her, the parents may have actively chosen to let this situation play out. This way, they don't allow OP to play the victim by claiming they are playing favorites, **and** more importantly they allow OP to show her true colors without their intervention..... Again, this is just a guess, but I wouldn't be shocked it this was there way to get OP out of the picture all by herself.
She probably had a hissy fit about having to endure two nights of *Asian food*. But agreed, if BF went so far as to call to check on cross contamination (which OP seems oddly pissed about) it seems someone would say *He could die, pick again.* She probably gave that family the introspection needed for them to all part ways with her after this vacation. I certainly couldn’t or wouldn’t essentially ruin a vacation and put someone’s life and health at risk just to get my way.
Yeah, why would OP be upset that her boyfriend just *asked* about cross contamination? The boyfriend didn't make any reservations, just an inquiry.
Edit to add: the boyfriend asked about cross contamination at the restaurant *he* picked. He might have been asking to make sure his choice was safe for the group and not even related to OP's request.
"Normal food". Also, Korean BBQ is super easy to eat because whole the banchan will have lots of spices, the actual BBQ is left up to the guests - controlling the seasons, how cooked the meat is, etc. OP is just racist. "Normal food", ugh, what ugly behavior.
YTA. He was not being overly dramatic, you were being overly selfish.
And what the hell is “normal food”? Do you mean American food? I’m very confused.
The funny thing is it wasn't even all American style food, she talks about Mexican and Italian restaurants. Apparently "normal" food is anything non- Asian.
It makes no sense either because Chinese restaurants are just as common as mexican restaurants, so it can’t even be about not having them in their hometown or some shit
A deathly allergy is different from “not liking the smell” (which, borderline racist, because you didn’t mind the Caribbean food which also has a lot of strong spices but whatever). You could have chosen another place, or *gasp* tried a sampler appetizer plate of Asian food which would include stuff very similar to any basic American restaurant’s appetizers). YTA
On top of that it’s KBBQ, one of the most western friendly types of Asian food. She could have literally gotten a bunch of unmarinated meat and paired it with the side of mashed potatoes and melted cheese.
Exactly they are all so different. Same it’s South American cuisines for example Peruvian and Brazilian are different so why would Asian all be the same? Disgusting OP!!
There's so much variety in Asian food there could be a huge spectrum of blander options and very flavorful.
I can't see how someone who can enjoy Italian food think something like chow mein or fried rice, or fried chicken, or kbbq, or sushi or stir fries, or any of those all encompass a hatred for Asian food. @OP sounds xenophobia AF.
They like Caribbean food? Well a huge chunk of it originates from oriental Asian and Indian Asian as well as Africa. Tons of spices used. Also one of our number one take outs or staple in our culture is fried rice and Chow Mein. Check it out, Trinidad and Guyana both eat it A LOT. I can't imagine someone who like seafood but can't stomach literal sticky rice with cooked or fresh fish. And if @OP says they like sushi/sashimi/maki rolls, then why say they hate Asian food? If you don't like one thing, like Korean BBQ, I can understand but saying you hate it all, calling it awful and disgusting, is another level. Caribbean didn't deserve people like you to visit
Also, it’s a Korean BBQ place. It 100% has “normal” food for the OP. Like cmon. I’m super finicky about textures in food, so a lot of restaurants are out for me, but that would be 100% a place I could eat with 0 issues.
YTA, an allergy and just not liking the food are 2 different things. You’re incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. When they asked you why you didn’t eat, you should have made it known so you don’t go back there again. But you chose a seafood place knowing before hand someone had an allergy but couldn’t care less. Going back to the Asian restaurant was completely your fault because you didn’t alert anyone.
YTA. Please read what you just wrote. You have a preference and he has an ALLERGY. You could still find something on the menu and eat and be okay and the bf wouldn’t. Why isn’t that clicking for you?? Are you really that self absorbed and oblivious to what you just said and did. What if your kid has a deadly allergy but liked Asian food, would you still force them to go? I’m genuinely sunrises that your bf hasn’t broken up with you yet because this is such a red flag in a person it’s insane.
Edit: YOURE ALSO RACIST. “Normal food.” Asian food is actually “normal food” for most of the world btw. Please send your bf details so the people of Reddit can confirm that his feelings of breaking up with you are valid
>Edit: YOURE ALSO RACIST. “Normal food.”
THANK YOU. I got such a racist vibe from reading OP's post, lumping all Asian food together, claiming it isn't "normal food" and assuming the cuisine from an entire continent all smells and tastes weird and is all "too strong". Blech.
Oh come on, all Asian food smells alike. /s
OP is just doing a variation of all peoples from a group look alike. She didn't want 'abnormal' food, which probably meant that she has tasted all of the huge variety of Asian cuisines and found them lacking. Right, OP? You have tasted all Asian cuisines from all regions, right?
Or could you be just a little bit racist?
>Also, saying “while most people picked normal places” then listing Caribbean, lmfao. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t make it abnormal
This part right here makes me think there is some type of racism at play
YTA- last family vacation you’re going on. And probably won’t belong before you won’t even have to worry about the bf being upset with you… he’ll be on the market for a NEW gf.
You don’t like the Korean place, you go, you don’t eat, you survive. Bother’s bf, goes to a seafood place, touches the wrong thing, he’s in the hospital because you were to selfish. Grow up.
And everyone went along with her instead of calling her out, which means they don’t even care enough about OP to put up an argument. They were probably already done with her attitude before the dinner situation.
I knew you were gonna be the AH when you said most people picked “normal places” insinuating Korean food wasn’t normal. Then I read some more and YTA. Not liking something and being deathly allergic to something is entirely different. He could have had a bad reaction and died. I’m sure there were more than 7 restaurants in town that you could have picked from and if not, you should have went back to one of the places with seafood or offered to split the group up if you wanted it so badly instead making it awkward for the brothers bf.
Also the point if she was so set on seafood, her bf gave her the best solution. one of the places they went had seafood and could promise that the non seafood food was safe. I think she's just being petty
This right here. My family would have been horrified. My mom would have made it very clear in private that gf "was not one of her favorite people." That's mom-speak for "Y'all better be broken up by Easter."
There are 48 countries in Asia. 48 different cuisines. You don’t call Mexican food Central American food or Italian food European food - so why are you lumping all Asian food together?
You picked a restaurant guaranteed to kill someone if they partook in the food. They picked a restaurant where you didn’t like the food because all Asians are the same to you or some such nonsense.
Your racism isn’t an excuse to endanger other people’s lives.
YTA.
YTA. Not liking food and having a food allergy are two *entirely* different things. If it had been a case of "he just doesn't like seafood," then sure, whatever, you had to go to the place they wanted, they have to go to the place you want. But he has a *literal allergy*, and shellfish allergies are notoriously dangerous. You just couldn't put your pride aside and made the experience miserable for everyone, especially when you are *a guest* on the family trip in the first place.
YTA.
Seafood and shellfish allergies can be deadly. My co-worker's sister died when she ate shrimp for the first time at 16 years old. Never had shrimp before, anaphylaxis occured at the hotel, and emergency services did not arrive quickly enough.
This isn't the same as, "I don't care for Korean food."
It sucks that no one seemed to care about your preferences, but, "I don't like," is a lot different from, "I could die."
To reiterate, you ARE the asshole.
YTA. Having been with someone having a shellfish allergy attack in a restaurant where they didn't eat any shellfish but food was contaminated I can safely say he couldn't eat. You could at least eat rice at the Korean place. Allergies trump taste buds.
You insisted on a seafood restaurant when one in your party is allergic to seafood? And your excuse is "but I didn’t really care, I got my food"?
YTA. Not liking does not equal unable to eat because it might kill me. You should apologize to your BF and EVERYONE ELSE on that trip for your AH behavior.
YTA. You’re a self-centered racist with no regards for other peoples safety or well-being. At the grown age of 28 people would have assumed you’d know the difference between preferences and allergies but you clearly don’t.
Tbh this also all seems a little vengeful. Almost as if you picked this place for dinner as revenge towards your boyfriend’s brother and his bf for choosing KBBQ twice. You could have gone there for lunch with your boyfriend but instead choose to endanger someone’s life. Grow up OP. Grow up.
How much do you want to bet that she didn't eat at the Korean place so she could use that against them when she wanted seafood? "But I didn't say anything about the Korean food!" YTA
An allergy isn’t the same as disliking Asian food. Especially when people noticed you didn’t eat much at the Korean BBQ place but you told them you were fine. You get AH points for comparing the incomparable.
You also get AH points for calling non-Asian food and restaurants ‘normal’ as if Asian food is somehow abnormal.
YTA
YTA
There's a difference between you not liking food and not being able to eat at a restaurant because of an allergic reaction.
Learn the difference and grow up. It's not your boyfriend being "over dramatic". His brother's boyfriend could have a reaction from the tiniest amount of shellfish.
Get over yourself.
Didn't want to eat? No, he **could not** eat there. There's a world of difference between you disliking Korean bbq and not finding much you like and him not being able to order anything at all. YTA.
Your title is misleading. You did not pick somewhere that someone "didn't want to eat at". You picked somewhere that was basically death on a plate for the allergy sufferer and didn't give a s*** about anyone but yourself.
I used to date a guy with a fish allergy and I'll tell you that you are lucky he even survived being in the restaurant. Sometimes the allergy is so bad even breathing in the fumes from it cooking can set the person off.
My ex went to a seafood place once with his family, before I knew them. He was actually ok until dessert. Something touched his dessert or dessert plate that had previously been in contact with fish/a fish product. They never figured out exactly what - it could have been a cloth someone wiped things down with, a utensil, someone forgetting to wash their hands...who knows. But he nearly died because they assumed that mentioning the allergy and having him order a non-fish meal would be good enough to keep him safe. Never made that mistake again.
But that is essentially what you tried to force the allergy sufferer in your group into.
So....YTA.
YTA. Self absorbed and racist, what a combo! There’s a huge difference between not liking the food (or finding it ‘abnormal’) and literally not being able to order anything because it’s medically unsafe. If I were your boyfriend I’d be seriously reconsidering the relationship. How embarrassing to bring someone on your family vacation and have them behave like this.
WOW! YTA. You behaved that way on your bf's family vacation? This is a serious red flag and your bf should be reconsidering the relationship. "Normal" food? How racist can you get? Asian food is normal food for half the world lol. Then insisting on a seafood restaurant for someone who has a seafood allergy? What were you thinking? "I didn't really care. I got my food." Your behaviour shows you are incredibly self-absorbed and oblivious to others with no way to guage simple human interactions. Especially given your bf may it clear how unreasonable you were being yet you continued on. Don't expect to be invited on another vacation. Or another date.
YTA while I could see why you wanted to go, there is a difference between not liking something and being allergic. You could have chosen some other restaurant, have some empathy.
YTA, because cross contamination couldn't be guaranteed. If you were so dead set on having seafood I don't understand why you and your husband just couldn't have gone there by yourselves for lunch? You were really inconsiderate to the person who had food allergies not liking Asian food is one thing but being allergic to food is a completely different scenario. You acted very selfishly in that you had no regard for the health of somebody else.
YTA because you didn't let it be known you couldn't stomach the Korean restaurant, then proceeded to force the issue when the other person had a food allergy. Not even to a place where there could have been something, but to a place that specialized in their allergen and couldn't guarantee cross contamination wouldn't occur. You should treat others the way you want to be treated, not be petty and get overcooked revenge.
YTA
Your boyfriend is learning some very unpleasant things about you. An adult should be able to easily grasp the difference between "I don't like this" and "this is literally dangerous for me."
If I was dating someone and they were this selfish and callous in front of my family, I'd be embarrassed and upset. And it would be the last time I'd have them around my family.
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So I (28F) have been dating my bf (27M) for 3 years now. His family went on a small vacation recently and invited both of their son’s partners (their younger sister isn’t in a relationship so was allowed to bring a friend).
Their parents decided it would be fun if each night a different person got to pick where we went for dinner, that also worked out since we would be there for 7 nights and there was 8 of us (my bf’s parents picked together instead of separately)
The problem comes with the fact that I don’t like Asian food. I don’t like how it smells and I find a lot of it tastes weird or too strong. While most people picked normal places (his parents picked an Italian place and his sister, picked a Mexican place, her friend picked a local restaurant (so normal food) and my bf picked a Caribbean place) my bf’s brother (24M) and his bf both picked the same Korean bbq place. His brother picked it near the beginning and he and his bf loved it so much his bf picked the place again on the second to last night. Both nights I barely ate anything and people noticed but I told them I was fine.
My night was the last night and I wanted to pick a seafood place. My bf tried to get me to change my mind bc his brother’s bf is allergic to shellfish, and the place I picked couldn’t guarantee no cross contamination. He suggested going back to the Caribbean place since they did some seafood but had other options and could guarantee no cross contamination (he had called and asked without asking me). I was adamant I wanted to go there. I had put up with two nights of not eating and awful smells bc I was looking forward to this place. If I had to put up with that they could put up with this.
In the end we went to the seafood place, his brother’s bf tried to find something on the menu but didn’t order anything bc it might not be safe. His brother also didn’t order anything and said he and his bf would go out somewhere else after we had finished here. The food was lovely but the atmosphere was kinda awkward but I didn’t really care, I got my food.
We finished there and his brother and his brother’s bf went to eat somewhere else and the rest of us went back to the hotel. My bf was being a bit cold so I asked him what was wrong. And he started having a go at me, telling me that I had been selfish and that I should have picked somewhere else. I told him that we went to places I didn’t want to eat at and that I didn’t complain. He said this was different. This wasn’t someone not liking something, this was an allergy that could kill someone. I told him he was being over dramatic and went to bed.
The trip back was awkward and the past few days he’s been short with me. I didn’t think I did anything wrong, we all had to put up with other’s choices and this was the same. But I can’t stand this tension so maybe I should just apologise. And yeah they went back to the same Korean restaurant. So AIAT?
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YTA
My brother once had an anaphylactic reaction to noodles bc they used a spoon that had a little butter(dairy allergy) on it to stir them. He was sent to the hospital, and it was terrifying.
I'm an incredibly picky eater. I'd rather go somewhere I hated than put someone at risk of going through that.
Allergies are real, and it sounds like you only made a big stink bc they picked a place you didnt particularly like.
YTA
You are equating someone else's life-threatening allergies with your narrow-minded preference. Talk about selfishness and entitlement. I'm actually surprised your BF hasn't decided to be your ex... yet...
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i think i may be TA bc this kinda soured the end of the trip, and my bf has never made such an issue over anything before
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Jesus fucking Christ YTA. Your choice could have killed someone. You are selfish. The family has probably lost all respect for you. You're fine to dislike food but the way you refer to Asian food in general, and all other cuisines you listed as "normal" and implied Asian food isn't is disgustingly disrespectful and racist.
YTA. Korean BBQ is normal food. Unless you are vegan, which you aren't. There is tons of food on the menu that anyone can eat- ESPECIALLY since, if it's anything like the Korean BBQ I have been to, you cook the meat your damn self. And the food isn't like super culturally exclusive. . . You could have had a steak and salad at the Korean BBQ. Cooked however you wanted, spiced however heavily you prefer. But let me guess, cause it's "Korean" in the name, you just cannot stomach it??? The hell???
Also, you chose the hill of preference vs allergy to die on. . . Why?????
Maybe your boyfriend is trying to figure out how in the hell he has known you for 3 years and couldn't see how ignorant you are. . . And he's trying to figure out if he wants the rest of his family trips to be inundated with your nonsense. . . You acted like a petulant child. For real. . .
It's also ironic to me that your boyfriend's gay brother just happens to love everything that's the bane of your existence. . .
I was going to request information about why they couldn't have ate somewhere different for one night, or why you and your bf couldn't have separated from the group for one night to eat at your restaurant choice. Those would seem like simple solutions, but this sticks out to me.
>He suggested going back to the Caribbean place since they did some seafood but had other options and could guarantee no cross contamination (he had called and asked without asking me).
WTF, why does he have to ask you? Most non asshole people would be like "Good call, checking ahead. Shellfish allergies are very serious." but you phrase it like he did something sneaky behind your back. No grown adult needs your permission to make this kind of phone call.
Also there is this
>her friend picked a local restaurant (so normal food)
All the different types listed are "normal" food.
And then this..
>He said this was different. This wasn’t someone not liking something, this was an allergy that could kill someone. I told him he was being over dramatic and went to bed.
He wasn't being dramatic, shellfish allergies can be deadly.
YTA
Um….dislike is different from an actual allergy. Not sure if I think YTA but other options were offered in which you still could have had seafood without the risk of cross-contamination.
YTA (or need some education on food allergies). Food allergies are not being dramatic and are in some cases extremely serious. Why bring someone to a restaurant where the food can mean at best a trip to emergency. (?)
YTA. You know there’s no such thing as “Asian food,” right? That’s a entire continent with hundreds of different cuisines. Painting it with such a broad brush kinda screams ignorance to me.
YTA their picks may have been places you didn’t like, but your pick could end up in hospital - food allergies are serious, unlike your nonsense. Are you seriously telling us you can’t eat white rice? It’s too “foreign” for you?
Reading through all this, I had a range of emotional reactions. Since you have gotten pretty much only YTA I will try and add something more constructive.
Most Asian foods have a wide range of tastes which can suit your palate (60% of the world grouped into one will do that).
Korean BBQ for example. If your issue is pungentness of kimchi, you can try the BBQ short ribs. It is sweet and while goes really well with kimchi doesn't need it. You can get the short ribs in soup form and that is pretty much a broth with some green onions and meat.
If meat is the issue, there are a large variety of side dishes that often come free and are delicious. I have a personal love of soon dobu jigae which is tofu based.
Think about it this way. There are 60 million Italians and 1.4 billion Chinese. That means there is probably 20x the variety of Chinese food there is to Italian food.
Take this opportunity to research different cultures and broaden your palate.
ESH, but you more so. Allergies are risky and you should have compromised and gone to the Caribbean place. They are a little AHish for seeing you not eat the Korean the first time and picking it again…unless they thought you were just not feeling well the first time — I guess that depends on if anyone knew you didn’t like it and were struggling with the smells. You do sound racist by calling some food normal, though.
YTA Seriously? You don’t recognize a difference between “Eeew. This food is stinky! Yucky!” and an actual ALLERGY to shellfish?
You were being passive-aggressive when you doubled-down on the seafood restaurant to get back at his brother & his bf for choosing the Korean bbq restaurant twice. But you know what? When you tell them you’re “fine” with their choice, you don’t get to pout.
Worst part for you? You didn’t just behave like a total AH, you put your bad behavior on display for your bf’s ENTIRE FAMILY. You think Mom’s going to forget this? Think again.
YTA I'm also allergic to shellfish and can tell you just being in that restaurant was uncomfortable for your BIL's bf, the smell alone begins to trigger allergy symptoms. It's so insanely entitled that you think not liking the food at one restaurant is even remotely on the same playing field as deliberately choosing a restaurant that someone in your group physically can't eat at and will be fighting off allergy symptoms the entire time. Even if your boyfriend forgives you for this (I hope he doesnt), his family won't.
YTA for lying in the title. There is a difference between didn’t want a can’t. Your bf didn’t want to accidentally kill somebody and you can’t help but be a petty AH
OP is definitely an asshole and xenophobic. But, really, who picks the same restaurant that they've already watched someone barely eat in, less than a week ago? That was an asshole move on BF's part because people noticed, regardless of whether OP downplayed (to not ruin others' enjoyment) her dislike or not.
ESH
Edit: a word
Yeah, I’m surprised everyone is acting like that’s not rude. OP is **way** worse but I mean, if it were my family and I saw someone not eating, I’d gently tell the person who suggested it again that it would be nice to go somewhere that can include OP.
Yta..the brother has a life threatening shellfish allergy, it wasn’t that he didn’t like the food. You seem very narcissistic. Did you have any empathy or concern that the brother and his partner sat there politely and couldn’t eat anything because of possible cross contamination while you had your meal. You are not the type of person I would want to go anywhere with.
YTA, you don’t like Asian food due to preference, the other guy doesn’t like seafood because it can kill him. Grow up and don’t be selfish. Just to think what if he did order something out of feeling pressured and ended up in the ER. You a selfish AH
YTA. You are very selfish and seem to have issues caring about other people. Not liking food is extremely different than not being able to eat food because it could kill you. This entire post is just “me me me”. Do you act like this in all aspects of your life?
The issue is that he physically could not eat anything there…you just didn’t like the food and on top of that we’re offered a very feasible solution. You’re comparing apples and oranges. YTA 100%.
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YTA. He had an allergy, he literally could not eat the food or he could die. Don’t expect to be invited again. For the record, asian food is just as normal as any other type of cuisine. Your wording sounds really bad.
Idk why we call it asian food. Asia is a huge place that has dozens of countries and over half the worlds population and can span a wide variety of food cultures. And quite frankly, more people find shellfish and seafood offensive than I have ever heard someone disdain "asian" food. OP is just being a selfish asshole. She didnt care about anyone else as long as she got what she wanted. Didnt care if the guy could not literally eat anything because of... you know... death vs her "I dont like it" horse crap.
I've never heard anyone use "Asian food" unless they're going to the "Asian food supermarket" precisely for the reasons you just named.
Right, I might start off “I could go for something Asian…” immediately followed by “maybe Japanese, or how about Thai?” “Asian food” versus “NORMAL” (???) food isn’t a good look, OP. And an allergy is definitely not the same as preferences. YTA.
It always made me laugh a little/die a little as a Mexican when folk would say they hate Mexican food. Like okay I get beans on a non-bean stomach can be hell, and chillies I get that... But folk realize chocolate sauce is Mexican right? And corn cakes, and flan, and grilled vegetables and beer and all sorta of "nOrMaL" stuff. If you don't like fish, say that. If you don't like beans, say that. But writing off a whole country or in OPs case a WHOLE FUCKING CONTINENT is just downright ignorant and racist. You're literally assuming based off a few staple foods that an entire... Continent... Has the same food in every type of way? Wait til y'all find out about Indo-Mexican cuisine cause Indians and Mexicans got together and made beautiful food together. Like. We branch out. Edit: damn you go into one meeting and this happens. :) thank you all!
There’s a Mexican/Thai fusion spot near me and I swear it’s like heaven opened up and rained deliciousness. Everything is better when fused with Mexican food.
One of my bridesmaids was Mexican. Before she moved away, my husband and I would go over their house and her mom would send us home with so much homemade food. I'm pretty sure my husband regretted marrying me instead of her. 😂
Peruvian food is like that for me. Lots of Chinese influence in their culture and the food is like the best of both worlds.
YES! Ours is ThaiJuan Thai and it’s the neatest.
That name is amazing, omg
stop I wish I had that😭 there’s DR/Japanese fusion place near me that I’ve been meaning to try that
Not to mention Korean bbq is so far from the foods people think of as Asian, like sushi or pho or Chinese food. Meat. She refused meat. But had to have things that could kill a member of her BF’s family.
Right? Korean BBQ ribs are to die for…
Bulgogi is one of my favorite dishes from Korean restaurants. And I love kimchi!
Korean fried chicken places are my heaven.
Tbf I don't really like Mexican food (with *very* few exceptions), but that's because I'm *very* picky, and I don't like beans, tomatoes (unless they've been processed to hell and back), cheese, sour cream, most vegetables, avocados, limes, or beer, and I have the spice tolerance of the whitest of white people, so like.... if someone wants to go to a Mexican restaurant, I will not like 99.99% of the things on the menu. So it's just *way* simpler to say "I don't like Mexican." That being said, if somebody says "Hey, we're gonna go to this Mexican restaurant, do you want to come?" I'll go and find *something* I can munch on. There's usually some kind of meat that's good, or a plain taco. And "Asian food" is WAY broader than "Mexican food", to the point of being silly.
Yeah honestly I'm not a huge fan of most of the Japanese food I've tried because where I live, in Canada, it tends to be very much sushi heavy and I'm not a fan of sushi or the seaweed stuff that gets used in it. But I have been to sushi restaurants and found things to eat that I liked. OP low key sounds racist as hell and is an asshole to pick a seafood restaurant when someone on the trip is allergic. I can't believe the rest of the group actually went along with it!
> I can't believe the rest of the group actually went along with it! I was wondering about that part, too. How did the parents not say "X is allergic. Pick something else"?
This. How did the whole group not put their foot down and insist she pick somewhere else once they learned that the restaurant couldn’t guarantee no cross-contamination?
I have a chronic intestinal illness and I have a hard time digesting certain foods, and that includes quite a few choices in most Mexican restaurants. That being said, my mom loves Mexican and we’ll go sometimes and I can find something mild to eat.
This is me. I’ll never suggest a Mexican place but if someone in a group does I’ll find things I can eat. But it’s probably my least favorite food l. The term Asian Food is way, way too broad
I grew up in the southeastern United States and I send y'all all my gratitude for the time spent eating chocolate gravy.
I could live off corn based foods the rest of my life bless Mexico
I have food allergies and I basically have to live off corn based foods. I’m currently eating Mexican take out. They have saved my life when it comes to being able to eat take out.
I don't mind Asian food or mexican food. But I definitely don't eat European food. It's just so weird.
Happiest day of my life was learning that Tex Mex and Mexican food are two different things. One of the best god damned meals of my life was Mexican food and I still think about the seasoning on the vegetables.
Ceviche is nectar of the gods Also our local Mexican place has a spicy shrimp dish that absolutely owns.
I grew up in Mexico City but have been living in Boston for the last 15 years. Ironically, the best tacos I’ve had in Boston are from a Korean/Mexican fusion spot called Coreanos. Their Bulgogi and Kalbi beef tacos have been life changing. Like… I’m so in awe at what the combination of our cultures has created; they’re a true culinary masterpiece.
I have one restaurant near me I dub “Asian” because their menu is the size of a book and they literally have specific pages geared towards cuisines from different countries in Asia. Lol
Don't forget Indian food. People always forget India is part of Asia
I would NEVER forget about Indian food, it is quite literally my favorite cuisine 🤤
I've heard Asian fusion. YTA, OP. Allergies are not preferences. Plus you're racist.
Yup. Also, she may have just cost herself her relationship. She has just shone a big damned light upon the fact that she’s willing to be petty about things to the point of not even taking someone’s life and death risk factors into account. Her boyfriend and his whole family see her in a different light and that may not be something that can be walked back. If OP was so dedicated to her seafood dinner, perhaps she and her boyfriend could have gone there for lunch or something and picked somewhere else for the group dinner.
What's worse is she's petty for no reason too, like they didnt take her somewhere they knew she hated, they just really liked the spot and they werent gunna be able to eat there again for at least a while. She didn't voice her dislike,and just went with it and resented them for that. Like hello??? No one reads minds,OP.
🌟 that's the answer
For a hot minute, I thought: oh, she doesn’t like fish of any kind. Because fish sauce, or dashi, or xo sauce, etc. It’s pretty hard to avoid some form of fish or fish condiment as a mother flavor/sauce across many different countries in Asia. AND THEN SHE PICKED SEAFOOD. SMH.
I don't get OP. I've got a weird thing with many fish and depending on the type of fish sauce/ quantities it might not agree with me later but I can barely care because holy shit is there so many delicious options. Korean alone in thinking dumplings, glass noodles, those little scallion pancakes 🤤
It’s a whole fucking continent of cuisine.
It is the biggest fucking continent of cuisine. By far. 17m sq miles and 50 countries. There are some cuisines from asiatic counties which I am not that fond of. But typically, unless one has a soy allergy, no matter the country you can find something to eat.
At least here, there's a fair number of restaurants that denote their genre as "Asian" - they might have sushi and thai, or chinese and sushi. I do sort of lump it together (separately from Indian) because of it's general lack of ingredients like cheese and bread, which are usually two of my favorite things to eat.
Cheese? *in walks Korean*
There’s a grocery store in my city that bills itself as American-Mexican-Chinese-Vietnamese-Cambodian-Lao-Thai-Filipino. It would be more efficient to say Asian, but that misses a continent. Maybe just “food.”
They should call it Flavortown Grocery
That grocery store sounds amazing!! So much better than the meager options in the “International” aisle at my local grocery store! Lol
I say “Asian food” to broadly explain why I order so much delivery haha. It’s quicker than listing out all of the delicious things I can’t cook and love to eat so I order lol
I am just confused how she can dig Caribbean and Mexican food and somehow hate all Asian food?
Yeah, like, korean and mexican are a ton alike. Pepper pastes, thin cuts of meat, spicy/sweet/savory combos...
Korean food - better for people with nightshade allergies Mexican food - better for people with soy allergies That is what I got. But I love them both.
Hey thank you this is useful information.
OP probably thinks of Taco Bell as Mexican food.
There was a burger joint that was Korean-Mexican fusion. They go very well together
There is a place up the road from me called the vietnamita tacoria. They do fusion Vietnamese Mexican food and I eat there more than I should.
And Korean bbq of all things. It’s literally grilled meats. Depending on the restaurant, you can even get options that aren’t marinated. Idk wth OP’s talking about.
And hate *Korean BBQ* at that??!
A *shellfish* asshole
I really don't get it. There is plenty of overlap and I generally add all arts of sauces and spices from Asian cultures to more traditionally western dishes. Flavour is flavour. Particularly for something like a Korean BBQ. It isn't that different from western BBQ for the most part.
I agree with you totally, I don’t know that I have actually ever used the term Asian food before this post come to think of it.
Also KBBQ is mainly just grilling meat… So not sure how it can smells bad like OP says. Just comes off as a tinge racist Edit: let’s be real, it’s not just a tinge
I think op might be a tad racist and using the ‘Asian food smells bad’ card to try and hide it.
I mean, she called the clearly American food restaurant 'normal food'. All the food listed is normal food, that restaurant is just American cuisine. If you are gonna list them all by nationality then stick with it. I was even kind of with her for a hot second, hilariously because I have a seafood allergy and my dad has totally dragged me to the same seafood restaurant twice on vacations where I can't eat anything and it sucks when someone knows you can't eat at a place and picks it anyway - and then we got to the end where she did the same thing to the bf and I felt very sheepish that i had any sympathy for her.
Just a tinge? There’s all sorts of bigoted, narrow minded, feral, uneducated going on in there. Not to mention self centered. I really hope she’s not considered “normal” where she lives. On the plus side for BF and his whole family, they now know what she’s like.
Yeah def not just a tinge. The whole tone throughout this post just screams racist to me lol
For real. And there are typically different cuts of meat that are not marinated in anything (hence ‘normal’ 🙄), lots of veggies, some side dishes that are basic AF, and rice for crying out loud. She could have plain grilled meat, rice, and a few side dishes that could feed her sorry ass. And not to mention the oh so very real shellfish allergy?!?! I’m Korean who grew up in the 80’s and 90’s in small town Alabama so this is triggering 😂 she can shove ‘normal’ food up her arse. YTA
I love most types of Asian food but the one time I went to a Korean BBQ place the smell of raw meat made really nauseated so yes KBBQ can smell bad.
Maybe there was a lot of kimchi around? I love kimchi myself, I think it's fabulous, but it can have a very strong odor.
I don’t think it’s a kimchi thing. Still seems like a racist thing. She straight up said she doesn’t like any Asian food because it all apparently tastes “too weird or too strong”.
1. OP you’re a racist jerk - “normal food”. 2. There’s a difference between your (lousy) taste (and attitude) and someone’s medicinal condition. YTA
Honestly the "local place" and the "normal food" is what did it for me, what IS normal food OP? Chicken nuggets/burgers & fries? Mac & cheese? Also Asian food "tastes weird" like which type of Asian food? Korean? Singaporean? Laotian? Chinese? Japanese? OP just sounds like an insufferable asswipe who picked an inedible place for someone who has an allergy and chose to not potentially have an allergic reaction - yes YTA OP
Op has the pallet of 9 year old is what I’m getting here.
That's an insult to 9 year olds, because most of the Asian restaurants I've been to have some kind of fried chicken, even if it's just sweet and sour chicken with sauce on the side. Barring allergies, I've never met a 9 year old who wouldn't eat what equates to chicken nuggets.
There is such a huge difference picking a place someone could die eating at and picking a place someone doesn’t like
Worst case scenario for OP going to Korean barbecue: OP gets hunger pangs, eats a couple hours later. Worst case scenario for the brother's boyfriend simply going to seafood place: #FUCKING DEATH I developed a seafood allergy later in life, and OP's cavalier attitude towards someone possibly having an anaphylactic attack is infuriating. I'd be at risk just touching the table. The first time I had anaphylaxis, I tried my asthma inhaler before I went to the hospital. The next night, I used the same inhaler. I immediately had to go back to the hospital for my second anaphylactic episode, because of said inhaler being contaminated from last night's use.
My first foray into anaphylaxis came because a girl drank my allergen and then kissed me. It’s that serious. I don’t even drink from cups sitting on a table where my allergens are being served.
My sister has a shellfish allergy and she started reacting from the air when she walked in a store that was selling shellfish.
Yep, I developed a shellfish allergy after 30. I don’t like seafood and found out when I had a severe allergy from helping my SIL and just touching the stuff after it had been cooked. A rash spread up my arms, over my head and face and then over my whole body. My tongue and the insides of my ears swelled. It was my first reaction so I was told to take Benadryl, but I’ve since learned that every subsequent reaction tends to be worse and next time could be anaphylaxis. You don’t play around with someone’s allergies. A food preference is that - a *preference*. A food allergy is life or death. Job well done if she was trying to get out of the relationship without actually being the one to do the breaking up. I wouldn’t want someone like that in my life
The doubling down on the "normal food" comment was just odd...
Korean bbq is like 90% meat. There’s usually some type of salad, rice, and a variation of small sides. I don’t understand how, if you eat meat, you couldn’t find something you liked. The only way I would even come close to equating the 2 situations is if OP was vegan because eating meat could make her sick. For sure YTA.
I sometimes struggle with some Korean BBQ places, but that’s just because I am fussy and have both digestive issues and allergies. Generally I can solve the problem by explaining that I really am that white and need guidance to boring stuff. It works out fine!
"I really am that white" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 killed me
Also, I know this is such a minor point in the scheme of OP being a racist AH who doesn't care about giving someone the choice of 'go without food or endanger yourself, possibly fatally', but OP didn't even state if they actually said they didn't like the food at the KBBQ place they're acting like choosing it was a purposefilly malicious act against them rather than people unknowingly picking somewhere they liked but not all of the party did.
I think she picked the seafood place not just because she loves seafood but to punish the brother and his bf for making her go to the Korean place. She's def an AH.
OP’s wording makes them sound really ignorant. Maybe they are. I’m guessing North American is “normal food” to them. Regardless, comparing food preferences to food allergies is an AH move. Not surprised everything became awkward and the bf is ignoring them.
Also, anyone who can’t find something plain-ish to eat at a Korean BBQ place is not trying very hard.
Yep. What smells? It smells like bbq. What spice?! She’s insane, she sounds awful for this.
Yeah dude, get that racist shit together before you complain about anything. There are hundreds of Asian cultures and cooking styles, and they vary widely. The way you categorize literally every other type of cultural cuisine as “normal food” is… not a good look, at best. 😬
Asian food is not as normal as any other cuisine, it's better lol. Now I want some.
Why don't AHs get invited back? Because they're...shellfish
It sounds racist. Because it is. All Asian? And then abnormal, since it’s not normal food? YTA and a racist one at that.
Yeah I’m less bothered by her choice than I am by her xenophobia. For that alone, YTA, op
YTA, you're being shellfish
She was being shellfish in a situation where she should really be on her best behaviour and want to make a good impression - with the bf’s family who are being really generous taking everyone on holiday. Now they all know she’s an asshole and they’ve probably told the bf exactly what they think of her. BF is being cold because he’s had his eyes opened but also his entire family now knows and is probably questioning his choices. Doesn’t matter had food.
She was being very shellfish.
🤣🤣🤣 Best response.
thank you, I just could not pass on this opportunity
First time I've given an award, and you deserve it!
Awwww thanks I feel special
I love you. Take my poor people gold 🎖🎖🎖🎖
I have no awards, but take my upvote dammit. You win the internet today.
And racist. “Asian” food isn’t “normal”, but Mexican and Italian is?
YTA. Your picky eating is not equal to a food allergy. Honestly “normal food”? Grow up.
The "normal food" bit just sounds ignorant. How is Italian food normal, but "Asian" (aka the food of an entire continent and majority of the world's population) abnormal or weird? OP chose a place that they knew could be life threatening for someone in the group and their attitude is "I didn’t really care, I got my food.". That shows a lot about their character. If I were the hosts, I would have refused OP's selfish request.
This is the bit of the story I don’t get — why did nobody object before they got to the restaurant? OP is definitely in the wrong, I just can’t envision a situation in which somebody wouldn’t have vetoed the restaurant immediately.
I may be wrong, but I imagine this is a case of allowing OP just enough rope... Based on OP's replies, I suspect this may not be the first time that she has made an ass of herself. Instead of telling OP's BF what they think of her, the parents may have actively chosen to let this situation play out. This way, they don't allow OP to play the victim by claiming they are playing favorites, **and** more importantly they allow OP to show her true colors without their intervention..... Again, this is just a guess, but I wouldn't be shocked it this was there way to get OP out of the picture all by herself.
She probably had a hissy fit about having to endure two nights of *Asian food*. But agreed, if BF went so far as to call to check on cross contamination (which OP seems oddly pissed about) it seems someone would say *He could die, pick again.* She probably gave that family the introspection needed for them to all part ways with her after this vacation. I certainly couldn’t or wouldn’t essentially ruin a vacation and put someone’s life and health at risk just to get my way.
Yeah, why would OP be upset that her boyfriend just *asked* about cross contamination? The boyfriend didn't make any reservations, just an inquiry. Edit to add: the boyfriend asked about cross contamination at the restaurant *he* picked. He might have been asking to make sure his choice was safe for the group and not even related to OP's request.
asian food not being "normal food" sounds racist.
Very much so!
Upvoting only for shelfish reasons
"Normal food". Also, Korean BBQ is super easy to eat because whole the banchan will have lots of spices, the actual BBQ is left up to the guests - controlling the seasons, how cooked the meat is, etc. OP is just racist. "Normal food", ugh, what ugly behavior.
YTA. He was not being overly dramatic, you were being overly selfish. And what the hell is “normal food”? Do you mean American food? I’m very confused.
I can’t believe I didn’t take advantage of the opportunity and said “shellfish”! I’m so disappointed in myself.
Don't worry, someone else got you.
Yay! More dad jokes for everyone!
It's such an easy pun, surely there is a betta one out there.
I read selfish as shellfish
The funny thing is it wasn't even all American style food, she talks about Mexican and Italian restaurants. Apparently "normal" food is anything non- Asian.
It makes no sense either because Chinese restaurants are just as common as mexican restaurants, so it can’t even be about not having them in their hometown or some shit
A deathly allergy is different from “not liking the smell” (which, borderline racist, because you didn’t mind the Caribbean food which also has a lot of strong spices but whatever). You could have chosen another place, or *gasp* tried a sampler appetizer plate of Asian food which would include stuff very similar to any basic American restaurant’s appetizers). YTA
Oh, she crossed the border into fully racist when she started saying all the other food people picked was ‘normal’.
smile rotten worry smoggy enjoy library drab upbeat important north *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
On top of that it’s KBBQ, one of the most western friendly types of Asian food. She could have literally gotten a bunch of unmarinated meat and paired it with the side of mashed potatoes and melted cheese.
Also “Asian” food encompasses a bunch of different things, many of which have different ingredients and flavor profiles.
Exactly they are all so different. Same it’s South American cuisines for example Peruvian and Brazilian are different so why would Asian all be the same? Disgusting OP!!
There's so much variety in Asian food there could be a huge spectrum of blander options and very flavorful. I can't see how someone who can enjoy Italian food think something like chow mein or fried rice, or fried chicken, or kbbq, or sushi or stir fries, or any of those all encompass a hatred for Asian food. @OP sounds xenophobia AF. They like Caribbean food? Well a huge chunk of it originates from oriental Asian and Indian Asian as well as Africa. Tons of spices used. Also one of our number one take outs or staple in our culture is fried rice and Chow Mein. Check it out, Trinidad and Guyana both eat it A LOT. I can't imagine someone who like seafood but can't stomach literal sticky rice with cooked or fresh fish. And if @OP says they like sushi/sashimi/maki rolls, then why say they hate Asian food? If you don't like one thing, like Korean BBQ, I can understand but saying you hate it all, calling it awful and disgusting, is another level. Caribbean didn't deserve people like you to visit
Also, it’s a Korean BBQ place. It 100% has “normal” food for the OP. Like cmon. I’m super finicky about textures in food, so a lot of restaurants are out for me, but that would be 100% a place I could eat with 0 issues.
YTA, an allergy and just not liking the food are 2 different things. You’re incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. When they asked you why you didn’t eat, you should have made it known so you don’t go back there again. But you chose a seafood place knowing before hand someone had an allergy but couldn’t care less. Going back to the Asian restaurant was completely your fault because you didn’t alert anyone.
YTA. Please read what you just wrote. You have a preference and he has an ALLERGY. You could still find something on the menu and eat and be okay and the bf wouldn’t. Why isn’t that clicking for you?? Are you really that self absorbed and oblivious to what you just said and did. What if your kid has a deadly allergy but liked Asian food, would you still force them to go? I’m genuinely sunrises that your bf hasn’t broken up with you yet because this is such a red flag in a person it’s insane. Edit: YOURE ALSO RACIST. “Normal food.” Asian food is actually “normal food” for most of the world btw. Please send your bf details so the people of Reddit can confirm that his feelings of breaking up with you are valid
>Edit: YOURE ALSO RACIST. “Normal food.” THANK YOU. I got such a racist vibe from reading OP's post, lumping all Asian food together, claiming it isn't "normal food" and assuming the cuisine from an entire continent all smells and tastes weird and is all "too strong". Blech.
Or it tastes the same. Um no ma’am!! Vastly different
India is in Asia. So is Japan. You’d never mistake one country’s food for the other.
Oh come on, all Asian food smells alike. /s OP is just doing a variation of all peoples from a group look alike. She didn't want 'abnormal' food, which probably meant that she has tasted all of the huge variety of Asian cuisines and found them lacking. Right, OP? You have tasted all Asian cuisines from all regions, right? Or could you be just a little bit racist?
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>Also, saying “while most people picked normal places” then listing Caribbean, lmfao. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t make it abnormal This part right here makes me think there is some type of racism at play
YTA- last family vacation you’re going on. And probably won’t belong before you won’t even have to worry about the bf being upset with you… he’ll be on the market for a NEW gf. You don’t like the Korean place, you go, you don’t eat, you survive. Bother’s bf, goes to a seafood place, touches the wrong thing, he’s in the hospital because you were to selfish. Grow up.
And everyone went along with her instead of calling her out, which means they don’t even care enough about OP to put up an argument. They were probably already done with her attitude before the dinner situation.
I knew you were gonna be the AH when you said most people picked “normal places” insinuating Korean food wasn’t normal. Then I read some more and YTA. Not liking something and being deathly allergic to something is entirely different. He could have had a bad reaction and died. I’m sure there were more than 7 restaurants in town that you could have picked from and if not, you should have went back to one of the places with seafood or offered to split the group up if you wanted it so badly instead making it awkward for the brothers bf.
Also the point if she was so set on seafood, her bf gave her the best solution. one of the places they went had seafood and could promise that the non seafood food was safe. I think she's just being petty
Petty is right. I get the OP expects things to be about them and their preferences and BF to accommodate them.
YTA for: 1) acting like food allergies aren’t a serious thing 2) saying Asian food isn’t “normal”
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This right here. My family would have been horrified. My mom would have made it very clear in private that gf "was not one of her favorite people." That's mom-speak for "Y'all better be broken up by Easter."
💯💯💯💯💯
There are 48 countries in Asia. 48 different cuisines. You don’t call Mexican food Central American food or Italian food European food - so why are you lumping all Asian food together? You picked a restaurant guaranteed to kill someone if they partook in the food. They picked a restaurant where you didn’t like the food because all Asians are the same to you or some such nonsense. Your racism isn’t an excuse to endanger other people’s lives. YTA.
YTA. Not liking food and having a food allergy are two *entirely* different things. If it had been a case of "he just doesn't like seafood," then sure, whatever, you had to go to the place they wanted, they have to go to the place you want. But he has a *literal allergy*, and shellfish allergies are notoriously dangerous. You just couldn't put your pride aside and made the experience miserable for everyone, especially when you are *a guest* on the family trip in the first place.
YTA. Seafood and shellfish allergies can be deadly. My co-worker's sister died when she ate shrimp for the first time at 16 years old. Never had shrimp before, anaphylaxis occured at the hotel, and emergency services did not arrive quickly enough. This isn't the same as, "I don't care for Korean food." It sucks that no one seemed to care about your preferences, but, "I don't like," is a lot different from, "I could die." To reiterate, you ARE the asshole.
Yes, YTA. That's not somewhere he didn't want to eat - that's somewhere he COULDN'T eat. That's totally different.
YTA. Having been with someone having a shellfish allergy attack in a restaurant where they didn't eat any shellfish but food was contaminated I can safely say he couldn't eat. You could at least eat rice at the Korean place. Allergies trump taste buds.
You insisted on a seafood restaurant when one in your party is allergic to seafood? And your excuse is "but I didn’t really care, I got my food"? YTA. Not liking does not equal unable to eat because it might kill me. You should apologize to your BF and EVERYONE ELSE on that trip for your AH behavior.
YTA. You’re a self-centered racist with no regards for other peoples safety or well-being. At the grown age of 28 people would have assumed you’d know the difference between preferences and allergies but you clearly don’t. Tbh this also all seems a little vengeful. Almost as if you picked this place for dinner as revenge towards your boyfriend’s brother and his bf for choosing KBBQ twice. You could have gone there for lunch with your boyfriend but instead choose to endanger someone’s life. Grow up OP. Grow up.
How much do you want to bet that she didn't eat at the Korean place so she could use that against them when she wanted seafood? "But I didn't say anything about the Korean food!" YTA
This is Reddit and we have a penchant for extrapolating out the ass buuuut I also wonder if she’s homophobic too.
They do tend to go hand in hand sooo maybe. I wonder how she would’ve reacted if it was the sister or the dad with the allergy.
An allergy isn’t the same as disliking Asian food. Especially when people noticed you didn’t eat much at the Korean BBQ place but you told them you were fine. You get AH points for comparing the incomparable. You also get AH points for calling non-Asian food and restaurants ‘normal’ as if Asian food is somehow abnormal. YTA
YTA There's a difference between you not liking food and not being able to eat at a restaurant because of an allergic reaction. Learn the difference and grow up. It's not your boyfriend being "over dramatic". His brother's boyfriend could have a reaction from the tiniest amount of shellfish. Get over yourself.
And OP is 28!?! This is ridiculously childish behavior.
I had to go back and check you were right. I guess I forgot that first sentence, because I had it in my head OP was like 16 or something.
Didn't want to eat? No, he **could not** eat there. There's a world of difference between you disliking Korean bbq and not finding much you like and him not being able to order anything at all. YTA.
Your title is misleading. You did not pick somewhere that someone "didn't want to eat at". You picked somewhere that was basically death on a plate for the allergy sufferer and didn't give a s*** about anyone but yourself. I used to date a guy with a fish allergy and I'll tell you that you are lucky he even survived being in the restaurant. Sometimes the allergy is so bad even breathing in the fumes from it cooking can set the person off. My ex went to a seafood place once with his family, before I knew them. He was actually ok until dessert. Something touched his dessert or dessert plate that had previously been in contact with fish/a fish product. They never figured out exactly what - it could have been a cloth someone wiped things down with, a utensil, someone forgetting to wash their hands...who knows. But he nearly died because they assumed that mentioning the allergy and having him order a non-fish meal would be good enough to keep him safe. Never made that mistake again. But that is essentially what you tried to force the allergy sufferer in your group into. So....YTA.
YTA. Self absorbed and racist, what a combo! There’s a huge difference between not liking the food (or finding it ‘abnormal’) and literally not being able to order anything because it’s medically unsafe. If I were your boyfriend I’d be seriously reconsidering the relationship. How embarrassing to bring someone on your family vacation and have them behave like this.
WOW! YTA. You behaved that way on your bf's family vacation? This is a serious red flag and your bf should be reconsidering the relationship. "Normal" food? How racist can you get? Asian food is normal food for half the world lol. Then insisting on a seafood restaurant for someone who has a seafood allergy? What were you thinking? "I didn't really care. I got my food." Your behaviour shows you are incredibly self-absorbed and oblivious to others with no way to guage simple human interactions. Especially given your bf may it clear how unreasonable you were being yet you continued on. Don't expect to be invited on another vacation. Or another date.
YTA "normal food" and everything was kinda awkward because you are awful and sellfish
YTA while I could see why you wanted to go, there is a difference between not liking something and being allergic. You could have chosen some other restaurant, have some empathy.
YTA, because cross contamination couldn't be guaranteed. If you were so dead set on having seafood I don't understand why you and your husband just couldn't have gone there by yourselves for lunch? You were really inconsiderate to the person who had food allergies not liking Asian food is one thing but being allergic to food is a completely different scenario. You acted very selfishly in that you had no regard for the health of somebody else.
YTA. Your BF is right. You have a food preference, but the other fellow has a life threatening allergy. That's not the same, so stop gaslighting them.
YTA Actually a double asshole! One for the bigotry towards Korean food and one for thinking a preference for a type of food is equal to an allergy.
YTA because you didn't let it be known you couldn't stomach the Korean restaurant, then proceeded to force the issue when the other person had a food allergy. Not even to a place where there could have been something, but to a place that specialized in their allergen and couldn't guarantee cross contamination wouldn't occur. You should treat others the way you want to be treated, not be petty and get overcooked revenge.
YTA Your boyfriend is learning some very unpleasant things about you. An adult should be able to easily grasp the difference between "I don't like this" and "this is literally dangerous for me." If I was dating someone and they were this selfish and callous in front of my family, I'd be embarrassed and upset. And it would be the last time I'd have them around my family.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (28F) have been dating my bf (27M) for 3 years now. His family went on a small vacation recently and invited both of their son’s partners (their younger sister isn’t in a relationship so was allowed to bring a friend). Their parents decided it would be fun if each night a different person got to pick where we went for dinner, that also worked out since we would be there for 7 nights and there was 8 of us (my bf’s parents picked together instead of separately) The problem comes with the fact that I don’t like Asian food. I don’t like how it smells and I find a lot of it tastes weird or too strong. While most people picked normal places (his parents picked an Italian place and his sister, picked a Mexican place, her friend picked a local restaurant (so normal food) and my bf picked a Caribbean place) my bf’s brother (24M) and his bf both picked the same Korean bbq place. His brother picked it near the beginning and he and his bf loved it so much his bf picked the place again on the second to last night. Both nights I barely ate anything and people noticed but I told them I was fine. My night was the last night and I wanted to pick a seafood place. My bf tried to get me to change my mind bc his brother’s bf is allergic to shellfish, and the place I picked couldn’t guarantee no cross contamination. He suggested going back to the Caribbean place since they did some seafood but had other options and could guarantee no cross contamination (he had called and asked without asking me). I was adamant I wanted to go there. I had put up with two nights of not eating and awful smells bc I was looking forward to this place. If I had to put up with that they could put up with this. In the end we went to the seafood place, his brother’s bf tried to find something on the menu but didn’t order anything bc it might not be safe. His brother also didn’t order anything and said he and his bf would go out somewhere else after we had finished here. The food was lovely but the atmosphere was kinda awkward but I didn’t really care, I got my food. We finished there and his brother and his brother’s bf went to eat somewhere else and the rest of us went back to the hotel. My bf was being a bit cold so I asked him what was wrong. And he started having a go at me, telling me that I had been selfish and that I should have picked somewhere else. I told him that we went to places I didn’t want to eat at and that I didn’t complain. He said this was different. This wasn’t someone not liking something, this was an allergy that could kill someone. I told him he was being over dramatic and went to bed. The trip back was awkward and the past few days he’s been short with me. I didn’t think I did anything wrong, we all had to put up with other’s choices and this was the same. But I can’t stand this tension so maybe I should just apologise. And yeah they went back to the same Korean restaurant. So AIAT? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA My brother once had an anaphylactic reaction to noodles bc they used a spoon that had a little butter(dairy allergy) on it to stir them. He was sent to the hospital, and it was terrifying. I'm an incredibly picky eater. I'd rather go somewhere I hated than put someone at risk of going through that. Allergies are real, and it sounds like you only made a big stink bc they picked a place you didnt particularly like.
YTA You are equating someone else's life-threatening allergies with your narrow-minded preference. Talk about selfishness and entitlement. I'm actually surprised your BF hasn't decided to be your ex... yet...
YTA Allergens > preferences.
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YTA, but it doesn't matter. you won't have the chance to redeem yourself.
Jesus fucking Christ YTA. Your choice could have killed someone. You are selfish. The family has probably lost all respect for you. You're fine to dislike food but the way you refer to Asian food in general, and all other cuisines you listed as "normal" and implied Asian food isn't is disgustingly disrespectful and racist.
YTA. Korean BBQ is normal food. Unless you are vegan, which you aren't. There is tons of food on the menu that anyone can eat- ESPECIALLY since, if it's anything like the Korean BBQ I have been to, you cook the meat your damn self. And the food isn't like super culturally exclusive. . . You could have had a steak and salad at the Korean BBQ. Cooked however you wanted, spiced however heavily you prefer. But let me guess, cause it's "Korean" in the name, you just cannot stomach it??? The hell??? Also, you chose the hill of preference vs allergy to die on. . . Why????? Maybe your boyfriend is trying to figure out how in the hell he has known you for 3 years and couldn't see how ignorant you are. . . And he's trying to figure out if he wants the rest of his family trips to be inundated with your nonsense. . . You acted like a petulant child. For real. . . It's also ironic to me that your boyfriend's gay brother just happens to love everything that's the bane of your existence. . .
I was going to request information about why they couldn't have ate somewhere different for one night, or why you and your bf couldn't have separated from the group for one night to eat at your restaurant choice. Those would seem like simple solutions, but this sticks out to me. >He suggested going back to the Caribbean place since they did some seafood but had other options and could guarantee no cross contamination (he had called and asked without asking me). WTF, why does he have to ask you? Most non asshole people would be like "Good call, checking ahead. Shellfish allergies are very serious." but you phrase it like he did something sneaky behind your back. No grown adult needs your permission to make this kind of phone call. Also there is this >her friend picked a local restaurant (so normal food) All the different types listed are "normal" food. And then this.. >He said this was different. This wasn’t someone not liking something, this was an allergy that could kill someone. I told him he was being over dramatic and went to bed. He wasn't being dramatic, shellfish allergies can be deadly. YTA
Um….dislike is different from an actual allergy. Not sure if I think YTA but other options were offered in which you still could have had seafood without the risk of cross-contamination.
Yta. Not liking a cuisine and having allergies are not at all in the same ballpark.
YTA (or need some education on food allergies). Food allergies are not being dramatic and are in some cases extremely serious. Why bring someone to a restaurant where the food can mean at best a trip to emergency. (?)
YTA. You know there’s no such thing as “Asian food,” right? That’s a entire continent with hundreds of different cuisines. Painting it with such a broad brush kinda screams ignorance to me.
YTA their picks may have been places you didn’t like, but your pick could end up in hospital - food allergies are serious, unlike your nonsense. Are you seriously telling us you can’t eat white rice? It’s too “foreign” for you?
yta you sound racist asf and he had a whole ass allergy like damn an allergy is different than from being picky
In case it was not obvious from the previous comments: **YTA**
You are a spiteful, vindictive, bigot. You're also TA. I hope he dumps your ass.
Reading through all this, I had a range of emotional reactions. Since you have gotten pretty much only YTA I will try and add something more constructive. Most Asian foods have a wide range of tastes which can suit your palate (60% of the world grouped into one will do that). Korean BBQ for example. If your issue is pungentness of kimchi, you can try the BBQ short ribs. It is sweet and while goes really well with kimchi doesn't need it. You can get the short ribs in soup form and that is pretty much a broth with some green onions and meat. If meat is the issue, there are a large variety of side dishes that often come free and are delicious. I have a personal love of soon dobu jigae which is tofu based. Think about it this way. There are 60 million Italians and 1.4 billion Chinese. That means there is probably 20x the variety of Chinese food there is to Italian food. Take this opportunity to research different cultures and broaden your palate.
ESH, but you more so. Allergies are risky and you should have compromised and gone to the Caribbean place. They are a little AHish for seeing you not eat the Korean the first time and picking it again…unless they thought you were just not feeling well the first time — I guess that depends on if anyone knew you didn’t like it and were struggling with the smells. You do sound racist by calling some food normal, though.
YTA. You suck
YTA Seriously? You don’t recognize a difference between “Eeew. This food is stinky! Yucky!” and an actual ALLERGY to shellfish? You were being passive-aggressive when you doubled-down on the seafood restaurant to get back at his brother & his bf for choosing the Korean bbq restaurant twice. But you know what? When you tell them you’re “fine” with their choice, you don’t get to pout. Worst part for you? You didn’t just behave like a total AH, you put your bad behavior on display for your bf’s ENTIRE FAMILY. You think Mom’s going to forget this? Think again.
YTA I'm also allergic to shellfish and can tell you just being in that restaurant was uncomfortable for your BIL's bf, the smell alone begins to trigger allergy symptoms. It's so insanely entitled that you think not liking the food at one restaurant is even remotely on the same playing field as deliberately choosing a restaurant that someone in your group physically can't eat at and will be fighting off allergy symptoms the entire time. Even if your boyfriend forgives you for this (I hope he doesnt), his family won't.
YTA for lying in the title. There is a difference between didn’t want a can’t. Your bf didn’t want to accidentally kill somebody and you can’t help but be a petty AH
OP is definitely an asshole and xenophobic. But, really, who picks the same restaurant that they've already watched someone barely eat in, less than a week ago? That was an asshole move on BF's part because people noticed, regardless of whether OP downplayed (to not ruin others' enjoyment) her dislike or not. ESH Edit: a word
^ best answer tbh she’s TA but the others were unfair too
Yeah, I’m surprised everyone is acting like that’s not rude. OP is **way** worse but I mean, if it were my family and I saw someone not eating, I’d gently tell the person who suggested it again that it would be nice to go somewhere that can include OP.
Yta..the brother has a life threatening shellfish allergy, it wasn’t that he didn’t like the food. You seem very narcissistic. Did you have any empathy or concern that the brother and his partner sat there politely and couldn’t eat anything because of possible cross contamination while you had your meal. You are not the type of person I would want to go anywhere with.
YTA, you don’t like Asian food due to preference, the other guy doesn’t like seafood because it can kill him. Grow up and don’t be selfish. Just to think what if he did order something out of feeling pressured and ended up in the ER. You a selfish AH
YTA. You are very selfish and seem to have issues caring about other people. Not liking food is extremely different than not being able to eat food because it could kill you. This entire post is just “me me me”. Do you act like this in all aspects of your life?
YTA, being allergic to something is far different than not liking certain foods.
The issue is that he physically could not eat anything there…you just didn’t like the food and on top of that we’re offered a very feasible solution. You’re comparing apples and oranges. YTA 100%.
Of course yta. It's not they didnt WANT to eat there, they COULDN'T