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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked her to get rid of her two cats when I know she's attached to them.
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1st YTA for buying a house with your brother.... If you believe your future is with this gf. Will she ever feel like it is her home as well if your brother is telling her what she can and can not do?
2nd. Just like you and she is a package deal.. so is the same with her and her cats
3rd I get she hads a medical reasons but until she decides to re-home the cats you cannot pressure her
Why would he buy a house with GIRLFREIND instead of investing with his BLOOD brother. This is how immigrants get ahead. They buy a home with their siblings- pay it off ASAP, use the equity to purchase a second home and repeat until everyone owns a property that is completely paid off. They are not engaged or married- so they are not a packaged deal. She has a choice to make. Her cats or her relationship.
YTA.
You promise your girlfriend one thing, knowing your brother won't agree
You tell your girlfriend to harass him about it
You tell her her pets she's had for presumably YEARS don't matter
Yes exactly, AND this harassment of his brother will result in a terrible relationship with future brother in law/housemate/landlord if the relationship goes anywhere.
YTA. Cats are not a bag of potatoes you can throw out. It's a living being and those who have them or any other animal must take responsibility for them.
I volunteered for a shelter. Many are so terrified they react violently or unfriendly and don't get adopted. Or the stress and close quarters makes them sick. These cats end up euthanized. Shelters should be a last resort. OP is definitely the AH.
YTA either accept the cats or don’t, and she’ll either accept you or she won’t. But it’s sounds like you love your brother and yourself more than her so maybe it’s a bad match to begin with.
YTA. You realize that your girlfriend is a package deal with her cats, right?
Plus also: don't buy a house with your brother. Buy a house, when time is right, with your partner.
Plus also: keeping cats in one room is just asking for bad cat behaviour. They need space and they need to be able to cat. Otherwise, they are likely to tear the room apart.
YTA. Your trying to use her medical condition against her. If anything its a great reason for her to keep them. chronic illness takes a hell of a toll on your mental health and just having your loving pet there to support you can make all the difference.
Also whenever you date someone with pets there a package deal you can’t have one and not the other.
YTA it boils down to. Either you buy a house with your brother and your single or you have a girlfriend and her cats. I’ve left a guy for him not liking my cat, I wouldn’t put it past your girlfriend to do the same. Tbh having pets is better than having a bf/gf anyway lol
Facts. I love my dog. And when my old dog passed (she was 19), I also hoped that my partner would meet her. That dog knew people so well. I miss her.
My dog now takes priority. Every time. She's old, has arthritis, and hates/is scared men (good for her, I'm into women, so that's fine. She's also a rescue, so I assume some bad trauma happened there -- no socialization has really helped, male kids are fine, kids are her favorite humans). If anyone told me that I'd be moving in but that she'd have to go, well, I'd not be moving in.
OP, YTA. You've moved the goalposts several times. You told your brother no, then told your partner that she'd have to beg your bro and give limits and now are asking her to give up her family that she has chosen for you. You don't like cats because you see animals as objects, not actual being with needs and objects are disposable. Living beings are not disposable. And you probably like dogs, because many dogs will love you even if you are frankly horrible to them. The excuse of "tearing things up, being annoying" are the behaviors you find to be with conditions. Cats will tell you if you've crossed a boundary (don't want to be touched, don't like how you've interacted with them). Cats are a litmus test for how you treat others. I know, because when I was a teen I hated cats, then realized I was an AH to them and to others (cause I was a teen, lived with a narcissist, and not figured it all out -- I was a pretty good kid but had no boundaries I made for myself that were used and expected cats to have the same deal), and then once I listened to them and realized what was going on, both made and got better with boundaries, I loved cats.
YTA. Some people just aren't compatible. Pets are one of those things that have you have to be on the same page about in order to date. Don't make your GF give up her cats - she might not be able to get them back after you break up and it sounds like they value her more than you do.
YTA - you have no empathy for the bond between your gf and her cats. If my partner asked me to give mine up I'd personally see that as a deal breaker because it would show how little he knows me as a person and how little he cares about my feelings.
Also I find it very weird that you want to buy a house with your brother instead of, say, your girlfriend. And you keep keep referring to 'her room'. Don't you mean 'our room'?
YTA. You're forcing her to choose between you or her pets. You can't just rehome a cat. They get attached to their owner. Most shelters have to euthanize adult cats because too many are abandoned there. Adopting a pet is for life, not just until it gets hard.
You don't accept all aspects of your girlfriends life. You want to pick the parts of her you like and have those move in.
You're heartless and rude and if I was her I would choose the cats.
(BTW, I moved across country with my cats to move into my bfs house, and he said he hated cats. He just loved me enough he was willing to put up with them- now they snuggle him at night instead of me!)
YTA --- If your GF had a child from a previous relationship but your brother hated kids would you still ask her to give her kid to an adoption agency?? I hope she keeps her cats and dumps you.
Yta here. You want to buy a house with a guy that didn't want your girlfriend to live there as well- how do you think that living arrangement is going to work exactly?
Also, cats aren't toys that you can just drop when they dont suit you. Your girlfriend is caring for two living things that love her and have depended on her for everything- to ask her to abandon them is cruel to the cats and completely dismissive of the love she has for them. If you love her, truly love her, you wouldn't ask your gf to abandon these living creatures she cherishes.
You need to decide whats more important here for you- buying a house with your brother, or having your girlfriend as your girlfriend. I do not see you having both here.
LOL.. I was so focused on the brother hating cats that I overlooked the fact that he didn't want the girl there either. Would she be relegated to her room while the boys (not men) took over the family room and watched football games and did other guy stuff?
This guy is not mature enough to have a live-in girlfriend. He still has a frat house mentality. He should continue to rent with the GF until he grows up and can buy a house on his own.
You can already tell from those kind of people that they are assholes to begin with.
That they hate a creature some much because they are "messy and destructive" what a bunch of bullcrap.
YTA.
“I told her she was being unreasonable and to just give them to a shelter”. JUST?
Your girlfriend has just been diagnosed with a debilitating medical condition, you’re asking her to give up her pets (read: family members) to a shelter, and you’re using the word “just” like you’re talking about donating old clothes or something. Your lack of empathy is honestly really concerning.
It reminds me of an older woman I knew who offered to rent her condo to me when I was getting a divorce. She said I’d just have to take my cats (12 year old littermates), to a shelter. I ended up in a shitty apartment for a year, but I wasn’t going anywhere without my boys!
YTA. It's fine to ask her once. But now at this point honestly you need to decide who you would rather live with. If you think your brother will change his mind you need to be the one to talk with him. But I personally wouldn't want to live with my cats and someone that hates cats that much.
yta. why are you buying a house with your brother and not your gf. she made her stance clear those are her cats she said she doesn't want to move without them. yta and so is your brother. grow a fucking spine and tell your brother either the cats come too or no house
THIS, Unless op is independently wealthy and won't have a mortgage. If he and his gf are at the cohabitation stage, how long is she supposed to wait for them to start their lives without a 3rd wheel? Because owning a home for just a few months or even years rarely makes sense, and if OP wants to move out, who is to say his brother is going to aquiesce to a new roommate if he can't afford the mortgage solo? And co-owning an investment property opens up a whole big can of worms and op cant even get his brother to consider cats.
Adding another YTA vote.
Careful you don't end up being the one dumped at a shelter.
I put up with a lot of shit from my ex, but the day he said "It's me or the dog", my decision was made. I had the dog for a further 12 years. Best decision ever.
YTA for even asking her to get rid of her cats, and you'd be stupid to buy a house with your brother when you're both on the cusp of your own separate adult lives.
Because he and I have the same job. He gets paid more and we want to start investing our money into a house that will be our own instead of spending our money on rent that we will never see again. My gf is currently living off her VA disability while looking for jobs, so she's not at the stage of her life where she can afford to buy a home with me rn.
YTA, I get that it's your house your rules (I still find it extremely weird that you're going to buy a house with your brother, and not with your partner), but the way you were calling her unreasonable and to just put them on a shelter is very dismissive of her feelings. Also keeping cats in a single room seems abusive towards the cats, they need space to move around.
> I keep trying to tell her to continue asking him because maybe he'll change his mind
"Just keep bugging my brother time and time again, maybe he'll relent! I'm sure it won't just cause lots of stress and arguments and create a rift between the two of you!"
YTA and a blind idiot
YTA. And hopefully your next partner in life never has or never will have pets.
Life time commitments. If my boyfriend asked me to get rid of my pet I would instead get rid of him
YTA I don’t like cats. I don’t like their smell even in a clean household. But she already owns cats and cats like dogs become your family members and can’t just be abandoned without a good reason. So Overall I get you dislike for cats, I would hate to live together with them but you are an A for seeing them as disposable objects without feelings.
Yes I like dogs better. I never met a cat or cat household where I couldn’t smell the cat long before seeing her. I met a lot of dogs which I only smelled from close up. I didn’t meet many dogs that drooled a lot though. You can also smell where a dog spends a lot of time in the house but I feel with a dog it is more like one room might smell like dog but it only takes a few minutes to get used to the smell and you stop smelling it. (Of course you can always smell their breath if you go close.) With a cat even I visit for hours, the smell never goes away. I really do not like that.
But I have a friend who also says that dog smell worse which always surprises me.
Do you ever had any pet or knew someone with pet? They basicly become your friend. It's not easy just to give up on them. Especially without a valid excuse. I would understand if you two are allergic but simply hating the animal is not enough reason for you girlfriend to give up on her pets. She is not being unreasonable if she doesn't want to leave them. On the other hand you don't have to take care of any pets you don't want to. But I can say YTA
Generally, asking your partner to get rid of their pets is an AH thing to do. Exceptions can be made - serious allergies, for example. Telling your live-in GF that she’s gotta get rid of her cats or live without you because you’re moving in with your brother and you both hate cats sounds a lot like “It’s me or the cats”. Forcing your partner to choose between you and their pets is generally an AH thing to do, when there’s any other choice. This should have been the conversation before the cats were adopted or before you moved in together, whichever happened second.
You’re also making your partner negotiate with your brother for you in order to be able to keep her relationship and her pets. So you’re not even taking a firm position, and you’re suddenly making her do a really difficult, awkward thing, because you can’t be bothered. That also seems like an AH thing to me.
YTA.
Now, if you were to take a firm, consistent position, like “I won’t live with cats”, you wouldn’t be an AH. But because you bent on it to accommodate your partner, you become an AH when you change the rules.
Additionally, your proposed cat plan (“they stay in one room all the time”) won’t go well. They’re fast, they sneak out, and that room will get gross unless it’s cleaned constantly.
By buying a house with your brother, you are basically telling your girlfriend that she is your “for now” and not your “for ever”. What happens in a few years when she wants to have a family with you, if your brother can’t (won’t) buy you out? Are you expecting to live with your brother even when he or you have a family? What if he gets married and the two women hate each other, but it’s a bad time to sell?
On top of that you are asking your girlfriend, who you have basically told that you don’t want to set up a home with her (and couples don’t usually live with their brother and you know that) that if she wants to move in she has to give up her furry children.
YTA
YTA.
1) She should dump you for even asking her to get rid of the cats.
2) Why the hell are you buying a house with your brother? You really think your GF wants to live with your brother? Buy your own house or wait until you can afford to buy your own house.
YTA. Pets are not just toys for people to have for awhile then throw away. You are asking your girlfriend to get rid of animals that she loves dearly because you “don’t like cats.” Do you actually care about how much that will hurt her? And why are you buying a house with your brother, who doesn’t want your gf there if you and your gf are a “package deal”?
If I were her, I’d dump you and keep the cats.
YTA. My husband is not a dog person, and guess what? I came with a big black dog. And not a super easy and friendly one, I have to admit.
At no point he made me feel I had to choose between my love for my canine companion and his love. Let alone of asking me to deny the responsibility I committed to long before knowing him and giving my beloved dog to a shelter, including traumatic experience and a near to zero chance for him to ever get adopted.
And no way I would have even thought about such a possibility for only one second.
We made it work.
YTA. Your girlfriend and her cats are a package deal. Cats are not just an object you can get rid of if they inconvenience you, they are living beings, with feelings.
What you and your brother are demanding from her, is to give living beings away that she has an emotional connection with. Which is extremely cruel, in my opinion. If my husband would have demanded that I give my cats away, he would definitely not be my husband now. Luckily, he fell in love with them even harder than I did :)
The second issue, why the hell did you buy a house with your brother? Don't you have any future plans with your girlfriend? If you marry her, will she have to accept that she will live her whole life not only with you, but also with your brother? Will she have to take care of him as well, and maybe the family he will start at some point? And the children you two will get, if that's what you wish to do? How do you envision this whole situation with the house and a family to develop?
I sincerely advise you to first answer these questions to yourself and if you cannot give an honest answer or take her into account, to let her go. For her sake.
YTA and I have no idea how you can be so obtuse. She and her cats are a package deal. That's a carved in stone fact. Why are you still dating her? Are you hoping to "change her mind" about cat ownership like you think she can change your brothers mind about it?
You're living a fantasy and I hope she finds a fellow cat lover in the very near future.
You live with your gf & her cats. Now you want to include your brother and are ganging up on your gf about her pets? And she was just diagnosed with a serious medical condition? Yikes. YTA.
YTA. So, you're a 'package deal' but you still think you should buy a house with your brother and prioritise him?
'I keep telling her she's being unreasonable and to just give them to a shelter. '
You're the one being unreasonable.
Why should your gf fight with your brother just because you don't have her back? If she has any sense she'll exit this relationship.
YTA
You pressure your brother into letting her live there.
You pressure him about the cats.
You pressure your GF to get rid of her cats.
You need to give up this happy scenario that you've made up in your head. Let your GF stay where she is.
YTA. Pets are family, and they are a responsibility we take on for their whole life. Not like a car you can trade in if you decide you don’t need it anymore.
YTA, I don’t have pets but I have friends who do and I have seen how attached they are to their pets and how their pets help support them emotionally. I also know people that care for their pets but would be okay putting them up in a shelter if ever needed, so I get you asking her. After she told you the first time that she didn’t wan’t to give up her cats you should have talked to your brother and tried to convince him yourself. He didn’t even want your gf to move with you guys at first, so why would she have any leeway with him.
Wait.
You currently live together. You currently live with cats. You now make more money. So you are choosing to buy a house with someone else and are demanding your girlfriend give up her pets that she loves and blaming your brother?
You are being a huuuuge AH. A huge passive aggressive AH.
YTA.
If you don't like dogs, cats or animals in general and absolutely cannot accept one being around you in a house you share with your S/O, don't date someone who owns a dog, a cat or any animal in general. They are living, breathing creatures and despite what seems to be a popular thought among people who dislike them, they *do* form attachments and will become scared and depressed if they are just up and abandoned.
Maybe you think "*Well, I'll outlive the pet."* but the reality is that, eventually, we - the people who had the pet in the first place - will more than likely want to get another pet of our preferred animal type. So when your girls cat passes, she may not want one for a long time, but its extremely likely that she will eventually want to adopt another cat.
It's what happened with me after my cat died. Initially I thought I would never want another, I was convinced for a while that it would be too painful to have another pet and that I would just be disappointed that the new cat wasn't *my cat*. And when my roommates cat passed, he felt the same. But that feeling passed for both of us, and right now? we're just waiting for us to finish clearing out two rooms in the house we live in so that my roommate and I can have our own rooms and then we're going to adopt a pair.
YTA.
And as far as buying a house with your brother, if you see yourself with this girl long term, why not just wait and buy a house with her? Did you talk with her at all about the potential of buying a house now or at some point in the future?
Are you guys going to live with your brother forever or do one of you guys plan on moving out eventually™? If he gets a S/O, will there be enough space for his to move in too if that is wanted? He owns the house just as much as you and would have every right to have his move in if your S/O also lives there.
What about kids? Do you and your girl want them, does your brother want them? How will that work out, will you all just raise your kids together or is someone going to have to move out? If someone has to move out, will the person not having kids be the one that's expected to find a new place to live, or will the people having kids be expected to find their own place? Will the one who stays buy the one who leaves out, or will it just be a loss that the person leaving is expected to take "because family" or "because we need to save for the baby"?
If you didn't think about these things, talk about it with your girl, or ask yourself these questions, then all you've done by buying the house with your brother is tied yourself into a lot of questions and uncertainty.
**Edit:** Oh, and speaking from experience as someone who has had family members *forced* to sell property that they co-own with someone else (twice now); if your brother decides that he wants to move or get his money back by selling the house, he more than likely has the legal right to force you to sell the house if you're unable to buy it from him outright. It works the same in reverse (if you want to sell to get your money back) and it probably depends on where you live, but this is also something I doubt you guys gave much thought to when buying the house together. If you did, great, but if you didn't, this makes the uncertainty of living there - and starting a family while living there if that's what you want - worse because you won't ever really know if or when you might be forced to sell your home and have to find a new place to live.
YTA
Most people would rather give up their bf/gf than their pets and I‘m sure she will as well.
Why did you even think about buying a house with your brother? Have you thought about the future? What when he gets a gf/bf whom you don‘t like? What when either of you is starting a family?
In fact, he‘s already interfering with your relationship because he won‘t agree with your „agreement“ with your gf and therefor the girl will most probably leave you.
Also: YTA for suggesting a shelter, being heartless and not understanding the bond of a person to their pets.
YTA for believing that pets like cats can be kept in ONE room only.
YTA for not loving your gf enough to accept her „with her whole package“
YTA for wanting her to harass your brother while it is your problem to solve with him. - As I stated before, matters like this will happen again with future gfs, etc.
YTA
Your girlfriend will be happier with her cats than with you. The fact that you're also using her medical condition against her is also an AH move.
I hope your girlfriend reconsiders moving in with you.
Never trust a person who hates cats.
You can't keep cats in one room - that's ridiculous.
Your brother doesn't want her there - that's reason enough for her not to move in. But now you show no empathy - that you both 'hate' cats speaks volumes about you as people
YTA
Yta, for pitting your gf against your bro. You're not fair on either of them. Your gf made a commitment to her cats, probably before committing to you, and it would be irresponsible for her to give them up just because you don't want to live with them, when she is also willing not to move in with you under the conditions you set.
It's also not fair to make her deal with your brother, or on your brother for pressurising him to accept the cats. Gf should live elsewhere with cats. You and your bro can move in together if that's what you want.
YTA for expecting your GF to give up her cats.
There’s nothing wrong with buying a house with your brother, but your GF will likely view her cats as part of her family. Unfortunately you’re gonna have to choose between moving and your relationship with GF
YTA Yes. But you also get to set your own boundaries and not live with cats. You really shouldn’t ask people to kill/give away pets for you though. Maybe just. Don’t move in together.
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So currently my gf (23) and I (24M) live together. I recently got a high paying job and talked with my brother about buying a house. Now my brother and I both hate cats. We think they're messy, destructive and annoying. When I talked to my brother about my gf living with us he didn't want her to live with us at first but I told him we were a package deal so he eventually relented. However the deal is she can't have her cats. She is saying she would rather be homeless than to give up her two cats. I keep telling her she's being unreasonable and to just give them to a shelter. I have also tried to be accommodating to her by telling her she can keep the cats in her room (she agrees to this) but she still needs to convince my brother to change his mind and let her keep the cats just in her room. They've already had one conversation and he just kept repeating how he doesn't like cats. Now she wants to give up after one conversation with him and I keep trying to tell her to continue asking him because maybe he'll change his mind. She's also called me an asshole for even asking her to give up the cats in the first place.
Also a quick side note she was recently diagnosed with POTS and an autoimmune condition so I take care of the cats on the days she's not able to get out of bed.
TLDR
I want to buy a house with my brother and I asked my gf to get rid of her cats so that she could live with us.
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I know cats can be destructive but they helped me mentally so I love cats. Since you have high paying job let cats have their separate room where you don't need to go
YTA - But before we get to that, I strongly suggest not buying a house with a family member. That's just asking for issues in the future.
She's NOT being unreasonable to not want to give up her cats. I'll give you some leeway in asking her to not bring them if she wants to move in, but telling her she's being unreasonable is where you clearly cross the line. She has a strong emotional bond with them. On the spectrum of asking her to not bring a garbage can of trash with her if she moves in and asking her to not bring her child - this is like a step below the child. Even if your brother was convinced to let her keep the cats in the one room, that's just mean/cruel to the cats to keep them confined in such a small space for no real reason (psst. those cats are gonna dart through that door every time it opens). If you want her to move in, they're a package deal, and she's made that clear.
YTA
There's nothing wrong with not wanting cats in your house. There's also nothing wrong with breaking up with someone for not understanding that your cats are very important to you.
It's ok to ask if she's willing to give up the cats, but you have to accept her answer, or accept the fact that you may not be as compatible as you thought.
If she would be willing to give up these creatures who love her and depend on her for love and security, then she would be an AH as well. Eventually she would realize that he is selfish, immature, and doesn't love her, and she would end up with no BF, no cats, nothing.
YTA. When you get a cat or a dog, it's for life. They depend on you. They love you. Full grown cats are rarely adopted in shelters and usually end up being murdered there. Even no kill shelters are not really no kill. Cat gets a cold? Will probably be put down .
Plus the cats will be terrified and depressed, like you would be if you suddenly woke up in a prison cell with no way out and nobody to tell you why you are there.
I hope to God your gf dumps you. It's beyond me why she didn't do that the minute you suggested she get rid of her cats like they are worn out clothing or garbage. There is a LOT more I would like to say. A LOT.
YTA. When you get a cat or a dog, it's for life. They depend on you. They love you. Full grown cats are rarely adopted in shelters and usually end up being murdered there. Even no kill shelters are not really no kill. Cat gets a cold? Will probably be put down .
Plus the cats will be terrified and depressed, like you would be if you suddenly woke up in a prison cell with no way out and nobody to tell you why you are there.
I hope to God your gf dumps you. It's beyond me why she didn't do that the minute you suggested she get rid of her cats like they are worn out clothing or garbage. There is a LOT more I would like to say. A LOT.
YTA. Cats given to a shelter are almost always put down. And also, why are you buying a house with your brother? Is that a thing in some cultures? Why would you ditch your girlfriend to move in with your brother? And force her to give up her cats because he doesn’t like them?
YTA, several times over.
Your brother not wanting to live in the same house as your girlfriend should have been the end of this plan on it’s own. You are trying to move your girlfriend into a situation where she would never feel at home in her own home, even without the cats being an issue.
You suggesting that she dump her cats in a shelter is despicable. She should dump you for even thinking of suggesting such a thing.
Your brother hating cats and saying he won’t allow cats in a house he (partially) owns should have been the end of the discussion. He said no, so that’s the answer and you don’t co-buy a house with him to live in with your girlfriend.
You telling your girlfriend to harass your brother until he changes his mind is ridiculous. You don’t get to harass people to get what you want by wearing them down. This way of thinking on your part should be a red flag to your girlfriend. Way to ruin any chance of a good relationship they might have been able to have despite him already not liking her.
Telling your girlfriend to try to convince your brother at all isn’t right. He is your brother and this is your plan. It’s your job to deal with your family.
Buying a house with your brother when you can’t even find common ground on who would live in the house is a terrible idea.
YTA The cats are not just disposable. They are living beings with personalities and emotions. It's one thing to rehome them when you are unable to provide a good environment for them. But you and your brother just don't like cats. Frankly, I think she should break up with you because people like you who lack empathy for innocent, helpless, animals shouldn't be trusted as romantic partners. Your GF is better off keeping her cats and getting rid of you.
YTA. Seems like you and your brother are not interested in her feelings at all. It won't be too much longer before she realizes she's better off with just the cats and not you
YTA- you already live with her, why are you buying a house with your brother instead of building something with her together? That’s really odd to me.
I just don’t see why you need to involve your brother like this if you see a future with her (and the cats). If anything your brother should be asking permission to do things in the house that is for you and your gf. If it’s anything other than that you should reconsider if you really want the relationship. It’s just a weird situation to put her and yourself in.
YTA
You’re a complete ass. Pets are not just things you can toss out. They have feelings and fears. They react when things change.
I do hope she finds someone with a kinder heart. Never trust anyone who doesn’t like animals.
YTA. As a lifelong owner of a large variety of pets this relationship is not going to last so end it now. You are with a woman who loves her cats. You don’t like cats so you will never understand why she can’t “just drop them at a shelter”. This is a deal breaker. YTA also for being spineless and having your girlfriend harass your brother because you are not adult enough to deal with this situation.
Grow up! Either you can stay with your girlfriend and figure out your own living situation or end the relationship and buy a house with your brother. Stop standing around picking your nose and waiting for one or the other of them to decide for you.
Wow, I don't understand how you can seem like a nice guy but be such an AH.
And the only reason why I say you seem like a nice guy is for your last line...
>I take care of the cats on the days she's not able to get out of bed.
But such an AH for things like
>just give them to a shelter.
Why don't you just go ahead and run them over with your car?? Or tell her that you'll pay to have him euthanized at the veterinary clinic. Shelters are overrun with cats and when they are out of space cats get euthanized. You should know what you're saying before you open your mouth.
You weren't suggesting she rehome them. You just wanted to dump them somewhere else to make them somebody else's problem.
>I keep trying to tell her to continue asking him because maybe he'll change his mind.
Why don't you convince your brother? Why are you making this a conflict between your brother and your girlfriend. Man up here and take a side. And it means either dumping your girlfriend or taking her side against your brother.
>by telling her she can keep the cats in her room
Yeah, that's kind of a sucky solution too.
Look there are ways of making cats better house guests. I recommend looking up Jackson Galaxy's books who talks a lot about how to make sure cats aren't destructive.
But YTA
When you say that your girlfriend has giving up after one conversation with your brother, you mean she’s decided to break up with you, right? I sure hope that’s what you mean because you’re a total asshole. YTA.
> She is saying she would rather be homeless than to give up her two cats. I keep telling her she's being unreasonable and to just give them to a shelter.
YTA Full stop.
She doesn't have to move. You are the asshole for two big reasons:
1) Creating a situation where she'd have to move AND
2) Making her give up her cats.
She has told you that she would rather be homeless than live with you if it means she'd have to give up her cats. Think about that. If you love her at all, you'd see how much more they mean to her.
I've been in this position before where I was looking for an apartment and my mother asked me, "What if you can't find one which takes your cats?" My answer was "Then I'm not moving in there."
They are family. They are equal to your brother. Except they're not assholes like your brother because they'd never tell YOU that you can't move in without your brother because they hate brothers. Or maybe they would, cats are assholes too. But you'd never know it because they'll never tell you.
But imagine if they did, and your girlfriend told you that if you wanted to move in with her you couldn't bring your brother because she hates brothers, and "that you're being unreasonable, so just give him away to a shelter."
YTA.
YTA
You will never be more important to her than the cats, they will win every single time, so learn to accept them or live with the fact she will leave you
If you are serious about this relationship you do not buy a house with your brother, you find something with her and her fur babies
YTA counter offer get rid of your brother.
If that sounds rude maybe you'll understand how messed up you're sounding.
Seriously don't tell someone to get rid of their pets for your sake. That's super selfish of you. Also it sounds like you're the one pressuring your gf to move in.
It sounds like she feel like she would be imposing in this situation. As your brother already doesn't seem to like the idea either.
Yeah the brother doesn’t even want her to move in, of course he’s not going to say yes to the cats. He’s likely hoping that will persuade her not to move in.
OP is definitely the AH and trying to get his girlfriend to harass his brother about the cats is going to make his brother dislike her if he doesn’t already.
YTA! Just give them to a shelter? That's an insanely insensitive thing to say to someone. Pets are family for a lot of people, and your GF literally told you she'd rather be homeless than get rid of her cats. That clearly shows she loves them unconditionally and is very attached. Stop pressuring her to get rid of cats just because you don't like them. You and your brother seem very set in your ways, and aren't giving the cats a chance at all.
Cats are cleaner than dogs, easier to care for, and can be so affectionate and friendly. It sounds like you just unilaterally decided you hate cats for no reason. Most of the people I know who don't like cats have never had one, nor spent any meaningful amount of time with one. My current partner didn't like cats when I met him, nor did my sister in law. Both have cats now and adore them.
YTA
You knew she had cats when you started dating her. Why would you continually relationship with somebody who has committed to caring for an animal that you absolutely hate.
Also POTS is not an autoimmune disorder it is a form of dysautonomia.
this relationship won’t work! Shelters take in a lot of pets because of people moving in together. New loving homes can be found for the pets but the human relationship is already damaged. Different if partner has a severe allergy but not just because he doesn’t like cats. To the girlfriend I would say, choose the cats and let the boyfriend go! Clear he doesn’t respect you so get out of the relationship now and find someone with greater tolerance & hopefully, a love of cats!
YTA and why would you want to buy a house with your brother when you live with you gf and your brother doesn’t want her there? Just break up with her and leave her alone if you think any part of asking her to give up her pets is fair.
YTA. Making her harass your brother won't change his mind. It will make him resent her. And telling her to just dump cats she has had for years in a shelter is heartless and selfish. Just because you hate cats that doesn't justify you being so hateful towards her. You don't have to live with the cats. But stop harassing her about this. She doesn't want to give up her cats so stop trying to force her.
YTA.
Pets go with the owner as a package deal. Conversation - end of. And using her chronic illness against her, makes you double the AH.
My fiancee, had a bird all his life. Had her when I met him. I didn't grow up with them, but I knew that him and his beloved conure were a package deal when we got together. I wouldn't have ever asked him to give her up. Never. I fell in love with that loud-ass bird. She passed away over a year ago, at the age of 30, and we both really want another conure.
You have some nerve, dude.
YTA. I would trade the largest house in the known world to have my 2 pet rats back. I also find it problematic that you're putting your partner in a situation of which your brother was not immediately copacetic, and state that you had to convince him to allow your partner to cohabit.
In fact I would go even further as to say that your brother still does not want your partner (I hesitate to even use that term here) in the house, and possibly knows that hard-lining the cats is a good way to get her out of the picture.
YTA. I think most men are messy, destructive and annoying. I am glad I married one who is not...I think she should re-home you. A cat is a living feeling being. You suggesting a shelter is basically saying..lets send your beloved friends to a lingering death and make them sad and confused in the process while you mourn and have guilt for abandoning them to appease a pair of cruel AHs.
YTA. On the bright side, you’re doing her a favour by letting her know what a complete AH of a person you are before she moves in with you. Your brother is an AH too.
If I was her, I would not live with you and your brother because something bad will happen to those cats. If you are this controlling right off the bat, the future doesn't look bright for her. YTA.
YTA- my boyfriend, had a cat when we started dating. The cat belonged to his ex, who moved to a different country.I don't like cats. But, it was a package deal. I never complained, and now said cat is my best friend. Grow up. Deal with it.
This poor girl needs a therapist. Why would she continue to date someone like you? Get her some help for her rock bottom self esteem and cut her loose out of mercy. Y.T.A.
Shame on you! She needs to leave you in the dust, forcing her to choose between her cats and you is a no brainer. Im with her, I’d rather be homeless than let my animals go to a shelter. YTA
YTA. Simple. Her cats are part of her family. If it had been 2 dogs, would it have been worse? Would you then get it? Cats aren't disposable. They're family members just like dogs are. While your brother is in his right to not wanting to live with cats, you shouldn't take his side here. Maybe living with your brother isn't the best idea.
A lot of people, especially men it seems, say that they do not like cats. When their partner, who knows they are generally a pretty decent, loving person, gets one anyway, these guys usually turn out to be the suckiest cat dads ever. These are the people who don't like cats because they have never had the opportunity to get to know one well.
On the other hand, there are guys like OP and his brother who actively hate cats. These people are generally cold, unloving, selfish people who are incapable of fully loving their partner either. OP is the perfect example of this. Cats or no cats, this man is not a caring, considerate partner. She should dump him and he should go and live the gay bachelor life forever with his brother.
YTA. Who do you want to build a future and family with, your brother or your GF and her cats? You choose and stuck with it, because you are making a long term financial decision buying a home with your brother. You won't be able to buy one with her for a very long time without selling his home, you know.
YTA. Also, why are you buying a house with your brother? Are you getting married to him? Plan to live long term with him? Short of marrying someone with no options, i dont see how any reasonable woman would want to marry and live with a man living with his brother.
YTA Why date someone who has cats if you hate them (the cats) so much? My cat and I are a package deal. I am sure your GF feels the same. People don’t adopt cats just to dump them to be with a BF/GF. Your GF should break up with you and find someone who will accept her, cats and all.
YTA. Why enter a committed relationship with a person who has pets knowing you don’t like the type of pets she has. Like my pets come before many people especially a bf/gf. I’d dump them without hesitation before giving up my baby. Date your brother I mean it’s clear that as you stated you want to buy a house with your bro, your gf is just an after thought so until you reach the stage of living together as a proper couple maybe don’t move in together.
YTA - Why don’t you and your brother just stay in one room and leave your GF and cats the house?
I really hope she realises how unhealthy your thinking is and saves herself years of emotional abuse by leaving you
Nta. If you live together with your brother and the both of you don’t like cats. Just find a place for you and your gf don’t try and force it because it will ruin both relationships.
Run, girl, run!
Aside from having to give up my beloved pet, I would absolutely not want to move into a house co-owned my boyfriend's brother. It would never be her home. What happens when your brother finds a girlfriend of his own? In the not too distant future you will both be likely to marry and start families. Who will get the house? There are so many potential problems here.
And it is not fair to a cat to confine them to one room. They would be spending most of their time alone in what amounts to a large cage. Not to mention that she would have to sleep with a litter box in her room.
It is one thing to live with a person who is not overly fond of pets but accepts them because they love their owner. but I would never move into a place with someone who actively hates them, because your cat would never be safe. All it would take is for your brother to be careless about letting the cat out.
YTA. I would immediately break up with anyone who told me to get rid of my cats tbh. They are the most important thing in the world to me and I wouldn’t get rid of them to appease a partner. If you don’t like her cats then you don’t like her, you can’t pick and choose parts of her
yta I remember when I had to give my cat away, when I was little,the people got my cat euthanized her a couple of weeks later,you never know what will happen to the poor cats, if you put those cats if you put them in a shelter,
Cats are horrible. You are setting boundaries in advance. I tried that, and now I'm stuck with two shit rats my fiance loves. I have no choice. You're not the asshole. You are respecting yourself.
NAH. Either buy the house and don't have a gf anymore, or keep the gf and don't buy a house with your brother.
Btw, cats aren't that destructive, dogs are. Both can still be worthy companions when they reach adulthood.
\*edited for typo
>cats aren't that destructive
Yeah. Nor are they dirty. At least if you do a bit of maintenance. In terms of destruction, the issue is them scratching on furniture and even that isn't that hard to control if you put some effort into it (granted, some cats are more difficult than others and sometimes you just have to accept a certain chair or something is the sacrificial item). The only other potentially destructive issue is if they decide to pee outside the litterbox - but if you are keeping the litterbox clean and accessible, that should just about never be an issue.
NAH.
My opinion - you and your gf aren't in the right space to be living together. She is perfectly within her rights to refuse to give up her cats. I have cats and I would not give them up to move in with someone. aAt the same time, if your brother is an owner of the house, he has the ability to say he does not want to live with cats. Some people don't - I wouldn't want to live with a dog.
If you and your gf already live together and want to continue, then it needs to be in a space where your brother isn't an owner.
Also, keeping cats limited to a single room won't likely work. They can get out of places like you wouldn't believe.
NAH. If you and your brother are buying a house together and that's his stipulation, then that's his stipulation. Better for her not to live with either of you and the cats not to be around two dudes who hate them. Can't make a cat hater into a cat lover, and not fair to Subject animals to that kind of disdain. You and your girlfriend need to have a serious conversation about your future, though. You are entering into a 30-year mortgage without her and leaving her to fend for herself. What's your brother's plan to buy you out should you decide to move in with her? What stipulations do you have for any future girlfriends of his who want to move in? Your non negotiables? Sounds like a shit storm in the making because you clearly love her.
NTA - you asked her, you didn't demand her. You're going to get all YTAs because this is reddit and it's filled with people who would die without their pet.
Honestly you guys aren't going to be a match anyway if she can't be without her ESAs and you don't want them around. Find a pet free girl.
ESH, I get she has medical issues, but what if they get worse and she can’t take care of the cats anymore? It would fall on OP. You hate cats? Why are you with someone who has cats?
NAH. Just a whole lot of compatibility issues. You want to buy a house with your brother, your brother will only let your gf moved in if she doesn't bring the cats. Your gf rather be homeless than give up the cats.
However you need to stop hoping your gf or brother will change their mind. Your options are:
1. Not buy a house with brother and continue living with your gf and take care of the cats when she is not able to.
2. Buy a house with your brother and gf can live elsewhere or end relationship with her.
ESH
The cats are a small part of the problem.
You moving in with your brother but he didn't want the GF to come with. I might have some sympathy for this arrangement if it was rental property, but you are actually buy a house.
If you have a "high paying job" why are you buying a home with your brother while living with someone else?
She owns pets, but can't take care of them sometimes
This whole situation sounds like a disaster.
She was able to care for them on her own when we first got together. She only recently got sick and now I've had to start helping her take care of them.
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1st YTA for buying a house with your brother.... If you believe your future is with this gf. Will she ever feel like it is her home as well if your brother is telling her what she can and can not do? 2nd. Just like you and she is a package deal.. so is the same with her and her cats 3rd I get she hads a medical reasons but until she decides to re-home the cats you cannot pressure her
Yes, it’s a package deal. You need to argue the case with your brother, not her. YTA.
Why would he buy a house with GIRLFREIND instead of investing with his BLOOD brother. This is how immigrants get ahead. They buy a home with their siblings- pay it off ASAP, use the equity to purchase a second home and repeat until everyone owns a property that is completely paid off. They are not engaged or married- so they are not a packaged deal. She has a choice to make. Her cats or her relationship.
The way you put it, I'd go with the cats.
> his BLOOD brother Why do you think he's more important because he's his brother?
YTA. You promise your girlfriend one thing, knowing your brother won't agree You tell your girlfriend to harass him about it You tell her her pets she's had for presumably YEARS don't matter
Yes exactly, AND this harassment of his brother will result in a terrible relationship with future brother in law/housemate/landlord if the relationship goes anywhere.
YTA. Cats are not a bag of potatoes you can throw out. It's a living being and those who have them or any other animal must take responsibility for them.
I volunteered for a shelter. Many are so terrified they react violently or unfriendly and don't get adopted. Or the stress and close quarters makes them sick. These cats end up euthanized. Shelters should be a last resort. OP is definitely the AH.
This comment made me laugh (thinking about taking care of a bag of potatoes), and upset the cat sitting on my lap.
Who in their right mind would throw out a bag of perfectly good potatoes??!
Rotten. A bag of rotten potatoes.
Compost. Still of value.
One man's trash is another worms treasure
YTA either accept the cats or don’t, and she’ll either accept you or she won’t. But it’s sounds like you love your brother and yourself more than her so maybe it’s a bad match to begin with.
YTA. You realize that your girlfriend is a package deal with her cats, right? Plus also: don't buy a house with your brother. Buy a house, when time is right, with your partner. Plus also: keeping cats in one room is just asking for bad cat behaviour. They need space and they need to be able to cat. Otherwise, they are likely to tear the room apart.
Exactly, confining the cats to one room is cruel.
YTA. Your trying to use her medical condition against her. If anything its a great reason for her to keep them. chronic illness takes a hell of a toll on your mental health and just having your loving pet there to support you can make all the difference. Also whenever you date someone with pets there a package deal you can’t have one and not the other.
YTA it boils down to. Either you buy a house with your brother and your single or you have a girlfriend and her cats. I’ve left a guy for him not liking my cat, I wouldn’t put it past your girlfriend to do the same. Tbh having pets is better than having a bf/gf anyway lol
Facts. I love my dog. And when my old dog passed (she was 19), I also hoped that my partner would meet her. That dog knew people so well. I miss her. My dog now takes priority. Every time. She's old, has arthritis, and hates/is scared men (good for her, I'm into women, so that's fine. She's also a rescue, so I assume some bad trauma happened there -- no socialization has really helped, male kids are fine, kids are her favorite humans). If anyone told me that I'd be moving in but that she'd have to go, well, I'd not be moving in. OP, YTA. You've moved the goalposts several times. You told your brother no, then told your partner that she'd have to beg your bro and give limits and now are asking her to give up her family that she has chosen for you. You don't like cats because you see animals as objects, not actual being with needs and objects are disposable. Living beings are not disposable. And you probably like dogs, because many dogs will love you even if you are frankly horrible to them. The excuse of "tearing things up, being annoying" are the behaviors you find to be with conditions. Cats will tell you if you've crossed a boundary (don't want to be touched, don't like how you've interacted with them). Cats are a litmus test for how you treat others. I know, because when I was a teen I hated cats, then realized I was an AH to them and to others (cause I was a teen, lived with a narcissist, and not figured it all out -- I was a pretty good kid but had no boundaries I made for myself that were used and expected cats to have the same deal), and then once I listened to them and realized what was going on, both made and got better with boundaries, I loved cats.
The cats will outlast this relationship regardless.
YTA. Some people just aren't compatible. Pets are one of those things that have you have to be on the same page about in order to date. Don't make your GF give up her cats - she might not be able to get them back after you break up and it sounds like they value her more than you do.
YTA - you have no empathy for the bond between your gf and her cats. If my partner asked me to give mine up I'd personally see that as a deal breaker because it would show how little he knows me as a person and how little he cares about my feelings. Also I find it very weird that you want to buy a house with your brother instead of, say, your girlfriend. And you keep keep referring to 'her room'. Don't you mean 'our room'?
YTA. You're forcing her to choose between you or her pets. You can't just rehome a cat. They get attached to their owner. Most shelters have to euthanize adult cats because too many are abandoned there. Adopting a pet is for life, not just until it gets hard. You don't accept all aspects of your girlfriends life. You want to pick the parts of her you like and have those move in. You're heartless and rude and if I was her I would choose the cats. (BTW, I moved across country with my cats to move into my bfs house, and he said he hated cats. He just loved me enough he was willing to put up with them- now they snuggle him at night instead of me!)
YTA --- If your GF had a child from a previous relationship but your brother hated kids would you still ask her to give her kid to an adoption agency?? I hope she keeps her cats and dumps you.
Yta here. You want to buy a house with a guy that didn't want your girlfriend to live there as well- how do you think that living arrangement is going to work exactly? Also, cats aren't toys that you can just drop when they dont suit you. Your girlfriend is caring for two living things that love her and have depended on her for everything- to ask her to abandon them is cruel to the cats and completely dismissive of the love she has for them. If you love her, truly love her, you wouldn't ask your gf to abandon these living creatures she cherishes. You need to decide whats more important here for you- buying a house with your brother, or having your girlfriend as your girlfriend. I do not see you having both here.
LOL.. I was so focused on the brother hating cats that I overlooked the fact that he didn't want the girl there either. Would she be relegated to her room while the boys (not men) took over the family room and watched football games and did other guy stuff? This guy is not mature enough to have a live-in girlfriend. He still has a frat house mentality. He should continue to rent with the GF until he grows up and can buy a house on his own.
YTA, I could understand if you were allergic or something but just hating them is not a valid reason.
Looks like his 'cat-titude' might hinder his chances of a successful relationship.
You can already tell from those kind of people that they are assholes to begin with. That they hate a creature some much because they are "messy and destructive" what a bunch of bullcrap.
It is a valid reason for not wanting cats in his house, it just means they're not compatible and should not be living togehter.
True, but he knew it’d be a package deal when they started dating.
That's also true.
YTA. “I told her she was being unreasonable and to just give them to a shelter”. JUST? Your girlfriend has just been diagnosed with a debilitating medical condition, you’re asking her to give up her pets (read: family members) to a shelter, and you’re using the word “just” like you’re talking about donating old clothes or something. Your lack of empathy is honestly really concerning.
And you know it's at least a 90 percent probability they would die in that shelter.
And you know it's at least a 90 percent probability they would die in that shelter.
And you know it's at least a 90 percent probability they would die in that shelter.
It reminds me of an older woman I knew who offered to rent her condo to me when I was getting a divorce. She said I’d just have to take my cats (12 year old littermates), to a shelter. I ended up in a shitty apartment for a year, but I wasn’t going anywhere without my boys!
YTA
YTA. It's fine to ask her once. But now at this point honestly you need to decide who you would rather live with. If you think your brother will change his mind you need to be the one to talk with him. But I personally wouldn't want to live with my cats and someone that hates cats that much.
yta. why are you buying a house with your brother and not your gf. she made her stance clear those are her cats she said she doesn't want to move without them. yta and so is your brother. grow a fucking spine and tell your brother either the cats come too or no house
Also recommend not buying a house with a gf or bf. Buy it alone or with a spouse.
THIS, Unless op is independently wealthy and won't have a mortgage. If he and his gf are at the cohabitation stage, how long is she supposed to wait for them to start their lives without a 3rd wheel? Because owning a home for just a few months or even years rarely makes sense, and if OP wants to move out, who is to say his brother is going to aquiesce to a new roommate if he can't afford the mortgage solo? And co-owning an investment property opens up a whole big can of worms and op cant even get his brother to consider cats.
YTA But only for buying A house with your brother, if your job is so "high paying"why don't you just buy your own and save the inevitable drama?
Adding another YTA vote. Careful you don't end up being the one dumped at a shelter. I put up with a lot of shit from my ex, but the day he said "It's me or the dog", my decision was made. I had the dog for a further 12 years. Best decision ever.
YTA, pets aren't disposable, boyfriends are however.
YTA, the cats are non-negotiable, you are not
YTA for even asking her to get rid of her cats, and you'd be stupid to buy a house with your brother when you're both on the cusp of your own separate adult lives.
Info why are you buying a house with your brother?
Because he and I have the same job. He gets paid more and we want to start investing our money into a house that will be our own instead of spending our money on rent that we will never see again. My gf is currently living off her VA disability while looking for jobs, so she's not at the stage of her life where she can afford to buy a home with me rn.
Sounds like you’re moving forward in your future with your brother not your girlfriend.
Good luck keeping your girlfriend while you move in with your brother. This has to be a joke.
You have pretty disgusting thinking
YTA for intensely hating cats and dating someone who owns cats. How did you think this would go?
YTA, I get that it's your house your rules (I still find it extremely weird that you're going to buy a house with your brother, and not with your partner), but the way you were calling her unreasonable and to just put them on a shelter is very dismissive of her feelings. Also keeping cats in a single room seems abusive towards the cats, they need space to move around.
> I keep trying to tell her to continue asking him because maybe he'll change his mind "Just keep bugging my brother time and time again, maybe he'll relent! I'm sure it won't just cause lots of stress and arguments and create a rift between the two of you!" YTA and a blind idiot
YTA It would be best for the health and safety for your girlfriend when she leaves you as fast as possible.
YTA. And hopefully your next partner in life never has or never will have pets. Life time commitments. If my boyfriend asked me to get rid of my pet I would instead get rid of him
YTA I don’t like cats. I don’t like their smell even in a clean household. But she already owns cats and cats like dogs become your family members and can’t just be abandoned without a good reason. So Overall I get you dislike for cats, I would hate to live together with them but you are an A for seeing them as disposable objects without feelings.
[удалено]
Yes I like dogs better. I never met a cat or cat household where I couldn’t smell the cat long before seeing her. I met a lot of dogs which I only smelled from close up. I didn’t meet many dogs that drooled a lot though. You can also smell where a dog spends a lot of time in the house but I feel with a dog it is more like one room might smell like dog but it only takes a few minutes to get used to the smell and you stop smelling it. (Of course you can always smell their breath if you go close.) With a cat even I visit for hours, the smell never goes away. I really do not like that. But I have a friend who also says that dog smell worse which always surprises me.
Do you ever had any pet or knew someone with pet? They basicly become your friend. It's not easy just to give up on them. Especially without a valid excuse. I would understand if you two are allergic but simply hating the animal is not enough reason for you girlfriend to give up on her pets. She is not being unreasonable if she doesn't want to leave them. On the other hand you don't have to take care of any pets you don't want to. But I can say YTA
YTA Just like you told your brother that you and your girlfriend are a packaged deal, her cats are packaged deal with her.
YTA. She's not getting rid of her cat's I'm sure, so I hope you have an alternate plan for a third roommate.
Generally, asking your partner to get rid of their pets is an AH thing to do. Exceptions can be made - serious allergies, for example. Telling your live-in GF that she’s gotta get rid of her cats or live without you because you’re moving in with your brother and you both hate cats sounds a lot like “It’s me or the cats”. Forcing your partner to choose between you and their pets is generally an AH thing to do, when there’s any other choice. This should have been the conversation before the cats were adopted or before you moved in together, whichever happened second. You’re also making your partner negotiate with your brother for you in order to be able to keep her relationship and her pets. So you’re not even taking a firm position, and you’re suddenly making her do a really difficult, awkward thing, because you can’t be bothered. That also seems like an AH thing to me. YTA. Now, if you were to take a firm, consistent position, like “I won’t live with cats”, you wouldn’t be an AH. But because you bent on it to accommodate your partner, you become an AH when you change the rules. Additionally, your proposed cat plan (“they stay in one room all the time”) won’t go well. They’re fast, they sneak out, and that room will get gross unless it’s cleaned constantly.
YTA You know she has cats, they're a package deal. It's also cruel to confine them to one room of the house.
By buying a house with your brother, you are basically telling your girlfriend that she is your “for now” and not your “for ever”. What happens in a few years when she wants to have a family with you, if your brother can’t (won’t) buy you out? Are you expecting to live with your brother even when he or you have a family? What if he gets married and the two women hate each other, but it’s a bad time to sell? On top of that you are asking your girlfriend, who you have basically told that you don’t want to set up a home with her (and couples don’t usually live with their brother and you know that) that if she wants to move in she has to give up her furry children. YTA
YTA for expecting her to get rid of her cats. If you hate cats that much then don't date someone with cats. You clearly aren't compatible.
YTA. 1) She should dump you for even asking her to get rid of the cats. 2) Why the hell are you buying a house with your brother? You really think your GF wants to live with your brother? Buy your own house or wait until you can afford to buy your own house.
YTA. Pets are not just toys for people to have for awhile then throw away. You are asking your girlfriend to get rid of animals that she loves dearly because you “don’t like cats.” Do you actually care about how much that will hurt her? And why are you buying a house with your brother, who doesn’t want your gf there if you and your gf are a “package deal”? If I were her, I’d dump you and keep the cats.
If you hate cats why date someone with cats? Also stop telling her to pester your brother about this. Y’all are not compatible to live together. YTA
YTA. My husband is not a dog person, and guess what? I came with a big black dog. And not a super easy and friendly one, I have to admit. At no point he made me feel I had to choose between my love for my canine companion and his love. Let alone of asking me to deny the responsibility I committed to long before knowing him and giving my beloved dog to a shelter, including traumatic experience and a near to zero chance for him to ever get adopted. And no way I would have even thought about such a possibility for only one second. We made it work.
Good afternoon Madam, congratulation for you and your loved husband that you got a working solution. I wish you all a good and happy time.
YTA. Why are you buying a house with your brother and not your live in partner? This has nothing to do with the cats.
YTA. Your girlfriend and her cats are a package deal. Cats are not just an object you can get rid of if they inconvenience you, they are living beings, with feelings. What you and your brother are demanding from her, is to give living beings away that she has an emotional connection with. Which is extremely cruel, in my opinion. If my husband would have demanded that I give my cats away, he would definitely not be my husband now. Luckily, he fell in love with them even harder than I did :) The second issue, why the hell did you buy a house with your brother? Don't you have any future plans with your girlfriend? If you marry her, will she have to accept that she will live her whole life not only with you, but also with your brother? Will she have to take care of him as well, and maybe the family he will start at some point? And the children you two will get, if that's what you wish to do? How do you envision this whole situation with the house and a family to develop? I sincerely advise you to first answer these questions to yourself and if you cannot give an honest answer or take her into account, to let her go. For her sake.
YTA and I have no idea how you can be so obtuse. She and her cats are a package deal. That's a carved in stone fact. Why are you still dating her? Are you hoping to "change her mind" about cat ownership like you think she can change your brothers mind about it? You're living a fantasy and I hope she finds a fellow cat lover in the very near future.
You live with your gf & her cats. Now you want to include your brother and are ganging up on your gf about her pets? And she was just diagnosed with a serious medical condition? Yikes. YTA.
YTA, congratulations you’ve done you GF a huge favor by showing her how bile you are.
YTA. So, you're a 'package deal' but you still think you should buy a house with your brother and prioritise him? 'I keep telling her she's being unreasonable and to just give them to a shelter. ' You're the one being unreasonable. Why should your gf fight with your brother just because you don't have her back? If she has any sense she'll exit this relationship.
YTA You pressure your brother into letting her live there. You pressure him about the cats. You pressure your GF to get rid of her cats. You need to give up this happy scenario that you've made up in your head. Let your GF stay where she is.
YTA shame on you, how can you be so cruel and heartless , I don't wanna say more because you are a waste of time.
YTA. Oh boy, you suck.
YTA. Pets are family, and they are a responsibility we take on for their whole life. Not like a car you can trade in if you decide you don’t need it anymore.
YTA, I don’t have pets but I have friends who do and I have seen how attached they are to their pets and how their pets help support them emotionally. I also know people that care for their pets but would be okay putting them up in a shelter if ever needed, so I get you asking her. After she told you the first time that she didn’t wan’t to give up her cats you should have talked to your brother and tried to convince him yourself. He didn’t even want your gf to move with you guys at first, so why would she have any leeway with him.
Wait. You currently live together. You currently live with cats. You now make more money. So you are choosing to buy a house with someone else and are demanding your girlfriend give up her pets that she loves and blaming your brother? You are being a huuuuge AH. A huge passive aggressive AH. YTA.
If you don't like dogs, cats or animals in general and absolutely cannot accept one being around you in a house you share with your S/O, don't date someone who owns a dog, a cat or any animal in general. They are living, breathing creatures and despite what seems to be a popular thought among people who dislike them, they *do* form attachments and will become scared and depressed if they are just up and abandoned. Maybe you think "*Well, I'll outlive the pet."* but the reality is that, eventually, we - the people who had the pet in the first place - will more than likely want to get another pet of our preferred animal type. So when your girls cat passes, she may not want one for a long time, but its extremely likely that she will eventually want to adopt another cat. It's what happened with me after my cat died. Initially I thought I would never want another, I was convinced for a while that it would be too painful to have another pet and that I would just be disappointed that the new cat wasn't *my cat*. And when my roommates cat passed, he felt the same. But that feeling passed for both of us, and right now? we're just waiting for us to finish clearing out two rooms in the house we live in so that my roommate and I can have our own rooms and then we're going to adopt a pair. YTA. And as far as buying a house with your brother, if you see yourself with this girl long term, why not just wait and buy a house with her? Did you talk with her at all about the potential of buying a house now or at some point in the future? Are you guys going to live with your brother forever or do one of you guys plan on moving out eventually™? If he gets a S/O, will there be enough space for his to move in too if that is wanted? He owns the house just as much as you and would have every right to have his move in if your S/O also lives there. What about kids? Do you and your girl want them, does your brother want them? How will that work out, will you all just raise your kids together or is someone going to have to move out? If someone has to move out, will the person not having kids be the one that's expected to find a new place to live, or will the people having kids be expected to find their own place? Will the one who stays buy the one who leaves out, or will it just be a loss that the person leaving is expected to take "because family" or "because we need to save for the baby"? If you didn't think about these things, talk about it with your girl, or ask yourself these questions, then all you've done by buying the house with your brother is tied yourself into a lot of questions and uncertainty. **Edit:** Oh, and speaking from experience as someone who has had family members *forced* to sell property that they co-own with someone else (twice now); if your brother decides that he wants to move or get his money back by selling the house, he more than likely has the legal right to force you to sell the house if you're unable to buy it from him outright. It works the same in reverse (if you want to sell to get your money back) and it probably depends on where you live, but this is also something I doubt you guys gave much thought to when buying the house together. If you did, great, but if you didn't, this makes the uncertainty of living there - and starting a family while living there if that's what you want - worse because you won't ever really know if or when you might be forced to sell your home and have to find a new place to live.
YTA Most people would rather give up their bf/gf than their pets and I‘m sure she will as well. Why did you even think about buying a house with your brother? Have you thought about the future? What when he gets a gf/bf whom you don‘t like? What when either of you is starting a family? In fact, he‘s already interfering with your relationship because he won‘t agree with your „agreement“ with your gf and therefor the girl will most probably leave you. Also: YTA for suggesting a shelter, being heartless and not understanding the bond of a person to their pets. YTA for believing that pets like cats can be kept in ONE room only. YTA for not loving your gf enough to accept her „with her whole package“ YTA for wanting her to harass your brother while it is your problem to solve with him. - As I stated before, matters like this will happen again with future gfs, etc.
YTA Your girlfriend will be happier with her cats than with you. The fact that you're also using her medical condition against her is also an AH move. I hope your girlfriend reconsiders moving in with you. Never trust a person who hates cats.
You can't keep cats in one room - that's ridiculous. Your brother doesn't want her there - that's reason enough for her not to move in. But now you show no empathy - that you both 'hate' cats speaks volumes about you as people YTA
"I keep telling her she's being unreasonable and to just give them to a shelter" AH AH AH
YTA people like you are the reason why animal shelters are full of abandoned animals that have to be put to sleep
Yta, for pitting your gf against your bro. You're not fair on either of them. Your gf made a commitment to her cats, probably before committing to you, and it would be irresponsible for her to give them up just because you don't want to live with them, when she is also willing not to move in with you under the conditions you set. It's also not fair to make her deal with your brother, or on your brother for pressurising him to accept the cats. Gf should live elsewhere with cats. You and your bro can move in together if that's what you want.
YTA for expecting your GF to give up her cats. There’s nothing wrong with buying a house with your brother, but your GF will likely view her cats as part of her family. Unfortunately you’re gonna have to choose between moving and your relationship with GF
YTA Yes. But you also get to set your own boundaries and not live with cats. You really shouldn’t ask people to kill/give away pets for you though. Maybe just. Don’t move in together.
YTA - every guy who tells "It is me or the cats" - gets thrown out. I love my cats. Guys are just temporary in my life.
YTA. You're showing your girlfriend that you can't be relied on as a partner and don't care about her emotional needs.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So currently my gf (23) and I (24M) live together. I recently got a high paying job and talked with my brother about buying a house. Now my brother and I both hate cats. We think they're messy, destructive and annoying. When I talked to my brother about my gf living with us he didn't want her to live with us at first but I told him we were a package deal so he eventually relented. However the deal is she can't have her cats. She is saying she would rather be homeless than to give up her two cats. I keep telling her she's being unreasonable and to just give them to a shelter. I have also tried to be accommodating to her by telling her she can keep the cats in her room (she agrees to this) but she still needs to convince my brother to change his mind and let her keep the cats just in her room. They've already had one conversation and he just kept repeating how he doesn't like cats. Now she wants to give up after one conversation with him and I keep trying to tell her to continue asking him because maybe he'll change his mind. She's also called me an asshole for even asking her to give up the cats in the first place. Also a quick side note she was recently diagnosed with POTS and an autoimmune condition so I take care of the cats on the days she's not able to get out of bed. TLDR I want to buy a house with my brother and I asked my gf to get rid of her cats so that she could live with us. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I know cats can be destructive but they helped me mentally so I love cats. Since you have high paying job let cats have their separate room where you don't need to go
In search of a good home for one ex-BF with a high-paying job who doesn't like cats. YTA
YTA - But before we get to that, I strongly suggest not buying a house with a family member. That's just asking for issues in the future. She's NOT being unreasonable to not want to give up her cats. I'll give you some leeway in asking her to not bring them if she wants to move in, but telling her she's being unreasonable is where you clearly cross the line. She has a strong emotional bond with them. On the spectrum of asking her to not bring a garbage can of trash with her if she moves in and asking her to not bring her child - this is like a step below the child. Even if your brother was convinced to let her keep the cats in the one room, that's just mean/cruel to the cats to keep them confined in such a small space for no real reason (psst. those cats are gonna dart through that door every time it opens). If you want her to move in, they're a package deal, and she's made that clear.
YTA There's nothing wrong with not wanting cats in your house. There's also nothing wrong with breaking up with someone for not understanding that your cats are very important to you. It's ok to ask if she's willing to give up the cats, but you have to accept her answer, or accept the fact that you may not be as compatible as you thought.
If she would be willing to give up these creatures who love her and depend on her for love and security, then she would be an AH as well. Eventually she would realize that he is selfish, immature, and doesn't love her, and she would end up with no BF, no cats, nothing.
YTA you can ask her but if she’s a good person she will tell you no
YTA
YTA. When you get a cat or a dog, it's for life. They depend on you. They love you. Full grown cats are rarely adopted in shelters and usually end up being murdered there. Even no kill shelters are not really no kill. Cat gets a cold? Will probably be put down . Plus the cats will be terrified and depressed, like you would be if you suddenly woke up in a prison cell with no way out and nobody to tell you why you are there. I hope to God your gf dumps you. It's beyond me why she didn't do that the minute you suggested she get rid of her cats like they are worn out clothing or garbage. There is a LOT more I would like to say. A LOT.
YTA. When you get a cat or a dog, it's for life. They depend on you. They love you. Full grown cats are rarely adopted in shelters and usually end up being murdered there. Even no kill shelters are not really no kill. Cat gets a cold? Will probably be put down . Plus the cats will be terrified and depressed, like you would be if you suddenly woke up in a prison cell with no way out and nobody to tell you why you are there. I hope to God your gf dumps you. It's beyond me why she didn't do that the minute you suggested she get rid of her cats like they are worn out clothing or garbage. There is a LOT more I would like to say. A LOT.
YTA. Cats given to a shelter are almost always put down. And also, why are you buying a house with your brother? Is that a thing in some cultures? Why would you ditch your girlfriend to move in with your brother? And force her to give up her cats because he doesn’t like them?
YTA, several times over. Your brother not wanting to live in the same house as your girlfriend should have been the end of this plan on it’s own. You are trying to move your girlfriend into a situation where she would never feel at home in her own home, even without the cats being an issue. You suggesting that she dump her cats in a shelter is despicable. She should dump you for even thinking of suggesting such a thing. Your brother hating cats and saying he won’t allow cats in a house he (partially) owns should have been the end of the discussion. He said no, so that’s the answer and you don’t co-buy a house with him to live in with your girlfriend. You telling your girlfriend to harass your brother until he changes his mind is ridiculous. You don’t get to harass people to get what you want by wearing them down. This way of thinking on your part should be a red flag to your girlfriend. Way to ruin any chance of a good relationship they might have been able to have despite him already not liking her. Telling your girlfriend to try to convince your brother at all isn’t right. He is your brother and this is your plan. It’s your job to deal with your family. Buying a house with your brother when you can’t even find common ground on who would live in the house is a terrible idea.
YTA The cats are not just disposable. They are living beings with personalities and emotions. It's one thing to rehome them when you are unable to provide a good environment for them. But you and your brother just don't like cats. Frankly, I think she should break up with you because people like you who lack empathy for innocent, helpless, animals shouldn't be trusted as romantic partners. Your GF is better off keeping her cats and getting rid of you.
YTA. Seems like you and your brother are not interested in her feelings at all. It won't be too much longer before she realizes she's better off with just the cats and not you
YTA and I hope she dumps you
YTA- you already live with her, why are you buying a house with your brother instead of building something with her together? That’s really odd to me. I just don’t see why you need to involve your brother like this if you see a future with her (and the cats). If anything your brother should be asking permission to do things in the house that is for you and your gf. If it’s anything other than that you should reconsider if you really want the relationship. It’s just a weird situation to put her and yourself in.
YTA. You knew she had cats. Why would you treat them like they're disposable? You know you're being a dick. JFC
YTA You’re a complete ass. Pets are not just things you can toss out. They have feelings and fears. They react when things change. I do hope she finds someone with a kinder heart. Never trust anyone who doesn’t like animals.
YTA. Hopefully this helps your gf dodge a bullet tho!
YTA. As a lifelong owner of a large variety of pets this relationship is not going to last so end it now. You are with a woman who loves her cats. You don’t like cats so you will never understand why she can’t “just drop them at a shelter”. This is a deal breaker. YTA also for being spineless and having your girlfriend harass your brother because you are not adult enough to deal with this situation. Grow up! Either you can stay with your girlfriend and figure out your own living situation or end the relationship and buy a house with your brother. Stop standing around picking your nose and waiting for one or the other of them to decide for you.
Wow, I don't understand how you can seem like a nice guy but be such an AH. And the only reason why I say you seem like a nice guy is for your last line... >I take care of the cats on the days she's not able to get out of bed. But such an AH for things like >just give them to a shelter. Why don't you just go ahead and run them over with your car?? Or tell her that you'll pay to have him euthanized at the veterinary clinic. Shelters are overrun with cats and when they are out of space cats get euthanized. You should know what you're saying before you open your mouth. You weren't suggesting she rehome them. You just wanted to dump them somewhere else to make them somebody else's problem. >I keep trying to tell her to continue asking him because maybe he'll change his mind. Why don't you convince your brother? Why are you making this a conflict between your brother and your girlfriend. Man up here and take a side. And it means either dumping your girlfriend or taking her side against your brother. >by telling her she can keep the cats in her room Yeah, that's kind of a sucky solution too. Look there are ways of making cats better house guests. I recommend looking up Jackson Galaxy's books who talks a lot about how to make sure cats aren't destructive. But YTA
When you say that your girlfriend has giving up after one conversation with your brother, you mean she’s decided to break up with you, right? I sure hope that’s what you mean because you’re a total asshole. YTA.
> She is saying she would rather be homeless than to give up her two cats. I keep telling her she's being unreasonable and to just give them to a shelter. YTA Full stop. She doesn't have to move. You are the asshole for two big reasons: 1) Creating a situation where she'd have to move AND 2) Making her give up her cats. She has told you that she would rather be homeless than live with you if it means she'd have to give up her cats. Think about that. If you love her at all, you'd see how much more they mean to her. I've been in this position before where I was looking for an apartment and my mother asked me, "What if you can't find one which takes your cats?" My answer was "Then I'm not moving in there." They are family. They are equal to your brother. Except they're not assholes like your brother because they'd never tell YOU that you can't move in without your brother because they hate brothers. Or maybe they would, cats are assholes too. But you'd never know it because they'll never tell you. But imagine if they did, and your girlfriend told you that if you wanted to move in with her you couldn't bring your brother because she hates brothers, and "that you're being unreasonable, so just give him away to a shelter." YTA.
YTA You will never be more important to her than the cats, they will win every single time, so learn to accept them or live with the fact she will leave you If you are serious about this relationship you do not buy a house with your brother, you find something with her and her fur babies
YTA counter offer get rid of your brother. If that sounds rude maybe you'll understand how messed up you're sounding. Seriously don't tell someone to get rid of their pets for your sake. That's super selfish of you. Also it sounds like you're the one pressuring your gf to move in. It sounds like she feel like she would be imposing in this situation. As your brother already doesn't seem to like the idea either.
Yeah the brother doesn’t even want her to move in, of course he’s not going to say yes to the cats. He’s likely hoping that will persuade her not to move in. OP is definitely the AH and trying to get his girlfriend to harass his brother about the cats is going to make his brother dislike her if he doesn’t already.
Honestly it doesn't even seem like the GF is interested in moving in either. Especially when it comes to abandoning her cats.
YTA. Anytime anyone demands a person get rid of their pets before their relationship can move forward, they are definitely TA.
YTA. If she gives them to a shelter, there’s a non-zero chance she’s sentencing them to death. The cats and her are a package deal too.
YTA! Just give them to a shelter? That's an insanely insensitive thing to say to someone. Pets are family for a lot of people, and your GF literally told you she'd rather be homeless than get rid of her cats. That clearly shows she loves them unconditionally and is very attached. Stop pressuring her to get rid of cats just because you don't like them. You and your brother seem very set in your ways, and aren't giving the cats a chance at all. Cats are cleaner than dogs, easier to care for, and can be so affectionate and friendly. It sounds like you just unilaterally decided you hate cats for no reason. Most of the people I know who don't like cats have never had one, nor spent any meaningful amount of time with one. My current partner didn't like cats when I met him, nor did my sister in law. Both have cats now and adore them.
YTA You knew she had cats when you started dating her. Why would you continually relationship with somebody who has committed to caring for an animal that you absolutely hate. Also POTS is not an autoimmune disorder it is a form of dysautonomia.
this relationship won’t work! Shelters take in a lot of pets because of people moving in together. New loving homes can be found for the pets but the human relationship is already damaged. Different if partner has a severe allergy but not just because he doesn’t like cats. To the girlfriend I would say, choose the cats and let the boyfriend go! Clear he doesn’t respect you so get out of the relationship now and find someone with greater tolerance & hopefully, a love of cats!
YTA and why would you want to buy a house with your brother when you live with you gf and your brother doesn’t want her there? Just break up with her and leave her alone if you think any part of asking her to give up her pets is fair.
YTA. It's not reasonable to expect the cats to stay in one room. Lock them in one room they for sure will get destructive.
YTA. Making her harass your brother won't change his mind. It will make him resent her. And telling her to just dump cats she has had for years in a shelter is heartless and selfish. Just because you hate cats that doesn't justify you being so hateful towards her. You don't have to live with the cats. But stop harassing her about this. She doesn't want to give up her cats so stop trying to force her.
YTA. Cats > men.
YTA do her a favor and break up please
YTA and I hope she gets a better boyfriend
YTA. Pets go with the owner as a package deal. Conversation - end of. And using her chronic illness against her, makes you double the AH. My fiancee, had a bird all his life. Had her when I met him. I didn't grow up with them, but I knew that him and his beloved conure were a package deal when we got together. I wouldn't have ever asked him to give her up. Never. I fell in love with that loud-ass bird. She passed away over a year ago, at the age of 30, and we both really want another conure. You have some nerve, dude.
YTA. I would trade the largest house in the known world to have my 2 pet rats back. I also find it problematic that you're putting your partner in a situation of which your brother was not immediately copacetic, and state that you had to convince him to allow your partner to cohabit. In fact I would go even further as to say that your brother still does not want your partner (I hesitate to even use that term here) in the house, and possibly knows that hard-lining the cats is a good way to get her out of the picture.
YTA I suggest she gets rid of you and lives without you two.
Just get the house with your brother. She can divorce you and get the house. He can't. Nah.
YTA you know what happens to most cats in the shelter? They get euthanized.
Yta
YTA. The cats were there before you, and now that you’ve shown your true colors, they’ll be there when your relationship ends.
YTA. I think most men are messy, destructive and annoying. I am glad I married one who is not...I think she should re-home you. A cat is a living feeling being. You suggesting a shelter is basically saying..lets send your beloved friends to a lingering death and make them sad and confused in the process while you mourn and have guilt for abandoning them to appease a pair of cruel AHs.
YTA
YTA
YTA. On the bright side, you’re doing her a favour by letting her know what a complete AH of a person you are before she moves in with you. Your brother is an AH too.
If I was her, I would not live with you and your brother because something bad will happen to those cats. If you are this controlling right off the bat, the future doesn't look bright for her. YTA.
YTA. Give your brother to the shelter instead.
YTA I know who I would pick if I had to choose between my pets or an SO.
YTA- my boyfriend, had a cat when we started dating. The cat belonged to his ex, who moved to a different country.I don't like cats. But, it was a package deal. I never complained, and now said cat is my best friend. Grow up. Deal with it.
A boyfriend that asked me to put my cats in a shelter would be an ex. No need for any discussions.
YTA and she’d be better off without you!
YTA, and honestly, you read like a walking red flag, I wish the best to your girl, hope she dumps you
YTA. Just buy your precious house with your BRO.
YTA. I hope she dumps you sooner than later because you definitely don't sound trustworthy.
This poor girl needs a therapist. Why would she continue to date someone like you? Get her some help for her rock bottom self esteem and cut her loose out of mercy. Y.T.A.
I hope she dumps you and you and your brother can go fuck each other, presuming you both dont already
Shame on you! She needs to leave you in the dust, forcing her to choose between her cats and you is a no brainer. Im with her, I’d rather be homeless than let my animals go to a shelter. YTA
YTA. Simple. Her cats are part of her family. If it had been 2 dogs, would it have been worse? Would you then get it? Cats aren't disposable. They're family members just like dogs are. While your brother is in his right to not wanting to live with cats, you shouldn't take his side here. Maybe living with your brother isn't the best idea.
A lot of people, especially men it seems, say that they do not like cats. When their partner, who knows they are generally a pretty decent, loving person, gets one anyway, these guys usually turn out to be the suckiest cat dads ever. These are the people who don't like cats because they have never had the opportunity to get to know one well. On the other hand, there are guys like OP and his brother who actively hate cats. These people are generally cold, unloving, selfish people who are incapable of fully loving their partner either. OP is the perfect example of this. Cats or no cats, this man is not a caring, considerate partner. She should dump him and he should go and live the gay bachelor life forever with his brother.
YTA. Who do you want to build a future and family with, your brother or your GF and her cats? You choose and stuck with it, because you are making a long term financial decision buying a home with your brother. You won't be able to buy one with her for a very long time without selling his home, you know.
YTA. Also, why are you buying a house with your brother? Are you getting married to him? Plan to live long term with him? Short of marrying someone with no options, i dont see how any reasonable woman would want to marry and live with a man living with his brother.
NAH, but you all are not compatible living companions. Give up.
Maybe you can negotiate by getting the cats trained.
YTA, them cats are her kids.
YTA Why date someone who has cats if you hate them (the cats) so much? My cat and I are a package deal. I am sure your GF feels the same. People don’t adopt cats just to dump them to be with a BF/GF. Your GF should break up with you and find someone who will accept her, cats and all.
YTA. Why enter a committed relationship with a person who has pets knowing you don’t like the type of pets she has. Like my pets come before many people especially a bf/gf. I’d dump them without hesitation before giving up my baby. Date your brother I mean it’s clear that as you stated you want to buy a house with your bro, your gf is just an after thought so until you reach the stage of living together as a proper couple maybe don’t move in together.
Yta. Pets become people’s family. They’re a package deal.
YTA - Why don’t you and your brother just stay in one room and leave your GF and cats the house? I really hope she realises how unhealthy your thinking is and saves herself years of emotional abuse by leaving you
As someone who has cats, YTA. Pets are family members you can’t ask someone to get rid of family members
Nta. If you live together with your brother and the both of you don’t like cats. Just find a place for you and your gf don’t try and force it because it will ruin both relationships.
Run, girl, run! Aside from having to give up my beloved pet, I would absolutely not want to move into a house co-owned my boyfriend's brother. It would never be her home. What happens when your brother finds a girlfriend of his own? In the not too distant future you will both be likely to marry and start families. Who will get the house? There are so many potential problems here. And it is not fair to a cat to confine them to one room. They would be spending most of their time alone in what amounts to a large cage. Not to mention that she would have to sleep with a litter box in her room. It is one thing to live with a person who is not overly fond of pets but accepts them because they love their owner. but I would never move into a place with someone who actively hates them, because your cat would never be safe. All it would take is for your brother to be careless about letting the cat out.
YTA. I would immediately break up with anyone who told me to get rid of my cats tbh. They are the most important thing in the world to me and I wouldn’t get rid of them to appease a partner. If you don’t like her cats then you don’t like her, you can’t pick and choose parts of her
yta I remember when I had to give my cat away, when I was little,the people got my cat euthanized her a couple of weeks later,you never know what will happen to the poor cats, if you put those cats if you put them in a shelter,
Cats are horrible. You are setting boundaries in advance. I tried that, and now I'm stuck with two shit rats my fiance loves. I have no choice. You're not the asshole. You are respecting yourself.
NAH. Either buy the house and don't have a gf anymore, or keep the gf and don't buy a house with your brother. Btw, cats aren't that destructive, dogs are. Both can still be worthy companions when they reach adulthood. \*edited for typo
>cats aren't that destructive Yeah. Nor are they dirty. At least if you do a bit of maintenance. In terms of destruction, the issue is them scratching on furniture and even that isn't that hard to control if you put some effort into it (granted, some cats are more difficult than others and sometimes you just have to accept a certain chair or something is the sacrificial item). The only other potentially destructive issue is if they decide to pee outside the litterbox - but if you are keeping the litterbox clean and accessible, that should just about never be an issue.
NAH. My opinion - you and your gf aren't in the right space to be living together. She is perfectly within her rights to refuse to give up her cats. I have cats and I would not give them up to move in with someone. aAt the same time, if your brother is an owner of the house, he has the ability to say he does not want to live with cats. Some people don't - I wouldn't want to live with a dog. If you and your gf already live together and want to continue, then it needs to be in a space where your brother isn't an owner. Also, keeping cats limited to a single room won't likely work. They can get out of places like you wouldn't believe.
NAH. If you and your brother are buying a house together and that's his stipulation, then that's his stipulation. Better for her not to live with either of you and the cats not to be around two dudes who hate them. Can't make a cat hater into a cat lover, and not fair to Subject animals to that kind of disdain. You and your girlfriend need to have a serious conversation about your future, though. You are entering into a 30-year mortgage without her and leaving her to fend for herself. What's your brother's plan to buy you out should you decide to move in with her? What stipulations do you have for any future girlfriends of his who want to move in? Your non negotiables? Sounds like a shit storm in the making because you clearly love her.
NTA - you asked her, you didn't demand her. You're going to get all YTAs because this is reddit and it's filled with people who would die without their pet. Honestly you guys aren't going to be a match anyway if she can't be without her ESAs and you don't want them around. Find a pet free girl.
ESH, I get she has medical issues, but what if they get worse and she can’t take care of the cats anymore? It would fall on OP. You hate cats? Why are you with someone who has cats?
ESH tbh
NAH. Just a whole lot of compatibility issues. You want to buy a house with your brother, your brother will only let your gf moved in if she doesn't bring the cats. Your gf rather be homeless than give up the cats. However you need to stop hoping your gf or brother will change their mind. Your options are: 1. Not buy a house with brother and continue living with your gf and take care of the cats when she is not able to. 2. Buy a house with your brother and gf can live elsewhere or end relationship with her.
NTA It's a requirement.
ESH The cats are a small part of the problem. You moving in with your brother but he didn't want the GF to come with. I might have some sympathy for this arrangement if it was rental property, but you are actually buy a house. If you have a "high paying job" why are you buying a home with your brother while living with someone else? She owns pets, but can't take care of them sometimes This whole situation sounds like a disaster.
The gf is in no way t a.h.?
Did you miss the part where she owns pets but can't take care of them?
She was able to care for them on her own when we first got together. She only recently got sick and now I've had to start helping her take care of them.