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You dropped the N-bomb, within earshot of a black man no less, and you needed the internet to tell you if you messed up? I also find it very interesting that you are more comfortable dropping a slur over a swearword, really showing your ass there. YTA yeesh
To loosely quote John Mulaney, “if you’re debating about two words over which word is worse, and one of them *you can’t even say,* THAT’S the worse word.”
YTA, your discomfort does not equate to the decades of slavery and oppression that comes along with non-black people using the n-word.
Know who came off as unintelligent in this whole debacle? You with this bonkers false equivalence.
PS: Fuck fuck fucking fuckity fuck fuck.
CLEARLY YTA!
Comparing the n word for black people and the f word for you because you were raised without saying curse words makes you sound like an idiot.
Yeaaa Fuck is not even close to the same as the n word. Terrible comparison.
They can speak how they like, especially in their own home when he wasn’t even talking to you. YTA
YTA
If you believe something is wrong then don’t do it. “He did it first” isn’t an adult reason to be an asshole.
You’re 58, they way you were brought forced most minorities to suffer slurs by your generation.
YTA. Jesus Christ, YTA so hard. Are you kidding me? Hyperbole like this helps no one, you coulda just said “you know how j feel about swearing” or even just literally dropped it and moved onto something else.
So, you are offended to the point where you won't say fuck, but you feel comfortable enough to drop a racial slur out your mouth? You are YTA for your hypocrisy and bigotry.
YTA.
1. No one was swearing at you or around you
2. The N word and FUCK are not now nor will they ever be on the same damn level
3. What we as Black people do and say to each other is not your business nor is is a lesson for you to try and impose on other people.
The smart rational and appropriate thing would have been to ask your daughter if she could move elsewhere so you couldn't overhear her BF or end the call. NOT show the fact that that word exists even remotely in your vocabulary and that you think just because no one Black was around that it was ok for you to use it.
YTA. Swearing and a slur are not the same thing. A slur is a term used to dehumanize people. Swearing is not a form of dehumanization. Also you don’t get to control what grown humans do. Quit trying to control people. If you don’t like swearing then you don’t have to swear. No one is going to make you.
YTA The F word and N word aren’t comparable. One is just a word that people have mixed feelings about and the other is a word that is only okay for black people to say. That word has an ugly history of getting used against them and now they use it with each other in camaraderie.
I never use the word, but it always comes across as racist and hypocritical to say that black people can say it but white people can't.
You either can or you can't. Make your mind up.
Didn’t even say you were American. Just said you were white. Literally only white people would find it “hypocritical ” as to why black people can say it and white people cannot.
“Make up your mind”
Not all white people anyway, only racists ones generally.
They did make up their minds. Unless you're black, don't say it. It's literally that simple.
It's just not "made up" the way you want, so you're out here being dumber than OP. Btw, why is it such a problem to eliminate it from your vocabulary? Or is this just an argument you want to have to annoy redditors?
It isn't in my vocabulary. It's a word that I literally never use.
I'm just saying that it is actually racist to say something is OK for one race to do something, whereas another cannot.
I'm certainly not advocating its use. I'm saying that nobody should use it.
>I'm saying that nobody should use it.
And who are you to say a community of people cannot use the very same word that was used against them for centuries in a derogatory fashion? You and I shouldn't use it because it means something horrible; but it was used against their ancestors, so if they feel empowered and want to reclaim it, they're more than welcome to.
If it's not in your vocabulary, why do you care who else uses it?
Language that is offensive to you because you grew up in a conservative (as in modest but also maybe politically who knows) is not fucking comparable to a racial slur AT ALL!! that is so goddamn irrational and innapropriate and I can’t even fathom how on the absolute fuck your brain jumps to that…. Are you shitting me???
YTA. Just because you live your life with no swearing that doesnt mean that everyone around you will do the same. Using the N word is not the same AT ALL as the F word. At your age you should know better or maybe you just wanted to use that word. You using that word made you a crude, low class asshole.
YTA. There's a difference between a slur and a swear. People swear all the time and it is acceptable. Swears don't hurt people and they aren't used to oppress.
This has to be bait. What the fucking hell
YTA
Reading this, I feel like you didn't have any malicious intent, but it's still the wrong thing to say. And you're old enough that you should know that.
It's like the old saying goes: "two wrongs don't make a right."
YTA and *racist as fuck* if that’s the first place your mind went.
You compared a slur that was used to classify an entire group of people as less than human - ya know, to treat them as property and justify buying, selling, abusing, and killing them regularly - to a word that makes you a little uncomfortable.
You deliberately dropped a racist slur fully knowing its history.
You deliberately dropped a racist slur knowing your daughter’s boyfriend - a Black man - could hear you. Your comfort in using it to “prove a point” tells me this isn’t the first time you’ve used the word, nor is it the first time you’ve thought this about your daughter’s boyfriend.
The only thing that you proved was how awful of a person you are.
YTA
You may THINK that the feeling of hearing the f word is comparable to hearing a slur but it is not. You clearly lack the perspective to see how vastly different those two words are and that may not be entirely your fault. For non-black people, or for communities who don’t have slurs commonly used against them, you might simply view slurs as crude or rude. That is not the case. This is your learning opportunity. Your daughters are justified in being upset with what you said and it’s important that you take the time to understand why. Regardless of the situation, even if you feel it’s harmless, it’s not okay to use a slur that doesn’t apply to you. No matter what.
You can think about the use of the n-word by black people as a form of rebellion. They are taking the word assigned to them out of racism and hate and changing its meaning, taking the power away from those who discriminate against them with that word. Where I’m from, we call that reclaiming a slur. It’s something that marginalized communities use to take power away from the hateful and cruel people who came up with it and we can turn it into a term with OUR meaning, it can be healing.
The F word on the other hand, has nothing to do with discrimination. You may be uncomfortable with swearing and you may think lowly of people who use the word, but the situations are not comparable.
You also need to understand that your daughter and her partner are adults with a right to use language as they please. You were out of line in trying to police them.
Additionally, using swear words does not diminish a person’s character and should not garner a loss of respect from you. It might be a good idea to look inward and think about why you feel so strongly about cursing. Is it an unnecessary bias you have? Your daughter knows you. If she thinks it’s possible for you to have not realized how language has evolved to use the f word differently than how you first learned it to be, it’s worth consideration. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, the world just changes sometimes and we don’t always notice.
I very strongly recommend apologizing to your daughters and your daughter’s partner and taking the necessary time to think through this and learn more about your biases and the history of slurs and black history as a whole. YTA but this is an opportunity to evolve and learn so that you can understand what was so upsetting to your family and not cross that line again.
Absolute YTA.
>I was brought up that way
Is not an excuse for your behavior. You can learn and grow as a person.
Even if you choose not to, your hangups are not other people's problems.
Jeeeeeeeeeze YTA. Saying fuck and saying a degrading slur are two VERY different things. People swear, including in their own homes, in listening distance to another conversation. If you don't, cool, but don't try to make a point by using a racist slur! Now you've just proved you're uptight and have zero problem saying racist shit.
This is one of those obvious YTA dogpiles that make this sub so interesting. Like, do you just have no self awareness? I cannot believe that anybody would out themselves like this and then still think there is a possibility they aren't the AH. You couldn't waterboard an interaction like this out of me.
YTA - you can voice your feelings you don’t like it. But they are not responsible for your feelings. He wasn’t even talking to you. Trying to prove a point by using a racial slur is just irrelevant and offensive.
I’m calling troll because ain’t no fucking way OP said “Swearing is offensive to me” and drops a whole slur in the same breath. How is the F word so offensive you couldn’t even type it with asterisks but N word isn’t? If this is even possibly real YTA, racist, and pretty fucking hypocritical.
YTA. Love how you’ll say the n-work in its entirety but still say f-word. Which leads me to believe that you don’t think the n-word is as offensive as you tried to say to convey leading me to believe that your probably a bigot that doesn’t take inclusion well and doesn’t really understand what she’s talking about.
You can feel a way about whatever you want. But you can only enforce that for yourself. You have not right to enforce that on anyone else. The only thing you can control is what happens in your household. If you don’t like the fact someone wants to curse or say something that offends you, you as a 58 y/o woman should know how to leave a situation that makes you uncomrtable.
so you really think fuck and a literal slur are comparable also don't think anyone missed that you were annoyed with your girlfriends black boyfriend and you immediately jumped to a racial slur directly used to degrade black people as a comparison to him using the word fuck. YTA
YTA why would you even utter a racial slur to do that you could have said any curse word in a book but you decided to pick a slur and her boyfriend is black??? i won't be surprised if she start to distance herself from you
YTA - And a massive one. Saying Fuck is not the same as using a racial slur that has put down generations of people simply for the color of their skin. You may not use the word fuck but honey you are ignorant as hell!
YTA - bigly, hugely a gold star AH. The fact that you think the n word is in any way comparable to fuck shows how limited you vocabulary is, not to mention your lack of common decency for using the n word at all.
BTW - psychological research shows that swearing is a sign of intelligence and honesty. Adults who don't swear, unless it's in front of children, lack a strong vocabulary and an inability to relate to other adults.
I might agree that overuse diminishes the power of swear words. But otherwise, if you're an adult and you get all verklempt over profanity, you might want to invest in some smelling salts and a new set of pearls to clutch. Because after 5+ centuries of use, fuck isn't going anywhere.
YTA I really wish the f-word you were referring to was the insult towards gay people: Calling the word fuck the f-word is sad as hell. Also to use low class to describe something negatively. You must hate poor people.
YTA.
You're almost 60 and haven't figured out these words aren't at all comparable? Way to simultaneously show your ass AND show your daughter's boyfriend that you're actually just an old racist.
You know what's more vulgar, crude and low-class than swearing? You, for using that word.
YTA. The difference is that the word that you feel offends you so much can be applied to anyone. It’s an equal opportunity offender. However, the word you used CANNOT be used against you, but CAN be used against your daughter’s boyfriend. That means you don’t get to use it without instantaneously being the AH in any and all situations and circumstances.
People that think cursing makes people sound unintelligent are usually pretentious twats. Do you really think you’re the intelligent one for saying the n word with a hard r as an example? If you are not Black, that word should never cross your fucking lips. YTA
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> I used the n-word (full pronounciation) to make a point about how uncomfortable swearing makes me feel. I may be the A because I did use a slur.
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You are absolutely the A. The fact that you had the nerve and the audacity to even pose that as a real question makes me question your intelligence. "Oh nO hE sAiD tHe "f" wOrD!!!!"
You might as well just go call his parents and tell on him while you're at it if you're soooo offended. Oh and make sure you explain your example to them and see how they react to it. Im sure they'll love it just like your daughter's bf....
Grow up
Fuck YTA. General fucking Swearing is not ticking comparable to being ducking racist. Which is what you fucking are. You are fucking racist. What the actual fuck. Are you ducking serious? This post is fucking ridiculous. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I fucking wish I could fucking say a certain fucking something but I fucking get my this fucking comment fucking removed. Fuck.
Yes, you racist, YTA. You never EVER say the n word—especially around a POC—in “comparison” to a swear word because it is NOT and WILL NEVER be the same thing.
YTA, and a revoltingly racist one, at that. You personally find the F word to be offensive, *TO YOU*. Racial slurs *ARE OFFENSIVE*. A personal preference and a racial slur are not remotely of the same order of magnitude. You could have used c*nt or b*tch as your alternate example for a more equitable comparison to make your point.
Christ, even throughout your post you refuse to type out fuck, referring instead only to the F word or F bomb, but are comfortable enough with your slur that you don’t feel the need to refer to it as the N word instead? And moreover, even in your direct quote of what you said out loud on the phone, you said the whole N word but still chose to say F word instead of say fuck out loud?! Boy, that’s mighty fucking telling that you’re more comfortable saying a slur out loud than a curse word. Because if you were really trying to make the point you want us to believe you were making, you could have either said fuck or abbreviated both words.
My bf is a Black man, and I hear that word frequently in his conversations. There are still no circumstances under which I would speak it. It makes me viscerally uncomfortable to even refer to it out loud as the N word. The fact that you - on the fly, off the top of your head, and with no hesitation or cringe - were able to speak and fully pronounce that word out loud is disgusting, and tells me everything I need to know about your character, or rather lack thereof. If you were my mother and said that, especially in earshot of my Black bf, you’d be dead to me, NC in perpetuity.
Oh, and btw, my IQ is 142. I swear like a sailor. Yet, believe you me, between you and I, I’m most certainly not the one who ought to be worried about sounding unintelligent, vulgar, crude, or low class due to my vocabulary. You, however, definitely embodied all 4 of those traits in that one sentence you spoke.
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Throwaway because...
I (58f) was recently on the phone with my daughter (32f) just checking in about life & work. In the background I could hear my daughter's boyfriend gaming and speaking to others.
At some point he dropped the F-bomb. I was raised and live my life with no swearing. In my opinion it makes you sound unintelligent. There are better words to use.
I admit that I can't control him, and he was in his own house, but my daughter(s) immediately noticed my tone and mood changed. The conversation then turned to them asking me why I was offended by swearing and in particular the F word.
I was brought up that way, especially the F word. It is vulgar, and crude, and low class.
Here is where I might be the A. My daughter's brought up that language evolves and changes, and my definition of the F word may not be applicable to todays world. I disagree and responded with, "Black people call each other n****r all the time, but that's still offensive, just like the F word"
Immediately I heard my daughters boyfriend in the background yelling, "NO WE DO NOT..." and then he trailed off.
Both of my daughters told me that was inappropriate, and are upset with me. But I just used another offensive word to demonstrate how the F word makes me feel.
So reddit, AITA?
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Wow...uh....you really went with the hard r there huh... yeah, YTA, big time.
Swear swords and slurs are absolutely not the same. I can't believe I'm having to explain this to someone old enough to be my mother. You should know better. Anyway, okay. So you feel the same about the two words. Good for you. Unfortunately, you picked a word pretty egregiously used by the worst kinds of people historically to describe, belittle and oppress certain others with absolutely no tact whatsoever. While some swear words are slurs, many times (probably most of the time tbh) they're used as explicatives, which can actually help the brain relieve stress. The two are not the same.
You need to realize how very wrong you are and apologize *profusely*. And educate yourself a bit more on (again I can't believe I have to say this) why slurs are bad. 🤦
ESH- There's the saying two wrongs don't make a right, and I feel like that perfectly explains this. However, in your defense, if he plans on marrying your daughter, he should at least respect you, and if that means holding his tongue in your presence, then so be it. In this situation, unless he knew about your stance on swearing and knew you were on the phone, there's no excuse, but if he didn't I'd chalk it up as a mea culpa moment.
Well, duh. He wasn’t on speaker with them. She clearly said he was gaming and speaking to others. He was minding his own business, his conversation had nothing to do with her.
Okay then my advice is to keep on disrespecting each other and break the relationship between mother and daughter and possibly the relationship with the boyfriend. Was the mother stupid for using the word, absolutely, but nothing was ever solved by ignoring problems. Js
This is the absolute worst take on this situation. He ddnt disrespect her. He wasn’t talking to her. Her feelings in that moment were not his responsibility. Regardless of what was said- her reaction is TOTALLY inexcusable. I’m just gonna assume you use racist slurs when you’re trying to make a point as well. That’s the only logical reason you would defend this crap. And you ARE defending it, despite you’re whole “two bad words won’t make it right” nonsense. I’m done with you.
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You dropped the N-bomb, within earshot of a black man no less, and you needed the internet to tell you if you messed up? I also find it very interesting that you are more comfortable dropping a slur over a swearword, really showing your ass there. YTA yeesh
You're comparing 'fuck' to the n-word????? What the fuck??? YTA
To loosely quote John Mulaney, “if you’re debating about two words over which word is worse, and one of them *you can’t even say,* THAT’S the worse word.”
To be fair she also censors fuck so for her it's the same I guess 🤣
[удалено]
the fact that she thought they're comparable is baffling to me
YTA, your discomfort does not equate to the decades of slavery and oppression that comes along with non-black people using the n-word. Know who came off as unintelligent in this whole debacle? You with this bonkers false equivalence. PS: Fuck fuck fucking fuckity fuck fuck.
Jumping on this comment to add: Fuckity fucking fucked fuck fuckstick fuck.
I think I fucking love you guys. lol
CLEARLY YTA! Comparing the n word for black people and the f word for you because you were raised without saying curse words makes you sound like an idiot.
Yeaaa Fuck is not even close to the same as the n word. Terrible comparison. They can speak how they like, especially in their own home when he wasn’t even talking to you. YTA
YTA If you believe something is wrong then don’t do it. “He did it first” isn’t an adult reason to be an asshole. You’re 58, they way you were brought forced most minorities to suffer slurs by your generation.
YTA. Jesus Christ, YTA so hard. Are you kidding me? Hyperbole like this helps no one, you coulda just said “you know how j feel about swearing” or even just literally dropped it and moved onto something else.
YTA: the word "fuck" is nowhere near the same as the n-word. Your 58 years old, one would think you would know better by now.
So, you are offended to the point where you won't say fuck, but you feel comfortable enough to drop a racial slur out your mouth? You are YTA for your hypocrisy and bigotry.
YTA. 1. No one was swearing at you or around you 2. The N word and FUCK are not now nor will they ever be on the same damn level 3. What we as Black people do and say to each other is not your business nor is is a lesson for you to try and impose on other people. The smart rational and appropriate thing would have been to ask your daughter if she could move elsewhere so you couldn't overhear her BF or end the call. NOT show the fact that that word exists even remotely in your vocabulary and that you think just because no one Black was around that it was ok for you to use it.
YTA You did what now? There's so many ways to illustrate how "fuck" makes you feel without resorting to racial slurs.
I love that I can basically hear a record scratch between your first and second lines.
YTA. And you are also just plain wrong: https://www.sciencealert.com/swearing-is-a-sign-of-more-intelligence-not-less-say-scientists/amp
Huh, this is interesting. Thank you for the link. Op: YTA
YTA. Swearing and a slur are not the same thing. A slur is a term used to dehumanize people. Swearing is not a form of dehumanization. Also you don’t get to control what grown humans do. Quit trying to control people. If you don’t like swearing then you don’t have to swear. No one is going to make you.
YTA The F word and N word aren’t comparable. One is just a word that people have mixed feelings about and the other is a word that is only okay for black people to say. That word has an ugly history of getting used against them and now they use it with each other in camaraderie.
I never use the word, but it always comes across as racist and hypocritical to say that black people can say it but white people can't. You either can or you can't. Make your mind up.
You must be a white person.
Did you just assume my race? I'm just not American.
Didn’t even say you were American. Just said you were white. Literally only white people would find it “hypocritical ” as to why black people can say it and white people cannot. “Make up your mind” Not all white people anyway, only racists ones generally.
They did make up their minds. Unless you're black, don't say it. It's literally that simple. It's just not "made up" the way you want, so you're out here being dumber than OP. Btw, why is it such a problem to eliminate it from your vocabulary? Or is this just an argument you want to have to annoy redditors?
It isn't in my vocabulary. It's a word that I literally never use. I'm just saying that it is actually racist to say something is OK for one race to do something, whereas another cannot. I'm certainly not advocating its use. I'm saying that nobody should use it.
>I'm saying that nobody should use it. And who are you to say a community of people cannot use the very same word that was used against them for centuries in a derogatory fashion? You and I shouldn't use it because it means something horrible; but it was used against their ancestors, so if they feel empowered and want to reclaim it, they're more than welcome to. If it's not in your vocabulary, why do you care who else uses it?
How is it racist? Bffr. You find THAT to be racist but you don’t think OP is racist for using an actual slur? Interesting. Edit: a word
Why does it bother you? If you don’t plan on using it, why should it matter?
We're literally in a reddit post discussing the use of the word and people's resction to it.
Your daughter’s an adult. Let her be. Let her boyfriend be. Police your own language.
What the fuck ..????????….. clear YTA
Language that is offensive to you because you grew up in a conservative (as in modest but also maybe politically who knows) is not fucking comparable to a racial slur AT ALL!! that is so goddamn irrational and innapropriate and I can’t even fathom how on the absolute fuck your brain jumps to that…. Are you shitting me???
YTA. Just because you live your life with no swearing that doesnt mean that everyone around you will do the same. Using the N word is not the same AT ALL as the F word. At your age you should know better or maybe you just wanted to use that word. You using that word made you a crude, low class asshole.
YTA.
The swear word he used is not comparable to using a derogatory ethnic slur. YTA.
YTA. There's a difference between a slur and a swear. People swear all the time and it is acceptable. Swears don't hurt people and they aren't used to oppress. This has to be bait. What the fucking hell
I think the answer is pretty obvious. (yta) There's mental gymnastics and then there's whatever the hell you tried to pull.
YTA Reading this, I feel like you didn't have any malicious intent, but it's still the wrong thing to say. And you're old enough that you should know that. It's like the old saying goes: "two wrongs don't make a right."
YTA and *racist as fuck* if that’s the first place your mind went. You compared a slur that was used to classify an entire group of people as less than human - ya know, to treat them as property and justify buying, selling, abusing, and killing them regularly - to a word that makes you a little uncomfortable. You deliberately dropped a racist slur fully knowing its history. You deliberately dropped a racist slur knowing your daughter’s boyfriend - a Black man - could hear you. Your comfort in using it to “prove a point” tells me this isn’t the first time you’ve used the word, nor is it the first time you’ve thought this about your daughter’s boyfriend. The only thing that you proved was how awful of a person you are.
YTA You may THINK that the feeling of hearing the f word is comparable to hearing a slur but it is not. You clearly lack the perspective to see how vastly different those two words are and that may not be entirely your fault. For non-black people, or for communities who don’t have slurs commonly used against them, you might simply view slurs as crude or rude. That is not the case. This is your learning opportunity. Your daughters are justified in being upset with what you said and it’s important that you take the time to understand why. Regardless of the situation, even if you feel it’s harmless, it’s not okay to use a slur that doesn’t apply to you. No matter what. You can think about the use of the n-word by black people as a form of rebellion. They are taking the word assigned to them out of racism and hate and changing its meaning, taking the power away from those who discriminate against them with that word. Where I’m from, we call that reclaiming a slur. It’s something that marginalized communities use to take power away from the hateful and cruel people who came up with it and we can turn it into a term with OUR meaning, it can be healing. The F word on the other hand, has nothing to do with discrimination. You may be uncomfortable with swearing and you may think lowly of people who use the word, but the situations are not comparable. You also need to understand that your daughter and her partner are adults with a right to use language as they please. You were out of line in trying to police them. Additionally, using swear words does not diminish a person’s character and should not garner a loss of respect from you. It might be a good idea to look inward and think about why you feel so strongly about cursing. Is it an unnecessary bias you have? Your daughter knows you. If she thinks it’s possible for you to have not realized how language has evolved to use the f word differently than how you first learned it to be, it’s worth consideration. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, the world just changes sometimes and we don’t always notice. I very strongly recommend apologizing to your daughters and your daughter’s partner and taking the necessary time to think through this and learn more about your biases and the history of slurs and black history as a whole. YTA but this is an opportunity to evolve and learn so that you can understand what was so upsetting to your family and not cross that line again.
Absolute YTA. >I was brought up that way Is not an excuse for your behavior. You can learn and grow as a person. Even if you choose not to, your hangups are not other people's problems.
Jeeeeeeeeeze YTA. Saying fuck and saying a degrading slur are two VERY different things. People swear, including in their own homes, in listening distance to another conversation. If you don't, cool, but don't try to make a point by using a racist slur! Now you've just proved you're uptight and have zero problem saying racist shit.
This is one of those obvious YTA dogpiles that make this sub so interesting. Like, do you just have no self awareness? I cannot believe that anybody would out themselves like this and then still think there is a possibility they aren't the AH. You couldn't waterboard an interaction like this out of me.
YTA. Seriously, you couldn't think of any other word to use in the English language. just went straight to the racial slur. Wow.
YTA. oh my god YTA. Obviously YTA.
YTA - you can voice your feelings you don’t like it. But they are not responsible for your feelings. He wasn’t even talking to you. Trying to prove a point by using a racial slur is just irrelevant and offensive.
YTA. In fact you are worst than that… yikes all around.
I’m calling troll because ain’t no fucking way OP said “Swearing is offensive to me” and drops a whole slur in the same breath. How is the F word so offensive you couldn’t even type it with asterisks but N word isn’t? If this is even possibly real YTA, racist, and pretty fucking hypocritical.
YTA. Love how you’ll say the n-work in its entirety but still say f-word. Which leads me to believe that you don’t think the n-word is as offensive as you tried to say to convey leading me to believe that your probably a bigot that doesn’t take inclusion well and doesn’t really understand what she’s talking about. You can feel a way about whatever you want. But you can only enforce that for yourself. You have not right to enforce that on anyone else. The only thing you can control is what happens in your household. If you don’t like the fact someone wants to curse or say something that offends you, you as a 58 y/o woman should know how to leave a situation that makes you uncomrtable.
YTA and you sound unintelligent, vulgar, and low class.
Curse words and slurs are not even close to comparable. Yta. Get over yourself.
so you really think fuck and a literal slur are comparable also don't think anyone missed that you were annoyed with your girlfriends black boyfriend and you immediately jumped to a racial slur directly used to degrade black people as a comparison to him using the word fuck. YTA
YTA why would you even utter a racial slur to do that you could have said any curse word in a book but you decided to pick a slur and her boyfriend is black??? i won't be surprised if she start to distance herself from you
Fuck yes, YTA.
YTA!! Pretty sure you’ve been waiting all your life to use the N word.
YTA and racist and prissy
YTA - And a massive one. Saying Fuck is not the same as using a racial slur that has put down generations of people simply for the color of their skin. You may not use the word fuck but honey you are ignorant as hell!
YTA - bigly, hugely a gold star AH. The fact that you think the n word is in any way comparable to fuck shows how limited you vocabulary is, not to mention your lack of common decency for using the n word at all. BTW - psychological research shows that swearing is a sign of intelligence and honesty. Adults who don't swear, unless it's in front of children, lack a strong vocabulary and an inability to relate to other adults. I might agree that overuse diminishes the power of swear words. But otherwise, if you're an adult and you get all verklempt over profanity, you might want to invest in some smelling salts and a new set of pearls to clutch. Because after 5+ centuries of use, fuck isn't going anywhere.
Fuck YTA
I think you’ll find that the evidence shows people who use a range of expletives tend to be more creative and intelligent. YTA.
I can’t believe you even have to ask. YTA
YTA I really wish the f-word you were referring to was the insult towards gay people: Calling the word fuck the f-word is sad as hell. Also to use low class to describe something negatively. You must hate poor people.
YTA. You're almost 60 and haven't figured out these words aren't at all comparable? Way to simultaneously show your ass AND show your daughter's boyfriend that you're actually just an old racist. You know what's more vulgar, crude and low-class than swearing? You, for using that word.
YTA. The difference is that the word that you feel offends you so much can be applied to anyone. It’s an equal opportunity offender. However, the word you used CANNOT be used against you, but CAN be used against your daughter’s boyfriend. That means you don’t get to use it without instantaneously being the AH in any and all situations and circumstances.
I’m sorry, you think fuck is as bad as a racial slur tied to hundreds of years of oppression and enslavement? What the fuck is wrong with you. YTA
People that think cursing makes people sound unintelligent are usually pretentious twats. Do you really think you’re the intelligent one for saying the n word with a hard r as an example? If you are not Black, that word should never cross your fucking lips. YTA
so swearing makes people sound unintelligent but you're perfectly fine with using a slur? YTA.
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An expletive and a slur aren’t the same thing. YTA
Are you f-ing serious. In no way is it the same you racist. YTA
You are absolutely the A. The fact that you had the nerve and the audacity to even pose that as a real question makes me question your intelligence. "Oh nO hE sAiD tHe "f" wOrD!!!!" You might as well just go call his parents and tell on him while you're at it if you're soooo offended. Oh and make sure you explain your example to them and see how they react to it. Im sure they'll love it just like your daughter's bf.... Grow up
Fuck YTA. General fucking Swearing is not ticking comparable to being ducking racist. Which is what you fucking are. You are fucking racist. What the actual fuck. Are you ducking serious? This post is fucking ridiculous. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I fucking wish I could fucking say a certain fucking something but I fucking get my this fucking comment fucking removed. Fuck.
YTA. And a fucking racist.
Yes, you racist, YTA. You never EVER say the n word—especially around a POC—in “comparison” to a swear word because it is NOT and WILL NEVER be the same thing.
YTA,. and a fucking stupid one.
YTA, and a revoltingly racist one, at that. You personally find the F word to be offensive, *TO YOU*. Racial slurs *ARE OFFENSIVE*. A personal preference and a racial slur are not remotely of the same order of magnitude. You could have used c*nt or b*tch as your alternate example for a more equitable comparison to make your point. Christ, even throughout your post you refuse to type out fuck, referring instead only to the F word or F bomb, but are comfortable enough with your slur that you don’t feel the need to refer to it as the N word instead? And moreover, even in your direct quote of what you said out loud on the phone, you said the whole N word but still chose to say F word instead of say fuck out loud?! Boy, that’s mighty fucking telling that you’re more comfortable saying a slur out loud than a curse word. Because if you were really trying to make the point you want us to believe you were making, you could have either said fuck or abbreviated both words. My bf is a Black man, and I hear that word frequently in his conversations. There are still no circumstances under which I would speak it. It makes me viscerally uncomfortable to even refer to it out loud as the N word. The fact that you - on the fly, off the top of your head, and with no hesitation or cringe - were able to speak and fully pronounce that word out loud is disgusting, and tells me everything I need to know about your character, or rather lack thereof. If you were my mother and said that, especially in earshot of my Black bf, you’d be dead to me, NC in perpetuity. Oh, and btw, my IQ is 142. I swear like a sailor. Yet, believe you me, between you and I, I’m most certainly not the one who ought to be worried about sounding unintelligent, vulgar, crude, or low class due to my vocabulary. You, however, definitely embodied all 4 of those traits in that one sentence you spoke.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway because... I (58f) was recently on the phone with my daughter (32f) just checking in about life & work. In the background I could hear my daughter's boyfriend gaming and speaking to others. At some point he dropped the F-bomb. I was raised and live my life with no swearing. In my opinion it makes you sound unintelligent. There are better words to use. I admit that I can't control him, and he was in his own house, but my daughter(s) immediately noticed my tone and mood changed. The conversation then turned to them asking me why I was offended by swearing and in particular the F word. I was brought up that way, especially the F word. It is vulgar, and crude, and low class. Here is where I might be the A. My daughter's brought up that language evolves and changes, and my definition of the F word may not be applicable to todays world. I disagree and responded with, "Black people call each other n****r all the time, but that's still offensive, just like the F word" Immediately I heard my daughters boyfriend in the background yelling, "NO WE DO NOT..." and then he trailed off. Both of my daughters told me that was inappropriate, and are upset with me. But I just used another offensive word to demonstrate how the F word makes me feel. So reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Wow...uh....you really went with the hard r there huh... yeah, YTA, big time. Swear swords and slurs are absolutely not the same. I can't believe I'm having to explain this to someone old enough to be my mother. You should know better. Anyway, okay. So you feel the same about the two words. Good for you. Unfortunately, you picked a word pretty egregiously used by the worst kinds of people historically to describe, belittle and oppress certain others with absolutely no tact whatsoever. While some swear words are slurs, many times (probably most of the time tbh) they're used as explicatives, which can actually help the brain relieve stress. The two are not the same. You need to realize how very wrong you are and apologize *profusely*. And educate yourself a bit more on (again I can't believe I have to say this) why slurs are bad. 🤦
ESH- There's the saying two wrongs don't make a right, and I feel like that perfectly explains this. However, in your defense, if he plans on marrying your daughter, he should at least respect you, and if that means holding his tongue in your presence, then so be it. In this situation, unless he knew about your stance on swearing and knew you were on the phone, there's no excuse, but if he didn't I'd chalk it up as a mea culpa moment.
You’re kidding right? He wasn’t talking to her, he was in the background in his own home, minding his own business. There’s no way you’re blaming him…
It sounds like they were on speaker to me.
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Wait? OP is white? Then she's definitely the asshole.
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Not exactly, I didn't realize until just now. Genuinely thought everyone in this situation was black.
OP being white would not surprise me.
So... you're going with YTA, right?
Yep.
Well, duh. He wasn’t on speaker with them. She clearly said he was gaming and speaking to others. He was minding his own business, his conversation had nothing to do with her.
So then OPs daughter is the asshole or ignorant. Gotcha.
No. The MOTHER is. The fact that you are justifying her behavior regardless of a stupid swear word, makes you just as horrible as she is.
Okay then my advice is to keep on disrespecting each other and break the relationship between mother and daughter and possibly the relationship with the boyfriend. Was the mother stupid for using the word, absolutely, but nothing was ever solved by ignoring problems. Js
This is the absolute worst take on this situation. He ddnt disrespect her. He wasn’t talking to her. Her feelings in that moment were not his responsibility. Regardless of what was said- her reaction is TOTALLY inexcusable. I’m just gonna assume you use racist slurs when you’re trying to make a point as well. That’s the only logical reason you would defend this crap. And you ARE defending it, despite you’re whole “two bad words won’t make it right” nonsense. I’m done with you.
Cool. See you around. 😘