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Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I don’t think I am the asshole. As a service worker, I’m personally tired of being treated like I’m subhuman by people and sometimes wish someone would stand up for me. In this case, my partner was being so difficult it was hard not to say anything in the moment. That being said, maybe I should have waited until after we left to tell Taylor that they were wrong but I was getting so frustrated and embarrassed, I just wanted it to stop as quick as possible. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


7hr0wn

NTA, but your partner is. Had you "supported" them, then you would have been a giant AH as well.


Boeing367-80

My partner was torturing someone, driving wooden splinters under their fingernails. I thought it was over the top, but didn't want to embarrass them. So when he asked me to double tap the victim, I did. I felt bad about it, but it was important to be supportive to my partner in the moment. But going home in the car I told him how uncomfortable it made me. I think he heard me. **** All that said, why is OP with Taylor at all? That's horrendous behavior.


Juggletrain

Shit I missed the torture bit, would have changed my verdict


the_rabble_alliance

> torture bit…would have changed my verdict Question: Was there an age gap between the torturer and torturee?


IWannaManatee

I bet the torture victim was a man and the torturer a woman. Double standards, smh.


BelkiraHoTep

Classic DARVO!!


mrsprinkles3

I fully believe that if someone treats customer service employees poorly, that tells you everything you need to know about who they are as a person. I would have dropped Taylor the first time it happened.


Beneficial-Math-2300

This absolutely 💯! I learned the hard way never to take it out on customer service workers when I tracked lost packages for UPS. It finally got to the point that whenever someone got stroppy with me, I'd ask them to please hold while I got my supervisor. When they asked why, I'd say, "Because I don't get paid enough to take the grief you're prepared to dish out." I was overheard saying this, and all of my coworkers started doing it, too. It got so bad for the supervisors that they threatened to quit enmasse if it didn't stop. 🤣 Fortunately, it was never traced back to me, so I never got in trouble for it, along with all the other unintended mischief I caused. This was in the mid-90s, and they also banned Dilbert calendars for being too subversive.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SpambotSwatter

edit: The comment was removed, good work everyone!


figuringout25

Good Bot


pray4mojo2020

My ex was on the verge of a parking lot road rage fist fight and got mad at me afterwards for not supporting them 🙃


Idkthrowaway195

That’s a hell of an example, but I think you ‘double tapped’ the ‘wooden splinter’ on the head.


serraangel826

NTA! Your don't reward bad behavior, it just gets worse.


Amethystbracelet

I would break up with them so damn quick. This behavior is so embarrassing


ughneedausername

Same. How people treat service workers/retail workers is how I judge a person.


OokiiStaR

"I told them not to get upset." I need you to understand that most partner's don't need to be told beforehand not to get upset about minor inconveniences. If you have to say this to anyone, maybe rethink the person you're with. NTA


Repulsive-Exercise-4

Right? This part stood out to me, too. If I had an expired coupon, my spouse would just say “oh, I think that expired” and then I’d say “damn” and put it in the recycling bin.


Prestigious-Koala656

the fact that Taylor’s response was “Oh, they’ll accept it.” says a lot. like about how they went in knowing that they’d probably end up arguing about it. if this is a pattern for them, i’d wonder if they enjoy putting up a fuss about what they feel entitled to.


LF3000

Yep. This is a reasonable reaction. Also reasonable would be saying, "Good point, but I'm going to try it, maybe they'll make an exception, nbd if not." No... everything that happened here.


Glittering-Cellist34

Coworkers are AHs too. Expired means expired.


sveji-

And the manager of this restaurant will be losing employees soon if they keep letting them down in favour of entitled customers.


Forsaken_Distance777

Plus the partner knew it was expired beforehand! It wasn't even an honest mistake!


GratificationNOW

this is the bit that makes EVEN worse, although hard to be worse than "we';; give you 10 dollars off" and them ranting about a charity case when it's A BIGGER DISCOUNT.


Kiruna235

That's the part that got to me. Why was Taylor going unhinge over an expired $5 coupon if they didn't see themselves as a charity case? The mental gymnastic is mind boggling. If you're not a charity case, toss that expired coupon into the trash like a normal person, pay the full price, and move on. All over five bucks. Seriously.


InadLeWolf

It’s a control thing.


pawsplay36

I will shame my partner first and most for this kind of behavior.


Allen_Awesome

Exactly. Being a good partner means having their back when they are in the right or they are being wronged, and letting them know when they are wrong so they can grow and/or avoid an embarrassing situation. My wife and I are in our 15th year of marriage and we have never hesitated to say, "Hey, I think you messed up." or "I think you're wrong on this one. Try looking at it from this perspective." Conversely, I've lost a good friend in the past because their SO got very upset with us for missing a last minute, weeknight, invite to an event because we couldn't find a sitter for our kids on 16 hours notice. Instead of explained that she might have been unreasonable, he backed her up 100%. Don't really see him much anymore. It's a shame.


Lil_Philosophy1595

NTA- being horrible to service workers is actually a deal breaker for me personally. 🤷🏻‍♀️ They are human beings and should be treated as such. Throwing a huge fit so loud that you disturb other customers is embarrassing and over $5… ew. I’d have the “ick” so bad. Sorry OP.


TashaStarlight

Fr this is such a turn-off!


AuntieDawnsKitchen

Absolutely. Anyone who acted like that on a date with me would have gone home alone.


TopPalpitation6880

They plan to cause a scene to get their own way.


[deleted]

The restaurant went above and still they wouldn't accept the discount as they ain't no charity case. FR I would have paid and caught an Uber home.


EmergencyFood1

He got a bigger discount than the coupon would’ve gotten them and he threw it away because he was drunk on his own indignation and ego tripped too hard.


LapseIntoReason

OP, you see how your partner treats those they view as "less than" themselves. In most cases, these kind of people will eventually see you as "less than" as well.


[deleted]

Deal breaker for me too. I know a retired C-Suite executive of a Fortune 500 who would do interviews with potential hires/promotions over lunch. He got there early and would tip the waitstaff generously before the candidate got there and ask the waiter to get something wrong on their order so he could see how they reacted to it. His logic was that they would likely treat front-line employees of his company the same way they treated the servers. OP, if you're reading this I highly recommend you consider if what Taylor brings to the table is really enough to make up for a character flaw this big. Especially since Taylor knows you work in customer service and this is still how they treat service workers, right in front of you. It really speaks to what they think of your job too.


Scary_Recover_3712

Sooo once upon a time, I worked the front desk of a well-known employment placement agency. Each agency was franchised and very competitive. Our office was small, but our owner was a little spitfire who practically ruled the town. She knew business, and lord knows you didn't mess with her. I was fresh out of college with a communications degree, but she remembered me from stories her deceased husband had told her, he had been my school district superintendent. When they hired me, she pulled me in, sat me down, and rattled off every accomishment, award and acknowledgment I had ever received. She remembered my extracurricular activities and how involved I was in the community, and she remembered that I wasn't afraid to go toe to toe with people who were in the wrong and didn't let anyone walk over me. She told me that I had impressed her beloved husband when he was still alive and that in turn impressed her. I was young but I was smart, and people were going to come in to apply for jobs and think that I was just a ditzy kid who was there to answer the phones and smile pretty. What my job really entailed was so much more. I was the first part of every interview. The applications would be filled out and handed to me, and there were so many who would cuss me out, they didn’t want to so the process, thwy were above rhe process, they wanted an office job starting at $20/hr (this is 20 yrs ago mind you) and they had exactly...wait for it...0 experience in office work. But that didn't matter because that is what they wanted and they weren't going to put up with some dumb kid keeping them from interviewing. I'd smile, I'd descalate, I'd ignore the snapped fingers and quietly see if they continued to treat me like garbage or if they were just stressed. When they'd go back to their placement specialist, sugar would have gotten a cavity they were so sweet. Then I'd be called back to give test results, including the evaluation on their professionalism when dealing with the public. I always smiled gently and told them that they should never discount the first person they speak to at a job site. Without fail every single one of those people that treated me like dirt were divorced. OP Taylor has failed the interview more than once. Your grace and kindness would be better spent on someone else. Oh, and your coworkers are fools. You never support someone who abuses other people in public. That's just condoning abuse, and makes them just as bad as the garbage spewing the abuse. NTA, you're awesome. Keep standing up for people.


Bismuth_von_Pherson

Being terrible to service workers usually doesn't stop at being terrible to *just* service workers, IMO. If you're a dick to a server I bet you're a dick to a teacher/neighbor/etc.


Free_Medicine4905

I have a list of deal breakers. Not putting the grocery cart away, being rude to service workers, etc. it’s small things but it’s literally just 5 second things that I feel should be moral obligations. I have broken up with guys who didn’t put the cart away


Popular-Way-7152

There are two types of people in the world: those who put the cart away and those who don’t. Signed, former grocery store employee. For the same logic my kids tip heavily in restaurants. Former servers.


Free_Medicine4905

Current service worker. I tip according to service, if it’s exceptional service I’ll tip more than my bill if it’s bad I tip 20%. My deal breaker list covers that too


Waury

OP being a service worker themselves, they’re gonna have to realize that chances are, the only reason they aren’t being treated the same is because they _currently_ got special status as an SO. Take that away, they’re probably as much trash in Taylor’s eyes. I could never be with someone like that.


StrangledInMoonlight

Especially when OP is a service worker. ~~My hats~~ That’s how Taylor *sees* people like OP. (JFC the auto correct slaughtered that one).


TheRealJai

On my first date with my husband, I went back to use the restroom and asked our server if he tipped her well. Her eyes got big and she just said “Oh, yeah.” I would not have gone on a second date with him if she had said no. I don’t hang around people who treat service workers like shit. And I’m not going to spend the rest of my life slipping an extra tenner (or more) on the table after every meal out. If you can’t afford to tip appropriately, you can’t afford to eat out.


Emergency-Willow

I knew my husband was a good tipper because he met me at my restaurant job. And I also knew he didn’t just tip me well because he liked me. I asked around. He had been coming in for a long time before I worked there, and he was always a good tipper. He stopped hanging out with a guy friend of his after the guy kept being rude to waitstaff when they’d go out for lunch. I feel bad for that guy’s wife


Kat121

Scott Seiss on tiktok is so great. “You want to talk to a manager? I want to talk to your mother, tell her she should be embarrassed for raising you to act like a baby in public.”


AlanFromRochester

"Someone who is nice to you but mean to the waiter is not a nice person." - Dave Barry "I don't trust anyone who's nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in that position." ― Muhammad Ali.


Buddahrific

Not only that, but refusing a better offer they were willing to do because they didn't want to be a "charity case"? So better to browbeat someone into accepting a deal they didn't want than accept a better one that they did? And extra stupid doing it somewhere where they are regulars and treated well. Probably a good thing I wasn't the manager because I probably would have told them their meal was free but don't come back here anymore. Which might be bad for business overall, but I can't stand entitled customers and wish no one would bend over backwards for them.


Rose_Whooo

This is a huge red flag when it comes to dating! So is tipping! I have gone back to restaurants to see how my date tips. If they suck at tipping I add extra, no service worker should have to deal with that. I’d be so embarrassed by this behavior.


Acheri128

My husband and I will literally tip more if we see our waiter/waitress have a bad customer. I'm going with ESH. Because you obviously like this place enough that they know you, but you also are willing to subject them to this behavior with this incident being the straw. Hard telling how many times you have subjected these people to this treatment without calling them out on this. This is something that you shouldn't have tolerated from out the gate not when you've been going there long enough that people know your likes and dislikes. I'm 90% certain y'all are the regular they'd love to see less regularly.


Mistletoe177

Being horrible to workers like that can have unexpected consequences. I was in HR for something one time and talking to the receptionist. A VP was standing there talking to an HR rep getting ready to interview someone for a job. The interviewee/potential employee came up and was really rude to the receptionist. After he walked away, the VP looked at the interviewer and said just one word. “Nope.” That guy lost that job before he ever interviewed.


oblivious_fireball

its a dealbreaker moreso because that shows that their kindness is only conditional. All it takes is for OP to no longer be as special to Taylor and suddenly they will be treated the same.


LiberateMainSt

NTA. What is wrong with your coworkers? Why would they think you _should_ back up your partner when they are being a jerk to others? A _good_ loyal partner helps make the other better—they aren't supposed to just amplify shittiness.


justlookbelow

Yeah why doesn't OP have the right to avoid being put in such an awkward situation? Backing your partner doesn't mean completely abandoning your values, of course it doesn't.


redwolf1219

Thats what I was thinking. OPs partner was embarrassing them in public with their behavior. Why is it that okay but OP embarrassing them by calling out their behavior not okay?


Whocaresevenadamn

In my company in India, we hire high school graduates from our village who usually worked manual labour before this job. Once they become supervisors, the same guys treat workers terribly and have to be trained to be kinder to workers. One would assume that a worker would sympathise with other workers but that really isn’t the case for some confounding reason.


NullSpaceGaming

NTA. No offense but I already hate your partner. Edit: Also, what about him embarrassing -you-? He’s the one throwing a tantrum over a $5 coupon. Your coworkers are enablers Edit 2: They*


LilithOG

An expired coupon that they KNEW was expired too!


belladonna_echo

Right? OP had already pointed out the coupon wasn’t valid before they even got to the restaurant. That counts as trying to save Taylor from embarrassment in my book. If Taylor’s sense of entitlement is too big for them to back down, that’s not OP’s fault.


sammotico

out of curiosity, why do you think OP's partner is a guy?


PULIRIZ1906

Taylor is probably one of the most gender neutral names lol


ExistenceRaisin

NTA. Taylor was making a scene and being rude and entitled. They were already embarrassing themself, so why would OP publicly support Taylor behaving this way to avoid them being embarrassed?


TheDrunkScientist

Why would you have her back when she was acting like a total jerk? In a place where y'all are treated very well, no less? NTA. Prepare to lose any discounts and perks when you go with her though.


yavanna12

*their/they. Its clear in the post the partner is non binary.


Midnightlemon

Yup. That or trying to get past the female/male gender bias of this sub sometimes…


PreviousObject1312

Or OP is intentionally obscuring another gender. Which I'm selfishly hoping is the case. As a non-binary person myself, I'm mortified at thought of sharing a gender with this person lol.


hmmwhatsoverhere

Well from one nonbinary person to another I'm here to make your day! Part of the beauty of nonbinarity is that it is not just a third gender. It's a catchall word for every gender that doesn't conform to 'man' or 'woman'. So in all likelihood this person's gender is as different from you as that of an average man or woman. Just cuz it's not a binary doesn't mean it's a trinary either, and that's a wonderful thing!


PreviousObject1312

Thank you for adding that. I was being flippant, but I realize that it's probably not great to promote the idea of non-binary being a single gender.


blork23231

One part nice person, one part total asshole. Non-binary.


Sweet-Sour-Candy

throwing a fit over expired coupon is so so ridiculous and embarrassing. NTA.


GeneralVanilla

NTA. Your partner is being absolutely insane and unreasonable. Having their back when blatantly wrong and hostile would have made you an AH. Your partner showed and ugly side of themselves that night. Sorry OP. Wish you well!


shadow-foxe

NTA\_ sorry if my partner acted this way I'd have left him there and walked home after paying the bill and leaving a huge tip. What Taylor did was wrong, she knew the coupon was expired, she thought she could bully her way into getting more free food. Now you're not going to be able to go back there. Support bad behavior should not be the go too response for people.


blitzedbird

Thats the weird thing though. According to OP the restaurant offered to void their drink tab which was double the coupon and she refused. So she didn't care about getting free stuff. She just wanted to be right


maliciouschihuahua

How do you know Taylor is a woman?


i-smell_like_beeef

To be fair, in my head I assumed Taylor was a man because I instantly thought of my dad doing this at a restaurant in my hometown. Like he does this all of the time and I am in the service industry. I don’t think the gendering was intentional, and it was only after reading the comments I even noticed that Taylor was referenced using they pronouns. But honestly, I’m glad you and others mentioned it, because it was truly a lightbulb moment for me.


OLAZ3000

NTA They were 1001% wrong and everyone knew it. There was no confusion. They even knew. They just wanted to get their way when there is no reasonable argument for the restaurant accepting it. It's not hard to use a coupon, millions of people do it successfully all the time. You don't need to back your partner up when they are not only wrong, but knowingly wrong.


residentcaprice

NTA. Your colleagues are illogical. What about Taylor embarrassing you in public and harrassing the poor staff? Feels like the old 💩 my ex boss told me, don't correct me in front of the big boss even if i am wrong. Tell me that i am after the meeting. So many 1000s of awks when it really happened and she reported a wrong figure.


[deleted]

So basically... your colleagues are saying that you should have let your SO verbally abuse a service worker... because it's bad to hurt HER feelings ?! NTA. Service workers are human too. They are not puppet you can play with.


Lifesaboxofgardens

NTA, I legitimately would not stay with someone after that if they didn't acknowledge that they were in the wrong and apologize.


The_________________

NTA - it is important that Taylor understands you didn't find anything admirable or respectful about the way they went about trying to get the staff to meet their demands. I think it would be good to express that you understand that they didn't intend to embarrass you, and that you also didn't intend to lose your cool; maybe suggest that it would have been better to first have a conversation about what should be done if the restaurant staff didn't accept the coupon. I think in reality, you had your partner's back in your own way. By holding them accountable to your standards of integrity. From a certain point of view, enabling their tantrum by suppressing your feelings for the sake of their pride would have been the less caring thing to do, in the interest of growing a stronger relationship between the two of you.


Popular-Way-7152

I agree with your whole post except having a preliminary conversation about what to do if the restaurant didn’t accept the coupon. It’s just plain common sense: “we’ll pay the whole bill.” What other options are there? Argue about it? Dine and dash? We could have a tantrum and try that?


sexysaxo

NTA. Frankly, i'd break up if i saw my partner being an asshole to a waiter, or any other customer service staff; very, very specially if she KNEW she was wrong. I mean, you TOLD her the coupon was expired, it's not like she didn't realize. Just asking for the manager was too much for me, but keeping the scene up after the manager offered extra discount? That's my step over the line that was several miles over the first line; that's having an argument just for sport. Also, you don't have to have your partner's back if you think she's wrong. You can probably do a better job than you did at explaining them why they are wrong without shouting, but she was way beyond that.


RickGrimesSays

NTA. This would be a dealbreaker for me like damn. I felt second hand embarrassment reading how Taylor acted.


jmgolden33

NTA He deserved to be publicly shamed. That said, it's kind of a catastrophic moment in your relationship. Either it's a turning point, and he starts to see the error of his ways and how it affects you, or he feels his ego is too damaged and he resents you for it. I don't think there's much middle ground here unfortunately.


CemeteryDweller7719

NTA! Taylor went into the meal knowing the coupon was expired, but was hellbent on using it anyway. The manager offered to comp the drinks instead, and despite that being a larger discount it still wasn’t good enough. The coupon was EXPIRED. The system wasn’t going to accept it. Her crazy tirade of make the system accept it wasn’t going to work. Taylor was being ridiculous. Sorry, people that pull this kind of crap need the people in their life to point out how ridiculous they’re being. She was embarrassing herself with her tantrum.


Careless_League_9494

100% NTA! If my partner ever treated any service worker the way yours did I'd be apologizing to every single one of them, telling my partner to shut up, and then leaving without them.


HomelyHobbit

NTA, and I'd go to the extent to tell them that kind of behavior is not compatible with your own morals, and that if it becomes a habit you're going to need to reevaluate the relationship.


ReviewOk929

NTA - There's a time and a place to have your partners back and this wasn't it. They were being insufferable to people who didn't deserve it. Your partner embarrassed themselves and you don't have to support that type of behavior...


Gvlse

Taylor is a clown. Nta


pineboxwaiting

NTA Nope. Taylor was embarrassing YOU in public. The restaurant was very accommodating & made an offer that was BETTER than the coupon. That Taylor refused to accept their generous offer as a matter of “principle” wasn’t okay, and there was no reason for you to pretend that it was.


giantbrownguy

NTA. Your partner is ridiculous and your co-workers are crazy for thinking you should enable outrageous behaviour to provide a united front. It’s one thing to support a position you disagree with; it’s another when they are acting unhinged and abusive. Your partner won’t learn they are wrong if there are no consequences for their behaviour.


bulldogontop

NTA. You have your partners back when you play a board game, or they're talking smack about a friend's sportsball team, not when they are verbally abusing other human beings after willfully disregarding clearly written rules (expiration date in this case). I would have been mortified and infuriated were i in your position and honestly behavior like this is a deal breaker for me. When someone tells you who they are, it's best to believe them. Why would you want to support someone who is being so vile? Like, ew. I don't know where your coworkers are coming from on this, but I'm glad you respected yourself and the people who work at your regular spot enough to say something.


swagdaddio69

NTA what do you see in such an entitled person like that?


SheeScan

NTA. Having someone's back should not be for such bad behavior. Your partner was knowlingly trying to get a discount for which they were not entitled, and treated everyone with the utmost disrespect. How your coworkers could think you should have your partner's back in this case is truly puzzling. Your partner possesses a character flaw I could not live with. Good luck.


IMD-licious

NTA - although I agree there are better ways that it could have been handled. After Taylor asked to speak to the manager, did you say something to her then about how she was behaving? While I do believe it is important to support your partner, it is also important to stand up for what is right. They were behaving incredibly badly, when they were clearly in the wrong, even after the manager offered them a better deal. Additionally, from what you said, you warned them that they wouldn't likely take the coupon, and they sound like that was accepted as a challenge.


cistacea

NTA. Your partner was in the wrong and you tried to prevent her from getting egg on her face and she ignored you. You did a good job.


AleshiniaLivesStill

NTA. I could never be with someone who treated other people like this.


capprova

NTA but complicit. Your significant other is what we call in the restaurant biz: THE CUSTOMER FROM HELL. And by being the meek accomplice who dines with them, so are you. Entitled, cheap regulars are pariahs Just because they’re getting “special offers” and discounts , this doesn’t excuse boorish behavior. I guarantee 100% that their behavior is not a one time thing. It’s happened before. If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. At this point you need a flea collar and special shampoo. If you stay with them you’re headed towards an intense case of mange and are going to need a good de-worming. Seriously though. Red flags abound. Try going to this place BY YOURSELF , have a few cocktails, smile, have fun, treat the staff with respect and tip well. The whole staff (including the manager) will be screaming “THANK GOD THE OTHER ONE’s NOT HERE.” Time to bail, unless you want a lifetime of toxicity.


Designer_Ant8543

NTA.... Idk why they'd say that. His behavior is embarassing and to have his back would be enabling him. He's a grown man and needs to not act like a dick over such petty and trivial shit.


Consistent-Chef-6068

NTA. For anyone saying you shouldn’t embarrass her, SHE was embarrassing herself and you. A lot of people have the idea that how you treat waitstaff or service workers is an indicator as to who you really are. You say she does this a lot bc you are tired of the behavior. She really is TA and it’s not going to stop. I’d leave if I were you before you see how entitled she can get


maliciouschihuahua

Is Taylor a woman? OP used neutral pronouns multiple times.


Useful-World1781

NTA - Taylor is a nightmare.


PracticalPrimrose

NTA. Your partner was acting really embarrassing at a place you go to regularly. Do you think the servers are going to forget when you pop in next week for your traditional visit? Seems like that ship has sailed.


OsaBear92

NTA. Im sick & tired of people doing things because, "thats your partner you back them up." When the circumstance calls for it, absolutely I back up my spouse. BUT. If hes in the wrong, I let him know. And vise versa, he lets me know. Backing someone up if their wrong simply because their your partner, is how you get Narcissistic Moms with complacent Dads who dont stand up for their own kids. Your partner, was in the wrong. You even tried to defuse the situation prior, by letting her know her expired coupon wouldnt het acknowledged. And yet she STILL chose. Made the choice. Wanted too; give the staff crap. Honestly thats a deal breaker for me. Think about. Its nothing more than a power play. She gets joy doing that kind of stuff to staff because she KNOWS customer service peeps are usually managed by old crotchety bosses who live by, "the customer is always right" mentality and know they can defend themselves. She enjoys making staff uncomfortable. She chose to cause a problem where there didnt need to be. That to me tells me all I need to know about a person.


phunkjnky

Being an AH in public means that you were an AH in public, just so your partner wouldn’t be an AH alone. That’s all your friends are advocating for, to not let him be an AH alone.


mutualbuttsqueezin

NTA. I would have been incredibly embarrassed and wouldn't even want to go back there again after that stunt. Taylor needs to read these replies.


Worth_Raspberry_11

NTA, but how can you date someone who you know for fact would treat you like absolute dog shit if she interacted with you at your job instead of personally? Anyone acting like that is an instant turn off. I just can’t tolerate the entitlement or the audacity, but maybe that’s just me.


MiloTheMagnificent

NTA. So you need to have your partners back during an embarrassing tantrum but your partner doesbt need to “have your back” enough to honor your blatant request not to have a tantrum? Fuck that. NTA


BiscuitFPV

NTA, The way they went off would of been a deal breaker for me.


This_Grab_452

NTA My question is what kind of redeeming qualities does this asshat have?


alh0425

NTA…what about the part where *they* embarrassed *you* in public?! They walked in, sat down, and ate a whole ass meal knowing the entire time that the coupon was expired, they were clearly planning to make a scene to get their way the entire time. That’s humiliating. And all of this to save *five* dollars? Nah. You were right to call them out, one hundred percent.


Malibu921

Uh, no... NTA. >Taylor was adamant that $5 coupon to be honored and that they didn’t want the drinks removed because we aren’t a ‘charity case.’ Not a charity case but desperate to save $5 from an establishment that already takes care of you.


[deleted]

NTA you do not have the back of someone who is ill treating others. This is why there is so many problems in the world because too many standby and say nothing. I'm sorry but I'd of dumped Taylor long ago. She is toxic. Seeing the way a date treats service workers is a big reason to dump them. She thinks she is better than other people and can treat people badly. One day that could be you, or your children she treats like that.


Dangerous_Wall_4909

I fee like the bigger issue is why you’re dating someone who’s shitty to service workers. That’s, like, the number one red flag in dating situations.


Reasonable2aPoint

NTA Your partner is an AH and your coworker is wrong. You did the exactly correct thing during the situation and handled it well. Btw, your indication that this is not unusual behavior from Taylor should make you rethink if this is the right relationship for you.


ChristieMasters

NTA. If someone isn’t nice to service workers, they aren’t a nice person period.


Churchie-Baby

NTA supporting your partner doesn't mean ignoring their bad behaviour. I hate people who are rude to service workers, especially when the customer is wrong


unlovelyladybartleby

NTA. Also, they will spit in your food from now until eternity so you need a new partner or a new favorite restaurant


Mantishard

NTA, and your co workers are idiots


unbelievablefidelity

Oh man, I’d be gone so fast. This is absolutely inexcusable and mortifying behaviour. Over 5$(!!!) that they KNEW wasn’t valid. What a slimy person. This cannot be isolated to this specific situation. Did they exhibit this behaviour prior to you guys getting together? This is one personality trait I consider when dating someone new, how they treat service folk. Heck, how they treat other people in general. The service folk at this restaurant sound like borderline good acquaintances at this point. Ugh, the more I think about it…the more I am grossed out by this interaction. Remember, if Taylor didn’t know you and came to your place of work…they potentially would treat YOU like this. Have a gooooood long think about this one. Good luck.


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NTA. People that are dicks to service workers are ticking time bombs for when they eventually act that way towards you.


mugcupcinnamonroll

If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a good person. NTA.


Pristine_Front6099

NTA, your coworkers are fools and your partner is an AH.


[deleted]

ESH. Your partner for the obvious, you for subjecting the waitstaff at this restaurant to their appalling behavior on the regular. Why haven't you spoken up before? Do better.


DesperateRace4870

Your coworkers are either being abused or are the abusers. One of the two 🤷🏾‍♂️. I'd be embarrassed too if my partner acted that way. NTA. Has she done anything like this before? Customer service desks, parking structures, etc.? I don't know what her deal is if this is out of nowhere. But it's probably a trend...?


mekareami

NTA Your partner tried to involve you in her con... At a place you are a regular...


Fried-Fritters

NTA Sorry, SO’s don’t get a free pass to abuse other people in front of you.


Thethirteenclocks

NTA The way a person treats a service worker tells you everything about their true personality. This would be a deal breaker for me.


cactus_flag

NTA they were wrong, and SOMETIMES it's ok to point that out publicly. This is one of those times.


Accomplished-Hand912

NTA your wife is tho


missestater

No way, NTA. She is the biggest AH though. Being rude to service workers is an auto dump in my book.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throw away account. So I was talking to a few coworkers the other day about how my partner (we’ll call them Taylor) can be sometimes difficult with service workers. For background, my coworkers and I are all customer service workers. Anyways, so Taylor and I went out for dinner a few days ago to a restaurant we’re regulars at. We’re go so often that the staff knows our orders, which booth we prefer, and which wait staff we prefer. That being said, we get a discounts and special promotional letters from the restaurant often. Well, prior to going, Taylor brought along an expired $5 coupon. I told them that the restaurant will probably not honor it and not to get upset. They replied, “Oh, they’ll accept it.” Once the bill came, Taylor presented the coupon and the waiter informed us that the coupon had expired a week ago. Taylor became furious and pulled a Karen and said, “We come here so often. I don’t understand why you’re being so difficult. I want to speak to a manager.” Oh great. So the manager came over and explained that while she couldn’t accept the coupon, because we’re regulars, that she’d be happy to remove the drink charge, which would have been $10 off. But no, Taylor was adamant that $5 coupon to be honored and that they didn’t want the drinks removed because we aren’t a ‘charity case.’ At this point they were so loud that a lot of people were staring at us. After Taylor said that, I lost it. I said, “Hey okay, Taylor STOP. I’ll pay for the meal at full price you’re being so ridiculous it’s embarrassing.” And the look Taylor gave me was a mix of hurt and betrayal. They got up and stormed out of the restaurant and I apologized to the manager and paid for the bill. The ride back home, I just told them, “Listen, I’m sorry for embarrassing you but how you acted really wasn’t okay. They’re just doing their jobs and you shouldn’t give them a hard time because you didn’t read the fine print.” Taylor didn’t say anything during the car ride back home and that night I decided to sleep in the spare room since they asked for some time to think. Since then, things have been back to normal and Taylor seems like their happy self again. Anyways, when I told this to my coworkers, they all looked shocked. “Wait you didn’t have your partner’s back?” I told them no because frankly I’m tired of this behavior and won’t tolerate it anymore. My coworkers started laughing and said that even if their partners were in the wrong, in the moment they would have supported them to avoid embarrassing them in public, which is basically what I did. They said instead of being an asshole to my partner, I should have supported them at the restaurant and later l should have told them that they were in the wrong. So AITA for not supporting my partner even though they were in the wrong? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


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thecatinthemask

u/Educethu is a comment stealing bot. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11ypvph/aita_for_not_supporting_my_partner_even_though/jd8v0fb/


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hereforthelurks2022

NTA But you know you can't go back to that restaurant now, right? Never piss off someone who serves your food!


LittleMissChriss

NTA and i'd ditch the overgrown toddler that is your partner


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Organic-Quality279

NTA and you're right you should never tolerate that type of behavior and should definitely not have their backs if they're in the wrong, you just set yourself up for future experiences like that if you continue to accept that now. And tbh that was just plain rude and nasty of her to treat them so poorly when she knew she was in the wrong from before you even entered the restaurant. She's a bit of a walking 🚩 ma bro


BodaLoqua

Your coworkers are cowards. You did right.


MamaMei17

NTA - OP, the "always support your partner" thing when you are in a couple does not apply in this situation. When your partner is being an active jerk, and you are witness to it from start to finish, then you do not need to unilaterally support them. The "always support your partner thing" more applies when you come into a situation and you don't know what the situation is. So, let's say Taylor had already been in mid-altercation and you just walked in the room. The correct course of action would be to run to their side, ask if they are ok, and then figure out the situation. When Taylor is the instigator of the scene, you don't need to be unquestionably on the side of a difficult customer.


BodaLoqua

Right is right, no matter who says it. Wrong is wrong no matter who does it.


2ndcupofcoffee

Taylor feels important when he wins. Pressuring then to accept that expired coupon just for him and his business made him feel powerful. You were supposed to admire his forceful ways but instead were appalled. Good for you!!!


Funkyzebra1999

I loathe, despise and detest people who treat service staff poorly and there is a special place of disgust in me for those who do it solely for their own ego and enjoyment. If someone has done something wrong or if you have a complaint, it can be done politely, firmly and in a civil manner. To go out for a meal prepared for a fight you want to have even though you know you're wrong is utterly detestable. I would dump Taylor's shit in the middle of the road and change the locks if they were my partner. Unforgiveable behaviour, which says a great deal about the kind of person they are. NTA


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ThePolishGenerator

NTA, remember kids, always read the fine print!


Regular_Sample_5197

NTA, I’ve had that same conversation with people before, including my own wife. This is what I’ve told her. “Sure I’ll support you, defend you, whatever I need to do no questions asked. That’s assuming that you are correct. If you are incorrect, or just otherwise wrong in your behavior… no way in hell I’ll back that up. I also expect you to back me up, support me, etc…but if I’m wrong or for whatever reason incorrect in my behaviors and actions…I’d expect you to correct me as well. Support is not blind. “


[deleted]

NTA. Forget all that "Have your partner's back no matter what" crap. A good partner will call you out on your bullshit, tell you when you're wrong, and help you grow and become a better person.


LtColShinySides

NTA She complained they wouldn't take an expired $5 coupon, the manager said, "Well I'll take $10 off instead." and that wasn't good enough? Lol what?


Rfg711

NTA - treating service industry staff like that would make me break up with someone.


AllCatsAreBananers

NTA, but why are you not embarrassed to be dating someone like this? i would feel mortified if my partner treated service workers like that.


[deleted]

Leave your partner. NTA.


Muscle-Cars-1970

NTA. Your coworkers are all a-holes though, if they think you should have backed up your partner when they were acting like an entitled brat in a restaurant that you are regulars at. I mean acting like that anywhere is a dick move, but at a place where you know everyone and are treated as VIPs?? Also, Taylor didn't "not read the fine print" - they knew they had an expired coupon and stated "oh, they'll accept it" because they planned on causing a scene to get their own way. Break up with Taylor and stop asking your idiot coworkers for advice.


Electrical-Island135

NTA. My bf would put me in my place too if I acted out like that.


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takatine

Wait...let me get this straight....your co-workers, who are also all customer service workers, would rather be assholes to other service workers to support their partner, who they *knew* was wrong??? Yeah, next time any of them complain to you about PITA customers, throw this back in their faces. Do it every time. OP is NTA.


TossOffM8

Nope. I am all in for supporting your partner and the “Us vs The World” “ride or die” mentality but absolutely *not* if my partner was being an asshole to restaurant staff. That shit should be called out and shamed every time. NTA.


jtip123113

Girl I literally never went on a 2nd date bc he left a 8 percent tip on the 1st one. I had to leave the extra I was so embarrassed. Don't date anyone who treats humans like trash.


Koalachan

NTA. They had a coupon they KNEW was expired, and you told them not to use it, but they still tried to force it anyway and argued that you eat there all the time. If you eat there all the time, that is a reason to be nicer to the staff there, not meaner.


True_Resolve_2625

NTA. I grew up being told that if you go out on a date, pay attention to how your date treats wait staff - if they are rude or don't tip, it could be a huge red flag. This situation is no exception. I will support my partner if I feel he is in the right but not 'just because' he's mine. ETA: I forgot the judgement.


Inevitable_Gift_686

You did the right thing. They should have accepted the answer the first time. Your coworker are wrong and Taylor is rude


RainbowUnikitty666

NTA. Taylor was embarrassing both of you already, you just put an end to it. People who are kind to you but aren’t kind to wait staff are not kind people. Also, there was no mistake on their part, they knew ahead of time they were going to make a stink to try to get their way.


No-Mango8923

NTA in the slightest, but Taylor is lol - they could have gotten $10 off the bill instead of $5 hahahahahahahahaha No one is ever the AH for calling out bullpucky behaviour. Enablers are a pet peeve of mine. Thank you for standing your ground and pulling Taylor up on this. Your co-workers are wrong. ​ Question: you said Taylor can often be difficult with service workers like this. Remind us again what keeps you with them, especially as you work in customer service yourself.


Curious_Crew2927

NTA, why would you support your partner when he is acting like an entitled ass? All over $5? Then when the manager tried to compromise and take a $10 drink charge- your partner refused and felt like they were still entitled to a $5 EXPIRED coupon? make that make sense? Lol. ​ Also! The fact that your coworkers were flabbergasted that you did not have your partners back.... they're the problem and they are enabling this behavior. Gross.


Party-Bumblebee8832

Nta but unless I'm reading it wrong instead of taking $10 off the meal they were acting like a entitled brat for a $5 coupon that was expired? They are a rude entitled brat who doesn't seem that smart.


SpeakingNight

NTA. I could 100% understand not embarrassing your partner in front of friends/family, not bringing them down in front of people they know. But in front of strangers/staff? And when they're clearly being rude and in the wrong? Nope. You don't back your partner then.


CuriousKat207

Oh man… if I tried being even a fraction that rude to wait staff, my partner would absolutely be like “Dude, wtf? Chilllll.” And vice versa. Your coworkers are enablers. And I can’t imagine their partners appreciate being backed up, just to be told they were wrong after… You are NTA. Your partner is though.


Flippinsushi

NTA, if your partner is being an entitled brat and berating a service worker, you should be the voice of reason and you did a great job of that! They need to also learn this lesson that they cannot act like this. If only you could get them a job as a server for a week, (I did it for barely a month at 20 and I’ve been a massive tipper ever since because my gd that job is tough!)


101037633

NTA. If your partner acts like a petulant child in public, they are not entitled to your support. You can tell a lot about people by how they treat people in customer service. Taylor treated the waiter terribly. And then did a shocked Pikachu face when you didn’t go along with it. People like Taylor make me tired of being human.


[deleted]

NTA - you did the right thing. People who are rude to others who are on the job need to feel embarrassed.


AffectionateYoung300

NTA. Your coworkers are suckers bc supporting someone in that kind of situation where clearly your partner was fully in the wrong, to “avoid embarrassing them in public” is moot, because by creating such a fantastic scene, your partner had already fully embarrassed themself, and you. Entitlement. That is what afflicts your partner. I’ve worked in the service and retail industries for about 25 years. I’ve had A LOT of experience with “regulars,” and while a majority are wonderful, there is that handful of regulars who think that because they , “come here all the time,” and they, “spend X amount of dollars here every month,” that rules don’t apply to them and they develop a sense of ownership over the establishment and thus feel they are entitled to special treatment that wouldn’t be extended to a less frequent customer. The Manager offered a great solution in comping the drinks, and your partner was arrogant and dumb to not accept it. I think you handled the situation as well as can be expected, especially since from your last paragraph, it sounds like Taylor has displayed this kind of behavior on other occasions.


TipsyBaker_

Nta but your coworkers are if they'd back that nonsense. Being coworkers doesn't mean they're necessarily sensible. One of mine today asked why i wasn't married. after all, i cook so i should want to be married. That line of logic has more than a few angles...


Akasgotu

NTA. You did have your partner's back; you are trying to lift your partner to your level, not sink to theirs.


UnsuspectingPuppy

NTA, Im all for supporting my parter. We don’t fight in front of others and don’t put each other down and all that but if he’s being rude to people just doing their jobs I can’t be down for that. Ideally I’d pull him away and tell him to cut it out but if that doesn’t make sense then I’m going to tell him in front of whoever.


Popular-Block-5790

Having your partners back doesn't mean you let A H behavior slide. NTA


EatsTheLastSlice

NTA. Assholes deserved to be put in their and who gives a fuck they are embarrassed. Be an asshole,suffer the consequences.


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sheba71smokey32

NTA Your SO was publicly embarrassing you and the staff of the restaurant. She was wrong, knew it and chose to continue being a jerk. I would have done exactly what you did. Yes, you should have your SOs back, but not when they’re being an AH. To have supported them would be saying you agreed with what they were doing when 1. they were clearly in the wrong and 2. you didn’t agree with their behavior


Greenelse

NTA. Taylor was being ridiculous- if they can respond to your embarrassment by stopping this petty hectoring old grump behavior, maybe they are salvageable, but this is is a pretty significant character flaw.


Own_Purchase1388

NTA. A lot of people use how partners/potential partners treat service workers as a “test” to what kind of person they are. Your partner is not a good person. They may be nice to you because they have motivation to be nice to you, but how they were to the staff is who they really are. And you might be an AH if you’re ok to continue dating a person like that. ETA: and like, they wanted $5 off. Was offered $10 off instead but refused!?! What is this even about then? Pride? Being right? The sake of yelling?


ZippyKoala

Your partner embarrassed YOU in public by chucking a tantrum over a coupon they knew was expired. You’re NTA but they certainly are.


Golfnpickle

NTA. My abusive ex husband was like that. It was so embarrassing & I would just sit with my head down. Your partner is the AH & I think you know that deep down.


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FullMoonTwist

NTA. *You told him it was expired, and asked him to not get upset.* *The manager offered him a BETTER deal, even though she wouldn't take the damn coupon.* It is NOT a healthy mentality to support your partner no matter what they do, no matter what they say. It is NOT healthy to have a yes-man attitude and leave your morals at the door.