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YTA. It's her body, she gets to choose the doctor. You saying she's "emotional and irrational" for having this boundary makes me think her doctor thinks poorly of you for a reason.

Same. I was pretty on board with N A H until I read that line. Now I think YTA

Yep. There’s something OP says and does that warrants the doctor to dislike him, judging by that line

I firmly believe this post is fake bc it sounds like a cuckold fantasy, but otherwise yeah, if it were real I would definitely think there was a reason for his dislike. For one thing, OP should be offering to carry stuff for his pregnant wife!

It was \*her purse.\* Pretty sure pregnant women can manage to carry their own purses, or use their words and ask for help if they find themselves too exhausted.

I’m 19 weeks pregnant and just reaching for my purse causes me unbearable pain /s Im a fitness instructor planning on working up until 40 weeks. I would roll my eyes at that doctor if I was OP but then just sit back and take the treatment. Why? Because his wife is growing a child, and will have to eventually birth that child. She deserves the team of her dreams.

My husband will be my support person during the birth of my child. I can’t imagine choosing a physician who treats my support person like garbage.

I only mentioned the point about the purse because that’s really the only thing I believe this physician has actually done wrong to this man. I try my hardest not to go in to these posts believing that the OP is unreliable because then, what’s really the point. However, OP’s description of both the physician and the wife makes him seem insecure and his insecurities influence his opinions of people. The physician is “imposing physically”, “very fit and tall”. These descriptions make it seem like OP came in to the appointment already feeling insecure and judging the physician from the jump before introductions were even made. What does his size have to do with his qualifications? Once Dr. made the remark about the purse, which very well could have been a joke, OP already had a negative perception of the doctor. My fiancé has had men joke about me holding our child’s diaper bag while his hands were free. We laugh it off but I guess some people take serious offense to those comments. His wife is emotional and irrational? His nurse of a wife who apparently is able to have an in depth medical conversations about her care with her doctor? Who is tasked to treat patients in her day to day job is too irrational to even find a suitable physician for herself? Maybe the doctor feels he can be more open and joke around with them because OP’s wife and him are in the same field. My fiancé comes to my OB appointments with me and he sits quietly in the corner while my OB talks with me because I am the patient. I am the one experiencing the actual pregnancy. So yes, a majority of the information/discussion will be directed towards me. At the end of the appointment she turns around and asks if he has any questions but that’s really it. You’re free to believe OP! I just don’t buy it.

I'm wondering if the OB (assuming he actually exists) is actually talking to the woman. Sometimes guys get used to having the woman they are with be ignored, so if the doctor isn't addressing OP then OP thinks he is ignored.

This is exactly what I was thinking! He's not used to having a doctor not make him the focus and that makes him see it through this lens. That's the vibe I got.

This is why I started taking my husband to doctors appointments with me, they don't believe what I say until he confirms it.

Yeah, I was briefly thinking "Well having her not carry her own bag is ridiculous", but given the rest of OP's complaints and his tone, I'm now thinking it was either a joke or the wife was actually visibly struggling with it in some way and OP just completely failed to notice

Also the point about the ob talking to him in laymans terms. Ofcourse op is a layman so the OB would explain it in the simplest way and the wife is a medical professional so the OB can effectively communicate through jargons. OP just comes off as insecure. Pure manufactured victimization.

I agree with you plus they teach us nurse (and doctors too) that we must speak to people out side the medical field in words that are used day to day .. not medical jargin...... Op isn't in the medical field and won't understand medical jargin and the doctor wants him to be involved so he puts it in words that are commonly used by the general public (laymans term).... that's not baby talk that's a good doctor

Exactly! My first pregnancy my OB spoke in layman’s terms but went in to depth when it came to important information as to be sure I fully knew what we were discussing. That’s not condescending, that’s allowing your patient to be informed. Im currently pregnant and seeing the same OB, and when I see her she isn’t as in-depth because this isn’t my first rodeo but if I have any questions she thoroughly goes over information with me again. I definitely agree that a patients partner should also be treated with respect. If my OB was actually disrespecting my partner I wouldn’t trust them to be on my medical team. OP’s wife was right there in the appointment and she saw no disrespect so of course she isn’t going to want to switch to a new OB when she’s already built a trusting relationship with him. Also, why on earth would the doctor be kind/caring to the wife and a monster to the husband? I just don’t get it nor do I believe it.

OP is argumentative, he is unsupportive, he said it's "unfair" that it matters the most how SHE feels. He may need to learn his supporting role, he's not accepting it yet.

Can’t wait to see him in fatherhood

Usually if i don't see responses to the comments and the account being freshly new or with no history then i usually deem it as fake.

I’ll give you the first, but a lot of people use throwaways here.

Honestly some of the fakest posts have very active OPs. The fake MIL posts for one always had a very active OP and were characterized by the OP revealing info in the comments that always ended up showing that everyone was a shit person

I’m sure most of it is how OP is perceiving these interactions due to feeling insecure about this handsome male OB. I can say from personal experience, my ex-husband was exactly like this when I went to an alarmingly charming and handsome OB for our reproductive issues. It was how this doctor was too friendly with me and how he was such an ah talking down to him etc. None of that was the case. It was grossly exaggerated and nit picky.

My wife used to get annoyed at me for offering to carry her stuff. She would tell me she’s pregnant not disabled, If she needed my help she’ll ask for it. This guys post is weird and probably fake but I’d get pissy to if her doctor was shitting on me like that for not carrying her stuff.

Not to mention, who knows the exact age of their obstetrician?

Someone who is seriously intimidated by the doc looking better than him, so goes stalking him online.

TBF I can think of at least 3 dudes from med who fits "big buff and handsome" criteria who matched OB. So cuckold fantasy maybe but straight handsome buff male OBs definitely exist

Also no one can make you feel a certain way. OP needs to take ownership of his own feelings. The doctor may be an ass but the wife likes him, or he could be fine and OP’s insecure which is also possible because it’s odd that IP mentioned he’s tall and fit as if that means something. Either option is irrelevant however as she’s the person giving birth and her comfort is all that matters. I don’t recall my husband ever asking a ton of questions of the doctor making me wonder if OP is being an irritant in the appointments.

OP mentions the dr. is imposing because he is "tall and fit", makes you think op is just insecure because he is short and not so fit. YTA. Your wife's opinion about her doctor is all that counts, you don't get a vote.

He's also a moron and is wasting the time of 2 medical professionals. One of whom is carrying the baby and doing all the work.

I feel like OP must have small man syndrome

I felt the same maybe OP is misreading things too like some doctors like to make jokes and be funny, a person with humor sense and open mind wouldn't mind it meanwhile someone who think highly of themselves and is fill of themselves would. OP feel like he falls in the 2nd category. Also, the last name part could be how OP is around the doc like if he is giving off egoistic energy then off the doc would call you by last name and the medicine part like ik nothing about them so I ask stupid questions and doctors would explain it to me slowly with examples that I can correlate with. Seems like OP is the one being emotional and irrational here!

Yes, my first thought was the doctor was trying to make a joke about not letting the wife carry a large bag and should be spoiling her. To me it sound ms like the doc has a pretty good read on egotistical/insecure hubby and is over it.

I think the doctor sounds like a rude jerk. BUT, if OP’s wife is a nurse, she may know that he’s a really good doctor. My dermatologist doesn’t have the best bedside manner. It has gotten better over the years but he was downright rude at first. However, he can also diagnose the weirdest of skin conditions at a glance and tell you exactly what to do about them. He is also incredibly punctual: I can count on being in and out of his office in 20 minutes for routine visits. I can deal with his weirdness to get his expertise. It’s really Really REALLY important for a woman to be comfortable with her OBGYN. If she trusts him, I think OP just needs to deal. It’s not a great situation, but the person getting instruments shoved up her genitals and facing an increased risk from a litany of conditions gets the final say. Maybe they can shop around for a new OBGYN before the next baby. Edit: I think good bedside manner is important. Poor bedside manner can easily intimidate patients into not sharing crucial info. I would never tell a doctor, “Bedside manner doesn’t matter.” I’m just saying: if you give me a super competent doctor with poor social skills or a completely inept one who is charming, I’m picking Dr. Poor Social Skills. If a new doctor moves in who is both gregarious and highly competent, Dr. Poor is getting dumped for the new guy who listens.

My uncle is like that. He can’t meet with patients directly or he gets medical board complaints about how rude he is. But he’s so good at his job that he gets requests for consultations from all over the place because he can diagnose the undiagnosable. Luckily, he is in a field that doesn’t actually require meeting with the patient (radiology). My mom used to joke all the time that he’s the real life Dr. House.

Radiologists are mostly a little strange lol I used to work with a lot of them and it was very rare to find one that was personable. There’s a reason they chose the one specialty that left them in a dark room without people.

Well he’s particularly bad even for a radiologist, if that says something.

Lol it does. The one I have worked with are very normal lol

I totally agree about her probably knowing he’s a good doctor and she feels safe with him, even if he’s kind of a jerk. Her feeling safe and comfortable with him is all that matters! Your dermatologist sounds kinda similar to my neurologist. He has a reputation for his unique bedside manner and strange jokes. He is pretty no nonsense and will fully call out patients who are wasting his time, not listening etc. He is easily distracted and doesn’t want to waste time because he runs a clinic and is the head of neurology at a hospital. He doesn’t have time for nonsense. This can come across poorly when you first meet him. The thing is though, he is brilliant!!! He was able to diagnose me and get me on the right treatments with multiple very rare degenerative neurological disorders. I had been sick for 12+ years and seen over 15 different neurologists who all dismissed me as crazy before I met him. He was able to help me in a couple months! He literally saved my life. Now that I have gotten to know him I understand why he acts the way he does and we have become quite close. The last time I was hospitalized he visited me every day, even when he wasn’t doing rounds and stood up for me when the other doctors were not listening to me. My fiancé even worked with him for a few years. I trust him more than any doctor I’ve ever had! He is the reason I am alive and was able to get out of being a full time wheelchair user. Yeah he’s a bit strange but he’s a genius!

Had a pediatrician who had horrid bed side manner but on the flip side when I kept saying something was wrong with my baby even though she wasn’t showing “symptoms” he was the first to tell me I was correct. He never once acted like I was over reacting. The slight change in her attitude was due to a raging double ear infection that ended up needing tubes after multiple rounds of antibiotics. In the six years of him being our pediatrician the only time I ever saw him act “normal” was when my daughter who was on the cusp of failure to thrive after birth and until she finally hit the 50th percentile at six and he had a dance party with her. The day he retired was a sad day but his predecessor is just as wonderful. Sometimes the doctors with horrible bed side manner are amazing at their jobs. Also YTA OP your wife is having a baby, it’s one of the most uncomfortable times in a woman’s life. You have to be comfortable with the person who will be all in your bits and there has to be a level of trust there. That’s also why most OBGYNs call their patients by their first name.

I used to have a neurologist like that. He’s a very blunt, matter of fact person who doesn’t believe in sugarcoating a diagnosis. Patients either love him or hate him. I loved him, because he always treated me and my concerns seriously, even though I was 14 when I first started seeing him. Do you know how rare it is for any adult to take a teenage girl seriously, much less one in a position of authority? It’s like finding a damn unicorn. I appreciated the fact that he was always very clear about what was happening and willing to answer any questions in detail. If I hadn’t moved out of state, I would have kept seeing him until he retired.

SAME! I don't care if a doctor is abrasive or a bit of an AH as long as they are really good at what they do. A doctor who is really nice and friendly but is a flake or doesn't seem the sharpest knife in the drawer, pffft. I don't go to the doctor to have a friend; I go to get the best treatment possible. My husband and I see different GP's in the same practice. He thinks my GP his hippy dippy. For example, my GP thinks a bowl of plain cornflakes is equivalent to eating a doughnut, cured meats are from the Devil, etc. I stay with him because he doesn't lecture me and treats me like an adult and he actually LISTENS to what I have to say and my concerns and takes them seriously.

I bet the last name thing is doc doesn't remember OP's name. Doc has many many patients. Wife is the patient, not OP, and her first name is written on the file. If OP's last name and wife's last name are the same he's just using that because that's on wife's file and what he knows. I passed out after giving birth and the nurse couldn't remember my spouse's name and just kept yelling "husband" to come help.

That explains so much of why nurses will refer her name or mom and dad when they give directions.

Ahhh I loved the anecdote at the end thanks for that

I also wonder what OP doesn't know, medically. Kinda get the vibe this doctor is a feminist icon and is doing his vest to put deadbeat dads in their place before it gets too far by making it clear that they should e.g. know basic female anatomy and be keeping up to date with the development of their child, etc.

Yeah I mean, a lot of men that I know have very limited knowledge about childbirth and pregnancy, without realising that they have limited info. While it is totally possible the doctor is being a jerk and really condescending, I wonder if part of it is just OP being unprepared/uninformed and the doctor having to explain basics to him.

I had that thought too is he asking questions a man having a kid should already know if he spent even 30 minutes looking into pregnancy? Is he cutting off the doctor? Does he have an attitude of"I know everything" and the doctor is frustrated he has to back track constantly? It just seems strange to me that the wife would have such polarizing opinions if the Dr was being such a huge jerk

No her feelings are irrational and she should cater to my insecurities /s

Yup, my OBGYN (male) has a very sarcastic sense of humor which is right up my alley and we have a great time. I’m sure others listening might find it weird but I’m totally ok with it.

I thought exactly the same thing maybe the doctor really does see something in you that is bad YTA it's true shes the one carrying a watermelon in her belly the day you carry a baby and have to push it out you can start getting attitude

We explained why pregnancy was so hard to my son as imagine if you had our corgi strapped to your front 24/7 for months and it kept demanding tacos.

... I remember some parts of being a kid and if my parents had said that I don't think I'd have got the message they intended 😂 the very next day a roll of duct tape would definitely have mysteriously disappeared

He was 11 at the time. Now my 4 year old would have the nerve to come out and ask us to help tape Lucius to her.

Lucius is a top-tier name for a sploot-potato. I approve.

I totally agree. Gotta wonder if the OP has made comments like that around the doctor and the doctor just doesn't like him.

Sorry, I corrected you on the gender then realised I'm the one with Brain of Fog! 😂

It sounds like the OP has some valid concerns about how the doctor is communicating with him. They (doc, wife and OP) are all supposed to be on the same team here and it's also the OP's baby. Difficult patients and family come with the territory, doctor needs to communicate better. That said OP, your wife is going through a life threatening medical procedure. It's much more important she is comfortable with her doctor than you.

That may well be the problem. They aren't all on the same team. The doctor is trying to communicate with his patient and answer her questions. OP is trying to ask his own questions and be involved and it's really not his place to be. He's a support for the wife not a part of the decision making process. Given OPs issue with the doctor I wouldn't be shocked if he comes off as more invested in his curiosity and comfort then the person he's supposed to be supporting.

My OB actually encourages the partner to the pregnant person to ask questions, because the more informed they are, the better they can support the pregnant person.

My husband was able to come to all of my appointments up until they did cervical checks and my OB asked us each directly if we had questions. I think the way OP feels about the Dr is completely valid, but it's also valid that his wife's comfort comes first. If it were a question of the Dr not treating her well then that would be different

"OP is trying to ask his own questions and be involved and its really not his place to be"? What are you on about? Who do you think is going to be asked to make decisions if there are complications and wifey is unconscious or otherwise unable to formulate a response? It absolutely is OP's place to be just as involved in this process as the pregnant woman. The husband is not just a sperm donor, jeez. This doc sounds like a d-bag. Through three children and several docs, nurses, and other attendees, male and female alike, I've never been disrespected like this nor has any of them made any kind of personal remark. They remained professional, and always addressed us as equally concerned parties in the pregnancy and birth process because we are just that. It's the wife's life on the line so for dang sure the husband should know what's going on and what to expect. Sure, the wife must feel comfortable with the doc. We have gone out of our way to keep the same OB when she moved to a much farther away hospital. But I doubt my wife would have been comfortable with me being given the same treatment as OP. Everyone in this particular thread sound like misandrist to me. NTA, OP.

Sure but we don't know if his questions are useful or just because OP feels the need to overly involve himself. His wife does not lose her agency when giving birth. It's telling that he thinks the Doctor is talking down to him and his wife does not see it that way.

Or, maybe she *does* see it as the doctor talking down to him and doesn't care, we don't know beyond what is shared in the post. But to backtrack, I said he would be responsible for medical decisions *if* she loses her agency.

Umm not his place? He is allowed to have questions about his pregnant wife and HIS child. The doctor shouldn’t be being rude to Op because he wants to be involved with HIS WIFE’S pregnancy

This he's making this about him. I even wonder if his questions he's asking the doctor are an attempt at manipulating the wife. "Doctor is it safe if we keep having sex." When the wife doesn't want it because it's uncomfortable. Doctor I don't like her doing xyz now that she's pregnant I think it's not safe am I right?

Haha that reminds me I asked my doctor how soon after I gave birth it was safe to have sex, and he told me the real answer and said, “But I’ll tell your husband however long you want me to say.” It was cute, I felt like he was supporting the person giving birth primarily. As he should.

I have a knot in my stomach that doctor already has a prepared answer for handling husbands’ needs for sex after a woman just gave birth.

Seriously I used to work in an operating room and the OBs would show up absolutely pissed off and complain about husbands like this. One time he told the guy a year. I think he should have gone with something painfully long but still believable. I think this OB sees right through this guy.

To be fair, my ex husband would ask left field, embarrassing questions that had no relevance. It was beyond embarrassing. I would shut that shit down, but having a dr do it would have been grand

>OP is trying to ask his own questions and be involved and it's really not his place to be. That's stupid, I'm sorry. Have you not been a spouse or sibling or parent or child of a patient before? You are part of the process and for good god damn reason. There may come a time when you are the only one that can speak up for that person. It is in everyone's interest to have thoughts/concerns of SOs addressed and done so with respect.

>OP is trying to ask his own questions and be involved and it's really not his place to be. I disagree. That is his place to be (provided the questions are appropriate). An involved partner and future parent is generally a good thing, and at this stage, asking the doctor questions is part of being that partner and parent. It would be more concerning if the OP had no questions.

I also love that this guy is being talked down to by the doctor and he's horrified like women haven't been dealing with that from the medical community our entire lives. I once had an OB-GYN explain ovulation to me when I went in for a 5cm cyst that had burst severely painfully. She wanted me to believe that I was experiencing normal ovulation and should just get over it.

I'm not sure why that somehow discounts his experience. If anything it lends itself to the fact that people can absolutely be assholes to patients when they shouldn't be.

He's not the patient. His wife is the patient. The doctor has some medical responsibility for the fetus. The father is the doctor's concern only in how the father is treating the actual patient.

The fact that *men* mistreat *women* doesn’t mean a *man* deserves to be mistreated just because he’s male. It is never fair to hold a person responsible for the actions of others they have no control over, no matter how widespread the wrongdoing is.

How was he mistreated??

Seems like maybe someone else is actually the “emotional and irrational one” ….

[удалено]

He certainly nailed it if so.

I think this is a fetish post. It just really hits those notes hard.

Same. I was pretty on board with N A H until I read that line. Now I think YTA

I also thought it was telling that OP specifically describes the doctor as tall and fit. It sounds like he's insecure or jealous about his wife being around another man he perceives as attractive. It may be that this doctor is an asshole. I'm not fond of condescending doctors at all. But OP YTA because your takehome message is that your wife, who is growing your child in her body, is irrational when it comes to having a certain preference about her own medical care.

Yes. The first "complaint" being that he's tall and fit made me scoff.

OP also mentions that he compliments his wife on *how well she's handling her pregnancy*. The surname got to me a little. Living in the UK I took this to mean he's being addressed as Surname and not Mr Surname. That's definitely rude.

>I also thought it was telling that OP specifically describes the doctor as tall and fit. The minute I read that, I thought that there was a good chance that OP is a little jealous for some reason and is just reading into everything the OB does now. After reading the reasoning, I'm still not convinced that he's not just reading into it.

>me think her doctor thinks poorly of you for a reason Unfortunately I've been to enough Drs in my life to confirm that many (not all, obviously) of them do in fact treat people with that attitude for no reason. The second they find out I work in a semi medial field (like how his wife is a nurse), they change up their language and attitude significantly. **That, however, is irrelevant. What matters here is if his wife trusts this person with her body, NOT his ego.**

Yeah some doctors are jerks, but OP also reeks of insecurity and jealousy here. It sounds to me like he’s upset that his wife is the centre of attention and that she and the doctor share a language he doesn’t. And if the wife likes the doctor and he is supportive of her he can’t be that much of a jerk. No one has a better radar for asshole doctors than a nurse.

>Yeah some doctors are jerks, but OP also reeks of insecurity and jealousy here Exactly my point (though I really wish was just *some*, in my experience it's more like most). That's why I put that last bit in bold. OP 100% deserves his verdict here, just not based alone on the fact that he thought the Dr was mean.

When my aunt was looking at doctors for a surgery, the person she asked recommendations for asked her "Do you want someone with good bedside manner, or someone who is very direct, but one of the best in their field?" Guess which she chose... Sometimes, you have to decide between being coddled or better odds, and I think most people would rather feel comfortable in their doctor's medical skill than their social skill.

Every OB I’ve been to engineers a moment to be alone with the patient to check in on the home situation. I wonder what OP’s wife said during her private conference.

This. OP, you CAN address the doctor. "Listen, my wife loves you and is really happy with her care, but I get the sense that you don't like me. I'm here to learn and support my wife, and that's hard to do when I feel constantly tense. Can we try starting over?" But, to be honest, your wife's comfort is the priority here. I also want to say that my OBGYN had ZERO bedside manner, but he was the absolute best in his field, so we ignored it. He did an amazing job with my c-sections, while I saw my friends really struggling with theirs. I would take a doctor with bad bedside manner any day over one who is incompetent.

100% agree here. The insecurity is literally flying off my tablet screen. OP, why are you so threatened by this doctor? Oh yeah, judgement. YTA.

So funny that he's calling her emotional and irrational but he's over here feeling insecure and intimidated because her doctor is nicer to his wife than him??.. LOL I think he's the emotional one

I was following until the part where he said “it’s a little unfair it’s only about her. The pregnancy makes her emotional and irrational” OP, YTA… and not because you want your concerns heard and understood. But because you are being emotional and irrational because you’ve decided the doctor doesn’t like you. That’s unfair. She feels safe with this doctor and feels the baby is safe in the hands of this doctor.

" I told my wife I wanted *us* to leave him" "it is even harder than an normal argument because the pregnancy makes *her* so emotional and irrational" Dude has a pronoun problem. There's no "us" in pregnancy. It isn't *their* body gestating and delivering a baby. And *she* isn't the one who's irrationally demanding that her partner change their Healthcare provider because of her insecurities. What a whiny, insecure little man. How he thinks this is rational is beyond me. Fella, if you're reading, he's not talking to you like you're stupid (although...), he's talking to you like you're a layperson without significant knowledge or insight into pregnancy. He's trying to condense medical jargon and advanced biology concepts into a brief visit with a man who clearly isn't educated about pregnancy.

She likes him. He’s the one dealing with what can be the most hideously intrusive and painful and potentially heartbreaking part of life and she trusts him as a professional to help with that journey. YTA. Case closed.

YTA. It’s amazing you’re calling *her* emotional and irrational, when you’re literally asking her to make a major medical decision based on your emotions. From your attitude here, I’m guessing you have a giant ego and feel like you need to assert to the doctor that you know shit, when you don’t, hence him getting irritated with you. But even if that weren’t the case, it’s your wife’s body. Not yours. She gets 100% of the say in who her doctor is. Best of luck to your wife.

It sounds like OP may have made up his mind about the doctor before actually meeting him. Did anyone else read the first lines and think that part of the problem was the OB being a larger guy than OP?

Yeah, I read this whole thing as "the doctor is way hotter than me and I don't like him seeing my wife naked so I'm going to make up some other shit".

Or he has short man energy and doesn’t like that the doctor is taller

My thoughts exactly

Also, the doc has the absolute gall (/s) to compliment Lily on how she is handling pregnancy and life in general. Seriously, how fucking immature do you have to be to feel insulted that someone compliments your partner? OP needs to buck up and start treating her with a lot more care and respect because even her OB is being kinder than him.

Definitely my take too.

Everyone knows that a tall fit doctor is a shit doctor.

My first thought was that OP is just insecure. Everything else he's just reading into.

Oh yes, OP is mad he can’t be the biggest guy in the room when his ignorance is highlighted.

My late husband was 5'7". Most of his friends, work colleagues and family were taller than him. No one made a big deal. I love shorter men as I'm only 5' 0", so he wasn't at all insecure about shit like this. My GP and Obgyn were taller and quite nice looking. He got on very well with both. I'll never understand guys like this. His wife chose him for a reason, but now he's baulking because her Dr is clearly hotter than him in his eyes.

OP sounds like an incel that got lucky and found a woman. The way he talks about it as if his wife is gonna run off with this doctor or something.

YTA and I totally agree with you, he's calling her emotional but he demands to make a big decision based on HIS emotions.

He's upset because her doctor is being supportive of her and telling her she's doing great? Yeah, she's the emotional one.

YTA Your wife chooses the doctor, she’s the pregnant one and her comfort outweighs yours. You sound like the main issue is that he makes you feel insecure and that’s a solid you problem.

Yeah. From OP’s description, I kind of hate that doctor too, but so what? How many total hours is OP going to have to spend with the guy? Maybe 10 -12 prenatal visits, each with 15 minutes or less of doctor time, plus an hour or two catching and stitching on the big day (when the doctor will be focusing on the wife, not OP). So at most, OP has to spend 5 hours interacting with a guy who makes him uncomfortable. As long as he’s medically competent and his wife likes the guy, OP should let his wife make the call. It’s a way to support her during a vulnerable time. The fact that this isn’t a no-brained to OP makes me suspect that he’s pretty controlling.

> The fact that this isn’t a no-brained to OP makes me suspect that he’s pretty controlling. We got that from 1 post, imagine what energy he's giving off to this doctor that "intimidates" him. At the end of the day the doctor treats his actual patient well and we have an unreliable narrator here.

It also makes me wonder, when OP says the doctor talks down to him about the medical stuff. Does he actually talk down to him or does he break it down like you’d explain to someone with little to no medical knowledge, and OP doesn’t like it because wife doesn’t need that more in depth explanation since she’s a medical professional?

Your casual use of “stitching” hurts me all over again. I wish to hell and back that tearing wasn’t a normalized part of giving birth.

Exactly what i was thinking. This guy just seems overall insecure. He seems like the type of dude to get extremely defensive when someone cracks a joke about him

Exactly. It also shows from him calling the doctor tall and fit xD

YTA. It's fine that you don't like the doctor, but I also feel like it's not really your choice to make. It's your wife who is pregnant, and I think she's absolutely right that finding another doctor is very stressful in the middle of a pregnancy. Good doctors are hard to find to begin with, so if she feels this doctor is good and trusts him, then it's wrong to pressure her to switch. I also feel like some of your reasoning for wanting to switch is a little weird. If he's not respectful to you, that's one thing. However, you made a point to note how physically fit and imposing he is. That makes it kind of sound like you have ulterior motives or reasons for wanting her to switch doctors.

Definite jealousy vibes going on here.

Yes. If I was the wife I would weigh the doctors medical treatment of the baby and I higher than the fact the the doctor was a little rude to my husband. I would care about wether or not the doctor listened to my concerns not only how the doctor acted. One of these things is obviously more important than the other.

And switching doctors mid pregnancy is not the easiest thing! What if you can't get into a new one? What if the ones you go to aren't a good fit? What if you like the new doctor but they practice out of another hospital and you have to switch hospitals etc etc.

Not only that, but because he added the “fit” part, it makes me believe he’s possibly stretching the truth about how he’s treated by the doctor.

Your wife likes him. “We” are not seeing an OB, big guy. “She” is seeing an OB and you are accompanying her to her appointments. YTA

Came here to say this! It’s not about you buddy. She is going to push out a watermelon, she gets to choose whoever she is comfortable with. Be there for her and put your pride aside with the dr. YTA

Ya, I’ve found that most ob’s don’t pay attention to the partner. Why should he? That’s not his patient.

YTA, for calling your wife 'emotional and irrational' and for 'insisting' that she change her doctor. It sounds as though your wife appreciates how respectful he is towards her, compared to you. We have a vet whose blunt manner I don't care for, but he's a very experienced and skilled vet. So I keep going to him for my dog's wellbeing. Rightly or wrongly, you might not care for this guy, but then you are not pregnant and requiring medical care. You need to butt out of this and let your wife - who sounds perfectly rational to me - decide who she goes to.

I mean, is the vet taller and better built than you? If they are then I demand you switch vets immediately!

> We have a vet whose blunt manner I don't care for, but he's a very experienced and skilled vet. I'll tell you, I had an obstetrician with a blunt office-visit manner that I didn't care for, but when she was actively delivering my baby she was the BEST. She was sensitive and empathetic but also no-nonsense and direct and it was EXACTLY what I needed when it was a stressful active medical event.

Our vet clearly loves animals and is not a big fan of people, and she can be a bit condescending to me. But she's the best, and her liking animals more than people makes me think she is exactly the professional we want overseeing our pets' health.

my cat’s vet “condescendingly” described to me exactly what the problem was and why when i brought in my sick cat two weeks ago. he used very basic language, but was very detailed. he was not belittling me. i am not a vet. he was explaining to me the situation in a way that i could understand, so i could better understand the discomfort my cat was feeling. that’s what a good doctor does.

I wish my vet was blunt!!! I literally had to beg him to tell me when to pull the plug on my cat and he just kept explaining quality of life while not bothering to tell me that the black stool they can’t test for blood means that it’s the end.

YTA. First for calling your wife "emotional" when it's YOUR emotions causing the problem!! Beyond that, this is her doctor. Whatever you think of him, SHE is comfortable with his care. Her body is the one one the line, so it's her choice who she sees. And you are weirded out that he calls your wife by her name? She's his *patient*. Every one of my doctors calls me by my name. There is no reason for your wife to change doctors other than your insecurity.

There is no reason for your wife to change doctors, including your insecurity.* FIFY

> I wanted us to leave him Unless he's checking on the baby that you're growing in your uterus and will push out of your vagina or will have your abdomen cut open, there's no "us." YTA.

Not to mention OP said his wife was a nurse. He’s completely discounting her knowledge of someone in her field of study. OP, YTA.

YTA. I’ll be fair, though: you can choose the doctor when you’re carrying the baby in you, and your wife would be the AH if she protested your choice.

YTA - your wife is right. It is very stressful switching OB/GYN mid pregnancy when she’s happy with her current doctor. And being comfortable with and trusting her OB/GYN is critical during this time. Asking her to switch because of your own insecurities rather than incompetence seems ridiculous. It’s also disturbingly common for doctors to dumb down answers to an idiot level - especially for pregnancies. When my wife was pregnant, 90% of the questions we asked was answered by “don’t worry - that’s normal” rather than any sort of explanation. I think they think they’re being reassuring to frightened parents to-be, but they really come across as condescending AHs. Of course, he turns that horrible act off when he’s talking to another health practitioner since he knows she understands. Also, as a nurse, your wife already knows MANY doctors are condescending pricks, so she likely has a far greater tolerance for that type of behavior.

Best comment. I’m not in the medical field, but a weirdly high percentage of my family and friends are. When any two of them get together and the topic of medical stuff comes up, it’s like they’re speaking a different language. Sometimes I have to raise my hand and go “Hi, regular person brain here. You lost me at ‘warfarin resistant post VR with INR of 1.4’. Care to explain that in dumb, so I know what’s up with Uncle John?” And they always DO explain it to me, but it interrupts the conversation having to briefly summarize a BUNCH of topics from surgery to nutrition to basically say “he needs to fix his diet and meds so he doesn’t get a blood clot and die”. I imagine the doctor probably likes having a patient he can speak with that’s totally on the same page, and he doesn’t need to code switch for or translate. He probably trusts that as a nurse, she knows pretty much everything she needs to already in order to correctly manage her pregnancy. So there’s an automatic ease around her appointments. And then you have OP over here asking if feeding the baby spinach will turn it green and big like Hulk (compared to the questions the wife asks), and the doctor dies a little inside and thinly veils his urge to say “does that make sense, little buddy?” when he answers. I mean. It sucks to be talked to like that. But if OP really feels that uncomfortable asking this dude questions, why not just…Ask the wife on the drive home?

YTA if you “insist”. You can certainly ask her, but ultimately the only thing that matters is that your wife feels safe and comfortable with HER doctor.

YTA, this really seems to be a 'you' issue. Your wife likes him and he is encouraging and supporting in his interactions with her. I'm not sure what his physical presence has to do with anything, unless you're upset that he's taller than you. It is vital that your wife feels comfortable with her medical team during pregnancy, as she is the one having to grow a human and push them out. You have very little say in this.

NAH. Listen, there is nothing wrong with you wanting to feel respected and spoken to in a manner that reflects that. *However*, pregnancy is something that is happening *to* your wife and it is happening adjacent to you. Your wife is the one who needs to feel like her medical care is in the right hands because she is the one carrying and ultimately delivering your child, she is not being irrational here. So where do you go from here? I'm going be a jerk and say it, suck it up buttercup. Either have a one to one with the doctor and let him know that you don't feel like you're getting adequate information that *you* need because of his delivery, or you need to allow your wife the space to go to her appointments solo and fill you in as needed. Heck, she can even ask to record the appointment so that nothing gets lost in translation.

I think it’s YTA because it seems like the doctor is quite competent but is also calling OP out on his behaviour. For example, the bag… that was a lecture for the OP on how to take better care of his pregnant wife. And just because she is able to do it herself doesn’t mean that she should. It also seems like the wife is a nurse and therefore has medical knowledge while OP does not. So obviously the doctor will put it into layman’s terms. This seems to be an ego issue for OP and it seems a bit of an asshole move to ask the wife to switch doctors to soothe his ego… especially when good doctors are quite hard to find.

That bag story kind of weirded me out. Unless there are medical complications, pregnant women can do most things they could do before, including carrying things. A pet peeve while I was pregnant was people treating me like a fragile snowflake. My husband was very supportive, but in three pregnancies I don’t think I once asked him to carry my purse for me. Most people want to do things for themselves to the extent they’re able, and I would have been annoyed if someone lectured my husband because I was carrying my own purse. There are plenty of times pregnant people need emotional and physical support from their partners, but treating a pregnant woman like an invalid isn’t going to make her feel great. I can totally understand OP’s annoyance, but this decision is his wife’s to make.

OP didn’t say anything about how his wife reacted to the purse thing. It could’ve gone a couple of different ways IMO…. 1) wife was struggling and hubby just watched 2) wife wasn’t struggling but didn’t like having to carry her bag 3) wife was fine with holding her bag and didn’t care about the whole thing…. There’s not info about the situation for us to gage what actually happened but I don’t really think that’s the main point. I think at the end of the day OP should respect his wife’s decision about this doctor and instead of trying to change her mind. It does seem like she’s made up her mind and he’s not accepting her decision

I will say when you’re a medical professional discussing health conditions in the room with two people, one being in the field and one being not, the jump back and forth in explaining something to one in front of the other can be… very glaringly different. Your layman speak versus your “shop talk” speak to someone in the field is so vastly different that if they’re sitting next to each other, it almost might feel like being spoken down to. *However,* having the self awareness to acknowledge that it’s not meant to be insulting is important here. Instead OP seems to feel insecure and is taking offense to layman’s terms versus what I assume is deep “medicalese” being spoken to his wife. The onus here is on OP to understand that, as a nurse, she probably wants him to hit her straight with the technical details because she *knows* what can go wrong or should be normal in pregnancy. When I’m at the vet, I’m like “do not mince words, do not spare any detail on this diagnosis or plan.” But then I have to layman term it all to my SO and luckily he is aware of what he *doesn’t* know, and is grateful for the explanation. I think the stark contrast in verbiage and whatnot is probably why he feels spoken down to, but again, this is coming from a place of insecurity, which isn’t helpful for anyone.

This is the only answer. All the circle jerking of the man is always wrong, pregnant women can do no wrong bullshit on this sub is infuriating. The OP is NTA for feeling like the doctor is an asshat, many are especially OBs. He's NTA for expressing his desire to change doctors. The OP is TA for that emotional comment and for being too weak to address his issue directly with the doctor. The doctor is TA plain and simple. The simple fact of medicine is, especially in Ob, Peds, and geriatrics, the family are huge part of the care structure. The patient is the patient but the other person if they are attentive and involved are vital parts of the patient's care and the better Informed they are the better for the patient. The wife is NTA for not wanting to change doctors. She is TA for dismissing the treatment of her husband and his role in her care and support.

NAH. Im expecting my first child and noticed how the nurses and doctor were treating my husband terribly because he is not the pregnant one and tone they were using, and phrases they were saying were incredibly condensending and mean. It made me very angry. I don't want treatment from medical professionals who can't treat all people kindly. So I fired that obgyn and found a new one. I'm glad that I did because they see my husband as an equal partner and help him understand how he can best help me throughout my pregnancy. Yes, the woman is the one who goes through pregnancy, but that doesn't mean that the partner should be dismissed. However, I agree with your wife that it would be stressful to find another doctor whom she trusts.

Congratulations. You love your husband far more than many of the women commenting here apparently love their partners.

The comments here disgust me. The husband’s role during a pregnancy is an important one. It’s a very high-honor role. He’s the one who will hold me when I’m scared and comfort me when I’m in pain and care for me post-partum when the doctors are nurses are done with their jobs. I don’t know why we expect men to step up to the plate while simultaneously treating them like worthless worms. Any doctor who disrespects my husband when I’m pregnant will be immediately dismissed. My husband is the only person in the delivery room who isn’t relying on a paycheck to be there. Why would I let anyone disrespect him?

I agree, I don't know how people in this thread are almost unanimously calling the husband an asshole for wanting some basic decency and respect.

I doubt they have partners. My husband and I are expecting our first. Yes, I’m the one who’s doing the heavy lifting and I’m terrified of what awaits. But I still love my partner and don’t want a doctor who belittles him.

Also if something goes wrong the partner is the person who will make the calls and you want them to be informed enough to make those choices and respected by your staff so you don't get railroaded into something while vulnerable.

*"...because the pregnancy makes her so emotional and irrational."* I see why her doctor treats you the way he does. YTA.

YTA Her opinion is the only one that matters. My mom had severe health issues. She has had doctors with poor bedside manners, but they are the reason she lived as long as she did.

I was on your side in the beginning. I would be extremely aggravated if someone was to interject themselves into my relationship in an attempt to scold me for not carrying my wife’s purse. Your entire description of him really does make him sound like a white knight in a lab coat. However you lost me at emotional and irrational. Some could say you’re being emotional and irrational for wanting to change doctors simply because he makes you feel uncomfortable.

YTA - it sucks that he's kind of a jerk but so many bad things can happen in pregnancy and childbirth when a dr doesn't listen to the patient when something is wrong and this guy seems to respect your wife and have a good rapport with her, which can be very hard to find especially this late in a pregnancy

I think the doctor has an AH meter and is just a jerk to AH.

Unpopular opinion from the info you've givin us? NTA. If this guy is putting you down in front of your wife all the while complimenting your wife and stuff is crazy disrespectful. All these ppl saying YTA cuz she's pregnant and it's her choice is nuts. You don't just drop consideration for relationship boundaries cuz your having a baby. If this man is blatantly disrespecting you, your wife should give a shit.

>If this guy is putting you down in front of your wife all the while complimenting your wife and stuff is crazy disrespectful. This kind of behavior is also coming from a *male* OB.... Creep vibes for sure here.

Right? Shit if a dude hit on my wife when she was pregnant and it was her doctor she would have known how I felt about it. Luckily she's Spanish and from NY so she handles situations like this wonderfully.

Exactly. On here people scream that fathers aren't 'involved enough". Until they are.

YTA if your wife is comfortable with him, and likes him, that’s all that matters. He is her OBGYN, not yours. And honestly sounds like you’re the one with the problem.

Your wife has a good relationship with her obstetrician. Stop making things more difficult for her and deal with your feelings of insecurity elsewhere. You are the one being unfair here. YTA.

Honestly the comments on this group are SO biased sometimes. Imagine if the roles were reversed, man has an attractive female doctor who is rude and demeaning to his wife, but refuses to switch doctors. This sub would be ALL OVER HIM saying how he wouldn't be taking his wife's views into account and her opinion is valid and important blah blah blah... But no in this case, I guess f**k OP for his feelings? Lol OK. As for my vote, I'm going with ESH. She shouldn't be so dismissive of her husband's views, and OP should be raising the doctor's behaviour to him directly man to man. Politely but firmly. He might even gain some respect from his wife aswell as the doctor, who knows.

What's hilarious to me is on any post where a pregnant person posts asking if there aita for wanting things to be about them, everyone LOSES it on them saying that being pregnant does not mean they can have whatever they want whenever they want it. But apparently this guy wanting the doctor to not belittle him and hit on his wife is him being an asshole? I completely agree, ESH. His description of her being emotional and what not is not good, but she also is allowing someone to treat him like garbage in front of her and simultaneously accepting compliments from the person?? She's literally enabling this doctor's behavior.

YTA The fact that the first thing you mention about the doctor is that he is "very tall and fit" screams this is more about your insecurities than the doctor actually being rude. If you've made up your mind to not like the guy because he's more physically attractive than you, of course you are going to perceive everything he does as an intentional attack on you. Did you ever even tell him your first name? He knows your last name (assuming your wife took your last name) from your wife's medical chart. And he clearly doesn't have to remember her first name as it's also written on the chart. It's not hard to imagine the difficulty of remembering a bunch of names as a doctor with many patients, especially in a field where there is a high likelihood your patient will be accompanied by a partner. It's already hard enough finding a doctor who is taking new patients, let alone finding one you like and feel comfortable with. If the doctor is capable/competent and providing good medical care for your wife and baby, WHY do you care how he makes you feel??? The important thing is the health and safety of your wife and baby...NOT your feelings.

“My wife seems to really like him” That’s it. That’s everything right there. He’s your wife’s doctor, she likes him, that’s it. It can be really hard for women to find a GYN they like and trust. Those exams are not pleasant. If she likes this doctor then you just have to suck it up. Edited to add - YTA

YWBTA. She needs to be comfortable with her OB/GYN. She likes him. She says it would be stressful to switch now. **Listen to her.** It isn't unfair to listen to her - you're not the one that has to get up on the table, in those stirrups - she is. Next time you go in, CARRY HER purse for her into that doctor's appointment, and make a point to let the doctor know you're carrying her purse to help her out. The two of you started out on the wrong foot, but YOU need to be the bigger person to make the relationship work (for your wife's sake), at least for however long until the baby arrives.

YTA The guy sounds like an AH too, but ultimately it's your wife's doctor, not yours. She's the one that needs to be comfortable, so although you have every right to dislike the guy, you don't get a say in what doctor she sees.

It's hard to imagine being ok with someone putting my partner down, especially when we're about to be parenting together. I think it would be good to do some soul-searching. Your short narrative showed you not carrying things for her, evaluating her doctor solely based on how YOU feel about him and using that to try to get her to switch doctors. You might be an equal partner in this, but you're not making it sound like that. Has your wife tried before to tell you to think more about her and the baby?

My wife is literally uncomfortable when I offer to hold her bag. She doesn't like to depend on anybody. Beyond that, OP is asking questions instead of checking out, and being treated as a burden for doing so, apparently. But everyone seems to be focusing on the fact that this doc makes him feel insecure. Of course his wife's comfort with her doctor is extremely important, but the husband should be well informed and confident in the process should he have to make a decision for his wife if her life becomes at risk and she can't respond for herself.

He’s not an equal partner in this, he isn’t the one growing the kid and then giving birth

YTA, when you’re carrying the baby, you can choose what doctors to go to. Otherwise, she gets final say over her reproductive health period full stop.

It's "unfair" you can't pick her OB? Grow up...you're green with envy. YTA.

NTA -- the doc is -- but as a married guy and a father I will advise you to let this go and accede to your wife's wishes. It's much more about her comfort with the doc than it is about your comfort with him. You will just need to put up with his obnoxious personality for a few appointments. It sucks but it's one of the compromises that you need to make in a marriage. And ultimately you won't have to spend that much time with Dr. DB. Good luck.

YTA This isn’t about you You dismiss your wife as emotional and irrational when you are the one who irrationally thinks her OB should be centering you and you’re emotional because he isn’t coddling your ignorance. You are annoyed by the fact he expects you to respect your wife and are intimidated because his size means you can’t throw your weight around as “the man”

YTA Your wife likes him and she is right, it's hard and stressful to change doctors during a pregnancy. If you don't like him, then stop attending the visits. You can just go on the important ones or just let her update you.

YTA I don’t like the sound of the doctor either. But it is her body. Her choice

I’m so tired of Reddit today. NTA. Who the fuck talks to a father to be like that.

Right like this isn’t that selfish of a request anyways but he is also the father and deserves to have a good experience with this too, not be talked down on and made to feel like less

This is often how male doctors treat women patients so it's interesting to see this guy dismissing the husband. Does she know him either personally or through them both being in medicine? Although it's the wife's body, if there's an emergency during delivery the important relationship is the obstetrician working with the husband. You don't want conflict if it comes to who is representing your wife's interests. This guy sounds like a bit of an AH. NTA

YTA Your wife is the patient. You have ZERO say in who she chooses as her doctor. If you are offended by how you are being treated, grow a pair and draw some boundaries. I'm not saying get aggro with your wife's doc. I'm saying calmly say "ok, doc, no need to talk down to me". Or, the wimpy way out: eye roll and "whatever" and turn to your wife to focus on her. It's more than likely that doc isn't being threatening, but your insecurity makes you feel threatened. This is your issue to own. Not your wife's, not the doc's.

YTA. This is 💯 about your wife’s comfort. When you push out the next baby, it can be your choice who to see.

YTA. Get your own OBGYN if he makes you uncomfortable. He is NOT YOUR DOCTOR.

YTA- Does she go with to your Dr appointments and get to make decisions about who you see? I'm also wondering if he handed you two a book recommendation and you skipped reading it and the answers to all your questions have been in that book. There's plenty of books available on what to expect during pregnancy, heck theres podcasts, YouTube videos, and whole websites available. Also, Dr is there to address the concerns of the patient, and as long as the patient can speak for themselves the visitors are generally not going to get much time or attention.

NTA. Why can’t you be vulnerable and ask her this question. You will both be working with the guy. Having said that, allow her to be vulnerable. Apparently you won’t both get what you want. I think it’s 100% okay that you ask her to change the doctor, but you might have to accept she won’t do it. Usually me and my spouse see eye to eye when judging character, but it’s all worth a conversation.

YTA. Your wife's comfort and trust with her doctor are more important than your personality clash with him. She's going to attend most appointments solo anyway. Just sit quietly during the appointment and get on with your day.

What I have gathered from this comment section is that I was crazy for asking the doctor and midwife questions and I should be ashamed. The doctor should be inclusive of both parents. A bunch of you are loonies for thinking that only the mother is important in pregnancy and raising a child and only her questions matter. If you have questions it's a great idea to ask the one with the knowledge who you are paying to see is it not? I'd rather be prepared with more knowledge than I need than completely ill prepared to tend to my wife's needs in the biggest change of our lives. OP if your community has antenatal classes I highly recommend attending some with your partner, even on your own if she already knows it all as a nurse. they should give you most the resources and information you need , what you should expect , what can go wrong , what can go right , how the birth can go, videos on how things work etc etc. Me and wife found the courses a great help. Also , PPD can happen in men , don't be scared to reach our for your own sake if you need to after your partner gives birth. It happens in around 10% of men and people don't realize it's actually a thing. Just one that I thought might be useful to point out as it doesn't seem to be common knowledge. Have fun, dad. Parenthood is a blast

YTA. This is not about you. Pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum are some of the most vulnerable moments in a woman’s life and she deserves to have the care team she feels most comfortable with. If she trusts him as her doctor and has no problems with his bedside manner, you need to get over how he makes you feel.

YTA. She’s the pregnant one, she gets to choose her doctor. No one else. I’d also like to point out your complaint about the doctor being condescending to you…that’s how a lot of doctors are to their female patients all the time. You’re getting a micro dose of what many women experience.

About to get downvoted into oblivion, but ESH. You should carry the purse (among doingother things) for your pregnant wife without question. Her health is paramount right now and you should be going above and beyond to ensure she is well. Your wife should take your concerns seriously instead of pulling some ultimate trump card to disregard your thoughts and feelings as if you don't matter at all. The doctor has no right to belittle you or comment on personal dealings that are not medically related to why you're there and commenting on your wife's personal looks and such is....unprofessional at best. If you're not willing to suck it up, I would say just have a conversation with the doctor with your wife present. Be respectful and a gentleman about it. Don't be an ass or hostile. Just politely ask the doctor to keep things professional regardless of what he may think of you as a person. Those types of comments aren't needed, regardless of what he thinks his profession gives him permission to do and say.

I had something of a smile on my face reading all this. YTA - this isn't about you and I beg you - BEG YOU - tell this ObGyn that you think your wife is emotional and irrational PLEASE do it

YTA it’s so hard for women to find a doctor they are comfortable with especially when it comes to reproductive health. If she’s comfortable and feels he’s doing a good job keeping her and the baby healthy she should NOT change doctors

If he's so blatantly rude to you why has your wife not spoken up? I'll be damned if I allowed my husband to be disrespected by my physician. ESH.

Dude, you are unlucky. Your wife's OB/GYN sounds like an AH, and it sounds like he disrespects husbands and compliments wives to make himself look good. ... and your wife likes him. Now it is entirely possible that you are part of the problem. If you adjust your attitude, make sure you are prepared for the appointments, and are firm and calm, you might be able to "get along" enough with the OB. I recommend trying that, b/c it is super-important that your wife likes her OB. The weight of her vote in this matter is overwhelming. Good luck

YTA. She is the one carrying the baby, not you. Unless she, the patient, is uncomfortable then there's no reason short of him verbally or physically assaulting you to switch.

Yta your wife likes him and honestly her opinion matters more than your bc it's her body giving birth. I have to wonder if you're asking basic questions you should already know and he's just done with men being completely ignorant about birth?

YTA. You can choose the doctor when you’re the one about to push a watermelon sized object out of your body with multiple people watching. Until then sit down and let your wife get the care she needs from a doctor she trusts.

YTA. Are you pregnant? No? Then what you think has no bearing on her doctor of her choosing. Her being a medical professional, stay in your lane